Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 4, Ep 64 - Djinn

Episode Date: February 27, 2023

Gina the Djinn has plans for subjugation of all of creation.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampUsidore: Matt YoungChunt: Adal RifaiGina the Djinn: Sophia RafiqiMysterious Man: Tim SniffenDirector Ward: Shane WilsonProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Stephen DrangerMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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This place is huge! Direct-, how is the armor so big? It's all to foster the illusion of multiple worlds, an arsenal for every dimension. Six shooters, laser rifles, Elven blades? Does this box say slide projector? That's for the new frontier era Madison Avenue advertising agency universe. Devastating. Right. It's gonna take me a moment to choose something in here. Take your time.

Should you first deal with the matter at hand? Yes, of course. Good thinking. People of the- the following podcast is not real. Well, that's not entirely true. You know those occasional pauses where all three hosts are out of ideas and scrambling for something to say? Those are real. excruciatingly real. So get ready for at least a few of those. Sit back and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern!

A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host, Sarni Neet Camp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. Seven and a half years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a party. Arnie, Arnie, Arnie, Arnie, Arnie. Yeah, what is it?

I just realized something. Coming up pretty soon as our 8-year anniversary. Oh shit, you're right. Ha! Remember half a year ago when I was like seven and a half years ago, and then realized, oh, I'm saying that too early. It hasn't been seven and a half years yet. And now I think I've been saying seven and a half years way too long.

We're like practically eight years. We're on the precipice of eight. The precipice of great is I like to think of it? We should try to get a very popular and Famous celebrity to be on our podcast for the eighth anniversary and then watch it have no effect on the listeners Yeah, oh, yeah, Arnie who are some of the big earth names you mentioned before that we should have on let's see Iroglass Two dope queens whoever hosts the daily. That's one that I think smart people listen to

that I like, that I hear people saying like, oh, I listen to the daily, every day. Whoever that is. Hey, you see John Dele, maybe Andy Dele. Oh, cool, cool, cool. Hey, you see the door? Yeah, all those guests, I'm pretty fucking weird. I think we should just stick to like creatures and monsters and stuff.

Well, I think he's trying to show off. I think he really wants to get everybody loves Raymond. Well, one, yes. That's all he talks about in his dreams. And two, don't ask me how. I don't know what he talks about in his dreams. You sneak into his room a night and listen to him talk in his sleep about everybody loves Raymond too.

It helps me fall asleep. It helps me fall asleep. It helps me fall asleep. Wait, which side of the better you on? The left. I'm on the right. Ah. Ah, Yusor, I think he was trying to press us by naming names. And immediately, right after the first one, he said two dope queens, which I don't think

is someone's name. You're right. Ah, honey. Ah. Sorry, I'm just scrolling through the top of the podcast charts here. We should probably get football fuckers. Maybe Don't scroll through the top of the charts. There's toxic stuff up there toxic man's Skeel entity which is barely that's barely that's not even a pun. I don't understand well

If we can't have Raymond and his brother that talks and is this haulage you, then I suppose we'll just have to get someone else. And already I understand it's a tough pull because as you say in your sleep, everybody loves Raymond. Oh, I'm so glad I was worried for a second you were gonna say the thing I say in my sleep is it's a tough pull. Anyway, I'm joined as always for almost eight years by my co-host Chant the Talking Badger. Aww, yeah, baby. And I'm joined also by my other co-host, Tammy. Yeah, hey, what's going on?

Oh, Tammy! Oh, Tammy! You having Tammy from last week beyond this episode? Are you thinking I should save Tammy for the big eight-year anniversary? You can do whatever you want, honey, but I just, I'm thinking, you gotta mix it up, you gotta change your format from time to time. Now, Tammy, did you say that this week, you're gonna teach us how to play Yuka?

Yeah, I'd love to teach you how to play Yuka. The first thing is. Our first thing is. Our first thing is. Yeah, you gotta, you gotta deal out all the cards. Okay. That's how you start. Oh, good tip.

Pro tip. Deal out all the cards. Oh, that's a pretty good. Good tip. Pro tip. Kneel out all the cards. Oh, that's a pretty good one. This is unacceptable. I have been the cohost of this podcast for eight years. You're going to replace me with this woman who plays cards. Well, you've been the cohost for this podcast for almost eight years. Eight is a big number and changes need to happen.

Look, I get it. Tammy's charming. She's air you night. She's seen the world. She has a lot of stories. Ask her one of those about one of her stories. You really seem to want to be setting Tammy up to tell one of her stories. It makes me suspicious. I don't know what you mean. Tammy tells about one of your stories. Oh, I've got stories. I got a ton of them. You know, one time, when I was married to my friend, nobody was as a story. When I was married, when I was married to that Tana, I was like, I got

to get out of here because this, the chemicals from Tani Leather make me sick. You make me sick. And it wasn't just the chemicals that made me sick. His old attitude made me sick. So I said, you know what? I don't need this anymore Gary. I'm leaving you Oh, that was a good story. I mean it was emotional Yes, you see in a lot of the world. You know what? I used to do our I think you through makes a fair point We should stick with our regular hosts at least through the eight-year anniversary and then after that all bets are off very well Tammy, I suppose you'll have to wait until, uh, for a couple more weeks. I am also joined by my third co-host, Yusador the Wizard, he's dead, but he's a ghost. I am Yusador, a Wizard of the Twelfth Realm of Ephesius, Master of Light and Shadow,

Manipulator of Magical Lights, Devourer of Chaos, Champion of the Great Holes of Trockus, the Elves Numius Fying elk, the dwarves Numiya's Zonen in Hook Stinges, and I was known in the North East as Gassam Wainius Mastar, and there may be other secret names, oh names of such power and forms like... Tamiya that if I did air utter them aloud they would most assuredly cause your skin to burn and your bones to freeze.

Right Arnie, Tamiya is used to it, right? It's like a spell he cast or something. Right? Oh, maybe. Sometimes I think everybody's used to it. Oh, Arnie, by the way, be the bee. Eight-year anniversary is bronze. Oh.

Okay, so you're getting us gifts or anything. Oh. We're not gonna get my hands on some bronze. Well, you could visit the local bronzer of course they help put bronze on your skin So you're just sort of encased in bronze and it kind of I don't know if it looks nice But it's you look like you got some sun sure. Yeah, gives you kind of a nice cop at home Yeah, oh and watch out for the local dog who will absolutely pull down your underwear that dog Some of the guy do something about that dog

That is inappropriate that dog. Why dog has no boundaries Finally use a door has purpose once again. I shall find this dog and I shall admonish it for its underwear stealing tendencies I don't think it steals it. I think it just kind of halfway pulls it down a little scam Oh, but if it could if it could it would take that underwear far away and Tight it in some dog hole where it would gather underwear Mounds upon mounds of underwear Dog hole few words I didn't like in there dog hole mounds, but regardless aren't it used to or Tammy? Hmm, I don't know if it's just because I am in the form of a badger and I have so much fur on me But is it getting a little hot in here? It is hot in here. Yeah, it is hot in here

I think it might be our guest you said or did you say that you had brought some kind of magical guests this week? Yes, I met a wonderfully magical entity this week. Let me introduce you to Gina the Gene Hey, what's up? Hey Gina, hey Gina. I'm so happy to be here Well, it's a pleasure to have you on the podcast Now if you don't know what a podcast is Many people in food are not aware. Arnie sends this transmission back to earth And and he tells them of all the fantastical things here

that seem normal to us, but their world is very boring. Sounds like a waste of time. I agree. Maybe. Gina, I gotta say, you don't look like a bottle of gin to me. No, I'm a gin, I'm not a genie, so I take no shape, and I'm made of fire, but it's a smokeless fire, so it's good for the environment.

Oh, that's so considerate. How's that? I need... Arnie? Gin is it alcohol? Gin is a spirit, okay? Don't upset a gin. This gin was kind enough to blossom out of the table, okay?

And you're being very rude. And listen, if it's about jealousy, hey, jealousy, push that down, all right? Kick it out. If you're drink enough gin, you get gin blossoms. Yeah, I find out about you, Arnie. Okay, if there's one thing you're gonna be nice to, it's a flower.

If there's two things, it's a gin, okay? Play nice. Achina, could I get you something from the bar? I know, I have no ego, therefore I have no needs. Oh, wonderful. Wow. That is cool no ego, therefore I have no needs. Oh, wonderful. Wow. That is really good. Yeah, same.

Yeah, same. Yeah, me too. Yeah, no ego. No ego. I've got some needs. But not more than the average amount. So Gina, I don't know if this is a weird question. How old are you?

I'm Ageless. Jen's live up to 4,000 years. Oh, very impressive. I assume being a Jinn, you've seen all manner of empires rise and fall. Is there a time and food or a place that you thought of as whole. The time before all the other beings arrived is really what I'd like to get back to. Oh, so sort of a clean slate is what you're looking for. Yes, I believe Jin should rule the worth.

That's right, the worth. Oh, it's a military thing. Yes, we have no ego, we have no shape, we're made of smokeless fire. It's like we've already been to therapy. We have no childhood trauma. We can't inflict harm. So I believe we should subjugate everyone else.

Oh, okay. For peace, in the name of peace. Well, you know, subjugation is a form of harm. I would make the argument potentially. Not when I do it. Not when you do it. Oh, no. Okay.

It's sort of like a happy subjugation. It's like a gentle, very gentle subjugation. Isn't it funny how it's always a short path from the thought, I have got myself completely, totally healthy and figured out. And then the next thought is, I should subjugate the whole world. Yeah, it is.

No childhood trauma must be nice. So do you, I guess I have to ask, did you have parents? Yeah, did you have a childhood? Yeah, Jins can marry, Jins can mate, and Jins can make more Jins. My parents were unremarkable. They died about 2,000 years ago,

and I did not shed one tear. Sorry for your loss. I guess your tears would also evaporate maybe before they came out. Did you emote it all or is it just no tears? I feel no feelings, but I have developed the ability to mimic facial expressions if it serves my needs. This is a fun game. Let's make some facial expressions. Okay.

Gina, you go first. And Gina, we'll go in pairs. Tron Gina, do sad. Wait, wait, wait, also, before we do that, since this is, I'm so sorry to have to say this, since this is an audio medium, can we try to have a little bit of an emotional sound go along with these expressions? Absolutely.

Sure. Okay, I'm sorry, I used the door. Chantigina, you do sad. Hold on, time out. Sorry, quick time out. I think Gina's just making fun of me. Like she's just mocking the face. Wait, let's hear your ears first, Chant.

Okay. Ooh, ooh, ooh, also there are no bad emotions. Well, I just want to put that out there right there. There are no bad emotions. Right, do what you feel. It sounds stupid. That's how you respond to how you feel. No, I get it. When I'm sad, I'm stupid.

That makes total sense and I will rectify that immediately. You will never see me be sad around you ever again. I'll just push that down. Oh, Arnie, are you sad all the time then? Uh huh, I don't even understand what you're saying. All right, this time we'll do Gina and Ony and let's see, what emotion should we do, how about? Will I still be the judge?

Yes, of course. For boy stress. Okay. You, wow. Ah. Those were both really good. Those were both really good. Those were both so good. Can I give me and Gina extra points and take a few points away from Chant?

Yeah, I think that's right. I think that's the right move. You should look on his face while we were doing that. Right, Zuna? Have you three ever gone to group therapy? Well, we have our boys' nights, which are basically just a sort of Username boys night. Thank you. This is just sort of us kind of connecting to me and boys night. Okay, Gina Points to Gina so boisterous boisterous night. Mm boisterous night

Boy stress night boisterous, uh, boisterous night. Mmm, boisterous night. Boisterous night. Boisterous night. You know, uh, we haven't gone to therapy officially as a group. Uh, we were one time tricked by demon, uh, to be committed to a psychiatric ward. If it was a trick, though, then the work didn't really stick, right? Yeah, it's it. We were kind of like, ah, we can forget about all that. Yeah, we don't have to learn anything from this experience. Yeah, that's, although it was pretty fun.

So, you said, orn Gina, let's see, um, let me hear, Whistful. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Arnie, what's your judgment? I don't know, you said or pulled a real chunt with that round, so. Oh, damn it. So, chun loses points again. So, chun loses points again. Excellent. What's your judgment? I don't know you sit or pull a real chunt with that round So chun loses points again. So chun loses points again Excellent would be sad, but I know that upsets Arnie. So I'll put a big old smile on my face and push through Oh, I have an idea. How about we do a round with with just Gina? Okay, okay, Gina. How about you be silly? Okay, Gina, how about you be silly? Wow Whoa Whoa

That was pretty silly. It's not like a baby in trouble. I don't I don't know I feel like maybe but John Lee was established your bad at this game. Oh, right right right for someone who has no emotions and no ego I think you're very good at mimicking emotions So I think you could blend in quite well not that you need to or that you must I'm very curious. You know, I want to kind of get back to this whole subjugation thing um Have you made any progress Subjugating the entire world? Well, I would say if I tell you what progress I've made it will undo my progress. I would like to offer that Jyn's can shape shift so every

single person in your entire life, every single entity, every single being that you love deeply could actually just be a Jyn. Wait a minute I'm a sheepshifter does that mean I'm a Jyn? That's up to you. You're not made of fire, you're an element. Well maybe I am and I just shape-shifted it. Whoa, this is blowing my fucking mind. All right, all right. Gino, in your another shape, are you still fire in that shape? Yeah, suddenly beneath the surface.

If you look deep into a gin's eyes, you can feel it burn. How deep, like forehead to forehead? Emotionally deep, even from a long distance. Arnie, do you think depth requires proximity? I mean, for eyes. This is one of the reasons I need to subjugate. We don't know the emotional depth to the world. Are you saying I'm not making a good case for civilization?

Well, I have to say, I'm just asking about the subjugation thing for a friend. I don't think we would necessarily undo anything that you've done, fingers crossed. Sure. And I would just say, you know, if you have any plans, they would like to discuss in detail. I'd certainly listen and be a sounding board. I'm good at plans. I, you know, I did famously murder the Dark Lord. Well, my goal is to shape shift into every single entity's most beloved and triangulated figure from their past and then help them work through their issues and in that way ultimately control them. It started sounded positive for a little bit.

That's part of it. Arnie, use the door. Arnie, come on, come on. Yeah, she's like, see, oh, so now it's about proximity. Look into my eyes. Arnie, you are forehead to forehead with me back off, buddy. Oh. Hey, she's like evil, but like with good intentions.

Yeah, seems like she wants to heal the whole world and she's calling that subjugation. Yeah. Okay. So one, let's see some of this process then. I guess if we're gonna try to figure out just how evil you are, do you wanna... Whoa, whoa, whoa, who said anything about evil?

Oh, what? Who said anything about evil? That's what you're on a you brought that to the table. I'm flustered. Let's take a quick break and figure out what the hell's going on. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Now right before the break, there was some discussion of evil. And I was brought into this world by conspiracy of burdened rains and wind and fire that insisted I defeat evil in all its forms

And I'm the greatest warrior in all fin. I just want to throw that in there Doesn't matter. And I'm chants and this is chun and I just want to be clear Do you consider yourself to be evil me? No, not not you step aside you walked right in front of Gina. What are you doing? I keep making it down keep making this about easy to do since I take no shape Hmm, I mean it's just I've noticed that you like there's kind of like a constant like heat around here But it's hard to like get my eyes on you unless you're making a face. I gotta ask you don't take a shape shopping for clothes Must be a nightmare or a dream.

I'm always naked. Always. I have no ego, so I have no desire to appear any certain way to anyone. I only wear these robes, uh, for human modesty. Otherwise, I would be naked as a jaybird all the time. Wait, are jaybirds specifically naked? Cause aren't most birds naked? Also, I would like the listener to know

that after Yusudor said that he would normally be naked all the time, Gina was just subtly shaking her head no. Like, she didn't say it, but it's just sort of rejecting that idea. I was shaking my head no at the honoring of human modesty, which is just another trap that beings fall into. I see what you mean. I do it for them, not for myself. I am an angelic being brought into this world by the forces of the goddesses and the demand that they be a champion for goodness.

You know, I have fun with it, though. I wear this big hat, and I've got these kind of sleeves that kind of hang down. You can pull crap out of them like a carrot or a... or a sword or a... or a dog? Yeah. Or whatever you want. You know, that's what's sort of fun. I make it fun. I try to make it fun for myself. But would you say you're honoring your most authentic self? Oh, whoa.

Shit, she's got you there. Fuck. Also that dog you pulled out of your sleeves is trying to pull down my underwear. Oh no, it's the per me dog Damn it. I will I I suppose I'm not honoring my true self five of my true self. I I wouldn't be pretending Pretending to be a ghost and I wouldn't I

Would just admit you know what I've actually done and not accomplished in my life, and um... Arnie, Arnie! Yeah, did you notice in Yusha Riziz there's a little flicker of flame? I think he's being subjugated! Oh no! I would, uh, assess what I really bring to the table and perhaps say I've been a bit over-competent in the past, and, uh, though I have many great skills to offer, that I could be more focused in my- I'm always not telling why!

I was gonna say the same thing, like, subjugated, but also onto something. Well, focused in my methods for helping those who are really in need, and I suppose I am in your thr and she'll do whatever you ask now So Gina who are you the sucks that she and thrilled usur but we have to keep the interview going because we're so close to ears And we can't find the ball now would be a bunch of football fuckers if we did that. Well, you gave up because you said we're got subjugated like a week, like right before. Oh, that's right. This is why we have Tammy always have a spare.

Gina, say you did rule the worth. First day on a job, what are you doing? What do you lay in out? Well, first of all, there's no job and there's no me. I'm envisioning sort of communal and ourarchy. Everyone's naked, everyone's crying, everyone's happy, everyone is everyone. And you're a fire. I get it burning man. This is burning man. I don't know what that is. There's no cost for anything. It's all trade. It's all barter system. Yeah, it's burning man. I'd love to see cart washes, but you just go in without a cart naked.

No, that's it. I like that part. It's kind of fun. OK, so everyone's crying, everyone's laughing. We're naked. But it doesn't matter because we're all happy even though we're all sad. And we're all naked and we're all flayed. Yeah, it's good.

Mm. Even though we're all sad and we're all naked and we're all flayed. Yes, good. So, Gina, do you have any hobbies? What do you like to do with your free time? Well, I belong to the light dimensions, so I can travel at the speed of light. Wow, humble brag. Where do you like to go? It's pretty boring to go anywhere when you can travel that fast. Oh, yeah. I mean, part of, you know, the journey is the destination and when the destination is just moments.

And of the journeys makes sense anymore. I see. It sucks that someone who can travel at the speed of light doesn't like the travel. It's almost like, um, it's almost like when celebrities get swag and you're like, they can afford it, but they don't even want it. It's a- sorry. It's just frustrating I'm not sad. Oh see I'm not sad There will be no sadness

Once Gina is in charge So you needn't worry about it chun You can have all the swag and none of the swag at the same time. It will all be the same Guess they could coach us. I have a theory. I think maybe you're depressed. I don't know what that is. Well, I'm no expert, but I will still talk about it because that's just one of the things that I do. Oh, but I'm still gonna diagnose someone.

So you don't have much access to emotions. You don't enjoy the things that normally should bring you pleasure. You sometimes feel like you're going through the motions. You need to subjugate all of society. I think that's one. I think maybe you're depressed. You just need to cheer you up a little bit.

I'd love to see you try. OK. But I do enjoy some things. I enjoy eating bones. Oh, there you go. Well, who doesn't? I already know. Already, great job. I think this is so cool to bartender, bartender, I've played a bones for my mistress. John, what are you gonna say? I was gonna say, I think this is so good. I think everyone needs to know that if your friend has depression,

all you have to do is cheer him up a little bit. No, shoot them bones. Or feed them bones. Your bones, my lady. Thank you. I've heard that before. So, you have bones. Some bones sort of cheer you up. Is there anything else that you enjoy? Whenever I lock eyes with a fellow gin and we both know, you know, but no one else knows, that's satisfying.

