Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 4, Ep 28 - Hogsfacer

Episode Date: May 23, 2022

Return to Hogsfacer to catch up with the town. Gianessa is there to share the results of the recent mayoral election.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiDorisue: Matt YoungGianessa Relkorus: Dana QuercioliMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Anna HavermannMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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People of Earth, the following podcast is not real, but let me catch you up if you're just joining. The central figures of our show stumbled across a fairly reliable formula, and then about 400 episodes passed, and now you're all caught up. But more importantly, when you're finished with our production, please remember to take it to an authorized podcast disposal facility. Every year, hundreds of Earth Manatees are harmed by improperly disposed podcasts. When they find them, listen to them, and are so bored they end up swimming into docks over and over again just

to feel something. So, two problems there, Manatees flair for the dramatic, and the first one. Do your part, make sure no one ever listens to this again. But first, sit back and enjoy the show. Guys, this is so exciting. It's been years and we're on our way into Hawks' face for the first time in a long time. There's so much excitement building inside me, but also so much anxiety. Am I going to run into like former friends? Am I going to run into like past enemies? I, who's, who's, are there buildings that are businesses

that we know, that we visited, that sort of repopulate the city? Arnie, I'm so scared, but in the best possible way. I know, and you know, I guess, thinking back, the whole village was destroyed because of us. Oh, yeah. There's that. There is that, but do people know that?

Well, I think they are concerned about it here in Hogs face, but what I've decided to do is, I don't know if you noticed, but I started dying my beard and my hair bright red. Yeah, we did notice. We did notice that. Arnie and I had a little conversation while you were using the restroom. It's pretty fucking bonkers.

You didn't think I was just kidding, younger? No, you're also wearing an extra long white t-shirt with socks. The t-shirt says, I'm with Stupid, with an arrow going through your stomach and out the back. It's, um, it's kind of a wild choice, but it's good. I'm making some new choices for Dorisu because I think he was a little too classic sorcery before. So like, I'm trying to just make him his own thing. So he's like Dorisu was a little bit cliched.

And now you're trying to make Dorisu more nuanced sorcerer. Ah, it's really hard. All right, it's hard to be in disguise all the time. I just want to be a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more I don't know, I have nothing. It's really hard, all right? It's hard to be in disguise all the time. I just want to be here. You're should all.

I hear you, it's hard to play a character for years at a time. Oh, tell me about it. My throat is exhausted. Hey, do we have any more of those pepperoni pockets that we picked up in Jim Fuck 2? And what was the, where did we get them again? Remember when we passed through that small town, Jim Fuk-2?

Jim Fuk-2? There's a guy's name was Jim, he was like, I Fuk and we're like, we get it, like calm down. And he's like, I Fuk- and I named the whole town after that. Yeah, I guess that town is named after him. Yeah, I said Population's Fun, which just sucks. But do we have any more of those pepperoni pockets? We should have done a whole episode in Jim Fuck 2

now that I think about it. I'm concerned that you want to eat food from that town. Mm-hmm. Well, his pepperoni pockets are delicious. I've already had three or four. Yes, I've got a bunch here under my giant white t-shirt. Ooh, give me, give me, give me. I feel like he's a general rule.

You don't want to reach into Jim's pockets, if you know what I mean. You don't want to mess around with Jim. That's one thing I've learned. And because when I first saw my spit, but it went into the wind and it came back and hit me in the face. And then I tucked on his cape, and then I feel like I pissed off his young card dog. He was the baddest man in that whole damn town. Well, he was the only man in that whole damn town. Yeah, that's true.

Huh, that's for all you fucking 80 year olds. Well, let's get on to... What do you guys think? Like, what do you, do we have any predictions? Like, yes. I'm so excited to see what they've done. Apparently they've been spending years rebuilding Hogs face now, Hogs face, or any predictions about what we're gonna find.

Huh. I wonder if all of the businesses will just have ER at the end, or the new blank. Oh, yeah Well, my thought was maybe it would be like, you know, instead of the Vermilion Minotaur Maybe there's like a tavern called the Vermilion Minotoo So it's a lot like Seatful stuff. I could be that for the yes 2 million Minotaur, okay, okay, explain. I'm just thinking of different places for for the sugarbee. Oh, I see I see I see and maybe there's like

80,000 rowing arcs. Look look who's blacksmithing now Bungery chubbungery Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, this isn't really oh, and maybe maybe like instead of taking gold I don't know. Yeah, this isn't really what it is. Oh, and maybe, maybe like instead of taking gold, maybe now the whole town like only accepts on-cut jams. On-cut jams? Yeah, like on-cut jams.

Like maybe that's all they accept is currency. I love on-cut jams because when you cut a jam, you know, you really dilute the pure perfection that is that preserved fruit. Oh yeah. You gotta leave it intact. Yeah. You said, don't make fun. A chunch tick. He's got a little bit of a tick whenever he says. Hey someone make in front of me.

Let's pull that tick right off of him. No I'm sucking blood motherfuckers. Oh, Tuck. You weird tick. That's me. He's constantly humming the weekend songs. It's crazy. Well, let's tell my different song when we walk into the village We didn't really all sync up on what song we were gonna do, but that's okay. That's fine. That's fine Oh, we're here. Wow. Wow. Yeah, we really you know, I you know, I know we all thought it was weird that we agreed to shutterize on the walking I know we all thought it was weird that we agreed to shut our eyes on the walk Think it paid off I'm really surprised that was a blood oath Yeah, I think it was worth it because the payoff was worth it. Oh shit. Do you hear that thumping base? What the fuck look at that monstrosity across the street?

True, look at that. It's like a giant club Like a giant ogre's club and it's like, you're that bass coming out there? Yes, I do. There's a giant club in Hogsface. Doesn't seem like much of a club town, you know, maybe a disco tech. Huh, and I gotta say, like, look,

it was always a kind of old timey town that was only as well built as a technology allowed, but is it just me or is a place built a little less good than last time Yeah, I agree it just It seems kind of all over the place. It seems like there's no rhyme or reason to it. Yeah, I feel so little random Ram shackle Why'd you say that word like you came up with it ram shackle? I do

I said no hold on you said random. No, I invented the word ramshackle. I didn't invent the word ramshackle. You think you came up with the word ramshackle? We promised we were gonna not make fun of Yusador's tick whenever he says the word random. Fine, it's not my job to not make fun of people, but I guess I can tuck it away in my pocket for later. It was 200 years ago. I was climbing a mountain and there were rams all around me and I had a pair of shackles with me. And I said, oh, this is going to be sloppy, but some of these rams are going to end up in chains.

Ramp shackle. Mm, okay, okay. I'm glad we gave you the space for that. Well, I mean, I forget that you're like thousands of years older, whatever, so you might have come up with it. Honestly, I've only been around for a small percentage of that. So you truly might have come up with it. I apologize.

But I haven't been around for thousands of years. I'm only, I don't know, six or seven years old. Because I'm just a fat stupid Cuban who learned magic named Dorsu. You're with stuff, right? That's right. It's a big meaty big meaty shit bag. That's right, Chantilly. Now that we're back, Chantilly,

we have to remember that Yusador is dead and he's pretending to be Dora Sue the sorcerer. That's right, that's right. Well, should we go in this giant club? Should we go in truce? Or should we, oh, should we should go see where the old for a million miniaturists and see if there's a new tabernere?

Or is it a place across the street called Dare? I don't know. Truce or Dare? Hmm. Why is there a period after every letter and dare? Pfft. Interesting, interesting, interesting. I'm wondering if you get some drugs there.

It's weird. It kind of smells like... It smells like tiny pizzas, like little personal pizzas. Hmm. Personal pizza. Let's book it. Come on, Arnie, you're missing out on the personal pizzas. Well, let's ask, let's ask one of the citizens of Hogsface, so we're the best place for us to go in.

What if the dentist is? Yeah, excuse me. I just came over that word. Excuse me, chosen at random Hogs face person. Where should we go to get a drink? What's the best tavern in town? Well, that depends. What are you looking for?

Hmm. Huh. You try to really get nasty. Oh. Oh. I'm not trying to get nasty. If nasty happens, nasty happens. But we're not trying to get nasty.

Yeah, look if we get nasty. But then we feel like a well, you know. We didn't come in here looking get nasty, but then we feel like a well, you know, we didn't come in here looking for an nasty, but nasty happened. You guys, you guys haven't taken a real good look at my face, huh? Hmm, now it voice sounds so good. No, we're kind of just looking around the town. Oh yeah, and I keep forgetting to open my eyes.

Arnie! Take a gander at my face and tell me. Okay, let's all three of us turn at the same time slowly. Are you guys getting pizza? Dorisoo. Dorisoo. We are live! Oh, Chianessa!

Chianessa! Chianessa! Good to see you. Good to see you. Great to see you. Oh! And might I please extend my deepest condolences? Oh, yeah.

I've heard news travels far and wide. And I'm so sorry. Yeah, we sent you invites to use the door's funeral. You weren't able to make sure you couldn't get the time. I could not get the time off. I am doing, if you guys knew what the hell I'm doing over here, it's too much. Why, see, you have a sash on?

What is this? Oh, it's a little closed. Oh my ass, I don't see. I don't see. It's a little closed. Oh my ass, I don't see. I don't see. It's a little closed.

Oh my ass, I don't see. It's a little closed. I don't see. It's a little closed. Oh my ass, I don't see. It's a little closed. Oh my ass, I don't see. It's a little closed.

Oh my ass, I don't see. It's a little closed. Oh my ass, I don't see. It's a little closed. Oh my ass, I don't see. It's a little closed. Oh my ass, I don't see. It's a little closed. Oh my ass, I don't see. It's a little closed. Oh my ass, I don't see. It's a little closed. It's a little closed. It's a little closed. It's a little closed. It's a little closed. It's a little closed. It's a little closed. It's a little closed. It's a little closed. It's a little closed. It's a little closed. It's a little closed. It's a little closed. It's a little closed. It's a little closed. It's a little closed. It's a little closed. It's a little closed. It's a little closed. It's a little closed. It's a little closed. It's a little I was very nervous and in fact after our last chat I worried that you guys really biffted up for me. Biffted up, that didn't work. Biffted right up. But you didn't. You unbiffted.

Opposite. Is that good? Please call me your honor. I am the mayor. Are we getting pizza? Dorset. Dorset. Come over here.

Come on. Who's your hungry friend? This is Dorset who he's a sorcerer. Oh, oh. It is a sorcerer. Dorsu! Come over here! Come on! Who's your hungry friend? This is Dorsu, he's a sorcerer. Oh, oh! Uh, it is a pleasure to meet you!

Uh, Dorsu, I know you've never met Gianessa before, but I bet you would be very excited to learn that she's the mayor of Hogs Facer! Look at that, Sahash! Oh, well, congratulations to you. Um, I went. Oh, well, congratulations to you. I went a wonderful day to a wonderful job you're doing here in your new position. I'm quite impressed with Hogs Facer.

Thank you so much. And, you know, I just wanna say, I've never seen anyone with facial hair quite like yours. I'm almost entranced by it, but I'm scared. I'm scared yours I'm yeah it's almost I'm almost in transpired but I'm scared I'm scared I'm cold oh it's making you cold there's something's wrong it's it feels wrong yeah it's pretty unnaturally red Dorsi do you want to explain your unnatural red beard in hair? yes well I'm using my stupid human magic that I had to learn like a dip shit.

I just sort of took some of the blood out of my face and put it inside of my hair. This won't mean much to you, but on my world, it kind of looks like like Ronald McDonald's mug shot. And you're like, oh shit, what happened to Ronald McDonald? Oh, well, is Ronald McDonald's mug shot. And you're like, oh shit, what happened to Ronald McDonald? Oh, well, is Ronald McDonald a powerful saucer? Sort of.

Yeah. Hold sway over probably too many people in my world. Can I ask you guys a question? Sure, of course. Please don't take offense to this, okay? Racing? I just, my heart was very loyal to Yusudor, and I just wanna know how long his corpse had been,

even, was it even cold before you replaced him? Oh. Oh. Well, you see, there were a number of filling hosts after Yusudor passed away. There's heart body fuckwood or something. Good body. Mr. Gere was.

Professor Scramble the dog. Yeah, that's right. Professor Scramble's. Flint, Puss, I believe. Oh, I had a blip buzzing. That was a good one. Yeah, I want to listen. That's great.

Ricky the dodo or something. So, there was Richard Jenkins, which I thought, I thought Richard Jenkins was pretty good. Yeah, Richard Jenkins could have said a lot more. And you're allowed to think that? And what else would I do? I'm just saying it seems like you just replaced him with anyone.

Is there no? Well, I do also do magic, even though I had to use these fat human fingers in this stupid meat body to do magic, like a total moron. You know, just because I'm a nut and a neatly beautiful angelic magical creature like Yusudou was, doesn't mean that I'm not. I don't bring my own value. I don't bring something to the table myself.

Well, I know I just met you, but I don't like the way you're talking about yourself. You need to give yourself some grace. You need to practice self-love. And you gotta get to a barber. You gotta. Already speaking of, can you stop practicing self-love in front of our guests? Let's go to a barber. You gotta. Already speaking of, can you stop practicing self-love

in front of our guns? Just go look at it and just trying to get a stain off of my pants I swear. Well, I'm looking around here and I'm seeing that one of them is called Barber the Third, which I guess is a sequel to the old barber. Yes, when we were rebuilding, we had to, everybody was so insistent on, oh, it's a new thing, it's a good start for the ground up!

And I... so everybody just kind of went... Well, I hate to say it hog wild. Oh, yeah. And when over here, I also see a Babar the third. Is that the home of the new king of the elephants? No, that's just a guy who likes palindromes. No, there's not one elephant in there. Okay.

I wish. Oh, what, I wish. Oh, what the fuck, do you all see that down the road? There's a tavern that says two for a million, two minutes are. That sucks. That does suck does. Have you been there? Maybe it doesn't suck.

It's actually pretty nice. I have to say, I'm the one who gave them their permits so that they could serve me to an ale. And the people are pretty good. They're good people. I think you guys would really like them but i don't know about that about the new guy but it's a lot of it how about we do this when we take a quick break in china so why don't you come

with us and let's check out uh... two for a million two-minute or and would you mind if we interviewed you and to catch up on how you've been doing of course i wouldn't mind i would love that. I'm very fond of you too and I'm sure you're great. Third guy and yeah, let's do it. It's okay. Okay, let's see here. Test test test. Hello from the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast from the magical land of fun. I'm your host Arne, and you can't be if you've never

listened to the podcast before. This is everything you need to know. Seven years, two months and three weeks ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fun. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rift.

And I used that to upload a podcast recorded here in the Tavern 2 Vermillion 2-Minute Tour in the Townahogs faceer in the Magical Land of Funzee. Arnie, I just got shivers! I know! Things are just getting more, right? It's like the same thing but sort of elevated to like more. I don't know that's the correct way to express that, but yeah, yeah, yes, yes, things are getting more. And I'm joined as always by my co-hosted Chantelius. Oh, it's Chant, thank you so much. Oh, yeah, baby. Wow, I got a little big and big. I got some, I got my sass bag. It feels good to be back in here. And this place isn't exactly the Vermilion Minute tour, but it's got a little bit of that flavor.

Yeah, we're here at this certain table and it feels good. Mm-hmm, this certain table, this certain table. And how, what happened to Dorisuit during the break? He didn't catch up with us. So I guess my other co-host, Mayor Rell Corris. What's up you guys? You feel good, you guys feel good in here?

Yeah, I gotta say. It's good, right? I gotta say, you're honor. You sound good on the mic. I don't, I think we might have a, I know you feel a little bad about us looking for a replacement for you, Sador. I'm just saying think about it.

Okay, I'll think about it. Your voice would be so good. Arnie, if we did some sort of, I think on Earth, you said it's called love line. I think we did that kind of show. Like the mayor's voice is so good for that. Just like answering questions about romance and stuff. Maybe it's like a nighttime show.

People call in. Yeah. I knew you haven't had questions about romance for the mayor. Yeah, so how romance? Oh, it's so easy. It's so easy. Easy as single ever do. I'm kidding, of course.

It's horrible. It's a nightmare. I'd rather be run through by a blade. Twice my own size. It's horrible. It's the greatest lie we're told, love. But I will say this. I date everyone.

I will court or date any person I please, and they're all bad, in case you're wondering. But I love to help other people. Yeah, well here's a question. This is a little calling question from a friend of mine who's one of my best friends and he's sadly no longer with us. This is a wizard friend of mine, his name was Yusidor. He died protecting us all.

He had a question about I once walked in on him and he was remancing us stone. What is the way to soften a stone? Because stones famously can be very hard in love. What's a good way to warm a stone up and get it to reciprocate the love. Well, you know, the old tale about the rock and the river. The river just eventually wears the rock smooth, right? Well, that's what love can be. It can wear you down so much that eventually you're just smooth. There's no ridges to make you unique. There's nothing to make you. Although, let's say you get out of the river, that old sad river that you are just stuck with.

You get out of that river and somebody takes you for a little tumble, and then the next thing, you know, you're shiny. Who? Polished. You feel like a new rock? Yes, so in summation. You need to be perfectly smooth and shiny.

How do I look now that I've gone to the barbed, have shaped off every piece of hair everywhere on my body? How good I am. Dorsu, your eyebrows are like they're of. That's so much worse. Wow. I am, and I hope you don't take offense to this, four times as horrified as I was by that red beard.

Oh, really? And I was going to say something like a river comes through it, but you know, let's really focus on Dorsu, why did you do this to yourself? Well, you all seem very upset about my beard, so I thought, well I'll go to the barber and have them shave off the beard and then I thought, why not have them shave all the hair off my head? And then why not shave my entire body from head to toe? Oh, interesting, you fucking seal. Um, hey, Dorsu, isn't your voice getting a little raspy? You might want to switch it up a little bit, right?

Switch up my voice? Yeah, I mean, I think you're going fine, you should, uh... Oh, uh, uh... Oh, what? Uh, sorry, full on... A usador. Broom. Sorry, we've noticed something which is that Dorisu knew about Usador, and so he tries to mimic him and sound

like him. Arnie, you said it's kind of like a, what was the thing, a tiny dick? Well, he said he's acting like a tiny dick, or what was it? Richard Little, tiny dick or what was it? Richard little tiny dick? What was it? Uh, oh yeah. He says the guy he does is impressions in Vegas

is a man of a thousand voices. It's not a problem. I can just be real cool in locks. Just real cool in locks. No big, no biggies. No biggies. No biggies. Okay, doorsoo. Okay, calm it down. I'd like to take a minute and pivot away from Dorisu.

And, Gina said, if you don't mind, catch us up. How did you find out that you had won the position of mayor of Hawks' Facer? Somebody shot me. What? Somebody shot me, and I pulled the pillet out. Oh no. And it said mayor. Oh, that's how people cast their vote now is to shoot the no. And it said mayor. Oh. Yes.

So that's how people cast their vote now is to shoot the person they want to be mayor. It's not supposed to be. Honestly, I think it was some sort of committee and they wanted to speed things up because you know, there were a lot of announcements to make, but I don't know if you remember this, but I was running for several key positions. Oh yeah. So I got shot so many times. Oh no.

Oh no. Congratulations. Thank you. That's definitely changed because I was at Mayor Manana's coronation. And they just put this cute little sash on him. I had these little shoes on. I heard.

You were at Mayor Manana's coronation. Oh no, no, no. It was like you were there because it was like I was there because the way it was described to me, I thought, I feel like I can see it in my mind's eye. That makes perfect sense. He wants me to plantain, which is why he thinks he was at Mayer Manana's coronation. On the way here, we met Mayer Manana's cousin, a cousin, a cousin, a man, and he told us all about it. And of course, he's from the island of bananas, and he just kept saying, don't be ridiculous, and he was a lot of fun.

And bananas, peels of fate, was just a story he told us which has to be one of the worst stories of all time. But somehow kind of entertaining. Did you ever get your pizzas, or do you want me to talk to the, the barwinch? I'm pretty hungry, and I'm very smooth now, so I'm sure the food will go down better. You know, I do a great deal of making myself look like other people. If you want, I can really get a shot at those brows.

I can make something. Oh, okay. That would be great. Please do this. But Gianna, so can I ask now that you're the mayor? Is it a relief that you don't have to have a secret identity anymore that you can just run Hogs face or as yourself? Can I tell you something?

I'm my own deputy mayor. And I do that, of course, in Dram. So I'm a female presenting mayor, but the deputy mayor is a man who hates the mayor. Absolutely can't stand the mayor. So you're playing two people who are at odds with each other? That would explain why they're never in the same place. Rock for us is my name when I'm the deputy mayor. So when you said you were shot several times,

you won several elections? I did. Some of them I ran on a post that I didn't even know if I was going to win them because people had such a strong reaction to Me as a person They don't like when you dress and dram. They don't like when you dress as a woman. They don't like women. I found So yeah, some of those people were just shooting at me. Oh You had to take out the pellets to see that they didn't say mayor on them or any other position.

That's a bummer. Yes, I was shot as mayor. And then when I was in drama, I was shot as deputy mayor. But I think that was just like buckshot. I don't think it was meant for me. But as the saying goes, if the pellet hits you, you're the deputy mayor. I don't say that. Yeah, I won't shot the sheriff. But you, you're the deputy mayor. That old saying. Yeah, I won't shot the sheriff.

Oh. But you didn't shoot the deputy. No, of course I would never. Not to put you on the spot, mayor, but could we. Could we meet the deputy? Oh, yes. Of course you can. Just give me, I'm just going to run.

I have to quickly run to the restroom. Be right back. OK. Ony, chun, don't worry. It's me, Yusudor. Don't be a fucking no-what are you doing? You look absolutely fucking insane. This is the worst of the time you burned your beard off. What are you?

Everyone was complaining about the beard, so I went and I shaved it off. And now I'm perfectly smooth. I guess so. Here, touch. No. Don't worry, why? It does feel kinda so. Here, touch. No. Don't- why? Why? It does feel kinda good. Yeah, hardy.

I mean, stop there's so much. Stop there. Stop there. No, stop it. Chant, try it. Just try it. Come on, chant. Fine.

Oh, boy. Why? This is the best thing I've ever felt. I know. Oh, what is this? It's like ASMR for your fingers. What is this? I'm sorry, sir, but my friends are trying to touch me right now. Oh, would you like to be left alone with the...

Well, yes, actually, if you don't mind, speaking to our friend, I'm sure she'll be back very soon. I'm so sorry, looks like your name tag says, the Pewdie... Listen, the Pewdie, me and my friends are having a good time if you don't mind just buzzing off. Uh, you asked me to come here. I am the deputy mayor. Oh!

Oh! Deputy? Oh, uh, uh, rockforth, I believe. You've said your name was. Spidey, Miss Rockforth. Uh, well, uh, it's a pleasure to meet you as well, Rockforth. Uh, uh, I am Dorisou, the sorcerer, a human dumbass who had to learn magic. And I'm trying to shift- wait a minute.

The mayor already said that- You know, weird eyes, it's- it's really me. Yeah, I know who you are. Thank you for clarifying. Thank you for granted. If you're trying to keep up appearances, that's okay. I don't blame you. None of these fools know.

So, you know, play along as you must, but it's really- Oh, okay. Yeah. you. None of these fools know. So, you know, play along as you must, but it's really... Okay. So, Rockforth, what are some of the things you're trying to accomplish here in Hogs' Faces? I'm trying to make it so that we've got a legal here. I don't know. Well, that seems like a very dastardly plan for women are wonderful. Just as any human has the capability of being beautiful and complicated, and you shouldn't go out of your way to make life harder for them. Who would listen to you smooth as a river rod? No, right to you, touch me.

Yeah, you gotta try touching me, you've got it. Okay. Oh, column-rob Thomas, because this motherfucker is smooth. Oh, I don't know what that eats, but I do know my heads have never felt something so soft. I know. Your body is a wonderland. You've never seen a day of manual labor I can tell. Well, that hand is traveling.

Yes, well, the heart wants what it wants. Shave off your hair, make it smoother, else forget about it. I am obsessed! I have to be just really honest with you. Oh, okay. Tomorrow you're going to be very itchy. Next couple days. I do not envy you.

Oh, yeah, it's gonna grow back. That's right. Yes. Gentlemen, would you excuse me? I have to go to the Lou. Yes, of course, no problem. Carry on. Well, that was incredible.

Uh-huh. She is so talented to be able to pull that off, and to be in so many disguises, I admit to being so much jealous. But I wonder how she's able to run the town in these two, uh, conflicting roads? Yeah, it seems a little self-defeating in a way how so aren't you uh... i mean just literally at odds with each other it seems like it's got to take up

a fair amount of time so so aren't you it's kind of like this conversation right here right now how's the large you know thank you for your patience gentlemen you're on it as if i didn't see you there.

Ah, no, I have to wonder. Did you step into the role of Rockworth? Was there a Rockworth who is no longer with us? Or is there a role created from whole cloth? There was one person who was written in on the ballot, and it just said Rockworth. Ooh, a rockworth file. Yes, there was one rockworth file.

And so because no one else wrote any names in and no one was running for Deputy Mayor, Rockworth one. And somebody shot me. I'd assumed the role and there you have it. And I imagine that like sometimes in Hogs Facer when people are writing in candidates, they don't just write the name, they also will sketch out a couple of details about how they imagine that person is.

Absolutely. Some character details. You know, doesn't like women as much as you should. Well, some of them I took liberties with. I just put myself into the role. I mean, really, it's just kind of a combination of most of the people I encounter in the town. And so I figured there should be a voice for the people I hate here just as well as the people I love. So you have a Democrat?

So you've taken people's aspirational votes, where they have described the person they want to be in, and you've taken that on, so that all are represented. I think that is the most democratic thing I have ever heard. Thank you very much. So it turns out I have the person who, I marry people, I also have the person who dissolves those marriages. I think I'm the game warden. You dissolve marriages, so it's like a spell that just like

Like their flesh and blood just renders and liquefies and falls to the floor? Well more I just kind of I break a stick in front of them which symbolizes the dissolution of their marriage and I tell them And whoever is like no, don't break this stick keep it intact. That's the person who's the true mother. Ony, do they have game wardens back on Earth? Game wardens? Yes. Here on Foon, we have a role in our society in our governmental structure called a game warden. And the game warden makes sure that all the pieces

from all the games get put back in the boxes. And then they go to game prison. We don't have that, but we should. And just so you know, they do not pass go, they do not collect 200 coins, they go straight to prison. We don't have that. We're what we should. And just so you know, they do not pass go. They do not collect 200 coin They go straight to prison. Whoa. Well, it's a very serious job, but boy oh boy. It's fun and the things I find So many fun things. Oh, what have you found that you would like? Contra band. Well, I found a full-size wheelbarrow, but inside of it, there was a smaller wheelbarrow that people had been using as a game piece.

Oh, we won! Yes, it was little. You know I love little versions of real things. Oh, well, if you like little versions of things, how about this? Little horse. Ah, turn on, turn on, turn on. Oh, it's got a little silver top hat on. Let me grab this top hat.

Here you go, Mayor. Here's a little silver top hat for you. Oh, thank you so much. Tad to your collection. Thank you so much. It will go perfectly with my one shoe I found in a sewing symbol. Can I ask, this might be a sad story, but was that shoe ever

worn and was it for sale? It was very little, so I'm assuming it was a baby shoe. Yeah. Yes, tragic, tragic. Well, I'm also the person who has to write down all of the deaths, the death notices. But that's more of a volunteer position at the local, at the local gazette.

So every day you have to be like, I noticed a couple deaths today and these are the ones I noticed on my way to work. Absolutely. I wear a lot of hats and some of them are little and made of metal and some of them are full size and for different genders. I will say maybe like 10 years ago I read through all of death notices. It was hard at first to read from right to left because I'm so used to reading the other way but I love that little demon. I love the notebook. I love all that just chaos that happens.

I feel like it really stuck the landing. It's really, really satisfying to read Death Notices. Everyone should check that out if you have it already. I mean, it's not bad, but it's not as good as that sailor who lives on the moon. Right, you yucky my young. Right, you doing that. Sorry.

Janice, all of these different roles, you have a different identity for all of them? Well, I don't know why I said I'm the person who marries people like it wasn't also the mayor. The mayor does that, but yes, the rest of them, yes. Hmm, like, who's the game warden? The game warden is a very, she's actually a very feminine woman. Oh. Which you wouldn't expect, would you?

No. That's, and that's gender bias. Oh, chantillious. I walk right into it. What's the game word in its name? Her name is Paris. Paris. Yes, but it's the P-A-R-I-U-S Paris.

She was a, she was a twin. Yes, would you like to meet her? Yes, you could meet her. That's so sad she was a twin. She was. That was a set. Yes, he would you like to meet her? Yes, you could meet her. That's so sad. She was a twin. She was. That was a set. Let me tell you something the day I had to write that death notice was a sad day. Wait a second. It's an ad death notice for a fictional person that you've invented. Oh no. No, no, no. This was one that existed already. Oh, did you convince someone you were there to win and then they died?

I convinced Paris that I was the twin Paris, and then I killed... You killed Paris? Oh no, save me. I don't know, I killed Paris, and then I became Paris. Oh. You understand? No, what? I said, I'm your long-lost twin.

For turnal, we do not look alike. And then finally, it took a long time. It took six, eight weeks. Okay, I have one question about this story. Just one? Yes, it's a very beginning. You said you showed up. Huh? Ah, okay, that clarifies it.

You have to show up. Well, let's take a quick break. We'll be right back. Guys, it's so exciting to be back in Hawks' face, sir. Catching up with GNS, I guess she had to go to the restroom again. I mean, and being in two-familiar two-minute tour... Just sort of feels a little bit like you can't go home again. Yeah. You know, it just, it isn't quite the same. And I feel like we've moved on from it. Yeah.

The show we do now is so different from this one. I know. We're in a different tavern. Also everything here is just bigger. Yeah, instead of a rainbow ball, I got a Starlight Sipper. I'm sorry, ma'am. I couldn't help it over here. Are you in the wrong tavern? Oh no, we assume go to the Vermillion Minotaur that existed in Hogsface before it's tragic

destruction by one of the most wonderful and powerful wizards who's ever lived in Foon. But we've come here to celebrate that time in our lives and to revisit old friends. But we're also here to make new friends. Please have a seat. I think that's perfectly marvelous. I couldn't help but notice that your name tag says former twin. Yes, yes, I a former twin. You guys, it's me. Oh, that's me. Wow, You're so good at disguises. Thank you so much. This one's harder because my voice is naturally kind of a gravely kind of a walk down a dirt road. Yeah. So she's harder to do.

Because I was going to ask like if you can do that voice. Why wouldn't I just do it? Yeah, yeah, I hope that's not. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. This is the voice that I take on when I'm trying to get people to pay more attention to me, to be nicer to me, to give me more money, you know. You don't drink or anything, Paris?

Actually, I would love a drink. Thank you so much. What would you like? I think just a glass of ale. OK. Great. Arty, buddy, what are you doing? Um, I think just a glass of ale. Okay, great. Already, already buddy, you, what are you doing? You are living this simple life for Paris. What do you, no, I'm just being, no, no, no, nothing like that.

I'm just being friendly. Yeah, okay. Well, if we have a guest on, I get them a drink, you, hopefully. Oh, no, you're right. Okay. Go get a drink, okay, I'm gonna go get a drink. All right, I'm gonna go get a drink. Okay, I'm not bad. Yeah, okay. Thank you so much. You're so funny. Okay

Thank you so much. You're so funny Paris I'm sorry about my friend. He's so are you so weak? Anyway, Paris. What's your favorite color my favorite colors red? Oh minus two Can I get you a drink? Yeah, I would love a drink actually what he wants If you could just give me I don't know don't know, how about a putermug full of meat? Oh, I will get you three, one second, I'll be right there. Thank you so much. Parasite, I have to apologize, my friends.

They're young, and their heads are easily churned by a pretty young woman as yourself, and I've been somewhat older and more mature in my ways, find you quite charming, but have no desire to court you. Oh, that's... I'm so sorry, did I make you think that that's what I was looking for? No, you didn't, but I think they both assumed that. So, I would just like to know more about how your job is at Game Warden and Scully. Do you have hair naturally? I do have hair naturally.

I know you do. I know you do. Right, right, right. See, this is how I get things done. All right, hey, I'm back with you. Okay, I'm here with your three-pooh-hey. Let me first let me just, okay. All right, we have Friedrich's terrible careful, aren't we?

No, we smell bollocks. Now, stop behaving like this. Now, we don't want to end up in another one of those three-minute baby situations. Like, yeah, that poor baby. Oh, is that what you think I wanted to be your baby? No, no, no, no. Oh.

Well, I thought maybe that you were trying to be a baby because you're so good at disguise. Thank you so much. I have to ask, Paris slash GNSA. Yes. Do any of your jobs in the local government? Are they like, you can just say it. I'm not like other girls.

I like totally like I get it. So you can just say it. Well, I don't know. I just sound crazy. I don't know. But are any of the, are any of the other identities that you are in the local government babies? Um, I mean, I guess when I think about it, no, but like, when I am this kind of, yes.

Okay. Does that make sense? I know, but yeah. Oh, yeah. I know, yeah. I get what you're going for. You're sort of quirky and nerdy, but you like to just hang out and be, you know, just fun? Yes, I'm wearing spectacles on my eyes, so it's like, you know, it's different.

Not everybody does it, and so, and I have- Sure, can I ask a question? Of course. You can ask me anything, honestly, I swear I'm not like other girls. I appreciate that. Can we see, I mean, I just have this hunch. Can we see what you look like with those glasses off? Sure, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Looks like Gina. Oh. Looks like Gina. Yes. Could you imagine people to be fooled with just a pair of spectacles? I know.

Yeah, as I posture changes a little bit, I think. A little bit. You know what this little girl thinks? You can see through that, but no, that's amazing. Just a paracelac. Very, very impressive. You'd be surprised what you can convince people of when they aren't looking for it.

Yeah, and when you're the deputy, you put on two pairs of glasses. That's right. Unbelievable. Janessa, is it exhausting? Not only having all these different jobs, but just having to keep all your identities straight. It is so exhausting.

It is so much work. But if somebody would want to relieve me of this, I would gladly let some other people take over these roles. The problem is nobody wants to help anymore. You know, it seems like when Hogsface was demolished, it took the spirit of the people with it. I mean, look around. Doesn't this place look like, I don't know, 25, 30% worse than it did before? Oh yeah, I mean

truce just looks terrible. Truce is bad, dare is worse. Oh, I didn't get that pizza. Yes, I noticed that the places where there used to be things like canneries or de-assem stris, those sorts of businesses. I know a lot of those signs just say influencer now. Yes, do you know how many times I stop people from just dancing in the middle of the road? I'm like you're in a, this is a main thoroughfare. There are people trying to get their cards and horses up and down this thoroughfare. And you're dancing in the road.

That sounds exhausting. It's ridiculous. I did notice when we were coming into town that there were a lot of people painting selfies, which I was surprised by. Can I just say on behalf of all of us, oh no, oh no, oh no, no, no, no, no, that sounds terrible. Yes, it is, it's very bad. Thank you, I appreciate your empathy. Oh, my tick is hitting me.

Come down, buddy. I think one of the things that is hardest to deal with is, you know, we had to literally pick up rocks, glue them back together to make walls. It was not an easy task and no one. I mean, those are walls are made, but with rocks together to make walls. It was not an easy task. And no one. I mean, those are walls are made, but. But with rocks. I think so.

Yes. But we had to kind of make shift paste them together. No one could find mortar. It was bad. And no one here is graphy, Andy. Nobody could do a thing. Well, I suppose there might be some way that I could help as a sorcerer. You keep calling yourself a dumbass who's made of meat.

Yeah, yeah, that's just to not arouse suspicion that I'm not human like humans do. Ha, I heard the word aroused and then like, stopped hearing anything else. There it is. Which reminds me, I didn't get you that drink. I'll be right back. Oh yes, let me get your, I'm sorry. I spilled my drinks off your right back.

Thank you. Janissa. What's really going on here? I've been doing this a lot lately. It's me, you should have. My goodness gracious. I didn't really die, but it has to remain a secret. But I know I can trust you because you're also so good at disguises.

I'm so good at secrets. I'm so good at them. I won't tell a soul, oh my gosh, my friend. I was so worried, I was devastated. Yes, yes, but I'm here. And I want to help rebuild Hogsface. I want to reinvigorate the spirit of the people who lived here once by giving them something inspiring,

something that they've missed, something that they've loved, and something that they can love again to inspire them. Here's your pewter mug. I'm speaking of pew. That's my IUD and my asshole. Here you go. Here's three drinks. Thank you. Thank you so much.

You said you have an IUD and... Yeah, and my asshole. Well, actually, all three of us have IUDs. No, hey, yeah, I'm here as your drink. This is a better drink, but... Were we talking about the weird things in his asshole, but I've got a normal thing in my forehead? I might think, yes. I think that's what we were talking about.

I think you so much for this drink. You're welcome. Hey, you're welcome. Just time out. Are you really sure you can help? I think I can. Wait, oh, fuck. Oh, what's so did you? Oh, I didn't do this again. Did you?

I had to open up to GNSI to tell her the truth. Stop pulling back the curtain to show the power that was behind it. I have a plan to inspire the people of Hogs facing and all that requires is one more lie. We heard your plan before and it was a man man-a-plan-a-can-now-panimal? Or something like that? I know, but that was a stupid plan. This is a good one. A simple one? It's a simple plan.

All right. I want you to take this banana. Dress it up like mayor banana. No one will know the difference. Even though mayor banana was so well-spoken. If you pretend like this banana is Mayer Manana, the people will be ecstatic. Wait, are you trying to say that the people aren't happy here

because I'm the mayor? No, no, I'm just saying that Mayer Manana was an inspiring figure. Ooh, what is that? I was gonna say, I think GNS a year, an amazing mayor, right? It seems like your problem is you're not getting enough support because you're doing everything else yourself. When you're the only person supporting yourself

and the whole town who takes notice, I mean, this is the struggle of women in the workplace. I do all this work, I'm quiet about it. I keep my head down and All you fucks are talking about a banana. Who did better than me? What was a certain appeal? I mean What if you made him I don't know What's an om budsman what what? Om bananas, man. What are you trying to say? I'm trying to figure out another role for the banana to take.

So maybe while GNS is working, other people, it's sort of some pop and circumstance. While GNS continues to do the hard work. But maybe the people then will be inspired to help her. I thought you were going to do some sort of like wizardry where you made everything look beautiful again. Oh, shit, that'd be easier. Yeah.

It just seems like you think I'm the problem and now I don't... Dora Sue. Want to do this anymore? No, no, no, no, no. I never said you were the problem. I was trying to... It was heavily implied. Oh.

You guys, right? Oh, heavily. Oh, heavily. Oh, I should have just stayed doors through this whole time. You said, or doorsu, doorsu said, or is it possible that the solution is, look, there's only one person that's doing anything for Hogs face, or in a GNSA. And there's only one GNSA, but maybe do you have the magic

to make there be more than one GNSA? Ooh. Are you talking about making an actual Paris and an actual rock-worth? So I get some time off or something? I mean... Could you turn his town into a multi-pliss city? Is that accessible?

Yes, it does. Oh, but there's really at least Paris. Like, if we just really make Paris real, that's all I mean, like, if we can't do all of them, could we do one? Well, see, it's off top of my head. Yeah, yeah. I second-follow vote for Paris. I think where's it? But you see the spell has already been cast in a way.

Oh fuck, this is gonna be a metaphor. The performance put forth by GNSS. Worse, I'm on. As will these characters into being. So all I would have to give them is form. Since they already have a souls souls so to speak. Yeah, also is a fucking magic part. Okay. Okay. Yeah, let me think about that. What happened to you? After before you died, we

were coming to town and you try to solve a problem with magic, like wait. And now you're like, hmm, maybe can you put on a fictional outfit? Yeah, but on a fictional outfit? Now I'm smooth as hell and I'm wearing a big t-shirt. So what do you want from me? You can just say smooth and what you, smooth and hairless are two different things.

Yeah. You're still pretty wrinkly. Yeah, I'm an old guy. I get it. That's not smooth. I mean, I smooth, but not how you think. Right. No, I give, but not how you think. Right. No, I give what you're saying.

All right, fine. Some magic then. Oh, here we go. I'm gonna make, oh, GNS is real. Here we go. All right, let me shake this up. Can you still do magic? You're really avoiding this.

Oh, you can hang it up. Can I ask you a question? Oh, yeah, please. I just wanna ask one real quick question. If I encounter myself, what's going to happen? And let's say one night, I'm out, Paris is out. We're having drinks. If we hit it off, what happens?

Well, it doesn't happen. Unless one of these characters you've created overlaps with you in a familial sense I see no problem at all they'll be in whole new person with their own lives. Oh I was talking about really just going to town on pairs. Yeah weird yeah oh yeah all good thumbs up. What's off limits? Thank you. It no one certain terms tell me can I or can I not Absolutely bone down with my clone Don't have kids with yourself. Well, I couldn't right yeah, I think you're good. I think you're good

I think over the pan stuff is great. I think no I think I think I think anything I I think anything, I think anything goes, honestly, and let's see. Well, you said over the pants and then anything goes and I just want to be, I want to make absolutely certain this isn't going to hurt me. So a lot of, well, in old, in olden days, they used to try and kiss their own self, and then they play under the pants. Anything goes. Yeah, I just bring it up so you don't think you have to only go all the way.

There's any man in a four play before that that's also allowed. Well, absolutely, and we all know consent can change at any time. Exactly. Even with yourself. Exactly. Which is a good segue.

Do you consent to be cloned into how many of you are there running around total? There are five, six, six. Do you all of them or do you start small? Let's see how this goes. Yeah, so make six tiny clones. Oh, is that what you thought was going to happen? Six tiny, well, one regular size Paris.

OK. And then five. So we'll do Paris first. We'll do rock-fert last, because if you want to write him out, kill him off, he's here if he's not real. Yes. That would be amazing. I love to be someone who's fair and just that guy's a dick

and I don't know how to stop it. I created it. I don't know how to stop it. It's an avalanche of just hatred. You guys got to help me. Make him and then let me kill him. Oh, you do want to kill him? No. Okay. Want somebody else should. Somebody else should do it. Arnie? Arnie? Hi, Volmin. Killed a few people. I'd like to keep my numbers low. I'll pardon you.

Oh. OK. Preemptive pardon. All right, let's do some cloning. Ar up to roll. Carole, carole, bada, carole, yata. Oh, hello, Paris. Oh, my gosh.

Hi. Hey, Paris, meet. I don't know if you've ever formerly met Gianessa. Hi, hi. Well, can I get you a drink? Oh my God, I would love that so much. Just get you. Gianessa's doing it too.

Get you whatever you want. Oh, I don't know though. I feel like, like I feel like Paris is just being polite when we were getting our drinks, but I'm sensing like a genuine connection. Yeah, it's a certain spark. Did you guys see that? She touched my arm.

Oh, congratulations. Thank you so much. She's my wrong. She's hot. She's hot. Yes. No, you're not wrong. She's very hot.

I just thought she looked thirsty, and that's why I wanted to get her a drink. Oh, she's thirsty, all right. I feel like this is the closest I've ever seen to GNS' smiling. This is, I think, the first time it's ever happened. I've changed today. Yes. Use it or... Yes, my life.

You've changed me. Oh, wonderful. I mean, literally, because you did clone me, but I think also, like, in a bigger sense, I'm changed. This is a wonderful development. I think you're going to have better days ahead of you, less frustrating and more room for Gianessa to be herself. Yes, continue to work hard.

Yes, continue to fight for us right and good at making things better. But fine time for yourself. A little me time. Yes, self care. That is what Gianessa has A little me time. Yes, self-care. That is what GNS has needed all this time. And that's just what I told you guys earlier. Give yourself some grace.

And I didn't turn the mirror to myself. Give myself grace. And it seems like you're going to spend some time giving yourself all sorts of stuff. Oh, I'm going to absolutely go hog wild. Give yourself grace here And everyone this is grace hi grace say hello grace Grace I might have done this one wrong. Ah. Oh, yeah. Just like the multiple city.

Oh my god, what's happening? You're scaring Paris. I'm just gonna take Grace out back. Grace, come with me. Grace, come here. Grace, we're gonna get a pizza. Grace, come here. Let's go get a pizza.

Do you want a pizza? Mm-hmm. All right. Hey, Arning. Yeah. You wanna head over to Truce? I'm curious to check it out. You guys gotta go. It is so fun.

Well, GNSA, if we don't, we were only in Hogsface for a short time. So if we don't see you before we take off, it's been so great catching up with you. This has been an honest, an honest pleasure. I tell you what, when you guys get to Truce, tell them that I sent you, tell them that you want a bottle service, and they will put you on, you will be in, you will be treated like you are absolutely the most very important people in there. You will be treated well

in there. Wow, the very important people? Yes, it's like a whole quadrant in the back. Huh? Huh? Huh? You mentioned something about a pardon? Yes. Great. No, killing grace. I pardon thee. These words are my own.

I love you, I love you, I love you. Yes, you pardon? I forgive you. You're free to walk around Hogg's face or with absolutely no fear. That's close. Thank you for doing that. That was, that one looked like a, I don't know what.

That one was wrong. Yeah, I probably just did something down with my big meaty human fingers. Honestly, how in bear pissing. And now something I call the credits slash damage control. Dorisu the Sorcerer was played by Yuzador the Blue who was played by Math Young. That's an actor playing a character playing a character. Dear Merrill Street by comparison, your acting

skills are terrible. Shunt the talking badger was played by Adel Refy, Deer Mrs Streep in regards to my earlier post. Alongside Adel, you're looking okay. GNSO Rail Corus was played with all the Celtery early Kathleen Turner vocal intensity of special guest Dana Querciole. Dana is the co-host of the hilarious improv podcast, Those Who Ant, along with Colleen Doyle. Those who Ant is available wherever you get podcasts. If you'd like to meet

Dana yourself, walk to the center of any field hockey playing field, place a dixie chick CD on top of a freshly made protein bowl, and wait. Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production. Made possible by Patreon supporters like, hmm, then there's a note saying, please read the following supporter names below. And then I wrote, no. Then there's another note saying,

people really enjoy it. And then I wrote, are people who get excited about hearing their own name really people whose approval we want to chase? Then there's a final note saying do it otherwise you won't see us coming. Hmm, the all caps are hard to miss. Fair enough, made possible by Patreon supporters like Quantum Insanity, Michael Ben Silver III, oh the third, let me get you a private yacht Michael Ben, David Dorcas, Sean Eisenhammer, Sonia, Alissa Lebel, Trevor,

Jordan Harwood, Wendy Wilkinson, Robin Boseca, Tim Weiman, Phil Garcia, Rima, Pagini, the pirate sibling of Voldemort Snake, and Brady Snyder. There, I said your names. Patreon supporters get ad-free episodes, including the entire back catalog of previous seasons, and all of the Stitcher Premium spin-offs. On top of that, they get two completely new bonus episodes each month. Here's a clip from the most recent bonus episode, where Spin Tax the Green hosts a cooking show. I am Hello Drip. Fuck and shit and I did a lot of work and it's for one of you goofy rainbow wizard dipshits.

How are you happy to see me? No, no, no, I'm not ever happy to see any of you. It's spin-tax to everybody gather around. There's zombies. They don't give a shit. This is spin-tax. Spin-tax. This is the people that owned the castle before I arrived and and then killed them in battle and then and now using them as servants at all Produced the various products that I make hello zombie horde

I'm I'm starting to give a shit and and I can run fast. Oh hold on all right Zombies everyone gather around We decided on this beforehand. We are shuffling. We are obedient. And we are basically motivated only by loyalty and the occasional thirst for blood of brains that I will supply with villagers from around the castle. Chief Jip Frank, you talk a lot to your zombies. I wasn't going to talk to the dumb's wheel. It seemed like it would be easier to be bothered by the people who are in the castle. Gee, Jip, Frank, you talk a lot to your zombies. I-I'm not gonna talk to the Dumsville.

It seems they get would be easier to be born with the power to compil the living in the dead. Like me, watch. Hey, eh, zombie horde, form a pyramid. Alright, here we go. I have a heal spurt. Karen, it'll be alright. I'll help you out. Just watch my hair. Karen, get to the top. I clamber as well as I can.

Take your time. You go your pace. Now push yourself, Karen! I need a court of stone shot. Okay, okay, we've explained this to you already. It's not covered by your HMO and also your zombie. You don't need a court of stone shot. Then you have open joints!

Okay, Karen might be a little more living than I anticipated. Am I not giving her a high enough dose to turn her full last zombie? Karen might just be a very sick woman. To learn more about supporting the show and feasting on all that content, go to patreon.com slash magic tavern. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neekamp, Matt Young in Adolf Refyre, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz. This episode edited by Anna Haverman.

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