Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 4, Ep 9 - The List

Episode Date: December 13, 2021

The dragon in the basement needs a list of who it is and isn't okay to kill.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungMysterious Man: Tim SniffenCraig: Ryan DiGiorgiProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Garrett SchultzSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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How can you be sure? Well, for one, if definitive proof of trans-dimensional travel suddenly dropped onto the podcast scene, wouldn't it get more five star reviews in the iTunes store? Not to mention. Okay, I was finally able to access the programs I needed to get the ventilation system working more effectively, which, with a lot of govlin's in-prison on the lower levels, you're definitely going to access the programs I needed to get the ventilation system working more effectively, which with a lot of govons in prison on a lower levels, you're definitely gonna want to take it. Craig! Still transmitting yourself from afar into the coffee maker I see, as if Curek wasn't responsible for enough evil.

I was in the middle of explaining to all our listeners how this dimensional travel stuff wasn't real. Oh, I forgot. Sorry new listeners, who may not have figured out yet that we're trying to cover up the possibility of trans-dimensional travel for our own ambiguous purposes, speaking of which I still don't understand that part myself. Craig, we've been through this. If I gave you all the details, it wouldn't be fun anymore. Did you not see the Star Wars prequels? Look, let's stop developing our relationship and just get to this week's transmission. All I know is that it isn't real.

Too little too late. How I've missed us. Sit back, audience, and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of fun. I'm your host Arne Neekcamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. Six and a half years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of fun. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal. From the Burger King, through the dimensional rift, and I used that to upload a podcast recorded

here in the tavern, the strange familiar, and the town and nipple bottom, at the foot of the unnamable mountain in the magical land of fun. and I am joined as always by my co-host, chunt the ch-chunt? Oh, hey! Oh, sorry, I was a little distracted. Chunt, your eyes! Oh, yeah, baby! Bad my lashes, bad my lashes.

There's something, and this is not it's not, it's good, but your eyes, are your eyes bigger? Are my eyes bigger? Slap in the face, what are you talking about? I dare you, sprays you with water. Buddy, I'm joking, of course they're bigger. Do you like them? You know what, I do, there's something really compelling

about them, but how are your eyes bigger? Well, Arnie, I'm glad you asked. I've been working on ISOs. Now I'm sure you're asking yourself, what are ISOs? Sure. ISOs are isolations. So I've been working on isolating my shape shifting.

I've been able to kind of do it in the past, but now I can pick a certain part of my body and shape shift it exactly how I want. I can customize my appearance if you will. Wow, so it's like kegels for your face. That's what, yeah, that's what I wrote as a last resort to describe it, but yeah, it's like kegels for my face. Thanks buddy.

Great, I prefer custom eyes. Custom eyes, right? So, did you decide to make your eyes bigger just to sort of support the way you wanted to describe it as customized or was there another reason you wanted your eyes to be bigger? Well, no, it was the eyes. Always lead with the eyes

because the eyes of course are windows to the butt. And then that customized joke, I thought was pretty fun. That name is kind of punish and fun and funny. And punish. You know what? Can I say something? Can I agree to stop there of Punish and Fun and Funny. And Punish. You know what, can I say something? Can I agree to stop there? Punish, yes.

Sure words have never been spoken. Although Chuck, honestly, and I'm grabbing your face by both sides because you're so adorable. Do you want me to stay here as long as I can? Chuck, you're like more disneyfied. And I know that doesn't mean anything to you, but from my world, your eyes are so big. It's adorable. Thank you. Oh, watch this. Let me, I'm gonna shape-shift and I'm sorry, I'm gonna isolate and shift my throat here.

Hello, Arnie. How are you today? Oh. Can I just say it's real treat to be here on the show and I think very highly of you. Oh, wow, thank you. Okay, let me... Eh, shape shift my throat back. Isn't that kind of fun? It is fun, although I did notice your voice changed back before you changed your throat back. Well, it's not in real time. Oh, I see. The magic has a ripple effect through time.

Just a little bit. It's a sight time delay. Sure. I am also joined by my other co-host, who's fucking I was, or just the same site, oh I'm sorry, what's that? We're done with the ISO talk. No, no, no, no, no, no, here, chat look here, here, put your face between my hands.

Buddy, what do you wanna talk? What are you doing, bud? No, I just thought this was a pretty cool big deal, but it's big. It is, it's big. It seemed like you used it as like a little desk piece and then you threw it to commercial, but. Oh But how come on and then when we come back from commercial I'm further down the couch and there's somebody new sitting in the guest spot and this is bigger than headlines

This is like a runner. This is like a runner throughout if this were a late-night talk show, which I guess it is Mm-hmm. This would be a runner through the whole thing. Okay, look Arnie. I'm gonna. What was that? You said? Seems like you're roming up to my introduction. Mm. His face lit up so much when I started to say his name. But I- No, I continue to stare at each other's eyes. I understand, I'll be quiet this is.

Wait, wait, no, no, I'm so sorry, can you excuse me for just a second? You don't wanna see me isolate my asshole to make it puckered? God, I do, I really do. But here, I'm going to, and don'tered? God, I do. I really do. But here, I'm going to, and don't be alarmed, I'm gonna take my hands off of the sides of your face

for just a second. Okay, okay, okay. All right, I'm gonna move my hands over, you sit over, my hands are coming in, I'm putting my hands on both sides of your face. Does used to be my hands, does used to be my hands on my face. You can put your own hands on your own face,

you sit over. Yes, it feels nice. Buddy, I'm so sorry. I'm about to bring you in in just a second. I'm just saying, have you considered making your really boring eyes a little bit bigger? I'll do that right before you introduce me. OK.

John has his hands on the sides of his own face, and I'm worried that we've left him home alone. Where everybody go? Why is there a tarantto-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to solos of all, thief maze. Alright, I'm taking my hands off your face, because you are moving around like crazy. When you talk, like, you're all over the place. Fine. Break my arms. I am also joined by my other co-host, Wizard's Choice nominee,

Yousse-Dor the Wizard. I am Yousse-Dor the Twilth Rail of a fizziest master of Light and Shadow, Manipulate Art of Magical Delights, Devour of Chaos. And I smack-y-stored the ahead with a red shovel, knocking him out. Well, happy thief's maze to you as well. I know there's so many holidays in Foon around winter solstice time.

I haven't heard of thief's maze yet. Well, it's right there in the title. We set up mazes for thieves with all sorts of traps and contraptions inside of them, and we tell thieves oh there's something very valuable at the end of this maze every year they fall for it idiots yeah Arnie I think

I think someone once tried to compile a list and I think they ran out of paper so they said that there's over a hundred thousand different holidays around this time of season a hundred thousand different holidays I'll keep of season. 100,000 different holidays. I'll keep in mind some are celebrated by just one person. You know flying Jeff, the big bat. Yeah, he celebrates great skittish flake off. It's like when it starts snowing, the first snow, he tries to catch a snowflake on his tongue, but he's very skittish because he's scared of the cold.

And so it's just like a whole process. So that's just him. He made that up, he alone celebrates it. So just know that it's a lot of individuals, so don't think it's too overwhelming. But he puts up posters and he tries to hand out his hats so that other people will adopt him. Nobody wants to wear the hats. They're not very attractive. It's like a nickname.

You can't get other people to buy in on a self-given holiday. Very true. That's very true. People are trying to customize their holidays, but customizing doesn't always work. You have to let somebody else come up with a name and customize it themselves so that customizing it. Can we just call what I do customizing?

Yeah, customizing. I like that. Thank you, thank you. Thank you. Don't worry, my hands, here come my hands, here come my hands. It's a runner. It's not just the beginning. You don't need to force it.

We're going to bring it up repeatedly throughout the whole episode. I promise, buddy. Oh, I'd also like to customise, but I don't know that I can isolate just my eyes. What if I just make my whole head bigger? Like this. I can isolate just my eyes. What if I just make my whole head bigger like this? Ah, whoa

How is that? John this isn't gonna mean anything to you, but oh god, you said or it looks so much more like Charlie Brown with a beard It's crazy. No, I don't get that. I was gonna say he looks like hey Arnold You know that the horse that only eats hay, Arnold? Huh. You would think I would be really clued into that because my name is Arning. Oh yeah, I never thought about that. Yeah.

What? Ugh. Yes, I don't like having a huge head like that. I'll figure out a way to make my eyes bigger too. Have you tried usage or making your forearms really big? Like ridiculously big. Like it says if your forearms really big, like ridiculously big. Like it says if you're super muscled, but in a weird grotesque way,

we're just your forearms because you eat so much spinach. Well, I hadn't thought about that, and I'm not sure why you did either. Hmm, I don't know, because I'm old. See, I think if you wanna have huge forearms, you'd wanna eat like shrimp or something, something that's gonna make your skin swell, like something you're allergic to

It sounds like this pop-up guy is allergic to spinach. It might be it might be I never gave him a name But pop-up is a good. Oh, sorry. I was looking at you sir his head and his eyes were popping out of his head trying to make it bigger It's true. You know honestly, John at first I was like what the fuck? It's shrimp like okay, what's the random thing? But you know what you brought me around You're right. It's an allergic reaction. Yeah, let's all agree, allergic reactions are not muscle. Everyone say that please. A allergic reaction is not muscle. Did anyone hear that? I'm the owner of this establishment, and if you believe that you have muscles that are just an allergic reaction, I will kick you out of here.

Oh, you're so-or speaking of you buying the tavern I thought since you're now the owner and I'm you know one of the owner's best friends I thought to put up some not wanted posters for the dark Lord just so people don't look for him, you know Yeah, that's a good idea So if you look around the tavern, there's a not wanted posters plastered all over. Oh now I see them I didn't notice them before they're very nice. I like how they Point out that evil has been defeated. Oh it even has my name on there. That's very nice. What a nice touch. Fuck should have called them unwanted posters. Did you get that idea chunt from someone in town put up a bunch of posters

with the town Unki's picture on it Kevrot and they just said, no thank you. Arnie Maman, I understood two of those words. Which one, which two? This is something that happened on this podcast. Yeah, you remember Kevrot, we talked to? Yeah, Kevrot. Kevrot.

You like fell in love with Kevrot. He's the town Unki. He's running for town daddy. He probably killed like town Danny. Kevrot. Yeah, this is his for town daddy. He probably killed like a town daddy. Let's be honest. He's the brother of his head. Yes, former town daddy almost right. That's right.

I love Kevra. Yeah, but some ass hat, but of a bunch of signs that just had his picture on it and said, no, thank you. Ooh, ass hat, let me isolate. Is my ass on the top of my head? It is. Good job. Hee hee.

Stop that, it eat eat-dee-dee. Stop, don't try to move. Look, when your ass is your hat, don't try to jauntily lift it up further away from your head. You're gonna hurt yourself. I pulled off a lot of skin, but I know. Ooh. You sure as in any big changes you're gonna make

to the strange familiar? Now that you're the big man in charge? Well, I only have a few cosmetic changes in mind right now. I'd like to take the covers off these mirrors. I always thought vampires didn't like mirrors, but I guess witches also don't like mirrors for some reason. Wait, can I, I don't know if it's too late to dissuade you, but that's kind of rude to take the covers off.

Oh, you know, when mirrors sleep, they get cold. They reflect the air, so if the air is cold, which right now it's kind of chilly, then how are they going to sleep? I didn't realize the covers were for the mirrors. I thought that for the people looking into the mirrors, I should be more respectful of what mirrors want and what mirrors are saying they need. And if they need to sleep a good night's sleep, that's fine and if somebody needs to peek at themselves in the mirror and see how they have beautiful, giant eyes.

Oh, thank you. Very lipid pools which one could throw thine self into. It's like you're straight out of anime. Oh, thank you. The little village to the west? Yes, Arnie, have we told you about straight out of anime. Oh, thank you. The little village to the west. Yes, Aani, have we told you about the village of anime? No, I mean, I've heard about Bimbletop and Neville Bottom and a lot of other villages around here.

There's a village run here called Anime. Yes, there are animals there and they may be the most beautiful animals in the world so it just got shortened down to Anime. Yeah, there's a popular story about it called anime of greengables. I'm listening. It is a popular story. Why don't you tell it, chump?

There's no time. All I'm saying is you don't see mirrors creeping into your bedroom and smack in the duvet out of your mouth at night, right? So do a solid to them, huh? No, I see it every once in a while, but you've got a point nonetheless. I shan't uncover these mirrors. I shall leave them covered as they were. So what else should I do to the tavern?

Well, you said, I have a question. I have a question about the tavern. Like, ever since you took it on, I noticed this week, like, are you in a fight with the old wait staff? Because I haven't seen pizza or shivna or any of the bartenders. I haven't seen Rubin the server. Yeah.

What happened to the people that are supposed to be bringing us drinks? Well, to be honest, they all demanded to be paid less. And I said, I shan't do it. I will pay you more than you are worth and more than you have earned out of the generosity of my heart.

And then I remind them, oh, but I only have six weeks to leave, please take this money and they said, no, we are peasants here in this town and we take a certain amount of pride and only being paid a minuscule amount of money for a hard day's work. Yeah, Arnie, there's a big note on the tavern door where the employees explain all this,

why they left because they were getting too much money. Oh, you didn't see that when you walked in? I can barely read. Also, I barely walk around. I haven't, you know what? Huh, when was the last time I walked outside of the tavern? Has it been this season? Hmm, oh boy.

18 months or so, as far as I can tell. But Arnie, aren't you a part-time Cooper? Oh shit, almost the last time I went to my job. I'm a parenthesis to be a Cooper. Ha, I hope I didn't get fired. Before I even figured out what a Cooper is. Well, you'd know if you got fired, you'd have cinch marks. Hmm, that's true.

Hey, look, will you look on my back? Is there anything weird there, like cinch marks, or frankly anything, that I should be concerned about? Let's take a look here. Oh my god. Is this you should like look at this. Look at these moles. If I take air, give me a piece of chocolate or some charcoal. Oh, just chocolate. Yeah. Okay. If I make a line between all these moles, huh? What does that look like? It looks like you. Yeah! What is going on? It looks like you. Quick, wake up one of the mirrors. We need to show Arnie this. Excuse me, Mir. Mir, Mir are on the wall. Why the hell is this thing on Arnie's

back? Mir, pardon me, Mir. Just a little lifting up, just lift you up the cover here. Just, uh, hello? Pardon me, Mia. Just lift you up the cover here, just hello. Mm. Mm. Okay, the Mia doesn't wanna wake up, John, so I don't know what to tell you. Arnie, trust me. There is the spitting image of me in moles on your back.

In mold on my back? In moles, not the animals, the, um, what do we wanna call those? The body, body spice. You know, skin, body spice. body spice, you know, skin tags. Skin tags. You don't body spice. I don't know.

Here's the thing. And I recommend this to all the listeners out there as well. Let's all just call skin tags body spice instead. Just sounds better. Yeah, just kind of spices up your appearance, like saffron or paprika wood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How about beauty marks?

That's a, that's a, that's a tradition. It's another way to refer to them. But what if they're ugly? Yeah, let's stick with body spice Great I somehow I did a lot of work between seasons to make myself beautiful as I'm sure we all remember I don't like to bring it up too much. I am beautiful Arnold now, but I didn't do enough work on my back No, Arnie you you mistook what I'm trying to say. It is stunning, it's gorgeous, it's a work of art. I mean, it's me. Mm-mm.

So I'm saying yours are definitely beauty marks. I'm just saying, you know, if someone has, I don't know, two giant moles on their eyeballs or something, let's not call them beauty marks. Although, uh, Shawn, look out the window. See those clouds out there? What do you think that cloud looks like? Um, kind of looks like a clown. Oh, okay.

Looks like Chuck to me. Wait a minute. Let me tilt my head. Wow, it does look like me. That's what I was trying to say. Usador is obsessed with Chuck. Is it weird that when I'm standing up, I look like a cloud on its side?

You do. Weird. You do a little bit. It's fun. Yeah. And both of you, see this spill of mead on our table, the tall table here, what does that look like to you? Looks like someone's gonna have to pay

for another fucking drink around here. Oh, and it looks like me. Yeah, it looks like chunt. Yeah. Wow. What is going on? I don't know. I think we're realizing we're all really self-involved.

Well, I'm not that self-involved because I have decided to ask my patrons what they would like to see here differently at the strange familiar, so I'm starting with the two of you, my two best friends, besides the Perlfields. And I wanted to know if you had any ideas about ways we could improve the tavern. Ooh, yes, yes, yes, yes. Let's have a little bit of a brain storm. Okay, so is it possible? And I'm not saying that this is, you know,

I'm just tossing it out there, feel free to shoot it down. Is it possible that like Arnie and I possibly like, or Arnie and myself, I mean, for the rest of the time, like Arnie and me, we drink for free? Oh yeah, you know, I hadn't thought of that, but I think that's a great idea. That'll be my idea too. Well, we do do a brisk business here,

not only to have it in town, you are my two best friends besides the profiles. Let me think, should I allow you to drink for free? It wouldn't really cost me anything. I'd still make quite a bit of money from the tab. No, absolutely not. What? You were talking in a direction that suggested yes. Well, I am no fool. You will come here every night and you will have no more than ten free drinks from 11 on it's on you. From 11th drink on? The 11th drink not 11pm.

Okay good good because you know I'm a night owl. Rough but fair secretly high fives aren't you? But I insist that the food is free. Fine. Okay only because we know you're dying soon. Hey, can I just say, and this is just personal preference, can you no longer outwardly verbally lead yourself towards a yes, but inwardly hide the secret roots to a no?

Just because it sounded like, from the words you were saying, it sounded like you were gonna say yes. And then clearly you were thinking internally about something else and then you said no. Could I Speak in such a way that allowed me to make them believe I was let it one direction When actually I was for headed the other yeah, that's it seems perfectly possible that I could absolutely not oh Come on, oh man. I will no here's another idea I have for the tavern

I was thinking of taking down the old sign that says the strange familiar and putting up a sign that says the vermillion minator. What do you think? I think that would be a lovely tribute. My only concern is, is there anybody looking for us? Is this kind of a red X that would lead them straight to us? Uh-uh-uh. I'd spell vermillion with one L. Hmm, yeah, but here's the thing. I'd spell Vermillion with one L. Hmm, yeah, but here's the thing. I'm not sure that anyone has ever been consistent on whether there were one or two

Ls in the Vermillion Minotaur, at least on social media. Hmm, pretty sure Vermillion is a word that has a correct spelling. Oh yeah! So it's unforgivable how frequently, probably, people and my people I mean me, would spell it both ways all the time on social media. There's a compromise in here somewhere, maybe like the Periwinkle Centaur. Oh, that's a good idea. I like that a lot. Or maybe Charlie Kisses.

Ooh. Or Yusadors. Oh, I like Yusadors too. I like all of these. I guess Vermeleon is spelled with one L. Fuck me. And here's the thing. You are wrong. And that's okay, but here's what I'm saying is it's much worse if you're just Willie Nilly going back and forth between the two right? Just never look it up. Now you just don't care. Oh, what if we call it Willie Nilly's Willie Nilly's on. Oh wait, isn't there already a tavern in town called Willie Nilly's? I heard it's a real perv place. Really?

I thought this was the only tavern in town, this must be some sort of place where people can go and underground and some sort of secret tavern. I think it is underground. Well, I'm very jealous now. Why have I never been invited to Willie Nillies? We gotta step up our tavern game. From this point on, members only. If they're exclusive or exclusive. And how can we tell? How can we keep track of them?

I'll issue them each a jacket, a special members only jacket that they each get, and then if they attempt enter and they aren't wearing the jacket, I'll say, nah, nah, nah, you may not enter here. Yeah, and if they do have their jacket, then they can come inside, but then they must take off their pants and jacket. If they want to, if they want to.

Right, right, right. Are you two business geniuses? Ha ha ha. Well, I'd have to say so. We ran Chuchu's Chalfo a while and... What now? Remind me, is Chuchu's Chal still around? No.

No. No. Mostly due to a lack of support by friends, trying to think of who didn't support the... Deuh. It's escaping my mind. Mostly due to a lack of support by friends, trying to think of who didn't support the de... It's keeping my mind. If memory serves, you're in the Vermilion Minotaur for a while. Oh yeah.

I think you also went potter back. Oh sure, yeah. Is the Vermilion Minotaur still around? No, we blew it up. That's hardly managerial fault. And we were all mayors of Hogsface for a while, right? Right, yes, we did. Yes, very much in charge of Hogsface.

Oh yeah, is Hogsface still around? Ah, not so much. In name only. And we all ran Circuit City for a while. Is Circuit City still around? Well, when we visited you in the 80s, we did run Circuit City for a while. And as far as I know, when we left, that place was still hopping.

Mm-hmm. Circuit City, it's like the borders of technology. They'll both last forever. Oh, Arnie, why don't you tell us about borders while we take a quick break? Yeah. Also, Walden Bucks. Well, here are some other possible names. Cheeseburger and Paradise. Yeah, I like it. It makes me hungry. Granite heads.

Wizard's Delight. Smell you at another time. I'm just gonna say that's my least favorite so far. Okay, just not that I don't like it as a name, but as a name for this place, my least favorite so far. Okay, I have some, okay. Switch tracks, day new moths and paws.

Mm-hmm. I like that. Drink Floyd. Okay, I like that one. Okay, weird ails. Okay. Ooh, I like that. Drink Floyd. You kinda like that one. Okay. Weird ails. Okay.

Ooh, that's fun. And we do like parodies of drinks. Oh, I'd be kinda fun. Yeah, well how do it like, what do you mean by a parody of a drink? Give me any drink. Uh, how about, how about a rum coconut? Ooh, I kinda like that. Can you get like a red rum coconut?

Sure. Ooh, Arnie, that might be a substitute for your red potion. Hmm, that's true. That sounds good. And so, wait, hold on. So, you sir, if we make it rum coconut, uh-huh. And say we get a drink and say it's like maybe cloyingly sweet, like the drink in the coconut

because all the natural sugars is a little cloyingly sweet. It's a little saccharine. Okay. Maybe we want some acidity, so we add some citrus. If I have a lime, how would I make that work with the lime? You put the lime in the coconut? I would put it in the coconut. Yeah, you put the lime in the coconut.

Okay. Do you drink them both up? Yeah, you drink them both up. Both of them? Yeah. And then call me in the morning. You got it, doctor. Hmm.

What? Sorry, I'm just can't stop looking at those eyes. Weird ails is a good name, but weird might seem. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Yeah, like the mysticism where it's like you don't know what you're getting into so maybe something that's not necessarily a misleading But something where you're like I want to know what's going on inside this door like Joanne's fabric. Oh Strange Joanne fabric I'm liking it. That's my favorite so far. It's pretty good. That's pretty good. Well, um On you mentioned earlier that I was going to die soon and I wanted to remind you I mean that I'm not actually gonna die, but I appreciate you saying Oh, I'm too sorry you said I'm putting my hands back on the side of your face. Okay buddy. You can be brave

It's all right. You're right. Just be positive and maybe it won't happen. No, no, listen you idiot. No, I'm not going to die Remember that's only if the dog Lord really died if I'd actually completed my true purpose But I had heard the you're gonna die in like two months time, minus a couple weeks. Yeah, I heard that you're gonna die and it's gonna hurt and I also heard, I heard from Courtney that a lot of people think your robes are too baggy. What? Oh, this is just what I heard. I'm just telling you, I'm not trying to hurt your feelings.

I'm just trying to tell you what I heard. This news gets worse and worse. What? But Courtney and I were going to share a locker. Well, maybe you want to talk to Courtney, but I heard that Courtney wants nothing to do with you. And she said that after work, don't talk to her. Ugh.

Well, fine. Guess I'll have to pay everyone less and have the old staff return. And Courtney can go off and be mean to someone else. What the fuck? And I heard from Courtney, and I don't know if this is true, but I heard that she went to go see a proficier

to get the news. I heard that you're gonna end up with Janice living in a shack. Oh. Oh. Well, that's just dirty talk. I don't care for that one bit. That does it. No more, shall there be any new staff here?

It shall only be the most familiar staff that everyone is known this whole time. Wait, the most what staff? Familiar. And what was the one word you said earlier? Strange. Strange familiar. Ooh, the strange familiar. That's a good name for a...

That's average. Great name for a tavern. That's a nice ring to it Oh, and also strange and familiar as sort of opposites isn't that a nice little There's a lot going on there. Oh, and there's a lot of witches around here who also have familiar Oh, yeah, like little cats and stuff you know what this is a pretty clever name. I would have to say yeah Well hold on we like this better than home on the strange Okay, okay, okay, I'll stop. I didn't say that. I would have to say, yeah. Well hold on, we like this better than home on the strange. Ooh.

Okay, okay, okay, I'll stop. I didn't say that, I didn't say that. I mean, I suppose we don't have to decide right this moment. We can just do you think, I did like drink Floyd, even though it leaves me comfortable. Well, I mean, the only reason I would change

up to drink Floyd is because this place has got money Yeah, we're in a small town. It's on the dark side of the food. Mm-hmm. True We've got the wall is part of our are we meddling too much with these names? Maybe oh, I'm sorry speaking of names. I kind of have a project that I was wondering if I could enlist your both of your help in Sure. Yeah, so you remember that we've hired an intern. Yeah. Tormaline Dragon team. And she's currently living in the basement,

guarding the dark lord and making sure he neither dies. Which is why I'm not going to die in six weeks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she asked us to make her a list. She's a very dangerous dragon. So if anyone comes down to the basement, she needs to know who she can and can't kill. Oh, right, right, right, right.

So just to be a good manager, I wanna like give her clarity on her job. So I'm making up a list. Hold on, real quick. Arnie, real quick. Let me put my hands on both sides of your face. Actually, let me put one hand on your right side. You started your mind putting a hand on his left side. Sure out it. This is so relaxing. It's so comfortable.

Arnie, you are a good manager. Okay. I just feel so good. You're a beautiful boy and a good manager. And your back is gorgeous. The landscape, the body spice of it. Fantastic. Don't change your thing. Yeah, you're a real sweet-hums. Thank you, you said are You are real sweet-ems am I? Yes, you know, that's a thing people who manage other people not enough people validate them If you're in charge of other people you need to remember to tell them sweet sweet things all the time you're a sweet-em Thank you

So I'm working on this list because I'm such a sweet-earned. I'm working on a list of people that it's okay to kill and people that's not okay to kill. Huh, about that sweet-earned term. Aw. I know, adorable me. So sweet. Someone has a kill list. But here's the thing, it's not for me. Because my kill list includes no one, except for maybe drip thing. What you're doing is you're actually giving this teen structure, which teens desperately need. Because otherwise, totally in the dragon teen would kill everyone.

Yeah, that's why I, so you should know, at the top of the do not kill list, and I'm very clear at the top, although I spell some of the words wrong. My name and both of your names. Oh, I do not kill names. Oh, not kill. Yes, that's good. Ah, ony there are no elves in your name.

Not even my last name? Nope. Hmm, the great I disagree. It is the German spelling. Oh, thanks. That means nothing to me. So who else do we want to make sure that Tormeling does not kill?

Mm-hmm. Can you put, well first of all, can we just kind of slightly adjust the list? Instead of your name and then our names below you as 1, 2, 3, online one, can we put all three of our names? Just so there's equal emphasis on who not to kill. So you're saying, maybe line one, Arnie, and then either Choner Yucidorah in whatever order. Oh, that's fine.

That's still in order. Can you write all three of our names on top of each other? Okay. Turning into a mess. It's kind of hard to read, but it's fair. It's fair. As long as it's fair. As long as it's equitable. I would say that number two slash four would have to be the Dark Lord. Okay, yeah, Dark Lord.

In fact, I might even make that number one, honestly. If I get killed, and the Dark Lord doesn't, that's probably okay. Not to harp on line one, because I know we've been over this already. But there is a bit of an issue because I'm constantly shapeshifting, and especially now with my ISOs,

like let me make my thighs real thick. Oh, they're all that cake, baby. I'm gonna be possibly in different forms, so is there a way to, you know, if I go downstairs and I'm suddenly like a little kitten or something, I don't wanna be killed. And then you store also goes by a million different names. Oh God.

So is there a way to, yeah, just write all those down. Write down all of you store's names and then also any forms that I might be in. Guys, you do not understand. I spelled my own name wrong. I can't write all of these names. Don't say that. Don't talk about my best friend that way, Arley.

Okay, all right, let's come at this from another direction. Chant, you make a good point, but perhaps putting this all on Arnie is not wise. So instead, why don't you wear a little collar that says chunt, and no matter what form you in, the collar always says chunt, and there's a little bell on it. And then I'll gather myself, and all my great wizardly accoutrements, and my wizard hats and robes, and staff and sword, and I shall step forth into that cave, with Torellean the dragon team the threside and I'll also put a little bell on So that way we both have a little bell, no

If anyone with a little bell that way we know not to kill them Yeah, and if your caller also says chants that might be confusing So can you make mine say nasty boy? Yes mine will say chants yours will say nasty boy. Honey. What do you want your caller to say? What my caller to say? 22 ounce bitch. It is. Okay. Classic.

Well, I think this is a good day's work. Why don't we take a quick break and we'll be right back? Yeah, great idea. Do you guys want some waters? I'd love some waters. Roger, waters. Yeah, I'm still hungover from last week, so yes, a lot of water.

Did I mention drinks are free, but water's gonna cost you? What? All right, and you know what, I'm gonna set aside the do not kill list, which, you know, it has us, and it has the Dark Lord, aka Blemish, aka Chris of Chris Must. And that's probably enough for now.

Okay. I'm gonna focus on the kill list. Because if someone goes in the basement that we do not want getting near the Dark Lord, or you know what, in like a friendly way, we just want killed. We should have that list ready. Yeah, and a friendly way. Okay, name number one.

And don't think that I'm like, I have an agenda, like totally this is not the case, so everyone just chill. Let's all pick our number one, but you go first, but let's welcome in for ourselves. Since I was saying mine, I'll continue, which is, and I hate to say this, this is just something I heard, like somebody once heard it, I feel like Courtney should be number one.

Yeah, I was gonna say Courtney. I don't know. Because I also heard she's gonna be a farmer living in a mansion with Joey, so Joey yeah, but he smells like poops. That's what I'm saying. I think she's gonna get together with Chandler The thing hanging from the ceiling. Mm-hmm. So Courtney's mine. Who do you two have on your list? I mean mine's easy mine's obvious drip bang. I mean he stabbed me with a sword and almost killed me and yes We did eventually use that sword to kill the dark Lord, but still, I'm not ready to forgive

him. Fair enough. Let's see, we've already got Courtney covered, so I suppose I shouldn't waste mine on also being Courtney. Um, I number one I'd have to say would be, oh, I'll put it better in our goon. That way we've got those two idiots covered. Oh yeah! Oh, I'll put it bad on Ragoon. That way we've got those two idiots covered. Oh yeah!

And also, as former minions of the Dark Lord, it would be especially bad if they got to the Dark Lord. So they should be on the kill list. Right, right, right, right, that's why. That reminds me, I was able to reconstruct the list of some of the minions of the Dark Lord that Baron Ragoon mentioned to us a couple weeks ago. So maybe we should add some of these on, but I don't know that many details about some

of these. So, Mimzi the Nightmare Rath, who, if I don't remember correctly, Chunch, she was at your wedding. Huh. Wait, Nightmare Rath. Was this a, does she sometimes go as a Chris Must Rath? It's possible. It's possible. Like I was hanging around people's doors. Yeah, she was the burn's date at your wedding But again, it was your wedding so you probably like you're not in my husband exploded so I don't remember Probably top of you know what they always say that they're like you plan for so long and then when your husband explodes

Like you don't remember anything. Yeah, that's true. And you're always so hungry by the end such a cliche. Well, how about Demonium, the Panda, that can summon demons? Oh yeah, definitely should be on the kill list. Yeah. Well, hold on, is Demonium summoning those demons by choice to like wreak havoc?

Or is it just like the Panda can't help but summon them? Did you say Demia or demonium? I said demonium. Oh demonium. I don't know if there's also a demonia. Demonis fine. I like demonia. Okay. Well now I'm, I say she's my, my, my, my demonia. You have a knack for putting a just right.

Okay, let's, we'll leave Demona off the list. Does Demonium, is it like a, you know, are they trying to do bad? Are they trying to bring Chaos into the world? Well, to be clear, as far as I know, everyone on this list worked for the Dark Lord. Like was kind of high up. Okay, does she summon all the demons or just some of them?

Mm-hmm. Does she summon them or is it just some of them? God, she summon them the demons or just some of them? Does she summon them or is it just some of them? Yeah, she summon embers at just some of them. I think she's summon some of them. Okay. Oh, then put it then put her on the list Yeah, I don't know if they're already on the list, but what about because I what about Jamie and Sammy? Can we just throw them? Oh, they are kids although they're older than they sound wait those two aren't already dead I mean just looking at them. They look like they got dug up maybe undead. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I don't know I don't know well, let's just put them on there anyway. They've got to be like 19 by now, right? Yeah Let's just cross our fields that we never see them again that they never come anywhere close to

That would be great. All right. here's another one. Left tenant hominem. Left tenant hominem. Okay. We can also just do thumbs up, thumbs down. Yeah, thumbs up. Thumbs up, kill. When we say that if left tenant hominem is bad, are we using bad like bad ass like good

or bad like they do evil? Oh. Because you know bad could have two meanings. Yeah, yeah, that's true. I say we say both. Okay. Look, he's bad, but he's also, if I'm being honest with myself, he's pretty bad. Pretty bad?

Yeah. Let's do it. Alright, the knight doctor, who as we all know sometimes, us neaks into rooms at night. Um, King Crabain. Kill, yeah. The Borsy McMurder. Kill. For a horse to make murder, can we put slaughter next to their name? Okay. King Krabain. Kill, yeah. The Borsy McMurder. Kill.

For Horsy McMurder, can we put slaughter next to their name? Okay. I don't want them killed. I want them slaughtered. Oh, okay. Slotter rule. We'll talk about the slaughterhouse. Five.

The slaughterhouse rules. Guys, we're coming unstuck in time. Let's focus. Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry. The slaughterhouse rules. The slaughterhouse does not rule. You don't want to go in there, stinks. That's true.

But you know what? I'm going to be honest with you. Siderhouse rules doesn't smell as good as I remember it's smelling. Ken has an age as well as I thought it would. Actually, that's not great either. Ooh, real quick. And we can finish the kill list in just a moment. Can we start a third list that is just purely

resurrected if we can? And can we put Zach Plasma on there? Oh, yeah. We're just like, if it's possible. Because he was awesome. He was so good. Yeah. Great, now back to the kill list.

Okay, okay. Oh, can we make a fourth list? Yeah. And maybe we, I don't know if we do this on Mic or Not. Maybe we do it in private. A kiss list? Like, just kinda like, because we wanna kiss like, you know,

it's not like, like respectfully, but you know. Yeah. You got a sweet-hums. All right, I know I am a sweet-ems back to the kill list. Wait, can we also do, we kind of already have a to-do list. Can we do a Tadah list? We're just like... Oh!

It's just like things when we remember them. It's just kind of magical where it's like Tadah, remember? Can we all come up with our own Tadah list and then present them to each other? And we present them to each other. And we'll present them to each other. We go Tidal List. Do you know what's on the top of my Tidal List? What's that?

This bouquet of flowers. Wow. Hmm. All right. You know what's on the top of my Tidal List? To throw out the potential tavern name of still crazy after all these beers. Pretty good.

Oh, that's a good one. Just in case we ever need to open up a little back bar or a secret bar in the basement or something. What if I take the sign from the strange familiar and in very small letters underneath, I scribe in, or still crazy after all these beers. Ha ha ha. And, or, you know what, I love, not enough businesses have alternate names, like an or name. Right, right. Yeah, it should be like a K-A, like, you know,

a lot of times when we talk about fairy tales and food, there's two names to them. The only or name I've noticed in Nivell Bottom is that pediatrician and his business is called Dr. Strangelove or how I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb? Oh, I thought I said womb. Oh, and love the womb. I see. Makes more sense, doesn't it? That's because he's doing it. You went a long way and then tried just knocked it out of the park.

He's that pediatrician that encourages babies to not be born. Did you just stay where they are? Staying in the womb is bomb, baby. Weird business model, but it works for him. Anyway, back to the kill list. Horsesemic murder, Sally Sides for Hands. Oh, yes, Sally Sides for Hands is very dangerous because I don't know if you get this from her name, but her hands are giant sides.

What? Oh, sides. What part of Sally makes you think that? Her hands? See, here's the trouble. I thought like when you put your ear up to her hands, they were like, oh, I see, I see size no sides Because you'd be able to reap wheat and that sort of thing or you know kill people with them as a listener Can I just say sides matter like I said earlier you store you really have to be a wizard who annunceates? That's true. There's hard thing about having sides for hands as you always do So it's like Sally has sides for hands by the C-short

Well, it's not the only tragic thing about Sally. Her creator made her a set of normal hands, but then died right before he could put them on. What, Vincent Price? Yeah, that's right. And then for some reason he'd give her their sides in the interim. Why would you do that? I'm... it's weird. That's making a fucking sense. Well here's what I'll say. As someone who's very connected to love and sex, I will say,

if I was a suburban mom in that area, I would wanna fuck that creature. I would do anything possible for maybe like 35 to 50 minutes of that story, I would try and fuck that creature with size for hands. Junt, though I am the proprietor of a tavern now, there's nothing I can do to quench your thirst. Nasty boy.

Back to the list. Mage Gunderson, Melissa Deathridge. Big baby awful. Now here's the thing, spelled O-F-F-A-L. So it's like a big meat baby. Okay, here's where I take Umbridge. I think Melissa Deathridge, too good a name to kill. We have to keep her around.

And also, big baby awful. I'm curious. I want a name to kill. We have to keep her around. And also big baby awful. I'm curious. I want to meet this baby. I want to possibly befriend this baby. This baby sounds cool as hell. It sounds like it's a culinary baby. Should we start a capture list? Hmm. Okay. So we have a do not kill list. A kill list. A to dial list, a kiss list, a capture list, there was one more of them forgetting. Oh, I do not capture list. I do not capture list. Which of course will just be everyone else. But we'll have to put down names just to be sure. Who do we have a list for who's been naughty and who's been nice? I've been working on that separately from this. Okay. Just because I want to know. Can I ask you, Sodor?

What list am I on? Well, you're on the nice list, but I can be naughty. No, I'm who am I kidding? You're not sweet, I'm just. Well, hold on, I'm also making a list. I'm gonna make a body or a license list. So if you have a lot of body humor, B-A-W-D-Y, Sure.

You're on one list and if you have a license, you're going to be on the other one. All right, I'm making a couple of lists. This is such a weird coincidence. I have a Goddellist or a rice list. And if you are part of the mafia, you go on the Goddellist. And if you write vampire novels, you go on the rice list. Wait, on the Goddellist it says Jared Leto.

That's him, he's on this list. That didn't look like him, that's him. See, this is when we could enlist Luf Tenet hominim to help us out because I could have saw when you said goddellist and I was like, oh, he's going to get real bitchy about some way the people are dressing. Guys, guys, wait, hold on, hold on.

This is what left Tenet hominim wants, right? The terrace apart by, meaning the same thing. Different things mean different things. Remember that, that's the only way to defeat left-tenant hominem. Oh shit, then I should do it with my body list because there's body and then there's body-audiottis. So there's two different, I ate up one.

I'm so sorry, I thought that you just had like your pen sort of leaked when you were writing that list. That list is body-audi-audi. Yeah, you know, like body-audi-audi. Like your body, B-O-D-Y. Which is body-audi-audi. And you were talking about John Gaudi-audi-audi.

Yeah, yeah, oh my gosh. Father, son, and house of Gucci. Okay, now the list, here's the thing. I'm gonna brace you guys. Now the list gets a little weird. Okay. Okay. Okay.

There's someone, I guess, that worked for the Dark Lord, named Scorpion's Tea Party. I don't know if that's one person, or a collection of people. Well, I know that the Dark Lord did employ some Scorpions Who were just like his little servants he'd kick around and make do his dirty work But this sounds like different creatures if they're having a tea party Is it T.E.A. or is it like tea is in torture? Well, here's the thing. I wrote it down So it could be anything because I'm my spelling is terrible. These could all be my name

Mmm, and tea party could suggest like sitting around dressing up and drinking tea or it could be like Dumping tea in the water like there's a lot to consider here. Well, it could be like you're kind of a stupid asshole Yeah, it could be that one. That's the third one. There's also dry spell and ogre what's good at magic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, see, I mean, I think we keep both of those two. I have to agree to disagree, Chant,

because dry spell sucks. You know, just all they do, all they do is cast spells that make you go. And people hate that sound, first of all. I apologize to our listeners. Secondly, the world requires a certain amount of, well, for lack of a better word, lubrication. Yeah.

Dry spells can really fuck your shit up. Also, I can't prove this, but I suspect that dry spell is responsible for a small string of episodes in season two. Ha. The world needs lubrication. K. Why? Well, just to keep things moving, you know, imagine, Chunt, if you suddenly felt an ache in all of your bones.

And you couldn't make your eyes bigger because they would get too dry. And then... Oh no, hold on. Let me, let let me I sleep my throat dry eyes oh no dry eyes sounds terrible yes exactly like that that's why dry spelled must be on the kid list what the capture list or the kiss list now not the kiss list can we start a kiss a death list? Hmm, yeah.

Or you didn't sound authentically into that. I don't know. I just decided to be positive. I wasn't listening. Should we go back over the kill list and decide whose lives to spare based on what names we like and don't like? I thought this was what we were doing in the first place. Oh shit.

Well then we put all of them on the kill list though. No, I'm a list of death ridge and big baby awful. Oh you're right, okay, okay. So let's just do this, like we'll just take some off. Melissa death ridge, we're taking off the kill list. Yep, big baby awful. Oh, I guess, I don't know, I'm a little more torn, but if that's what you want, buddy, my hands on your face.

God, I meet this baby. God, I meet this baby. I mean, if the baby gets out of hand, we can always do an attack on the Titan. Also, I feel like if someone found a scroll with my hand writing on it that said kill list, and there was a baby on that list, I'd be ruined. No matter how big or awful that baby is.

Fair enough. I feel like I shouldn't take Horsie McMurder off, and I like living in a world where there is a Horsie McMurder. How about capture? Move him over to capture. Okay, okay. Yeah, well hold on, McMurter is still murder. I'd say put him on a kill list.

Yeah. Alright, I hear you. Okay. I mean it's McMurter though. It might not really be murder, it might just be processed meat. Yeah. Well meat is murder. Hold on a second, Arnie. Can I see just be processed meat. Yeah. Well, meat is murder. Hold on a second.

Arnie, could I see your quill here? Yeah. Yeah, you had KIL list. So, see you right over here. We're gonna put a second L right there. Now you're writing my name. Oh, wait, no, there are no Ls in my name. Huh, why do I keep thinking there are?

So C, K, I, L my name. Huh, why do I keep thinking there are? So C-K-I-L-L Space, another L, so that's three elves in a row. Killist is one of those two. Three elves in a row. I know, I'm sorry, buddy, I'm sorry it's confusing, okay? Do you want to try? Here, you take the quill. Okay, K-I-L space don't write no you wrote space Okay, I spelled it correctly, right? Oh

SPL you see that's blues oh My that reminds me I gotta work on the sploos list. There's no outer sploos, okay? Inter sploos though. There's no splice between us. Okay, okay, back to the kill list, back to the kill list. Okay, can we all agree that we're gonna leave the night doctor on the kill list? Yeah, absolutely. And honestly, I kinda, I don't know that he's,

I don't know if I've actually done anything, I kinda wanna add Dr. Strange to the kill list. Sure, yeah. Can I ask what Dr. Nightmare, what was he a doctor up? The night doctor? Oh, was he Dr. Nightmare, what was he a doctor up? The Night Doctor? Oh, was he Dr. Nightmares or the Night Doctor? The Night Doctor. I mean, I have heard of Dr. Nightmares, okay?

But I don't know what- Killist. Killist, all right, Dr. Nightmares. Dr. Sleep, I'm gonna put Dr. Sleep on the kill list. Dr. Teeth. Dr. Teeth. And the women, and the women. And the women.

Dr. Teeth, okay. Dr. Teeth and the women. All right.. Dr. D, though, okay. Dr. D, then the women. All right. Can K be on the kiss list? My friend K. I don't know. Every kiss list begins with K. All right.

But you know what? This kiss list is on my list of the best things in life. Hmm. Oh. Ooh, can we start a piss list? Hmm. This like people we want to piss off? Oh, piss off.

Yeah. Oh yeah, let's put your up thing on that one too. Okay. What he's killed, he's gonna be so pissed. I know. He's gonna be like, fuck, I'm killed. God damn it, I hate when that happens. But he'll say, God is damn it or whatever.

Hold on, where did we land on Horsamic Murder? I think we took Horsamic Murder off the kill list, but I don't know. From everything I understand, horsey McMurter is a pretty bad horsey. I mean, when it's an animal, I want to give a chance. I've changed my mind. Can we put horsey McMurter on the capture list? Okay. How about at the very least the no fly list? Oh, absolutely. Yeah, horses can't fly. Well, I'll pick a syscan.

Well, if you put them on the no fly list, though, can they not swat away the flies with their tail anymore? Yeah, that would drive them crazy. Which might lead them to murder. But it would also piss them off. Yeah. Hmm. Good point. Damn.

Good point. There's gotta be a better system. Alright, I'm so sorry, guys. Let's set these lists aside for a second. Is it alright if we do some emails? We don't do them as often as we should probably. Oh, sure. Yeah, that'd be great. All right, actually this is an email.

You know, you can email us at magictavernatpuppies.supplies. But also we do have a Patreon, which we encourage people to join, and some people have also message just via the Patreon. So I'm gonna read one of those from O Marine. Love you guys so much, so glad I can support you and your travels and adventures. We're not traveling that much, but thank you.

I have a question for Arnie that I would email to Magic Tavern at puppies.supplies, but I'm worried it would be lost in the millions of emails from people still catching up. Oh, and Arnie, you picked out this email interesting. I mean, at random, my question is this, Arnie, since you've become an apprentice Cooper, do you coupe standing up?

I mean, answer the question. I mean, I don't have, I mean, answer the question. It sounds weird. One time, I mean, look, I normally, you're supposed to coupe sitting down, but a couple times I did coop standing up. And I mean, people won't let me forget it

that I coop standing up. That didn't make a mess. I mean, I feel like it would just go everywhere. Yeah, just wood and metal binding everywhere. Hmm. Down my legs for some reason? All right, but okay. Anyway, that's a Patreon email.

Let's see here. I'm gonna real quickly read one from Magic Averna puppies that supplies. Oh, it's an update. It's a really email address. It's a really email address. Hello, Arnie, Chant, Eucidore, and Guest. Oh fuck, you already fucked it up, dude. Anyway, not your fault. I write to you as I harvest soybeans in the same field I planted during my previous email, I guess that must have been last season. They are yielding wonderfully. If only I could find another small rift in order to send you some to plant and start your

own soybean patch. Use it or could you help a guy out? Thanks, soybean Josh. And then they sent another email, but really last time you read the email, you mentioned you had never seen a soybean before. I would love to send some in a baggie if that interests you. Josh. Well I don't know that I could open a portal capable of bringing Arnie home, but I've

opened lots of soybean holes. Soybeans in a baggie. I don't know why, but I want to sing. Soybeans in a baggie. I know. I know it's serious. I don't know why I want to sing that. I don't know either, but I like it. Nice. Well, thank you, Josh. I mean, I guess if we can find the magic,

people should send us some kind of green stuff in little baggies and we'll figure out what to do with it. Uh, if we can find the magic. Well, is that it free meals into it? I guess so. Yeah, I'm going to finish up my naughty and nice list here. Nice. I'm going to finish up my naughty at nice list here nice Arnie no emails for me

Well, you know people can email you John at chunt at gmail.com. That's chunt with how many teas? Six I believe naughty gently near the red if I believe naughty gently the other red if you find my six teas and you want to email I don't know why I'm in my singing mood tonight. I don't know. I'm gonna I'm gonna add some names to some of these lists Betty naughty Veronica, okay, let me add my list here. Okay. This is gonna be women. I want to dance with Angela Okay, this is going to be women I want to dance with. Angela, Pamela, Sandra Rita, Monica, of course, Erica, Tina, maybe Sandra again, put her on time to Mary and Arnie. Hahaha. Guest stars.

Where are the guest stars? Why do they stay so far away? Use it or the wizard's choice nominee was played by Matt Young. Chant, the talking badger, was played by Adolfie. Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon. For just five Earth dollars a month, you get ad-free versions of every episode. And two new bonus episodes each month.

Here's a clip from last week's bonus episode where Arnie, Adel and Matt, while they're not even in character, just when you think the bar can't go any- anyway, where they play an elimination game listing famous people but narrowing the rules of who they can name as they go along. It's like a drinking game created by three men who have never been to a party. Here's a clip. No, I know what you're talking referencing. I'm saying like, why is that? It wouldn't she could have just

taken the name. All right, I'm going to look it up. I'm going to challenge myself. You're challenging yourself. Yes. Yes. Yes. Working to challenge. It's all working according to plan. Make them all know. You're going gonna challenge me. Matt's willing to just like throw himself on his own sword. You're challenging me or you're coming up with something. What are you doing? I think, it seems like Matt has information I don't. He seems pretty smug.

I don't, I think he wants me to challenge him. What happens if I challenge him and he's correct? Then you lose a challenge. I don't have you lost any challenges yet. This, this, no, I haven't made any challenges. Matt, I'm gonna challenge you. I think you're an understanding way he was married. Fuck.

All right. In 1921, he married Haley Richardson, the first of four wives. Oh, not only was he married four times. Yeah, that's about right for alcohol and castle. For more information on the bonus episodes and lots of other Patreon exclusive perks, stop by patreon.com slash magic tavern. There are still some tickets available for the Hello from the Magic Tavern live show at the San Francisco Sketchfest Saturday January 8th at 4pm at the Brava Theater.

You don't say. Visit sfsketchfest.com for more information. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arne Neckamp, Matt Young and Adel Raffaier, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz, this episode edited by Garrett Schultz. Special assistance by America's Sweetheart's neighbor, Ryan DeGeorgie. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Aller LeDleban. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. The book of Horsey McMurder streaming this January on Disney Plus. Just not in this universe. Let me look at that list. Nice 69 nice naughty also 69 nice nice nice list I feel like I eat so drink Floyd baby

Drink Floyd baby!