Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 4, Ep 93 - Arnor's Brother

Episode Date: October 9, 2023

Barnor the Lawyer comes to exact his revenge on Arnie for killing his brother, Arnor the Warrior.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampUsidore: Matt YoungChunt: Adal RifaiBarnor: Blaine SwenMysterious M...an: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Anna HavermannMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandCheck out the new merch at our Teepublic store!You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 I'm going deep into my wife's family history, digging up the cold case of her murdered great-grandmother. And did I mention that I'm looking into whether the murderer was actually the beloved family patriarch? Binge all episodes of Ghost Story, add free right now on Wondru Plus. I'm Carrie Mulligan, the host of I Hear Fear, a new anthology series of terror. You and I know that the best scary stories are the ones we tell each other in the dark. So turn off your lights and close your eyes. Follow I Hear Fear on the Wondering app or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:00:39 People of Earth, the following autumn podcast is not real. Yes, autumn is here, and like that college friend staying in your guest bedroom while running their mail order CBD gummy business, it is showing no signs of leaving. Soon, as is your Earth custom, we can drag the Autumn Groundhog out of its hole and, during hours of grueling interrogation, determine if we're going to have 12 more weeks of hang on, I'm getting a message. Oh dear, framing device. I wanna please discontinue with endorsing animal cruelty.
Starting point is 00:01:15 Not these people again. Look, I've said it before, I'm inconsiderate to all species on this planet. I don't play favorites. So before we take to the streets to drag uncooperative psychic rodents from their nests, let's sit back and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern! A weekly podcast from the magical land of fume. I'm your host, Arningeekamp, the greatest warrior in all of fume. If you've never lived in the podcast before this is everything you need to know. Eight and a half years ago I fell
Starting point is 00:02:07 through a dimensional portal behind a burger king in Chicago into the magical fantastical land of fume. Luckily I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the burger king through the dimensional rift and I used that to upload this podcast recorded here in the tavern the strange familiar in the town of nibble bottom at the base of the ennamel mountain in the magical land of the strange familiar, in the town of nibble bottom, at the base of the Enamel Mountain, in the Magical Land of Foon, chronicling my quests to make Foon better as the greatest warrior in all of Foon. And I am joined, as always, by my co-host,
Starting point is 00:02:35 by my sidekick in my adventures, chunk the talking badger. Boy, oh boy, chronicling is a hard word. It's chronicling. It's chronicling. Chronicling, chronicling. Chronicling. Chronicling. Chronicling. Chronicling. That's a hard, that is a.
Starting point is 00:02:47 We should do a way. Oh, if I only had Arnie, if I still had Micronite in Lance, I would make chronicling disappear. For good. Yeah. Boy, I really missed having those guys in their song. Yeah, that power was too powerful,
Starting point is 00:03:00 and luckily fleeting. Yeah, that's good, that's good. Oh, Arnie, I wanted to talk to you. You know how Chant for Red October's coming up? Oh, yeah. I guess it is October, isn't it? Mm-hmm. So I was going over, you know, the types of monsters
Starting point is 00:03:13 we haven't had on because we've had just a plethora of monsters on. And I'm running out of ideas. So I have a few, I don't know if you have any ideas. I thought maybe we could have, they're scooter the shadow, he's like, he's a shadow. Okay. There's Franken-Brine.
Starting point is 00:03:29 It's a guy who turned himself into a pickle. Oh, sounds delicious. Maybe like an eel or like a funny chair or something. I feel like a real truck. I feel like I'm running out of ideas. China, are we out of October ideas if we're down to funny chair. I mean, although I'm starting to come around
Starting point is 00:03:47 on funny chair. Exactly, right? Because I don't know, just a different perspective. But it's just, I mean, last year we had a classic spooky guest on to the house, the talks. Yes, which is, yeah, about is, about as spooky as it gets. Yeah. And we've had vampires and werewolves.
Starting point is 00:04:05 I think we had some mummies on perhaps. Remy, we're old again. And werewolves again. So Arnie, is there any, is there any like spooky monster or creature you can think of that I can add to the list? Just to kind of put out feelers. Like a clown? Oh, or also what you just said.
Starting point is 00:04:19 Feelers. Feelers. Yeah. Ooh, yeah. Ooh, Arnie, I know some tentacles. Are they, can I talk? That's a, that's a thing though. Arnie, you've been here long enough
Starting point is 00:04:31 you should know better for shame. That's right, everything talks. That, well, they can't talk, they can scream. Oh, okay. But screaming is, what here's the thing? Screaming is talking for them. So are you willing to have? The 45 to 50 bit in episode?
Starting point is 00:04:45 I've just... Screaming. No. No, no. Where's Yusudor? Ah, yeah. Speaking of screaming, my mentor, and saving Foon,
Starting point is 00:04:54 he's kind of my Obi-Wan Kenobi. Yusudor the Wizard. Hi, I'm Yusudor. Wizard of the 12th realm of a fesiest master of light and shadow. My name can be heard of magical lights devour of chaos, champion of the great halls of truckusfesiest Master of Light and Shadow, Manipule, the Hero of Magic of Light, the Star of Chaos, Champion of the Great Halls of Trucks, The Elves Nobby is Fying Elok, The Dwarves Nobby is Zoning in Hook Staggies,
Starting point is 00:05:11 And I am known throughout the North East as Gascamweinius Mace Star. A Staggies Nobby, and there may be other secret tears. These silly chairs. Oh, names that if air would ever cross my lips most assuredly those words would take form you would see them floating through the sky and the bile and poison that they would create would burn through not only the chair in front of you funny or not but your very skin. Funny or not they're. They wouldn't be called funny chairs if they were not just saying like any kind of chair,
Starting point is 00:05:48 a funny chair or not funny chair. It's still burning through them. You know what, you said or just because you said that? I'm gonna give away one of your secret names. The tentacles know you as, huh. Well yeah, yeah, obviously. But that was an easy one.
Starting point is 00:05:59 Oh, okay. I didn't know if I said it right. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Already can you say it? Ah, no. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Yeah, I'm sorry. Do you know me from my great feats as a grace warrior in all food or other fans? Just a man from another world. Let me get the pin out. Here you go, Arnie. If you want to sign in on a graph Yeah, actually I was hoping I could offer you this fresh plate of chicken cordon blue Here's what I'm most as we can unable to sell no one will talk much. Oh, this guy's signed that.
Starting point is 00:06:45 This has two or eights on it, but they're from a few years ago. I already careful. This guy is mopping his brow with some sort of Kirchiff and he's wearing suspenders, so be careful. I love chicken, corn, and blue, and it's been weeks since I've had any color. Since I've had a plate, so I'm very excited about this. Oh, I have a full meal for you, sir.
Starting point is 00:07:04 Please, here's a side of collard grits. Oh, fried green potatoes. Fried green potatoes? Yes, come on. Eat up. Okay, I saw him's wrong with his potatoes. Is this making me think of? Yeah, Arnie, these grits do have little collards on them.
Starting point is 00:07:23 They must be business grits. You should eat them before they get cold. I need Yeah, Arnie, these grits do have little collars on them. They must be business grits. You should eat them before they get cold. Wait, chicken caught on blue. Arnie, Arnie, don't eat that. What? I believe if you eat that, you may be summoned into a court of law. What? Oh, just one bite.
Starting point is 00:07:37 Just one little nibble now. It walks in. It, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, And the polish at all, just a nice thick piece of chocolate cake. Look at this piece of cake. I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean down. Oh, yeah! So I have just a thing. What? Here is a full picture of sweetened astute. Oh, when life hands you ice, etc. Arnie, yeah, Arnie that looks. Look, life hands you ice, etc. That's my favorite expression.
Starting point is 00:08:20 Arnie that looks so good and this guy's legit because look, he's even though he's inside the bar, he's standing inside a gazeba. Oh, yeah. Did you bring that with? Did you bring that with you? It's kind of floating. Oh, he follows me.
Starting point is 00:08:32 It comes wherever I go. Oh, sir, do you smell the sweet breeze of summertime? Just back in and you to take one sip of that sweet tea. All right, don't need to drink that. I'll go get you some Foxface and I'll roast the cocks' cores. I'll be right back. Reminding me how terrible all the food normally is.
Starting point is 00:08:56 Arnie, also, I hate to embarrass you in front of friends, but chicken is not cutlery. No, I meant the plate, which is, I guess, technically not cutlery either. You cut food with your plate? Finch or something. No, no, no, no. Finch. Don't change for me.
Starting point is 00:09:10 Oh, excuse me, and pardon my ill manners. But if the lack of a fork is the only thing keeping you from taking a sweet nibble of this delectable meal, Let me provide a fork. Oh, thank you. That's a perfect fork, already that's amazing. I never since had such a perfect fork. I wanna, oh, I wanna eat something off that fork.
Starting point is 00:09:34 This feels like a special fork, just for company. Oh, it's a special fork, Mr. Neekcap, just for you. Just want a sweet little bag. Sir, I'm so sorry. Have we ever met before? There's something seems familiar, but also strange about you. Oh no, we've never been.
Starting point is 00:09:52 We've never been acquainted, I'm afraid. Yeah, you look like somebody else but with a mustache. Does he look like somebody else but with a mustache? I don't even think so. He looks like somebody we know, but with a mustache. And of course, with Mopping is Brow, with a curture. Yeah, I guess most people with mustache just look like somebody we know but with a mustache. And of course with Mopping is Brow with a curtup. Yeah, I guess most people with mustache just look like somebody else but with a mustache.
Starting point is 00:10:08 Well, I suppose if you aren't hungry, there are others that I could give this meal to. I'll just pack it away. Ooh, no, no, no, no, that's so fast. Arnie, don't fret. I'm about to come back with a fresh salad. Just one minute. No, no, that's a lot.
Starting point is 00:10:24 I worked day and night on this meal. I followed my mother's recipes. Every I was dotted and every tea was crossed. And I made the finest meal I've ever made. So your mother has very impeccable handwriting? Is that what you're saying? It really does. The finest hand writing and all of food.
Starting point is 00:10:44 But, sir, if you cannot enjoy this meal, I will gladly give it to someone else. Arnie, he's packing away the piece of cake in a suitcase that's shaped like a piece of cake. Arnie, if you're not going to, I'm going to. Okay, no, no, yeah. I'm just going to start with all seven tea. Oh, that's cool. Well, now, Mr. Arnie, knee-camp. Allow me to introduce myself and throw back my hood. Bar-nor-the-loyer at your service. The greatest lawyer in all of food and one half-brother to Arny-or-the-warrior. Oh, fuck, that's what it was yeah he's Arnold with the mustache. Yeah Yeah, mr. Arnold knee camp. Yeah, I've just been served. Oh
Starting point is 00:11:36 We've been served the view. All right. Thank you for the food. Yeah, mr. knee camp Do you need to tell me you do not know how the court system of food works? No You have just been served as summons to court. I don't know. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,, I like this guy. Okay, yeah, me too, me too. But I'm a little... What am I, what am I, what can I be summoned for? I mean, I guess I have committed several crimes over my eight and a half years, but below the average amount that a person in food would commit.
Starting point is 00:12:14 Yeah, so I am the greatest lawyer in all of food and I intend to rake you over the coals for the wrongful death of my brother, honor the warrior. Oh no, Arna, you're gonna be raked over the coals. That wrongful death of my brother, I don't know the warrior. Oh no, Arnie you're gonna be rigged over the coals, that's gonna hurt so bad, but don't worry, you should worry, and I will figure out some way to regrow your skin or put some salve on that.
Starting point is 00:12:33 I'm not used to being threatened with such colorful language. I think we can get Twirline's dad's rake. You are gonna be tried and convicted of wrongful death. Deformation, lying under oath. Sir, you are gonna face the greatest penalty with your very life. Oh my. Wait, I'm gonna be accused of lying under oath? Oh yes.
Starting point is 00:13:01 Oh yes sir, I have all the evidence I need. Of lying under oath? I haven't even been under oath. Oh sir, you have been under oath many times and not known. Really? Yes, oath is the name of my private detective. She is a wind walker. Who knows? Tiptoes quietly in the air. And several times she has been directly above you
Starting point is 00:13:24 and heard you say, many, many naughty fips. Honey, that's why you always look up before you lie. I've told you there's so many times. You've made you do bring that up a lot. I knew you sawks that said, look up before you lie. Even if Oath wasn't there sometime in your lie, I tend to swear us in every morning while you two are still asleep.
Starting point is 00:13:44 What? Why? So that anything we say can and will be held against us? I tend to swear us in every morning while you two are still asleep. What? Why? So that anything we say can and will be held against us? Why? Okay, Barney, Barney, if I may. Wait, who are you talking to? Oh, I'm talking to Barney, or Barnor. Barnor, if I may, does this mean if there's...
Starting point is 00:13:59 What shorten is name? That's a thing with them. If there's a... who, I'm sorry, he's getting very... He's loosening his collar. I can't tell if that's from the heat or from Being upset does this suggest you know if you have brother was Arnor and your barn or does this suggest the Existence of a carnor d'arnor Barn or harnor yarn or jarnor keep going. Oh boy the alphabet is tough. Oh sure, yes, yes. I have many siblings. Corn or the enjoyer?
Starting point is 00:14:29 He's a great enjoyer of all of them. He's a great enjoyer in all of food. And particularly of food. He cares about. He's so much plus. He must be subjective. He is, oh, dawn or the destroyer. Oh, it's so much because it must be subjective. It is, oh, dawn or the destroyer.
Starting point is 00:14:49 Oh, the greatest destroyer. Oh, one of my restaurants one time broke everything. It's far know the foyer. It's more of a sentient waiting room. Wait, you're, you're related to a sentient waiting room. Wait, you're you're related to a sentient waiting room? Oh, that's right. We are all sons of Bruce the Sky God. Whereas Anor was the fruit of Bruce the Sky God and a romantic dalliance with Queen Titania the Northeast. I was the fruit of Bruce the Skygods deep lust for a legal encyclopedia. Is Far North available for Chumphuractober?
Starting point is 00:15:29 This enchantee and foyer is he free in a couple weeks? Doesn't seem scary. Also, is it hot in here? I don't think it's that hot. It's certainly him sweat. I just got to dab the beads now. Are you sure, okay? Have you seen like a cardiologist or a... Yes, I have to say, I might be boiling internally
Starting point is 00:15:52 from the anger that is welling within me for the wrongful death of the greatest warrior and all of food. Quick time out, sorry, pardon, we do have to take a quick break. Quick time out. We do, sorry, I'm so sorry, Barney. We do have to take a quick break. Why don't we do that, and then we'll come back and we'll see the trial of Arnie Minkin. Oh, yes.
Starting point is 00:16:13 We were going straight to trial. A journey. Alrighty, Suarez said. Order, order everyone. I'm taking a quick order if anybody wants some food while we do the rooster's feet. Yeah, rooster's good on blue is good. I would like to actually eat a little bit more of that. One of those barn or cranky chain things. Oh, I'm doing just fine.
Starting point is 00:16:42 Thank you very much. Okay. Well, Court is in session. so Barney, take it away. Well, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, it is mine who's he talking to? I'm taking the time to teach you to prove on this day that Mr. Arnold knee camp has wrongfully taken the name of Arnie, has lied under oath and called himself the greatest warrior in all of Boone,
Starting point is 00:17:11 and is the perpetrator of the wrongful and horrific murder of Arnold the warrior. Do you... I guess I don't... do I... Now, you are on a in defense of this man I must be allowed to speak. Oh shit. You're on a chunt. Yes. I'll allow it. I'll allow anything really. If anybody wants to do anything I'll allow it. Oh, no, go fucking nuts. Honestly go fucking nuts. Hell yeah. It pleases the court. Can I just say?
Starting point is 00:17:45 That pleases the court. Excellent. It's pretty cool. It was pretty cool. In defense of this man, he's not of our world. He barely understands our way, slow. He's been alive, but only eight and a half years, but a simple babe in our world when you think about it that way.
Starting point is 00:18:03 If he was born into food, not in ten years ago. Now I, as a wizard, who's been alive for all 350 years, I can see life pass by in what seems like the blink of an eye. This man knows not what he does and is not culpable for his many, many terrible crimes. Mm-hmm. I used to should all must agree with you. The man does seem to be a stranger in what he is to him, a strange land. And he does not understand us always. But let me ask you, you should all, do we understand Mr. Nikan?
Starting point is 00:18:42 Oh, good question. I love the part of the lawyers interview each other. Yes. Just a quick interjection. Just before I lose track of what was said, Arnie, just to kind of help prove that you're sort of the fuddle or adult brained, what's I want the court to see Arnie, let's do some simple math.
Starting point is 00:19:03 And wink, wink thumbs up. First of all, don't call me Adelbrain. Call me Chuck Brain. Just not get it mixed up. Right, right, my bad, my bad. What's 7 plus 3? Don't say 10. It's a number.
Starting point is 00:19:14 Damn it, that's right. Yeah, I already gave you a soft note. It is clear that the man is well within his widths. And I beg the court to let us proceed with this trial. We can proceed. Yeah, I didn't really like when the lawyers were interviewing each other, so let's put this table over here. Let me light this candle, put a plate of spaghetti down.
Starting point is 00:19:35 It's two forks and go ahead and continue to interview each other. Yes, I ask you, you should all. Would you say there are many mysterious and strange things about Mr. Arnold Nekan? Well, I can't help but agree with that supposition. He certainly is peculiar, or being a man from another world. There are many things about him to this day
Starting point is 00:20:00 we do not understand. Yeah, for instance, one strange thing he does is sometimes when people are saying their greetings or their salutations or leaving for the evening he'll go, bye bye bye, and I think that's like funny or something he smiles to himself. What a strange chant, Mr. Neekamp. Chant that sounds much like some sort of incantation. Oh, it's chant. I'm sorry. It's a chant. I know we address this such not not to chant also just to pull the court does this wig make me look stupid. I'm getting a lot of thumbs up. Okay, let me take this off. And I like to call the first one. It was mostly where you were wearing it.
Starting point is 00:20:48 Yeah, that's fair. That's totally fair. Merkins are not appropriate in a place of law. I like to call my first witness Arnie. This is gonna be great for you. I like to call my first witness the funny chair. Can someone, sorry, can someone scooch that chair with it? I got it, I got I, I get it.
Starting point is 00:21:05 There. That's why it does slide funny. Are you asking the chair questions, are we? I prefer you to do it. Oh, I'd be glad to ask the chair a few questions. I'm gonna tell the chair. Have you ever encountered Mr. Neckamp? What? Mr. Neique Camp? What?
Starting point is 00:21:26 Mr. Nique Camp, we don't need you to do the voice. Oh, it's a chair. I believe that, honey. Honey, you're on trial right now. What are you doing? Everyone was looking for the chair. I thought I was supposed to know. I feel like I don't do enough for this.
Starting point is 00:21:39 Okay, yeah. Mr. Nique Camp, might I remind you that your very life is at stake? For those who lose in court are condemned to an immediate death by foolish law. I bid you on this very day, sir, to take this matter quite seriously as it is a matter of life, and there. Gaple, gaple, gaple, gaple, gaple, gaple. Oh, morning, Gaple, I need you to quit it. Okay, I knock it off. You gaple, gaple. Okay.
Starting point is 00:22:12 Oh, sorry, continue, Bernie. Now, Mr. Chair, if I may, would you say, there are many mysterious things about Mr. Necan? Yes. And just as Mr. Necan finds us mysterious and doesn't understand our ways and as a result considers us magical in many respects, would you say that Mr. Necan in some respects is magical to you? and knee camp in some respects is magical to you. Mm-hmm. I'm so sorry I called this chair.
Starting point is 00:22:49 It is not funny. This chair is way too honest. I'm so sorry, Artie. Permission to cross. Yeah. Go ahead. Funny chair. Aren't you, in fact, a chase lounge?
Starting point is 00:23:02 Oh, shit. A chase lounge? Oh shit! Oh shit! What did I say? I don't speak chair. Then I suppose we should all disregard what the chair has said to this point. Even chair is very clearly a liar. I demand this testimony be thrown out. Any other point remains. Mr. Necan is to us foolish people in many respects, a magical creature. And as my brother on the warrior was killed during a magical appreciation month,
Starting point is 00:23:39 it is a relevant feature to say that killing or doing violence by any sort of magic is for Bowden in the land of food during magical appreciation month. Fucking shit, this guy is good. This guy is a little good. Are you fucking this guy's good? Just got access to the wiki.
Starting point is 00:24:02 Yeah, this guy. For. This guy could have entered the world. I can prove that any element of magic was used in the downfall of my dearly departed brother. Mr. Arnold, kneecap, will be guilty of having broken foolish law and will be worthy of immediate execution. Do I ask, is there a form for me
Starting point is 00:24:25 to ask hypothetical questions during this? I'll allow it. Hypothetically, if I was given a magical item, and I'm not saying this happened, if I was given a magical item, I just want to make sure you're taking seriously. Let me just get on your polo here, but just tie on here.
Starting point is 00:24:41 No, thank you. Yes, I don't know, it's kind of like a little bit like Fred Flintstone now, but that's OK. We'll put on your pants. Fair, fair, careful. Where are the? I'll get those at the next break. Hypothetically, if I was given a magic item to protect me
Starting point is 00:25:01 and that hypothetically was involved in our norse death. Is it possible that the person that gave me that item would have to take the penalty instead of me? Oh, I'll allow it. And who was this who gave you the item? Janna was you. What? Who was you? Oh no. Oh, I think I've perjured myself. I perjured myself. And that's like, what is that? That's like a pants injury? What is perjured? Let me cast a healing spell on you.
Starting point is 00:25:30 Yeah, thank you. Thank you, thank you. Oh, your perjury is healed. Oh, I'm unperjured, and it's time for the halftime show. You should do some fireworks or something. Enter it, turn off! Come on, come on. Nice.
Starting point is 00:25:43 So let's enjoy this halftime show, and we're going to take a quick break while I look out for a jerk Ladies and gentlemen of the court or your honor or whoever I address may I of the court or your honor or whoever I address. May I have a moment to just ask a question of Bartnor here. Yeah. Honestly, I can't say this is enough. Oh, allow it.
Starting point is 00:26:13 Oh, go. I'll allow anything. Barnor. Yes. What's your whole deal? Like how are you doing? Ooh, it's my whole deal. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:24 I mean, you're the greatest lawyer in all of this. Which I believe. 299 victories and zero losses. So you've never lost. Oh, never lost. No, you can't. If you lose it caught in food, not only does your client immediately die, but the lawyer is executed as well. There are no living, losing lawyers in food.
Starting point is 00:26:52 You only hope to stay alive if you lose a court in food. It's the plea for mercy and to be given a life sentence working in the minds of Maroon 5. Oh, death. You gotta go for death. It's the only way you can escape death. Oh, I agree. There's a life sentence in the minds of Maroon 5. Oh, death is better, death is better.
Starting point is 00:27:20 Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, what are you saying? That's one I think. Oh, every traveler in Maroon Fies are sad. Well, a blues traveler. You're sad people in all of them. You're a blue. He's picking up a ball. He's picking up a ball.
Starting point is 00:27:39 Take every last nickel ball from you. And then we'll give a nickel bag. I'm telling you, it's an awful place. Yeah, you don't want to go. No warm play, only cold play. It's terrible there. They'll urge you to overkill your enemies. The smash some pumpkins. Oh, yeah, the smash amount. Oh, it's a bad place. Too soon. Oh, speaking of Blue's Traveler, you, sir, do you have any sort of rebuttal? Ha ha rebuttal. Uh, well, you know, I believe that if you're sad, you shouldn't equate that with the
Starting point is 00:28:19 color blue. I personally never ascribed. Okay, you're not under attack here, you, sir. I thought you were going to allow anything. Yeah, you're not under attack here, you zedore. I thought you were gonna allow anything. Yeah, you know what? Go ahead. I don't think that it's appropriate to refer to yourself as blue of your sad. Why not some other color? Like green? What a stupid color for idiots. Gavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagav here, the green will be associated with sadness. So you won't be blue, you'll be green.
Starting point is 00:28:46 The blues are now called the greens. I think that covers everything. Well, you're saying Bonnie here can continue with his arguments because you like to yo-gavvol-gavvol, and we should tell Tubby here that he's probably going to get killed. Oh, hello. Hello, hello, hello.
Starting point is 00:29:04 I'm having a fucking blast, honestly. These rules. By the way, doesn't it ever get in your head? Like, the stakes seem very high for being a lawyer in film. Oh, yes, but at this, the commitment that one must have to the cause of justice. You must be willing to fight for justice, even if it means your own very life.
Starting point is 00:29:24 Can I ask, you don't have to answer this, maybe it's a personal question, or maybe there's some like ethics involved. Have you ever been on the wrong side of one, but you still won anyway? Good question. Mr. Nekamp. Mr. Nekamp.
Starting point is 00:29:43 Yes. Yeah. That's a. Yes. Yeah. That's a short answer. Just, yeah. Okay, that is, yeah. That's all I need. But you know what? I mean, you just, if you, I just need,
Starting point is 00:29:54 I don't like to lose. Sure. Yeah. Let's say I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Fighting for your own life. And so it's very important to me that when I fight those cases, I do not hire oath to have a buff.
Starting point is 00:30:09 So in a way, you're not responsible for all the people that have died because you yourself are at risk of dying. I mean, in every court case you participate in, it's either you or them. And so no one in their right mind would think that it's your fault or that you're culpable for all the deaths that you have been adjacent to.
Starting point is 00:30:30 Wow. Do you think someone might think that? I mean, I'm not saying I do. But I just an argument could be made. Like, you're the greatest lawyer in all of every case, at least one, if not multiple people have died because you won. Wow, guilty. Is what I assume the jury's gonna say, it's probably guilty. And therefore, what you are suggesting
Starting point is 00:30:57 is that what you're inferring is that I have murdered in some respects those people because they wouldn't have died had I not had I not argued against their case those innocent people. I think that is what he said. Trump this is all very interesting but can I call a hostile witness to the stand? Oh shit. I will more than allow that. I would love that.
Starting point is 00:31:27 I would like to call Arnie Neacamp to the stand as a hostile witness. Okay. I don't think you're right. I think you're right. I'm not right. Thank you for getting so excited about that. Mr. Neacamp. Yes.
Starting point is 00:31:38 Mr. Neacamp, if that is your name. This. It is. Okay. Do we all believe that? I think so. Yeah, I mean I say it all okay I think I'm so from everyone big company that part of it. Okay, never mind. Okay. Okay. Is that all you have a rug really pulled out from I mean I feel like it would be a weird reveal like I don't know how exciting would it be
Starting point is 00:31:59 In half years in if I'm like actually I've been lying about my name this whole time See I told you he was gonna be hostile. Now is not the time to do funny hypotheticals. You're under oath. Just think about it. I think it might go a little something. Oh no. Oh, no, when Anor died here in this bar,
Starting point is 00:32:16 mm-hmm. Were you holding the sword that he was impaled upon? Not at that moment now. Okay. Who was holding that sword? Don't say chant, don't say chant, don't say chant. It was that moment now. Okay. Who was holding that sword? Don't say chat, don't say chat, don't say chat. It was Arnor himself. Yes.
Starting point is 00:32:30 I rest my case, unless I think of something to say later. Oh, he tucked his briefcase in, his little cover in a pillow. Oh, he's reading a little bedtime story. No! I can't continue. Please, no, no, no. I can continue. Are you here in a moment? You seem very emotional.
Starting point is 00:32:49 I'm going to be fine. OK. It may be true that Anor was holding the sword, but I ask you, sir. What was Anor wearing on the day of his death? It's a weird question, but oh boy. Was it not a heap of shabbled robes? It was. They were super shuffled. As I remember, they had not been. And who so took the responsibility to unshevel the disheveled robes? That's a good question. I just mostly remember how fun it was to say shevel and unshevel.
Starting point is 00:33:29 And act of kindness. Who unsheveled the roads? Probably. It sounds like something I would do. But left the shevel and around his feet. And there was a message. Gavol, gavol, gavu, gavu, gavu, gavu, gavu, gavu. Gavu, gavu.
Starting point is 00:33:47 I'd like to call to the stand, chunt the shape shifter. Oh. Okay. Chunt, chunt, chunt, chunt, chunt, chunt, chunt. There an echo in here. Okay. Thank you, Your Honor.
Starting point is 00:34:00 Well, what questions do you have for me? Chunt the shape shifter. Is it true that before the night of the murder... Well, I shouldn't say murder, shits are new. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Before the night of the murder, isn't it true that you, Chant the shape shifter, had a black and white smithery and had made a bespoke shield for Arnie that would protect him against all Arnie's.
Starting point is 00:34:26 Yes, you're on her, that is true. And jump the sheepshifter, actually let me ask this question to Arnie. Arnie, is the black and white Smithree still around? No, probably. I mean, all of our horses are somewhere as well. Wow, what a great, I love that. All of our horses are somewhere. That's sort of a catch-all for anything we I love that. All of our horses are somewhere.
Starting point is 00:34:45 That's sort of a catch-all for anything we can do, right? All of our horses are somewhere. Yeah. I'll allow it. Would anybody like to cross examine Chant the shape shifter? I'll examine it as a hostile witness. Okay.
Starting point is 00:34:58 Chant, if that is your name. It is. Are you even a sheep shifter? Yeah. I'll check my case. Oh, okay. Oh, he's putting us keys to bed. Oh, I would like to call a witness to stand. If it pleases the court. Yeah, I mean, I don't know if it pleases me. It bumps me out when you, because you're so green. I bet this will cheer him up. Yeah, he's bad.
Starting point is 00:35:27 Yeah, I'll go ahead, go ahead, buddy, whatever you want. I would like to call... ...Barn of the Lawyer to the stand. Another lawyer? Barn of the Lawyer? Barn of the Lawyer? Barn of the Lawyer? Barn of the Lawyer? See, even... Barn of the Lawyer is that your real name?
Starting point is 00:35:44 Yes! I'm ashamed to say that it is. Why not lawyer is that your real name? Yes. I'm ashamed to say that it is. And Mr. Barnor the lawyer. How many cases have you won a court? Two hundred and nineteen nine cases. In every single one of those cases was your opponent murdered upon losing a court? Yes, immediately.
Starting point is 00:36:09 This is very compelling. Immediately and unacquifically murdered. And I'm a excuse, sir, of those 299 cases, how many, how many of those defendants were innocent of the charges that were brought against them? At least 172. At least, you can still laugh. You can still laugh. You can still laugh. You can still laugh.
Starting point is 00:36:32 Then I ask you, are you not responsible directly, indirectly and round aboutly for the murder of 172 people? Yes, I confess it. I confess it. I have been responsible for the murder of at least 172 innocent foolish souls who I argue against to save my own life. Wow, Yusur, would you like to double cross examine? Yes, Barna, I have but one question for you. Is that indeed your real name? No, I haven't worked with him so I can't. Yes.
Starting point is 00:37:20 No, it's not. My name is Chad. P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P I got and a legal inside the painting. Yeah, but go go go go go. I'm I'm I'm I'm gonna be sick. I'm so sorry. I cannot I cannot take seriously anyone named Chad so any and all things that you said or did it is stricken from the record Oh no, that's good. That's good. We're kicking this guy out of court. Chad, I'm not gonna take seriously a Chad. You're honor. If I may. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:08 I ask you not to take this drastic measure, even though anything goes in your court, and I respect that quite a bit. You're welcome. We must account for Chad Sashbano's testimony because think about how pathetic this is. His brother got famous, and then he decided to co-stoff his name
Starting point is 00:38:27 by changing his name to Bono. Just like his shitty sister, Diane or the Sawyer. Even though she's a great interviewer, she changed her name just to Dreadess Sawyer. I'll allow it. Listen, I used it or? The blue.
Starting point is 00:38:43 That's me. As you know, I did say anything? The blue. That's me. As you know, I did say anything goes in this court. But as we all know, or we should know, anything goes is actually pretty problematic. I can't. Anything goes, doesn't hold up, okay? Okay, well, I'm just, it has a lot of bad parts in it.
Starting point is 00:39:00 So, it's catchy. Anything goes, but I'm still the judge. You got it, got it, got it, got it, got it. If I complete the call, if I could just ask a favor. Fine. Instead of being rude, could I please, could I please spend out the rest of my days in the minds of Maroon Fie?
Starting point is 00:39:23 Look, that gazebo is just tied to his foot. It wasn't even floating. He was just tucking it behind him with his foot. It's just gotta spin him around. Yeah, Maroon Fie, stand the whole time. Yeah, we'll have a gap when there will be what. So, her love will be... Is this kind of trying to lose for years
Starting point is 00:39:37 and where the only people who love him lose at least? Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, send me to Maroon Fie. Please! Okay, fine. You, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, I get a voice of the chair. Don't do the voice of the chair. Arnie, come on. You have to have a gal. I think that about wraps up court today. Arnie, I do have one final question for you as Judge before I put down my gal. Did you order a code red potion? When I said order in the court, I think I saw you write down code red potion. Did you order that code red potion? I'm not sure. Did you order that code red potion, aren't you? Yeah. Did you order that code red potion?
Starting point is 00:40:29 Yeah. Okay, and that's like a new flavor. Yeah. Ooh, nice. I gotta try that. Okay, just making sure we'll get you that. And I think that's about it. Any final sort of grievances?
Starting point is 00:40:40 I have a big question, but of course. I'm not as familiar with the legal system. So if I have technically defeated the greatest lawyer in all the food am I now the greatest lawyer in all the food I think so well who has one more cases I is it is it whoever beats the greatest lawyer or is it who's won the most cases well as the judge I will, if you're on trial and the prosecution loses against you, you gain all their victories. Oh!
Starting point is 00:41:12 And then you get that victory. So Arnie, you now, Arnie, my buddy, you now have 300 victories in court, and you are by law, of course, the greatest lawyer in all of it. So by that logic, there have only ever been 300 court cases. Don't look at it too close. Don't think about it too hard, don't look at it too close. Have they all been shit shows like this one? Listen, yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:33 All of our horses are still out there, guys. Huh. Well Chad, why don't you tuck your fucking little tail between your legs and get out of here and go to front row of the minds of Maroon. Do any of you guys want to be my plus one? No, good positive. That's right.
Starting point is 00:41:51 It was nice to meet you. Chad, before you go, I am really sorry about your brother. We had a complicated relationship, but I was sad to see him die as well. And, you know, if it makes you feel any better, I know this can be difficult, but it was his dying wish that I take on the mantle of greatest warrior. In fact, he had this scroll that his voice magically comes out of, and I'm sure it will work and it will say exactly the same thing. Arnie?
Starting point is 00:42:24 It said last time. Arnie, you don't have to say magically comes out of, you just can just say scroll, whereas voice comes out. Scroller's voice comes out. I don't know if you would want to listen to this chat, if it would give you any solace. Could you explain again like what you're proposing? Like can you just like explain it really specifically?
Starting point is 00:42:43 Explain. After Arnor died, and found this scroll, which I believe is his will, and the one had his last wishes, and we listened to it, and it said a bunch of things, which if I'm being honest, I don't remember completely,
Starting point is 00:42:56 that's why I keep this scroll. Yeah. And I think you should listen to it now, and I'm sure it will say exactly the same thing that it said well over a year ago. I was sure, yeah, okay. Yeah, I'd like that. All right, well, just go ahead and open up the scroll line.
Starting point is 00:43:13 All right, go ahead and open up the scroll. Yeah, open up and open, right? Yeah, now. God, I have so much time having been spent. Let me now again reiterate my last will and testament. Upon this mortal coil, my former flesh thus was bleeding. But here you have a will that was never meant for rereading. Arnie, it's kind of pull up in your face, huh?
Starting point is 00:43:48 Word for word. I said what I said before. And now my body suffers, it's great to symbol. If you want to know what I said, you're just gonna have to remember. And now I leave having been vanquished by a greater destroyer. I wait for the afterlife in for no, the foyer. Wow, that was weird.
Starting point is 00:44:23 That was so emotional. Thought I would remember that part. Chad, did that help? I'm, I don't, I mean, I'm more confused than I was. I'm more confused, but it, you know, it at least gives me a distraction from my pain. The confusion really like helps distract me. And so in that, for that, I'm grateful.
Starting point is 00:44:41 Always crying so hard is getting harder and harder to breathe. Oh, buddy. Oh Daisy well, it was just it was really nice to meet you guys. It was just really a pleasure. Yeah nice to meet you Chad Thank you guys. We gotta get to work trying to book Darnor and Firenor on podcast. What about yarn or Arnie? What about yarn or? Chad well, what's what's yarn or is deal? I don't know if we heard about him. Yarnor? He's an employer. He's a really great, he's the greatest boss. I think he'd really like to work for him. I shouldn't chose in a different path.
Starting point is 00:45:16 So he's like the world's best boss. Yeah, he's a great employer. Huh. Sounds pretty good. And of course if his dad is Bruce Deskigah, then of course he's going to be a boss, so. Ah, Arnie, maybe that's our chunk for Redacto Bruggest. If we can't book that for you? Sure. Perfect.
Starting point is 00:45:33 Well, what about a creature? Oh, yeah, creature. So, uh, you used to wear some creatures like a eel or like the creature. The creature. Yeah, the creature. Oh, from, uh, kind of aquatic creature. And just to be sure, that's not Swamp Thing, right? No, not it, it's not a Swamp Thing.
Starting point is 00:45:49 Okay. It's the creature. Okay. So there's only one of him. Yeah, or her, or they. Okay, I always get creature, I'll put that in here. I always get creature and Swamp Thing mixed up with man thing. Man thing. Well Arnie, I'm man thing is a penis.
Starting point is 00:46:02 Oh, that's right. So let's do either creature. Creature. Arnie, you really do have a, mean, I think it's a piece. So let's do either creature. Arnie, you really do have a, sorry, you do a real fight. Flintstone vibe going, you're just running in place. I forgot to give my pants. I did that whole case without pants. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:17 Also, at one point, you picked up a chair and tried to talk as its voice and said it's a living. It was really adversely yeah well court is unless there's anything else adjourned I have a quick email to read then yeah sure that's usually how court cases end right good email quick email you just ended court court's over now we're doing the podcast none of that shit could go to air so we have to do the podcast still this is from our patreon which you can join at patreon.com slash magic tavern. From a patron named Lily, hi!
Starting point is 00:46:52 This is for Aaron and Momo related. I don't really understand who Aaron is. Oh and Aaron is like a task you have to accomplish. Like you will tell someone something or do something as an Aaron. Like when you inhale you just breathe air in. You're in. Chad. Yeah. Shut the fuck up, dude.
Starting point is 00:47:10 I'm sorry you guys. You're the same. It's all right. No, Chad, maybe you can help us with this. You have a lot of experience in the courtroom. So that experience won't be applicable to this question, but who knows? A recent scientific study found that male mice are terrified of bananas.
Starting point is 00:47:28 The details of the study are wild. I heard about it on the popular science weirdest thing I learned this week podcast. Thought Momo would find it amusing. Thank you for being an amazing podcast and helping all of us laugh through the pandemic and beyond colon closed parentheses. Sorry, that's gotta be terrifying for the guy, but that is really fucking funny.
Starting point is 00:47:54 Maybe for Jeff or Act Overwee book, Mail Mice in a Badada. That's pretty good. I think the reason this person's point of view is because for a long time, Momma was dating Mayor Manana. I remember Mayor Manana. He was so kind. Oh yeah. So maybe the male mice are terrified of bananas,
Starting point is 00:48:09 and the female mice are like, warning for them? Maybe the male mice are intimidated by the bananas. They feel like a little less than, and they're really trying to like make up for it. Chad, you slipped me a note that says, many mumbling mice. What is this? You want to what is this you want to say? I just they I just They like to say yeah, huh, but what way that's important
Starting point is 00:48:32 What I feel like it maybe that's maybe that's why they were just taking a recess from the bananas It's just to practice their music in the in during midnight in the moonlight In the night. Yeah, so maybe we don't have Scary creatures on for Trump for Rectore, but we have scared individuals like a mine. Nice. Huh? Gave a gavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagavagav people on. Let's scare them. It's gay. It's dwarves, mice, brownies, pixies, what have you. And then we put things in front of them that they may be afraid of.
Starting point is 00:49:13 Exactly. So, you're factoring in the fear. Yeah. Exactly. When I was a kid, there was a show on Nickelodeon that I think was British or Canadian or something called the Grindigats. Scared the shit out of me. AAH! Is it real monsters?
Starting point is 00:49:28 I don't know what it was. I think it was just like felt like it wasn't an American TV show and just something about the vibe of it just really creeped me out. Zinophobic much? That too. Chad, can I ask, what is like, you know, for the rest of attorney, what is like the one thing you're like most excited to mine at the minds of Maroon? Oh gosh, that's a really, I mean, that's a really good question. I've always wanted to fall in love. Oh. Oh.
Starting point is 00:49:55 Chad, we like you now. I've never had time with it with my work, you know? And so it's maybe, maybe if I'm stuck in prison, and I'm just mining for the rest of my life, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe I'll find love and maybe maybe I'll find a beautiful girl and She will she will be loved, you know Okay, Chad's not all bad. I thought I was lumping him in with like quins and dillins, but Chad you're Honestly, you're the coolest shot I've ever known and that's this you know, that's not saying a lot, but it's saying something.
Starting point is 00:50:25 Gosh, that really, that, that means a lot. Thank you so much, Chad. Thank you so much. Don't press your left. Chad, I'm sorry that when you said, you would be loved that I laughed slightly under my breath, I was not meant, I think that's possible for you.
Starting point is 00:50:37 You think so? I think so. I think we, I think we could be good friends. I just wanted to say that. I think we all could have been a really good friends. I'm, you know, I'm a really good hang. I think we, I'm a, they call me hanging Chad. And I think we could have good friends. I just wanted to say that. I think we all could have been a really good friends. I'm a really good hang. I think they call me hanging Chad. And I think we could have had a good time.
Starting point is 00:50:50 Yeah, okay. Good enough. We couldn't have been friends. Sorry. So sorry. All right, and now it's in with a joke from a chase lounge. Pfft. Pfft.
Starting point is 00:51:03 Ha ha ha ha. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Did not say that at all. I'm just glad that Shay's lounge kept it short. Normally all they're good for is long rambling, a pole stories. Anyway, but it's a good idea to be a good player. Anyway, the Wizard was played by Matt Young. Shant the talking Badger was played by Adolfie. Barne or the lawyer was played by special guest Blaine Swinn. Blaine is the creator and performer in the Improvise Shakespeare Company. Oh, they're letting him perform now, that's generous. Look at that, Persistence can take the place of talent.
Starting point is 00:51:47 Check out improvisetespear.com to see if they're coming to a town near you, where you can cheer Blaine on as he gives this performance thing a go. Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production, made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon. Supporters like Joel Strobeck, Noah Solomon, Ian Sanwold, Sam, Joven Medzowski, Stephanie Acosta, Jonathan Nagayan, Eliza, Gary Heather, Lena Hillman, Henry Goblin, Sarah Lynn, Rob, and Marty Metthloff. Patrons get ad-free episodes. The entire back catalog including all the previous spin-offs, and at least two new bonus episodes each month.
Starting point is 00:52:30 Here's a clip of the most recent bonus, episode three of Season Two of Shadow City, DMed by Anthony Birch. Wait a second, this is the opposite of what I usually do. I've got a good idea for once. Oh? I'm gonna a good idea for once. Oh. I'm gonna audition as the matchmaker. Oh.
Starting point is 00:52:50 Oh. All the power to find people, romantic matches. Okay. Perfect. That's pretty good. It's hard to prove. It'll take a long time, so maybe it buys us some time to get in there. That's a good idea.
Starting point is 00:53:02 Yeah, and what we do is we try and glom on as on his side kicks so the three of us can get in the door. So if if crushers the matchmaker, then maybe we are, you know, what is a match need? I box, I can be match box. I'll fight off anybody who's not a match. That's pretty good match box. You see, I've been around, I've been in this biz for the last couple of decades. I could be 20. You could just call me 20.
Starting point is 00:53:28 So Matchbox is 20 and it just feels, oh, that feels good. That's it? Yeah, and we punch in the door and we say, give us a job, make it good, over, forget about it. To hear the rest, yes, you might want to, someone might want to, and learn more about supporting the show. Visit patreon.com slash magic tavern. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neekamp, Matt Young and Adolf Refy, post-production coordination such as it is by Garrett Schultz, associate producer Anna
Starting point is 00:54:00 Hoverman. This episode edited by Anna Hoverman, she's got the skills, folks! Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Alert Laban. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland.

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