Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 4, Ep 81 - Tavern World: Flower Mascot

Episode Date: July 17, 2023

There's a giant Flower mascot in this Magic Tavern amusement park, but is there a person inside?CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampUsidore: Matt YoungChunt: Adal RifaiFrancis: Brooke BreitMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Chris RathjenMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Since his death in 2009, the world has struggled with how Michael Jackson should be remembered, as the King of Pop, or as a monster. The new podcast Think Twice, Michael Jackson, offers a fresh perspective on the art and the artist, his life, his work, and his legacy. Listen to Think Twice, Michael Jackson, wherever you get your podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, a brilliant scholarship student attending Bishop Gray Academy, the country's most exclusive boarding school. Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex

collide in a game of life and death. People of Earth, the following podcast is not real, never more so than right now. When our main characters are trapped in a dimension where the planet is called Earth, and this podcast is the most popular piece of entertainment. In other words, hell. And the whole place seems to have been nearly destroyed by something called the podcast wars. To which I say, podcast wars if you're listening next time finish the job. But listen for yourself and decide if it's the worst thing you've encountered this month, keeping in mind, the first trailer for Wonka just dropped. Enjoy the show! show. It sounds like the sirens stopped. I'm going to start recording again.

Hello from the Magic Tab? A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon on your host Arnie Meatcamp. If you've never listed a podcast There's everything you need to know. Eight years and several months ago, I found through a dimensional portal line to Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of food. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal

from the Burger King through the dimensional riff. And I use that word. Are they already, sorry, can't you just yada yada a lot of this? Yeah, that's true because really what I need to establish is that we have somehow traveled to a dimension Where hello from the magic tavern is the most popular piece of entertainment in that world We are in a seemingly abandoned amusement park of hello from the magic tavern and there's ominous sirens and a lot of skeletons

All over the place. Oh, it's really kind of spooky. What are we, I can't even tell, what are we currently sitting in? Is this some sort of like security bot or something? Like a giant metal ball that we're sitting in? What is this? I don't know. Well, it's also covered in advertisements. I see a lot of, where Amy goes, new generation posters.

So many ads that this amazing. So many, I also see a, Arnie, this might please you. I also see a poster for, Ert please you. I also see a poster for, Earth Gerts are easert. I have to assume that this world's version of Earth Girls are easy. So strange because the original title doesn't rhyme.

Yeah, well I'm just, hey, man, I'm just reading it. I'm not killing the messenger. Earth's are easert. I'm not killing the messenger. And it's starring Jerry Seinfeld, Mike Calretchides, Jason Alaglanda, and Arnie Neekamp. What? And Richard Dreyfus?

As the girls. There are no girls in this movie. Arnie, Earth Girts are easy, but listen buddy, you did it. Isn't this your main dream is to be in a remake of Earth Girls Are Easy? I- I mean, main dream? No, maybe like a sub dream. Well, you motherfucking did it. I guess so, or some version of me. Well, done, Arnie. Congratulations. I'm proud of you. I'm there. Oh, Arnie, I'm so proud of you.

For this version of you. But here's the thing. I thought the podcast would be helpful. That was my main thing that it would help people. Oh, and then it seems like it destroyed this planet. It seemed like it. Yeah. It seemed like it. And look, if you see way, way down the way, it looks like there's a guy eating a guy.

What? Like way over there. It looks like there's a guy eating a guy. Like a guy laying on the ground looking dead. And a guy eating, yeah. When was that on the show? I thought it was just two people going down on each other. Maybe they just got off the Usidor's wild ride,

but no, yeah, you're right. They got so hot and bothered from that ride. Yeah, well, should we go, I don't know, have Usidor cut this guy's hands off or something? Did I smite them? Did Usidor smite them? Yeah, do you want to smite them? Ooh, Usidor, when you swig your Do I smite them? Should you use your smite them? Yeah, do you want me to smite them? Ooh, you sir, when you swig your sword and smite them,

you should say welcome to Earth. Okay. Wouldn't that be cool? I'll be right back. I'll try to take care of this. You guys, you guys, you guys, you guys, you guys, you guys, this sign has some safety and security warnings. And one of them is beware of cannibalistic humanoid amusement dwellers.

Chats? Chats? Huh? Oh wait, I want to hear you say welcome to Earth. Here's me. Hard to wait. Hard to wait. Yeah, I see that. Yes, I see that. I find that. Odd holy and unacceptable. Welcome to Earth.

I didn't say this cool as I thought he would. He also didn't smite it. He just told him. He didn't walk back. Yeah, I thought he was going to smite him. Oh, hang on, I forgot. I'm making up. Welcome, nerd. Okay. I kind of rushed it this time. Welcome to Earth. Like, you really got to... How was that? That was good, yeah. Good job buddy.

Took his head clean off. Thought that was nice. Use it or... We learned I think that might be a Chad. A cannibalistic humanoid amusement dweller. You just killed a Chad. Oh, I'm glad I got his head clean off so he wasn't a hanging Chad.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Wait, why is that thing? I don't really know The Chad's hanging out. Ah right. Yeah, I hate when Chad's are hanging around They're mostly douchebags Already is that true are there chads on earth or earth that are douche bags? Yeah, some yeah, I think so name them Name a single Chad. I can't try to think. I can think of one from high school,

but I don't wanna like, docks him, docks him, docks him. You know, some version of our podcast may have destroyed this world, but I think it's moments like that that are really us putting things right. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yeah, just nice, gentle, masculine-

Nice storytelling. Yeah. Just nice storytelling. And just three buds, just three non-banging buds for now. It just enjoying each other's company. Three people's company. Three people company. We should really try to get back to our world though.

This world is decimated and uh, terrified. And uh, apparently somebody thinks they're us. Which is nonsensical. Uh, if I see one of them, I'll snite them. Is it just me? Do you feel the strange sense of responsibility for what happened to this world? Like, I know it's not us. I don't think but Man, you started this show hold on it actually sounded like the greater in main host was man. Yeah, I don't know who that is So fine. I don't feel an ounce responsible then

because on in this version of the world Apparently it wasn't you, Arnie. It was that handsome gentleman who's speaking on the video earlier. A dollar of pay? The other handsome gentleman. Arnie, neat guys. Alright, all three of them were just okay. They were an Earth 7, I'd say.

Yeah. Okay, Arnie, should we go around and try and smite more chads or should we go kick off our shoes and dip our toes in Ragoon lagoon. Oh That does sound fun. We hear the thing. There's some amount of danger here. No question But it still stands we could use a vacation. Yes Guys, we're so stressed out all the time. All we do all day is interview people or smite chads or get surgery. Yeah.

I just feel like we need a little break. Yeah. Oh, look, there's a sign that says character photo opportunities. Should we get some photos? Uh, yeah. You were just telling us you were we needed to be careful for our lives and it's dangerous here. Now you want to get a photo op? Well, we can do both. Okay. Look, I'm just

set. Chuck, could you use a vacation? Absolutely. Use it or could you use a vacation? Yeah, I need a vacation room. Hey guys, I just had surgery. They went in through my p-hole. Let's. Whoa. Is that what you wouldn't tell us in the last episode? I know, I'm gonna parse this information. You went in through your podcast hole? Your mouth?

Yeah. Oh look at this. The character sign says from 3 p.m. to 4 p.m. flower. Huh. Why the clock in the square of hogs face? Just struck three now Oh, how for two tears. Let's go ahead and Foward it sounds like Foward holy shit. It's flower. Hey flower listen We it's me best friend flower

Amazing that you came to see me best friend fucking great day I think we firmly established at this point it's not Kid Friend. Yeah, this is a whole park. Yeah. She's cursing but she's somehow being positive. She's like a big mascot. I don't know. Hey, if you eye, watch it.

Do it. Does anybody want to take a picture with everybody's favorite plan? Uh, I do. F-f, flower, hey, I don't know Holy shit, wait, wait, wait, are you real? What? Yeah, it's me, Chant I need you to tell me something, are you real? Are you, are you people? Are you real? Are you fucking real?

Hey, yes, we're very real Yeah I'm you, Sador Uh, oh, but I assume you know that. This is chunt, but I also assume you know that. Yeah, and it's funny that you mentioned P-holes because Arnie just got surgery through his P-hole. Yeah, I'm Arnie, I'm from another world. So he is P-hole.

Does he P-hole? No, he don't want to see that. Wait, no, did I say P-hole? No, you don't want to see that. Wait, no, did I say P-hole? No, you don't want to say P-hole. Say P-hole! Okay, all right, what did they do? Got my whole three-meaghoes situation. Look!

I call Amba. Listen, listen, listen, close the curtain, close the curtain. Okay, just open the curtain behind you. Okay, hold on. I'm not supposed to do this in front of anybody. We're gonna take my head off, okay? What? I'm gonna take my head off.

Oh my god. Oh, oh my god. I am so sorry. I am not supposed to break character. But I just, I haven't seen actual living people or things in a very long time and I am I hallucinating or do you look like every Fucking thing at this place. I wear you are not hallucinating dear friend Arnie quick give her something your meds quick Here's some clannup in things

Wow, she just took that a meal. I have. Please, friend, tell us your name and know that you are amongst friends who have not but your well-being and best intentions in mind. Okay, my name is Francis. Hi, Francis. Francis, and I started working here as a summer job. And then I just started working here. And it was like a lot of fun.

I thought it was gonna be kind of easy. And then I was like, oh, you're in a thing and like a full suit. So like people are gonna be hot. And that suit, I got so hot. It is a goddamn nightmare. Can I tell you that people are very, very rude. Very rude. And especially because like you're not like visible. that people are very, very rude, very rude,

and especially because you're not visible, so it's like, there's more license to do things. I cannot tell you the number of times of cool teens, an absurd amount of cool teens or directly within your shot of me, but I can't see them anymore. I'm so sorry, France is sensitive to the interrupt, you know?

I know this doesn't seem important, but it is important to me. Are you saying that, hello from the Magic Tavern, is popular enough in this world that cool teens are into it? Cool teens like our podcast and want to come to our amusement park? Yeah, but let me like clarify

that they're like the worst kind of cool teens. Oh. Like real shitheads, you know? Like real shithead cool teens. Aw man. But would you say they're like taste makers among the other cool teens? Probably, like they probably set like a trend.

But then like, is that what you actually really want out in the world? Is that kind of thing, like that kind of attitude? Like we're talking about like tide pod shit, you know? Like, like real. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Hold on, you're telling me here on Earth, the tide has its own podcast, Arnie.

Wow. How we ever can be with the tide or the oceans having their own pod. I'd love to listen to that, sounds relaxing. Yeah, is it good? Frances? It's good, it's good. You can listen to it on the World Wide Ebb.

And it is so soothing. I mean, they don't, the tide doesn't speak in words. You would normally expect it to, but just it's so peaceful. So I just type in www.idepod. No, you have to go to, you have to go. Okay, you've did you H, H T T P. T E.

Semi colon. Hit up. That's the tricky part. Not a lot of semi colon's out there. It's confusing. Oh, I'm sorry, Francis. Oh, sorry. Yeah.

Our friend Arnie just had surgery. Can you not say semi colon? Yeah, they have some of his colon removed. I don't think they did that, but... He has a colostomy back. It's French. It's just... I guess it's French for just in case. Okay, okay, that's fine. I understand. I don't want to trigger you. Um, HTTP.

Got it, okay. Can I say P? Yeah, yeah, I'm okay. Okay, earlier, there was a lot of P-hole talk, so I just didn't know if that was okay. Okay, okay. As an ony's pie hole. Sure, yeah.

Great. HTTP dot below the dot is a, okay, in the same thing, dot on top, comma on the bottom. On top, on the bottom. Yeah, and then a forward slash, a backslash. Backslash. Okay, it says, HTTP was the world's first serial killer? Starting at the Chicago World Fert. HTTP killed several people. What is this? The devil and the white sippete? What's a sippete? A sippete? Yeah. That's when you gather and then you have like a little something to drink and a little something

to eat. Oh, that's also nice. Oh yeah, that's a nice thing. It's casual. It's not like you can't expect a full meal at a sippied. Like it's sort of just like, you know, you got to show up and you're going to leave hungry but you had a good time talking to people, you know? Why are we're hiding here in the photo booth?

Why don't we have a little sippied? Gain our strength and let everyone listening at home take a quick break. Yeah, I can wait to tell my story. So, Francis, how long have you been trapped here? I don't have a good sense of time, but I did start that summer job what feels like two years ago? Two years.

I mean, I worked for like a summer. So it was like a year and a half, like it was the end of that summer that things started to get like real weird, like really summer. So it was like a year and a half. Like it was the end of that summer that things started to get like real weird, like really weird. Like people would show up and they'd like, have weird look in their eyes. Like there's something was wrong.

Like they weren't quite there, you know? So you'd already know if the three amigos box office was Baffo or not? I don't like, I don't like consume a lot of like movies or TV. All right. You know. Yeah. But that's not like your whole personality, right?

It's like kind of my thing. Huh. You know, I should have said that first. What do you like, Francis? What are you into? I sort of like, uh, draws your interest. Well, I sort of love sounds. and that's why like podcasts in general

really appealing to me is like, I don't want to like see anything. I just want it to like hit me in my holes. And so like, that's why I took this job because like this seemed really cool. I'm like, I've stayed here. I haven't left in a year. I think I've been hiding out in the carousel of

progress. Carousel of progress. There must be a squibbert themed ride. It's squibbering. Yeah. It's the whole room spins and it's just like there's no reason for it to spin but it's squibbert just singing a song in the middle and you just keep spinning until you get out. Brances, can excuse Chant and I for a moment? Chant, I just wanted to. I'm trying to call out when I'm proud of someone. Yeah.

To be a little kind of. I was really proud when you didn't say anything when Francis said something about hitting her in all her holes. You said, or? I don't know if you saw, but I started chattering my teeth. I did sweat. My face flushed and seemed to escape from my ears. I also stamped on both my feet and rung my paws.

But you didn't say anything. I didn't say anything. Well done. Can I, it feels so nice to be seen. So thank you for seeing me. Thank you for the thank you. You're welcome. Back to the interview. So thank you for seeing me. Thank you for the thank you. You're welcome. Back to the interview.

Olli, how's it going? Good. I guess I'm just sort of trying to get a sense of all the things that Francis has been through in this last year trapped in the carousel of progress. Oh, sorry. Francis, Ernie, would you excuse Yusudor and I for a moment? Sorry, one second.

Hey, Yusudor. Yes, what are you, how can I? You know how I've been trying to sort of call out moments as I see them answer that. Sorry, one second. Hey, you said it. Yes, what? How can I? You know how I've been trying to sort of call out moments as I see them? Yeah. Arnie just slipped me a piece of paper. It looks like he's scrolled on it. Francis, question mark.

Whole question mark. Is this Kirk Cobain's daughter, question mark? Oh. I don't know what that means. I don't know how you would answer it. Yeah, I don't know. Okay. Just right, yes. Okay.

Okay, and pass it. Sorry, okay. Sorry, what were you saying? Francis, is it the end of the world here? I haven't left this park. Mm-hmm. I mean, it's sort of like, it's fine. And I'm okay, because I didn't, I didn't really have like a lot of stuff

I was invested in outside the park. Sure. But I also didn't want like my job to be my whole life. And that's kind of annoying, that that's like kind of like what happened, you know? Well, can I just say speaking from knowing the actual person, you do an amazing flower. Really?

Yes, yeah. It's really hard inside the suit. Like, it's really, you feel like I'm screaming. You know, like, I feel like I'm absolutely screaming. And it's, hey, your words not mine. What's your process? Um, okay. Basically, my whole process is like, inside,

I'm like, what's like the dumbest fucking boys I could do? You know, like what is, what would be the most ridiculous choice? And it just starts from there. And then sometimes too, like when it comes out, I'm like, is it gonna sound the same? I don't know, I think so. You know, I'm pretty sure you could mark it.

Sometimes you just hope and pray. Hope and pray, you're like, what choice did I make? You know, way back when I auditioned. But yeah, they made us, you know, you had to like come, you had to prepare like a dramatic piece, you had to pair like a comedic piece, and then you had to sing a song. And I auditioned for like a couple of the parts.

And like, what are the parts that you auditioned for? Oh, yeah, I auditioned for like a couple of the parts and like I wonder what is the final part of your audition for? Oh yeah, I auditioned for Squibbert but you know it was like it just wasn't like the right fit for me. It's very specific. Yeah, it's like it's it's it's King Genial, you know, which is like not really like my vibe. Sure.

But yeah, I just I like pride I went in it was like a little embarrassing But it probably be like squabbert and like get into it a little bit Yeah, that's that's that's that's yeah, that's that's you're trying to do a squabbert before. It's fine I mean it's a good warm up. Hey, how you bearing? How you doing? Yeah, bless your heart, I'm gonna say something. Hi, ribbit, ribbit over here, corn skill at ribbit, ribbit. That's why you love evil. How's mine? It's one of those things that you think you can do, and then you try, it's like a karaoke song,

you're like, this is gonna be fine. I have it in my head, and then it just doesn't come out. All right, you know. I thought I knew all the words to seven dragons and a baby. Don't know a single one. Not even the ones in the title? No, I don't know where they go. That's for sure.

This is kind of embarrassing though, because I did audition for Yusudor. Oh, really? Oh, can we hear some of that? What? Or your approach? Yeah, basically I just, I came in and it was mostly like a lot. Her or her.

You know, just coming in with a lot of like, like, like, gusto. Yeah, think of the dumbest fucking voice. Oh, hey. Oh, watch it. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Huh? Whiz of a drug with some shit and stuff. Right. Here comes the storm. I just kept ending it with here comes the storm. And they were like, that's not wrong. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you know, nobody knows, like, come on. I'd like to give you two gold pieces right now.

This is solid gold. I assume gold is valuable on your world. And in case it's not clear, we're the real Chantin, Yusador and Arny from another world. I'm sure that's a little confusing for you. We've come here from another dimension. Yeah, so here are two pieces of gold and if I What wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait what I know this is confusing. Let me you know how you took off your head

Um, and you were you want to so let me take off my head rip off my face Ha ha see I can I can just keep on ripping off my face and it's still still I can grow back my face I'm actually a shapeshift. Oh, yeah, baby. I know it's confusing, but this is called a licensing fee Wait, wait, why did you rip off your faith? I've made a pre-related to show me who you were. Oh I'm I guess I guess I don't know. I thought you took off your head. I'll take off my face I thought it was a little tip for tat. I'm just gonna leave these two gold coins here, if I say here comes the storm, or even. I'm slipping you all a note to say that he just said tip for tat.

Rances, question mark, whole question mark. Am I Kirk Cobain's daughter? Huh. Could you put this in the mail? Tsk. Tsk. Thank you. The post office will know where to send it.

Arnie, it's one of those shitty letters. What did you call them? Oh, postcards. Postcards. So, you are the guys from the thing. From the thing that word this is. You're the guys from the thing. Well, yeah, we are, yes, this is all about us, yes.

But we're kind of those guys. And you're not dead? Well, we did wonder if we were really dead. That did cross our mind. Wait, hold on, wait, Francis, are you saying that the creators of Holy from the Magic Tavern and this world are dead? Well, for sure, but that is what I heard, okay?

I mean, to find out, there's like, I heard on the other side of the part, you can find them. But I don't know if that's true or not, because I don't go over them. Over in Pizza Hill? Yeah. Oh. Is it dangerous over there?

Yeah, it's bad. I mean, that's where things, like, that's where they all kind of gather. Oh, they do. I try to stay over here. No one comes to the photo, op. Oh, are you talking about the chance? The chance?

Yeah. They're led by the head Chad. Head Chad. Head Chad. Chad, Michael Murray. Where was that one, Arnie? I don't know. I'm not from Earth. I don't want to talk about Earth stuff.

I, oh, no, we got to make a new shirt for the merch store. I think we have to go over there and try to take out some of these chats. I think the easiest way to do it, they move sort of slow. Well it should get a big, I'll use my swords, everyone else gets a big blunt heavy object, just go for the legs, try to knock them down before you stab them in the face of the part. Yeah. So just go low.

Chad, low. Every time you see one, just so just go low Chad low every time you see one just Chad low But is there is that enough of a relationship to okay? Okay, okay? It sounds like a sea level attack at best. It helps if you rob them first. Yeah rob low We got there Listen, do you really want to go over there? Yeah, Rob. Lolo. Okay. We got there. Listen, do you really want to go over there? Because the stuff over in Pizza Hell, like, I, number one,

I, when things were going fine around here, I really wasn't hanging out over there. Oh, hmm. But now that it's overrun by the, by the chads, I, I haven't run into anybody else like me that's kind of still alive. So I don't know what it looks like over there and I only assumed, because all of this kind of started when the you guys, the earth guys showed up to the park.

Oh, whoa, oh shit. Oh my god, we did like an official meet and greet or something? Yeah, it was something. It was gonna be like, you know, there was like a tiered system. There was like different levels of access. No, no, no one was crying. Oh, I thought you said tiered system. Never, never mind, sorry. No.

I think she was spelling it T-I-E-R-E-D tiered as never never never mind sorry. No. I think she was spelling it T I E R E D tiered as in many levels. And it sounds like we clearly established in the previous episode that these assholes were money-grubbing assholes. They were clearly doing anything to make a dime. So it doesn't surprise me that they charge you like a silver level status and a gold level status and a platinum metal status to go fucking talk to them for two minutes or some bullshit like that. Unless someday we decided to do something like that, which we could do it in a classy way. And of course we would have some, you know, we would do it with grease and we make it worthy.

Interesting and fun and well worth it, but this, this sounds like, this sounds like everybody's working for the squeakend t-shirt moment all over again. This was basically like one of the levels was like, like one of them would talk at you, but you couldn't talk back. And then like one of the other levels was like, you could talk to them, but like they would just nod. You know, they wouldn't say anything back. And then like, yeah, one of the levels was just a kind handshake. Oh, but a kind one. Pretty good, pretty good.

Like a little squeeze on top. Yeah, just a kind, like a simple, like a firm, but like, like solid, friendly handshake. She handed those squeeze. Yeah, the one, the one level higher was like a nasty handshake. Ooh, that must have been my level. Yum yum yum yum. Well, it sounds like they're finally down on our level.

If they have a nasty handshake. But Francis, I want to know how to help you. I thought that perhaps if we took out these chads, it could make your life more delightful. Perhaps it gets you back on some sort of path to normalcy, but I don't know that that's the right thing to do now. Yeah, would it be helpful if we kill some chads? Like, I'm a sheepshifter, as you may or may not know.

I could turn into a crow to kill these chads, turn into a crow and go, girl. Like a Chad crow, girl. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Does that make sense? It did. Does it make sense?

I think you know. I just don't want you to do anything that you're gonna regret. Because if I send you over there for me, and then I don't even know what my life is gonna look like out of here, and then I lose you too. for me and then I don't even know what my life is gonna look like out of here And then like I lose you too, you know like I just Princess it seems like you're in a tough spot, but I guess maybe

We come in here thinking we need to save you. Maybe we don't need to save you Well, like maybe just something you're looking for is over there You know, like maybe it's not about me. Maybe I'm just like a part of what you're experiencing, but then you gotta go find out what's in pizza hell for you. Yeah, wow. In 30 minutes or less. Or it's what? Or it's death.

Oh, that's not a good answer. Oh, it's death. Already, yes, are we better make it over the pizza hole pretty quick We haven't done anything in 30 minutes or less than season one. We should take a quick break and try to buy some more time Yes, yes, yes Frances, can I ask why do you still wear the flower cost, too? You're not really technically working anymore, right? OK, well, for two reasons, really.

My locker is in a part of the park that I just don't go to. So I can't. It's not safe for me to go where my locker is. So I've just given up on trying to find my regular clothes, but on top of that, the head does help kind of like protect me from the chads. Oh, the Frances, put it back on, please. The chads love lore. Like they love canon. They appreciate attention to detail and the life

of the characters. So I have to embody that to kind of, you know, get by. So the cannibalistic humanoid amusement dwellers don't attack you if you're in character? Yeah, no, no, like I mean that's I am I I think you said it was very expensive but Sean you and I are fucked We are so FUN No, no, no, no, well I'll be fine I'm more of these character costumes

about that we could perhaps borrow? Yeah, there's a couple over here. I was actually going to go get something to eat if anybody's hungry wants to come with me to the employee cafeteria. Yeah, that's what I could eat, I could eat, I could eat. Okay, okay, yeah, I'm just pick out The costume that best suits you and it's important that whatever you pick You're gonna need to like speak as that character as we're kind of making our way to the cafeteria

Let me choose room. Let's see here. Okay. I see not sure why I'm cleaning to this already want to double up I see two richer drivers costumes To help promote earth, dirt, or ease, dirt. Just Arnie, what do you say? A couple of richer drivers to walk around the park? Why are there so many non-hello from the magic tavern costumes? Arnie, we established this promotion. Every ride we went on had some sort of ad,

some sort of work-in, some sort of, you know, revenue stream baked into it. That's all it is. Do we have to talk as Richard Dreyfus in these costumes? Well, I think we just talk normally, and I think the outfit does the rest. Oh, okay. Right next to the Richard Dreyfus ones are also a couple like Jerry Seinfeld's most memorable characters from your podcast. I'm good. Yeah, there's no way Chun can do a Jerry Seinfeld voice.

I wonder if God I do that. Well, it's the deal. Well, Arnie, that was actually... I think pretty good. I don't know who that is. Um, except for what I've heard in the park here. Do you want... Arnie, you pick out your own outfit and I'll put on this dry fist one. I guess I'm gonna put on this Yusador costume. I have been perusing these costumes and I shall festoon myself as Baron Ragoon. Oh shit. Actually I found a Momo outfit. I'm gonna Morse code, right?

Yeah, it does. Yeah. I was just about to say that you're doing kind of what it sounds like an earth version of Morse code. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Okay, okay, everybody just follow me and we're going to go out this way. We're going to make a left. We're going to make a left. We're going to go in the door pretty quickly, okay everybody just follow me and we're gonna go out this way. We're gonna make a left? Alright, two left and we're gonna go in the door pretty quickly, okay? Um, okay! That's kind of hard to walk in these things. Don't I know it? Just follow the silver finger. I'm holding my silver finger up for everyone to see.

Why won't you guys let me join the book club? Maybe one day, that'll be fun. Ta-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da I'm gonna switch into that. I'm gonna switch into the Richard Dreyfus outfit. Hello, everyone. From my familiarity with earth culture, studying it so closely, are you sure you're not John Lovements? Excuse me, John Lovements? No. Oh dear, you think I would be acting? I gotta say, also your Baron Ragoon sounds a lot like Jeff Goldbluff.

Oh, sorry to check out the head, guys! What are we doing? This is so hard! I know it's uncovered and sweat! This is I've been barely been talking! I'm also, whoof, covered. Oh, hold on. Listen, let me try one more time with this dry face head I don't want any more fucking more. Wow. Was that Richard dry face? Yeah, I was aware of a GM. I think oh Guys, this is so hard. Oh

Good news is we made it to the cafeteria. Oh, thank goodness. Oh Breathe in there. Admiral Snackbar. It's a snack. That's not even an us thing. Oh great, wait, hold on. Did Disney buy us? Yeah, the whole thing was bought by Disney a long time ago.

Oh, wow. That's right. Arnie, you told us once, you told Usidorn I that Disney is a frozen head who commands the world now Here's the thing I never understood based on what I know of earth names. Why isn't it Disney camp? Oh, yeah, Arnie Disney camp Neacamp Disney camp. This is Arnie Disney camp. Oh, I feel like my meds are wearing off. Oh, I've got some Okay, I feel like my meds are wearing off. Oh, I've got some. Okay. I just handful. I'm not sure what they are. Okay, yeah. All right, jumps in front of Arnie. Go. And something for me. Oh, look. I just want to over here. There you go.

There you go. And one for the empty head of Richard Drifus. There you go. So basically if anybody hold on, I don't. Basically if there's anything that you want, just help yourself, there's like a cereal bar. And by that I mean like a bar where you can serve yourself cereal, not cereal bars. Right next to that are some cereal bars. Yeah, and that's pretty much all that's left at this point. Hey, Prince, he's sick over here motherfucker, who the fuck am I? Yeah, yeah, baby, fuck you That's really good, that's really, really good

See, that's what you got, I mean, you were guys were stressing out so much about your character work But you just gotta wear it like a thin veil You know, like just let it be an extension of yourself Um, wait, just a just a welcome to a choo choo's chow. What we have on the menu today is cereal. Now it's a usador robot. That is terrifying. Yeah, yeah, um, I talked to him a lot though.

I mean, he's like, he's a nice guy. Are you dating? There's a lot of lipstick on this user. I'm so much lipstick all of this robot. Francis. I'm sorry, it's been rough, but I come in here for a snack break and he's a really good listener and so understanding

and I always ask if it's okay if I can kiss him That's nice. That's important Francis honestly to quote Admiral snack bar. He's a snack Put your cereal up to my wand and I will pour milk into your bowl With magic The spigot on that wand is really grusted over. Oh, that's also my fault. Not gonna ask, not gonna ask you, sir. You're sort of, you're proud of me. You're sort of, I'm gonna pass on the cereal.

I'm very proud of you, Chant. I'm very proud of you. Francis, it seems like you're in a solid relationship here. So I don't feel bad moving all. I think we just need to get back to food. Yeah. Yeah, I mean like it I'll I'll be sad for you to leave because it's clear that I'm having sex with the nanomotronic serial poorer right and kind of living in a photo booth, but yeah, I mean that I think you you got it You got to get back to what's yours.

And don't go to Pizza Hell and see what awaits for you there is probably the right move. You know. But we could return. And we could save this entire world, honey. We could save not only Fune, but Earth as well. Yeah. Look, I'm the greatest warrior in all of Fune. But I also feel I have a greater responsibility to not just my two worlds, Fune and Earth,

but maybe Earth as well. This is my promise to you, Francis. We will be back to save Earth. Probably not this season, but. Oh, sorry, it might be a little bit. It might be a little bit. It could be like a spinoff, or it could be like a Patreon gold tier situation,

if that makes sense. Oh, yeah, tears you know. What a piece of tears I do. I'm gonna keep thrumbled around in my head. Arnie I'm proud of you. You may have just made an almost used or a like speech where you promised to return some place and saved them later. You know what? If I've learned anything from this brief trip to tavern world, it's that you can't solve everything with a podcast. You can't save everything with a podcast.

You can't save the whole world with content. Yeah, no shit. Whoever thought that. So what I'm gonna do is, I'm gonna start saving the world and doing a podcast. It feels like you're not gonna invest in one or the other. I'm gonna...it's...it probably is gonna be like 50-50, you know, like so both are gonna suffer a little bit. Okay.

Attention, Perkos, the Perkos will be closing soon. In the end, we'll, some of the things say three to four, they'll be closing a little bit early today. What's the deal? We're closing early. I got you, Sinfeld says what's a deal everyone. So I'll just do remind you that he's Jerry Sinfeld. Yeah, just so you know, it's a touchstone.

It's a touchstone. Yeah. I audition for that too. No. Yeah. Can we do it? I love to. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I wanted to be that. Hey, welcome to Fulham World. What's the deal with that? What's the deal with boom? Why can't you be I wasn't very good at it. Um hold on. I was like I was like yeah, yeah take your time Jerry Sunfeld and this is my car Is she drawing? I'm gonna take you somewhere you want to go you want to come with me my name is Jerry Sunfield I got a coffee But sorry, I'm gonna put the flower head gonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go with me, I'm gonna go.

Guys, you're just gonna keep doing it. That's what we call it. I don't think there's no way I can tell it's a ball, but really catchy. I'm gonna go with that really. Guys, I think we should leave. Because I think I'm gonna be fine. I think I'm gonna go ahead. I think I'm gonna go ahead. We could be gone for a year and she'll still be doing this, I think, Arnie, you go ahead, I think I'm good where I'm at.

We could be gone for a year and she'll still be doing this, I think. Because I got a fast car, but it's not going anywhere. Arnie, here in this place where Francis has found true love with a strange animatronic of me, I'm able to cut through the chatter. This love is cleared the way and now I see the true signal. The signal that will lead us back to our food. Here. Hold my hands. Okay.

Yeah, already do you hear that? That's not me, is Mama. What is that? We are coming for you, Mama. Hold on. I know we never know. We like these leaves my reconciler going back to for this time, because we've been gone a while. It's time to go back to FOOOOOOO! And then they left the dimension mostly because they really wanted to. Hang on, writing a reminder to myself later to throw away an entire section of our show bible. Also, pick up a fun body scrub.

Exoskeleton losing luster. Done! Use it all the wizard was played by Math Young. You know how you can listen to a performance for years and still pick out nuances? I wonder what that feels like. Chant the Talking Badger was played by Adorothiah. Francis, the woman in a flower-the-talking flower costume was played by Brooke Bright. One-watch-brook played video games like Hades and Strange Horticulture? Check her out on Twitch at twitch.tv slash Brooke Bright.

Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production, made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon. Supporters like Grad Mask Sofa, the thing is I wasn't sure if that was a typo and asked one of the show's creators and was told just mumble it Just mumble it. That's the level of care your patreon dollars are buying you gradma Let's see just in J bowin Nick Perkins Freedom mark care Chris the microscope someday you'll find enough Pim particles to become Chris the mega scoop again you'll find enough PIM particles to become Chris the Megascope again. Mandy Chinult, Rockool, Maggie A, Gary Heather, Samuel Anderson, Spencer Hessie, Dr. Kudy,

the PhD is real the surname too, nothing more reassuring than a doctor insisting on the veracity of their own degree. Like a surgeon shouting, I'm allowed to do this everybody before whisking out that gallbladder and carry Edmonds. Patrons get ad-free episodes, a passing interest in the correct pronunciation of your donor name, the entire back catalogue including all the previous spin-offs, discounted medical advice from Dr. Kudy and at least two new bonus episodes each month. Listen to a clip from our latest drop, Mementos O Mementos. So, a round-tip real quick, rapid fire,

what would you give Harv Blarv in exchange for this corn cob pipe from his great uncle from the fourth age, the uprising? I think Harv would have a hard time selling this item because it is no doubt tied to his own family's blood. Were you to trade it for some coin? You would soon become obsessed with retrieving it. You would return to whomever you had traded it to and abandoned it back and if they refused more blood would be added to its patina. Johnny Eug, yeah, I gotta agree, with the antiquarian, this is a nasty piece.

And I don't think you'd want to trade it for any gold, you better keep it in the family, unless you want even worse nightmares. So great piece, keep it in the family, really close your product body, that thanks a lot. Yes, Harv, thank you so much. Keep that in the family, if you can't protect yourself. Try to bury it deep under something sacred.

And if a tree would have bloomed from that site, do not eat of the fruit that it bears, unless you look type of thing where you want to turn it something horrible. Unless you seek more and stranger dreams yet. Yeah, that's true. Okay, thank you so everybody. Yeah, I'm gonna do it. Okay, thank you so much everybody. And yeah, I'm going to, okay, thank you so much.

There's more where that came from. I'm not sure if that's a promise or a threat. To hear the rest and learn more about supporting the show, visit patreon.com slash magic tavern. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arne Neekamp, Matt Young and Adolfiah. Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz, associate producer Anna Hoverman,

this episode edited by Chris Rathjen. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard Lebanne, Tavern World theme by Andy Poland. Okay, now you and I are alone. They left. What kind of cereal do you have today? Today we have... Wee-tays! What's the deal with Wee-tays?

Shut the fuck up, son film!