Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 4, Ep 90 - Spintax Visits

Episode Date: September 18, 2023

Spintax is back!...and buttering up Usidore?CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampUsidore: Matt YoungChunt: Adal RifaiSpintax: Charlie McCrackinMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Anna HavermannMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandCheck out the new merch at our Teepublic store!You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my brand new podcast. It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries. You can expect things like bizarre unheard of diseases, strange medical mishaps, unexplainable deaths, and everything in between. Listen to Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm going deep into my wife's family history, digging up the cold case of her murdered great-grandmother. And did I mention that I'm looking into whether the murderer was actually the beloved family patriarch? Binge all episodes of Ghost Story, add free right now on Wondru Plus.

People of Earth, the following podcast is not real, but what is real is the return of your beloved Earth's season autumn, along with its glorious array of many colored leaves. I myself ate over 600 of them just this morning, and I also can't wait to experience first hand the Earth's substance known as pumpkin spice, apparently available for a limited time only, because otherwise it would send your population into a destructive sexual frenzy, which only makes me want it more. So while I think about hoarding pumpkin spice, you sit back and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host Arnie Neacamp, the greatest warrior and all of Foon, and permabuddy of the Red Queen Merzia.

If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. A little over 8 years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of Foon. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rift, and I use that to upload a podcast record here in the tavern, the Strange Familiar, and the town of nibble bottom at the base of the unnameable mountain

in the magical land of fun. And I'm joined, as always, by my co-host, Chant the Talking Badger. Bing-bong. What's that very, he he he he. It's a very suspicious bing bong. Oh yeah, baby! Thanks, you're very pleased with yourself, what you're next, which is unsettling. Sorry Arnie, I'm just a little excited, I have a little something for you.

You know how you're the greatest warrior in all of food? Yes, I am. It's an important title, which I take very seriously and there are eventually dedicate time to. Yes, of course. Well, what is a great warrior without? Let me just move this big wool blanket. Ta-da! A great horse. I got you a Yusunor and I chipped in and we got you a horse. Yeah, we got your horse. It has six legs its name is algebra and There you go. Oh, why is it I have question? Why is it named algae bra because it has six legs and it needs three bras made out of algae Okay, that answers all three of my questions great. Yeah, we wouldn't get you a math named worth yeah, huh?

Well, this is Cool am I supposed to first of all how did you get this inside the tavern? Oh, the horse? Well, that's the thing, Arnie. It can shrink down real small, and it can go to normal size. Can't get big, unfortunately. Well, it can, but it won't. Yeah, sorry, I should have specified it won't.

It's stubborn, Arnie, it's so stubborn. I bet there is. Because there has six legs. I think something about that, it'll saunter, it won't trot, it'll gallop, it won't run. You can lead it to water, it'll drink. Okay, but can I make it? That's the thing, because I've got a weird look.

I don't feel good about this. I've just got a weird thing where I just want to make it drink. You shouldn't. You want to make it with a horse? No, I want to make it drink. I see, oh, yeah, I don't know you can try it for sure, but anyway buddy, I am so excited for you and we've been used to where I have been showing it images, visages of you. So now it knows to sort of obey your word. So go ahead, give it a

give it a command. Just before I do that, can I see some of these images and visages of me? I'm just curious. Okay. What do you even show? I drew this one with charcoal. Okay. It's a little sexy. Thank you. I appreciate that Thank you. That's what I was going for. That's the title of that one is a little sexy. Okay. Here's the next one This was this is sort of a decoupage. Okay, then I conjured this image from the blood of its own mother This image with the blood of the horse's mother? Yes, I used horse blood to conjure an image. It's a classic, funy and thing. We've talked about this a lot. Guys, this horse is gonna hate me.

Why? You killed its mother to show it a picture of me? No, no, that's not what I said. I said I conjured the image with the blood of its own mother I didn't say I killed the horse. I only killed evil horses. So it's a good horse. Yeah, it's stubborn but good Yeah, I just got some of its blood. What is this process of getting this blood? Just give the horse a command Before the horse one more question. Is this what decopage isarsage is? All this time I thought it was something else. No, that's it.

I think that's it. It's very pretty. Yeah, I've never, I guess I've only read it before just now when I made it. Yeah, yeah. And these are for you, Arnie. Yeah, you keep all those images. You have to hang them up on your horse.

I hang them on my horse. Yeah. I feel like you're overburdening my horse with me. I'm just saying if you're proud of my art, you might put it up on the horse. Sure. You know, even if it's just for a few weeks or something, just so I get a sense that you are proud of me.

Sure. Well, speaking of overburdening this horse with me, I'm going to ride it now. Oh, wee! Wow! Oh, wow! Okay, I'm pretty high up here. Can people hear me from way up here between the horse and my own natural height? I'm pretty high up here. Can... can people hear me from way up here between the horse and my own natural height?

I'm pretty high up. Yes, we can hear you scraping the ceiling. Who let Oucla the Mach into this tavern? What? What? What? That big hairy thing I'm then... F'd up looking horse! Is that the Mach?

No! It's thunder of the barbarians! Oh no! It's spin-tax! Oh, fellas! Oh my god! Hey, fellas, it barbarians! Oh no! It's spin-tax! Oh, fellas! Hey, fellas, it's me! Oh my god! Look, it's me! I want a convention that's running into y'all here at this tavern where you're all sitting around!

