Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 4, Ep 67 - Brotaur Visits (w/ Colt Cabana)

Episode Date: March 20, 2023

Brotaur, half man, half animal, all warrior, returns and he's matured quite a bit in recent years... according to him.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampUsidore: Matt YoungChunt: Adal RifaiBrodus Tarver: Colt CabanaDirector Ward: Shane WilsonProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Chris RathjenMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Let me see. Here we go. Computer. Give me full access to temporal monitoring systems. Denied. Okay, where's the lockout? Uh-huh. I can get access if you are kidding me.

I have to play the transmission from FUN. The whole thing. Oh fine. Computer activate relay beam. The whole thing? Oh, fine. Computer activate relay beam. Now, where is that nonsense he reads? Ah, here we go. People of Earth, the following podcast, is not real.

But if we're being honest, what is real anyway? Don't get hung up on it. Just sit back and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of fun. I'm your host, I'm your unique camp. If you've never listened to podcasts before, this is everything you need to know. Eight years and two weeks ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fun.

Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional riff, and I use that to upload a podcast recorded here in the tavern, the strange familiar, in the town of nibble bottom, at the base of the ennammable mountain, in the magical land of fun. And I'm joined, as always, by my co-host, Shunt the Talking Banger.

Oh, yeah, baby, Arnie, what a phenomenal morning we had. I can't think about it. What an adventure. That's so just for anyone who wasn't there. I'm gonna let I'm not. Yes. Oh yeah. You say it all. You sure? Oh yeah. But you'll probably stop me at some point. Oh yeah. Yeah. That's the thing. I will stop you. That's my contribution as I will repeatedly stop you. So the three picture this That's my contribution as I will repeatedly stop you. So the three picture this, Arnie used to door in-chunt. The three of us are raising Aggie Baby, right? So we go on this picnic,

and we're on top of this hill, and all three of us take a little nap up against Aggie Baby. But we lean too hard, Aggie Baby rolls down a hill. The three of us are chasing Aggie Baby. Yes. The Aggie rolls all the way down the hill, up the other hill, almost lands on us. Usurker's Aggie Baby, the egg rolls all the way down the hill, up the other hill, homeless lands on us.

Usurka's Iggy Baby wings. We all grab onto Iggy Baby. Iggy Baby flies us around town. We end up crashing into a building into a boy band competition. We name ourselves, you want to name us wings, which I think, no, if I'm sorry, the pretty dumb name, just because Iggy Baby had wings, we end up going with Threg,

which is a combination of three men and an egg Wow, was it Threg or three? Anyway, we won the boy-beam competition with our hit new song Hatch me if you can sure and I already I just cannot you know for health. How much fun we had what an adventure Yeah, chunk you woke up about two minutes ago. Yeah, and I am energized. Yeah, I think a beetle went in my nose. Uh, you sir.

Oh, I'm joined also by my other co-host, Usador the Ghost. I was Usador. Was it a 12th realm of a fesiest master of light and shadow? Minifu-Lyktrov, Magical Lights, Devourer of chaos? Trappying of the great halls of Trocus? The elves, Nubius, Fien, Yalek? The dwarves, Numi, Azonin and Hukstangies, and I was known throughout the Houghton Orthes' des Gasmweinius May Star, and there may be other secret names. Names that shall never be as catchy as... Hatch me if you can... Three! Hatch me if you can, three! Catch me if you can. We're three.

Oh man. Wait, hold on. Here's the thing, I thought that was all a dream. Did that really happen? Yeah, but I was in the dream. Oh, I see. I like to visit people in their dreams and give them little tasks to do.

Up here is a vision and say, loo-terra-porn-us-all-less-do, you know, sell your dog or something. appear as a vision and say, LOOOOO TARAH PONASOL, LESS YOU, uh, you know, sell your dog or something, and then I just last, sit back and laugh. Yeah. You said, I'm gonna ask and look, you're very old, so I'm sure you're not in touch with this. How dare you.

These days, is that ethical? Like, just to show up in people's dreams? Like, are you allowed to do that? Uh, well, uh, as a great wizard, who is, you know, sending potents and visions around. Yeah, I think I'm good. Okay. Arnie, do you remember in the dream?

Definitely didn't happen. Do you remember in the dream this morning that you had frosted tips? No, I wish though. Is that something I should do? You looked really, you had frosted tips and you had a really tight pukachelle necklace and it looked so good.

Okay, I'm thinking about it, I'm thinking about it. Oh, and hey, I just wanna say, if I move a little slower than usual this episode, I've got a little tummy troubles. I think, you know what, tummy's been upset ever since our eighth anniversary episode. Oh no. I think it's a little tummy troubles. I think I'm, you know what, tummy's been upset ever since our eighth anniversary episode. I don't know. I think it must probably the Foxface.

