Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 4, Ep 51 - Crab Folk (w/ Naomi Ekperigin and Andy Beckerman)

Episode Date: November 7, 2022

Two married crabs stop by to sell sea water.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampUsidore: Matt YoungChunt: Adal RifaiLaQuinta: Naomi EkperiginQuantas: Andy BeckermanMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Tim JoyceMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandClick HERE for tickets for the upcoming live show at Thalia Hall (Chicago, IL) on December 17th.You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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haunted house, will everything that follows fail to entertain me? And the answer is probably. But at least we seem to be two weeks out from my having any of those strange lapses of conscious, oh you've got to be kidding at least my timing is on point Consciousness regained is this somehow triggered by exposure to subpar audio entertainment This never happens when I'm around Mission to Zix. Further research required. In the meantime, sit back and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of food. I'm your host

Arne meat camp. If you've never listened to my guest before, this is everything to know. Did you just say your Arnie Neekham? Uh, yeah, I'm Arnie Neekham by host, this is all I can. I am the Metal Fox. Greatest warrior of the whole stadium, and I come to challenge you. Ha! Whoa, hey, ha, ha, hey, but you're... We look, first of all, you sound very interesting. We already have some guest book for this episode,

so we have a little bit of, you can put you on the short list if you wanna be on the line. They sit. Whoa, hey, hold on. Hey, metal fox. Look, I gotta say, I'm a little bit new to this being greatest warrior in Foon Thing, so.

How are you dodging all my advances? Oh, I'm sorry, I just keep slipping on the soup on the floor. Oh, haha, it's slippery. It's slippery around here. Dude, do I look impressive though? Do I look... Can I get some honesty back? Do I look like I know what I'm doing? Why aren't you fighting me?

We tried. Far back! Isn't there any kind of like floor play in this process? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh you just stood there watching. Yes, Ony, ever since you defeated Anor, you are now the greatest warrior in Foon and now you must defend that title. Every upstart warrior shall attempt to destroy you. Okay, great. And I can't interfere, it's not my bullshit. I mean, I like the title, but do I need the extra work? Probably not.

I mean, you could use any work, frankly. I suppose that's true. Anyway, speaking of my day gig, hello from the Magic Daver. A weekly podcast with the magical land of food. If you've never listened to podcasts before, there's everything you need to know. Seven and a half years ago, I fell through

a dimensional portal behind a Burger King and Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of food luckily, still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rip. What the fuck? He's at the level of his podcast recorded here in the tavern, the strange familiar, in the town and the nibble bottom,

in the base of the Unnamal Mountain in the magical land of food. Arnie, that was incredible. You're confident something shifted. I know, I think it's the adrenaline from repeatedly almost being killed, and also from being victorious. I think being victorious looks good on me.

I think we could finish this episode in upwards of 15 minutes. Well, here's the thing. Get ready for a thumb that's gonna slow this episode down. I am joined, as always, by my co-host, use it or the dead ghost. I was use it all. Wizard of the 12th Rail Muff fesious master of light and shadow? Manipulator of magic on the lights?

Oh no! Oh no! Deve- Deve- Champion of the Great Holes of Trakis, the elves Numiya's fying elok. The dwarves Numiya's zone in Hukestenges, and I was known in the North East as guest, Maneas Mastar! And there are other secret names that now I have passed into the Great Beyond. You should never learn. Whoa!

Whoa, that was a... Pfft! Beast or we've been talking about this. You've gotta stop drinking while you're introducing yourself. Already nailing his intro, you so are fucking up his, is today opposite day? I don't know, the question is, what does that mean for my other co-host,

Chant the Talking Badger? Bing-Blong! Oh, yep. Oh, oh, yeah, Bungie. Damn it, fuck. I like those, oh, oh, yeah, Bungie. Yeah, it's not too shabby. Time to print up new shirts.

Hey, Arnie, are you gonna be using this metal fox helmet? No. It's like a metal helmet with a fox opening its mouth and that's where the face goes. This is cool. That's a pretty cool. Yeah. Can I have it?

I guess so. Like, when there's a dead body, I'm not into like taking all their stuff and claiming it as my own. Like, you do that, no judgment. That's just not a me thing. Well, I mean, conveniently, when he slipped on soup and then piled himself on this very sharp chair, his coin all stacked up in a pile next to him.