Wow, wow, wow, wow, it's spin-tax! It's me! It's spin-tax the green! Master of the Thirn-Night and 12 Realms of Ephesius! We'll revive our king forces, compelling the living in the dead! He's the winner of unknowable truths! Cast your ev of illusions destroyer of lies. Remember. Yes. Yes. Yes. There's over of the wall of fire In Bible of the night deadly poisons author of the pantonomic con and winner of the wizard's choice award Wow Green magic machine been drinking gasoline and only you can make my motor run. I can't believe it.

I'm a green bitch. I'm a green lover, I'm a green child, I'm a green mother. I'm a green sinner, I'm a green saint, and I will not be green shamed, because I'm the one who knocks, and I am the terror that flaps in the night, and I beat Bobby Flay. Wow, no, there's no way. In a- What? Quick-pickled red onion ball. Wow, no, there's no way. In a what? Quick pick-old red onion ball.

Wow. So that's his weakness. Spindex, I'm so sorry. I was up on a horse. It was a little hard for me to hear. Could you, what did I miss? What did you say? You look like Uclah the Mach.

That's a joke for my earth constituents. Well, sure. Yeah. Annabar Barbera, Star Wars rip off. Come on. It's a joke for my Earth constituents. Oh, sure. Yeah. Hanabar Barra, Star Wars rip off, come on. Yes, it's a very old. Yes, you've been to a, you've spent some time on Earth. Congratulations, we've all done it. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, look, it's not a half, hey, let's not have a one measuring contest, okay? You're both magical. No, no, let's. Okay. All right, here's mine.

Mine is. Come on, Lauren, Lauren, Lauren. All right, here, here. okay My right here's mine my More and more It's here. It's a long walk. Go work through the ceiling. You're gonna go on its own for a while I'm gonna get that one too much one. It's too much one. Yeah, it's something it's painful Hey, can you even how long is it taking to get magic coming out of that thing? It's gotta be I'm ready to go My pump is prime 24 seven man Look, there's a little version of me waving to you as it goes by Would you imagine with that wandie like pass out? No, I got enough them and figure to fill the whole thing from every tip to every branch and every leaf

I've standing on end turning it green and orange and brown Well that might impress some people, but I have this two-inch wand. And I know, but have I used it very carefully and just right? I shall create some wonderful magic that will be enjoyed by all. At least that's what they tell me. Where'd it go? I don't see it anymore. Is it in? Is it in the air? Is it in between your two fingers?

It slipped right between my fingers. Yeah, there it is. See? Is it in between your two fingers? It's slipped right between my fingers. Yeah, I got it. Yeah, there it is. See? That's okay. Wow. I think it's pretty cool. Oh, thank you, SpinTax.

Yeah, I think what you said about having a small wand is cool. SpinTax, we haven't seen you in some time. What brings you here? Uh, to the strange familiar, are we? Are you, are you going to be, are you here for the, uh, upcoming, uh, Wizard's Choice Awards? Oh, what's that? Uh, we're hosting the Wizard's Choice Awards here. Oh, the Wizard's Choice Awards! Yes! Yes! Yes! You know you know, they asked me to present...

Oh! And? I haven't come back to him, I ghosted him. Oh, okay, so I'm a bunch of ghosts there, way. Oh no. Oh no. And that's not... And so I'm answering.

Hey back for the insult of asking me to host. You don't want to be the host? Oh, did I say host? You sure are host? Wait, I'm so... Thanks for offering! I love to. I don't have the power I say host? You sure are host? Hmm. Wait a sec. I love to. I don't have the power to do this.

Who does decide this? Who decides when you say they ask me who is they? Is it just all the other wizards that you are? You two are wizards. Right. Well, you know, there's the consortium of wizards, the wizards' council, and they make a lot of the decisions, but sometimes little pieces of paper appear and a burst of flame and tell us how to run the Wizards' Choice Awards. None of us know

where they come from. Your clocks on fire. What's that? Cloaks on fire. We're close up little, easy to make. You see that little burst? Oh, that's a little piece of... Oh, fucking. So let me get this clear. Well, you sort of put that out. Let me get this clear. Magic burst is a flame and message is a pier. Nobody knows from where.

Yeah. And you guys are like, we should definitely do whatever these pieces of paper say. Not only definitely do it, help us goddesses shant we do it. Absolutely. Because whichever soap being has the power to bring forth little missives of paper from flame out of nowhere until us exactly what we need to do that must be the most powerful magical being in all of existence. It may be directly from the goddesses themselves for all we know.

Oh, I'd like to think so. Good theory, you Sardor. Who? I don't want to. Cool theory. Oh, it feels like it'd be a Good theory, Usador. Who? Cool theory. Oh, he feels like he'll beat a little sarcastic, but I can't tell. No, I think it's cool. Oh, you say that I'm cool. Giving a cool, exaggerated thumbs up. Usador, spin-tax.

Who is, let's be honest, a much more powerful, an important wizard. Much more powerful. Okay. Seems to be trying to ingratiate itself to you, which seems crazy to me. That does seem crazy, even to me. Before we used to do it, I'm so sorry.

I don't want to say this is seem like a competition. I never gave you an opportunity to introduce yourself. Did you want to do that? Or is that weird now? I haven't already. It's a little weird. I was just going to tell everyone that this morning, the boys and berries in my gruel weren't very good. They were sort of, we're a little over ripe,

and I was going to say, I've been having the worst day, and then spin-tack showed up. Oh, yeah, yeah, maybe I think we do that. Should we do that? Should we introduce me so I can say that? Does it seem like a rich vein of kind of conversation? No. like a rich vein of compensation. No. Chant, do you feel you have anything for that? For a rich vein? For your boys and berries, like how much? I grewl.

