Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 5, Ep 41 - Metamore Now (w/ Bill Arnett)

Episode Date: January 27, 2025

Metamore is back but this time instead of playing a game, he's hiding out from dwarves that want to kill him.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungMetamore: Bill ArnettMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Red KeenerMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandNew T-Shirts in the Merch Store!You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on X, Instagram and YouTube!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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to speak to an advisor free of charge. Bet MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Each morning, it's a new opportunity, a chance to start fresh. A first from NPR makes each morning an opportunity to learn and to understand. Choose to join the world every morning with Up First, a podcast that hands you everything going on across the globe and down the street, all in 15 minutes or less. Start your day informed and anew with Up First by subscribing wherever you get your podcasts. subscribing wherever you get your podcasts. for a few months from now. Um, winter is going to go on for quite a while longer,

but that means the perfect time to cozy up with some quality audio recordings. I wish I had some to recommend. In the meantime, as our tagline goes, we're better than silence, so sit back and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern, a weekly podcast from the magical land of food. I'm your host Arnie Niekamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. Nine years and 10 or 11-ish months ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a

Burger King in Chicago into the magical fantastical land of food. Luckily, I'm still getting a wifi signal through the dimensional rift and I use that to upload a podcast recorded here in the tavern the Wander lost in the magical land of Foon. And I'm joined as always by my co-host, Chumpty Talking Badger. Oh yeah, baby.

How you doing, cuz? Good, cuz. How you doing? Arnie, I'm so sorry that you lost your 10 year. What's this again? I'm pretty sure last episode you lost your 10-year and now you have to start I Think Momo fired your something happened We're coming so close to 10 years and I had oh yeah I'd almost achieved 10 year and then I could never be fired from the podcast yeah, but you got fired last episode

I'm pretty sure and I'm back, but so you're saying that clock resets the clock resets so is there anything I can help in terms of the next ten years anything I can do to help make your transition easier my biggest question it refers to like the next couple of months because I wouldn't go so far as to say we've been planning anything but the 10 year anniversary is coming up. Will we not be able to celebrate that or will I just not be able to participate? Oh, we'll celebrate 10 years to the absolute max. Of course, 10 years is huge. I'm saying

you lost your 10 year. Oh, okay. I see. See I'm saying 10 year and you're saying 10 year. What's the difference again? I'm going then done done done done done done done and you're going done done done done did it and done Does that make sense? The weird thing is I love one of those and hate the other one and I don't know why One is okay. All right. Okay. I mean look this hate the second one I sort of mildly amused by, the first one I love.

Gotcha, okay. Oh, speaking of loving one and being mildly amused by the other, my other co-host, Usador the Wizard! Oh, I just barely made it back in time. Arnie, Chunt, it is I, Usador, wizard of the Twelfth Realm of Ophesius, master of light and shadow, manipulator of magical delights, devourer of chaos, champion of the great halls of Trokos, the elves, noobies, fiends, the dwarves. Yusudor, I'm so sorry to interrupt you. I'm so sorry to interrupt you. I just need to remind our listeners, this episode, like every episode, brought to you by Ratchet and Mousecom.

Ratchet and Mousecum. Ratchet and Mousecum. The dwarves know me as Zonin and Hoogstanges, and I've known throughout the northeast as Gasmanius may star and lo, this week I have been traveling through the wild world on my friend Grimhoof, the fifth fastest horse in Foon, who's shown me terrible things that have been happening all around. And I decided that I would lend a hand and help some poor distraught war windows. War windows? Yes, correct. Arnie, I don't know if you know this, but sometimes during a war there's a tragic thing that happens where buildings are destroyed.

And I've been going around collecting the windows and these war windows. I've brought them back here here What do you think of that one? Oh, oh I see what's happening Arnie um aren't usually war windows are pretty lonely You know they don't have anybody at night get a little drafty So I think you sure is just trying to you, he's trying to defend straight a little bit Looking up that word. Yes Don't look it up too closely cuz I'm not a hundred percent sure I'm using it correctly So you said or you're saving more windows. What about the people who clean the war windows? What about war window ears? Well, I'm afraid that I haven't been able to help them yet.

But if I encounter any, I'll bring them back here. Would you be willing to adopt a war window? Adopt one? Yes. Yeah, Arnie, form a war bond. Form a war bond. It's good for food, Arnie, trust me. It's good for food.

In 20 years, you'll be glad you raised it. To be clear, which war is this for? Like, which war? Was it the Animal War? Was it the Wizard War? There may be other small skirmishes going on that I'm not even aware of. I was just on my horse.

Well, my friend who's a horse, I was on my horse. I was on my friend who's a horse. And I saw a building destroyed clearly by I don't know if it was a whale that jumped out of the ocean and knocked over a building I was of wizards errant fireball and I said this window must be saved this war window And I thought I would bring it back here and see Arnie if you wanted to adopt it or marry it whatever Seems like you're mostly just riding around town Collecting fucked up windows. That's right. Okay

That's good. That's good to know guys. I Love you both so much. Oh You have any uh, you have any NA beer and a ale. Oh Okay, um over by the bar. Is. Is that our old buddy Metamore? I believe it is. Oh yeah. Metamore? Metamore! Metamore, come over here!

Hello? You guys! Shut up! Shut up! What? Shut up! Okay. You guys can't sh- Connie, shut up! Y'all have to be quiet!

Okay. Somebody's trying to kill me! Oh. What? Yes! Wait, someone's trying to kill me! Oh. What? Yes! Wait, someone's trying to kill you and you're ordering non-alcoholic beer? Well, I- I wanna st- I- I'm a lightweight, you know that. Sure, yeah.

And I- I just- someone's trying to kill me, so I'm trying to keep a low profile and I don't wanna lose my edge. Sure. On alcohol with dull. Yeah. That's what we're told in school, you know, to not drink. Yeah. Menomor, have you ever had actual alcohol I'm sure at some point from yes maybe I don't know you'd remember I think you'd remember I had a cough potion one time

that burned and you know when I was a kid we've all had that cough potion and yeah you know it's makes you a little bit. You have weird dreams. Yeah rhubarb Tussin Yeah, yeah, sometimes are you like I should mix this potion with something else and who knows what it'll do I've done. Oh, yeah, I just always administered by an adult. That's kind of Yeah, I'm soon someone's trying to kill me who was trying to kill you metal more. I don't know. Oh, you don't know Well, they don't call me go what? We want to help you. I'll help protect you I can cast a spell protection on you or something But you don't they don't call me a metal more. Why do they call you? They call me core locks Yeah, okay core locks open up the door bang, bang, we're coming in!

Does the name Corlux mean anything to you? No, it doesn't! That's just it! Okay, here's the thing. Let me start at the beginning. Okay, yeah, yeah. So, I was visiting Monte Carlo. Have you met Monte? I have not. Oh, I know Monte.

Fantastic guy. Great guy. Sounds fancy. No, his house is a disaster. Oh. Chunch, you know Monte, right? Oh, yeah big gambler. Yeah. Yeah the count of Monte Carlo, right? Is he a count count countin cards? He says Trying to be funny. I never laughed, but that's what he says

Worked on me. I hate it when someone gives themselves a nickname and laughs at it, and then we're all like okay Yeah, I mean we like you still but yeah yeah that shouldn't count right yeah no well if there's one thing we don't like it's name humor well giving yourself March Magic come here's the thing I got knocked on the head so suddenly I'm at I'm hanging out at Monte Carlo not feeling very good yeah and then there's a bang on the door and I hear people speaking in some kind of dwarvish underworld language and you know what I do? To be clear, I'm so sorry, to be clear, underworld language because they're dwarves who live underground.

Yeah, or just any of the underground dwellers. Oh, okay. You know, miners, gophers. Miners? Human miners, for instance. Yes, young children that live underground. They have their own language. Is it like Pig Latin? Oh, Arnie, you're so based. Of course they have their own language. Well, they're cut off from the rest of the world. Right. You know, well, anyway, you keep them down there so you can't count them.

That's why. Yeah, I see. I love it when the children bloom in the spring. It's a beautiful sight. They come out of the caves, do they see their shadow, do they not see their shadow? Right. Their skin is all pasty and you can see right through it, it's like a ghost.

Yeah, they look like a gerbil. So here's the thing, let me tell the story. So they're banging on the door and someone's yelling in some kind of dwarvish underworld language, and I say, shut up, up go away in their language. What? That I didn't know I could speak. What?

Yeah. How is that possible? I don't know. I would understand if you were drunk because sometimes when I'm drunk I'll say something and I'm like whoa something happened and you sort of like you just did a spell and I'm like what? And I'm just drunk and I just kind of subconsciously know it but you don't drink so There's a whole danger of drunk spells, you know you because if you start slurring your speech and you start saying some ancient Language accidentally you could you know set the whole place on fire

Turn your father into your mother and your mother into your father erase time for the last six years You know, make your olfactory sense. You sort of, you smell things that are sweet as like they're sour and sour things like they're a wet dog. You could also, what are some other things you could do? I mean, when I did my spell, I think I stopped time. And I think the way the spell worked was I got so drunk that I then lost a shoe and then I sat down on someone's porch with Usador and I was like, what is Brian doing? Brian's, I feel like Brian's always acting this way and I don't know what I've done to Brian.

And I guess that was the exact wording for some sort of spell to stop time. Yeah, you were slurring your speech quite a bit though. So it didn't sound exactly like you said it just then. Had you, you know, been kind of, this is Brian, you know, that might have caused it to stop time again right now. Wow. I'm sorry, Metamore, we-

No, it's fine, no, so these guys, these ruffians broke into the house and there were just three of these really, this gross looking dudes, some orcs and things. And I beat them up. What? With some mystical hand swinging, kicking. This gross-looking dude some orcs and things and I beat him up With some mystical hand swinging kick and I didn't I can't do that Oh sure. I mean to be clear for for new listeners metamore. You're You're like a nerd scrollish scrollish scrollish. Yeah

Yeah, yeah, well, yeah, yeah That's what's so crazy about it and they're trying to kill me to call me this other crazy Krolox name that I've never heard before I'm speaking other languages. Oh, and I know I know all kinds of like crazy moves to beat people up and throw elbows and things. That is wild. Oh, quick quick check quick check. Is there any amulet or pendant under your clothing? Oh, yeah They might connect you to a long-lost twin. Oh, no, the reason that's a good guess. Okay had to check Yes, to bring and it's almost like the identity. I was born with is not my identity

See my next guess was gonna be it was a limitless potion Oh, see my next guess was going to be it was a limitless potion. Mm hmm. I guess it wasn't that. I see you think that perhaps you were switched at birth. Or just something happened. I had some past life. That's the identity I was born with. Sure.

Now my mind got scrambled or erased and now I have a new identity as Metamor. I see now Metamor one. I'm going to throw out one more theory before we really delve into helping you Okay, so as I remember you are obsessed with this role-playing game offices and bosses. Yeah often the office manager We've done Lots of wonderful offices and bosses games with you great fun. Great. It's a wonderful game Yeah, some of them on the patreon behind the paywall. People should definitely check those out. Is it possible that you role played so hard

that you think something that happened in a game really happened? Do we have like a mazes and monsters situation on our hands? Mazes and monsters, is that? Okay, oh no, let me put that in terms you'll understand. We have a Tom Hanks early career situation on our hands. Whoa Yeah, yeah. Oh Arnie. This is when he had tits or something Yeah, so he's dressing up like a woman to live in a woman's hotel. Look first of all, it's busy that it holds up

What was it? He said it holds up you keep calling it tit friends and that show Was called bosom buddies. Same thing. Not the same tomato tomato tenure tenure. So Metamorg is there any way can we like roll for sanity or something like can we roll some dice to make sure that that's not what's doing this to you. That's just a game Arnie. OK that's a game. OK people are really trying to kill me here.

OK. OK sorry. I usually I'm better at keeping reality and fantasy separated. Oh, well, I suppose we could use a spell to kind of recess your brain and reset yourself, find your hidden past and cover those secrets hidden within the depths of your brain. And then we would start down with that. I think if you set up a module, we could probably get a couple hours of role playing in, play some officers and bosses.

Sure, you know, I'd love to, yeah. I mean, if no one tries to kill me, I think that'd be fun. Yeah, that'd be really fun. I mean, if somebody tries to kill you while you're here, just know this, Ysidor will mess them up pretty good. Yeah. I mean, it somebody tries to kill you while you're here, just know this. Yousador will mess them up pretty good. Yeah, I mean, it sounds like Menomor sort of handled them pretty handedly, right?

Yeah. You said you'd knock the shit out of them. And here's the thing, Menomor, I've only ever you're such a nerd. No offense. You're such a fucking nerd. No offense. I feel like all I've seen you do is like I've seen you like sand your horse or like paint your horse. Right. Wax your horse on wax on wax off yeah yeah but how does that correlate to you kicking the shit of a bunch of dwarfs zero there was absolutely no way that any random tasks

around the house could ever equate to any kind of martial combat skill yeah well tasks around the horse. Yeah, yeah. I don't even go further than that. You go further than that with your horse? In terms of jobs, I mean... Oh, job, just jobs is what you're saying. You know, I try to sweep the leg around the house, you know.

I'll kind of crane a leg up to kick a cabinet door shut, but that's it. Grimhoff and I have gone pretty far together. Job stuff? Hand? Blow? What? No, I mean just like distances. We've gone a long distance. All the way, would you say? I don't think we've gone all the way.

I mean, we haven't been completely around the world yet. You haven't gone the distance, yeah. Yeah, yeah, like third base? Yeah, we've stopped at several bases. I think we made it to the world yet. You haven't gone the distance yet. Yeah, yeah, like third base. We, yeah, we've stopped at several bases. I think we made it to the third one. Yeah, as where the animals were, you know, their bases are built. And you're usually on top, right? You're usually on the top. Yeah, I'm usually the top.

I like that you're usually on the top. Well, and you ride them pretty hard, right? I ride them very hard. Grimhoff's my friend. I mean, sometimes, yeah, sure. I'll be at the bottom occasionally. Yeah. So you ride him hard and then, you know, you probably have to hose him off and put when you put him in the stable. So you put him away wet. I mean, he has been wet when he's been put away, certainly.

When you blast him with your big hose. Right. Huh. Well, let's take a break. Hello, ladies and germs, boys and girls, the Grinch is back again to ruin your Christmas season with his The Grinch Holiday Podcast. After last year, he's learned a thing or two about hosting and he's ready to rant against brismas cheer and roast his celebrity guests like chestnuts on an open fire. You can listen with the whole family as guest stars like Jon Hamm, Brittany Broski, and Danny DeVito try to persuade the mean old Grinch

that there's a lot to love about the insufferable holiday season. But that's not all. Somebody stole all the children of Whoville's letters to Santa, and everybody thinks the Grinch is responsible. It's a real Whoville whodunit. Can Cindy, Lou, and Max help clear the Grinch's name?

Grab your hot cocoa and cozy slippers to find out. Follow Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Unlock weekly Christmas mystery bonus content and listen to every episode ad free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app, Spotify or Apple podcasts. They say Hollywood is where dreams are made, a seductive city where many flock to get rich, be adored and capture America's heart. But when the spotlight turns off, fame, fortune, and lives can disappear in an instant. When TV producer Roy Raden was found dead in a canyon near LA in 1983, there were many questions surrounding his death. The last person seen with him was Laney Jacobs, a seductive cocaine dealer who desperately

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Yeah. Just to be clear, has anything like this ever happened before? Like, have you ever been beaten up and it was successful? Many times. Okay, that's what I thought. Yeah, that's what I Yeah, it was after this hit on the head and then suddenly and then someone saw me and then I had this compulsion to go searching in this mysterious barn and I found underneath some of the boards a bag full of clothes of different occupations some identity scrolls.

Gold. Gold of various nominations. Little mustaches and beards and hats. Oh, this sounds like Fletcher. You know the play about the guy who makes arrows, Fletcher. Yeah, he makes arrows, certainly. Yeah. Oh, it's fun.

They did a second one, wasn't it good? Yeah. I've heard they've. They did a second one, wasn't it good? Yeah. I've heard they've just very recently restaged that play, and not a lot of people saw it, but it's pretty good too. Oh, well Metamor just said it was bad. No, the second one. I'm talking about the most recent one. Oh, there's a sequel and then a remake.

Yes. Oh. Is that a second sequel or a new original? Or a prequel? It's more of a legacy play where you know they They bring in key elements from the first one anyway, I Believe the famous actor Jonathan pork was the lead in that correct. Mm-hmm. Yes that guy he's handsome, huh? He's very handsome

Oh, yes, what a jaw so met him where you found a bag full of Where they're like papers and you had to like cross a border? Yeah, like documents stating with all kinds of various people and things. What were some of the names on the documents? Yes, yes, exactly. Go through, here, here, go through, go through. Let's see if we can find the one that they called you.

Oh yeah. This one's, uh, Jimothy Smitson. Yeah, I don't know, I never heard it. Okay. Uh, Danny Mora? What is that? Is that a person or a thing? I don't know. Good question. It's the big blob of horse crap. I don't know.

Look, if there is a Danny Mora anywhere in the multiverse, I'm pretty sure he won't be listening to this. It says age 30 33 Make up your mind. That's just it. It's like I was born with a different identity Already what do you got? This one just says the big man. That's somebody I guess I mean, can you use like identification? That is just essentially a nickname the big man So long as someone else didn't give you the nickname, you can be the big man. Okay.

This one says Francisco the talking donkey, and there's a picture of your face sticking out of the neck of what is clearly a horse costume. Well, I think they're just hoping horse, donkey, you know, just a quick glance. It's very confusing. TSA won't notice anything. Yeah. What does TSA stand for? It's not an. TSA won't notice anything. Yeah, what does TSA stand for? It's not an acronym. Oh.

Okay. TSA. TSA. TSA, Arnie. Oh, okay. You haven't, you guys haven't, wandering, the bar hasn't come across TSA? I haven't, yeah.

What's T, what is TSA? Sometimes when you're traveling, TSA will come over and and say what do you think you're doing right now? Where do you think you're going? Let me go through your pockets. Let me check your bags Let me see what you're doing and then they write an essay about various leaves and Things that they've dried and put in hot water so it's sort of a TSA. Okay, they never take anything They were right foot through your stuff, but don't take anything. It's a lot of nerving. Oh, yeah They'll run their wands up and down your body. Oh, yeah, I kind of like getting stopped Hmm, they love to they love to you know, you know take out your sword and be like, but what are you doing with this?

I'll be like, well fighting evil Like all right. wait a second are those those people I ran into them once and they said go stand over there so we can see under your clothes no no that's something I don't know what that was oh here core locks here's a back that says core lock oh my gosh what is it can't get the bag open has some sort of rune. Ysir, have you seen this rune before? Oh, yeah, I can't read runes. It looks like elvish.

But it's sort of an odd dialect. Kind of an ancient elvish symbol. I know, but it took... Quanamon! It opened! When you said Quanamon! Oh, I opened it opened when you said quantum on oh, I closed it. Oh, I guess we say Quantum on the line. Wait, I want to say you see what I'm on same time. We can't know the same time Sorry, it's open now. Sorry. Just want to try it. Okay, who wants to say quantum on?

You did now it's closed You opened it on a what don't say quantum on wait you closed it again Are we sure we're keeping exact track of how many times you said quantumon? Don't worry, I've got it. I've been saying it under my breath a few times. Oh boy. Okay. Look, while it's open, no one say quantumon. Fuck.

Okay, all right. Who's gonna say quantumon this time? I'll sing it. I'll sing it! Well, it's open now. Oh, oh never mind. Fine, fuck. Wr it. I'll sing it. Well, it's open now. Oh, oh, nevermind. Fine. Fuck. Wrote a little song. You wrote a little song. Yeah, no. We'll put it after the credit. We'd love to hear it. Wait for the credits. Okay. Well, don't forget it. I definitely want to hear it. I won't. Oh, if we if we don't put a quantum on song after the credits, send us angry emails. Oh, shit. Sorry. Look, will you sing the song to me tonight as I'm going to sleep?

Well now it's closed, you can sing it. Well, well, well, look who came crawling back to hear my quantumon song. Oh shit. Fuck. Well it's open now, I believe. Okay, alright, yes it is. I know, we're all looking right at it. Chunt, I just want to know I support all your on artistic endeavors

So while they go through this bag, I just want to build up your self esteem Oh, let you know I think you have a beautiful singing voice and I'd love to hear any song that you write. Thank you, buddy You're welcome. You have a beautiful voice I want to hear all your songs because I know sometimes you write these long songs that Nobody else will kind of sit through but I love sitting through them. They're beautiful. Oh, I've written some wonderful dirges lately. Okay, you sort of will put your dirge after the credits,

right after the other song that I won't say the name of. Guys, it's all, look at this stuff. It's all like kind of northeastern military things. Oh my gosh, there's like a weapon here, but that's sort of disassembled. Oh my gosh. Can you assemble it? It's like a weapon here, but that's sort of disassembled. Oh my gosh. Can you assemble it? It's like a collapsible crossbow or something kind of Here close your eyes and put your hands on it see if you just know how to assemble it

Oh he broke his neck Look at this scroll it's a writ of wrath. Oh. It means I can legally go around killing people. What? Okay, who do we want to kill first? Also, wait. I mean, I don't want to kill anybody.

Oh, sorry. I don't want you to kill anybody either, Metamore. Also, I didn't know you have to have that to kill people. We've all killed a few people. Oh yeah, but you know, we shouldn't have okay Well, if you think about it, there are creatures in food that are the size of atoms So every time we breathe and walk technically we're killing people. I know that sucks to hear If you got a rid of wrath, then you can just throw it in people's faces, you know

I can brag about go to their friends houses and like, you know Grab your genitals in front of them and say look what I did get real blase about it. Yeah Yeah, if they can't even get revenge, that's what it's it, you know, you can't no tag backs with a rid of wrath Oh, no pet. No tag backs is huge when you're finding someone no tags backs is huge It's a pro move guys guys at the very bottom of this bag, there's a blinking stone. Looks like, I'm not an expert on these things. It looks like a magical tracker.

Oh no. Magical tracker. Someone should would be able to track you here to the wander lost. Yes, that's exactly what it is, Arnie. Oh, I've taught you well. And you've listened so well to the lessons I have given. Now you are also a magic appreciator and knower of stones.

You love magical stones almost as much as I do. Oh, if only you would cut these stones in your hand and and allow and just want to ride a horse all of a sudden. Really allow them to like feel the weight of those stones in your hands and crest the stones so that you know they're magical with how they're magically imbued. Save it for the dirge.

Oh wait, I've seen this in a play before. Give me the tracker stone. Put that on the ground and I'll stomp it so I break it. Ow, fuck! Oh, my foot, my foot, my foot, my foot! Oh, I thought I could just crush it with my foot and they couldn't track us anymore. Oh, ow, ow, ow, ow! Here, let me fix your foot with my magical healing rock.

Oh, fuck! Oh, better, yes, thank you. Oh, man. Maybe if we had like a bag that would then would keep the magic inside, you know Well a sack of some to put the stones in I'll eat it But what it's what it's still track you This is me tracking you good luck getting through the magical bullshit that surrounds my body Yeah, well, thank you. That was very generous of you. I very generous of you I I didn't know what I didn't know what I was gonna do with oh oh oh he's casting a spell oh

no he's oh that's stone oh passing a spell I don't think he's casting it I'm gonna have to pass this spell yeah why don't you sit down a spell yeah oh shit oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys! A bunch of dwarven looking people just walked through the tavern door. They look really tough. I should not have eaten that stone. They're holding up another stone. It's kind of like pulsating. Everyone quick, grab a bag with one of the disguises.

Okay. Ah, ah, ah, ah with one of the disguises. Okay. And we'll try on these disguises after this break. A few miles from the glass spires of Midtown Atlanta lies the South River Forest. In 2021 and 2022, the woods became a home to activists from all over the country who gathered to stop the nearby construction of a massive new police training facility, nicknamed Cop City.

At approximately nine o'clock this morning, as law enforcement was moving through various sectors of the property, an individual without warning shot a Georgia State Patrol trooper. This is We Came to the Forest, a story about resistance, The abolitionist mission isn't done until every prison is empty and shut down. love and fellowship, It was probably the happiest I've ever been in my life. and the lengths will go to protect the things we hold closest to our hearts. Follow We Came to the Forest on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Convince all episodes of We Came to the Forest early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Guys, guys, be honest. Would I look better with this beard, this fake beard that I'm wearing? How does it look compared to my regular beard? I think it looks pretty good. Yeah, it looks by the way good, yeah. It's not as patchy as your regular beard. This fake beard that I'm wearing. How does it look compared to my regular beard? I think it looks pretty good. Yeah, looks really good.

It's not as patchy as your regular beard. Oh, you there. You there. We're looking for someone. You're like dating? Like looking, you're just- No, no, not looking for someone that way. We're looking for someone named Corlux.

That's not a name we've ever heard. Yeah. What about you, little one? Who, me? Yes, you the sexy little one. My name's Danny Mora. Oh, and she has the paperwork to prove it. Mm-hmm. Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, Danimora. A pleasure to meet you. Would you like to go over to the bar and have a drink with me? Uh, yes, please. All right, then.

All at one of my compatriots. Continue to interrogate you then. Thank you so much, Chut. You're welcome. After five minutes, come save me! So, what's your name? My name? My name is... Um...

Let me look at this paper. Uh, Francisco, the talking horse. Oh, wait, Usador? Uh... What? Wait, Usador, is that you? Are you wearing the horse? Guys, our disguises are too good!

Sorry, sorry. We're talking to each other. Shit, I gotta get to the bar. I'm supposed to be with that- with that dwarf. Uh, where'd he go? Where'd he go? Where'd he go? Uh, sorry, I had to go slip into something more comfortable. Ship-shift lingerie on top of my fur. Ah, that's very brave of you to wear such scanty underwear out to the burr like this. Mm-hmm. What's your name?

My name is Grey Haven the Darkbeard. Ooh, I love them short, grey and darkbeard. I've got my hammer here and I'm looking for a fella that I want to smash with that hammer pretty hard. Ooh, I've got a hammer too. It's a star smasher. You want to see it? A star smasher, yeah. What an incredible... Isn't that an ancient dwarven weapon of great fame and renown? I don't know. Tee hee hee hee hee. I'm just a little Danny Mora.

You're as cute as a button, Danny Mora. and I'd love to take you back to my love nest Oh Close your eyes, okay? I knocked him out guys. I knocked him out. Oh good. Oh good. Has it been five minutes yet? Uh Doesn't matter anymore. I don't think so. I don't think so. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Where did the other ones go?

Bathroom? Oh, back? They all ran into the bathroom. They were all they all cross legged in there. And while the other one was interrogating us, they definitely needed to use the bathroom. They're doing drugs in there. There's no, there's no question they're doing drugs in there. Should I go try to sell them some drugs? I think they already have drugs. That's why they went in there.

Well, sometimes you run to the bathroom to do drugs and you go, oh, I forgot my drugs. No, that's true. Probably because you were doing drugs. Yeah. Go in there as Francisco the horse. Francisco the talking horse? Sure. Here I go. Explode. These are great drugs that were taken, eh? Here I go. Excuse me.

These are great drugs that were taken, eh? Ha ha ha ha. Excuse me, gentlemen, do you need, do you need more drugs? Who are you? Who are you? Your voice sounds unconvincing. What do you mean unconvincing?

I'm Francisco the Talking Horse. I agree with you, brother. Just listen to his voice. Something's amiss. It's all over the place. I don't know what you mean. I'm sure if you just want to sample some new drugs, let Francisco be your hooky-up. Uh, what? No, you go, my friend. You go, no, you go. Uh, you would... No, you go my friend. Uh, you go, no you go. Uh...

What can I do? Now, you said that I sounded inconsistent, and I just wanted to point out that maybe, uh, that is the part called indicator black. Well, we have an excuse. We're doing accent cocaine. Hahahaha! Pfffff!

And you see, with accent cocaine, anything can come out! Well, you got me there. I suppose if you need any more... It's illegal, because if you take too much, you can get real dicey. You can start saying things you regret. If you need any more glop or anything anything you just come talk to me, Francisco, okay? Will do, Francisco. Arnie, Trunt, Metamore. It just occurred to me there was no reason for me to put on a disguise. Oh. Probably not. Yeah. Did they, did they um, kind of notice that the tracker got real close to them by chance or they didn't mention it

They were doing accent cocaine and I oh man I can I just say anytime you do accent cocaine you just have to cross your fingers and hope Cuz what out of 20 times it's bad. Yeah, you don't know what's coming out. Oh, yeah, you could get Chancellor'd at the Chancellor come and yell at you for being inappropriate. That's true. Now, so do any of us know? Are these dwarves? Do they look?

Here's my question. Do these doors look good or evil? Like is it like Metamor? Are they after you for a good reason? Maybe or a bad reason? Oh, like, yeah, maybe they want to give you like a big inheritance or something. They want to kill me I'm certain of it. I don't know they were sure what what is your earliest memory?

Well, I remember being in like middle school, but I was like an adult middle school Hmm, that's pretty late. That was weird. I was like, why are you so big and tall? Why do you shave? You know, so like that was like, why are you so big and tall? Why do you shave? You know, so like, that was like a memory of mine. Arnie, we told you about middle school. I don't think so. What's the one they build below the top school and above the bottom school?

Yeah. You have to work your way up to the top school and then you get to, once you have matriculated to the top, you get to, once you have matriculated to the top, you can then, you're allowed to cast a flying spell and fly away once you've learned everything you can possibly learn. The stairs only go one way. That's right.

Although ever since that king in the 80s, who kept saying we're gonna have matricule down economics, a lot of people get stuck as middlemen. They never kind of ascend to the top. That's kind of fucked this. This isn't the time. This is the time. I kind of want to shoot them all between the eyes with one crossbow arrow. Wow. Can you do that? You think I could do that?

That's got to be like a one in a million shot. I'd love to see it. Just just right through do do do do do right right through their brains of one That sound like me. Does that something I would do No was the did it did it was that the arrow piercing their brains? Yeah, it kind of slow motion you really glossed over that did it did it did it that's taking lives in quick succession Well, he has a rid of wrath. he can do it if he wants to.

Yeah. Yeah! I'm afraid! Metamor, is it possible that you are secretly some trained super soldier? Your memories have been suppressed and that's why you're so obsessed with offices and bosses. You're trying to be someone else dragonborn identity. Yeah. What if what if I was a one of the dragon assassins or you know what some

crazy gang. Why didn't they kill me then. Why did they let me live. I don't know. They they should have killed you because you could eventually lead to a dragonborn supremacy. You saw. Did you know the third one? Boy, I sure wish I did right now. I sure don't. That's ultimatum. You better figure it out or else that's your ultimatum. Okay. Ah.

To figure out the third one. Very well. I suppose I'll work on that then. Very well, I suppose I'll work on that then. Is it possible that if we, I don't know, hit you on the head again, that you might go into like a murderous rage and kill all these dwarves who may or may not be here to kill you? It's possible. It's quite possible. Okay, so we have to sit here and think. Do we want these dwarves to attack us?

Or to at least tell us what they're actually doing here? Or just kill them, I don't know. Yeah, or before they get a chance to do that, do we just kill them right out? What does everyone think? We should vote on it, right? Yeah, that seems fair. Y You said, what's your vote? Well, my vote is always a preemptive strike. You know, your enemies, twisted and vile as they are, will find any way to undermine you. And you must be prepared for even that bird sitting upon the branch outside, looking at me right now, it might be Spintax in disguise.

So I've decided to set it up via Gaelic-Dripped Carver! That was an avocado. Oh, that was just an avocado. That was an avocado growing on that tree. That avocado is toasted! That's right, Metamore, you got it. Now, I, so I vote preemptive strike, honey We can't can I just say we can't afford to keep toasting avocados. This is why we don't own a house and we all live in

A tavern. Okay, that's true. That's true. It's cuz a spells like that. So Alright, alright. Well, look, I don't love killing people in the tavern even with a crossbow. It's gonna be pretty messy. Metamor, would you be able to just kill them with like this rolled up magazine or something? They're not dogs to whip out already. Yeah. And I don't even whip dogs. Let's just be clear. No, that's a step too far. Yeah, no emails. That'll make our listeners far more angry than killing people.

Yeah, yeah, you That'll make our listeners far more angry than killing people. Yeah, yeah, you don't, yeah. If they killed a dog, we'd have every right to go back and kill them. I'd go on a revenge spree to protect that dog, or revenge that dog. Rit of wrath or no, I think the dog claws supersedes. How's that spelled?

Supersedes? Claws. S-U-P-E-R-S-E-E-O. Klaus? They're coming out of the bathroom! Duck! Spawn! Ahhhhh! Holy shit!

They're pinned up against the wall with that arrow! I shot them straight through the three heads or what? Um, well... I'm a super assassin! It's... with that arrow. I shot him straight through the three heads, I won. Oh, boy. I'm a super assassin. It's... I don't wanna be a super assassin. I can't believe I'm dying with this voice. This sucks.

This fucking sucks. Oh, coming to here. What happened to my friends? Hey, you, have you seen the bastard who shot my friends through the head? Look, before we kill you, be honest. What? Wait, what?

Wait, hang on, you just said before you kill me. Arnie, never start with that. Before we kill you, tell us. Well, I'm gonna kill you first then. I'm gonna take out my sword and I'm gonna cut your head off. He's running running he's running Metamorph wow

Incredible but now we'll I was gonna ask him why he was looking for Coralac so we're really no closer. Oh wait healing rock Okay, Arnie, question him. What? So, before we kill you... I'm already dying. Oh shit. Okay, before you die, why are you hunting Corlax? I'm, you gotta get a message to my mother.

Oh, this again? You gotta get a message to me, mother. Well, how can I? And my wife and my 17 children. Can we do the Corlax part first? We'll get to that. What? Arnie, it's only proper and fun when someone's dying to take a letter to their loved one.

Okay. And offer them a last meal. What would you like for your last meal? I'd, uh, I'd really love some of those, uh, those crackers that taste like chicken. Okay, crackers taste like chicken. Okay, crackers taste like chicken. You know, biscuit chicken crackers. Yeah, okay. Chicken, biscuit. It's kind of weird.

How did they get the chicken in there? That's a good question. I love some of those. I already wrote this letter. Okay. You, you tall one, you're gonna have to deliver it to my wife and my mother and my 17 children It's cool. Do they all live together? No, they all live in separate houses in the same village. Okay

Oh, okay one on top of the other. Oh, huh weird, but useful for us real quick with the addresses real quick It's it's 43 43 Meadowlark Lane 43 meadow lark lane in Graalbach next and next time just put it on the letters, right? Am I crazy? Just put on the next time I'd love to do that. It's it's only it's deep underneath Mount Killstone So if you could just deliver those now kill not kill stone up the north or Mount Kinsley

No, stop dying. Stop dying south south south healing rock healing rock What do you want with me It's you It's Corlax We are coming to kill you told Told you! I told you! Yeah, sorry, sorry. He told us he got it.

He got it. I'm sorry about that. But that was a bad ass voice you did, Metamore. I know, I know. Where do they want with me? We made you into the assassin that you are. Oh nuts. And have always been.

Once you got loose and you got free and started to get famous from running your offices and bosses games you became a liability and we had to off yet before someone face accidentally said your trigger word and you went around killing everybody you'd be unstoppable even the even the birds Even the... Oh, nuts! We don't know what... Killing Rock! Killing Rock! Even the birds and the animals and all the creatures in the world can't stop you. The wizards, they even they would have to band together to stop you and they're all split to the winds now. This trigger word, is it another language? I mean, can you spell it? Can you spell it? Could you communicate it to us without saying? Oh geez, how do I?

You had time to say split to the win. Could you just say the word? How do I? No, I don't want to say the word. It would trigger him I got to figure out a way to communicate the word to you without How many syllables? It's oh don't tug on your ear. Oh that came off Oh Just say sounds like It's um oh don't tug on your ear. Oh that came off I can't see if he's saying three syllables or his hands just flopping around and he lost a couple fingers Sounds like oh

He's making the motion like yeah swim sounds like swim swimming What rhymes with don? Don't say it, okay, you gotta not say the words. Don't say the words! Okay. It's even sound like it because you could get into big trouble. But imagine, just imagine, sounds like swimming, right? Yeah, swimming.

Okay. And then, why, why did you just say that? Why did you have to gesture swimming? Arnie, even if you're dying games are fun. Don't you know how to play the game? You're stupid. You're stupid tall man. We gotta build up the suspense. Okay. Okay. Yeah, don't call my friends stupid That's rude. Very rude. Yeah. Yeah, you got to know when you think about words that sound like swimming But aren't swimming. Womening?

Swimming. Swimming. No, no. There's a sexual act that sounds like that, that you don't want to say out loud in front of this man. Oh, yes, yes, yes. I got it. Guys, I got it.

Timmy. What? Don't say it. What did you say, Ernie? Timmy? Close enough. Don't say it. Just don't say it.

You know, think about your toilet bowl. You know, then you can... Oh, huh. I don't have it. I don't have it. No, you do have it. You have it. Oh, I do have it. Okay. Yeah, think about it. It's not stimming. It's... Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got it. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

Oh, also, real quick, real quick. Before you go, what's your name? What's your name? What's your name? You never learned his name? My name is Greyhaven the Blackbeard. Greyhaven the Blackbeard. Listen, it is- I'm so sorry, it is so hard to get guests around here. And I have a recording right after this. Just real quick, Greyhaven the Blackbeard? Yep.

This is Greyhaven the Blackbeard. Oh, this is Usador. And this is Chunt. And we're... Getting Nuts! Hey, thank you, buddy. I didn't want to say it before, but I'm a huge fan. I saw the tattoo. I recognized you as soon I'm a huge fan. I saw the tattoo.

I recognized you as soon as I came in here. I saw the tattoo. Hey, thanks man. I just want you to know before I die, I never liked you Arnie. Fuck you! Oh, fuck you! Oh! That was rude.

Fuck you! How do you know my real name? I don't know. He must have listened to season one. I feel like people didn't like me in season one Here's your chicken crackers Rude. Oh, I think he's dead. Oh dead. Oh, well, I need to stay out of brothels and adult parties. I think that's You and me both that's kind of I got a steer clear of that kind of stuff. I guess, huh? Yeah

Yeah, yes, yeah if. Mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum to be safe is to only spend time with the least sexual people in all of Foon. Done. All right. Let's play offices and bosses. A minute more while you set up the offices and bosses, charts and dice and everything. Is it all right if I do a quick email? Totally. Yeah, yeah. But then after the game, I'll have to wander Foon, trying to find my true identity identity trusting no one

wondering if I'll ever know my true self or have peace again sounds pretty cool. That sounds pretty cool. Sounds very cool. Are you gonna like hitchhiking stuff? Yeah maybe a really sad song will play as I hitchhike down the road oh yeah yeah yeah I could pull the collar of my coat up Yeah, we'll figure it out it's a good song I also love your songs I don't just love metamorph songs I just wanted you to know We'll hear the songs after the credits at the email Okay, so here's an email you can email me at magic tavern at puppies out supplies It's a real email address or yes, honey before you read the email. Should I take this horse disguise off? Yeah

Okay Yeah, sorry. Should I take off this lingerie? No. No keep that Okay, you can also join the patreon at patreon.com slash magic tavern and message us there Here's one we got recently to the email address the magic tavern email address They said I paid for some crystals and since then you have stopped the ads that gave me boosters I have very little money and now I can't get past some levels. Can you help? Thank you What I think And now I can't get past some levels. Can you help? Thank you. What? I think, you know, I'm not 100% sure,

but back on my world, unfortunately, our SEO has been really hurt. There's like a mobile game company called Magic Tavern, and we've occasionally, and with more frequency, get emails complaining about their games. Ah, I see. And an SEO, is that like a TSA? Yeah, pretty much.

And their domain is also puppies.supplies? That's the part I don't know. I don't know how they Don't know how that how it happens. Hmm But apparently this person paid for so also there's a lot of misspellings here, but that's fine I paid for some crystals and since then you have stopped the ads that gave me boosters I have very little money and now I can't get past levels. Can you help? Thank you Is there anything we can do to help? Well, I can I can certainly conjure crystals, but I don't know how to get them back to earth

Can you give can you send boosters to earth? Boosters Oh Arnie you said there was some you said there's some misspellings. I'm guessing that was meant to be roosters You can send some roosters to earth. Yeah, just send some roosters earth. I can conjure crystals. I can't send them to earth I can conjure roosters and those I can send earth. Okay. Yeah, so I'm just gonna show you this email address I'm not gonna say it on on the podcast You sir you track this email address and send some roosters to this person got and some crystals Can you say you you can't send crystals? I can't send crystals. I can conjure them here. Hmm.

Can you send money? Just money? Can you do white castles? If you can't do crystals, can you do little white castles? Yeah, I could send a little white castle and a rooster in it. Each one. Because they're a lot like kind of the same. It's regional.

Also, people are spending money they don't have on a game. Stop. Please stop. Whereas you should be spending money you do have on a patreon to sponsor this show. What a good idea You pounced on that already good job Speaking of things you can buy I want to do a new segment called shirt report where we talk about our shirts as you know We have you can get magic tavern shirts on our t public store There's a link in the show notes. I was

Looking at some of our shirts on T public and I searched it and I found a shirt For magic tavern that was not made by us. Oh, it's probably for the mobile game But also I don't believe it's for the mobile game. Someone has made a shirt with like three different kind of shitty fonts and it says hello from the magic tavern. So there's bootleg merch. I don't think it says hello from the magic tavern. Yeah, that's the thing. If you look closely, there is a typo,

and this is all true, there's a typo, and this is all true, there's a typo in this bootleg shirt, and it actually says, hello from the magic traven. Which I'd love to listen to. Which sounds good. That's the thing that's making me mad. I'm mad about the bootlegging, but more than that, I'm kind of falling in love with this

hello from the magic traven shirt. I want that so bad I know That's the thing because the bad font somehow becomes charming because it says hello from the magic Traven and it what is traven like I mean, I guess it's a trained Raven, right? Yeah, I don't know it has to be you want me to tell me to kill him. You want me to kill him Oh man, I'm more no no no no no, right? But I think I heard in just injustice I heard it You want me to kill him? You want me to kill him? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Okay, and we'll add like a change to it like we'll add a TM after traven and We will now add hello from the magic traven to our merch store So make sure you get the right traven. Yeah, make sure it's from us. I guess I was spelling the other words In a different way. Oh, we do it. Otherwise are we leaving it the same? It is like us to really just heighten things too far

But I would suggest we stick with the trait. There's something about the traven. Yeah simple clean crisp I love that let them come after you. That's right. Let them come after us And I only I take issue with the idea of us heightening things too far I just earlier in this episode was telling a very Wholesome tale about me and a horse going on a wonderful trip together. Wholesome. Oh yeah.

Oh you know what wholesome reminds me of? A little bit of ribbing. Alright, don't clean the hole. Leave the holes dirty everybody. Leave the holes dirty. You're lucky he didn't hear you. Yeah. Fuck, the one time I want to make a shirt. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Hmm, what white-hot topical film should we skewer next? The Apartment? Broadway Melody? That thing where it's just 12 frames of a galloping horse?

Actually, I love the narrative arc of that one. Usual the Wizard was played by Matt Young. Chomp the Talking Badger was played by Adol Raffae. Metamore was played by special guest Bill Arnett, who treats all dogs with gentle respect. Check out his podcast, The Maximum Party's Own Listening Party, a weekly collection of bits, skits, and pitches. Comedic results may vary. Yeah, welcome to my world. Available on Podbean and other fine podcast retailers.

And yes, if you want a Hello from the Magic Travin shirt, you can buy the bootleg of the bootleg in our T-Public shop. Make sure you're getting the one with the little trademark symbol on it. There's a link to the shop in the show notes, like a treasure map to a landfill. Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon. Patrons get ad-free episodes, all the spin-offs, the ones that hit pay dirt, and the oopsies, and at least two new bonus episodes each month. Here's a clip of the most recent bonus episode, where Arnie, Chunt, and Usador open a box full of trading cards from Earth.

Here's another card. Hairy Half Tamed the Savage Beast. and it's a giant Sasquatch hugging a bald man Yeah, Arnie hugging and a kind of emotional embrace. Oh, you've told us about this movie. That's dr. Evil, right? Does it does look like dr. Evil and we're supposed to throw him a freaking bone Arnie Arnie, are we supposed to throw him a freaking bone? Hey Arnie, are we supposed to throw him a freaking bone Arnie? Arnie? Are we supposed to throw him a frickin' bone? Hey Arnie, are we supposed to throw him a frickin' bone, Arnie? I think so. I'm trying to read the back of the card, I'm sorry. Oh, give me one of these packs! I'm going to open one. Oh, and Arnie, the ones you opened, I think you said these are trading cards.

Can we go ahead and trade those for something better? Oh yes, that's a good idea. Why don't we trade them for a sword? Oh no. I opened my own pack and I have a sad one, Chunt. Oh no. Here it is. Oh. Goodbye, old friend. Where are you going?

It's a man. A middle-aged man saying goodbye to Harry. What could have happened to them? Yeah. You know, we're experiencing the movie here in the Henderson's in a non-chronological order through these cards. It's like a Quentin Tarantino movie To hear the rest and learn more about supporting the show visit patreon.com Magic Tavern hello from the magic Tavern is produced by Arnie knee camp Matt Young and Adol Rafai post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz Associate producer Anna Hoverman this episode edited edited by Can't Stop Crushing It Red Keener.

Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Owler Laban. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. Hey listeners, it's me, Arnie Niekamp again. I know we promised you a song from Chunt after the credits unfortunately He snorted some accent cocaine and he's on a really he's on a bad one a really kind of like inappropriate one and He he promises to not speak or sing until the effects completely wear off.

So unfortunately, there's not going to be a song for Chunt after the credits. And I know we also promised a long dirge from Usador, but I just don't want to do that. So we're not going to have either of those. So I don't know if this makes up for it at all. Show me that smile again Don't waste another minute on your crying. I know we're near the end The best is ready to begin As long as we've got each other

Do do we got the world spinning right in our hands baby rain or shine all the time We got each other stare at shit fuck fuck I was so Proud of myself as I was singing I was like, holy shit I somehow just know every word. And then I fucked it up near the end. Sharing the laughter and the...