Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 4, Ep 66 - Sword Bro (w/ Erika Ishii)

Episode Date: March 13, 2023

An eager enthusiast of swords and "dragon culture" stops by the tavern.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampUsidore: Matt YoungChunt: Adal RifaiKelvaxostrastymor Ebonwing: Erika IshiiMysterious Man: Tim SniffenDirector Ward: Shane WilsonProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Garrett SchultzMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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That's the last of them I have saved the universe by shredding Azaleas. And Camelia's Tim, don't forget about those. Did it work? I imagine this feeling like throwing a ring into Mount Doom, but it's coming off more like unimaginative vandalism. Then look at this. That should answer your question. It doesn't. Hanks' vitals are cratering. Thanks to your heroic stand against his precious supply of life-sustaining flora.

Wait, I get it! This is how my brain interprets the battle! This isn't a backyard flower garden at all! Uh... right. That is so enders game. And now to put the cherry on this bee-slaying Sunday. Way ahead of you. People of Earth!

The following podcast is not real, for perhaps the very last time. So sit back and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of fun. I'm your host Arnie Neatcamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. Eight years and one week ago, I found through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fun. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical fantastical land of fun.

Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rift. And I use that to upload a podcast recorded here in the tavern, the strange familiar, in the town of nibble bottom, at the base of the unnameable mountain in the magical land of fun. Oh, I'm so sorry, can you take Aegee Baby?

Sorry, can you take Aegee Baby? Ah, you know, I'm working right now, like I know AegeE. Baby? Sorry, I can be a baby. Oh, you know what? I'm working right now. I know A.E. Baby is an important priority, but yeah, no, go ahead. I thought we were all raising A.E. Baby. Yeah, no, go ahead. No, already go ahead.

Okay. I am joined, as always, by my co-host or am I? Do you want to sit this one out, Chuck, if you're a little, look, we want to have work with balance here on this podcast. So if you need to take some time, if you want to take some chonturnity leave, chonturnity leave, I fucking hate how much I love that. I'm mad at you, so I don't want to enjoy

the way you just came up with, but it is good. No, Arnie, oh yeah, Agy, baby, I'm here as well. I'm not gonna sit this one out. I care about the show too much, but Arnie, it is so tough being a parent. I mean, the amount of yoke leaks daily? So much yoke. Yeah. I had no idea.

There's always so much yoke than you're expecting. It just seeps through every crack in the, I mean, oh, have you thought, and I don't know what the proper time for this is, have you considered yoke training, eggy baby? Oh, yeah, I just think it's too heavy. I mean, it's good for an ox, but for an egg, it feels like it might crush it, right?

Sure. Am I crazy? Yeah. But do you want, do you want a crack that egg? At some point, well, I to crack that egg at some point? Well, I'm afraid that eggy baby is just a huge egg. Oh, I'm not afraid about that, but that's part of what reality might be.

Yeah, you're like, wait, am I supposed to crack or is that what this is absolutely not supposed to do because this is its final form? Yeah, there's a difference between an egg cracking and an egg hatching. And I just wanna make sure if it's supposed to hatch, it does hatch. I didn't crack it before the hatch. You know the old saying, don't crack it before the hatch.

Don't crack it before the hatch. Don't crack it before the hatch. You know the old saying, I would say all the time. They would say that in the lost rider's room all the time. Oh yeah, you talked about there's a huge hatch on lost, right? Yeah, don't crack it before the hatch. And it gives birth to Penny's boat. Yeah, that was also my favorite catchphrase

on season one of Survivor. I am joined, as always, by my other co-host, you saw the wizard who's dead and also a ghost. I was Yusudor, wizard of the twelfth rail, Mubafesius, Master of Light and Shadow, many people later, magical delights, devour of chaos, champion of the Great Holes of Trocas. You sure can you take?

Can you take a new baby? So can you hold a new baby? Oh, fine, let me change then from Yusador to Nursador. I hate how much I love that. Now look, here I have these nipples on my forearm that I've magically created. How do I feed the baby? Wait, that was unrelated.

I haven't really fed it before. You just happen, you're like, I have these nipples also unrelated to that. What do I do with this baby? So, what are the nipples for if not feeding a baby? No, that's what they're for, but I don't know where to put the nipples on the egg. That, an adage for time, a question for history.

Where do you put the nipples on the egg? Mm-hmm. Up there with how high up the egg do the pants go? Listen, you saw, I don't, I haven't been feeding Eggie, baby. I don't know if that's part of it not hatching. But hey, go ahead and continue your name. Is it your book?

You could read about this. You think there's a book on raising a giant egg arny? You would have to think. Well, there is, but I can't afford it. Mm-hmm. Because there's a book on raising a giant egg arny? You would have to think. Well, there is, but I can't afford it. Mm. Because there's only one. Oh, and it's the covers are emerald and diamond, so. Yeah.

It's out of my price range. But you sort of please continue with your name, but just do it maybe in like a soothing sort of like lullaby sings on. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. I was known to the elves as fiannyolic. And I was known to the dwarves as Zoninook's stangies. And I was known to the northeast as gasmweinius mace star.

And there are so many secret names that only a sweet little baby like you will ever know Oh, and now you sort Did was that something here? Was that inside the egg? What was that? Higgy baby, what was that? No, no, it was me. I just kind of wanted to get in on that and everything Oh, oh, thank you. Well, I'm gonna put I'm gonna lay the egg down for now. Yeah, just roll it. Oh, this is beautifully harmonizing. Oh, oh, thank you. Well, I'm gonna lay the egg down for now. Yeah, just on the roll. Oh, there it goes. I'm totally fine.

Yeah, this is fun. Hey, wait a minute. Aren't you the greatest warrior in all of food? No, but my friend is. Yeah, I am the greatest warrior in all of food, aren't you? Oh, man, I love your work. Hey, hey, that's me, can I see your sword? That's a little personal, but I have no intention.

Ornay, it's not uncommon for people in a bar to try and compare swords. They want to just take a look. It's not, yeah. Okay, um, sure. It's gotta be around here somewhere. Give me a minute. I'll find it.

While he looks for his sword, can I ask, traveler, what's your name, what's your deal, what's going on? Oh, yeah, sorry so rid of me Of a yard my name is Calvac's a Strastomor Ebenwin Wow a pleasure to meet you Pardon me while I while I'm sort of I'm trying to get the egg to burp Oh They're so cute when they're that age.

I know, I know. Okay, alright, found it. What, nope, that's a snake! Well, that's a snake! No, no, no. It's a pretty stiff snake. So it brings you here to nibble bottom. Oh, well, I heard the nibble bottom has like a great sort of community around dragons and dragon culture

and like a bunch of dragonborn and stuff. So you know I've been scoping it out and everything. Oh, well welcome, yes I, there's a lot of wonderful culture here. You know we're on the edge of civilization, the edge of civilization, the edge of the kingdom. Many travelers find they were here from all walks of life. I'm sure you could learn a lot more about dragon kind and dragon born, you know, throughout town.

And you know, some people even believe that the unnamable mountain, which this town is at the base of. They believe it's not a mountain at all but perhaps a sleeping dragon. Oh yeah? Yeah man this is this is great stuff. This is great stuff. See this is the kind of dragon lore that you can't find in sort of like big city.

This is like real authentic stuff. Oh, whoa, yes. Sometimes in the big city, you know, they're obsessed with their own lives and just focusing on themselves and they don't really like live the way we live out here. Yeah, see, that's exactly what I'm saying. Like I find the coolest dragon stuff, you know, out here in like more provincial areas, right out here in more provincial areas.

Everywhere in the big cities, it's all just tourist BS and everything. And sometimes you'll get a dragon born exchange student or something, but out here is really where it's at. Yeah, a lot of people around here do sing. This is a poor provincial town. Nope, I found it. I found my sword. Oh wait, no This is a giant lollipop. I'm sorry. I'll I'll find anybody want to listen though before I mean yeah, I'll take one

Okay, no, thank you. Oh Pretty good Try me on that song reminds me Hasn't Bell gotten married yet. I You know what I mean? That song reminds me, why hasn't Belle gotten married yet? I don't know. I mean, I guess,

I guess because she's a sentient bell. So maybe that's part of the issue? Yeah, I guess Belle's usually don't get married. Not only think about it. Can you turn her back? I'm sorry, I've been still looking for my sword, but I ever heard it.

I heard a rumor and I don't know if this is true and I hate this red gossip. I've heard the... I've heard the spread gossip. I've heard that Belle, I heard a rumor, and I don't know if this is true, and I hate this bread gossip. I've heard the- I've heard the bell, the sentient bell, has a problem with the clapper. She caught the clapper? She caught the clapper. Oh no.

Hey, you know. Is that a thing? I might not be using the right term for you to write. You know I think you're right, I think you're right. Okay, I'll find that sword. Oh, for you. I think you're right. You got it. You got it. I think you're right. I think you're right. I got it. I'll find that sword.

Oh, the Clapper can affect your ding dong. So, well, sorry, we're getting caught up in some poor, provincial town bullshit and gossip. And this is probably not what you're looking for. Because you said you're interested in dragonborns. Yeah, I'm not to say that your lives are boring, but I'm kind of more interested in the dragon scene around here, if there's any sort of like conclaves

or anything, and it doesn't have to be of dragons or dragonborn, but even other fellow dragon culture enthusiasts and appreciators. Yeah, I'm trying to think, is there, oh, is there a dragonborn bar? I know on Fridays they have Dragon Knight, and everyone gets dressed up for that, and that's fun, but I'm trying to get a bit of nice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if that's what you're looking for. Oh, there's a Dragonborn restaurant. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, oh, man. They have servers there that like, even if they're not Dragonborn and stuff,

they'll dress up like kind of all scaly-like and everything, like a lot of chain mail, you know, and the kind of patterns of that and everything. And I never know how to feel about that. You know, I find it empowering for them to do that, right? And like, it definitely, I'm gonna leave a little extra silver on their tips, you know? Yeah.

I have to ask, what is it that you find so enthralling about dragons? Is there something in your past that made you feel like you had to just learn more about them? Or is it just something it's hard to put your finger on? Well you know a dancer question. I just they're so exotic you know and it's like human cultures fine and all and everything but like I just I think that the dragon culture, they just really have this ethos that I really dig, you know?

And like, you know, just a lot of my, I got into a lot, you know, ever since I was a little, a lot of my exes are dragonborn and everything. It's not like I'm looking for that. Right, of course happens to be. Can I ask just for math, sake? How many?

How many are dragonborn? How many are actually? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so great at math, but yeah, sure went up. Oh, just like I ain't oh, hey, I heard my man

Oh, uh, this is not my sword. This is a comically large pencil from where you're doing those comedy photo shoots The photographers that they'd look good yeah, I still have that arrow that went through my head Where's that magical arrow that went through? I'll find that sword eventually That's okay, that's okay. Hey, you know, man, you don't run a lie to me. I get it. Sometimes you can be a little shy about bringing out your sword in front of another sword guy And you know, it's it's okay. It's okay. It's just it's just us bro. You have a sword. Oh Yeah, yeah, look at this. I actually have quite a few. And, you know, like, it says, I've got a broad sword here, and clay more.

And like, you know, they're so, they're actually have live edges and everything. Oh, right. Yeah, why wouldn't they? Yeah, I had to send a mail order for them, but like, you know, they came and they looked super cool. I'm told that they're incredibly authentic. Well, yeah, why wouldn't they be authentic?

You could just go to any blacksmith in any town and get your sword sharpened with a live edge. Well, yeah, but I mean it's just like these are authentic sort of, you know, warrior swords, you know, like, I mean, I got one right here. I scattered right here. Oh, oh, yeah, and I got a little hammer right here. Oh, man, yeah, look at at the floor on this baby. Yeah Sorry Evan wing is that your last uh, that's my that's my last day

That's what you can you can call me you can tell me kelvax you can tell me kelvax. Yeah, I'm kind of I'm counting to I'm somewhat good at math. I'm counting 26 blades here. Did you stock in swords? Do you go out every day with all this shit? Oh, I mean, yeah, like, you never know when you need to whip one out at a tavern and stuff. And like, I mean, I say that I'm like, in addition to the dragon culture, like, that's an aspect of it that I really enjoy is the weaponry because they pay way more attention to the details of how things are built. There's sort of like a philosophy behind each of these sort of like dragon blades. They're less like weapons and more like part of your soul. Mm-hmm-hmm-hmm.

I just have to ask, is that a metaphorical or a literal thing? Because do they contain parts of souls? Oh, oh. I know the answer to that, and the answer to that is that they do, I think, probably contain part of your souls. And by having them, I have a lot of dragon soul with me at all times. Are you sure, could I talk to you under the table real quick? Sure.

Sure. Sorry, we'll be right back. Pardon us. Oh, okay. I'm kind of polished my swords here. Oh, of course you are. You sure anything you know I'm thinking I think this guy's a fucking sword bro. A sword bro? A sword bro? Yeah, a sword bro.

You know those people throughout the land who just try and collect swords to look cool. They don't really use them. They just polish them and sharpen them and they'll like, they'll cut fruit in front of friends. They'll have friends over and be like, look how sharp this is and they'll cut like a tomato with it and'll like, they'll cut fruit in front of friends, they'll have friends over and be like, look how sharp this is. And they'll cut like a tomato with it and be like, eh, it's like, yeah, it's a fucking blade, of course. And when they don't have swords on them, already you may not know this. When they don't have swords on them,

there's a lot of like, try grabbing my wrist. And you're like, what? And they're like, try grabbing my wrist. And I'm like, I'm not gonna grab your wrist. They go, just try grabbing my wrist. And I go, for what purpose? They go, try grabbing my wrist. And then you go to grab their wrist. And they slowly grab your hand and try and twist it

To like show you a move and you're like what is this? Well, I don't understand. I doesn't everyone need a sword just in case like a giant vampire or a werewolf tries to break into your House to kill you, but they just have swords because they just like swords, not because they need them. I think so. Why does it have to be a giant vampire or a werewolf? A giant vampire or a werewolf? Okay, okay. I just don't know.

A giant vampire with enough. What the hell are you talking about? A giant wolf. A vampire with enough of a spirit. Without it being a giant vampire. Sorry, I know this is in detail. Hey, Kelfax. Am I saying that right?

I think it's Kel Vaxes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kel Vaxes. Kel Vaxes, a Strastomor. But you can call me Kel if you want. Kel, that's fantastic. Thank you for that. Kel, are you?

How to put this delicately? Are you like a sword, bro? Well, I am a brother to a younger sister and I have quite a few swords. Yes. Okay, and what um, what do you use your swords for? Like what do you use them for? Oh man, what don't I use them for? Interesting, interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds bad. That sounds bad. There's gotta be some things you should not use a sword for. Turning on the lights? Yeah, I mean, you never know when you need a sword and everything.

You gotta open a lot of packages and you gotta cut things. You guys, I'm gonna do a test. Kill the axis. Would you mind handing me that drink over there? Oh, yeah. Okay. All right, so right through the mug, okay. All the liquid spilling out. Yeah, yeah. Okay. She's two swords and so I'm trying to kick it up with a kiss.

I can't. Okay, let me do it all right. Please raise it. No, I got it. I got it, I got it miss. Thank you. Thank you miss Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, He is but a scratch! Yeah. So have you, I suppose, Kel? Perhaps you need some training to actually... No. No. No? I have watched so many tournaments.

Okay. You don't even know, like, and like, I mean, you know, like, it's, I have so many swords. Like, why wouldn't I be able to do it? I have a lot of swords. I have seen so many tournaments. I mean, like, what else is there, you know? Kill Backstaff, do mind without using the sword?

I let the leave all the swords aside. All right. Do you mind like sort of pantomime, like just show us some of your moves? Oh, okay. Everybody, stand back. Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! See these are traditional, these are traditional, sort of dragon workrides. Ah! Yeah. Oh, sorry, man.

Oh! Ah! Oh, oh, that'll heal, that'll heal. That's fun, yeah. Yeah, that looks very sad. This is a little something like that. It's very performative, I'll give you that. It's very performative, I'll give you that. It's very performative.

I do like performing this. Yes. You mentioned dragons. You have a dragon thing? A dragon thing? Yes, honey. Well, you were away. We established a learned that kill has a finish

for dragons, dragon. Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey and the Dragonborn are a noble race of, and have a long-stored culture that people like you and me can only hope to scratch the surface of. We met a dragon once who just kind of wanted to hang out in his basement. Okay. Is he, I don't think he was like a particularly

like rich cultural spiritual creature. I like dragons can be all sorts of things. I think I know a little bit about dragons, my man. Okay. So, whatever you, like you can't use your one anecdote of like knowing a dragon to make generalizations about an entire culture. Right, but isn't that what you're doing? You know what? I don't I don't have I don't have to I don't have to identify that with response, you know? I I know I am very intimately familiar with dragon culture and dragon board. I don't like that you let your lips when you said intimate.

Yeah, you know, my last girlfriend and everything was like, oh man, yeah, and everything was like, hey, can I go back to the store some more? You totally belong with us. Like you have the heart of a dragon. Oh, then why'd you two break up? You know, a long distance thing. Oh, okay.

Oh. Arnie, I don't know if you're here for this. You might have been looking for your sword. Eight out of the last eight people, Kellas, dated, have been dragonborn. So eight out of eight Arnie, that makes it like more than 50%. I mean, you're not wrong. Yeah, I didn't go. I feel like we've uncovered the secret of KEL here.

KELVAX is Strachimal. I have to ask, have you ever considered the perhaps you are fetishizing dragons? that's all I've seen. Ugh. I beg your pardon? I mean even the use of the word exotic earlier was, uh... Wow! Oh, okay, oh, oh, just because I have had eight X's

who are all dragonborn and I have traveled across the land of finding other fellow dragon enthusiasts. And I have tattooed wings on my back that I was told were specifically going to help me like adapt into dragon culture, but may have been oversold to me, and just because, you know, I was, you know, that Kill Vax's Trashimore is not my real name,

does not mean that I am fetishizing a whole entire culture. Yeah, those are all the reasons. What about my, I'm sorry that I'm looking in your Rucksack here but it's... Hey! You seem to have a giant body pillow shaped like a dragon in there. Okay okay you know what that is good for your back you know it's like you know yeah honey that's just good for your back you shouldn't look in people's sex. Yeah. And not to keep looking through your Rucksack, but it says your real name is Piss Williams? You know, it's...

It's Piss short for everything. I gotta ask. Please, please, please let it be to statue. Oh, Pistophird. It's... Oh, he's crying. Oh, buddy. It's his short for, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's all right. And it's not, that's not my name, right? Okay, Pister Williams is somebody who got picked on in grade school because he maybe had a stuff, dragon stuffy

that he looked around around everywhere, right? And maybe Pisterd Williams was the one who got busted for taking portraits of all the Dragonborn girls, right? I am Calvin Staxus, Strasemore, Evan Wing, and I am a mighty warrior. Oh, do you know how long you have to stare at someone to make a portrait of them that is creepy? You know, I mean. They're more like gestural sketches, but yeah.

Oh. Well, well, I certainly don't think we should ask you to identify in any other way than you feel most comfortable and happy. But I think it's worth examining your own, and perhaps as you continue to explore your true self, you can, you'll dig a little deeper. Yeah. Take a little deeper. I mean, like, I mean, I think I should fully be fluent in draconic. Learning draconian would help you,

certainly, yeah. Really understand the literature and the language of the dragonborn. As long as you're doing it for yourself and not to impress dragonborn. Right. Is the intent behind it? It's also so that I can watch Dragonborn plays.

Okay. Dragonborn performances and listen to Dragonborn music. That's the answer. Which is all wonderful. Those are all wonderful things to engage with. I'm sorry, look, I want to go with you on this killback. But when you say you want wanna appreciate the Dragonborn plays. Yeah, yeah.

Are we talking about all of them, not just the sexy Dragonborn plays? You're not just into the tentacle place. Oh, God, you know, that's an integral part of their history, though. Oh, yeah. integral part of their history though. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. And it's just something that humans wouldn't understand. I am a human, it's true. But I feel like, you know, I'm practically a dragon you know at this point so I wouldn't say that yeah like is there any like literal way that you're practically a dragon yeah I mean like you know I've been I've been taking supplements and stuff. They're like, you know, like, a lot of majors out there. A lot of majors out there that will give you all sorts of stuff.

Like, you know, mandragrutes and, you know, I don't actually really know within them, to be honest with you, but, you know, they're supposed to help you be very attractive to the dragonborn. You used to be a one-time magic to me a friend, he created a team and he had this create team and when he created the team for me the team would like help me train So I bulk up real fast So if you ever want to try create teen it's it's pretty good supplement

Yeah, it's just a powder you can put in your you know your morning milk or cider Whatever that teenager was a powder Uh-huh Oh Don't talk about teens and powder. That's not a good combination. Arnie, you just bang your spoon or you okay? You see, mad. Look, look who Vax is maybe a little bit. Let's get off of the dragon subject, Phil. But I'm sure you're you have a rich life and there's lots of things that you're interested in, like all these cool swords.

And although I notice on the help of all these swords, it says, cut co. Yes, that is the place that I use. Like are these off-themed? Yeah, I mean, look at them. Look how cool they are. Like that is authentic, dragon riding on it. Cut co. You know?

The silver's flaking off of this one. Mm-hmm. So sorry, Kale. I thought you were trying to learn the dragon language, and you said that's authentic dragon writing. Do you know what it says? In Dragon World? Uh, um, this one says good luck.

And... Good luck. I don't think so, my man. Oh, I'm doomed. Now though, I kind of want to sword this says good luck. I mean, I've got a sword that says good luck on it. It's kind of the fucking coolest. I'm kind of around on it.

It's kind of like... I don't need to try hard. I'm like, good luck. I want to sword this says just good luck. In big letters all the way down the blade. Oh, that's so fucking good. I ever find bad at this. I want a sword that says just good luck in big letters all the way down the blade. I want it so fucking great. I never find my sword again. I'm going to go find a way to get good luck and scrap.

Oh good luck sword. I got a fuck. Can you help me get a good luck sword? Oh yeah, sure. I mailed away for this for this one and and oh and actually this one I got from from a from a caravan everything that came that came from far away lands. Oh, okay.

Well, you know, I think I might want a good luck sword too. Now that we're talking about it. Although I don't want mine to say it along the blade. I wanted to say it on the hill, so it's the last thing somebody sees as I drive the sword towards them Oh, yeah, I guess it could be taken two ways one would be like it's bringing you good luck Right, and what could be like two-year-old like good luck? Yeah, yeah What is on the tip of the sword it says good night and on the health it says good luck say good night Oh look you know what you know what? You know what?

That's pretty awesome, Arnie. Yes. That's pretty awesome. I what if I what if on the other side of the blade it said good morning and then it says that the body says on the hill and if I don't see you good afternoon good evening and good night. Kell, I'm really coming around on this sword thing? I love this. I love this. I actually super love this. And I think that we can write it in draconian. And then it will be a fusion of our cultures. Oh, do I need to start investing in a lot more swords?

I think a fuck. Kale, I want to apologize earlier. It felt like we were kind of holding your feet to the fire. And now I think we want to invest with you. You know what? I feel like it's always good to have a certain amount of introspection. And you know, I feel like when you look at other cultures, like dragons, which are perfect, and you know, hold them higher than your own, and like you don't really focus on

like how you can improve your own, I think. Yeah, and actually pretty thoughtful. And it points out that no one is perfect. No group should be attributed with a single, no group is a monolith. Yeah. And I think earlier you mentioned the swords being a fusion. And I think the term fusion is just like, a really clean way to appropriate.

I think it's a nice, it just sort of does a lot of heavy lifting to where you can just take any culture and merge it with you. And I think that's really fun. That is appropriate, yes. That seems, yes. No, if that was appropriate or not, to bring out, but thank you.

Yes. Well, Ar know if that was appropriate or not to bring up, but thank you. Yes. Well, Arnie, is it right? Yeah, great story of the game. You can't find your sword, but can you like, describe it to me? Yeah, okay. You know, because I think I'm kind of looking for something where it's like, you know, I mean, if the greatest warrior, and all the food has one, then like, even if you're not a dragon,

then maybe that might be worth adding to the collection. Yeah, well, you know, it's got like a pointy part and it's got like a hand part. It's sort of longer than regular knife. Unfortunately, I don't have the sword that belonged to the former greatest wearer in all of Foon Arnor, the warrior. Arnie.

Yeah. I think you're accidentally describing your penis. Oh, shit. Did I mention the pointy head? That's so embarrassing. I don't want that to get out. No, no. Which also, I got to get a belt.

Because yours is right. What about this stuff? Yeah. But yeah, I'll definitely, yeah. You know, come ask, come back, sis. What do you do for work? Or you just like come from money? I like, how do you fund all this?

Well, you know, I don't want to say I come from money? How do you fund all this? Well, I don't want to say I come from money, but the ebb and wings are the Williams. The Williams are comfortable. All right. Oh, your piss Williams of the forest Williams? Okay, sorry Arnie, they're comfortable. I see. You're not the first. First of all, it sounds like. Yeah, yeah., you're not the first Pistopher. It sounds like. Yeah, yeah.

It's Pistord, and no, I am actually Pistor Williams III. What if I had a sword that said your blood goes here? Oh! Where does it say that? Well, right on the blade. That one will be right on the blade. Okay. That's pretty good.

Oh, I want one. If, Kel, if you're willing to help make these fours, I want one that says, take a wound, leave a wound. So, leave a wound. Sort of thoughtful in a weird way. Yeah. Feel like- Is there someone chuckle before they die?

Before they kill over dead? Yeah. What about house my sword play? Dial 1-800 each shit Dio Dio Dio I'm just that we're spitballing ideas. Oh, how about your face here?

Like that How about your face here? Ooh, like that. Yeah. And still, I mean, still, all these sorts have to say good luck somewhere, because I think that's a brand, Kelle. I think good luck sorg is the brand. Good luck sorg is a fucking good luck. You know what?

Actually, though, this is actually real good stuff. I mean, I really hadn't considered any and he's doing any sort of enterprise or building anything of my own, but this same is like, really hadn't considered any sort of enterprise or building anything of my own, but this seems like a healthy direction to take. Yeah, absolutely. And can I just say there is such a market for this?

I mean, I know so many people. If you had a sword that said my other sword is a dagger, 10,000 sales. 10,000 sales would come across the shore because these are boat friends of mine. And six people on this 10,000 sales. 10,000 sales would come across the shore because these are boat friends of mine. And six people on this 10,000 sale would buy those sorts. Wow, all right.

Well, let's take a quick break and keep thinking up slogans to go on out. New good luck, Source. Can you print on demand swords? That's my main question. We could take a stab at it. Take a stab at it. Take a stab at it. Wow!

Kelvaksus, can I ask? So you said you chose this name for yourself and everything else aside I do want to honor that. How did you come up with your name? Well, you see, it came to me in a dream. Oh, right. I retract my question. Oh, oh. Oh, no, honey, a dream is a powerful portent that you must pay attention to.

Oh, okay. I often appear in people's dreams to get some shit done. Yeah, and Arnie, if you dye in your dreams, you dye in real life. What? In your dreams. You can dream, I mean, you're, you dyeing real life in your dreams. You can dream, I mean, you're fine in real life, but in your dreams.

Kel, can we hear about this dream? Oh, yeah. Well, basically, I dreamt that I was in the land of the dragons. And they had accepted me as one of their own. And I had a really hot dragon wife and then uh and then she said I love you Kilvax was stressed more ebb and wing and then I woke up and then I talked to my girlfriend uh Eridjwin who was dating at the time,

and she said that that name was nonsense, but, you know, it sounded so dragony, so I decided to keep it anyway. Yeah, I was gonna say, I'd never heard a dragon name like that, personally, but I don't know all dragons, and I don't know all dragon cultures, so perhaps somewhere reaching out from

beyond your dreams there's a dragon with a group of dragons with those names and you just have to find the right group. Yeah you think so? Yeah but also a dragon born probably knows better than any of us. Yeah but I love to appear in people's dreams and leave all sorts of secret clues and and say like, oh here is you said, oh I'm in your dream and you must make a pile of seven pancakes and then like let them figure it out. Yeah, I mean dreams can mean anything. And in this case, this dream meant, you know, it's time to set out and find the

sickest dragon that you can paint on your wagon for traveling around the countryside. A dragon wagon. Yeah. I don't know. Is that I was looking out the window is that your wagon out there sure is isn't it sweet It's very nice. I make I make a decent side hustle Posing for wagons. Oh No way Yeah, that's me. Oh, man, and when you hold your hand out just like that Yeah Oh man, and when you hold your hand out just like that. Yeah.

Just like that. That lightening and everything. And I just see you on top of that mountain there. Oh man, yep. Yo dragon wagon. I used to have this touring show where I would help jack up people's wagons. We do a lot of exhibits where it's like you go to the exhibit and your wagon gets jacked

and it's like we, you know, the wagon doors open at a weird angle or there's like, there's like a crystal ball in the trunk of the wagon and that's cool. And there's lights everywhere. It was a very fun show to watch, but I don't know if it was practical. Some of those wagons were not trail ready, if that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah, more for show, more for show. And like I know that like generally, girl dragons don't have, you know, boobs, but-

Yeah, we can say, they're like, I don't know. Yeah, that's what, It's an aesthetic choice. Yeah, it's also like on your wagon, that dragon has very large breasts. And I didn't know if it was appropriate to ask. And also just reddened next to it. It just says titties, really big. Yeah, I am told that it a mighty weapon that says great warrior on it. I mean, right?

Yeah, you ever wouldn't want a mighty weapon that says great warrior on it. I mean, right? Yeah, you ever wouldn't want a mighty weapon that says great warrior on it. I mean, right? I mean, right? I mean, right? I mean, right? I mean, right?

I mean, right? I mean, right? I mean, right? I mean, right?itty-Zone. I mean, right? Yeah, you ever wouldn't want a mighty weapon that says great warrior on it. Yeah, and you use the thing, and I hate to, this isn't the kind of thing I would normally say, but we're just a bunch of cool bros hanging out. If I had a sword that said Titty's on it, when I stabbed someone, I would look them in the face

and I would say, you've just been Titty fucked. Is that cool? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because they've been fucked by a great warrior. Right. Nice. Ah, Ahni isn't your title then? The Titty of Food? Hmm. Oh, man, I'm so sorry.

Yeah, I should have been addressing you in like, you know, like, as know, like the, as is the proper way in the way of the dragons, the titty of food. Yes, we should address Arnie and the proper way from now on, I agree. Okay. Or would it just be Arnie and Ecamp greatest titties and all of them? Ooh, I like the ring of that. Well then you're repeating the greatest. Oh, that's it.

Yeah. Titty knee camp, Arnie tit camp, Arnie knee tits. Hey, everyone! Let's give a cheer for Arnie, the titties, the greatest titties, and all the food knee camp. Hit him! Huzzah! Hit him! Huzzah!

Huzzah! Well, the whole bar really got into that. Arnie, there's something there. Yeah, there must be. Have him have him have him have All the whole bar really got into that aren't either something there. Yeah, there must be at the Even at the mention of titties every head turned. I've never seen that before There must be a lot of people to speak draconic here So Cal you mentioned out of the eight X-girlfriends you said one you broke up unfortunately I'm so sorry because of long distance. Long distance, in that she could she could fly and I could not. Could get away, this is what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, which is fine, which is fine, but the fact that she didn't really come back, which was kind of... It was less that you are separated by distance and living in two places as much as she chose to be a great distance away.

A long distance away. If you love someone, let them fly away and see if they fly back. Yeah. Fuck you. Can I ask about the other seven, not to put you on a spot, Kel, but the other seven ex-girlfriends, if we could just run down the list of cause of breakup. Oh, man, I really don't wanna kiss and tell and everything, but okay, so we had the one that was, you know, they teach to be dragging on your wagon

and you don't wanna kiss and tell? Oh, no, I mean, you know, those are, those are, those are my ladies, man. Okay, understandable, understandable, respect, respect. Right, and you know, one of them, I just, I couldn't, here's the thing about dragon cuisine is that it's mostly people. And I don't like, I couldn't quite get into it, And that was when I was young. And it's just like, you don't want to try new things. And so there's a lot of, it's sort of like human-based alternatives.

Or human alternatives, like plant-based human alternatives. Oh, like beyond humans. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or I also like impossible humans. You know, that one's been really good. Just a sort of Arnie, tell me about it. Yeah, right. Kill the exercise.

Look, I might be jumping to conclusions here, but is it possible? Is it possible that some percentage of your former relationships with dragons, you are misinterpreting a dragon trying to eat you. No, that's cool. Let me ask you this, while you're quote unquote dating these dragons, did you happen to be standing on top of a hoard? I mean, I wouldn't call them that, but like, you know, I mean, yeah, there was a lot of goals around for a lot of them. You come from money, we've been seeing this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I also remember there being a lot of bones, and a lot of times we'd go for dates and caves. And, you know, I mean. You don't want to kiss and tell, but there's a lot of bones. Come on, dude. Disgusting. I want.

I know. I mean, I mean, like uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh more like the bleached in the sun with pieces of gristle hanging off bones. Right. Fuck me. I want a sword that says fun time bones. Oh my god. Jesus. Please, please, please, please, please. Yeah, with all these different catchphrases for swords, I'm starting to understand how you could own all so many swords. Kell, I get it now.

Yeah, we're 100% of the sword thing. Do you think that Mara-Gwyn, when she was trying to introduce me to her family, she said, won't you come over for dinner? Hmm. And I was like, sure, do you need me to take my shoes off before I enter the cavern? And she was like, yes, actually, you should also take off any pointy items of clothing you have.

And I thought I was like, ooh, ooh, but, you know, that's a man. Yeah, I think they were gonna eat you. I think it's a plan. In retrospect, it's kind of a miracle you're still alive. Yeah, you survived at least eight dragon attacks. Ha, ha, ha, I mean, you know, anybody else could probably has had the same kind of problems. Women, am I right?

I don't know, that's crude, I shouldn't say that. If you're looking for a title or something, you know how Arnie's the greatest warrior in food? I mean, kill them, killable? Yeah, I wonder if it's just sort of like, if they say how when alcoholics are in car crashes, they don't get hurt because they're so relaxed. Yeah, I mean like I always just assumed that it was casino. I'm special. And you know, they retrospect, I got to say,

none of them lasted much too long, you know? And those that did add more of a kind of a marinating, add sort of a marinating quality to them, as opposed to like a long-term serious commitment. Right, right. So you're being marinated. They were definitely gonna eat you. Well, the course of true love never did run smooth.

Love marinated. They always say. That's very true. I once marinated Genelevia the Red for six days in vinegar, and then I turned into a giant eagle, and I carried her to the top of a mountain top, and then I transformed mine self into a loaf of bread, and she transformed herself into an alligator, and she devoured me. Hmm. Hot. Thank you. Come access to you mind if we read an email? Oh, I don't know what that is but sure.

Great, thank you. I appreciate that. Basically, this is a message from people in our world. People can email us at MagicTaver and the puppies that supplies. It's a real email address. He's world. Or if they join our Patreon at patreon.com slash MagicTaver.

They can also message us there and get all kinds of wonderful bonus content. Here's a message, dear Arnold, it's Arnie, chunt and usador. I've been listening through all of your old episodes, and I'm almost caught up in enjoying it a lot. My dungeons and dragons group will be starting a new campaign soon, and there will be a couple of twists. First off, we will be the villains this time, which I have wanted to do for ages and I am very excited. Secondly, I have been making suggestions to the dungeon master for magical items we could craft.

Could you please tell us about some common magical items you haven't found that might be useful to a party of villains to help me with some ideas? Thanks so much, Ada. Okay, I know this is not dressed me, but there's a couple things I wanted to circle back to. Is dungeons and dragons some sort of a kinky thing? Oh no, it's sort of like our game offices and bosses. Oh. Are you familiar with offices and bosses?

I have a nerdy, that's a nerdy. Right. And like I wouldn't use a dungeon master and there's dragons and balls, you know, you can understand how I might have taken that a miss. Right. Because I know that you're like, hey, can we circle back to one thing?

You said dragon in that email. Mm-hmm. But the dungeons juxtaposed with the dragons is especially kind of of interest. I mean, it's just a nerdy game. Yeah, it's a nerdy thing. Well, I have one magical item to suggest for their game. And that is a big bottle of poison. Because if you're gonna play a bunch of villains,

and I am determined to destroy all evil in all its forms, then I suggest that you drink that bottle of poison and die in a game. Of course. I have to lie on the side of the recommend. One would be, I don't know if you've heard of this Arnie, it's called Must Ash. Now this is a little pouch, or it could be a bottle of ash.

And this ash is darker and has a fibrous quality to it. And all you have to do is dip your finger in that Must Ash and you put that across your upper lip. Immediately, you look like someone else. Immediately, you're unrecognizable and even a little bit nefarious. And the other thing I'd recommend for any villain, you're gonna get yourself a big old blade. This is titties on it. Now, where can you find a big blade that says titties on it?

Glad you asked. Good luck, swords. Look, swords, yeah. Mm-hmm. I'd like to recommend anyone out there that is playing Dungeons & Dragons or any kind of role-playing game. Please introduce the item, a sword that says titties on it.

You said role-play game, please introduce the item, a sword that says titties on it. You said role-play and dragons and there's a dungeon. Like what are you sure that this is just some nerd thing? I know it sounds sexy, but it's not. Oh come on! Yeah, sorry. Should we be talking like this in front of Aggie, baby? Oh shit. I mean he's got a pretty thick shell, so even though it does leak yolk, Yeah, sorry. Should we be talking like this in front of a G baby? Oh, shit I mean he's got a pretty thick shell so even though it does leak yoke. Oh, he's leaking He's leaking. Can you get that? It's alright. I'll wipe it up with a nipple son my forearm. Oh Maybe a sort of this is nipples

Well, we could come up with swords all day and we will on the Patreon the swords all day and we will on the Patreon. Carol, thank you so much for coming by. I hope we can do business. I hope you figure things out and it's a delight to meet you. Oh, this was an absolute blast. And you've given me quite a lot to think about. You know, I might actually start working towards good luck swords as a viable business venture.

And I'll be happy to gift all of you one, you know, when I get the first batch of prototypes out. That would be amazing. And Kelly never asked for this, but if I may, I'm gonna go ahead and try and grab your wrist. Is that something you'd be interested in? Oh, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, go ahead.

He's just starting from here. He's starting from here. He's starting from here. He's starting from here. Oh, no, no, slower than that. Oh, wait a minute, a little slower. A little slower, slower. Oh, no, no, slower than that. Just like an ill fight. Just like, yeah, yeah, yeah. The person's hearing how to grab you. Okay, okay.

Okay. Ha. Is it, oh wait. It's the other, oh sorry, it's the other way. Here, try it again. Try it again, okay. Yeah. Ha.

Oh. Oh yeah. Good, very good. See, if figure out how to grab your feet. Yeah. And then you figure out how to grab your feet. And then you figure out how to grab your feet. Oh, yeah. And then you figure out how to grab your feet. And then you figure out how to grab your feet. And then you figure out how to grab your feet. And then you figure out how to grab your feet.

And then you figure out how to grab your feet. And then you figure out how to grab your feet. And then you figure out how to grab your feet. And then you figure out how to grab your feet. And then you figure out how to grab your feet. And then you figure out how to grab your feet. And then you figure out how to grab your feet. And then you figure out how to grab your feet.

And then you figure out how to grab your feet. And then you figure out how to grab your feet. Oh, yeah. And then you figure out how to grab your feet. And then you figure out how to grab your feet. And then you figure out how to grab your feet. And then you figure out how to grab your feet. And then you figure out how to grab your feet. And then you figure out how to grab your feet. Oh, yeah. And then you figure out how to grab your feet. That's fine. That chick's dick scars. Indeed, they do, on the outside, and the inside.

Usant or the wizard was played by Matt Young. Chant the talking badger was played by Adolf Refy. Kill Vaxo Strasdemore, Ebonyng, the sword bro, was played by special guest Erika Ishii. Check out their great new podcast, World's Beyond Number. Hmm, I'll allow it. On all podcast platforms and Patreon, and follow them on Twitter at Erika Ishii, and on TikTok and Instagram at VEricaEceE. Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production, made possible by supporters of

the Magic Tavern Patreon, the names of whom I'll just tape up in the break room, you can read them at your leisure. Okay, fine. People like James Cullen, Jeff Draider, K.T. McCullough, Annie May Allure, Shante You Stay Annie May, Michael Rance, Sean from Edmonton, once again Sebastian from Saskatoon, not about you, Jake Loney, Gordy J, Reed, Dan, Sarah Feldman, Danny, Rob Otter, and Lex Friedman. Patrons like Rob and lots of Otter ones get ad-free episodes, the entire eight years encountering back catalog, including all the previous spin-offs,

and at least two new bonus episodes each month. Here's a clip of the most recent Patreon bonus, episode four of the Shadow City campaign, DMed by Anthony Birch of Dungeons and Datties. Great, okay, so the smoke bomb, they go off filling the area around you with a dense fog, and you can see just for a second, his fist break through the fog, and completely with the air.

He completely mis-amed his punch. Thanks to the smoke, he might have hit you otherwise, but he goes, oh, that's no fun, that's no punch line at all, come on, where are you? And he's trying to like, part the fog with his hands like it's a curtain, and he is going to roll a search action to see if he can find you. Oh no, natural 20. So he goes, he goes,

any, me, me, me, me, me, there you are. And he grabs you by the scruff of your neck and picks you up like a mama cat with her kitten and then turns you around to face him and he goes, well, well, well, who's this we have here? He was crawling around on all fours, but his back was just clearly out of the smoke the whole time. Right, yeah, the smokes are really loaded around.

What does he look like? Like, do you mind just like, what am I seeing? Yeah, you know, Bozo the clown. Mm-hmm. Is it a Chicago institution? Yeah, so turn up the like, the like pervometer on Bozo by like, three ticks. Impossible.

And she... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Camp Matt Young in Adderrothi, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz. This episode edited by Garrett Schultz. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard Laban. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. It's like a weight is lifting off my shoulders. All of reality saved. Oh no. Shouldn't you be saying something more like, ah yes. I wish I could Tim, but again. Oh, no.

Director Ward, what's wrong? Look. Hank, you bastard. This isn't over, is it? What a fool I've been. Of course he had reserves. Come on, Tim. We have to raise the stakes. Okay, let me just grab the not-headch clippers. Leave them. We're going to need something stronger. Shouldn't I bring them anyway?

There are children playing nearby. Fine. you