Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 4, Ep 23 - Jyn'Leeviyah Says Goodbye (w/ Felicia Day)

Episode Date: April 4, 2022

Jyn'Leeviyah the Red Wizard visits on official business regarding the Wizards Choice Awards.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungJyn'Leeviyah: Felicia DayMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Garrett SchultzMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandNew Merch is available here!You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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People of Earth, the following podcast is not real, and if we came in early and cut off the last 10 minutes of this American life, well, the ending boiled down to things are I know is what they seem, but each of us holds a story waiting to be told in 38 to 44 minutes, with a radic threadbare percussion playing behind it. Now, a bit of housekeeping. I do have one unfortunate announcement about our cast for today's broadcast. All of them are present. But an otherworldly framing device can dream.

So, slap on those noise-canceling headphones, start listening to something else, and do your best impression of someone prepared to enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the Magical Land of Foon. I'm your host, Arnie Neacamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. Seven years and four weeks ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of foon. Luckily, I'm still getting a slight Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rift,

and I use that to upload this podcast recorded here and the tavern, the strange familiar, and the town of nibble bottom at the base of formerly the unnamed mountain now, known as Slobodan. I don't think the mountain likes it because it quakes slightly every time someone says that name in the magical land of fune and I am joined as always

by my co-host, John? I guess, John, John? Hey, hey buddy, hey, oh, you're behind me. Yes. Sorry, hey, I'm on another podcast. I'll be done like a couple hours to mind. I'm on another podcast. Oh, I'll be with you in a couple hours

if we can do that. A couple hours? Yeah. Oh no, a long run podcast. Is that what we do on yours? No, we do. Hot kettle, come on. I mean ours, you know, look, at least we started short.

Now we're getting a lot, we're getting up there. It's just for episode. I think you should take out the brakes and the ads. There's good 17 minutes there. It's just my best friend has this new podcast and I'm his first guest, so I'm really excited. We're just laying down some sweet, sweet audio. Wait, this isn't even getting nuts.

There's another different podcast that you're doing. Oh, you have heard about it. It's called Pinky Pod. It's so funny. It's hosted by, oh, Arna, you might know him. It's your pinky and a jar. Oh, that's right. My pinky magically removed from my hand

and I can kinda talk a little bit, but it has its own podcast now. Has its own podcast and it's so funny. It's already released to the trailer and it's just like sweeping the nation. Oh, I do want to just say, I know you called it pinky. And it went through a few different names.

It was pinky, it was PJ because it's a pinky and a jar. It was pinky knee camp for a while, which was too much. Now it just goes by PK-1. PK-1, huh? Yeah. I would go with pinky knee camp, but you know, once your pinky leaves your body, you can't

control it. You just hope the best for it, really. Is that a tongue twister? Once your pinky leaves your body, you can only hope for the best. You know what? Yeah, I've decided it's okay, John. And you have my permission to not be on this episode and to go do Pinky, but Thank you!

You, Sador. How do you feel about this, John? Off doing well, I think we should introduce your pinky to Susie cream cheese. Oh, that's right. The giant toe. Yeah, I think they'd have a lot to talk about. A lot of digits on this show. And you're not good at math. I don't even get what that joke is. That's not that at math I am.

Wow. Anyway, I'm joined by my other co-host, you. How you doing? I am you, Siddharth. Wizard of the 12th realm of a fesiest master of light and shadow. Manipulate, out of magical lights. Devour of chaos. Champion of the Great Hs of Trockus,

known to the elves as Fying Yalek, known to the dwarves as Zonen and Hook Stinges, and known in the North East as Gess Mwynius Mastar, and also known as that Slayer of the Dark Lord, who must now, very soon, shuffle off this mortal coil into his everlasting gratitude of legotuses. You sure aren't doing all right. Hey, no, I wasn't asking. Can you keep it down? I know you're like pretty, you're a lot. I'm trying to record the pinkie pod. Is it cute?

I'm trying to record the pinky pod. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Yes, I'll keep it down. Okay. Oh, sorry. PK1 saying that the, okay, PK1 saying it's no good right now. Okay, I can, I can rejoin this spot.

Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. We're going to ruin it. You did. That's what I'm saying. Oh, it looks like we're going to punch. Yeah, we're going to punt down the road. Okay. PK1 needs to realize what we learned at the beginning of this podcast is that you store is always going to be yelling in the tavern.

So you just have to incorporate him into the podcast. You just have to make him one of the co-hosts. Yeah, nobody wanted me on the show. I just ran around and loud enough that I was always picked up by the microphone. Yeah. What a great life lesson. If you're loud enough, you'll be on everything.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Oh, by the way, you said, I know you talking about the fact that you're pretending to die and all that blah, blah, blah, reminded me. Wolf with bat wings came in and delivered a message earlier today saying that someone is coming to see you on wizard council business, something to do with the wizard choice awards.

Ah, what, who was it? It had an awesomeness for me in the name. Oh, how many syllables acted out? Maybe sounds like. Ah, what was it? It had a hot, honest, real estate tax. Oh, how many syllables acted out? Maybe sounds like? Ah, hmm, boy, it's gonna take me a while. Let me think about it. D-d-esians, the Mistress of Nature and Nature, Reviver of the Springs of Goldmiggett, Sea of the Prophecy of the Thames, It myths Keeper of the Sacred Tomb of Daifril,

and two-time Wizard-Joyse of Lord Dominic. Ha-ha! The Elves, Nomias, Paraman, Sawethoree, The Vampires, Nomias, Beyonce, Bloodlands, The Tree, Folk, Nomias, Opal, Vine, Which in a Ponder, I miss! I'm known as O'Costa, so- Yeah!

Asking my other name so I should look out the here, Albert Child, what was that? Did you want to rub me? I'm so sorry, I'm just freaking out. Oh my goddesses, it's Stenlevia. You would be such a get for the Pinky Pod. Oh, Pinky Pod? Wait, Pinky Pod's here.

Is that, oh my goodness. Oh my goodness, where? How is my hair? How is my hair? Pinky Pod records here? Amazing, the table right behind us here. Oh my goodness, where? How is my hair? How is my hair? Pinky Pop record here? Amazing. So just pinky Pop, the table right behind us here. Oh my gosh.

That's my pinky, so I'm kind of connected to the show. Wait, pinky pod is your finger, Arnie? It's my pinky. It kind of magically came off of my hand and it has a tiny little cute voice, yeah. Lady comfort food, you ain't not appear on PinkyPod. Who? Lady Comfort Food.

Generally, that has a jar. Lady Comfort Food is the finger that Yusudor cut off by the obsidian sword. Do you remember that? Yes, yeah. I do remember. It's an accident. I'm so sorry about it.

Man, I'm just fucking pissed because PK1 seems so stupid compared to Lady Cover Food is maybe the best name I've ever heard Thank you very much. Well, you know she named herself. She was like She loves biscuits. She loves a good gravy. Oh, don't even talk about a macaroni And she she'll stick a little head through the noodles and go It's so adorable. She's very cute. A dumb question, is the head the nail part or the bone, like the severed bone part? Oh no, that's the unattractive, I had Eunice, the wizard who does, you know, you know,

you know, you know, you're under Eunice. No, no, no, no, no, no, Eunice. You know, who doesn't have a handicrafts, I had her do a map from a dress to cover up the stump part. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, it's nice. And I had her do a map her made dress to cover up the stump part. Oh, that's nice. And yeah, it's nice. And I had enough hair just on that top little knuckle too, so I curl it. It's very cute.

Oh, that's nice. Oh, curl knuckle hair. Well, why don't, if you don't mind, I can introduce Lady Cover Food to PK1. Could you? Yeah, absolutely. Here I will just… Okay. Yes, why don't you both head over to the table and do that right now? Well, I have a small chat with Arnie. Okay,

You said I will need to talk with you later. I'm I am here for you on official wizards council business Oh, okay, but lady come from it is pulling me she's pulling me honey Wow, that's a strong pinky honey Get it great shut up shut up. Help me get this bed off of my head so I can make it that size again? Oh my god isn't it crazy that it's not until someone that you really care about shows up that you realize that you're doing something really stupid Like you've had that bed on the back of your head for weeks and now I can immediately lay down and be on my deathbed Hmm, it's not stupid. It's very practical. Okay, let me just unscrew this jar here. PK1, PK1?

Hey, PK1, I know you're working on getting the audio up and running, but I do have, well, I have two friends to introduce you to. One is Jen Levy of the Red. I am Jen Levyah, and I will not, I will not bore you because I don't want to bore celebrity with my whole name. I'll just toss it Can I introduce you to my pinky? Okay, this is lady comfort

I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you. It's not a ho. Oh my God, this is, oh my God, this is, oh my God, this is, already, already come here, we have to record this. This is the cutest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life. This audio will be bigger than Magic Tiber times 10. Record this right now.

Use your equipment to record this. Okay, you weren't recording before. Well, I think it might have picked up on your mic, but most of the podcasts in food are just people talking. They do not know how this works. You do not have the technology that I have. I've got to work. You know what?

I think it's time that I segue into a producer role. I think that's maybe what I should start focusing on. Well, if that's what you're going for, you know that new podcast you were looking for? We'll listen to this. Holds up, jar. That's just kinda happening. How the stuff's in here? It's gonna happen to the run.

I want to snob down a carriage car. Carage proper, not nice, but a bit car. That was so nice. You know, it wasn't until I saw you kill the life that I realized I'm naked. Is it? I saw you up in that part. Oh? I see you're up in there, boy. Oh my gosh, he'll be out.

Already, isn't this great? I mean, PK1 kind of sounds like an inebriated towel, but isn't it great? Well, I'll help. I mean, look, there's something about PK1. I mean, I like everything about PK1 except for his name, frankly. Okay, well, take that up with him.

It wasn't my decision. Oh, it was him. It was totally PK decision. Oh, it was him. It was totally pk1. Yeah And if I test pk1, he'll say that he totally was like, please call me pk1. I Mean I want to leave the room now There's no fucking way there's any recording in that conversation because I don't know how to use equipment Well, let me here. I'm gonna shut this jar here. Let me Don't know how to use your equipment. Well, let me, here, I'm gonna shut this jar here.

Let me, hope... It just left us a lot of things at service time to buy. Oh, oh, oh Comfort food, please throw a blanket on yourself. My god, I didn't know they had orify. Well, I guess they're not fucking their finger banging. Oh, of course, let me accept. I'll just be dying, dying in this back room. I'll just be dying. Oh, you should have.

Oh, shit, yeah. I forgot about you, Sator. I mean, I did, I forgot about you because we broke up, I don't know, I don't know you anymore. I had a part of my brain extracted and someone made it into sweet breads with apricot sauce, it was quite delicious. Whoa, well, that's what an extreme measure to take. For though we have parted ways, I shall always hold a fond place for you in my heart and my mind. I don't remember you at all. Listen, I am here on Wizard Business.

I am here representing the Wizard Choice Award, and I'm just here to investigate you're not dying honey. Oh, I'm right in the middle of it. No, I mean it's a little bit odd that you, having fulfilled your destiny by killing the Lord, are still alive and somewhat robust, your muscular sur is actually I'm starting to remember, you looming over me with a boiled egg on us Let's get you to a jar, haha I don't have time for that

So you still, I'm just here to confirm that you can be in fact one of the Wizard of the Year nominees but I'm just a little bit doobie so I'm here to just investigate you know all that's brought that sits up retired I don't do much else retired oh you didn't know so after I left you in a half and we broke up I decided to fire financially independent retire early have you you heard of this? No. It's, if you read the bread it scrolls each month, there's quite a robust community around firing. And so I moved to the Isle of Megas because I had a

name there, Ukosta, and I decided to just start a new one-finger short and one lover short. So I decided to just hang out there. Well, what a wonderful trip or event. So I'm glad you're able to go there. Do they have plenty for you to eat? Oh yes, well you know, early on in my career, I decided to invest in the mushroom business. And I was able to, you know, it just switched skyrocketing

as ever since the dark Lord came out. People, you know, they're just tripping their balls off. So really, I've made quite a lot of money. I'm independently wealthy. And I own a small hut in megas and it's really lovely I even Airbnb and sometimes when I'm just lonely and I want a fuck oh that's oh so you can there's plenty of food and it sounds like you found love of a sort no no love no love oh no love okay are you able to practice your religious beliefs oh Oh, enough, you know, I mean, really, it's all,

and then all that it hang out, I've sent you betrayed me and broke my heart and threw it on the ground and just stopped, stopped, stopped it, and then you're dying in front of me, not that I care, of course. I'm not quite sure about it happening that way, but so you're able to eat and pray, and fuck. Yeah, eat, pray, fuck, that's the name of my podcast,

if I ever do one. Oh, excellent. There's so much wisdom in those three words. Can I ask? Arnie, buddy, real quick, I was gonna ask a fuck question, but alright. Okay. You said me, Arnie, I don't know if you just heard Jim Levia, but she said eat pre-fuck, that would be the name of my podcast if I ever had one.

You just talked about getting into producing? Oh my goodness. this is wonderful. I have nothing else to do up there in Vegas. I opened a cafe just to say it's not open every day because that's how expati I am. I bought an espresso machine and everything. It's never been used. Oh wow.

You know what I just wanted to talk to tourists, I do. But this will be wonderful. I could record from there. We make the owl could transport the sounds back and forth between our two domiciles. And, you know, I'll just shoot the shit. You know, I have a lot to say. You're right, that does sound a lot like my

ex-girlfriend Patricia, my ex-patti. Oh, ex-patti, she sounds lovely. Was she a gerbil as well? She was, yes, she was. Well, I'm not a gerbil, but she was. And she had a similar thing happen where we broke up. She had her memories of me turn into sweet breads. It was sort of an eternal sweet bread

of the spotless mine situation. Wonderful. And now every time I see her, she doesn't recognize me. And I think that's for the best. I think we might fall in love again, who knows? But who knows? Arnie, did you, were you gonna say something? I'm just wondering about this whole sweetbread thing.

Are you, like she is remembering dating you, but how confident are you that you ever dated her? Like maybe you just accidentally ate some sweetbread memories of dating her. Oh, I'm pretty sure we dated. I'd say I'm like 15% sure. Hmm. That's pretty much settled then, yes.

Listen, I'm not saying that my hippocampus hasn't regenerated. In some evenings, I do touch my clavicle in a erotic way, thinking about Yusodor and his misty self-entering, all of my orphi, including my clavicle. I do have a clavicle orphi, did you know that? Yeah. You have a clavicle. You have a clavicle or a fire. Did you know that? Yeah, you have a clavicle. You have a clavicle. Clavicle, exactly. Thank you very much. Is that why you sort of make a whistling sound when you run?

Exactly. That's why I could never run a marathon. I'll just fall over. And that's why you don't smoke. Of course. Because it come out your neck. It come out my neck exactly. It looks like I'm on fire. Maybe I'm fire. Well, I'm fire! Why would we take a quick break? And when we come back, maybe we can talk more about Epre Fuck, maybe getting off the ground, Arnie? Yeah, absolutely.

Or maybe we could just do what I need to be doing here and investigate why Yusudor is still alive. Uh, uh, yes, we'll get right to that. He's barely alive. Right after these ads. barely alive right after these ads. Eww. Usador. Usador. Yes. How are you doing?

Like, Genelevia's here. You know, I knew too. You broke up, but I know that you still think about her a lot. Yeah, what of course? Uh, she is my lady love, and we are destined to be together since the days before we even took you in form. Uh, uh, uh, uh, now I must fake my own death in front of her. She'll be, oh yeah, she'll be heartbroken even though she won't know it.

That's right, if she's here to find out why you're not dead, she could discover the Dark Lord's not really dead and that would be bad. Yeah, that'd be pretty bad. So I'm gonna go for broke here. I think it's time for you, Satoa, to die. What? You've been fucking around for like a month with this. You're really gonna...

Oh, I think it's been longer than a month. Oh, probably. Yeah. But so you're finally gonna die? Yeah. Is that a episode? You're not gonna save it for Pinkie pod? No, not a good doon Pinkie pod.

I do know hello from the magic tavern the best podcast in all the food. Oh buddy, I love you. I love you too. So much when you die. I'm not really dying. Hey, we're quick. Did I hear you guys talking about Pinkie pod?

No. That means for a second. Is there, can you turn me into a Pinkie and put me in the jar? I wanna be a Pinkie. It's all the rage. It's so fun. It seems a fun chunt Before I die the power's been within you all along your shape shifter You can be right. Yes. Oh, sorry. Let me just Gross

Wait, maybe you can pretend like that was part of my true purpose. That'll help explain it. Yes, yes, yes. You should or do you need anything from me to help you? I need nothing! For I have the wisdom of winky silks and Michael Gunnch right here in my pocket. As soon as I open this note, I shall put on the greatest guys ever devised by the amazing festbians of the Cockticklers troop.

Or should we call you Mr. PASS? What? What does that mean? Don't spoil it. Can't wait to find out who I'm going to be. Excuse me. Can I go over there now? I'm tired of seeing these pinkies. Fuck, it's really hot. Oh, you don't want to be a friend?

Fuck, you don't want to be a pinkie fuck. Yeah, I could see that. It's cute for a second, and then it's weird than you would think. It's weird, it's making me feel tickly, and where I don't feel comfortable in public. You're sadore. Yes. Please, sit down with me dear. Of course, yes, yes.

Oh, oh, it's so hard to sit down because every movement I make may be my last. It's funny because your muscular chair is quite robust for someone who is on desk door. Well, yes, for I'm dying because I completed my true purpose, not because of any specific weakness. So, I feel the life ebbing out of me and soon I shall turn into a shaft of light and fire myself into the sky. Oh, Geneva! Oh, sweet, sweet Geneva! Oh, sweet Geneva! Oh, sweet Geneva!

Sweet Geneva! Oh, sweet Geneva! Sweet Geneva! Sweet Geneva! Sweet Geneva! Sweet Geneva! Sweet Geneva! Sweet Geneva!

Sweet Geneva! Sweet Geneva! Sweet Geneva! Sweet Geneva! Sweet Geneva! Sweet Geneva! Sweet Geneva! Maybe we could get back together and tie in a fucking expats. And all these other Airbnb's that never pick up towels. Never pick them up. And here I am praying that you indeed would not dead, but that if you're not dead, then what happens is the dark load. You know, alive, can you tell me? Well, of course, he's not alive.

That would mean that there's all sorts of dangers, still eminent here in Foon, and certainly... Here's the door, my eyes are very big right now, and my boobs are popping out. Where is the dark Lord, my dear? The under eyes get that big. Those would make great silings. Genelevia, I am looking you directly in the eyes.

They're very large, there's biggest salsa plates. I can't even find contacts with these big Buggins. And I swear to you. By the realms of Ephesias themselves that I did pick up that obsidian sword and I did drive it through the chest of the Dark Lord. Oh, swear to me on your manhood, like literally your dick.

Swear on your dick. Man, okay. That's what manhood means. Swear on you. Oh, now I'm just a giant pinky. Sorry, are you what were you saying? I didn't know that manhood meant dick all these years. Listen, you said all.

Yes. Swear on your little tiny chub that you killed the dark Lord. Now we know. You swear! I yeah, hands and pants. I swear that I killed the dark Lord. Hands and pants I swear. I don't know what to do with that. It's just I love it. I'm something. I love something there. There's something there. Something's there. I totally agree with you. Make a note for my e-prefac podcast please that'll be my outro perfect you said or I believe you I believe that you would never deceive me like this I mean we are basically meant to be together I did do the prey part I went to a shrine and I took so many shrooms and I I tripped

balls with several elves who by the way have big, big balls. And we had a group orge. It was a lot of a lot of elf seamen everywhere on everything. You don't know how many purple flowers sprung up because of that kind of gravy, you know what I'm saying? No, I'm following the story just for a moment. I'm gonna send her the fuck out of this podcast, I can tell. And so, I know that you would never deceive me because we were truly cleaved as one. And when you die, part of me will die. And I will throw myself into intercourse

with every single natural person, save Arnie and this badger thing. I get it, I get it. Yeah, I would never want you. Arnie, with all these sexual details she's giving out, I feel like I should call her daddy. Well, I would never wish to deceive you unless it was for the greater good,

which of course I'm deeply committed to the greater good. Mm-hmm. But it is for two to sit your hair today, for today is the day that I die. Oh no! How can I cut off your chub and take it with me? Um, that's good news. Please, I just want something to remember you by.

And then Lady Comfort Food and your chub can live as one in a jar and do that thing with the pinky over there that there's going out because I'm certainly not letting that relationship thrive, okay? It's a one-off lady comfort food Eat it and then we're gonna move on. You know what? Okay Really? Okay fine. Yeah take take a little chub with you. That's fine. Hey, enjoy We'll can at least start a podcast in the jar. Arnie, this is your time to produce Chub- Chub- Chub- Chub- Chub- Chub- I'm sorry

There's there's a lot of the process here. You know, obviously, usur is dying, so it doesn't matter, but hypothetically, like, I guess I don't know much about wizard chub, like. Oh, it's detachable, of course. So it's just, you know, one of those, it's like a hook and one of those things you pop on, like at the front of a jacket.

You know, it just goes, yeah. I mean, did you think I was gonna cut off his appendage that would be brutal I would never cut off something from his body like he did of me. Oh Sorry about that so sorry Well very awkward, but I suppose well, um, let us adjourn to the back room. I shall lay upon my deathbed. And, uh... Arnie.

Yeah. What is adjourning? It's like a short journey, I think. Oh, a journey. Oh, like, let's go on a journey. Yeah! Yeah! Everyone's getting the cart.

We're going for a journey. Grab your horse of bacon. Yeah, we're going for a journey. Grab your horse of hankers. We're going for a journey. I see, I see. Yes, hello, my full-size deathbed is now in this room here. Follow me in and I shall lay upon it, and soon I shall turn into pure light. Here, watch as I walk to my deathbed. Oh, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, Watch as I walk to my deathbed. Oh. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness.

Wait, what happened to his bedhead? Oh my goodness. Back up to the hair is very well-quaft. It's so sexy and look at his buns squeezing. He always walks like he's on a marathon, you know? She flexes. He does, he flexes when he, that's why it's so firm. He's got a little bottom there.

Oh, he's so cute. I can't believe he's gonna die. Oh, Jimmy, walk, while he's dying, you've talked about selling a lot of mushrooms for money. Do you have any tips for me? I'm looking to invest. Oh, yes, of course. Well, let me just tell you, the cryptospace is burgeoning. Like every crypt in the undead area is, it's going to be the real sale value is going to be off the chain. So what I've done is I bought up every crypt in The the near you know graveyards 40 50 crypts. I would be a sell this exactly nice to the moon You know, I thought about maybe I'll buy these mushrooms and maybe while do gently be a is maybe I'll start working out and then also taking a shit

So I'm sort of like pumping and dumping, and that way it really, you know, because, because- I can collect those dumps and we'll grow more mushrooms. No, I'm not, that's what I'm saying, is mushrooms eat shit. Oh, this is perfect. We'll talk more, we'll talk more. I love this.

Let's let my boyfriend die first, and then we'll get like a business plan going. If I had a gold piece for every time, it's these kind of conversations that convince me that if it's a scam or if it's not a scam, I'm okay not knowing anything about it. I have a crypt to sell you Arnie, did you know that? Listen, it's a one of a kind, I promise.

You can only mint one of them, this name is mint, it's count mint. Oh, I think he's dead, he died. Look his eyes are closed. Yes, eyes are closed. Oh my God. Yes. My eyes are closed. Not quite dead. My eyes are closed. And here is some glitter. And a blinding white light. The light didn't blind me the glitter in my eyes. Oh my

Ouch. This is it. Oh, it's the herpes of crafts Crafts! Let's stop it! Oh my god! It's hard to see. I feel like I vaguely see some moving around, but I can't really see what's going on with his death. This is gone! This is gone! Oh, that was very strange to see. Uh, it says, I... Flint Puss... Uh, yo, fellas!

What's up? It's me, Flint to the PSS. What's up, indeed, stranger? Very nice to make your acquaintance. Let us all weep for days and grab a drink. Yes, so sad about you, so the law isn't it? Yeah, he's dead and definitely not you. And he took his chub with him.

He didn't give me his chub. Oh, no. He did not hook it or anything. Yeah, I think if you lift up that pillow right there, it's right under the pillow. Oh, I'm sorry, it's so small. Oh, the chub fairy missed it. Yeah, the chub fairy didn't leave anything for him, or me.

Oh, well, when I was a kid, I'd reach into my mouth, I'd loosen my chubs just so I could put it under my pillow. It's beautiful. Did you get anything from the ferry? Did she leave you anything? Kind of think of it. No, she's just a chub-water. Wow.

Wow, maybe it's a collecting thing. She's a little bit of an intervention. Listen, I need to take this chub. And I need to nurse it, even though this new jet-tub and has such nice buns in the back, it's almost as if he flexes every time he walks. Yes, yes, well, why are you crunching my pants? Nice one, nice one.

Why don't you put your hands in your pants, touch your genitals, and say, hands in my pants, I swear, I'm not used used to door just for no reason. Hands in my pants I swear I'm not used to. Well there's no way he's lying. Well I believe you suit good so my grief is definitely foggy my brain right now and I have my loves chub. And don't you I guess I could call my love now. You know of course Arnie Chunt. Yeah.

Yusudor and I were meant to be together. And every time I said that I had sex with spin-tacks or several elves or a centaur heard, it was true, but in my mind, Yusudor was there as well. I thought that sentence was gonna go a different way. But yeah, yeah, I mean, I don't wanna tell tales out of tavern, but Yusudor once got really drunk in Levya, and he, sorry, this, I mean, I don't want to tell tales out of tavern, but Yusur once got really drunk in Leivia, and he, sorry, this is really hard,

since he just died for real hands on my pants, I swear. He got super, super blacked out drunk, and he told me that there was this prophecy that if you two ever fell fully in love that you would combine into one wizard called Yuslevia, and it would be sort of, I forget, what color does blue and red make? Oh, I got reddish blue.

I think it's. Yeah, blueish blue, yellowish with a yellowish. Yeah, me like a yellowish. Right, like can, like can. I'm not sure if that's right. Nothing like can. I'm not sure, it's not like can. Like a purple, indigo maybe,

but the two of you would have made this almost like bigger, taller, more powerful wizard called Yuslivia, and that was what he really wanted. He wanted to absorb me and basically name the new entity more after himself than me, which is one of the most show-in-the-signal-soginistic, disgusting things I've ever heard. So I would be subsumed into him, and all my talents and interests and so basically I don't exist He just takes what he wants from me For the husk of what I was and maybe I don't even have tips anymore

What a dick doesn't sound great. No, then you're gonna get maybe that does suck Why don't we why don't we take a break and Everyone go to the bar and all by around the drinks and everyone can drink to you so door Because flint I'm flint puss and I'm buy a round of drinks and everyone can drink to Yusudor because Flint I'm Flint Puss and I'm a huge fan of Yusudor and I have this funny hat with horns. This new guy is pushy. Yeah, he's very thirsty. He's a thirsty man Well, I guess we should raise a glass, you know, he was a good friend to him. Let's raise a glass and flex an ass to use it over the blue. To use it over the blue.

To use it over the blue. To use it over the blue. To use it over the blue. To use it over the blue. To use it over the blue. To use it over the blue. To use it over the blue. To use it over the blue. To use it over the blue. To use it over the blue. To use it over the blue. To use it over the blue. rank out of together. Oh man. It was really sweet. I had a set, and it has one of them had a J, and one of them had an end, but we'd turn

it upside down, and I'd be like, look at yours. Oh, Arnie, let's start rolling the podcast equipment if we're not, and we'll have this be the first episode of Child of Crock. Of course. Do I hang off on the magic? Of course. Welcome to Eat, Pray Fuck. My name is Gin Levy of the Red, and I'm gonna drop everything else

because I've found a new me, girls. We could definitely explore everything that women really need to be once they're free of the person that I loved and were meant to be with. I have a stick in my hand. And it's at a, is that a metaphor, Gin Levy? No, I literally have a stick in my hand. And it's at a- Is that a metaphor, Jen leave you? No, I literally have a stick in my hand. I'm stirring the chop in my little espresso cup

and look how it fits. It's so small. And you said, Jen leave you earlier, you mentioned that you were finding a new me. Is that why you lived in Miagas? I did. That's absolutely right. I found, I actually just killed a woman and took her house

because the view was so good. And she wouldn't sell, I tried, I tried to give her a crypt. She said, that's a scam. It's gonna ruin the environment and I just killed her straight off. Ah, perish. So, but it's a really nice view. I actually brought her back to life

and now all she does is scrub my toilet, 24 seven yeah it's nice so yes I I have a place where I'm finding me I'm getting my groove on so to speak there's several merman that I lure on to the shores and I ravish them I mean that it's willing of course you know they love a good ravishing please now I'm a big pinky right now otherwise I'd be snapping but I am a giant pinky you got got it, yeah. So I feel like you know me, like a chunt. Tell me what what would you do if you could just let it all out like I have and fire away. Yes, I feel like you really captured what it means to be free. When I think of me guess I think about me, I guess, because I never look after myself, right? You don't, you're a character. I am a character, I am a character, right?

You take care of other people before yourself, and that is not helping anyone, Sean. It's not, I'm not getting where I want to be. My ex-padi has left me, you know, I've lost a lot of loved ones, and, oh, who is that, Zach Plasma, that little guy a lot? I'm just, I've lost a lot of loved ones. What, forgetting, Zach Plasma, that little guy a lot? I've lost some of those ones. What, forgetting about Zach Plasma already?

Yeah, I tried to have that sweet bread process done, but it didn't, it sort of came out half baked. It's a little iffy. I still basically had everything except for two times when, you know, something happened. I don't know. Oh, your Wizard Choice Award. That's right.

The Wizard Choice Award. I was a Wizard Choice Award in nominee. And speaking of Jim LeVet, here's what I thought was. I was a choice where to nominee. And speaking of Jim LeVette, here's what I thought to do was to take care of myself. I decided to start doing the Chant Awards. And every year I win every category. And it just kind of helps lift up my self-esteem. It makes me know I'm worth something. And if I need a tiny little trophy to tell me I'm worth something, then goddesses dammit

I should have it, right? Goddesses take, I'm gonna snap. That is wonderful. How does this take the wheel? This is wonderful advice for everyone finding themselves. It's such an interesting topic. Like, who do you think might win this year? Oh, Puss. I know, Puss, I don't know you, but you are.

You're Pussie, that's all I gotta say. Am I acting like a total chode? Mm, I mean. It says, I'm so stacked like a total chode. Oh, yeah, I know, I'm in this space here. Why don't I hold this paper for you? You guys here. You're on the chode spectrum, perhaps,

but you're not full chode, okay? Oh, okay, well, I'll try a little harder. Mm, okay. Anyway, well, the Wizard's Choice Award has many worthy nominees this year. I mean, obviously if you vanquish the Dark Lord, I'm going to do everything of my power sexually and black male-wise, maybe even a little murder to make sure that your pseudo wins, okay? Oh, that's wonderful. So, Jen, leave you what you're saying is all of the living wizards choice nominees this year are gonna get a lot of sex from you. No, the nominated committee.

All four thousand, all four thousand people who vote every year. I'm gonna have to go soon just to get started on this but I will in fact ensure that you soar does win. That is the last thing I can do for my beloved. But you know, there was Rhonda, the Rhonda the Burgundy, and she did kill a whole island full of selkeys. It was a love-selkey murder, but they deserved it, really, they deserved it.

And she was nominated for that. And then you know that Ken was nominated. Wily. Yeah, just I know. Why? Well, I think they needed a filler, and heed on spin-tax and everyone laughed and they were like, I mean, that's pretty good. That's pretty good.

It was really good. It was like a big ol' ripper, you know. If you didn't have a pants on, you get pink guy, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, if I was on the nominee committee, I would definitely vote for Yusudor, and I think that maybe if you're gonna be doing all that work to help him win, maybe you could just leave that penis here. Oh, I will never be part of it with my little chub. My Yusudorichub.

Okay. It's little baby. I'm gonna name and something. I don't know. What do you think Yusudor would have wanted his child? You know what, Chant? You're so close to a chub. What does he name Yusudor?

Do you know what he'd want to be named? I mean, if I'm being honest, he'd want it to be named Lady Comfort Food. But that is taken. So let's see here, little chub. Does look like a PK-1 a little bit. Oh, that's taken as well. But you know, that's such an unexplored name.

I think two of them could have it. Um, how about slops? Slops? Ah, are you sure? That's why you said or I would want to try things. I think so. I think you did it or slops. You did it, you did it.

Slops it. No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Slop sit. Slop sit. No, no, no, H. I said sit no H Clean that up slops. Yeah, I love it. I love it. I'm gonna make a little bed next to mine. It's gonna be so cute I knew this was gonna happen Yes, excuse me a second Flint Flint, Flint and Flint Puss, right? Yeah, yeah, I'm Flint Puss. Why are you crunching my pants? Yeah, yeah, you're catchphrase. Could I speak to you in private for a moment, Flint?

Sure, sure. Aw, aw, aw, aw. I don't know why they gave me this world of play. It seems quite obnoxious. Yeah, they whipped it up really fast. Probably shouldn't improvise a character. That's a terrible idea. But what I was gonna say is maybe this Flint Puss character,

I'm a little concerned, it's a little too close to Yusidor. What? People might see through that it's really you. You should be a character that is nothing like Yusidor. Exactly, that's why I've come up with a backup plan. Eroth, turtle truck! Oh, who's out you can shit on cue. Wow.

How marvelous, marvelous. Arnie, we have to get this dog. It's on podcast. Yeah. Shit. Oh, you're a little cutie. What, how did you kill Flynn? Thank you, because I didn't even know the guy,

but I wanted him dead immediately. I was going to kill him before I left. Safe, safe, safe. Yeah, you're a little cutie. Come here. Hey, put your, hey, get your mouth off. Come on. That's not a joke. Oh get your mouth off. I'll slot come on Don't pull

Hey, don't pull it I feel like in a way you sir would have always wanted this Slop you can't stay with this cute little doggy although you do have a lot of chemistry you've been slot this dog and this this little job Have a lot of chemistry So the match made it haven't? No, I'm gonna take him home. Do you wanna come with me, little puppy? We're gonna come home to Megas.

Oh, wait, the puppy has a little name tag. It says Professor Scramble. Professor Scramble. Oh. Oh, Professor Scramble's in sloths. Yeah. It's like a little spitt-off. They could solve crimes together.

Yes, yes, yes, they could go on a journey. They could, well do you, well, how do you, how do you say they could a journey? They could, they could a journey. Yeah, how do you, let's toast a journey. Yeah, every episode's a journey. Well, the only thing is, oh, I feel like Professor Scramble has some responsibilities here in the tavern, just taking care of things that are in the basement that need to not Oh, yeah, I'm a guard dog Professor scramble so you are true professor. Oh, this is very interesting now I forgot entirely that the love of my life just died Millman's ago look he's standing on two legs. He's wearing a brown trench coat and a hat

He's holding drugs. What's he gonna do with those drugs? I'm gonna turn him in, because only you can perfect cry. Why don't you make it? I think that's what he's saying to you. I think he's complaining to catch phrases. Very weird kind of a Frankenstein sort of situation here. Only I can prevent drugs, I don't think that's right. Only you can stop drop, drop and roll and put a fire out of the drugs. No, you stop drop and roll. That's your trick.

Oh, Professor Scramble, stop. Now drop, now roll. We go ahead, belly pads, belly pads. What a cutie! Oh goodness, Professor Scramble's, I want to hire you. What, what? Since we clearly have a subvant in the investigative abilities, I want you to tell me exactly what transpired with the Dark Lord and Yusudor. I need you to investigate and report back to the Wizards Council because I need a report. I want every aspect of Yusudor's final moments, final weeks, final year. I want to know exactly who we talk to. And I want to be able to record it for posterity. So, rough, rough. Everything you need to know, rough.

Okay. Well, just... Send me a bill. Yeah, yeah, well. You know what? This one's on the house, rough. Oh, that's so lovely. You know what? I don't know if this dog can really talk. Let me put him through a bit of a test. A dog, uh... What's that thing that covers a house? A dog, uh... What's that thing that covers a house? A dog, Oh, that's so lovely. You know what? I don't know if this dog can really talk let me put them through a bit of a test a dog What's that thing that covers a house rough? You said rough, okay? Well, it's a roof close enough

What's that feeling like sandpaper has that texture? It's kind of a roof Roof, okay, I was looking for a rough Maybe the dogs just don't Mr. Sparkles, Professor Schrable's? Yeah, Squarebles, that's it. Professor Grable's? What are your intentions here in this town? Well, I'm gonna protect this town and be a force for good. Now that I'm an investigator, rough.

Oh, he's wearing a shirt that says only you can prevent drugs. We'll have to assume he already had that and not that it magically appeared somehow. Right dog. Interesting, the merchant dog can just happen immediately. Yeah, dogs don't do magic. Oh yeah. You're working on your brand building, huh?

Yeah, I'm going to have to send some emails and see if I can make those shirts magically appear on Earth. What an interesting segue into a possible opportunity. I'm a mercantile, a shop perhaps to offer something that is iconic and funny and in joke yet obscure. Oh, I'm glad you noticed my mercantile. It is a ceramic tile and on it I have glued a mercant, a mercant sort of a, well you don't know what a mercant is. It's a perfect make. I have four of them on right now. Four! Yes, I got a lot of real estate to cover

down there. You're stacking Merkin tiles? Remember a clavicle? Yes, exactly. I like to put a Merkin. I like to put a Merkin around my clavicle hole. Just so all my offices are very easy to find in an orgy situation. Yeah, each merkins like a little rough rough signpost. Let's you know where to go rough rough. Hey, chun, rough. Yeah, ask me what covers a tree. What's that substance that covers a tree leaves?

Oh, all right. I'll give it to you. I thought it was impossible, but the rapport and the jokes have gone down since you stored me left us. Well, he's a dog, you know. Well, I have high standards. Speaking of high standards, let's open up that jar and hear some more from PinkyPod. Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

This is the best I've ever had. I'm more from the post. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, You're gonna be the one who doesn't call up that call? That happens in the dark horse, that is the dark horse. I can't move on, you're so pretty, but I'm gonna forget you tomorrow, Hannah. Okay. Great hot dogs. Thank you. It's new. Why are you leaving because of my name?

I don't like it. It's not a girl. It's not a big look. It's not like you and your kids are that close. It's not catching enough. Yeah dogs, it's not catching you, not catching you. I like that dog. Yeah, I think they're pretty much dogs, they're on the same road. So if you want to stay safe, you better get over the road.

There's a weird to someone died. I don't give a crap. And Arnie, we can bleep that out. We can bleep out PK-1. We'll clean that up in post. Lady comfort food, please attend to me. Oh, she, do you see how she sprouts wings? Actually, she's magic. Yes, it's so interesting. Last summer, she went into a cocoon state for about eight months, and then she emerged with a pair of wings on the back. So she really did. A cocoon state. Arnie, didn't you say that's Florida?

Mm-hmm. I don't know what that means, but yeah. You said that's the state cocoon happens in? Oh, yeah, that's right. When you enter Florida, there's a big sign that has Wilford Brimley, and it says, you've just crossed the Brimley line. Oh, and Brimley, he's the big guy and he guards Florida,

and if you walk up to him, he says, either die or beat these. And then he points to a bunch of sugary sweets. Is that right? Dyer. I thought he says either Don or Amiche these. Amiche's? Hmm.

I'm tired to remember, though. End of show. Paka stop. Did we just replace Usador with a dog? Well, I guess someone is reading those cards you drop in the suggestion box. Wizard's Choice Award nominee, Usador the Blue, was played by Matt Young. Shunt the talking badger was played by Adel Raphire. Jean Levy, the red wizard, was played by special guest Felicia Day. You can find her on Twitch at twitch.tv slash Felicia Day.

Also check out Felicia's creativity book, Embrace Your Weird, Available Where Books Are Sold. Hello from the Magic Tavern is taking the next two weeks off, to sort through mountains of fan mail and cease and desist letters. Think of it as time to recover from all the plot developments we just slung at you. We'll be back with a new episode on Monday, April 18th after your Earth taxes have been safely filed. On each Monday until then, we'll be looking out the window in the early evening and releasing a bonus episode from the Patreon to the main feed, so you can get two potent little tastes of what you're missing. Speaking of getting your Patreon,

no regrets, hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production, made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon. Good people like Matthew Brunel, John Tall, Sarah Kettle, Justin Todd Sturgers, Ethan Hartline, Kasey Blizzard, Chloe Kent, Meredith Harper, Jen Stevenson, Jeff Schwartzkopf, and Robbie. Or should I say, and introducing Robbie as next-door neighbor, Mr. Slips. Patreon supporters get Addle-free episodes, wait a minute, that sounds exciting. Oh, I see. Add free episodes.

And at least two new bonus episodes each month. This week's exclusive bonus episode, out on Thursday, is a brand new behind the tavern interview with Chris Rathchin about playing the character Baron Ragoon. Never heard of him, they should use him on this show. Here's an advanced clip. Oh, did you have other character ideas from the beginning? I thought you did. I did have some other ideas.

Yeah, I had, so my ideas that I pitched were kind of a villainous nobleman from the, you know, off the shelf kind of a sheriff of Nottingham kind of character. It shows up a lot in fantasy. And that obviously became baron regune uh... the other ideas i had uh... i thought of being a census taker who was passed with getting a complete census of food uh... by like the very first king of food thirty thousand years ago and he couldn't die until he was done and of course

you know babies are born, things change. And so he just has to keep doing this forever. Yeah. And that fellow's name would have been Cras Mata's, everyone. Guys, once again, I've made a horrible mistake. I picked the wrong one. Look, Cras Mata's, or whatever it is.

Cras Mata's, would have only been on one episode, probably, but would have been worth it. the wrong one. Look, Kras... Krasmataz or whatever it is. Krasmataz! Would have only been on one episode probably, but would have been worth it. You know the nice thing about clips, they end. To learn more about supporting the show, go to patreon.com slash magic tavern. Hello from the magic tavern is produced by Arne Neekam, Matt Young and Adel Ruffai, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz. This episode edited by Garrett Schultz. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Aller Laban, Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland.

Now, go make two weeks of memories. I'll be right here, saving up the energy to not be interested in hearing about any of it. Woo-hoo!