Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 4, Ep 44 - Ghost Ship

Episode Date: September 19, 2022

On their way back to Nibblebottom, Arnie, Chunt, and Usidore book passage on a ghost ship!CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampGhusidore: Matt YoungChunt: Adal RifaiCap'n Bitter Bonnie: Lisa BurtonDave Gibble: Tim Dunn Mysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Anna HavermannMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandSea Shanty Theme: Arne ParrottClick HERE for tickets for the upcoming live show at the Bell House (Brooklyn, NY) on October 14th.You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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People of the following podcast is not real. If you'll excuse me for just a moment, I'm putting my finest Versace cape back in storage. Since I'm on Earth hiding out, I figured I should at least check off my bucket list item of attending one of your Earth-ME distribution ceremonies, and allow me to express my disappointment that the category of voiceover performance by a framing device attempting to salvage an Underrehearsed audio production while simultaneously decrying its existence Seems to have been moved to the creative arts Emmy ceremony aka the dirty secret. We don't televised For shame also Jimmy Kim will get off the, let Quinter Brunson have her moment.

Now, let's return to doing the work. This is everything you need to know. Seven and a Tavern, the road from Squallgar. I'm your host, Aring E. Camp, but you've never listened to the podcast before. This is everything you need to know. Seven and a half years ago, and here's the thing. Now I think it really has been seven and a half years. I know for months I was saying seven and a half years, and it hadn't been seven and a half years yet, but now I think roughly with a margin of error

of four or five months, it has been seven and a half years ago. I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical, and a fume. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional Rift, and I use that to upload a podcast currently, chronicling our quest to reunite Chunt with his Aggie baby, aka Squogar. Success!

Man I gotta applaud you for putting the word currently in front of chronicling. I know. Kudos! Currently, chronicling. Kudos, ad kudos to those three. Kauai. Beautiful this time of year, Kauai. Anyway, I am joined as always by my co-host, Kauai. Anyway, I am joined, as always, by my co-host,

Papa Chant. Oh, yeah, daddy. I have my kid back. Oh, me and Skogor have had a hell of a time. I will say it's been a bit of an awakening. We got all that ransom treasure and we gave it away, R.A.P. my wallet. And I've been carrying this giant egg son around,

R.A.P, my back. So I feel like, you know, parenting is harder than I remember. Sure. Yeah, so this egg is pretty big and heavy. I have been having some fun though. I put a little cap on him. I gave him a little scar. I put some little polka dots around.

On the back, I wrote if found called chunt. So do you guys want to, oh, do you guys want to sign a shell? Just like call out your name. Yeah, okay. And if I'm in the vicinity, I'll respond. Yeah, I didn't know I knew the word vicinity. Do you ever have that happen? Where'd that come from?

All manner of words. An ancient tongue to come forth from you, Siddharth, without his urge. Ancient tongue. Oh, which reminds me, I am also joined by my other co-host. He's dead. Eggie Baby! Oh, yeah, sorry. No, you're right, I should.

I'm also joined by my other co-host, Eggie Baby. Ugh, Eggie Baby, tap something. Sorry, he doesn't speak, he's a little shy. Well, he's shy, but also he doesn't speak. I should, that's how I should say it. Okay. We can move on. Uh, alright, well, I am also joined but also he doesn't speak. That's how I should say it. Okay, we can move on. Alright, well I am also joined by my other co-host, he's dead, but he's still around. You said we're the ghost.

I was used to the twelfth realm of a fesiest master of light and shadow, manipulator of magical delights, devour of chaos, champion of the great holes of Trockus, known to the elves as fying yelik. And I was known to the dwarves as Zodyn Hook Stenges, and I was known in the North East as Gasway Nius Mastar, and now I haunt the bowels of this very ship, boo boo. Oh he's floating in the air, you get down, okay I believe you get down, get down. And as you said or a mention we are at sea, we decided to take the the scenic sea, the sea nick route back to nibble bottom. You've done it again. You know,

last week in the Ed Kingdom, I think I discovered wordplay. So I'm gonna see what I can keep doing with that. See, see what I can keep doing. That's nothing. Arnie, that's nothing. The first one was good. I'll admit it, that one, nothing. But it's how it was spelled, it was spelled S-E-A-A-B-C, C, what I did there, ugh, exhausting. Didn't somebody say the C? Ugh! Oh!

Yes, it is a bit, bony, raccom! The captain of this hair ship, I knew found yourself aboard, Melanise. Nice to meet you, Bidderbond. Nice to meet you, Bidderbond. Uh-oh, I hate to ask this, but are you a captain? I am. I'm a captain of this hair ship. This wonderful ship that's been sailing the scenic

route for the last 250,000 years. Ooh, that's a long time. That's a long time. Wow. Madam, is there anything you needed with the guests, any sort of refreshments, or are you in it? Oh, no, you don't have to be afraid of me, my name's Dave. Dave Gibble. I'm the first officer here on the show.

Dave, why don't you ask that I'm here, so? Well, you know, I never want to undermine you, Captain, in front of guests. But, gentlemen, haven't we done it already Dave? So why don't you just ask the question? That's fair. Sorry Captain. Gentlemen, do you need anything?

I like our watching my parents fight. Yeah, I'm not sure. I'm so sorry. I think I missed your introduction, Dave. Are you a gaga gaga first mate? I am a gaga gaga first mate. I've been working here in the ship for about two years. Yeah, just a just a regular human guy that decided to work on a ghost ship because I'm kind of branching out in my oh

Did you not know that this is a good good good good good ship filled with specters? What what are they oh shit real ghosts? Did we die did the three of us die? Oh no, sorry,. Oh, did we die? Did the three of us die? Oh no. Sorry, baby, sorry, baby. No, no one died except for perhaps the ghost wizard you travel with? Uh, yes, I died because I completed my true purpose in defeating the Dark Lord.

Not. Oh, and not a- not a call run about, so that's like a triple jump. And you're holding a rope that's of boats. So that's like a triangle. And you're holding a rope that's tied together. So that's like a triple joke. I think we even locked a whole new avenue for this podcast. And there are listeners are really gonna enjoy. Yes.

Guys, I think this is my fault. When I sold you the tickets, I just don't think I mentioned that it was a ghost ship. But yes, this is a ghost ship. Oh. We're trying new things. We're trying to. I thought new I saw you before.

Yes, I thought you would look very familiar, but you have such a plain, just like nondescript sort of. Like a non-face. Yeah, like a non-face. Right, people call me non-face around the ship, which is hard because I'm the only one who I guess has like a real face.

The rest of the crew is skeleton. Yeah, you've got a more solid face than everyone else around here. Hey, I'm standing right here. No, but oh, Captain Bitterbunny, you look so extravagant. There's so much going on. I mean, for a lesser presence,

I would say busy, but you pull it off. Do you want to just kind of describe for our, we do it for living people, no offense? We do like a, I guess ghost cangolus, and we do like a podcast. Do you mind describing what you're wearing? Who are you wearing? Oh, well, I'm wearing a tricorn hat,

and underneath the tricorn hat is a big brave, one big large brain. I should say I've been trying to get Arnie to try corn. Arnie, you gotta eat some vegetables. Corm though? I don't wanna eat the fancy ones. There's a lot you can do with corn. The braid has green, green, and purple stripes in the braid.

And as it drapes down the left side of my body, it sort of turns into snakes down at the bottom. It looks like snakes at the bottom. If you look closely, it's snakes. I had that specifically done. Hell yeah, suck on that Dave. So now bit of a body if I can ask. You were once a living being, I assume. Are those, did you just get snake hair when you turn into a ghost or were there like snakes around when you died? Oh, I went to the parlor. The ghost hair parlor. And they can do that. They can incorporate different animals into your hair or the top head thing.

If you've got a head wound, you can have that addressed as well. The Captain brings us... So of course you go first. Oh no, I was just agreeing with the Captain because I knew that because I'm a ghost too, so I know everything about ghosts. Sure, sure yeah. But yeah, the Captain brings us to the Ghost Parlor once a week, part of the reason why I'm trying to make it profitable, so we can pay for all these extravagancies. Ugh! Boring!

Can I ask him, uh, um, sorry if this is insulting. How did the ship die? Oh, great question. Thank you. Well, that is a tale for the ages. Ugh, cool boy. We were sailing along the third channel. Oh, Arnie, I should tell you, a long time ago,

there was only three channels. I know today, there's like a million channels. It's almost like overwhelming how many channels there are. Back then, there was only three channels. Only three channels back then. Now, there's so much more streaming. We were tossed, willy, and nilly, in the channels. And the ship rocked to the right, and rockilly in the channels and the ship rock to the right and rock to the left and then it rocked right down to the bottom of the deep.

Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, that's a tale for the ages. What a hell, it's self-dead. So it's sank. Well, no, Arnie, it rocked itself to the dead. Oh, sorry, Dave. Were you there Dave? Sorry, I just I blended in with the wall. The this wall is kind of brown and sometimes you guys can't see me. I know Yeah, it's just sad. I was just agreeing. It's saying and this happened. You said I believe 250

thousand years ago. Wow Were you on the boat or did you die like 20 years ago from like a thing or? Oh, I was stabbed as the boat went down. Oh no! Oh no, by the boat? Yes. Right under the ribs. The boat splintered and a piece of it shugged up into my ribs. And a lot of the men got off the boat, actually. Classic. Oh. Oh. Not a lot of casualties when the boat sank,

but you just happened to be one of them. I was there. Well, there are those other skeletons that Dave mentioned. So, some of the crew must have been aboard still, but... I, but we also collect skeletons. Oh. Oh, very cool. Very see. That's fun. It's good to have hobbies.

And then Dave, how do you fit into the picture? You're like her nephew or? No, I was just a guy. I was just a fisherman who came across the go ship in Harbor one day. And you know, for a long time, my dad really wanted me to work on his fishing boat but it's I didn't know if I wanted to work with family so I saw the captain aging a man to the end of his life in the harbor and I was like well that looks interesting

that's new yeah so we we had an interview and I came on as the first officer so the you have the power to age people prematurely I take it bitter body I and and that person that Dave saw you age to his death. I presume Was that your previous first officer? I? Was that your previous first officer? I. Oh. It was my previous first officer. It was by my side up until the bitter end.

And then he wanted to jump ship. So I aged him to the end of his life. Now, when you age them to the end of their life, does it have to be to the end of their life or can you kind of do a little more nuance? Like, you know what, I'm just gonna put like half a year on you, just to see what we get. Yeah, and follow up question,

age prematurely shouldn't be age post-maturely? Mm. The point. I think I said that so if that was, that might have been my mistake. Okay, okay. I retract my question, just answer that one. And I double down on mine.

I'm not so good with words. Dave's here for that. Um, he's fumbling with a bunch of books. So, who's Dave? Wait, who's Dave? Oh, you mean non-face? No, like, non-face. Non-face or Dave either one works. I thought the skeleton was Dave.

No, it's the one human. Oh, alright, no, I'm the... No, no, I'm Arnie, remember? I'm gonna wave my hands. I'm this guy, I'm Dave. I'm a human. So the books are on the ground now. I'm away from the wall that looks like me. The... Get away from that wall that looks like me. The... Get away from that wall.

It looks like you. So that's the problem. So bored. The captain, I want to know about the aging thing. The captain can also make you younger sometimes when she's upset with me. She will turn me into a baby and leave me like that for a few hours until I've learned my lesson.

Okay, fun. So you could age Dave up to the point that he becomes kind of a silver fox, maybe stands out a little more, maybe just not a dry age right now. I'm not like that. Maybe we're totally like grown into himself. Yes.

I've tried and let me tell you, he looks about the same whether he's three years old or whether he's a hundred years old. He's about the same non-descript, you lose him. Yeah, I can't actually yeah I get less of a presence as I age somehow. Who said that? Oh, sorry Wait, what is the wall talking? No, it was non-face you guys. I will say I will say I just recently reconnected with my son right here And just to kind of make up for lost time. I put a little scar on him I put a little fun hat on him. I put some polka dots on, so maybe that's something to try out on Dave.

That's a good point, Chant. You should have some sort of, um, what's the word, affectation. You know, for a while, we had him hold two cups and just clink the cups whenever he was nearby, but he dropped the cups. And I even dropped him like on some cloth so they didn't make much noise. So no one even looked at me then. So Dave, why did you click two cups? I needed a thing around the ship.

Like some of the skeletons, like one skeleton is like the politics guy. And one skeleton is like the sports guy. Everybody's got their thing. And I just haven't found mine on the ship yet. So you were just pretending to be one man toast? I guess you know when someone's in jail and they rattle a cup across the bars, I was kind of making that kind of noise.

Yes, yes, I got to say Dave, this may not be your fault. I think that's a bad effect issue. Fair, yeah. I think audience, I think what they're saying is that it is terrifying ghost ship with this menacing ghost captain and all these skeletons that they've collected, that Dave was sneaking up on people and scaring them, so we needed to make more noise.

It's like putting a bell on a cat. Yes. Exactly, yeah. I, we needed them to make some noise so we could find them when we needed them Right, well speaking of putting a bell in a cat me out ding we should take a quick little break just yell at the wall Well, that's very interesting because I find as a ghost that I can put my hand through this. Oh, oh, my neck.

Yes, that was Chon's neck. Isn't that impressive? Don't you think, Bonnie? It is. I, that's impressive. But have you seen me put my saber through this? Oh, oh, oh. Both of us may enter.

Does it tickle? Does it tickle? Yeah, it kind of tickles. Yeah, it tickles and itches. And it's almost like an itch and the scratch. And that's cold. Are they going to start to die slowly from your evil ghost blade? No, not at all.

It's just a fun party trick. Oh, I was going to say a few. Please don't kill me, Mist. Mist, Bonnie. Oh, I was gonna say a few. Please don't kill me, Missed, Missed Bonnie, Missed, Missed. Captain, Captain Bob. Captain, Captain, Captain. Thank you, Dave. You better watch out, Chunter, I'll take years off your life. Huh.

How did you get the moniker bitter? Oh, well, that's because for a while, I had a job where I was slinging drinks in a bar. A bartender? Well, yeah, but I was slinging. The captain doesn't like the word bartender. Thank you, Dave. Okay.

Because there's nothing tender about you, you're bitter. No, this is exactly why! Everybody keeps talking over me, and nobody will let me talk. Huh. That's how I became bitter, Bonnie, and I sliced the throats a men that talked over me. Are you saying something? You can talk, you can talk. Well, that's a terrifying story, Vitterbony.

I know this, that we respect your authority here on this ship, uh, absolutely. Uh, but I know you must have had all manner of ghostly adventures, oh, and these many, many thousands of years, uh, uh, what, what keeps you here and food, though? I-is there some true purpose that keeps you here in this incorporeal form? Treasure. Oh. Ooh.

I... I've been searching for treasure. For me, these last 200,000 years. For the first 50,000, it was all plundering. But then... treasure. Did you guys see that? Every time Captain Bonnie said treasure, Dave's face lit up like a fucking little lantern. I get so excited about... I do- we're finally talking about profit, that's kind of my wheelhouse.

Sure. Yeah, I've been trying to make this boat profitable. Ships, so I'm so sorry, Captain, you can take a year off. Ah! Whoa! I mean, if you're trying to make a profitable ship, uh, might I suggest getting rid of the house for wheels? They can just lay on the deck. Yeah, well, we'll think about that.

Uh, you said a wheelhouse, right? You have a wheelhouse? I. I have. We have the wheelhouse. We have the wheelhouse. That's where I have to be. Sean, we all knew exactly what you meant.

That tracked perfectly. You said, a space look confused. Well, I just thought I'd think about wheel bear. Oh, I miss wheel bear. Oh, let me walk around the ship here. I see treasure house, skeleton house, odds and ends house, closet house. Don't know what the difference is between those. Cleaning supplies house, clothes house, that's just a closet. Did you say Monster House?

No, why? Do you see a Monster House? I think Arnie saw it. Me? No, but it's on my list. House House, I don't know what that could possibly be. Yeah, I think you have too many houses on this boat. Oh, it's Captain, I've been trying to say, we have to stop categorizing things as houses and then...

It's just, but there's got to be a better kind of organizational system. We have to stop, we have to stop. Everybody says stop, but nobody says go. Yes, Captain, why don't you get as many houses as you possibly can? Fit them on the ship, Captain, do that. No, everybody get rid of the houses, get rid of all the beasties.

Why don't we just kick everybody off and put a ship in the house? What, right now, I tend to agree with the beasties. Why don't we just kick everybody off of the ship House right now. I I tend to agree with the captain here. I'd not exactly show Dave. Where'd he go? Oh Dave let me give the cups In front of us socks that's right. Yeah, the cups suck. It's cool No, it isn't and I have to imagine if there's a song that went along with that, that would suck too. Some sort of Cupsong fuck off. I don't know if Anacondrick did a version of it, maybe.

Who? Are you just combining letters and that kind of... Anacondrick? You're drunk. His name is kind of like two cups hidden each other though. If you think about it. Dave, why is it important for a ghost ship to be profitable? It's existed, you know, for 250,000 years

without your interference. The hell did he go again? Oh, oh, cups. Oh, oh, oh, oh, it's Dave. What's me? Why? Then this is my cup song. Oh.

Just terrible. Why is it important that the ship become profitable? I clearly, the captain has existed from many, many, many years in food just looking for treasure. I don't know if it's a specific treasure or just treasure in general but it seems like bitter body is fulfilling her purpose. I feel like there are things that people in the crew may specifically need. Like you know a bed I'm the only person that sleeps in the crew, and I don't have a bed.

There are also some improvements we can make to the ship. Like, I'm the only person on the crew that goes to the bathroom. Everyone else is either a skeleton or a ghost, and just a bit of privacy, you know, money, and making a regular paycheck, they would really go a long way toward those improvements. Well, you could just poop over the side of the boat. Yeah, well, and that's what I do now

They everyone attaches a rope to you and they throw me off the side and that's it's quite fun actually We put it over the loudspeaker of the ship and we everybody gathers in and and we've all got ropes Everybody grabs part of the rope. Oh, that's where they called it an overboard poop. Aani, have we told you about loudspeakers? No, is that that guy over there? Yes, exactly. Every ship and food has one guy.

Just really can't shut that guy up. Can you imagine being stuck with someone so loud? Oh, yeah. So yeah, it's difficult because everyone start singing a song that's like, you know, do your foul business mortal, that kind of thing. So when I'm in there, in the sea, and I have to go to the bathroom, it's tough,

because then I get kind of peace shy when everyone's singing that song. I would, I mean, I would sort of like see that. I see, here's where your profit is. You set up a tourism, a ghost ship sort of tourism where you show ghosts interacting with this hapless mortal, and they have a lot of fun. They go, oh look, they threw them on the side of the ship. Yeah, I don't know. What are the sort of fun things do you like to do with?

My name's Dave. Dave, what is it? Oh, the fun, I mean, the rope thing where he poos off the side of the ship, that's one thing that we do for fun. One. Other things we do for fun. Other things, let's see, we paste the boards. Two.

We picker. Three. Oh, you, the skeletons will play the xylophone and the ribcages. That's fun. That's a classic. Yeah, four. Four. I brewed Are you brewed about something in particular? Oh Sometimes it's how dark it is Sometimes it's just the moon Sometimes I just brewed that I can't have a dog. Yep, sounds like a 20000 or a 50000 year old person.

Yeah. So you're saying someone might come up to you and be like, Captain, are you okay? Something just seems off for you. Do you have a problem and you just go, the moon? I, sometimes it is just the moon. You know, stuck in your crawl. I, it it is just the moon. You know, stuck in your crawl.

I, it's that kind of a night. You look up, the moon's just staring back down at ya. You stare back up at it, there's nothing you can do about it. Laughing, it's cheese filled laugh. I, it washes down on ya, makes you opaque. Kind of hits you in the eye, doesn't it? I, when that moon gets your eye, it's, you know, like a big pie.

Like a flatbread. I, with, but, you know, you could put cheese on it. Oh yeah. Or tomato. Oh. Oh captain. My captain. Oh captain, my captain.

Guys, don't fight. She can, she's everybody's captain. My captain. Are guys don't fight chicken. She's everybody's captain my captain Are you in my crew? No, I'm just I remember lowly passenger But I hope that you would grant me an audience to allow me to die in with you this evening since I have such great respect for you And if you decide to yell at the moon tonight I would love to join you in shaking my fist at that celestial bastard. Arnie's underwear says, J. Crew. Sorry, buddy.

I, you can die in with us. Oh no, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, can I speak with you for a moment? Dave, yes, you have audience. I think, I think this man, it was a romantic entreat. He wanted to have dinner with you. Oh. You said, you said, or, what?

Are you in the cap and gonna make it happen? What? Are you in the cap and go make it happen? What? Are you in the cap and go make it happen? Is she gonna crunch him at times you? What? I'm already what? I mean, I guess we're both ghosts right now. She isn't know that I'm not a real ghost though.

I'm gonna look like a fool. Captain! Captain, you need to make this happen, okay? And let me say this. He is an amazingly handsome ghost. Alright, okay. Alright, it's been a couple years. You, sir, can I just say, since you're kind of a ghost and she's a ghost, it's gonna be like, oops, all scary, does that make sense? Yeah, I get what you're going with that, but I don't know, it's just that I've never, with a ghost before, and I...

And it's dubious what I've done with anyone else. We're not getting soggy. Exactly. Nothing wrong with that, it happens to all ghosts. All right, well... If you'd like to take audience with me over a ghostly meal... No! You could join me in the plates house.

Very well then, bitter Bonnie. I showed me to you at sundown in the plates house, where we shall die. You sure you sound angry? I know. It's not like a challenge. It's not like a challenge. What are you doing? You're trying to match her energy.

Yeah, maybe. Oh, oh. But we'll keep coaching you on this, and, uh, are you, do we need to try to match her energy? Yeah, maybe. Oh, oh, but we'll keep coaching you on this and, uh, Arnie, do we need to take a quick break? Yeah, I think so. Hey, Arnie, also, I've got some candy. Look at this. It's a ghost ship. Lolly pop.

Put it in your mouth. Nope. You dumb dumb. Ghost water for both of you? Oh, thank you. Right, let me just pour it there. It floated right out of the glass. That's right. Can I ask, and I'm not asking this for any particular reason.

Does anything happen to a non-ghost if they eat ghost food? It immediately turns to dust and spider webs in my mouth. It's in your mouth, hold on, in your mouth. So, let me, how's it going, Dave? It's going well. Doesn't taste like a dust air spider webs in your mouth? Wait a minute. Whoa, already this whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, happen. Did you wrong one of these ghosts? Do they owe you some debt of rearvenge?

I, um, this is not the first time that we've had another captain on the ship. There's a meeting of the Ghost Ship Captains once every year. And I was in charge of carrying all of the ghost ship captain sabers in my arms And taking them to wherever we could store them in the hold or I guess we I should say a swordhouse here on our ship Mm-hmm, and I fell down the stairs and clanged all of the sabers all over the Yeah, never clang a saber What's a clang a guy and clanging things maybe like a hat? You're saying I should get a hat? Like a hat? Yeah, I'm a hat would help.

What about like, slight of hand magic? What if I did socks? Ah, Presti Digitation? That socks. I'd like you to try some at the table if I could. David Blanon told. Non-faze, you are surrounded by ghosts and things that can just put their hands through walls.

And you think you're going to impress them with some slight of hand pencil. It looks like a standard pencil you would see. Yeah, obviously it's a totally stature pencil. We're not in the souls. Well, what does it look like when I do this? How was this pencil clanging? Oh, I dropped it.

Dave. I'll just get ahead. I'm sorry, I'll get ahead. Now, bittersbunny, I must ask, as you search for treasure through the world, I... What treasures have you found that feel your heart with joy and cause you to stop brooding? I... um... ...uhm...

Um... I suppose... Ruby's? That's a good one. And, um... Emeralds? Yeah, also good. Trend...

Opals? Yeah, those are all treasure things. And I guess I know of us. Why? Why, why you know of us, is this? You know, well, you... You asked me what sounded like a straightforward question. But... It sounded like you meant something else. Like, well...

You know, I'm a ghost. And you're a ghost. I'm a ghost, I assume. Can I ask you a question Ghosts, to Ghost? Sure. Do you? Do you think you have feelings anymore? Oh.

Well, I think that I do. And I know that you do. Because brooding is a type of feeling. It means that you feel some sort of discomfort or, um, incompleteness, some sort of unhappiness that you wish to be fulfilled and it's tinged with some anger of course, but ultimately you're searching for something. There's an emptiness and you wish that emptiness to be filled. Chant, chant.

Yes, if we ever get a psychologist for Yusudor, we have to have them unpack why Yusudor said, I think I have feelings and I know you have feelings. I thought it was just a fun catchphrase he was trying out. Okay, say Arnie what we definitely need to do. Yeah, we need to, as Yusudor's side kicks, we gotta sing some sort of subtle song

to make them guess. Oh, okay, maybe like a fun accent? Oh, I'm really good at singing. I can help you guys. I've been right here the whole time. Dave, I don't want to trust you, but I will. Okay. Okay, here we go. On three, one, two, Dave, Dave. I'm so glad you're here.

I'm glad we were starting this song. My hands are heavy. I'm so sorry. If we're gonna do a romantic song song does it have to be a shanty? It should be a shanty. Yeah, we're on it. It should probably be a shanty and I'm not great at it, but I'm not a skeleton, but I'll try and play the xylophone on my ribcage Clanking with this guy and I believe that And I believe that perhaps once you find the real treasure, which is what's been inside of you all long, then perhaps you'll feel more satisfied. Yoho yoho kiss a ghost tonight. Dada! Yoho yohoisaka's tonight! Taa! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow the pure power of it when you think about it. As you did. I am. Simply put your lips.

Remix! Yo, ho, ho, yo, yo, yo, ho, Gidza, girls tonight at that time. Yo, yo, ho, yo, ho, ho, ho, Gidza, girls, gidza, girls, do night, ah. Well... So awkward moment, sir.

I... ...have just come. And, you know, what's really bright right now... Well, so awkward moment, sir. I... She's just a thump. And, you know, what's really bright right now is the flip and moon! Though that moon how it mocks us, let us leave the plate out so we can go yell at the moon. I slam the door behind me where the moon is concerned because the moon covered all, and I can only cover one small space. We'll be back.

We're going to yell at the moon. Guys, you know, no. Dave Arnie, be honest. Did they hate the remix? I think they hated the remix, yeah. I don't know, I sort of interpreted them as just coming up with an excuse to leave together. Yeah.

Like, get away from us. Why would they want to kiss in front of the three of us, their best friends? Yeah, let's try to do the rings trick, too. I was just about to, like, bring it home with this. Maybe the rings trick just made them too horny. It could have been. Yeah, I mean, that's what happens to me. Interlocking rings, you know what I'm saying?

The ring-quink, nice, nice. Like, no one knows how it works, but it what happens to me. Interlocking rings, you know what I'm saying? The wing queen, nice nice. Like, no one knows how it works, but it's somehow it does. Just like sec. And leave the tide to load. Ah! I'm sorry, everyone, but... That was fast. We have a...

The captain and I have a confession to make. What? We are going to kiss each other and our... Our heads just went through each other. It was a total disaster. Oh, we tried. Oh. Classic thing to happen to two ghosts.

And it didn't even... You know how when ghosts stuff... Kinda, you know, goes through, you're... You described the... The feeling of tingles and... Yeah, kind of an itch and a scratch and cold and yeah, yeah. Nothing. I got nothing.

Yeah, we just hear that. You know what, bit of Bonnie and I are friends. And we're good friends, and we hate the moon together. And honestly, that mutual hate equals a friendship. Oh, right, yeah. Right, and that's more valuable than any romantic relationship. I'd rather have friends than ever have a romantic relationship. Rules it!

Well, if you're not interested in the captain, then Captain, let me ask this. Ugh! Ugh! Could you please put the rope around me because I need to go to the bathroom? So, you can go, I was gonna say, down on both knees, that's nothing. I bet now hatch as boys we've got one overboard. I capped in my captain, my captain, she's my captain. No one's gonna fight me, okay.

I think, I think Bittrick Bonnie is her own captain. And I can't wait to throw this guy over board and watch him take a poo. Huh, I think you're trying to be progressive, but I think that's wrong. I think a captain has to have... Oh, you're right, you're right. You guys also don't have to watch. You can just do your own thing. Sure.

No, we all watch. We'll watch. Yeah, we'll watch. Turn the watch house. How much else to do around here? Galeve, Lichten, Kamau. There, now everyone can see. Oh, no.

Wait, why is there this pile of bear bones over here? Oh no. Wait a second. Captain Bonnie, did you happen to have some crew members at some point that were… Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-b I believe they boarded a few years back. Oh no, Arnie. I guess I'd heard that our former bear crew had disappeared, but I didn't know that maybe they were on a ghost ship. Oh, well, I wonder which one of them is here, even now.

Occasionally, I've had this weird bone-chilling sensation that I'm being watched by kind of a Sneaky purvy bear is that does anyone else? I thought it was just my imagination. Oh, yeah, I just heard the slide whistle It was kind of spooky. Yeah bug bugs around here somewhere Captain Bonnie if I may offer fealty is that the right term? I recently had to give a ransom to get back my giant egg child and If I may offer fealty, is that the right term? I recently had to give a ransom to get back my giant egg child, and the people who demanded the ransom were way smaller than I thought they'd be, so I only gave them like a tenth of the ransom.

So if you'd like, I have some jewels and treasure you could just have. Oh no, I don't know if we could do that. No captain, take no captain, say yes, take you, gotta see it. I, I don't know about it. I mean, we really need to earn the treasure that we find, you know, by hunting on a map and hunt for years for it. And it makes it all thus sweeter. Dave, I'm sure you can agree with me on this. I really think we should just take the,

Captain, we should just take the treasure, okay? We fit. How about we compromise? Let me grab this piece of paper to pin. So here's you, Captain, and then here's you, Storall, make him an X. Now the treasure's in his hat. It's just gonna be a straight line to him.

And let me just cinch the edges of the map so it kinda looks like it has the image to it. to it and oh captain this treasure map just blew on board oh look at what we've discovered lads we've got us a real hunt looks like treasures back on the menu. It's hot to treasure. Oh, yes. OK. Well, I've got a nose for treasure. And I'm looking at the map and the line as a perfect arrow headed towards. Well, here, let me pull my candle up next to it.

Oh, no. Oh, no. No, please. Candle on map go clang? I'll put my candle up next to it. Oh no! Oh! No! Dang! Candle on map go clay? Everything go clay. Everything go clay. Bitterbony, can I say? I notice on sort of on the side of the ship,

there's a giant painting of a thermometer. It's getting kind of close to the top, and you've been doing this a long time. I hate to accuse you of anything but are you trying to avoid collecting enough treasure? Like what happens when you get enough treasure? Enough. As if there's anything that could possibly be enough. I am a hungry for treasure lad. And I'm going to seek out treasure for as long as I possibly can.

Can I just ask about the thermometer painting? Did you see the sun with the sunglasses? Did you like that? Mm-hmm, I did. Because I was like, why would a sun need sunglasses? Right. Like the plan at the sun was over, which is to have large patches of no Sun. Right. Awesome. Thank you.

But in answer to your question, I'll never stop looking for treasure, even when the ship is weighted down so heavily with it that it sinks under the land so that where underground ghost irons. Under the land, that's a better song. Arnie, where were you on that? I don't know. Yoho kiss a ghost? It should have. Under the land, that's a better song. Arnie, where were you on that? I don't know. Yoho kiss a ghost? It should have been under the land. So when the thermometer fills up, that just means

that the ship is so heavy and loaded with treasure that it sinks under the ground. It doesn't mean that you give all the money to like a children's hospital or something. No, the ship itself flips. And all the treasure comes raining down under the ground. And then we flip upside down and we ride underground until we find all the treasure again. And when it hits the top of the thermometer, the sun takes the sunglasses off like to his nose

and he's like, shh, shh, shh, shh. Ah, sure. There's a lot more going on here than I thought at first. So it just sort of resets all the treasure. You're just locked in a never ending loop. I mean, that must be sort of maddening. It'd be like if week after week you came and you said the same names over and over again

and then you interviewed somebody and it just sort of felt like you're just always doing the same. Nobody used it or what you're not seeing as though like every once in a while. Sure, it's a long time. When they collect enough treasure, they sort of reset. They flip upside down. It's like a whole new season of what's going on on the ship. I think that probably keeps it alive for them. So do your seasons. Yeah, how are you keeping it fresh? I, well the treasure never lands in the same place twice.

Okay. So whenever it flips and it has flipped a few times, whenever it flips, then we go find the new place where it's hidden. And sometimes that's in an old place where we checked and it wasn't there before, but now it's there. And so we really get to know the lay of the land. But it's nice to check in with those little places and kind of see what's going on with them But then also still bring in some new people.

Sure, and I've been in like 20 years. We'll do a treasure hunt where we'll go past all of the different places where we found treasure and we'll just talk like that was cool, right? Didn't we have fun like that day when we were finding that treasure? And I bet it'll do pretty well. Yeah, like I recapped them. Exactly. But for now, we just do it brand new every flip Well bit of Bonnie Dave. I guess I have to ask both of you, but I mostly want to know captain

with you Help us defeat evil in all twins even though I already killed the Dark Lord wink with you join my quest to defeat evil Since we're such good friends if you've already killed the Dark Lord, then what's the point? Yeah, there's probably some other evil that's pretty bad, that's maybe just as bad, you know, I don't want to say who. Well, you know, some people think that the ship is evil because it's a ghost ship. Right, yeah.

So I might defeat it myself here. Well, you know, when I just noticed on the other side of the ship there's this other thermometer That's just tracking how much evil they've done. Oh And I just noticed they're flying a black flag that skull crossbones and two cups I put the cups on there just yeah, yeah, I figured we knew that did you guys like the cups? They would know not as much as the sun. This flag, I mean, it's flying. That skull crossbone could use some sunglasses.

Yeah, I thought that, but it didn't. Yeah, okay, I'll put them on. I'll join, I'll absolutely, I used to, I'll help you in your life. Dane, sort of package deal. Dane. Oh, sorry, I keep forgetting that I signed a million year contract with the captain, but if you

let- Wow! Why would you do that? Well, again, I didn't want to work for my dad and the interview that we had, she really stressed that, well, it's not going to be a million years, but just sign it for a million years and we'll see what happens. Right, because you'll be dead long before that. You fool. Well, she can't- she will de-age me if I'm like getting to all the...

Oh yeah okay okay I see. I do have some mercy and there are days where Dave wants to look a little bit younger or asks me for a little bit more of a hairline at the front and so I I set them up in front of the mirror and I set the clock back a little bit. Yeah, but then she takes it away the second I drop something so it's just for Dave. You are so boring. I never would have struck you for being that vain. It's kind of be maddening to know you can very easily be aged from a Dave to a David or back down to a Davy? Yeah, it's unnerving, you know, it makes me wonder how, like, what age she's going to keep me for these million years. I guess I'm still trying to find myself across all these ages.

Captain, is there one that you like of me? Now he's just like his daddy's fishing. He is fishing, but Dave, I gotta say, I like it just the way you are. Oh, just the way you are. Well Captain, this is our, this shore over here, this is the area we want to get dropped off on. the spot, the, what am I thinking of? The deposit zone, the vicinity. Where are you on that, Yusador? Guys?

I thought you were trying to say Doc. I thought you were trying to say Harbor. Is this episode a perfect circle? I thought it was some sort of we're docking thing. You're a doc. I, well, we can drop you through the boards of the ship if it would help just on them is fine Thank you for the ride you guys want to see one more magic trick before you go no guy yelling at us Dave go get me some ghost water. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, What? Well, yeah. Pushing my face through that person's face was the best sex I've ever had. Me and Dave both made really cool sons, and a Thursday from me.

It's almost like I just got to watch that sixth pirate to the Caribbean film that literally not a single person on this planet was crying out for. Still, it could happen someday. Can't wait to see what Mads Michelson does with Captain Jack Sparrow. Use it or the blue was played by Matt Young. Chant the talking Badger was played by Adolf Refy. Bit her Bonnie, ghost ship, was played by Lisa Burton. If you're in Chicago, you can see Lisa perform with Devil's daughter every Wednesday at 8pm

at the Annoyance Theatre, and in the Hellmouth variety show at the Bug House Theatre at 7pm on Thursdays through September. Dave, the boring human first mate, was played by Tim Donne. Check out Tim's podcast 15 minutes with Lincoln. New episodes out every Friday wherever you get podcasts. There are still some tickets available for the Hello for the Magic Tavern live show at the Bellhouse Theatre in Brooklyn on Friday, October 14th. Really? That must be one big theater or this must be one underperforming podcast. For more info, click on the link in the

show notes or visit helloforthemagictavern.com and click the live shows tab. Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production, made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon. Champions of humanity driven by some mixture of philanthropic love of the arts and pity. People like Bob Robinson, Bex Lawson, Andrew Peters, Davey Paul, Steve C.B. J.F. Martin, Chris The Chris, one word in case you're wondering, Benny Ray, Judy Jordan,

Bradshaw, could that be Carrie Bradshaw? And just like that, I'm not telling. Zach D. Akeo Nishimia, Melissa Pillen, Ashly T, and Jacob Ventole. Besides add free episodes and all the past spin-offs, patrons get at least two new bonus episodes each month to learn more about supporting the show and to see some high quality images

of Orlando time shares just waiting for the savvy investor to snap them up. Visit patreon.com slash magic tavern. Hello from the magic tavern is produced by Arne Neekam, Matt Young, and Adel Ruffy. Post production coordination by Garrett Schultz. This episode edited by Anna Hoverman. Hello from the magic tavern logo by Allard Leban. Magic tavern theme by Andy Poland.

each other in theme by Andy Poland.