Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 5, Ep 14 - Mole Warriors Now (w/ Sean Clements and Hayes Davenport of Hollywood Handbook)

Episode Date: June 17, 2024

Mel Mole and Mort Sauce, the Mole Warriors, are ready to fight in the Animal War.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampUsidore: Matt YoungChunt: Adal RifaiMel Mole: Hayes DavenportMort Sauce: Sean ClementsMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Red KeenerMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on X, Instagram and YouTube!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

At these family dinners, dysfunction is served. I can't have you all messing things up my entire adult life. Oh, I'm sorry. Do we embarrass you? Dinner next Friday, everyone? Wouldn't miss for the world. Dinner with the Parents, Season 1, stream free only on Freevy. I'm Saatchi Cole. And I'm Sarah Haggye. And we're the host of Scamfluencers,

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at best. But for those of you willing to put off personal nirvana for just one more day, sit back and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern, a weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host Arnie Niekamp, the greatest warrior in all of Foon. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. Nine years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical fantastical land of food. Luckily, I'm still getting a wifi signal

through the dimensional rift. And I use that to upload a podcast recorded here in the tavern, the wander lost currently in cadaver falls in the magical land of food. And I'm joined as always by my co-host Chunt the Talking Badger yeah bing-bong oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy Arnie this is big distracted recently big big big big big news Arnie this is big okay okay are you sitting down you're always sitting down

this is gonna be some novelty restaurant that you're trying to start again cuz it's no Arnie that was yesterday Okay, and I guess I'm counting you out as an investor. Yes, okay You're sure though. I'm pretty sure you're sure you're passing on footsies. I'm Cuz the whole thing is our tables have kind of covering so you can't tell who's kind of being romantic with who? Yeah, privacy. And we serve a lot of feet. You slip that pig hoof right off and then get to serve those little piggy toes.

It's kind of a foot on a foot. Like, I was on board when it was just, you don't know who you're playing footsie with. But then you're serving feet? Okay, guys, okay. You have big news, you said? Big, big news. Feet are aphrodisiacs Arnie I don't know if you have that word on earth, but it just kind of means It's it's like a word similar to that catalyst for horny does that make sense? Yeah, it's a one-way ticket to pound town Okay, his feet. Yes regardless. You're out on that Arnie. There is an animal war a great animal war coming

I just got word what? Extraordinary Boris the enchanted moose he sent me another letter and it turns out there's a great animal war Is this one of the animal Kings have been responding to our correspondences? I have to assume so it's okay Arnie how to dilute this down so you can It's palatable to Arnie's brain. So Arnie, it's air versus land versus sea. Okay. So it's like Avatar the last airbender?

My quad? I don't know. Can you explain that? No. It's gonna take a long time. We have time. It would be worth it. It really would. But I think in this case, let's stick with what you're talking about. He's talking about those tall blue people that he loves. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Whose tails kind of do what foot do. Yes, that's what he's talking about. So sorry, just I just wanted to clarify since he wouldn't.

Oh, by the way, I'm also joined by my other co-host, Usador the Blue. I am Usador, wizard of the 12th realm of Ophesius, master of light and shadow. Manipulated from magical lights, I can't even finish, I'm so... I'm on the edge of my seat waiting to hear John snooze! Okay, so Ysador, you probably know this or you feel it in your bones or whatever you have. Um, do you have bones? Oh yeah, do you have bones, Ysador? Yeah, I got bones.

Okay. Could you... prove it? Sure, here. A you prove it? Sure. Yeah. I forgot I've lost my immortality. Yeah. I've just broken my arm and exposed a bone. You could have just opened your mouth. That was a trick. Teeth are bones. Teeth are bones. So that would have worked. So you probably feel it in your teeth, but the birds most of the air they're they're on the wizard side They want to protect and save the wizards sure but but see all the creatures in the water They've been around since ancient times Arnie because food used to be covered in water etc etc

They want the wizards to die because they feel like it's their time their time again and The land creatures are pretty much ambivalent. Oh, okay. But still at war. Ambivalent, but at war. At war. At war because they haven't chosen a side. Air and sea are, you know, fighting with Earth now, land, because they didn't choose a side. I have sensed this and I've even witnessed a few spectacular events. Like a whale jumping right out of the ocean to bite a pelican.

Whoa. Not swallow bite? Yeah. It bit him right on the ass. Right on the bird ass. That's extra hard to do. To just like nibble at a pelican? I saw it.

It was crazy. I'm telling you. I told you it was crazy. Yeah. Swallowing a pelican is so hum, but just biting it on the butt. That's impressive That sure is well look I know we're all comfy here in the wanderlust when we're recording episodes this season But we are in the town of cadaver Falls

I think we're parked across the street from an animal bar the bloated rabbit Should we go across the street and check in with the animals? Oh, yeah, Sure. Fuck this place. Let's go. Yeah. Hey everybody here We're gonna go across the street for a little bit. They don't care. Okay, okay Take everybody don't forget to take your mic because they're still doing the podcast Or after you That's right forgot a lot of shit in animal bars. More, I mean look, there's a lot of shit in our bar too, if I'm being honest. Chunt, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, with me or talk to me or whatever it is. I'm guessing he's gonna try and enlist me into his ranks, but we'll

have to wait and see. I might try and sit this puppy out. Let's grab this booth over here. Yeah. You could change into a bird and be on the side of the wizards. Great team, good team, fun team. A whale might bite your butt. A whale might bite your butt. Don't notice that. Yeah, well, I don't want wanna think about it too much right now. Why don't we grab some drinks? Arnie, do you mind ordering? Sure, alright, I'll be right back.

Chumped, well Arnie's not here. Let me make one last desperate plea to you. Please join the side of the wizards, even though I'm aligning myself against the wizards. At least join the side of this wizard, me, Ysador. Damn, from casually asking to a final death rattle, please. Please. Please. The span of...

Ysador, please. I don't want to see you like this. Hey, I'll... Of course, I have your best interest in mind, okay? But I just have to think through this. Wait a minute. I know those two. Hey guys, look who I- Are those the moles? Yeah, look who I found at the bar. The moles.

Well, well, well. If it isn't these guys. To my table. And I would be- And who exactly are we- are we dealing with here would be remiss if I did not ask who exactly the folks are and And we've and we meet again. I think from me a lot of we meet a lot of guys We love to recap. Yeah, we love to recap. Thank you. Yeah seems so familiar or maybe you're new go ahead It's been a few years, but I'm Arnie knee camp. I'm from another world. I'm oh god I remember this guy. Oh, it's all he talks about Oh my other world it is all he talks about

I'm I'm Chunt a badger slash shapeshifter, and I am of course the mighty wizard you said all the blue And I am, of course, the mighty wizard, Usador the Blue. OK, yes, starting to come together. I'm remembering. Sorry, did I say this last time to you, the wizard? Why don't you use a door and just get the fuck out of here? Yeah, I hear that a lot. Yeah. Yeah, people say that a lot. Yeah, I get that.

I must say it every time we meet. Probably. It's worth saying. It's I get that. I must say it every time we meet probably it's worth saying It's worth saying once and once say now in case the both of you don't remember your own names Your melmol melmol No, and more sauce and more sauce. Yes mole warriors the mighty mole warriors. Yes Well full as hell. Oh and what a time to be more warriors, baby. It's war out here. We are Swanging speaking of which hi. Yeah. Oh Our table that's just a taste. They rattled that table like our drinks spilled. That's half speed

It's so impressive when you hit a table because you're famously Have poor vision. Oh, yeah, and I'm not gonna sit here and pretend I was aiming for the table You know what I mean? That's not me This guy is gonna put on airs and go oh, no I meant to hit the table, but what you saw was if you were that table. yeah, that would smart. Yeah, you're quaking. Yeah No, we're swinging away. We've been going wild going nuts war style I almost feel like last time we weren't even really more warriors and that's how much more warriors we are Now Wow, we've yeah, so we've always known you as more warriors, but now you're like

That like and at the time that was more warriors, you know I mean no it was but it's just the game has changed Oh, man, if I could go back in time and and and meet myself back then when you did I'd say you want to go back in time Okay, you just want to make my point it's on the table if you want to go back in time? Not really... Okay, well- Can I just want to make my point? It's on the table if you want to, just let me know. Alright, I- You want me to go back in time? Now I feel bad. No, no, no, you brought it up, so I just thought-

I think he's mad about that thing. I think you heard his feelings with the use a door thing you said before, and I think he's saying like, do you want to go back in time and maybe be nice to me next time? Well, I can go back in time and not say use a door. You want to go back in time and maybe be nice to me next time? Well, I can go back in time and not say use a door you want to go back in time and won't say use a door I know that's fine. You can say that I just I got excited because I thought it was an opportunity to give you something that you want grant a wish you know But you were making your point. I'm sorry I interrupted. I appreciate that you guys were just honest. You're like no I don't really want that I was speaking metaphorically because

Usador will usually just jump in and magically do whatever someone casually says and it turns into a whole thing Oh, honey. Did you want me to turn you into a whole thing? So this is progress I'm it's it's starting to ring a bell here because the last two times ago He made us into big moles. Yeah. Yeah, I love really scary really messed up being up there. It absolutely killed. It killed. Oh I can't tell if this is the good or bad use of killed the last time he said that he was going to make our skeletons glow which turned out to be fake because we were getting like pretty much our entire shit eaten by ants at the time yeah and our bones got exposed and they were basically normal bone color except that it killed that was killing good to know you have bones

I will say you look better than last time we saw you last time we saw you warriors now we've been getting really getting in. No we Gobble been accepted and yeah, I mean, let's face it. We've been in the gym The warrior gym, oh the warrior gym warrior gym and Swinging that thing man. Sure just letting her in Arnie, this is a fabled hall where only foods mightiest are allowed entry Several tests just to get in through the giant front doors and then after that It's I don't know weeks months until you make it out again if you do make it out Can I tell you something about the warrior gym? There's a small door as well fewer tests

Smart sort of a mole size door. Yeah. It's a lot easier. The test is really a size test. Yeah, the test is are you too big for the door? Yeah. Passed it immediately. Did you guys do that thing where you like walk across it's like a bridge and then like a there's like a pendulous blade that swings. Saw the blade, saw the bridge, saw the pendulous blade. Wow. Even without not really being able to see so good that you can still kind of see the blade. You don't forget that. The shape kind of swinging.

OK, couldn't be anything else but a pendulous blade. Looked at that. Oh, wouldn't want to be on that bridge And then no, you know get ready for blade to that one actually not as impressive. Oh really? I feel like the second blade if you like blade to is kind of better than the first blade I hear people say that I'm like That's a weird opinion that we can all agree that the third blade is bad But I don't know what the third blade is. I remember Blade Trinity.

I know Blade Trinity. I know what that is. We need a new blade. We're waiting. I don't know. Can't the blades just exist? Can't they just be, can't we just go back and like, can't they just be left alone? Nothing ever dies

Mel and more do each of you have like a favorite exercise or a piece of equipment at the warrior gym. I Got stuck in a hole Exactly my size And if you can imagine the workout that you get, just the isometrics of just kind of like pushing up against that thing. Right. So long. Like, I came out of that thing beefy and I had to wait till it rained. Of course, obviously for the hole to fill up and just sort of float me out. But I came out of

there beefy. Got a great workout in the meantime, though. Yeah. Oh, if I got to pick out one workout for me, it would but I came out of there beefy. Got a great workout in the meantime though, yeah. Oh yeah. If I got to pick out one workout for me, it would probably be assisted hole pulls. And this, you need a friend in a hole for it. Yeah. And you got it, you really kind of hunker down over that hole, both hands, right?

You squat down, clench your glutes, and just pull. And I'll tell you, the friend often will not budge at all. But if you could imagine the isometric contraction you get from that. It's a lot of resistance. It'll beef you up. It'll beef you up. And getting more and more resistance

because I'm getting so beefy in there. Sure. Oh, yeah. No, it was really great, Jim. I'm hearing the word isometric a lot. It seems like, oh, I, I so metric these days. I just want to point out that I am a being who can learn and grow, because when you started talking about this hole, this amazing hole,

I really wanted to immediately create a hole big enough to put Arnie in, and then Chunt and I would start pulling on him. But I'm just gonna sit here on my hands. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna jump to that conclusion. So this is growth. Okay, if you could not say that you're sitting

on your hands in front of a mole who can't actually do that. Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to be rude. I don't know if you noticed, I instinctively tried and I did not get anywhere close at all. The idea of sitting on hands is so appealing. I mean, that's a mole's greatest dream.

Oh, I never even imagined. See, again, I wanted to lengthen your arms so you could sit on your hands. We have to sit on each other's and that is actually how I ended up falling into that hole Mm-hmm. Sure. Sure. Just trying to get the this kind of distance just right. Yeah. Yeah John did you did you want to ask them any questions about the war? I'm good war baby Yeah I'm good war baby. Oh, yeah

I'm the machine of war you can ask us any questions you want I guess before you do that it might be helpful if We just kind of get the context for like how caught up you guys are and if you just want to kind of give like brief summary of For us is fighting who's fighting yeah question here swang it oh man I am letting it rip you know I haven't been holding back hi yeah oh that glass yeah yeah almost hit it, you know, I'm going nuts but Mel and I talk about this all the time. Who's fighting? Yeah, great question and I guess as far as I know it is air versus land versus sea but I have to imagine there's some amount of okay. Sorry sorry sorry

Yeah, go back a little bit. You said it's what versus land versus what? Air so that's like when you look up and you see Here yeah Yeah, sorry, it's hair versus land versus versus. Okay. Versus, versus, um, pee. Okay, hair and pee. I have a much more complete understanding of.

Mm-hmm, yeah. In my experience, they actually get along. Hair and pee? Sure! Not a more natural combination to be had. Oh, he's really slucking back his fur there. I defy you to find a mole whose hair has never met pee and vice versa. But they're fighting each other, they're fighting the land.

I feel like there's something you're holding back from us. Yeah, I guess it's not hair, it's air. So it's like birds. Yes. Do you know birds at all? Hang on I want to do something with my hair. Let me put it into a big fancy pompadour and Then I have a little song just a light song parody for you. It's very brief Okay, and it's not totally accurate But it just it doesn't quite rhyme as I put on my big thick pompadour And let me get my lip going up a bit. I Nothing but a groundhog

That was very good of course I've not Arnie that's an elvish song Yeah, yeah the elves early elvish well all elves are early They're some of the you know some of the first original creatures on land. Digging all the time? Go ahead. Let's take a quick break and try to get Morton Mel up to speed. Summer is here and adventures await. Wondry and Tinkercast are teaming up to bring you a summer of wow

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Apple podcasts or Spotify. And so that's, as far as I know, the summary of the animal war. Ooh, I'm gonna sit down. Okay, so the birds of it all. Yes, I was just gonna say this. Go ahead. I have had an experience of getting kind of swooped on.

I don't know exactly how else to describe it. Swooped. And then grabbed, lifted up for sure. I can feel that. And then... Grapped. Kind of, I can kind of feel like, disinterest from whatever is, you know how you can just kind of like body language, you just get a sense of like, I don't know. It's very rote, it's very like, I'm doing this because I've done it but not for any like specific desire that I have.

It's just like, guess I'm doing this now. It's just not there's no passion there. And then they just kind of like let me go. Yeah, drop me right in the hole exactly my size. I don't know. Why are there so many holes my size? Well, are those holes that you're digging yourself? There's so many holes my size. Well, those holes that you're digging yourself. I guess maybe when I'm Training to get out of a hole exactly my size I am digging like I guess quite a few but a lot of the training is these sort of back kicks

I do, you know in some sort of soft dirt area That creates a hole exactly my size Yeah, that creates a hole exactly my size. Yeah, that would create a hole right underneath you. I hate to say it, and you both are clearly like very powerful warriors, but as land animals, I have to imagine you're at quite a disadvantage against air animals. Like how would you even go about fighting something

in the air? Well, so that's his birds. Yeah, that's birds. That's his birds. Yeah, that's birds. That's his birds. So, can I ask something? And the wizard has been offering a lot of stuff to me. Of course, anything. I don't have to.

Can we do something? So we're talking in terms of land and air and sea. And it feels a lot like stuff that you mostly are looking at. Okay. I don't have a great feel for it and what I would love just for the war is if everybody can have different shirts. Oh now that's interesting. That would be so helpful and textured please like yes like I want to when I'm when I'm swinging And I make contact I want to immediately know this is one of my guys oops Right this is one of the other guys. Oh, so not even us. This is one of my guys stop, but Complete your thrust and then an oops

Oops that's the kind of war guys we are oops oops complete your thrust and then an oops. Well, it's like this. Oops. That's the kind of war guys we are. Oops. Oops. Well, I suppose I could grant this request and I could cast a spell that would cause all of the land creatures to wear scaly shirts and all of the air creatures to wear hairy shirts and all of the sea creatures to wear feathery shirts. What do you think of that? Would that help clarify things? Oh, so we get the scaly shirts, everybody else is comfy.

Oh, I didn't know that. Am I crazy, is that what I heard? My wish and I get the uncomfyest shirt? That was just off the top of the dome. You tell me, what shirt would you prefer? Mort's kind of the ideas guy here, and I just I gotta say this could be an insane business Selling war shirts. Oh, I mean like crazy Yeah, we're just like making these like incredibly these t-shirts sound like actually fire

Potentially like you're not in the war unless you've got one of these shirts yes you're gonna want one yeah and I do want to remind everyone that it was more its idea so participation is gonna equity is gonna start with more sure sure so I'm not going to magic these shirts under everyone automatically I'm going to magic up a bunch of shirts magic up a merch table of some kind and yeah a table. A merch table for the war. Get your war shirts. OK, OK, I think we can do that. Chunt, do you have any preference on shirt type or fabric?

Oh, I feel like I usually fight best without a shirt. So I don't know if we can be skins like if if land animals. This is exactly what Mort didn't wish for yeah oh no you're right um who something something green I guess to represent like trees and grass and stuff green okay how about a green shirt and I'll give you the softest softest most pliable shirts and then I'll give all of the sea creatures like sort of a stiff hard comfortable Yeah, is a soft is a soft like an upcharged though. Yeah, those shirts would cost a little bit more

Yeah, they got it. It's a higher quality fabric Even though I've magic them up and Then the birds and then the other creatures in the air I suppose they could have like a like a tank top like a ribbed tank top The tank tops gonna I mean sleeves are not Yeah, so you'll be fighting with the birds Okay That could be sick. Actually, they're dropping me. That's dope as hell hell they're dropping me on my enemies they come shooting in through the sky fling me down right at

my enemies and I'm going like hi yeah that's really a terrifying and impressive I've been swinging a chip clip lately. Imagine you get clipped from above. Oh yes, a terrifying hawk swoops down at you and drops a mole with a chip clip directly into your face. You're done for, pinches under your nose. You can't breathe and it's like, you know that it must taste like chips, but you can't quite get it's and it's like you know that it must taste like chips but you can't quite get your mouth on it. The way more I mean the way Morton's

been using the chip clip he's been clipping the chips and so they do smell like that. I thought it was to break them up. Yeah the chip clip does smell like chips so if you're wondering why like why would the chip clip smell like chips it's not supposed to be getting chip on it yeah you don't usually put it directly on the chip can we all agree chips are too big am i crazy chips are huge I mean can we talk about this folks that chips are huge just get a clip and and chip up the chips here's what I've been using lately is a big olive, but it's getting really gross Oh, wow, Arnie. Did you notice a whole bar turned? To face it they're laughing when he said have you thought about this you heard this the whole bars

He's putting on a little show Arnie. Oh It's war people like are looking for a release You know what I mean chips Chips are too big. You've seen these chips, they're huge. Why are they so big? Ah, so... I'm dating again. That's new. Ha ha ha! Wonderful. I tell you, I went out with this one mole the other day. Everything. She says, take me back to she says, take me back to your hole.

Take me back to your hole. Slow down, babe. I'm stuck in a hole right now. Ah, relatable. Oh, so good. Arnie, you're not laughing. Oh, I guess I just, I prefer observational comedy. I guess Comedy this is pre-war stuff. This is oh pre-war stories when worse. Yeah when wars happen

Everyone kind of gathers around a person will take the stage and sort of present some relatable stories Yeah, that's what we do before the war Mm-hmm Now Chant did your odd your moose friend have any other intelligence that perhaps we should share with Morton Mel so that they can assist in their mighty battles as they go forth into the war, risking their very lives to ensure the safety of other animals? Yeah, well, the only other information I have so far is that there are some outliers who are just kind of stuck in between where it's like penguins they don't they don't fly so they're not necessarily you know of the air but they are I guess technically birds so I guess there's a lot of outliers they're not technically birds

they're birds insects insects are land I don't want to go to war with insects, man. I had an ant eat the most of my brain. How would you guys fight a fish? See, that was another one. I mean, I was going to just let that one pass, but like, that's another one where I'm going to need a lot of catching up. I mean, I feel like totally at sea when it comes to the fish thing. OK, well, let me see if I can help chunt out with this. Do you remember Mel, when you were stuck in the hole?

Yes, yes, actually now I do remember that. And do you remember when it filled up with water and that's how you got out? Uh-huh, yeah. Imagine a hole that was millions of times bigger than that hole. Okay. And it's filled with water.

Ah! Yeah. And there are fish and other creatures that live in there. And some of them have tentacles and others have fins and sort of bulging eyes and some live so far down that they create their own light. And they're trying to kill you. Oh. I know what he's talking about.

OK, so if I'm understanding this, a fish is like a really long book. OK. I'm interested. I'd like to hear more. Keep unpacking. So a fish is almost like It's got pages and like a cover and it's like all these dweebs are carrying them around You know what I mean? Going to school Hey pal, there's a war going on Okay, John, I think I did a bad job there so I think you're gonna have to step back in and no I mean

Technically the creatures of the sea are the most intelligent the most sort of studious they've been around the longest so they have the sort of longest history and okay so we should be making mincemeat out of them real quick nerds yeah maybe maybe possibly yeah I suppose I could you, again, I don't want to overstep my bounds here. Say no more! Nerve-pounding nerds into mincemeat. Say no more should be making quick work of these nerds. Put me in the deepest part of the ocean and just let me go. Oh, the mail just fell down. Oh, he's in a hole. It's... Why is there a hole in this farfork?

I didn't even notice that hole before. Ah. Yeah. Dang, these things just pop up out of nowhere. Why is there a hole in this far for? I didn't even notice that hole before. Yeah. Dang, these things just pop up out of nowhere. There is not a millimeter of give around him. He is perfectly in that hole. It's his exact size. I could magic him right out of that hole.

But I'm not going to. Okay. Let's take another quick break and get him out of this hole. Ornie, I kind of want to do a hole pull. Oh, do a what? A hole pull. What's a hole pull? Isometric.

Were you here? It's called isometric strength training. Oh, yeah, yeah. Hole pull. Ornie, what did I say? I thought you said hole pull. Let's take a break. Pull, hole pull, pull.

I'm Rachel Martin. You probably know how interview podcasts with famous people usually go. There's a host, a guest, and a light Q&A, but on Wild Card we have ripped up the typical script. It's a new podcast from NPR where I invite actors, artists, and comedians to play a game using a special deck of cards to talk about some of life's biggest questions. Listen to Wildcard wherever you get your podcasts, only from NPR. Nancy's love story could have been ripped right out of the pages of one of her own novels. She was a romance mystery writer who happens to be married to a chef.

But this story didn't end with a happily ever after. When I stepped into the kitchen, I could see that Chef Brophy was on the ground. And I heard somebody say, call 911. As writers, we'd written our share of murder mysteries. So when suspicion turned to Dan's wife, Nancy, we weren't that surprised. The first person they'd look at would be the spouse.

We understand that's usually the way they do it. But we began to wonder, had Nancy gotten so wrapped up in her own novels... There are murders in all of the books. ...that she was playing them out in real life? Follow Happily Never After, Dan and Nancy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Happily Never After, Dan and Nancy, early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Okay, so it's sort of like, imagine if the ground came up around the side of you. Imagine a hole that's a little bit bigger than you.

So you can fit inside of it, but still move around. But that hole goes on the water and it's called a boat. It's like a bigger hole that lets you be on the water. And then you could get closer to the fish and fight them without drowning in the water, in the ocean. So it's a poster? Okay. Uh-huh, yeah, yeah, okay.

All right. I'm gonna rethink all this. I'm not really sure who's more to blame here. It's like a really long poster. Yeah. Sort of. It's like a long poster that you can stand on. Goes all the way to the ceiling of the floor.

Yeah, kind of, yeah. Yeah, it's pretty close. Oh, Arnie, you should have just punched the wall. I've never seen him do that. He's so frustrated. Yeah. Oh, I's pretty close. Oh, Arnie, Usador just punched a wall. I've never seen him do that. He's so frustrated. Oh, I can't see anything. He sounds very reasonable. I could just magic a boat and show them.

Nobody wants me to do any fucking magic. Usador, why don't you... look, how about a little magic? First of all, why do they need to even know what a boat is, I guess? Because they're fighting fish in the ocean! I guess so. Look, aren't they going to even know what a boat is? I guess. Because they're fighting fish in the ocean. I guess so. Look, aren't they going to be even capable of fighting? Like isn't the ocean and the land so separate to the point? How dare you insult these mighty mole warriors that have come here to protect and defend

us? How could they be at war? Arnie, technically you are a land creature, okay? So you're going to want to, you know, make nice with these guys cuz they're gonna be protecting your ass Sure. Yeah, I got a request magic wise if I am gonna fight all these like swimming books, huh my Olive which has been my weapon of choice just I found it and I've been kind of throwing it at people sure it and I've been kind of throwing it at people. Sure. It floats.

I think that might put me at a disadvantage. OK, would you like maybe I could just conjure up some little swords for you, the appropriately sized. Oh, I was just thinking you could make the olive heavier. Oh, you just want a heavier olive. Sure. Yeah. Can I see all the magic of the world at your feet you just want a heavier olive. Sure, yeah. Can I see it? All the magic of the world at your feet and you want a heavier olive. I mean, yeah.

Sure, I'll just take that and... Not too heavy, just because like, I still gotta swing it, you know? I'm just gonna stick a pebble in it. Did you hear when, I'm in a hole at his feet. Did you hear when Arnie said all the magic of the world at your feet? I think he was talking about me. Oh

That was that was me talking chunt. Oh whoops My gosh, that's so sweet Arnie. You are so sweet and chunks here, too No, I said it are I don't think they can see us. I think we're just like yeah. Yeah, we're just already blobs Oh, they're petting me you are like a poet like that is breaking my heart oh my god and I thought here I am thinking this guy's the biggest friggin jerkweed I've ever met huh absolute and I don't use this phrase. I barely even know this phrase a douche-nozzle

Thinking Crowd just turned together. They really Still we Clown this guy he's Absolutely the worst personality I've ever encountered and then you go and say that Mel is all the magic in the world. He's Mel and he's at my feet. It is sweet. Oh my gosh. Arnie how do you want to handle this? Do you want to talk when I move my mouth? Or do you wanna let this go?

Or do you wanna defend yourself? I think they just think you're me now. I guess I'll just be Chunt and you're Arnie. No, that's confusing. These guys are gonna be dead soon. I mean, come on. Arnie! Look, it's a miracle that they're still alive all these years later.

They made it out of the Warriors Gym. I can't stress to you enough how many good animals we've lost to the Warriors Gym. It's no joke. It sounds like they went into the gym, saw the blade, decided not to do the blade, fell in a hole, pulled themselves out, and then came back to this bar.

Yeah, it sounds like that, Arnie, but I'm sure there's more to it. And actually, if you were listening, it actually rained, and that's how we got out. Oh, that's right. That's right. So, that's right. That's right. So, nice listening skills. Here, I put a pebble in your olive.

That should make it a little heavier. Is that better? Okay, it's kind of ripped up a little bit. How'd you put it in there? Well, I can just go to the bar and get another olive. Do you just want a different olive? I'm just an olive. I mean, if you're going to the bar anyway,

maybe you get me and Mel another round of man teenies. Okay. I'll get a round of man What's actually I might wanna use or hold on I might all right one of those what's in a what's in a man teeny? It's a very masculine version of the martini. Oh famously feminine martini oh Yeah No, we always say if it ain't a man teeny I simply can't Jeannie the barmaids are Jeannie okay well they're either Jeannie's or named Jeannie it's a bit of an ouroboros and also Arnie you should know that there's these things called

Itis that are that are sea mammals, so I don't know where they're gonna fall But there are male versions that are called manatees. Oh and don't yeah. Yeah, you sir. I'll take a man teeny actually So alright three man teenies on it. Do you need anything? I just said I want a man teeny I said yes Oh Chunt do you want anything? Yeah, Bing Bong, I'll have a I'll have a King's Juice with a bit of raspberry, something like that. Do I sound like that?

That's pretty good. He's leaving. I thought he could do magic and stuff. He's just going to go get the drinks. Yeah, I don't really get this guy's whole thing, man. I think it's sort of poor form to magic cocktails when you're in a bar, if that makes sense. Kind of making the bar lose out on income. Okay, right.

All right. I think I just- Yeah, okay. Do whatever. I don't really know if I want to get business with this guy. Here's your king's juice and three mantinis. I walked over to the bar, I cast a magical spell and made these appear out of nowhere

and then carried them back over here. Can you pour my mantini into my little hole, please? And so I will float out and then I will drink some. Okay, here you go. There you are. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Ooh, here you go. There you are. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Ooh, he floated out and popped right into the hole that used to punch in the wall.

Perfect fit again. Ugh, this manchini doesn't taste like manchego at all. Oh, I'm so sorry. Let me fix that with my magical spell. Let me fix that with my magical spell. You are sure you are wrong. You're often called a hard car. How does it taste now? Um, kind of tastes like Gruyere.

I'm almost wondering if this guy doesn't know the difference between bed. Jago and Gruyere. I know the difference between how dare you. It's tasting a little like a groutiti Of course, I know every cheese I know all of the cheeses I'd remember everything I eat well user you studied under The cheese whiz right in the great halls of trochus. Yes One of the most powerful wizards was the cheese whiz Pat. Do you know what was pepper Jack pepper Jack? That's mmm Oh, yes, many many amazing spells the cheese whiz. Pat, do you know what that was? Pepper Jack. Pepper Jack, that's...

Oh yes, many, many amazing spells, especially food related spells I learned from the cheese whiz. You know, Pepper Jack the Orange, and it was incredible, an incredible time to be a wizard, learning under the tutelage of one of the all time greats. Wait, so this whole time could you have just made spiced potatoes? Yes, yes, but now I'm hearing that when I cast magical spells people don't want me to do it. And when I don't cast them people do want me to do it, so I'm getting mixed signals here. I sort of feel like if we're on the same team, maybe we can help each other.

We all team up, think it could be good for all of our self-esteem, our reputation. Is there a way the three of us can unite and form and a more powerful warrior than each of us could be individually? And I'm picturing the same thing. I of course would be the face part of the warrior Okay, I mean anybody any debate here. I'll heal our other arguments, and I think I could be a

pretty enticing AB Okay One AB one AB pretty enticing ab. Okay. One ab, one ab. Yeah, I mean just look at me. I mean, you know, I'm not out here trying to think I could, you know, be two abs. Like I'm an ab. So the other person would have to be who?

Neck, torso, five other abs, buttocks, thighs, leg, seat, hands, arms. Let me propose this. Neck, torso, five other abs, buttocks, thighs, legs, feet, hands, arms. Let me propose this. Mort, I tie you to the front of my face. I am on board so far, I don't need to hear another word. He already is on board, look at him scramble up there. There he is. Whoa!

Mel, you just sit here. You sit right here next to my scabbard, right where my ab would be. Here I am, I'm nestled in. And I will cast incredible fireball spells and use my magical sword and my great magical powers to strike down dragons or whales biting pelicans. And we'll probably clip some stuff too.

Yeah, we'll probably clip chip clip somebody's nails. Chip clip things, hit things with the olive, do whatever you're doing. Get an olive to the kisser. Yeah, and I'll keep, I'll just keep fighting things. And that way together. You get chippy, we get glippy. Mm-hmm. That's something we've been working on. And Morin will say that, he's the face. I'll say that and then I got one where I say worry I go You probably think what that when we fight you'll live but actually I'll live That's that's really good maybe for the land team

Maybe one of those sayings on the front of the shirt one of the sayings on the back Perhaps both on the side. We'll figure it out Mm-hmm. It's nice to be intimidating, right? Before you even. I like that. Yeah. Yeah. We're getting Clippy. You get Chippy, we get Clippy. That's when we're coming at you and then that's all and then you're dying and you go and it's like, and by the way, I'll live and I don't know exactly how we're writing it out. Maybe there's a picture of it. by the way, olive and I don't know exactly how we're writing it out. Maybe there's a picture of it. Got to have to be a long T-shirt. Yeah, it's a lot of a lot of text on a T-shirt.

It's like basically a fish length T-shirt. Yeah, it would be a fish length T-shirt. That's true. Part of me wonders, though, do you even need me? Aren't I just a crutch? Wouldn't I just be getting in your way? When you are swinging your olive and you're clipping your chips Don't you want the freedom to to move forward as yourselves and to and to strike out mightily on your own? I don't want to hold you back

It's tickling my feet when you're talking because I'm stuck to your face So when you're talking right your beard tickles my little mole feet right What were you asking? Oh, I just wondering if if I was holding you back He just loves hearing you talk or feeling you talk really it feel good You start I don't think you can really commit to having a mole strapped to your face all the length of this war. Who knows how long it's going to last. I suppose that's true.

Yes, I'm sorry, Mel and Mort, I have to decline your offer, though we would become a mighty being composed of three parts. It just isn't meant to be. Are there any other animals around the tavern that you'd want to combine with? What? Yeah, chunt. Stop being such an idiot, Arnie. And we heard how we heard your your role in that chunt talking him out of it. Okay. Yeah Somebody wants an abber himself. It sounds like not happening. Mm-hmm

Yeah, second you get out. Oh, maybe I'll be the ab So transparent. Hmm. Oh so frustrating combined with another animal You'd be the I'm not really in the mood to combine with an animal anymore. Oh Not around you not after today. No, thanks Combine with another animal. You'd be the worst at it. I'm not really in the mood to combine with an animal anymore. Oh. Not around you. Not after today. No thanks. Not really in the mood.

Thanks. Very considerate of you to ask. It's funny because he's getting chippy. Yeah. No offense. You're just getting a little chippy. Oh yeah? Well, and you want to get clippy?

I, I, no. No thank you. That's right. Because if you do, I'll live. Yeah. Oh yeah, well you and you want to get clippy? I know no, thank you. That's right Because if you do I'll live yeah, ooh Just smack decent or in the face with an olive. Yeah, that's fine Wow You pass that back to me. Yeah, there you go Thanks, is that is that do you have to do that a lot when you're battling you throw the olive and then you have to Yeah, I kind of need them give it back yeah well help will help yeah a lot of little help I need help

getting the chip clip opened mmm so hard to open and then like can you just put your face in there please you sure you don't want little swords appropriately sized swords you're sticking with olive and the chip clip. We use those. That's canon. We use little cocktail swords. We used to get little cocktail swords and we would carry those around. And that you didn't like either as I recall.

Well, I'm just, but now I'm looking at the chip clip and olive and I'm like, what is this? This is nothing. I'm sorry, Mort Mel, this is nothing. Here, look at it really close. Here, look at it. Here, look at the chip clip. Yeah, you're looking at it, look at it even closer. I'm sorry Mort Mel here. Look at this really close here. Look at it here Look at the chip. Yeah, you're looking at even closer

Is it or all You saw you push that open yourself Thank you trying to build up their confidence. I see I see Look, is it possible melon Mort? I like you two very much, is it possible you're both just not cut out to be warriors? I mean you're moles, you're just sort of small oddly shaped animals. Oh Chunt, that's the rudest thing you've ever said on this podcast. Chunt, you sad fuck.

This frigging guy never in his life read a celebrity memoir. Doesn't know that being a dreamer is the most powerful trait a person can have. Even imagine living like that. Even a mole can have big dreams. You know, when I see a mole warrior out there, and yes there are many, it's not just us, and they're out there doing damage, just swaying in that thing,

whether it's an olive, a chip clip, part of a label for something, a tag from a shirt, maybe like a shoelace What else can moles use it could be a little um like a wire like a charger for something When I see him on goals Dog we go to dongle. Oh do not get donggled the death dongle when I see him out there And then somebody says oh Whoa

How can they do that? How can they be warriors like that? I think the better question is what could have stopped them? They're dreamers Wow Really really makes you think that's beautiful makes me want to write a memoir. Oh Really really makes you think that's beautiful makes me want to write a memoir Whoo Oh Chunt how could you have been so rude to crush the dreams of these two incredible mighty? warriors, I Guess I was just I'm sorry You can't you can't do it our dreams are uncrushable and also because we kind of fell down in the hole like

The entire foot just comes down on the above hole. Really hard to crush. You'll get stuck too. So good luck crushing us, because then you're basically stuck. You're stuck every time I get crushed. I go, oh, smart. That was a trap. You're stuck. I take your foot home now. Take your foot home with me. That's mine. Bye. We've been outwitted once again by these two crafty warriors. Yeah, I feel like they're going to be put to good use either as sort of strategists,

you know, coming up with battle plans or maybe getting intel. Or t-shirt business. T-shirt business. Wow. Speaking of crafty, actually you call this crafty warriors, I am making bracelets. I'm making charm bracelets out of things I find in the woods. I, I think they're beautiful. They're catchy. They're rustic. You know, we call them harm bracelets. Oh, that's cool. I like that war baby. Oh, so they're meant for your enemies before you

battle or they are. I mean, you know, whoever know whoever's buying we don't want to like cut the audience in half unless they are our enemies in which case we do want to cut them in half birds by sneakers too is what I like to say yeah I'm not I'm not gonna hold it against is it possible we're making a mistake by taking our passion and turning it into a business like is that gonna just sort of make us not love our passion as much anymore? Which part of this was our passion? This is who you're asking. What's this? This is just an open answer. What is our, here are these ours?

Our business. Oh, sure. Right. Believe Sean for shame. Contributed nothing until it's time to take ownership of it. My day all of a sudden he's here early. Damn dude. Very, very frustrating. Just it's like, let me get me some of this. Right. Why don't you start thinking about what you can bring to the business?

Have one idea. I dare you. Yeah, that dare you. Yeah, that's right Chunt. I'm gonna go out back and build a tiny little merch table with my woodworking skills. And then I'm going to conjure a sign that goes on it that says t-shirts for sale.

I'm just gonna conjure the sign that's gonna build the table. I'm just trying to- What's confusing about that? I'm just trying to figure out, I just think that the whole, when is the magic and when, you know, it's just kind of hard to track.

Yeah, I'm also getting lost. I could magic the table and conjure the sign, I guess, if you want it that way. I mean, that's easier at least. You would imagine that's the easier version of the two. Okay. I just feel like you're making it a little harder than it needs to be for our business. Shunt, these two are the mercenaries, okay? They're the ones who came up with it.

Alright. Oh, I like that. Mercenaries, Arnie. Very good. Arnie's so funny. Arnie's hilarious, dude. I'm loving it. I've waited all my life to hear that. Oh, suddenly everyone's facing me in the bar. This is powerful. I could say anything. Arnie. Arnie. Yeah.

Arnie. John, what are you doing? Get out of here. They're calling my name. I'm fine. Good luck. I'm going back to the Wanderlust across the street. It's a non-animal bar. Good luck fighting fish and birds and stuff. I don't think you guys are ever going to find those things. Wow. I don't think you've ever seen a fish in your life, nor will you ever.

Really minimizing the severity here. Good luck fighting those fish or whatever? I mean, I did have to explain what the ocean was. The guy owned me with the information that we already gave that we don't know what a fish is. I don't think you've ever seen one. Oh, really? Where'd you get that idea from the whole fucking conversation? We learned already. That's not even a threat to us. Fisher light work. They're freaking nerds. Take me to the deepest part and Drop me down there. Don't think something heavy to swing. Not a good idea You said or I'm sorry look you said or maybe this is the time grant their wish

Magic them to the date to the deepest part of the ocean with something heavy. Let's go baby Give them like a breathable bubble or like a glass fear. Let's fucking go to the ocean! Alright alright Chunt, Arnie, I'm gonna check with Morten Mel one last time. Is what you really want for me to use my magic to send you to the- Eesnel. Oh, sorry, sorry. Wow. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Ees-sad-door, disgusting.

No, come on. Chunt, what do you think about that? Somehow he saw that you were wrong, even though he was looking in the opposite direction. Look, if you really want me to magic you into the deepest, darkest part of the ocean while you're holding something heavy, I suppose I can do that. Is that what you really want me to magic you into the deepest darkest part of the ocean while you're holding something heavy, I suppose I can do that. Is that what you really want? Let me away. I'm having I'm having little second thoughts here.

Let me just think. Can we do it in a way so that I have like a lot of extra downward velocity? Mm hmm. Go away. Like as I get into the water. Yes. Imagine this. Imagine this. Mm-hmm go away Yes imagine this imagine this I use my magic to conjure you into the middle of the air above The middle of the ocean the deepest part of the ocean they could find some birds on the way down you plummet downwards Yes, I can at least glance off them fighting birds the whole way holding the heaviest weapons

You've ever held in your life the heaviest olive the heaviest chip clip You held and held maybe they're somehow Soldered to my limbs so that I can't let go of them. You cannot let go of them They are fused to your body and you beat birds asses the whole way down Then you plummet crash through the water going faster and faster picking up speed Even though the water is giving you so much resistance, but you have done so much amazing whole work that you're too powerful for even the water

to stop you, and then when you reach the bottom, there's the darkest, most terrifying octopus you've ever seen, an eight-legged, eight-tentacled monster coming right at you, and you just beat his ass. How does that sound? Swinging that thing. Did you say that they make their own light down there? They do, yes, a lot of them do.

Could one of those just be kind of hanging out? Yeah, there'll be one right there just to help you see stuff. Okay, that would be amazing. Can I get my own light? Yeah, you can each have your own light. In case Mal blocks my light. Sure, of course, yeah, we'll get you your own light.

Are you swinging? Okay, so two lights. Sure, of course. Yeah, we'll get you a chillin' light. Very swangin'. Okay, so two lights. Okay, so ready? I'm a little, in case I get cold feet, can we put some kind of cap on top of the ocean, some kind of seal, just so I don't freak out and try to pop back up? Oh.

You want it to be impossible to get back out of the ocean. Oh, yeah, I want to put essentially a lid on the ocean. Big lid on the ocean. Okay, yeah, we can do that. I think we can do that. Are you both ready? Sorry, in case I get cold feet, could I have some kind of like cap on my feet? Something like heavy metal? Yeah, big heavy metal boots. Yeah, we can we can yeah heavy metal yeah that would be so warm okay great oh yeah yeah can I be a blonde yeah no problem happy to do that I've heard they have more fun yeah that's true okay here we go who can I make a request? Sure. I mean war is a very you know, it's a very serious time Creatures die all the time. So if they're risking their lives you sir

Could you make their arms longer or hands bigger so they could sit on their own hands? Oh Just to get that sensation once in their lives Oh, I land so hard on the bottom of the ocean on my own hand. Okay, sure. We can do all that. That can all be done. What a feeling. The hand that slayed the octopus thingy. And I'm sitting on it. Oh, brother, what a rush. And I understand we do have weapon suture door hands, but I

think you know, still and I'm blonde. and you're blonde for sure All right, I'm gonna cast this. Yeah. Yeah, sure. We send them with like a remote mic just so we can Just so you can hear them like I'm sure it'll once they hit the water, you know It'll it'll fritz out but maybe we could hear a little bit of a fall Sure make one of those those super balls that you made for the monkeys like you know I'm talking about the super monkey ball the thing that goes around them where they super monkey ball yes yeah I made those yeah fine let me cast this spell I gotta

remember how this one goes yes okay yes are you both ready? Yeah! Let me remember how this one goes. Let's go! Trunkethothertotherfethathnashthathathathal. Ophatorachntalhaaadhaa. L'Claro. Whoa, they turned slightly more blonde. Now the rest of it.

Asapthathathahad of it. There go the weapons. Hands are longer. Wow. Oh, but wait, the weapons are sutured to their hands. Now they can't sit on their own hands. Or they could, but it would hurt. No, I established earlier that it's still worth it. Only I asked to be blonde. All good. It's not a big deal, it just feels a little less special

that you made both of us, but whatever. Like, I guess it's fine. Or maybe the light's just catching Melos hurt away, I can't tell. And this is the last part of the spell that will make you appear in the middle of the air above the ocean. Ero Trollkull off! Oh, they're mics! I can hear them! Arnie! They're mics! I can call you Arnie, I get that. Yeah.

Oh, I glanced off that bird so hard We'll wait to hear the splash of water This that once once they hit the water the spell automatically puts a lid on the ocean. That's gonna be a problem. Yeah, they're gonna die. Let's fucking go! Why dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Let's go! What does that mean? Well, we didn't learn anything, but... Those moles are dead. Those moles are dead now.

Yes, we didn't learn anything. And if you're back here in a week listening to another episode, neither did you. Use It Or The Wizard was played by Matt Young. Chunt The Talking Badger was played by Adol Rifai. Mel Mole and Mort Sauce, The Mole Warriors, were played by special guests Hayes Davenport and Sean Clements from the podcast Hollywood Handbook. Check out Hollywood Handbook wherever you listen to podcasts. Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production made possible by supporters of

the Magic Tavern Patreon. Complicated individuals, each with their own hopes, dreams, flaws, character arcs. I'm talking about people like Zane Colveyhouse the Off-White, aka Saruman before rewrites. Aaron Brixius, Natalie and George. Wesley Covar. River Wolf Taylor, aka Hero of Wind in the Willows before rewrites. Brian Schovinsky, Jonathan from Quebec. Travis Tackett, Cheddar.

Sammy Scarhawk, Frederick Green, Brandon Wren, Graham Potter, Brittany Vincent, Courtney, Kate V.P., Jason the Normal Guy, appreciate the honesty, Jason, Alex of the Wicker Park, and Kyle Cozy Molodore. Patrons get ad-free episodes, all the spin-offs, and at least two new bonus episodes each month. To learn more about supporting the show, visit patreon.com slash magic tavern. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adil Rafai.

Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz. Associate producer, Anna Hoverman. This episode edited by Red Keener. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard Laban. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland.