Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 3, Ep 8 - Army (w/ John Levenstein and Jenny Owen Youngs)

Episode Date: September 9, 2019

An encounter with a general and a musical centaur could move things in a new military direction.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungGeneral Johnny: John LevensteinJenny the Centaur: Jenny Owen YoungsMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEarwolf Producer: Kimmie LucasEditor: Garrett SchultzSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Welcome back to Al Thalpha Sprout Radio. Gentle morning to you. Today we're going to continue our gratitude work from last session, but bring that energy to a place of forgiveness and maybe even strength. Find a place on the floor clear of sharp objects or wobbling unstable towers of books. Take a seat. Try to be okay sitting in your power. Now, take that deep breath

and feel the tendrils of potential weaving through your lungs. Let them become... become a silver eagle with a handgun that can track down your enemies and, oh, I don't know, I can't do this! Seize Wonderment Audio. Sorry I've been hearing mindfulness podcasts or a big cash cow and Daddy's gonna need an escape pod when this venture runs out of steam, correction when the public realizes

this venture ran out of steam. But here we are still in the magical window between expectation and disappointment. So sit back, give that part of your human brain and imagine stuff a little flick, and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of fun. I'm your host, Darnini Camp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. About 4 and a half years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a burger king

in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fune. Sorry, I'm carrying my equipment again. So it's a little harder for me to get through this whole beginning part. Hey buddy, I do have good news for you. Yeah, what's that, John? I found on the map, I found, you know, like I said, the location of the winged whale. Yeah. The ship that's on the back of a flying whale.

So if we find that ship, we can fly anywhere anytime. That's that way. We don't have to walk anymore. We don't have to walk to port. That's true. And I'm very much into that. Although if we get on a flight, you're very much into that. I'm very much into that.

It's happening. I don't need to be a approval. Well, then why didn't you even tell me? Why are we even talking about it? You know, I found out that on this podcast that if I say something with confidence, I don't need your support on it. Okay. Because I realize that if I look for your support, I don't get it. Sure.

Is this the time? The time you do it on your own? No, sorry. No, I'm just trying to also look. We are about to walk into an army camp. Like, we got come in here with confidence. You know, just because the leader of El Shmeer gave us this army to help us fight the Dark Lord,

it doesn't mean that we shouldn't still come in here with confidence. Now, it needs no confidence when that is a stride, a wizard simply stand by my side and in my shadow. Wait, a stride of a wizard? Are you saying you're stride, oh fuck you. Now see, I interpret that as that's writing. As my companions, you shall be welcomed with open arms

for there is no great taboo to an army such as this as a powerful and mighty wizard. Arnie, I think I know what's going on. We're all nervous. We're all a little bit nervous. I'm just kind of 40,000 soldiers. Right, the crewster was a weird guy. So yeah, this army's gonna be, I'm just kind of not like,

I don't really vibe with armies. It's not like a, I'm not, it's not me like judging what it is to be an army. I'll see your name so close. Arnie, Arnie, Arnie. Try to go by Arnold while I'm here just so the army doesn't get confused. Well, if they're talking, if they're talking to me,

are they talking to me or the army. But they might get self-conscious and start calling themselves arm-old. And what uses an arm-old when you're fighting the Dark Lord? Arni Neacamp is so close to Arni Camp? Arni Camp, right? Oh my god. You're a Nea away from being an army camp. Oh no, I'm glad we're talking about this before we walk into the army camp.

Yes, it's very important that we know that your name is not too similar to the thing we're about to walk into. Okay, so while we're in here, I'll be Arnold. Yeah, but if we meet in your resistance, we can call you army knee camp, and that way they think that you're 40,000 soldiers. What does it like if you're pretending to be 40,000 soldiers? You're like puff out that chest. Okay, it's kind of like puff out that chest. Okay.

It's kind of like we go in bed. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello. I don't know why they're all saying hello. Yes. I'm really invested in the word hello. I've just, no, I'm realizing that about myself. It's hello. From the magic tap.

A weekly podcast from the magical land of food. Anyway, I'm carrying all this stuff. You said, I kind of, you know, normally we start at a table but I wanted to carry all of this equipment so we can have this dynamic opening as we all this stuff. You said, I kind of, you know, normally we start at a table, but I wanted to carry all this equipment so we can have this dynamic opening as we enter this camp. Would you mind though, if, because I'm very tired from carrying this,

could I ride a stride you into camp? No, that would look foolish, but I could cast a spell upon you, like, pack a spell of eased burden. Oh, that would be great. Or you just bumped into that guy. Sorry, sorry. Sorry, that century almost knocked him off.

Okay, sorry, sorry. I know we've been walking around for weeks, but I could cast a simple charm upon your pack to make it feel like you're carrying nothing at all. That would be nice, we didn't do that before. Oh, so I'm in the shape of a horse-rate. He didn't ask. I'm not gonna write on you.

Yes, why not ride a stride chunt? No. Love you, though, buddy. When I'm a horse, my name is Stamina. Hello, Stamina. Let this pack here, now lift and lift and lift and unto Arne now. I do now cast this gift. Wow, this is much better. Look at my legs are still tired from walking, but hey, oh.

Ah, I think there's a big, really fancy tent up ahead, I think. I think this might be the general's tent, do we should go in and... We'll knock. How do you... Eddie knock on campus? Eddie and knock on a tent. You need not knock. You announce yourself from the outside, which I shall do now.

General inside of this tent! I am Yusudor, Wizard of the Twelf realm of a fesiest master of light and shadow, manipulator of magical delights, devour of chaos, champion of the great holes of Turokus, the elves nobius fying arc, the dwarves nobius sudden whoogstanges and I'm known in the northeast as gasmoinius meh star, and if you do announce yourself good to general, I shall take Neh and support thee in any way I can. Of the Flippers opening. Yousador? Yes, I am Yousador.

Okay, take a knee. Here. On Neh, I do now grant you this boon. I shall serve Thinami and serve it well in the hopes of defeating evil where Aradoth rays its ugly head. You're the first soul drive recruited without having to make a lot of promises. This is great. You guys, what are your names? I'm Arnold, not to be confused with Arnie or Orr- or Armi.

Shut up. I'm not going to take a knee. I'm very sorry with all due respect. It's just, I'd be hard for me to get back up on the front. No, think about it. That's fine. Think about it. And you? I'm very sorry with all due respect. It's just, I'd be hard for me to get back up all the time. No, think about it. That's fine, think about it. And you? Uh, let me change. I may, um, shape-shifter, my name is, uh, Chun. Sorry, I was a horse earlier.

Uh, uh, it's a pleasure to meet you, sir. He's usually a badger like this. You were a horse. This is my friend, uh, a centroid, Jen. Hello. Oh, hey! I don't know that I've ever met a centroid before. Uh, how's it going?

Hi, Jen. I liked you better as a horse. Oh, okay. Let me, there you go. Nice. That makes sense. And we've got some other performers in here. It's going late, rehearsal tonight.

And I wouldn't say we're battle ready if you're coming to talk about any kind of battle plans. We've become more of a collective. Oh, interesting. I know soldiers reversed. Historically, soldiers have put on shows for themselves at Jenny the Centaur here is in the process of writing some battle songs and theory, those were going to lead us into battle. What's happened instead here? It's devolved into more of a bunch of soldiers not acting as a unit, but each of them

pursuing self-fulfillment in various ways, and some cases that involves the arts. And we seem to have lost sight of any final goal, although I'm happy to be reminded of what we're all supposed to do together, what we're fighting. Well, I must say, though we do come here to fight the forces of evil, to destroy the Dark Lord once and for all! We have huge supporters of the odds, we love the odds. Well, it has its own pull you find,

and that can become, like, we would have to be really provoked to say, all right, we're gonna do what got us together here in the first place, and now we're going to fight, and we're gonna take off, and we're gonna do what we need to do. But in the meantime, I could see this ending, we're just, I ran out of money, because all along, I thought, we're gonna get by and what we're eventually

going to pillage, I guess. Oh, you're gonna pillage? I mean, otherwise, I ran out of money because all along I thought, we're gonna get by and what we're eventually going to pillage, I guess. Oh, you're gonna pillage? I mean, otherwise I don't know. Otherwise I'm just in the red, but you said, okay, do you like us? What am I doing? I've heard that only like one in 10 armies succeeds. I mean, this one is burning through cash, honestly.

Oh my god. We've got like three songs out of it so far. Well, all the odds arts always need a patron It's always important that we do we give some tithe to the arts so that they may survive So if this army has devoted itself to their arts, then we must support it on it. Give them all your money Well, I don't I give them all your money. Okay, here are three coins. I don't I mean I mostly just forgot those are in my pocket Three coins. I'm not really a money person I don't I mean I mostly just forgot those are in my pocket I'm not really a money person I can buy no we'll take it we'll take it

I'll thread a couple of the guys with guitarist when we're walking over to the mess all oh great here You actually you can have two of these coins one of them is a coin to let people know that we are part of a secret order the Sion tie But no one seems to know what that means. We're basically just trying to defeat the dark lord I am. I... But no one seems to know what that means. We're basically just trying to defeat the Dark Lord. Well, let me ask you, when I ask at the beginning of every meeting, when I don't know why I'm there. Typically, it's my kids meetings at school, when my kids to be at school. Why am I here in the middle of the day? Why did the teacher call all of us here? Much like your children in the past.

The Dark Lord is misbehaving, and now you've been drawn here so that we may spank him very, spank him as hard as it takes to destroy him once and for all. With the help of 40,000 strong. Yeah, yeah. Basically, we need that help if he ain't misbehaving, but he is. So we need that. Basically, the dark Lord has taken over most of Foon, and maybe you're not aware of that because this is one of the few parts of Foon that he has not conquered and so we actually Met and talked with the ruler of Valschmier the Krumster and he gave us his sigil to let you know that this army is kind of under Our rule isn't the right word. You know how might one of my looking for a year? Sure not under my rule. Let, let me tell you that.

They might have been two months ago, 10 weeks ago. Yeah. But now everyone's sort of doing their own thing. They really are. And I know where it were because that's why I was convinced to come out of retirement. What they said to me, probably the same guy who told you you're in charge now, which would be great.

What they said to me was your lifestyle is being threatened. Like you think you're just doing your own little thing here and your own little home waking up when you wake up, eating your food, not interacting with people. But what we need you to do is come out of retirement because your lifestyle is threatened, all of our lifestyle is threatened.

Convinced other people to band together. That's why we've got 40,000 now. But my ways of convincing them to band together are just killing me. Well, what are some of the... My! This is you money! And do your own thing.

So it's a money and for what? That's interesting. I mean, I feel like I'm by no means a military expert. From what I know about the military on my world, like blowing through a lot of money, that seems kind of on brand for military. But the whole like do whatever you want, that seems not like the usual

way to go. Well it has been proven that money is not necessarily the greatest motivator. If you want to start up an army, it's best to get some fun game tables around and perhaps like have some free drinks for everyone and maybe a place where people can nap. General, can I ask? Yeah, what's your name? You know, I tell everyone to call me General Johnny. And that's in the, and some of them now are just

calling me Johnny. I like that. It feels so informal. Everyone likes it, but no one is ready to fight. Has anybody ever called you, General? General? General? No, they've called Jenny the centroid gen tour

because she likes that kind of thing. So it's Johnny and Jenny. So she likes being the centroid of attention? Love being the centroid gen tour because she likes that kind of thing. So it's Johnny and Jenny. So she likes being the centroid of attention? Love being the centroid of attention. She likes combining words. She likes that kind of word by... Johnny, may I foot this past you? You say your army is not ready to fight,

but aren't there more ways to fight than with weapons? Are the odds themselves, not their own form of resistance? And should we not destroy the Dark Lord by making more beautiful and wonderful things to make the world feel alive? But we still have to feed them somehow. Feed them with song! Feed their songs! Sometimes I mean I do feel like Jenny sometimes makes the mistake of what started as a battle song. She'll write a song that's supposed to inspire us into battle, but as the conversation changes and someone will say,

oh, but these 40,000 people need to be fed, she'll say feed them with a song. And I will ask, is the song inspiration to fight or is the song food? Because I don't think every song can be all things. Can I ask something that pile of dead soldiers over there, were they fed with songs? Is that why they died?

They look very skinny. I can't say one way or another, but I am probably gonna eat them slowly over time. So that's one meal you won't have to support. 39,999 mouths. Whatever you guys are saying, right, cool down. I'm in real denial about it, because if I acknowledge the reality of

When you're telling me it's over my shoulder which would be horrific which we dead soldiers I'm responsible for and you seem to be suggesting they could have even died of starvation When I'm trying my best to feed people I would be let me say I would be horrified and I'm not looking What should we tell the guys here's a big question me. Since I've lost all authority over these people who theoretically are going to go and defeat the Dark Lord. The Dark Lord. Dark Lord. What can we do?

Do you give a lot of speeches to your men? Mainly before shows. Oh, sure. Yeah. What can we do to convince them you guys are in charge when I've already lost my sense of authority. Oh, that's a very good one. I'm really feeling what Johnny's putting down here. First of all, my reality is incredibly selective.

I-I just pick out the parts that I like and focus on that. Second of all, I believe that if we were to insert ourselves as the leaders of this army, a great wizard, a shapeshifter, and a man from another world. You look upon a man who did walk through a magical portal from another world into this one. And if that does not inspire these soldiers, to either paint to their hearts delight, create songs that inspire the very soul, or to pick up a sword to stab every

demon and orc that they see then I know not what will we shall take this burden on for thee we shall lead this army in thine place well why don't we take a quick break and then maybe if you don't mind general and I hate to invite myself in and it sounds weird that I'm calling attention to it it's not because I'm a vampire or anything would you mind inviting us into your- Arnie, Arnie, what? Do you know how fucking ghost it is? To ask Johnny if you can sit on the couch,

Johnny calls you to the couch, okay? If you do a good enough job, he calls you over. Okay? I've done a pretty good job so far in this conversation. I've already said, take my army. I'm definitely gonna say, take my couch. Okay, great, well, yeah, great. So I was wondering, we could kind of set up our stuff inside the tent. Yes, but, okay,. I'm definitely gonna say take my couch. Oh, great, well, great. So I was wondering what you kind of set up

on the floor inside the tent. Yes, but yeah, because all I was gonna say though, is that I can't tell my people, these guys are in charge now, because I'm barely in charge. You've got to tell them something that you exposed me. Look at this guy, General Johnny, he's full of shit. We're the tough guys now to give me a punch in the gut.

I don't care. Oh my gosh, John. Show them that, yeah, whatever you need to do to base me, to show them that this is your gig now, that's fine. I'll crawl out of here. Guys, guys, guys, real quick. On the one hand, I think, I mean, this is some pretty good advice from General Johnny,

but on the other hand, I just worry a little bit that like he's trying to trick us into the basing him. He just, into the thing. It is possible but let's take a short break and then cook up a scandal. Alright we're back and I'm so sorry general I want to set some of this equipment down on this table. Do you mind if I just kind of move some of these maps and things off of this table? Sit down my mic.

Some of these maps are just show posters. Oh, oh, some of these shows look really good. What are some of the shows that your army has put on? I mean, there was a show called an hour or so of Learner and Low. One guy running around the stage, and I'd never heard any of these songs before. Sure, that's been learned and low.

Learner and low. And it went for an hour. Yeah. Every song had hit in my mind. Wow. You said, or, John, who are learner and low? There were two college kids who killed another kid. Oh, no.

I think I'm thinking of the ring. Wait, yeah, but they were wonderful songsters. One of them is a teacher, learner, obviously. The other one's only about three inches high. So, no, no, no, no. Learner and low. about three inches high. So, learner, learner, I don't know. Yes, that's fantastic. But it was just like a big deal in Fune and like set some of like the precedents in court

in terms of like, we know if you kill someone or like who's an adult and what you know. Oh, that jazz. General, Johnny, you seem so drawn to the arts. May I tell you about one more play? Oh, he is. You're the general. Yes, it was just two guys locked up like they've got

They're up against a wall. Yeah, and they're in chains. You don't know what they've been accused of you Don't know how long they've been locked up. You don't know where you are. Oh, sure. It's existential drama. Oh And they're just talking It's I was captivated. How long was this show? Just a few hours. And I felt like, and after I saw that, that's why I thought, we've got to do more shows where people are just spilling their guts out there. And it's like poetry.

Yeah. So you're saying, look, we have a group of people who hypothetically might be going off to their death soon. Instead of doing entertainment that is uplifting and motivating, let's really dig into the existential emptiness of life into the sort of dread and like, does anything mean anything. This plan particular loss,

but appeal to me because I lost my daughter, my only child. I guess that's why I became a her. No, thank you. So I became a hermit. Yeah, this might be weird. Is she died or you lost her? No, no, she died.

Oh, I'm so sorry. No, good question. Yeah. If we're being literal here all of a sudden, yeah, it's a great her? No, no, she died. Oh, I'm so sorry. No, good question. Yeah. If we're being literal here all of a sudden, yeah, it's a great question. Yeah, she died. Do you mind if I ask the how she died? People die so many ways. That is true. That is true. She fell off a cliff, whatever. I'm a hermit. Yeah. And we are being literal, but it's not all of a sudden. No, no. Thank you. I wouldn't know that, I'm a hermit. That's fair. Sure, yeah. When you're a hermit, like living on a cliff,

like I was doing before I was recruited, like I'm gonna leave, it'll be like, you never saw me, it's your army now, you don't have a child safe house. Yeah, oh, sure, no. You probably know, if you're a hermit, you don't expect to have a child in that house at all. No, it's like my monks don't have a lot of kids

running around monks on a hillside. Yeah, that's true. You don't see four-year-olds. Yeah, do you my monks don't have a lot of kids running around, monks on a hillside. Yeah, that's true. You don't see four-year-olds. Yeah. Do you don't see four-year-olds? You don't? I see four-year-olds. But no, I can see four-year-olds.

I'm not blind to four-year-olds. I don't have like four-year-old blindness. I just haven't been blind for four years. If I'm in a monk's shrine, I don't see a bunch of four-year-olds running around. What happened to the mother of your, you know, your hermit, you've got a daughter, what's like, not to be prying to your wife.

She did not fulfill her responsibilities. Oh. Maybe that's not an entertaining answer, but you know, just us in the tent. It's cryptic. Jenny knows the salvage. She did not fulfill her adult responsibilities and has a mother and she took off. Oh, I see. It's crypt. Jenny knows the solvary. She did not fulfill her adult responsibility. So I have some mother. And she took off. Oh, I see.

That's unfortunate. It could be anywhere. Is, is there a way could you tell that story again, but make it entertaining? About the lady. Yeah, taking off. Yeah. Could you say it's not an entertaining answer, but what would it look like if it was? Let's give him some notes on the story. I guess. Let's spice it up a little bit. I mean, she got together with me, even though she knew I was impossible. Oh, sure.

I was like, hey, I'm impossible. I'm not gonna change. Yes. She said, you're not gonna change. Yeah. In the interim, she become pregnant. Mm-hmm. I'm not gonna change.

Yeah. And she left. Yeah. I think the lesson here is When you're dating someone and they tell you they're impossible you should believe them like you should believe that they're possible And when they tell you their story is not entertaining. Yeah, I would believe them my friend Johnny Johnny, we love this story. We love it. We just have a couple of notes So it's just like there's some things to kick around and think about. I think it's my daughter, yes. Yes, yes.

When you have wife, the mother of your child, I don't know if you'd engaged in the bonds of matronone, or not. When she left, perhaps she left because she was actually a mystical creature from another realm. Did you ever think about just a spice of the story, just a few notes to think about. You don't have to incorporate them, but if something

to think about, and it's even something of like, if I'm just traversing the land, if I'm going to like the forum or something, you know, if I tell a story, I'm like, I just want to the forum, right? Maybe something happened along the way. Oh, and what if she has a bunch of interesting hats? Yeah, and she's finishing the hats. I'm smiling. I'm smiling for three reasons right now. And let me say, it is funny that I left this out of the story. Sure, my My ex-wife when I say she left. She did fly away. She flew away. Oh See that's an important detail. Oh, fly away. She'll fly away. That's

And when I said believe my daughter fell I was I think she'd begun to sprout wings But her mother wasn't there to teach her fly so she felt fell. So that could have included that. Yeah, very good. Very good. Wow. Now we're cooking. Well, I'm very enthralled by the shows that you've put on and the wonderful sorts of art that you're doing here. One of my favorite plays of all time is, of course, a Tomatone Constable. The story of a constable struck down the forest churned into a mechanical man. But what other music and fine things you've done here,

Gentar has a musical instrument with her? What sort of musical inspiration do you have at the ready? Well, the genre has been having me work on songs to promote togetherness, the group mentality, try to bring everyone together and also lift morale. Because morale is so bad and everyone is doing their own thing.

The smell of the bodies, and yes, we're very disorganized. I love that. I mean, from my world, I feel like when I think about the military, I think of like tearing people down so that they become almost like automaton's. But maybe just using art to inspire the soldiers to in the battles they're about to have.

I hate to ask, but would you do us the honor of playing a song? Yeah, I would love to be inspired. I would love to do that, and maybe you can tell me how it affects you and give me some of your notes. I guess, yeah, Let it wash over us. Mmm, yes. Uh, okay, cool.

Well. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Great, okay. Positive, togetherness, hooray, morale. Mm-hmm. I'm gonna bust me down a bowl full of time band-minds and in rainbows We're all gonna die so why not just stay high on the haze of a whipped rain bowl bowl? Eh? Where are you going?

Where are you going? I mean it's important to keep some realism in there. So moving on. I think it probably gets more buzzer. Compared to the blackness descending, So moving on. My bed against, I think it probably gets more buzzer. Yeah. Compared to the black mist descending, Blunder is just slightly dim. There'll be horror and doom never ending

When the DL's dark rules off begin. So pass me down a bowl Full of time ben min mine send in rainbows We're all gonna die so why not just stay high on the haze of a whipped rainbow bowl When he starts up the massimulation If somehow you chance to survive look forward to evisceration No one's going to get out alive. God has passed me down a boat full of time, bandmines, and in rainbows.

We're all gonna die, so why not just stay high on the haze of a whipped rainbow bowl? Mmm, the flaying and skinning is just the beginning of all that's in store from that evil dark lord. We're all gonna die, so why not just stay high on the haze of a whipped rainbow bowl? And then the big finish, we're all gonna die, so why not just stay high on the haze of a whipped rainbow bowl? Oh, wonderful. Very good. Very good. We love that. We love that. That's great. We have a cup of notes. I'm ready. Okay. It is a little negative.

In what way? The fling, the skating, the all the everyone's going to die. Wow! To be fair. Oh, I thought she was going to burst into the song. Yeah. Hahaha. I never specifically say who is going to be the recipient of the Flaying and Skinning. That's what I'm going to do. So open to interpretation.

Oh, I see. So it's sort of like a story of like, look, we're going into war and a lot of people are going to be flayed and skinned and died. And it sort of sounds like implicitly the Dark Lord is going to win this battle, but maybe, but I don't inherently mean you, dear listener, that you are going to die.

Just, you're gonna see a lot of people die around you. If I may, because this happened under my watch here, I believe the song is very drug-positive. Oh, okay. I believe what now comes up. I'm just suggesting in the Regimen We've been pursuing about smoking in the mornings. Oh, because we're all going to die later and then some of the

Soldiers poets have been using it for inspiration. Okay, smoking in the morning, smoking in the evening, smoking at Supper time when the armies do to die, you can smoke at any time. Did we bring that out of you? How did that just happen? I don't know. It's just like a jingle that just fatted for it. It's such a creative environment. I think, yeah, general, honestly, I give it up to you. Thank you. I mean, no, if you guys continue that while reinstating some authority over at the gang. Yes, it's a very creative environment and I am inspired. And I know that we must, uh, make, uh, Johnny, uh, look like a fool if we are to take his place

Oh, yes Punch him in the stomach or something Well, I don't know if we have to actually assault him Oh, piss on him or something Well, maybe that's no that no idea is a bad idea no idea is a bad idea So we want to maybe piss on you maybe punch you but I was singing maybe shit Terrible things That's oh he's grinning ear to ear. I'm thinking I'm thinking a different direction Jenny is there anything you would want to do to hit to the general keep in mind we're all going to die Jenny

Yeah, you're a big old centar so you could do some real damage I feel like maybe if chun is gonna stay a horse for a little while Maybe we could get a little oh my gosh. We could get some ropes. Oh, we got a drone for him. Yes, this is what I'm talking about. A little rope on the wrist, rope on the other wrist, rope on the ankle, rope on the other ankle. Maybe we meet a couple of other horses or centaurs. So Arnie, what happens is, if you want to drunk her or someone, you tie ropes to four

horses, you tie those ropes to also the other ends of four limbs on a person and then you draw them. And oh boy, they look so fucking stupid. They're all stressed out. When you and time and let them go, they can't go back to that society. They've been embarrassed. I'll hang that on my wall and I don't want to go back to society. I want to go home. And then you toss them a quarter and you go fuck off. Speaking of that, general, I didn't mention it before, but behind you, there's a giant tapestry of you being shit on.

Oh, so you've been trying. Everyone is so creative. Now, these are all wonderful ideas, but we do run the risk of making the general into a motto. Oh, yeah. So it could work against us. Yes, like molder. And I will say, they like me.

These guys like me because these resentments I've shared with you about I'm hemorrhaging money, why did I do this? They don't know that, all they know is they're having the time of their lives. Yeah. Which is why if we do these things, there must also be a disinformation campaign. We must spread terrible rumors about Johnny

around the camp. Yes, things like, did you know that General Johnny's socks don't match today? What's up with that? What what other terrible things could we say about him? He's got a one inch penis and he's angry about it. Whoa. Oh, yes, that's Johnny did not like some of the stuff you're working on like that could like going directly to people. Oh my god If you go around the camp right now if if you guys are willing to do this, and just go from person to person,

say general Johnny has a few notes. By morning. Yeah. Chaos. Chaos. And hatred and resentment. Yes, we shall do this very, we should go about and say, Johnny heard that song.

You said, there's a pretty good, but he's a few ideas. He wants to throw past you. Just to work shopping. Just to work shopping. Yeah. And make sure you bring all of your sheet music because we're going to have to totally re-wrap. So just so we're clear, we're going to start

with the rumors or the shitting, which is the, I'm not saying. But also, by the way, if you say notes, say you disagree with them. Oh, that's good. Good idea. What do you mind? I feel like, weirdly,

like this is something I feel like you're very good at. You know, you just need someone to do it to you. Can I see an example? Like, maybe I'll be one of the soldiers. Will you tell me how I should do it? Sure, and also, by the way, you don't have to shit on me. Just basically, we accumulate some shit in here. It could be anyone's, it could be mine.

There's a big trough over there. It's ours. Sure, it's a very big trough. And I go running out there, oh, these guys, shit on me, they're more powerful than I am, these people rained shit on me, and now they're mocking me. Yeah.

Look at me. Yeah, that's great. All I can do is crawl home, go with these guys. Yeah, I know, he's crawling. Anytime you talk about going somewhere, you're always crawling. That's for fun, that's for fun. And also, that's a disincentive.

I say fun, it's a disincentive to leave my home, because if I know that any adventure I go on, ultimately, I'm crawling back home. I'm on that home. Why leave? Which is what I said to your leader when he said to me, take over the Sarmay, and I didn't want to. Yeah, never know.

And I knew I would have to crawl home. Never go further away than you're willing to crawl back. And when you're crawling home, is that because, you know, your partner left, like your Mrs. Say, gone. It's just somehow I leave home, things go wrong, I become less than myself.

I learn the same lessons over and over again. And I crawl back home, I guess, I guess like a baby. Oh. Like a baby, I guess I'm being reborn in a sense at the end of this adventure. And I didn't want to point it out, but you are wearing a giant diaper. Yeah, that's something Well, and we're talking about shit a lot and I will say that one of the speeches I gave to my people when I was saying

Everang to whatever they want. I want you all to feel safe I want everyone to have their own tiny tent. You don't have to share a chance It can be like a return to when before you were born and became a baby and felt safe Yeah, an army of babies, But no one's so scared of that. Yes, it is difficult to be scared of an army of babies. I thought they would be. I thought they would be powerful. But what if you used this disadvantage to your advantage?

If we have an army of babies, what if we don't attack with that army? But we tell our enemies that they must now raise these babies. What's greater burden is there? Nothing is more powerful than a baby. Let me say that in your life. But again, you wanted me to roleplay. So I'm you. I'm all I do is I go up to somebody say, hey, that's not what you wrote. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna put on a voice. Yeah, just so you know, hey, I'm our our our our It's Arnold. I'm Arnold and... Because when you said Arnie Camp,

I thought you were talking about you all the whole army. This is a voice. Oh, I should have called myself, I should have called myself Arnold to avoid confusion. Anyway, I was just going through the general back there and he's a little, I do think about my songs.

You know, he did, that's what it's gonna tell you. I don't want to volunteer it because I barely know you, but I also don't want you going through any more bullshit. He's in there smiling to everyone's face. Like, I love your work, take some more food, we're all having a great time there. And then- And those things to me.

Yeah, he says it to everybody, which also, oh, why is it so special? He said, yeah, everyone, and that, I wish that's the worst thing I was telling you, is that you know how he told you, you're brilliant? Yeah. He tells everyone they're brilliant. I wish that's the worst thing I was telling you is that you know how he told you your brilliant Yeah, he tells everyone their brilliant I wish that's what I had to tell you and that would hurt right that maybe think maybe I'm not brilliant I mean maybe we're all brilliant. Yeah, maybe it's nice to be loved unconditionally

But I don't feel special anymore. I feel like also by the way whatever character your plan is condescending to the common man And I love the common man, okay, oh, I'm sorry So I'm being you I'm playing you with your special you're playing the common man and i love the common man i'm sorry uh... i'm being you i'm playing you with your special plan the common man like he's a fucking idiot uh... i guess yes in your mind okay let's push through the simple so anyway that i would say no it's not just a thing that should be the name of the show let's push through this from every impromptu our podcast should be called it's pushed to the simple our just that just a quick note go back to the single back to

the so he says you've got a rich in a life okay so you know so she says to you anyway he's telling every he tells you he thinks he thinks things brilliant but in there this two-faced guy is saying I don't think he's that talented I didn't like his song I think he's just copying the other guy's song there's maybe one talented person in camp everyone else is copying that talented person and that talented person is just self-destructing. I mean, I put some elements from that other song. Well, as far as he can say, it's like an homage, it's not really a copy.

Yeah, he didn't, he thought it was basically an homage to mediocrity, it's what the general, it's what Johnny General said. That's the name of the podcast. Yeah, an homage to mediocrity. Yeah, he thinks basically you've got 40, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Because that's what I'm gonna do right now because I like those guys out there I like them and I have even met them and they seem like a great bunch of guys and they deserve better a shitness face Thank you, Arnold. I will join you in shitting in his face. No, we did it already. We did it. Oh Why didn't you do what you get? Shit was good. No, that's fine. You're gonna join me in battle. I've got such a far more right now

You're gonna join me in battle. We're gonna shit in the enemy's face. All right. All 40,000 of us. That's a lot of shit. And other weapons. Just because we shit in general Johnny's face doesn't mean that's what we're doing for the enemy. I shouldn't have even taken that

before I just thought you were stupid and I had to go with that. Oh. Well, general Johnny, or if I may say, General, you've been really surprisingly helpful. I came in here a little intimidated and worried that this was gonna be,

this sort of transfer of power was gonna be difficult, but you've been more helpful than is even really makes sense to me. Can I apologize for two things? Yes. Of course. I apologize for not presenting you with a more battle-ready battle-tested force,. I apologize for not presenting you with a more battle ready battle tested force,

and I apologize for dominating the conversation. Oh, because even though I'm a hermit, I get around people and I get excited. I do not very chatty for a hermit. Never apologize for being excited. And you need not apologize for either of these things, for thou art a delight, and thou has left us with an army of wonderful artists

who shall be churned into bloodthirsty murderers very soon. And Johnny, I know we're sort of moving towards the end here, but I've gotta ask what? You seem so personable, like what led you to a life of hermetry? I mean, partly the tragedy, I suppose. Oh, yeah. But also, I kinda, I was a hermit, I can't say that, I can't say it was the tragedy, I was always a hermit. Oh, really? I like doing my own thing. Yeah.

You know what, I feel like I sometimes I want to be among people, but sometimes I just want to be a hermit, I need some hermit time. I need to recharge, I need to crawl, I need to crawl home and recharge, and when it's time for me to go, whatever, spear the shit on me and tell me to go running out there. I mean, how about this, let's do an email and then we'll grab this giant trough of shit for it on you. Sure. And Dreadon, can I just say that this has been a delight in that you are, I don't know if you realize this,

you're a triple threat. Wow. Yeah, you can improvise, you can be shit on, and you can crawl. I'm gonna lift up my robes. I wanna leave something in this trough. Okay. We do have an email here, of course.

You can email us at MagicTaivernetPuppies.supplies. You can also email me at chunt at gmail.com. That's chunt with six teas of course I still don't know how you were able to get a gmail address Yeah, I just I just Get a fuck it figured it out. This is from Kate Darwish. She says love the show dear Arnie chunt in useador I grade all my own old, okay dear army chunt in use or I grade all my high school's Arnold, but okay. Dear Army, Chant, and you said, or I grade all my high school students work while listening to your show. Thank you for helping me keep my sanity. This is from Oakland, CA.

Oh, well. Thank you, Kate. Thank you. We're glad to help you in any way we can. Do you think this person would truly go insane? I don't know. Oh, let's help her grade the papers. So let's help her out with that.

Well, does she, I'm sorry, does she say what she teaches in the, does she say what the grading scale is? She teaches high school, which must be like a subject. I mean, I brief, I was a creative writing TA in grad school and when I grade papers, like if I didn't know what to do, I would just like underline something and write awkward.

Did you ever have a real job? I mean, briefly, I mean, does working in video games count? I give the first paper she is grading a 784 out of 790. I would give the second or third paper a two pause up. General what grading recommendation would you give? I didn't feel like that teacher was asking for a grading recommendation. Oh, you don't think Kate was asking for that?

No. We even suited our own feelings upon this person. Was there even a question there? What was the question? There was an question. I think that's a teacher who enjoys your show and enjoys grading papers during your show. And that, for me, makes me feel even more confident

about handing you my tent and everything along with at the stage I mean ideally you guys can stay here for while it's a nice environment for Fostering creativity Johnny and Kate didn't ask a question, but if you need one I'd say like Kate Maybe ask like I don't know kiss me question mark That's a question She sure wasn't asking what number to give out of 790. Johnny, it's just been an absolute pleasure to meet you. Ah, this was wonderful. Yeah, and Jen Torres to meet you. Oh, likewise. Now get the hell out of here. Wait, wait, what? Let's dump this shit on him. All right

Fantastic smiling here to here. They got me. Alright. Okay, there we go. Fantastic. Smiling here to here. They got me. They got me guys. They covered in shit. Gotta go. You got, oh look at me. These guys got me, I'm powerless. I'm gonna miss that guy. He was a wonderful mentor.

He gave all these people an opportunity to be who they truly were, to find their inner selves and release it upon the page or the canvas. And now, coveted in feces as he is, he crawls back to his hovel when none shall see him again. I feel like John will really coaxed out my creativity. I didn't know I had it in me. You have part of a company. Yeah.

I guess now it's our time to strip all that down and turn this army into a Mindless killing machine finish Turn off the dark just for once Arnie Pass me down a boat full of time band mind sending rainbows A bowl full of time-banded mind-sending rainbows We're all gonna die so why not just stay high on the haze of a whipped rainbow bowl Compared to the blackness descending, Blunder is just kinda deep There'll be horror and doom never ending when the D'Hell's dark ruled off begin. So, pass me down a bowl full of time ben mind send in rainbows.

We're all gonna die so why not just stay high on the haze of a whipped rainbow bowl. When he starts up the mass simulation simulation if somehow you chance to survive look forward to evisceration no one's going to get out alive God has passed me down a bowl full of time, ben minds, and in rainbows We're all gonna die, so why not just stay high on the haze of a whipped rainbow bowl? The fleeing and skinning is just the beginning of all that sin store from that evil dark lord We're all gonna die, so why not just stay high on the haze of a whipped rainbow bowl. We're all gonna die so why not just stay high on the haze of a whipped rainbow bowl? Well, if the Dark Lord does usher in the apocalypse, it'll have a nice soundtrack. Use it all the wizard was played by Matt Young. John to the shape shifter was played by Adolfi.

Johnny General, or the General, was played by special guest John Levinstein, who's written on… The rest of the development, Silicon Valley. And ooh, the Gina Davis show! Big deal in the room! I wonder if that shared continuity with Cutthroat Island. Oh, that's too much to hope for. He also wrote the recent Netflix special,

Frankenstein's Monsters Monster, Frankenstein, starring David Harbour. His Irwolf podcast is John Levinstein's retirement party. Jenny The Senn to our was played by special guest, Jenny Owen Youngs. Visit Jenny Owen Youngs.com, where she's releasing new music monthly. Sure, pays yourself, and

check out her podcast Buffering the Vampire Slayer, where she revisits every episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and performs a new original song about every single episode. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neacamp, Matt Young, and Adel Raffaia, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz. Here we'll produce her, Kimmy Lucas, this episode edited by Garrett Schultz. Generic special assistance by Ryan DeGeorgi. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Adler LeBan. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland.

All right, we got me covered in shit. Gotta go! You gotta, ha ha, look at me, these guys got me getting on power list. These guys, listen to these guys, listen to these guys.