Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 5, Ep 55 - Prison Whisperbrew (w/ Brendan Dowling)

Episode Date: May 12, 2025

Benedict Whisperbrew, the former Court Eunuch for the Belaroths, has been imprisoned for crimes against the arts.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungBenedict Whisperbrew: Brendan DowlingMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Anna HavermannMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandNew T-Shirts in the Merch Store!You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Bsky, Instagram and YouTube!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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In our podcast British Scandal, we uncover the bizarre tale of William Joyce, dubbed Lord Hor Hor, the plummy voice traitor who became Hitler's favourite broadcaster. His radio catchphrase, Germany Calling, reached millions of British listeners. But behind the mic, Joyce's loyalties were anything but British. In the latest season of The Spy Who, we open the file on Hardy Ames, the spy who dressed the Queen. Fashion designer Hardy Ames lives in two worlds. One of elegance, where he dresses Hollywood icons and royalty. And another in the shadows, where he orchestrates assassinations in Nazi-occupied Belgium. And in our podcast, Legacy, we're talking about Joseph Stalin, a murderous dictator who saved the world from another murderous dictator.

The man who defeated Hitler, but also the man who oversaw the deaths of millions of his own people. How did he get away with it? And why is he so popular in Russia today? So, whether it's a double agent, a dictator or a disgraced broadcaster, get stuck into Wanderys VE Day specials from British Scandal, The Spy Who and Legacy. Find them wherever you listen to podcasts or binge the full seasons early and ad-free on Wondry Plus. People of Earth, the following podcast is not real. Well, hello discerning podcast listener.

Are you, um, lost? You know if you downloaded something by accident, you don't have to listen to it. You can go back and find whatever you were looking for. Or maybe this is some kind of immersion therapy thing, where you're slowly building up your resilience to the kind of storytelling that would make Joseph Campbell barf by listening to a little bit of us each day. Either way, we're glad and confused and suspicious that you're here. Now sit back and enjoy the show Hello from the Magic Tavern, a weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. Ten years and counting.

Now in prison. Jason, don't forget to take out the garbage. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. Ten years and several months ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of Foon. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal through the dimensional rift, and I used that to upload a podcast recorded here in the topless tower, a maximum security prison for villains run by wizards in the magical land of Thune. And I'm joined, as always, by my co-captives, by my best buds, my co-hosts.

We thought we could escape, and we've realized it's harder than we thought. And here's one of them. He's a brave, brave little badger. Chump the Talking Badger. Oh yeah, baby. Hardy, I have been trying to dig so long. I feel like I got maybe 20 feet down and then I hit some sort of magical barrier so I think that's all out of the question. And I, are you open to notes on your escape plan? Uh yeah, yeah yeah yeah. So first of all you

should start digging on the floor. You've been digging on your bed. Oh, okay. So I don't think it's been 20 feet. And maybe you kind of got to the bottom of the mattress. This is super helpful. It was also helpful when I said I'm going to try and concoct an escape plan. And you said, can you do one dramatic one comedic? And I said, okay, absolutely. Sorry. Yeah, Ornie, I appreciate your feedback.

That's why you're my manager. Yeah. Can I hear the comedic one now? It's kind of embarrassing. I'd rather not Oh Arnie also. Yeah, did you know? We get conjugal visits what we do. Yeah, there's a room It's more of a cave and you can go into and there's two sort of One of the guards will like magic up two creatures and they'll have sex in front of you Huh? I mean, I think they're just like, you know visages or whatever. Yeah of one of the guards will like magic up two creatures and they'll have sex in front of you. Huh.

I mean I think they're just like you know visages or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. I would never really done this approach before but I want to hear more but I don't want to ask any questions so why don't you just sort of. I'll act it out. Well you don't have to do that. Okay.

Oh wow. Whoa. He did all that? In front of you? Holy cow, I guess I'm gonna have to go to that cave. Anyway, I'm also joined by my other co-host, Ysidor the Wizard. Good evening, my name is Ysidor the Blue. I have prepared one classical escape and one comedic escape. Which would you care to see first?

Are you willing to shave? And I'm willing to shave. I'm 5'11 and I'm from Hogsface originally. Originally? I guess we never really talked about, like, I met you in Hogsface, and you spent a lot of time other places, but then you originally, like, kind of conjured near Hogsface? It's kind of my home base, yeah. I often returned there. It felt as much like home as anywhere in Foon.

Though all of Foon accepts me. For they have accepted me as their champion! Fighting for righteousness and good wherever I do go! Oh, I shouldn't be saying that so loud here in the prison full of villains. So sorry. So I guess let's hear your comedic escape. Well, I suppose I'll just walk through this wall Classic oh, I guess it's comedic and classical. Yeah. Yeah, just so we can compare can we see the classic escape?

friends Let's look at each other knowingly side glances while the guards aren't to pay attention, then touch the sides of our nose so that we communicate with each other about how we're digging out of here. Hmm. Okay. Well, thank you for coming in. I think I prefer the communique.

When will I hear from you? Well, um, later in the week, we'll be posting in the cafeteria up on the wall a list of the people that are escaping with us. I have my own daggers and staves, so. Oh, okay. That's good to know. I have my own wardrobe too, if that helps. Sure, sure. Um, Chunt. Yeah. Is it weird that you are both auditioning and one of the producers of this escape? Um, and one of the auditors. I think it's a it's a little unorthodox, but I feel like this for times dot dot dot. Right. Yeah. Is it possible we've been in prison too long and we're just going a little

kooky? Hmm. I'd say there's a good chance. Arnie, did you prepare your escape plan? One romantic, one horny. Mm hmm. Yeah. The problem is I keep getting the horny and the romantic and the romantic and one horny? Mm-hmm. Yeah, but the problem is, I keep getting the horny and the romantic and the romantic and the horny. Artie, there's a fine line between romantic and horny.

Look, here's the thing. I spent all weekend working on my escape plan, my original escape plan that no one had ever done and then I realized it was just the plot to Baby Girl. Oh yeah, remind me what Baby Girl is again. That's complicated. It's, but it- You said this is the one where the guy drives, but he just looks young?

Yeah. No, that's Baby Driver. And then the baby has a day out? No, no, that's Baby's day out. That one is literally Baby's day out. And the boss tells everyone to do him where it's a little suit. Yeah, it's a boss baby.

And it's Alec Baldwin? Yeah. And the baby's like, look who's it's a boss. And it's Alan Baldwin. Yeah, and the baby's like, look, who's talking to? Yes. And that's it. Arnie do all babies on Earth clock? A lot of in movies, they all do. Hmm. It's only when they're paid babies. That's smart. Totally talk when you're paid. Guys, we're gonna go on a little kooky in this cell. Why I know,

here's the weird thing about this prison, we can kind of occasionally just leave our cell and walk around the prison. Why don't we go walk around a little bit? We've been cooped up in here too. Let's get some air. Stretch our legs. Yes. A little unsung.

I probably need to go and help out in the cafeteria as well since I ended down there in a few days. Do you guys notice how whenever we leave our cell, we always turn to the right and look about what's over there. Yeah, we never look at the cells over to the left Hmm. Okay. Well, let's go left today. Why not today's the day cells Alright, okay Dead body. There's somebody in this one I'm cool that's on the next afternoon and then I think they can all oh Pardon me friend There's somebody in this one. Cool.

That's irony, but yeah. Arnold I haven't seen you in ages. Oh Arnold. It's so wonderful to see you It's it's hard to tell who you are under that filth and that grime and those rags who are thou? Oh I'm I'm humiliated before I've fallen on hard times It's this either the once most powerful person in all of food now bedraggled to this time Benedict whisperbrew. Oh, the eunuch. It's the eunuch, everyone. Guys, the eunuch. One of the first people.

Well, that's not what I always lead with. I have a lot of other policies. I'm a good friend. I'm an ardent listener. I'm a fierce champion of the arts. Oh, eunuch, it's so good to see you. Thank you, thank you, Chant. Thank you, thank you.

Yeah, Benedict, it's good to see you again. I feel like you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, We too are trapped here for the crime we didn't commit really And and how we assist the is it oh I have to be brutally honest with you You might be here under false pretenses, but I am here deservedly so I committed one of the rankest crimes a person can commit in the fool murder foul murder Oh far worse than that oh regicide foul regicide would that I had the temerity to kill a king but it is even more despicable than that my mind cannot even imagine the duck on the butt oh oh I've never applied my lips to the fouls feathers but that is something that is a truly abominable crime, but this

one is even worse. I plagiarized a play from a fellow playwright. Oh, genetics. Oh, I... after years of being a court arbitrator, now I dove into my creative pursuits and I was never happier when I was writing plays with Trachea. And then when we had our little culture top and went our separate ways. I'm so sorry to hear that. Sorry, you had your little what?

Culture top. And then we had went our separate ways. Then I was like, Benedict, you are worthy enough. You can write a play on your own. But I just stared at that blank parchment day after day, night after night, never having even the audacity to write act one, scene one. And then in a forest glen, I overheard the twitterings of the hummingbirds. And you know that I can speak the language

of all bird creatures. Of course. It was Hector, the king of the hummingbirds. And you know that I can speak the language of all bird creatures. Of course. It was Hector, the king of the hummingbirds, and he was rehearsing his solo show. Oh, Hector Hums the Hits. Yes, oh, Hector Hums the Hits. I was foolish enough to see that it wouldn't have been a crossover success with the human population, but of course, the number one audience demographic for Hector Hums the Hits was a person. You've heard a hummingbird sing, right? I don't think I have. Oh, it's like seeing a sunrise over a mountain cliff. It's like seeing a unicorn burst through the water and then land atop an anthill.

It's like seeing a mermaid fuck a centaur. Well, I, yes, yes, it is exactly like that. Oh, and so I sculpt behind a sycamore tree and was scribbling furiously all his stage directions, all his crosses and his counter poses and his soliloquies and his music breaks. So I'm sorry, so bad. when you were overhearing Hector, his play. Hector Hums the Hits. Was he also like vocalizing the stage directions or you

were just transcribing the ways he was moving around? Oh I'm so sorry Arnold I forget that not everyone has the familiarity with avian theater that I do. Yes when a bird rehearses their play, they do something called a technical rehearsal, and since it's illegal to stage manage a bird's show in Foon, a bird also has to act as their own stage manager. So they have to call out all the stage directions. It's an archaic and cruel law that I've been trying to overturn for years. Why can't they have a stage manager?

Legislation needs to start now so that birds can only be burdened with the prospect of acting their one-person show and not having to stage manage it also. That's right. I'm sorry to interrupt, but I just get so passionate about this. Oh, both of you, you and I are advocates and that is our burden. I saw one bird show of Bird Bird Birdie. It was a mess. Oh, Bird Bird Birdie has a long history of injuries

and performers taking huge, like lights falling on their beaks. You know, the curtain clipping off their tail feathers. It was a disastrous run. Well, you want it to be a spectacle, but a one bird version is very difficult to make into a spectacle when you're doing Bird Bird Birdie. You want that full production value, yet doing it all on your own is just not realistic, especially when you're just a delicious little bird. Yeah I remember hearing Kevin Kestrel it was it's the act two number birds what's

the problem with birds today and it's it's more of it's more of um you can sing the song or you can speak sing the song it's one of those marvelous things you can be a character actor or you can be a real triple threat. And he was going through it and a stage light fell on him and it killed him. Oh no. I also saw a version that Bernadette Peters tried to do, very difficult, and she lost her voice. She managed to pull off a lot of the production value. I love Bernadette Peters, Usador, but I'll be honest the last few times that I've seen her

an understudy has gone on for her. And then sometimes I went to a Wednesday matinee, Burtadette Peters was only marking it. She wasn't going full out. I see. Yeah, you can tell when they're going through the motions. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I've heard, I've seen her squawk at someone in the audience who was laying an egg while the show was going on. It's really uncomfortable.

Oh, and well, and the thing is, you know, I think egg laying is a real problem in theater right now because so many people, you know, you're not in your living room. You're not, you're not at home. You can't just lay an egg whenever you feel like it. No. No. Just excuse yourself and go to the nest. Yes. That's what they're there for. Every bird theater has a nest in the lobby for egg laying purposes.

So I'm not as familiar with one bird show as you three are, but I feel like I heard there was one called Squawk Radio. You've never heard the old saying, pick up your egg after the show? No. I haven never heard the old saying, pick up your egg after the show? No, I haven't heard that saying. Or you would also say, if someone's about to go on for the first time, you say, break an egg. Exactly, sorry Arnie, you were saying that.

No, I was just saying, I heard there was one called Squawk Radio by Eric Boghossahan. Oh, Eric Boghossahan is, he's a truth teller, he's a soothsayer, and he holds a mirror up to society. Yeah. Yes. Arnie, I was curious why you didn't talk for three minutes, and now I know why.

I don't know, I guess I just really like those kind of like older one-bird plays that are a little rougher around the edges, like Spalding Grey Goose. Oh, yes. I like his work. Oh Flying to Cambodia. Monster and a Squawks. A lot of them have Squawk in it for some reason. We never know. We will never find out. Do you like John Lakewazammo Bird? A lot of his stuff is just kind of fun and funky. Now is that the bird that has a lot of ellipses near the end of his name. I think so. He's a bit of a freak Yeah, but but now Arnold I'm here in the prison and I'm serving up my sentence willingly gratefully

and you know what I'm thriving because I am finally reaching out to the Incarcerated population and I am helping them tell their own stories and we are writing solo shows we are writing group work we are we are bringing the power of the theater to the incarcerated masses here in food. Ooh sing sing! I will! Artie we should have Benedict Whisperbrew. Whisperbrew? Is that right? Whisperbrew? Yes that's my name.. Yeah, Benedict Whisperbrew. Whisperbrew, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, I did an extra- I didn't have to change it when I joined the Actors Association here in the prison. Oh, so there's not already a Benedict Whisperbrew in the theater community in the prison?

Well, there was, but he died a hundred years ago, so I can still use my own name. Oh, I see. We should have him help with the, um, I don't know, the sort of writing and casting of the escape plan, right? Oh, sure, absolutely. Oh, and also, if any of you want to write a show of your own, you know, I would be more than grateful to help you shape it and mold it and, you know, just give you constructive feedback as you tell your own story. Really?

Oh, he's already announced the time to pitch It's Easy Being Blue. I've always wanted to do its easy being blue I thought it'd be a wonderful way to teach everyone in food about fighting for righteousness and good and Overcoming the forces of evil and also perhaps open the door to another career for myself, you know, perhaps doing voiceovers You know where I project my voice just out over the land using my magic powers and saying things like, buy this product. Oh, Ysidor, I don't even know what you wanted me to buy.

But my hand is on my wallet, just hearing your voice. Yes, well, no one's hired me, so I don't know what product to say yet. Enchant, do you have a story you want to tell? Um, who? Maybe. Oh maybe oh yes I do it's like a like a guy and he falls onto this he falls into this world and I was like whoa what the fuck is this and he's like hey I'm gonna cut you off right there Chuck you're seeing a lot of that right now in prison right now and I don't think it's going to fly no that makes sense yeah that makes sense okay yeah

yeah what if there's like a new spin on it like what if it's I don't think it's going to fly. No, that makes sense. Yeah, that makes sense. Okay. Yeah Yeah, what if there's like a new spin on it? Like what if it's I don't know on a Arnold Is there a story that you've been dying to tell? Well, I've been thinking about a story. I wanted to tell I've been thinking about it all weekend And then I realized it's just a plot of baby girl. Oh, I figured it out halfway through when I was like in my one-man show I was like and then I freak out and I tell my husband he's never made me come. I then I was like, wait a second. This is so familiar. I think the plot of baby girl is a little bit more complex than you're deriving it from, but I,

I think your own story is so powerful and so resonant with today's masses. King for a moment. That would be a play that I would gladly purchase a ticket for. Oh, you think I should play the part of a king? You already have, Arnold. You were a king for just a moment. For the glorious 30 seconds when all was right with food. I guess when Tom Blaine and Trichia Aurelia Veloroth did the bat dance in the bat cave to become rulers of the Northeast, I did accidentally become king for about 30 seconds.

Accidentally or fatefully. As if the goddesses had ordained that for a half minute of perfection, balance and harmony would be restored to food. Oh, I mean I guess I was pretty great for 30 seconds. Like I was a pretty good king for 30 seconds. I didn't do any damage to the kingdom at least. Oh, an unmarred kingdom is a successful reign. Well, if you're just looking for stories about royalty, I have a great story about this prince. He's brand new.

He's a fresh prince. He's from Westfingaria. He's fallen into bad times, fallen into a bad crowd, and then he gets born and raised in Westfingaria. Born and raised in Westfingaria. And then he gets moved into this rich family. Wait, sorry, before he gets moved,

where does he spend most of his days? You'd have to tell me. In the eastern part of the city, or a different cardinal ordination? I thought it was West, but now I'm starting to fear I was wrong. Yeah. Maybe the playground? Look, I was making this reference. I don't know what you're saying.

I think you're doing a marvelous job, Ysidor. You know, I think what would be fun to explore is maybe there would be some tension between one of his familial members that would also spill over. So maybe in the first act, one family member could be played by one actress, and then with no explanation,

a new actress could play her in the second half. And then he could have sort of an uptight cousin played by El Flamingo Ribeiro. Oh, I saw El Flamingo Ribeiro in... Well, I saw him in a play. Yeah, from my understanding, he hasn't been in that much. Very charming, but not in that much. Well, it's not unusual to see him just in different shows.

Yeah, I think I saw him... isn't he kind of busy now with Foon's funniest crotch shots? Yes yes yes yes yes yes. You know and that and and that is what's so sad because a performer like Alfonso Flamingo should be should be back in the theater. We should see him. Yes. He I think he did memorably fill in in Chisquago Which of course has that great song that starts with car Lepchitz Bore the other words he had it humming it's about About the spouses of different hummingbirds who the hummingbird spouses murdered the hummingbirds because he had it humming.

He was drinking that nectar six times or whatever. So good. It's wonderful. Well, we should probably take a quick break. Intermission. Call it an intermission. We should take a quick intermission. But Arnie, all this talk of birds really makes me think we've got to get Lin-Marco Miranda on this show. Oh, yeah.

I'm John Robbins, and joining me on How Do You Coke this week is the journalist, author, and my fellow Five Live broadcaster, Nagam and Chetty. I've never worn white trousers at work, not because I don't want to get them dirty, because I used to be so scared of bleeding through. But can you imagine having to take a spare pair of pants to work and, you know, a spare pair of trousers all the time just in case something happens? You'd think there's something wrong.

So that's How Do You Cope with me, John Robbins. Find us wherever you get your podcasts. I'm John Robbins and joining me on How Do You Cope this week is the journalist, political strategist, author and broadcaster Alistair Campbell. After I left Downing Street, I had a massive depression, one of the worst I've ever had. And it was probably actually literally a decompression. And so the depression followed and I started to sort of Physically beat myself up. So that's how do you cope with me John Robbins find us wherever you get your podcasts So Benedict yes, you said you played rise this play ha it was a hummingbird

One bird hums the hits Hector hums the hits. How did you get caught? Oh, well, this is so embarrassing because I was putting it up at an unlicensed theater in the back of a barn in a tavern. And I had been selling out for three weeks. And people were saying, Benedict, I never knew that you could play a hummingbird so convincingly. Your heartbeat is going 120 beats a second.

And I said, well, the method actor, I have to, I have to live as the hummingbird does. I was on a strict sugar and water diet. And then one night, curtain rises, the light hits me. And since I'm a human, I can deploy the talents of a stage manager. And I made the fatal mistake that any actor can make I looked into the audience I looked into the audience and who do you think was sitting front row dead center program clenched in his wings I'm at Peters oh it was not birded at Peter she was, it was not Birded at Peters. She was busy doing Sunday in the Park with Gorge. Which is about...

Oh, Stephen Sondheim. Yes, yes, yes. Stephen Sondheim's immaculate work. I miss him. I miss him. I know who it was. I know. Oh, Usador. You have a guess. I believe it was none other than Hector himself. Oh, no. Because Hector was busy on the West End doing Hector Hums the Hits Part 2. Oh, cool.

Well, that's good. Well, then who was it? Arnie, do you have a guess? Mandy something? There's one hen at the end. Mandy Patink Hen? It was Mandy Patink Hen. Finishing the nest. Yes. Yes. Oh, I loved when he said finishing the nest First you've got to finish the nest Chimney nest Arnie. We've been talking for a minute about finished theater. There's something you should know, which is Benedict sort of alluded to it. What he said he looked out into the audience. There's this magic that happens in theater

Well one there's just a magic that happens in theater. Oh, you have to go Arnold You have to go. How you gotta go. There's a magic that happens where if you can see the audience Suddenly through sort of magic the audience can see you But does that make sense it means perfect sense Chant you explained it beautifully thank you thank you so much if you can't if you can't see the audience can they not see you oh oh come on how's you how what is you if you're going to be fresh like this, I'm afraid we are going to get to the quarter tops. Get a little what?

A quarter top. Arnold, I was performing the opening number to Hector Hums the Hits. And that's of course when a young Hector is first spotted in the nectary by a big powerful Kestrel who says, wait a second, you have a gift. You have to go to Hummingwood. Anyway, you've all seen the show. Wait, but also, Benedict, not only did you plagiarize this play, you didn't change any details?

Like you didn't make yourself a human instead of a bird? Oh, I'm sorry, Arnold. When you find a pearl, do you try to transform it into a diamond? When you find a phoenix soaring over the sky, do you request that it change itself into a pterodactyl? You don't change perfection, Arnold. Also, do you even know what the word plagiarism means?

Did I stutter? You didn't. You speak perfectly. Thank you. He wasn't paying homage to it. He ripped the fucking thing off. Yes. Sorry Ernie. Sorry that this isn't like, you know, someone saying like, you never made me cum or whatever you said earlier. That's just one detail in my story.

Again, I think that's a gross oversimplification of the themes of Baby Girl. Look, I'm not saying that's the most important thing that happened to Baby Girl. Far from it. That's just the part when I realized I was copying Baby Girl. Well, anyway, Arnold, I did not change a thing because I, when I saw Hector perform that part, I knew his struggle. I felt it in my bones and I had to bring it into life. And I dare say this might be my hubris, but I thought I could do Hector Hums the Hits better than Hector could himself.

Wow. Wow. And when I locked eyes on Mandy Patinkhan, and he was in the audience squawking nervously, and Mandy Patinkhan all of a sudden, he ruffled his feathers, and he stood to his full four inches of height, and he squawked with that beautiful resonating tone and Can you do an impression? Are you do you have a Mandy Patinkin impression of how he squawked?

Well, I've been a huge fan of Mandy Patinkin ever since Hentel he I prefer him in the Penguin Bride Penguin Bride also Batt, he's so in love with the Penguin Bride. Also Battleship Potankhen was wonderful. Oh, sure. And a lot of people forget that he plays the pianist in Chick Tracy. Oh, yeah. When he sings Fooner or Later.

Anyway, Mandy Potankhen stood up to his full four inches and and he said plagiarism plagiarism everywhere plagiarism plagiarism most unfair which of course is the say it with me the Plagiarism Accusation spell plagiarism. Yes, and so I was immediately, I had medicals on my hands, medicals on my ankles, and I was transported here. My name has been sullied through the media. I am, people wouldn't even make eye contact with me. Trachea has stopped returning my correspondence.

It's humiliating, but I resolved to build myself back up. Oh my god correspondence it's humiliating but I resolved to build myself back up oh my god a suspend it dick you the magical manacles to whisk you away too I mean dare I ask did the audience get a refund I had to pay every single one of them back and write an individual letter of apology to each audience member how. I also had to amend my biography in the playbill and take out all reference to Hector Hums the Hits. Now, wait. But there's still a playbill?

Yeah, you're still doing the show, even though you're in prison? Yes, that was, the judge said, it is like what a child is found smoking the cigar and the father says, oh, you like smoking cigars so much, why don't you stay the night in this little shed and smoke a box of cigars? And the child says, I shall do it. And then in the morning, they are sick to their stomach,

and they never smoke cigars again. Well, when you plagiarize a solo show by a hummingbird actor in Foon, your penance is to perform it every night for seven years until you are so sick of the show that you would be begging to do anything else. But the thing about Hector Hums the Hits, it is a play so textured, so nuanced, so full of human insight and wisdom that honestly I find something new about it every time I hit the stage. Oh wow that's wonderful. Well I don't want to keep you it's getting late in the day.

It's probably your call time. Yes I do have to run. I would love to see the show can you just do it here? And you said or you did say car time right? Yeah car time. It's your car time. My car time is half hour before the curtain rises and since I am a human actor I still get a stage manager in prison. And that's the sad thing because the stage manager didn't do anything wrong. But because I'm a human actor they need a stage manager for the theater. That's very sad. Well, I think, I don't know about you two, but why don't we take a quick break and then

get ready to watch Hector Hums the Hits? In the early hours of December 4th, 2024, CEO Brian Thompson stepped out onto the streets of Midtown Manhattan. This assailant pulls out a weapon and starts firing at him. We're talking about the CEO of the biggest private health insurance corporation in the world. And the suspect. He has been identified as Luigi Nicholas Mangione. Became one of the most divisive figures in modern criminal history.

