Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 3, Ep 71 - Solstice Squirrel (w/ Josh Gondelman)

Episode Date: December 14, 2020

It's Winter Solstice time again and due to a snowstorm Arnie, Usidore and Chunt have to take shelter with a friendly squirrel.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungFluff the Squirrel: Josh GondelmanMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEarwolf Producer: Kimmie LucasEditor: Chris RathjenSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Well, we've done it, tavern heads. Ehh, Vermillionaires. Mmmmm. Framing device arois. Yes. We've made it through 2020. All the tears, the screaming, the crying, the night terrors, the endless sourdough starters, the sexual misunderstandings, the sexual misunderstandings involving sourdough starters. The laughter.

And the arrogant and rug from Aladdin's slash fiction. And everything that happened earlier than last week. We've made it. And all that's left is one more transmission from Foon. What I'm saying is no one will blame you if you choose to give up now. Otherwise, the shattering is over and the crew is on the road again creating valuable contract work for fully artists just before the holiday season. So mix up a hot mug of cocoa sink into your favorite armchair. Stop thinking about that faded map

that delirious chrome pushed into your hand at your college professor's funeral two weeks ago. Why could no one else see her? Sit back and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! Oh, that's so windy. A weekly podcast from the magical land of fun. I'm your host, Ironique Camp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. Many years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fun. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King

through the dimensional rift and I use that to upload a podcast chronicling our quest to defeat the Dark Lord. After months house-sitting for Skullmaster, we are actually back on the road on the move. But I forgot it's so cold. It's snowing so much. Are we close to any kind of tavern or place to stop? I don't know. I hope so. I don't know.

You used to do anything or do you know anything about this area? I seem to recall a small tavern atop this very mountain. But follow me. But why don't you go? Wait, you saw it. I top the mountain? Oh, a small tavern atop this very mountain, but follow me, but a while longer. Wait, you said I'd top the mountain? Yes, through this forest and atop the mountain. There's a small tavern there. I do remember it. Follow me. Let's forge ahead.

No, I'm a rose. No, we can't. I can't go up a mountain. I'm just exhausted and I am wet and I am cold. And I just started the podcast, you know what I mean? Like, the episode is started. I don't want to spend too much time doing walking noises because I get winded fast But surely if we stay here the cold show do you in it shall take no life for me But I am great and powerful was it and I am possible to kill and I should have turned into a polar bear hours ago Let me go ahead and... Ugh. Ooh, there we go. Oh, oh yeah, I feel nice. Are you gonna jump on my back?

I think that why do you always want me to ride you? Oh, just preference. This is a wonderful reminder for me. A happy shiftmas. Oh, thank you so much. Yeah, I forgot I was shiftmas. Yes. Is it shiftmas already?

Yes, the winter solstice is nearly here and all of the winter holiday is all happening at the same time thousands and thousands of them all across Fugu. We were stuck in Castle Skullmaster for so long. I've lost all time. I can't believe it's the the holidays season already. Oh yeah, do you guys since we're out in the snow and it's the holidays do you guys want to build a blizzard wizard? Oh, that sounds fun. I'd love to do that. Ooh, yeah, do you guys, since we're out in the snow and it's the holidays, do you guys want to build a Blizzard Wizard? Ooh, that sounds fun. I'd love to do that. Okay, it's this?

It's a Blizzard Wizard. You make a Blizzard out of snow and then you end up with life, and it lasts for about an hour. It mostly just screams, but they're so fun to look at. And it's the process that's the joy, the saddest ones are the ones that think they're going to make it to the summer summer and I love to sing about But then they don't last very long. Oh, no, no, no, they die a very painful death No, wait guys. I see is there a little light over here. I feel like

What let's see maybe there's someplace to stop at the very least maybe someone has a fire hey Oh, yeah, oh Do you hear that? Hey. I thought I heard something. Yeah. Hello.

Oh, down here. Oh, hey. Oh, hey. Oh, it's an adorable little squirrel. It's three fellas. We're just crawling it out. Hey, so good to meet you. Hey, good to meet you.

Thank you, my name's Fluff. Fluff? Oh, you're adorable. Thank you. I take pride in it. It's because of my fluffy tail and I've got a twinkle in one eye and the other one. Cataract. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it is a pleasure to meet the fluff. I am Yusudol, a wizard of the twelfth Realm of Ephesius, Master of Light and Shadow, Minipulator of Magical Delights, Devour of Chaos! Champion of the Great Holes of Trocus, the Adob's Numius being Arch, the Dwarves Numius Zonen of Hukstenges, and I am Nood and the North East as Gastmanius May Star, and many

Squirrel Friend have in the past called me a corn nut bringer. Ooh, Yusidor's got a squirrel friend. Uh-oh. A lot of people say they have a squirrel friend. I bet she goes to a different realm. I'm Arnie, I'm from another world. Killer, love it. Yeah, and I'm Chant, I'm a polar bear right now. This must be confusing. So, there we go back to the badger. Uh, hello!

I'm a shape shifter who's typically a badger. Killer, oh man, what a cool posse you guys have. Oh, thank you. Travel on around. Fluffy, we must beg of thee. We saw some small light up ahead. Do you have a hovel or a campfire nearby that my friends may gather themselves around to keep warm in this cold winter day.

Even better, big hole under a tree. Oh, you're gonna go under a tree. My favorite. Excellent. You guys just go on down. There's plenty of space. I was just out here looking for some extra food because it's about to be my hibernation time and I'm turning this place into a hibernation station if you know what I mean

So this deck out we got nuts We got berries all manner of soft things to do lays about to rest upon this is gonna be a part a Yeah, let's just climb down here. Yeah I love all manner of soft things I believe they're all bearies and I love all manner of soft things. Okay. There we go. All right. Oh, it's lovely down here.

This is nice. Oh, you have a big stash of burr berries. How do you want some? Yeah, oh, oh my gosh, thank you so much. Arnie Barri's. Burr berries are berries that only grow in the snow and cold. They're to help you kind of thaw out and they're insanely expensive.

And if you eat like three, you get a buzz that doesn't quit. It is. Yeah. You get, you, you know. But look at the beautiful intricate designs on them. Look at how beautiful they are. They're so beautiful. It takes me a while to find them,

but I gotta, you know, make a big stash. And then if I wake up when I'm hibernating, I pop one, just kind of bliss out, back to hibernation. Do you ever have to worry about finding fake burberries? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's down by the canal stream. They sell a lot of fake burberries down by canal stream. Oh, canal stream has a lot of fake burberries, a lot of fake burr satchi, just a lot of fake Burberrys a lot of fake Bursochi

Just a lot of a lot of the colder items are easily mimicked I guess What's a Bursochi? It's not a berry. It sounds like it's a cold thing Yeah, well a Bursochi is It's not quite a purse. It's not quite a coat But oh boy. Is it comfy? It is, well, look, so it is like a per-sized coat for squirrels such as myself, do where I get in, larger beings carry me around, it's a great time. That's fantastic. I'll tell you what, even a fake Versace?

That's a pretty good Versace. I mean, a Versace is like a per-satual combination, but a Versace is like, it's like what you said with Kleenax being a brand, not an item. Yeah, but really just feels better to say Kleenex than Tissue. You can also get some good fake boochie. Boochie is ghost cheese.

Oh. It's like a used to be cheesy kind of, it's very light, it's a light snack. It's not great for hibernating because you wake up, you tummy's rumbling, not great. So, but you can get it it's a light snack. It's not great for hibernating, because you wake up, you tummies are umblin, not great. So, but you can get it down by a canal stream. Floof, can I ask you a question? Of course.

I have so many hibernation questions. Yeah. Why do you, how do you do like your business when you're hibernating? That's a great question. I mostly hold it. Oh, yeah. Mostly though, you do.

I definitely like, there's a mostly hold it. Oh, yeah. Mostly though, you die. I definitely like there's a mostly in there. Look, I go out a couple times per winter, usually you know, every six to seven weeks. And I'll do my business outside, but I don't like when people see me because it makes me seem like a bad hibernator. Oh, right. Yeah, so I try to kind of sneak it behind a bush.

Normally, I'm a squirrel, I go wherever people think it's cute. But during hibernation, I try to keep it discreet. John, have you ever hibernated? Um, you know what? A lot of times when I shift into an animal, I mean, I take on some of their traits, but not all their traits. So I've been bears before,

and then like everybody hibernated, and I didn't, just because I didn't have the instinct. So I was bored out of my fucking gourd A lot of times to pull fun pranks though, right? I put this bears paw on honey any Anything really do anything, but it was very funny. What else did I do? I braided I braided a bear's hair Let's see what else that's about it. I once put a bear's bra Into an ice cold cave. Oh damn But that had nothing to do with hibernation. That was just kind of a leds more of a kink. Yeah, it's just a thing

I mean to cold bear bra. Yeah, I've heard of it. Love it. Very cool. Really cool. I love when kinks come back together The best cold bear bra. I hear that all the time Speaking of which you guys want a cold bear? I got some brusquies on there. Yeah, brah? Yeah, they're little, so you're gonna have to drink a few of, because if you're bigger. But I'm little, so I'm gonna drink one and just kind of chill. We don't want to take all of the supplies you've gathered here for your hibernation.

You'll need these to get through the winter. Honestly, some of them are for the squirreble bowl. What? What squirreble? What's that? Squirreble. Dude, so good. When hibernation ends, the squirrels, we get into a big kind of arena, right?

I don't know if you, if you guys have them, but it's a big arena and the squirrels just fucking fight to the death. And there's one that wins and it's great. It's not all the squirrels just fucking fight to the death. And with there's one of the wins and it's great, it's not all the squirrels, it's like 53 against 53. And then the survivors of one side, they're the winners of the Scoralple Bowl, they get some kind of plush hibernation digs.

The next year, they get to, you know, they get kind of their pick of the nuts and the tallest trees, it's pretty neat. And then the rest of us kind of watch. And it brings out a bloodlust that I don't like about myself, but what a rush. I've seen a Scorkel Bowl before, Ahni, when he says arena, usually they just take over

like a town fountain, and then all the water in town is filled with squirre blood for a while, but it's good for you in the winter time. It helps keep you warm. I guess after a long winter of hibernating, it's good to kind of get a lot of excess energy to work off. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's the squirrels of fight and then even the ones of us that watch in the the

bruise. There's not like a celebratory thing you kind of you drink to forget, you know. And I should have scored a bowl before, but I guess if I'm being honest and no offense, I mostly watch it for the ads. Oh yeah. The small handheld axe that we use. Yeah, it's yes. Yeah, I bet, yeah, absolutely.

Can I see your, can I see your ads? Yeah, man, check it out. Whoa. Yeah, pretty shiny. That is cool, I mean, it's tiny, but. It's literally, yeah, I mean, but from a squirrel, it's perfect. It's perfect size. Yeah, it's not the size of the ads. That's a big squirrel saying I'm trying to get it started I've just started swinging that thing around a bunch of squirrels around you. You could decapitate a couple squirrels

Pretty easy. Yeah, I bet I could. That's pretty impressive. Thank you. It would be I've never done it I mean it just seems rude, but I probably could if I wanted. Fluff, can I ask, when you said that you had a big cave, I was thinking that we wouldn't even fit because you know you're dying. Right, because of the level. Yeah, yeah.

But this place is big, like really big. And why do you have such a big place, Fluff? Well, I'm really good at digging, right? So when I get started, I'm just like, this place is gonna be big as hell. And I'm gonna have so much fun digging it out. Second thing, love company. Always excited to have guests.

And I'm like, you know, I love squirrel guests. That's pretty cool. But like sometimes, I have to do no offense. You're not the first badger that's been down here. If you know what I'm saying. But then I mean, I've got some friends. And I've had people size people down here before too. And I just want to make sure everybody's comfortable,

every feels good. There's, as I mentioned before, on the inner soft things to sit on, we got pelts, we got leaves. We had, I mean, that's most of it. Might have been pulled up some of these leaves. Dude, be my guest. Oh, yeah, that's it.

Oh, nothing like a leaf throw. Yeah, speaking of someone who has had many hobbles and many underground homes, it's actually pretty convenient because you have a guest over being a bingo bingo, you can dig yourself a guest room. Like it's, you know, it's very easy to just make your house anything you want it to be. Wow. Yeah, it used to be a little smaller, but I can't be having friends coming over.

I clawed out in addition. Um, you know, I'm an empty nester now, but I've got kids that I know of. Oh, what has happened to your children? Are they moved on and are living their own lives now? Exactly right. They're, they're just doing all sorts of things. They're, I'm so proud of them. They're just doing all sorts of things. They're, I'm so proud of them.

I wish I could show you a picture, but I can describe them to you. Oh yeah, let's close our eyes. Let's close our eyes and just draw a mental picture for us. Okay, so they're about yay high. Okay. Hold on, let me open my eyes. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

great, start looking close. Okay. Yep, yay high. Look at how? They got it. They're first like kind of just this shade, you know, yay high. Look at huh. They got it. Their first like kind of just this shade, you know what I'm saying? Uh huh, got it. Yep, and they got it, they got that like pizzazz.

Yeah, yeah. Is that doing it for you? Yeah. I already chunked. They just look like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, I see those. They look like me, but some are smaller, some are bigger. That's a trip, right? You have kids, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, excuse me. They look like me, but summer smaller, summer bigger.

That's a trip, right? You have kids, they get bigger than you. What kids? I'm so much older than them. I feel like I should keep growing, but I stopped, and some of them kept getting bigger. Life is filled with mysteries. Well, speaking of your family, it's the winter solstice.

Are there any squirrel holidays that would bring your family back to you before you go into hibernation? Will you get to see them anytime soon? Well, they've got some families of their own now and I try to pop in and see them. So that'll be nice to get it. I'm going to bring over some of those fancy berries. And yeah, some, you know, drop some of those off

for their abbernation. It's good to be a grandpa squirrel, you know? You get to hold the little squirrels, and you can give them back in the end of the day. So, I'm gonna do that. Yeah, grandpa squirrel. Oh, hell yeah. Love it.

Brought. Of course. That's wild, bro. That's what I'm saying. It's a trip. I never thought I would be a grandpa. I always thought I was just gonna be like a cool uncle. But these things happen.

Let's close our eyes and do you mind describing your grandchildren? Oh yeah. I've learned from the last time, I can pay you a better picture now. Okay. Picture me. Okay.

Got it. Got it. Smaller. Smaller. Stop there. Oh, got it. Yeah. smaller smaller smaller stop there oh oh yeah yeah adorable adorable oh sorry close your eyes again oh no cataracts oh even cuter okay well that hurts a little bit but sure I got a safe left your grandkids are adorable and I can see the family resemblance.

Thank you. Oh my gosh. I should have mentioned just in case it's not clear. A cataract is when a cat wrecks your eye. A cat will obviously try and kill a mouse or a squirrel, no offense. The damage. Squirrels, I mean in food, squirrels are basically like ground pigeons or tree pigeons. So they're basically no offense of course.

I, that's not as loud as you decorate. Or like morning rats. You guys are like morning rats, right? Okay, that's, we're getting there. It's a little, it's kind of a match. Oh, sorry. For a badger to say. Now, Chuck, watch your tongue. For I was brought into this world by a very conspiracy of birds and rain and wind and fire and squirrels and frogs. Oh, the little woodland creatures that did decide there must be a champion! And therefore did Cryforth let this champion step forth into the world and thus you should always born.

Sounds like a good time. Yeah, yeah, it's a great time. Well, when while, and I love squirrels. So don't talk crap about squirrels. Okay. I'm sorry I if I'm being honest, I'm obviously a little testy because You know fluff was talking about his children and grandchildren and I of course have a child of my own that I miss Dearly they got lost in the mail somehow. So oh gee. I'm just missing Eggie baby now fluff close your eyes and I'll describe my child for you So picture a picture an egg. Yep bigger. Okay, bigger. Wow a little bit bigger. Yeah, stop there Yeah, I love it smaller. Just a little smaller. Okay. Okay. Okay. That's it. Yeah. Whoa. What a that's a beautiful child. Oh, thank you You're welcome. John has there been any word on where eggie Baby might be? You said Aggie Baby got lost in the mail?

Yeah, I think the school just will not be supposed to mail Aggie Baby to me. And oh boy, I want to say that that was like 40 or 50 episodes ago. So I can only assume they're lost in the mail. The mail stuff via wolves with bat wings. So that's right. Oh, that's right.

Yeah. So we'll just have to keep an eye out, but fingers crossed, right? You think there's any chance that Aegee Baby is hatched by now? I doubt it. Me too. Yeah, that would be weird.

So that's, I mean, that's a big one. I go visit and there's other squirrel holidays around the Solstice too. There's, yeah, oh yeah. There's one where it's like a kind of a nut eating contest. So you just try to, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, and, you know, hold them in your cheeks, kind of numb down a little bit, little.

I didn't print that much. Yep, so you've heard of it. I know nutmunch. Yeah, this is your first rodeo. No, I've also been to a rodeo. Auntie, do they have rodeos on earth? Yeah, but what rodeos on Foon? been to a rodeo. Ony, do they have rodeos on earth? Uh, yeah, but what are rodeos on Foon? It's a great street you can shop for there and get anything very fancy.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, they got a lot of nuts, a lot of berries. That's mostly what I'm concerned with. I see the nuts stories, the berry store. I'm kind of done shopping for the day. I get all the clothes I need on my back and on my tail. Hmm, nice. Yeah, pretty sick.

Why waste your money buying out of comments that you need not when all of the pressures of this world demand that you buy something no you shall not fall prey to their marketing schemes. You know, though, now that you're saying that I can't resist going into the Apple store buying a nice gala or pink lady, I'm just coming out munching down. A lot of times I go to the Apple store and I just kinda look around and I go, all right, I'll typically go to the Gina Spar and just be like, what's the,

what's the DNA makeup of this Apple? Like, what is its origins, where does it come from, where does it fall, you know, in nature? And I feel like the people at the Gina Spar are pretty great. They're a little flippin' sometimes, but they're pretty great overall. One time I did buy an apple watch. Ooh.

Just an apple that's strapped to my wrist. So you know what they say? There's the squirrel saying, a watched apple never grows. Oh, that is profound. Thank you. Wow. You know whenever I go to the apples store, I'm like, do I really need a new apple? I mean, I barely eat the old apple I've got. Well, here's the problem is, the apples kind of get real weird after like a couple

years and then you need a new one They do that on purpose, I think yeah, they do that on purpose They make it so you can eat apples years later Yeah, almost like nature starts to break down the apple and it starts to rot from their inside out And then they just want you to buy a new apple every season and that's why they keep growing these apple trees fucking nature That's why they keep growing these apple trees. Fucking nature. That's how they get you. It's exhausting.

And they're always making the core of the Apple more and more powerful. These more powerful cores. And it's just like, at some point, I don't know. Just give me an apple. I don't need, you know, I don't, you don't use most of the apple, right? I eat the flesh around the core,

but I'm not using most of it. So why am I paying this much when I'm only, you know, biting a little bit off? It's too much fruit. Still, it's better than an Android. What's an Android? Yeah, you can't eat them. You can't eat them.

There's so much stuff you can't eat, and I hate that shit. Oh, fluff! I, oh, you saw. I think I would not forgive myself if I didn't ask you as a squirrel if you would please grace us with your presence on a little spin-off show, well, it's actually its own show. It's called Get and Nuts. Do you mind being a guest just on a quick 10 second podcast? I love it. What is it? So this is Usador. This is Chunt. And this is Fluff and we're Get

Nuts. Oh, you got it, Fluff. So let's see. Let me look around the room here. Oh, I found an acorn. You got it. Yes! Oh, man. There's... If I get to tell you what, you keep looking. You're gonna find a lot of acorns down here. There's months worth. I have a Brazil nut. Ooh, I don't know how these nuts were named. It's a Brazil nut. Yep. Because they taste like a Brazilian dollars. They're delicious. They're delicious.

Uh huh, that's very true. Hey guys, I wandered away while you were doing that. You're not on this episode. No, okay fine, I'll go and I'll explore the hovel a little more. I'll be back. I get this macadamian nut. Oh yeah. Wow, those are so delicious.

So delicious. So you have all manner of not here for your Hybernating time when you're done with your hybernating time do you have surplus nuts? What do you do with the surplus nuts if you have any? I donate some but you know these you so much a time You donate nuts. They just they put them they end up in a landfill and I mean I you know my save them through the rest of the year. They stayed pretty good, not like apples. And yeah, and then, oh, and then there's the post-scropable feast. So that's another big family time down here,

where all my grandkids come over, my kids, my enemies, I invite them to. And yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta, it's a big squirrel saying, keep your friends close and put your nuts in your enemy's mouth. And I think that is really, that's like a spirit of generosity that I try to embody.

I don't want to seem diminutive, but how does a squirrel get enemies? It seems like you have this peaceful sort of life in the forest that wouldn't require making any enemies. You don't know the half of it. I'd love to. All right, so you know trees, right? Oh yeah, yeah.

Well, there's a lot of territorial wars over trees. We can run across branches, and we like to keep the territory to ourselves. Find the nuts, find the fruits. Well, it gets pretty wild out here in the forest. So if another squirrel tries to encroach on my family's tree territory, that could start it. If I'm out there trying to encroach on their tree territory because I think they're coward

and I like the apricots they have going on. And I think like I could use an apricot in my underground bunker. Yeah, then it's gonna start some shit. But after hibernation, I think I'm over. We share some knots. We try to squash the beef. That's a tradition where we stamp with our feet

on small patties of beef. And then when it gets all the way flat, we should have by that point argued out our differences. Nice. You said, Arnie. Arnie, come back over here. Wait, no, let's finish the episode. It's Arnie, give me back.

Oh yeah, yeah. And that's getting nuts. I've got some things to plug. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah, go ahead and do your plugs. Yep, there's, okay, there's a hole in my roof that I'm gonna need to put some tree sap in. That's basically it.

So if anybody has tree sap, bring it to my underground cave, and it'll really help me out, because when the snow melts, it trickles through. It's very chilly down here. Oh, I'll fix that for you. I'm a great, impotent magician, so I'll just move this rock.

It wasn't tree sap, one of the greatest defensive lineman for the group you both? Oh, yeah, he was incredible. He murdered so many other squirrels. What about? What are your feelings on Tom Shady? The squirrel that lives in the tree? Didn't he inflate nuts one year? Well, yeah, he did, but maybe he didn't. Who knows. I honestly, I think that he's a champion for looking for a competitive edge, and I respect that. It's a squirrely squirrel world out there. I mean, not literally, unless you're like really,

he's so handsome. And he's like the oldest squirrel in the league, and he's still playing at such a high level. Man, you gotta hand it to him. He'll take it. He'll take it from you. Yeah. You're still.

Yes. You know how earlier he said he's bringing us down to the Cyber Nation Station? Yeah. Just a moment ago, he called it his underground bunker. And now that I'm looking around, I think we're locked in here. Do you think? I think so.

And look at the posters on his wall. It's a lot of conspiracies. Oh. And look at his little hat. Is that, seems to be made out of some sort of foil or some sort of thin metal? I think we're, many of you are drafted a bunker. I think we're drafted a bunker.

That's very weird. Guys, everything cool? Hey, fuck, yeah, we're just inside jokes. Oh, yes, I do. Just inside jokes. I love them. I love them inside jokes. They're so good. Yeah, I mean, sometimes I hear them and I don't even get them. And I just like how I love them. They're so good. They're so good.

Yeah. I mean, sometimes I hear them and I don't even get them. And I just like how inside they are. It's like, oh, stay inside. It's cold out there. Jokes. Just, I love for the winter. Hi, my name is Jokes.

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's good. Speaking of hibernating with you, how do we, when we do need to leave, how do we get out of here? Okay, well, in three to four months, the kind of, yeah, the soil will loosen and the door will, yeah, the door will become unstuck from the winter freeze, it'll thaw, and then we'll just go out and we'll, you know,

just go out on the town, rip it up. Poor bud. It's noise, yes. Yeah, it's noise, nice night. I'm really recovering. Covering that hole with a rock now. Oh, no, I love that you did that. It's gonna be so dry in here.

It's gonna be a jias winter. I don't know if we just got out of being in castle skullmaster for months and months. I don't know. Should we spend months and months in this hovel? Okay, all right, okay, I see what you're saying. No, that's fine. I mean, it's totally fine. If you guys want, if you guys want,

if you guys just gotta get gone, there's no problem that I got so many kids and they get kids. And we're gonna have a good time. They're gonna come over, we're gonna hibernate. It's gonna be fine. Don't need you guys to hibernate with me. What is, why would you think that's good? Don't worry about it.

But didn't you say you were an empty nester and they all have their own lives enough? If they were coming over, you wouldn't have sealed the cave yet. No, no, no, no, no, I'm this very evil fool in rich life, even though the kids moved away and I don't seem very often.

And you know, when Kelo and visit, but maybe it was, there's a lot of crows around, a lot of hawks, so maybe it would kill a division. Who who's to say anyway, I'm just saying Totally cool if you guys want to go and I'll just you know I've got I'm gonna have company over look at all these nuts. You think one guy's gonna eat all these nuts. That's ridiculous That's our inside joke one guy you know those nuts Very good

Why don't we all take a quick break and when we come back from the break we'll decide if we're gonna hibernate here with fluff or if we're going to do something else. Also if this break takes months and months and months that just means that we hibernated before coming back. I'm cool either way. All right. Well, during the break, I was walking around your hovel a little bit and I seem, I found a lot of RSVP notes that said no, just like, very fresh. So you got a lot of unopened mail from people that just say no.

Yeah, they write it on the outside. They're definitely not coming. It says just on the outside, it's like, nah, that'll fix so buddy. And it's like, I respect their boundaries, you know? This is what I like in a friend gym. It's tough though, because then are you like, should I open it still? Like, is there more inside? I'll tell you what, un unopened mail that's like a friend you haven't met yet. So I can't save them up. I appreciate someone who wears their nose on their sleeve. So fluff I saw in your

I guess it's an attic even though it's below this room. I guess that makes sense for underground homes. I found in your attic what seems to be a bunch of squirrel bones, is that a little graveyard for old relatively? So was that there when you built it? Uh, not there when you built it. I have those bones have been added since. I mean, it was just bones, but those are like, get them out of here, you know?

Those are bones of squirrels from the Scropable. They have defeated in combat. You keep the bones out of the show of respect that it meant something to you to destroy them in combat. Yeah. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. That's pretty good. Great.

If you just kill someone and don't honor them in any way, it's a meaningless life and a meaningless death. What great honor to take your very enemy's bones, place them in your own home, and I'm trying to justify this. I disownce hair of this creepiest hell. A lot of the skeletons were in like a sleeping position, so I don't know if they were napping on the field or what,

but this doesn't feel right. Yeah, I don't know how much of this is just, I'm not a sports guy. Is there a volcano near here? Look, I hear ya. I know it sounds a little unconventional. If you've never participated in a scrubble bowl, you take them, you put their bones in a sleep in position

in your attic, which is below the regular floor, the basement, up top in the tree. It's kinda where my, you know, that's where my work's at. That's where my work's at. That's where my work's at. And you put them in sleep in position for their eternal slumber. It is, so it is like a graveyard, but not for a family.

For former combatants. Yeah, they're just, and it lets them rest peacefully. That's in squirrel, squirrel lore. Just classic squirrel lore. In squirrel lore, and forgive me, I feel like I've been in squirrel. I feel like that was one of the first things I ever shifted into. And yeah, who'd, and it's been so long, who's the I've been a squirrel. I feel like that was one of the first things I ever shifted into. Oh, yeah. Who'd in, it's been so long.

Who the squirrel sort of, uh, worship and in squirrel or like, who are the great, um, the great sort of, uh, entities on high? Oh, boy, there's so many. Well, there's, okay. Well, you gotta give it up for the sun. The big orange lady in this guy. Oh, yeah. Oh, okay Oh yeah.

Cute. Okay. Yeah. Huge for us. Yep. Then, um, the Jedi, you know, um, the oceans, yeah, ocean, very powerful, very powerful, scary. But I respect it. Yeah, I respect what they were going. Yep. So we're should be going a lot of nature. A lot of nature. Oh yeah. We love it. You don't see a lot of squirrels at the ocean though. Well, because we know it's power.

So you stay away. We stay. Well, give it a wide berth. We're should be from afar. Like it's like a high school crush. You're like, does the ocean even know it exists? It doesn't matter. It's just the do oceans out there.

We love it. Oh, Aani, we should let you know, squirrels all go to school up in tree tops, so it's a high school. Oh, yeah. It's only high school. We just call it school, but it's way up high. Pretty cool.

It's very cold. Everyone's a tree near, right? Yep, that's the only, there's again, barely worth making the distinction. But we are all trainers. It's barely a school, to be fair. It's like you show up one day and they're like, these are nuts. This is the sudden.

Doctions way over there. Don't go over there. And that's kind of it. And then, okay. So this is the way, this is the classic first day of squirrel school lesson. There's like, we'll be like motions over there. And like, what's the ocean? And they're like, close your eyes.

And then you go, okay. Picture like a, like a, like a teacup. Oh yeah. Bigger. Bigger. Wave air. Ooh. Bigger.

Less tea. Oh. Bigger. Less tea. Still wet. Oh. Bam, you're there. I'm terrified, right? That's why we worship it. Just that fear. So we have the sun.

I mean, the moon. Hello. It's like, what? And then there's just this big squirrel. You just named it. It was named like Donna. And we, we don't worship her, but we do bring her tributes

and we do a lot of respect. You got her respect, Donna. You got her respect, Donna. And can I ask, is Donna, is that like a seasonal entity? Like does Donna come in the spring or Donna in the winter or Donna in the fall? She hibernates in the winter. And then in the spring she kind of shakes out of her fur

and it is glossy and thick and people bring her berries and she kind of like hello and It's a good time. It's terrific. Also, okay, and I don't want to say this, but can you guys be cool? Too hot again. Yeah, I can be cool. We're pretty cool. Fuck chipmunks. What? Uh, thank you. You said, or my man, thank you for finally saying it. It's like there is a chipmunk conspiracy out there.

They're trying to hoard all the berries and all the nuts in this kind of central cavern and have them all and get rid of the squirrels. It's a long standing face-off between the squirrels and the chipmunks and, you know, as a great wizard, I try not to take sides with nature as it upsets my sweet lady love, Jinlevia, but I'm sorry, I have to side with the squirrels on this one. Thank you. The chipmunks are being dicks. Yep. And their shirts don't fit them.

Nope. And that one is always pissing everyone off. Hello. It's like you just want to scream at him. I wish I knew his name. I do. You do? Yeah.

What's his name? Craig. Craig. Don't they feel good? Yes, it does feel good. Yep. So that's, I mean, that's kind of the central tenets of my belief system. We got Sun, Moon, Ocean, Donna, of course. Fuck chipmunks.

Yeah. And, um, okay, I mean, this is a little controversial. Oh, yeah. More than fuck chipmunks. Oh, yeah. If you think fuck chipmunks? Oh, yeah. If you think fuck chipmunks is controversial, buckle your ass up. Oh boy.

I don't know. I feel like I've had this conversation in the back seat of taxis before. I don't know if that's going to be that. But aren't you, you know, I'm listening. Buckle your butt up. It's going to get bad. You're not going to like what I have to say.

OK, are we almost there? Yeah. Look, yeah. Pairs are the chipmunk governments attempt to control our minds. You eat a pair and it controls your mind. How does that work? Yeah, how does that work?

How does it happen? You eat a pear, right? You see, first you see a chipmunk eating a pear. And then you're like, that's pretty good. And then you eat the pear. Yeah. And you're like, these chipmunks are onto something. Maybe they don't fucking suck ass.

Like, I think they do. Maybe they're pretty cool. And you're like, oh, no, that's the mind control that's inside the pear. And you sure like, oh, no, that's the mind control that's inside the pair. And you sure you're not just being paranoid? No, this is the only way it could be working. This is not paranoia. This is not a conspiracy.

This is real shit. You eat the pair and then you're like, maybe the chip, what else did chip monks know? Maybe I should talk to him. Maybe Craig is just providing for his family like I provide for my family. And then you throw some cold water on your face and you're like, nope, chipmunks, bad forever, Craig dickhead.

Do you think Fluff, there's ever some way to come together can the squirrels and the chipmunks find peach? Oh, I love a peach and would never share it with the chipmunk, not on my life. You would have to see that ads over there. You can pry that peach out of my paws with an ads. And that's the only way that the chipmunks are getting their hands on my peach. Oh, now he's talking to an empty chair. See that chair?

We're over here. Mm-hmm. I'm talking to the Craig. Craig, I'm pretending Craig is in that chair And this is a very powerful rhetorical device you yell at a chair and people are like oh if that guy was in the chair He'd really be getting what for right now Fluff when was the last time you had people over? What is that people come over all the time?

It's a very cool spot. You can see all the nuts, my little brusquies. I, this is, it's popping. There's, this is a very popular place. I have lots of friends, they would tell you the same. Now, I'd like to back up to that chair, I think, for a second. Char? Yeah, back it up, put your butt on it. So whenever I see someone yelling at a chair,

I have one of two thoughts. Go, I'd like to hear them both. Firstly, the person that they are pretending to yell at in the chair? Probably does not give any shit. Wow. Secondly, I wonder, who got turned into that chair? Oh, yeah. Well, that's a different matter. That was, that chair is made of the bones of several people who have died, or several squirrels who have died in combat in the Scoral Bones. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yep.

Fluff, what percentage of things would you say in your hovel are made of squirrel bones? OK, well, let me go bit by bit. Not the leaves, just off. Not the dust. That's too dusty. Lots of nuts and berries. Nuts and berries? No, that's pure bread. That's too dusty. Lots of nuts and berries. Nuts and berries?

No, that's pure bread. Nuts and berries. Yep, no squirrel bones in there. We got the refrigerator. That's squirrel bones. We got this, the mobile that I used to entertain my babies with. Definitely squirrel bones. Bed, squirrel bones.

Armour, squirrel bones, any piledadrore. Squirrel bones in Armour, squirrel bones, any pilated drawer? Squirrel bones on the handset. So it's built out of squirrel bones to feel with squirrel bones? Yeah, I mean, well, those are just squirrel bones that like, you know, sometimes you put together furniture and you're like, what does this part do? I finished, but there's still more parts left. Just put them in the drawer.

Huh. Because you have no need for an arm-on because as we established earlier, you don't purchase clothing. Don't purchase clothing. Yeah. It looks nice though. Thank you.

There's a lot of bones in here. This is, I'll tell you what, dense bones. There's no osteoporosis in this underground hibernation station. Fun, fun, fun, fun. While you're talking about your bones, it's so weird.

Not my bones, it's bones, other people. These bones, talking about your bones is so weird. Not my bones, these bones are other people. These are just our bones. You're right hand, inch closer and closer to a knife on the counter there. Is that where you're gonna make something? I think that you. Yeah, I'm gonna cut up some berries into quarters and then we can eat each split one like best buds.

Oh, what a host, what a host. That's very nice. Fluffy, you know, it's unusual, I guess, but it's great that you're so crafty and you're using all these squirrel bones to make stuff. Although it's gotta be frustrating. If you wanna make like a big piece of furniture or something like squirrel bones are not very big, you know.

Sometimes you ever wish you had like a better bigger material to work with? Oh yeah, I think about it all the time. Wood loves and bigger bones. Oh well, you keep talking about that, and I'm gonna keep feeling the walls. Dude, you are high on berries, and I respect it. Don't the walls feel cool?

Yeah, oh, they feel so cool. I just feel cool. It's not like I'm looking for anything. I just like feeling the walls. Yeah, man, we all like feeling the walls, I getcha. Speaking of being crafty, how does squirrels feel about beavers? Love them. Oh chipmunks. I know you mentioned chipmunks Oh, dude It's a good one. You're with the way I said fuck chipmunks

chipmunks up and down Sorry, sorry. Got a ground ground hugs love ground hugs Chant it's all it's written look behind you. It's written on this wall. Yes, son, oceans, respect Donna, fuck Jim Mugs. Come on, dude. That's like our whole Bible. Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. The four commandments ever heard of them?

Okay, that's the first time I've ever seen a needle point made out of bones. Yeah, the needle was bones, the thread was shaved bones. Oh, I'll tell you what, there's almost nothing I can't do with bones down here. Oh, and above the fireplace, there's a little art piece that says bone sweet home. It was going to say bone sweet bones, but I feel like that would be a gilding little. Yeah, you know, you don't want to push it. You don't really know this. Yeah. And then you're like should it just be bones bones bones? Like When I say bones bones bones, they're like oh, you like the

Hits bones bones bones. Yeah, can you just pay my bones? I'm just my uncle Charles. I know you mean I'm just I'm just still feeling these walls. No, don't worry about it. Yeah, don't, uh, uh, uh, you say, uh, yeah, okay, so, um, I don't know if you've noticed it, but I think there's something up with fluff. I think he might try to get our bones. Yeah, I think he wants our bones. Yeah, he definitely wants our bones, and I was thinking about this. That's why I've been, I'm gonna tell you a secret. That's why I've been feeling the walls.

I'm trying to find a way out. Oh, don't tell. Oh, fluff though. I thought it was like a sexual thing. Just because the way you're feeling the walls, okay, okay. Hey, how's it going over there? You still fart for that wall? Oh yeah, just wanted to touch on this wall.

Yeah, buddy, we've all been there. The wall is a gentle mistress. So, um, Fluff, do you have any defensive weapons around here, like shields or anything like that? Mm-hmm. Yeah, they're real small. Oh, yeah. And then once you're, and then just like a fun follow up,

like what's your, what your what's your like weak points Like if we were to hit you where you would crumple you want to know like greatest weakness. Yeah, I care too much Oh shit, I don't know how to fight that. I don't have a fight kind of a workaholic. Oh How do you get around empathy? Oh Guys Look I'll tell you what this this is hard for me to admit. When I invited you down into my underground hibernation station, my first, my goal, I, you look cold, sure. I wanted, I didn't want you to be cold. I, I saw you, but I was going

to steal your big old bones. Oh, oh, we had no idea. Thank you for being honest. I have a pretty good poker face. Like that means you can poke me a lot of times and my face stays the same. Well, one of your eyes barely works. Yeah, that helps. It's kind of what they call a genetic advantage.

So at first, that's what I was gonna do. I want you to have a breakdown here. My kids aren't coming by. Their kids aren't coming by. They don't know the directions. They're dumb as rocks. They're so little. But we now that you guys are down here,

I've showed you my cool bones, you know, about fuck chipmunks. I kind of feel like you guys are my best friends. And, oh, yeah. Oh, and, hey guys, you know how he said his kids are dumb as rocks? Look at that pile of rocks over there. He just wrote kids on all of them. Oh.

Hey, wait, do you have, as best buds do you want me in this huddle? Or like nah. Oh, yeah. It's like the, it's like the bowl, right? We're huddling up. Yeah. Get ready to, yeah. For best buds.

We're ready to kill our enemies. Yeah, how do we define who our enemies are exactly in the situation besides chipmunks? And then you name them, I kill them. The whole, yeah, that's useful. And then, then we hibernate. Yeah, oh, look, I've done some things I'm not proud of. In fact, I'd be hard pressed to name things that I've done that I am proud of. There's some stuff that I haven't done that I'm not proud of. In fact, I'd be hard-pressed to name things

that I've done that I am proud of. There's some stuff that I haven't done that I'm proud of not doing, but I'm probably gonna do it eventually. What's like three things on that list of things you haven't done? Ooh, okay, well, disrespected Donna. That one I'm never gonna do. That's like top of the list of things I haven't done.

What? Donna and I were solid. I guess just like, well, you know, turned my blade upon someone who is not my sworn enemy. Oh, yeah, it kind of seems like chaotic. I'm a Scorpio, so that you could just do it, you know, for kicks, and then speaking and doing something for kicks. Oh, I just kicked his nuts.

I kicked your pilot nuts over here. Come on, I stacked him so neat! Now, hey, now everyone, remember that this is Fluff, who's decided he's our new best friend in the world. Yeah, four best buds. And we would never, ever exploit his weaknesses, which is why we would never tell him about the tree that we passed on the way in here that was filled with more acorns than I've ever seen.

Hold on, hey shit, me right now. Oh yeah, so many acorns, like acorns coming out the butt of this tree. If trees had butts, this tree's butt would be full of acorns. I mean, you could work on that tree all day long. You said, what are you talking about? All the trees we passed were there. I mean, you said, what are you talking about?

Tree's do have butts. It's the back of the tree. Yeah were like, it's winter. You start, what are you talking about? Trees do have butts. It's the back of the tree. Yeah, I know. My man used to always tell me about the coolest tree I've ever heard of. I'm gonna close my eyes, you describe it to me. All right, go, Josh. Okay, think of a tree.

Yep. One of the trees has eight coins in it? Yo, yeah. Okay, now imagine that they were like, double that amount of eight coins. Fuck me. Wait, but I'm not done yet. Double it again.

Goddamn. And Bunk. Oh. I should have hit him instead of just saying Bunk. Look, he's so pathetic though. When you kicked the nuts or when you said Bunk, he said, oh, both times. I would, oh, yeah, I cared too much.

It feels like you know that about me and you do this to hurt me. I'm sorry, I just, we should let you know we have a sword, okay? We have an obsidian sword. We have a wizard. I'm a shapeshifter. We don't want any trouble. I guess I should say. Yeah, he's running over. No things from my world that could help defend me from a squirrel. Hold on. These are things you're saying. You're saying you don't want trouble. That's the view of bring up if you did want trouble.

What? Yeah. No. No, I don't. I don't want trouble. You know what he's every like, I've restored. I don't want trouble. That's like me being like, fuck chipmunks.

Yeah, whatever Craig, keep walking. Why does Craig have to wear a C on his shirt? That's what pisses me off. Like the rest of the chipmunks don't get to have a letter on their shirt. He is the captain. Okay, number one. Yeah, that's the signifies he's the captain.

And he still wants a hula hoop? Still wants a hula hoop. Always, all the chimugs going on and on and on. They love hula hoops. Anyway, you guys were saying you didn't want trouble in a way that I found weirdly menacing. Continue, please. No, I'm just saying, I wish you wouldnacing. Uh, continue, please. No, I'm just saying, I wish you wouldn't.

You wish I wouldn't what? Uh, I mean, if I'm putting all the context clues together, it seems like... Yeah. Like you said, you wanted our big ol' bones. Oh, yeah, there. I imagine you've got some big, sweet bones. I could build some kind of in-wall bookshelf out of them,

which I've always wanted. But as I said, best buds wouldn't take your bones. Oh. Yeah, the bone thing. That's fluff of the past. This now fluff now, fluff present, the fluff of Solstice present, he's here. He's, he's living in the moment with his three best buds.

Guys, I can't tell it's his poker face is too good. I can't tell if he's fluffing. Here, poke me, and I'll tell it's this poker face is too good. I can't tell if he's loving here poke me and I'll tell you Just keep poking me and I'll and ask me any question and I have to tell you the truth all right I'll go first. Are you going to try to kill us? No, you're going to try to kill us. No, you're gonna try to kill us No, you're gonna try to kill us if you keep poking me maybe that's a lot of folks for the same question All right, sorry, sorry. I don't know how it works Okay, I will figure this out together. I have't know how it works. Okay, I have one.

We're figuring this out together. I have one, here we go. Where are you trying to kill us? Where are you trying to kill us? Oh yeah, definitely, for sure. Yeah, I had a plan, and I think it was working. I think we were like 80% of the way there to your bones, my furniture.

I'll tell you what, turn me around. Why invite you down here? Yeah. Arnie said, fluff, can I ask you a me around. I invite you down here. Yeah. Yeah. And he said, fluff, can I ask you a question? And I touch my heart. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Most people, they don't want to know anything about fluff. They're always telling me stuff. Yeah. Or they're just shooting me with mean looks. They're shooting mean looks at me. And it's been a while. It's been a while since anybody's wanted to know what's in here, you know?

It's like I always say interesting people are interested. And Arnie, you took interest in them. And you never, at once, I don't think called him a talking squirrel, which I honestly was afraid you were going to do, but thank you for not doing that. Yeah, we just go by squirrel. Look, it's a winter solstice miracle.

I have saved our lives with the podcast because if I weren't recording the podcast, I probably wouldn't have been gonna ask anything, right? It'd just be like, I love your life. I'm trying to generate some content here, basically. I'll tell you what, a lot of podcasts I've heard of, if they were some interviews, they wouldn't ask any questions. They'd just be like, by these fancy underpants,

and it's like, no, man. I got all my fur I need Hold on, you know what? I know that the freeze is just getting started for the winter But my heart's thund. Give me give me just a second Hey Craig Yeah, Craig. Yeah. Oh, hey man. You were right there. Yeah, I'm I just want to tell you I'm so sorry. I've been kind of a prick and I think your jacket's cool with the sea on it and when I tried the pair, I liked the pair

and it was nice of you to share the pair and you know, I wore this cool tinfoil hat because I thought it would make me look cool to you when you're jacket. And I'm done with that shit. Chiblegs are cool. They're like squirrels, but also cool. You really mean it? Yeah, Craig, I mean it.

You know how for years I would just make you hibernate out in the cold or in the kind of the knot of a tree and wouldn't invite you in despite my cavernous hibernation station. This year, I want you to hibernate with me, man. OK. I was like, you're cool, and I was one of you do that. Oh, thanks, dude.

Guys, this is the best. This is the most buds I've ever had. I was surprised when you called for him that he was so nearby. It's almost like he was spying on us. I was just spying on you. You beat fatty to it. Well, you're listening now.

Craig, Craig, Craig. Friends, man, be cool. All right. Craig, do you mind opening the door from the outside? Yeah, let me have a little red up. There you are. Free, you can go anywhere you want now. Wow.

So is that what you're saying? You're saying you get you're ready to go? I'm afraid we have to continue on our journey for we are destined to take on the Dark Lord and defeat him in battle and save all of Phoon, including the squirrels and the chipmunks. And fluff, I ask of you, when the time comes and you should all call for all his reinforcements

will you join me at my side and rise up to destroy him? The Dark Lord, I mean. Yeah, man, I got like no conscience. I'll do whatever. I am loyal and I just, I'll do all. I told you I'm a machine. All right, you see all these bones? You know, you're bones like this by accident.

Ha, ha, ha. Flaw, it's not just because you're covered in batshit, but I just want to apologize because I thought you were insane. And it seems like you actually have a pretty good head on your shoulders. Thanks man. A lot of heads. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I was wearing another squirrel's head on top of my head as a helmet of victory.

Oh, God. I am so sorry, yeah. That's what he wasn't blinking. What the fuck? What the fuck? This is what I look like. Oh, he's so in love. He's I look like. Oh, he's telling blood. He's telling blood.

Oh, I'm not always covering for him. You're a blister all over the snack. Oh, no. That's like a, that's a sometimes thing. It's nice. You know, fluff that's on us. You didn't blink once. Your mouth didn't move at all.

That's totally on us. We shouldn't have seen that. I'm so sorry. Oh, okay, quick question. Whoa. Do you need me to re-describe my grandchildren? Just because I look a little different than you get. I think we've got it.

I think we've got it. How about we're gonna describe your grandchildren back to you just to make sure we got it. So why don't you close your eyes again? Sounds great. Okay, and if it sounds like we're getting further away, it's just because we are walking away. Okay, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I don't know what I'm talking about. I imagine your own children, they're about the same, I'd look same as you, but they get a little bit smaller. A little bit smaller? Yeah, a little bit smaller. A little bit smaller? Oh, yeah, that's my eyes. Shit.

Got one. Ah. Ah. Ah. Guys, wait a minute. I can't shut the door. Come on, John. Wait, guys! Wait, what the man? I can't shut the door, run, come on, come on, wait, guys! It is fucking cold out here! That was a fucking killer hang with three of my four best buds.

Yeah, I bet! Hey, what's up, Craig? Dude, we're gonna have a Hello Winter. Yeah, I'm wearing another head too. Fuck! Ah, dude, you're a fucking savage and I respect it. Matt, props to you. Sorry, I'm so sorry.

I left my recording equipment here. But I'm gonna take this with me. Yeah, dude. Fuck you! Craig! Craig, be cool! This is Arnie! He's nice!

Alright. Hi, Arnie. Look, I know we're running away and everything, but like, I feel like I could pick both of you. You're a squirrel and gemmunk. Don't fucking try it. Yeah, Arnie, I've defended you to Craig, but you're saying some pretty messed up stuff right now. I'm like a hundred times bigger than both of you, and I'm not saying it wouldn't be messy. Have you, look me in the eyes! What was the last thing you killed?

Though, I mean, I've killed a lot of things on accident, but there's so many episodes. It's hard to remember. All right. What's the last thing you killed fluff? You see those bones. Oh, yeah, they're so bad in here. Yeah, dude. That's all him. That's all me Craig keeps his bones in another tree They call him Craig bones. What are you doing? What are you, come on. Okay, sorry, I got the... Wait, wait, wait, what? Come on, let's go. I got drawn into this weird Pizzincan desert of the squirrel in a chipmunk.

Happy winter solstice. I guess this is a vest. I'm sorry, I left this other mic here. Other mic? Yeah. When Fluffast Arnie what's the last thing you killed? Who else shouted the momentum of this episode? Just me. You've been listening to the last 2020 episode of Hello from the Magic Tavern.

Your human relationships may be in shambles, and that new swimming pool still isn't much more than an afternoon's worth of desperate scratching at the Earth, after you fired the contractor because they refused to admit that King simply doesn't understand what Kubrick was going for, but at least you have this. Usual The Wizard was played by Matt Young, Ch Chant the Talking Badger was played by Adolfi. Fluff the Squirrel was played by special guest Josh Gondelman. Podcast Mainstay and Hero of Modern Style Gentle Comedy. Let's just say if something were to happen to Paul F. Topkins,

you better believe they're rushing Gondelman to a bunker. Check out Josh's podcast Make My Day. And should you know how to read? Check out his book Nice Try, Stories of Best Intentions and Mixed Results. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arne Neekamp, Matt Young and Adel Raffaier, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz, Irwolf Producer Kimi Lucas. This episode edited by Chris Rathchin, Special Assistance provided by Ryan DeGeorgie. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard LeBan.

Magic Tavern theme music by Andy Poland. As I've mentioned now, twice after thousands of letters, a full page ad in the New York Times, and one very pissy move on.org petition, we have spontaneously decided to take two weeks off. Take some time to heal and work on you. Next week I will be throwing a special winter's solstice bonus something or other in the feed. The week after that, literally

nothing, and on January 4th we'll be back with content that will have you begging for what came the week before. Happy Holidays audience, and remember, whatever it is you wish for, it only takes one collapse quantum barrier for that wish to assume an evil physical form that will be both ironic and relentless. Joyer Noelle. Chris, most, most time is here. Time for a joke. Craig! Time!