Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 4, Ep 10 - Year Without a Chris Must

Episode Date: December 20, 2021

An ancient pact requires the Dark Lord, hidden in the basement, to fulfill his duties as the Chris in Chris-Must.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungFlower: Brooke BreitBlemish: Martin WilsonMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Anna HavermannSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy Poland”Who Must - Chris Must”: written and performed by Shaun Fleming of the band Diane CoffeeYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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collide in a game of life and death. Binge all 10 episodes of Academy, early and ad following festive holiday podcast is not real. Just like the chances of your sister-in-law finally getting you something useful this year, or the science behind ice creatures coming to life when they wear a hat. Wait, so hats can't bring ice creatures to life? No Craig, only Elsa can do that. Man actually does make more sense. By the way, you transmitting yourself through the talking animatronic trout on the wall,

a whole new level of creepy. It's the holidays! I wanted to make it special! So if you brought people up to speed on your taking over this facility, along with the goblin army and the lower levels, I was gonna get into it after the holidays, but nice teas! Well, you may not want to keep them down there much longer. Who knows what could happen. But in the meantime, how best to say this? Yes.

Don't worry. Be happy. Okay, I can't tell if that's you or the trout, and I don't care. Audience, I'm sorry you had to hear that. Now sit back and enjoy the show. On the third day of solstice, my food love gave to me. Three magic birds, two murder hatchets, and a python in a bone tree. On the fourth day of solstice, my phone love gave to me Four plays of sexing three

Magic birds. Hey Arnie. Hey Arnie. Hey buddy. I know you're swept up in the season Sorry, I was singing a song that I heard yeah Yeah, I heard. It's usually supposed to be sung in groups, taking turns, but I... No, sure, sure, sure, sure. Yeah, when I said, hey, the omission of commenting on the song was for a reason it wasn't because I didn't hear. So, did you want to start the... The podcast?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, just a second, Trent. What? Yeah, do you know, I know I'm sure you're very familiar with Solstice songs. What is the gift on the fifth day of Solstice? Chopped to the neck. Okay, five chops to the neck. Four plays of sexing. Three magic birds, two murder hatchets

and a pyphon and a pyphon. Pryphonic. Pry-fon and a bone tree. Okay, yeah, let's go inside. That's cold out here. So cold. But I kind of like it. I know, all right. I'm gonna spank myself up to the tall table.

Oh yeah, me too. Ah. All right. All right. Hello from the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast from the magical land of fune, I'm your host, Arne E. Camp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. Six and a half years or so, plus some amount that I don't remember, I fell through a dimensional

portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical fantastical land of Foon. Luckily, I'm still getting a slight Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rift, and I use that to upload a podcast recorded here in the tavern, the strange familiar, in the town of nibble bottom, at the base of the innamable mountain in the magical land of Foon. And I am joined, as always, by my buddy, Chumda talking badger. Bing bong, sing song, sing song. I'm just, I get a song in my heart

because it's solstice style, all the, all the, the foolish holidays. Yeah, I don't know what it is about the solstice, just makes me so joyous and so happy. Do you like this little bow I put around my waist? I do, it's adorable. Thank you. Is it like you're a gift?

Yeah, I guess so. Hey, you know what, Ernie, can you grab a quill and a little sheet of paper? Sure, yeah, I have, yeah right here. Can you put two colon the world? Two colon the world. Column first. What's that? Ah, you're really stepping on my balls. the world. Okay. To Colin the world. Colin Firth. What's that?

Ah, you're really stepping on my balls. Oh, I'm too sorry. To Colin. To Colin. To Colin. And a colon. Ah, it's not furious. No, you drew a little picture of a colon.

How do you know what that looks like? So a colon is like, a colon is like two periods who are kind of meaning. That's an ellipses. That's an ellipses. No, no, no. It's two periods who like kind of that's an ellipses that's an ellipses no no it's two periods who like met in a hallway and there's like a tension between them and it's like are they gonna kiss or like are they gonna more by each other

it's like this is first period where's your hall pass? no not quite it's like two periods stacked on top of each other to kind of sneak into a play nice two periods diverge in a woods and I took the period less traveled. Perfect. Yep, thank you for, and then so two, Colin.

Colin, the world. The world from Colin. Worldwide. Hey, you know what? Just rip up that paper and let's move on. No, no, I'm sorry. Two Colin, the world. Mm-hmm, from Colin. Colin. Goddesses. Goddesses. No, I'm sorry to colon the world from colon

goddesses goddesses I'm goddesses gift to the world. Oh Because I'm feeling myself I see you know what don't do that in public, but hey Love you buddy. I love you. Hey. I am joined as always by my other co-host Wizard's Choice nominee. You sit or the blue. Good work, Tormelin. Very, very well. I also have a good deal in the podcast. Yes, yes, yes, I'll be right back.

Even I know it's holiday time. We just have to do the podcast anyway, because people might be traveling for the holidays. Aignog for everyone on the house. Wait, is he really making... Oh! Is he really making Tormeline work on Solstice? Doesn't Tourmaline have a sick kid to eat?

Tourmaline has to keep working because we have to keep the dog loaded check. I was actually just down there. Um, I'm going to give Tourmaline the day off a little bit later today. As I'm very worried about our friend, Chuck. Which, uh, which friend? Mmm. I'm just going to say it,

because even though I didn't hear what just transpired, I know that teasing this out isn't going to work. Sure. That's what my barber said. Wait, wait, no, no. Tell us who? If you were going to write this out, this news would be two-colon. Thanks for everything.

It's Julie Newell. Two-colon. The two dumbest fucking idiots I've ever met in my life. Oh, this is too much. See, that's clear. That's very clear. From you, Satoa. Okay.

Oh, thanks, buddy. The gifties. Do you remember how we found out that the dark moment is really Chris? Yeah, somehow. The Dark Lord is Chris of the holiday, Chris Must. Well, I confronted him about it, and he's actually magically compelled to be Chris. So, we're going to have to take him out and have him actually

perform some of these awful tasks. That sounds like a very dramatic holiday exercise that we have to do. Are you fucking serious? Whoa. Whoa. Flower. Did you hear all that?

Yeah, I've been sitting here this whole time. I didn't want you to run up, but then as soon as you started, like when you came in, we said we want to talk about that one friend I was like, oh fuck it's me. So then I was like extra quiet. I was like, I'm not gonna say anything. You know you got a little deeper and I was like, I ain't too deep.

And then it was like not about me at all and then I kind of wanted to make it about me. How'd you get up to this tall table? Yeah. I jumped. Uh-oh. I jumped down from a taller table. Smart, smart questions in there, questions in there.

I was just like, I got up there and it's really frustrated. I don't know about you guys, but this morning, I hung up my stocking. When I dumped it out, it was full of colons. I actually, this morning, I went and kissed the stocking. You know, the king of the cattle. Ah, yes, I do know the way. The stock king is a cow-cow Jones.

Yeah, you know cow-jones. Cow-jones the stock king, we all know him. He was a little down this morning, but I gave him a kiss. I tried to get involved with the cow-jones market, but it was just all over the place. Flour, I'm the proprietor of this bar now. Could I purchase you a wine or an eggnog? That sounds great. We do a little bit of both.

You've got it. I'll be. Oh, Rev. Wine was an eggnog floater. I'll be your wife. Flour, what brings you to nibble bottom? Or in one of the most remote parts of food? I haven't seen you in a while. How did it happen? Oh, yeah.

You want to get some quaint out of the way holiday gifts. Yeah, you just can't get them like anywhere else. I tried like, you know, looking different towns, but this place has got the best shit, so I always come here. People come from all over food to get our shit. Yep.

Can I just say as someone who's always at a loss for what to get my family and my friends, the best thing in the world that I know this sounds impersonal. If you get gift carbs, I think everyone loves bread and they know what to do with it. So if you just get someone a gift carb, they're gonna use it how they wanna use it. And I feel like that I know that again,

we wanna find that perfect thing, but so often they're gonna to return it, right? So just get somebody you think you love bread. I think it's a nice gift. I would accept it. I would accept any kind of loaf, you know, that you had to give me. Flower, I see you have a little shopping bag next to you.

What are some of the gifts you've already picked up? Okay, well, I'm having some socks. They're real funny. You got funny things, I'm having some socks. They were all funny. They got funny things, right? I don't mind these. There's a thing these my socks is like people are like, well, they're socks, but then you get like a real sassy sock. With like a real sharp saying on it and people are like,

guys, they could gift. As you get. What are some of these sharp things? There's one that's fucking, this one says you. Oh, I see. But it's a good match. No, there was a double says, fuck, and this one says you. Oh, I see. But it's a great match. No, it was a double fucking the W. And I took one of each.

I said, I'm not a matching person. I don't like to match. But then I was like, I'm not gonna wear a fuck-fuck. And I'm not gonna wear you, you was like, you see it happening in front of you. I don't know why the person who made the socks didn't make that connection. I gotta do your job for you, but I did it.

Oh, ah, here we are. You said you've been jumping up to the tall table recently, I've noticed. Yes, is that a problem? It's just cool. Thank you very much. Well, here's an eggnog and wine for flour. Here's an eggnog and King's juice for chun. Ooh, thank you.

For Arnie, a diet red potion and eggnog. Thank you. Flower, did they make those socks where they say fuck you? Whoa. No. Because if so, can you go and make, oh, nevermind. No. Oh, at the ask.

Oh, I like those socks you got. I've got a different pair. Am I both just say you and you so that I'm sure I put on my socks? That's good. That's, you know what? You got to make a word for you. You said you didn't do your intro today. Is there a way to kind of, uh, already help me out how to phrase this, to kind of season-fy it? Like, champion of the deck, the holes of tree

rocus around the Christmas tree rocus? Something fun like that? on the spot. Can you do that on the spot real quick? Oh sure. I know problem Hey, don't hey don't laugh at my fucking idea dude. Yeah, they do it. No, you make me feel like a That's no no, I won't do it. I just idea seriously And not to be an asshole your Your belly was shaking like fucking gelatin. Mm-hmm. Like, old horse hoof is what your tummy looked like. Arnie, write this down. Two, colon.

The two biggest assholes I know. Don't pit me into doing stuff that'd be a dick about it immediately. You said, or you know I can't. It will take me a half hour to write all those words. Hold on, you said I was right. I was an asshole for stopping him. Go ahead.

No, that's fine, I'm good. Wait, hey, everyone. Do you hear? I think I hear some Chris Must carolers outside. I just love holiday music. Let's all quick run outside and hear these Chris Must carolers. Oh, Arnie, be careful. It could be Carol Bears. Oh, no. Well, there's Carol Bears. It's bears that go around and they Carol and then they get you to open your door and then when they're finishing singing they eat you. You've never heard of like Clark Grizzly Wall

that all the Carol bears? No, I just gotta be careful. Let's look out the window. Let's look out the window. Okay. Crack the door. Beverly and Danja bear. Anthony Michael Bear.

Yeah, a bull for a while. And then a while. And then it wasn't Anthony. Oh, so you know about him. Oh Yeah, I blew for a while. And then it wasn't Anthony. Oh, so you know about him. Oh yeah, I think so. I think I'm getting it now. And the Carol Bears have cousins, I think, and bears are all history with them. I'm going to open the windows so we can hear the song. Hello there, everybody.

My name is Klylo Efin. This is my sister, Sissy Efin. Hello. And this is the Eiffin band. I'm sure you'll all remember this holiday classic. It goes a little something, like this. Throw some sand into your eyes. You must, Christmas. Clap your mom until she cries.

You must, Christmas. Pay your whole must-e she cries. You must Christmas, pay your whole must-dood in loan. You must Christmas, cloned yourself and killed the clone. You must Christmas, you've been such a shit. You've had enough of it, but God has says you'll get what you deserve. Let me be your therapist. You must Christmas, if I were you, I'd up and quit. You must Christmas, If I were you, I'd up and quit. If you would go this time of year, you can rip off both of Chris's ears. Children rejoice, it's Christmas Damage!

Christmas bells ringing in the night. His magic sleigh is taking quite. Hark children best not to be naughty. Let's miss out on beating Chris's heart. Oh, she... You ride bros off your horse! You got fucking spin and play! How'd you pee in prison, son? You got me in dark! Oh, yeah, you don't know!

Eat these Christmas stars! Eat these Christmas stars! Eat these Christmas stars! Eat these Christmas stars! Eat these Christmas stars! Eat these Christmas stars! Eat these Christmas stars! Eat these Christmas stars! Eat these Christmas stars! Eat these Christmas stars! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, In this world, do you give Chris Must Carol or anything after they sing? Like, feeding pudding. Please come in for a cup of soup and some eggnog.

But don't say anything because you didn't record any more audio. But welcome in. What a beautiful song. That was amazing. That was the most beautiful fucking thing I've ever heard in my life. Oh, Farmer, it looks like you have some dew on your leaves. What is that? No, don't look at me. I'm going to hide in the sack. Oh, Farward, looks like you have some dew on your leaves. What is that? No, don't look at me. I'm going to hide in the sack! Oh, no. I get emotional when I use it that resonates like that.

That was that took me on, oh, every word. Now we just heard. Yeah, the way definitely just hurt just this moment. Oh, shit, in the moment. Even the kick-a-man in the nuts part? Especially that part because it was implied. Yeah, and said. What is it?

How flowery you sad because this year will be a year without a Christmas? Yeah, I mean, you know me, I like fucking with people. Yeah. I do. It's holiday special for me because it it's like a day dedicated to that. Where everybody gets to feel the joys that I feel and makes me sad that people can't be empowered to just be fucking nationals all the time.

Yeah. John, John, use it art. Wait, why'd you say my name twice? Is there another John? Is there another John in this group now? No, no, no, it's a mission. Where is he? Come on, motherfucker. I just thinkeon in this group now? No, no, no, this is new thing. It's crazy. Chuncheon.

Come on, motherfucker. I just think it's a fun nickname for you, Chuncheon. Oh. Yeah, well, if you just shorted it to Chuchu, then I know that's my nickname. Okay, it looks like Chuncheon. It's like long for Chuchu. Look, no, but you said, or Chuncheon, Chuncheon.

Wait, hold on, that sounded dramatic. That sounded like a legal drama. Chuncheon, Chuncheon, Chuncheon. Look, we need some order and some law around here. Okay, okay, okay. Look, I know that we promised to not tell anyone that we were keeping the Dark Lord trapped in the basement, the Dark Lord is still alive.

And I guess that also inherent is that, that we wouldn't say that we've discovered that the Dark Lord is really Christmast. And I was gonna say we should tell Flower, but now I'm like, it's a lot to explain, so maybe we shouldn't. Arnie, look behind you. Yeah, she's been here the whole fucking day. Just a few minutes ago, I said holy shit,

when you first said this whole information. Oh, that's right. Yeah, but we kinda got away from it, so it's been a while. The worst part is, I lost an opportunity to do one of the things I wanted to do my whole life where I go. Oh, fuck up one of my jokes. I do that on the reg. But what I really wanted to do is go, she's behind me, isn't she?

Oh, well, let's get to that part. I already keep talking. So anyway, how is thinking we should be like it flower. She's behind me. She's behind me, isn't she? No, I'm afraid she's right in front of you. She's right in front of you. Right in front of you, you idiot. I'm gonna fucking eat you.

I fucked it up. Arnie, I think you need some water. Let's take a quick break. We'll get you hydrated, buddy, and get that brain churned and get those brain gears churning. And that's what we're on to, I think. Go. will get you hydrated buddy and get that brain churned and get those brain gears churning. And that's what we're on to, I think. Two. Water's for everyone.

I dream shit and imposter check. I cannot not, I think we have to pay for the waters. So you said, I know you've explained it to us five times during the break, but we have to help the Dark Lord. Well, it's a little more complicated than that. We are not exactly helping the Dark Lord, but keeping Christmas to life, which brings so much joy to so many people. It just turns out that this entire time, the dark lord has been Chris, which somehow, he transformed himself into this other person that everyone hates, and they shit on once a year.

But somehow that helped him, but yet he's magically compelled to do it, and if he doesn't do it, he'll die. And if he dies, we're all fucked. Oh, that's right, because he'll be reincarnated into his full power. That's right. Wait, there's something I've always wanted to say. Can I say it? Yeah. Please.

You, sir, can you say that line again about him dying? Or if he dies, then we're all fucked. If he dies, he dies. It's not a lot cooler in my head, or... Flower, was there anything you've always wanted to say? Just in general? Yeah. Rudy Tutti fresh and fruiting!

Yeah. Hmm, I'll have what she's having. Oh, don't say that, that reminds me of Zac Plasma. Crengetized me, Capin? I'm sorry. Well, I think we should head down there and escort Chris out to his various tasks for the evening and then everyone will be so thrilled to see him because they'll get to make him eat turds and things like that.

I think it's a great idea. I mean. I mean, I do love a once in a lifetime magical holiday adventure. How can I say no? Chant? Oh, fuck yeah, I mean I do love a once in a lifetime magical holiday adventure. How can I say no? Chant oh fuck yeah, I mean okay, I thought it was implied it was also said so flower Usador and chunch-chunch-chunch we're all in okay. Let's head downstairs. Oh, are you are you ready? Uh, totally don't worry. It's it's us. It's It's fine. We're all on the don't kill this. We're on the don't kill this. Oh shit, let me quick write flowers name on the don't kill this. Oh shit, but this honey. I do you Tormaline, whatever you try. There's anyone in food. Who is your match? It's flower the talking flower. Don't ever fuck with a flower

Yeah, I mean look obviously the dark lord is just like a little dink that could never oh shit He's behind me isn't he? Arnie you're right this time. I'm right behind you Still creep me out every time and now in front of them Good to see you on Amy camp the Dark Lord seems somehow More powerful than last time I was down here in the basement. Is it because it's Solstice season and he's got Christmas's powers?

He's getting Chris's powers, that's true. So, uh, blemish, uh, Dark Lord, uh, whatever you want to be called. I am only trapped within this disgusting, carfoon vessel, temporarily. Merry Christmas to you all. Alright, very well. I have decided that we shall accompany you only to save Christmas. Ooh, I'll hop on the piano. Here we go. I'm accompanying you. Only to save Christmas. Only to save Christmas. Must all work together. All the same Christmas is here. Okay.

And no more accompanying. Why did we bring that piano down here? Oh, two good songs in one episode. Well, uh, we've decided that we show a... Wait, hold on. What about my song? Two good songs in one episode. We've decided that we show a system. Wait hold on, what about my song? Two good songs in one episode. Now, uh... Chris,

I am now going to assist you in your tasks this evening, and we shall accompany you so you don't get away. I have no need to accomplish these tasks. If they go unaccomplished, this vessel dies. I'm reincarnated in my full power. Ah shit. Let Chris must go straight to shit for all Chris and the dark lord, kid. Come on, you're doing it.

He's all hopped up on all this alligator raid. There's empty bottles everywhere. He's put your kid alligator in this whole time. No. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Isn't that to dewormWorm Alligators?

Alligator Raid? Yeah, that can't be good. I thought it was for sports. That's what they want you to believe. It has a lot of extremely useful powers aside from D-Worming Gatorates. I mean, let me just say it. Let me just say it might be for sports, but if you're not an athlete and you drink it, that doesn't make you an athlete. It's a decoction. It's a decoction. It's a decoction. It's a decoction. It's a decoction. It's a decoction.

It's a decoction. It's a decoction. It's a decoction. It's a decoction. It's a decoction. It's a decoction. It's a decoction. It's a decoction.

It's a decoction. It's a decoction. It's a decoction. It's a decoction. It's a decoction. It's a decoction. It's a decoction. It's a decoction.

It's a decoction. It's a decoction. It's a decoction. It's a decoction. It's a decoction. It's a decoction. It's a decoction. It's a decoction. Okay, I don't know how far we have to carry him like how do we know? How do we get the Christmas magic? Look I'm I'm opening doors all right. I'm heading ahead of us And I'm gonna go doors so we have so we don't have to worry about the doors all right everybody You don't need to worry about the doors. I'll open the doors Thank you, Olli this again flower

I'll open the doors. Thank you, Ounnie. This again, Fower last month, Arnie told us that he's not paying us because he's opening doors for us. He said that this is a good opportunity, and this will get us other jobs, that this is good on our resume. Don't worry, everybody. I'm going to get exposure for everybody. Just ask if we could all just shift over a little bit.

Oh, hit it. Hit it. You'll never work, and at the end of this night, Just ask if we could all just shift over a little bit. Oh, hip, hip, hip, hip. You'll never work, and at the end of this night, I will be dead and reincarnated into my full glory. A new era of darkness is just around the corner of this holiday season. No, no, no, you're gonna do some crisp tasks, and then it'll be Christmas, and you'll fall into the spirit and even you can't resist Christmas. Hey, guys, guys, this almost seven years of exposure

will finally pay off. Guys, I just had a thought. Maybe we should kick-start. Arnie, you don't have to announce every time you think something. Look, it happens once every season, and I have to let people know it's happened. Look, maybe we should kick-start the Christmast magic

by one of us doing our own requests. Like, you know, so we already have a Patreon. Let's not kickstart Christmas. That's exhausting for our fans. Let's, let's go fund the Christmast. Okay, now we're talking. I'm trying to remember how it works. You go celebrating our Christmas,

where Christmas, who everything we have to celebrate our Christmas, where Christmas is over. Everything we have to celebrate. Our Christmas, where Christmas is over. Take a dump right here on the stairs. Damn, starting strong. I've been saving that up all year. Sucks that we own the place though. Yeah, when I do that.

Yes, this one I will be all too glad to fulfill and allow you to clean up after Christmas is over So for this one your request is hereby Granted oh you'll log a Merry Christmas to all of you Why is there so much candy in the shit? How did it get through the pants? We're celebrating our Christmas. Christmas. Christmas.

Everything's celebrating our Christmas. And I'm out of delay. Guys, we're having such a hard time syncing up in our singing for some reason. How about this? Let... Why don't you sing it? Absolutely, okay, here we go. Bram, bram, bram, bram, bram. We're celebrating our Christmas, where Christmas do everything we ask them to, where Christmas?

Arnie, what was that, what was that saying on your world, Ugameekit, jakaliki? Ugameekitchika. Where Christmas say, Ugameekitchika, Lika. Hmm, I know it's hard. Come on, my dish. Uga like a meagachiga. Where Chris must say Uga mega chika leeka. Hmm. I know it's hard. I've been sitting by this.

You can do it. Dark soul. Come on. Uga. Uga. Uga mega chika leeka meeky. Ah, close enough to work. Yay!

Who else has got one? I've got one. Don't think since I have to feed you once that I shall now. Outsmart you once again. I'm celebrating my Christmas where Christmas do everything we ask him celebrating our Christmas where Christmas? Complete all of his Christmas tasks, the sea. Oh, damn. Oh.

Deep and dark, D.V. is magic. You adore the blue. Well-wished. Well-wished. Yeah, you found a loophole. It's like finding a gene that grants three wishes and saying, I wish for three wishes. Yet I have the perfect escape from this loophole.

We're celebrating our Christmas, where Christmas do anything. We're celebrating our Christmas day. Cover us, boss. No, no, no. No, no, no. Oh, guys, he's looking my hands so hard. Oh, let me cover it.

Let me cover it. Where Christmas, where Christmas, where's the best, describe a perfect Sunday? Oh. This is gonna be good. Ooh, and it's a homonym, so we'll have to do two descriptions. Yes. Take that, Admiral, homonym.

Lieutenant. Left, from our Lieutenant Admiral. Lieutenant Admiral. Nuts, whipped cream, and a cherry, with vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup on top, so it's not too chocolatey. Was not almond? Also, coffee, an alligator aid,

and the foolish times with a little bit of a fire in the corner, and ash raining down from the sky. We're talking coffee with alligator aid in it. Coffee with an alligator aid floater. The rest of the details though, it just reminds me. We're not also different when you think about it. Yes. Ash floating from this guy, uh, dismembered,

humans crying out in pain out in the lawn. You've stacked them their torsos three high, and the head of a child on top. Stick a little carrot right in the mouth of that dead child's mouth. Stick out like a funny nose You're freak Yeah, you're right. So kill me take me out. I Hear I feel like I hear a distant magical sound almost like I'm hearing a far off Christmas wish.

Uh, we can't hear it Arnie, do you want to go into further detail? Uh, yeah, it's like a sound of a child about to go to bed. And they're so excited that it's Christmas Eve. The sound of a child about to go to bed, let me close my eyes and try and imagine, uh, what the fuck this is, you're talking about, the sound of a child about to go to bed. Let me close my eyes and try and imagine what the fuck this is. You're talking about the sound of a child about to go to bed. So like a creek of a kid getting in bed? It's like a child talking to themselves before they go to bed. And they're saying like, oh, before I go to bed, I'm so excited.

And it's very adorable because it's in a child's voice. I'm not doing it justice. Oh, and they have one of those butt flaps. They have butt flaps on their PJs I mean I can only hear them so I don't know like if they like I'm not as good at hearing things that I can Hear if they're wearing a butt flap or not sure sure sure sure probably and they're like oh I'm so excited blah blah blah Chris must leave blah blah blah. I want something really percotious and precious for Christmas to do. Um, you said there was any magical way that we can hear the Christmas wishes that are coming in from across Foon. Apparently use your magic fucking ears that you're hearing from so far away.

When did that happen? I don't know. I guess I've got magic ears. When I go take a shit in the strange familiar, can you hear that? Yeah, I can. Oh, but you do it so close to the table. Ah, yes. No, I hear that glistening voice upon the wind.

Let me amplify it. Yes. Let me amplify it for all to hear. Arath, toro, toro, Hakala. Yes, let me amplify it for all to hear You should not be able to hear that It's my magic ears, man. Maybe next year. No. Oh?

What? Why? Sorry, I forgot to tell you, that sounds goes both ways. It's two ways. You're so... You got the telescope before you. It doesn't find you. we would all be very quiet.

Sweet child, worry not, I am Yusudor, the great wizard, will known throughout the land. And I have amplified your voice so that Chris himself can hear your wish. And also child, before the cock crow's, you will be visited by three ghosts. Oh, wait, you thought I know you, the kids know you was daddy for a team. That's right. And I'm sure they're all going to vote for me in the Wizard's Choice Awards. Well, if it was the kids' Choice Awards, we would. All right. We're not wizard.

Okay. Look, blemished our lord, Chris, whatever. We got to grant all the Chris must wishes for all of food tonight. So we'll just like chop chop a little bit. Sounds like we need to turn that child's parents into sheep. That's what the child wants. Got any good ideas? Ah, knee, knee, camp, or usador, would you like to touch my hand

and let me siphon off just a bit of your magic that I might turn them into sheep? Ah fine, I'll just do it, I'm not giving him any damn magic. Uh, here now child. Go to sleep, and in the morning, wake with parents who are sheep? So I have to wake till morning? Yeah, it's Christmas, do you idiot? My family we usually do our Christmas on Christmas Eve. Yeah, well you know what? Non-traditional Christmas doesn't really count all right kid

Fine fine. No, no, no, it's fine. It's fine Yeah, let this child celebrate his holidays most happy and true and around this evening's fire Let his mother and father become each a you each a you all the socks It's a tie-in! Oh wow! I mean, I guess they're more like lambs, but closer now. Thanks, voices! Sooner or later, one of these requests you will not be able to accomplish with Magic

Usador, and then, the wish will not be granted. Chris must will be ruined. I will die and by I I mean this ridiculous body and my will be restored to my full power. Keep the wishes coming. Keep listening on the knee camp. Wait what? I do you here. I do think I hear another wish. Can anyone else hear me? Oh, I'm just a sad lonely woman sitting on the bench, and I wish for this Christmas that Christmas finally my wound really loud. While she's really announcing that, she wants attention. Ah! I'm working. No, no, no, no. You don't need magic ears to hear her. Look at her. She's three quarters of the way out I'm parking! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, patio. Yes. Oh my wish has been answered. Oh what be thy name? My name? Debbie. Debbie it is a

pleasure to meet the I believe that Chris is going to find you your true love this evening. That's not right. Oh little Debbie's gonna find love. Yeah, Debbie, can you tell us a little bit about like, you know what you're looking for in a guy? Mmm, breathing. Breathing, okay, dokey. Ooh, awning. You could help out a lot here. Take a breath. Ugh.

Ugh. Sorry, I forgot to breathe. She wants someone who's breathing, not gasping. Mm-hmm. You said we're though, I think at the beginning, she was attracted to you. To me? I think, yeah, you've got a snack for a little Debbie. Little Debbie, what are you into? Do you

like a 300-year-old repot winning perverts? Oh, well... Well, Debbie, I guess... Oh, she's looking for money. Oh Well, I suppose uh, yes, I have become very famous now So if you want a little star crunch, I can I can meet you tomorrow night Uh, and we can we can see where things go. Wait you should or I have an idea. Why don't you here? I can go outside make a used or out of snow, snowsador, if you will.

You bring it to life, and then she can marry that. Ah, perfect. Yes, quickly. Okay. You've got to have built already. Congratulations. Yeah, it's something I've been tinkering with, and I just got, you know. But I call it snowsador. Here, can you bring it to life? Snow-sador, aura-thro-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la- and he gave me the care at the counts. Oh, it's hard to build a jaw at a snow, so my apologies, son. That's all right.

Uh, Debbie, can we spend the rest of our lives together? I want nothing more. Thank you, Chris. Oh, I can't help but suspect we'll be seeing more of Stoastador. Well, I'm glad that this listening smell... Fuck. Fuck! Oh! Chuck, what's wrong?

You snow door was right there. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Well, I'm glad that this listening spell turned into a... Being in the same place spell whenever it needs to be so that worked out great. Wait, I think I hear something else that's gonna make us be in the same place as what I'm hearing. What is it? Is it a break? It is a break. We're gonna be in a break. Oh there's three carrots! Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry, listener. If I sound a little exhausted, but during that break, we granted like a thousand

Christmas wishes, like I forgot to record so much stuff. It seems like this night has been going on forever. A lot of kids who wanted their parents turned into something. I know. That seems like a common, you know, can I ask? Dark Lord. First of all, DL blemish, Chris. What do you prefer we refer to you as right now. At this point, call me late for bedtime. I'm fucking exhausted of this night. Each night is a living hell. You have all experienced it now.

Yeah. I am the dark lord, and yet... there is blemish knocking around inside of here. It's a big fucking mess inside this car-found body. That's a good question. And we've been had you trapped in the basement for months now. And in my apologies, I haven't really spent a lot of time catching up with you and chitchatting.

You know, don't apologize for something if you don't meet it. I don't, but I wonder, you're the Dark Lord. You're trapped in car-foon blemishes body. Is that weird? Is that weird to be in a different body? Of course, this is a terrible body. This is a carfoon, first of all, revolting,

a carfoon drawing of a disgusting troll-like little nasty thing, little cat-dicked thing, and then you are knee-need camp. Talentless hack drew a carfoon of that thing and the most powerful being in all of food by a wide and historic margin is inside that now, what a fucking joke. Look, hey, first of all, Dark Lord, I may be talentless, but I can pump out content. And second of all, you know what, yes. Maybe I didn't make something perfect,

but sometimes you can make a holder for something that can have some good things within it. Yes, and it can last for damn near ever. So, but I'm kind of curious. I still understand this Chris must thing. Like, have you always been Chris? Heh. Heh.

Have I? Well, if you must know, I, yeah, I must. I hated Chris, of Chris must. So very much. What a-what a hateable sack of shit. Even with all of the most disgusting evil demons and terrible villains of Foon's surrounding me, Chris was a real piece of shit on-on a legendary scale. And I-I sucked his soul out of his body.

Ugh. I fed it to my soul walker. One Christmas. So wait a second. There was a Christmas where you killed Chris? It was Mike, it was my Christmas wish. I also conjured endless mall and threw his body into it. So while his soul is dead and a part of the soul walker, his body is racked in endless torment inside the mall. My goodness. So, a quality story.

So maybe we should add the soul walker on this episode. We don't have time. Let's wish for an endless pause. So at least she has someone. So when you kill Chris, you set in motion the Chris must clause with an E clause with an E. Well of course with an E. Why would you say that?

I guess, yeah, you're right. What else could clause mean in this world? He is at the beginning and it's sad. I think. Why can't he be like lobster claws? Yeah, that's what I assumed. Yeah, like, pinchers. Yes, I was pinched inside the Christmas claws.

Silent ease on both ends. Someone gonna write in and say like, it's actually pincers or something. So you've been cursed to replace and become Chris. Every Christmas, since. I guess I'm leading a little bit with my questioning, but I'm assuming that's what you're saying. That is exactly what I'm saying.

Wow, yeah, me and the guys have been talking. We assumed maybe like you were bitten by a Chris, or we thought maybe it was like a time Allen situation Mm-hmm. I was bitten by Chris and that fueled my hatred of him and let me wish for his death and suck a soul out of his body through his ear Chant a time Allen situation You haven't heard about time Allen. We didn't tell you about no You haven't heard about time out and we didn't tell you about no Okay, so it's a guy who had a magical clock and one day he accidentally broke it So then he became the clock and now he has more power

So it's like he went to infinity and beyond. No, that's not what I said. Okay. Mm-hmm. I said he has more power I'm still not clear on something. Yeah, okay. There's no, I know there's a lot of it. So is the, the thing that's said in emotion, is that you sucking a soul or you're killing him? Oh yeah. Cause there's a couple of actions that happened. And I'm just wondering like, if someone else wanted to become Chris,

is it the suck or the kill? Now I went socks that say soul suck. It's the kill. Anyone that wants it, anyone that wants Christmas, it's right here for the taking. Kill me. But that means you're gonna rise to your full power, right? Yes, and you'd be cursed to be Christmas,

but if you want it, you got it. Oh, what's a girl to do? It's a little weird, it sounds like. So we're writing out Christmas, we're Christmas, do everything we ask them to, celebrating out Christmas, we're Christmas, barf up a dog. Oh, barf up a dog.

Yeah, barf up a dog. Barf up a cap, af I dog. Yeah, barf I'm a dog. Barf of a cap, a never-in-dog. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. And it's Inky. It's not like a blemish barf, it's a carfoon blemish barf. Copy of a-copy of a barf dog. Ah, god. Worth it. I'm hearing another. Wish upon the wind.

Ah, let us all magically transport ourselves there now! Ah, you know what? I don't believe in Chris Must anymore. Maybe when I was a kid, I believed in the magic of Chris Must, but I'm gonna make an ironic Chris Must wish. Oh Chris, you must make me happy. Hey, Alfred! We're not. But I here come with Chris in tow. Yes, it is I, the great wizard, you said all. Heard of me?

What are you doing in my house? We've come to grant your Christmas wish. I've got a sword and I'm within my rights to kill you if you're in my house. All right, this shit, this shit. Yes. Put me up front. Everyone,, this shit, this shit. Yes. Put me up front. Everyone just get outside. Just go outside.

This is what I'm doing. We'll just do it in the wall. Yes, so I'm trespassing. Oh my god, this guy has a lot of applause. The sword is like, I wish somebody would. It's like, why would you wish that? Why would you wish someone would cut off anything? Did you see when he grabbed that sword,

he started to smile a little bit. So I think he kind of like granted his own Christmas Well, yeah, we beat it up that happy. Yeah, let's get out of this. Hey, well job one time Ah, yes, I get another Christmas wish. Here we go That's really fun to make noises while we move Come on dark Lord just try it just try it I want to make noises while, fine. Uh-huh. Ooh. Oh my god.

That's fantastic. That's good. Fuck it. Stupid you idiots. Dear Chris, please listen to my please. All I want for Christmas. I hope you wish it's for his two front teeth. All I want for Christmas is for Chris

to eat a big bag of poop right in front of me. Wow, that's a plant. That's a plant. This is a plant. What are you talking about? You sir, quick. Let's ask a next person. Flowers is a plant.

Yeah, I'm a plant. Not a plant. Want me to dig up a bag of poop for this idiot kid? It is not necessary for I have one here ready to go. Real quick, dig up a bag of poop. Did you hide bags of poop all over this place? I've buried millions of bags of poop all over food. What kind of dark lord do you think I've been for the past however long?

He's been doing it the whole time ever since he barfed up that dog. I hope anybody noticed, he's been following it around a little bags and then burying them. Hold on, are you telling me? Every time over the last six and a half years when I accidentally dug up a bag of poop, it was your poop? It was mine all along, motherfucker. Revelation after Revelation. Why are you all here in my house? Oh hey kid! Hey little buddy. Why are you all here in my house? I have to be go right Fuck this guy. I'm trespassing. I'm taking me out. I'm trespassing. No, no, no, no

I got his bag. I'm gonna shove it in his mouth They always look in my hand again I'm gonna shove it in his mouth. There you go. He's looking my hand again. Hardy washer. Yeah. Great. Fine.

For the fourth time as I've been to food, I'm gonna wash my hands. Are you happy? Yeah, you old shit grip. Thank you so much for making my Christmas wisdom come true. Now I can finally transform into a beautiful butterfly. What? Holy shit, he're turning your butterfly? Wow, it's so bright, it's hard to walk upon

Thank you. This is what I've been waiting for Oh, it ran right into its own sword. Oh What a tragic end to such a beautiful creature. You know most sword accidents happen inside the home. Yeah, it's true. It's all making fun noise. Go! It's not- It's not- It's not- It's not- It's not- It's not- It's not- It's not-

It's not- It's not- It's not- It's not- It's not- It's not- It's not- It's not-

It's not- It's not- It's not- It's not- It's not- It's not- It's not- It's not- It's not- It's not- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Long for last Christmas. Wow, but my parents were alive. Oh I do wish with all my Christmas heart that Christmas to bring my parents back Fuck the one thing Chris can't do. It's like that song the Christmas shoes. What?

Can we just give him some sheep? Wait, what if we dress up like his parents and pretend it's... Hang out with him for a little bit. I can't do that. It's really fun. Is that morally cool? No, definitely not. A child, a child, the style recognized me.

The great wizard Yusador, the blue. Yeah, it's Daddy Forrentine. Yusador, I hope you want to be the wizard's choice. Well, thank you, every vote counts. I would vote for you, but I'm but a boy. Right, do not wizard's vote for the Wizard's Choice Award. Well, it's a secret. It's a secret committee.

We don't need to get into that. Sounds great. Oh great. We got another Golden Globe situation on our hands. Child, what is thy name? My name is Reginald. Reginald. How did you lose your parents so tragically last year?

It was, it was when you used you said all, went to that volcano. Oh. They were, they were hit by a tiny piece of volcanic eruption wiped off the face of food by flying lava. Hmm. Yes, well, oh God. It's a far good cause. Right, right. I'm a good cause. Right.

Right. I'm so sorry to do this. I have to actually, when it's in the air, it's magma again. I'm so sorry. So your parents are killed by magma. I know. No, no there's too many weird details. And he's just like, do you remember that one time

you were out of volcano? Like how many times were you out of volcano? Is this a regular thing? Oh yeah. I'd say no more than three times a year. Yes, I would say. The last thing I am like 100%, I'm like 98% on your side, but I'm just worried like if we're wrong about that 2% always gonna be bad

I just don't know how to get it out of them like I don't know what we got to do Like just really like litmus test this shit right now. Just getting bad vibes Sweet child Reginald, please tell us more of your of your life at home with your parents. See if this trips him out. Oh a simple life we lived that of farmers, we grew wheat and berries in our farm. He's reading off little index cards. What's on those index cards buddy buddy? No, no, just some notes I made for myself for Chris Muston. And he, give me those. And he said wheat like wind was blowing through his body. Wee.

Oh shit. Oh, oh, I feel terrible. The index cards on each one it just says be confident, have confidence. You can do this. Oh, yes. Don't forget, parents died. I hear, buddy, Take these cars back. I am so sorry. It's all right.

I, every night I write one thing to myself to make life worth living the next day. What is bigger dick? What is that about? That's one thing I want to make my life worth living the next day. Your kid come down. It'll come. Yep. What if it does?

Turn, stop saying that to kids. I, I was sorry. I was sorry, I'm sorry. We can't bring your parents back for you, but what we can do is adopt you. Mm. Or, um, let's give a few options. Or Reginald, we can make it so you run like the wind blows. You're real fast.

Or I can make snow parents. We can bring those to life. It's not the real thing, but it's a snowsodad. I love snow. OK, why don't you? OK, I'm going to hop out the window here. Can you hear me? Yes.

OK, describe your parents. My father was very short and round, and my mother was like, like three scoops of ice cream Oh Jackpot Say weird way to describe your mom you've ever said that When kids at school like what does your mom look like you're like oh my mom's like fucking three scoop the ice cream, baby. I like that I like that. Ah very well.

I- Child, it appears now that I can bring your parents to life. After all, as these snow creatures, they're off trough the puddle. Here, let me boost them up through the window. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, always, oh, I love you so much. Yeah, snowman, snowpah. Please sit down. We have something to tell you. Your mom and dad are getting a little. I'm so sorry.

It's been so long, such a long time coming. I think you'll be happier that way. We did it so, we did it. And I got to go on a business trip. John, with Alan, going on a little trip with Alan. Sorry, I'm tired of doing this, I said we went to this, I'm sorry. Arnie, to be fair, these creatures kind of melton

about 24 hours, none of this really matters. Sean, next time, spend more time on the mouths. It's just so hard to give detail. You've spent so much time on their genitals. Yeah, something useful. A little bit of time on the malls. So many carrots. So many carrots.

Well, kid, are we good here? Thank you. Use the door, chunt, Arnie, and flower. And that creepy little drawing guy. That's Chris himself. Of course, you must thank Chris for, he is the reason for the season. Wait, hold on, everybody. Lock the door. Kid. We never told you our names.

Mother fucker. Wait, I told him my name. Oh shit. I'm sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry. Oh How do you guess my name? I got what I wanted here. I got magic done in front of me just like I thought I could trick out of you you pieces of shit You little piece of shit. I know all about you and you little piece of shit You're right, Fowah. You're right the whole time. Who are you? I got to watch you do magic and now I'm gonna jack off thinking about that This is the true curse of Christmas. You have to give, you have to grant wishes for everybody, and a lot of people are fucking assholes. People are little pervy assholes, and I put it right in my spank bank.

All of your little faces when you made that, when you made that sad, sad snowman, snowpa. You should have remelt his parents. Get him, Lichtenkawa. Aaaaah. Let's just, let's give this kid a fucking book or something. Look, we fulfilled your wish. We did what we have to do. his parents. Get him, Lichtenkawa! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Oh! Hey, hey, hey, hey! Ha! I'm exhausted, aren't I? I can't imagine I've done so much magic tonight. I know.

And force the Dark Lord to do so many things that he didn't want to do, yet we managed to make everyone's wish come true. I need at least two weeks off. Just think, next year, we'll be here doing the exact same fucking thing. Yeah. Unless, unless you admit your destiny, free me from the prison of this body, and let me return to my full, rightful power.

Hold on, hold on. We could do this horse shit every fucking year. I just realized something. So Dark Lord. Yeah. How did you become Chris? What did you the original Chris? What did you do? You killed, sucked us all, killed us body.

You said or didn't you kill the Dark Lord? Yeah. So are you Chris now? Ah fuck. Yeah. So, are you Chris now? Ah, fuck! Did- You mean we didn't have to do this at all? I could have just done it by myself? Yeah, here's the thing, we could have let you do it, all that work.

Like, we usually do. And we could have just hung out in the tavern, having drinks. We didn't need to spend any time with the Dark Lord, just leave him down here in his cradle. So, so, so, user's subconscious magic was making all those things happen? I guess so. I mean, I guess, I guess we granted most of the wishes now that I think about it. Yeah, but he didn't need the shit. But when we said, when we said, Chris must, the Dark Lord did it and not use it or not.

But you store his Chris? Can we all agree though that it probably all makes sense? Yeah, it makes sense as long as Yousadour does all the things that we made Chris do, because he is Chris. So you can just bag his shit. Oh, fine. I think Deep Town Braw really seems to be. There's a little bit of Chris in all of us. Yeah, now Barfa Dog.

Braw! Hey, what else? what else was there? Um There were like seven more bags of shit at least yeah There's a long night eat your milk and duckeys. Why are how long are you in town? Well me I just for like another day or so. I see where you heading to you sir. You miss you miss some shit you sooner Yeah, I got it. I'm gonna. No I'm gonna get back to like a figure and out some shit. You know, I left that salt stand and then I was like,

what's my next endeavor? What's my next big thing is I'm gonna be like, oils or, you know. Oh, you're two perfect Sundays? My, oh, you said. Oh, you used to, two perfect Sundays. Vanilla ice cream, hot fudge, and a marshmallow sauce. Stop describing my mom!

You've been listening to the Hello for the Magic Tavern holiday special, and I for one was thrilled to see all our favorite characters make it back to Kashyyyk to finally celebrate Life Day. Now, to throw the Betamax recording of this episode into the vaults forever, right next to Walt Disney and Wanda Maximov's accent. Wizards Choice Award nominee Yuzuru O the Blue, was played by Matt Young. Chant the Talking Badger was played by Adolfi. Flower, the Talking Flower, was played by Brooke Bright.

The Dark Lord trapped in the body of blemish, but he's also Christmas somehow. JJ Abrams would love how this is coming together. All of that was played by Martin Wilson. The Winter Solstice song, Who Must, Chris Must, was written and performed by Sean Fleming of the band Diane Coffee. Their new album, Internet Arms, is available in stores and streaming on Spotify and Apple music.

Visit DianeCoffee.com for news, tour dates and more. With some Earth holidays coming up, the podcast is taking two weeks off. Consider it our gift to you. But there will be a special bonus scene available next week. And the regular main feed show returns on the 10th of January. But if you're eager for even more fake fantasy holiday bullshit you can hear right now, the newest bonus episode on the Magic Tavern Patreon is a spin-tax and usador winter solstice special. Check out this clip!

I'm so happy that we can come together once again and celebrate all of the wonderful winter solstice holidays! Do you know that when I was on earth I was so lonely in desolate around the winter solstice that I went to the Ikea in Burbank and found a lumpy blue sofa that reminded me so much of you that I sat there for weeks on end just telling its stories. Huh. Well, I'm so touched and what an incredible coincidence for every year I would come here to the feet of these mountains carrying a large bull bull-lapsed sack full of dung and potatoes,

and then I would paint it green and talk to it for hours. Wow! I see. Ah! Well, let me tell you about this couch. I bought it and set it outside and it became home for many transient homeless people that lived in the Burbank area Just like me. Yes. I gave them the smell that I associated with you used to. Oh Well, that's wonderful. I left the sacks here and now you can see potatoes growing out of the fertilizer that I left them here with. Oh, wow, so good that something in memory of me could provide sustenance for the earth. The couch that I told stories to became animate through my wonderful storytelling and did consume many of those homeless men.

Oh, oof, oof, that's good. I apologize, that is your legacy on earth. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Get about the Hello from the Magic Tavern live show at the San Francisco Sketchfest Saturday, January 8th at the Brava Theater at 4pm. With special guest star, hilarious comedy Fireball, Beth Stelling. Visit sfsketsfest.com for tickets and more information. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neekamp, Matt Young in Adolf Refyre. Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz. This episode edited by Anna Hoverman, special assistance by Ryan DeGeorgie.

Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard LeBan. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. you