His blade fell at his side and his helmet popped off, so I think it's a nod to grab this though. I know, it's almost, yeah. I mean, it's got the stats of the stuff all written right there on it too. Yeah, exactly. If I had to dig through his pockets, maybe that'd be weird,

but it just kind of stacked up conveniently. I guess that's true. All right, is there something good over here for me? Let me see here. Oh, you're in pretty weak shield. I already have this good shield that you made me. Oh, Arnie, he has a cursed journal. Oh, is that fun?

I don't know. Isn't reading already its own curse. Arnie, every day for the next year, you could read one page on the podcast. Oh. Okay, I'm gonna, here's why I'm gonna read one page. Look everyone, a length of rope. Ooh.

This journal says, I'm about to walk into the tavern, the strange familiar in the town of Nibblebottom. There's no question I will be victorious against Arnie, the greatest warrior. In fact, like, he didn't fucking write that right before he came into the tavern. That's just not realistic. Maybe it's cursing in terms of the journal rights itself.

Two feet of rope. I get six more of these and we got a rope. Alright guys, enough fucking around. We gotta get to the real work, the podcast. Wait, Arnie, should I upgrade to Leather Boots? Hmm. I don't know. What time of year is it time to upgrade to leather boots? I can never keep track of that.

Okay, there's a saying for this. You should always help me out. Whether the weather be leather, or whether the weather be boots. Whether the weather be weather, or whether the weather be boots. Never forget, what is best is the greatest, and then you find yourself in cahoots.

That's right. Yeah. Whether the weather be leather, whether the weather be pretty dope, you are dicing yourself. You did so well at top. As long as you're dancing together. No.

You are the folks in the house. No, sweetie, no. So you're just a guest. Oh, I mean, all right, I'll stick to being a big tough guy. All right, anyway, I'm very excited. We have two guests this week. They're a couple of crab people. I've not met crab people before.

What? Oh, I'm so sorry. Was that you said, oh? Yeah, you said, oh, have you been drinking again? No, no, no, you should. Oh, it's coming from under the table. Yes. Whoa.

Under the table. Under the table. Oh, what? We are able, under the table. We are able under the table. What? This is a little song about under the table. That's so fun. Let's already want you to invite them up onto the table so we can interview them. Yeah, everything's better. I'm a table-setter. Come on up here. Okay.

So you are crab people. Uh, why don't you go and introduce yourself. Oh, crab folk. Oh, crab folk. You have the placentric pot. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Sorry, that was one of my children.

You can't speak yet. Does, does yalps. Why don't you do it? What are your names? I'm Lecinta. I'm Quantus. Oh, so nice to have to see you. It's just good to just chat with someone fresh because me a Quantus oh my god fresh that's a joke because we're from seawater which is not fresh water

I was trying to dazzle them, but then if you explain it that means it wasn't a good joke Quantus oh no, I've explained everything horny you can tell there are a couple Oh, no, I've explained everything. Harnie, you can tell there are a couple. Yeah, it's good. So, I might be wrong, my funnest geography is not the best, but we're not super close to an ocean right now. What brings you to nibble bottom? Well, we're sea water traders.

So we take our sea water, we put a little kind of containers, and we go across food, try to get for goods and services. People need water, people need water here and it's just, everyone's dry, dry as bones and it's amazing what you can get for just a little bit of seawater. Nothing wets you up better than seawater, that's what I say. What do people do with seawater? Gargle. Gargle? Wash? Take a salty sip?

The possibilities are endless. Or just those three? Broth, I have to drink a fair amount of seawater from time to time to keep all of the animals that live in my stomach alive. And Arnie, have I never introduced you to some of my famous seawater taffy? No.

Would you like some now? Maybe it sounds like I'll wait watch some more seawater for your confections. Oh, yeah, actually I am running low Let's see so you did say you trade So what can I what do I have that interest you? Good and services we're open we're open to both We're open to both. We're open to both. Look at what you're wearing. I hate all of it. So I want nothing to do with any of that. But perhaps there's something you can do.

You even hate that beautiful silver fox helmet that he just acquired. It's so ornate. I think it must be worth quite a, quite a fortune. Well, a little showy for me. That's what it is. And as a creature with a shell, you know, a helmet is really a hat on a hat in a way. My dear lady wife is as utilitarian as the day is long. Thank you, my love. Oh, so you've got someone who wear against people who wear a hat under their other hat. I'm too scared.

Conscious, I don't like it too many hats. So now I'm so sorry. I, I, I, you mentioned the U2 seem to be a married couple, is that true? Married is the day is long. Oh, absolutely. I mean, what is it now? 4,097 sons, I would say?

Oh, that's quite a while. That's a lot of children. I was gonna guess 24 hours, because that's how long a day is. I guess I misunderstood your expression. Well, you know, one son per galaxy, correct? Well, we travel through 4,000 different galaxies. That's how long we've been married. But you said,

Married as the day is long, and to me the day is 24 hours. Oh, and if you solve my riddle, you'll get some sea water! Oh! We got to solve this riddle. Oh, no. Classic contest. Let's say that for another broadcast.

He's always open you in. Anything to move this sea water. And that's what I love about him. After all these sounds, a man. A man. Did I solve it? You know what? I'll be honest after all these sounds. A man. A man. Did I solve it? You know what? I'll be honest. I didn't have an answer.

So that seems like a used door. I'll be honest. It seemed like you were enthusiastic about it. So here, I have some sea water. You can't just give away the sea water to people with enthusiasm. Who would I do what I want with the sea water? I don't want to cause a rift here.

Please take the sea water back. I'll find something to trade with you. I'll get some sea water later. Thank you. I still need to settle my debt with you for my vial of sea water. How about I will tell off one person of your choosing? Oh, Chuzani. Ooh.

What, what's in Quantus? Could we really use that? Oh, personal insultor? I like it. Think about this. Think about this. You're, you're out there in the sea. Mm-hmm. And the pirate comes along. Absolutely. Kicks you in the shell.

Phil, what are we gonna do? We can't find a pirate, but we can sick Chantier on him and don't make fun of his eye patch or something. Yes. Yes. I like Yes. I like this I like this I will redeem this now you need to write on this tablet serving as a sort of coupon Okay, and then when we meet again when there's someone to tell off we'll do the action I'm just gonna ask him a couple of log with us. It till his dad is paid. That's another option

That's another option, but then we end up with so many mouths to feed. When we do that, to quantists. And I'm a hungry boy. I don't need another hungry boy. Quantists, look into it. Do you mind how did you two meet? It's a funny story. Oh, good.

That is fun. I was a young crabbling. I was stuck in a whale stomach. Oh. You know, just live in my life. You know what gets in there whale stomach. Oh. You know, just living my life. You know what gets in there? Little puppet boys. And oh, men, foxes.

You would think that much like every other stomach, there'd be acid and it would just dissolve everything that's in there, right? Not a whale stomach. No, no, a whale stomach, a lot like yours Yusodore. It's really just about collecting company Company creatures friendships Exactly. Do you got any whale in you? Like are you part whale? Well, I don't want to brag But uh, yes, if you if you go back through you know my heritage

I was brought into this world by conspiracy of bird and rains and wind and fire and squirrels and even aquatic sea creatures like whales and no-walls that insisted that must be a champion to defend all of food. So yeah, that got a little way, Lenny. Look, we've all heard that pick up line. Do you have any whale in you? Would you like some? Trust me, the answer is no.

No. Unless it's Brendan Frazier. So here's my question. You're living inside this whale. You're just a young single crab, pounding around with your buddies, puppet at a very old man, and a fox, I think.

How, when you met Lakinta, you know, how did that all change? Well, one day and i'm just live in my life in this way i i you know what's your there for couple sons right and honestly you're just estimating what you're inside a right here i think that they are

you have no idea you you accepted right have you ever heard that uh... the old dabba the old dabba yet depression anger barb and oh boy that's the old dabda? The old dabda? Yeah, yeah, depression, anger. Bargaining. Bargaining. Oh boy, that's, and honestly, most of my life

with the seawater trading is stuck at the B part of dabda. You've been bargaining for life. But can I just say what? I'll tell you. I was a young, I was ready to be a single crab. For my whole life, I said, I don't need a man. I love the water, I love my time. And then I'm just floating. I'm just in the water. I'm having a float and I hear music. I hear this

music and I can't see for the life of me. I don't know where it's coming from. And out there's a whale. And I suddenly realized the sound is coming from inside the whale. The sound is coming from inside the whale. The sound is coming from inside the whale. The sound is coming from inside the whale. The sound is coming from inside the whale. You've heard that famous phrase before. So you were streaming music inside the whale? Yes, I played the rivulets. Oh, wonderful.

With my crappy legs. You know, you can play the water as if it were a loot. Oh, very impressive. I said I must know. I must know the source of that sound. So I just went around the rear of the whale. I scooted right inside, and I just got closer and closer and closer to that sound. Until I met Quartus! You would be surprised, or perhaps not, at how big a whale's rectum is.

It's making up for a little crab like me. Oh, yes, Plentybic. You know what? Sometimes you gotta go through a whale's rectum,. It's making up for a little crab like me. Oh, yes, plenty big. You know what? Sometimes you gotta go through a Wales rectum and you just gotta trust you're gonna find something great on the other side. Arnie, stop it with the pickup lines. We need to take a break. I just had this book.

I have this book of Wales pickup lines. I spent three gold on it and I'm gonna use it. I know a book of oceanic pickup lines called Part of Your World. I don't want to hear any more of it So you know, I'm just really Enjoying how in love you two seem to be me in shunt. Oh, no, I'm sorry I should I've got a bad habit of not looking directly who I'm talking to.

I'm sorry, Aani, were you talking to the guests or were you talking to me and Chant? I was talking to me and you said, door. Oh, well, you know what? I hate to say it, I don't want to cause trouble. I do sense there's something between you two. Aani, why won't you look the guests in the eyes on the sides of their head?

It's hard, I can look at one eye at a time. I can't make eye contact with both at the same time. It's okay. It's okay, chun. You know, it often seems like we're judging because of our natural side eye. So I can understand. I can understand that there's a little bit of intimidation there, but we're just, you know, what keeps our love strong after all these years. It's the work. It's the work. It's the work. It's the travel. Yeah. We have, I mean, how many, how many lands have we been to at this point?

Over 17 sons worth of lands. Oh, my God. I mean, that keeps it fresh. The stories never stop. The memories keep churning. And that's what it's all about. That's beautiful, you know, because I know offense,

I wouldn't have thought that you would progress forward. I just assume it was a lot of like lateral movement. Wow. This from this from chunt. Well, I expected this from the humans or the ghosts. Yeah. All right. But from you, I'm sorry.

And also I wanna apologize. During the break I went and grabbed... I shouldn't say. Say it, chun! Spit it out! I grabbed a pot, I don't know what came over me, I grabbed a big pot and I filled it with corn potatoes and dewy sausage. Ooh, I should get right in there. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, getting in there. Yeah, I'm getting in here. Oh, this feels good. We got ourselves a wizard boil.

Ooh, no. What do you mean, do we sausage? And do we. Do we? And that's where you say, do we do it? Yeah, do we do. We do sausage, I would say sure. We sausage from time to time.

Smells great in here. You sure you might have lied a little flame under you? Yeah, no, go ahead. Gay level of being common. And you should say, oh, you know what? It's not magic appreciation. How's not magic appreciation? What?

Month anymore. Oh, fuck me. Yeah, no, it's, I don't know what month is after the month and a half long magic appreciation month. Oh, I think it's crab appreciation week. Oh, I love that. That's great timing. I was going to say where we're from. It's called, it's crab appreciation week. Oh, I love that. That's great timing. I was gonna say where we're from.

It's called stench month. Stench month. Yes, there's always a stench. And you have to acknowledge it. Because if you don't, you'll go mad. Well, if there's always a stench then how do you celebrate stench month? Is it, you find the acknowledging or you?

So you're mad most of the year. That's, it's a non-uclidean stench Wait you clillion I clillion oh I had no idea you clad but we still have it answered it do we sausage well I just want to say I'm not great at math So I always have a little bit of trouble finding the you clad oh Arnie you've got to get rid of that book You've got to get rid of that book. Uh...

Ah, need, would you like, I'll take the book off your hands if you wanted some seawater. Just to get it away from you. Ah, need to take that deal, take the deal. I don't know, I'm only a third of the way through this book. Are you sure that book's not cursed? And the journal, it's just a normal journal and you have a cursed pickup line book. Ooh. Why do I keep getting cursed books?

You remind me of one of my youngest constantly attracting curses, which is general vibes. Mm. And I could just see that about you. I could see that about you. You attract negativity. Maybe I do. What do you, what do you say to your assorted children

when they get into trouble? Oh, it just cursed that gets into trouble. Cue you RSE. The rest are just beautiful geniuses, but curse is a ragamuffin, a scallywag. Well, you know, the quantus is the tough one. You know, you are the bad cop. And what do you say to kind of keep curse

on the straight and narrow, because he's really turning things around? Truly redundant phrase. Straight at narrow? No, bad cop. Truly redundant. Okay. Uh-huh. Accurate. Accurate. So, what if you really bring down the mallet and the other one does not?

Okay. I turn up the heat, take him down to a sea vent, and I hold a little curse over the sea vent, and I say, I'll do it! I'll do it this time. You're your little shenanigans. They don't come to a halt! Oh boy! You're gonna be over the sea vent until you're a cooked little boy! You've got to be harsh! You've got to be harsh with these children nowadays. Does that usually do it? Does that teach the child the lesson? If the lesson is to completely say whatever you need to do to get out of a dangerous situation, then yes, he learns that he's learned that lesson. At least 17 sons over.

You have 17 sons? Don't they measure everything in sons for some reason? Whether it's time or length? I have 4,927 children. What the fuck? 4,927 children. What the fuck? 4,900 some kids? Yes! Yes, why do you think we've got to move this sea water? And you were temporarily humoring taking me along with you?

I was, what do you have? 4,000 children? What's another one? That's fair. We will adopt you. Do you want to be adopted? I'll put this out there. And all of you would like to be adopted by us we will

adopt all three of you all okay four thousand nine hundred and thirty i do do you mind if we confer real quick i'll take a time it is a big step yeah that's it's a big one i just want to point out that's a huge thing we just post you in the spur of a moment i was feeling generous the offer stands but yes take your take as much time as you need to come to it. It's not a it's not a thing you should come to easily. We like to let people know immediately guys huddle up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, okay, honey, for seven and a half years, all you've

wanted is our real family. Now's your chance, Arnie. You can finally be adopted. That's true. I mean, I know a big tough guy, but that doesn't mean that I still don't need the support of two crap parents. And also built in, we have upwards of 4,900 some interviews. Built in. Oh, I don't know. Do we really want to interview our siblings?

Oh, that's fair. Yeah. Also, I got to say, it's just while we're separated. I'm going to run this by you, because I don't know if it's rude. And as much as they talk about how many kids they have, I just keep wanting to ask about crab sex. I just need you guys to talk me down.

It's probably not something I want to ask about, right? What the fuck? What the fuck is wrong with you? Yeah, I wouldn't go there. I don't think that's really necessary. I know it's one of your, like, hallmarks as an interviewer. I'm just saying, so many interviews,

I've asked people about crab sex. They're not crabs. And it's always been like they are like, I don't fucking know. Here's what you do. Replace sex with another word like salad. That way, that way they can interpret it how they want and they can answer how they feel comfortable.

Okay, let's, we're being rude. Let's, we're in. Yes, we're in. Oh, God, I wasn't expecting that reaction quite frankly. Hold on, hold on. Do you mind if we huddle up? Sure, yeah, take a nice, exact time. We're very huddle-positive. I misread some signals, because I swear to God

that what we, what our eyes turned around with it to each other, that I saw you were in. Every time we go to a new place, quant Quantess you offer to raise whoever we meet and I just I can't keep taking on these children I'm so weary. Okay, how about this? Let's make a deal what you do it have to you don't have to give your crab milk to these boys Okay, all right, once it goes anyway. I don't know if he even needs milk. Well, it needs a soup to sit in clearly So you okay, how do this crab milk soup for you, Sadore? Okay, the rest no milk. All right milk for one. All right I'll allow it. Yes, milk for one. Okay. Okay. Well come to be my children. Oh, thank you I'm sorry. I couldn't help but over here the end of that if you put milk in here

It's gonna be like more of a curry. Oh, and I should I should stir you you sir Do you mind if I put this wizard boil it in the simmer? Yeah, you can simmer that's fine I'm good man. You dad. I was wondering how do you keep your crab cakes fresh? Little rude Completely honest I overheard the huddle. I know what you're really talking about. And I'll be honest, what I'm offended by is you didn't just ask us. Oh, okay. I mean, I think you did a pretty good job

because he often asks these embarrassing questions about sex. And the guest gets upset. And I was afraid he was going to turn around after a chunk gave him that advice and say something like, do you have any salad in the butt? You know, something like that. And I was like, oh no, I was just braced for the worst thing to happen. So that was better than I expected.

I think it is natural for children to be curious about what their parents do. So, you know, this question for me, it does make sense in a lot of ways. And however, I also believe that, even though you are my child, I did just meet you. So you don't get to know everything all at once. I'll tell you that right now.

I'll tell you that right now. I'll tell you it's a 24-7 fuck fest. Oh, Cortes. He's not wrong. That's the first time he didn't measure something in Suns. That's the 24-7. That's fucking as the week is long. Let's take a quick break and all just like, uh,

whoo, calm down a little bit and, uh, and we'll be right back. He might have meant the 24 giants and the, and the seven sons of the goddesses. Oh, like the birds and the bees. You got it. Arnie, here's an idea. What if here's the tavern, the strange familiar? We have maybe the next couple months, we have a 24 hour fuck fest. But we call it a 24 hour crap fest. Knowing that will attract a lot of crabs who fuck 24-7, like our friends here. Yeah. By the way, 24 Harpies, 7 Medusa. Yes, it's important to clarify.

It's important to clarify. I think you could still have the fest. It's just know that the vibe will be different. It's 17 suns long. I see. Got it. I see. So we have this 24 hour fuck fest.

Is it gonna be all you can eat? Well, I would assume so. But it's not crab, you're eating. Do you understand the distinction? Yeah, you're not children. this is no offense, but... We don't want you there. Yeah. Do your own.

Yeah, we want no part of it. Well, I guess we'll have to leave then. I suppose we could spend some time up in our rooms. Up in your rooms. Up in your rooms. It kind of works in any direction. All I know is life is better up there. Yeah. Um... Up in y'all rooms. Up in y'all rooms. It kinda works. Look, in the direction. All I know is life is better up there.

Yeah. Sometimes it's better where I keep my sweaters up in my room. Ernie, you have a sweater? I've never seen you wear it. It's up in my room. What do you know about the soda fluid can fuck a rupee apart for it? Oh, I'd love to make fun of any sweater. I'm sure it has some sort of silly design on it, like a reindeer or snowflake or something. Like a frog with a top hat.

I wish. I wish. I wish. Or something. That sounds like a fucking top hat and skis. Oh, sorry, Dad. Fuck, you got me in trouble already. Nice one, slug.

Oh, don't hit him. You don't make your father take you down by the se event. I'll tell you that right now. Sorry, mommy. I'll be good. Yeah, you gotta be careful check because you will drown a lot faster than their other children And can I say mommy? I love you so much and I got you a little gift This is actually from you snore in me already didn't ship in It's a new it's a new perfume. It's called new bay. I have needed something I've needed something because you know how that other bay was. Thank you so much, Chuck.

You're officially my favorite child for the day. Oh. If you love it so much, mommy, why don't you put some on? Oh, I pitched in too. I made the little card that goes on there that says to mom. Well, you used to know how to eat. Mommy doesn't like a try-hard. OK.

OK. Well, I'll just sit here in this pot. Yeah, also, you were to do it, honey. Bobby doesn't like a try-hard. Okay. Okay, well. I'll just sit here in this pot. Yeah, also you were being overly precocious by putting the number two in then, Mom. I forgot how to spell the word two for a second. Did you knock out your front teeth to be more adorable? Look, I'm just doing the best that I can.

Look, Arnie, do you see what he's doing? Yeah, well, look, you gotta get used to door some slack He's never had a parent before not a real personified one. Oh, yeah, his mom is like the birds in the rain and the something, right? Yeah, yeah, there's a well then there Part of him. Hodge of him is well. That's right. Mommy. Mommy. Look look. I'm in the soup mommy Yeah, he has part well because he's blubbering all over the place. It's a little motherfucker. Look, look Daddy, look Daddy, I'm in the soup.

Haha. Well, it's half blubber, just so we're on the same page. So it's sweet when they, when, when you used to do a blubbers. I don't know. I'm not going to assign any kind of adjective to it. I'm just saying, quantus, you wanted these children. You have got to give them some attention and love I've got four thousand sub-odd kids. I gave them enough. What else do you want from me? Deepers, creepers

Daddy Daddy, look at me daddy. Great once again. I have a parent that's yelling you wanted these children. Oh God like you didn't want them to. Quantus, you want anything to keep us busy so we don't have to look each other in the side of our eyes and realize we've got nothing in common anymore. Dear Yusador, make me a bird so I can fly far,

far, far away from here. Dear Yusador, make me a bird so I can fly far, far, far away from here. Ha, ha, ha. This took a turn. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry children mum is just a bit tired Mum is just a bit tired. It's all right. I've been dead for a while So I have a certain perspective on things and I think that maybe taking on three new children right now

Seemed like the right move kind of like when somebody gets a dog But I think that actually what you need right now is not more responsibility. More people to care for, but rather to look at each other and to care for one another again. And to get a dog. Wantus? Hello?

Well, Bros. Mom and Dad, should we answer some emails? Yeah, but as well. Never heard of them, I'm willing. I guess I should have mentioned this before, before you agreed to adopt me. I'm from another world. We have electronic messages on my world. Oh, also, who boy?

This is the kind of thing you should tell your parents. I've been recording this conversation the whole time. Probably should have told you that before. Well, honestly, I don't know what the heck you're talking about, so great. Good, bad, I'm not, again, I'm not sure how to, uh, it's high in any kind of adjective to this thing. Well, I say, it's fine. Crabbs have no legal system.

So, come at me. Oh, great. Another set of parents who don't understand what a podcast is. Aren't you crying? I know. It's okay. I'm a big tough guy. Anyway, listeners, you can email us at Magic Tavern at puppies.supplies. You can send us a message via our Patreon at patreon.com-magic-tavern. Here's an email. Arnie Chunt and Yucidor, and I'm sorry they didn't address us to you, mom and dad.

Wanted to reach out and say thank you for making such an entertaining and informative question mark podcast of all the sound bites you've created, chunt exclaiming, BingBong is the most meaningful to me. You see through the last two years I've experienced isolation, a military deployment across the world, and many various changes that can make life difficult. But throughout these times, I have been able to bond with a small group of friends in a way that is not dissimilar to the way you three have bonded. And weirdly enough, one of the quirks that my friends share with you guys is that we love to explain BingBong when something ridiculous or funny happens, and unbeknownst to them, I started that

trend because of this podcast. Now, my friends don't know that I listen to this show, and I'm not sure they would relate to it as much as I. However, I will wrap up this round about message by extending my deepest gratitude for the help from you all and anytime you sit or need help on a quest, you have my sword and shield my friend. Bingbong, Ben from San Diego. Wow, Ben, that's beautiful.

And Arnie, you saw a cover your ears, Mom, Dad, cover your ears as well? Hey Ben, this is just for you. Bingbong! Okay you can uh wow how do you fuck how do you tell people to uncover their ears when they can't hear you. What are you gesturing at us? I don't understand. We should stretch we should stretch out holding our claws over our earholes what do you say? No he wants us to extend our claws like a dad. Yes I know how to play the accordion.

No, to take your, oh, how do I, no, that looks like my head's exploding. Here, let me just physically take their hands off the, here you go. Oh, thank you. And claws. Oh, sorry about that. Oh, hello, hello, what did we miss?

Now that everyone's ears are free, actually, Chant, use the door, mom and dad, would you cover your ears so I can say something to Ben? Sure. Okay. Ben, I hate to something to Ben? Sure. Okay. Ben, I hate to have to do this, but you're gonna be hearing from our lawyers. BingBong is our proprietary content,

and if you would at least tell your friends that you listen to the podcast, maybe they would like it. I mean, come on, man, but I appreciate the sentiment anyway. I'm just gonna push everybody over and hope their hands come off the side of their heads. Come on, man, but I appreciate the sentiment anyway. I'm just gonna push everybody over and hope their hands come off the side of their heads. Ugh! Ugh!

Ugh! Ugh! I hit my head because I couldn't brace my fall with my hands. My soup! Deepest creepers! Oh shit, let's put the soup back in the, oh, you store. I think I cooked all the color out of your robes.

Oh. Anybody want some wizard oil? Some blue, blue soup? Did you say lizard oil? I would love to trade you some seawater for lizard oil. Oh, that is a good get. Oh, I've got some lizard oil. Here you go.

Okay, one lizard oil for two seawater. Oh, perfect. Oh, I'm gonna go up and write down. Oh, oh, delicious. Whoa, all your blue came back. That's all it takes. Wait, can you guys cover your ears so we can talk to Ben? Sure.

Yeah, mom, you're dead. Are we in trouble? Wait, are we in trouble? Cover your goshdard ears. Go ahead, Quad, just quickly, Ben, doesn't have a shot. Ben, I gotta ask you, I gotta ask you, when you stick in your sword, when you're in your failing, so you're sticking your sword through an orc or something. Is that when you're young, how ping-bong?

Cause I gotta say, great battle cry, great battle cry. Uncover your ears. That I understood. I understand. See, why is you making it, she's complicated. It's so weird how I was able to read crab blips. Yeah, somehow with mom I just knew what to do. Yeah.

It's the paternal bond. It's the paternal bond. Interesting. Well, I suppose everyone else has done it So I have to do it now too. Everyone no, okay cover your ears and I'll say something to bin No, it's all right. Use it or if I just leave like we're kind of close Fuck off out of here. Okay, you gotta go fuck your sweater Very good. No, that was I can't believe you embarrassed me like that

in front of my new mom and dad. Yeah, well, you're gonna get more of that. I told you that in confidence. Where's sex positive? Do whatever, man. That's true. I mean, out in front of us. Yeah, not in front of us, don't speak of it, but go ahead and do it. You still need to have something to say to Ben?

Yeah, yeah, if everyone can stop listening for a second. Ben. Boof. Yeah, yeah, if everyone can stop listening for a second. Ben, I really kind of got pigeon-holding to doing this. Oh, you know, something that stuck out to me was, you mentioned that you hadn't shared this information with your friends at Udlson to the show. And we always encourage everyone to be their true selves. Why hide this from those who are closest to you? They may enjoy they may find it strange and

Unlistenable as I do but there's a very good chance that you'll bond even further by being your true self Unless you got a nougat we sweater upstairs like a dipshit It hands off ears got a nuggly sweater upstairs like a dipshit. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah, that one the one that I've wrote eight years ago that I pitched to Ernie and he shut down Yeah, go for it. Oh finally Okay, how about now? Wow, wow, wow, wow. She bruised a proper cup of coffee and I had to come back and realize my Plaptops all sent a bit. Got any? You'll hear that little song someday listeners Just as your earth is compressed into a ball of hyperdense matter, as your weird yellow

sun has what we call in the dimensional guardian world, a full-on, diva meltdown. User of the Blues played by Matt Young. Shunt the talking badger was played by Adolfi. The crab folk, Quantus and Lakinta were played by special guests Andy Beckerman and Naomi Ekparogen. Check out their comedy relationship podcast, Couple's Therapy. Also watch Mythic Quest, a show Naomi co-stars and writes on, returning November 11th to Apple TV. If you'd like to see Naomi perform stand-up, she'll be at the Vermont Comedy Club, November 11th and 12th. And now we are weekly brow-beating that there's going to be a hello from the Magic

Tavern Winter Solstice live show in Chicago at Tallya Hall on Saturday, December 17th. Link in the show notes for tickets. If you don't want to attend, do nothing. Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production, made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon, faceless onlookers cheering in the background, like whoever those guys were in the temple at the end of Rise of Skywalker. People like Peter Spardelli, Ryan of the Woods Power, Good grief, Watch your back, bomb

medillia got competition, Daniel Hing Ross, he adds good luck pronouncing it, don't need luck Daniel, I got something called lack of interest in success. We've got Dan with an exclamation point, Tara Bouchard, J.C., Loyalty, Keegan and Rosie, second exclamation mark of the day diminishing returns. Amy Hawksmire, Amy says, like the baloney brand, are we all doing footnotes now? Rollin' Ring, Casey Hill, Julio smiley face. Trounce, mall the witchling, Olivia Fletcher, Amanda Jenkins, Crystal Rose, third exclamation point officially overdone, Torrey French, and Nikki Crunch, all part of a complete breakfast.

Patrons get ad-free versions of all episodes and at least two new bonus episodes each month. Here's a clip of the most recent bonus episode hosted by Minotors. Well, hello, Lair. I'm Bullseank Claire. And this is my wife. Claire St. Claire.

And you're watching Minotors on Masonry, Boone's premiere premiere home renovation program. It's so nice of y'all to join us. We are so excited to go into hills, valleys, groves. Towers, do you live in a tower? Do you live in a pit? Do you live in a hovel? We will fix it up. I'm bullsank

Claire, a minotaur, and this is my human wife. Yeah, you know, I was gonna get to it. I know. You know, we've been to a lot of different types of abodes and I was just trying to create it like a like a com-cohe-sips ball. I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry. I did not mean to step on it. It's like it's like it looked like you needed a hand. You don't have hands. All right, well it looked like you needed a hoof. All right, we are here. Boom. I'm seeing it right here baby.

Don't, don't, don't, don't. I need a moment. You intro the next one. That bonus episode includes Chris Rathchin, Gretchen Ang, Kevin Seretta and Brad Pike, or as I think of them, available that day. To hear the rest of it and learn more about supporting the show, visit patreon.com slash magic tavern. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neekam, Matt Young and Adolf Refyre, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz, this episode edited by Tim Joyce. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard LeBan. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland.