Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 3, Ep 97 - Maybe Mister Chauncey (w/ Paul F. Tompkins)

Episode Date: July 19, 2021

A meeting with fancy little faun, Mister Chauncey, takes a strange turn when a large ominous creature shows up claiming to be Mister Chauncey.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungMister Chauncey: Paul F. TompkinsMysterious Man: Tim SniffenExasperated Eataly Patron: Liz AndersonProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEarwolf Producer: Kimmie LucasEditor: Stephen DrangerSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the and Add Free on Wondering Plus. People of Earth, in case you were wondering, should you eat the rare million dollar truffle in the display case at the center of Italy?

Even if you have a gift certificate, they'll put out a warrant for your arrest and you'll spend every night hiding in different bits of Tuscan window dressing. To evade their remarkably nuanced security system, but now that I've coupled together this restaurant manager disguise I should be able to excuse me. I asked for a booster seat for my child about half an hour ago Yes, and I placed it on the roof where your child should be was that not clear? My baby can't even walk! What better incentive if he wants to see you again

I guess you'll have to put in the hours and figure it out. It's not like it's the first thing mankind learned how to do or anything. Ugh! Oh, put it in a word, balloon. I'm only now realizing I have a real knack for customer service. And greater access to the building allows me to better plot my escape. As for this week's transmission, we've gotten away from my increased presence on the show and back to basics. Let some other podcasts have the ratings, I say. So, sit back, steal yourself for the inevitable sense of disappointment, and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern!

A weekly podcast from the magical land of fune. I'm your host Arne Neekamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. Six years and many months ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fune. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal

from the Burger King through the dimensional rift, and I use that to upload a podcast, chronicling our quest to defeat the Dark Lord. And, you know know just like keep things Relatively balanced in the town of Northeasias. There's a transfer of power I am joined as always by my buddy Badger boy. Oh, yeah, baby You know I Arnie this whole time. I've been saying all yeah, baby Which is for all yeah, better boy, And I didn't even realize it, Arnie. You know, all this time I thought you were saying,

oh, yeah, baby, but then you just got a real sloppy about it over time and just be like, baby. I just got drunk or in drunk, you're just starting to learn. Slaring my bees. Yeah, I've been meeting some. You ever slur your bees? Oh, yeah.

It's hard to set yourself up for a slurring of your bees. Oh yeah, you should never slur on Mike. You know, Arnie, I've been pretty introspectively thinking about life and I'm curious, your answer. What do you think happens to us after we die? Is it just been keeping me up at night? Us? Like us specifically?

I guess specifically you. What happens to you after you die? It is your soul go back to Earth? You know, I don't believe much, but I think when I do die, that all reality will blink out with me because I am the only real person that exists in this or in another world. Interesting. Here's what happens. A ghost shoots out of your chest like a comet towards the sky, flying towards the stars. But then the head of that ghost turns back and looks at the land of food and says,

there is still evil. I must return to my mortal form where I can defeat it. So you're saying that's what happens when I die? Right. I turn into a ghost of you. A ghost comet comes out of your chest Uh-huh the head of this ghost comet looks back and maybe maybe you don't see evil Maybe you see like I don't know poop jokes or something and then you fly back to the world Well, you know, you have to keep making poop jokes sure. I gotta say I hate all of that But there's something about ghost comet just those just those words. They speak to me.

What, I'm just telling you what happens when you die. Well, I'm so sorry, Badger Boy. What about you? What do you think happens specifically when we die? You know, I'm not sure. You know, my dad is a hunger ghost. So I do believe that there's some sort of spectral form that will crawl out of our mouths.

Maybe not shoot out of our chest like a comet, but maybe slowly crawl out of our mouths over the course of 30 to 40 years. And then once that. That's the thing about religion. People just can't, like, maybe I believe that you shoot out of your chest, maybe you believe that you shoot out of your mouth,

you're never gonna figure it out between the two of us. Either way, I'm circumcised in death. You're circumcised in death? Yeah, that's a must. For my creatures, that's a must. So after you die, you get circumcised? Yep, we leave it an ant eater the whole way and then in our final moments, little snip,

and off we go. Less painful, so I get that. Yeah, that's, I mean, shape shifters believe that you have to pay a toll when you die. You don't have to cross a river or anything, but you do have to pay with two ounces of flesh. Now the easiest two ounces to lose is going to be, you know, a foreskin. From my experience there's no easy two ounces to lose am I right?

I have to pay a toll when I ascend to the higher realms. I have to pay to the top of the toll keepers, the toll king. The toll king? I'm sorry I said that. Well, I'm not sorry that I said that foreskin comes from the fact that it is four ounces of skin. I famously only have to pay two ounces, so the other two I can work with. Now, I can invest that two ounces of foreskin, I can barter or trade for it.

Where, where are you putting those two ounces? If you're investing it, where are you putting those two ounces of foreskin? Oh boy, I are you putting those two ounces of four-skin? Oh boy, I mean, the market fluctuates so much that it's hard to say right now because who knows? But I'm sure there'll be some sort of crypt currency, you know, dead bones, muscle lioms, somewhere, somewhere in a graveyard for sure.

I'm gonna bury it for sure because that's only gonna grow. It's all, if you bury four-skin, it's only gonna grow and grow and grow and you're gonna see returns and returns and returns. I really got into cryptocurrency there for a while, and I was just telling all my friends about it, and I was like, you've gotta get into this cryptocurrency.

It's a future, you've really got to invest in cryptocurrency, and then I spent it all in a vending cart. One of those vending carts that takes cryptocurrency. Yeah, here's my thing about cryptocurrency. I feel like I'm hearing so much about it in Fune, and it's one of those things where I'm like, I guess there's a real chance that soon everything will be cryptocurrency,

and I would be smart to get involved with it, but I just hope not. I mean, in theory, that's gonna be the case, but no one really knows. I just hate everybody that talks to me about cryptocurrency for some reason. Maybe that's of my problem. Well, our orange, well careful, don't raise know. I just hate everybody that talks to me about cryptocurrency for some reason. Maybe that's of my problem. Well, our, our niche.

Well, careful, don't raise your voice too loud. Because we are here at the Lonely Gorilla and I hear that there's a lot of day traders here. Now, day traders are vampires that can walk during the day and also trade during the day. So just be careful. Wait, wait, hold on. What?

They're vampires that can walk during the day. So just be careful. Wait, wait, hold on. What? They're vampires. Yes, that can walk during the day. Yes. Here's a part I have the most problem with. Yeah. They can trade during the day too. Yeah. You know how most vampires can only trade at night?

Well, they can trade during the day. Like, you go to a vampire at night and you say, I've got these pugs. Can I have some of you all pugs? And then you trade them. But if you go to that vampire during the day, they'll say, Naaaay, get away from me, I'm trying to sleep. So you're saying everything I understand about vampires and how they work, they can legally trade

during the day? Mm-hmm. Yeah, the day traders want them, see how? Once the bell rings, they're able to walk during the day and trade during the day. Do they sparkle? I mean some of them. That's a weird question to ask. Depends on what kind of makeup they wear, you know? OK. But yeah, just look around the bar, Arnie. Look at all these interesting big city folk.

Yeah. The lonely gorilla brings in all sorts of creatures and characters. Are we in a little out of our depth in this tavern? Everyone's a little alone. A shoot out of our depth. this tabern everyone's a little a little A suit of our depth how dare you suggest such a thing we are the fast horses That's true our new gang the fast horse and don't forget our new song The first horse gotta really fast. Oh, it's in a real fire. Everyone come on everyone. We practice this all right

I'm the count of three I'm a count count of three. One, two, three. I got a fast horse. What is going on? I don't know. Here's the thing, you said or an iron sink, 100%. But guys, I know, look, we have so much to talk about. I'm very excited to talk about all of these things except for concurrency.

Yes, okay. But we are scheduled to meet up with a friend that we haven't seen in years and years. I heard that Mr. Chansey, the fancy little fawn. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Is it going to be here? The fancy little fawn. He's got a little waistcoat.

Oh, he's the fanciest. Wasn't he, did we make him mayor? He was one of the co-mayors of Hogsface, yes, oh, most certainly. It's hard to remember. We made so many the co-mayors of Hogsface, yeah, so, most certainly. It's hard to remember. We made so many people co-mayor of Hogsface. Yeah, it's kind of dime-a-dozen. I mean, here's the thing. We were co-mayors of Hogsface. That's right.

No, I mean- I didn't mean that as a good thing. I meant like, guys, we were mayors of Hogsface. Now they would be glad to have us. Fast horses as your mayor! Can you imagine such a thing? I got a fast horse fuck me. Okay, let's no let's do it this time on the counter three one two two wait, I gotta think of something you do wait. No, I'm just thinking there's a way to play this is gonna be great Oh boy. Oh wait is that is that mr. Johnson and Oh, thank God.

Coming towards us, who is that? The Shrink's big Jens. Oh! Sorry to tell you, no port lopin at this time. Check back at first light tomorrow. Oh, thank you for letting us know. Pardon me, but your waistcoat looks very familiar to me. Yeah, it's very nice. I like my outfit.

Wait a minute. Hold on, waistcoat. Must be a regionalism. Friend, you know where I'm from, we always say regionalism. Yeah, I must be. What do you call it? Regional way of saying that. Friend, my people always say waistcoat, what coat?

Is that something you found around town? Or did you, did you barter for that or you a day trader? No, no, this is me waist kit and I've had it all in my life as you can see That's quite fit as well as it used to Oh, I see. Well friend, you're welcome to join us. We'd love to get to know you. We're waiting for a friend of ours though What is your name? My name is Mr. John C. Pleasure to meet you. Oh, well that's what a coincidence. The friend we're waiting to meet is also Mr. John C. But clearly you aren't he?

I'm your little Mr. John C in these parts. Fancy little phone, that's my, that's my way, that's my line, that's my Bayley Wic. I charge of all the portals came out of a time, I don't you know. I don't mean to parse hairs if that's a term, but it's not. It's not. Well, we're not even regionally. Not in the big city, you know. Well, I don't mean to horse butts, but we're talking. You said you yourself are a fancy little fun, well I don't mean to horse butts, but we're talking You said you yourself are a fancy little fun, and I don't need to take I'm a little phone. I don't mean old look at me little white skit. I don't mean to take umbridge with Everything but little's a bit weird because that waistcoat does not fit you

You're wearing it almost like a bracelet. You're quite an intimidating large fellow. As I said, I've put on a few pounds of last year, but who has it, right? Yeah, yes indeed. It seems to be mostly muscle though, and your horns, they're so long and so sharp. I don't think I've ever seen a thorn with horns, quite so terrifying.

I've stopped trimming them this age. Just started to let my freak flag fly as it were. Well, you know, it's been quite a year for everyone. And you know, we've all transformed in our own ways. You know, Yusudora and Badger Boy have put on a lot of weight. I'm the only one that's really gotten jacked in the last year. No, I'm still ripped as hell. Everyone knows that.

If any artists are listening, just keep this all in mind. You got jacked, who was it? Not worth following. Do you not know? Do you not know, Jack? Well, Mr. Choncy, we are being quite rude. Uh, you're our old friend, obviously, so why- Forgive me for not recognizing you, but it's been, uh, it's been quite a, quite a tumultuous

time since I came out of retirement open up all the portals, don't you see? What are your names again? Oh, and I am, of course. You stood all the blue, wizard of the 12th Rail of the Ephesius, Master of Light and Shadow, Manipulator of Magical Delights, Devourer of Chaos, Champion of the Great Halls of Trockus,

Known to the elves as Fien-Ellac, Known to the dwarves as Zonin and Hook Stenges, Known here in the North East as Gasway as Maze- Yes, Mage, yeah, that's right, I was gonna say. Yes, if I look familiar, yeah. Yeah, you've got it. But please have a seat and let us bring you a meat on ale, whatever you do desire. Both. Both. Thanks, Yusudor. That was a great segue into my intro.

I'm Badger Boy, formerly known as Chant. Law formally. Well, I guess, um, I really don't know. Why do we do anything because of the fear of the encroaching death that Comes for us all. What do you think happens to us when we die? us specifically oh three of you yeah, well, I imagine You shoved into a portal to another world and no one ever sees you again Now this is an interesting point that we've sort of glossed over here is the last time we saw you you had mentioned that all the portals had shut down and were no longer functioning you're saying the portals

are reopened. Yeah I about that little premature it turns out not a good idea portals are great and it seemed like they needed to be opened again so I took it upon myself to come out over time and open up the portals Well pretty mature portal closings happens to everyone you don't need to be self-conscious about that Thank you. How does he's my mind to be good good? I'm just thinking about something am I dead? No, no, I did a comet shoot out of your chest. I don't know what I did fall through a dimensional portal. Can you feel this? You oh god, yeah, you're so strong in sure Congratulations, aren't you you fell through a portal? Here's how you know if you're alive or not is the cake a lie?

Yeah, I do have things to live for you know at some day. There will be a portal three. I'm you alive I'm alive. We do what we must because we can now Let us continue to find out what's happening to the portals Mr. Chonsey if the portals are reopened Is there a way for my friend Arnold here to return to his home world of earth? Yeah, it's aren't he? Let's see. Let's see earth portal earth portal. It sounds Let's see, let's see, Earth portal, Earth portal. It sounds vaguely familiar. Is that the place with the rude children? Ah, there are rude children there.

Yes, they're often... Oh yeah! They're often on a, um, oh, one of Anitolus, the television channel. With the green slime, they're very rude. Very rude, they're always popping out of lockers. And Arnie, you always say that Earth children are so rude that they can't have their pudding if they don't eat their meat

Mm-hmm. I'll be have you pudding if you don't eat your meat. That's what I was wondering And they say the dawn to things oh On their own on their own on their own Yes, yes, yes, of course. Sorry nobody prompts them. They say it on their own here in Northeast yet a kid's they're all right You know if you ask me what's a deal with these kids these days Who can understand a thing they say already? I think kids these days. They're a lot more incorporated if that makes sense That's all of them What's keeping that lead in the aisle? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You know, Badger Boy and Yousse-or, you've met them a couple of times, but I have to confess,

Mr. Tronzi, we have only met once, briefly, it back in Hogs face. Oh, Hogs face, eh, was all the mayor. You were one of the mayors, yes. Right. It was like three years ago, so, you know, it's hard to remember all the political offices the person has held over the years. That explains the sash in me pocket. I'll keep it for emergency preview paper.

Oh, can I ask? This is maybe, I apologize if this is a personal question. It seems like there's some blood on that sash. Well, you know, I'll log the dabble in the kitchen and, uh, boy, I sometimes get a little over-infosiacistic, if you know what I mean. Arnie I think he's lying his eyes rolled back in his head. And new pupils popped up on the back end of his eyes. Yeah, I've never seen that before. I know. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait I don't know if that means he's lying, but it's definitely disconcerting.

Let me just mix these two together. There we go. Right then. Cheers, Jensen. I love to see you again. Ah, good to see you again as well. Cheers! Oh, fuck, you just ate the whole glass. Waste, get one not. Now then, you, ate the whole glass. Ways get one not. Now then, you the little airy one. Oh, that could be any of us.

Only he's talking to you. Oh, oh, badger boy, me, yes. You used to have a different name as I recall from what you said. Yeah, I used to be known, and I guess I sometimes still am, as Chant, the sheepshifter. Don't understand, keeping two names, I've just had the one name all my life, Mr. Johnson. Johnson, that's what the J? Is it? Mr. Johnson.

How do you say it? Mr. Chant. Chant, with a- with a CH. Chant, Ch- Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, Chant, traveling around Hogsface being caught in the shattering, staying at Skullmaster Castle, it's so good to catch up with an old friend and remind them of who they are. In that what we all do for each other, that's true friendship that is, where you remind each other who you are, never forget. You come to a big city like this, it's easy to put on hairs and forget who your friends are. Yes, yes, as a matter of fact, does anyone know what I was doing 10 years ago because I have no

memory of a period of about three years? I'm the only person in the universe that exists. It's more evidence that that's true. Will you in a band? Ah, that must be it. I must have been in a band. Well, gap filled. Thank you, Mr. Troncy. Well, would you play both Instrument and Style? Probably stand-up bass. Probably Solo. It's probably a one-man stand-up bass band.

And stand-up bass is, um, that's a base that's incredibly reliable? Yeah, you can count on that base no matter what. Nice. Three years, just... Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, for hours. You didn't have the actual instrument then? No, no, no, no. I just made the noise with my mouth. So it sounds like I met you shortly after a real low point. Oh, I'd say we're right in the middle of the low point personally, but that's just me.

A case could be made. Now then, Jens, now that we're reunited and it feels so good, so good. What is it that you are you're doing here in Northeastia? Oh, well we've come to assist Tom Blaine Bellaroth as he wishes to ascend to the throne and take his rightful place as King. I heard about that. He wants to be King. Yes. I got a friend. The tour is coming.

A man is in laugh with an old friend. It's too bad he probably won't make it, come on. A man is seen laugh with an old friend. Yeah, it's too bad he probably won't make it, oh, will he? Oh, I mean, Mr. Johnson, I'm sorry, Mr. Chachan, why do you say that you don't think he'll make it? Well, you know, I've heard some things hurtle doors open, people start to talk, people and other things as well, and it seems that perhaps Tom Blaine, in the only one who's got his heart on the throne. Oh. But you didn't hear that from me, Mr. Tchaichon-C.

Oh. Well, we do know that his sister, Princess Trachea, Raelia has always been after him, wishing to take his place and you serve him. But I think we'll defeat her in the end. Have you heard about anyone else? Well, let's see. I know those people from Deviantrix who fear that perhaps they could do a good job ruining over the kingdom. I heard that the king of the Voles, he feels like he wants to expand.

The king of the Voles, he feels like he wants to expand. The King of the Voles. Yeah. Uh, Chant, did you know the King of the Voles when you were the King of the Badgers? Who? You mean Badger Boy? Badger Boy, did you know the King of the Voles when you were the King of the Badgers? I knew A King of the Voles, I don't know if I knew the King of the Voles, you know, because animal kings, the animal kingdom is such a, I don't know, it's such a tumultuous arena.

People are being dethroned and killed, people get picked up by owls and carried away. It's just so violent and intense, so there's a lot of turnover. Buga boys, right? I should have said, hey king of voles, because, you you know, wolves are little and, uh, yeah. So they don't always know that there's more wolves, just a mile away. Yeah, they sort of, they're sort of a, uh, siloed a bit, I suppose, and they're little wolf communities. They think they're a immediate area.

Oh, this guy's the king, but they don't realize there's tons of other wolves, just, just a hop-skipping a jump away. Is this right on that corner? They think they're the only ones that are real. They're like psychopaths. You don't realize it's tons of other voles. Just a hop-skipping a jump away. Just right on that corner. They think they're the only ones that are real. They're like psychopaths. Well, the real worst are the Lemmings, because there was a king of the Lemmings,

but as soon as he put a crown on his head, about a million other put a crown on top of their head too. So now it's just one big mess of kings. Well, they're all kings. It also made them sink faster. If you're a little tiny creature, jump into the ocean and ask the one, he's a big, heavy crown. Oh, oh, oh, oh, Mr. Chancy, I'm sorry to tell you this.

Mr. Chancy, please. A Mr. Chancy, that's a bit of a myth. It turns out that a king who wanted to be very famous in this particular magical kingdom pushed some of those lemmings off into that water. Yeah, so then lemmings don't really do that, but it was a gift to do that to them, because otherwise they have no defining characteristics whatsoever. Forgive my stunt stylist.

I was trying to figure out if that was a reference to something. Just the truth. Just speaking the truth here today. We're just talking about kings and honestly Mr. Chuchon say I gotta say kings. I don't know what's wrong with these kings today but but out of that. Kings who could understand anything they say boot do do do. Why can't they be like we were perfect in every way. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. assisting this tomb line in his ascension to the throne. Well, we've uncovered the secret of his sister, trying to murder him. We let him stab Arnea a couple times. Several times. What else do we do? We put a bet on him at the casino to win. We put down some money on him at the casino, yes, that he'll become king.

We talked to a lot of people, some of them related, some of them not related. We got him out of his shitty theater job. Oh yeah. Mm-hmm. That's a miracle. Mm-hmm. People stayed, those jobs forever.

Yeah, I mean, he was, he was a good actor. He was, he had a good run, but, you know, being an actor, being king of everything, you know, it's just, it was a better career move for him in the long run. What? Being an actor, why wouldn't he just play a role where he was the king of everything? Oh, I never thought about it like that.

It would save him being pushed into a portal and never being seen again. Wait, what? Eh? What? What? Oh, then I also mentioned my swan to protect his life, no matter what. That's good information to have. being seen again. Wait, what? Eh? What? What? Eh? That I also mentioned was Swann to protect his life, no matter what.

That's good information to have. Now then, have you ever seen a portal to another dimension? Could you identify one if you saw one? Sure. What? What is it look like? Well, they look different every time, then, eh? It depends where you're traveling.

Sometimes it looks like a big dresser. Sometimes it looks like a sort of blue box. Sometimes it looks like a cave. I mean, they can vary in appearance, certainly. But the one size, you're usually sort of like a mystical circle about the size of a six-foot human with swirling energies inside. You don't get those kinds of portals there, Potalia?

They don't do those, no more. It was too much trouble. Do you ever get the ones that are like a magic tree house? There was a magic tree house, but it burned up from the top down. Never seen anything like it. From the top down. As we let you burn, we said,

well, that's pretty magical for a dream house. I've also seen people bring out minotures and then it's like, it's a portal to a magical world, you know, inside of the imagination. Yeah, people parade out these miniature portals or they'll build a miniature portal in a bottle, he's fucking nerds. There was one particular golem made of clay he was animated walking around chilling stuff. He was able to walk into books along with his little pony. How did he walk?

He saw to that, just skated on the ground. What? Wow. How did he do that? He didn't have proper feet. They were flat at the bottom. Was he like a greenish? Yeah, he was. Green is the grass and twice is evil. He is the most chilling part of the legend.

If you are a living person, he's a part of you. If you've got a heart, that golems are part of you. What if I've collected several other hearts? Do that mean I have more of him? Hmm, that's a good question. Perhaps you could trap him in a different heart and then leave your regular heart, go Good thinking Mr. Chitron say. I don't know if this is just my mind playing tricks on me, but I feel like I have this like, pokey sensation in my heart now in the chest. Oh, I hate this. Arnie, cut it out.

Cut it out. Cut him out. No, I know what it feels like to be stabbed. I can't, I can't do it to you. Stand back Arnie. I'll cut out Badger Boy's heart. Oh. Yeah.

Stay perfectly still like. Cut into you. Oh, I thought he was going to be magic, but he's just got to record her own knife. Yeah, I just picked this up from the table. This is just part of the dinner package It's not be less magical. This might be bad your boys last episode. You're all right with this. Yeah, just keep it connected Oh, well, I can't keep it connected if I'm gonna cut it out. What come on? Mr. Chancif we end up needing a new third are you available? Yeah Come on, Mr. Chancif, we end up needing a new third, are you available? Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'll be happy to help you too. Sorry, badger boy, but, you know, I do want to help the rightful king take his place,

you know what I mean. Yeah, no, I understand, that's fair. Arnie, his eyes did that thing again. They rolled in the back of his head and a third set of pupils popped forward. Yeah, he used it hard. Changa, what? I know you're very busy, like stabbing each other. His eyes did that thing again. They rolled in the back of his head and a third set of pupils popped forward. Yeah, he used it hard. John, what? I know you're very busy like stabbing each other.

Yes. I've noticed, have you noticed something about Mr. Chachonzi? Yeah, he keeps taking out his teeth one by one and sharpening them. Yeah, there's that. Which is unsettling, I'll admit. But I was gonna point out a much more minor thing

is that whenever you talk about something sort of matter faculty, he usually answers, yeah! Okay, maybe it's a regulism. Maybe it's just me, I interpret that a little bit as sort of like taking a long time to realize to lie. Like, it's a three-letter word, and then spending a long time to realize to lie. Like, like, it's a three-letter word, and then spending a long time on that first letter to lie in the last two letters of the word. Oh, fuck.

Are you, what are you fellow talking about, Othory? What are you fellow talking about? He put his teeth back in, did you see that? We all saw that, right? Oh, Mr. Chachon, see, we're just talking about how we're all, like, unfailingly honest, and we never tell a lie. Riiiiiiiike. I'm not a fan. Mr. Chanchee...

Uuuuuh. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I hate what it said to me, but I don't afford the courtesy to anyone else. I'm sorry. Mr. Chichonsey, do you happen to have a portal that leads to a commercial break? Indeed I do. I shouldn't do this between port lowers, but I... I think I'm in a box. Turn around. Ah! Another mystical world. Full of goods and services. Yep, that we'll read, and we'll be right back after we get out of this portal! It's beautiful, I see some stitch fix. Or something. Ony, yeah, quick, quick, before we come back from break.

Yeah. But wait, no, you said, or just in case the episode isn't long enough. Is it all right if we include this? I know we're still working. I'm not working. No, I'm working. Here's what I just want you in. No, I'm recording.

Fine. Yes. Sorry. I couldn't help but notice you guys are whisperedling. Are you shit talking, my close-up magic? Yes. I just finished shit talking, your close-up magic. Come on.

That's not going in. That's not going in that's not going in the episode Now I'm talking about some real magic. Is it okay for me to be here? Sure, yeah, Mr. Johnson. Sorry. I invited Mr. Johnson. I thought this was a group thing Yeah, I just saw you all talking. I thought he looked fun. Honey. I think that Badger Boy might not be who he says he is Who? I know I fucking said it right! So I'm going to cast a truth revealing spell. Okay. Maybe I'll just step away.

This is- Oh no, Mr. Chachonzi, please stay. You are- You are a good friend. No! No, you guys have known each other like that. No, you're welcome. No, I feel like a- a full-few look.

No. Mr. Chachonzi, actually I would love to hold your hand just because I was pretty Nah, I feel like a full-fuel. No. Mr. Chachonzi, actually, I would love to hold your hand just because I was pretty scared when I almost had open heart take outy. So I'd love to just hold your hand during this spell, if you don't mind. Would you shut up for one of me, Taif? Sure.

All right. Classic, Mr. Chachonzi. Hey, how are you? All right. Toraht, a kawath, a'Lachom, a'Kh Now for the next 5 minutes, no one can tell a lie Wait, what? No one can tell a lie for the next 5 minutes

ODI, what do you got? D-G-G-G-G-B-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U- Aliterate I always knew it my name is Chunt damn it this spell is good. Oh you are chunt is he said drinking game. Oh, we could make it one sure Yeah, I'll go first with it's all have two buttles Okay, that's true fact there we all know Explained why we call you gasway deus mate So the drinking element of this game is probably not going to come into play if we magically can't lie. Yeah, but if you try to then we can all take a drink. Oh, okay.

We can also take a drink every time someone tells the truth. I'm not picky about the rules. Well, I'll go next time. I am here at this table. Oh, good one. Everyone take a drink. that was the truth. We're learning about each other. I'm sorry, Mr. Chuchonzi.

I feel like everyone should start with sort of a base truth, which is like just to say their name. Like I said, my name is Chant. Let's all do that. Just to kind of establish a base and kind of just have some fun with it. Right, right. Um, yeah.

Uh, my name has been given as Mr. Chachonzi. See, was that so hard? Wait a second, my name has been given. Sorry, that was a bit evasive. I have told you, my name is Mr. Chachonzi. Stranger, Stranger, Stranger. My name is Yusudor. Those other names were given to me by someone else as is well established in the way I present them.

Each and every week. Perfect. Oh, listen stuff. And this is gonna be kind of hard for me to admit. My name is Arnold. Legally, on my birth certificate, my name is Arnold, but I prefer to be called Arnie. Why?

Great question. I get it. Here's the thing. It's a loose, loose situation, admittedly. But for whatever reason, I don't know. I just, I think I prefer Arnie. Have you ever thought about switching to a middle name? You said they have extra middle names on Earth.

A middle name is Paul. My middle name is Paul. I'm like, who wants that? No one. Paul knee camp. I don't know. I saw it sort of like it. What's not Paul?

Wait a minute. The second name is knee camp. Yeah. No, no, that's third name. The second name is Neacamp. Yeah. No, no, that's third name. My last name is Neacamp. That's the one that I've got the most problem with. I'm gonna be honest. Paul Neacamp.

Here's the crazy thing. Neacamp, think about how you assume it's spelled. It's not. Hey Arnold. Hey Arnold, you sure? Let's make his head like a football, whatever that is. Have you thought about no dough? I don't know.

No dough, kneecap. Ooh, are you saying are no dough or just no dough? No dough, no dough. That's it, that's it. That's it. That's a power and a regalness to it. I don't like it. I lose my alphabetical advantage a little bit.

And you know we really like it, because we soft to keep telling the truth for another minute and a half. Oh, I knew around. I'm going to start a new round. Let's go around. Let's do something kind of dumb, kind of fun, kind of sexy. Oh, let's all go around and let's say that we haven't killed Mr. Chancy.

I have never killed Mr. Chancy. Well, I have never killed Mr. Chancy. I've never killed Mr. Choncy. Well, I have never killed to like over analyze someone else's speech patterns like Everyone's got a lot going on Arnie, please over analyze this if you're ever gonna over analyze over analyze this Or over analyze that about pretty good Well, have you do? Never overanalyze the other thing. Right, Jebs?

I think it's time. We all can't clean in it. Oh, he's getting out of his chair. This sounds severe. What's going on, Mr. Chichon? Yeah, Mr. Chichon. What's on your mind? I'm not, Mr. Chichon.

What? I think you know. Look, this Wesket doesn't fit at all. Yeah. This is a dead embarrassing. Yeah, and I guess to be honest, I didn't want to be rude, but I never remember Mr. Chancy having three sets of eyeballs or removable teeth. No, I'm not the Mr. Chancy you knew. I'm someone else.

Oh. What a revelation. That's enough for me Oh, no, yeah reveal yourself feigned and what has happened to Mr. Chaudsey or is this one of those things where we have to guess your name I mean, I'll give you one guess guys Guys are we gonna have to all agree on what our guess is yeah? We only get one not one each no not one each Yes, yes. No, we only get one, not one each. No, not one each.

Oh, collective, like the three of you get one. I want to say, ladies and gif. Oh, shit, I'm sorry. That's not official. That's not official. It's not an official guess. I'm torn because my first instinct was dimple rumple skin. And my second sort of, my second guess is Naldo.

Ooh, what if it was rumbled for skin? Oh, my guess is gonna be Mr. Chachoncy. No, no, that's definitely wrong. I don't know, but for some reason it's on the tip of my tongue. Of course, because... Oh, what if it's a timer? Now there's a fucking timer? I think we're thinking too long.

What if it's like crotch? Ooh. Or like... Yeah, fine, crotch. Let's say crotch a crunch is it is it crunch final answer crunch locked in Alonso lock in my name is David Allen McKenzie That was gonna be my next game so close damn damn

Damn David Allen McKenzie all the clues were there. David Allen, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. Obviously David Allen's your first names that you've never heard of middle names. So it's very nice. I'm so sorry to interrupt. There's no space in David Allen. Like for when I post this online,

we're recording this by the way. I don't know if I've mentioned this. I'm recording this to be broadcast in my world.'s no space between David and Alan correct. Of course there is helpful makes Alan my spice name. Oh Space name. Yeah, you got your first name the spice name Oh, the one that you put in the space in between that makes sense. Yeah, honored. Why do you have a middle name and not a space? crashed into that. Yeah, you sir, why'd you say like that? Space between. You know how it's said. Space between.

Okay, let's all say it on the count of three. One, two, three. The space between... Fucking hell! I almost did it. I did, but we're gonna have it be out of doing it. Well, you guys definitely aren't lemmings. I know that for sure.

So David Allen McKenzie, damn, if I'm permitted. What are you? Are you a fancy little fawn? Because you don't seem like it. I'm not a fancy little fawn. I'm a great big oaf. The exact opposite. Well, I think the opposite of fancy is great.

That's a word-for-word exact opposite. Yeah. Well, I think the opposite of fancy is great. That's a word for word exact opposite. Yeah. It's also a bit self-deprecating. I think so far this evening you've been very lovely. You've told us about new types of portals that we've never seen before. Wait, wait, wait, what do you think Ove means? Oh, well, I've always taken the word Ove to mean a person of lesser intelligence, perhaps,

a... What? Oh, that's just what I... That's my understanding of it. You just ripped a big chunk of the floor out from both sides. I'm not gonna be extra-tafed! I mean, you're not really making a case for yourself, buddy. Well, if you're here to fight me know that you face a full unbridled power of a wizard

So what is Oath to the event? Maybe it's a regionalism. Oh, it's probably a regionalism. Yeah. Oh, oh, it stands for ostentatious as fuck, a little gentleman. As only a gentleman would describe it. Indeed. Thank you, Badger Boy. So then where did you acquire this waste coat that you wear? If it's so, you know, 15. Is that Mr. Troncy's waste coat, and why do you impersonate him?

Indeed, it is, and indeed I do. And I tell you why this little fool I've stumbled upon him one day in hogs. What was it? Hogs face. I stumbled upon him one day in hogs face. Thought he was the mayor. Study getting drunk, talking all about portals. How he opened portals here, open portals there. He fought a crew which and I said that's for me, I'll have that. So I knocked him out, I tied him up and I hid him behind a shed. So if he was behind a shed locked in there when we destroyed Hogs face. Oh no. Did Arnie, did we kill Mr. Choncy? Oh no. Oh no. Did we kill Mr. Choncy when I called down the medias to the destroyed Hogs face in order to defeat the Baron and the dark lords minions? Oh no. If he was there he must have been fond of the shed. Don the dead.

If he was there he must have been fond of the shed Hey, don't call me an off. No, no, no, it's a good. I'm sorry. It's no Well David Allen can I and can I call you David Allen? You may Where where was the shed that you hid mr.. Trancey behind, was it in Hogs face? It was a shed in Hogs face, but look, if it makes you feel any better, little babies, he was just tied up behind the shed, he wasn't locked in it, he could have rolled away. Oh, how I hoped you rolled away to safety. For if I had any hand in bringing harm to that sweet fawn's head, I would most assuredly burst forward from my chest, expelling the mortal realm that I live in here, and then

turn back and see Foon before me and say, there must still be a champion for the cause of good! What'd it be so bad if you died though? Why? It's 300 some episodes, some people are gonna die. His little high pitched voice, his little fussy mannerism, he never shuts up. Uh, well, I suppose that not everyone's gonna survive, you know, when there's such evil here in this world. Oh yes, there's plenty of evil in this world. Oh

You seemed to take some joy in that. For I have I have a keen sense. Nothing gets past you, Sador, unless you tell me or my friend and I choose to believe you. And I look nothing like your friend. Well, you know, I'm giving you the benefit of that out there, but if you proclaim that you like evil, trust that I shall stop thee. And also, let's be fair. A few years past, and you see a friend, an old friend that's been a few years, and they don't look exactly how you expect, it's probably not a good idea to start the conversation off by accusing them of being an apostor.

Exactly, it's mere manners. Now, I don't enjoy evil. It's just the set of my face. I've got resting joy face. Oh, I understand. Please forgive my assumption of your evil intent. is forgive my assumption of your evil intent. Well, you are forgiven, but you are right that there's plenty of evil in this world. I just don't know how to take. He's so... It's not, and here's the thing, it's not just his face. It's his tone.

There's, like, he's got a resting tone that seems very enthusiastic about evil. But I say my tone gives people the impression that I enjoy even. very enthusiastic about April. It's not just me, right? Cause there's something going on with that town. No, I agree. Oh, hotedly. Mr. McKenzie, I must ask. If you are here now in the northeast and and and proclaimed to have portals, such as Mr. Chancidid, are you actually able to open portals or was that a part of the ruse? No, I can open portals and open portals I have done. Oh, and let me say there's going to be some new people turning up in this land, and everyone wants the throne.

They've got their eyes on the throne. Okay, again, that's that menacing tone. That time it was meant to be menacing. Oh, okay, okay. So I'm gonna prove it. Yeah, I was straight up being menacing. You said that. That's great.

So I think the hundred percent. Perfect. I'm then we're understanding each other. This is wonderful. This is how communication works. Yes, exactly. Perfect. I'm then we're understanding each other. This is wonderful. This is how communication works. Yes, exactly. Perfect. What people.

People from strange lands. People that have never been in Portalia, in Fung, in Northeastia. People from dimensions you've never even dreamed of. That are coming here to battle battle to rule this world. I've dreamt about a lot of dimensions. How many? Yeah. I might have put a number on it.

I'd say maybe three times a week. I have a fact here to one. I'd say about 1400 dimensions. Say dimensions every time or different dimensions every time. Oh, damn. Sorry, I'm referring David Allen McKenzie. I would say I've dreamt about the same one a few times. I would say a unique, unique dreams about dimensions.

Unique dreams about dimensions. I would say about 1,250. I mean, sometimes getting reliable numbers about unique dimensions can be a little difficult to pin down. Yeah, I don't keep track, so it's not concrete. It's just when you say, like, dimension- Do you dream about the whole dimension, or do you just sort of hop off halfway through,

because then I feel like it doesn't totally count. Honestly, yeah, if it doesn't peak my interest after like five minutes, I will hop into a new dimension dream-wise, but it just, it just irks me when you say, like, dimensions I've never dreamed of, because you don't know my dreams. I merely said, it was more dimensions than I've never dreamed of because you don't know my dreams. I merely said it was more dimensions than you've ever dreamed of. Oh, okay. Well that we can agree on. You know some dimensions

I want to enjoy but they're behind a paywall and I It's not impossible to to join and then and define my way to enjoy those dimensions, but it's a little difficult You know if you know the special words you can visit these dimensions for a week. Wow! Everything you can out of that dimension and then lean. And if I forget to leave after a week I won't be built right? Oh no you will probably. You will be from then on be called Bill. Oh no. Honestly worth it. Will those dimensions come out from behind the paywall eventually? So who do?

Some do. Never do. Already didn't you say a lot of times when you check your phone on Twitter, dimensions are blowing up? Oh yeah. Oh yeah, Lego dimensions especially. That's what I meant.

Oh really? Yeah, I thought I could have sworn you meant something else and I was like, all I got is Lego dimension No, that's what I meant by dimensions. Oh, yes Open a portal I say Lego dimension Here's the thing I was so far away Getting it then when you said that's what I meant Lego dimension I willing to believe. Yeah, that is that apparently that was what you meant you fucking elf I mean you fucking

Bad you must be friends. You're a good friend. You're very good. You're good off No this oh I was gonna warn you now you know I'm warning you. I'm warning you. Well, this is funny right now you won't be that I think it never happened to the same time You know you want to know I'm warning you first. This is funny right now you want me But listen If you Brace smiling he's smiling I'm trying not to stop if you ever isn't the worst use the door when you're like I've got a serious threat But I'm trying to give it a go

or when you're like, I've got a serious threat, but I'm trying to get it. Guys, give it a go. Guys, guys, guys, guys. I'm trying to be intimidating. This person is bringing people to the door. Key word is try. If you ever bring these evil doers into my world, know that they show face the wrath of you, Sadol.

I'm sorry, you're standing on a crate with wind blowing upwards. Oh, okay. Just step to the left, it's your embarrassing yourself. Okay, sure. If you ever bring left, it's your beer. So, okay, sure. If you have a bring these evil doers here into food, know that you shall face the combined wrath of Hussadoah. Okay, unbathed.

What? Yeah, he wasn't finding attention. All right. Ah. So, hey, look. You start some shit, you're gonna get some shit there. Yeah. Don't start no shit, won't be no shit.

Now guess whanies, let me give you a warning. He's smiling. The evil doers that you don't want me to bring into this dimension. They're already here. Scattered all across the land. Oh no. You may meet them yet. Ah, ah, ah, ah. A new evil force has begun to infiltrate all of food. Oh.

That means several several several. Uh, can you give me a number? Can you give me like a ballpark number? Yeah, when you say scattered, that makes me think like a dozen. It's probably more like a bankers doesn't. Mm hmm. 42? That's right. You know, banker.

Baker, that guy should be fired Every time I order donuts that guy gives me way too much can't fucking count losing cost though So I mean it's a good deal. It's a good deal. It's a good deal. Yeah, great. Wait a minute. Are we talking about Joe Don? That's right. Joe Don the Bica. Oh, you mean Lego Joe Don? Air Joe Don I Love air Joe Don Michael B. Joe Don Michael B. What everyone? Oh, you mean Lego Jodon? He said, what? Air Jodon? I love Air Jodon. Michael B. Jodon? Michael B. Whatever you want.

Well, Mr. Chichad, I'm sorry, David, Alan McKenzie. You and Yusudora have both warned each other and it was good too. It feels like we all... Yeah, that was nice. I felt bad that I missed the top of the warning, but I feel like the sort of pithy one, it was really good. Thank you. Thank you. It made me feel like a big man. So there you go. That's all you want out of a threat. Since you miss it, can I just say to you top of the warning to you?

That's put me in a house of pain. I think I know what this means. We must help Tom Blaine as center of the throne before some of these evil people try to take it from him. And we must defeat the Dark Lord. So they begin finding these evil people spread throughout the food from some other dimension. Scarlet rice. I mean, we've been trying to help Tom Blaine for months and we've been trying to defeat the Dark Lord for years, but we've got to get it fucking done now.

I mean, is this how you try? Because it's already eavesdropped. No, no, no, it's another food fight. You're fine, you're fine, you're fine. Now, did you get paid? Like, what's in this for you? Why scatter evil people throughout food? Well, I mean, I'm just in for the travel. I'll get to go in and out of the portals. Oh, that's nice. I mean, it's fascinating mates It's it's the stuff I've seen. It's really incredible. There's there's places where it's all sand There's place where the tall snow. There's place where it's just the sky. It's it's really lovely But wait guys guys hold on. It sounds like he's mostly visited like Mario levels. What? Oh that plumber

You told us about oh, but he didn't say underwater, which you said is the best one. Mm-mm. You said the best levels. I went to a haunted mansion. I have to ask, Dave Allen, do you get peepies when you travel? Do you get portal points? Oh, yeah, I'll rack up those portal points.

That way I can stay in nice places. Yeah. There's all sorts of amenities. Yeah, I like to hoard my points, you know, I like to hoard the fees. And then when it's time, when I see something really good, I let them all go. And then, you know, I'm staying in the, you know, the barren suite or what have you. Yeah. I have to, I've heard that there's like portal lounges, if you grew enough.

Wow. If you've got to take a long sea journey, you like portal lounges if you grew enough. Wow. If you got to take a long sea journey, you know, there's a place you could wait so you don't have to stand there on the dock. It's smelling the, the horrid ocean, the day of ocean. I think I read about this from John Hedgehog. Didn't he write a book about that? Oh, is John Hedgehog is, is traveler who's completely blue and travels really fast. It's up for his red shoes, yeah. You know, you know what disturbs me? Is Tafe? I wish he'd do something

about it. Just change them in some way. Like you, like you can. Take him out, Sharpenham, pop him back in. Right. Exactly. Yeah. Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, please. We must convince Mr. McKenzie to tell us about where these evil people may be scattered. Okay, ask him, ask him, ask him. Mr. McKenzie, this is how we end every episode of this podcast. Nice. Don't know what that was, Buckoay. If you were to say there was an evil threat

to this entire world of fune, I'd prefer only one from another dimension. Could you name one or two specifically, and at least give us a clue as to where we could find one of them? Right. I hate to do this to you, but it's riddle time. What? The land you walk Well, you little shit wait use it or jump there. We'll have a quill

I'm not gonna remember this is okay. Okay. Okay. I'm good at riddles I'm good the land you walk may seem pristine, but oh look out It's someone me This fellow means you so much harm. In fact, he's got a specific arm, a specific arm. Oh, I have a, well, I also have a riddle. And this is for you, Mr. McKenzie. This is for, this is for you, Mr. McKenzie. Well, this is unprice-y daintain. Mr. McKenzie, writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear. No one comes near. And I forget the rest, but- You forget the rest of your rebel?

That's alright, we can all sing it together on three. One, two, three. Aha! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Haha, fuck you. Fuck who? Now, the gent, be on the lookout for a man, or woman, or something else entirely. With a very specific arm, and now, if you look excuse me

Toto What just yelled portal and a portal appeared Wow the portal I leave it and throw it unbelievable he grabbed minced raw steak ate it and said tartar for now unbelievable Take, ate it and said tartar for now. Unbelievable. Unbe-leavable. Yeah, wow. I hope that was the portal he hailed and he didn't accidentally hop into someone else's portal. Oh yeah, that'd be bad. Wow.

Olli, have you ever tried that just yelling out portal? No. Portal. Yeah, you didn't. He said it with some emphasis that sounded more exciting and kind of vibrant. You kind of a portal. Yeah, you didn't. He said it with some emphasis that sounded more exciting and kind of vibrant. You kind of went portal. What?

How would you do it? Portal! Oh look, I got one. What? Where did I go? I don't know, but I pulled a knaffle out of it. Wow, worth it. Yeah, pretty good.

Thanks, pal. We just gotta be on the lookout for someone with a very interesting arm. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, with a very interesting arm, but I mean, a specific arm. A specific arm. We must keep our eyes peeled. A new threat has found its way here into food. Scatterthroat, perhaps a dozen. Perhaps 42 people with specific arms.

Ah, now I want to order donuts from Baker. Yeah, fuck this. Let's go get some donuts. Let's get some donuts! I hate the detail of the specific arm could not be more vague. Who? Ha ha ha ha! Audience, you can't see me, but I'm rubbing my temples furiously. This guy's been letting rogue individuals into fune via portal? Portals you can summon just by saying the word with confidence?

I really should have been monitoring transdimensional activity more carefully. But it's not like that Earth Institute has the best equipment. It's like when you've got all the cable channels at home, but then you crash at your brother's place and he's like, look, here's my Roku. And you're like, great! I was wondered what it was like to live in Victorian England. Use it or the wizard was played by Matt Young. Shunt, the talking badger, was played by Adolfie.

David Allen McKenzie, the great big Oath impersonating Mr. Chancy, the fancy little fawn, was played by special guest Paul F. Tomkins. Mr. Tomkins' accent appears thanks to a special arrangement with the pirates of the Caribbean movies. Exasperated, Italy patron played by Liz Anderson. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arne Neacamp, that young and adult Refi, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz. EAR will producer Kimi Lucas.

This episode edited by Stefan Dranger, special assistance provided by Ryan to Georgie, question mark mine. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Aller Leban, Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. As the saying goes, tar tar for now. I did, but we're gonna edit me out of doing it. You know