Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 3, Ep 95 - Wish Witch (w/ Allie Kokesh & Jeremy Bent from Mission to Zyxx)
Episode Date: June 21, 2021Cordelia Stampot is a witch that grants wishes... for a price. And the first customer in line is Numbers Marlow a kid from a local gang.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Ma...tt YoungNumbers Marlow: Jeremy BentCordelia Stampot: Allie KokeshTricia: Kate JamesProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEarwolf Producer: Kimmie LucasEditor: Tim JoyceSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This week I realize that part of being a real performance artist is facing the hard truth.
If a clone does a one entity show and nobody comes to see it, did it really happen?
Yes, yes it did.
I think, oh God, note to self,
you not only have to tell people about your art,
but then you have to beg, borrow, and blackmail them to come.
But at least I recorded it and sent it
to a handful of critics.
Critics love that kind of thing, right?
Watching a pre-taped show with an empty audience.
All I need now is a few good quotes from the online theater blogs, and then I can make a snazzy new poster and
remount the show. That's how people decide to spend their evenings, right? By noticing
a colorful poster while they're out and about doing their human things? Wait, what's
this? Just because I'm gone from the bunker doesn't mean you aren't disappointing me somehow.
Make sure you kill my evergreen plants and don't forget the transmission.
Oh god, the transmission.
You know, these guys keep cranking out shows even though they can't guarantee anyone's listening right?
Maybe I should just make a podcast.
That way you can't see when nobody's listening.
Okay, let's see here.
Okay, here we go. Hello from the Magic Tavan!
I am Yusador, and today we shall be delving into the strange and arcane,
as we learn the secrets of how Magic King to be.
Yes, dear listener, every secret you've ever wondered about Foon shall be revealed in this
very episode.
But first, let me throw it to my co-host, Chant the Talking Badger.
Oh, yeah, baby, and speaking of magic, I'm a shape shifter!
Look I'm a cricket!
Heeey!
Oh, yo, look at me now!
I'm a smaller cricket! Wow,! Oh, yo, look at me now! I'm a smaller cricket!
Wow, what range?
Oh, that's incredible!
And any moment now, we'll tell all the secrets
of being a shapeshifter.
But first, let me introduce our third co-host.
None other than that man from another world.
A mystery yet to be solved.
Oh, the key to everything that we must be.
Sorry, you said our... You said our... Well, actually, you know to everything that we must do. Sorry, sorry, you, you, you, you, uh,
um, well, actually, you know how Arnie got stabbed, uh, several times?
Yes.
Uh, I actually put him on a medical sled that Scoot Booby is, um, caring.
And, um, you know, Scoot Booby's not a, not a strong dog.
Right.
So, um, it might be a little bit before Arnie catches up.
Okay.
Uh, well, I suppose that, um, we can that we can just delve into the secrets of the ages then.
Ooh, can you, um, Vampire?
Uh, you know how sometimes when we solve for time, you talk about when you were a vampire, can you do that now?
Sure, I can hide happy happy to.
When I was a vampire, how I did the thirst for blood.
Oh, the incredible desire to drink.
I already did that!
I already did that!
Get the hell over here.
Idiot.
Yeah, let's just pull him over here, if he's gonna be like that.
Ah!
Come on!
Here we are.
Ah.
And my third co-host, that mystery from another world,
yet to be solved, the key to everything,
and the one who may finally help us defeat
the dark lord himself.
Aw, nold, knee, camp.
Wait, let me, as a cricket, let me jump on your shoulder here,
Arnie, and I'm gonna say that you're a real boy.
Oh, not a nate, you're a real host, too.
And I think you're a real thing.
I just wanna thank you for that great introduction. It's Arnie. Oh, yes, sorry. Well I think it's- I think it's- Uh, I just wanted to thank- thank you for that great introduction.
It's Arnie.
Oh, yes, sorry.
Well, back to magic, I guess.
Back in the days of law, there was such great power, coursing through the universe, and
then it began to coalesce as the goddesses decided there must be a form to this universe,
and they did look upon what they had wrought and thought that perhaps a magical
I assumed what if you would cut me off. Oh
I'll cut you off. Let me play my back legs like a violin. The goddesses were there. Oh
Is that a sound? Isn't that fun? Like a little faggot? I always thought crickets made a churpe from their mouth
I guess they're doing it with their legs. Talk about magic.
Aani.
Yeah?
I've been very worried about you since you were stabbed multiple times.
I just keep getting stabbed.
Honestly, frankly, it feels like a thread being pulled through this whole season.
And I appreciate that it gives the season a real integrity.
But at the cost of me being stabbed so many times,
I don't want to be rude or anything, and already you're my best friend, but I have to say
that you have a very stabbable face.
Well luckily I have yet to be stabbed in the face, but yeah, I mostly get stabbed in like
the tummy.
Well it's early in the episode.
Well, that's why I've decided to bring you here Out the outskirts of Northeastia to this witch's hut
Where I have heard that there is a practitioner of magic
Arcane and mystical powers of the yesterday. Yeah, that may find the cure you once and for all on me
And make your face less stabable. What are you all done? What are we here to fix?
You just sort of in general.
Just fix me?
Yeah, kind of, you know, take off the rough edges.
Hey, listen, if you're here for the witch,
you're gonna get in line, buddy.
Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize there was a line.
Oh yeah, well, it's, I'm the beginning of the line,
and you're the end of the line.
Oh, very well then. My apologies.
So sorry, I'm a big believer in lines,
so we would not, I would not cut.
Okay, good, then we're gonna get along.
Arnie, you said, or I can't tell when that boy said,
you're the end of the line.
Was that a threat in that Northeasy Act?
And I can't tell because he kind of gesticulated his fist at us.
Oh, well, let me find out.
Excuse me, boy, may I ask you a question?
Hey, we boy, you call me a boy?
Listen, I'm in a gang, all right?
You mess with me, you're gonna mess with all of us.
Well, I only see you around, are they here?
Okay, no, currently I'm the only gang member
right here right now.
Okay.
But we have an established social network, okay.
Well, does, can, do you mind if I ask?
Does your gang have like a name?
Yeah, my gang's got a name.
Okay, we'll call it the snake teeth.
Ooh, can I offer a suggestion for your social network?
The snake teeth?
Yeah.
Drop the the.
So just snake teeth.
Yeah, drop the the.
Oh, it is cleaner.
Can I ask, why you chose teeth over fangs?
Like, is that like a choice?
Listen, all right, I didn't name the gang the gang all right so don't come after me about
oh snake teeth though why aren't you called the snake fangs right that's like the
what the the feet teeth are called so that sounds just like I'm yeah right this
is pretty good right I was very good I didn't see why why not the snake
I got stabbed in the tummy.
Did this guy get stabbed?
Oh yeah, right in the tummy.
Oh, he looked like a guy with good stabbed.
It's a very, very stabable face.
We've a stabable.
Yeah, I mean, I'll be honest,
I've thought about it a couple of times
just in the last minute or so.
Just in the last minute.
Well, you know, you're in a street gang,
you stab a lot of them.
The snake's teeth are a street gang? Oh. Sorry, snake're in a street gang you stab a lot of hmm. Oh the snake's teeth are a street gang. Oh
Sorry snake teeth are a street gang. Yeah, you see it sounds better when you say snake. Yeah, snake teeth
Yeah, we're a street gang here in Northeast. Yeah, so yeah, we get around okay
Young man, I hate to trouble you, but if you look down beneath your feet
You'll notice that you're in pure forest. Okay. All right, all right. You're a real wise guy, huh?
You're a real wise guy, all right?
I know I'm not in the city right now, okay?
I'm out here because I'm trying to talk to a witch.
Mm.
Oh, have you visited the witch before?
What do you know of her?
Please, yeah.
Well, this room is around town.
Yes.
That she can get you anything you want for a price.
Oh, okay. Oh, so
You know anything at all. Yeah, her name's Cordelia Stampat
She'll get you anything your heart desires, but you might play a terrible price. Oh, a terrible price
Yes, young man speaking of names. Oh, what is thine? You look at it Numbers Mallow right here.
Numbers Mallow, wow.
That's right.
Numbers, it is a pleasure to meet thee.
Ah, I must ask.
Uh, have you heard anything else about the witch?
I'd heard that she could do many magical feats too,
but everything I heard was so vague.
I don't know what her price is.
So I've brought all the gold that I could carry.
Oh, do you know, that's a good idea. You know, I didn't get a lot of information about how
much is it was going to cost. So, you know, I brought a bunch of stuff to barter with,
but I'm a pretty shrewd negotiator here. You don't get a name like Numbers Marlow and get
soaked in a deal. So, you know what I mean?
Oh, your parents didn't name you Numbers Marlow? Does Numbers sound like a name that parents
are like, what should we call them?
Oh, what should his name be?
Oh numbers, how about numbers? Oh, should it be letters? That's my gang name, okay?
I was giving that name. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. It's happening numbers. Can we pay? Let me let me sorry
Let me change into a badger here
Sorry to alarm you. I'm a shapeshifter. Okay, pretty cool. Can you give us street gang names?
Listen, I can only give you a gang name
if you join Snake-Death.
Oh, quick, huddle, quick, huddle.
Quick, huddle, huddle.
Should we join this street gang?
God, I'm not much of a joiner.
Jump.
Yeah, I say yes for the names only.
If not for just the day.
Yeah, just for the names, Oni, you're out.
It's true, when are you ever going to get an opportunity to get a name in this podcast?
Numbers, I have decided to rush your street gang. So please begin
the... When you come in Addis, you want to throw down with
the snake tea? Oh, if you wish to battle me, know that you stand
before a wizard born capable of great feats of magic,
unlike those you have ever seen. Okay, that sounds pretty tough, but you said you
were gonna rush me, so I thought you were gonna come at me, and so, you know, I got
ready to rumble, all right? That's what I've been snapping over here. I see, I
thought it was like joining a fraternity, and you had to, there was like a rush
week to get into the street gang, but I see that I misunderstood now
and that we must dance fight instead.
Hey, maybe in Capital City, that's how street gangs work,
but not around here.
Damn, man, man numbers, isn't my friend used to,
isn't it being a real feisty lookish?
Uh, okay, see, I see what you're doing here,
you try to make the name happen.
It just seemed like that's what you were gonna say.
Okay, all right, we'll see.
We'll see.
I have a feisty location.
You got a real name in way about you.
You name before?
Once or twice, I mean, I know some secret names,
but, uh, secret names, all right.
Okay, a tough guy here, but feisty location,
that's pretty good.
I've heard a lot worse.
Thank you.
Yeah, I am pretty tough.
You know, I had an egg child that I lost,
and then I lost two kids I was babysitting. And I, I'm so sorry worse. Thank you. Yeah, I am pretty tough. You know, I had an egg child that I lost, and then I lost two kids I was babysitting,
and I sh-
I'm so sorry to interrupt, Chad.
Yeah, you lost the kids your babysitting?
Yeah, I don't know where they want.
Oh, that's not good.
I woke up, they had stolen my tail, and they were just gone.
They stole your tail?
Yeah, look, turn around, holy shit.
My butt looks like my front.
Oh, no.
Uh, we must put this on hold for a moment. Okay, all right, there we go. Holy shit! Oh! My butt looks like my front! Oh no. Uh-oh.
We must put this on hold for a moment.
Okay, alright.
The door just opened by itself.
Alright, just a reminder, I'm in the front of the line.
You're behind me.
Oh yes, yes, yes.
That's the most amazing thing I've seen since I've been in this magical world.
Arnie, no cutting.
No cutting.
No!
No!
I mean, ah!
Hi. I'm Cordelia Stampot. Welcome. Who here is first in line?
Okay, that's me. All right.
To my good friend numbers, please service him first, and then I shall take my place as second in the line.
And I'll be third. My name is chund for now for now and then my friend Arnie
He's in the medical sled behind me
Arnie
Sit up. Wait for low. Hi. I'm last and honestly that's I'm okay with that if someone else comes
I'll also probably let them go in front of me. Was that a name Arnie sit up?
Was that a name man? Oh, that might not be bad. That's not bad. You got a real knack for this.
Is anyone ever told you that?
Well, maybe that's my name.
Knack.
Knack.
Well, even that's good.
All right, we might have to talk after I get done with my dealings here, because honestly,
we could use a name, or the guy who named me, Numbers Marlow, is Long-Gone.
Okay, yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Uh, uh, uh, uh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, point. I love it. I need snake teeth to be the biggest street gang in Northeastia. Okay?
The biggest, you say? That's right. Yeah. Now careful how you word these things. If you say
biggest, she might just make all of your like limbs really big. Do you want to have the most,
the most members or the greatest influence? You have to think these things were very good. We have
someone here who's very litigious.
Yes.
If you want the most members, don't say most members,
because then you might have a ton of dicks.
Yeah, no, I see.
Yeah, yeah, that's a problem.
Okay.
What I'm saying is to be perfectly clear, thank you guys,
to be perfectly clear, I need the snake teeth
to be the most powerful street gang in Northeast.
Yeah.
All right.
That's pretty good. Yeah right, that's pretty good.
All right, yeah, so that feels well negotiated.
Let me just, okay.
Hey listeners, play along at home.
Can you spot and leave a pulse in his wishes?
I just spotted one.
Numbers, buddy, you said the snake team.
Oh no.
Now the snake team, they're gonna be the most powerful gang,
but you've changed your name to snake team.
Ah, you've just you just helped arrivals
Our rivals the splinter gang the snake teeth of the the ones who didn't like the fact that we changed the snake teeth
I have to assume
Listeners if you hear numbers make a bad wish yell yell no numbers no
All right, all right. I'm getting this I'm gonna get this perfect this time. I
No! All right, all right, all right, I'm getting this,
I'm gonna get this perfect this time.
I need snake teeth to become the most powerful gang
in Northeastia.
And what are you willing to part with to make this happen?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no.
So I got, I got this little bag of coin.
Okay, not interested. No, bad. Okay, bad seems unnecessary. I mean, if you have a
bag of coin, never call it a little bag of coin. Nobody wants a little bag of coin. Even if you
have one coin, just say I have a bag of coin. Yeah, it's a good point. That's objectively.
That's a good. Okay. All right. Okay. I have this ring stolen from the house of a noble woman note the glittering gem that sits atop it
Boring
Okay, that's great
Oh, perhaps we shall deal with things immaterial. I have secret knowledge of a number of members of the Northeastia city council and their
Pred elections they get up to in the red light district in town Secret knowledge of a number of members of the Northeastia City Council and their
Predelections they get up to in the red light district in town
My interest is peaked, but I don't want to trade for that. No
I've got a trade for that. Oh
Miss Stampot, do you have like a menu or something where we can just look and see what you're the prices are?
All right, listen, I just wanted to see who's gonna offer. There's only one thing I want. Oh, well that sort of simplifies the soul thing. What do you look for?
I want your soul.
I did sort of think it might go that direction. I am prepared to offer one half of my soul.
Oh, one half you say. That's a deal!
Oh, one half you say. That's a deal! Yeah!
I'm so fast! I didn't even have to sign in.
That was wild. Yeah.
Numbers, are you all right? I think I'm okay. It felt weird. I didn't like it.
This is a finding verbal contract and you're all witnesses, so.
Mm-hmm. All right. I verbally sign my name.
What do you feel as if you have lost a part of yourself that can never be regained,
that perhaps you'll never feel love the way you once felt love,
or you'll never be able to completely eat a peach?
I mean, maybe. I haven't eaten a peach in a long time, so...
Now, do you mention it? I wonder if I've ever't eaten a peach in a long time, so maybe... Now the mention it, I wonder if I've ever
completely eaten a peach.
Yeah, I know, it feels sort of just like
wasting time with fruit, you know what I mean?
I've ever really eaten a peach.
Maybe?
I don't know, what is with this guy?
Is this some kind of fruit guy or something?
What the, listen buddy, you know,
I'll go eat a peach if you want me to,
but I don't know that's
gonna be some transcendent experience like you're asking me for.
I don't need you to do that right now, but the next time a peach is before thee, take
the time to truly appreciate it.
Alright, okay.
Let me tell you something though, I know that snake teeth has become the most powerful
gang.
It's true.
I see.
The horses that your gang rides are now the most powerful horses.
That's wait a minute.
That's not really what I asked for.
That is what you asked for.
You said you wanted the most powerful gang.
More horse power.
Now you can race for pink slips.
Oh my gosh.
That's like a slant rhyme version of irony.
It's like not completely like nail on the head,
but like you can make an argument for it.
I got to interpret it how I wanted.
To be perfectly honest, fast horses is like,
it's kind of a big deal in the street gang world, you know?
Oh, fast horses, fast horses would be a good name
for a street gang.
Oh yeah, fat, I mean, there's a gang called the Quick Horses,
but their naming game is like now perhaps
What you'd want to do is barter
The other half of your soul to get your wish correct
Well, it sort of feels like you took advantage of the first half. I'll be perfectly honest with you
Okay, a lot of skexies sounds
I've known yeah, that means anything sure if of, that means anything to you. Sure, it's a lot of, what does that mean?
Skexy, I've never heard that word.
It's just, it's an earth word.
Now be careful here at numbers.
For if you bought or away at the other half of your soul,
then you will have no soul.
Oh yeah, that's so good.
No, I can't do that.
Okay, okay.
Also, aren't you going twice?
Shouldn't the line kind of rotate or, you know?
Yeah, but the transaction is not yet complete.
Ugh.
Yeah, it's all right. It's all right.
We've got time.
Also numbers, I like to apologize.
Use the words this way whenever we're standing
behind anyone at any like market place or something.
He really gets involved in their transaction.
He's a real like backseat shopper.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
Sometimes people are shopping for a yield
and I'm like, don't pay eight coins for those yields
when you go pay six.
Eight coins for a yield?
No, absolutely not.
Hold on, you.
Me?
Yeah, you introduced yourself as a friend of his.
You're just standing behind him in line?
I am a friend every man, woman, and child in food.
Yeah, it's Faisil a Keish.
Here's a speedy, Faisil a Keish,
as I am known to the street gangs of Northeastia, okay?
Uh, it sounds like you gave yourself that nickname.
You know what? For his help thus far, I am granting him
preliminary membership into Snake Teeth.
Hell yes!
Damn!
And your name is Faisi Lakhish.
Must be nice.
Criteria, can I just say, when I heard Witch's Hut,
I had a mental image, and you have a beautiful,
sprawling, five bedroom free bath,
that I was just stunned by being in line.
I just want to say gorgeous home.
You can get a lot when you move outside the city, you know, what is this?
Quarantko hut sit on.
Is this like 20 acres?
Wow, you have an impeccable eye.
It is 20 acres.
I don't really know what to do with all of it.
I, you know, I, I tried to grow a garden, but you shouldn't plant mint.
It just takes over the whole thing.
Oh, you should open up a land SNS.
They're all the rage.
Arnie, a land SNS is on your land,
you build a shit and sleep, where people can rent out
the space, they can shit there, they can sleep there.
You shouldn't always sleep where you shit,
but you know, to each your own.
But it's a lot of tourists who come to Northeachia might want to stay outside the city. I mean, Northeachia
famous for their tessinesses. Have you ever thought about growing a peach tree? Real, I mean, really
growing a peach tree? Can't say it's ever crossed my mind. I'm going to ponder that for a while.
Lekeesh, what is it with the peach? How often is this guy eating peaches?
So he's talking about this all the time.
What do you mean?
Just because I have a peach right here.
I see what's going on.
I, okay.
It all makes sense now.
You said, or buddy, why didn't you just say something?
He doesn't want to be feisty, Likiche.
He wants to be feisty, Likiche.
Okay, yep, you're right.
Your name is rescinded.
Your membership is done.
What? I'm re-adding you into a new professional membership and your name is feisty, you're right. Your name is rescinded. Your membership is done. What I'm re-adding you under a new
Prophysional membership and your name is feisty Lapiche. Ah, I've done it again. I am victorious. Okay, but
Cordelia, um, I will take that second wish, but once again, I offer you half of my remaining soul. I like I like the sound of that
What's the wish? You at that point would have 75% of my soul.
Three quarters.
Yeah.
No, wait, no, I want half of your soul.
No, you're getting half of the half.
You're getting half of the remaining half.
So that's one quarter. So you'd have 75% of the soul.
But of the soul he has left, you are getting half.
You would have a majority stake in my soul at that point.
Sure, but I don't operate in majority. I need the full soul.
Why do you need the full soul? What do you do with them?
I shouldn't say, but if you're curious, I'm happy to tell you.
No, I'm very, very curious.
By the way, this is all being recorded for a podcast.
Oh, yeah, ethically, I should let you know that. This is all being recorded.
Before you admit to some terrible cry.
Oh, well verbally, I consent, and that's binding.
Now, why don't we step inside the hut,
and I'll show you what I do with the souls.
Ah, excellent.
Oh, there you go.
It's an inside thing she does with the souls.
It's a colloue.
That means it doesn't make a mess,
because she'd do it outside and there with the kids.
It's beautiful in here.
Oh, I love what you've done with the place.
Such bold use of color.
Thank you.
I wasn't sure about the amethyst, but it's grown on me.
Yeah, I like it.
It's good.
Yay, yay, yay, yay.
Wow, you have a 4-yay?
Is these four souls you've imprisoned?
They just say yay every time you come into the 4-yay here?
I'm so glad you noticed.
So yes, that's what I do with the souls.
I put it into all my furniture.
Mm.
Oh.
All right.
It adds a bit of personality to the place.
Sure.
Literally, you're adding all sorts of characters to the place.
Do you ever have trouble sleeping at night, though?
When you hear the screams of these tortured souls trapped in your furniture?
No. No? Okay.
Okay, I stopped drinking caffeine after 2 p.m. That helps.
Hmm, sure, sure, sure. Yeah.
This chair here has a little label here, a little placard. It says it's a Papa Sean chair.
Papa Sean, he's the old leader of the snake teeth. Do you want to know what he wished for?
Yeah. He wished to change the gang from old leader of the snake teeth. Do you want to know what he wished for? Yeah.
He wished to change the gang from snake fangs to snake teeth.
Why?
Wow.
I don't even remember that it was named the snake fangs.
Why did he wish for it to be teeth instead of fangs?
To prove a point.
Yeah, you know, honestly, that sounds like Papa Sean.
That's exactly something he would do.
It's a weird thing to lose your soul over, is there any kind of system within the formerly snake
fangs to change the name?
You know, I'd really have to consult the bylaws.
It's one of those things where you're going to need more than a simple majority.
You need a super majority. So it's kind of a big deal to do it.
So it sort of doesn't surprise me.
You would just come here and be like,
I'm just gonna burn the wish.
We're gonna change the name.
I mean, you could try to do it during reconciliation,
but that's just gonna cause a whole host
of other problems as well.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's, honestly, this was probably the simplest way
to just get it done, you know?
So.
They don't like cost him his soul.
Sure.
Oni, what are you doing with your soul?
I mean, everything, I think.
Everything?
You think?
Now, you- you- you- the stabbable face.
You don't-
See?
You don't have all the soul left.
I mean, looking at you, uuuch, like, you've- you've done some bad deals.
Yeah, I've been through a lot, you know, I'm- I hate to make this about myself,
but I'm from another world.
And I've been trapped in this world for a while, and I've had so many misadventures.
And you know what?
Maybe in a way I have lost little bits of myself.
Mostly if you're being stabbed though, like I've been stabbed a bunch of times.
Literal pieces of himself.
Yeah, literal pieces of myself.
I don't know though.
How do I know how much soul I have?
Oh, step on the scale.
Oh! Okay, sorry, I gotta get up off of this medical sled.
Ooh!
Ooh, that's not good.
That's a bad sit-up.
Oof!
We really should have so-and-changing your baddages.
It's a nasty smell.
Terrible form.
Terrible form.
I don't think we can call him already sit-up.
That was...
Because people are gonna make him do it when they hear
that's his name and it's gonna be bad.
Call him crunch.
Call him crunches. Call them crunches.
Here's the worst part.
And maybe this isn't come across to listeners.
Like I am stabbed and I am hurt
and I am slowly walking across this hut.
And everyone else is just fucking
standing there criticizing the way that I'm walking.
And you're gonna a lot of blood on the floor.
And yet you're, you're taking that grass
on that microphone.
So firmly, I just...
And I need the microphone.
It's my connection to my dear listeners.
And how else will I know if numbers is making a bad wish?
What's that little glowy box dragging behind you?
Oh, that's my laptop.
I've been just dragging it around behind me.
Yes, I mean, you think you're in rough shape, man. That thing is really seen better days, I assume.
They're not supposed to look like that.
Cordelia, numbers, can I be honest with you?
We just let Arnie think that he's recording this show because it makes him feel like he's got something to do.
Okay.
Very often, we're sort of like,
we are carrying the weight of going on
our great quest to destroy all of evil.
And it just makes him feel like he's part of the team.
So if you could just help play along with that.
Oh, you said or you said or.
Yes, when I was hurt last week,
did you get something else to put in the podcast feed
instead of an episode from us?
Ah, yes, as a matter of fact, I had, hmm,
a flower did something, let's say.
Oh, believable.
Man, you said, or you are carrying so much of the weight
of the show we should call you leave on home.
Sorry, that's a joke I heard Arnie say once.
Mm-hmm, I get it.
Me too.
I'm in the cold here.
But you know what this reminds me of?
Does remember the snake teeth
that we call Calla Three Fingers?
She's actually only got two fingers,
but she got really upset when she lost the three fingers.
So we call her three fingers to make her think like,
oh, maybe I still got three fingers,
but she only got two.
Is it possible that name makes her think
she's going insane?
I mean, yeah, but street gang, it's a rough life.
If you can't handle the disparity between two or three fingers, you're never gonna make it. Yeah, Arnie, you've never been in street gang, it's a rough life. If you can't handle the disparity between two or three fingers,
you're never gonna make it.
Yeah, Arnie, you've never been in a gang,
but it's a lot of rockin' and rollin'.
You know how it is.
Yes, you this guy gets it.
Get on the damn scale.
Okay, oh, Arnie, you just crushed that fish.
I wasn't supposed to step on this thing.
We're supposed to step on the scale,
but you stepped on the fish's head.
Oh, okay.
We fish have a very specific part of their body
where the scales lay flat,
where they can read how much of your soul is intact,
how much your soul weighs,
but you just stepped on its head.
I don't even know if it's gonna be able to say anything
once you step on the right part.
I'm sorry, by the way, if I broke your fish.
Get off of them!
Okay, all right.
If I had a gold coin for every time Arnie said,
sorry about breaking your fish.
Sweet baby, are you okay?
Speak to me.
Oh.
Oh he's fine, he's fine.
Oh good, good.
Is that normal?
I think he's saying all, right?
So Arnie has all his soul surprised me.
Oh.
I think I heard, yeah, he said, oh.
Oh.
See, yeah.
Yep, that's about right.
Okay.
You're doing all right, Ony.
Yeah, I know, I'm feeling better about myself,
except I'm all stabbed in the belly.
Chant, why don't you get on that scale?
Oh, but I was sitting in this Reed Klein chair.
Oh, here, let me get up.
Woo, I kind of laid back too far in this Reed Klein.
Yeah, okay, let me just step carefully on the fish right where the scales are meant to be okay both feet down
Most oh
Almost oh, I okay one of my heels was off. Okay. Let me scoot forward
Hell yeah, all right fine fine my turn. I must have seven or eight of these damn things in here.
Yes, I have too many souls and I can't read it. Wait did it say error or arrow?
Well, let me get on there again
It's hard to tell that it could even less clear that time. Oh hold on you have an arrow in your neck
Remember when we went through the forest
and we ran to those hunters?
You got hit, my man.
Oh, oh yeah, let me just pull that out.
Oh, oh, I like the way this makes my voice sound.
Ooh, that could be.
It could also be an arrow if you've ever been a vampire.
Oh, damn it.
If you've taken been a vampire, you know? Oh, damn it. Yeah. If you've taken souls that way, it'll just,
you know, it doesn't know how to add it up.
I was briefly a vampire, and then I died,
and I came back to life as Yusador, the slightly lighter blue,
and I barely remembered my life before,
but not that much happened.
Yeah, it's not gonna be able to calculate that.
Soul wise, it's too complicated. Yeah, it's not gonna be able to calculate that. Soul wise, it's too complicated.
Yeah, that's all right.
Now, numbers, did you make your second wish yet?
Okay, okay, yeah, I'm gonna get this right here.
You're gonna get half of my remaining soul.
All right, let's get at it.
But now I want the wish that I made last time.
I want snake teeth.
Hold on numbers, I'm so sorry.
Okay, all right.
You've built so much tension,
I think we should take a break.
And then when we come back, we'll hear the wish.
Oh, yes, I know how we built, yeah.
Oh, trust right.
Numbers, say it like this, say,
I want snake teeth too.
Oh, yeah, that's good, that's good, okay.
I want snake teeth too.
Wait, I thought we were gonna go to break.
Damn it.
Arnie?
Previously on Hello from the Magic Tavern!
I want snake teeth to be the most physically powerful gang in Northeast Asia.
I can do that for half your soul.
Okay, done.
Whoa!
Argh!
Done!
Oh, man.
She's gave me all these, I got like 10 times as many knives as I had before.
Physically, that's a lot more powerful than you were before.
You had zero knives for now.
What?
One of them's taped to your shoulder though. What's that gonna do?
I don't know. I feel like if I lean the wrong way, I'm gonna like take my ear off.
Right. Oh, and I don't want to look a fast horse in the mouth, but a lot of those are also butter knives.
Oh, what the, you call this a wish? Granted, this is terrible.
Well, maybe. Maybe you want a barder again, huh?
Okay.
For half your soul.
Be careful numbers.
If she's going to interpret physically that way,
like she could really do anything with it.
I'm going to listen to the guy who's been stabbed
this many times, all right?
That's true.
You just got a bunch of knives.
Never mind.
Yeah, at the very least, I got a bunch of knives
for my soul, and they didn't go inside me.
They're on the outside.
So, okay, for one, one half of my remaining soul,
I'm talking about like, we need to be snake teeth
is gonna be physically powerful in their bodies, okay?
Well, I'm talking like muscles,
I'm talking ability to intimidate here, all right?
No way this can go wrong.
Yeah, this is a perfect wish.
Okay, now, add a curiosity before I agree to this because I mean, the deal's good for me.
I'm getting half your soul. Do they all know that you're out here bartering for
their benefit? No, but we got big rumble tomorrow. And this is the edge that we
need. We already got fast horses, which is going to help a lot, especially
against the quick horses, because they're not going to see a comment. And I guess
now we got a lot of knives,
which is, again, not necessarily a bad thing,
but not really what I was looking for.
But now, with this third wish.
Yeah, inside you wanna be more powerful.
No, no, no, that's not what I said.
That's not what I said.
I said in our bodies, I'm talking muscles.
Listeners, were you screaming?
Okay, here's half my soul, take it.
Okay!
What is this?
Well, you know, there are a lot of ignored muscles in the body.
Oh, God.
I can't.
You know, you go to the gym and you think,
like, oh, I'm gonna work my tries and my vise,
but you don't think about the important things,
like your core or your back muscles.
You know, there's a muscle right here. You see where I'm pointing
That's real. Look at him flexing here. Oh, yeah
Your posture has a really weird exactly your posture is incredible. It's so uncomfortable
You look almost a foot taller. Yeah, I guess I slouch a little bit. No, you and your whole group all gonna walk so tall.
It would actually be impossible for you to slouch now at this point.
Yeah, I'm trying to slouch and my body won't let me do it.
Nope, impossible.
I can't believe I have to do this, but I'm gonna make one more wish, all right?
And then I will have half of your soul.
Yeah, only for half.
Okay.
Yeah, you'll have half of the remaining half.
So now we'll have to have a 16th or something.
Yeah, how many halves? Let's do the quick half so now we'll have to have a 16th or something. Yeah, how many halves?
Let's do the quick one. Do I get to the whole soul?
Teach me to deal in fractions. We're getting down pretty low here. I mean you got you have like
82 and a half percent of my soul, I guess I have to trust you on that one
I wish there was a machine that would just do this for me
Wait Arnie's good at math Arnie so at first
Cordelia took half his soul then she took another half. How much is that most of it?
Oh wow they oughta call you numbers Marlo. Well, I could have had him step on the fish if I wanted to hear that answer. Oh, yeah
Seven Arnie, why don't you lounge on uh this one's good at math?
Yeah it's like is this what qualifies as good as math?
No we were just making fun of him.
We were making fun of him.
Arnie why don't you lay down?
We're just being you for the first time.
We're not in all these jokes.
Arnie why don't you lay down on uh what's the name here uh chase why don't you lay down on chase?
Uh oh this feels a little demoralizing. It's alright. Lay down on what's the name here chase why don't you lay down on chase?
This feels a little demoralizing. All right. No, no, put your feet up on this man named auto. Okay, his soul's in there
Yeah, just relax. We're they see if all they're screaming for at night when I'm asleep. Oh, that's nice. Well wait, that's rude No, I don't hear it. Do you do you find the screaming? Because then it's probably a good thing. Well, when it's all together,
it's kind of like a white noise, you know?
Oh, it sounds kind of nice.
It's like a wad.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
That is just kind of a...
Yeah.
Yeah, that's probably good.
And then they're so tired by morning
from all that screaming.
Yeah, quiet all day.
Quiet house.
Now.
You got to figure it out, lady.
Now I just need to figure out how to get the rest
of your soul.
Okay, all right, all right.
Here, okay.
There's no way this one's going wrong.
All right.
I want snake teeth to be the smartest gang
in North East Asia.
Yeah, right?
Yeah, anything.
And now I get the half of your soul?
Yeah, okay, yeah, all right.
Now everyone else is dumber. I think. And now I get the half of your soul? Yeah, okay, yeah, all right. Ah! Ah!
Now everyone else is dumber.
That's, uh, if you made all the gangs in Northeastern
dumber than us, that's good for us to be perfectly honest with you.
This is terrible news for the three of us.
Where'd my tail go?
Is this my front?
Wait, I'm the only one that didn't join the gang so wait did I oh
Wait, it's working on me. Fice of the beach had a provisional membership, so they should be safe. Oh, I should be fine
Oh, whatever I leave. Yeah. Oh, yes, I do have it. I have a knife tape to me too. Oh, yeah, there we go
Now we're talking also you should have weirdly strong muscles in certain parts. I was already ripped his hat off. All right, okay, listen.
I just need to make sure that we win this rumble, okay?
So...
Why didn't you just wish for that in the first place?
Okay, fine, I'll wish for that.
Half the soul.
Snake teeth wins tomorrow's rumble.
Miss interpret that, lady.
I'm gonna think about it, hold on.
Yeah, okay, fine, think about it.
She's walking all around the hut,
just kind of like, hmm, thinking it through.
It does look like next to the soulwing fish,
there's some rumblefish.
Maybe you just grab some of those
and beat up your opponent.
Well, yeah, maybe.
I can all the sort of spitball this.
Is there something in tomorrow
that has like a double meaning?
It's like two morrows, maybe.
There's like a rumble that happens like the day after
when you've lost tomorrow's rumble. Oh, I see. Yeah. Nice try. We're just gonna take these rumble fish
Just mess around with the wrestler. All right
So that's it. We're done
Unless you can offer me a straight wish. Okay, because I'm tired of this half measures stuff me too
Okay, fine.
Numbers, I think you might have to give up the other remaining half of your soul.
Okay.
That this gets left.
And then she would have your whole soul.
Yeah, also use one of those knives to cut the sexual tension.
Am I right?
Are you think so? You think I'm going to shut here?
Look, he could be talking about any combination of people in this room right now.
I have been talking about peaches a lot.
I'm 367 years old and have absolutely no interest in a boy.
Alright, alright, alright, alright, fine, fine.
Oh, you look good for 367.
Thank you.
I'm roughly the same age about this.
No, you...
Yes, yes, look at it, yes, you're really...
Wow.
I think you're really carrying it well. And you are ripped as hell. That's thank you
Thank you. Can I just say that a lot of times you hear you read that there's no spells for witches over
367, but I just want to say that you are very impressive. You know, I think it's all this country air
You know once I got out of North East Asia just felt different, tighter. Yeah, keeping it tight.
Yeah.
The city is very cruel to anyone over 300.
I sort of don't know how people of that age live in this.
It's, you know, it's just not accessible.
It's, I don't know.
Do you mind me asking Cordelia, what are you up to as a city witch?
Mostly selling slimming teas.
Mm.
Yeah.
Oh, take a sip and you lose weight?
Oh, yeah. You lose a lot. Not just weight, Oh yeah you lose a lot not just weight but you know a lot
of emotional baggage. Oh yeah you feel a lot lighter emotionally and physically. Was it one of
those sort of cursed teas where you kept getting thinner and thinner and thinner until there was
nothing left to you you literally just disappeared? Oh no no no no no no no because then who would come
and buy more tea? Oh, right.
Good point.
So it was one of those poison teas where anyone who drinks the tea is telling everybody
you got to drink this tea, it's amazing.
Right.
It's changed my life.
No, there was real proof in the product.
People said word of mouth that it was good because it was good.
Although I've heard that before, that it was good, I tried one of those plain white teas
and I had a sip and
For one sip it was great, but then I just didn't drink it ever again, and I don't know where it went You know what else I can't just get into mushroom coffee. Why?
I don't know either
Like what's wrong with regular coffee, right? Oh, you should have you tried bean piss?
It wakes me up every morning God have my bean piss. That's what that smell is.
No, no, I think that smell is you.
Is that me?
Yeah, that smell is you.
Oh shit.
Yeah, I can confirm that smell is you.
That smell is not bean piss.
I wish that smell was bean piss.
Okay, the rumble the day after today, we win.
The snake teeth win.
Half my soul.
Numbers careful.
She could assume that you're saying
Rumble, R-U-M, second word B-O-W-L.
Oh, nice try, Cordelia.
We're gonna win the famous Rumbles of Northeastia.
That sounds delicious.
It does sound good.
They're so good, they're fantastic.
They're really a holiday treat though,
and this is not the season for it. Oh, damn it
I was gonna impose and say could I get a rumble please? Well, if you want to do wish for one of you
I he could all right take half of my okay him a rumble half your soul for oh Once let's let me get let me get no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no fight snake teeth are in we win the next fight that snake teeth is in you win that's right that's
a deal okay well I don't like the way she smiled when you said that she had kind of a
one and I promise you numbers Marlow that the next fight that the collective gang of snake teeth by the name of you numbers, Barlow.
We'll win.
Oh, what?
Do you ever just grand a wish
just to see what that would be like?
Like just regular all the way, grand a wish?
Numbers, I don't want to be rude,
but this rumble came out perfectly.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, I, no complaints from Ion.
So, technically this was a straight up what I asked for.
Thank you, thank you for this.
She's just fucking with you.
Yeah, it's like maybe it's something about you.
Yeah, well, I mean, you know, I'm a street kid.
I hadn't grow up with, I got nothing.
All right, how are you messing around with me?
You're going to give him a perfect rumble,
but me, you got to jerk around those whole time.
Listen, you asked for the rumble correctly.
What, I got, what about me? I'm just trying to make my street gang the most dominant street gang in Northeast Asia.
All right.
What is the wording that I need to do this?
That wasn't a wish.
I thought it was for a second.
Unless that's going to work.
I'll give you half if that's going to work.
Numbers, I think you might be honest something.
Maybe your wish should not be worded so specifically, but maybe you should say grant the wish I'm thinking of
or grant me the wish that would best serve me in my days.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, okay.
Okay, I'm not even gonna put anything on this one.
Yeah, great.
Really opening up yourself to your own subconscious.
Yeah, you're putting too much mustard on the ball.
Like simplify, simplify.
Yeah, okay, yeah, clear my mind.
Oh, but you should try mustard on the rum ball. Oh
Oh numbers I hate to ask could I yeah, absolutely
Oh, can I order those yeah, thank you. Thank you. Yeah, put it on the wrong balls with mustard, please put it on half my soul
Wait, are we doing orders all like is there?
Can you finish my order?
For the table. I don't want that. Let's split it. Let's split souls. Let's split souls.
Because otherwise, if we don't split souls at the end,
you know, I put in a third of my soul, somebody else is like,
oh, but I only had a bite of this and it's like,
well, I don't want to get into this.
Don't split souls.
Let me, you're a guest in my town.
Let me treat you. Thank you.
Oh, true. Thank you.
Okay, so you should have some rum balls with mustard for the table, half my soul.
Done.
Okay.
Ooh, boy.
I'm starting to feel a little weird.
Yeah, also I noticed you aren't reacting as much to it.
Like the first time she took half your soul,
it was like a big deal.
Yeah.
And now it's kind of like, yeah.
Is that bad?
Is that evidence of me losing?
I can't have a great soul anymore? Yeah, it's not good. No, you should step on the fish. Oh, I don't is that a good?
I yeah, okay, where you go?
Oh, we're getting close. Oh, I wonder what I'll make you into numbers numbers. Oh, maybe a paint by numbers.
Hmm a clock. Hmm. A clock? Hmm?
These are all good pitches.
I want to keep hearing molar.
Okay, okay.
Okay, while they're trying to figure that out, maybe a two by four?
Some dice?
I want you to grant my heart's desire for half my soul.
Okay.
It's done.
Son, I can't believe I found you here.
Dad?
I've been looking everywhere for you.
Where have you been?
I was lost and I couldn't find my way back to you.
Ten years ago.
I've been in the market ten years looking for you.
What are you talking about?
I've been at the market all the time and I've never seen you there.
Are you at the southeast end of the line?
No, no, I'm at the northwest!
Oh no!
Daddy!
I love you.
I love you too.
I've missed you so much.
Can we call it?
This is Papa Numbers?
No, Numbers is my first name.
It's a gang name.
It's my first name.
Oh, it's Papa Marlo.
Oh.
Hi, I'm Doug Marlo.
Hey.
Just here to see my son.
I just appeared here after looking around the market
for all these years.
Mr. Marlo, this is maybe none of my business,
but since your disappearance, your son has really gotten
mixed up with a lot of street gangs
and a lot of like fighting between gangs.
Oh, well, that's great.
I'm myself, I mean, quick horses.
So, oh nice.
That's hot.
Low down son of a bitch.
You're in the quick horses.
Yeah, I'm a quick horse.
You know it.
Quick horses for life.
Well, then you better be ready to rumble
with snake teeth, old man.
You're a member of snake teeth.
My own flesh and blood?
Yeah, that's right.
And you better be ready for so many knives, old man,
because I'm covered in them.
So why don't you give me a hug?
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ruff, and that is the fight that you just won for Slakes, Tee.
No, no.
Oh!
Congratulations.
No!
Numbers, I think you killed your father.
She's good.
Oh, Cordelia is good.
You're gonna have predicted that this would go so wrong.
Oh, and I'm trying to sit on your dad, but it's just not very comfortable.
He makes that shit piece of furniture.
I mean, this is insane, but props to Cordelia for pulling that off. What a- what a switch of
room. Uh, getting you to kill your own father. I- I- hats off.
Also, why am I still in line? I don't want this for myself.
You're the worst. I hate you Cordelia, but I got nothing left to live for.
Take the rest of my soul.
Whatever that's worth.
Now what do you want for it?
I don't want it.
It's probably, I mean, we're down pretty low at this point.
I never got a rumble.
Can we rumble for Yusurov for the rest of my soul?
Wait, wait, numbers no, please don't.
Cordelia, I have an offer to make you.
Yusur, do you mind if I,
because I was third in line,
do you mind if I kind of sneak in front of you?
Yeah, sure good, I know.
Thank you.
No, take back, Csis.
Cordelia, may I approach you with an offer?
Sure, what have you got?
I have my entire soul,
but I'm bartering with something else.
If you give numbers and his gang snake teeth,
the ability to win their rumble slash fight tomorrow. I will not contact the
constable about you serving an underage kid liquor. Oh shit. Whoa. He got oh he got you so bad.
You know how much trouble you're gonna be. I'm 14. You're gonna be a trouble lady. Oh I could lose
all 20 acres. The listeners, did you catch that one?
Be honest, don't lie.
Ah, this is a good episode.
There's patracide and blackmail here in the last few minutes.
So I have to think that this is one of our best yet.
I know.
This is the one we finally get a pee body for.
Oh, also, Cordelia, I want you to throw in
that I get my own gang name.
We've already established that maybe it's Nack, so I would like to...
No, no, you can't give it to yourself.
That cannot be negotiated.
But I had Nackless Rage!
Nackless Rage!
Ah!
Okay, you're choosing.
Okay, it's a deal.
Yes.
You successfully blackmailed me for the cost of one win at the rumble tomorrow for snake teeth not to be confused with the snake teeth
Against the quick horses. Yeah, we'll deal with the snake teeth after we finish off the quick horses
And no one tells old Connie
What cordelia's been up to today.
And I get a gang name.
In fact, you do.
Suckers get sucked.
Sounds like you've got a history with Old Connie.
I do indeed.
Connie, the constable, is she like your sister or something?
No.
Do you mean your name's both start with a C?
Do you think that's how families work?
How much blood have you lost?
Oh, so much.
I've been bleeding for weeks. You got to
sit in the Reed Klein hair over there. You're gonna do it so well. Numbers hold on you and your dad's
last name both started with an M. Oh my gosh. You're right. So are you related to Connie the constable?
If you really must know, we must weedated. Oh okay. And that could or could not be the reason
why I actually had to leave Northeastia.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, it sucks.
Yeah, that's breaking up sucks.
It's the absolute worst.
You know, and it really shows you who your friends are, you know?
Yeah, because it's like who came to visit you
in this hut after you left down.
I'll tell you, not a lot of people.
Wow, that hurts.
Cordelia, can I amend my wish since you haven't granted it
just quite yet?
Sure.
Here's what I want.
Of course I want myself to have a stellar gang name,
Killer Even.
I would like numbers in his gang snake teeth to,
you know, be ahead for a while in the fight. Whether they win or lose
is on their own accord. They decide their own fate. And Cordelia, I want you to have whatever
you want. I want to wish for whatever your wish is. But it sucks because again, my leverage
I guess is telling kind of the constable. So that part sucks, but I don't want to lose my
soul. So I'm sorry about that, but I'm doing want to you know, I don't want to I don't want to lose my soul so I'm sorry about that But I'm doing I'm doing good against you. Wow
my heart desire
well
I'll grant it and
henceforth
snake teeth will win you
Badger boy will be Badger Boy.
That's a good name.
Oh, I love it.
I'm writing that down.
That's so good.
Badger Boy, baby.
Little baby.
Oh, yeah, baby.
Oh, I love it.
That's a good name.
You name before?
Nobody like better lay a finger on baby.
Would you say numbers?
I'm saying cordially.
You name before?
Yeah, have you name before?
Never. You got a real-knack for it.
Maybe, maybe you're knack.
A knack?
That could be your nickname.
You want necklace, Rage?
Oh, my heart's desire.
I have been gifted a nickname.
And all are already adred to a street gang.
That's right, Cordelia.
You are a provisional member of Snake Teeth.
You'll see at the rumble tomorrow.
We've done a lot of good here today.
Yeah, and Arnie and Yusidor, I realize something,
we're our own little gang.
We're the fast horses.
Oh, I like that.
Yeah, that name is avail.
You should take that name, because somebody will.
We should be the fast horses.
Arnie, I do like fast horses.
And maybe we have a little song like,
I got a fast horse. Little runs real fast and he's all the hey something like that?
We can brainstorm we can brainstorm I'm out of it look the song we're not with standing
We are clearly the fast horses now. Yeah, I remember when you were riding right in our holes
Numbers numbers it's good. I don't know. I just I'm I don't support my idea stuff supporting my idea
Okay, all right
You're not part of the fast horses, and you never will be hey, hey, maybe we need someone need someone
Hey, you got a problem with snake teeth. Come here. Yeah. Yeah, let's rumble tomorrow. Yeah, no, I got a rumble tomorrow
Oh
What time? What time? All right, let's get our calendars out. Okay. Yeah
Okay, well tomorrow we're rumbling.
We usually rumble around noon.
Okay, because then there's,
you don't have to wake up too early and then it's time.
Tonight we have an eight o'clock dinner.
The next day.
Where are you going?
Oh, we're going to the dolphin throat.
They have an, they have an all you can eat.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, all you take to VJ bar.
Yes.
Have you been?
Well, you know, I have been oh, did you and Connie go?
You like she she got the city and I got the country and that is just the way we split things up
No, no, no Cordelia if you're a member of snake teeth you go anywhere you want in Northeast India Cordelia
I don't want to be rude, but you say you ate it dolphins throat, which famously has ceviche.
Are you in ceviche related?
Oh, because of the sea.
Yeah.
No.
It was sort of a surprise before, but if you'd pan out, so it was worth asking.
God, what I wouldn't give to be initiated into a street gang and given a cool nickname.
Add it to your vision board, Trisha. Dreams
can come true. Or at least that's what most popular music implies.
Use it or the wizard was played by Matt Young. Chant the Talking Badger was played by Adel Raffi.
Numbers Marlow from the gang Snake Teeth was played by special guest Jeremy Bent from the
Improvized Sci-Fi comedy podcast Mission to Zix. You can also hear
him on the Paramount Plus show tuning out the news. Cordelia Stamphot the Witch was played
by special guest Ali Kokesh, who you can also hear on the very funny Mission to Zix podcast.
Look, you should just be listening to Mission to Zix, that's all there is to it, okay?
Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arne Neacamp, Matt Young, and Adel Raffai,
Post Production Coordination by Garrett Schultz,
Ear Wolf Producer Kimi Lucas,
this episode edited by Tim Joyce,
Special Assistance provided by Ryan DeGeorgie.
Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard LeBan,
Magic Tavern song by Andy Poland.
Okay, now, how do you start a podcast?
There's gotta be a book lying around here somewhere, right?
Alright, well, we've got reservations, let's go.
There was nice meeting you.
Nice meeting you.
Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Nice to. That was nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.
Bye back.
Bye numbers.
See you little baby.
Aw.
Ficey the peach.
Should we have invited them to dinner?
I see.
I'm excited about it.
Now we're still working on that one.
I'll get back to you about that one.
I don't know.
I mean, it feels like maybe we should,
but I feel like if we just kind of plow forward,
we would probably be.
Yeah, we probably do you want to come to dinner with us?
Aw, fuck, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. You never want, you never want to be Che dinner with us? Oh, fuck, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
You never want, you never want to be Che before a rumble.
Trust me on this one.
And I got to show up tomorrow, so...
Oh, you're in the gang now.
Alright, well, pleasure to meet you.
Was it?
Well, now we have to unpack this.
I mean, for the most part it was.
I mean, up top, we were uncertain, you know, you were bargaining for souls,
but I feel like by the end of it, it was nice to meet you
So maybe not my state, maybe not my nice to meet you, but nice to leave you in the sense that it's hard to leave you because we grew fond of you
Maybe your problem is that we don't take hints like when someone says was it
That's probably a good time to disengage, but we're just like diving deeper in and I never got my peach
You brought a peach you had your old peach with you. Did you get your rumble?
Yes, but my wish was to have another peach for how much of your soul are you willing to barter? No, not still on me
It's still on me. Oh, oh, no, thank you. Thank you. Oh, no problem. Oh, that was the last bit
Oh, he forgot the 20% tip. Where did numbers go?
I like the pitch that he featured into dice.
That was a good one.
Yeah, look, there's a pair of dice in that table right there now.
Let's roll them bones!
Yeah!
Oh!
Oh, snake teeth!
Hear love