Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 4, Ep 22 - Winky Silks and Michael Gunch Visit

Episode Date: March 28, 2022

Usidore receives acting lessons from Winky Silks and Michael Gunch, who run a seminar on faking your death.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungWinky Silks: Joey BlandMichael Gunch: Ross BryantMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Garrett SchultzMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandNew Merch is available here!You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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And we seem to have produced another one, and it's time for you to listen to it. I know, I know, but I don't want to hear any excuses. Your physical therapist ordered you to pace yourself. For every carefully plotted, thoughtfully written audio production you enjoy, you're supposed to then listen to something like this. For every wooden overcoats or limedown, you gotta throw in some empty calories to give that sense of wonder a break. You know, with every few stakes, you gotta toss in one of those Reese's big cups with potato chips mixed in. Yes, that's a real thing, boy, I hope shredding your planet's environment was worth it.

So, if you're listening, subconscious, hypoth hypothalamus sense of dramatic possibility, take a load off. We will not be taxing you. Now, expectations properly adjusted, sit back and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of fun. I'm your host Arnie Neacamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. Seven years and three weeks ago,

I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fun. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rift. And I used that to upload this podcast recorded here in the tavern, the strange familiar, and the town of Nibblebottom in the magical land of foun. And I am joined, as always, by my co-host,

Chunt the Talking Badger. Mm, chunt please. Hey, chunt please to you as well. How you doing bud? I'm doing, I'm doing pretty good. Yeah, you know, I've been trying to raise more money for my Slobodan ski resort. The Slobodan down on Slobodan.

Yeah. So, it's like ensuring you at all, does it concern you at all that you want to put a ski resort on a mountain that every time you say its name, it quakes a little bit in a way that seems a little angry? Yeah, and I think that's part of it. I think that's kind of a fun new thing like that you can't get with other mountains like say or orny say any other mountains name. Everest.

Do you feel anything? I don't. I feel nothing. Not even emotionally. I think that's a draw. You know, in I don't know how tourism is on earth, but in food, if something's different, if it's set apart, people will clamor for it. Yeah, little yellow, different, slow but not. Yeah. There used to be, there's a troll that only killed grandma's. Everyone flocked to it. Couldn't get enough of it.

Yeah. Popular troll you're saying. Yeah. Cause everyone killed grandma's. Everyone is incredulous, they're in disbelief, and they're like, I have to see this, grandma gets your coat we're going. No, they don't.

They don't. Kills and he's grandma, and then they're like, huh. They get, you know, they get their portrait painted in front of it, and then, you know, being a bingo bingo, they're off to the next one. It sounds like a lot of people are just trying to get their grandma's killed. Well, I don't know about that.

Arnie, I know you need to talk about earth stuff. What are some of the top attractions on Earth? Well, let's see here. There is the Sears Tower on Earth, probably the most popular attraction. Ooh, the Sears Tower. Mm-hmm. Wow, so you can see all the land from up top.

Yeah, you can see most of Chicago, I guess, from up top. Yeah, you can see most of Chicago I guess from up there. Although, you know Chicago does expand quite a way So I guess you probably can't why is this the first time I'm hearing of this scrying tower Oh, cuz I probably refer I you I may have referred to it as the Willis tower What you're talking about I'm talking about the sear's tower Fine I shall learn more of its mystic secrets later. Speaking of mystic secrets, didn't you see there's a mystic pizza place?

Oh, yeah. We're a beautiful mage cooks pizzas and a young Brad Pitt is there, maybe? I know that Justine Bateman is there, but beyond that I couldn't tell you. Maybe Julia Roberts, you know what? I'm gotta be honest, I've only seen commercials for this attraction, and I've never seen the attraction itself. Any other popular tourist spots?

Maybe near where we're from, just those two. That's it, oh, and the bean. Oh, the bean, yes. And you said it's a giant bean, and people go to see themselves reflected back at them? Mm-hmm. Wow. That's the mirror, you know. You stood or, and giant also, I guess I didn't introduce you. You stood or, his mind told me.

I am you stood or, was it on the 12th rail, Muffezeus Master of Light and Shadow, and if you later, from Magical Delights, Devour of Chaos, Champion of the Great Halls of Trockus, known to the elves as Fienilich, known to the dwarves as Zonenhoek's stangies, and known to the world he is the gasman, Winiest Mastar, and very soon. Oh, I shall shuffle off this mortal coil and be no more. For soon I shall be dead everyone, I'm dying.

Yeah, aren't you having a missed time? Still dying. It's still dying. Yeah, but you know what, thank you. Thank you for doing that, pal. I tried it. At least this episode I tried dying. Yeah. Ornithaim is still dying. Still dying. Yeah, but you know what, thank you for doing that, though. I tried it. At least this episode, I tried it. We're getting closer with every episode. If you don't have it.

We got all season to get it right, I think. If you have mystic pizza, have we ever introduced you to pizza skull? Yeah, I've met pizza skull on several occasions. Although it's been a while. Well, I couldn't remember. Has there been any word of what pizza skull has been up to lately? Probably pizza stuff.

He's really kind of one note. Yeah, that's true. He's not very deep. As opposed to us dynamic, multifaceted characters. Oh, but, guys, you're never going to believe what I have here in this jar that I have the lid over. You're pinky. Oh, shit. Yeah. That's a jar. You're pinky. Oh shit, yeah.

Yeah, that's a jar, aren't you, it's a jar. Yeah, you should've got a pot. I know, you can see right into the side, can't you. Ah, that really ruined the surprise. Yeah, you know, my pinky went missing last week and I found it, but here's the weird thing. It seems like it talks. What?

