Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 3, Ep 83 - Tom the Secret Traveler

Episode Date: March 22, 2021

Traveling to the North East leads to a secret carriage with a secret traveler who just might be Prince Tomblain Belaroth.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungTomblain Belaroth: Steve WaltienMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEarwolf Producer: Kimmie LucasEditor: Chris RathjenSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the country's most exclusive boarding school. Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex

collide in a game of life and death. Binge all 10 episodes of Academy, early and ad-free, on Wondery Plus. Earth, the following podcast is not real. Okay, bear with me on this one. After an extensive third party review of our fake podcast, I've been tasked with becoming more relatable, as if such a thing were possible. So here goes. You know that thing where you're late for your court date because a family has sued you

for lurking outside their house late at night just so you can finish the battle royale staring contest you've been having with the family cat trying to prove to it once and for all whose ancient spirit is the most indomitable and then you duck into a cafe to grab a medium black coffee and they only have small and large Frustrating right? Okay, now that we've realized we're all basically the same person. Who's ready for another round of what critics are calling? My brother, my brother and me, but renamed not my brother a shouter and Adel. You are? So am I! Make sure and share how alike we are with those inevitable marketing RoboServeys.

For now, sit back and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of fun. I'm your host Arne Neekamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. About six years and two weeks ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fun. Thankfully, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rift, and I use that to upload this podcast, chronicling our quest to defeat the Dark Lord.

Although currently, we're actually just sort of trying to hide from the Dark Lord. I'm joined, as always, by my co-host, he's a talking badger, chunth the shapeshifter. Oh, yeah, baby. Thank you for saying shape shifter. That's, I feel like that's rare. Would you rather I say you're a talking badger, chump the shape shifter or he's a shape shifter,

chump the talking badger? Hmm, he's a shape shifter, got a love M. I feel like that's kind of fun. But also, I don't, aren't you so caught up? In saying someone's name and then saying what they are, Arnie, you're so caught up in saying someone's name and then saying what they are. I feel like you're trying to just put us all in this little box like I don't say,

this is Arnie, my friend, the earth human. I just say this is Arnie, he's my best friend. Oh, I say that all the time. Well, that's fair. And I say that to people too, because that's like the thing that makes me interesting here. I'm like, hey, I'm from another world I love you. Have you ever noticed I say that a lot? I'm from another world. It's kind of almost my thing

I'm from I thought that was your pickup line. I pick up line? Yeah Well, you say it to me whenever you want me to pick up the chick Uh, I was speaking of picking it up. Come on. Let's pick up the pace. Keep moving Uh, it would have already been passed by seven different carriages Uh, we're not gonna get down this shitty, dirty, muddy road by ourselves. Sorry, just keep moving. My, one of my legs is stuck in this hole. Let me just, uh, get it out.

Uh, so many holes. It's a pretty miserable out here today. Do you have wrought holes on Earth, Ernie? Wrought holes. Yeah, they're holes that rot inside the ground. Usually, it means something burrowed into the ground and died in there. You know, wrought holes. You know, rothole. A rothole. You scream at your aldermen to fix the fucking rotholes. Rotholes. Come on Arnie, rotholes. You know, rotholes, come on, rotholes. Rotholes. Okay, meet the rotholes. This is humiliating humiliating? Like, why? Can't you magic us some form of transportation?

Why aren't we triking? On this Rodhole-infested road? So now you agree they do exist? I mean, I can only take your word for it. Yes, we are all in ignorance that there are Rodholes where we do step. But we gladly step down this muddy filthy road on the path towards adventure, for you here,

are led by none other than Yusador, wizard of the twelfth realm of a fesiest master of Light and Shadow, manipulator of magical lights, devourer of chaos, champion of the great halls of Trockus, the elves Nomiya's fying out, the dwarves Nomiya's zoning in hook stangies, and I am known in the north east as gasmaniace mace star, which is very relevant as this very road shall take us to no other kingdom than that of the belleroth in the Northeast, where all shall refer to me as such. Oh, that's right. What do they call you in the Northeast? Again, I kind of phase out when you're doing your full name. Gasmanius Maystar? Gasmanius, all right. Yeah, it's close enough. I always thought it was Guasmuenus.

Yeah, I've said it a few different ways. Let's not focus on that. Yeah, let's just keep walking. I'm gonna say I have to get down the road here. The way time is of the essence. Ever since we started. You've learned something happened to you like- But a dark sword forces around us even now.

And there is no escape. We must prepare ourselves. Good are loins against the on coming on slot of evil. Oh, I forgot to guard my loins. Oh, did I tell you to that I taught Saiyans how to scream your names? Oh, you did. Yeah. Oh, I don't hear that. Saiyans. Do Arnie? No. Arnie. Scream it. That's good. And now Scream used to door. Very good. Here's some, I don't know, this fucking cat eats. Here's a thumbs up. Feast on that.

You don't know what your cat eats. I've never seen him eat. Like I put food in front of him and it sometimes will disappear. But you know, he's dead. He's a skeleton. I never, I front of him and it sometimes will disappear but you know he's dead he's a skeleton I never I don't know where it goes. In the middle of the night I've noticed it say on sometimes I stay up late and say on this looks very hungry so I'll kill a mouse and then it'll eat the ghost mouse. I've been so stupid. You said or related night how late at night? Remember the two rules of Seyons, the undead cat? 1159. Oh, fugh.

Okay. Uh, I always forget that there's such to the specific demarcations of time in this world. You wouldn't guess it. You wouldn't guess that there would be an 1159 in a magical world, but there is. Yeah, oh, it's a very precise system. Oh wait, when I gave a thumbs up to Seyons, that courage slowed down. Uh, it's a very precise system. Oh wait, when I gave a thumbs up to say on that courage slow down. Ah, it's zoomed off again. Oh.

Oh. Here, let me put my thumb out again. That thumbs up, I think, is drawing people to us. I think a thumbs up, you know, lets people know, hey, we're cool. We're all right. We're safe. Also, you're safe. Hey, you're doing a great job of driving.

Yeah, great job, everyone. Great job driving, everyone. Great job driving everyone. People like validation. I say that! Huh, another carriage. I say that! Travelers on the road!

