Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 3, Ep 89 - The Cockticklers

Episode Date: May 3, 2021

The Cockticklers acting troupe is in town with the latest production starring Michael Gunch and Winky Silks.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungWinky Silks: Joey BlandMichael Gunch: Ross BryantTomblain Belaroth: Steve WaltienMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEarwolf Producer: Kimmie LucasEditor: Chris RathjenSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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And yet another episode of it has arrived. I can hear it now. The young ones running to the door shouting, Father, Mother, the podcast is here. The weary heads of family laying their tools down in the fields and returning home. Everyone finding their familiar place by the fire. Do you think Arnie will finally make it home? A little one will ask, and a wise old grandparent will say, Are we listening to the same podcast? You think they're gonna start paying off some

long game story arc now? And the mother will whisper, watch yourself old man, I could disappear you with a phone call. And in that icy silence, the whole family will lean closer and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of fun, I'm your host Arne Neekcamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. Six years and a month or so, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a burger king in Chicago, and to the magical magical fantastical land of fin. Luckily I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional

rift and I use that to upload a podcast, chronicling our quest to defeat the Dark Lord. Although currently we're a little more invested in the politics of the northeast, specifically northeastia, the, you know, the court of the Beloroths. We're trying to help Prince Tom Blaine Beloroth become king. We have lost track of him a little bit. So we're trying to- You lost track of him. I- look, yes, I did accidentally watch him being kidnapped.

And when I tried to wave my fist at them, my thumbs slipped out so it looked like I was aggressively giving a thumbs up. Huh, I've never heard the phrase wave my fist. You've never heard that phrase? No, I've heard wave my hand and punch with my fist, but wave my fist. That's, I feel like that's a setting mixed signals. Well, with a thumb, definitely. But you wave your fist like, oh, I'm gonna get you. That was a shake. Seems like where a shake, yeah.

That was a shake, my man. But what if I do it like this? That's a malt. That's a, okay. What if I kind of like do this, a sort of like, uh... Oh! This is great, but... Arning never do that motion in food, never.

There you go. What does that mean? It's the most offensive hand gesture that you can make to anyone in food. It says, I want to fornicate with your mother and I killed your father. Okay. But here's the thing. I feel like there have been at least a handful of times on this podcast where someone is essentially actively claimed that, like said, they wouldn't do that sort of thing.

Yeah, but they didn't make that. Yeah, and signal did they. It ain't bragging if you done it. I suppose that's true. Good point. Oh, it looks like the line is moving up. Listeners, we in our attempt to find Tom Blaine Bellaroth were like, hey, he's close with that acting troupe, the Cock Dicklers, maybe we'll go see their show

and see if they know anything about where he's been. I hope it's okay if I bring animals inside. It's so wild and fun to have both scoop booby the dog and say on stick hat. I feel like I have my little cavalcade. You're collecting a lot of pets. Yeah, it's like a little parade of animals. Do you feel like it's because you're getting older? Yeah, I think so.

I think I'm getting sadder and it's just like, I just wanna surround myself with things that can't talk, but probably love me, or like I project onto them that they love me, even though when I go to pet them, they might, you know, turn away or hiss. But I think it's just comforting, you know, it's just comforting. I have noticed, you started dressing up say on the cat and scoop poopy scoop booby scoop booby scoop booby

Scoop boopies is stupidest name I've ever heard scoop booby the Puppy in the same outfit as you like you're all wearing matching outfits right now Yeah, absolutely Yeah, I noticed that too. That's why I was going to ask. Have you, the three of you thought about solving a crime? Well, we thought about it, but here's the thing, our matching outfit, as you can all see, is just the color of a shirt with no shirt, and then a tie hanging off of that color. Now, what store sells these? I couldn't possibly tell you. I got drunk and I woke up and I had three of them,

so I put one on my dog, one on my cat, one on myself. I think we looked at As and Enhanced him, and if a crime were to arise during the Cocktackler show, I mean, let's just say we're prepared. Oh, wow. And Scooboobee, I know Scooboobee catches a lot of flack because he's skittish and sheepish, but when the time comes, he's brave.

Wow, well sometimes if you motivate him with the Scooboobee snack, what's that now? I don't know. The time comes. He's brave. Wow. Well, sometimes if you motivate him with a scoop, booby snack, what's that now? I don't know. Oh, look, it looks like they're letting people into the theater. Oh, I'm so excited. I don't think I've seen a play in a long time.

Arnie, don't embarrass yourself. It's a theater. Oh, a theater? Yes. What's the difference? A theater is a place you'd go to, watch an ant be killed, or an uncle. A theater is where you go to see the arts be killed.

Well, yes. More be brought alive. Both of you, stop embarrassing me. Do you think it's alright that I'm recording this? No, of course not. So don't say anything about it. Hide the microphone on your shirt. Oh, okay, this is going to sound bad.

I'm just going to point it straight up. They won on your shirt. Oh, okay, this is gonna sound bad. I'm just gonna point it straight up. They won't know. Look, the people in this world are stupid. They don't know what a microphone is. How dare you. The people of this world are quite intelligent, far more intelligent than the people on your world that watch the American Idol.

Hey stranger, sitting next to me on this side, what is this stick I'm holding if you had to guess? Oh, it's a Getsimagic wand! Yep, you're right. See these fucking idiots. Alright, well fine, it does look a little bit like a magic wand. I can give him that one. Oh, it looks like the show is starting. Shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, it's from the nursing home. Wind and rain, wind and rain, Descending from the clouds,

I, the cloud am. And now, I give ore the sky, To the sunlight, You see before you, Theator patrons, Here, on unverdent boards, You see before you, A field rolling,

Teamed with sheep, and there a lonely shepherd lives, a shepherd who will outgrow his station on this day. And now let the cloud suck its rain back into its desiccated body, revealing the sun and below it this sun of men. Here I forgot to pass out our wrapped candy. Oh, you guys are so... I think that's winky silks. We met him once. I get so much more invested in theater

if I've met someone on the stage, even if it's like briefly. Shh, okay, here you go. Hello, my nimbus friend. Oh, and that's Michael Gunch. As you, my cloudy, over-lourier, Departs from the sky. Unweeping the teary drops that have fallen from your puffy sides.

In imitation of these tears which fall from out my shepherd's lids. Ho, I weep for the loneliness of my station, Was not a man born for greater things Than to drag these sheep from pasture to pasture, You and sheep, wool and shearing, These are the compass of my days. Huh, and yet, what is it that can draw forth the heart from out a man as water from the puddle drawn through some mysterious action evaporating from a puddle to the sun, if not

love, which is like a sun which draws forth the water of the heart, which is blood. Well taught, Shepard, and now I must be burned away, near to be seen again, but know this, clouds are harbingers of drama, and as I dissipate into atmospheric nothingness, I make this pledge to you, Jacob the shepherd. Then on this night you will be visited by two guests. The first will be an angel. The second one won't. And now, oh through painful dissipation, the cloud goes awa. Oh prophetic mist that now disappears from out the wilken where once it speak, but I know

it is a cloud for it felt pain as it disappears, as all to know the clouds do feel. Tongue of angel, tongue of angel speaks now, and yet speaks from the mouth of one so lowly. I covered in the wolves and cloven with the hooves for, trod upon the ground. Would you chance to see an angel here if you were to look low? Ooh, and that's, I don't know, I don't know who that sheep is. What is this voice that comes from out my flock? Look, low, ooh, and that's, I don't, I don't know, I don't know who that sheep is. What is this voice that comes from out my flock?

From out the mouth of this most tender sheep does come the fluid tones of some angelic voice. But I'm not an angel. Not this one. But, core! Blimey! Not this one. But... CORE! BLYME! Oh, that's where we're here for. I am an angel. I am Tazezel.

Angel of the Night Threlm. Yes, banished from the heaven, welcomed back, then banished again, welcomed back, and then given the freedom to go between worlds. Oh, sublime mix of horror and ecstasy, six wings clad in as many eyes, a desolating form of feathers and ocular orify. I vomit brimstone, and know all that lies behind men's hearts. You shepherds speak to a magic sheep, one that is not what it seems.

What this youthful sheep barely risen out of lamhood? A magic sheep. You know, I get intimidated about going to the theater, but this is just like air bud. Already did you notice they're speaking and I am sick and hammed her? What's that? It's when you're so involved in the role that you start to go a little crazy and you only speak in the most flourished language. Oh, it looks like that dramatic pause is almost over.

They're really staring each other down. Classic to Zazel. But if you are not sheep like me, then how come you walk among my flock? By my birth, I was given charge of this woolly group. And I thought that you were merely one of its many members, been till this angel prophesied that you were something more?

Indeed. Have you a more specific message for me or is the power of communication that some total of the magic you possess? Nay, I bring forth a message for thee. Shut up, I want to hear this. Yonder, in a glade, you shall find your destiny. A gladey destiny. In some flat, expansive grass, there awaits some greater future for me.

Lowly shepherd shall rise to greater station, and I shall undertake this glorious mission after we take our first intermission. Oh, oh, shit. Wow. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you. Excellent, excellent.

That's so amazing. Well done. Bravo, bravo. Second, excellent. Excellent. So, our amazing. Well done. Bravo, bravo. Second act, second act. We, of course, will undertake the second act of our play, but as this is a show of the Cockticklers, we shall, of course, indulge in our tradition of the mid-show talkback. Now that we've been through the first act,

now's the time when we'd just like to get the cast out here with some bottles of water and uh... Oh, you're gonna get the cast back? Oh, good for you! Arnie start talking back. It's the mid-show talk back. Don't speak to the ganch that way. Anyone wants to unpack the themes or talk about some of our choices, some of the writing for this isn't a regional production. Now is the time before we get back into the second of five acts.

