Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 3, Ep 93 - Good Tannakin and Good Blemish

Episode Date: May 31, 2021

Good Tannakin (the adorable flying pig) is back in Foon after escaping the Mirror World and she's brought that dimension's good version of Blemish with her. It's a reunion!CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungTannakin the Good: Sarah LogsdonGood Blemish: Martin WilsonMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEarwolf Producer: Kimmie LucasEditor: Sage G.C.Special Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the and Add Free on Wondering Plus. The following podcast is not real. Now, before you listen, a couple of points of order.

Not real, which I just mentioned. Also, you can save our files to your hard drive. But you know, don't get rid of any family photos to make room for us. We don't carry any Trojan Horse viruses, but we're the kind of show that feels like we should, you know. Real gas station sushi level audio entertainment. Finally, for all of our audience who listens on headphones with the volume turned up, this is the one with Matt Young, so let's just nip that tonight as in the bud, shall we? Now, give your eyes a break, tell that part of your brain that looks for a narrative through line and subtle character details to sit this one out sit back and enjoy the show Hello from the Magic Tavern!

A weekly podcast from the magical land of fune. I'm your host Arnie Neatcamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. Six years and like three or four months ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fume. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rift,

and I use that to upload a podcast, chronicling our quest to defeat the Dark Lord. I am joined, as always, by my co-host, Chant the Talking Badger. Oh yeah, baby! Ooh, Arnie, this bar is so cool. It's kind of cool, you know? They have a few fancier taverns here.

Yeah. Northeastia. Trey Impressivo. This, what is it's the Charlie Horse? I mean, the cocktails here seem top-notch. Yeah. And you said the name of this tavern is tray expensive, though? I think it says the Charlie horse.

Let me check the menu here. Yeah, it's the Charlie horse. Oh, OK. Oh, that's right. And its owner is tray. Trey is its owner. Yep. It's a enchanted serving tray who gained sentience

and eventually bought a bar. Is what the menu says. This is purely off the menu, Arnie. OK. If you just turn yours over, you could read everything without me having to interrupt at all. Hmm. Is what the menu says. I'm, this is purely off the menu, Arnie. Okay. If you just turn yours over, you could read everything without me having to interrupt at all. Okay. And I shall finish the maze on my menu.

You won't get away from me, tricky cow. You know that picture of a cow does look really tricky. Yes, devilish in its demeanor. I shall defeat it by not running into a dead end and getting to the end of this maze. Did I tell you that the cow that I've been taking care of a sweet butt? Did I tell you that died?

Oh no, you remember the steak sweet on the road? Ah, they were delicious. Yeah, sorry to say that sweet butt bought those steaks for himself and then when he died I stole That's disgusting sweet butt bought stakes That's cannibalism. I tell him tell us grave despicable. I'm glad he's dead. Where is sweet butts grave? He requested it remain unmarked So I put a little marker to say unmarked on it just so anybody

passing by doesn't even give a second glance. They just keep on walking. Nothing to see here. Unmarked grave, you know, and a grave of course has to say unmarked for it to, you know, otherwise you're like, oh what's that lump in the ground? But if you write unmarked on it then people tend to not notice it. Oh, okay. Well, RIP sweet butt. How are the rest of your pets? Um, doing well, yeah, say on the cat. Friving, but also dead, but it's supposed to be dead. Yeah, I guess say on his dead, so Tushae, scoop booby, uh, thriving as well, in a live dog.

Yes. And then those two, those two kids I was watching, they're, you know, I just kind of pass them in the night, I give them some money and they kind of, they just kind of like, take care of themselves. Kids are so, I used to think kids were hard to watch. They're so easy. You give them 100 coin, you don't see them for three weeks. And, you know, bingo bingo, it all works out.

Yeah, they're off with the pop fizzles or the winkle bangs or whatever they do. Yeah, you get it. So you're walking around at night and you're like, oh, hey, look over there. What a coincidence, those are the kids I'm watching. Yeah, Arnie, when did this become a fucking interrogation on me?

What do you, what do you put up to? Yes, what do you put up to? I've been fucking up to nothing, that's why. That look, here's the thing, I'm just, I ain't stopping talk. All right, I expect some, sorry about my partner. Shut up, talk! Alright, I expect something about my partner. I'm sorry about my partner, do you want some coffee or something? I'm angry, I'm cold, I'll be back in a minute,

I gotta walk this off. Oh, walk it off, he has a Charlie horse. Look, Chuck, I expect you to come in and it was some interesting stuff up top because look, fucking you, stories, not bringing anything. He's just obsessed with that tricky cow. Yeah, yeah, that's fair. Well, here's something interesting.

In the last 10 minutes here, being in this bar, I thought about opening my own bar one day. You know how I took a stab at having my own restaurant. I didn't really work out. I'm just kind of kind of fine where I settle in. I thought about making a speak easy and it's called the fancy stinger. Mm, I just thought of that in the last 30 seconds here

while I was talking. While you were talking. Mm-hmm. It's a fun little thing I do called buying myself time. Mm-hmm. Anytime you say anything to me, I'm kind of checked out. So I just buy myself time by talking in circles.

And then when my brain has something, I puke it out. You should try it. Oh, yeah. I mean, here's the thing. I do a similar thing where I'm kind of just sort of talking to Phil Space, but the thing is then I don't like. You're talking to Phil. You hold on. You talk to Phil Space?

Yeah. Nobody's been able to interview Phil Space. You talk to Philip J Space. Oh, no, I've been talking to Philip T Space. Oh, never mind, not impressive. Philip J. Space, famed Night Skyzman. Night Skyzman? Yeah, what is that?

You don't know, a Night Skyzman is, you know, it's a certain type of creature that will sit on top of a star and just kind of keep, keep look out. Hmm. A Night Skyzman. Do you have those on Earth? No, I don't think so. Okay, then that's a no. You can say no. No, I don't. I won guy's been. Do you have those on earth? No, I don't think so. Okay, then that's a no.

You can say no. No, I don't. I won't be mad. Okay. What the fuck does Philip T. Spaceman do? You interviewed him. I wasn't, I should have painted all the answers, my man. I shouldn't have listened to his answers.

That's, oh! I'm into the questions, not these. I've hit another dead end again. What happened, you said, or? The cow has eluded me once more. I must erase my line and begin again. See, I already forgot how he answered that question. I'll ask him again, you said,

or what's wrong, buddy? Oh, I was trying to catch the cow at the end of this maze that's on the back of my menu, yet I hit a dead end for the eighth time in a row, and now I must erase my line, begin again. Just as I shall now give up in my quest to defeat evil in all of its forms, against the dark lord, in though his power has spread all over Foon, and this here, Northeastia, this wonderful, beautiful city is one of the last strongholds standing strong against his evil might. Wow, it's crazy.

I can't remember any of that. So I'm just gonna start over at the beginning here. Arnie, would you like to take advantage of an investment opportunity? Right. The fancy sphincter is looking for a co-owner. Right, take it. I'll, I would acquire his 25,000 gold coin.

I don't have any, I don't have like two, I don't have enough coins to pay for our drinks. Yeah. Right again. Right one more time. Wait, shut. Use it, Ar. What? What, what, what?

Be cool. I'm always cool. I am the coolest and strongest amongst us. I think I see one of our greatest enemies at the other side of the tavern. Put some sunglasses like cigarette, doesn't care. What's going on? One of our greatest enemies is at the other side of the tavern. Look.

We require a table. Yes, a table. Oh, shit, is that blemish? I think that's blemish! No, no, no, no. That's not possible. For we shrink blemish down to a deathly size by making him a touchable drink out of a bowl How did that work?

Smokable. What was it? Something like that. Look, he's dead and it's probably our fault, but I wasn't even talking about that weird half person that looks a lot like blemish. Look next to him. It's Dan again the terrible! Uhhh... That evil... Let me, let's take that table over there by the rocking horse! Ah, that evil penguin from another universe! Oh, they're sitting down next to that horse playing guitar! I wanted to move to that table! Huh, why don't you just sit with us?

Look at that horse, rock out! Now that's a rocking horse. I would love to look at that horse, but... I have to turn left. And then left one more time. Left again. I was so close. I'm worried that you said it was a leftist.

Oh shit. I have nothing for that. I have nothing. Damn, another dead end. Let me just go by the situation. Since I have these sunglasses on, and I'm smoking the cigarette, and I somehow found a trench coat, and I'm wearing these asses, chaps from the unicorn farm.

Let me go see if I can mingle. Oh, okay. Hey, hey there, you two. I'm new in town. What's the haps? Ha, chant! Fuck. Hi, it's me, Chan.

Tannikin' the terrible, I don't want to fight you. What? Tannikin' the terrible, it's me. It's me, Tannikin'. The terrible, I know. And I just want to say, looks like you got most of your tattoos removed, good on you. I assume you're starting to get a blank canvas to get some new ones And I just want to say again. I do not want to fight a pig. Oh, chund. Are you trying out some new material or something?

Always are you wait are you telling me guys? It's regular tan again. What it's good tan again come over here What are you saying? It's good. It's good. Tannikan, here, hold on. I can't remember when you're telling me. Tannikan, my lady, this is your version of Windigo. Yes, yes, this is chun. Well then, well met. Ah, give me a big hug. Come here, come here.

Come here. Wait, gentle. When he says big hug, he, he really means medium hug. I get away- That's what I mean. Blame me, just get away from me! Hey, I hate you, you're an enemy! You'll close him out.

Get up, get up! Get off me! Soft fur! Oh, I could nestle in this bosom for days. And now that Chant has distracted you, I approach with staff and so are drawn, prepared to destroy the both! You said are... ...tutor than ever, come over here, Mimi.

Ooh, oh, oh, it's Regulat Anakin is back. Oh, wonderful. And, and you sir, you're not the gentleman who I believed you to be. And you are a blue wizard. Oh, what good fortune we have found ourselves in. Ooh. It's some sort of cool blemish. It's not a phrase I ever thought I'd say.

It's like a cool good blemish. Yes, exactly. I came over here to smite the both and to tell you I'm very worried about Arnie's mental faculties. Oh, really? Yeah, I think they're all fired. Yeah. What's wrong with Arnie's mental faculties. Oh really? Yeah, I think they're all fired. Yeah.

What's wrong with Arnie's faculties? He doesn't seem to be able to remember anything, even the simplest of things. Have you tried giving his faculties some apple juice? I haven't. Barkey, an apple juice for me. Uh, now, uh, Blemish, how did you find your way back to our world? Huh, well blue wizard, someone who looked much like you,

sent me through a magical portal, and Tannikin and I arrived here in your world. And I, you are a sight for sore eyes, let me tell you. Oh, man, and you both are very welcome. Please join us at our table unless you want to say what the cool horse. If you want to say what the cool horse, I guess that's fine. Oh, it's OK. I know the horse.

We'll be partying with her later. We'd be happy to join you at your table. Thanks for the invitation. Oh, come on over. Oh, me. Whoa. Wee-hee. Ah, Arne, this is Tanikin. The Tanikin we knew first and this is

When I should I call you good blemish or do I just call you blemish? I have always gone by blemish, but you can call me whatever you like This is a different blemish from another world. What? Oh shit. I was the one from another world Yeah, he's he's he's taking a thing. Oh, I'm getting in on it. Oh, no. Explain everything to me. What's this?

What's that? How does everything work here? Oh, I fucking hate people from other worlds. It's like that time I met someone named Arnie. I fucking hated that guy. I agree. Tannakin, two things. One, do you mind if I boop your snoot?

Oh, I would love a little boop. Boop. Thank you. Um, and then two, what have you been up to? We haven't seen you in, uh, maybe a year. I mean, what have you been up to? A chant, it has been wild. So when we first came back here, to Hogsface, or what I thought was Hogsface, it was really just a pile of rocks

and ash. It was so confusing. I thought, did I end up in the potty? That's a fair assessment of the state of decimation that I did rain down upon Hogsface to spoil the plans of our enemies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we were the ones that destroyed Hogsface. We had a good reason, but Tan again can I ask? Do you frequently end up in the potty? You said that like you're like, oh no, not again. Am I in the potty again? Well, what's interesting is, penglets don't have potty's, so I'm left to imagine what a potty is for the rest of you. Do you release waste from your body? Ony drink this juice.

Of course we release waste, but it comes out in the form of rainbow skittles. I'm sorry, you must not know what skittles are. Oh, I can't imagine what I think they are. What are skittles? Well, they're every color of the rainbow, little lumps, the taste and smell, just joyful. Yeah, and already Skittles, as far as I know, Tannin, can correct me if I'm wrong, it's sort of short for scurvy preventing vitals.

So it's something you eat that prevents you from getting scurvy. I never realized that they were pig shit, but I mean, they're very tasty. Yes, it's true. It has kept me healthy through all the wanderings through forest, Glendale, and overlooked that we've had to walk through. Lennish cannot get enough of my Skittles. So you're a fucking shitty eater as what you're saying. I consider it a virtuous cycle. It really is adorable to see him slurping up my skittles. Yeah, and Arnie, you're one to talk.

You're drinking apple piss. What? What do you think apple juice is? When an apple has to relieve itself, it pisses out. It's juice. And then it goes on, it's merry way. So you're drinking apple piss. Hey, so haven't you ever been to an orchard

where they walk around with that bed pan? No. I thought they just squeezed and crushed apples. What? The dives just flowed out of them. Why would you keep, if you want a chicken's egg, do you cut its throat? No, I don't know how chickens work.

You take the egg and you move on, and then the chicken lives to produce more. What do you, I mean, well, I guess it's a hen. Well, what is it? Is it a hen? if you want to know how chickens work they have a cloaca or a cloaca tanikin and then this piss drinker was a friend of yours yes lemmy we can trust him completely he's from another world good we've come a long way to find the three of you I think I assume it's been you who we've been trying to find.

Oh, how can we... And I'm so sorry, good blemish. It's just a little hard. Like we're so used to a real pervy, gross version of you that would barf cats out of his mouth and... Oh, there's no polite way to say this, but he had a whole cat situation going on with his junk as well. I'm so sorry. I don't know why I would feel sorry but I do feel sorry for you for knowing him. Yeah. Oh yes, he was despicable.

Arnie I can assure you that his junk is nothing like a cat. Oh. What? I don't mean to pry but yes you do. It seems like you two have been traveling together for a while, eating each other's I don't mean to pry, but... Yes, you do. Seems like YouTube have been traveling together for a while, eating each other shit. I don't know if that goes both ways. But are you two like a thing?

I'm sorry. What? Are you two like a thing? Like are you two... What are you trying to say? Are you two like an item? What's the question? Like when one of you leaves that the other go with

and you're like we're leaving and you end up at the same place. Like if you were eating a piece of, I don't know, pasta and one of you started on one end and the other started on the other end, would one of you just kind of suck it real hard so it all ended up in your mouth or would you kind of meet in the middle?

Oh, pasta is a great way to describe Libby's junk. Oh, sort of lib noodle there, huh? Well, that's all right. Ah, Ahni, Chant, I have to take you both to task. The relationship you're describing may apply to blemish and tanikin, but wouldn't it also apply to the two of you? Huh, yeah, I guess you're right. That's right. That would also describe both of our junk.

Arnie, start eating this end of penne. It will meet in the middle. This is soaked. We'll be a couple of penne pals. Come on, it's not the right pasta. Yeah, it's barely churny. It's already there're already there. The fine.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry into your personal business. Of course, you know, two creatures can travel across food and that doesn't have to be any kind of romantic element to it. Ha, ha, ha. You're so limited, Arnie. In terms of sexuality, us penguins are so diverse. Oh, do you mind educating me on that a little bit? Again, I feel like I'm just...

Oh, honey, it's not her job to educate you. I guess that's true. John, I gotta get some content in this episode somehow. Come on. Arnie, it's not just about sexuality and partnership. We are multi-dimensional beings. There's love, there's connection, there's appreciation, there's gratitude, and yes, there's hot, hot sex. When you're with a penguin, you feel so many different things. It's a complicated stew of emotions that's each day different delicate flavors come to the fore each new day.

And, sure, do I come a lot? Yes, I do! But, that's not all that it's about. That's right. And when you ask if we're an item, I know that question comes with a lot of assumptions. Yeah. It seems like you're not putting labels on it. But you are putting a junk on it. Like, it sounds like am I interpreting that correctly? We're very happy.

Oh, love, that's good. You both look happy. And I gotta say, I'm so sorry. Tannik and I haven't seen you in so long. Welcome back to this dimension. Thank you. Oh, it's been quite incredible. We've really missed seeing familiar faces.

We've been looking all over Foon. We must get a meeting with the King. We've been searching everywhere for the King. Do you know him? Oh, um, I mean, we're pretty close with Prince, Tom Blaine, who probably be the King. Yeah, Princess are just basically pre-Kins. We're kind of with Prince, Tom Blaine, who would probably be the king. Or I guess he's the king. Yeah, princes are just basically pre-kins.

We're kind of important, you know. We're like his entourage. Okay, perfect, perfect, Lenny. Do you think it would be a, oh Lenny, do you have a little sauce on your nose? What if I did? Oh, come over here. I'll get it.

Good boy. Yep. Oh, yes over here. I'll get it. Good boy. Yep. Yeah. Oh, yes. Yes. Oh, fuck. Thank you. Do you feel clean?

All clean. All clean. All clean. Or, and keep put that sauce on his nose on purpose. I know. I don't do it. Blemish is all clean. Ugh.

He's just holding a sauce squirter in one of his hands, which periodically puts a little more sauce on him. I can't be happy for anyone with that voice. I'm sorry, even though he's good blemish, at that voice I just can't be happy for him. If anyone needs to carry anything, I have my sauce and a box strapped to my wheelchair on the back. If anyone needs me to carry anything for them on our way to I assume the palace

That is a huge box You must be very strong to be able to drag that thing around Tannik and I guess I have to ask anytime I meet an animal who seems to be in a good relationship I have to ask What is the USDA grade for your sex or any of course you may not know this but USDA stands for your sex does it get an A? Seems like there's some extra letters in there. No, no, not if you say it real quick. It depends on what you mean by A if you mean A really good sex time. Yes! It's a C plus it best. I knew it. I knew it. Tannikin, I'm happy for you. I'm happy for you.

Thank you. And for everyone, right? I'm happy in general for everyone, but specifically for this, yeah, for this, for this instance, I'm happy for T for Tanikin I'm sorry, blemish. Did you ever like go to school with somebody? They we just hate it and then later in your life you met someone that just looked like them and it's not their fault But you're just sort of like I don't know. I just can't like you I've met plenty of people like that and I always give them the benefit of it out and I Meet them for who I see them for who they are. I meet them where they am I see them for who they are. I meet them where they are. I see them for who they are. I meet them wherever they are.

I meet them for who they are. I meet them for where they are, who they is, and where they could be going. And with that kind of generosity of spirit, I make friends wherever I go. Arnie, I hate this altruistic prick. I know, he has all of that written on his tunic. Uh, I know, Blenish, I must ask.

Uh, when you are such a good, in kind-hearted solace who are, have you ever thought about joining my quest to defeat evil? Evil? Yes. Good blue wizard, I thought you would join our quest to defeat evil because- The fuck? We've been wondering for the better part of a year and we have seen the reaches and expands of the dark lords influence and power across what would you say, Tannik, and how

much of this land? At least ten miles. At least ten miles of this land. Oh, that is quite a lot. I assure you it's much larger area than that even that heat-out control now, but I swear if evil is to be defeated, you will have to join my quest.

That's just the way this is gonna work. I don't know in the, in our other universe, Tannikan and I essentially eradicated evil. I think in Tannik and Tannik and did it. I was just helping, but either way, we mostly eradicated evil and then we've come here. I think to basically do the same thing here and we're not seeing a lot of success on the ground.

Okay, okay, well, if I may, I mean, mostly eradicate, that's not really a phrase you should be using. It's like saying, dolphins are almost extinct. Well, extinct means that they're all gone. So almost extinct, it's not really a phrase you would use, right? Okay, okay, everyone, calm down, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. I have a very nice, I have a very good way to solve this. Whose quest should we be on issue?

Gentlemen, here's a bucket of crayons. A couple of blank sheets of paper. Okay. Now, I will ask you to draw the goddess's rainbow. I'm done. Cheater, cheater, he knew, he knew what she was going to ask. They sent this up. Well, let's, oh, okay, inhale, exhale. Okay, we're gonna take a quick break. I'm gonna calm down. I'm gonna ask this rocking horse. Let me ask her, excuse me, rocking horse. Do you know, a trot for teacher?

You do, okay, well let's listen to trot for teacher and we'll be right back with more magic davon. Wow, what a beautiful rendition of Canter by me love. That's such a great horse. Arnie, doesn't she rock? Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to think about what other things horses do. And a gallop, a um, a bacon, they canter. These are all correct. They're winning. Very good. And the mortal enemies of cows. I must back to my maze. Well

during the break I tried my best to draw this goddess's rainbow. I made a lot of assumptions about what that means. So this is what I drew. It's kind of a rainbow and a goddess, I guess. Oh, Arnie, it's beautiful. Tell us what it represents to you. Well, the rainbow represents a rainbow and the goddess is a, know a deity that's a woman. That's kind of in that was sort of the subtext in my mind while I was drawing it. And what does it mean to you? Oh wow. Oh to me.! That's how she gets you. To me, it means a goddess and a rainbow. Hmm.

Okay, okay, let's have Blemmy go next. He can kind of demonstrate what I'm trying to ask. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yes, look at my goddess's rainbow. What it means to me is red, the color of passion, yellow, the color of joy, green, the color of growth, and blue, the color of hugs. Wow, all those colors, I can almost taste the rainbow, which Arnie of course means eating shit, because your drawing is fucking shit, dude. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Blumish. I'm sorry

I don't know what it is. I just can't be nice to you. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. You have a wonderful drawing. Let me go next So Tanniken for my homework. I Drew a pipe and underneath it says this is not a goddess's rainbow Isn't that clever? Isn't that clever mommy? I mean teacher. Say more. So if you think about it, what is art? Right? Art is not this box that you, that's on the,

that blemishes carrying around, whatever that big box is. You can't confine yourself or your audience. So it's a blank palette, right? So what I did is I drew anything but, God, it says rainbow, and then I told the audience, this is not what you were expecting, to kind of, you know, undermine expectations.

Mm-hmm. So this tells us that you're very against following rules and very anti-social. Oh. Especially to me. Yeah. You, sir, what did you draw? My rainbow is every shade of blue. As you're serulean, royal blue, all of them navy.

And then at the end, you see slighty, it sort of turns into a slide here at the end. And there's this wizard and he's shooting lightning out of his fingertips. And that's me. here to the end, and there's this wizard and he's shooting lightning out of his fingertips, and that's me. Oh, well, that shows us that you see yourself as very powerful. Oh, and I, oh, I'm here. I wrote the word evil here.

At the end of the lightning, I'm shooting evil, so I'm attacking evil. It's not you're shooting evil out of your fingertips. No, no, no. I'm shooting lightning at the evil. Oh, the drawing does not suggest that. No, the drawing suggests the whole thing. The drawing suggests the lightning is evil. No, wrong, wrong.

That's wrong. I'm shooting at the evil. As the viewer of your art, aren't I correct? The artist should have to explain their art. Tannikan. Scott me that, right? And maybe we should just go to the king and leave these guys behind, and're like super close with him.

Well, fuck me. I thought the assignment was to draw a rainbow and a goddess. And that's what I did, but apparently I did it wrong. It's all right, Lenny, I understand. I think it is time for us to move on to the king, but don't we all know ourselves better? Oh, yes. Yeah.

I didn't draw the goddesses because the goddesses are everywhere. And I realized that I'm maybe a little more anti-social than I think, or at least I've become anti-social being around all these fucking animals and kids. And I'm starting to suspect I don't have an inner life. Why is it you both need to go see the king again? Oh, well, there's something we really want to show him. It's very important. Lemmy, you did mention the box, right?

I'd mentioned the box. As we were traversing O'Bannon's Glen, I found a kindly Cooper who was willing to make for me this wheelchair that now I use, and upon the back, as we, he strapped this box upon the rear. Well, I hate to disappoint the two of you, Tanikin and Blemish, but I am certain that the King, who's actually passed away, and now his wife, the Queen Regent Tatanya, sits upon the throne, for a short time longer, I'm almost certain she can afford her own box.

You don't need to give her a box. She's got all the boxes she needs. Is there something is banging on the inside of that box? Oh, is that a bang box? Can I see? Oh, it's very precious. It's very, I don't know, but let me show them. I don't know. I thought we were just show the ruler of this land. I guess we absolutely will, but I have to say, as weird as this night has been so far, I trust them. I know them from miles ago.

Yes, I can see that they are really weird guys. And even if they may not have accomplished much in this world They are your friends and so they are my friends. We can show them anything that you want. Oh, is that A little sauce on your ear? Yes I got dirty again You know what? I think I still think this blemish is kind of garbage, but there's something about them together

that kind of works for me. I don't know. Strange picture. The kind of good relationship. Strange picture. Ooh. Ooh. Salty.

Yes. It's sweet. Oh. I think we should show them. All right. Do you want us to say what's in the box a bunch of times? Oh, how about each of you takes a guess? Oh, what's in the box? Okay.

Um, okay, okay, okay, okay. Um, is it, is it my friend Helena? No. Ah, my turn. Um, it's a dead cat. No, it's a life cat. No, uh, it's a dead cat. No, it's a life cat. No. No, it's a dead cat.

Uh, uh... On you go. Is it a box? Mm-hmm. Oh, oh, it's a box. Oh, no, no, no. Was that your guess of... Oh, okay.

Wait. Can you clarify? Yes, wish for infinite boxes. I'm just having a hard time in my mind thinking beyond the surface level of this box. Like, what's inside it? I don't think I have any life. What's going on? Let me give them a hint.

It's a It's a big treat for you. Oh, it's a big treat. Oh So it must be food Oh, is it a is it a Lice crispy treat? Already have Already have we, have we ordered you a Lice Krispie treat? Oh, oh, a Lice Krispie treat? Yeah, you get a bunch of Lice, you pan fry them and you put them together with marshmallow. It is the disgusting.

Ugh, yeah, I wouldn't need one. Maybe it's a honeycomb, is there a honeycomb in there? Ooh, me one honeycomb, if you have it. Good guess, good guess everyone. Uh, new? You're all wrong. We don't know. Let me, here's the key.

I'm going to pull it out of the cleft between my back. Oof. Yes, I know that cleft well. Oh, it's not going to be like sex toys, is it? Ah, shunned. I know, no shame, I just, with the wave limited space looks, I just can't handle it.

Why would they give the king their sex toys? That's true, that's just what's the goal there. To brag, I guess. Yeah. I mean, I'm not familiar with how it works here. Maybe there's like a tax. You got to pay the king a certain amount of your sex toys. Oh, that actually be a pretty good system.

There's kind of an interesting and odd looking process that we must both undertake in order to open the box. The key cannot be opened by just one penguin. It needs a penguin and a close associate. So let me... Let's begin to open the box. All right, here we go. Is this a metaphor? Let's go. Quiet, I want to watch them milk this for all to it.

Okay. Okay. Put it over here. Nope. Ah, whoo! Ah! Put it over there. Ah!

Wee! This is... ...get it. Oh, wait. Oh, oh, oh! Clearly they're for play. Slide it in. Slide it. Oh! This is. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Clearly they're four play. Slide it in, slide it in, slide it out, slide it out.

We can lit all, we can lit all, we can lit all, we can lit all around. Okay, but now use the key, please. Yeah, when are they gonna go over to the box? Wait a second. This gave me an idea of how I can complete the maze. Alright. And. One, two, two, three. This gave me an idea of how I can complete the maze. Hahaha. Alright.

And... One, two... Two... Two... Two, three! Hahaha. One, two, three. One, two, three.

And... Four. Okay. Oh, it's opening. Wow, what does that smell? Ah, here. This is going to be the key to defeating the Dark Lord. We must show the King.

You'll all agree. You'll all agree I know. Oh, I must see. I must see. What could it be? Llamish returns! Oh! Damn it!

It's another blemish! There's a blemish in the box! This isn't blemish! Look! Close around the edges! Oh, it's carfoon blemish! Oh, that's right! We made that carfoon blemish when we destroyed Hogs face!

Ah, technically... Back mother fuckers. Damn it, technically, were it's dads. Oh, no, where it's- I made it. Where it's Daddy Pizza. I found my three men. Oh.

See, now we all know it must be all of us. It must be all of us that takes this to the king and shows him how strong and powerful we are now to defeat darkness. Yes, the thing is, um, um, the thing about this blemishes, uh, he could, um, he can't really do anything. Um, what? We, we made him out of a magical paint. Yeah.

So we've been carrying him for nearly 10 miles. Yeah. Well, we've never actually to do that. Yeah, that's not definitely not something. I mean, that's like a two and a half hour walk. I mean, I guess maybe a little longer for somebody. That Cooper outside of Hogsface, what used to be Hogsface, made it clear that this was extremely important and I have been wheeling myself for miles and miles carrying this heavy

box. Okay, well none of us has you to hang with Mr. Cooper, but just because he said something doesn't make it factual, okay, a lot of crazy farmers and workers say a lot of crazy shit. I mean, I don't think it hurts that we have captured this evil blemish, evil fake blemish, but he's not gonna really have any intelligence about the Dark Lord or his plans, that's actually gonna be useful. You might have said he does. Carfoon blemish, what is it that you think you know? I Think I know all

Everything about you three everything about the dark Lord everything about everything. Yes. I know everything Okay, how about something specific? Okay, you know everything. How do you get to the end of this maze? Right left right left right right Damn See I kept not going on this last straight line Where it gets you to the cow because it seemed like a trap It wasn't a trap. It was the way out damn it guys. I think I'm remembering I think I was the one that

drew the car food blemish so He's very surface level. Like, he'll say, like, I know everything. I know the solution, but he probably doesn't know anything. Well, thank you, Daddy Pizza. Arnie. Yeah. Question for you.

Oh, shit. If I were to ask your mother, if she knows everything about you, do you think she would? I mean she thinks she does. Exactly! Exactly Arnie. Do not limit car food and blemish because you created him. You haven't seen him. How when's the last time you saw this thing? What wisdom. I've seen him! How wins the last time you saw this thing! Oh, what wisdom? Yeah. And now that I think about it, just because I had simple limited attentions when I made this piece of art, doesn't mean that I didn't accidentally make a complex

and beautiful, amazing thing. No, no, no, Arnie, you're missing the point. He became complex and beautiful on his own. But that means I'm a good artist, right? That's like, what's the point of art if it doesn't reflect back on me, right? Ah, I don't know. No, Tanikin's right, let me grab some food here. I'm gonna nail this banana to my sheet of paper with the goddesses rainbow.

This is now worth a million gold coin. Tanniken, is this what you're saying? Oh, no. Um, so, so what I'm saying is that with an artist births a living piece of art, it does not then get to take credit for what the art itself accomplishes throughout the art's life. Yes, but if I take my drawing, that's the blue rainbow and the wizard and the lightning, and I keep changing it and adding to it a little bit,

and just keep making it better until it's perfect, you know, perhaps, you know, we decide who shot the lightning first and then we move some of these bits around and we add some more characters here in the background? Just really bring it to life. What do you think? Why do art? Why do art at all?

If people aren't gonna say, hey, good art man, you did it. It's just all you, right? Yes, yes, but we're talking about a living thing. Oh, wait, aren't our foods supposed to only live for like a couple of days at most a week? Ah, yes, but apparently you did something special, or circumstances affected this coffin in some way that we did not foresee, uh... ...or perhaps, you know, you just did good art. It seems like your ink has some strong summer's, buddy. Yeah. Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr but I don't know, I was feeling weird that week. I was having a little bit of anal leakage, is that what we're talking about? Why would that get your shirt wet?

Hey, oh. That depends, Arnie, where is your anus? Note to self, have the first cocktail at the fancy sphincter be an anal leakage martini? Oh wait, did I accidentally use the forbidden paint? What? When we were making the carfoons, I remember you saying, just whatever you do, don't use that for the forbidden paint.

Right. Because those carfoons live forever. Right, I told you very specifically not to do that. Did you do it? But you did it? No, if I'm in trouble, no! Oh, well, if you have a problem. I want to be a trouble.

I'm going to be my skills and artists. Look, most people would assume that any art I would make would only last like a couple episodes. But I think I could create something that could last at least six years. Ah, I mean, three good years. At the end. Well, I think you need four good years if you really want to have any traction. But I also think it's possible to use the forbidden paint, uh, that this version of blemish is basically just blemish now.

Hmm. Yeah, Arnie. Blemish returns. That's basically blemish. I mean, the only way to destroy a piece of art is to, oh, I better not say. What? The only way to destroy a piece of art that won't die is to drown it in the river bainsy. But if you destroy a piece of art, you just make it a martyr, like molder.

Who? Are you trying to say molder? Like Fox Mulder. And people on earth are definitely getting it. We have a boiler alert. We have a boiler alert. We have Foxmolder. It's a Fox who does sculptures. She molds a clay into sculptures.

Yeah. Did any of her clay sculptures come alive like mine? Absolutely, and she drowned them in the river, Banksy. Oh, yeah. Okay. No, no, Arnie, I like what you're going with this. I really do. I think my analogy of parenting was not accurate as accurate as the art and the artist analogy, which is much more in line with my, my, my cult, my, your cult, my friends, and what we practice.

I drew over the word evil and I put in that cow that damn cow from the maze Wait guys. Oh shit. I just realized something What I recognize the look in tanakin and good blemishes eyes They're gonna ask us for a donation really soon We got sucked into this whole thing thinking we were just having fun and doing some art. I'll pay what I can It all goes to a good cause. Yeah. What's the cause?

How can you put a price on happiness, Arnie? Good point. Here's all my coin. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you, Yusudor. And we will be coming back to this specific tavern soon. So look out for our flyers.

We'll have another presentation, similar to this box opening. Excellent. Yes, make sure to follow us. I don't want to follow your unboxings. Why would I want to watch that? It's boring. I'm just watching you unbox stuff.

How is that even a thing? It's very popular. Think back to a moment ago, Chant, and how much you were enjoying yourself with your art. That's why. That's true. Wow. Tannakin, I'm sorry, you're right. Here's a 25 gold coin.

I was saving up to buy my own bar, but it can wait. Thank you. That's a little heavy for me. Do you mind squishing it in between my nipples? I never thought I'd say this, but yes, I do. Well, I just have to say to blemish and blemish, congratulations for being dead at the beginning of this episode, and now there are two of you. Super alive, in all kinds of different versions. Do you know which one is talking right now? Don't care.

Don't care. I was blinking for a really long time, and I don't know which one is talking. Holy look, totally different, right? Yeah, but I'm just saying, I have my eyes are closed. Let's get some more apple juice over here. Let's go see the prince. Woo!

Oh yeah, we haven't seen him in a couple weeks. Woo, woo, woo. All the way home. And there you have it. 45 minutes of talking that some call entertainment, but my plans just call a series of vibrations that pleasantly stimulate our root clusters. Use it or the wizard was played by Matt Young. Junt the talking badger was played by Adolf Refy.

Tannik in the good and blemish the good were played by special guests Sarah Finout and Martin Wilson. And I'd just like to take a moment to apologize for Martin's seeming a bit off his game and out of sync with the rest of the cast. In his rapidly advancing years, Martin might not be up to the physical strain of making bold comedic choices, but I think we can find enjoyment simply in his continued presence, like that of an old faded quilt or an old faded, straight white male improviser. The real kicker, I'm recording this weeks in advance without even hearing the episode,

and I feel pretty good about it matching whatever you just heard. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arne Neacamp at Young and Adolf Refyre. Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz, Earwolf producer Kimmy Lucas. This episode edited by Sage GC, special assistance provided by Ryan to Georgie, hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allert LeBan, Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. Enjoy today's show, tell a friend! Then keep telling them, when they remind you you've already mentioned it, act like

they're crazy. Don't let up. Bring us up every time you see them. Text them about us late at night. Really push the friendship to the brink. If they stick around, that's a friend for life. If not, cut them loose. Pick another name from your list. And let your dark game begin again. Are you in there? Blamish, are you in there? Yes. Okay, good. We got you here to Northeastia.

Stick with me, buddy. This is going to be the greatest prank ever. I'm here. you