I, weebie travelers, you do address us here? Yes! Wizard! Badger! Person! He got it in one. I'm from another world. Oh, also you saw I never realized you're a blue traveler That's true. What'd be your name good sir? Crafman Jeff Jeff Lynn Crafman Crafman Crafman

You know Crafman Crafman. Oh, it's a common enough name Crafman. Oh CREFNIN! CREFNIN! Oh! It's a common enough name, CREFNIN! CREFNIN! No, not O CREFNIN! Like the author? No, just CREFNIN! Wait, I'm not familiar with the author, O CREFNIN! O CREFNIN?

You gotta be kidding me! No! The famous short stories of O'Creffnant. Oh yeah, they're very ironic. There's one where a man sells his own hair so that he can buy his wife winter solstice present and then his wife jumps into a river. Hmm, she doesn't love him.

Yeah, and there's one where Princess is falling asleep on top of several mattresses and then she she gets an inkling And she suddenly knows that the bottom mattress has been peed on Yeah, because the inkling tells her because it's a little bit of ink that's alive You have to forgive my friend Arnie. He's Shit now I'm doing it. I'm not gonna say it. I'm not gonna say it Wait now. I don't like to label people as far as I'm doing it. No, I'm not going to say it. Not going to say it. Wait, now I don't like to label people. As far as I'm concerned, it's just your friend.

What further information can you provide? That's what I've been saying. You see, he's from another world, and he doesn't always know our customs and our ways. So he doesn't know who a CREFNIN is. He doesn't know the name CREFNIN, and that it's similar to the name Dreffinin or Dreffinah. But you know, it's just common food names, but to him they have bizarre names on there, planted like, uh, what's one of the weird names on your world? Oh, Steve?

Steve. Oh, Steve? No, not oh, Steve, that's the author. Well, there's also Henry. Oh, Henry? Yeah. Oh, Henry? Yeah. Oh, and what was the one you said last night in your sleep? Bismarkey.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I'm not sure you've got what I need. Hold on, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, money, do you want money? Whatever it takes, we're just so tired of walking, please. Well, I could use a blowjob. Oh.

Mm-hmm. Well, you see use a blowjob Well, you see one of the wheels is stuck here in one of these rot holes and if the wizard could use his powerful lungs to push this Push this carriage forward Yes, I'll do a blowjob here and make sure that we can move forward Don't I is that a common a comment? Is that...? Yes, I would say, if you could give me a nice blowjob, I would take over three of you right here down this shitty dirty muddy road. I'll warn you though, it's only goes one kingdom, it's a dead end road. Well, I'll be honest, instead of using my wind breath to give you a blowjob, I could just suck it off.

I just get all the mud right off of there, I just suck it right off. Well, would you prefer that I sucked it off? Eh, blowjob, suck it off. Whatever you like to call it, my friend. Is it an altering vehicle? Cause I could give it jeepthroat. Now listen, I don't know what technically that means. I'm just saying my carriage is stuck in a rockhole

so Come on make good with it. I could dry hump it stand back I'm about to use my powerful lungs to help free this carriage Use it or why would you breathe all of that mud into your lungs? That can't be good for you. It's good for the carriage. You know, you put something cold in your mouth and then it feels nice for the carriage. I just got a little case of mud alone. No big deal. Better than aqua alone.

Well, that sure did me right. Golly! I'm an at a blowjob like that in years. Ah! Perfect! Came almost right away! I was happy to do it and I swallowed all the mud, I just swallowed the whole thing so I hope you feel better now. Alright well the three of you have certainly made my day. You're welcome to jump back in there and join my passenger but I warn you

you can't say who he is. I can't say or I shouldn't say. You shouldn't say and you can't. Well we can't see in the back so we couldn't say who it is. Once you get in you might know who it is. And if you do, you can't say. Not to each other. How do I know what? How do you know what I can and cannot say. That's royalty back there. UGH! Your majesty. I've said too much. Hmm. Well, our lips are sealed. Certainly we would now want to reveal royalty out here in the road where they are so vulnerable to pickpockets and brigands and the like. Trust here that this wizard shall apply his trade in the protection of thine very

Royal personage. Yeah, yeah, yeah, cuz they want to kill him this guy. I'll tell you what we've had lots of assassination attempts already Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's Tom Blaine Bellaroth back there Okay, I'm saying you can't say it. Do you not suppose to say it? No, but no. Okay, I'm saying you can't say it. But you just said it. Listen, yeah, no, but I was telling you so that you wouldn't tell anybody. But you just told me. You know how hard it's been? Every town I go into, I say, listen, that's Tom Blaine Bellaroth back there.

Now you better not tell anybody. Get shut the fuck up! There are a lot of people around here. Just knowing about they can hear you talking. Alright, if anybody heard me say that that's Tom Blaine Bellaroth back there, then they better shut up about it! Yes, here now. No longer shall anyone speak of this rollover's anage. Let's stay face the wrath of Yusardor.

And Craftenin. And Craftenin. And Craftenin. and Cretanin. She's one of my favorite authors Meridemel Brooks, right? Oh, I love Ann Cretanin. Oh beautiful beautiful stories. Arnie, have you ever been to Mel Brooks? No, I haven't it's a beautiful place and Crafnund loved it so much she married it. Oh, she married the town place? Mm-hmm. No Brooks.

Huh. Nothing? I guess you've been here long enough that not everything tickles you. Yeah, he's been around long enough. I guess he doesn't care about hearing a history of the world, par one or any other parts of me come, so I wasted our time. Alright, mind your space balls back there. Oh, yeah, make sure when you go back there and sit everybody has space for the balls. Yep, we're going to our loins. Thank you so much. Okay.

Thank you, crafty. Yeah, I opened the door. Let's take a hello to our friend. Everyone else, climbing, climbing. Wow, it's nice in here. I feel bad about all the mud and shit on my pants. I didn't think there'd be quite so many neon lamps. Yeah. Hello, Tom Blade.

Oh, shit. I wasn't supposed to say it. No, you're not supposed to say it. Although I think Krafty maybe just has the rules of inside and outside mixed up. I could be. Wait a minute. Who goes there? Ah, Tizai, you're best friend.

You should order blue. You should order blue. You wouldn't believe who I am, but I can't tell you. Oh, your secret seat for the meat hum blame. I don't know who you are. No, I can't tell you that I'm tomb Lane. Oh. I am, but I can't tell you that. Oh, then who are you? No, I can't tell you that I'm Tom Blaine. Oh. I am, but I can't tell you that. Oh, then who are you?