I was targeted, premeditated, and meant to sow terror. I'm Jesse Weber, host of Luigi, produced by Law and Crime and Twist. This is more than a true crime investigation. We explore a uniquely American moment that could change the country forever. He's awoken the people to a true issue. Finally maybe this would lead rich and powerful people to

acknowledge the barbaric nature of our health care system. Listen to law and crimes Luigi exclusively on one degree plus enjoying one degree plus the one degree at Spotify or Apple all curses of him. Listen to Law and Crime's Luigi exclusively on Wondery Plus. You can join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app, Spotify, or Apple podcasts. Hey, I'm Mike Corey, the host of Wondery's podcast Against the Odds. In each episode, we take you to the edge of some of the most incredible adventure

and survival stories in history. In our next season, it's 1980, and in the Pacific Northwest, the long dormant volcano Mount St. Helens is showing signs of life. Scientists warn that a big eruption is coming, but a restricted zone around the mountain is limited by politics. On May 18th, hikers, loggers, reporters, and researchers are caught in the blast zone as

the volcano erupts. They find themselves pummeled by a deadly combination of scorching heat, smothering ash, and massive mudslides. The survivors have to find their way to safety before they succumb to their injuries or face another eruption. Follow against the odds on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Binge the entire season ad-free right now only on Wondery+. Start your free trial in the Wondery app, Apple Podcasts or Spotify today. Look, I'm just saying it's not that that's what baby girl is all about. I'm just saying that's the part where I realized it. The part where because it was literally that I was like, Antonio Banderas had never made

me come. Say one other line. I know that's not true. What's that? If that's not the only line, say any other line from that. Good girl. Already. On to the on to the on. Well, there's also the part that I lay on the floor,

the stomach down, I masturbate in the story. How else does one masturbate? Stomach down, ass up, that's the way we masturbate. Masterbot, stop talking about your masterbot. I like to impellet myself in a cloud and flow through the sky while I do it. That's what you're doing when you do that? Yeah. Arnold, I really think you're just telling on yourself.

That's fair. I've done my lip trills, I've done my vocal warmups. You've already caught me in my costume, Ysidor. These layers of grime are not the customary accoutrement of me, but that's rather the act one scene one costume of Hector the Hummingbird. Oh my gosh, all that dirt on your face is stage makeup. Yes, well you forget what was Hector Hummingbird's origin story. Say it with me. He was found abandoned in the egg of the S.E.A.T.R. Ohio. Someone had laid an egg during the

intermission. Yes, yes. So it starts where Hector hatches from the egg that had been deposited by a paying audience member at a Hummingbird show, and he hatches and he grows up inside the theater until slowly ascending from the audience onto the stage where he makes his stunning arc towards career highlights and success. Ooh, wow. What a tale of accomplishment and overcoming such humble origins. Yes, well that is why, that is why it sells out night after night. Even in prison, every, the hottest ticket in prison right now

is Hector Hums the Hits starring Benedict Whisperbrew. But that's not all I'm concocting. What? I, I, don't you have to get on stage? What else are you up to, Brendan? Tell us the thing about the best plan Is that you? Enact it in full sight with no subterfuge with full transparency for what does a hummingbird do? He collects nectar and how does he collect nectar? And how does he collect nectar? Oh, I know!

Oh, Usador. By kissing flowers. By kissing flowers. And what is the set decoration for Hector Hums the Hits? Flowers, I would assume. Flowers! And where are the flowers? Oh, they're not on the wall. They're not on the back.

That would be too far. Your back would be facing the audience when you stuck your little beak into the flowers. That's true. You don't want to... Arnie, they have a thing here in food called turning up stage. It's bad form. It's bad form and it's punishable by death. Yes. That is why you'll see all the actors in full face or half face. And any time that they accidentally turn that back to the audience they are summarily executed by their understudy

who then replaces them. That's where we get the phrase never act to the back of the house. Yes you have to keep it small. Mm-hmm. Yes Arnold the flowers are on are on the stage floor. Wow. And I have to stick my beak into them night after night after night for years on end. And what is my beak made out of? Is it some false front here now of stagecraft and makeup? Or is it? Guys, he's making a meal out of this revelation. He's a good actor.

Touch the beak, Arnold. Oh, okay. Have you ever felt a beak so sharp? Ow! Oh, I cut myself on your beak. It's as if it could bore through solid iron. It could ferret out a tunnel, any substance whatsoever, magical or mortal. Yes, Arnold, every night I beguile audiences as I transform myself from Benedict Whisperbrew

into Hector Hummingbird. And then in full face I do make my little tunnel that shall one day transport me out of this prison where I shall wreck my vengeance upon all those who have wronged me. I shall murder Hector Hummingbird and then take over his part and Hector Hums the Hits part two. Wow. And I'm also going to get my landscaping degree.

Oh, that's nice. Smart. Yeah, smart. Well, I've always loved gardening, but I really want to be able to make some money out of it. But yes, I want to escape and then I'll murder Hector Hummingbird and Mandy Patankhan for ratting me out, or for burning me out. And then I shall take over and I shall beguile audiences once again.

Oh, you guys really love these plays. So all of this to escape and just to... Hector hums the hits too? Oh, just must really love these plays. So all of this to escape and just do Hector hums the hits too? Oh, just to do that. Have you ever seen Hector hums the hits? You do a marvelous job of minimizing my dreams, Arnold. Yeah, that's sort of his thing. Arnold, have you ever seen Hector hums the hits part two? I don't know, it just sounds like a jukebox musical a little bit. Oh, come on. Just like a jukebox musical. It is the clem de la clem of all jukebox musicals. Sorry, the what? Jukebox is a clem de la clem.

A jukebox would shatter at the mere thought of being made into a musical that would even be remotely as genius filled as Hector Hums the Hits part two. Yes, it takes all the well-known songs that Hector made famous during the latter part of his career and haphazardly places them into a threadbare plot where Hector has to go to Greece and take over struggling B&B and figure out which of the hummingbirds on the island is his real father. Yeah, but sometimes you just want to go to the theater and turn your brain off and just enjoy some good old-fashioned entertainment.

And just have fun. Just have fun! Oh, here we go again. I've already achieved all I can achieve in part one of Hector Hums the Hits, but if I can get my hands on Hector Hums the Hits part two, I shall be ordained in the constellation of theatrical greats. Oh, right up there with Nathan Crane. Oh, yes. Oh, he's wonderful. He's wonderful. Well, if there's anything we can do to assist thee,

we also are looking for a means of egress, for we wish to escape so desperately. Oh, well join my cause. Come to my show, Hector Humphs the Hits, and lead the standing ovation. When is the show? You said it's every night? It's every night at 8 p.m. Every night at 8 p.m.

How close are you to the actual escape? I am 96% through. I only need one more performance of it, and then I shall be fully escaped. But I need a distraction, Arnold. Okay. You, Sidor. Yep. Ch yeah short if you lead a standing ovation at the end of the show oh I'd have to see how the show went I can't just it feels wrong to just like

pop up with the show's done like I need it to be, you know. Like, if it's not really good, it might be a little cringe. Yeah, a little cringe. But Chant, Arnie, think about it. Aren't we also donning a visage, becoming an actor in the very play, putting on the role of the audience so moving that they must stand and clap? We too would play our part in this dumb show,

allowing Benedict to escape and us to follow forth with. Yes, yes, oh, thank you, Yuzuru, thank you. Yes, I promise I shall give the performance of a lifetime chant that your gluteal muscles will have no choice but to spring out of the seat and furiously clap with your paws or your hands, whichever you have.

Thank you. And then I shall make my escape. And then, we'll need a diversion, a distraction. And then the three of you could get on stage and you could say, we are going to hold a post show question and answer period. Oh, I do. Q&A. Where we're really going to dig in.

And we're just going to do things a little bit differently. We are super fans who are, we are going to ask questions of each other and answer them about the show and then after a period of six to eight hours, we presume that Benedict will be out of his stage makeup and will be ready to join us. And in those six and eight hours, I shall have made my furious escape from outside these in carceral walls. Oh Excellent and by that time most of the theater goers are probably have gone home Well, no, but they'll still be in your post show question and answer session So they'll be in their seats in a wrapped by the questions that you probe and the answers that you deliver Oh, Arnie, let's let's play this out. I want to make sure we get it right.

Uh, Arnie, do you make money from doing this? Uh, well, I don't, but I think... Well, you have to ask answers, Benedict, on his behalf. Oh, um... Is this your full-time job? Do you make money doing this? Well, um, the laughter and the cheers are... We don't have to put on a voice. I doing this? Well, the laughter and the cheers. We don't have to put on a voice.

I don't? Well, then I'm out. It's, then I'm out. Well, all right. Maybe we just have Arnie lying in his stomach and masturbate? I mean, I could do that for six hours. Or we could do the thing, oh, I have an idea.

You know, sometimes when you pay, you know, 250 gold to go see a show, and then at the end of the show, they're like, oh, it's like Avian Week, you know, 250 gold to go see a show and then at the end of the show they're like, oh it's like Avian Week and like we're gonna be selling autographed eggs for 500 gold and it's like I love this cause but I just spent 250 gold on a ticket like I can't afford 500 gold for a signed egg like maybe we do that kind of thing like a little auction or something well that's a good idea, that would really draw it out yes and you could offer your own services. You could have magic lessons with usador

You can have badger lessons with Chant or or a night on the town with Chant Yeah, the the bone home and good wit of Chant. Sorry the what? The bone hominy and the good times of Chant and then You know, I don Arnold could you know you could um fun thing about Arnold. Oh you can wash someone's cart. Yeah topless. Card wash yeah topless cart wash. That'd be fun. I don't mean to go back to a topic that we had earlier covered and probably left, but I've always said you can beat a dead horse.

And I'm just remembering when I was a student at university, I did see Nathan Crane in a production. You remember the show about the two owls who are trying to put on the worst play of all time? The Hooducers? Yes, the Hooducers. Oh, he was wonderful in that. And he did that for several years.

Oh, and of course, I think I remember, this is hitting me square in that face, but what was the first performance that we all remember Nathan Crane from? The Birdcage. Yes, yeah, exactly. Oh, or also known as, Benedict, you might know better than me,

it's also known by another name. Oh, Le Coeur de Faure? What was it? Le Coeur de Faure? That's it. Now, Benedict... Yes? I don't want to seem like I'm not supportive of the arts

or supportive of your escape. Well, the great way not to seem that you're not supportive is to be supportive. Oh. Wow. Wow, we keep telling him. It just feels like we talked about we could help escape with you, but what it really sounds like is

you're getting us to watch your whole show. Yes. Give a standing ovation, whether it deserves it or not. And if you could write and post a review on all the different channels, that really helps with ticket sales. Okay. Well, tickets don't matter if you've escaped.

Ticket sales always matter, Arnold. Ticket sales always matter. I'm just saying... What's a number one bool in prison, Arnold? Ticket sales. Put asses in the seats. That's what they say. Yes.

That is why the levels of incarceration are so high in Foon right now. Because they need to get people to watch the shows that the prisoners are putting on. I mean, honestly, how else are you gonna get anyone to see theater? Wow, commentary. Oh, hold a mirror to society, Usador. But I'm sorry, Arnold, you were criticizing me.

I'm sorry, like we don't get to escape. We don't get to escape. We're just doing all of this to help you escape. Oh, I'm sorry, Arnold. I thought two hours of seeing the most transporting part of theater is an escape. Wow. Wow.

Theater's escapism. That's a good point. But Arnold, if it's so important for you to escape, then yes. But as throw caution to the wind, I shall, at the end of the show, invite all three of you up, and I shall thank you as my benefactors and my dear friends without whom I could not have accomplished this.

And then I shall say, we shall do a magic act where we shall dive into a flower and reappear in eight hours time. Because the best magic acts are the most prolonged magic acts possible. And so we shall dive into the flower, make our escape, and the fact that I've said it takes us eight hours to return shall allow the people peace of mind that we shall

be true to our word, as all prison magicians are, and return any time. But we shall have our fingers crossed behind our backs, shan't we? And we shall not be returning, but we shall be escaping. Yes. All right. One... I have one amendment to this plan.

We have to put a sign on the stage that says, please go to the lobby to the nest if you're going to have your egg while you wait for the eight hours. Yes, yes. We can do that in the pre-show announcements, Usador. Great. Okay. Fire call. Well, I think that pretty much sums it up.

We're going to escape by completing a Benedict's show. Yes, and I shall wreck my furious revenge on Manny Patinkhan and Hector Hummingbird and finally get my degree in landscape architecture. Well listeners, I guess that does it. Next week, when you listen to the episode, we'll have Escape Prison. Just give us a little bit of the beginning of the show. Can we just hear a little bit of the song first song? Oh yes, please, please, just a little bit. Hum the hits.

Ah, gee, I'm never gonna escape this theater. There's just my luck being born in an aisle. I wish I had the egg layer who dropped me during intermission to talk to, but I'm all alone. Who? There is a hen house on a cloud. I like to go there when I sleep. Nothing for do but dream and weep. Arnie, this is from Les Mises Squab high on the castle in my

Standing wonderful wonderful. I think that merits a standing ovation on Get off your tummy your tubby. I mean it was just... Punishment. Use It All the Wizard was played by Matt Young. Chunk the Talking Badger was played by Adol Rafai. Benedict Whisper Brew was played by special guest Brendan Dowling. Brendan is a cast mainstay and audience favorite of the improvised Shakespeare Company, with regular shows at the Largo Theater in Los Angeles and elsewhere around the country. But what Brendan is most excited about is his new venture, Hold Everything, Inc. Where, for a reasonable fee, Brendan will burst into your audition or self-tape as a high-powered talent scout, saying things like, Hold everything! I've been scouring the city for fresh new talent and you've got it, kid!

Generating instant buzz around your fledgling career. Yes, his line delivery has been described by some as cartoonish, and his wardrobe is clearly hand-sewn. But with your support and a few successful GoFundMes, Hold Everything Incorporated is sure to find its footing. It's got to. Brendan needs this.

Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon. Patrons get ad-free episodes, all the spin-offs, and at least two new bonus episodes each month. Here's a clip of the most recent bonus episode. ...of, uh, mind-altering, uh... ...drug? So you're saying you're a lightweight? Whoa, a bunch of... a bunch of sort of plants are growing out of Usador. I think he's really connected with nature. He might be dead. Uh oh. He might be dead. Usador? Oh. I've connected

to the green. Connected to the green? I've connected to the green the green of the grass the crowd Oh, I thought he meant like he him and spin tax were talking again all this all the forest moss and them and the fungi are all connected Great speaking now through me. Oh Arnie. What questions have you always wanted to ask a mushroom? I don't know if I farted me like I thought we were gonna relax and now we got a caretaker use it Oh Arnie what questions have you always wanted to ask a mushroom? We were gonna relax and now we got a caretaker use it or while he goes full swamp thing To hear the rest and learn more about supporting the show visit patreon.com Slash magic tavern if you sign up directly on the website instead of on the Apple

Patreon app you can avoid any extra Apple fees yuckuck. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adil Rafai. Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz. Oh, no plug about the Wheel of Time Show about the Wheel of Time Show podcast. I'm not arguing. Associate producer, Anna Havreman. This episode edited by Anna Havreman.

Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Adilard Laban. Magic Tavern theme by Adler Laban. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. Lamont Jones' world is shattered when his cousin dies in custody just weeks after entering prison. The official report says natural causes, but bruises and missing teeth tell a different story. From Wondery comes Death County PA, a chilling true story of corruption and cover-ups that begins as one man's search for answers, but soon reveals a disturbing pattern.

Lamont's cousin's death is just one of many, and powerful forces are working to keep the truth buried. With never-before-heard interviews and shocking revelations, Death County PA pulls back the curtain on one of America's darkest institutional secrets. This isn't just another true crime story. It's happening right now. Follow Death County PA on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Death County PA early and ad-free right now by joining

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