How often does that happen? Like, once last time you saw a fellow, Gin. Just moment to go. Arnie, I might be a Gin, Gin recognized Gin. Gin? Yeah. Or shit. Or it could be a part of her plan to subjugate me.

She could make me think I'm a Gin, which makes me think I have power and autonomy, but then I just give myself over to her and her truth, and I'm subjugated. Just like, blue eyes over here. John, you've got to learn how to be in a relationship without completely changing who you are. Guys, I know you really can't answer this because you're both like subjugated and stuff, but am I really good at this? Is it possible I should be like, should go into mental health?

Arnie, you're not good at this. Gina is good at this. Listen to what Gina has to say. She knows what is best for all of us, Arnie. I feel like the subtext of what you're saying is, I'm really good at this. The best career path for you is the one where you have no career in all the careers at the same time

Yes, you simply go through the cart wash or an or and or again The cart wash. I still love that cart wash down at the cart wash Clap clap clap clap clap clap. Arnie. I'm asking you to clap clap clap clap clap. Arnie, I'm asking you to clap. You know, I have no rhythm. Clap for a genius. Clap it'll cheer me up. Rhythm doesn't matter to Gina.

Okay. She just wants the adulation. Wolf, rough claps. That's even worse than I thought it would be. I'm sadder. No. I mean, here's the thing. I was subjugated for a second. And then I saw Arne clapping and I was like

Everything isn't the same because obviously some people have rhythm and some don't yes And and and some people are good in some people are evil and And I was brought into this world to fight evil and I shall continue to do so I shan't be subjugated while there are still people like Arnie who so desperately need my help. Whoa, what happened? I felt like I'd like to have a minute, and all I remember was so many clapping on the threes and fives. Exactly, yes.

Well, Gina, I have to say, I am very concerned about your plan. I nearly fell under your spell for an indefinite amount of time. But eventually, Arnie's ineptitude broke me free from this very spell. Yes. And what did that teach you? It taught me that, you know, even though people are different, and they each behave and perform at their own level, those differences are what make the world so beautiful. Arnie may not be good at clapping, but he's good at a lot of other things that are list later.

And Chant is just very charming and forthcoming and capable of shape shifting into anything. Oh my, great, a powerful wizard. He's got all the other ones now, but not mine. He said all Chant's good. Yeah, we'll get to it later. Don't worry about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it can be a bonus thing for the patrons next month.

Well, you know, I think that we should embrace our differences and celebrate them and fight for them and make sure that each of us can be the person we were meant to be. Hell yeah. Perfect. You've graduated. Wait, what? yeah. Perfect. You've graduated. Wait what?

Whoa! Wow! That was, whoa, what a trick! I thought I'd been subjugated, but really, I'd been going on a personal journey of self-exploration and discovery. Wow, Arnie, look, she's making him a little hat with a tassel. And look, she's handing him a diploma diploma and she's shaking his hand And you see her parents are here. Well, there's a bird and there's some rain from the rain and wind and fire

I'm very impressed You said are your parents still dating trash? I look I don't want to get into that they might be, their birds, they can do whatever hell they want. They're adult birds and hold entire flocks of birds that insisted there be a champion of food. I'll ask your brother, Crapdoor later. I'm not related to Crapdoor. Gina, since our friend graduated from your school of subjugation, is there something we can do for you just as a thank you?

Because that was, that was cool, is shit. I would say pay it forward with random acts of subjugation. Is there something we can do for you just as a thank you? Because that was cool, is shit. I would say pay it forward with random acts of subjugation. I would say if there's someone in your community, you feel needs to be subjugated, I would say, take your extra energy and time and do that. Yeah, and don't forget about your friends. You know, just so-and-assume that your friends aren't subjugated.

Like, reach out to everyone once in a while and subjugate your friends I'm gonna get Trongo. I'm gonna get that little Perv dog already who are you gonna get? I don't know you guys already picked two of them. I don't know. All right, Chant, let's do ony. What finally? No, no, no, I mean subjugated. Oh, I mean I guess I could be part of it after this break. Hey, Gina, can I ask you a question? Yeah. Possible gin to gin. Earlier, you said you were ageless, but then you said that gin typically lived 4,000 years.

Did you say ageless because you're like 3,999? I said Ageless because we come into creation and then we simply die. We don't age along the way. So basically I'm a baby until I die. I'm a forever baby. Oh my God, it says that's the best fucking song lyric I've ever heard my life. I'm a baby till a death. I'm a forever baby.

Was that what it was? Oh, Gina, you should write songs. Has anybody ever told you that? People tell me that a couple of times a week. But again, I have no ego, so I cannot take a paycheck. You could just write the songs and share them with the world. It could be another form of mental health subjugation. That is a great idea.

Oh, thank you. And I agree with Chant, I think you're very talented. And I mean, obviously you helped us learn about ourselves today. And I think that's a gift that should be shared with the world. If it goes down the path of evil at some point though, just know I'm gonna get real pissed off I'm gonna come after you and you'll have to work through those feelings and I'm sure in working through them You'll find a new precipice to overcome

Shit she turned it on him. That was amazing to what Arnie Right that one down so we can use it on him later. No, no, no, don't write that down How do you spell precipice? Gina do you have any? Do you have any other addages or like fun sayings that might be song lyrics? I feel like you're really inspiring Every time you feel hopeless You may be right and you may be wrong Maybe right that's you may be right. I may be hopeless

But it just may be a hopeless man you're looking for. Arnie, that's nothing. That's nothing. Those lyrics are nothing. They're dog shit. They will never be sung by anyone. They are dog shit, but Arnie has a good point. Perhaps since we have someone who's capable of writing songs here, we should pitch some song works that we think would be useful. I think creatives really appreciate it when you tell them how to do their jobs and give them ideas for their sketches and skits. Yeah, I always love when people tell me the puns I missed.

I'm surprised you haven't said damn Gina yet. Well, I said that a few episodes ago. Okay, this one has never stopped you before? To the shade. To the shade. What if there was a song lyric like, you know, the sun's shine is pretty. Look at the sun. What do you think of that? That's pretty good, right? It's beyond us, Gina. On a scale of gin to no gin, I would say no gin. Yeah. It's trash. I was thinking the same thing. We're in the same page with that one.

Speaking of gin or no gin, can I take that suitcase number four? I see you brought a bunch of suitcases with you. Can I have number four? I've been carrying these around for 2,000 years, please. I can't promise what you'll find inside. Oh, what's inside? What's inside, Chuck? I'm so, yeah, let me see if I want to open it.

Because it could be like emotional baggage But also She's a gin so I don't know if they have emotional baggage so it could just be empty or it could be cursed or it could be like 50,000 coin inside could be socks. Oh Case full of socks. Okay, let me open it. Genoichi. I'm gonna offer you two coins to not open it two coins It could be 50,000 coin, but what if there are no coins could be a pile of shit Ernie you're forhead to forhead with me again Can you back up buddy? Look at my ass These sort of relevant references are why this show is lasted for almost a T.S

No, I'm gonna Okay, let me open up this suitcase here. Whoa Genoa's inside of it. What the fuck? Told you I'd take no shape. Okay, I get it now. You're in all the suitcases. Where am I? Because you can be anything and everywhere.

And so can you. Even though you're a wife. If you follow me. Now every time you open a suitcase for the rest of your life, you will think, there's magic in the everyday. Oh, I just love that. I just learned a life lesson. I really, really makes me feel good about myself and, uh, hopeful, honestly, that I can see the magic in everything

now. I mean, I'm being made of pure magic, so I kind of did that anyway, but it's it's a cool way to explain to other people like Hey, like I'm gonna go to you now and be like hey open that suitcase There's magic inside see idiot and now I'm gonna want to travel more because when you travel you take along a suitcase And I want to travel now because opening a suitcase is gonna remind me a magic. This is cool as fuck. I do need the suitcase back Oh, sure, of course it has a nice suitcase. It's a very nice suitcase. It is. Guys, I think, I know I said before I felt like I have this

all figured out, but now I think I've got this all figured out. Okay. Gina, you're trying to subjugate us with mind games and therapy, which I'm a big fan of therapy. I want to be clear about that, but I think you're doing all that because you can't do anything else. I think you can't really physically hurt me.

I think I'm totally safe. And Gina, I don't think you're a threat at all. I know. I wouldn't know, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no Before I get any closer, you're saying your forehead could be anywhere? That's exactly what I'm saying. Okay, she's shapeless. What are you doing? I said don't piss off a gin. I don't know why, but for some reason, the forehead thing scares the shit out of me. Explore that, go deeper.

Oh my god. I don't know. Like, I guess I don't need a forehead to be where I would normally expect a forehead to be, but if a forehead could be anywhere, I don't know that kind of uncertainty rattles me. Maybe I'm, am I getting old? Who are you without your forehead? Well, already, where'd your forehead go?

What? My forehead? It's gone. Your forehead and your foreskin, I assume. I don't know, I just, it's just eyebrows, and then a great hairdo I need something between those great eyebrows. I'm not great I do I said eyebrows and a great hairdo no one said great. I could read the subtext already have less ego

Please quick Honey just just challenge your assumptions You know, I got out by going through. If you fight this subjugation, then it will only lock you down further. Why did you dare me to hurt you? Ask yourself that. Oh, good one. I don't know. That's a good question. I mean, I guess some part of me felt like it was inevitable, and I was tired of being afraid of it. I don't know, sometimes maybe I spend too much time being afraid. I mean, I've been in this magical world for nearly eight years,

and I've been afraid for a lot of it. I probably could have accomplished a lot more if I wasn't just afraid of something bad happening, but you know what bad things have happened? A lot of bad things have happened. I've been stabbed, I've seen my friends die. It hasn't been easy, but you know, weird way being afraid of it is often worse. The fear does not stop the bad things from happening.

No. Now put your forehead back on. Okay, and just sit. I mentioned that affordably damn it. That's your first game already, that's your first game. Oh, okay. I'll I'm just sit. I meant you had a forgly damn it. That's your forgkin already that's your forgkin. Okay. I'll keep that in mind. Wait it's kind of working. It's kind of working. Yeah. Bonnie are you still afraid? You're afraid? I mean yeah. Because I am. I'm still afraid but I think I always will be and that's okay

But you'll always have me and Chantier by your side always inco I admit something I'm fucking afraid You're dead since the day I found you in the forest. I've been fucking terrified Not a view of course. I mean at first though Absolutely, but then I got to know you but I'm always afraid that something will happen to the two of you that I Won't live up to my potential that I use humor too much to deflect. I'm afraid constantly All three of you get forehead to forehead. Okay. Yeah, I'm in on this too. No Tammy. Sorry. Tammy This is not forehead. It's not foreheads. It's not four heads

It's not a personal Tammy. This is It's not about you. It's just kind of about you do your own thing work through your childhood trauma. Yeah, it's an emotional time. This is an emotional time. It's not about you. It's just kind of about us. You do your own thing. Work through your childhood trauma. Okay, let's prepare for it. It just sounds kind of nice, I gotta say. It's very nice.

I am also afraid that I'll never accomplish the great tasks that are set before me. But I'd worry even more about the two of you for if anything happened to you and my attempts to achieve these goals, I would never forgive myself. I'm afraid that Arnie's the greatest warrior in food, and you said, or you're this great wizard on a magical quest and you're a ghost sometimes, and I'm just chun.

I'm afraid that I don't do anything, except for, I mean, I wanna support the two of you. Can that be my thing? I mean, you're working at the Badgers for a while, I really do. I'll just go want to support the two of you. Can that be my thing? I mean, you were king of the badgers for a while. Oh yeah, well, I'll just go back to that. That was fun. But all the rest. Render was a strong and, yeah.

Famously got married and laid an egg. I'm afraid that I'm only special because I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King. That I'm only special here and maybe nowhere else. And everything is so out of control that the only way I can have any control is the hour a week when it's a podcast.

Hey, motherfucker, don't talk about my best friend like that. You're special anywhere. No, China, I'm talking about me. No, I know, that's what you think I was talking about. That's what he was saying. That's what he was saying. That's what you love, receive the love. See the, aren't younie you would be special anywhere everywhere

Thank you, buddy, and especially here where you should or an iron here to appreciate you Even though sometimes we don't show it and even though sometimes we get Sensitive or upset or again use humor constantly to deflect we love you and we care about you and now that we know that we're all afraid Hopefully we can move forward with that knowledge and try and be less afraid knowing that it's a burden shared three ways. And I think that our sincerity and vulnerability is open to a whole new world of possibilities for year eight and beyond. But I don't know how you guys feel, but do you feel like setting the whole world on fire? Is that in the back of your head? I want everything to burn for sure. Yeah, burn everything to the ground. I feel like I figured myself out.

And the next step is to subject the whole world. Just burn, yeah, subject the whole world. And also, this is gonna sound crazy. Are you guys craving bones? Yeah, I would love some bones. Does that make sense? It's like bones. Yeah, bones.

Bones. But not the TV show, honey. Bones. I know. I love bones. Weird, I It's like bones. Yeah, bones. Bones. But not the TV show, Olli. Bones. I know. I love bones. Weird, I can't help bones. I can't help but say it every bones, every few seconds bones. Bones.

I suggest having your first bones fresh. Fresh bones. Perfect. I tend to fresh bones. Olli should, should we read an email? Well, while we get ready to eat some fresh bones. Sure, let's see here. Here's an email while we get ready to eat some fresh boat? Sure. Let's see here.

Here's an email from one of our listeners. You can email us out magic Arnie, forehead back in. Oh, yeah. And continue with the email. Here's an email from one of our listeners. You can email us at MagicTaver and puppies.supplies. Is it a real email address? Or you can join our Patreon at patreon.com slash MagicTaver

and message us there. Here's one. Hi, I'm been listening to your podcast for five years now and I'm only on episode 28. My friend, my friend Brandon jokes that I listened to an episode of Month. Can you please mention me so I can hear my name six years from now. Hi Jorge from the past. I hope you are well. Orney, how many episodes did they say? Five years now. And they're only on episode 28. So 28, five years, they listen to an episode a month. So five times 12.

I'm going to take a lot of five years. Bones, bones, bones, bones, bones. They're so far behind and going so slowly. They don't even know how far behind they are. I mean, they haven't even heard a chun for a October yet or a, or Dr. Ward, a bear and a goon or dripping. They don't know, they don't know shit about dick. They don't even know they should be subjugated. Yeah, or no, mama.

No, mama. No, mama. No, mama. No, mama, bones, bones. Gina, mama. No, mama, bones, bones. Gina, if someone was listening to a podcast this slowly, do you think they should be subjugated and set on fire or should you just start the world over? It's not a matter of should.

It's a matter of would. It's a matter of could. You see what I mean? I mean, time doesn't really feel like time to me, so I don't think listening slow is a good or a bad thing. I don't understand what you mean by that way. It's like a tell. I can't tell. I have no concept of time not feeling like time. I was nodding but I was like I don't know.

Time feels to me like you know when you get the shower and you're like I don't feel wet but I feel the temperature change that's how time passing feels to me. Whoa. So does that answer a horse-hates question? Take a shower. Take a shower, Jorge. You know what, I already deleted a horse-hates question, and there's no way to get it back.

And he'd see it again. Wow, gone forever. Well, Gina, our path on our purpose is now clear. We intend to, you know, eat some bones and maybe, maybe watch some bones. We can watch bones too. Okay, I'm back in. And, and just burn everything to the ground, start all over, clean, clean it with cleansing fire. And, yeah, that sounds good to me. Thanks again for being on the show. I thank you, Jim. It's been really enlightening. Of course, all Hill Gina. We all know that. All Hill Gina. It's the ruler of the worth. Of course, that's implied, but we'll say it, of course.

Yes, keep your fire burning and let it consume you and pass it on to others and let it consume them, and soon we'll all be burning in a big heap of co-agulated, healed feelings and non-feelings and you know. Oh yeah, I can't wait until I'm not feeling anything. I can't wait. That's when it gets good. And actually, like I'm a shapeshifter, a regular kind of I'm not a gen, of course. But let me I can just take out some of my bones here in regrom if you want some of those just to have a nice little Snack like some trail some trail bones. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I like to toss them up in the air and catch them in my mouth So satisfied should be should we go out on a song? Take the lead user I'll never know why you chose to fade out at that moment, microphone, but allow me to say, thank you.

Use it or the wizard was played by Matt Young. Chant the talking badger was played by Adolf Refire. Gina, the Gin, was played by special guest Sophia Rafiki. Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production, made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon. Each one with a name I have to say, like Sisyphus pushing that boulder up the hill one more time. Names like J. Michael DeAngeles, Brandon

Freese, Brian Lazaro, Connor Kay, Sebastian from Ottawa, Sebastian from Saskatoon, this isn't about you, Jordan Time, Billy Ziegler, Lilliana, Jake W, Lido Burrito, please let that be Jared Lido's Twitch username. Christy Addison, Zoe Parker Moon, YZ, Sully, Andy O.C., Cole Martin, Gary Heather, and Christopher Nolan, Christopher. If you're listening, funny you called it Dunkirk, I called it Dunk Being Interested After 30 Minutes.

Kirk, patrons get ad-free episodes, the entire back catalog, including all the previous spin-offs and at least two new bonus episodes each month. The most recent Patreon bonus is episode three of Shadow City with guest DM Anthony Birch. Get your clip! You love listening to the news that sort of sews you like a child in that regard, so let me just turn on the TV very quickly.

And the press is a button. And a shade comes down near the one of the floor length, floor to ceiling windows, and projector turns on from one of the bookcases and you see the news come on. And you see a news report over the very solemn face saying, it's been reported that Shadow City's greatest vigilante, the Cougar, has died.

And so to honor all the sacrifices the Cougar has made, we will now observe a moment of silence while we play the Cougar has died. And so to honor all the sacrifices the Cougar has made, we will now observe a moment of silence while we play the Cougar's theme song. And you like, look down, all like, solemn, and then you hear like a violin, go like, da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh. Tough something. And then the broadcast gets interrupted, and you see the face of the giggler as he tears at his bright yellow hair and goes, dead!

No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, this is some sort of trick. I know it. The kubernetes can't be dead. He wasn't supposed to die until I stroked the life out of a strangle, the life out of him and all the time. I don't know. I don't know. Just starts crying and goes, I will give anyone who could bring me proof of the body or the person, the dastardly person who did this, who stole this this

beautiful moment of triumph and completion for me. Just pick up a phone and say, oh, Chuckler, I'll hear you don't worry. I have people, I have ears everywhere. As he says that the gigler sort of comes in like at a split screen thing like, no, don't listen to him. The gigler was the true enemy of the cougar. If you reach out to the gigler, I can promise you will be well taken care of the cougar. If you reach out to the Giggler, I can promise you will be well-taken, can't have both financially and medically. If you reach out to me, you'll never die. And the chocolate says,

if you reach out to me, you'll be super rich, but I can't say anything for your health, so it's sort of one or the other. And then a third one comes in and is just Joe Rogan, he goes like, I'm just asking questions. Ha ha ha ha. To hear the rest of that episode and learn more about supporting the show, visit patreon.com slash magic tavern.

Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arne Enicamp, Matt Young and Adel Ruffiah, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz. This episode edited by Stefan Drainjer. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard Leban. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. Nice work, Tim. You're ready for the final phase of our plan to destroy Hank. Permanently. I can't believe we're this close. What weapon should I pick?

A longbow? This proton pack? The Glaive from Krull? I have been looking for that. Tim, I think what you're looking for is this. Shhhhh! Whoa! Sharpen blades, hone to a razor point, connected midway. This almost looks like hedge clippers.

It does, it doesn't it. Now grab a LeCroy and come with me. We've not a moment to lose.