Oh, I really want to ask a question, but all I can think of are comments about myself and my own experience. Anyone? Anyone at all? We're happy to answer anything. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yes, yes, you down front, the, the. You, down front, the runny one. Oh, that's yours. That's yours. Hello, my name is Chant. I'm a 14th time theater goer. I am a shape shifter. I have, of course, here my dog Scoop-Boobee,

and I have a cat's sails, where I'll wear the same color of the tie. You know, I always interpret theater in a different way. I've written some plays myself, and I can pass those out if you wanna see those. I guess my question is, how, how, how well am I doing? Wow, that is a front loaded question

and the question part really barely got out there. Pretty thin, thin gruel. You say that you're a playwright, I am the resident playwright of the Gark ticklers and have been writing professionally for my entire adult life and most of my juvenile life. Mm-hmm. I guess I would reply to your question with a question and my question in

the spirit of yours would be... Thank you, I appreciate your time. Thank you so much. Again, my name is Chant. Thank you so much. Yes, we're there in the middle in blue when it looks like a diminutive azure sack. Yes, I have a question about his asyl. I wanted to know if you have six eyes and six wings, is it consistent from performance to performance, how you portray a scene, what is happening around you, or do you take in information in a different way through your various eyes. Thank you so much. You sort of blue Yeah, it wizard the 12th level of thesis name

Familiar are they not Michael? and they... Familiar, are they not, Michael? Yes indeed, Michael. Yes, actually, we've met before. I remember you both quite well. You're two of my favorite actors, and it's this third, that's being who's joined you as also quite amazing.

He's so talented. He's okay. Oh, yes, the third. Oh, yes. The third. Measier remain quiet, unless forced to speak. But no.

He should remain mum and buttoned well into this sheep suit. Yes, remember you had worked on a trippy of plays about my very friends here, both Arnold and Shunt, and I had- It's Arnie, I'm Arnie, I hate to be thinking about myself, but you were writing some plays about me. Arnie- Niiiikab! Yes, of course!

How could we forget our hit trilogy of plays based upon your life Wee-meek! Yes! Yes! How could we forget a hit trilogy of plays based upon your life and do it? They were hits? I'm so sorry to everyone else in the audience, but you have to shut the fuck up for a moment because we're talking to our friends. I'm sorry, audience, like we've met them, so we're kind of like connected to the performers, so we're just catching up. This is most of how what an actor's life is like. Don't worry, you're falling right into place.

We like to talk about ourselves at length and our former story. Yes, your trilogy, Neacamp, was gold in our pockets. And then I made the unfortunate decision to write a prequel trilogy, which... Uh, yes. We included characters of grating annoyance. It has its defenders now.

Now people are starting to rehabilitate the prequels and see value in them that was not recognized at the time. I have to imagine they were called the Arnie pre-camp. Yes, and I'm sure in those prequel plays that you adenved into the character of the azure sack and could learn more about his motivations and what making such a fascinating and important part of the story. Oh, yes, the sack was brought in

during the fandom of the first prequel. And I have to say, there was a distinct turn and everything, the audiences stopped coming and me. Wow. Yes, and after that, we erased him from existence. No, he has been purged from the Dramatic Persona of all the future plays. He made a small appearance in a synate scene

in the third one, I think. All for the depictions of the Arni-Nicem theatrical universe will not pay any homage to the character of Yusidore the Azur Sac. Well, how about if you do someday do a sequel trilogy like continuing the story, do you feel like he could at least show up in the third one as a villain? The twisted tree of IP that has now become the knee-camp saga. I can't imagine myself writing a third. The intellectual property warlocks that we have to get together,

to manage and knit together the warben whoof of magic to hold together the universe that we have created with the tenuous threads of magical intellectual property can only bear so much strain but we'll make a few more lateral moves in the universe I'm sure there's some magical kingdom that will snap up the property eventually Oh yes indeed but it feels like ancient history as does the meeting of you. What did you guys think of Jacob the weepy shepherd? Oh, I was enthralled from a moment one. Seen Michael Kunchon's stage again, and Winky Sucks, your righting is so inspiring and terrifying.

I feel like a full gamut of emotions, uh, as I sit here for about a few minutes for the first act only, where could it go after this? Oh, Tom's not just a sheep. Oh, I mean, this guy's not just a sheep. What? Yes, he's important to things to come, but I can't give too much about that.

The audience is here for four more acts. Oh, the ushers are blinking the torches. I don't know how they're doing that, but it looks like it's time for act two. They just wave their hand in front of it. Yes, it's up to hand. That's true. I have no object permanence. Yes, the simplest piromancy of all, a gentle wave. They're malting in front of the torches.

Well, if that's all the talk we have. I suppose I will turn these chairs back around and Those are the same chairs Theater to act too. Arnie, what are you talking about? You mean theater? Theator Yes, there will be no uncles are aunt slaying upon this stage. Oh, we'll there Darkness falls upon the glade. Footsteps through the wood, led by me. I am you, not you, but you. And here I bring Jacob forth towards his destiny, should I tell him the secret that weighs heavy in my heart?

Or will he find who I really am? This is where act to begins, and now we go there. Core, blimey! I love it. I'm but a maiden in the glade! Here, milking this pig! What beauty! What is this? A man approaches! With a sheep! Oh, I'll guessy myself up! He is a commoner like myself! But not like a commoner does she appear. For now, letting her locks down radiant, she is seen from the eye of Jacob, the eye that's right here.

Sheep is pointing at my face and now towards what vision is here. Oh, what angelic swine her deaths is this? With trests unfurled my heart, clamors at the cage of my ribs. Is this the potent foretold by the horrific angel who prophesied to me this morning, only speech will plumb the depths of mystery, and so I call out, Hark maiden, if my interruption is unwanted, I will depart this glen and leave you to your privacy. I am a humble shepherd and come with sheep as you do come with swine.

Hey, I do hear sit as a pig dairy farmer. I do keep the pigs and keep among them, for I am a swine-ish girl coming and low, and you sir are the first to see me to gaze eyes upon me in some time, such a solitary life I do live in this my woodland, her medsage. Pig, it is I, the sheep, if these two are to make some sort of connection in love, romance or Congress of their bodies, should we not follow their lead? Corr, blimey! I'm a pig. And I, we're all talk to you here.

Sheep. Yes. Let us be mirrors to them. Let us begin to rut. Guys, is this play going to get sexy? Shut up, shut up. I thought the pig was going to say pork. Swiney. Oh, sweet, poor sign lover. Come with me to the mud that I know you adore. Such matted dirt in my woolly fur, I mind it not. Roll with me, and we shall play. Roll playing the roles of the people that we see before us.

I shall pretend to be the lady whose hands, nimbly twist my teeth to produce thus my life's serum from them, and hair rolling upon me on the cushions of your matted wool, and you on the bristles of my barely extant fur, but both of us mammals, and so warm we keep one another. Oh yes, yes, yes, indeed. Homans brought me to this glen. I was brought here by a messenger of the gods themselves, and they have shown me this vision of my sheep getting pretty raw with that pig of yours. Can we not learn a lesson from the kingdom of the animals? Fair maid. Jacob, Jacob, Jacob, I'm just like you. Watch this, yeah.

Don't you want to do it? The sheep looks at you, sir. I, a maid, have never seen a sheep that would seem to talk so with its mouth and eyes both. Don't break eye contact. I think it's actually talking. It is imbued with the power of speech and speaks not only with looks but with Agile Tongue as well. And it asks me to make imitation of its rutting. I ask you, mate, shall we indulge in a congress of sweet love here in the silver-glade where animals have led us to do it like animals ourselves. You and I are nothing but mammals. Let's do it like they do in the newly discovered channels That is

intermission We'll be moving on to act three shortly, but if anybody has any comments Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow leather, yellow Yes, hi, it's me again. Chant, you might recall me as the playwright I mentioned before. Right, the one who doesn't know how to ask a question. Well, as far as I know, from my time at the studio, asking a question means that you brag about yourself and you try and connect yourself with the playwright in the actors so that it seems like

you are overly familiar with them. My question is for the shepherd. Shepherd, you had a line where you said, I do come with the sheep as you do come with the pig. Was that a euphemism? Yes, indeed. A euphemism, as it were. If you look at Winky's books as text, there's layers. There's layers to these words. Like Filo Doe. Indeed. There's usually a double or sometimes a treble on top of a hiding in every brace of words from the pen of Winky Silks. Every play I write is a buckle of our of drama. And nestled within the layers of dough, our sweet nuts of wisdom, you wouldn't believe this, but this play, in its first birthing was to be an educational play

for school children about the water cycle. And that's why we brought the children here today. It's taken a turn. I'm not sure there was as much rutting in the first draft. Yes, it was mostly about precipitation, evaporation, condensation. But if you notice sort of the last line of Act 2 is about the newly discovered channels.

And that's about water coming down from the sky. Why else would that line be there if that wasn't about water? Right, it's a remnant, it's a remnant. Oh, oh, oh. Winky, so I have a question for you. It seemed like you were playing two characters in the same scene. Could you tell?

Yeah, I mean, they sounded very similar, but there was a fair amount of running back and forth. You kept tossing one costume on and another one on. What is your process of playing two characters at the same time? I'm not all at some time in our lives playing two people at once.

Makes you think, makes you think. Yeah, yes. I'm not on stage as ourselves, but also are we not wearing a mask as well. And so if in life I can go about with a mask that I show to the world and keep my true self hidden, I simply treble the process, or some exponent that I know not of is the root therein where I put on more and more masks.

It's quite simple, but the main thing I do is shake up the voice a bit. Oh, could you mind doing both voices for us one more time? Well, what, the pig and the pig herd? Yeah. Oh, sure, sure, sure. Cor, blimey, come hear you, you rotten hog. You messed up the welcome mat in this my hobble. Cor, blimey, look not at me in a shake, I finger lady, I am my bread

in butter. Who are you now? I'll silly it to the first butcher that comes along. I dare you to. Who I am meant for something more than a butcher's block. An ordinary one. Brilliant. I'm seeing and hearing double. Yes, exactly. How else could you win a tosser on it if he doesn't toss off and on costumes so easily? Is he does to play so many characters? I was the angel as well. Oh, what? Yes, yes, yes. And I was also the cloud at the very beginning.

I disappear into many roles in the piece. Oh, incredible. Yes. The important thing to realize is not everyone is who they may seem. Oh, that reminds me of another question. Yes, yes, yes, shut up children. Yes, I want to know. The man in the center of the room pushing the children away. Yes, that's me. Aggressively. I wanted to know. Uh, who is that mysterious third performer? Oh fuck, it's my time, it's my time, this is it. Scoop booby.

Sayon's coming. There's a mystery to solve. Yes. Look, Sayon's is holding down the ashes. And Scoop booby is ripping off the mask. It's no, it's supposed to keep this on. It's most irregular. It broke in the fourth wall. It's time to break. I want a tense time to go to break. It's no matter how bored you are with these ads, you gotta stick around.

Damn you children out! Out! Everyone out! Everyone out! Damn you! No refunds! No refunds! Unmasked! I'm unmasked! Do we get to stay?

I never like to assume that I'm allowed to stay after that they let people out of the theater. Yes, stay on a knee-camp. Stay with your friends. I fear you've seen too much. Yes. Can I come back in? I got ushered out with the kids. Oh, yes, sorry, sorry. Come on, Claudine, come on in. Fuck's sake.

Yes, come back in here, you. You and your meddling cat and dog have ruined everything. We would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for... Well, you specifically and... Let's go, kids. Kids didn't meddle at all. Those kids were great. Ah, ah, ah. and those kids didn't mend at all, those kids were great. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, here that the mask has been revealed, take your hands away from your face and reveal your true name.

A shame, Diane, but you shall know me. You shall recognize me for I am friend with you both, and all three of you indeed. It is I. The carriage driver. Tom Blaine Bellaroth. Oh, Tom Blaine. No, you're thinking of Creffinant.

Yes, I was thinking of Creffinant. Yes, that's just one of the many characters I've played. I was also the sheep and the play just now. I can't stop thinking about Creffinant. Like, what's he up to? We're gonna see him in weeks. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

Hmm. All I know right now is that I've just got done playing a sheep and how do you think it went? I thought you were incredible. That's why I wanted to know who you were so that I could follow you for the rest of your career. Much the way I followed Michael Gunch and Wiki-Six as they've grown in and earned more awards and accolades. Well, maybe I'll win a tosser for this. Oh wait, I can't, because someone interrupted the production before it was done. Oh, fuck. Is that...

Calm down, Tom. This was bound to happen. We were risking it all by putting you on the stage in front of everybody to be seen. We should have known a full-body sheep costume couldn't hide your true nature. So this is it then. So I can't be an actor anymore if I'm going to be king. Is that what the conclusion is? Is this life? Is this any kind of life? Everyone has a destiny, Tom Blaine, everyone. And for you to remain so close to the throne that you're destined for and to pretend to be anything butting-wise foolishness.

Perhaps you've spent too long with us on this counterfeit throne, wearing this paper crown with this little crew of rags and patches, when you could mount a true throne, take up the crown of gold, and you know, pay us back for how nice we were to you. That's right, that's right. Mount the throne after spending a season mounting this pig and then turn over to us some remuneration. Oh, is it all about money for you then? I came up with money. I was a prince. I've known these things, thrones, crowns, that will stick that you hold, you know, the golden stilts.

The scepter. Oh, yep. I know these things well. I'm well acquainted with them. And let me tell you, the dreams that we paint every night on this stage are more real than those real things. The crowns that we wear... I'm sorry, did I say scepter, I'm at King's knob yes the King's knob yeah

yeah King's knob yes you got you got to wear a crown and hold the King's knob right I just I want you to know that this has been the most real thing for me watching wait I'm so sorry I can't let this go why is it called the King's knob because the King holds it and everyone got a knob at the top Yeah, it's got a knob at the top and he can gesture and say you you to go over there And then people say look where his knobs pointing. That's where we go King's knob. Yeah, any other questions Arnie No, no, I'm sorry. I think I get it I just want to say that everyone who's not been a king or not been a prince

thinks that they know what a prince's life or a king's life is like and they think it's all candy and roses and it's just mostly candy and roses, but it's other stuff too. It's days of this. This is our entire rehearsal process. It was constant complaining from Tom Blaine that this was what's real and that otherwise, to be on the throne was to not be real. Well, now you're seeing what we've been dealing with for the last weeks. Yes, the real drama is backstage, as you can see. Is it so crazy to say that I would rather make love to a man dressed as a pig than sit on the throne of Northeastia? Is that such a crazy thing? I was with you for a while there.

Friends, the number of candidates for the throne have gone and undercut his confidence. And now he says he wants to tour with us. Well, it's him. It just won't work. It just won't work. You'll be recognized anywhere we go. Tom Blang, we've been looking for you for weeks and weeks. I thought I saw you get kidnapped. Yes, yes, hon. He said he saw you. I mean, dragged away. Oh, that was just one of our actors hazing rituals. You know how it is when you join a theatrical troupe. Yes, we're all cock ticklers.

Yes, you all get the same tattoo. A couple of eggs up the butt. Yes, we can all, we can all immediately recognize each other with one of our specialty chants. I'm a tickler, so is he. Winky form the shape of a tree. I am a tree. Look at what I am. Everyone else take the shape of a hand. I am a hand. Yes, it's true. And I am a tickler through and through. Now make the shape of a crow.

Are we all supposed to be doing it? You are a crow. Now the rest of the crows come! Take a couple eggs and right up the bum! Everyone's got to do it. I'm gonna pass on the egg, bro. You got to. I can't do it. I already have eggs up there.

That separates a tickler from everybody else, Arnie. You think I can't do difficult things? I've done all the difficult things. I just don't want to mount the throne and be king of the Northeast just because that's who my dad was and that's, you know, what my mom did was become a queen and then have this life forced upon me. I might as well have Trakia be the queen. No, no, no, no, no, although I have good news on that front, it's very important that

you take your rightful place. And then think you can be King however you want to be King, your friends, yeah, perhaps they seek some enumeration, but perhaps in return, they can continue to put on their plays right in your very court, and perhaps you may even participate, even though you are King, it shall be a fun pastime for you. Yes, why a state subsidized, cock tick-lives troop? Where you could lodge us right in the palace. We could perform whenever you wish and you could join us whenever you like. You could re-release special editions of the knee-camp saga, with a fully realized use of awe.

Now that we'd would finally have the budgets to do it like we always imagine. No, you can't go back and tamper with the original version of the saga. You can't like add in a character that wasn't there the first time. Oh, you're showing your age because the new viewers who come to see it later will only know it in the form that they see it in and the one that we fully wanted to realize. This time Shunt will shoot first. But this is what we've been dealing with. That's a common problem. Oh, I don't want to be greedy, though. Arny can shoot first if he wants to. Ah, McClankey. Michael Gunch, can I ask you a question? Please do so. Be honest. Tom

Blaine, he's been a part of your troop for off and on for a long time. Yes. Does he? I hate to ask this right in front of him. Does he have it? Does he have the juice? Yeah, does he got the juice? Can he do the thing? I can do the thing! Yeah, I was also curious, like, this tomblain have what it takes to go solo? Like, that sounds like a great idea, solo. Like, for him to go solo? I feel like that- that's- you can't lose!

That would be amazing! He could go solo. But he's been a part of us for so long, but it's clear that... he's built for something else. We are a group, but he is a part. We are a collective, and he is a rogue one. To walk alone, apart from us, made for something greater. He's a coauticaler story, but he's not really canon. And you're a damn fool, Tom Lane. You've been acting in Jacob the Weepy Shepherd for over a week now. And you've never thought once about what the play is really about. Jacob is a shepherd, visited by clouds and angels. He spins Act 2, really plow

in a pig herd. And most of Act 3 and half of Act 4. Act 3 is an extended silent action sequence of further copulation. Oh, it's all action for the... Yeah, they bring it in for the landing in Act 4. Damn. That's where the phrase in the... Yeah, they bring it in for the landing in act for... Damn. That's where the phrase in a pig's eye comes from. That's right, a pig's eye. But in the end, no matter how long he spins in a forest-glade, covered in muck, with muck all over and in him,

he still has to realize there's a destiny. He has to turn aside pigs and pigardesses. He has to turn aside even being a shepherd because in the end, well his destiny is revealed. What does this have to do with me? I'm not a shepherd. I've never had sex with a pig lady. None of this resonates with me at all. It's a, it's a metaphor and the, the veil is thin, man. The most gossamer thing metaphor. Humbler life, but born for something greater. What is a metaphor I have to do with Gossamer? That's a material. No, yes, that's what the glade is, the, the glade, that, the meadow, that's what the meadows for. the glade is the glade, that's what the meadows for.

It's there to be the seat of the symbology that the gospel of fabric is. What's the meadow for? A meadow for, for achieving your destiny. Like I said, it's better. It's better. It's better man. They're trying to get you there, Tom Blaine. They want you to be the king because they know it's your destiny. They want to help their friend

So why not accept that help listen to their metaphor listen to their thinly veiled excuse Of a play that is meant simply to get you on the throne and teach children about water Well everyone wants to be the king except for the person who's supposed to be king. Winky, you're the greatest actor I've ever known, except for Gunch. Thank you. And Gunch, you're the greatest actor I've ever known. Thank you. Why can't one of you pretend to be me and take the throne?

That's madness. A king is not something that someone must pretend to be. Although I've got to say, Gunch looks like he's thinking about it. To be Michael. Michael. Michael. The most incredible acting challenge of my life. I've been everyone on the boards.

I want to toss her for King Scriblics. I've been Jacob. The weepy, sheep herd. I've been General Ecemo, Tassetone, Krolyx. I've been Dame Beladonna, Heratrix. Oh, it's good one. I've been little chip, the lovable barrel. The lovable barrel.

I'm just gonna earmark that one. I wanna come back and talk about that a little bit later. Don't forget, scrams horse. Scrans the horse. But to actually be the king. For what is it to be a king except to claim the role? It's like you said, silks. We all play a role. And if you step into a role, what makes it different than what anyone else does?

Is there a self underneath all the masks? Or is it masks all the way down? Oh no, the actor's paradox. Get him some air. Get him some air. What have I done? What have I done? I've written him into madness. Oh wait, he fell asleep and it's clear that he's having the actor's nightmare. No script at all. Oh look, now he's chasing rabbits. Wake up, gunch! Wake up!

How about you? So would it really be that simple? To simply have GUNCH be Tom. GUNCH becomes Tom and Tom becomes King making GUNCH the King. Could it be done? But wouldn't everyone miss Michael GUNCH? Well that is an excellent point. Well I guess it wouldn't be impossible for me to... ...core blammy! I'm Michael GUNCH!

Here to perform the role of Jacob, the only... I'm the only one who can be sure of them! My God, it's uncanny, man! B-b-b-b-b-b-look, so far this clearly is a perfect plan, but then... who'd be winky silks? CORE, BLIME! Here I am as a pig and a sheep and a pig herd and gong and winky and oh Oh no, oh no, he's having it. He's lost too much for him. It's too much for him.

He's got a lot of actors nightmare, the loop. Oh, the loop into which we all must fall. Week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week, week I see now what I've put my friends through and my family and everyone. I just keep running away, don't I? Yes? I guess it's time for me to do the one thing I haven't done yet. Why don't you hide me in this barrel and take me out of town? What? No, no, no.

This is a little barrel. Maybe if we just performed Act V, maybe that would cement him for him. With everything really laid out on the table. I mean, it's worth a shot, guys. Let's sit back down. Let's sit back down. All right, let's get the school children back in. Bring them back.

Get back in here. Get back in here. All right, kids. So really all you missed was two and a half acts of pig sex. Put your candy down. And there was a lot of sex between the pig and the sheep. And then those two had it off.

And then everyone sort of, there was just everyone in the mud sort of having it off. And we would have learned a lot, but now we've sort of emerged from that post-quital. Look at their faces those kids are so disappointed. Every single last load knows. Blimey. Refructory, reverie has ended.

One more time from the top, the top of Act V. That blimey was just me. I'm excited about today. Take it away, gunch, the refractory and all. My words, my words, your blessed words, silks. Refractory, reverie has ended. And now I see, through unclouded eyes what the cloud foretold, a love, a bride found here in a glade, what I humbly had alone, I shall double with thee. And if we go off together with our animals in tow,

there is no limit to what we can achieve. By keeping myself humble, I have been living a lie, running with hasty steps from the truth I always knew, that I had to take up the responsibility always knew that I had to take up the responsibility that I was born for. Blimey. I, you are not simply Jacob the weebish heppard. No, instead, you'll be a great inventor. That's your destiny. Yep, you cannot run away from it. And I've not been a pig heard this whole time

I'm to Zazel The angel here He's crying We're not from your many eyes to Zazel Let us set aside the Theological questions that this opens up Why are they kicking that blue sack this whole time? Ah. Away with this rice infested,

trat of a sack. This is a symbol. This is a sucks. Yeah, it is. This thing really blows. It really could have just thrown away. Wouldn't have to use it ever again. Yes, and I, but the humble sheep,

and here to say that I support you becoming exactly what you need to be. It's almost like I, a friend to you, have written these words for you to say them yourself, so that one time you might realize what this is about. It's time for you to become who you were destined to be. Honestly, I'm not getting this. Keep up, just keep up, just keep up. What am I supposed to do? Yes. What am I supposed to do? It's time for you to hear what your friends are saying. Become the inventor.

Become the inventor. And in inventor I shall become, with you by my side, and these animals as well. I shall invent, well some sort of apparatus to make what we just did. Easier to perform. And hey, when you become successful as an inventor, it sure wouldn't hurt to pay your friends back.

Oh, of course not. I won't forget my friends when I get big. I'll make sure that they're well, well remunerated for how much they aided me on my journey. Why, I couldn't have done any of it without them. In fact, when you reflect upon it, you'll realize most of it is owed to your two closest friends, and those are the ones that you should pay handsomely. And now the rain returns.

The cloud comes back together in the sky to cover the sun and take its light from off the stage. We hope you've learned from this that whether an inventor or whether the king of the northwest, everyone has a destiny. Yours, child, might be to be a scientist or yours, child, a teacher. He'd might be to be a scientist or yours child a teacher. He pointed to the same child. This has been a simpler story for this cloud. This has simply

been the tale of Jacob, the inventor of the sex swing. Yes, excellent, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. Woo! Yes! Excellent! Wonderful! Incredible! Wonderful! Thank you! Thank you! It's so clear the message of that play that inventors are more important than shepherds. Oh, that cloud condensing at the end of the play was not the only condensation in the audience

for my eyes are fueled with tears. Also, you pissed yourself. I pissed myself a little bit. And you're doing a handstand, so. Yeah. Look, Tom Blaine, can't you see that does play that winky silks wrote? It's metaphor.

When he says the king of the northwest, it's a metaphor for the northeast. That's literally the opposite. So I don't get... I think the opposite would be the South Well the Southwest right that would be the opposite. No, it's kitty opposite This is impossible Well, I'll tell you this

Tom Blaine You don't have to be the king, but you can't be with us anymore No, no, no, no, but the run isn't over. I've got, but you can't be with us anymore. What's wrong? No, no, no, but the run isn't over. I've got to tell you the truth, Tom Blaine. Do you have the juice? Can you do the thing? You can. But you have juice for something far, far greater. You cannot stay here.

Here is a stage. There is a wall. There is a tickler who's bound to fall. Make the form of a door and walk out. Do it! But if a tickler bids me to take a form, then I must take it. And yet, who is a man to taste my juice and tell me what flavor it is? Now is not the time for tasting juices. Now is the time for you to take hold of the King's knob.

Fair enough, fair enough. Good friends, I've heard you loud and clear. It's time for me to take the King's knob and treat it well. Here is a tickler rising from the floor. Here is a tickler who has made himself a door. Here is a kingdom desperately open. And here is a door that now stands open.

Damn it, the kids got it. I'm gonna miss him. Hey, one of those schoolchildren is waving his fist at me. He's doing the old twister. Who raised you? Oh, that's a little weird. It's a critic. Oh, now that I see it, yeah, oh gosh, that's bad. Well, to be fair, Winky told him to be a science teacher.

Very well, I understand to allow Tom Blaine to say face that you need someone to take his place in the company. And I shall make the sacrifice. Enjoy the cocktails if you need someone to take his place. Look, I mean, really, I don't think that's necessary. Really? You said, you're so good at whatever it is that you do. Oh, thank you.

I think we don't need a usador because we already have a blue bag of rice. We've got a rice bag, man. I'd tell all right. Well, it all for stands, if you want to change your mind. Hey, guys, thanks so much. I'll be right back. I'm gonna run after Tom and see if he's doing all right.

Tom, Tom Blaine! Tom Blaine, buddy, how you doing? You look a little down. Well, I've been shown my destiny, Arnie. I know. I know it's tough. I didn't want to be born a king, and I'm sure you didn't want to be born the way you are. I wasn't born like this.

Well, you know what I mean. You come into a world that's not yours. There's a strange thing inside your head. You don't know what it's for. It's a lot like a metaphor, don't you think? I don't see it, but... Oh, it's very obvious. Tom Blaine, you know, everyone eventually has to come to a part

where they set aside their dream of being involved in the arts and just dedicate themselves to doing the thing that their parents wanted them to do. It's okay. Yeah, I guess you're right. I guess that is sort of the moral of this. Yeah. Arnie, do you wish that you were back on Earth?

I do. And in a way, I am. Wait, what? In my mind. So you're saying I can just have the life that I want in my mind while also doing the thing that I'm supposed to do in real life. Like when the lights go out and everybody else is asleep, I can be busy cock tickling.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, just do it on the weekends. Ony, Tom Blaine, the children of Churredonis, return, please, we need your help. Well, it looks like a bunch of kids are beating the shit out of our friends. Yeah. I'm glad we had this talk. Me too. How is that thing in your head, by the way? I don't know, it's probably all killed me. I'm glad we had this talk. Me too. How is that thing in your head by the way? I don't know. Probably will kill me. I have no idea. The Dark Lord really

wants it. Here's the thing, Tom Blaine. I'm a little biased. I want you to be king because this is like one of the few safe places left in Foon and if Northeastia destabilizes, the Dark Lord's gonna get me and rip this thing out of my brain. Yeah. I think if we've learned anything about me, it's that I'm the person that you want defending your life, standing between you and the Dark Lord. Either that or scramble bum. Is he still in the mix?

Yeah, I mean, he's a two-year-old baby, but I don't know. Could happen. We better get to the back cave. Oh, yeah, about that. We'll talk about it later. Unhandy you little devils! You've been listening to a group of fictional characters visit a fake location to see made-up people play different made-up people who dive right into a ton of bestiality.

This is what happens when you take away live theater for a year. Use it or the wizard was played by Matt Young. Chant the Talking Badger was played by Adolf Reffyre. The Cog ticklers, Winky silks, Michael Gunnch were played by special guest Joey, Blanned and Ross Bryant. If you enjoyed the long minutes waiting for them to finally land the complicated bit of genitalia-based wordplay they'd been chasing, imagine doing that alongside them on stage. Joey and Ross both perform with the Improvised Shakespeare Company. Find Ross on Instagram at RossBB.

Find Joliate one of his many appearances at local libraries, volunteering select quotes and observations from each and every book as it's checked out. What a treasure. Prince Tom Blaine Bellaroth was played by Steve Waltean. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Artini Camp Matt Young in Adolf Refy, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz, Earwolf producer Kimmy Lucas, this episode edited by Chris Rathgen,

special assistance provided by Ryan DeGeorgie. Hello from The Magic Tavern logo by Allard LeBan, Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. If we players have offended, think but this, and all is mended. Whether Shepard or King your job, seize your destiny, grab that knob. You