Oh, for gruel. Yeah, I'm not sure. Sometimes I put butter and salt in it. Oh, yeah. Well, I'm just gonna head back over to my side of the bar. You guys seem to be in grossed in conversation. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You're a brown sugar, a brown sugar. Is this secret? Anytime, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, okay, all right. Well, you stuck around and you guys are talking about Yeah, yeah, brown sugar. So is that what you were talking about when you were excluding me?

I don't want you to say otherwise. I was going to maybe introduce myself and do my whole litany of names Oh my oh my god. Oh, my god. Is it you sir? Did I come in before you had a chance to say your names? Oh? Well, I don't always do it these days It's not quite that's required. Oh, say that's not so. Oh I hope you do say your names all the time. They're great names. They're, you earned every one of them. Oh, you start doing this. You know, they're cool.

OK, make the best intro ever, best one ever. OK, you can do this. All right. OK, I'm actually going to come in from the, I'm going to run a running start. Yeah, get a running start. He's going to fuck this up. I Amuse it all and

Oh, and his one broke At a word angle I know it's like he's like the paper that's so small you can't fold it anymore But somehow yeah, he's gonna have to do magic around a corner now. Yeah. A master of physical comedy. I think it's great. It's funny. It's funny.

It's funny. You should know, you did that on purpose, and it was funny. Thank you. Yes, I did it completely on purpose, and I'm surprised that you and Judd didn't know that, don't he? Oh. Well, Wizard's humor sort of goes over the heads of mortals. You need someone on par with't know that, donnie. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Me who am I yeah, you said you've been saying this and who are you to you a spin-tax? I was saying I've been trying to explain this and you are to them to me you said oh

Okay, you get master of lighting shadow and if you play magical lights about chaos champion of the great hustle Trockus No, today else is being unknown to the world's zone of new singers no like this is guess many's many stars I hear yes sir. Yes sir I don't know if this is guess many, many stars, I hear. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Very big, baby. Woohoo. Well, um, fireworks, fireworks.

I felt like I just watched spin-tax teach you so to ride a bike. Again. Ah. Ah, honey. Spin-tax and I, of course, spent some time at the great halls of Turokis together. And one day, they all realized I didn't know how to ride a bike.

So, they all took me out, and I ate my gruel out on the campus grounds. And oh, it was a delicious gruel filled with nuts and berries. But then you did that? Oh, then they taught me to ride the bike. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. Arnie, yeah. Dice. Did you sir always eaten this much of gruel.

I've never heard of me even mentioned it before, right? I know. I mean, I know that it's, how you hesitate to say this. I know that it's often a grueling experience dealing with them, but absolutely. Yeah. And it's like, what is it?

It's like, what's super, what is gruel? I don't know. It's like, I always thought that's what decopages, but it's a totally different thing. You should know it doesn't it infuriate you and these mortals turn away and they have a conversation that you're not privy to? I know, it's quite maddening.

They do it to me all the time too. But that's why I'm so glad you're here. So we can do some wizard jokes like, think about infinity. Ha ha fun to think about. But what else is good is secrets? Wizard secrets. Oh. Oh, do you have any good wizard secrets, right?

Oh, I've got a ton. So many, they're almost worthless. What about you? Oh, well, I suppose I have a couple. They're pretty good, though. You died, right? You committed your, you achieved your life's purpose and... Oh, and died and stuff.

Yeah, that's right. I did and then I decided not to. Ah! Yep, that's all that is to it, it turns out. I definitely really did complete my life's purpose, though. So don't question that. Yeah, because you're always saying your life's purpose was to defeat the Dark Lord, of course.

Right, right, right, right, right, right, right. Which definitely... Definitely Dark Lord. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I was a ghost for a while, you know, and I thought it was interesting. And then I felt, I felt the pull back to the mortal plane and said there must be a champion.

And I thought of the day I was first born by conspiracy of reign and win and birds and fire the demand of the be a champion and I said to myself let that champion step forward once again and then I did as a ghost huh well yeah then I quit being a ghost I just say you know I I stepped back onto the mortal plane I with these two knuckleheads. Now they're staring at us Don't like it so much when you're cut out. Do you? Yeah, what do you think of this? You shitheads? I know this is rude and I hate to do this The spin-tax. Can I have a conversation with you store for one second?

Why would you why ask now but go right ahead to start talking low? I'll butt out. You said, I first of all, I appreciate that because so many times have I sort of tried to have a seeker conversation to this table and then the person sitting right next to me so rudely listens in. Why don't we just get up and go to the other table? Okay, okay, we will be right back. You two, a chiant and spin-tax. I'm sure you guys got a lot of stuff to get through. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You said or I think look I'm no wizard expert. But I sort of get the sense that spin-tax is trying to figure out how you came back from the dead. Well but I didn't. I know that's the problem. That's the problem. It's all fake. But he doesn't know that, and nobody can know that. Why? Because then they would know that we didn't really kill the Dark Lord, and the Dark Lord is trapped in the basement.

Although we've been letting Blamish out more often, because he sort of thinks he's Blamish a fair amount of the time. Yeah, well, I mean, the thing is, uh, I hear what you're saying. We definitely don't want to let people know that we have the Dark Lord, trapped in the basement and that he's not really dead, but I really want to impress Spin Tex. Well, that's a thing.

You just got, I think you just got to come up with something cool. You can't just be like, well, I don't know, just did. You got to come up with something that seems convincing. He seems to be like, crave whatever secret you have. And if you want him to still think you're cool, you got to give him something. Oh, then. I've got it. I've got it watch this Oh, how are you how are you two doing over here? catching up

We have said one word to each other to or definitely I didn't say anything to one another at all the only thing I could think to ask is if you still have Fox is that a big thing for you that you do that? Did I fuck? Yeah. You're there. All right. Yeah. And I was gonna ask if you had a horse.

Um, hmm. I've had a horse. Okay. I don't have one now. Perfect. I find if I need one, I can, I just take one. Nice. Spin-tax, I have to admit admit I told you a little fib before and I apologize

You know I'm a destroyer of lies. I know and here you have destroyed yet another and revealed the truth beneath for I Wouldn't have been able to come back to life without the use of this Special crystal. Yes. Yes. Yeah. That's kind of a geod, it's kind of a pretty cool, right? Yeah, it's cool. What's I mean, you had this when you died, it had to be on your person. If I had it on my person, and I completed my one true purpose, or is it just a you thing, do I have to find another one? Tell me where they are! You said no!

Uh uh. Why would I would love to tell you where they are? Guys guys, sell it. Look, let's take a quick break and let's sort of calm ourselves down a little bit and then we can talk about wherever this bullshit geog came from. Why don't you call yourself down during this break? Don't tell me to calm down! Ehh!

During this break. Don't tell me to calm down, you hear! Hahaha. Call yourself down. I don't need to be calm down. And I'm never gonna get in trouble with this. I could yell as you will, for another set of horrible spots. If you so desire it. Sorry, what's that?

I'm not gonna stop talking. I just said there was just so much yelling that whole time. Well, you made us very angry by telling us not to be angry. Oh, well, you can feel your feelings, I guess. Oh, thank you. Well, that calmed me right down. You know that the wizard psychology is always reverse psychology, so to tell us what not to do will ensure we do it.

It's very true. Uh, we're sort of a fickle sort. Uh, very contrary. We're all a bunch of alphas, man. Don't tell us what to do. Oh, we have an alpha on our security crew that I'm a little concerned about, but I think he's...

You remember Chrome? Oh, yeah, he's an alpha-cromb now. Oh, Chrome? That big... A side of beef? Yeah, that's the one. You know him. Yeah, he's an alpha-too, huh?

Seems like it. Seems like the third guy who smokes cigars, whiskey and I don't know in a hot tub. Yeah, girls he shouldn't. Look, we're all alphas here. Come on, we know it. Right, Chant? Why'd you ask me? I don't know. Oh fuck am I not an alpha? I'm not going to respond to that comment. Here's something I learned, school, which is when two people are fighting if they can't come to an agreement or compromise, why don't the two of you work together? And what I think is maybe the two of you

could maybe cast a spell together, when wizards intertwine their magic, it can be quite powerful, quite entertaining, quite beautiful. So maybe the two of you, I don't know, mixed spells to make up. What do you say, Scentaxe, do you want to try to do some magic together? I imagine we could put on quite a wonderful little fireworks show for the people here,

or perhaps we could cure some illnesses in the town, or I'm going to, I don't know, it's sort of an exciting prospect, isn't it? Oh, I like the idea of maybe, you know, I haven't teamed up with someone in quite a while. Why don't we start by healing Arnie? Wait, what's wrong with him? Yeah. Oh, so many things. All right, just a general pancier then. Yes, exactly. Take a punch. Yeah. Pancier, pancier, whatever. Two twenty, two twenty, one, whatever it takes. He looks sick in the bakerycreas. I'll tell you that

He does yes. I have been I have been staring through him at his pancreas a lot lately Yeah, it's not supposed to twitch like that. No, it shouldn't Arnie would you mind if we Put our lips on your belly and suck to the evil out of your pancreas? Okay, no no no no no no no Hold on just one moment you said or before if we're going to put on a show. Let's put on a show belly and suck to the evil out of your pancreas. Okay, no, no, no, no, no. Hold on just one moment, you sedor. Before if we're going to put on a show, let's put on a show.

Okay. Right? Let's get an audience of this magically compel everybody in this tavern to turn 12. Yes! Oh, the church is looking wo-ho-ho. Hey, everyone. Hey. All right, Arnie, now the show is that belly.

Oh, hi, guys. this is a little embarrassing. We're just trying to cure your pancreas. All you forcibly assembled mutton hands are here to get in a free show of the greatest wizard that's ever spouted blue magic. And he's gonna cure his friend Arnie. Right? That's right. With the assistance of my good friend, Spin Tax the Green. One of the greatest wizards who has ever lived.

Oh, that makes me feel good to hear, buddy. And here we go. Everybody check your pockets and you'll find a crisp $2 bill! Whoa! And people in the first three rows may... Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh It get wet and we do have a merch table with lots of get wet t-shirts Yes, lots of nice t-shirts there to pick up. I'm just gonna give you a kiss This doesn't feel like it's doing anything, but thank you Quick take a pause at this moment. This is it. How does it look? I'm gonna French it from behind whoa. Hey, hello

Oh boy, that's salty Oh boy, that's salty. Woof! Ah! Let's look at his pancreas again with our incredible vision. Seems to be twitching less. We've done it everyone! We've done it! And but four days that pancreas will shrivel up and die!