Oh yeah, that would do it. I think I undercooked it and overcooked it at the same time. Yeah. Which is only possible with Foxface? Yeah, it's so easy to burn around the edges, but then you still have the meaty, chewy, grisly bits in the middle. Yeah, the raw sinew.

When there's no right way to do a dish, there's so many ways to do it wrong. Yeah, there's no right way to eat a fox face. Is the common phrase. Well, maybe there's a gnome in there. I know. Is there a gnome in your tummy, Ernie? I don't think so.

I mean, I just kind of occasionally just feel a little blah. But you know what? Open your mouth. Open your mouth. Ah, let me see. I don't see a gnome. Wait, are there any gnome's in there? Yeah, let me get in.

No, no, hey, yo. First of all, your hands are filthy. What, how's to help me to climb into you down your throat? How is having a bird shit spattered wizard crawling into my throat? Gonna help me with my tummy troubles. So you can... Sorry, let me write down a few notes for my new romance novel. So be pretty sleepy, okay?

Sorry, you started going ahead. Well, I'm sorry I was trying to diagnose your issue. I'll let you... Stomachut, I don't care. It's fine. But later on, you're gonna want me to get in that throat. Okay. Another line for the romance, no?

Look, I'm a pros, I can roll with these tummy problems. I'm excited to talk to our guests. We have a guest that we haven't had on in a really long time. Is it Otock? Look, Otoak is literally like, hey, on the other side of the tavern right now. We found him!

Yeah, we found Otak. I forgot about that. Yeah. Alright, and there's that big-ass giraffe whatever that name was. Grongo? Trongo. Trongo.

Man, it's so hard to keep track of names. I know. We'll just look at him. He doesn't look like a grongo, but he does look like a trongo I'm sorry you were introducing the guests you were introducing the guests. Sorry. Oh, I'm so sorry It's been a long time. It's remember bro tar brotus tarver the sort of half man half Confusing animal. Oh, yes, oh

Half the confusing animal. Oh, yes. Oh, absolutely. Foon's champion. He was huge. Yeah. Still is, bro. Whoa! Hey!

That's a huge heart. That's a huge heart. Still is huge, bros. So big. Hey. Mm-hmm. You still doing this thing? Yeah.

Eight years and two weeks. But you know what? One of these days, we're gonna do it right. Today, the day? Today, the day. Today, the day, the day. The day, the day, the day. Tomorrow, Salah, today's the day.

Do we get to stop then? Do we get to stop then if we do it right? Is that up to me? You're the guest? Oh, and I, yeah, I think it's up to all of us collectively. Yeah! I mean, you might as well keep doing it. Should this be a new segment on the podcast every episode we asked the guest? Should this be the last one?

I think that's a wonderful idea. I'll let you go forward, no problem. Okay, great, great, thank you. Now, Routar, it's been so long! How you been, bud? How you doing? Well, you know, it's been so long. How you been, bud? How you doing? Well, it's been like, what has it been years, right? It's six years, maybe. You know, six years ago,

I was just like this young, sweet dude. Now I'm like a full-fledged grownup. Yeah, wow. So you're a grotar. I'm a grotar. Yeah. Yeah, wow. So you're a grotar. I'm a grotar. Yeah. Oh, I'm a show tar and a grotar. Okay, wow, both. I can say is it called in here? Oh, the rare both a grotar and a show tar. Mm-hmm. Life's been good. You know, like I'm like super into crypto,

which of course is like when you take the toes of babies from their cribs. Oh, crypto. Crypto. Crypto. To your friends. Sure. And I was doing really well.

Not doing too hot right now, but still you got to stay in it. You got to hold. You got to hold onto those toes. You know, bros? You're saying you're super into that. Bros, hold on toes before it grows. Okay, totar.

Brotar, showed rotis were very happy to hear that you've been doing well and, and, and, and we're so sorry we haven't seen you in so long. It's, it's wonderful to have you back. Uh, but I just need to know, uh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Dorsky Holder. Yeah. Were you not, I mean, I'm basically the most famous person in Funa. Were you not at the arena every single night? Did you, were you, did you not come? Not every single night. I had to go around and learn about ancient tomes and rim wars, full of ancient knowledge, try to defeat my great enemy the Dark Lord

And so I was busy sometimes Just assume when you invited me on the show It's because I just won food 100 everybody knows that You had you weren't in the arena watching me against the other top 100 bodies in phone And I eliminated them one by one to become The champion obviously I'm number one biggest in the world biggest here in phone and Arnie Yeah, I fucking heard about you, bro

Oh, I was gonna say if you're fighting the hundred best bodies inoon, like my invitation must have been lost in the mail because I am Foon's greatest warrior. Well, that's what we were looking for you the whole time. I just don't get it. And I thought this was kind of like, here, I've come on, come on. And let's hash this out. A point of clarification, just because you're the greatest greatest warrior in food doesn't mean you have one of the 100 greatest bodies in food Well, right? I do have to say he said the 100 top bodies. He didn't say best or greatest bodies. You're right And it's me as a bottom. I think 100 top bodies It's a very specific category and congratulations to you, but yeah Arnie

Feels like you should have got it in mind I guess so yeah, you know, I should should I be doing more like events bro Tar you know I've just been sort of trying to do good and you know fight vampires and things like that should I be doing like is There like a circuit I should be on? like, is there like a circuit I should be on? Dude, there was a vampire in Foon 100, and I got in the middle of a circle, and they threw a ball, and I held onto the ball for the longest amount of time,

and it was total domination. And it's crazy because the vampire's name was Claire Vacation. And so when you said for some clarification, I thought, but no. So I don't know if that's coincidence or not, but it's just like, listen, if you're gonna be fighting vampires, you gotta come on to a phone 100, you know, maybe you're not doing it in front of the people and then therefore it doesn't count.

And I'm just saying this, like I know this from my wisdom and my age now, now that I'm a little bit older, it's just kind of like like I know, you know, young, young bro tar maybe, you know, was a little ignorant, but now I'm in the prime of my life per use. And it's just like prime of your life per use. Has this happened before? Are you reincarnated bro tar? Once again, I'm in the prime of my life as I always am. You got it. I mean, for me, that makes a lot of sense. And honestly, a brotus I owe you the deepest of apologies.

And I swear this to you, I shall take my crystal ball and set up an alert so that I always know when you'll be fighting next and that I'll be able to come see you and if I can't come see you live then I'll watch you through horses blood. I did fight a little hog named Crystal Ball and I beat the hog in a game of sliding and shoots and ladders and I thought that's what you're talking about. I thought everybody watched came to their arena and saw me dominate in food 100. So sorry.

Where it was an elimination from 100 down to one, the greatest body on food, a K-A-M-E-M-E, another, a iteration, me, and Arnie, hmm, bro. Sure, sign me up, I mean. signups were like a year ago, bro Really you gotta have that kind of I wasn't look I wasn't the greatest warrior on a fune a year ago I guess you got to be I was expecting this sport to be a little more nimble or agile like what if like a young

Upstart just kind of comes out of nowhere and they can't be involved? Season 2, bro. Oh, Foon 100, Season 2. Oh, I can't wait. Oh, no. Foon 101. Jeez. Oh, wonderful.

Even better. Oh, Olli, you must have not been invited because the- Uh, on-or was invited in there, and they must have not- invited because the anor was invited in and they must have not had you there. It takes some time to get a hundred great bodies together. Uh, well. My romance now. You know, and now that I think about it, when we buried anor's body, I did see there was an invitation to a thing about a hundred great body. I thought it was like an orgy thing.

Oh. I've also been doing that a little bit. Yeah, okay. And obviously I'm wanted. I'm wanted, but that was kind of like in my past. Now of course, I've settled down, playing the field, working up with my girl now.

Yeah, see your covered in dirt. Settled down and you're hooking up and you're playing the field with his girl with the girl. Yep. Yeah, Brotar Brotar We'll tell us more about her. Yeah. Yeah, what is she a combination of? She's Half some kind animal on the bottom and then up top She wears a bra Very enticing Why is it that when I try to imagine Brotar? I just see Brotar wearing a bra You don't talk about Brotar keep her name out of your mouth, okay?

I don't know why that accent came from but just when I think about Brotar somehow I become someone from The eastern part of food. Yes, well. Yeah, listen different emotions elicit different accents. It's happened to all of us. Hey, Yawnie. Should we take a break? sweetenly. So brutal last time we saw you. I know this was so long ago. Your catchphrase was I believe Wapuapwa. Oh my god. I was like a child. I know. Imagine still having the same catchphrases six years. That was so six years ago.

Yeah, I imagine. Yeah, my catchphrase is, I talk, we're in a whole different city now. So when I explain the show, Arnie, you're sweating profusely. Oh, this, you know, some of it is the stomach pain, but some of it is. You gotta get a good sweat, bro. That's good. That's good.

You gotta get a good sweat. Whatever you're doing, losing calories. I'm going to the East Coast again. The East of Foon. Jesus, bro. All right. That's all right. Roachar, do you have a more sophisticated adult catchphrase now? Yes, I do.

Well, it's not a catchphrase, it's just like, you know, just stuff you say, you know? Sure. So like, I don't know, you'd like say something cool, you know, like tell me how, tell me how jacked I am, right? A bro-ta. I, what's up, Dorisky? What's up?

Unprompted, even though you did just prompt me, I did want to comment on how incredibly swole you are. Hmm, to that I say, whoop there it is. Oh, Arnie. I saw you just threw up three times out of the table. Is that because Bro-Tar asked you to say something cool? I do much pressure. Like, you're one weakness.

Chuck, give me something cool I can say to Bro-Tar. Hey, Chansky, what do you whisperin' over there? Oh, just, um, thinking up a new song for Threg or Boyband. Um, Arnie, cover me. Okay. Listen, I'm just sayin' like, I've got a new catchphrase. Sign of a catchphrase, just stuff I say. Uh, that's a catchphrase. Maybe you can say like, whoop there it is

and like make that a song of some sort. Whoop, there it is. Uh, that a song of some sort. Whoop. There it is. I don't feel like it has legs. Oh, tell me more, bro. Tar, tell me more about that little hog crystal ball. Tell you more. Listen, ain't nothing but a heartache, alright?

Ain't nothing but a heartache. Oh, because you defeated crystal ball too. You want me to tell you more? Listen, ain't nothing but a mistake, okay? Okay, sorry if we're not sinking up here. You want me to tell you more? Yeah, I'm never gonna be that way, okay? It's wrong after the time.

Bro, I'm just saying, I don't care what you're saying. I just wanna do it my way, all right? All right, all right, come back. My way is you making a song about who there it is What if it had a dirge like quality of like whoop there it is Ro I don't know what dirge means sounds like an insult to me and now you're talking Oh, no, no, no, bro, when we write songs we kind of tag team it so it's like oh you write some you sort of write some So that's what we're doing here.

He didn't mean in any events. Uh, none at all. And a derg is just simply a funeral song. Oh, can you imagine someone dying, like, Christopher Ball, the little hog, and we show up and we somberly take off our hats and say, Roomp, there it was. Oh. Roomp, there it was.

Ro, Chansky, I'm not happy about you saying, Roomp, okay. Uh, Roomp, yeah. Wait, Chansky, I'm not happy about you saying Wump. Okay. Oh, wait, what was that? What's Wump? It's Woop. Well, hold on. It's Woop until someone passes, and then it's Woop.

We can all agree the past tense of Woop is Woop. Chansky. Am I crazy? Chansky, this is my phrase. Okay. When you get a phrase. But you know the circle of life eventually if someone is reborn then it's womb there it is Oh, yeah the beginning the beginning of the middle of the it's womb whoop whoop

The life the what the life cycle of a whoop where do you get chupin there? All right, we've successfully conjugated whoop so uh let's So if I knew what conjugated mean I would not be happy That's my new catchphrase it sounds like you're talking shit Dorsky. I'm not though. I promise I just meant we are finding different forms of the word although conjugated I suppose has a sexual overtone as well Is that gonna be a new book? John everybody knows I don't use conjugations Is that gonna be a new book, John? Everybody knows I don't use conjugations.

That's gonna be my book. And also, I decided to make it a little more kind of actiony, so I made this, there's this bear, and he gets into some more glory. And, because this angel's carrying all those more glory, and she drops it, and the bear gets into all this more glory, and just shit hits the fan. Yeah. What's a fan again? And the bear gets into all this morgue work and just shit hits the fan

Hey, what's what's a fan again? Bro, bro, bro, huh? Are you choking? I think you go about my brother Barry Oh, you said bear That's what we would call a he he died from getting too big to Jack to Jack he would have done so great in phone 100 did he pop I'll check himself to death did he get so big a pop wound wound there he was it's been moved wait jacked himself the death only, I got that too. Uh, Bro-Tar, um, we haven't seen you in,

maybe six or seven years, is that why we haven't seen you? Yeah, I'm like, a grown up now and stuff, you know, like, responsibilities, crypto, uh, you know, that kind of stuff. Go ahead. I was gonna ask, um, how did you handle the shattering? I'm sorry. Wait, are you the shattering? I'm sorry wait Are you the chef you took June first of all this is not

Who now one of those people are you People People I mean the shattering is not real I mean, there's, there's a lot of things that are real. Well, we're really sure it was when it happened. Definitely wasn't me in the bros during the shattering, me in the bros were constantly out, hooking up with chicks, being wildtars and having the time of our lives. But I was definitely trapped in sort of a crystalline area

and I had to go to find a way out. No, I just busted, maybe it's because your body is in a sweetest mind. So when your body is a sweetest mind, like you don't have to stay anywhere. You just, your body fights whatever's shattering you, and you just unshatter it, bro. Huh.

Is this one of those shows? I mean, I guess I mostly try to just worry about myself, but now I think about it if I spent all that time like trapped in the shattering to think that you were outside hooking up with chicks. This makes me sad. Yeah, I'm super sad about your stance and what you just said, but I gotta admit,

your body in his sweetest mind would be a great, Greg song. Chun-ski, my stance was like tall. Oh, sure, I can fucking sweet, you know? That's a good stance. Chin up, chest out. Hell yeah, see you get it. I call that cucko. Chin up, chest out. And Ch, see you get it. I call that cucko.

Chin up chest out. And Chump was jumping between different areas. You know, I was kind of on the beach for a while and then on the beach. You were getting out a little bit. I guess I was. You get it. Brutal, you're talking about other.

No, no, no, no, no. Yeah. I'd love to know, I've been hearing, I've been hearing about one of the most dangerous of all the Tars. Lidia Tars, the music composer. Okay, because like, there's a different music composer, who's a Githaar. And like, way cooler than Lidia? Oh. Yeah. And like, way cooler than Lydia-tar. Yeah. So if we're going to be talking music composer-tires here,

let's talk about Gith, you know? And Gith, correctly, if I'm wrong, I'm usually in the animal kingdom. Gith stands for Gator Introvert? Of course. Yes. And what a great Gator introvert the Gith-tar is. Huge neck, long neck. Yeah. And what a great Gator introvert the guitar is. Huge neck, long neck. Yeah, Arnie, a lot of, I don't know if you know

the difference between Alligators and crocodiles. No. Crocodiles are super outgoing. They love to socialize. They're the life of the party. They want attention. They have what's called the spotlight effect. Alligators are way more introverted.

They prefer books. They prefer to be in water. They prefer to kind of not see anyone. Sometimes they just lay there and twitch. Yeah, just either twitch an eye, or if they're laying in a stream, they'll kind of do that. Yeah, in a stream, I like to twitch in the stream. So then when you said a crocodile introvert,

I was thinking like just like an inside out lizard, like what happened? Well, we didn't say crocodile introvert We said Gator introvert Jesus it's a TAR that's a Citar already. We're talking about the guitar. Okay. Is that foreign to you? It is Oh, sorry Look let's not talk about the worst of the Tars the lib Tars Gross Keep them out. Oh The Libertars. Gross.

Keep them out. Well, I don't I don't know about that, but oh Brutar as you've gotten older, yeah, I don't I don't know how to how to say this you just seem to be a little more Cooler. I know I wasn't the word I was looking for. I'm a star now. I won food 100. I led the storming of Oh no. I Led storming of the castle. Oh, I'm cool. Yeah, you shouldn't have done that. You shouldn't have done that you shouldn't have done that. We're good friends with Tom Bling Bellaroth the current king and his sister the current queen co-rulers

I don't know weird way. No, they're not married. There's co-king and queen cooking cook cook Kings They're they're cooking Kings waiting. Okay, bro. Tar when I said cooking your eyes lit up Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, what? Co-k, wait, what? I think it's one of those things where the whole kingdom was like, let's try co-kings once. Let's just try co-kings.

No, no, no, no, no. You gotta try co-kings like so many times. Well, then, doesn't that make you numb to your rulership? Uh, yeah, but like it's like, you realize it's like the sweetest thing and also life's like better. Like if you have co-kings, life is so much better, everything is just like at a sweeter pace and you just like realize like, what were you even doing before co-kings, you know? Well, maybe for like three minutes, but then it wears off, surely. The novelty of co-kings, you know? Well, maybe for like three minutes, but then it wears off, surely. The novelty of co-kings wears off.

Oh, that's why you constantly are doing co-kings. Why is it always about co-kings? Why don't we bring in like a heroic woman? Let's have this, let's switch to heroin. Let's just have a heroin be in charge of the kingdom. Well, that's gonna be a problem, Arnie. Sounds like there's a real gateway in the King's Hall. Hahaha. Oh well. Oh, a problem, Arnie. Sounds like there's a real gateway in the King's Hall.

Oh, well, oh Let's all take a moment to think of more. Well, it's a get it's a gateway monarch, right? You start with a hair shirt you start with a heroine and then pretty soon who knows what's next? I understand what you're saying. Oh look we can talk about this forever, but we're getting in the weeds. Yeah. Well, let's take a break. Let's clear the air and, uh, we'll all take a little shot of more glorp and we'll be right back with more bro tar. Yeah, I'll toss some more clope. Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh. Rose. There it is. So Brutar, last time we saw you, this is a long time ago. You were talking about maybe thinking about having kids?

Yeah, well, it's sad. I just never know who my father was. Yeah. There's that East Coast phoenix and poppin' in once again. And I just think that like, yeah, I still think it. And I've been talking to Brotar. You know, I've been trying to get her, I've been saying like, you know, let me, uh, inside you, you know, like, shh, sure.

Sure. I'm glad you found a sensitive way to say that Wow, it's beautiful. Let me write this poetry to my romance novel. How it's I don't I don't know another wound there It was situation. How is spell? Okay, you write this down. Yes P W A H

A P W A H A P W A H H H H H H A perfect. And how's it pronounced again? So wet and orchid of the word. Well maybe my catchphrase should no longer be whoop that is. The origin of the word is clearly his penis. That's the origin of the word is clearly his penis. That's the origin of the word. No further questions.

Wait, do you think your catchphrase should be? Oh, well, uh, it's certainly evocative. Yeah, there's a stickiness to it. Yeah, it's, it's, it sticks with you. Yeah, I don't know. It seems like with your grown- brand of sort of a restrained whoop there it is. I don't know. There's a certain dignity to that. To my new catchphrase?

Well, I meant the old one. The new one is very, very damp. It's a little on the wet side for my personal taste. It does get wet. So is get wet. And there's nothing worse than wet tar. I gotta be honest. Bro, I love a good wet tar. Maybe I should invite wet tar into the bed with me and Bratar. Oh, oh.

Hello. It's a great idea. Chansky, I like how you're thinking, bro. Well, coming from Threg, which is THR EEGG, of course. Three men a great idea. Chonsky, I like how you're thinking, bro. Well, coming from Threg, which is THREG, EEGG, of course, three men in an egg, no a little bit about love trying. I'm sorry, coming from what? Uh, nevermind. Okay. This is going to seem like a weird segue coming out of you talking about Threpples, but

since I'm the greatest warrior in all of Foon and I missed Foon 100, should we do some kind of battle or challenge or something? Just while you're in town? Oh shit. Bro, listen, the only real answer to that is hanging onto a thing for as long as humanly possible into one of us stops. So if you're interested, let me know. First of all, I think eight years and two weeks proves that I can hold on to a thing for a very long time. You tell me when, if you want to go to the arena for season two, Foon 101, I'm done. Okay, what was it already is gonna get killed oh

No, I would never allow that I'd just cast a magic spell on him. It makes him impure obvious to I don't know swords and bites and I can't I can't do anything about I can't do anything about that I can't do anything about I can't do anything about that What the fuck? How did he just sitting there with his shit on his hands? He fell out of his chair so hard. Oh my head is so heavy it toppled me over His head is tummy now. Is it both of your arms or is your other arm still good? I don't know

His bro Tart just challenged you to join the 100 and do our hands-on-hard body sort of challenge. Bro, hold on something as long as you can. Here, hold on, here you go. Take this. Yeah. Hold on to it. I'll hold on to it. And then, like, whoever drops it first is then, like, not the best greatest in the world. And then, you know, whoever holds on to a lover then you know they're the greatest and it's obviously me I'm fucking sweet a bad sweet my arms

are sweet I hate I hate to complain but the object you're having us both hold on to is your thumb and so I just feel like you have an advantage bro here's the thing when I'm a dad I'm gonna be able to take my thumbs on and off. Oh, yeah. And then, so magic. Magic. Right? I can only do it for Uncle now, but, you know, but I remember just saying that, you know,

it's just like it's a fair, it's a fair playing field, it's a fair playing field. Whoa! Arnie, what the fuck, he just took my nose! Defend my honor! How is it you're taking these appendages from us? Teach us this magic! Listen, it's just like, uh, things that happen when you're ready to be a dad. I'm just saying.

I can't, that's, it comes to you. Look, if you've taken his nose completely, you should at least pay him like a coin or something for it. Oh, you mean this coin? Whoa! What the heck was that? I was here. Was that in my ear behind my ear? Because that's gonna really affect my nightmares tonight.

Which is worse? It was like both. Oh, wow. I like... Behind the ear is worse. I took it out of your ear and then slid it behind your ear and then plucked it out from behind.

Wow. Wow, insane. Let me get screwback with magic. I'm actually going to grow back and also a lot of those. I feel like that sounds kind of fun. Oh wait, my nose was already on my face. What the fuck? Oh, man, you got two noses.

Bro, you got so many nasties, it's crazy. Not nasties. Is that what you call nostrils? Nosties. I'm sorry, what nostrils have never heard that word before. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Wow. And then that's like, takes me like 13 minutes. And like, I get up a sweat kind of like Arnie did. So Arnie, like, I think it's great that you're getting up sweats. Yeah. Huge.

And then like, I just pick up my thumbs. And I like, just hold them for like so long. Just practicing like for food 100 basically for, you know, knowing that like, I'm going to challenge Arnie to a thumb holding contest. Is there some kind of prize for winning this competition? Yeah, you're the best in food, your number one. Okay.

And the equivalent to whatever you get paid to win one of those things. Oh, okay. Oh, you get paid in gold or silver or gems? Gems, yeah, you have to go to the gym. Yeah. Oh, you gotta go to the gyms? Gyms, yeah, you have to go to the gym. Yeah. Oh, you gotta go to the gyms. They give you gym franchises for you to own.

Oh. Yeah. Blue creative. Be nice to have like a gold gym. Are you a bit of a gem rat? Yes. I can tell. Huge.

Thank you, buddy. I once ate a gem rat. Oh. Delicious. Good protein. I protein. So you didn't want the biscuits you just wanted the Jim right is Nevermind

You know I'll take Olympus get any day of the week, but that's just me do it all with the cookie There's something there Prago have to look into that Bro, I gotta make your pre-good lyricist. I don't even know what that means bro. You're good at making up words for songs I will there it is for sure. Yes Won't there it was don't don't bring that up again. You're just gonna make him angry I heard that Dorisky and bro. Why I'm gonna I'm gonna do it anymore, you know, like I'm like It's just like I'm wise to the world. I get it now. I'm gonna, I'm gonna do it anymore, you know? Like I'm like, it's just like, I'm wise to the world, I get it now, I'm fine.

So you don't feel like you need to challenge everything that challenges your point of view. That's a serially. Well bro, like everyone knows a good challenge, hence me just winning food 100, so... Oh yeah, that's true. Well, as the top body and food now, do you have any advice for our listeners, or for us about how to live a healthier and happier lifestyle? You're so centered now and so mature.

Yeah, bro, first of all, get yourself a board of cheeses and meats, like do that. That's pretty cool. Sharkooterie. What? Sharkooterie? I was at a Tarkooterie. Oh, Tarkooterie.

Wait, Tarkooter, I don't like the way that flows into one another. Oh, that sounds great. Stop talking about Brotar. Mm. Wait, we talking about Brotar? No, no, no, no, no, no, we're talking about Tarkoo-t-ar-y. Tarkoo-t-ar-y is great.

Wine? Bro, it's just jaguine, like that's what we do. I am. Are you? Yeah, all the time. Most of the time. I'd say I'm drunk. It-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it-it- DEEEEEE But don't forget, you saw her, you don't drink anymore, that fucking Merlot. Alright.

I should, I should only have a peanut or a wha- Mm-hmm What's that? It's a type of wine. Oh. Sometimes you go to a place and you say, can I have the wine and they just bring you wine, whatever wine they've got? Yeah, yeah, that's what I do. Yeah, yeah, some places you go and they, instead of just a, uh, uh, an animal skin full of wine, they bring it to you in a class.

And they're like, what veriatool would you like? And you have to choose a type of grape that the wine was made from to describe the wine. Red. Red works, that was. That's right, red. Guys, I just, I just been hit with inspiration. You know how I'm working on this romance novel? Hmm.

What if I wrote, inspired by you, sir? What if I wrote a penis noir? Now hear me out. There's an old timing detective and he's looking for his penis. It's written in black and white. And that's all I have so far. John, what is up with this Marlow humor?

Marlow hanging fruit? I'm just, I don't know. I want to be an author. I want to be, I don't know, I wanna be an author. I wanna be in a boy band, I wanna be an author, I wanna be a good dad. I know a good illustrator. Oh yeah. Marlon Wayne's.

Hahaha. You could use him. Rolls off the tongue. I mean, I'll write a quote for you if you want. Oh, that'd be great. Can I hear what you'd write? Yeah We know how to spell that so I know that was a APW a h a yeah, okay, okay, yeah

Brutor before we run out of time. I want to circle back to something from before You you want to get in the circle and challenge me to a ball holding contest? Oh no. To a ball holding contest? Yeah, bro, you hold a ball so you can hold it until what time at the end, and then when the bell rings, whoever holding it, goes on to the next row. I don't know, I'm in a thumbs-it situation. Yeah, exactly. No, I guess, but this is sort of, but I hate to say this is sort of body part related.

Before you said that you had never heard of a nostril and you called them nostes, I was wondering if I could just point to parts of your body and you would tell me what those are because I suspect maybe you have different names for a lot of body parts. Sure, yeah. This is like a little game.

This is kind of like food 100, it's pretty cool. I like, okay, like okay. All right All right, what is what do you call that? These are chest circles Okay, and what about that? Neepit Neepit, okay, and what about that? Don't yeah, yeah, mm-hmm. It's my DONG. Yeah, we all call it that. You shouldn't have pointed at that, that was rude.

I know, but that's the thing I pointed at every time. Why do you give a different name? Hahaha. Hahaha. I'm sorry. It's confusing. It's confusing for sure. I...

But I don't think we should dwell on it. I'm sorry It's confusing it's confusing for sure. I But I don't think we should dwell on it. I think we should just say to bro. Ta. You don't want us to dwell on my dogs Well, oh song new song put it that way. Do I love my dog? Chant it's been a while since we've answered an email to It's been a while since we've answered an email to chuntwith60satgmail.com. Oh yeah, I'd be honored. Let me grab your phone here. And at the D-D-E.

Oh, this comes from Katrina. Katrina says, hi, chunt. I'm about 200 episodes behind. Huh. OK. So I have no idea what you're all up to right now, but I'm wondering if PhDs exist in FUN. I just earned mine and thought

some representation might be cool. All the best Katrina PhD. Um, I mean we have PhDs in FUN, they stand for pretty horny daddies. Um, I've got a PhD. Oh, you do. PhDs NOOOOOTS! Now Arnie, on earth, what does a, is, should we be congratulating Katrina? What's a He's nuts! Where am I? Now Arnie, on Earth, what does a, should we be congratulating Katrina? What's a PhD? Yes, it's like a higher degree. It's, you know, you go to school and then you go to more school

and then you go to even more school. But you don't go to medical school. It's just, yeah, it's a lot of study. Do you have a PhD? No. I have an MFA, a Master's of Fine Arts, which is not quite a Master's. That's fucking asshole.

Or any I have two MFA's, motherfucking assholes. Hmm. Oop, that is. Up there it was. Bumper, bumper, bumper. Bumper, bumper, bumper. That's a, it looked like it just lost the game show. I was sure PhD were penis had demons.

Oh. I'm pretty sure I have a PhD. Pretty huge dog. Hmm, he's grabbing his chest. I'm sorry, I keep pointing at it, I apologize. So Katrina to answer your question, there are a lot of PhDs in Fune at in this room We'll bro. Tar good luck on Funes 101 I hope they make a Funes next top bottom because then I could enter but Good luck to you. Oh, I wanted to ask Do the people who lose die is that is that sweet little hog crystal ball or is

Claire Voient what was your name? Sorry, Claire, ification. Not to be confused with my good friend, Claire Voient, who sees everything coming. Do they contest our father, Ed? Ed ification. Mr. Ed, please. Or their cousin, master, patient. Yes.

Held it. Bation Yeah, nailed it So do the contestants die when they lose yeah, of course, oh You're at never play a game where someone doesn't die at it Hmm, huh, I've never played a game where someone doesn't die. I've definitely played games where people weren't supposed to die But they did anyway. Yeah, after if you lose you have to go and you have to minimize your calorie intake and you can't eat as many carbs and you know you just have to like get into better shape. You gotta die. Oh, the tea is silent. Arning the tea is silent with his accent. It's like the word has slimmed down. Oh, Arnie, I don't know what we're gonna do

if you're in the 101, because I think there's no worse faith and for you to die, it. Yeah. Yeah, for you to die on the 101 is so insane. What you'll do, instead of dying on the 101, why don't you take the 78, take that North to the 45, you'll get off on, I wanna say alabaster,

good two stops now. So, you know me, I wanna say, alabaster, good two stops now. You know me, I get off on alabaster. Arnie, I'm trying to save your life. You talking about my good friend, Al the bastard? Sorry, I apologize to him, profusely. I wish I knew who his parents were. I wish I had a dad. Oh, so sorry.

I'm like, bro, tar the bastard. It's true. It's true. Oh well. I know of one thing that might cheer you up One two three four. I declare a thumb war go Always being lifted in the air aren't he's being straight around the room? He's sweating, sweating, sweating, sweating, sweating, sweating. Wonderful. Well, I don't think we'll see Arnie for a couple of weeks. He's swinging so fast he's going up through the roof. I'm gonna bar. I'm gonna throw it.

That means the same thing, Arnie. We've done it much. I'm gonna reach. How do they not realize it's loot? That's where the booty at. Uh, Yusidor the Wizard was played by Matt Young. Chunt the Talking Badger was played by Adler Fy. Bro Taur was played by special guest Colt Cabana. Colt is a professional wrestler, podcaster, author. He's a busy guy.

Go check out his website, ColtCabana.com. Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production, made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon. Oh, what are these, more made up Patreon names? Look, I'm only willing to carry the charade so far, scroll down computer. Patreons get ad-free episodes, the entire back catalog,

including all the previous spin-offs, and at least two new bonus episodes each month. Also, this last week, there was a two-hour meet-in-greet and Q&A on the Patreon Discord. Here's a quick clip of the audio from that little coffee clatch, which is also available to Patreon supporters. Alright, next up is Roth, Roth you're invited to the stage. Hey guys, I do consent for you to record me. Thank you. Oh my gosh, I'm so excited that the famed author Philip Roth has decided to support us on Patreon.

Just want to say a long time listener, I've been listening to you guys since 2016 when I found the podcast. You guys saved me through quarantine. I couldn't get enough. And as I think a month ago, I finally caught up with everything. So now it's just going back and listening to all the extra stuff. And I can't get enough of it. You guys are awesome. Can I just say hearing that coming from a combination actor Tim Roth is so wonderful. Thank you so much. You're very welcome. You're supposed to know for play the evaluation right? Look, yeah, that's the name of roll for sure.

I don't think I did anything before that. No. And I would just say that like, thank you. I'm just as much a fan of your movie hostile. Oh, that's a good one. Oh, okay. Oh, can I also just say your

IRAs are top-notch. Leave something for me to button this with. Matt, hurry up. I got nothing. To learn more about supporting the show, visit patreon.com slash magic tavern. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neekamp, Matt Young, and Adelrafi, Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz,

this episode edited by Chris Rathjan. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard LeBan. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. Okay, computer. Close transmission beam. Good, and now grant me access to the temporal circuits. Very good. Let's circumvent the Heisenberg compensators. Excellent.

And now, show me the portal to Earth. you