Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 5, Ep 20 - Centaur House (w/ Rob Cesternino & Brooke Breit)

Episode Date: August 5, 2024

Rob Centaurnino and Flower update us on Foon's hottest reality competition: Centaur House. CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampUsidore: Matt YoungChunt: Adal RifaiRob Centaurnino: Rob CesterninoFlower: Brooke BreitMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Red KeenerMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on X, Instagram and YouTube!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The world of junior tennis is organized chaos. From executive producers LeBron James, Maverick Carter, and Sloan Stevens. These kids are four of the top junior players in the world. You have to keep pushing yourself to the limit. Let's go. This summer, Amazon presents Uninterrupted's Top Class Tennis. Premiering on Freebie and Prime Video July 18th. I'm Saatchi Cole.

And I'm Sarah Hagge. And we're the host of Scamfluencers, a weekly podcast from Wondry that takes you along the twists and turns of some of the most infamous scams of all time, the impact on victims, and what's left once a facade falls away. Follow Scamfluencers on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. People of Earth, the following podcast is not real. And with it being your Earth summer in your northern hemisphere, bringing with it the customary activity of consuming ice cream, if you find yourself in a situation where

you've just purchased a sphere of ice cream, perched atop a conical wafer structure, and your first lick of the ice cream causes it to fall off the cone and onto the filthy street, please remember, someone nearby is watching and finds this to be the most hilarious thing they've ever witnessed, and ideally, that someone will be me. Now sit back and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern, a weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host Arnie Niekamp.

If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. Nine years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical fantastical land of Foon. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal through the dimensional rift. And I use that to upload a podcast recorded here in the tavern the wander lost in the magical land of Foon. And I'm joined as always by my co-host, Chunt the Talking Badger. Oh, yeah, baby. How you doing, bud?

I'm doing great, Arnie. Look, look, look, look, look, look. Yeah? Jumps in a tub of water. Look, Arnie, look. Okay. Right. Are you trying to get me to watch you take a bath again?

Yeah, throw your keys in here and I'll dive down and get them. Oh Yeah, you know what? I've been carrying around these keys for nine years. I don't really need them here. I'll throw my keys in Got him. Okay. Yeah, it's just a little, just a little tub of water. And are you? I mean, they're right there. Like they're really. Are you proud of me or did you want to?

I mean, do you need that? Maybe. Is that what you need? Yeah, I mean, you're such a good boy. I'm so proud of you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm so proud.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. I'm also proud of my other co-host, Usador the Blue. I am Usador, wizard of the twelfth realm of Ophesius, master of light and shadow, manipulator of magical delights, devourer of chaos, champion of the great halls of Turokis. The elves know me as Fianyalec, the dwarves know me as Zonin and Hoogstengis, and I am known throughout the northeast as Gasmanius Mace Star. And lo, I have come here today with great purpose and intent. For Arnie, I must ask you to join me on a great quest.

Another one? Yes, yes it turns out. Like a side quest from all the other quests that we're currently on? Right, right. I found out there's a dungeon, and at the end of that dungeon there's a terrible demon. And all we have to do is defeat this demon, and evil shall be somewhat more diminished here in the land of food. Could that be like a season 6 thing?

We're really like, we're full up on quests right now, right? Dungeon door's like a hundred feet away. A hundred feet away, huh. Yeah. And a dungeon's like a thousand feet long. It's like a lot, you know like how some dungeons are like kind of a ranch Yeah, and a dungeon's like a thousand feet long. It's like a lot, you know, like, like some dungeons are like kind of a ranch style and some dungeons are like multi-story.

This is kind of like a long, a long dungeon. You know, you're kind of coming through the front. You don't get a lot of natural, you get a little natural light in the front. You get, maybe get a little natural light in the back. I think they call those a cannonball, cannonball dungeons. Cannonball?

Yeah. If you can open the front and back door and see all the way through, I think it's called a cannonball dungeon. That's right. What do they call those dungeons where like two households have to split up one dungeon? Like it looks like a normal dungeon,

but it's really- Oh, a dungeon with a shared wall? Yeah, is that what it's called? Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's frustrating because you might have a demon living on one side and a vampire living on the other. And you know, they have different schedules so they hear each other. Oh, and Arnie, can I tell you about the worst?

The dungeons that look exactly the same, they're just kind of cookie cutter, treasure chest is in the same spot every single time. The McDungeons is just like, no personality to this thing. It just, it gets so boring, right? Why are the doors so big in those? single time the Mc Dungeons is just like no personality to this thing it just it gets so boring right yeah why the door is so big in those I don't know you guys ever see the show opposite dungeons what's this what's up Jersey I read you talking about dungeons now where to say did you ever see the show opposite

dungeons where they have people in a dungeon and then there was a clear wall between them But half the people were in the future dungeon and half the people on the other side were in the old timey dungeon and they had to stare at each other Unfortunately, I know exactly what you're talking about That shit was wild. I don't think I finished it But I started it and I was like this is a nightmare for the people on the old caveman side There's a nightmare for the people on the the old caveman side, you know Yeah, that sucks to be staring into like the lap of luxury on the other side. I mean I would have broken through that wall Like like immediately. Oh, yeah, that sounds terrible

It almost sounds like the frustration of watching familiar swap We're like a witch and a wizard will swap familiars and it's like The wizard's just like get this cat. What is it? It's just it's always gets like a better gig Like there's only one part of that pair that like comes out good in that situation That reminds me of are you smarter than the fifth invader and it's like five people that invade your village And you have to outsmart the last one Yeah, she's like four ogres and then like the fifth one is some sort of like craftsman, maybe a blacksmith or something.

I gotta outsmart these ogres, why is the fifth one always like to be... Yeah. So you're not gonna go on the quest with me? Can... no, I think not. I am not leaving this tavern for any reason today, whatsoever. Okay, all right. Well, I guess that those maidens will just be sacrificed to that demon. That settles it Arnie and do you want you know you sort of

cast a spell to make sure you don't leave the tavern? So do you feel that strongly? Chunt, let me answer for Arnie. There is no need for me to cast such a spell. So Flower, it's so good to see you. What have you been up to lately? I gotta be honest, I haven't left my house in a very long time because I was binging. I've been binging. I've been staring out the window. Do you ever stare out the window

and just take in everything that walks by and you can't look away? Oh, yeah. Every now and then a guy walks by with a sign that's like, still watching. And I'm like, annoyed that I have to let him know I'm like I'm still watching you don't ask me don't ever ask me again if I'm doing it I'm doing it it's so hard to explain to young people that when we were growing up very little was going on outside the

window like if there was you had three windows in your house sure And you had a- If you were rich! Hehehehehehe You had three windows? Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe hee he had three windows? But now-? Well- Well- Well- Did you know that there's Centaur house right around the corner? Oh Arnie you've mentioned Centaur house Do you watch rent? Do you watch it? I mean I've heard people talking about Centaur house Okay, well look like it get out of here since there's no spell keeping you down. Let's get out of here Let's go check it out. Go see what's going on over there because I'm just I'm fascinated

I'd like to be adjacent to like what's going on. You know sure absolutely I mean I've been looking for an excuse to leave the tavern today. What, what? You just said- Guys, let's go check out this house that they built to keep these centaurs in. But the maidens. Cast a spell.

Them maidens, they'll be fine, right? All right, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, we gotta go, we gotta get to the front. Okay. Holy shit, you guys. Do you know who that is? Do you know who that is? That centaur over there? Fucking Rob Centaur Nino! That's Rob Centaur Nino?

He's got like an empire of this shit. We gotta go talk to him! Is he the guy that explains what's going on inside Centaur House to people who either don't have time to look into the Centaur House or maybe just to supplement and embellish their enjoyment of the Centaur House? Yeah, it makes it like a full fucking rich experience. Like, you're not only watching it, but then you're like, listen, people talk about it and you're like, oh, that's how I feel.

Or, oh my God, I never thought about that before. It's a really cool angle. I won't go talk to him. I won't go talk to him I'm gonna talk to excuse me Are you are you Rob Santana? No, yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yes, I am. Hello You are you in the middle of a live feed what's going on? I was just about to give my update of what's going on in the center Centaur house Oh, hey, I'm not super familiar, but I'm a fan

Centaur house. Oh, hey, I'm not super familiar, but I'm a fan. I've heard good things about your work, that you watch what's going on in the house through this hole. Oh, thank you, thank you. Can't hear that enough in this line of work. I'm sure. Wow, you're right in the middle of a live feed.

He's putting, Arnie, he's putting sort of oats in his hand and laying his hand flat, and the centaurs are just coming up. Look how majestic. Yeah. It's a really incredible bunch that we've got out here this time out here in the Centaur house. It's rather incredible. It's actually never before done. Celebrity Centaur house.

No! Yes. Yes. I'm sure you're surprised you hadn't heard of the big news. Okay, but boo, be real with us. Is the celebrity version better than the real version? Well, in some ways it's better, in some ways it's worse. The gameplay is a little less exciting,

but there's so much attention from all of the scribes around, and it's rather exciting. Just a different experience. Well, I have a follow-up question. When you say celebrity, are we talking like real celebrities or kind of celebrities? I mean, some of the most famous centaurs from all around,

some people that have worked in all different lines of work there was sir Wayne from the Kingsguard no Wayne night oh I thought you were talking about a different guy. That's a new man Mm-hmm. Yeah, I mean, yeah new new new half horse new half man. Yeah, I love that guy That guy's great. You know, we're like I will well, yeah, we don't do we know something but I had a little bit of news about Earlier he attempted to escape from the compound. Oh no. Yeah it was a huge security breach at the compound. He tried to escape and ultimately luckily was stopped by some of the defenses that they have these spitting dogs that Right for his face. Oh no spitting dogs

Yeah, they have little frills on their neck and when they sense they're kind of like sensors and when they sense it was cute but Very mean. Yeah I've never seen a dog spit but it sounds don't mess with mess with it. Like, I'm trying to imagine it, really. Imagine how mad you have to make a dog to make it spit. Like, that's a mad dog. That's a mad dog. Now, I heard that what, I wanna talk about all these celebrity centaurs,

but I heard that one of the contestants, celebrity contestants this year, is not actually a centaur. I heard that Weird Alpaca is one of the contestants this year. Yes, yes. Wait, half man, half alpaca. Mm hmm. That is a herni song.

Yeah, alpaca. Yeah, I mean, the just the mane is just so luscious and curly. Yes. Oh, yes. Great. There's an older alpaca never never ages Now, how do you how did he sneak past the rules or how did that work out? Is it just anyone who's like half human on top half animal on the bottom with four legs? Yeah They are really take a lot of different Celebrity show ours that are out there, you know They take a lot of different celebrity centaurs

that are out there. You know, they float an offer to the agents and then, you know, we see who bites. Oh, Arnie, do you know about the agents? No. The agents of chaos. If you're a celebrity here in Foon, you must work through the agents of chaos

and who knows what sort of terrible deal they will send your way. And then you're gonna take at least 20% at least least yeah Yeah, and they Rob is right They do have to see who bites because if a centaur bites that means they're probably 51 or more percent horse Than man and that's that's gonna be a problem for yeah for everyone So I want to hear more about the celebrity centaurs But I haven't I have a clarifying question because I don't I don't completely understand how centaur house works like oh I can explain

Yeah, because I was I thought maybe they wanted to try to stay in the house, but they're trying to escape It's the it's really uh, you know foons most perfect game I mean there's a reason why it's one of the, you know, top 50 or 60 programs that people are interested in. Oh, yes. Everyone loves to tune into Centaur House, whether through their crystal ball or on a poppin lock or through, you know, ritual murder of a horse. Through a hole. Yeah, sticking your face through a hole. Or just open your window and look out your window if you happen to be very close to where the Centaur house is.

Sure, sure. People from far and wide follow what goes on every week in the Centaur house, but it's such an interesting game where there's one Centaur every week who wins the H-O-H. And of course, that's the head off honcho. That is, of course, the centaur that decides which two centaurs

are marked to be beheaded at the end of the week. Oh, gosh. Yes. Yeah. And Ani, what you should, what you might not understand from hearing head of honcho is that haunch is sort of a play on words. Honcho means boss, but it also refers to the haunches of a beautiful steed. Yeah, and honcho is when a, Arnie Wingless?

Yeah. Honcho is when a centaur has an orgasm from being on their honches. That's the big honcho. I've heard that if you win, if you win head of honcho, which is commonly called your hoe of the house, that you get a special feed bag. Yes. Oh.

Yes. Damn, you're lucky to get that hoe bag. Yes. Oh, yes. Damn, you're lucky to get that whole bag. Yes. Yes. What the heck, whole bag? What the heck? Yeah. And the it's really amazing that many of the centaurs in the house eat a concoction called slop, which is a fine delicacy in food,

really, that people clamor for the Slop. So you wanna have the Slop, it sounds like. Yes, yes. Oh, okay. It's quite a treat in these parts. Yeah, as far as I know, Slop is snakes, lizards, of course pizza. Mm.

I'm guessing the of course pizza part is a lot of the appeal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, I mean, I think the snakes and lizards are also appealing. Yeah, if you just had of course pizza, you'd just be eating pizza, you wouldn't be eating slop. Wait, also, I'm just making sure I'm pronouncing this right.

Snakes, lizards, of course pizza. Right, yeah. But you say of course real fast. Of course. Slop up? Slop up? No, no, no, there's no C in it. The C is silent. You fucking idiot. Of course. Slakop? Slakop? No, no, there's no C in it. The C is silent. The C is silent, you fucking idiot. Of course there's one idea. Rob, I have to apologize.

Arnie has a podcast. Yeah, it's true. Hmm. It's a thing back on his world. He's from another world. Yes, yes. From another world. They have these podcasts there that people listen to

while they do the dishes, I understand. If I had my druthers, Rob, have a podcast, but yeah, unfortunately in this if if yeah I if I only knew what that was it sounds enticing. I'll speak to my agent of chaos It's very similar. What do you have set up? I know you like watch everything through a hole in the wall. So I know you have all these shirts called Rob has a hole Yeah, yeah. You know, yeah. Watch most of the action through the hole in the in the wall. And, you know, it's not not ideal because it's hard for me to read. The hole is very low. So it's not it's not good for my sciatica. The hole is very low, so it's not good for my sciatica.

Yeah, of course, Centaur sciatica. Oh, am I correct? Did you participate in Centaur House? And yes, yes, I played. I played, you know, you know, quite some moons ago, but I was the winner of Centaur House 37. Wow. You know, that makes a lot of sense because you would be beheaded if you were not the winner.

That's right. That is true. Does anyone survive besides the winner? Only the winner. It's, you know, very sad. I mean, it's a game. Yeah. That's the appeal.

Yeah. Arnie, it's not called Survivor. Yeah. No, of course. Well, Survivor is a very popular program as well, where all of the people from FUNE that are brought in for their medical procedures and if anyone walks away, they are the winner. Oh, yeah, you just go to the apothecary and follow them around see like you and you take in and you see this Is this person gonna survive is this person gonna survive? Nope, probably not. Nope, but it's entertaining to watch It's someday. We'll have a winner. We have yet to have there's been many seasons of survivor, but no one has ever

Survived right One year one year. Let's take a quick break and maybe then Rob you can show us around the house a little bit. Yeah. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. My name is Georgia King and I am thrilled to be the host of And Away We Go, a brand

new travel podcast on Wondry+, where we'll be whisked away on immersive adventures all around the world. Where we go, what we do, what we eat, drink, and listen to will all be up to my very special guests. We've got Ben Schwartz taking us on a whirlwind trip around Disneyland. We'll eat a bowl of life-changing pasta with Jimmy Oh Yang in Tuscany, Italy, and how do you feel about a spot of sugaring off with Emily Hampshire in Montreal? And Away We Go will immerse you in some of the wonders

of the world. We're gonna be seeing some yellows and vibrant oranges and the shoes clicking against the cobblestone. If you're looking to get somebody in the mood, have them look at the Chicago skyline. You can listen to And Away We Go exclusively with Wondery Plus. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Georgia, do you know what joy sounds like? I think I'm hearing it right now.

I'm Dan Tbersky. In 2011, something strange began to happen at the high school in Leroy, New York. I was like at my locker and she came up to me and she was like stuttering super bad. I'm like stop around. She's like I can't. A mystery illness, bizarre symptoms, and spreading fast. It's like doubling and tripling and it's all these girls. With a diagnosis the state tried to keep on the down low.

Everybody thought I was holding something back. Well you were holding something back intentionally. Yeah, yeah, well, yeah. No, it's hysteria. It's all in your head. It's not physical. You're, oh my gosh, you're exaggerating. Is this the largest mass hysteria since the witches of Salem? Or is it something else entirely? Something's wrong here. Something's not right. Leroy was the new dateline and everyone was trying to solve the murder. A new limited series from Wondery and Pineapple Street Studios, Hysterical. Follow Hysterical on the Wondery app

or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Hysterical early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Rob, can I ask, in the Centaur house, do they play games or competitions? Yes. So many various games that go on in the Centaur House. A lot of racing over hurdles is very common among the Centaurs. Are most of the games kind of horse based are there like

Skew I'm sorry Something that's a Horses their centaurs. It's true. That is true. Mm-hmm and one alpaca and one alpaca weird alpaca and Centaur history month no less. Oh shit Alpaca. Centaur history month, no less. Oh, shit. Shit, fuck.

A lot of the games that centaurs play might on the surface appear to be similar to the games that horses play. They like to jump over big fences. They like to dance around with someone on their back. They like to worry people who stand behind them that they're going gonna get kicked. What else? What else? What else? What else? I mean, sometimes many of the centaurs are like, you know, just like rough housing around too much. And they come on over the speaker and say, stop with all that horseplay. Oh, yeah. That's not allowed.

Oh, that makes them mad as hell, though. Sometimes they do play, there's basketball often, where you take a shot of the basketball, and then the next person comes and stands in the same exact spot as you, and they shoot the basketball. Oh yeah, pig. Yeah. Oh, I love pig.

Over so quickly. Probably there's a way to extend it. I feel like it by at least three or four letters. No pig pigs Yeah, you can't change it. It's always big There's no other animal it could be I think the most interesting thing about Centaur house games It's like there seems to be a concerted effort to embarrass the fuck out of everybody Yeah, just want to set you up in a situation where they're like, listen, this is a little bit physical. It's a little bit mental, but also we want you to look really stupid.

And so I just appreciate that level of detail. Yeah. A lot of times one of the tropes is that, you know, they have a potion mixing competition and then everybody mixes the potions and then people are like, Oh, I'm doing great at this one cut to it explodes. Oh yeah. So good. They really lean on that on that device. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. This is going to seem like a non sequitur. But I forgot I have to get this flag out of this pool full of pudding I'll be right back sounds like somebody doubled airdrop

I left my flag in the pudding pool. He in Santor house. He didn't tell us I don't know. I don't think they're allowed to tell us if they're in the show I thought about shape-shifting into a centaur, but I didn't I mean clearly you sir has the power to change into it Is he a celebrity believe you know yesterday He was telling me he was like excuse me. I just have to hang from this pole For five hours while people like shoot shit at me Yeah, but he also does that everyone just to blow off steam He also does that every once in a while just to blow off steam. Oh, I keep slipping and falling down. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Now, Rob, one of my favorite things is I can't remember when it is, but I know at some point they put a Pegasus into the house. The Pegasus, of course, is named Wing Butt. Yeah, Pegasus with wings on its butt. And the Pegasus systematically Decimates each horse one by one. It'll say if you are a gift horse You definitely get looked in the mouth on to the next one that's what a Popular catchphrase for the show wing, but or or looking a horse in the mouth it for yeah. Yes. Yep

I also love the catchphrase from Centaur house, which is no one gets between me and my mane. Yeah, oh yeah. That was another one from Wingbutt. I'm telling you, Wingbutt, that thing was first introduced and then they just came out after every burn. It was like, wing! Like that just.

And it would start to lift off the ground a little bit the best one was Like wing but went around the room and just kind of laid everyone out It's so funny and then he just called one horse crazy and that to me was the funniest one of all time That's when you know, it's a real truth bomb. There's no joke. Yeah, you know Wingbot, you know doesn't hit as hard as he once did. Used to really bring it, but now you know how it is. He's very sensitive and sent to our house. Yeah, yeah.

Except on the fans. The fans, they just, they let people have it. They see them, the surviving, even some of the carcasses, they just really say the worst things you've ever heard I was hope that everyone and food loves the winner and even the losers of Centaur house, but now the case No, well the losers are dead. Yeah, if you assault a beheaded horse, it looks bad So are there people that are like I didn't really like the way you died in that game. Mm-hmm Yep, for sure

The fans they just they they can't handle it. They have their favorites and they're you know We're gonna root root for them. And if you're not their favorite forget it What was it like for you Rob? I know this was many years ago Yeah, when you won Centaur house, like what was it like coming out of the house I know this was many years ago when you won Centaur House. What was it like coming out of the house and reacclimating into life? I was just bombarded by the adoring fans of the show. Just wanted to relitigate things over and over again.

That sounds fun. Mm-hmm. You get it's it gets old pretty quick. Oh, surprising. People were like, why didn't you murder more of the centaurs earlier? Yeah, well, it was a very close season. I really it was a they called it a photo finish.

I don't even know what that means But it was they they you know I won the last competition Just by you know the the front of my the front of my face sure very Very close back and forth. That's very impressive Yeah, that was when the final competition was called knifey droppy You run through the door as fast as you can while they drop knives. And yeah, I watched that season. It was really good.

I got to tell you, what is, remind me, what is the, um, the country that is just north of Foon? Which is just a little bit north. Fingaria is one of the northern ones. You ever watch Fingarian Centaur House? Oh. That shit goes hard. Really? That goes really like, they're like more brutal,

I feel like, than like, Foon Centaur House, because like in Fingarian Centaur House, they're gonna like play messages from your loved ones directly into your ears while they're like blasting you with like, just hiss and semen. Like, it's just absolutely torment it goes really hard I heard they weren't bringing it back though I know I know I were there too yeah is that the one where a dragon flew overhead during the season to like update people about a great

war going on mm-hmm that might have been here too I feel like that was also here like there's constantly like people trying to jump the wall it was one dragon that just went north across the whole countryside Sure, so we just just to recap it sounds like the people that are in charge of fingering and sent our house We're like, you know what? We just whispered family secrets into their ears while blasting them with piss and semen Mm-hmm. Should we maybe not do this next year? Should we maybe maybe stop? Whispered family secrets into their ears while blasting them with piss and semen. Should we maybe not do this next year? Should we maybe stop?

I think they just ran out of money. Or semen. Yeah, well, they've been really working on the snake pit and trying to get the snake pit back up to become the tourist attraction it used to be. So they might be redeverting funds there. I had trouble watching it anyways. It was hard to find. Yeah. Yeah. They don't make it easy.

No, I really enjoyed the first couple I saw and then I was like, I like more of this. And they're like, fuck you. I was like, all right, cool. Well, guess I'll just fuck myself and watch something else. Well, people, Fingarians famously famously, don't like outsiders, particularly. We are friends with Krom, the barbarian. He's from Fingaria.

Yeah, he's a good friend. He's a good guy. But but other than that, I don't know that I've had a lasting friendship with another Fingarian. They tend to be sort of insular. Hmm. I've all the Fingarians that I've come across have been very friendly, very polite. All right, fuck me. I don't know fingerians that I've come across have been very friendly very polite Fuck me. I don't know what I'm talking about. That's fine You said apologize about Right. No, no, no, you're right. Who do I meet? I have to sit around in this fucking tavern all day trying to go on a quest that's a hundred feet away

I can't get these two idiots to even get off off their butt to go do that, but they'll come hey Don't do this What I wasn't asked well of course if you said ply that you were asked if I was asking Arnie oh like we're a package deal yeah of course Chunt do you want to go on a quest with me no all right I want to stay here and hope that I see the the centaur from oh did you guys see that that play centaur? Um, it's about a woman who I think she's a conductor I can't remember. Oh what else happens?

Just I mean just a just a tremendous play. It's do we know if she's in here? Yeah, the the tall centaur is the woman from centaur here I I believe so. Yeah That'd be incredible. That's it. That's it here. She was actually beheaded by the last head-off honcho. It was close. She was canceled. Yeah, yeah. She had a shot. So the head-off honcho that they pick two people to be, you know, marked for beheading, and then they bring them down to the dungeon. It's a ranch-style dungeon. Oh, we were just talking about that.

Not cannonball, ranch-style. And they then bring them out, and they compete to win a prize called the Golden Power of Ito where you get to judge if you win which person gets to be acquitted of being up for banishment. The power of Ito? Yes, golden power of Ito. All young Funians probably know that Yes. Ito means judge. Right? It sounds like a talk show host could make a career out of that

for eight to 10 years. Mm-hmm. I mean, here's the thing that's always bothered me about this rule. They put you up for banishment, right? Right. But then when you walk out the door, they behead you. So like, why do they even bother calling it banishment?

Hmm. Isn't that weird to anyone else? That's weird to me. I sort of just accepted it as a part of, you know, it's like, it's harder to think about the reality of it if you're thinking about all of the death that's happening. Well, sure. I mean, Yuzudora, if you think about it this way,

I mean, that how would they get you to go out of the house if they called it beheading? That's true. That's true because a few of the times that a necromancer has reanimated one of the corpses of the dead contestants, they've been like, what the hell happened? I thought I was getting banished.

Oh wait, is that legal? Is that part of the game? Do they ever bring people back to life and they're back in the house? Yeah, well, yeah, for an all-star season. Yep, sometimes they, well, they stretch it out. They need to make this thing go like, you know, many, like weeks and weeks and weeks, you know,

that's how they keep it so cheap. And then sometimes they bring people back, you know, two, three times. Yeah, bring them back from the dead and then they want the slop because snakes and lizards, that's close to human flesh. I actually heard, speaking of Judge Edo, I heard Cato Cailin was in the house.

He's actually not even playing. He was there from like a couple of seasons ago and he just never left. They never found him. He's still bugging there. Yeah. He was set bugging there. Yeah. That's so sad. He was set up in the house behind the Centaur house.

That was where he hung out. Aw, so he probably saw nothing, right? Hard to see from back there. It's really, you don't get a good view. Yeah. Well, let's take a quick break and we'll be back and hopefully see more of the house. And Arnie, we're not a package deal, right?

I don't think so. But would you wear this bracelet? Friendship? Yeah, of course. Of course. Friendship. Say it back to me. Friendship. Friendship. What a couple of sugar pigs. Hey, podcast listeners,

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That's amazon.com slash ad free podcasts to catch up on the latest episodes without the ads. Hey, this is Leon Nefak. I want to tell you about my new series, Backfired, The Vaping Wars, available now on Audible. What happened when two Stanford graduate students set out to create a new kind of cigarette, one that wouldn't kill people?

Backfired is a tale of opportunity, addiction, and good intentions gone awry, exploring Juul Labs rise and fall and the insane illegal vape market that has sprouted up in its wake. To hear the whole story, go to audible.com slash backfired and sign up for a free trial. That's audible.com slash backfired. Rob, do you mind? You know, we, surprisingly, we, I know we've met centaurs a couple of times, but we haven't really spent a lot of time talking to a centaur before. What's it? I don't know how even to ask this. What's it like being a centaur? Well, I like to describe it as the best of both worlds

you know a Business in the front party in the back so to speak sure in the front Okay, yeah But is it ever difficult because the business probably has a hard time reaching the party like if you even just for cleanup and stuff That I feel like that would be the hardest part of being a centaur. You don't have to answer that question Yeah, yeah, it's a little personal and do your business out the back, right? Yes. Yeah So I mean that that's one of the best things of that. I mean my business is everybody's business I'll just be walking along and you know, I don't have to stop it

I mean, it's acceptable. Yeah, honestly same Super relatable. That's true Mm-hmm. I mean the worst part is if you know when people try to jump on my back. Yo And kick me oh right the ribs Oh yeah. Careful with stuff. Don't do that. Say, yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And kick me. Oh. Right in the ribs. What?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, I see. So you have two sets of ribs. Mm, yeah. That's weird. Whoa, Arnie. I mean, I don't know.

Mm-hmm. I mean, I think it's mostly one long, so I mean, I haven't had, you know. That's what I always assumed. It's a fair question. I never thought about it. I always assumed it was one long set of ribs, but I guess, yeah, I guess technically there might be some sort of delineation there. It's, if you think about it, it's just like one long torso, you know? Yeah, your waist goes where the horse's neck would be, right? Makes sense to me. Yeah. Arnie, what are you so be, right? Makes sense to me. Yeah.

Right. Arnie, what are you so caught up on? Two sets of ribs. I don't know. It just seems... I'm just trying to figure it out. Like, you look normal, but I just feel like I have a hard time... Yeah.

Like, if I try to think under the surface, I have a hard time making sense of it. Just say you want to see a skeleton, I guess, Arnie. Or are you hungry for ribs? Do you want ribs? Yeah, I am a little hungry for ribs? Do you want ribs? There's ribs enough for everyone well I'm sauce. Oh these are from Apple flies There is sponsor oh, they're a sponsor. Oh I see I was one of those things that the centaurs have to pretend like they're really excited about the apple flies. No, they really are. They really,

they really love it. There was one one one of the centaurs recently that she didn't get to to feed at a feed there and she probably reacted normally. No, no. She tells you was super, super angry. Probably screamed. I mean, I've been angry at apple flies before, but I've never been angry that I couldn't have apple flies. Well, I think about it, even if you're eating a delicacy like snakes, lizards, of

course, pizza, of course, then Then you're gonna get tired of it, even if it's the best thing in all of food. And then when Apple Flies comes along, you're like, oh, a little change of pace. How wonderful. I just like food that comes in a skillet. I was like, are you gonna bring me food that looks like it has literally just been cooked?

Like there's no time to put it on a plate. It's got a sizzle. It's got a kind of like, it's like the illusion of like, we made this just for you. Look at this. Even better if it's a cookie. You ever have a cookie in a skillet? Oh yes.

That's just right. There is nothing more wonderful than the soft gooey chewiness of a cookie and the deep dark chocolate that is warm and melting. I forgot that I used the door to the house about food like this. Oh yes. Chewy chewiness of a cookie and the deep dark chocolate About food like this Ice cream The deliciousness is unknown my pedals are hard listen

Do you call it? This is a real question a skillet cookie or a cookie skillet? It's a real question That's a real question finally cookie skillet? It's a real question. That's a real question finally cookie skillet Okay Scooby-Doo a cookie. Oh, you never heard that term dark horse now What not cool, oh, sorry sorry I Sorry on centaur appreciation month. Mm-hmm. No less.

Yeah. You ever have a hay skillet? Ooh. Ooh, I haven't. I imagine that's a centaur delicacy of sorts. Yeah, what comes on top of that? Is it just hay or is there like- Apples. Ooh. Oh.

Maybe some oats? Mm-hmm. Oh, delicious. Maybe some sugar cubes Yep, put it all together at Apple flies They do a bourbon street trough it's Incredible. Oh, that sounds so good Rob something I do with Arnie sometimes when he because he a lot of times expects me to sort of whip him up some food is when he, because he a lot of times expects me to sort of whip him up some food, is I'll bring out 10 dishes. And I'll say to Arnie, I'll say, you can have what's under this box if you give me 10 gold, let's say.

And he'll, you know, maybe pass or some another patron will buy it. And we'll keep going until we run out of dishes. But I feel like that is the most fun way to feed a person, because sometimes it's going to be, of course, like a troll testicle. Sometimes it might be like a, you know, dragon kidney, or sometimes it might be, of course, pizza. So it's just kind of fun to see what might be under the box. Mm hmm. Yep. I mean, for for a long time, they stopped doing the auction on Centaur House. They said it's broken. it doesn't work anymore. We need a way we need to raise the stakes and make it more exciting for people. It needs to it needs to really work. But people just love it when you get the, you know, testicle or any sort of like, you know, delicacy. People are very excited to see what treats are under there. Well, they did have to stop it for a while

because they brought out all those boxes and the one box had the guy's wife's head in it. Mm-hmm, yes. And that was terrible. That was really- That was season seven. Yes, yes, season seven, yes. Oh, well, that was from one of the celebrity astronomer centaur, Kevin Spacey was there that season. Well, that was from the one of the select the celebrity

astronomer centaur Kevin Spacey was there that season and That we that he was he's Did some inappropriate things and they had to remove him from the house. Yeah In the show's defense. I heard the head was delicious Arnie I just think there's too many rules with the auction they should just like give them money and let them spend it however the fuck they want like let them pay someone else like another contestant be like can I eat that milkshake out of your mouth here's five bucks and then just see what happens like take all the rules off and

let everybody go wild. Yeah, you're like, I'm not starving. I just wanna eat that milkshake out of your mouth. It's my thing. I eat your milkshake. Well, let's, hold up. Hey, everyone. Huh, we've been walking through the house for a bit.

It looks like we're in a long cave. Did we? Sorry, I think we accidentally didn't go into Centaur House, we went into the dungeon instead. No! What?! Oh shit. Use the door. I told you it was only about 100 feet, the entrance is only 100 feet away or so, so. I guess since we're here with the celebrity Centaur, Rob, would you help, would you want a dungeon crawl with us?

It'll only take a couple minutes. Sure, I mean nothing interesting happens in the centaur house. I mean, you could watch it just day and night. And just, you know. Like, but doesn't like the super interesting stuff happen in centaur house in the middle of the night? Like, would I pay extra?

There's like five interesting minutes and the rest is just drivel oh that's real though I feel like every year I watched entire house I'm like all jazzed all excited like halfway through I checked the fuck out and then like right and then listen to other people talk about it and I'm like always interesting thank you for doing that and even the people that talk about it, they're just like so frustrated and mad that they're talking about it. And then I watch the end and I'm like, all right, all right. You all keep talking for a second.

I'm gonna go fight these slimes. Ah! Ah! And I'll fall off. This is interesting. I never actually think I've been in a dungeon, but like, I watch a lot of've been in a dungeon, but like I watch a lot of So You Think You Can Dungeon.

Which is actually pretty interesting. It used to be good, it's not very good right now. I will say it used to be very good though. There's a lot of athletes who you think would be good, but they're just kind of clumsily swinging acts. It's very, it's really weird. Yes. You don't think it's good anymore, Jojo Siwa?

You sure you got it, buddy? Uh, yeah, I killed those slimes. Don't worry about it. Um, there's a treasure chest over there. Chunk, do you want to open it? Or do you want to let Rob open it? Oh! Yeah, let's have Rob open it. First, of course, we do have to ask, um...

Chess Trunk-Born, is that you? Okay, yeah, seems safe to open. Just open it with my hands or does it need to be busted open with my hooves or anything? Ooh. Busted open. Dealer's choice, I say. Let's see, yeah, let's see how it's open actually. Okay, let me just, you know,

give it the business as we say. Whoa! Business in the front! Pfft. Give it the business as we say I have I have very powerful front hooks to that reminds me you sit or Will you cast a spell on this episode? So it will eliminate all the times that Rob has defecated in this episode because he's he's a centaur and that just happens We don't want to we don't want to have had heard those sounds numerous times throughout the you just don't want people to hear that Yeah, exactly sure sure sure sure oh, let's read the school here You have found the fragile amulet

Fragile yeah, it's it's it's pretty fucked here How many of these fragile amulets would we have to trade in for a regular amulet? I think it's the other way around, Arnie. I think you trade in like 30 to 40 regular amulets to get a fragile amulet. Hmm. Because the more power an amulet has, the more sort of fragile it is.

I see. It vibrates with so much power that you have to be careful around it. But this one, yeah, this one's pretty fucked. Well. I'm just gonna say my bad on that one. That's all right, next time we'll just use our hands. Yeah, you know what, it says right here on the front,

fragile, I must've, I didn't know it was, must be from some Mediterranean language. Yes, it's impossible for us to know what it must be from some Mediterranean language. Yes, it's impossible for us to know what it was. Quickly, through this corridor here, keep following me. Uh oh, skyper on us! Skyper on us! Don't worry, I set them all on fire. Oh good. Rob, you're bleeding pretty profusely. You got chomped on quite a bit.

Oh my... Uh, yup, that's, that's, uh... I hope it's not bad enough that I have to go beyond Survivor. Oh my god. Goodness, oh... Oh, no, especially with Survivor 50 coming up soon? Yes, oh. Especially with Survivor 50 coming up soon. Yes, yes. The big season anniversary season of Survivor that nobody wants to be on.

Oh, there's the demon. You sir, do you want me to get here? You got it? Hold demon! These maidens are here not of their own free will. And if you are trying to marry them to create some sort of hellspawn That I am here to stop you She does this a lot. Yeah, I gotta be honest. It looks like the maidens are here to have an intervention with the demon Yeah, they seem like they're in charge seems like we intruded on a private thing. Yeah banner hanging. Yeah

You're converting him to goddessism Okay, yeah, all right. Well, sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We broke your trunk. I'll pay for that And I think we broke the fragile annul it inside Sorry, you have pet sky piranhas. Oh,, I set those on fire. And your cousins are slime? I stole your silverware. I didn't even see that happen. Yeah, I took it. We'll just let ourselves out.

So sorry about this. I could have sworn this was a quest. I think we just broke into someone's house. Yeah. In a way, it was my fault. I should have known better. I should have always said no to Ysidor's quest. So I blame myself.

I mean, your heart is in the right place. But hard for me to tell, as my heart is in a very odd place, probably, for you bipeds. Yeah. You know, he's gonna need to know where that is. Look at his eyes. Can you just generally point? Yeah.

Sort of like under my hip over here. Whoa. Kind of where the horse's heart would be more than the person. I guess that's true. Do you get lightheaded easily? Because that's quite a ways for the blood to get to your head. It's very centrally located.

Yeah, I guess so. Oh, I have a question I've always wanted to ask and I hope it's not insensitive. When you're running, do you move your arms like you're running? Or did you just fold them? I think it would be quite freakish if I just ran with my arms like dangling Yeah, I thought maybe like hands on the hip or something or maybe like put them up up like you're flying That's fun. Yeah, like one one on the hip one raised like a in a fist. Mm-hmm I could try it sometime, but you know just sometimes I have a small weight also that I hold

cardio yeah I just got a I just got a notification on my traveling crystal ball it says that there's a new event happening over the Centaur house apparently they're trying to bite their way out of a barrier made of biscuits. Oooh. Apparently, they're all surrounded in biscuits and trying to bite their way out of it. Well, that sounds fun. Should we go back? Yeah, we should go see that.

That sounds humiliating. Yeah, we can't miss that. I can't believe I'm missing it. Okay. Ani. Yeah? I'm really sorry I brought us on this terrible quest. No, it's okay.

I've, you know, I've talked you into doing dumb things for long periods of time. That's true. Uh, Rob, I know you hate having people on your back, but we want to get back to Centaur House immediately. Could you give us a ride? Just this once and don't tell us all Always pumping his arms. He's pumping his arms This is the best! If you take away one thing from today's recording, it would be to please ask a centaur before leaping onto its back. Because you can't spell on centaurs without consent.

Usual the wizard was played by Matt Young. Chump the talking badger was played by Adol Raffae. Flower the talking flower was played by Brooke Bright. Rob Centaur Nino was played by special guest, Rob Sester Nino. Rob competed in the sixth and eighth seasons of Survivor. Check out Rob has a podcast for extensive coverage of all things Survivor, Big Brother, Reality TV and more.

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episode recently came and went to learn more about supporting the show visit patreon.com slash magic tavern hello from the magic tavern is produced by arnie knee camp matt young and adle refai post-production coordination whatever that means, by Garrett Schultz. Associate Producer, Anna Haverman. This episode edited by Red Keener. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard Laban. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. Hey, I'm Mike Corey, the host of Wondery's podcast Against the Odds. In each episode, we share thrilling true stories of survival, putting you in the shoes of the

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