Well, I can't tell you. Oh, but how should I refer to you then, so that others don't know who you are? Just look at me when you're talking. Okay. And I'll know who you're talking to. Okay. Arnie!

Yeah! Arnie, this is my friend, Bismarkey. So nice to meet you. I'm just a friend. Wink, wink. Yes, I, I, I say. I'm just a friend. Well, thank you for the ride. I'm just so excited that you've got what we need. Yes, now, lean in. Good, good friends and boon companions.

It is I, Tom Blaine Bellaroth. You can't say that. Shh, don't tell anyone. Okay. Don't tell anyone. Okay. Okay. Good friends and boon companions. It is I Tom Blaine beller off You can't say that we don't tell anyone don't tell don't tell anyone Because I'm headed back on the shitty dirty muddy road To the northeast oh

Sorry, I guess because the way you're leaning over you're not leaving enough space for your balls We We were giving- Oh sorry, yes, no, you got to mine your space balls, yes. Yeah, you're gonna get a case of the blazing saddles if you're not careful. Ooh, yes, that's not good. My dear, dear friends, dear friend whose name shall be unspoken. Know this? We too are traveling to the northeast for we have within Arnie's brain a secret artifact that may be the very key to defeating the Dark Lord. Mm-hmm. Ah, is it imagination?

Maybe? I hope not. It's the most powerful weapon. It's within my brain too. I mean, friends, we could all use our imaginations to defeat the Dark Lord. Yeah, I mean, I guess it could be that. But if it turns out being like, the whole thing we needed was love the whole time, or imagination, or some bullshit, I'm gonna be pretty disappointed.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, let's see how it goes. So, TB, if I may, how wink-wink. Let's see this imagination at play. Should we give you a suggestion of something? Yes, yes, yes, yes. Entire worlds can be created with just imagination. Oh boy, now the pressure is on for the perfect suggestion. I'm going to say banana.

Or pineapple. Don't need imagination. Magic. I can make a whole world on your island. Hello. I'm a banana. Or a pineapple. No, you're not. What? What are you talking about? Oh, but it's to spend your disbelief

I but one moment and let him continue Okay Hello, I'm a banana or a pineapple. Hi, I'm Chantin. This is my my dead cat say-outs and scene Amazing That was good. Did you see when the banana or the pineapple talked and you didn't know and that's mystery that suspense that's drama. I was really pulled in to the world that you created so much so that I was inspired to

take this banana that I actually have in my hand and create an entire universe within it with my magic here. If I peel it open, you can see the stars whirling around inside a new life being formed. Now that's boring, that's real. Imagination is powerful. Imagination is more. Imagination is more powerful than reality because you can imagine anything, but reality is boring. What? I mean, have you ever read Ancreifnign?

Oh yeah, I love Ancreifnign. Mary Demel Brooks? Yes. Oh god, Love Mel Brooks. Beautiful there. Oh, so lovely. My friends, it's good to clap eyes upon you again. It is. It's good to see you. I mean, I can't remember the last time we saw you.

Were you a series of bats back then? I can't even remember. You've good to see you. I mean, I can't remember the last time we saw you. Were you a series of bats back then? I can't even remember you've played so many parts. Well, partially, I'm always a series of bats because I'm an actor and that's a role that I've played so I can sneak into that role or out of it anytime I choose. But now I'm taking on my most complex role of all, myself. Oh, that was, that's sorry, that was weird, because you held up a dinner roll while you said that, and I, never mind, I thought you were gonna do something else. No, yes, this is also the most complex role I've ever eaten.

Is it, did you sort of put a universe inside of it just like you did with the banana? I don't know, but it's very difficult to eat. I can't quite crack it, but I am committed to figuring out this role, and also figuring out the role of myself, but I am committed to figuring out this role. And also figuring out the role of myself, which I am now playing. Mmm. I've got to get it, because I've got to sit on the throne.

Mmm, I have to say, you know, some people might disagree, but I think playing yourself is kind of the most impressive acting work a person can do. Well, is there anything, um, TB, Winkwink? Is there anything we can do to help you prepare for this role? It seems like we're on our way to the Belarus kingdom anyway. Well, it's difficult because there are assassins around every corner. You might remember my sister, Treykya Orelia Bellarov. Of course. Once me killed so that I cannot take the throne, but first I must go to the cave and do the bat dance. That's right.

Tumbling, this is wonderful news. You were sending to the throne and creating some order where there has been not but chaos with the shattering of the Dark Lord and all the evil doings that have been going on here in Foon. Oh, I am quite honored and blessed to hereby give mine staff and mine sword and all of my magical ability to thee. Okay, let me just make I'm trying to make a list of everything I've got. So you're giving me your sword Yeah, and then how many people are on your staff? Oh, no, this magical staff with the hex-type crystal at the time Okay, it's a magical staff for casting spells. Oh, so just the stick then.

Yeah, just the stick. I mean, I guess, I guess, well, okay, I guess Chundanani could be my staff. Whoa, hold on, I'm not gonna bother a staff. Great. Well, all right, I would be on your staff, but ever since you were casting spells and I didn't get a callback, fuck you.

Well, I'm offering you a job now, and, you know, I'm gonna be contracting out to the Bellaroth So you know, what are your demands? What do you what do you want? I Guess this limp piece of hay has been kind of shitty to have as a weapon. So maybe an upgrade from that maybe like a Like a solid piece of hay. Hmm. Yeah, do you hand it to me? And I shall use my magic opponent. You have to touch it to use your magic? This time, yeah.

All right. Yeah, just hands me. Make sure the space balls. Yeah. I'm good. Heroth, Chora, Cholototh, Arachinkala! Yeah, now, it's a dagger.

A deadly dagger made of the darkest steel. I asked for... Sorry, I asked for a solid hay. Oh, okay, I had it back, I had it back, sorry. Also, you had to do all that to turn hay into a dagger. Yeah, you just rattled off nothing and you put a universe inside of banana? Yeah, don't tell me how to do my job.

I'm gonna tell you to do yours. Hey, you slapped the hay out of my mouth. If Wizards spells were, uh, their length was proportional to what they did, that wouldn't make any sense. It wouldn't be magic. That's just math. And I guess now that you're saying that, if Ifson buts were candies and nuts, I don't know, the rest of it.

Fuck, what has- what is- I mean mean I'm really bought in on that now. What? I was just- how's your shot enough the top of my dome? I don't- I don't know where this goes. It just came to me. If- if some buds were candies and nuts, there'd be candies and nuts in the middle of a lot of our sentences. Yes, I mean, it's a common spell. You can turn words into candies. Yeah. I've seen gasmoinas do it. Mmmmm. Here into candies. Yeah. I've seen gasmoinas do it. Hmm. Yeah, watch. Strawberry.

Turn into a dagger made of the darkest steel. Yeah, give me that dagger back real quick. I'm going to change the hot hay. Y-you want to use your bomb. There you go. Hot hay. OK. Yeah, I would have taken the dagger personally. Yeah, if wishes were horses,

then you'd make a horse on your birthday when it was time to blow out the candles. It wouldn't be convenient. And that's where horses come from. Yes, that's where, but that's where that expression is. If wishes were horses. If wishes were kishes, and genies were teeny,

keep it going. Arr Arnie help me out. John you gotta stop starting expressions and without any idea where they're gonna end up. That's like just don't jump off of that cliff. You have to have a clear ending point. If bugs were rugs, no one would complain about coming to my house. Wait, you know what I changed was. If everyone's glasses were made of molasses, then we'd all be sweet to my house. Wait, you know what I changed one? If everyone's glasses were made of molasses, then we'd all be sweet to look at.

Oh, that's the best word. That's the best word. Yeah. That's why he's gonna be king. That's why he's gonna be king. Oh, I got one. If breaks were steaks, then we're about to eat a tea bone.

We'll be right back after this. What? Don't improvise. It's not in your skill set. We'll be right back. So, Tom Blaine, as you're heading to the Northeast, which I've got to say, is very convenient for us, because that's where we're going. We can all ride together. Perfect. And I'm happy to say is very convenient for us because that that's where we're going we can all ride together Perfect and I'm happy to have you by my side there may be challenges ahead of me

Hmm. I have reason to believe that many people want me dead here open this envelope Okay There's a weird puff of the smoke came out of it There's a weird puff of smoke came out of it. Yep, that's poison. What? People have been sending me this kind of stuff. That's perfect. That's why you want us on staff with you because you want someone to be your poison

tester. What a perfect job for Arnie. I just fully breathed that in. Oh, yeah. Oh, Arnie, calm down. You don't want to get too excited. I think what I saw was ant thorax Now what it is is having been insect myself some people will chop up

Thoraxes very finely until it's just a nice white powder then I'll put that inside an envelope have somebody open it and they'll ingest it Now if you keep calm it won't course through your bloodstream, but if you get excited you're gonna die Mm-hmm. Yeah, it. Just try to keep calm. Just try to keep calm. I have a surefire solution here. Ah, Ahni, if you don't want to keep calm, you can take this empty bottle, and you can breathe out just the particulate

of the thing you breathed in into the empty bottle. That's why I was keeping empty bottle. Do you know how to isolate the exact things you breathed in, breathe out just the parts you don't want? No Well, it's lazy Yeah, that's on you, dude. I guess I'll try to stay calm. Yeah, just stay calm then. Okay. Are you calm? I'm feeling I don't know. I don't think so. I'm sweating a little bit. Honey. Honey. Are you calm? Are you calm?

Honey, calm down Arnie! Arnie! Are you calm? Are you calm, Arnie? Calm down! Arnie, I can't express to you how vividly important it is for you to stay calm right now. If you don't stay calm, most assuredly I shall come and hunt thee to thy very death. Arnie, keep calm and carry on. I'm sorry, carry me on your back. Yeah! I'm Kevin, you're always a good guy, Mr. back Yeah Where'd you go? Hold on, we may not be helping you

I want you to sit down I want you to think calm thoughts Yeah You're in meld brooks Think how calming it is You are inside It's not calming because I'm not going to be dead and loving it. If something happens to me, it's going to be bad.

Yeah, look out at the passing landscape. Look at this wrought hole. Oh, that's right, wrought holes. No, no, look out, look out of this wrought iron hole. Oh. Oh. That shows you the landscape. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, beautiful, isn't it? I guess so. Isn't that nice? And already think to yourself, if poison were cousins and you kissed your poison, you'd be grounded for a day. God, I hope that's not the last thing I hear before I die. No, no, no, no, don't worry about it. Look, let me distract you by telling you some of the other challenges I've had here open this box All right, now doesn't seem like anything happened does it yeah seems very minor, all right? That's good a red P-hole dragon was in there. Oh, oh Fuck yes, you feel it now you feel it now. That's what happened to me last week a tiny dragon went into my P-hole

Oh, no, I was hoping I was misunderstanding. I was like look Arnie just because there's a potential for this to be interpreted in a dirty way It doesn't mean it is but it sounds it- I gotta say it feels like it is a red dragon that goes up my p-hole. Yeah. Now is this one the dragons that breathes fire? Is it gonna burn one apes? I think it will. So you see what kind of things I've been dealing with. People are sending me letters with poison. Boxes with red p-hole dragons in them. I mean this is very dangerous. I can't even begin to tell you here. Look through this Now you've got a little black circle around your eye. You look like an idiot. Oh God if we don't do something about that your eye will dissolve What my eye will dissolve these are the kinds of things that people send me

I mean do you have any sense of how serious this is? Here. Yes, yes I do. I gotta say I'm real forever, real strong sense of how serious this is. He just gave you something to eat, eat the thing he gave you. Oh, can I hear a lucky valley that anything someone puts

in my hand? Okay, what the fuck is that gonna do to me? I-I-I-I-I know Tom Blaine's in the middle of the thing here, but can we talk about the sounds that Arnie makes when he eats? Oh, it's like a cow eating cudd. It's not ideal. So many mouth sounds. I heard we lose 10 listeners in episode

because Arnie's chewing his effn's. Anyway, what does the food do, Tom Blaine? Why is that the only thing we have accurate analytics on? For some reason, that's the one thing that we are very confident about. It's how many listeners we lose every week. That's how you say that? Huh. Huh, I kept pressing the button to show me analytics.

What do you eat? A Doom Cracker. Oh no! That sounds bad. I already keep calling it. No, it's very bad. And this is the kinds of things that people send me right now. Oh no! That sounds bad. I already keep calling it. No, it's very bad. And this is the kinds of things that people send me right now.

And that can pull you into another universe. Now, luckily, what likely has happened is what happened to me, which is it pulled the red pea hole dragon into another universe. You're welcome. Oh, well that's good. If you feel like that red pea hole dragon is still there, I have this empty bottle. You can just like, just put it up here here Let me put the bottle next to your penis

Space balls space balls space balls. I don't want you to suck off the P. I did it with the wagon. I can just I can just suck that dragon right out of there No, I know that it's okay. That's okay. I appreciate it. I don't want my friend to die Let him suck the pee-hole dragon out of you. I think it's gone. I think it's gone. You look very uncomfortable. He did eat the cracker, so maybe it's gone,

but if it's not, you let me know. And we'll just take care of it. Your pants are smoking. I thought they quit. Ornie, so you bloody. That's how I know you're a liar. Your pants are smoking. Lire, liar, pants on fire. Who's how I know you're a liar. Your pants are smoking. Laya, liar, pants on fire.

Who's that where that comes from? Yes, it's if you have a pee-hole dragon, but you're too nervous to let your friends suck it out. Yeah, the smoke just started to come out of the pee-hole. You know, and I'm, you know, we're all men and tights pants. So like the smoke kind of starts to... I talked about how tight all of our pants are on the podcast because we know tight look We have to help Arnie. He's going to die from all these things and it's giving me high anxiety

We're all the producers of our own stress right now. Keep calm Arnie I don't I don't want to make too big a deal out of this because I'm trying to keep you calm But SDDs are nothing to fuck around with okay SDDsDs, of course, seeming for such a tiny dragon. Oh, no, we need to get that out of there. Okay, life stinks, I think. Now look, I wasn't born yesterday. I'm not saying I'm a thousand year old man, but I wasn't born yesterday, all right?

Now you have to disclose if you have an STD before you engage in any consensual activity with anyone, because you don't want to Weeks later have to go to someone's door and be like hey, you know that wonderful night that we spent together Well, I had such a tiny dragon in my p hole and now you might have that tiny dragon Wherever I put my p hole or it's eggs that reminds me Tom Lane. How's the love life? Oh Very very good. Oh, good. Well, confusing. Oh, because, man. Yes, do you know what a love triangle is? I don't.

Well, it's a geometric shape that falls in love with you. And it chases you around. It's got three sides to it. Well, I know what a triangle is. Oh, okay, so it's that, but for love. Gotcha. Yeah. Do you know what love is?

What? I don't know. I, I know what I- I know what a triangle is. Oh, okay, so it's that, but for love. Gotcha. Yeah. Do you know what love is? What? Oh, I was asking you, sir. Do you know what love is? No, chant. I'm not sure that I do. Mm-hmm.

You've had a rough couple weeks, UCM. Sorry, buddy. Yeah, let's not talk about that. Anyway. But there's a triangle that's in love with you and following you around, wherever you go. Yes, and in addition to that, I'm in love with two different people. Oh. Before we ask about that, is it a cute triangle?

It is a cute. It is a cute. Oh. You can't just ask that question, you said, or you're so obtuse. But who are you in love with? Well, I've always been in love with Riannan, the milkmaid, and I am going back to presumably see her, but I don't know what it's going to be like. Meanwhile, I have a nut up my butt. Of course, Alice Peacorn.

Oh, yes. Yeah, I mean, I assume she's still up there. Oh, wait, yeah, and also, because if Sennbutz were cany's candies and nuts that nut up your butt could be candy Does that make sense? Yes from a certain perspective Well, no, it's if if's and but's were candies and nuts than the nut but the nut refers to the butt, but it's not what's in the butt. So now could be something within some, you know like, you know, they say if all the boys dipped all their toys inside

piece of plastic and everyone you knew would come out and be fantastic. Wow! He's gonna be king! I can tell he's gonna be king I don't know he's gonna be king. Well, it's not going to be easy. I have to defeat my sister and all her minions That are sending all kinds of things here Arnie stab yourself with this No, well TB if I may wink wink. It's not gonna be easy to be the king, but it will be good to be the king Oh, it's good to be the king. Yeah, it's good to be the king, I think. Yeah. But it's a lot of responsibility and right now, you know,

food is in turmoil, there's the dark lord, and you know, I'll have to decide what to do about the kingdom. This is not what I wanted. Do you know the expression, heavy is the head that wears the crown? Oh yes, I'm famous saying. Yeah, I'd have never gotten that because I would think that the crown is heavy. What does the head get heavy? If there's a heavy crown on the head,

then the head itself becomes heavy, right? If the person who put their chin on something, there's such pressure and force downward because of the heavy crown that therefore intrinsically the head becomes heavy. It's sort of like saying, you know, if there's a bunch of people on a boat, then the boat is people.

Do you know what I mean? It's like separate, it's a separate thing. It's not the head that's heavy. That sort of betrays like a general simplistic view of the world. It's like, did a child make that, you know? Well, I think you have to consider all the sort of gifts you've been receiving lately and imagine that not only red pea hole dragons would be sculling their way up there,

but there we all sorts of demons and things trying to enter your brain, making your head somewhat heavier. Yeah, I hate to change the subject, but I stabbed myself with this knife. Why do I do that? I'm such a people, please. That's nice, Arnie, we're talking to Tom. Well, I just want to tell you, you're probably feeling that that knife has been dipped in an

unction that was bought off a mountabank and it's going to decay your leg. I don't know. I don't know if any of those words accept for leg, unction, unction, what's your function? Yeah. If every unction had a function, then you would meet them at the junction. Or the luncheon. The junction or the luncheon the junction or the luncheon Wait a second. We're gonna accept slant rhymes. These are gonna go on forever rhymes are gonna go on forever No

Arnie you're the one who said I'm a P-hole pleaser if every Unction had a truncheon it would beat you without compunction There you go. I'm not gonna out do you sit or in a word battle. He has a rhyming dictionary, literally. Can you take out your rhyming dictionary? Sure. Yeah. Give me any word. Okay. Um, flabbergasted.

Oh, it blew away and fell off the carry. Damn. Damn. I've had that for almost 300 years. She was flabbergasted when I asked it. Flabbergasted when I asked it. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I've had that for almost three or two years. She was flabbergasted when I asked it. Flabbergasted when I asked it.

When I asked it, no. She was flabbergasted when I asked what her asked it. Yes, she was flabbergasted when I asked what her asked it. You didn't need that book at all. She said, it's clear what my asked it. You don't have to ask it. That's why he's gonna be king. Now have some fruit. It's in a basket.

Oh, I'm having so much fun, Arnie, if you weren't dying by six different ways, this would be the best day of my life. Oh god, why are we such star fuckers? I literally stabbed myself just because a prince told me to do it. And you said, or you said the most important thing for you to do was to keep me safe but as soon as Tom Blaine gives you a different job you don't care about that anymore. Meanwhile I'm stabbed and I got a pee-hole dragon. You're not dead though. I'm getting there I can feel it I'm getting there fast. Come here come here come here let me just hit you with this rock. You feel better? That's not the healing rock! Oh, okay, that was not the healing rock.

Sorry, sorry, that was my bad. Here you go. Buh! That was the come rock. Remember we have that? Oh yeah, yeah. I gotta remember that. I mean, it's better.

I'll find it before the end of the episode. Yes, don't worry about it. We'll find it that my point that I'm trying to make is that everybody's trying to kill me. Yes. So I need good companions, boon companions, friends, who are by my side who can stand up for me. And fortunately you have happened to pardon them, but here now the three of us do swear ourselves to not but protecting the Kingdom of Bellaroth and its right flair, Tom Blaine. And I shall also protect Arnie.

I swear that if some of these things that are killing you don't cancel out the other things that are killing you, I'll find some way to stop killing you. Well, that's a good friend. Well, the good news is I'm pretty sure I came out the P-hold Dragon, so there's that solve. All right. I still haven't addressed the poison at all,

and that's from the beginning. Is that a sense you ever thought you'd say? I mean, I always hoped. Let's have some travellers lunch. Ah, I hope. Clear some space before you. Okay. Travelers lunch.

Everyone gets a tiny box. Now, let's open up and see what we got for travellers lunch. All right. Okay, open the box. Oh, it's just a little slip of paper. Yes, I owe each of you a lunch. Ah. And I plan to make good on this sort of thing once I become king.

Because right now I don't have a lot of funds. Remember, I've been living as an actor. Yes, and much of that time you spent living in the forest as a series of bats. So I suppose that's even less lucrative. And before when I was pretending to be CREFININ, that doesn't even pay anything. Wait, what? On the road, when I first saw you and I was pretending to be CREFININ, that's a free gig. You were CREFININ?

Well, yes. No, he's CREFININ. Who's, I don't know who CREFIN is. Hello? Oh, is that- My name is CREFIN. How may I be of service? Oh, C that- My name is CRIFFLIN. How may I be of service? Oh, CRIFFLIN.

When he could tell us where Tom Blaine went first of all, and I am Tom Blaine. See, any kind of character I can become. But the difficult thing is, because I've been CRIFFLIN in the whole time, I'm also driving. I was going to ask about that. I was-

I've occasionally heard screaming outside of the carriage and I was wondering what was the case with that. Yeah, we went sideways for a minute. It's not easy, but I've got a lot of training from being nine different bats at one given time. That what you don't notice is it sort of like slight of body is that I draw your attention somewhere else? Mmm.

And then I go, quickly to the front of the carriage, make sure we're on the road, and before you've noticed, I'm back here again. Well, maybe we should just hire Arne to do it. Oh, that's a good idea. I'm afraid he might die, though. Yeah, I'd rather not die. But do you now have a sense of how serious my predicament is?

Yeah, do. Very, too much. Okay, where this hat? But do you now have a sense of how serious my predicament is? Yeah, do. Very too much. Okay, wear this hat. Just look like you would look good on me. Hmm, okay. I don't know. Does that work? Do you guys think that works? Well, if it does work, he's in trouble because that's a brain sucking squid.

Ah. And that was meld to me with a note that says wear this hat. Now, I'm not stupid enough to do that sure But if I were I'd be in a lot of trouble already it just looks like you have fun long hair In eight little braids. I know this tragedy of this is like it looks good on me, right? Like we probably are going up. I look good. No, no, no, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Ernie pull it off I'm just trying to be pulling it off. I look good. No, no, sorry, sorry, sorry, Ernie. Pull it off. Pull it off. I'm just trying.

I'm just trying. I feel like you should put a grain with it. No, yes, you should put a grain with it. OK, I think I got it off. Well, that was the worst noise I've ever heard. I'm going to try eating it. I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, oh, never mind.

We have a new winner. This is the kind of vigilance I have to live with. Almost everything everyone sends me is some kind of vicious thing, but I can't ignore everything that is sent to me because what if something is important? Like I just open this Arnie, I just open this this morning, put these on your nipples. They do look like they would look good on my nipples, alright. Wink? Yes, those are heart worms.

What? Yeah, so they're burrowing into your body right now to try and eat your heart. Ouch. Oh no. Eat my heart? Yes. Eat your heart out. Terrible.

Arnie, if nipples and worms were triples and perms, then everyone would have three times as much curls. Yeah. That's why he's going to be king. Tom, I've got to say, here's the thing. I get that in theory, because you're royalty, you need people to protect you from these things, or like a guessy equivalent of food tasters. But you definitively know what these things are before you even open them like you don't,

you don't need me to experience these things, you can just throw them away. No, I don't need you to, now I just want you to understand. I understand, I'm very empathetic. To just get a sense of like, how bad this is for me and what I've been living through. It feels very bad, how many of these actually succeed on you. Arnie, you're being rude, put yourself in somebody else's nipple worms. If you just walk a day and somebody else's brain sucking squid, you would realize that, you know, that some people have it worse than you. I can't walk for a whole day.

Look, you'll probably be fine. Yeah. Nothing has worked on me yet. Nothing has gotten me. I'm not dead. And if I were, you wouldn't know it because I'm a brilliant actor. Oh, wait! TB, wink. Give me a great idea. Arnie, why don't you get better by using your imagination? Oh.

The most powerful weapon of all. Imagine that everything's fine, and I'm sure you'll be okay. Okay. Usually my technique is to just like, just try to not acknowledge that the bad things are happening. I guess is that some version of that? All right, hell imagine that this isn't happening to me, that I'm on a different, better podcast.

Hey, and that it's that one where- What the fuck, Arnie, the way you're imagining makes you want to shoot you dead like a maniac in a park- No, imagine better, imagine better- I'm trying, I'm trying to imagine I'm on a podcast right in here that come on It's easy if you try oh remember earlier when you said strawberry. Uh-huh. Could you say strawberry? So strawberry strawberry feels because I feel like strawberries feel good when your mouth. It's got a nice mouth feel So like strawberry. Okay, strawberry feels strawberry feels. mean, how long do I have to say strawberry feels?

I don't know, fucking forever. Forever? Strawberry feels forever? Help! He needs somebody. Help! Not just anybody? Onnie.

Yeah. I want to hold your hand. Okay. And now grasp it tight. And here, I've been quiet for a while. I've been working on this tincture here in the corner. Take my to sip of it the status cure all It should alleviate any status that you have any status that I have yeah like being poisoned or falling asleep Or being alive being alive being paralyzed

Having a lot of followers on Twitter any status that you have Whoa Hold on and I'm gonna lose my blue check mark if I take this yeah, you might be unverified I don't know you want to die must be nice must be nice all right How do you feel oh gosh? I feel like I've been experiencing all these symptoms for eight days and I'm weak Whoa ornie calm down. You stumbled inside the carriage and it's not even nighttime out. It's been a hard day's night.

Did I do that one, Ray? Nah, just saying you're a bit of a day-tripper. Oh! Hey, this tincture that I've made is preventative, too, so we should all take some. And I used it using the same magic that allows me to suck mud off of a cartwheel. So I call it vacuum medicine. Or for short, vaccine. Yeah, everyone takes some.

Oh, perfect. And may I compliment you on a lovely rollout? Thank you. Thank you. Okay, before I put this in my mouth, let me get this straight. Vacuum medicine. Okay, drop the comb. Drop the medicine. Okay, drop the comb.

Drop the comb. Okay, yeah, yeah, I'll accept it. Yeah. If I had a gold coin for every time I've heard you say before I put this in my mouth, let me make it straight. Oh, this is perfect. Thank you, Gus Muinus. I'm feeling so much better.

And this will affect Arnie too. It will help him to not have anything bad happen to him. Oh, yes, it's effects aren't permanent, but I'd say for the next two, 90 days, you're pretty good shape. Okay, and I include the spike he sat on when he first sat down. Oh no, that's a physical wound, that's totally different. Oh, okay. And also I stabbed myself as well. Yeah, don't stand up because then you'll remove the spike.

You might want to get Yusadore to hit you with the rock. Once we arrive, I think we're getting close to a town that we can camp in for the night. Yes, they see right ahead here. At the town of Arrethan. Oh, Cretan. Cretan. Yep, yep, yep. Can you pull over here?

Yeah, we're getting close to the town here. Pull right over. How'd everything go in the back there with, uh, with, you know, you know who Tom Blaine balleroth. Oh, yes, we can't talk about him. A trance-housher was you. What's that? Trance-housher was you. Your TV, wink. Oh, no, no, no, not me. Oh no, no, I'm the real

CREFNIN that the character is based on. Oh Yeah, so he studied me for years. And then it's like he plays me So you never met me before But I'm the I'm the real CREFNIN that Tom based the character on. So we've never met you before, but you asked us how I went back here? Well, yeah, because I saw you come out of a carriage. So if I see a stranger come out of a carriage, I go, hey, how did it go back there? Check some out.

I don't have to know you to say, how did it go back there? Yeah, fair point. I can't see any flaw in that logic. Anytime I see somebody coming out of a bathroom, that's why I use to say how to go back there. Yeah, that makes sense. That's sort of a double meaning, I guess. You know, Tom Blaine's performance as you, I guess, is sort of more of an impersonation than like a true performance, which I guess is one way to go with it. Yeah, yeah, no. I mean, I know what you mean. I'm a little bit nuanced.

I think it would be hard to get me perfectly. But hey, he's a great actor. Wait a second. Wouldn't you say he's uh, wouldn't you say he's like the best actor of all time? Uh, the best I've ever seen. Wait a second. Unso handsome too. Oh, very handsome. Very handsome, yes. Isn't it weird how we've never seen TB wink in Cretanin in the same place? Yeah, I think, I think Cretanin's in love with Tom Blaine Bellaroth. Well, who wouldn't be a love square? Hey there! Are you guys talking to Cretanin? What? What? Yeah, yes we are.

Now that is uncanny. I don't like it when he does that you don't like when I do what I Don't like when you're me in front of me. Oh Get over it. I will not yeah, you should Incredible. Oh shit while they're talking look. There's a triangle coming up to him. Oh you stay away You're here for Tom. I'm not Tom. I'm Creffin. Now I'm Creffin. Now I think the both of you better calm down because I'm Creffin. What? The triangle is Creffin? Hold on a second.

Now wait a minute, I'll settle this. You three Creffin's better get out of this road because I'm Creffin. I can't believe this. It's a series of crefnins! Hold on, hold on, hold on. Now just what's going on here? Oh, you stay away, my friend! And... scene! Whoa! Oh! Wow! Amazing! That was incredible! I was terrifying and exhausting and... brilliant.

Well that's from my new show, a series of crefans. And I'd just like to congratulate you on getting me just right. Well thanks, crefnan. It's been a pleasure to play you. Well let's shake hands right here so people can see both of our hands right in the middle. Okay, there's no way that I could be you right now. No, I certainly don't think so. Good night, Tom. Good night, Cretan. I've never really seen a right hand and a left hand handshake.

You know what I mean? Like it's usually... I don't know. It's weird. I know this seems irrelevant, but I love how many curtains this carriage has. Yeah, it's funny how Cretan only talks out of the right side of the curtain, and then TB Wink only talks out of the left side of the curtain. It's interesting. Well, good night, gentlemen. It's a pleasure to meet all of you. Pleasure to meet you, Cretan.

Well, good night, Cretan. All right, Cretan, have a great night. Okay, good night, Tom. Good night, Cretan. Good night, Cretan. Good night, Tom. Good night Crafting. Good night Crafting. Good night Tom. Good night Tom. Where does one start in the other begin? I'm still dying guys. Oh, yeah, yeah, I found the good rock. Here you go All better. Yeah, I think so. I think so. You're gonna have a bruise of that rocket though. Yeah, you'd have to hit me with the dick with it, but... That'll help. They have a bruise, another one, different one.

Well, Tom Blaine, thank you so much for giving us a ride to the northeast. I mean, I hope when we get there we'll still see. Well, I know it'll be pretty busy trying to become king. Trying to retake the throne that is mine. But I need some strong hands, and I've only got two. I'd love to get six more. I can offer only the two that I have here, and one in my hat.

Yeah, and... Oh, yikes. I don't have any hands, but I have two paws I have here, and one in my hat. Yeah, and... Oh, yikes. Um, I don't have any hands, but I have two paws I can wind. I've got two soft hands, I've never worked a day in my life. Gentlemen, I think it's only fitting that you join me in my quest to retake the throne, and stand by my side. I would be honored if you would allow your staff to join my staff. The honor would be ours.

And that honor would be mine. I hereby pledge all three of our lives to your cause, and the honor is entirely ours. And that honor that's yours, I've just taken it and made it mine. Yet exponentially more, do I feel the honor bound but took us and let the honor there forever be an infant an item growing into the universe? And yet my capacity to envelop that honor becomes infinite in and of itself. Of course, in Tom Blaine, we're gonna honor that choice. Oh, perfect. So, ultimately, we're honoring that choice.

So, the honor ends up... Oh, great. No, but just know that I honor that. Oh, well, which we honor. Yes, no, and I think it should go without saying that I honor that. You're Majesty, we honor. Yes, no, I'm honored. Do you have an email?

Oh, yeah, it's been a little while your majesty. Do we call you Tom? Do we call you friend? Do we call you Prince? Do we call you King to be? Just call me Tom Tom. Oh, I love it. Thank you. I appreciate that Tom Do you mind if we do emails? No, I don't mind at all. All right. Let's see here. Thank you sovereign But since we're in a carriage, could we call them C-Mails? Yes! Alright, this email is says, hey gang, not sure if you guys discussed this on the show before, you know what we may not remember. But have you ever pondered, starting a traveling band together? You all have the chemistry, and most certainly the rock and roll looks needed for the job.

And I've heard that Badger Paws are just perfect for playing the fiddle. Just thought you guys could make some profit off of this. Maybe this band could resolve all the possible economic troubles you may encounter on your quest to defeat the Dark Lord. Stay Street, Lois. Yeah, I could play the fiddle Arnie. You could play the jugs Meaning you slap my tits and that makes a sound You circuit play the spoons. Oh What else?

Uh, your majesty do you play an instrument? Shirley and your royal court you were raised to learn something. Well, yes, I did the hip-sacord. What's the hip-sacord? The hip-sacord? Yeah. Well, it's like a hop-sacord, but you wear it on your hip. Oh. It's tiny.

Quirky. Quirky. And then you move it by like hopping it around. So it's like a hip-hop lifestyle. But of course, as you know, a member of the Cockatiklers, my theatre company, my instrument is my voice. Yes, an actor must learn to sing, because many plays are musical plays if they tell a story about singing people.

Sure. Would you mind singing us one of your songs for one of your plays? Oh, yes, sure. Is any play in particular? I'm less familiar with the plays of Foon. China, you said, or is there one? Yes, yes, of course. The lament of the four witches.

Oh, yes, yes, yes. All right. Hello, witches. Gathering my tent. I want to settle on a single lament. Oh, Beth Hilda, I would like to, but there's too many laments to do. Oh, Periganda, I say to thee, My lament's number at least three. Let's settle on one lament. That's the goal on which my life is bent. We should decide on a single lament that is the goal on which this life is bent. Oh, schmin'a-lo, lebel o' schneit no, la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la I don't know. You're a lot just, not a lot just, not a lot just for. Wow.

So, no, no, no. It's just a lot of the songs in the ancient language of witches. Yeah, beautiful. Wow, that was amazing. I mean, it was no, it was no goddesses spell, but that was a beautiful,

beautiful song. Oh, no, goddesses spell is beautiful. Yeah. You know, I want to back up to the email for a second. I'm very offended. Everyone knows that I A built a website with square space called usadorrocks.com ROCKS. Yes, but this question should be already Be answered by the other site that I built usadorrocks ROCKZ, which

Proves that I am very capable of music. Oh, yes, that makes sense. Yeah, and that website exists or someone else should make it because we're very busy. No, it's out there. Arnie, who is the email from? Lois. Lois, this is your buddy, Chant. And I make you a promise right now.

We are going to have a fiddle, the spoons, a beautiful voice, and the jugs. And we're going to start our own Blundgrass group. Thank you for the email, Lois. And hey, if you want us to answer your question on the podcast, you can email us at magictavornatpuppies.supplies. It's a really email address. And since we're going to be spending

quite a while in the Northeast, if you've got any questions or Prince Tom Blaine, Belorov, the future king, send those as well. Magictavornatpuppies's Out supplies. I don't think that's a too subtle way to say we're doing a long story arc in the Northeast and the Tom will be around fairly regularly. Oh, I'm feeling weak. I hope I'm still alive next week. Every show has a beloved character who reappears every so often and brings with them another

series high point. And I'm sure Flower will be back someday soon. In the meantime, English accents, am I right? Yuzador the Wizard was played by Matt Young. Chant the Talking Badger was played by Adolfi. Prince Tom Blaine Belaroth was played by special guest Steve Waltean. Steve retired from comedy several years ago and hand-carves Maple Candy sculptures

from a roadside stand in Vermont, testing the patience of Paz-by with stories about the time he stumped Rush Howell with a Stargate SG-1 reference. Oh, no way, that's a different multiverse. Steve is a writer for the late show with Steve in Colbert and performs with the improvised Shakespeare company. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neacamp, Matt Young and Adel Refyre,

post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz, Earwolf producer Kimmy Lucas, this episode edited by Chris Rathchin. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard Leban, Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. Due to a series of unexpected and whimsical coincidences this week, Ryan DeGeorgie was unable to provide his signature brand of special assistance, and you may notice there was no change in show quality, proving once and for all that, oh wait, here he comes down the street. He's got the assistance with him, he's lifting the blanket from over the basket where the assistance is kept,

he's wrangling it, he almost dropped it. No, he just provided the assistance. One day you'll see to Georgie. Right after I break the spirit of that house cat. Oh, schmin' aloh, level o' schmin' no, la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la आब लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लगगा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ा लग़ you