I'm gonna take the lid off. Just listen, where'd you find it? Do you find it in the stink? You don't have to answer. I don't have to answer. It's come to mind and yet I don't want to say any of them But here I listen just listen closely. I can I swear it it talks Hey, you're what? Yeah, we know Oh, what's your name?

Okay, this guy's not very interesting. Is this is this our guest today? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, figure that out in time, give it like 20 or 30 episodes. Our guests are a special treat and surprise for Yucidor. Yucidor, I know that you are quote unquote dying on your deathbed and soon I would have to imagine you're gonna, you know, fake your death. Chant and I got some money together and we hired you some help from some old friends. Yeah, I'll give you a little hint. Gunch and silks. I fell in love with them.

Gunch and silks. Yeah. It can't be. Those masters of the stage, those Thespians unlike any other. Could it be Winky silks and Michael Gunch? They're prestigious actors, but they always have time for a corporate gig. It's the Cockticklers. Hello gentlemen.

Oh hello, hello. We're so excited to see you again. Oh, I'm sorry, old hag. I was planning to meet Winky silks today. Ha ha ha. I'll bring him right out. Hello, it's me! Whoa, it held this whole time. No, Hag at all. No, I was wearing this shirt that says I'm a Hag, but secretly, it was actually me.

Winky silks. Through the power of stagecraft, the electrical illusions, in a very handsome t-shirt, we pulled the wool over your collective eyes. Ha! Damn you. I fell for it again. You're so mastical! How could I have...

Err... expected it to be you when you were wearing such a sh- It's just Shwag from a previous show we did. It's Hagswag. I kept it in this bag. Yes, recently I played the title character in The Crone. Oh! Oh rare title character for winky silks, usually that's Gunsha's bag. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Normally I play the titular role, but sometimes silks comes off of the upstage portion to take the center stage.

I guess the Crone, where an aged lady witnesses a terrible crime and is killed that is brought back to life through the power of the Crohn. Oh, I heard that lady died in that play. Very tragic, very tragic. Oh, wow. That's the play where they say there's an old tale that when you die a Crohn takes your soul to heaven. That's right, but sometimes if there is terrible sorrow at the passing the crone sticks around and the deceased soul Seeks revenge with all the powers of a crone and she did stick around because I know I saw the sequel Cron alone where the crone gets left behind while her family goes on vacation. Can you believe it twice?

It happens again The circumstances were virtually identical It happens again. The circumstances were virtually identical. But Michael Kohnsch, if you don't mind my asking, what role did you play in the crown? In the crown? I, well, of course, Winky Silks was the titular crown. I myself played a police commissioner, Warren Davis.

I hate to ask this, and I know you both get asked this sort of thing all the time. Do you mind giving both of us just a taste of a scene from the crown? No, God, we could do it for you, for friends. For friends only. Wow, I just saw a gunch turn into Commissioner Warren Davis. He's such a willowy figure. Now watch this, as I put this shirt back on, you'll see a real transformation. Oh, what?

The silk sleeve? Core! Oh, brimmy! Oh, these pruned hands! These cataracted eyeballs, age creeps on a pace, and I creep towards the grave, and then out, and then in, and then out the need. I'll never settle this case. How will I ever solve this murder when there are so few leads?

Wh- Hold. Me? Old... Hag. me? Old hag. Descicated elderly woman who walks as if she's one foot in the grave already. What brings you to this sight of recent death? This crime scene taped with golden hazard ribbon. I can see it. What did you like to know? What did you like to know? Ooh, handsome cover.

You fit tightly into that uniform. Hey Arnie, yeah John, what is it? Would you believe that the crown is spruce tree's son? What? In the play I think that the the the crown is supposed to be the son of a spruce tree. I don't get metaphors. Keep watching, keep watching. Okay, yeah. is supposed to be the son of a spruce tree. I don't get metaphor. Keep watching, keep watching.

OK, yeah. Yes, I suppose I do fit rather snugly into this shirt. I can tell, even though age is plowed wrinkles into your face, there's a spark of the beauty you once had in youth deep in there shining out. If you'd only known me, 68 years ago, oh, I was something. Oh, the blood moved in these veins instead of pooled in the recesses between them.

Are you saying that you were being like water? Precisely, yes, but now, now I'm a walking bruise. Well, if you don't want your mind to get bruised as much as your form is, it would stay away from a spot like this. There was a terrible crime here. I'm worried that we'll never have any proper vengeance. Sometimes the law can only go so far. Sometimes street justice has to be needed out, but ah, that's not for me to do My hands are tied

That cop is banging for street justice. Arnie, please. He's a commissioner. Oh, I'm sorry Yeah, yeah, that makes more sense for a commissioner. Why don't we get you out of that Commissioner's uniform Here we go. He is awfully constricting. Oh Just take off these arm-gaters as well. Oh finally Circulation. Oh excellent excellent. What a wonderful scene Oh, well, wow truly another remarkable performance and I can't say enough How happy I am to see you both how nice of you to come and visit me,

as I lie here upon my deathbed so soon to no longer be amongst living for I have completed my one true purpose. Oh, nice try! Nice try! Oh, that's what everyone says on their deathbed. I'm on my deathbed. Oh, Yusidor. You're a shit actor You suck Yusidor. Oh the classic as your sack move. How dare you I'm dying. This is happening For real and well, you see the thing is there the dark Lord was murdered by me

Which is my one true purpose? So now I have to turn into a shaft of light and return to the realms of Fesius. Ah. We know while the exposition used to do, we know exactly what you're supposed to do, and if you were on stage, you would be dying. Your friends have brought us here today. It's no accident that we cock ticklers have come round about your way. No use it all. I confess that we're here on commission. Oh. Yeah, you sir no offense. It's just Arnie and I were talking you. Well, you two showed up to my death party.

Eventually, yeah. Eventually, yes we did, but yeah, I just got a support. Alright. Fine, so you're in on the scheme. You know all that has transpired. They-they don't necessarily know everything. You sort of, they just know. What they can deduce from what has happened and not happened that

You sort of date their actors. They don't know the difference between reality and fiction anyway It's true. He's right. I find no offense in the fact that when I walk on stage It's the same as walking off the stage. Ah your dreams are waking and your life is a dream Didn't stick that landing. Quite all right, silks. Well, I had a bit of writer's block. Oh no. But yes, we dwell as within a dream.

Never knowing if we're offstage or on, for we are always on. We do not know what is what is heart and what is life. We only know what is true And this death is a lie But we can teach you how to provide it with some proper theatrical Verissomilitude. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Can I ask Arnie and I paid for the workshop? Um, is it gonna be we I we've seen meth head acting? I know that there's some acting taught by Stanford, the miser, the old guy. There's also stand or loss key. Were you either delivering your lines standing or looking around the

stage like you lost the key? Are you going to be using any of those methods or what, what do you have up your sleeve? Our school, if you will, is a mix of all schools. Once you're caught in the in the labels, then, well, you're a label. No, you must banish them, you learn it and forget it. So we will teach you everything today. Teach you everything you need to know you're sadore, but you must immediately forget it. Even as we're telling it to you, forget it.

Not a problem. Yes, yes. Oh, well, I am an eager student for I have always admired those who do tread the boards and have always wished to become a part of some theatrical company so that I may put on my favorite play of all time, a Tomaton Constable. Jeez.

All right, you said on pop quiz. What? The lesson starts now. Oh. Say you're dead. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, I'm dead. Lier. Lier.

No one dead would say they're dead. No. But watch this. Watch this. Tell me if I lie. Core. Blimey. I'm dead. Oh my god.

Oh, sorry. Arnie, go get a doctor. Okay, Silks is dead. Silks is dead. Hold! Silks is dead. Hold! Silks is very much alive and quick with life.

I know. I know it seems. It's though he perished right before your eyes, but that was merely the power of acting. All of you. Feel my neck, feel my neck, touch my neck, hold my neck, hold my neck, and get it in there. So muscular, touch that meeting neck, and. Unbelievable.

Oh, and full of life. Yes, I don't have the withered neck of a corpse. Instead, it's straining and pulsating. It's a good thing, too, because I couldn't have gone and got the doctor, because all the fires that have been playing the town in the last week or so I think I killed the doctor. Did I mention that the town doctor's debt? Wait the fires killed the doctor like they went specifically after him the fire. Yeah, the fire. I'm sorry

I'm sorry her the doctor was a mother. Yes Well, the town has been on fire for a couple of weeks. I keep forgetting about that. And it does seem like a very pointed fire, as if it has specific agendas. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It keeps like coming up to people's houses and then asking questions about where to find other people. Anyway, anyway, back to acting.

In short, you, sir, your friends have hired us for one of our many, shall we say, side hustles, which is to say that we are here to teach you a workshop on how to fake one's death. A workshop in a pseudo-side, if you will. Oh, well, this is quite an honor. I must admit, Chant, and Arnie, I'm quite overwhelmed by your generosity. Oh, buddy, you're welcome. We just thought to do something nice for you. Yeah, we love you, and you seem like you needed something. We also borrowed some of that money from you,

but we thought you were the money to go towards this. Our love language is gifts. Okay. It's a gift I give myself. Our love language is gifts. Okay. It's a gift I give myself. Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh- things so that I may continue my fight against evil. Can you help me create this new persona? Ah, for a price. That's a premium package, a death fake and a new identity, but we can put everything together. Sure, sure. Of course, y'all friends haven't discussed the back end part of this, but of course, we can help to build your persona. We'll workshop that with you. Next, fuck, fuck, fuck. Well, let's take a quick break and Arnie,

let's you and I, we both have to go to the bathroom, right? So you'll come to the bathroom with me and we'll be right back with some more of this coctickling workshop. They love to poop together. Oh shit, I realized I'd turn the recording off. I gotta get the rest of this workshop. Oh, it's going on. Now, close your eyes. Open your eyes. Open your eyes. Close your eyes. Now close your eyes. Again, close your eyes from a closed eye. Yes, double close your eyes.

Arnie, yeah. What is it? I really believe Yusidor's blinking. It's unreal. How much progress he's already made. Yeah, it only took an hour. Let me try once more. I am dead. Dammit.

Dammit, Michael. It was a hard case, SILX. My, my god. No, I can learn, I promise. Okay, you said all. You have to bear with us. We've been trying techniques. We've been uniting and colliding.

Different schools of thought. You must be wet clay for us. To mold. We have to break you down and build you back up again. In our image, you must abandon the usador that you once knew. We are going to build you from your spare parts. Oh, I need you to forget everything you ever knew, everything you ever learned, everything you ever were.

Do you understand? Do you understand? Yes, I understand. Oh, if you'd forgotten everything you've understood anything, this is it. You're going down. Ah, this is good acting teaching because I feel awful about myself. It's working.

Yes, good, the process works. Are you neutral? Neutral? Listen, to me, you said, I just want you to walk across the room like a normal human being. We're going to watch you. I just want you to perform that basic action. Back to the wall, back to the wall. Back to the normal person normal

Basic normal that was the weirdest walk I've ever seen Don't put anything on you said or you said you're walking and talking like nothing. I've ever seen in food Alright, I'll try again. I'll try again. Here I go. Here I go Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Right, we're making some progress a breakthrough. Now listen you piece of shit. I'm going to strike you No, you got hit before he got slapped you reacted for it Reacted before I hit what the hell is wrong with you? You used to do anticipating anticipating you think when death really comes that you're gonna anticipate that moment It comes when you least expect it like a thief, and then I just steal your life away. Even this very minute I could die, I could die.

Silks, my god! Someone call us... I'm fine, I'm fine. Oh my god, this is amazing. Oh, I swore you were dead. It's a good thing that you weren't because during the break, the fire killed the replacement doctor that just got to town. Good Lord.

Doctor T? Mm-hmm. Oh, no. And the wind. What if his women could go into the glass? Glad to hear it. Now, I'm going to strike you. I'm going to strike you.

I'm going to strike you. Okay. I may never strike you. Then what? I'll constantly live in fear. Yeah! Better? Oh, better, yeah. That was nice.

I don't know that. Yes, I can tell I'm becoming a better actor because I feel terrible about myself. My face sort of hurts. And I really, really want to eat a salad. Just a big heap of salad? Yes, you're becoming more actively by the moment. Do you feel as though there's a void inside of you that could only be filled by the attention of others? Always! Do you want to eat the salad for an audience? Make sure everyone sees the salad.

Ask you about where you got your salad. Well, eating the salad certainly isn't for me. It's for everyone to know that I'm eating a salad, yes. The attention part makes me think maybe I'm an actor, but the salad part makes me think I'm not an actor. Salad tomorrow? I suppose I'll try once more. Now that we've gone through these other exercises.

Oh, what's terrible days this I have died. Cut. Sorry, cut. I'm gonna keep cutting. I'm gonna keep cutting you use it or with this knife until you act better. Don't do that. It's terrible. No, no, Sean. Don't do not do not do no cutting. You're marring the canvas. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought he was wet clay, not a canvas. He's both. Ah, death is all the arts. It's it's it's the art of surprise. You see it can be a school. It could be a dance. It's a it's a song. It's a it's a puppet play. Oh, okay. Yeah, sorry, I just, I've been around used the door for, I don't know, fucking seven years, and I feel like he leans on his voice too much, if that makes sense.

Oh, where's Rennidus? Yes, the floor. The perhaps we could remove that element from it, and it's not as if we're working in an audio medium right now. We can make this a purely visual experience. Sure, that's what my physicalityity if that's what we must do I I could even just a change my voice to something else if you prefer. Yes change your voice to

Silence we call this breath play. I'm going to choke you Make no sound. It's getting sexy. No, sir. Alright, here. Uh, uh, uh, uh, yes. Yes. Just don't react. Don't react.

No sound. And now I let it back. I let go. I let go. Breathe. Breathe quietly. No sound. I'm choking you again.

Choking you again. Choking you again. Choking you again. Choking again. again. I'm joking you again. I'm joking. And you can breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. I don't want you. Now tell me, are you alive or are you dead?

I am dead. That was the first time I believed you were going to use a door. Congratulations! Oh my gosh, that was so honest. I'm, Arnie, I'm crying. And all I took was incredible abuse that totally crossed your physical boundaries. Now, tell us a secret.

Something you never told anyone used to do. Yes, I- Brings you the wall. Uh, a secret I never told you, do you want it? Yes, you're dead. Who cares? Who cares? You can't be embarrassed. You're dead. Who said it, John? You're dead. I peed my pants the first time I met Jen Levy of the Red. Oh shit! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha the red. Deeper, deeper, usador, deeper, worse.

I, I, I'm worried that I'm not very good at being a wizard. Oh damn, wow. Good. One more, one more. I believe that the Dark Lord and I may share some of our origin. Now, die. My God, it's beautiful. We've done it again.

Gentlemen, we apologize for killing your friend. Oh no, already go to the next town over and find a doctor. Okay, but the five worry the fire can get to the next town. There is no need! I still live. Wait, are you really winky silks? Uh, am I? No wait, no, winky's over there.

I'm right here. I'm right here. I'm sorry. I'm eating. Uh, what, when they broke me down like that. Oh, look at it, me that salad. Wonderful salads. Yes. Uh, when they broke me down, I, oh look at it meet that salad. Wonderful salads. Yes. When they broke me down I wasn't even sure who I was anymore, but now I know I can die. I just have one question for both of you, sorry, I didn't interrupt your meal, but when

I wish I'd die, I was supposed to turn into a shaft of light that goes firing up into the sky. Ah, yeah, yeah. Is that a... No, no. You might need more Ah, yeah, yeah. Is that a weapon? You might need more flamboyant, though. This is where we may need to fall back on some of our stage crafts. Yes. Let's see.

We have the powders and paints and all sorts of chemicals, potions and elixirs in our bag. Black leotards, glitter, smoke machines, fog pellets. Tiny little trumpets, metallic cloaks. And here, this T-shirt, it says, I am a shaft of light. Oh, and look, there's a brown bag. It says to put over somebody's head if they curse. Yes, yes.

Death is a family show. I suppose, I suppose, bit Twix, the T-shirt in enough glitter. We can make people believe that I've turned into a shaft of light. For now you're an actor, Yusudon. You hold the power of belief in your very hands. Oh, what do you thought you were powerful as a wizard? Now you have true power, the power to lie, unrestrainedly, in front of an audience.

Oh. You said, oh, we have spent time with you before, and there was no masking your ambition for the stage, and we slammed every door in your face. We mocked you as nothing, but a blue bag of empty matter. A satchel? Half in the corner, not worthy of a second look. But we did all that just to break you down for this moment.

You know, I would tread the boards with this used to door. As long as you were dead in a heap, said nothing and didn't move. I would trust the stage with you. Wow, the highest compliment. I would have your back. Ryshu Brickleleg. Take the boards with you anytime. As long as you lay there, inert, saying nothing, silent,

off in a corner, barely visible. Behind a table, maybe cover up, not in the program. Oh, do you have any plays that require such a role? There is a there is the role of a Broken box in the crown Yes, there is a yes that it would be great to to put the broken box actually on the stage You you you can you can handle that I think I could I would lie there perfectly still not saying a word, covered in my box costume, for not to see me or hear me or know that I was there at all. Yet, what I would bring to the stage

is an inertness, unlike any, air-four, that were, in less, nerter than I. Less nerter than you? Yes, nerts. We have no doubts to the power of your Nurt than I. Less Nurt than you? Yes. Nurt. We have no doubts to the power of your Nurtitude, Huse-Dul. Now you may move in front of any witnesses you wish. Use the techniques that we have shown you, and then wear your t-shirt, and everyone will believe that you have died. Oh, what a wonderful gift this is. I cannot wait until the day.

I get to finally fake my death for you. Why don't we take another quick break and then... Yeah, I don't know if we need to do this, but would it be fun if we all took turns doing our own use-it-or deaths? It's fine. There's still plenty of time left in the workshop. I mean, this is a big part of workshops. It's like a burning time on the back end. Oh, sure.

Arnie, we didn't pay to fall on our asses. Let's do it. All right. Does anybody want to go first with their use of the door death? I'll go first to get it out of the way because I think I'm probably the worst coctickler here. Never thought I'd say that. Let's see what you got. Okay, let me turn around so they think I'm getting into character and now turn back around to start. I remember the summer days used to be sweltering heat. Mother used to make me strawberry fresh from the field and I'd bite into them as their warm, sticky juices ran down my chin.

Then at night I'd catch fireflies and put them in a jar, poke holes so they could breathe. Then I'd shake them up so their lats would flutter and flicker. Mama told me there was magic in that y'all and I believed it. Ah, you see, Chunt has the gift of simplicity. Hmm, I can see that now. He has very straightforward audio. What do you bring to the table? Oh, okay, let's see here. You know, I'm not a skilled character actor, but

Arnie went in doubt and when acting go Southern. Okay, it works for me. Okay. I am Usado, or there are a bunch of magical shit, and I am dying. Low shaft of light, baba do we? Ugh. Pretty good. Should I have made it longer?

No, you've got the living use adore for sure. For sure, it was though. You incarnated him here before us. A bento use adore than the original. Yeah, you out use adore do adore. I'm gonna keep that in my back pocket. when Carnated him here before us. A Benchian. A Benchian used it all in the original. Yeah. You out, you out used it or do you used it all? I'm gonna keep that in my back pocket. I gotta say, I don't hate it.

I love it. I mean, was it the worst thing I've ever seen? Absolutely. Thank you. Hmm, feedback is a gift. Yes. Well, I suppose I'll go now. Let me get to the other side of the room here.

Okay. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do doh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh- Yeah, well Money well spent If that doesn't convince the populace that our beloved user door has Departed this mortal realm of tears gone to join his ancestors. I don't know what with So sorry already come over here for a second I wonder how much it would have cost for us to just buy you to do with that t-shirt that said I'm with dead with the arrow putting up. Yeah, I mean also the workshop was great It was like 500 gold pieces, but I'm just saying like maybe could it just bought the t-shirt? Well also we're gonna still have to buy the t-shirt on top. It's not included in the workshop. They really fuck you on the back

I know All right, boys. I'll need that t-shirt back and listen. Oh, shit. Just so we can get our money's worth, do you mind winky silks and Michael Guns could we see each of your use-it-or deaths? Yeah, and then after that, I do have a question about the bill. Seems like there's a 15% choking tax.

Oh, absolutely. Yes, yes, yes, yes, it's liability. Lime-illigated beverage. When you choked, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, it's for my safety. It's for my safety. It's for silks is safety. Do it more. When you choked, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh This time of year, oh, I'm killed to be choking ponds. Well, if it's too much to ask, guys, I know. Yes, it is too much to ask, frankly, because we have been contracted only to do this workshop, to add anything on it, this juncture, I think goes far beyond what our deal, just something in my hand, far beyond what our, Michael, Michael. It's nothing something in my hand. Uh, far beyond what are... Ah, Michael?

Michael? Nothing, silks. It's just a... It's probably some sort of rheumatoid spasm in my... Is it just the hand or is it? It's spreading to my elbow, silks. My god, I'd ask you to call the doctor if they weren't currently on fire. Oh god, now it's in my shoulder! Someone, someone do something! I can feel it in my bosom!

My manly bosom is a flame with pain It moves now and jets within the stow in each leg Nestling round the growing area down the other arm. Oh now. It's my plate my tongue. It goes cold I know it is a heap of freezes gentlemen It has been an honor knowing all of you. Oh, then I could have spent one more moment in your presence But now it seems that everything goes No, oh no company our precious company is no more. This is the end of the cocktailous For Michael Gunge is dead

Gunge no Michael Gunge is very much is very much. Hi! Hi! It's a channel I bought. What the actual fuck is? Two questions. How and how? Oh. Well, if I can just turn my chair around quickly

since we're moving into the Q&A portion, workshop. My process is a mixture of preparation and inspiration. So of course, you prepare by understanding and observing those who have died, those who will die, those who are currently dying, and then of course, inspiration at the moment, you just follow the way impulses go.

And really, I think of myself as really as a detective, seeing, observing, and in exploring, just exploring myself and my process. And we're all in it together, you understand. We are the modern day truth tellers, the modern day philosophers. You're a prophet, my prophet. And honestly, it's draining, it's a burden. I wouldn't do this if I didn't have to do this. Do you understand? Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Yes, yes, yes.

Use it all, in the back. Do you make a living doing this? Very much so. Not only do we perform such notable plays as the crown, do these sort of corporate workshops that we're doing right now, but we're also currently on the payroll of the Kingdom of the Northeast. Oh! Oh, yes indeed.

Tom Blaine, who of course was a member of our company for some time, now that he does corollle this Kingdom, provides us with a rather voluminous artist stipend, and we are artists in residence of the Northeast. Wow. So, if that's a long way of saying, yeah. All coctakers must be filthy rich. Oh, question over here, question over here.

Yes, you, the chant. Yes, Michael, Mr. Gunch. Amazing performance, please, please, come, call me Michael. Oh, thank you. Michael, I do have to ask, Michael Mr. Gunnch, amazing performance. Please, please come, call me Michael. Oh, thank you. Michael, I do have to ask amazing performance. Are you, I don't know how to phrase this, are you still acting because your, one eye is kind of drooping now and it wasn't before

and your veins in your head are still popping out? You know, it's really hard to leave, leave what happens on stage behind. Sure. We mentioned before how we walk off stage, but the stage comes with us. Do you understand what I mean? That I think one of our fans emailed us about Paul Dano

playing the riddler and said he had a similar problem. Are you remember that email? Yeah, Paul Dano playing the riddler. There was a lot of weird kerning in that email. That sounds very peculiar. No matter the context, whoever this Paul Dendo is, I understand his process. And there's nothing you can do.

If you play a disturbing character, you kind of have to be a disturbing, crazy, whacked out chaotic weirdo for a while. That's just how it works. Oh yeah, like Gerard Leto playing the Joker, sent his castmates use condoms. Remember that email, Arnie? Oh, yes.

Name an actor that hasn't done that. Come on. Ooh, that's rule number one. Yes, so, Ani and I can't. Yeah, that's me. Gunsheet, if I can call you Gunsheet. Or is it called a Michael? Oh, come with Gunsheet, man.

Okay, the Gunsheet, man. Yes. You mentioned earlier your process and how you learned to portray death. It sounds like you were saying that you have actively watched a lot of people die? Was I hearing you right? You can, as I say, put whatever labels you wish on it. I'm saying I observed people who were going to die, people who were in the process of dying,

and people who died. Whether I sought them out, whether I was the one who actually facilitated the process of beside the point. Its research, Arnie. Death is the same no matter where it is played. You don't have to stand and watch a full-scale battle to see humans die. Any death at all is good for the research. There's a poultry farm where I've often taken like choking hands around.

Every single one of them, but breathless by the end. For the sake of research, I move throughout the entire flock and each one, suffocate, suffocate, suffocate. I did it all day. And I find the cauccticlers out there choking the chicken. Hmm. Oh yes, well, all day long, it sounds like. How do you actors prepare for a love scene? It's not not that different its research we I mean fornicate not to put to find a point on it Did you see the play we did about you, awning? Oh, yeah, I think I repressed it, but yeah, yeah, well

Yes, and often I I believe that the best acting is really just doing things that, as we've stated, bleed over into your real life and then cause you to be sort of a nightmare. You've really put the nail on the head. Yes, yes, acting is reacting in a way that makes you kind of a lot to deal with. Precisely. You've got to be a little extra and a little too much.

And, you know, you can't be tolerable. So to succeed, there has to be succession. Succession is the definition of success. Oh, yes, yes, yes, I get it. Okay. Strong work. Well, you store, I think I saw a little bug bite you. A little bit of go, so...

Congratulations. A little bug? Yeah, there's a bug that bits you during the workshop. Sorry, I'm not tracking. Ah, how do I phrase this? What kind of bug could it be? You just said a bug that could be anything. Was it a spider? Was it a termite?

I'm talking about the acting bug but it could have been hardwood fuckbuddy the termite that's been around the time. Oh, it was actually. He was wearing a shirt that said hardwood fuckbuddy. I'm sorry. Is it hardwood fuckbuddy or buddy? Well, there's, there's both and they're they're frequently It depends on your relationship. Yeah, of course. Of course. I see now what you're saying, chant Yes, I have been bitten by the acting bug and soon I shall fake my own death and then take on a new person

So I may still continue to exist and continue my fight forever I'm giving you a piece of paper you should do. Do not look at it until you're dead. When you die, you're welcome to read it. And on this piece of paper is your new identity. I've written it for you right now today. Based on how you die, I know how you should truly live. But do not read it until you are dead.

You have my solemn swear that I shan't put my eye on it till I have died. Good. Can other people read it? Of course. Oh, okay. Yeah. Pass it around. I've already got it.

It's hilarious. Let me see. Shouldn't that bad boy over here? That's great. Flintry plus? Yeah. Flint bus. Let me see. I think that bad boy over here. That's great. Flint or plus? Yeah. Flint bus. Oh yeah.

You can't say that shit. Yeah. Flint bus, a total jude. It's going to be so hard not to call you sort of flint bus because then he'll know the name. You have to. Don't let him here, don't let him here. Uh, why? What?

Oh, we're just talking about stuff What if when he wakes up he says yo fellas Wise up. It's me Flint to the P.U.S. I like that Yes, yes, yes, and then maybe oh man wiki silences mad with the pen. Oh great stuff. And then maybe he has like a catchphrase like maybe he's always like Why why are you crunching my pants like she's some sort of that we can workshop But but some sort of catchphrase like he's always saying that in why you crunch in my pants? Why are you crunching my pants? Yes, good good good. Yes, yes, yes, yes And we'll have to give him some sort of costume. Yes, a funny hat, a funny hat with horns.

And then, so he'll put this in his pocket and then he'll take it out and read it when he's dead. When he's dead, he pulls this out and it's a re-incarnation. I've given him his first line. I've given him a catch phrase, which is a reset. And then we've given him a costumery, and maybe a big lollipop for a prop. Oh, yeah.

Oh, can you put the spatula to the monkey? That's funny. That's dialogue. Yeah, I think that's stage direction. If it's stage direction, I'll put it in brackets. OK. I guess it works as either. Good, yes.

It's always good to give him something to do, not just something to say. Yes. Okay, got you. Oh, I understand. I understand. Good. Good. Full.

You said or? Yes, yes. Did you hear any of that? No. Did you see us laughing a lot? I did notice that from across the room, but I have virted my ears so that I would hear not a word. Here is your identity and just know that we were laughing with you.

Oh, wonderful. Thank you. Now you'll need to secrete that somewhere so that no one finds it on you. When the, for sure, any coroner examine your corpse. I have the perfect place to put it. I have to say, this is our most successful death fakery ever, gun. You, indeed, used it all, despite his obvious lack of skill

and talent when he first took up the efforts. It has proved to be a most noble student, and lumpy and client clay for our knives and thumbs even more so even more so than King Albain Beloroth. He what I'm sorry? Who what's this about the king? King Albain Beloroth. You've heard of Albain Beloroth. Yes, Tom Lane's father.

The good talking salt down to our services as well. He died many years ago. I remember that was shortly after I came to Finn. Yes, he did. Yes, he did. Yes, he did. Yes, he did. Yes, he did. Oh, yes, that was an easy one. You're saying that you helped Albane Bellaroth fake his own death? Well, we can't say that because we've signed NDAs to the effect. What does that stand for? Non-diabolical Arts. Non-diabolical arts. Wow, that was hard to remember. That took way longer than I would have thought.

Well, I would have a couple of dipshits. That took way longer than I would have thought. What I would have got by dipchets. In any case, we signed a non-diabolical arts agreement. So, it would, and of course, was placed upon us. If we go into it, then we'll have broken the non-diabolical arts agreement. And then, of course, the diabolical arts can be used against us, and our souls can be taken away

to whatever pocket dimension they wish. Oh my gosh. Is that why the teachers of the non-diabolical arts keep being killed every year seems likely? Yes Well, so we can't tell you we can't tell you that he faked his death We can only tell you that we've worked closely with him in the past doing similar work. No very very closely and indeed I I can't say that he gave as much truth to his very actual death when his heart was split in Twain. No. How he was supposed to have died?

What a revelation to think that Albe may have been alive this entire time. And then, um... Mm-hmm. Well, uh, there's a thing, I I guess we shouldn't really say either. Yeah, we would bear no responsibility any longer. I guess not. But why would... Hypoth...

Winky's... Winky, the country man. Oh, did you forget the full word, hypothetically? Oh, that's so cute. Um, Winky, Gunchman, Hyperbubba. Why would King Albane fake his own death? uh... winky gunchman hyperbubber why would king albane fake his own death

the burdens of the world called men to strange fancies it could be that he was tired of the company around him it could be that he wanted to start a new that the old job was the old job

said that heavy is the head, that wears the crown, and it could be that he wanted to take up a moral rustic and a home spun employment far from the pressures and stresses and flatteries of court. It could be that he found a new woman. They wanted to hit the road and live the rock and roll lifestyle, start a band or something in a small town Here today gone tomorrow living by the strength of his wits in the pluck of his trusty axe could be that he was

Deep in it with some gamblers. He owed him a whole lot They were gonna take his knees man and he had to quit town to sweet. Oh shit Oh some combination of all of those things these are all hypothertic But again we can't tell you because of the Non-diet thing the non-diet by Yeah, you aren't lawyers. That's fine. You don't have to remember every piece of paper. You've ever signed. I am a lawyer What? Wow you believed it you believed it. Oh got me again. Just that good. Yeah, you can't expect It's not like remembering what your real name is like right Michael Gunch like you it's much more easily to remember what your real name is before you change it to Michael Gunch Oh, yes, of course

Stone hard castle. Oh, yeah It wasn't steel was it that did that's it see Silks is right. It's tough. Well, speaking of tough, I guess there's only one stone actually. The point is I'm Michael Gunsch now. And as you said, you've inhabited it so you've brought it with you everywhere you go. There is no stone hard castle anymore because now you are Michael Gunch indeed just as you will soon be a Flint

Nevermind what's I Guys what's next for you? What are you off to next? Guys, what's next for you? What are you off to next? Another play, another workshop, something else, some time off? Oh, the cock ticklers take no time off. Despite the fact that our coin pushes are bulging with remuneration. We still must go forth and entertain and form, educate. Oz is a weighty burden.

We've worked so hard, and now we feel it's time to give back. You know? So yes, we're doing community outreach, bringing the magic of the of the cock ticklers to places that have never experienced good tickling. Grassroots Theatre, we're going into the communities, we're taking the classroom. Taking their stories, hearing what it is they want to see on stage and we workshop some plays, we get some, we get what they've got. And then we put it on, we show them themselves. Yes, they tell us their ideas, their passions.

And then we take all that stuff. And we make sure that it's good. And what we want to say. You know? Oh, yeah. Right, they tell us we've got a lot of problems in our town. And we say, we say, what could be worse? And we show them why they're why they shouldn't wine so much

Well before the two of you leave Arnie and I did fork over enough gold coin for one more exercise. Let me Set this wooden timer to one minutes. Okay. Here we go Am I impressed today? Boy oh boy Am I could it have gonna go in group thing. It's another great thing. No, we all, we all, we all, we, you paid extra money so you could do this.

Jokes on me! Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Huh? I thought it was gonna go a group thing. It's not a great gift. No, we all, we all, you paid extra money so you could do this. Jokes on me.

Kay. Okay, okay. Love me, please. Money. Arnie, this was a lot of money. No, don't look at me like that. Okay, I get it. We pay too much.

Pay too much, you say. I'm paying too much. say question Arnie really that's all you have to say to me really sounds like you're an asshole tomorrow Arnie tomorrow we start acting unbelievable you are unbelievable very much so winky Very much so. Winky. X. X.

And scene. Oh, I always chew away. I was too away. Yeah. Has anyone ever gotten it? Has anyone ever made to the end? No, never. No one's ever never. No one's never ever been able to complete it. X is a killer, man. It's a real. Oh, it will kneecap you every time. Real stumbling block.

Oh, I, there has to be like earthwards that start with X, but in Foon, boy, I was scrambling. It's the one letter that's never used. We just don't have the technology. But a valiant effort, a valiant effort. Indeed, thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Well, thank you. Yes, indeed. I am forever, thank you. Well, thank you, yes indeed. I am forever grateful to you. Now, I shall finally be able to show everyone that my time here has ended and then continue in my new life as whoever I may be. Yes, yes, yes.

But that might be. Gunchman, Winky, I owe you a debt of gratitude. Ask me about anything, and I shall grant it. For you have been paid, yes, but also, I am still a great wizard, and shall grant you a magical boon of your choice. A magical boon, Gunch? An act is boon.

I mean, we did pay them for the service. Yeah, you sir, we paid them so much. Yeah, I know what I'm doing. And they're also rich already on top of that from what they... They're coin purses, they're bulging. They're bulging and just too mescent purses, but... This would truly be icing on the icing. It's a hat on a cake.

Also, the Gunchman more or less confessed that he killed some people. Research, research, acting as reacting. Just speed bowling, but maybe you could do something about these smile lines, these crow's feet, the gunchman's not getting any younger, still want to play the lead. We can't help but be vain, with the masks God has given us, we can only play so many roles,

can you, can you suck a couple of years off of us, Yusador? You, you, you, you, you, you, you suck. Absolutely, prepare to be sucked off by Yusador, so that those years are simply drip away. Here now, let you return to the, as I do pull away, and the very skin of your face grows hotter. Wow, Arnie, look! One of them's in a permanent smile, and one of them's in a permanent frown.

Oh, who would? I'm frowning, but I'm-but I'm-but I'm happy! Truly the book is of coctagling. Smiling and frowning. I feel as though I have a new lease on life. My-my visage is so taught and fresh and natural. Thank you, Yusidor. I have a reason to wear this rictus of a grin that is probably pretty disturbing. And look at me. I feel like that's really gonna hurt both of your abilities to act. I can't close my mouth all the way. Yes.

Oh, my teeth feel dry. Oh, speaking of, can we treat you guys to some toast? Oh, too much, too much, too dry. We couldn't possibly. Oh, it's the monkey's paw. We begged for youth, and now we've got messed up faces. That's how the monkey's paw works. Here, but take this bomb and rub it on nine face,

and it shall loosen again, although it shall tighten again every morning, you may use this cream to return a more supple feel to that same Skin that has grown so rictus. You sure you want to pass the monkeys par an ointment and that's something from the kitchen Pass the monkeys far a little Don't make me laugh Sean it really hurts. I'm a spanker. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh characters growing younger and more taught, as the actors behind them continue their inexorable slide towards doughiness. How pitiful.

Wizard's Choice Award nominee, Usador the Blue, was played by Matt Young. Shond the talking badger was played by Adel Raphai. New I could do it in one breath. Winky silks and Michael Gunch were played by special guests Joey Bland and Ross Bryant. They both perform with the Improvise Shakespeare Company. Ross is a writer for the new season of Mystery Science Theatre 3000, and Joey performs with the Improv- uh, oh wait, I already used that credit for both of them. And Joey, well, I'm told Joey is very handy around the house.

Did I mention Ross were up for the new season of Mystery Science Theatre 3000? It's got an IMDB page and everything! Learn more about that at gizmoplex.com. Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production, made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon. Heroes in plain sight, like Craig Holbrook, Jamesy Pants, Jamesy Pants, Grace were being funded by a Shetland pony. Leah Lee, Amanda Bauer, Heidi Johnstone, Trent Vale Strider,

hi, hi, hi, I guess when the name Aragorn is taken, you have to make do with the scraps. Joe LaRosa, Michael The Bicycle Schimmer, Connor N. Tristan, Adam Napp, and Mitty. Besides the insufferable smugness of helping make the show happen. Patreon supporters get unlimited breadsticks no matter where they're eating! Wait, that's not right.

They get free episodes and at least two new bonus episodes each month. The most recent bonus episode is Slam Book 2, which I can only guess is a sequel to Slam Book 1. Here's a clip. You make sense of it. I'm so excited. We're going to do another slam book. Well, the same slam book, we're gonna do yousword. I'm so sorry, last time we did this, uh, we just did chant, we didn't do you.

So we'll be doing you on the third one. I guess so, we'll see. You don't want to do it? I can. Okay, well, I've turned about his fair play as all I'm saying. Oh wait, Arnie, we're gonna do a slam book for you because you sort of have been making a burn book for you. Oh, let me just turn to, I mean it's 400 pages. Page 278.

This motherfucker's too tall. Okay, what else here? Oh, I guess we just have that one page filled. Oh no, turn to that back of the page, I'll read this one. Oh, yes, there's more here. Also, before you do that, can I point out, Shunt, you're word of the day calendar today, it was Motherfucker.

Motherfucker. Somebody bet me I couldn't say it twice. Does this motherfucker know how tall he is? Okay, I'm actually excited to hear the rest of that book. When you guys get compiled, we'll do the Burn Book episode. Great. To hear more, or find out if it's just that clip played on loop 35 times, go to patreon.com-slash-magic-tavarn. Hello from the Magic Tavarn is produced by Arne Neekamp, Matt Young in Adel Ruffiah.

Post-production coordination by America's favorite person to not give notes during an impromptu recording session, Garrett Schultz. This episode edited by Self-Sane Garrett Schultz. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard LeBan. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. You're welcome.