He'll pass it out of him! Like so much powdered root meat! That can't be good. You'll never even know he had a pancreas at all. Arning, yeah. Typically when I see wizards can buy magic, it's like these, I don't know, these strings of light that shoot out and twirl

and twist together to form a beautiful sort of neon images. But this was, this was more of like a two-man schtick. Yeah. Do you feel different? I don't know. Are you talking without us again? Oh, I like it. Because we just shot out some beautiful neon magic

that turned into a beautiful neon unicorn the dance across the bar. Fuck. Yeah, and you guys were like talking during it. It's rude. Why was just gonna say it didn't feel like you were sincerely working together. It felt like you two were agreeing to not work together

in your own wizard ways. Uh-huh, well, I mean, there are lots of ways to work together. Sometimes you compliment each other. Sometimes you combine specific skills, you know, sometimes, you know, it's about a balance of different skills coming together and a way to form a hole. Sometimes you go to Wizard Fuck Mountain, is that I've heard? Oh, yes. Oh, yes wizard fuck mountain That's that's my old stomping grounds and that's why they asked me to leave because of all the stomping I did too much stopping it was unwelcome and unasked for and I should have read those signals sooner Sir this mountain is for fucking I apologize for my misdeeds and I promised to get better and committed to my recovery

Well, that's why they have those slippers right at the valley's entrance I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm. Can I ask, you know, we've been talking so much about true purpose. You know, used to those true purposes. It was a defeat to Dark Lord and when he achieved that, he had the true death blah, blah, blah. What is your true purpose? Oh, and let me just tell you what my true purpose is so that you know the very utmost reason and cause of my undoing.

I'd love to tell you, he's being sarcastic. He's giving another big enthusiastic thumb up. Yeah, let me tell you, I'd be glad to, you know what, I have my one life's purpose, my one true purpose as a wizard that I'm supposed to achieve magically, but some say I'm avoiding it, some say I'm afraid of it in all of those people

I've buried the six feet below a crypt That's also very very very to script. Yes below a crypt I buried the crypt and I buried the naysayers below it I feel like overkill I'd say that I decide what my one true purpose is and my one true purpose is I'd say that I decide what my one true purpose is. And my one true purpose is spreading meatless meals all across food. I've got my own brand of... Oh. In Canciva beef. In Canciva beef.

It's just as good as cow meat, but it's not cow meat. Oh, what? I'd love to try some. It's a zombified fungus that I feed cow's blood to. It doesn't have any meat in it, but it does contain cow's blood. Okay. Do the cows have to die to get the blood? Ah, we went over this earlier in the episode. No, the cows don't have to die, but it is a convenient benefit because then you don't have to feed them anymore. Yeah Well, then you can have in conceive a beef and regular beef side by side and that is a wonderful pairing now I have seen ads around town for un-conceva beef is that a similar product?

Un-conceva beef is the trash that I scrape off my boots after I do a full stop at WizardFuck Mountain and the stuff that I scrape off my feet then were nasty. Think of all the fluids and uh... gluids and things that a wizard can produce. They're all over my the souls of my feet and that's what unconceived beef is. Yeah you don't want to touch that stuff, Chant. Have you haven't had any? Have you? Uh, let's say no runs to the bathroom. Yeah, probably be in there for a while.

Huh, no, that's all right. Humans, good, acts don't have much to say to each other anyway. Yeah, it was almost tense. I was wondering in that silence, like, did we fight last time I met? I hit him, I forget. So, it's hard to tell. Probably not. What have you-what have you been up to?

We haven't seen you since the Wizards Council meeting. I think it's been a couple of years. What have you been up to, Spentax? So, you were too busy to show up when I tried to invite you here when you stood on his deathbed. Oh, yes. You know, I, um, certainly, uh certainly finding out that my friend reached his one-drew purpose before I did and didn't send me off into some sort of middle-aged malaise where I questioned every choice that I've ever made and wondered if perhaps I'd made a mistake and I should have done the thing that I was put here to do and stopped stalling and you know, I didn't just crawl into a crevasse

in the northern ice fields and Cry and cry until my tears froze me in place and it took me Nigh on to a year to crawl out. Oh, I'm glad you didn't do that. No, not at all I've been doing great things are going great. They're only getting better. I'm doing alright getting good grades Kim, good grades. Yeah, my feet are so bright I got a wish a man. I'm happy Okay, happy spend tax I'm glad for a friend and gladie here's back. Yes, I would say a lot of people accused me of putting off my true purpose as well.

To those at the table who are not spin-tax. But you know, you really might as well go for it. I found what once I done it, I felt so good, even though I was turning into a beam of white light and shooting up into the sky Oh white light awesome. I thank you. Yes, and But you know all I needed was Just a simple geode Filled with magical properties to bring me back once I was a ghost

So you might as well do it and just see what happens Once I was a ghost so you might as well do it and just see what happens All right, I'm gonna do it. Oh what I'm gonna fulfill my true purpose I'm die Never to come back never to be a part of anything going on in phone Or any of the realms of a feasy is ever again. It's time. You've convinced me. Time to grow up. No. It's gonna be a big bummer on the Wizard's Choice Awards. Yeah, you have to...

Yeah, yes, exactly. Then I'll be in the... in Memorial. I will rule the Wizard's Choice Awards. Oh, well, finally have to have an in-memorium. It's... It's getting on. It's getting on. It's the worst part of the show.

They couldn't even do one for Yusunor because he couldn't die! He wouldn't die and he didn't die. Oh well, I... I would say, uh... Why don't you stick around, yes, for the Wizards Choice Awards, and then, you know, the next time we have one, we'll put you in the in-memorium. Uh, but uh, we just would like to have you there, I think. What would do? It's only a few weeks away. A few weeks.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Uh, uh, Arda, Arda, can I tell him the truth please? Please, please, no, this would be bad. I think, look, I think just, give him the geode. What? Just give him the geode. But then, I'll find a computer, this thing, and I'll just disappear,

and he'll never, I don't know. He seems like he's got a lot going on. I think he just doesn't want to do his true purpose. He just wants a little safety in case he accidentally does his true purpose. Ah, yes. Uh, spin text. I- I would like you to have this, Kyoad. And just in case you accidentally complete your true purpose, uh, it'll be sort of a safety net for you, you know? Just come back as a ghost. Then when you're a ghost take the geode and speak the magic words directly into the facets there and say I'm a big green butt head. I say I'm a big green butt head right into the facets of the geode and that's what you said Yeah, yes, you said I'm a big green butt head. That's right

I imagine it was a coincidence. I mean it feels like this is something you should have written down and told me to open up Right after I did my purpose. Oh, that's a good idea. That feels like it feels false and a joke. Yeah, just take it. Oh, well, I'm really on it. Take the zombie lope and open it whenever you complete your true purpose. I mean, I'm a wizard of truth and lies. That one was an easy tell.

OK. There's something about this whole thing that stinks. Well, I'd love to tell you the truth, but I can't tell you the truth until the Wizards Choice Awards. Oh. How about at the Wizards Choice Awards? Oh. And you can tell every wizard.

Okay. Arnie, I'm back. One of my buttholes was ruined. What did I miss? Oh, um, well, there was a real danger that we were at a crossroads and having to reveal our secret to spin times. Arnie, Arnie, Arnie. Tell him during the break.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. We've delayed our problem for at least a month, so we're all good. Phew. at least a month, so we're all good. Phew. And that's when I took my sword and drove it directly into the heart of the Dark Lord. That I'm sitting and blade undead here in that moment.

Oh, wow, I wish I could have seen that. It sounds so cool. Real cool, isn't it? Jant, don't you think that's cool? Yeah, it was it was very cool very cool. I don't know how to tell your friend you think he's cool Yeah, why don't you do that? Usurder I think you are gruel

Do you eat a lot of gruel right is that what you're saying? Yeah, you gotta share that recipe man You gotta give me that recipe. I'd love to share that recipe. Yeah, give it to me right now. What goes into gruel? First, you take some grain, and then you boil it in water. Is this some kind of contagious mind-fire recipe people care about this gruel? How's she trying to be nice?

I just trying to be interested in her. Oh, I'm so sorry. Yeah, I don't know. I thought you were just an idiot, but you're just being nice. No, I'm an idiot, too. So, I'm sorry, we're, I don't know. I thought you were just an idiot, but you're just being nice. No, I'm an idiot too. So, I'm sorry, we're being rude spin-tax. What kind of stuff can we expect to the Wizard's Choice Awards? I've never been to one before.

Oh boy. Oh boy, you're gonna have so much fun. They've got all kinds of foods and boozes that you've, anything that you've ever dreamed about, that has never existed in the waking life, will be there on the buffet table for you Yes sweet nectar and an abroja and things that only wolves and gods have eaten before Anything I've dreamed of if you can fit it in your mouth, it'll be on that table a chocolate bar with tits Hey, and now I'm excited to go. Another reason for me.

Chant, you've had that dream too? What? Oh no, if you've both had that dream, it may be a regal thing. Arnie, this is amazing. I guess so, unless it's some kind of dire warning that we need to be aware of the chocolate tits. Arnie, no, I think we just have good taste. Yeah, that's true. You sir, what are you dream about? Any special foods?

Oh, I often dream of food. Uh, like travel girl or like... Oh yes. I don't know, two portions of a girl. Oh, sometimes you make a girl with oat and weeds. Come on. Nice, nice. Very cool. Pretty cool.

Yeah, speaking of cool, the Wizards Choice Award, we have a big circus act and everyone sings every, lots of the, you know, all the Wizards who made songs this year sing a song. All the Wizards who made songs this year? That's right. It's not just the awards. There's a lot of entertainment.

And so when the Wizards are up out of their seats, you'll sometimes see a pixie or a brownie fly over to the seat to fill those seats. Hundreds of them, they'll swarm together and take the form of a kind of a average humanoid. Yeah, someone that you just sort of scan over, you don't realize that they're not a wizard or someone famous, just sort of a lump of nothing. Like, you know, you know, aren't you? You can do that if you want. You can be a see-teller. Oh, I got it.

I have to ask, um, a Spintaxan use-ador, I've heard wonders about the gift bags that they give wizards who attend. Oh, yes. Oh, yes, the gift bags are a thing of legend. If you reach inside, you'll be able to pull out something much larger than what was inside the bag. One year I got a full-sized cow, but it was made of gold. And it sang music to me at night. One time I got a bag that was over a mile long and that's where I got my sword. Well you have a sword that's that long too, not just wand. Oh, yeah, get your get your mind off my wand, man

Oh, sorry, sorry. Yeah, I got a big sword. It's bigger than my wand. It's a mile long Wow, that's got to be dangerous. Yeah for everyone, but me. What would happen to that gold cow that would sing to me a night? Well, it's made of gold so it's probably where you last left it. Where'd you last leave it? Who would have been back in hogs face This gold burn right melt melts. Yeah, for sure Well, we'll see what a game this year and the bags themselves are also incredible because they're alive Yeah, and they love it when you pull stuff out. Oh, they love it They're I it's all they were born to do is to hold things

and have things pulled out of them and things put into them. Kinda like you, Sean. Oh, thank you. What a great name. That's your true purpose, Sean. Yeah, well, you know what, I've been thinking about it. I think my true purpose is to love and support you too. Oh, yeah.

I don't think everybody needs to have a big thing who, sorry, it's been text. I mean, honestly, as someone who has a bunch of big things I don't think everybody needs to have a big thing, sorry, Spentax. I mean, honestly, uh... As someone who has a bunch of big things and someone who does have an enormous secret life's purpose, the biggest you've ever seen and the... it's so big, it didn't intimidate everyone.

I'm offended by that, and now I know why we... so tense together, man. Oh, no, Spentax, no, I'm a by that and now I know why we so tense together, man. Oh no, I was spintechs, no, I'm a huge fan. The reason I was so tense is because I was wondering if you would, it's weird because we've met several times, but I was wondering if you would autograph your rookie card. I have one of your rookie cards. Oh, wow, I haven't seen one of these in years.

Yeah, it's a supper deck. They did a trading cards a long time ago where they captured the likeness of wizards, eating supper, and made them trading cards. And I happened to have one here. And I've just been dying for an autograph. It's a little faded. Spin-Tex, where are you eating in this card? You know, they asked me what my favorite meal was.

And I said, steak that I am. I've never had that before in my life. It's the only thing that popped into my head. I hated it. I hated it. No, I had to eat 174 of them that day. Oh, what? Because it takes that long to capture your image.

Yeah, and I eat so fast. They didn't give you a spit bucket. What? A spit bucket? Oh, you know, they may have,. They didn't give you a spit bucket. What? A spit bucket? Oh you know they may have but I didn't have any spit I just had steak. Over and over and over again. Cursedly Diane if I ever meet the I shall destroy the My rookie card you can tell it's old because my beard was all white and I was I was eating cruel. Oh yeah Arnie I have one right here. Do you want one? I have several copies. He's holding yesterday's newspaper in this picture.

Yeah, it updates. Okay. But it updates to yesterday. And Chant, I'd love to sign that card for you, but if you take a look at it, you'll see it's already been signed. Cool! Whoa! Wow! Fuck, yeah, it's already been signed! Oh! Oh! Wow! Fuck, yeah, that's a little, thank you so much, Pentax. What, that's a coolness.

You bet, and, uh... Yes, I want to heal this rift, uh... And it seems like you already have taken steps to do so. Chump? It's a very big admirer of you. I mean, very often when you're not here, Spintax. Uh, Chump and Arnie are like,

Why don't you do good magic like spin-tax? Why aren't you a great wizard? Like spin-tax? Why don't you impress everyone with your great wizardly prowess? Like spin-tax does? Why don't you dissolve the wall of fire? And I said, why? I should have just extinguished it, but it's not as interesting as dissolving it, so I get it. Alright, well fine, yeah, you know, uh... Fine. If they're friends with you, they're friends with me. Well, they're admirers, too, of yours.

Well, I mean, that's not rare. You know what I mean? Yeah, I understand, I understand that. Well, perhaps we should do one more... magical light show for everyone since they missed the first one All right, I'm down. I got the green covered. I got the blue covered Special point of watching whatever magic Just talk to each other and this whatever is going on

Okay I guess I should have just talked to each other and this whatever is going on. No, I'm not going to miss it this time. Okay, I'm re-active this time. Are you ready to focus on it? Are you ready to focus? Okay, three, all right guys. Two, three. Go wait, three. Wait, are we doing, we're doing like, three to one turn? Three to one.

Ready. Yes. You missed the whole thing. That was the best one I've ever done. Oh god. It was a beautiful light show. Streams of light everywhere. And then it all co-lessed into a minotaur fucking a moon. That was the best one I've ever done! Oh god! It was a beautiful light show, uh, streams of light everywhere,

and then it all coalesced into a Minotaur fucking a moon. What? What? Yeah. That's, uh, that's like the one thing I've never seen that I want to see. That's like my chocolate bar with tits of visions. You were just saying that this morning that there's a thing you wanted to see. I want to see a Minotaur fucking a moon,

because it's always stuck in that labyrinth. Yeah. And at the end, the minotaur and the moon decided they should never fuck again. One time was good enough. Yes, now it was, it was, and it was a heartbreaking scene. The way that they came to that realization together and said they must part ways.

Truly. And the magic was so potent and metaphorical that it affects all minotars and all moons, henceforth, and reversed into creation, infinity, in reverse infinity, that no minotar shall ever fuck a moon, or ever has, or ever will. It's like before sunrise except a minotaur fucking a moon.

It's pretty good magic. I'm gonna be honest. Yeah, we do good work, pal. Yeah. Yeah, we do. Uh-oh, I can't wait for the Wizards Choice Awards now. Uh, we're gonna put on a quite a show. Do you have a song for this year's show?

You know, I didn't release one, but I do have one in the hopper, so I'm gonna, uh, uh, uh, uh, crank something out. I have a vault. Great, great. Uh, I can't wait to hear it. Oh, Olli, the Wizard Choice Awards are going to be the greatest that wizard kind as air-seeing. And you will be there filling a seat,

and, Chant, you will be there having, uh, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, excited, delighted, and we shall keep all of the great wizardly artifacts there safe from the prying eyes of evil. My one thing I ever wanted to see, which is a minute or fucking a moon, that'll never happen again. For me to say, yes, we are counting down, three, two, one, two, three. You know what, I can live with that. Yeah, me too. And also because let's be honest, we see crazy things, fucking other crazy things all the time.

Yeah, yeah, it's a magical land. Yeah, you saw a spin-tax, could you two maybe magic a minute or fucking a sun? Hmm, gross. That's a lot. or fucking a sun? Hmm, gross. That's a lot. Like a zone sun? That's it.

No, no. Sun, mine, you bastard. Well, why don't we quick read an email here. You can email us at magictavern at puppies.supplies. It's a real email address. You can also join our Patreon at patreon.com slash magic tavern and message us there. Here's one message We've gotten semi-recently high Arnie Chunt, Yusador and possible guest question mark and then in all caps Don't read this part out loud

Oh, sure you're gonna do this to you spin text Chunt can I read this part of the email with you privately? Yeah, of course Dan Dan Lloyd is code for the Dark Lord. Okay, you can read out loud again. Okay, anyway, guys, it's you. You missed it again. What is it? This time there was two dogs holding hands.

No, that's, oh, that's my number two. Already that's my number two. They didn't have paws they had hands. Oh, I was gonna say those hands, but. No, they were, they had four hands instead of paws. They were both looking off in different directions and like the holding of hands was their tender secret. That's what I want.

I want one dog looking this way and the other dog's looking like, what do you want from me? Oh, that's where this my dream was. That's what you were saying last night. Oh, anyway, back to the email. It's me, Michael again. I don't know if you got my last email,

but now I'm on season four at the first solstice since Dan Lloyd's defeat, and I had an idea. What if you use the mental merchants talent to remove the memories inside Dan Lloyd so that he forgets he is the Dan Lloyd? I don't know if that would work, but thought it might be a possibility. Don't die, Michael, just some guy.

Who the hell is Dan Lloyd? I'll tell you about it later, you store, but it does seem like a pretty good plan from a listener, Dan Lloyd. If we get rid of Dan Lloyd's memories, maybe they would think that they're just, Dlemish. What? You just... uh... Dlemish. What? You guys know someone named Dlemish?

And Blemish? Oh, now! How did that happen? I don't know, I never even put that together. It's like it's cousin? Yeah, dumb Blemish, probably. But, you know, I think Mentus, the mental merchant and Red Love, the Chameleon are still in nibble bottom,

so maybe we can get them back to do some of their memory sucking. I'm sure there's an actual term for it. Arnie, it didn't help that you slowed down when you said it. You should have just raised through it. Yeah, power through it. When you're really, you're really attention to it. Yeah, you're really dead. Well, I mean, whoever this Dan Lloyd is,

I'd love to defeat him if he's evil. That's not your true purpose, is it? Spentax to defeat Dan Lloyd? No, no. Okay, good. No, mine's not a defeat. Well, no, nevermind, no, no. Okay, well, you know the Dan a little, that's fun.

Oh, glue. I'm gonna write this down, not a defeat. I write that down to myself every day. I, you know what, honestly, maybe that's gonna go in the show notes for this episode. Not a defeat. Oh, Arnie, I'm gonna make a little big little punch of that saying, and I'm gonna put it right up there

on your horse, right on the algebra. Oh, algebra, you forgot, you've been here the whole time. Now this is a real messed up looking thing. Yeah. And it's all yours. Thanks. I had to see this thing. Oh, yeah.

Why does it have to have a bra? It's straight down anyway. I don't know. I, you'd have to ask Algebra. I'm not talking. Wait, can Algebra talk? Sure. She won't.

I mean, just like the shrieking thing she doesn't want to. Algebra, you may have just made the smartest choice and ancillary character has ever made on this show. May you never speak a word. Uselot the Wizard was played by Matt Young. Chant the talking badger was played by Adolf Refire. Spin Tax the green was played by that bumbling magician from the frosty this no man's stop-motion television special.

Wait, no that's wrong. Spin Tax was played by special guest Charlie McCracken. Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production, made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon. Support us like John Joseph Castello, Andrew Bogden, Scarbury, Laura Sharp's Nate Rulo, Cameron M. Thomas Morris, Christopher Cerecola, Jacob Peterson, Karo Salo, Jamie Kair, Rob Sheriff, Adam L. Bryant, and Michael Copley Casey. Patrons get ad-free episodes the entire back catalog including all the previous spin-offs and at least two new bonus episodes each month.

Here's an audio clip of the most recent audio meet and greet where Patreon supporters got to ask questions to the cast including special guest Brooke Bright. Brooke, don't tell the guys you're my favorite. Aw. I was gonna ask you, uh, fuck Mary Kill. Anybody? Yeah, anyone in favor- Oh, all right.

Oh, God. I'm so bad at this game. I'm trying to think I would probably- Listen, I would marry Gianessa. Good call. Right. Yeah. Super loving, super like stable. I would marry Gianessa. Good call. Yeah. Super loving, super like stable,

like gives a lot to the relationship. So that's easy. Oh, I had mentioned this before, I would fuck the tree. Yes, it, right. Right, so John Sabine, who was it? What was his character? Cabernon.

Cabernon. It would fuck the tree. I'd see what he was. And I would kill Ernie. Oh, well, thank you. To hear the rest and get your chance to ask a question at the next meet and greet, visit patreon.com slash magic tavern. And please don't harbor any resentment that I was not asked to do this meet and greet, and have heard literally nothing about any future ones.

Don't let that clumsy error keep you away from supporting the arts. Even when the art seems committed to career suicide. You're better than that. I know I am. I could talk more about this, but sadly have been offered no forum in which to do so. Ah well. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arne Neekamp, Matt Young and Adolf Refy. Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz, associate producer Anna Hoverman. This episode edited by Anna Hoverman Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Aller LeBan Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland