Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 4, Ep 82 - Larry Birdman Visits

Episode Date: July 24, 2023

The Foon Mittens League may be back as commission Larry Birdman makes a surprise visit.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampUsidore: Matt YoungChunt: Adal RifaiLarry Birdman: Rush HowellMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Stephen DrangerMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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People of Earth, the following podcast is not real. And what a few weeks of not-real podcast it's been. But now our air quotes heroes return from all their high-concept, middling payoff escapades to settle back into whatever it was we used to do before that began. Enjoy the show! Hey everybody new podcast with Kettle! It's just begun and you know I won't quit all. It got to keep rhyming. Oh shit!

Three rhymes never tried that. We're little flowers ahead. And um, and I heard a lot of them. Oh no! Life is it's tick. That and Oh Get out of the way Chant got get kiddo. And kick, sorry dude. Ooh, did you see what the what? Well, as in hat and that. Oh, it's pretty good, what the what?

I mean, when you have to rhyme to stay alive, I'll grant you a few slant rhymes, it's fine. Look, we say stupider shit than that, and what's our excuse? It's not to stay alive. No, no, no, no. No, it's just a general stupidity. Wow, it is.

Wow, it is weird to be back. This is- Now what the what? What the what what a wild fucking trip that was. What the what? The guys were back just in time. We probably- But just moments ago we were in a fantasy world where magic

tavern became the most popular thing in all of the world and there was a huge amusement park in our honor and now we're back here. It appears at nibble bottom But it's just the same nibble bottom that we left before Yes, the butterscotch effect Kidney did it kiddle Answer question only you could answer yes The butter scotch effect. Hmm. Kettle. Kettle. Yes. Answer our question on the Eucardancer. Yes. Good ride.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. All right. What about you? Yeah. You stick it on one word at a time to play it. It's a kid who's becoming progressively less committed

to his bit. So we're definitely in the right universe. It's being a being too committed to a bit. Hello from the Magic Tower. A weekly podcast from the magical land of fun. I'm your host, Arnie Neat Camp, greatest warrior in all of fun, defender of fun, earth, and now, earth,

we'll get to that eventually. Earth, skirts are easy. If you, if you remember listening to the podcast before, there's everything you need to know. Over eight years ago, I found through a dimensional portal behind a bird, Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fume. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal

from the Burger King through the dimensional rift, and I used that to upload a podcast recorded here in the tavern, the Strange Familiar, in the town of Nibble Bottom, at the base of the unnamable mountain in the magical land of fume. And I'm joined, as always, by my co-host, Chant the Talking Badger. Everybody's sque'm joined, as always, by my co-host, Jonathan Talking Badger.

Everybody's squeaking for the work-end. Everybody's, what is that? What does that shirt say? Everybody's squeaking for the work-end. I think that's what it was, right? Remember all those shirts in the merch? I should have grabbed one. We should have got some of those merch.

Some of that merch. Yeah, that makes get wet seem like what the wet. Ugh, what the wet? The more you say it, the more it grows on me. Kettle that little back with a flower. So what? Get wet. That's it. Me and Kettle are going to do a podcast together called get what? Well, I did kick him. So he might be I'm so with me. Well, we'll figure it out later. Buddy, I got to say just sincerely off the bat, it is so nice to have you all

stitched up all healed and just to be you all stitched up, all healed, and just to be back in our home, you know, well, sorry, that's not your home, but well, it is your home. I mean, that's, yeah, I put my palm on it, it's, it's your home, you have two homes, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know, leaving the hospital, they gave me a lot of paperwork of things

that I should keep in mind and should be doing post Operation and I lost those somewhere along the way, but fingers crossed. I'll just do what I'm doing and they'll probably be okay, right? That's what I've always done. Yeah, I think so. I'm also joined by my other co-host, Usador the Wizard I am Usador, Wizard of the 12th realm of a fesiest master of light and shadow Manipulator of magical lights, developer ofifulator of Magical Lights, devour of Chaos! Champion of the Great Holes of Trockus. The elves, Nobius Fiengelak, the dwarves, Nobius, Zoninook Stanges, and I have known

in the North East as gasmwyneous Mastar. And, you know, we have returned to our proper timeline and our proper universe. I sense mystical messages in the ether. Oh, something is coming on here. Something bigger than we could ever imagine. Oh, what could it be? Oh, I must have got some, some of our males been piling us.

Let me focus here. Shh, let me see if I can pull it out of there, ether. What lies beyond that ephemeral, uh, Gossamer veil, which makes tears on magazines. I don't know, I ain't got anything. Big wets, I think hard, not wets. I can see it, and if I just open this up, I'm gonna be- Wet bags!

Why, focus, it's a magazine with like, tresthing Christopher Knott. Pull out this piece of paper. Bigs. This is the magazine with Life Frenzion. Christopher not. Pull out this piece of paper. Focusing on the rims of these. Oh! How exciting! This mystical letter I received has informed me that in just a few short months time, we shall be host to the Wizard's Choice Awards.

Whoa, wait, we shall be host, what does that mean? Well, nibble bottom shall be host. Oh, I thought the three of us were co-hosting. Well, I believe since the town is hosting, we'll have to do all manner of legwork to make sure it's secure, to get hosts that would be appropriate and exciting, listening and viewing for the people in town and the people back on Earth or Earth.

Do you know all of them? I'm to get James Franco and Anne Hathaway to come host the Wizard's Choice Awards. I don't know who that is. Uh, but I would never, ever allow anything terrible to happen at the Wizard's Choice Awards. Oh wait! There's another letter here! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh Arnie look it's from the shape shifter Tony's Okay, oh Oh, I wasn't nominated

It's cuz you're not Tony. Yeah, let's look at the nominees Tony R Tony W Tony Tony Tony Tony Roni Tony Pony Pony comma Tony. Okay, Tony Tony Tony Tony pony pony Comet Tony okay Tony Doty pepperoni. Maybe next year, but you know I'm happy for you. What were you nominated for anything? Well, this doesn't list the nominations just yet. It's just an announcement that the awards will be happening here I'm sure this is my year though. I mean after all, you know Yes, what I killed the dark lord and came back from the dead Yeah after all, you know. Yes? What? I killed the dark lord and came back from the dead. Yeah, no, no, no, no, none of those things are real,

but no one knows that except for the two of you. Sure, sure. And maybe a few other people I told. Look, I don't want to spend too much time talking about the way this choice works because it sounds like it's still a little ways off, but didn't we come to Nill Bottom to be in a remote location where we don't draw too much

attention to ourselves because we have for hard and some good stuff. And now that's all changed thanks to the Wizard's Choice Awards. Our allies shall be turned to us and no one shall be able to look away. Oh and look there's another piece of mail. Pizza Skull was nominated for a Pizza Skull Bright Scholarship. Wow. Wow.

That's good for him. He's very exciting. He's also at first scholarship next year. He's one of the Omnom nominees. That is so cool. Pizza Skull. Pizza Skull. Yeah. What's going on, man? Hey, buddy. You got it. It looks like you got some mail. You got a full bright pizza Skull, bright. You got a, you got mail. Oh man, that landed better earlier. What, what the what? Speeding a pizza skull, who we haven't had on the podcast in a really long time, it also continued to not have him on for a really long time.

What? Never mind, pizza skull. Hey, am I crazy or is that Larry Birdman over by the bar? Oh shit, it is indeed. That is Larry Birdman, we haven't seen him in forever. Yeah, the commissioner of the FML? Commissioner Birdman, please come over to the table, join us.

It's been too long. Wats up, guys. Oh, it must, wow, kid almost really populated that phrase around the dandruff. Well, we haven't gone for a few weeks, so weeks. Hey, fancy running into you guys way out here. This is exciting stuff. Still doing the podcast, I see. Yeah, yeah, this is what these microphones are for. Yeah, I was down at the other end of the bar

wasn't paying much attention, but this is a serendipitous pleasant surprise to run into you guys. Hope everything's been going well. Yeah, how are things with you? I, you know, I, as I said before, I'm not a big sports guy. So I haven't been following Mittens.

For one of the 10 Mittens is not a popular around here. Mm-hmm, that's right. Mittens, not, well, it's been a rough few years for Mittens Arnie. As you said, or would know know I'm sure you don't You'd never struck me as much of a fan despite multiple conversations on the topic And also in my defense the one time I went to a Mittens game. I was abducted and imprisoned by the dark Lord. Oh, right Yeah, look it's 20% that's going to happen. You know, you roll the dice.

You take your chances when you come to a game. But 80% of the time it's great. But yeah, it's been a tough time for Mittens over the last few years. And I've actually have some very exciting news on that front. And I don't know if you don't mind having me on. I can break some big news here. Oh, yeah.

I'm not saying, yeah, please. Be our guest. Share the news news here. Oh yeah. Yeah, please be our guest. Share the news. This is this worked out perfectly. Great. So as you don't know Arnie, but a few years ago, Mittens, which of course is the the national sport of fune, and is based on a game that was invented in a children's book by Tom Bigel's worth called the Lonelius Loneliest Son of Lonely. I keep reading to get around to reading that book. Well, you know, it's now a band-a-book, right?

Because it turns out Bigglesworth is what we like to call problematic. Oh, okay. Not well received here in the last couple of years. He apparently has a problem with small tals, where a small being marries a tall being, whether they be of the same species or a different species. Don't understand why anybody's business, you know.

And why would someone even care about that, especially someone who wrote a book where clearly different people of all different sizes work together to do such wonderful things in such a wonderful tale. Yeah, it's but when you go back and you read it you will notice that there's almost no intermingling of the Smalls and the Talls throughout throughout the book which was you know kind of something not many people noticed but then Bigel's Worth was at a convention and just really put a dark mark on the sport and on his legacy I would

say. And you know, I've never been a big fan of a lot of the rules of mittens. And so years ago I started, I left my role as the commissioner of the FML. This is probably too much information, but I started something called the TMI. It's for the... It's the tolerant Mittens initiative. Oh, that's beautiful. Yeah, and so the TMI broke off and we decided to create a new league called the SNM,

which is society and Mittens. So you get them together both society and Mittens. If you need anyone to be on the board or help chair SNM, please toss my name in the ring. Yeah, no, I'll chant that, I'd be happy to have discussions about that, but I do have a side of news. Yeah, but you're gonna say for word for him.

Yeah, absolutely, and I will tell you the, I will tell you the, there was quite a lot of controversy around it because it was funded by the super hoots but also quite a bit from Saad e-money. As you may know Arnie, there are large talking letters that walk around in Foon and one famously was a giant e-who was Saad in half. It's quite rich but also controversial so I took a lot of saw to e-money to start up, Miley.

And for the last two years, we've really, we've kind of been at odds. I changed a lot of the rules to Middens. We shrunk the field down from 2000 yards to 100 yards. And instead of 31 players per side, I changed it to 11. And now instead of a potted side, I changed it to 11. And now instead of a potted plants that you carry around, it's an oblong ball and that one team tries to get a touchdown just like we used to, but the touchdowns are now

where six points instead of one. And you can hand it off, you can throw the ball. And so we call it throw ball handball is what I was calling it mostly. Throw ball hand ball? Throw ball hand ball. And so my throw ball hand ball league which was considered controversial and kind of crazy by the other league which then took on the name Beackel's worth defenders. So it was the BD league, whereas I had the S&M league. But I'm excited to say I've been out here

in this remote location and we've worked out our differences. We had some significant lawsuits that helped create this settlement, but we are bringing the two leagues together to the BDSM league. Oh, wonderful. So very excited to issue that news, and I hope some of the changes, some of the new initiatives that I had launched

via the Tolerant Middens Initiative, and so forth will carry over in the BDSM, I think will be the best version there's ever been of Middens. Now Larry, I immediately have to ask, you've given us so much wonderful inside information. Is there any sort of ball gag order on any of this? Do we have to sign the S&D-A?

Yeah, well, if it had been just even moments ago, I would have had to have done that, but we've just, the ink is dry as of less than an hour ago. I was out here for a celebratory drink. So now this is a great time to let the world know, mittens its back. It's back in a big way. And we should have some, you know, tremendous teams, both from Miley again, from the old FML coming together. And it should just be truly wonderful. That reminds me. So I had some of the old teams were like the Skur buzzards. Sure. What

were some of the teams in the new league? Well, we took over the capital city, the capital city team, which had a controversial name itself and just changed to the capital city Mittens team for a while. And now they're the capital city small stalls. So kind of a direct in your face to big old places. Yeah, I think I'll fuck you. Nice.

Yeah. Well, I mean, there were some real coups, even though, you know, for me, the SNM league wasn't quite, you know, Middens is Middens, and, you know, once you shrink the field and you're just throwing the oblong balls, it's not quite the same game anymore. Right. But I thought getting a chunk boggles, but I think

we're recruiting him from the original FML over to the assembly I was quite a cool. Oh, sorry his name is chunk such a stupid name Wow great great player one of the best one of the best hills men of the last decade for certain A lot of people say I'm so sorry to interrupt can you excuse me for just a second I just want to talk to you Siddharve over here. Yes, I know I've been following the sport stuff But I just want to make sure is there any chance that chunk Buggles butt is really chunned in disguise There's a very slim chance that's true He would have to have had some sort of a glamour cast upon him to be as tall as

would have to have had some sort of glamour cast upon him to be as tall as Chuck Buggles, but he is the exact same color and shape as a Badger. His name is Chuck. And Chuck's buzzing his last name. Yeah, but he's about five feet tall. Chuck's about three. Yeah. So some sort of glamour that's magic or something. Okay, okay, sorry, we're being rude.

Okay, sorry about that. Yeah, so we were talking chunk bug buck Buggles butt and what I can say about him is he's just he's so dynamic. He's like a different a different person, you know, from week to week He's come in different sizes and shapes it would almost seem from time to time, but he's been dynamic and of course the Saudis have so much money That we were able to recruit him away. And I think it was helpful, frankly, in getting this combination. Where does half an E get so much money?

Where does the money come from? He, family money, I think. Oil. OG, the original big money was a large O and a large G, right, we called them the OG. They had just a tremendous success in like hair care products and condoms. In fact, you know, it makes me think

you were just talking about the Wizard's Choice Awards, right? Couldn't help it over here. That just as you were a very exciting news. Very exciting news. And I do think that's a great marketing opportunity. I've been thinking a lot about marketing since I started my own league.

But you know, you could like, Delanor Wands could say, hey, Delanor Wands supports the Wizard's Choice Awards because Delanor Wands is the Wizard's Choice for Wands, right? Why don't you get chunked to do one, chunked Buggles butter or whatever his name was? Yeah. Well, I just the right kind of thing is that, I believe OG condoms are the official condoms

of the wizarding community. Oh. I mean, if you were going to add a condom, making a no-gee. Do wizards use condoms? All over. I'm gonna think about that for a minute. We do have to, we do have to take a break.

And you're a listener, I'm sorry to leave you with that thought as we go into this break. So Larry, I wanna hear a lot more about the BDSM. Sure. League and all the changes that are in, and it sounds like you're trying to move into this area, which is exciting, so maybe we'll see you again more often. But we haven't seen you in so long.

What have you been on? How's your personal life been? You know, improving, I would say. Look, it's tough to meet a lady when you have married three and they've all been murdered, right? Even though I believe it's been conclusively demonstrated that my rival Dick Wizardry was behind all of that.

Oh, so he was behind all of the murders? Yeah, I hope so. Oh yeah, I think so. Yeah, he was found super guilty. That's definitely what happened. That's right. Larry, excuse me for one minute. I just need to talk to Arnie.

Hey, Arnie, can I talk to you over here? Yeah, I need to talk to him. Good, how me for one minute. I just need to talk to Arnie. Hey, Arnie, can I talk to you over here? Yeah, I need to talk to you about it. Good, how are you? Good, is this, are you just jealous that I did win with these with the Yusador a couple of minutes ago? Absolutely, but if I were to talk about something, what are the odds do you think that Yusador is actually Dick Wizardry?

Wizard is in the name. Yeah, and we know, I mean, we just find out he probably has a dick because he said he puts condoms everywhere Yeah, that's one of the places probably yeah, it's what it was. No one doing my first three guests. He's a much of a murderer though He's definitely a murmur because he's all the other Yeah, I don't know if he's a murder. You're right. You're right. Well, you look great buddy, let's get back to it. No, thank you. Sorry about that everybody. We just had to have a little breakout meeting there for a second.

Yeah, no problem. As I said, I was just out here sealing this deal. And, you know, we were getting nervous. I was worried that if we didn't come to a merger soon, you know, I might end up taking an L. One of the giant letters that I would have to spend some time with the L, which is just miserable. Worst dinner companion of the year is the L. Big L, if I'm a little bit bigger, L sounds

great. But, I mean, if you want to seal the deal, I'd maybe try going on a date with the big O. Oh, yeah sure Might be something to something new experience. Hey, I'm always interested in spending time with any member of the OG Especially the big O Also the name the nickname of one of the great mittens players of all time Roscar, Albertson, who was called the big O of all time, Roscar-Obertson, who was called the big O. Roscar-O. Yeah, he spelled his name R-O-S-C-A-R, but the O was bigger than the other letters, and so he called him the big O.

Yeah, he tripled the size of his O and then decided to double it, is that right? The all-time triple double O. That's right. A lot of people said, didn't you just make it six times bigger, but he said, nope, I tripled it, and then I doubled it. That is what I did. I'm the big O, Roscar Robertson. I think chunk might have actually been the first one to make is one of the letters in his name smaller. The K got very, very small in chunk.

Yep, it was a special K, right at the little K, a special K right there in the back of his name almost like a little K Fell in like a K hole got smaller. Yeah, and then then there was like kind of he was like kind of underline it But on the top and then there was a line between chunk and bugles, but so it's sort of like this big long line across the top A little line in between so you was like CHUN Almost no K and then something that looked I guess you could could say it's looked a little bit like a T. Larry, Larry, any other topic in the world? Sure, yeah, well, as I said, I do think I'm getting close with a fourth lady,

could be a fourth marriage and you know, Well, that's wonderful. I hope you're forthcoming. Hoping that Dick Wizardry, who I kind of can't help my love hate relationship with, did invite him to the wedding, which I think is probably going to be a mistake. You found him? I thought he had disappeared through a portal or something after he was convicted the last time. No, that's true. I should be more clear. I simply have put out into the ether one of these RSVP requests.

So I do hope the dick wherever he might be does find his way. We can mend some fences and also bury our past troubles after we work on those fences because he did drive a Bronco directly through my yard knocking down my fence, which I would like mended before. A little bit of a follow-up question here. Now, I know Dick Wishtree is a former Mittens rival of yours. You say you have a love-hate relationship with him. He murdered your three past wives.

Yes, correct. Where does the love part come in? You know, it's a great question, but when you have shared as much time as we have Doing battle on the Middensfield a great bask in you know I hate to brag but I think I was one and a great quarterback as as Wizardry was Are just gonna go head-to-head throughout the game and we must have played one another you know seven times in our story career So it was it's hard to have that experience with someone

and not form a little bit of a bond. And I, I should clarify for Arnie though, they played in seven games against each other, and your game roughly usually takes two weeks to a month. But one of their games lasted six months. That's right. Really? Yeah, it was the most famous game, yes.

Yeah, the probably the longest game in recorded history, 183 days. They called it the 183 days war as a little nickname. But there's a lot of nicknames for that game. The game that never ended, the the divorce creator. So many divorces followed that. Because a lot of people bought tickets and were gone from their families for 183 consecutive days. The children are going to hurt you. The children are going to hurt you. The children are going to hurt you. The children are going to hurt you.

The children are going to hurt you. The children are going to hurt you. The children are going to hurt you. The children are going to hurt you. The children are going to hurt you. The children are going to hurt you. The children are going to hurt you. The children are going to hurt you.

The children are going to hurt you. The children are going to hurt you. The children are going to hurt you. The children are going to hurt you. The children are going to hurt you. The children are going to hurt you. The children are going to hurt you. The children are going to hurt you. The children are going to hurt you. The children are going to hurt you. The children are going to hurt you. The children are going to hurt you. The children are going to hurt you. The children are going to hurt you. The children are going to hurt you. found shelter here, it's a current home. Anyway, we could bring a team here, like have a nibble bottom, a BDSM team, maybe like the nibble bottom, whips and chains,

the nibble bottom, step on my balls, something, just something to kind of get our foot in the door. Really excited in here. You know, it's an interesting, I mean, we came out here because no one is ever out here, right, and we wanted extreme secrecy, you know, when you get me together with the current chairman of the FML, it's big news

and so we had to keep the secret. That being said, we're wide open. This is gonna be the largest, most inclusive league. There's gonna be new teams, there's gonna be, the old rivalries are gonna go away, you should or I promise you that. Your Skur buzzards are still gonna to get to play against Capital City. Whatever year, you know, we're going to keep what was great about the game.

We're going to get rid of what was bad. The bird rule is going to be gone. We're going to have a tremendous, tremendous next decade of, of, of mitten's. And here's one thing that, you know, remains controversial, but what we're going to try to do is have the best team not get banned from the sport for 10 consecutive years. As has always been the case, which you know a lot of people hate. I guarantee you, Larry, if you brought a team to nibble bottom, I could almost sign a piece of paper right now. That would guarantee that chunk, Google, Balls or whatever's name was would play for the nibble bottom team.

He said it right, that last one. Because it would, it would, I'm sure it would make his life so much easier. He would probably not be tired before every single game due to travel. So just something to consider. If there's a big gaping hole in the BDSM that maybe a team in the nibble bottom would fill it. That would be quite a coup to get chunk here.

But I have to say, there are quite a few naturally talented athletes here. Nibble bottom is populated by many witches, you know, and, and you know, they're well known for their spells, their potions, and their natural kitchens. So I think if we were the spells, potions, and natural kitchens, the spankers, I think the nibble bottom spankers would be a great team. I love it. And what's interesting is we've already ordered extra uniforms

that we don't need because we wanted like this one really good gray uniform for the capital city team and they got 51 different shades of gray. So there's 50 extra shades of gray just sitting around waiting for some other team to use for. So if you wanted to have that in the nibble bottom squad, you could have it. Sure, yeah, we definitely do that. Sorry, Larry Arnie, do you mind if I talk to you over here for a minute? Yeah, sure, what does it do? You need chunk. Hey, I just wanted to check on you. Yeah.

Maybe in the last 10 minutes, you said, koo twice. Are you turning into a pigeon? I didn't want to say anything. Please don't tell Arnie, I'm not ready to tell him yet. Oh, speaking of Arnie, I'm not ready to tell him yet. Oh speaking of Arnie, what are the odds? Do you think that Arnie is... A Rosker-Bobbertson?

Oh, oh. There's no chance of that. Okay. I don't think Arnie's had a bigo and quite a while. Yeah, yeah that makes sense. Ah, yeah. Yeah, definitely trying to hit you, don't worry about it. Sorry about that.

Hey Larry, do you think things to expect that I'm secretly Rory Colken? No, I wouldn't think so. I wouldn't expect so. So now Arnie You know for so long, I think it was kind of your your quest to defeat the Dark Lord, which I understand has been accomplished I defeated the Dark Lord with a mission accomplished. Hang on, hang on. That's why we have the big banner back here, mission accomplished. You know, it's just so interesting, because I've been used to say a mission accomplished.

Well, before that, it also said, Missionary accomplished. But that was me, I ordered it for a Bachelor party. We've been repurposing it, refurbishing it a few times. It's almost completely illegible now. We've crossed out and rewritten letters so many times. But yes, the Dark Lord, who is definitely really dead. Oh, and that's great.

Because I've just been thinking about it. I feel like we all have our own Dark Lord. For some, it's a lack of education. For others, it's shyness for you. It was the actual Dark Lord who was a Lord trying to take over and destroy the world, but in Bob's book. I've been dealing with my own Dark Lords over the past few years. You know, the rules of mittens having to stand up for Tom, who they now call Tom Biggitsworth, you know, when it comes to his small tall hatred.

And, you know, wearing a lot of that and just sort of having this time away has really been helpful for me kind of to vanquish my own dark lords if you'll allow for that, you know, parlance, certainly not to not saying it's the same or better or worse, you know, than what you guys have accomplished. I mean, I guess it's worse, but it's been good for me. Good, congratulations, that's fantastic. Yeah, thank you.

Do you count Dick Wizardry as one of your dark lords, or do you feel like that? For sure, I think my hatred of Dick Wizardry, given his murder of my, you know, it's funny that I earlier really was focused on the fence break when I think most people would argue, you know, he murdered three of your wives, started in with that.

I thought it was a metaphor. But what I've really done is made myself forgiven, you know, not forget, but forgive when it comes to those transgressions and, you know, I'm working on myself every day, there's a lot that Dick Wizardry took away from me. My fence, he owes me, I had a, I would start with that. Yeah, well, I am, I guess, once your third wife gets killed, you're just like, oh, okay. Yeah, so he took away my TV,

where I had a standing lunch with a tall, like a giant T and a giant V and Dick Wizardry cut in. So in my view he he Obscunded with my TV. Let's just throw the hypothetical here. Oh, what if all these motors were? Oh, I don't know justified. Well, that seems seems unlikely to me. I spend a lot of time What if all your wives were secretly trying to kill you and Dick Wizardry was just trying to protect you this whole time You know, it's an interesting theory. You know, I did I did it at different times I think you know someone was out to get me,

but, you know, I think it's far more likely that it was Dick Wizardry, given that he did, in fact, murder three of my wives. But, yeah, that's one of the dark loads I've put behind me, Chant, I appreciate the question. And, you know, I hope each of you in your own way is dealing with your own dark lords, including the actual dark lords that you have

known. Yes indeed. Followed question. 85 inch. How big of a TV? Well, I'd say if you added them together, the TV was 83 inches and the V was two. So yeah, right there. That was a small tall. It was definitely a small tall cup. Beautiful. Beautiful. Yeah. Wow. You seem like a real man of letters. I'm just realizing you spent a lot of time with letters. Yes. You're a real letterman. Yes.

Fair to say. Wow. Yeah, Arnie. Look at that letterman jacket. Oh, I'm sorry. In fact, in the back of the way, you have a back of the way that that. Yeah, but that's a correct apologize.

But I've been away from the fourth Beyonce for so long, eh? No fourth play. Correct. I'm sorry. You said something a minute ago. I just said yeah okay buddy. I'll use it on the table. Sorry. I apologize for running out of the room there very quickly guys. When I heard a bird sound I just instinctively tried to chase it to catch it on the field for the point yeah 700 points if you if you're able to catch a bird on the field guys don't mind me I'm just gonna real quick put some of these metal spikes on the table and hopefully that helps the situation

Why don't we take another quick break and clean up some of this shit? So, Larry, it's been a while, and I don't know why you would necessarily know, because you work with so many people. Yeah. But how is the announcer Rick Picklesmith doing? I don't think we've seen him since... Oh. ...since that big, last FML game we've been doing. Yeah, I can't say for certain,

but I imagine we'll be hearing more of him now that we have the BDSM together, and we're gonna want the top talent. You know, look, why don't we celebrate a little bit? Can I get you guys a drink while we're here? Can I pick something out? How about I get you some of these nuts right over there? You see the gigantic D. He's bartending

and he's got phenomenal nuts right there. So he nuts and walnut mix. It's fantastic. This is Chant. And this is Yusador. And we're, you're not. But not.

Wait, what? What did you say? Sorry, never mind. Yeah, whoops. Chant, sorry. Have you thought that maybe getting nuts has passed its prime? Yeah, Arnie. Yeah, so have you thought that maybe getting nuts has passed its prime? Yeah, already.

Good nuts, this pet. Getting nuts should stop the podcast. Nice one, dude. And we're still getting lots of sponsors, so I think we're all right. Really? Yeah, oh yeah. Oh yeah.

You sort of, what are some of those sponsors? Forests. The sun. Planners. The people who plant the nuts. Growers. Harvesters, of course, reapers, grimm, and otherwise. Sears, Robuck, Mystic Pizza. Well, that's Pizza Skull's Pizza Shop.

If you guys are doing really well, you ought to sponsor the Wizard Choice Awards, right? You can get nuts. When Wizards choose a podcast, they choose to get nuts. Nuts. Oh, that's good. I really like that. I love that. Yeah.

We have a lot of marketing with the TMI and the SNM and now the BDSM, a lot of it. Yeah. Have you ever done any other that's not sports related, like, you know, directed event? No, I was a big time investment banker for 30 years before I got into a hint of witness. that's not sports-related, like, you know, directed event. Oh yeah. No, I was a big time investment banker for 30 years before I got into it.

Oh. Yeah. Broke some of the largest deals in the country, but Mittens was my, I don't know, I just felt like a calling. And then I was a hairdresser for a while. What? Yeah.

I would costume rabbits for, like, basically for, I don't know, children's shows. I find whenever I'm at the theater and somebody has failed to dress a rabbit appropriately, I'm like, why didn't they just hire a hair dresser? Right. So that you could see, you know, the could see the rabbit plane, the sister or the betragged father. I think rabbit theaters is underrated. I love rabbit theater and especially the new brand of rabbit theater with the improvisation which they're calling Hair and Makeup. It's top-notch stuff. Hair and makeup sounds like putting a lipstick on a pig.

Oh, that's also, I spent a couple of years back in pig makeup. No doubt about it. You've really been through all the livestock. I've done a lot over the years and I have regrets. I have good memories altogether. But again, I'm just working on not focusing on dwelling on the bad stuff but instead putting my dark lords behind me, focusing on the future and I believe the future is a better mittens game, one that the traditionalists will like and one that new fans will

flock to as well. So how much of mittens, how much of it is going to be mittens and how much of m is going to be mittens and to be handball throwball, how much is going to be m ball throwball? You know the ink is barely dry on but I suspect will be mo on the mitten side than t been shaking off a few of the rustiest

and least worthy of the old rules, I guess. The ones you always found to be somewhat troubling and difficult for the game. Yeah, like I hate the rule that if you commit a foul, the other player loses a team. We're done with that. That's good. That's good.

The other player loses a team. Well, I misspoke, but it may as well be that, because if you commit a foul The other team loses a player is what I meant to say and so we're getting rid of that rule. Larry. Yes I have to ask with handball throwball. Are you gonna use any I mean Supernatural forces in terms of like maybe demon dogs like will there be helmets or no helmets? Because I feel like that might be a big safety issue in terms of like players longevity and health. Yeah, what we do is we take those demon dogs,

we roll them up in a bunch of pillows. So you have extra padded helmets. So there's no risk. Well, there's always some risk. Yeah, helmets are tricky. Yeah, well, you can't get rid of all of the risk, you know, but they could pop off at any time just. Well, what, yeah, we had a Helmut

run into the band of former prisoners who are playing mostly percussion, and so we had that, you know, the concussion was that occurred because of we didn't have appropriate Helmuts, and we can't have that again. Yeah, it makes sense. Well, I just want to... Ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh, ruh's good, but it seems like something we should remedy before he goes full, full pigeon, full squad. Yeah, I noticed immediately, but felt it was rude to point out. And you story, I wish you the best. It sounds like you have a new dark lord, which is spending, you know, part of your time as a pigeon. Oh, I speak pigeon, he said thank you. Oh, okay. I've been a pigeon too.

Well, it's not squabble about it. I speak pigeon he said thank you. Oh, okay. I've been a pigeon too. Well, it's not squabble about it. Da-da. Well, Larry, would you mind hanging out while we answer a few emails? No, I would love to.

I have just thrilled. It's really my first kind of vacation in a while and I'm just grateful to be here and very happy that I stumbled onto the podcast. Good to see you guys again. And you know, you actually said that you were here meeting who is the new commissioner of the FML? Well, you know, one of my longtime rivals

and, you know, one of the great players for a long, long time, Dr. Jay. He's just an actual huge J and he is a physician, but just as I was a banker turned, he was a physician turned quarterback and Dr. J is the new head of the FML. What kind of medicine did a giant letter J practice? Well, it was for children's cancer, if you must ask. It was pediatric oncology, so it was you know about as tough as it gets That is tough as something that's starting to be respectful. It must be hard for a J to become a doctor because

Then doesn't he get confused as a MD? Yeah, man. It's a That's it's a good point. No doctor J wonderful man. Does it support? Biggest worse small tall hatred but you know it's done a good job kind of holding the FML together in my absence and you know he was somebody that I worked with quite a bit back when I was commissioner so. Sure. Happy to do the deal with him now. Well that's good. I'm excited. I can't believe I'm saying this. I'm excited to get back into Middens. Oh, Olli, that's very admirable. I didn't know you were looking to get into sport.

I wasn't, but I don't know. Maybe... Well, the Winter is coming. It's getting cold out. It's time to get back into Middens. And Arnie, if you ever want to come see what's his name? Shunk McDougal play.

I'm sure he'd leave you tickets at the gate. Why would he do that? No, I'm just saying. I just... Any player probably would. I'm just saying. Fuck you tickets at the gate. Why would he do that? No, I'm just saying, I just, any player probably would. I'm just saying. Fuck that dude. Yeah, that's any play out. Yeah, they're quite famous and wealthy,

so I don't think. Okay, nevermind. You're saying I should just show up to a sporting event and be like, I bet somebody left me tickets. I'm just saying he probably wants his friends to show up. Maybe, I'm only talking to friends with him. Difficult, no.

I'm just saying he's probably, this guy's in a difficult situation. And he's in a bit of a pickle. And he doesn't know how to sorry, friends with him. No, I'm just saying he's probably this guy's in a difficult situation. He's in a bit of a pickle. He doesn't know how to tell his friends to come. I don't forget it. Hey, forget it. Okay. These. Hey, these. Can I get? Can I get some more nuts? Oh, looks like these got some go-workers here. S and S and T. Huh, these nuts don't look healthy. Um, STD's nuts. These nuts have teeth and some rash. Is this a reflection? Oh, gosh.

Sorry, I was just tired of being a pigeon. Oh, sure. Oh, good. I hate to segue to emails now, but you know, listeners, if you want to email us, you can email us using several methods. One of them is you can email us at Magic Tavern and Puppy's Not Supplies.

It's a real email address. Here's an email we received recently. Hi, big fan here who's been binging the podcast and is now in the middle of season two. I know it might take a bit for me to get to where you are now, but I was wondering if you said or could divine my true funy in name. I'd love to know what else I could go by, whether secret name or not. Thanks. Signed Tristan Welman. Tristan Welman. Let me divine for you now, as I reach out into the realms beyond what is known to mortals

of this land, and I shall tell you your true name is Muggle for Smuggle for smuggle for I have to say Tristan wellman. That's already a that's a pretty good name a Tristan wellman I'd take that name in a second take it over Chung Buggle Bob whatever it was I Think Tristan is a lovely name not a traditional earth earth name, like something like Billy Yum Yum 2x2 or something, but still very good. And, Ani, may I read a message as well? Oh, sure, how did you get a message? I don't usually do this, but through our Patreon, someone has sent a message directly to Ani, Chantinusador, it says, Hi, Ani, Ch Yusodor, that's

how I knew. I have been following your adventures through food since my senior year of high school during the pandemic. While I have fallen in and out of podcast listening, you guys have been on in the background of my life non-stop over the past three months so I could finally get fully caught up. I only have five episodes until I catch up and by the time you read this all probably have most of the Patreon back catalog finished as well. And I'm so glad to have you guys as a major part of my life again as I enter my third year of college. Thanks for all the laughs over the years and thanks for keeping me company when I had

few others to turn to. Oh, just like chunk. PS, I work at a bakery and we have a sign that says, eat the harvest on it. For some reason every time I see it, I hear Yusuror say it in a dramatic voice. Yusuror, could you say it for me? Eat the harvest. With many magical thanks, Andrew from NC. Andrew, thank you so much. Guys, are we old? Andrew was in high school when he's still...

Yeah. Are we old? I think we're old. I mean, Yusur-ro is really old. How dare you. I'm only 350, 4 or something. And that's the new 326 Arnie do we have time for me to read one of the letters to wet biggs forum sure please What is this wet biggs are wet pants? I have wet biggs. I have big wets. I have wet pants. What do we want?

Dear choice. Yeah, okay. Let's okay. Let's stick with uh what bigs. Um, deer wet biggs forum. First time, long time, if you know what I mean. The other day I went to a party and there was a lot of letters there. I hit it off with one of the letters so we went back to their place. We were drinking some wine, some meat, having a good time with Sunlee. We laid down on the floor. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, SS, SS, oh, BJ, BJ, BJ, oh, I alpha busted immediately. Signed. Letter lover. Wow, huh.

We should be reading more letters from Wet Bigs Forum. That was really enjoyable, yeah. And sorry I put on my, sorry I put on much like Yusudor has his chef cadence, sorry I put on my horny tone. That reminded me of Penthouse letters, which that's where the Saadiese live up in the penthouse. Any of the letters, I mean, I don't know exactly what that was,

but I can't make judgments about it. All of a sudden, I'll be a bigot's worth in my own right, you know? You like letters, you like smalls, you like talls, it doesn't matter. Love, who you want to love? And fuck the bigot's worth of the world. Yeah. And Larry, I'll just say this, from my time traveling through dimensions and being in touch with the realms of Ephesius, I'm sure that Dick Wizardry will be at your wedding.

I hope so. I hope so. I'm excited. It looks like the wedding should be next year in May. So fingers crossed and we'll hopefully see Dick there along with you know a lot of my good friends and you know I'll be sure to get you guys an invitation as well. Oh yeah thank you so much that would be great. Yes and he'll make sure that your wife isn't a mutteress. Yeah you know whatever we'll see if he even comes well anyway cheers to us and cheers to Biggles Terfs Yep tough times for time Biggles worth He can only you know fall back on the three billion dollars. He's built You know can somehow

Comfort himself with that. Yeah, but still for the record, fuck him. Jerk him. Bad guy. So close to ending on a positive note. Still we've gotta be true to our nature. If Oppenheimer and Barbie taught me anything, it's that. Use it or the Wizard was played by Math Young. Chant the Talking Badger was played by Admiral Raphai. Larry Birdman was played by special guest Rush Howell. Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production, made possible by thousands of house elves working in inhumane conditions under the Great Hall.

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And Mitchell Angus. Patrons get ad-free episodes. The entire back catalog, including all the previous spin-offs. And at least two new bonus episodes each month. To learn more about supporting the show, visit patreon.com slash magic tavern. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neekamp, Matt Young, and Adolf Refy.

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