Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 4, Ep 12 - Treasure Hunters (w/ Nyla Rose & Aubrey Edwards)

Episode Date: January 17, 2022

A crypt rummager named Coral Loft and a former Mittens ref stop by the show off some of the fantastical treasures they've found.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungCoral Loft, Crypt Rummager: Nyla RoseTiffany Scampi: Aubrey EdwardsMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Stephen DrangerSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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A fully independent production made possible... wait, are we at the beginning? Oh, come on! I was in such a good mood. I was gonna sleepwalk through the credits as per a use. Shut down the equipment and be first in line for the new product reveal at the local pie bar. Rumor has it, it's something called OOPS ALL CROSSED! And now I, ugh, hey, if I do the credits now, do we all not have to listen?

No, there might be legal ramifications. And I can't have that while the Chicago zoning board is considering my request to turn the art institute into a walk-in cake closet. Damn! Well, as they say at the beginning of every planet money, let's just get through this. People of Earth, the following podcast is not real, but don't take my word for it, sit back, and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern!

A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host Arnie Neacamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. Six and three-fourths years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King into the magical, fantastical land of fun. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rift, and I use that to upload this podcast. Recorded here in the tavern, the strange familiar,

in the town of nibble bottom, at the base of the innemable mountain, in the magical land of fume, and I'm joined, as always, by my co-host. Chant the talking, chant, what is chant? Ooh, yeah, little squishiness, looking good, huh? It's, uh, I'm sure, yeah. Remember when I ripped off all my fur and I got attacked? Yeah, this really, yeah. I've been digging this look,

so I just kinda kept it off. The fur does regrow and I pluck it out and it's very painful, but I feel like, I feel like the people at the nibble bottom have really started to notice me. Like I noticed some of the other tables, the people are just like all looking over here. Mm-hmm.

What an eye full of this. Ooh. Okay. Yeah. No, it's good. It's good, buddy. Thank you. Oh, and oh shit, looks like you got a haircut. Looks good.

Looks good. Yeah. Got in a hair fight with someone and. What's this now? I got in a hair fight. Okay. And, you know, that person just started ripping parts of my hair off and it kinda works.

It kinda works for me. I'm sore to into it. Arnie, did you go see the Barbra area? Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's what they're supposed to do. A Barbra area is supposed to fight you to rip out certain parts of your hair to make it look fresh and clean and sharp. Yeah, it works, although you should see the other guy.

No, I have. Yeah. Yeah, because I didn't do anything to him. Of course, he's a barber area. He's a hair is hard to pull out. Although, I'm saying this to someone who last week who daily reset all their hair. Yeah, you just rip all your pull out. Although, I'm saying this to someone who last week, who daily were said all their hair. Yeah, you just rip all your hair out. Yeah, you doing okay, buddy? Nah, I'm stressed. I know that you said on Earth,

you took your daily vitamins. Are you able to find any of those compounds here? No, no, no, no vitamins, none of the medications that I probably should be taking the whole time that I'm in this world. Yeah. You said you had pills that helped your brain that were shaped like Fred Flintstown? Mm-hmm.

Well, look, I don't want to go into all the pill shapes. Fred is one of them. Ooh, what are all the pill shapes? Well, there's Wilma, and there's Bam Bam. Oh, so is that two pills? No, that's just one called Bam Bam. That's just like how your name is Chunch-Chunch? Uh, yeah, I guess so.

Mr. Chunch-C-Chunch. Mm-hmm. And there's, it might take me a really long time to explain Fred Flintstone's car to you, but kids love eating vitamins shaped like cars. Wait, so you're telling me on Earth, vitamins have their own cars? Yes.

Well, just a Flintstones vitamins. And are they like, is there like 7 million, is there 8 million, is there like 9 million of them? How many are there? 10,000 strong and growing. Yeah, I tried to set you up for it, but yeah. I walked you up to the front door with 7, 8, 9 million. Oh, is 11 after that?

But John, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry to the front door with 789 million. Oh, is 11 after that? But John, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry to change the subject. Oh, why? I'm just a little stressed out because I- Hold on, real quick. Are you gonna start apologizing every time you change the subject now? Yeah, because I think there's a backlog of

5,000 changes in subject I'm owed. Apologies. Oh, John, I'm so sorry. I need to introduce Yusador. I am also joined by my other co-host, Yusador the Wizard. I am Yusador. I am also joined by my other co-host, Yusador The Wizard. I am Yusador, a wizard of the 12th realm of a fesious master of light and shadow. Yusador, I'm so sorry.

Yusador, I'm so sorry. I was talking to Chan about something else. I'm gonna change the subject back to what I was gonna talk to him about. Well, at the end of my thing was gonna be I was going to dam you to hell for the rest of eternity for not shying. Yeah, I have secrets of Fred Flintstone. Sure, sure sure sure sure so China. I'm a little worried about my boss Oh the Cooper Winnie the Cooper Winnie the town Cooper, you know Someone snuck into her Cooperie into her coupe so my in this episode or am I just totally out of it now? You said or I'm so sorry. We're gonna get to you. I promise. I already want you to tell him what you told me Fred Funston

always says. He said he says like, yeah, but gagging do? He says, yeah, we'll do, pig. Yeah, we'll do. So somebody's snuck into Winnie's coop. Someone's snuck into Winnie's coop and stole some of her whatever she makes there. I'm still learning exactly what that is.

So her supply has been stolen by I think a competing Cooper. Oh no. This douchebag Cooper came in and stole all this stuff and then disappeared. DB Cooper stole it all? Yeah, no one knows exactly who this DB Cooper is, but they stole everything and they're gone and we don't know who they are. Are you sure they exist? Is there, are you sure there was a theft

or is this just urban myth? Ah, I guess I'm just taking Winnie's word on it and to be fair, she's a horse and I'm making a lot of assumptions about what she's saying. To be fair, a lot of us are horses. That's saying. To be fair, a lot of us are horses. That's it. A lot of us are horses. Oh yes, many of us are horses.

I mean, not here at this table, but you know. In the world. In general. In all the food. Yeah, right. Sure. Well anyway, sorry. If I feel, if I seem distracted, I'm just a little worried about it. Oh, buddy, you always seem distracted.

Oh yeah, okay, so then I'll just go. I won't, I won't feel bad about it then. It's maybe it's part of my charm. You always, what is the phrase Arnie uses? You always foam it in. What's that? You always foam it in. I have, I don't know what, say,

I'm looking at a bird out the window. Oh, where, where? Right, look at that bird! Oh, what a beautiful bird. Oh, such a lovely bird with grey and white markings, so that it can blend in here in these northern climbs. Arnie, Arnie, hello little bird. I feel like ever since she's decided to fake his own death,

he's been really engaged with nature like Davidly seeing everything I know and also like he needs to monologize it as well It's like appreciate it yourself. Don't make me don't force me to appreciate it. Yeah, if anything do a soliloquy Like I was the one that was excited about that bird and then he got so excited and specific about it that I lost all enthusiasm for it. So long, bird. Fug off, bird! Hey, now I'm having a very nice conversation with that bird. You said, or, how you doing, bud?

Oh, you deem to allow me to speak on the episode, why? Thank you, Arnold. I'm doing alright. Uh, you know, I don't know if you guys know this, but in a couple of weeks everyone's assumes that I'm going to be dead. So I have to fake my own death. And I've been speaking to the ice elves here. Oh, no.

In the North and Realms. And I think that maybe they'll let me stay with them for a while. That's fantastic. I love ice elves. Ernie, I don't know if you know this. Ice elves can kind of fit anywhere in the frozen land. There's ice elves on the ice shelves. There's Icells on the ice shelves. There's cubes on your pubes, blocks on your cocks.

Okay. Frozen on your tozens. Mm-hmm. Saints on your tank. Yes. Frozen pond on your pubic mon. Yeah. Damn, doctor.

Doctor, doctor terms, huh? Wow, welcome. Someone's been reading. Yes, I read all the time. Speaking of reading, I forgot to tell you all. You know how, I don't know, 12 episodes ago or something. I mentioned how I opened up a black and white smithery. Yeah, I make weapons and shields

that have the black and white coloration of a badger. Yes. Well, today I read an order for a new adventurer in town who's swinging through nibble bottom So I stayed around the shop to meet them and I'm pleased to say that I invited the two of them onto our show Should I bring them up now? Yeah, I'm so much for booking a guest I've been so stressed about my boss that I didn't I haven't done anything for the podcast this week Yes, please join us up here at the tall fatal Hello, hello everyone. How are you?

Are you used to it or please please meet the great adventurer so I hear coral loft Huffed yes. Yes. Hello. This is a lovely view from up here Hello, this is a lovely view from up here. Pleasure to meet you. Nice to meet you as well. And Mr. You are Mr. Arnold. Oh him? Okay, yeah, he's he's he's he's on it. Yes.

No, yeah, I'm Arnie. You can call me Arnie. Oh, okay, Mr. Arnie. And you call Coral. Yes, yes. That's that's the dumb ass I was telling you about. Oh, the dumb, the dumb one. The guy who knocked himself out trying to tie his own shoes.

Yes. I can't see who you're pointing at. Oh, hey, oh, don't worry. Who's your friend here? This is one of my best compatriots, Mr. Tiffany Scambi. Hello, hello, it's a pleasure to be here. Been a long time listener, first time visitor, if you want to say it. Oh, well, I've got pleasure to be here. I've been a long time listener first time visitor if you want to say Oh, oh, I've got to tell you a lot of birds have been listening to our recordings and then going to the four wins and repeating with they here

I think I know what the fucking birds are doing. He's easy buddy. Easy. I'm just saying. He is an angry individual I've been meaning to ask do we have any Analytics on those birds? Not really. I'm sorry to say, yeah. So we can't really monetize those birds in any way as far as you can tell. Not, yeah. Oh no, I can turn them into money.

Turn the birds into money? This is Arnold, man. You speak with such interesting words. These are fancy words. Are you an adventurer yourself? Please, first of all, it's Arnie. Mr. Arnold is, actually Mr. Arnold is not my father. Mr. Arnold is Kevin Arnold's father from the 100 years.

I'm Arnie, you can call me that, and I'm sorry, what was your question? You're words, it sounds, you're very traveled. Do you speak in such a high regard? I just wondered if you were an adventurer as well. Oh well, I am from another world. So I come from a sophisticated fancier, he's talking about world.

What are you talking about? You adventure your ass at a bed at 2PM. I have been all over town this week looking for whatever Cooper's make. So I'm pretty busy. Tiffany, he said he's from another world. Do you think he might know of some of the trinkets we've discovered? I don't know.

I mean, there's per chance he does. I mean, should we tell him what we came with today? On your adventures, you have found some trinkets. Oh, please, share. Tell us, tell us. Tell us about your adventures and your trinkets. So, what sort of got me into adventuring, I started noticing all around Foon.

Occasionally we would find little trinkets. You see Tiffany here used to be a mittens referee. I would travel to watch her at all the mittens games. Wow, wow, wow, take my rifle away. I see what you did there. I told you, Mr. Chand was so fantastic. And let's speak of the elephant in the room. Your hair looks a little different. Oh, yeah, I've been ripping it out.

I kind of grown out when I met the black and white Smithery just to kind of help my sweating. So I don't become too greasy, you know. But I ricked it out earlier today. Oh, PS, here is your black and white battle line. Taking a look at this. This will come in very handy. Look at it, it's so beautiful.

I know, I can't wait to swing this about. Do we happen to have anything that is maybe anti-greasing so we can help our somewhat furry friend here? No. But I do have some of these trinkets. Okay, let's get down to brass tax. Before we get into that, I just want to clarify that I don't want to speak of the elephant in the room because he's a friend of mine. Oh, hello Roger!

Sorry, Mr. Roger. Oh, he's sitting with my friend Patrick Durham. Oh, he has a huge fucking asshole. He really is. Is he Southbound? Yes, you, oh, you, do you know, or just on your adventures, you hear tale? Oh, yes, I speak to the brother's primates sometimes they tell me the Southbound Patrick. Oh, very cool. Oh, Tiffany before I forget, I also made you at my black and white smithry. I made you a whistle. This is a war whistle.

If you blow on that, help should come somehow. Oh, this is a wonderful. I won't use it here because I do not want to scare the elephant that is in the room that we have referred to at this point because the Roger seems like a very large individual. But this is something that reminds me of my days back when I was roughing for the Middens, the Middens League. And unfortunately, it's something that I don't do nowadays. I've put that part behind me and I'm fully invested into

adventuring with Coral here. So we will have to put this along with the Battle Axe. Maybe we can hang it up like a nice little ornament. Oh, that's wonderful that you've led this part of your life and you saw that there was a new chapter in your life opening and you've committed yourself to it. I say bravo. Thank you. Thank you. It was very hard to walk away, but as you know, there's a lot of rules and mittens that are hard to enforce and people break rules all the time.

And eventually you take one too many metal chairs to the head and you become blind and one eye and it's very easy to be distracted and no one just weren't very good. Hey, that's an opinion. I'd like to not talk about that. And is it tough as a ref who's blind in one eye when people understand who are I'm sure being jerks or yell, I'm like, yeah, you're blind ref and the person next to them has to be like, well, they're actually only

blind in one eye. That's true. It's I've only missed things on the right side of the field, not on the left side of the field. So it really just depends on how many other referees are in the game that day. It's quite difficult, really. It's just too much pressure. It's too much pressure.

I couldn't do it without two good eyes. I needed something new and I met Coral and that's how we ended up here. That said, it's got to be a great trick for remembering you're left from your right. Oh, very much so. It's like, is it dark? Or is it light? Oh, is it? I think one of the hardest rules to enforce

is that when the rules get broken three times, then there's 10 minutes of free time when anyone can break all the rules. Yes. That to me is the weirdest rule of all. Oh, open season, yeah. That's just my favorite part, actually. I think it's open season.

Open season chaos. Yeah, sure. I mean, it's fun to watch, but I'm sure it's hard to ref. It's very hard to ref, especially when you have the influx of birds coming in, especially in the change of seasons when the birds are flying from one part of fune to another. It just, it makes games incredibly challenging to ref. And I'm so happy I don't have that stress left in my life

Thank you again for the gift chunt. I very much appreciate it And it's given me a bit of memory of this wonderful time in my life But yes, I want to talk about all of the adventures we go on today and recently and all of the things we have planned Oh, yes, what you have these trinkets here before us. I please show us. Yes I'm so you had some sort of copper pushpin or or brass tie. Yes, yes. So this little disc I found in a field during one of Tiffany's

mid-ins games, and it I think it's an omen because it says is dead on the top of it. I showed it to Tiffany and I think she said, she said it looks like it says, peep-sea and that just seems weird to me. It clearly says is dead. So the question is who is dead? Or maybe someone was dead,

and this has been since removed from them. See, that's part of the wonder of adventuring, is we find these things, we're not actually sure, where they come from or who they belong to. Yes, it looks like it could fit a top of bottle or something, but I'm not sure. Yeah, It looks like a little top of a bottle or something, but I'm not sure. Yeah, it looks like a little hat for a bottle. Some sort of a bottle of hat.

A bottle hat's the best term, I think. I like a bottle hat. A bottle hat. A bottle hat. I hate to, you know, er, explain to this to you, but I think this might be something from my world. What? How could that be? On my world, these little hats. Yeah, these little hats go on magical elixirs on my world.

And Arnie, I've never heard you talk like this. In my world, bottle wear hats. Yeah, in my world. Yeah, have you ever noticed how on my world bottles wear hats and on this world hat wears you? Arnie, you're thinking of a cork, idiot. No, no, this is the cap for a magical elixir. hat wears you. Onnie, you're thinking of a cork idiot. No man. No, this is the cap for a magical lixer.

You use it a cork? Yeah, and this is kind of how you would experience this elixir in my world. You would go to a restaurant and you would order a diet coke and they would say, well, this do, and you'll then use to say no, but you don't have any choice, but you have to have this instead. What is this diet coke you speak of?

Yeah, they take coke and they die it like a different color, so you're snorting up blue or green. Sounds like moglue a little bit. Oh yeah, it does sound like more glorabous. Do you have any? They sell moglue by the bottles in your world, aren't they? Sort of, yeah. I mean, it's very addictive.

And that's a thing, like I have to say, like with some of the hardest parts of me being in Fune, the first few weeks was, you know, sort of coming off of my diet co-cadiction. That was the hard part. Hey, John, I just broke his eye here. Yeah, of course, I'm trying to humor Arnie here, but this is the most ridiculous explanation I've ever heard.

You were not kidding, he is such a dumbass. Yeah, he's the biggest dumbass I think he makes a lot of it up I think he wants a lot of attention so he'll just like start speaking and like try and say something real like Wild so yeah bottle a bottle with a hat Tiffany do you hear the bottle with a hat? This is absolutely preposterous. I don't understand. Someone has written a message that someone is dead on this tiny little shield. Yes, yes. It's okay. Okay, sorry.

Yes, honey. That's so cool. Oh, yeah. So cool. Okay. Arnie, Arnie, Arnie. Yeah, chunch, chunch, chunch. Arnie, Arnie, Arnie.

Hey, should we take a quick break? Let's take a quick break. Okay. Should we tell our guests? The older guests know. Are we taking a break? Oh, they know. They know.

They know everything. They know everything. Rods are run. All right, so I'm excited to hear Coral loft a little bit more about your adventures. You find these trinkets anywhere, or do you like, I don't know, go into tombs say, or?

Yes, yes, occasionally I will adventure inside of a crypt, you know, or the occasional tomb, if you hear. Sure. I'll just rummage about, they call me, you know, the crypt rummages sometimes. Sure. They rolls off the tongue. Coral loft, crypt rummage about they call me, you know, the crypt rummages sometimes Sure, they rolls off the time. Koral loft crypt rummager. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So, uh, Tiffany, did you happen to?

Uh, well, sorry, um, Coral, what was it? Did you have something in your throat or? It just seemed like your voice changed. Oh, you're in an adventure like maybe you have to adapt your throat? Did you see it like your voice changed? Oh, you're in an adventure? Maybe you have to adapt your voice depending on who you're speaking to? Okay, yeah. So...

Carl, Carl, don't tell him. No, they mustn't. No. No. Carl, don't tell me. Don't tell me. Okay, I won't tell you. No, please.

Carl, tell us. Say it in the microphone. We got to walk away from this with content. I don't think they're ready. I think they're ready. Okay, so the whole voice thing, it's kind of like your action music, you know, like instead of having a menstrual like travel with me to like play danger music,

like they do in all the recanting of tales. I have the voice, it kind of gets me excited to adventure. Well it's hard to do a voice all the time. Whoa, you sure a voice all the time? You sure was that? What do you think? I just saw a frog in my throat. His name is also Roger. Have you ever noticed how many Rogers there are around here? So many Rogers and food so many Rogers. Yes, so Shunt, thank you so much for the battle act. It will come in very handy because Tiffany I are planning another adventure.

We think thank you for being vulnerable about your voice. That's so, that's, I kind of like that. I think I might try. It's almost like a secret source of power, energy. Exactly. You kind of amp yourself up. That's what I've been trying to tell Tiffany for so long.

She thinks I'm ridiculous. She thinks it's silly. She's like, why don't you just go in there, just go get the trailer. And I'm like, no, I can't just go in there, get the trailer! I need another fancy voice! And then I put this on and then I feel invincible. It's impractical. We have so many adventures we need to hit. We need to get all of these trinkets, and you're just, you're taking up so much time

with all these silly voices. We just need to get down to to breast-hacks. I get nervous, okay. Who of us climbed the Great Mountain Morthogulus in the Northeast region? Hmm? I was scared out of my mind to do that, but when I started talking like this, the winds blew in my favor and the birds sang a song of my tireless feats and the next thing you

know, we were upon the top. Were we not Tiffany? We were. Yes, it helped, it helped. I'm not going to lie. Yes, the voice did help. And can I ask choral professional professional professional when these birds sang your feats? Do you have any analytics on that?

Cause we're really trying to figure out how we can track. Honey, Carl is telling us about accent ascension and you're trying to bogus down with analytics? Okay, okay. I don't protect in analytics with that bird. So any other sort of animals, that's just not my- It would be cloaca-ly, not Not my jam, just not my jam.

It's definitely not something you do on the first meeting. Well, a lot of us are horses. Now, a really cute zintour maybe. Can I just say I've gotten jam in my analytics before and it is so hard to get out. So if I may ask Tiffany, you said, sorry, just the way you said this was so interesting, you said we have to do a lot more adventures.

Do you have like a punch card or are you under payment by some person who's paying you to go on these adventures? I don't know what I'm at liberty to say. I just know that, you know, there's so much of the world. Phoon is an expansive place and there's so many trinkets to collect and per chance we're being paid handsomely to gather some of these things and you know that's really all I can divulge at this time. Okay, here it is.

Shh, don't fall for their whily cut locks. I know, and the hair that's half growing back, it's just so delicious. Oh my goodness, this tr trick at I find quite intriguing. The silver disc is somewhat larger than the Is Dead disc, and it says, Enigma, Sadness Part One. What could that mean?

I don't know, but it definitely puts me in a pure mood. Ha-ha! And, uh, and you said you found this where? Ha-ha! Now that's what I call a rude. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh is bouncing off it, it's almost like some sort of jewel. Is there a case we could put it in to keep it safe, to keep it from being harmed? Here's another one, and it says jewel. Oh, put it in that one.

Well, I put it this disc inside of this disc. Yeah, it would be like a fun game. It also, it looks like it has a resale sticker on it. Wixi-mixi? Do you know anything about the Wixi-mixi? As Wixi-mixi, sounds like something that you take a candle and a kitchen and make something with it. Wixie mixie. Already do you have that on earth?

I'm sorry, I'm not. They must have wixie bixies in his region, but this one came from a wall. This is incredible. These are incredible trinkets, I... How much gold will you take for these? Are they already promised to someone else? These unfortunately are already promised to someone else. But, come on.

But, we do have something today that isn't yet spoken for, that you may be able to purchase. And it's exciting. It's this white cloth. We're not quite sure what it is. It might be a dress for a small creature. It might be... Oh, sorry, white cloth. Okay. Yeah, I was gonna say is it flavored? Is it like okay?

So the corner of it is very peculiar. The corner of it does taste much like what we have here when we barbecue things. And this other corner tastes like an orange citrus. It is the craziest thing. There's another corner that ends up tasting a lot like Spice Potatoes. Oh, I missed those so much. And look, look right in the middle. There's some sort of imprint of lips

and then several digits and it says, Calmy, Calmy must be some sort of spell. Kalami. Yusur, can you break this code? Kalami. Kalami. Sounds like I'm gonna pull someone's heart out. I mean, for my world it's a napkin, I think. A napkin? Arnie, I think that's a little reductive. The spell, it makes your kid fall asleep!

Oh, That's it Call me napkin Any everyone knows that napkins are made of cloth Not whenever this paper is Substances well you sir. I could say everyone knows that the spell to get someone's heart is calling ma not call me come on I said it sounded sort of like I was doing that. Oh, don't you know see If you to rip someone's heart out. Well, never mind. That's a whole other conversation. Oh, you've done that before Yeah, you know what I could keep talking about napkins, but I want to hear about you ribbon people's heart out

I don't like to brag but One time Tiffany I were in this cave. Was it a cave? I think it was wet and damp. And Tiffany backs up into what we thought was a wall of bone sacrifices, but they were the liches. And yeah, so clearly the only thing to do is to reach inside of this creature and pull its heart out. Wow, that is so cool!

Did you keep the heart as a drinker? I took a bite out of it and held it above my head. I took a bite as well. It's not really my type of thing, but you know, you have to try everything once. But show us more of these wonderful trinkets. Oh, I didn't know you were going to bring this. This is just some paper. It's got numbers on it. This is 1, 0, 0. And this old guy being Benjamin Franklin. I don't know.

I'm just gonna rip this up because this is clearly worth it. It's like trash away. It's weird. I just think this is terrible. Yeah, that guy looked like a fucking freak. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, it's the truth. I was awful. What kind of artwork is that? It's terrible artwork, terrible. Looks like somebody shrunk his glasses. And what was all that crap on the back? Go fly a fucking kite, dude, get outta here. Oh, you mean the drawings, because on my world, statistically speaking,

most money has crap on it. That's the thing you tell us about Earth. You guys are just tired of me talking about how there's just trace amounts of excrement on everything, everywhere, even my world. I know what this is about. The other day Arnie tried to show me his little secret chest that he keeps locked away under his bed. He said he has thingamabobs in there.

19 or 20 he says it's no big deal. He says he has thingamabobs in there. 19 or 20, he says, it's no big deal. He says who cares? And I do want to see him. So now he's jealous that we're owing and owing over all these trinkets. I didn't know Ahni had a secret chest. Yeah, to be fair, it was just like a spoon and shit. Well, it's not a spoon, it's a fork.

And it's what I use to call my hair. Oh, what? Yeah, how much food is in your hair, dude? Like I said, food and excrement, there's trace amounts of it everywhere. Thank God you wouldn't get your hair pulled. Tiffany, do you do you still have the special gift that I told you to bring? The gift? The gift. This small little thing, it's a yes. So this I wanted to say thank you to chund for taking the time to make us these lovely weapons that we're going to use in our quest please I don't

need gifts just pay me well you please when you see this you're going to love I when I saw this it screamed you and like it literally screamed you and I had to squish it so that it would stop screaming. It's very loud, it's very loud as well. Squish, yeah, okay, what is it? Oh my gosh. It's a rock. In the shape of a bird. And I knew you out of everyone would absolutely.

Yes, I love rock, shape like bird. That's my whole thing is birds. Rocks and birds, that's my whole schtick. I love it so much. I'm always talking about rocks and birds and how birds and rocks and how, you know, pebbles and canaries, that whole thing. I'm sorry, but hold on one moment. I am sorry, but I, earlier, in this very episode was talking to a bird, and I was lamenting

the fact that I didn't get to learn about Fred Flintstone, whose name is Turox, and now this gift is given to Chunt, I couldn't be more furious. You sir, calm down a lot of us are horses. Also you sir, stop talking in a Chandler sort of way. Also you sir, you're talking about Turox, go on some dinosaurs, I mean, for real, get out of here. Yeah. Could I be anymore worthless in this episode? Wait a minute, you're wearing all of my fur.

Why are you wearing all of my fur? Because you left it aside. What are you doing? And you're doing lunges? You're not a friend. Oh, boy. Look, you said, or you said, or it's all right. Sometimes it happens.

You know, people get into the podcast and they sort of like, misremember who is what? Like it's like I was telling you whenever I look online and I see someone's like tweets, I love chunt. I'm like, oh, they probably mean me. They probably mean me, right? Hey, Arnie, can we tell this episode the one where use doors an asshole?

Yeah, that's the title of every episode. Hey, how dare you? Look another silver disc. Sound godden, black hole's sun. Is that a threat? That's a single? We should pivot. It's interesting that you're called the Crypt Rommager. Arty one time said I I looked like the crypt keeper,

then he just laughed and laughed. Mm-hmm. I don't get it personally, but. Why would one keep a crypt? Yeah, but they're so messy. It seems very high maintenance. Smelly. Yeah, it seems like just like, you know,

maybe move out to the garden or somewhere else, you know. Or just raise it and renovate. That's not a bad idea. Get those, what are they called, the crypt brothers? You know those creepy twins? Yes. Oh yes, I, I, I, I. They're always finishing each other's basements.

Yeah. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I think creepy twins. Well, I'm sorry I got upset before the break, but I was just so jealous of your, of your bird-shaped rock and, well, it's very lovely. You should be very thankful and, and, and thank our guests for this wonderful gift.

Well, you, Sodor, Coral Tiffany, thank you so much. Tiffany, I forgot to give you another thing I made for you. It's this, it's black and white chain mail for my black and white debris. The black and white runs down in stripes, runs the. Oh my favorite pattern, my favorite colors. How could you have known? I just, you know, I was, I keep a lot of, a lot of people who come into my shop will bring me dismembered parts like legs and arms and feet. As you do, yes. I had these feet in my locker and I was taking them out, cleaning it out. And I thought it might fit you. so here you go.

Oh, let me try it on real quick. Oh, the chain mail is so well made. It's rather heavy and you just did that. Well, I had it in the back of my foot locker. Wonderful. That's John Deore music. Thank you. What a reins it'll shrink to kind of fit you. This I think it's wonderful. It's absolutely wonderful I can't thank you enough for this wonderful gift and welcome. I have a whistle and this chain mail You know if I could still see out of my right eye I might go back to mittens. Who knows? You're sorry you sir can I talk to you for a second? Yes, yes I was gonna say I'll give you this rock bird if you hold up an open flame at the end of this set But now I'm gonna say I'll give you a free rock bird. Hey, well not for free. I'm not talking to you

Okay, but you so now I will give you this rock bird if you give Tiffany scampi back her eye Well, I know you didn't take it. I know you didn't take it But like can you make Tiffany scampi a new one please? Maybe like a black and white striped eye? Is that too much? It's a little over the top. I mean, we're really just looking for something functional. Yeah, a little on the eye.

I'm going to assume you want one that matches the other one that you still have. Is that exactly. Yes, it's a little purple, if you could see. There's some flex of red. I'm like a deep, deep purple. And I'm sorry, I sorry you said or it might be hard to concentrate because it seems like a fight is breaking out Roger Fight fighting with that mouse. Sorry. I've got to go Which Roger is it the frog or the elephant?

I think it's Roger the elephant is fighting Roger the mouse. And Roger the frog is just watching. He's being a little asshole. There's a lot of Rogers in this town. There's a lot of Rogers. There's a lot of Rogers in this town. There's a rabbit. There's a little bit of a dance in the corner.

Look over there. There's Patrick Droom. He's fighting Roger the rhinoceros. He's already knew what happens with an elephant fights a rhinoceros. It's a fucking violent. Now they're like throwing the be able to do it. We're going to be able to do it. We're going to be able to do it. We're going to be able to do it. We're going to be able to do it.

We're going to be able to do it. We're going to be able to do it. We're going to be able to do it. We're going to be able to do it. We're going to be able to do it. We're going to be able to do it. We're going to be able to do it. We're going to be able to do it. We're going to be able to do it. We don't touch it don't touch it. Oh

Your hasn't been in grips. They're disgusting. Oh Crypt hand you don't get krypton You store you're out of here get out of here Roger Come back, but not all of you not all of me. Not everyone just Roger. I'm not a Roger. I'll talk to him tomorrow You stood on buddy. Hey listen if I gave you the bird rock and I threw in for free a new staff From my black and white Smithree. Would you give Tiffany two eyes? I certainly will. I shall do it right now But wait, there's more You can also have But wait, there's more These

Super discs that you loved because Tiffany is such a wonderful friend of mine. Oh, thank you. Thank you Sorry, I'm just in a lot of pain right now. I shall first. I shall hit you with this healing rock Yes, very. And now, prepare to see the power of Yusurol's magic. It should come as no surprise. Here on Titiphanie, I say, I mean, could you have any more eyes? Ah!

Whoa! I-I-I have so many eyes. Wow. I could see more than I've ever wanted to see. Ah, there's no problem, that's all. Oh, this is weird. Remember that bird I told the fuck off before? Yeah.

It's back at the window and it's holding a chair. Is it a wooden chair? A metal chair. Tiffany, look out! Ah! Oh! Right in all of her eyes. Oh, look out! Ah! Ah! Oh! Right in all of her eyes! Oh, look at mine again!

How ironic that a chair has four legs! Some people just aren't meant to have eyes. They're not. Oh, I knew this career had a shelf life and it was... Oh, I'm so frustrated and upset. I had vision again for about two seconds. And it's been taken from me. Those damn wooden chairs

Here now Let this time pass where we've all been so jocular and repair what Tiffany had that once before was ocular Did you sir always do like fucking limits? He's showing up. I think he's showing up. He's like swimming now and fighting and division. And let's Tiffany have like the most division. Fuck, I fucked that up. Arnie, it's like he's auditioning for improvised cock ticklers.

I know. Like we get it, you said, or the word that you know you're going to rhyme with, you put second and then whatever bullshit Where'd you put first? Something something hippopotamus these mimosas are bottomos we can all fucking do it, buddy We just don't bust out couplets. There's for nothing. Yeah So we are are there mimosas or no? Oh, there can be let me grab you all a drink You've been so kind. Uh, Koro. What would you like? We have there's rainbow bowls. We kind of own the place.

I think I will do a rainbow bowl. Yeah, absolutely, Tiffany. I know you can't see the menu. Do you want... I want to be able to see again. I don't see that on... Oh, yes, of course. You sure do you mind? Sure.

You shall see better than any multifaceted prism. The longest word is anti-disastallishment Interionism She's covering her ears I can see but I only have half of an eye now. Oh Perfect it's enough to see a menu. I think I'll have a rainbow Oh perfect. Let me get an or need you anything I think I'll have a rainbow bowl. Oh perfect, let me get an orny do anything.

Um, I can, all I can think of now is I really want to die coke. Well, many of us are horses. I'll be right back. I'll use it or, yes. Remember over the time. When, remember the time when we fell in love? You said, do you remember over winter solstice break,

things got a little rowdy in here, and we were seeing how many chairs we could throw into the ceiling and make them stick up there. Uh-huh. I don't want to say anything. But the one right over Tiffany's head is coming really less. Okay, I'm back with the rainbow balls. Here you go, Coral.

Tiffany, I'm gonna raise yours a little bit higher if you don't mind. Oh, yes, Cheryl. Oh, this is just thought in my one good half eye. Oh my goddesses, what is, ah-ha! I have to think of another fucking rhyme. Why did our adventures take us here?

This has not been good for my previous or future career choices. I mean, my eyes are terrific. Yeah. Oh, wait, that chair didn't crush Tiffany's eyes. Just popped out here. Let me put it back in. Oh, yes.

Oh, she stepped on a rake in it. Oh. Oh. This is not good. That good. You hate to not see that. I can't see anything. This isn't funny.

This time it wasn't a chair at least. Maybe something went suck it. Carl, why are we by use it or some time? Can you tell us about, you just have such a wonderful appearance. Can you tell us about what kind of what you're wearing, who you're wearing? Yes, I am wearing a sort of a red half sleeveless top piece to accentuate my bosom because let's,

I didn't want to mention it, but you're very distracting. So I like, in Adventures, you kind of encounter a lot of dudes. Like it's a dude, heavy, professional. Oh, hi. Oh, can I ask you, is that a sports tunic? I guess you could call it that, a little bit. But it accentuates all the curves, if you will, and when you encounter some rogue,

blokes, it's nice to have a little destructive advantage. Sure, absolutely. I was gonna say that top seems to have a lot of extra physics going on. Did you go, did you go? I could tell you that when I did see, I did appreciate all the views that your tops provided. Oh, thank you, thank you. Very healthy. Top you, thank you. Very healthy.

Top shelf. The thing I got confused about though is when you took a break and went to the restroom and you were kind of stuck in the wall over there for a minute. She also sometimes has a hard time walking through hallways and has to turn very slowly, leaning from one side to the left in order to fully point herself in the upper direction and move forward. It makes adventuring very

very cumbersome. But makes reading easy because there's an open book right on top of your ample bosom there. Oh also watch this take the rainbow bowling just I can't even see what you're doing, but I know exactly what you're doing. You certainly will buy enough time, buddy. Yeah, here we go. Ah, here now. Let this friend of coral loft, this adventuring archaeologist, have eyes again, because I guess I'm a fucking ophthalmologist. RAAAAAA back, the back, don't do anything!

Everyone take it perfectly, Sam. Nobody move. Quick, Tiffany, get under control, it's bosom. I'm hiding under the bosom. Can you pass down that rainbow bowl that was quite delicious? Yes, yes, there you go. Thank you, thank you. Well, what an adventure we've had today.

Yeah. We kind of had a little adventure. Coral, you have your battle ax, which is kind of a trinket. Tiffany, you have new eyes and a new shirt and a whistle with your trinket. So you've added to your treasure. I'm just glad it's warm in here. Otherwise, I might get cold and poke Tiffany in the eye.

Oh, I would not do that. My eyes are new. I do not want them to be damaged anymore. Well, here at Nibble Bottom, I do know, Tiffany, that I don't think they really know or like, mittens very much. You said you were tired because of the eye? I retired because of the eye. We all know that the traditionalists with the rules set is correct, where you had the

people that didn't like the bird rule, for instance, where you catch a bird and it makes the score very lopsided in what not unlike Coral's bosom, as we may say. But I was going to say they're kind of telling time. It's like a little bit. A little bit. I mean, I am hiding. So it's a potential that I'm the one actually making them sort of lopsided.

But anyway, there's just a lot of resentment towards the people that originally wrote the rules. And it's not really something that I wanted to get into the middle of. So yes, I had the issue with the eye, but yes, I felt it was just time to step back and away and maybe look and see what other careers were out there. Sure.

Yeah. And Coral, I guess we never asked, what was it that originally got you into Crypt scrummaging from a jean Arnie. I just always had a pigeon for adventure. I would love being a little girl traveling around getting this all sorts of tight crawly spaces and

Once I found I could make it a little bit of coin doing it. Oh yeah, it's kind of an o-brainer. Yeah, is it rude to ask, um, sorry, I know this is so gosh. How much do adventurers make per year? If you're a good adventurer, you can make which we are, which we are. We are great, wonderful adventures. You can make upwards of about, I would say, 1,500 gold. Wow. And you mentioned before, sort of cryptically, referred to the person that's paying you for all this?

Nope, don't know what you're talking about. Nope, didn't refer to that. No, not at all. You have some sort of patron who wants to buy all of these trinkets up? You may, maybe. that might be a thing. Who's to tell? Who's to tell? You're going to be very cagey about it.

You can just tell us who it is. We won't mind. Yeah, you know. Oh, look at the time. Yes. Oh, look at the time. She just looked out at her bosom. Yeah, she has a watch on there as well that she's bouncing next to the rainbow ball.

Probably hit the old road. Yes, we have many crypts to rummage. Quite a long climb down from this table. Yes, very, very fun. Very straight. You're tired as well, no? Ahni, ask one of y'all disomingly stupid questions. Oh, I'm so tell us whatever secret is there holding.

So, don't give us any names, but the person that pays you like, do they poop? Yes. Well, is that a question about buttholes? Look, the poop could come out anywhere, really. There's an Indian and Audi typically correct? Yes that's correct. Mmm. Okay, unless you have an Audi and an Audi.

That's true. Oh, that's true. I guess it depends on what you feel like. Sure. So you're saying that the person that paying you has two buttholes? Not saying they don't have one but holes. It doesn't have to be two. It doesn't not have to be two.

That's true. Okay, fine, Arnie. Are you happy? I've been paying these two to collect trinkets. Is that what you wanted to hear? Is that why they showed up and immediately gave you a trinket? Yes, I had them find me a bird rock. I had them give it to me in front of Yusodor just to piss them off.

I've been trying to just do more on the podcast to piss off Yusodor. And I thought I figured out the perfect scheme. I've been friend of these two, I don't know, four years ago or something. And I thought, listen, ultimately down the brass tax, I'm sorry. That's either of the day, I'm sorry. Okay. I don't understand why you'd of the day, I'm sorry. Okay. I don't understand why you'd want to make me angry on the show. I know you're just in your own little world of like, uh, my spells.

Your whole thing is making ony angry. And my whole thing is, uh, spells. Yeah, I just wanted to mix up the dynamic. And I guess I get it. I guess I spent a few years. I guess I know offense-diffing lost sight of what's important and None taken I apologize So listen, let's Tiffany Coral, here's the rest of the money I owe you and just go

Adventure for whatever you want to adventure for Thank you, Chad, that... Nope No one has really ever done that for TV and I have fun. And I don't even know what I had to face before. Wait, wait, stop crying. He underpid us. This is a big hit.

Are you serious? Yeah, we're short. We're short a few gold here. That's a... Roger took him. Which Roger? Uh, Roger. Right, the... The rich Roger. Roger? Uh, Roger. Right, run. Jump from the table.

Everyone, run. Everyone, run. Run. Run. Does anyone have a chair? Does anyone have a chair? No. Hey, guys.

Get back over there. Oh, shit. Cool. Grab the ring. She has them in her head. Oh, she slammed them. I think his back is broken. If I hit the ground with my hand, does that do anything?

No, it doesn't do anything. It's all over. It's all over. It's all over. It's all over. She has him in her head. Oh, she body slammed him. I think his back is broken. If I hit the ground with my hand, does that do anything? No, it doesn't do anything at all. They don't pay attention to you. Why isn't the rough looking at me? I don't know how to use my eyes that I've just regained. Oh, and the user has got Roger in a leg lock.

Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Roger in a leg lock. Ooh, look! Ooh! Whoa! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Who's all about magic now, motherfucker? Oh!

Oh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!

Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Though the rhymes were so rough you might get a contusion, this audio recording has reached its conclusion. See, it's actually harder than it appears.

Wizard's Choice Award nominee, user of the blue, was played by Matt Young. Chut the talking badger was played by Adolfier. Coral loft, crypt rummager, and Tiffany Scampy, former Mittens ref, were played by special guests Nyla Rose and Aubrey Edwards. Nyla is a professional wrestler with all elite wrestling, and a former AEW Women's World Champion. Aubrey is an actual professional wrestling referee with all elite wrestling. You can watch them not rummaging through cryptsps and AEW Dynamite on Wednesday nights and AEW

Rampage on Friday nights. And follow Nila on Twitch at Nila Rose Beast. Okay, that's badass. Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production, made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon. Patrons get ad-free versions of every episode, and two new bonus episodes each month. In the most recent bonus episode, Arnie, Usador and Shant use a slam book to ask questions about what they think of each other. Oh, slam book. I suspect we

understand each other a little too well. Here's a quick clip. I love you. Okay, now though, tough pivot here, because the next question is, something you hate in me, Colin. Oh, okay, and how much room is on the page? There's just one line. Oh, I got to boil it down. Okay, it's like this. You want to workshop this?

Yeah, yeah. The same amount of space as you get for what my name is in your phone. Okay, I have to treat this like when you're cooking spinach and it's like so much and then you have to reduce it down to Okay, okay, just one okay. Let's just let's just eliminate all the physical stuff to stop her. Yeah, you used the door. Yeah, while he's thinking, have you noticed that since he started cooking spinach, it's like he won't fucking dog about anything else. I love talking about how you cook. Oh yes! Cooks

the one thing. Yes dinner's almost ready. Hope you boys are hungry for a spin. Hmm. Spinach and wine. Little less than pee. Get the party started. Well I can't wait till I get slammed because I know what I hate in him. Enough! For more information about the bonus episodes and lots of other patriotic exclusive perks, stop by patreon.com slash magic tavern. Hello from the magic tavern is produced by Arne Neekham, Matt Young and Adolf Reffyre, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz. This episode edited by Stefan Dranger. You can almost hear Stefan saying, computer, what would happen if you played all the angry crowd noises at once?

Special assistance by, uh, Rhylar Digiggles. At least I think that's what it says. I spilled coffee on it earlier. On purpose, hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard Leban. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland.