Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 4, Ep 46 - Crone Visits (w/ Janet Varney)

Episode Date: October 3, 2022

Crone Bakeress (or is she Braidwynn?) stops in to sell some things.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampUsidore: Matt YoungChunt: Adal RifaiCrone Bakeress: Janet VarneyMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Stephen DrangerMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandClick HERE for tickets for the upcoming live show at the Bell House (Brooklyn, NY) on October 14th.You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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People of Earth, the following podcast is not real. People will sometimes approach me on the street and as I push them away by their face, they'll ask, what's the best way to enjoy the fake podcast? And what everyone forgets is you can break it up into smaller experiences. Listen to the first five minutes. Step away. Leave your apartment. Make new friends. Feel a special connection with one of them. Start a courtship.

Marry. Have children. Fix up an old farmhouse to run your candle making business from and what was it you were doing again all those years ago? You know what? It doesn't matter anymore. Try this method yourself. Now, brace yourself for some live show announcements.

Hello from the Magic Tavern is doing a live winter soul-stitch show in Chicago. On Saturday, December 17th, at Taliahol. According to my script, it's going to be a big one. I'll read that as big, big feelings of disappointment. Tickets on sale this Friday, October 7th, but Magic Tavern Patreon supporters can get their tickets early, starting Thursday, October 6th, so the Patreon was worth it. That's Live Show December 17th, Tickets available October 7th, a day early for all our Patreon friends.

Check out hello from themagictavern.com and click the Live Show's tab for more info. Speaking of live shows, there are, brace yourself, STILL tickets for the October 14th show in Brooklyn, New York, at the Bell House. Since it's almost Halloween, the show will be a live, chumped for Red October celebration. It says here the show will feature special guest Tim Sniffen, quote-unquote, playing a character and phone for the very first time. Of all the promotional blurbs I've done, this one interests me the least. Okay, you've earned it. Sit back and enjoy the show. Bang Bang! It's me, it's your boy, Chunch! Welcome to another episode of Hello for the Magic Tavan!

About 7 and a half years ago, a fish got ripped out! Hey! Hey, everybody! Sorry, we're not on time to talk, we got it! It's the time that we will do the podcast! What? Who the fuck are you? Who the podcast. What? Who the fuck are you? Who the fuck are you? I'm not fucking you. Who the fuck?

Sean! I'm trying! You're outside, you're coming, you're right behind me. How is... John, what happened to you? You look like shit. Tell me, tell me. Oh, oh gosh, I wish I didn't walk into the...

For the first time in my life, I walked into a place first and fast. I never went to Elsa else's not here yet. Well, 500 bones. I need 500 bones. Please, someone give me 500 bones. I know you can get five hundred bones. What in the hell is that?

Are you sure you're not our chant? Ah, time to go in the pipes. What? You should or. Hell was that... Hey guys, what I miss? Oh, I was trying to get some bones for the dogs, and then we saw sort of a... No fucked up chant! A fucked up chant, exactly, yes. Oh, like you saw my reflection?

No, no. Well, sort of. Well, that would be a good burn. Huh. Imagine if your reflection or your shadow stood up and walked away and also sounded wrong. Well, I mean, remember that time I ate my own clone? Uh-huh.

Sorry, do you have to say like shadows and reflections and shit? Like, I've eaten myself. Like I haven't done that. Remember the time I chopped myself up and did a little bit to me and then I ate the rest of my little knees. Greg. We've all eaten ourselves. Already?

Hmm. The semen count? What? On accident, we've talked about this. Don't make it in the way you're... No, this is definitely come up on the show. This is a come up before. Well, I gotta head out.

Good luck with your weird fucked up chunt. No, no, chunt! We luck with your weird fucked up chunt. No, no, chunt, we want our regular fucked up chunt. Come on, buddy, we gotta do the part. You mean I do, yeah. We'll figure out what's up with that other chunt who is definitely not you. You said, or we, what?

You said, what? What have you ever noticed that you never see chunt and fucked up chunt in the same room at the same time? Hey, I heard that, You just saw this guy. No, I know, it's true. It's like a conspiracy. Arnie, can I ask you something? Clearly, let me roll him in.

Clearly, I have Aggie Baby with me now. And, you know, we're living in the dangerous day and age. And I have given it a lot of thought. You're my best friend. And this is possible. Pause, pause, pause. thought. You're my best friend. And this is a pause pause, okay. All right, moving on. You're my best friend, I guess I will not hear that. Thank you.

Okay. And I thought about if you are up for it, giving you power of a turning. Power of a turn? No, power of a turning. So I'm a shapeshifter, right? I turn into other things. So if I give you power of a turning, which is a turn? No, power of a turning. So I'm a shapeshifter, right? I turn into other things. Hmm.

So if I give you power of a turning, which is a kind of spell, that means when I die, goddesses forbid, you would get my sheepshifting abilities, and you would also be trying to accept my, oh, well, let me finish. You'd also be in charge of my estate,

my will and a eggy baby. Oh my goodness, that's a big responsibility. I only have one question. Okay. How much does it pay? I have two questions. Okay. Does it still, no reason.

Does the magic spell still work if you're murdered? Does it? Actually, yes. As long as it's not by the person who received power of attorney. Or if it's somebody doing their bidding. Okay, magic's weird. And hey, magic's weird, that's the motto

for Magic Appreciation Month. That's right. It's magic appreciation. That's all. I appreciate how weird magic is. It's so weird. Is it weird weekend magic appreciation month? I never got to answer Anni's question.

Oh, I didn't notice. Then that was pertaining to... He asked me if I noticed if they were in the same space at the same time. And I never got to answer that question, so I just wanted to get... You were thinking about that the whole time we were talking? You were talking?

So yes, this is Weird Week. Last week I believe was Bonkers Week. Next week is gonna be insanity week, and then I think we end with chaos week. Oh, and I forgot during Magic Appreciation Month, there's actually six weeks. Oh, wow. And then next month is mental health appreciation month. Oh, absolutely. You needed after all that magic. Rhyr. You got to get your head up back on straight after all that crazy magic fucked up to mind. Yeah. Oh, also I almost forgot. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast on the magical land of funt. Sorry, I just got into my chair here. If you remember those in the podcast, why did you have to clear your throat to get into

your chair? Good question. What is that about? I don't know. Hey, I let you have your mysteries. Let me have mine. No, he got you. He got you good.

You don't let me have my mysteries. I know. I like solving mysteries. Yet, you always talk about how much you loved Robert's stack on unsolved mysteries. What an interesting dichotomy. So, like, John, do you think? Fucked up, John, is like a character you wrote

in like a famous novel, and the power of your imagination was so great that it crossed over into our reality and is coming to like do evil things. No! And speaking of you solving mysteries, a lot of times I wake up and you're in brown pants in a green shirt and you have a collar on me

and you make these insanely tall sandwiches that can't possibly fit in your mouth. And yet you have used it or magic them down and then you scarf them whole. What is going on with you? I hated when he dresses up like that because I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for the two of you.

Look, in the morning I've got Dagwood, what can I say? Okay. Yeah. Some people on the tower are largely sadly reacted negatively to what I just said. Oh, sorry, let me get into my seat. Let's try to raise the caliber of the conversation here. Where are the 500 bones?

I need 500 bones. You serve. I may. I'm not sure if you know of the great. You may. Thank you so much. I don't know. I'm not sure if you're familiar with the great wizard.

I'm sure you are. Jassus. Jassus, of course, only had 250 bones. But what Jassus did was he cut those bones in half and then suddenly miraculously there was 500 bones. Were they the same size bones? I mean, not across the board. Approximately.

Do you know how hard it is to cut a bone equally? Do you know how oddly bones are shaped? Yeah. It's very difficult to cut a bone perfectly evenly Already picture a bone in your head. That's not all the bones That little Double that that little butt knob on both ends and a long thin strip in the middle. That's not most bones Most bones I imagine a butt bone. Come on, dude

Most bones are oddly shaped. So no, it's not a pure split So you should or all you need really is 250 bones. You're welcome. Thank you very much Come on, dude. Most bones are oddly shaped, so no, it's not a pure split. So you said, or all you need really is 250 bones. You're welcome. Thank you very much. 250 bones, who has 250 bones for me? I'm going to go to talk to the bartender and see if they have any bones for those earth dogs that we've been saddled with.

You said, or why you're there, because they didn't really get a chance to pre-plan. Could you grab us a guest from the bar or something? Go on, I'll come back with a guest. He's gonna come back with him in a different hat. Mm-hmm. How many episodes of that do we have? With Usur just coming back with him in a hat. I mean, that I've released very few.

But we've recorded so many, we gotta start releasing those as bonus content though. The Usur or hat chronicles, somebody out there would want that. Someone? Oh wait, he's got a real guest. Well, this is who I found at the bar. She seems to be, hello my friend,

look at you boys, it's so wonderful to see you again. Well, it's our old friend, Crone Bakeris. No, Crone Bakeris. What are the chances? I was just getting a drink at the bar and happy to look over and see this ghost-y kind of character trying on a series of hats that he pulled out from his cloak. And I just felt like, what are you, Dyson?

What are you doing? He said, I'm the guest. And I said, the guests are the ghosts. And he said, the guests go. And I said, I'm Crone Baker And I said the guests are the ghosts. And he said, the guests go. And I said, I'm Crumbacres. And he said, I remember you. And I said, I'll be your guest. And he said, oh, we don't need a guest.

I'm going to be the guest. And I said, no, I'd really like to be the guest. And he said, I have a hat that I've been wanting to show these guys. And finally, I just invited myself over. So if he's taking credit, it's a lie. Which reminds me, everyone say hello to Fedora- Fedora Source. Fedora Source?

Yes. I told you. You're just like a dinosaur with a Fedora? Well, we needed a guest. Is this because you're related to Crapdoor? I am not related to Crapdoor. Everyone knows dinosaurs is birds, but I'm not related to that dinosaur. Anyway, Crone, Bakers, it's been a few years.

How are you two awake? It's lovely to see you. I'm doing so well. I've been thriving in the current climate. I love the strange familiar. I have a lot of drinking buddies here and I've really diversified my business even more. So I have a good more so I hate to pry who are some of your drinking buddies around here maybe we know some of them you love to

pry and you have an interview show well you're familiar with that we're over there which which exactly and which which is there and then sitting next to her of course you're familiar with her oh yes oh I uh, Chameleza very well. Chameleza, what a fun person to play cards with. And then I've been flirting with the bartender a little bit. Mmm, my god, looking for anything serious. I'm just looking heavily fun. Hell yeah.

We can put in a good word for you. I'm very familiar with the bartender. What you'll be doing it as yourself or as that 70s hat reptile. Well, I thought perhaps if the fedora didn't work, I could put on this tambour-cham. And be a leopard? I must have for a reason.

Sure. Tambour-cham, even looking directly at it right now, I somehow can't see exactly what that hat is. Well, that's a problem for you not for me. I'm going to go put in a good word for Chrome Bakeris with the Baba Tanks. Thank you, Mr. Gerr. How did it light? Orni, I could tell when you were thinking of what a Tamborsham is, you were just picturing a Butbum. Hmm. Now, that's usually what I imagine for most things.

Chrome, you look great for a withered old crown. What's your secret? Well, I started getting into some of the healing arts here in food. And I found a lot of things that I didn't expect. We're going to be so good for the skin, so good for the soul, the various rocks and stones, of course, that you put in your various orifices. It's been so wonderful.

I actually have been getting so much out of it that I decided I wanted to share it with the rest of food and I created a little unclave, a little kiosk, if you will. Just about, what was I 20 paces from here called, Foup. And you can come in and just get all kinds of weird, witchy stuff. I would say mostly for the ladies,

but it's fun to go in there and poke at things. Oh, Foupe, okay. It seems like you have a little menu here. Do you mind if I pruse the items or something? Well, I wish you would. Okay, potion that smells like a vagina. Mm-hmm. Teachers that smell like a vagina.

Uh-huh. Hair cream that smells like a vagina. Yes-huh. Hair cream that smells like a vagina? Yes, we're very for China positive here. It smells like a candle if it were a vagina. Mm-hmm. I mean, this is great. It's maybe not what I'm looking for, but it's great. I think you've loved my baked goods,

if members serve, and I pay, I have a whole series of things I sell at FOOOP. They're fallout and free. You know, they're not those high- walkin' high, talkin' scons and crons and the like. These are falloutin' free. So you could eat them and not feel like you could get any kind of a big ego whatsoever.

I could plump up your ego. I highly recommend them. So you're all crookies and cronuts, they were a little too sophisticated and you're trying to like... I said I diversified, didn't I, honey? No, I still sell croquies. I actually also sell something that I've got into the pet line. Everything I'm doing is a little more high and for sure. Of course, I still have my basics for the peons, but I'm offering duckeys.

I don't know if you're interested for any dogs around, but they're dog cookies, duckeys. At least one of those dogs loves to eat duckey. Oh my! I just would pass you and saw a sort of herd of dogs. How many are there? 500. I thought I saw 500 dogs out there. Yeah. Well you should invite it, the one that likes duckeys in and I would definitely leave the rest outside. Oh that's so sweet yeah that dog would do at all for the duckey. Like that dog is, it's a dog with a backwards hat, sort of like a outdated style to him. It's like a thin strap of a beard. Mm-hmm thin strap of a beard, yes, beard strap. Yeah, gotta keep on that bear skin with a beard strap. Now, if they're hungry, I can also, I don't know if this is gonna be helpful at all, on the other side of the strange familiar, just on the outside,

I sort of stumble into like, just, I shuffled almost like they were autumn leaves, shuffled through a bunch of, uh, well, they were faces. That's like the prestige. I don't know where they're coming from, but if you think your dogs might be interested in faces that look a little bit like you, Chen. Guys, I should explain. I'm sorry. I don't know if you need to. Okay.

You know what, let's do it. Let me put on some of this lotion that smells like vagina. Guys, I've been going through something and I feel like I sometimes I'm not happy with what I see in the mirror, so I try and adjust things and shape shift here and there. And sometimes it's just easier to rip my own face off.

And I've been discarding them under leaves, but I guess I've done it too many times to where it's just its own little pile of faces. You were ripping your face off a lot right before we left the tavern. Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I think that Laz and B is interested. Oh, Laz and B is interested?

Tell me everything. What do they say? What do they say? What do they say? What do they say? What do they say? Well, they were very enamored with your sort of hunched over past your big fan of time. And mentioned that he loves baked goods, which I said, you were a fabulous baker. I happened to know this already, and it's even in your name. And then the stranger thing he said, and this might put you off, but he said that he said he has a vagina that smells like a candle. Classic lasnbee.

I can't believe it. I've got to ask more about that. That covers the real surprise in a good way. Oh, well, well, good. Why don't you go ask lasnbee and we'll take a quick break and we'll be right back with rip more magic tavern. Ugh, what a rip off.

I do it again, sorry. And welcome back to Magic Tavern, we're here with Fedora Soros. Fedora Soros, what's your deal? What's your catchphrase and what's, and then get out of here? Uh, I'm bringing sexy back millions of years. Alright, thanks. Alright, bye. Get out of here.

Well, I thought that was good. So, no, yeah, that's just a little to the segment. That's pretty good. So, Crone, how did it go? Hold on, I'm coming. Good pretty good so chrome. How did it go? Oh, she's mid-cocious Y'all I think I'm really in there Yeah, I think so it seems like you've got a real shot into me

Yeah, now I've got to get into tricking him into falling in love with me Okay, oh yeah, oh yes with food your new line of everything it looks like from the menu What are you for for magical appreciation month? What are your specialties? Well, you know, I hate to pat myself on the back too, but what's very easy for me to do because I'm basically in this shape, but I felt like I, you know, I found that I came into this range familiar and I started making all my dear, which you friends, that this was very much the right area to bring to the tables some of these wonderful ocean's potions. So I I I set up shop and obviously I have

spells perfect for magic month, letting discounts, crystals. I know it's a lot of your crystals spells the special teas. It's a lot of pumpkin mice. It seems like almost a whole menu is full of pumpkin mice. A pumpkin mice. Well, it's the whole menu is full of pumpkin mice. Well, it's the season. I told you, when you're shuffling through leaves, you could be sure pumpkin mice is going to be on every good menu,

every reputable menu in the area. So, yes, plenty of pumpkin mice. I also have spell books, I have spell books for making people fall in love with you. They work best when someone is going to fall in love with you already. So that's why I was going to say, las and be, or las and be, as some people say. It was going to work on him because either way he's going to fall in love with me. But if he starts like a shape shifting a little bit, that probably needs it's this pill.

Ah, see any sense. Sorry, I hope you don't mind. I open one of your books you left on the table. That's one of the books that helps people fall in love with you. It's this artisus spell book, and it's called Let Me Spell It Out for You. And when the person who you give it to opens it, it magically appears to write the story

of the exact situation you're in where you're trying to woo them. Yes, yes, exactly right. So let me hand you this book here, Arnie, want you to read from the first page. Okay, let's see here, it says, Arnie, clear to throat while he adjusted himself. I'm so sorry, I just need to stop you for a second.

I know that's so rude. Could you say Arnie presented by Foup? Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm just trying to get the brand in there. Sure, sure, sure. Should I write that in myself, I'm so happy. I'm just trying to get the brand in there. Sure, sure, sure. Should I write that in myself? I'll fight with this Quill. If you feel you need to.

Okay. Can you not just say it, Arnie? It's the first line. I mean, I might forget. Okay. Just think about it like ad copy. Well, you gotta make it your own. You don't know how much we have to edit those.

Go ahead and write it in. Arnie presented by Foupe, adjusted his throat while he sat in his seat. I read that different. I just did his throat. Look, I look. It's not me. This is what happened.

This book is trying to make me look dumb. Arnie's right. The minute he wrote in, presented by Foupe, the words started to change. I think you've sort of tainted the spell. Read the rest of it with the tainted words. It says Arnie sat down and dud did the math. That sounds right.

And then just read it there. Fell out of his chair. Yeah, that's not so weird. And Foup does pants. Well, the rest of the story checks out. I'm so sorry. It should say Foup does pants. I'm so sorry.

We're still working out some of the wrinkles and kinks But what I can tell you just based on what the spell had to say is in my medical opinion You need to replace your Arnie's apple. I mean there you were adjusting your throat You probably need a new Arnie's apple. Oh, maybe does it feel ill fitting wiggle a little Feel ill-fitting? Wiggle it a little. Ooh. Ooh. I don't know. Well, it felt weird.

I never really touched it that much before. That thing's a dud. Chrome, do you have any Arnie's apples that you could sell to Arnie? I absolutely do. I have Arnie's apples. Any's apples. Oh, incidents. Any's apples.

Apple's apples. Apple's apples. I have a lot of different apples that start next. We're listening. We're apples. I have a lot of different apples. Let's start listening. Listening. Listening. I have. I have. Are these apples were you in that season? Yes, yes, yes, one of my favorite seasons. Like you could put a lot of fur on. Oh yeah. So if you want to come over to the kiosk afterwards, you can pick out your old. You look like you might be about a four. Oh, it sounds like you're a four, honey.

Yes, indeed. Well, you're at nibble bottom four. I'd say you're a hogs face, ten. Oh, thank you. But nibble bottom, which is in so many glamours, everyone's looking a little better, you know. Right. Yeah, and hogs faces completely destroyed, so I probably look great there. I mean, that's why I keep ripping my face off

is because here in nibble bottom, everyone's so freaking hot. I just feel less than, you know? Now, Crone, do you sell one of those crystals that's on the end of a necklace that then when you give it to someone as a gift and they fall asleep, it turns into a crystal coffin and then Hawks calm and take the coffin away

up to your castle where you can keep them asleep for 20 years until they agree to marry you. Yes, it's called a Croffin, which works for me because it starts to see our own. That's great. Make res. I have to tell you, they're a little expensive.

They're on the expensive side. Oh, sure, you can afford one. Ah, what? Now, would you be willing to trade for say 499 dogs what what my foot. I said 499 dogs. So did I? No, you said my foot you want my foot. I said your 499 dogs. Oh, yeah, that's what I heard Man speaking over a woman and then pretending like she said it's foot her foot. You said don't.

There's a door. Wow. You said don't. I can't. We apologies. Can we talk to you store in private for just a moment unless you want to be included? No, no, no, no, it's fine. It's fine.

Okay. You always have a seat at the table. You sir come on the table under the table. Yes, I would. No, sorry. It was. Don't even get it. Should I go under the table? That. Sorry. It was a once more. Don't even get it. Should I go under the table?

That feels weird, also. No, no, no. Here, let me just slap you, Sador. I'm sorry, buddy. He's good. 499 dogs. The thing is, I don't know what I do with 499 dogs. Cotes for coats.

I think you only need 101 for those. So what would I do with all the rest? Cote for for coats. I think you only need a hundred and one for those so What would I do with all the rest? See I have 95 dogs last coat after you made four coats. Can I ask I've always wanted to ask It seems like you're witch adjacent crone 101 dogs for one coat. Where's all that material go like the innards? Well, I'll be to break it down. They, I guess, yes.

I mean, I've never tried, but I could say, you know, for my own fur, it would probably take me, I don't know, five pelt's for myself to make one coat. Oh, you've got a, you've already got a pile full of faces. You can make a coat out of that. I was gonna say, we need a minute. I think I wouldn't mind offering organic face coats on food. That's not a bad idea.

Yeah, like a face mask. They put it on and probably whatever shape shifting abilities that still linger on my face skin would transfer to them and sort of tighten where it needs to be tightened and loosen where it needs to be loosened. That is something I think I could almost guarantee. Cannot guarantee, no medical professionals waited on this. Huh, and I was just thinking you'd make a bunch of sort of weird merkins out of them. Hmm. Always with the merkins this one. I'll tell you what, once you get your new R&D sample,

that kind of thing's not gonna be uttered by the likes of you, silly boy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Probably going to work. Almost guaranteed. I'm sold. by the likes of you, silly boy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha clone, which seemed counterintuitive somehow. But what's the deal? What, and by the way, is anyone using this egg? I'd love to use it. I'm actually out of eggs and I need to mix up some more. Oh, no, that's my child. And I don't mean that's like my favorite egg.

I mean, that's literally my baby. Well, it's an egg. It can't be your baby. You'd think, but when a shape shifter and a wizard fall in love and the wizard explodes on the wedding night of the two of them, then egg is what they produce. Mm-hmm. Have you done an overturnity test? You know what I... Oh, I haven't. I mean, we always just assume since I came out of the explosion between the love between you and Tussador, that it must be your child, but we don't know that for sure.

I guess when a wizard with a crotch full of bees next to a badger explodes and an egg is left behind, you just naturally assume. That's just like the natural thing that would happen. Right, but I'm not a badger at my shape shift. That changes everything. Yeah, now it doesn't make any sense. What? Well, if you're interested in doing an of turnity test, it's actually very simple. No harm comes to anyone.

Crack the egg open, take the yolk, mix it into one of my batches. I do a nice batter, cook it into a cookie, eat a cookie, if the cookie doesn't make you sick, it's yours. Hmm, don't see any, unless I'm missing something, I don't see any consequences to this. Right. I'm having a hard time unpacking which version of that is less traumatizing. Not shunt. This is your child. Squogaw, eggy baby, whatever you call them.

Whoa! Woo! Yeah! Oh, sorry, I was just thrilled it's my child. Isn't my child? Eh, well, whether or not you're the biological father or mother... Oh! Ooh! I don't think it really matters because you have made a commitment over the years to this egg

and now I think there's an emotional bond there, whether or not it be a part of your biology or not? Yeah, even if this isn't my biological egg, I've raised it except for the several years where it was missing or on its own. So either way, it's father so I don't need his test. Oh. Yeah, but at least, yeah, for at least two weeks now. Yeah.

Well, it's up to you. I mean, if you feel like you want to continue on this path I've got your back. You know what I mean? I've got your back. I love your back actually. Would you mind trading backs with me? Yeah, let me Oh Oh just go ahead and slide that onto my what used to be spine and let me see if I get a Good crank this wrist? This I actually should... Okay. Oh! Tell me when. Oh! Tell me when. When, when, when! That reverse a little, reverse a little,

I'm looking at the ceiling. Oh! Oh! This is wonderful! I haven't stood straight in tall and so long. You all are extremely short. So all we had to do is turn your wrist and and it's straightened out your spine Well because I took chun spine. I have to imagine you were able to quickly duplicate one Because you're still standing you're not a puddle of muscles puddle of muscles name for a band right this time Yes, they open for crotch full of bees band right this time. Yes, they opened for crotch full of bees. Um, Cron, I don't want to be rude. Could we use you to jack up the wagon outside and change the wheels? Excuse me. I'm interested in a lasnbee. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Wait, what did you mean? I meant put you underneath the wagon. Use your wrist to crank and jack up the wagons so we can change

it. Oh, yeah. Wagon handies. Well, I think it's very important that we respect the sovereignty of this child, but I understand that you're an egg crisis grown, Bakerist said, if you need eggs, I will speak to some of my bird friends and see if I can get eggs for you. I would absolutely love that. How many different kinds of birds eggs can you give me?

It will affect my recipes. Oh, well, I'm friends with all sorts of birds because I was born of a conspiracy of birds and rain and wind and fire and squirrels and muskrats that insisted that there be a champion in food come and defend us all from the forces of darkness. And then I did that and I died. Wait, what the fuck is this?

Karin, I notice on your menu here, it says eggs and legs, TBA. Mm-hmm. Eggs and legs, TBA. Yes. And parentheses, it says, sourced from a wizard? Yes, eggs and legs, yes. I'm interested in, it's funny.

I totally forgotten that that was on there. Yes, I'm actually looking for some eggs and as the entry would suggest, some legs. So if you feel like you could throw some legs into the ask when you reach out to those birds, I would soups appreciate it. So you did ask for Yusudor's leg earlier. Hmm? Oh, she just ate something tasty, give her a moment.

Hmm! Enjoy! Yeah, don't rush. The next door is Lake earlier. Hmm? Oh, she just ate something tasty, give her a moment. Hmm! Enjoy! Yeah, doh round. Oh, these are so good. You know, it's so rare now that I actually bother eating bar nuts, but these are actually quite wonderful. Great work, lasso d'unbi!

Hi! Thank you for your service! Okay, over there. I asked for his foot, moron. Oh, honestly, I would love to give you my foot or my leg, but it turns out that I have died recently for fulfilling my true purpose, and now I'm a ghost, boo. Oh! Oh!

So, but if I can source other legs for you, I'm happy to do so. Do they have to be human legs or... I have to ask for they not be unless they're a lamp form okay uh... where we could do uh... we could do bird legs uh... popular I mean... fuck it here you go ah... oh! thank you

oh that's nice okay these will do these will do any chance you've rethought the whole egg thing? no that's too soon that's too soon you just said you didn't want to give me a egg. Yeah, I need to sleep on it. I need to sleep on it. Yeah, well, you'll let me know.

It's just such a big egg and bird's egg is so small. Yeah, you grew those legs back very fast. Thank you. And the two that I gave Corona are still running. I just, I didn't realize it when you took off your face and you're taking off your legs now. You very quickly immediately almost grow back your lost appendage.

Yeah, I think I'm really getting the hang of it. My fear is that I keep ripping off body parts until I grow smaller and smaller, but nobody notices because you're around me all the time. And then one day I wake up and I'm just a mouth. Oh, scary. Still, we'd work on the podcast. Crown, have you thought about?

Huh? Are you whispering to me? Or are you thinking to yourself? I was, I was whispering to you. Do you think you'd want to put any badger things on your a food menu? I have had a couple of requests for candles

that smell like badgina. So bad jyna would be you know like a sort of a rendition of a badger with who has n jyna right chan let's have our own secret conversation there's also probably be i just i want what are you guys talking about yeah we already finished our conversation nothing nothing It would have been a time for you to have it, but it's I think it's past That's passed yes, I was spying on your conversation that's what yeah Chant apropos nothing. Can you give yourself diseases? Let me think about this

Apropos of nothing now apropos sounds like a question, huh? This apropos of nothing now apropos sounds like a question, huh? Sorry, what was the question? I just wanted to know could you give yourself a badger vagina or could you be a badger who has an vagina? Uh, I could you know what? I've never tried to ship shift my organs to make them fail. Could you be a badger named polina? Um, I could probably shape shift my name just by writing it differently. Okay. I sure appreciate Magic this week and month. Thank you.

I don't know if you want it, but I do have a busy. Oh, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. Even Foup has it's standard. I see you have this potion here called, he's just not into you for penetration problems. Yes, yes, well, yes, exactly right. It's less of a lubricant and more of a suction situation

that sort of pulls the person in question deeper into whatever, for example, if they're tongue is near your nose and you're wondering why the tongue's not in the nose yet. Simply, it's actually, it's very uncomfortable for the receiver. That's kind of the sad part. You make a little bit of sacrifice because you have to put the tube up into whatever orifice you're looking to have filled and then you actually have to engage a series of pneumatic years but it will work it will pull something unfortunately at this point is whatever's closest so unless the person you want to be penetrating you is right there and I mean right there like practically penetrating you all Practically penetrating me in every way like Mary Poppins. Like where you what? What?

Any way we told you about that. We talked about the name Poppins? What? Yes. Any if we told you about Mary Poppins? No, I haven't heard about Foon's Mary Poppins. Mary Poppins was a very powerful warrior from many centuries ago and Mary Poppins would go where she did wish to go and she took many young man's virginity

Yes Took a lot of young man under her own brella and That's right. They just fell in love with her. Just fell in love with her ways the way she'd ride down a staircase. Just a beautiful, cool lady. Yeah. And she always had this thing that was much larger on the inside than it looked on the outside. Like it says she called it her Percy. Anyway, so I feel like we're getting to somewhere guys. I feel like there's a lot of much trading happening. Oh, it's really very poppins Percy. Huh? What is that? Exactly right. Let me see if I get the straight. I'm going to get some bird eggs, not a foot, but possibly some legs from somewhere,

from you, ghost use a door. I'm going to sell you Arnie, a new Arnie's apple. Chant, you've already given me a spine. So you'd think I'd leave it at that, but I obviously have a couple of legs of yours running around and have to butcher those at some point. Am I missing anything? Well, I guess- I just want to write a Theon voice, I want to make sure I'm accurate.

I guess, if I'm being honest, you're missing a small thing, which is I ripped off my spine and gave it to you. I ripped off two of my legs and gave it to you. Therefore, performing what I would call magic. And I do appreciate magic this week and this month. Thank you. And when we appreciate something, we say, I appreciate it. No, there's a specific two words that we say.

Value accepted. I do like that. Let's take a break. I can get all sorts of legs. And if the young man was too afraid, she would give him a spoonful of sugar to help it go down. Help what go down? You know him, right? You know, I always get Mary Popbins mixed up with

isn't there someone in Finn named Mary Pippins? Probably, Arnie, there's probably lots of people named lots of things in Finn. Okay, you always do this. Anytime we say a name, you're like, but isn't there also this? Yeah, there is. Hey, on earth, is isn't there also this? Yeah, there is hey on earth

Is there like a Clark Schmidt? Is there also like a William Holden and a Patricia Arquette? Are those what is William Holden in that picture? I've seen of him It looks like it looks like it's holding the leg, but I can't tell for sure I can't tell either Arnie are those old names on earth and I just pulled those out of my fucking ass out of my pussy Yes, they probably are. Okay, so they're a John Romita's senior. Mm. Why did you say that?

Like, you were so sure there was a junior. I just thought I'd start with the seniors then I'd ask about the junior. Uh-huh. Let me think of the weirdest name. Okay, is there a dick Moranus? Unfortunately, yes, I've heard there is. What? In Funa or an Earth? On Earth. Have you been to Earth crew? Oh, of course I've been

to Earth. Did I ever tell you I'd been to Earth? What? Yes! How did you get to Earth? I'm sorry, I can't reveal that. Yeah, that's fair. But ask me anything else. Oh, but I love mysteries. What? Oh, what did you do while you were there? I'm not able to disclose that. Oh, you should have been in your other questions. I didn't say to answer them. Well, we actually were on earth.

Wait a second, and you know what? I can't believe I didn't notice this earlier. Chrome, you're wearing an apple watch. Yes, well, if I get hungry and I need to snack on the go. Oh, my other apple watch. Yes, well if I get hungry and I need to snack on the go, oh my other apple. Yes. Wait, the weird thing is you're wearing two watches, right? That's weird, isn't it? Well, I have an affinity for the Earth 80s when everything was two watches this double socks that. Four belts. We're in the 80s for a while. For some reason, the girls started wearing men's boxer shorts from the gap, that giant hole in the ground, and they wore them in shorts with tights underneath.

Oh, good times. That's the kind of logic food uses. Arnie, don't you always sing a song from the gap in your sleep? D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D- Cackies. Yeah, and then I dance and I freeze in mid air. Oh like this. You're not doing it. I think in your dreams. Let him believe. Let him believe. Anyway, any other questions you want to ask me about my trip on Earth? Partners for one second. Arnie, we should buy everything on the fruit menu. See, something in your conversation while they're having a secret conversation. Oh, I see. I'm sorry, Arnie, now I can't hear my sense.

It's really hard because I'm just trying to wait until you're there. But I know that I can't hear anything else. I'm sorry. Let's do nothing. Hmm. Sorry, what? Um, Arnie, you should buy everything on the fruit menu. Surely something won't lock something in terms of knowledge or passageway back to Earth,

because she's been there. I don't need more things that smell like vaginas. What? I don't know. That doesn't make sense. I'm so sorry. I did hear everything you just said, and I have to say, wish for something a little more specific. Chad, you're like, I'm sure her thing has something that'll do

something that'll mean something blah blah blah earth. Come on, it's magic month. Reach for the stars or the planet. Wait, she has Kruth crystals. With her fucked up naming device, that must be Earth crystals. No, no, actually, it must be earth crystals. Earth crystals. Yes, they are earth crystals. Yeah, up until this point, the naming system has been airtight. So it must mean something exactly. I was being too rigid with my naming.

That's why I opened up a little bit. I stretched a little bit. Much like I'm able to stretch now that I have chunks of spine. This is wonderful. Wait a minute, this is going to be a situation where like a couple of months from now my spine starts making me commit crimes. Yeah evil spine. I don't, that less you kill people. Spine crimes. I mean it's more likely it's going to make you commit puns than crimes. Oh, yeah. Oh, I don't know if I can afford any more of those. You know, crown with all these new, like your new spine and everything.

I mean, people are just going to think you're much younger than you are. People are going to be like, crown, you can't be an old crown. You look like a young woman. So, so vivacious and healthy. Yes, yes, it's already started happening. That was before I got my new spine. People say that all the time they wonder why my hair is so glossy. I try to tell them I was raised in privilege.

They don't seem to believe me. They think I'm just down to earth. And like I'm just into the same groovy, kind of hippie-dippy stuff they are. But you know, people are going to think what they think. Well, you should continue being yourself. Don't let anyone tell you who you should be. Thank you, because if there's one thing I know, it's I'm one person and one person only.

Only one person in this body and mind, and that's grown, because yesterday. That's right. Oh, that's right, and I would never say anything that would break that reality. Thank you. Sorry, something fell out of the back of your head. Let me tuck this braid back in my head. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no be what is. Busy? No, a busy did not fall out from the back of my head. Yes, it is a braid. I'm sorry, a chrome could have a braid, okay?

It's not just for Elves anymore. Hashtag not just for Elves anymore. Can I interest in you in one of these hashtags? What I do is I take skin tags and make them into hash browns. Okay. Oh, yum. It's unsolicious. They're toasted. tags. What I do is I take skin tags and make them into hash browns. Okay. Oh, yum. It's unsolicious. They're toasted. Oh, hash browns.

Can I chew it in crunchy, which I didn't think was a texture? You did not waste any time in popping that in your mouth. Nope. Mary Poppins over here. I'm working. Well, I suppose I should talk to my... Oh, yes, sorry. Oh, is the two should talk to my chun, chun. Oh, yes, sorry.

Oh, is the two of them who have secret conversations? No one, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. She break it up a little bit, somebody could ask you for a secret conversation. That's not me. Yeah, Aani, have a secret conversation with Bradwyn while I have a secret conversation with. With who?

With who? I mean with Chromebreakers. You know, I'm a little bit worried about Chrome-Bacross, because, you know, I know that she's really Bradwyn and disguise as an old woman, and I can't tell if she's lost track of reality entirely or what? Chant, you want to get drinks after this? Absolutely.

Without-on-a-wee. We've earned it. Also, I was being nice. These hashtags are terrible. I think they're sucking my throat. Pretty nasty. Y'all know. I'm sorry, Bradwyn. I'm just listening to that conversation. Wait, who did you, what? What, what, what, what, what,. Pretty nasty. Yeah, I'm sorry, Brad. I'm just listening to that conversation.

Wait, who did you, what? What, why is it, what are you doing? Why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are you, why are, why are you, you be you three letters said concurrently. Nice job. You know what the one person I'm not gonna say that to is you, Chant. You try me and someone else for once. What? Yeah, when was your last birthday? Why don't you be 40? I probably am. Let me just you two rip off these faces. Rip off all these faces. Rod Stewart, is that a name as I rip these faces? No, don't don't don't turn yourself into other things, John nothing compares to you You mean it it's not just a cover? No, I know the car near the cover. I just really wanted to say it rip I rip my face in front of you live in front of you

That's all I feel about this space is you Wait hold on we're not all in agreement Who are we talking about? Why are you surprised? Why are you surprised so when boogey when you ripped that photo? Well, now I'm going to shave my photo. I'm so wrong. I want to shave all my fur off, because fuck y'all.

Oh, shout. This has grown so specific. Oh, you're spying? Yes. Yes. It has grown specific to your spine. It's grown specific. And that's terrific.

And I just want to thank you so much again for sharing it with me. It's wonderful. Me and me alone, Chrome-Badris. Chrome-Badris. Oh, Chrome-Badris. Brinked. Brinked closeness. Let me realign this spine here.

I'll get those eggs. I'll get those eggs. I'll be right back. I'm going to realign your spine. I forgot to tell you sometimes, and this happens to me, because you have the spine of a shapeshifter now, you will get what's called spine drift. Now it comes in many flavors. There's a raspberry, there's the iced tea version,

there's a lemonade iced tea version, there's I think lemon. Oh, I thought the iced tea version was more a hip thing, like your hip hops. Oh, maybe it is. What a spine drift. What are the flavors? Anyway, your spine's gonna continuously drift, and you do need to to realign it or else it'll throw off your whole thing.

Oh, I don't believe in chiropractic. That is a total quack stuff. Not like by food. Let me get all the crystals you're offering. Oh, don't take that dark crystal by the way that blocks to someone else. Oh, wait, it's back? What did this come back? Oh, I don't know. Wait, just a couple of years ago? Oh, wow. Oh, can I ask? Just because I'm interested in starting my own businesses as well every once in a while.

What's your crystal method? My crystal method? No, method. Oh, I guess I'm not really much of a method man. So I tend to just go with my gut. Boy, my face red, man. Hey, go face. Killer.

Joking, joking, joking. OK, this is all the eggs that I could get in such a good period. Why don't you put them on? One basket. Oh, use the door. Well, I just, I only had the one basket. I have three ostriches. Oh, see?

How many robinets? Four of them? Well, they were ostriches. So, see, how many? 20 Robin eggs. What's the fourth one? Well, they were ostriches. So I think it's OK. Yeah. 20 Robin's eggs, 75 chickens eggs, and six spheroes. It's a real haul. Do you really do have friends in high places?

Except for the ostriches. Right. That was a wonderful play on words. And yeah, I'm so sorry that this is all the eggs I could get if I had more time I'd be able to get you thousands. I'm sure well I'm very happy to start with this batch. I have so much baking to do. I get so many flung free orders here I can barely fulfill them of course They don't realize that I actually use eggs. They think that they're you know that it's also egg-free

But what they don't know. Well, Kellen, we have to keep up baking you guys, so she doesn't remember that she's braid me. But it would be a problem. Does she remember she was braid when I mean, she makes it seem like it would be a problem. I guess that's true. Oh, you guys talking about. True. Who are you guys talking about? I am Ann. Ann. You are Ann. You are Ann. Oh, sorry. Let me finish my sentence.

My aunt and my uncle. Oh, your aunt and your uncle. Wonderful. I thought I heard you say something about Get upset, keep her baking, etc. I think, I don't know if you know this, but I baked. So I think you could see how I would draw the conclusion that you might be talking about me. Just a coincidence today. Now listen, what I'm hearing from you is that whatever friend this is,

or your aunt and uncle, whoever that is, it sounds like they have low-elf esteem. Go tell whoever this is that's suffering from low-elf esteem that they don't need to worry about. Tell them what's wonderful about them. And you know, I'm sure they'll cautiously come out if good news is given, etc. Okay, well, we're just talking about a friend we miss. It's just a great warrior who kind of went away because she was afraid of the dark Lord, but maybe hasn't heard that the dark Lord is dead now.

Or I should ask, are you afraid of the dark Lord? No, I live among witches, I love the dark. Lord, I could not tell you the last time someone asked me that question. Yes, I'm very afraid of the dark Lord. Of course I am, please. And also I forgot to ask, ah, FOOP, uh, is that invogue? Could you ask me again without sounding like you just took a satisfying sip of soda before you asked?

It's a weird thing I have. I-I don't know that he can. Yeah, I truly... Let me see if- Let me rip this shitty and grin off my face. Yeah, maybe that's what it is. Okay, uh, FOOP, is that invogue? So, I'm sorry, what? You're asking me, what are you asking me? What are you asking about? What's invogue?

Is FOOP invogue? Or is that salt and pepper? FOOP is very invogue. It's destiny, child. Are you confusing FOO food with Shoop? Oh, yeah, I think Shoop is really invoked right now. Thank you, Matt Young. I mean- I don't- alright.

I don't know who you're talking about. I mean, I guess if anything, you'd be Matthew Middleage. Oh, okay! But why don't you- I'd love to see Ripsome of those claws off since they're out. Well, I- I should point out, but Arne said is absolutely true, the Dark Lord is dead. Otherwise, I wouldn't be a ghost. No, he's not dead. No. I would've heard.

Everyone in food is talking about it. It's ushered in an age of peace. Really? Right. Many people believe that I killed him. Some believe that Tripfang killed him. The truth is you know. One of the things I killed him. And I helped. Is she a kid? So you're you're telling and this isn't a prank. You're not playing a trick on me. It's a fun joke among pals. You don't see any hidden blue jays do you? If they're hidden blue jays then maybe this is a prank but there are none inside here. Well unfortunately I can do you? If they're hidden blue jays, then maybe this is a prank, but there are none inside of you.

Well, unfortunately, I can't see them if they're hidden, so they could be there. You see that's the problem with that logic. I'm to blame. Well, if I were to feel confident that such a thing were true, then who knows? What could happen? But I don't feel confident about it at all.

I don't trust you. They don't take it personally. Ony. No offense. Ony, to be fair, we are lying. Oh, you really got glum. I think she's smart to realize that we're lying. Oh, yeah, I guess. Maybe we're going down a bad bath because I guess technically the dark lord isn't dead. So should we try to convince her to come out or should we leave on me? I mean our plan is for the Dark Lord to stay out of commission forever really so like it should be safe Yeah, but I commission I like that. Yes, the Dark Lord is definitely out there. I'm sorry. I already did this Oh, I was just gonna say Kronenire board fair. That's fair. You can entertain yourselves

Well, you know It's hard to entertain yourself and can concentrate when you feel you're whispering Well, I just wanted to let you know that you know dark Lord is definitely out of commission. That's absolutely the truth Okay, when you use a term like that I need to ask some questions number one Does that just mean he's like someone's agent, but they're not paying him his commission? No. Does it mean that he's like a some sort of military thing that gets taken out of commission? Oh, sort of. It's probably not literally what's happening, but I suppose that could be a metaphor used to describe the situation. Because I wouldn't use that term to describe a dead person or a dead being or a dead evil spirit.

I would say they are dead and gone. I wouldn't say they're out of commission. So unless you think I can't handle hearing the word dead or the word gone, which I show you I can, then I don't believe that this is really over. I mean, I think it's a very common phrase, you know Oh, no, I hit that cat with my card and I put it out of commission What a sad sad story to tell and then you know, I think that he is gone That version of him that existed is definitely dead. Nobody no Being no essence no spirit spirit, no nothing,

just completely does not exist anymore. Nobody, no cry. Yeah, at least some of what he said is accurate. Which part? Hmm, nobody. He had important ones. Yeah. Okay.

Well, this is just something I'm gonna have to sit with. I'm gonna talk about it in my group therapy. I'm a bit of a e-or of that group. Oh, you mean your foop therapy? Your foop therapy? My foop therapy. That's right. I've forgotten that I'm trying to wedge in as many references to foop as I possibly can.

So yes. When you say the ear of the e-or of the group, a lot of times when I ask you to speak to your truth and how you're feeling, it's a lot of like, eeeh,-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e Can't all be the sea or so I'd be in your core. Blind me now. Chunk mentioned waffles and I'd love some. Well in the morning I'm making some. I told you. Oh, can I have some now?

Smash potion. Some potion once made me some waffles. Oh, wonderful. Thank you. Have you, oh, I'm being rude. Would you like? I'm sorry, I felt like the end of something and I just was taking a moment something and i just taking a moment

i was just taking a moment to imagine what that would have been like that's the end of the podcast and someone started smashing potions around and singing songs sure you know it's like i don't know i didn't pay but admission for the show but it's like i like my knickleback i'm being would you like uh...

kron would you like to take some smash potions with you on the road? Uh, you know what, do you have any smashing pumpkins? Ah, yes. For the season, I think that would be, right? Yes, I'm using orange. I think that hobbled goblin came through and smashed all the pumpkins. Oh, he was so meddling, Kali, and infinitely sad. Well, I mean, if I can't have a smashing pumpkin I'll take a I'll take a smashing potion Corgan blind me would you want it tonight?

Are you having to your voice? No, I don't know. Wait, is the army devil? It's it's acting up I told you he can't get a new one. Wait, how do you pronounce tonight? Let me say it That's wrong with me. What I said here. Let me adjust my throat. Tonight. Tonight. What is wrong with me? Yeah, Kroen, how do you say it? I say, let's see. Tonight, tonight, tonight. Oh, is that not what you say?

I don't know. It does sound like she made it right. Uh-huh. And I was going to. Well, listen, again, we've had a lot of fun. There's a lot of things I just need to make sure. Wait, you're in the podcast. No, no, no, no, no. Again, I just need to make sure this is the thing. Here's what happens to me frequently. Okay. I have a nice talk with someone in the strange familiar, you know, it's like you're like, oh, I feel like I've seen you somewhere before. I you're a stranger to me and then you realize like, oh, you're a stranger to a million in the strange familiar And we get to talking about food and then you know, I'm doing I don't want to say I'm pushing a hard sale because you know

I'm a silver tongue. I can get someone to buy anything But Sometimes what happens is I think I've made a sale I think that they're going to be transactions that are going to happen. And then something happens. Someone smashes a potion and disappears. Someone tears their face off, but it doesn't grow back. You know, things like that.

Maybe there are two things I did. And then I end up without any business. So I just wanted to make sure that if you were thinking of leaving or moving on from this conversation that we had a deal that all of us, first of all, used to are. You've already given me the eggs, so I don't get to worry about you. I want to thank you so much for these eggs. You're welcome. And the foot.

And, Trent, obviously, you've given me my own back home. You forgot it? Oh, I was going to say, yes, spine and legs. I know it's not a huge gift, but. Oh, I was gonna say, yeah, spine and legs. I know it's not a huge gift, but- Oh, what was it? What was it? I remember appreciating it. Yes, you gave me a spine.

You've given me the legs that, frankly, I'm pretty sure they've run off of the dogs of Eden by now. So we'll get a hint of that as a little bit of a zero-sum game. Of course. Arnie, I know you're going to buy a new Arnie's apple for me. You, Sodor, I'll tell you what, I'm going to knock 50% off the croffin.

I can't give it to you as an even trade for the eggs. Eggs just aren't that, you know, they're just not worth that much. If you want to throw in that giant egg next to you, Chant, still open for business. Am I missing anything? Again, am I missing anything? Again, am I missing anything? You actually owe me quite a bit of money for ruining that book by writing, presented by FOOP. What did you tell me to? Well, that's for you to sell most yourselves.

This is so embarrassing. Every time I think I'm having a long, rewarding conversation and getting to know someone, I realize I'm just in the middle of a transaction that I forgot about. Well, I know it's poultry in comparison to all the things we offered you before, but when you take these 8,000 gold pieces instead... I'm sorry, did you say I know it's poultry compared to what you had before? I desperately wish I had. Or did you say it's daltry? Roger.

Yes, confirmed, Arnie confirmed. Money! Yes, I know, I just take these gold pieces instead. I know it's not what you wished for, but perhaps they can help in some small way. Well, I will take these gold pieces because it's a known thing if you stick the gold, well that's a story for another time let's just say they have real healing properties for gnomes oh what it must be like to run a modern lifestyle brand it's wonderful listen if I could jump in the air and freeze right now I would

well why don't you throw your hat in the air and see what happens to that my hat? yeah is that a wig or what is that? I just have hair on hair that a wig or what is that? I just have hair on hair. That's the deal, is it? No, I guess not. I'm sorry, if you have hair and you're wearing a wig on top of it,

I just consider it a hat. Oh, would you like to borrow one of my hats? I put a hat on a hat. Wait, hold on, hold on. I'm planning to say hats. Oh, if we need hats, I've got tons of hats. Look, shunt, crone. I can say with confidence, you're both wrong.

What? Would you like to offer a correction or are you just all about telling someone they're wrong? No, I'm just gonna jump in the air and freeze because I definitely can. Look, Arnie. Oh, wow, you broke that table in half. Buddy, I told you, that was in your dreams. Oh, he's really hurt. We better end the episode.

Arnie's pretty banged up. Let me straw boat her. I've got a dear hunter. I think I need to give him one of my spines as well. Here you go. What a game. Oh, what does it mean as much now that you give to someone else so quickly? I don't know. I don't know. Arnie, no, that's not the Arnie's apple. Try it. Don't swallow that spine. That's pointless.

Man, what a crazy episode! Oh no, this guy! Get outta here, fucked up, giant! Back in the pipes! Okay, so if memory serves, Bradwyn, the warrior elf, has been in her crone, bakerist disguise for so long, she's forgotten she was ever Bradwyn? Identity can be such a slippery thing, best not to felt strange for a moment. Hmm, let's see, where was I?

The script says here, add specific complement for episode. Uh, I don't think we'll be needing that. User of the Blue was played by Matt Young. Shant the Talking Badger was played by Adder Raffaier. Crone Bakeris was played by special guest Janet Varney. Check out both of Janet's great podcasts, the JV Club, and Braving the Elements, the official companion podcast to Avatar the Last Airbender. Janet is the voice of Korra, in case you didn't know.

Hello from the Magic Tavred is an independent production, made possible by a bunch of supporters of the Magic Tavred Patreon who I don't have the strength to mention by name right now. It's too much, I'm not a perpetual voiceover machine. I cannot talk about Ori Dante. Nicholas George Stull, Matt Marciniac. I'm not going to mention Ian Big Dog. That's how they wrote it, Ian Period Big Dog Period. Two different entities like Golem and Smeagle filling out a tax return. No Rachel Steiner, Nadia Waka Bayashi, who can forget the Waka Bayashi Maru Starfleet exam, where you have to rescue Foszy Bear from a no-win situation. Let's not

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Last week they got an additional bonus scene officially announcing the names of chunts buttholes. It must be Oscar season. Here's a very short clip. I'll leave you a little care list, but just, you know, they're a little picky. They only eat from butthole foods, which I know can be very expensive. You wait, you don't even feed them from trader holes? Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck that's good. Just get them something from Jewel. BOOM! I'm going to say that clip could have been shorter! Just get them something from Jewel. from the Magic Tavern logo by Alert Laban. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland.