Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 5, Ep 58 - Magic Crow (w/ Aimee Mann)

Episode Date: June 2, 2025

We climb to the top of a mountain to ask Radisson Cawthorn, the magical crow, life's most important questions.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungRadisson Cawthorn: Aimee MannMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Sage G.C.Magic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandNew T-Shirts in the Merch Store!Check out our upcoming LIVE SHOWS!You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Bsky, Instagram and YouTube!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Visit BedMGM.com for terms and conditions. 19 plus to wager, Ontario only. Please, gamble responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact I'm John Robbins and joining me on How Do You Coke this week is the podcaster Hannah McGuire. Something might happen like the other day I dropped a sandwich on the floor and I had to go and cry in the toilet for 10 minutes, but it wasn't really about the sandwich. It's all of the stuff that happens before. And because of the gap I now have, those things are easier than they were before, but it's

not fixed. But I get longer before the meltdown now. So that's How Do You Cope with me, John Robbins. Find us wherever you get your podcasts. People of Earth, et cetera. Big news, Hello from the Magic Tavern is doing some live shows this summer. Before I rattle off the dates at a speed the human mind can barely comprehend,

know that tickets for these shows go on sale next Monday, June 9th. But Patreon members have pre-sale access to tickets starting right now. So that's a full week of pre-sale access. Okay, the dates. July 18th, Somerville, Massachusetts. July 20th, New York City. August 15th, Washington, D, August 17th, Philadelphia, September 27th, Charlotte, North Carolina, September 28th, Richmond, Virginia. What a ping-pong

trail around the world! It's like the Da Vinci Code, but you're searching for disappointment. All of that info is in the show notes, and don't forget, if you want to buy tickets early, join the Patreon right now at patreon.com slash magic tavern. Sheesh, this is more information than I was prepared to deliver. With Craig and Trisha in another dimension, I've got to look into getting some new assistance to capitalize on my natural ability to delegate. Now sit back and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern, a weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon.

I'm your host, Darny Neekamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. Ten years and several months ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of Foon. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal through the dimensional riff, and I used that to record a podcast recorded here in the land of Foon chronicling our various battles and quests. And I'm joined as always by my co-host, my good bud, my cousin, Chump the Talking Badger. Oh yeah baby.

Oh Harney this is a steep climb. Oh boy. Yeah. Remind me again, why are we climbing this mountain? We are climbing Sky Nest, the tallest mountain in Foon, because I wanted to seek the sage advice of the great bird in the sky. It said that she's celestial or magical or something. They just said to climb to the tallest mountain in food.

Now, can you get off my back for a second? Oh, yeah. Sorry. Thank you for carrying me. You know, I don't walk real easy. Even though I am counting my steps on my watch. Now remind me, Chunt, I feel like I heard a long time ago that Sky Nest became sentient in the 90s, and it took over. Or am I thinking of something else? I don't know what that means. Didn't that traveler from the future come back

and make love to you, Arnie? Yeah, yes, and it was a lovely time. Arnie, you've had a future lover? I mean, from a lot of my life all my lovers have been in the future but I was it like details details honestly it felt too important you know okay so a magical being came from the future and and told me that was yeah sorry sorry that was a bad pause. And said that we had to have sex to save the future.

And I was like, yo, we can just have sex. You don't have to put so much pressure on it. Yo. I don't think you said yo. I think you made that part up. I said yo. Arnie, a lot of- And you don't know my bedroom talk.

Arnie, Ysidor and I wanted to confront you. A lot of times, in your stories, in your recollections from the past, Yeah. You try and forcibly make yourself sound way cooler than you are. Yeah, I said- I said, yo, baby. Shhh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh shh shh it's okay. We don't need reasons besides that you got a body, I got a body. Oh boy. And here's the thing, they loved it.

Okay. They were like everything you're saying is great. And I'm enjoying the sex very much. Well then would you like a tomorrow horse so you could see them again? I don't want any of your MLM stuff. Tomorrow's horse today. You start, you can't unload this.M stuff. Tomorrow's horse today. Uh, Ysador, you can't unload those. Fine, never mind.

That's not gonna... I am also joined by my other co-host, Ysador the Wizard. I am Ysador, Wizard of the Twelfth Realm of Ophesius, Master of Light and Shadow, Manipulator of Magical Delights, Devourer of Chaos, Champion of the Great Halls of Tarkas. The elves know me as Fianyellic. The dwarves know me as Zonin and Hoogstangis, and I am known throughout the North-East as Gasmanius Maestah. And there may be many other secret names, names that if I did err out of them aloud, most assuredly destruction would rain down from the heavens,

selecting out only the most egregiously evil people and sparing all those good of heart. So we should say that name because it only hurts the evil. But it's a secret name. It's a secret. But it seems like it would solve everything. Da da da da da da da da. It would destroy all the evil people and save all... Da da da da da da da da. Yo Arnie, be cool.

Be cool. Hold on, when you said that I got all weak in the knees. Ho, what a line. Arnie, that's because we're almost at all weak in the knees. Oh, what a line. Arnie, that's because we're almost at the peak of the mountain, almost at the apex. Oh, so much walk. So Chunt, we wanted to come to this mountain at something to do with the animal war?

Yes, and I know most times when you say we wanted to come to this blank, you launch into what you call the Nicole Kidman speech. Yes. I said this is where magic happened. Oh wait, no, no, that's a different, You launch into what you call the Nicole Kidman speech. Yes. I baby girl. This is where magic happens. Oh wait, no, no, that's a different, you're gonna have to be more specific

about what Nicole Kidman speech, I guess. Well, a lot of times we'll go to a tavern and you'll say, we come to this tavern to, and then you go into this long speech, just seems weird. It's just about appreciating taverns. That's fair. That's very fair. We're here, summoning the top of Sky Nest because I wanted to seek advice on giving up my shape shifting abilities. As you

recall, Extraordinary Boris the enchanted moose requested that I give up my abilities. So I'm just I'm just trying to get some advice, try and get some, you know, some counseling or some tips or tricks, whatever that might be, some life hacks. Sure. In terms of if I should do it or not. That, yeah.

And Sean, thank you. I always appreciate when you do exposition. Oh, oh, we're getting close. Guys, guys, run up the, oh, quick. Hold on, hold on a second. I just have... I have to chase this hawk away. There's this hawk, it's like two peaks over. Sure. I mean, I know I'm like the top of the... Look, you just gotta show it. Hold on a second. You have to show it.

He's a boss. Do your thing, do your thing. Do your thing. Boss! Okay, he's a boss. So much wind! Your mighty wings, flapping nearly, knocked us over. Well, I don't, I feel like I don't often know my strengths. Sure. But you know, I'm very determined.

Like the hawk really feel, he's like trying to, he's always trying to take over my territory. And you just have to put him in his place. And I think the thing he doesn't understand is he can only attack from the top, so if you're just a few inches higher than him, he can't get you, and he hasn't figured that out yet. I see. Ah, you've really got his number.

That stupid hawk, ne'er looking behind its back. I think the fact that I have the intelligence of a seven-year-old child probably gives me the advantage. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I am the intelligence of an eight-year-old child and that gets me through. Arnie. Okay, so that's six-year-old. Thank you. Mighty bird, my name is Usador and we beseech thee on behalf of my friend Chunt to share with us your wisdom. We've come on a great quest

to learn what you have to teach us. Yes, and let me take a knee. As he mentioned, my name is Chunt, and as you sort of set the table for, we should all go around and say what intelligence we have. Oh, yeah. I have the intelligence of probably third or fourth grader, or third or fourth year old. Is that how you say it? That's that feels women how?

seven year old is it that seventh grade and Third third third third hocks back Fuck right off. Oh, he's yeah, he's going he tried to he tried to grab me. I he tried to fly off with me. He's just showing off He doesn't he does not He does not have the wherewithal to fly away with you John. I mean, he's not he's not that big He's not that smart. I've he's under control We you know, honestly like I don't really even need to chase him away. It's kind of a game we play.

Oh! A bit of a will-they-walk-down-here. It's a, you know, we have a good time up here. Okay. I thought there was a little tension between you two. Interesting. Uh, Usador, how smart are you? Well, let's see. I'm 350 years old. I'm one of the greatest wizards in all of Thune. I'd say I'm as smart as oh, a fifth grader. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Thank you. I mean, that's impressive. Um. Are you smarter than a fifth

grader? We're gonna we're gonna match wits, I guess, and see who really um knows their stuff. You know, because this is my peak, right? This is my nest. Yes. You're kind of on my turf. Oh. And I don't know, maybe your turf is sort of ubiquitous.

Like you can come and go at will. And I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Yet to be determined. I don't really have a home, per se. I travel all around, food, assisting those who I can. I would ne'er dare to upset thine turf. I do not wish to stake any claim here. We simply beseech thee that you allow us to spend but a short time here in your company.

And I gotta say, I love what you've done with the nest. I see there's like a couch made out of dead mice over here. I love this, seems like a lamp made out of bones or something, this is exquisite. Chunt, thank you for noticing. I have put a lot of effort into my nest. It has, there's like a couple of different cubby holes and sort of alcoves and nooks. As you know, I like a couple of different cubby holes and sort of alcoves and nooks. I, as you know, I like a tool, like I know how to use a tool. My main tool is a stick. And the great thing about

a stick is it's also a building material. It's a nesting material. You can use a stick for a lot of things. I mean, mostly poke, like you can poke something yes, and then so I get something to poke with yeah And then you can pile pile them up and and make it make a couch or like a kitchen island It's fun, and it's pretty I also use a stick. It's my magical staff Although I haven't arranged it in such a lovely way that you have. You sure it's not a contest. I know. You don't have a contest. It's just that my staff's a little bit bigger than her sticks.

You don't have, yeah. I deal in volume, so. You don't have to say your stick is better than the bird's sticks. It's not cool, man. Yeah. All right, wait. Yo, yo, man. It's not cool.

See, that's how you do it. That's how you do it. Okay, so wait, yo can be good and bad, huh? It takes. That's how you do it. That's how you do it. Okay. So wait, yo can be good and bad, huh? It's like, I like to use it as more of a put down sort of like a, you know, where you're aware that the other person's getting like a little too big for their britches. Like, yeah, it's a, it's a hand, like it's a talk to the hand a little bit. It's a stop sign. It's sort of a status play, it seems like.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, a great bird. I feel embarrassed, but I was told to search you out, but I was not told your name. Would you mind kind of con that at us? I kind of like the scene, you know, I do have two names,

but I like to go by Cawthorn. I mean, my full name is Radisson Cawthorn. I was named after a string of hotels, but it's Cawthorn is, you know, just like a single name, you know, because I'm like, at this point, I'm sort of the most known of the magical crows up here. And also, like on that point, I'm not entirely a crow. I'm a hybrid crow-raven. So it's kind of a craven is more I guess you would call it. Which is more you know two different kinds of magic together. I'm not you know a raven's kind of big fat almost dog-like size. I'm not that big. I have the delicacy of the crow but I do have like a little more girth to me. God, that big fat almost dog-like size. I'm not that big.

I have the delicacy of the crow, but I do have like a little more girth to me. And like my bill is, as you can see, pretty substantial. Good bill. I think, I feel like I want a shirt that says big fat dog-like size. Big fat dog-like size. Big fat dog-like size. I like that a lot. Big fat dog-like size. Big fat dog like size. I like that. Big fat dog like size.

Big fat dog like size. Open to interpretation. And of course we'll give you some commission if we make the shirt. Oh great. Craven. Craven. So Radisson Cawthorn, are you on your relation to Hojo Cawthorn? Yes, very. That is my cousin. That is my cousin. We don't talk about him. He's kind of gone out of fashion. I've heard some stories. There were a few accidents.

He's, you know, he's doing okay. He's doing okay now. Oh good. Oh good. So, and you're a hybrid bird. I've heard that hybrid birds are so good for the environment. The only downside is that it's kind of like the donkey situation where we can't reproduce more cravens. It's sort of like the buck stops here. Whoa, whoa, whoa, what? Donkeys can't

reproduce? Well, it's a, where am I thinking of a burrow? It's the donkey-horse hybrid. What is that? A Cawthorn. I'm so sorry, a Cawthorn. Yeah. I think Chunt's upset because we don't talk about it much on the podcast, but he's been trying to impregnate a donkey for the last year or two. Like, just as a project. I mean, I don't... obviously I have my backs kind of muddled. I'm not really sure if a donkey can, if the donkey is a sterile one or if it produces a burrow, like how that works, I should have read up on it. I do have my set of encyclopedias here in my nest,

but I, yeah, that my error, you know, I'm supposed to be not all knowing, but far, my knowledge is far reaching, but you know, sevenyear-old child level I mean how much about donkeys it's sterility to be honest too you know we can't expect that. Chunt so yeah yeah I think your your donkey business is still fine. Yeah Chunt you should go you should go for it man I mean I you know the poor tends to say that you will be successful in your donkey endeavors.

Yo, yo, thank you. Thank you both so much. I was going to say, like, I just wrote it down, and I was like, is this the saddest sentence ever written? Donkeys can't get pregnant? But then I ripped it up because, okay, that may not be true. Okay, thank you. Ooh, thank Catecis. Chunt, do not give up on your donkey reproduction dreams. Keep mulling it over. Donkey dreams are the most important dreams. Another, that's another shirt. Now that, there's a lot of shirts coming out

of the sample shirts. It's true. Ass play? No, we'll scrap that one. That's a different direction. It'd be more in line with our other shirts to be perfectly honest though. I hate to say it, but literally, your shirt in the merch store right now says,

ask me about my buttholes. That can't be right. It is. That can't be right. It is. Whoa. It's probably sold three. Whoa, the Craven just looked so regretful. I do regret spawning more t-shirt suggestions. Of course. I thought this was going to be a different kind of summit consultation, but you know,

but that's cool. It's cool, you know. Forgive us. Forgive us, Great Cawthorn. Please, we beseech this and sort out thine wisdom, so let not our foolish revelries continue any longer, and let revelries turn to reverie. We shall be more respectful from here on out. What the fuck did he just say?

He talks just like a fifth grader. Thank you. Yeah, he talks like fifth grade, right? It's more the tone I'm used to. And I appreciate it. Believe me, I appreciate it. I like a little, you know, a little pomp and circumstance and some genuflecting and yeah, I do. You know, that gets the sage juices flowing.

Oh yeah. I mean, you gotta love someone who genuflects you. You gotta love some pomp. You gotta love someone who genuflects you, you gotta love some pomp, you gotta love some circumstance. I really love drawing things out to make them sound more important than they are. It's a good technique, I gotta, I've got to try it. You're right, it does sound more important when you slow it down.

Oh, this is good. Yes. Let me try, okay. Shaun, tell me your deepest thoughts and worries and concerns. Oh, I'd love to walk away while he says these things because I'm terrified of what might come out. Let's take a quick, let's take a quick break

and hopefully not hear Chun's innermost thoughts. These are the chains I forged in life. Arnie, what? Yo. Yo, what? Yo, what? forged in life. Arnie what you know what you know what. Last year long crime brought you the trial that captivated the nation she's accused of hitting her boyfriend Boston police officer John O'Keefe with her car Karen Reid is

arrested and charged with second degree murder the 6 week trial resulted in anything but resolution we continue to find ourselves at an impasse. I'm declaring a mistrial in this case. But now the case is back in the spotlight. And one question still lingers. Did Karen Reed kill John O'Keefe? The evidence is overwhelming that Karen Reed is innocent. How does it feel to be a cop killer, Karen?

I'm Kristen Thorn, investigative reporter with Law and Crime and host of the podcast, Karen, The Retrial. This isn't just a retrial, it's a second chance at the truth. I have nothing to hide. My life is in the balance and it shouldn't be. I just want people to go back to who the victim is in this. It's not her.

Listen to episodes of Karen, The Retrial, exclusively and ad free on Wondery Plus. Hey, I'm Mike Corey, the host of Wondery's podcast Against the Odds. In each episode, we take you to the edge of some of the most incredible adventure and survival stories in history. In our next season, it's 1980.

And in the Pacific Northwest, the long dormant volcano Mount St. Helens is showing signs of life. Scientists warn that a big eruption is coming, but a restricted zone around the mountain is limited by politics. On May 18th, hikers, loggers, reporters, and researchers are caught in the blast zone as the volcano erupts. They find themselves pummeled by a deadly combination of scorching heat, smothering ash, and massive mudslides. The survivors have to find their

way to safety before they succumb to their injuries. Or face another eruption. Follow against the odds on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Binge the entire season ad-free right now only on Wondery Plus. Start your free trial in the Wondery app, Apple podcasts or Spotify today. That Arnie will never love me. And those are my deepest fears and desires. And camera what the other thing was. Sorry, I was really thrown by Arnie when he said something about the chains in life

or whatever. I might be sick. I might have had like a bad bit of cheese or something. Yeah, the blob of mustard. Mustard, it's probably, I had bad mustard. It's probably that. Bad blob of mustard or cheese, yeah. You there, Hawk, what day is today?

Come, it is my Tuesday! Oh, then there's still time. Yeah, get that hawk to buy us a turkey. Throw the gold coin at the hawk. Oh no, I threw a gold coin at the hawk. I was going to have him buy the fattest goose. You're going to have fat turkey buy... You're going to have a hawk buy a goose?

What is this? You know, as I'm saying it, I realize that's insane. That's like cannibalism probably. Ooh, I hope that hawk is okay. Can I leave? Excuse me, I need to fly to get that coin because I do love a shiny thing. I do love a shiny thing. Of course, yeah.

I mean, I love a stick, don't get me wrong, but shiny makes the world go round. And, you know, like the bowerbird, I like to decorate my nest. So okay, I'll just, I'll be right back. Whoa, powerful wings. Before Cawthorn gets back, do you think she was hinting that she wants some sort of tribute or sacrifice? She mentioned the coin. I think maybe we should offer something to get the advice we're seeking.

Let's kill one of us. Yeah, let's kill one of us. I was just going to say I just wasn't sure what her business model is. You're right. I hope it's not human sacrifice. Okay, rock, paper, scissors for who gets killed. Okay. Three, two, paper, scissors for who gets killed. Okay. Three, two, one, shoot!

Ooh, my paper cuts your scissors in half, Arnie. Of course, in Foon, paper is razor thin. Yeah, what idiot would use scissors? Scissors always loses. I always forget that about Foon rock, paper, scissors. Okay, I'm back, I'm back. Oh, you have a pair of scissors. Thank you so much.

I didn't... I... Did he tell you that I want I needed a pair of scissors? That's really great. This is this is really this is fantastic. Okay now I'm really in the mood to dispense advice. Do you need to formulate like a specific question or give me a topic or? Oh yeah. Give us just give us one second Catherine. Thank you so much. Guys, huddle up. Okay. So obviously I'm gonna I want to ask my question about like you know my shape shift giving up my shape shifting. It feels like it feels like she's pretty thrilled about those scissors so it seems like she's gonna be generous. Is there something else we want to ask

before my thing? She said a topic should we ask about like, maybe we just ask about the animal war in general. And maybe that would like, kind of segue into your shape shifting question. And that way we kind of cover all our bases. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yes. But my question is gonna have like animal wars couched with you. So maybe maybe like what's like a fun? Let's could we ask a fun one just wonderful. Yeah, this one seems crazy, but like we could ask her how she poops like That's the kind of questions that I like to ask

I know I know you like to ask those sorts of questions, but I think it might be more beneficial and more fun to say like What's Tom Blaine Bellaroth been up to? Or is Spintax dead? Or is Flower still around? Or something like that. Do we wanna like? Oh, I have something. Oh yeah, hit me.

Oh, great Cawthorn. Magnificent, beautiful Cawthorn. What's your favorite sound? Guys, I panicked. Well, that's very interesting. I feel like there's not a lot of advice in that question. I mean, my favorite sound obviously is the sound of my own caw. Oh, we'd love to hear it. Gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, I have to just tell you my Sageness my advice my wisdom There's only three

pieces of advice or wisdom that I don't know how to category or is it but but that that I have and Okay, you'll have to choose the one that best fits your problem So okay, and is this in addition to because I noticed there's a sign at the top of the mountain here that says no, no shirt, no shoes, no advice. Well, let me look at your feet. I boots on. I mean, those sandals. Yeah. I mean, but you're wearing socks with them. So you know, that's kid black socks. So it's kind of formal. Yeah, they can't. Yeah. And the string that sort of, you know, that's kind of what's fun. And they're black socks, so it's kind of formal. Yeah, they count.

And the string that's sort of, you know, tank top. I mean, I feel like that's pushing it, but it's just technically a shirt. I knew it was going to be a day out of exercise, so I wanted to be as comfortable as possible. Also, sorry listeners, I haven't been talking about this tank top I've been wearing. Please feel free to do some fan art of me wearing this. I already said it was earth climbing gear. Yeah, and what sucks is he rode on my back the whole way, but he moved his arms as if he was sprinting so he could get his steps.

But Hawthorne, please, what are your three pieces of advice? This is the wisdom that I've accrued over the years of being a Kraven. Always have a stick. One. Okay. That's perfect, good to know. So, does that, I hope that applies.

Hugely helpful. Okay. The second one is remember every face. Oh, dude. So bad at that one. I mean, to be honest, I'm not great at it either. Oh, really? Like, if you, if I've met you several times and then you grow a beard, it's off.

I mean, you're a different, that's a different face. It's so. That's crazy. Imagine if one of us wasn't a wizened old wizard and one of us wasn't a badger We are just three guys with beards. You'd be like which one is which yeah, I imagine we would all look Too much alike pretty much exactly like There's no way of there's no way of telling I mean if you if you don't have like a

Big mole on your face or like a giant nose or Unnaturally red lips like I you're out of luck. I mean, I'm just going to just be like, Hey, Hey, you. Cawthorn, are you good with names or, or not even those as well? Well, I'm not great with faces and I'm worse with names. So I, on balance it does, it's not looking too good, but I mean, that is my advice. I've seen other crows really advance in their careers by remembering everybody and Remembering their pets names and you know little details about their that's not me. Yeah, sadly, you know

I've admire it class Cawthorn and maybe this is just a natural interviewer and me coming out but boy How are you feeling in your career right now like you know how is the giving sage advice business treating you well I'm you know I feel like I have everything I need I there's an occasional coin that people throw at the hawk and I go retrieve it I you know it's obviously stealing jewelry you know shiny just, shiny things in general, keys, house keys, and then, you know, later I can ransack your house if there's something I need, you know, like a saucepan or something.

So it's a little more elaborate than just stealing the shiny things. Yeah, there's a method to my madness. Sure. Yeah. You know, I mean, sometimes it's just flat out gold coins or rings. My earring every now and then, but it's hard to carry two. So, and you got like one earring and then what are you gonna do with that? And then sometimes I just like get excited by, I don't know, like I saw this marble one time.

It was really cool looking, but it's not easy to carry a marble in your beak I love rocks and marbles are just round shiny rocks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Very shiny. Yeah, right colors I mean what's not to like about a marble? But you know, I don't know so over the years like I do. Okay. I do. Okay. I So, you know, I don't know, so over the years, like, I do okay. I do okay. I have come here on behalf of my friend Trump, and I offer you here, which I pull from my magical hat now, the largest marble I could possibly conjure. Oh.

Wow. Wow. This is unprecedented. Just, I don't even know what to say. Thank you. Will you help my friend? I mean. Arnie, she clearly hates the marble, right?

Yeah, she was like, wow. Anytime somebody gives me gifts and I go, wow. That, that. Also, to be clear, it's big for a marble, but the biggest one you could possibly conjure. Cawthorn, should I just put it here on this pedestal where everyone can see it? You know, there's a, put it in the back of the nest.

Back of the nest? Where, well, because it's like the darkest place in the nest, and it could use brightening. Because it's so special, and you don't want it to get ruined. I'll go put it in the back of the nest. Yeah I'll be right back. Cawthorn, apologies for Isidore. He gifts like a grandma like I feel like every year for my birthday it's like I made you socks and I'm like yo sweet wear socks it's just it's exhausting I'm sorry. It's a thought that counts I mean he knew he was

on the right like he knew about the marble thing which is like points to him it's a weird size and the color is kind of like pastel. Like why would you want a novelty large marble it's not even shiny the one that he made wasn't even all that shiny. I can't put it on my beak so I you know it like, I don't want to put it on a pedestal. It's like, that's just going to sit in the middle of the nest, but you know, look, I'm not, it is the thought that counts. I appreciate it. It's going to roll off a pedestal too.

Oh, absolutely. It's the worst one. Oh, oh, oh, yeah. The best marble ever, you say? I left the- This is a great marble. Thank you, I left it. We're just talking about how great the marble is.

Oh, thank you. I left it in the back of the nest, along with some peanut brittle for everyone to enjoy. Thank you. And and Cawthorn expect a letter in the mail with one gold coin on your birthday as well. Yeah. Well, it's not even a gold coin. It's like an IOU for a gold coin that you have to it's a whole I should also warn you that like after you finish visiting with use it or he'll sometimes like try to slip like a

Dollar in your pocket. You're like, yeah, you'll use it or I don't need this dollar, but you take it anyway Oh, I always thought he was stealing from me. Oh wait shit. Maybe it's a little it's a little above I've been slapping the shit I don't appreciate that part of it It's a little of both. I've been slapping the shit out of you, Sunor. I don't appreciate that part of it, but you know, sometimes I have a gold coin to give, sometimes I'm trying to take one because I'm desperate. Leave a gold, take a gold. Exactly, that's my whole philosophy.

But we're not here to hear my philosophy. We're here to hear the mighty Cawthorn's advice. Yeah, you Sunor? Yeah? It feels like what you were trying to say is it's me. Well, I noticed when you came in from the back part of the nest, I see you've changed into golden robes, and I've never seen you wear golden robes. It just feels like this is the- I was wondering what the golden robes were signifying.

Oh, well, it's just like we were talking about shiny things, and I was like, maybe I'll, hey, yo, maybe I'll show off my golden robes. Well, the old razzle dazzle. Yeah, that's what I was trying to say. I was like, maybe I'll show off my golden robes. I was like, maybe I'll show off my golden shiny things and I was like, maybe else hey, yo Maybe I'll show off my golden robes. Oh, they'll razzle dazzle. Yeah Okay, that works that works for me and I should say there's about I want to say

6570 birds all in the air staring at you waiting to pounce I think the respect for Hawthorne is probably keeping them at bay. But yeah, they definitely want to grab you Yeah, there's a there's a row of crow friends that- A murderer's row? Huh? We have our first murderers row friends. Listeners, at home, I bet you had a pool to see what the runtime was before someone said murder of crows

We made it about was a free space. Yeah, what 32 minutes? Yeah, I think that was not too bad Cawthorn unless I am Forgetting you said there's three main pieces of advice and you gave us two you said always carry a stick Never forget a face Was there a third one? I have one more I have one more. I hope this pertains to your situation and it's helpful in some way. I Feel like it might help if I said it slowly

Always hold a grudge. Oh, wow. I mean, that's pretty good. That's kind of our thing. Yeah. Yeah. It works for us. It works for us.

If somebody tries to feed me a mealworm or not, I mean, never mind. Because I do like mealworms, but if they're like, just leave out sort of bird seed like look I've got a Robin. I'm not like a wren Don't give me a bird seed ridiculous. Yeah, then I'll remember you. I'll remember your your territory Yeah, I remember your you know where your hut is and You're gonna get swarmed by crows

We're gonna we're gonna mess things up. Maybe just once. Like we're not we're not out of control, but we'll keep it in mind. We'll remember. Coughlorn, can I ask do you have any particular enemies in the area? Like obviously the hawk and you had a kind of on-and-off again thing going, but are there any like people or animals around here that you're just like, oh, I hate them? Look, if I'm being honest, I'm just kind of a grumpy, spiteful person. Like I record it, like it, they're fine. They get on my last nerve, but they're not really, it's not, nobody's doing anything really terrible. I just, you know, I just don't want to see that dumb hawk flying around.

He's trying to, he's always trying to eat like a little bird. Leave a little bird alone. If you're a big bird, don't eat your own kind. Yeah. Eat up. That's what I always say. Don't eat down. Eat up.

Eat up. Eat up. Focus on sort of a vermin territory, you know, class of a rat. Like if there's a rat, sure, take it. Don't go for a goldfinch. Yeah. That just gets on my nerves, that's all. But you know, the problem is me. I acknowledge the problem. It's not the animal kingdom.

Dudes are just doing what they do. You're allowed your own thoughts and feelings. I don't think the problem. It's not the animal kingdom. The dudes are just doing what they do. You're allowed your own thoughts and feelings. I don't think the problem is you. Think set up, start hawk. Coming over here giving you a hard time. Trying to steal my eggs. Oh, it wants your eggs? Well, I had some eggs. Yeah, there was a there was an altercation. I'm not gonna lie. There was an altercation. He's like, just give me one egg. No, I'm not gonna lie. There was an altercation. He's like, just give me one egg. No, I'm not giving you an egg.

Because you're too lazy to fly down the mountain. He just wants to travel like one peak over because I have eggs. No, that's not happening. Unbelievable. By the way, they weren't my eggs. I was keeping them for somebody else because I'm sterile as we've discussed before. Sure, sure. You're an empty nester, generally. Are they donkey eggs?

They are donkey. It's a it's a donkey-crow hybrid. Mostly when they come out they look like donkeys. They don't like there's not much crow in them. In fact, I'm not sure there's any crow. Like there's not much crow in them. In fact, I'm not sure there's any crow. Yeah, wow. But they're donkey eggs, yeah. Can I suggest we spend at least a little bit of time figuring out what the exact name

of a donkey-crow hybrid would be? Is it a doe? Cronky? Cronky. I love Cronky. Cronky's better than Cronky, yeah. I love Cronky. The Cronky.

Oh, I like that a lot, yeah. That's- and I have to imagine that if you're- Was that enough time, Arnie? That was enough. Spent on that? Like, sometimes you just nail it with the second one. I know you're trying to just eat up some time here. No.

Oh, well speaking of, we should take another break, and uh, we'll come back with hopefully a bit more advice. Get out of here, Hawk! Lamont Jones's world is shattered when his cousin dies in custody just weeks after entering prison. The official report says natural causes, but bruises and missing teeth tell a different story. From Wondery comes Death County PA, a chilling true story of corruption and cover-ups that begins as one man's search for answers, but soon reveals a disturbing pattern. Lamont's cousin's death is just one of many, and powerful forces are working to keep the truth buried.

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Oh, I feel like I've asked so many. Oh, let me do two more. What's a question you always wish you had been asked? Oh, that's good. Oh, that's a great question. And guys, sorry, I asked so many questions during the break. So many of them were about you. That's the thing. Well, I think that no one ever asked about my, the time I spent in cemeteries.

Oh. And... Did you go to cemetery school? Oh, she looks mad. I, you know, one of the things that me and my crow friends really like to do is congregate in cemeteries that freak people out because like it we provide so much atmosphere and then people are like oh that must just be a coincidence like no it's a graveyard what do you think why else would we be here we're trying to give you atmosphere we're trying to make it spooky

we're trying to make it creepy oh and here's another fact that you didn't know there is a breed of Raven that Really does just say nevermore like that. It's kind of like passed down You know like how how sometimes like a mockingbird will make a sound of a car alarm There was this through the ages alarm. There was this through the ages Edgar Allan Poe had a raven taught it to say never more and then its progeny just kept saying never more. So that you will see ravens in the wild that just go never more. It's a real thing.

That's incredible. Now it's your point. If people take issue with ravens and crows and cravens such as yourself spending time in a cemetery, I would make a point to them. Imagine this cemetery was full of parrots. Is that spooky? Exactly. Exactly. Or like egrets.

Right. Like you don't want like a long legged waiting bird in a cemetery. That's just like ridiculous. It's not gonna, it's gonna not give you the shivers and keep you up at night. Arnie, regrets, I've had a few. I knew it, I knew it. I knew it.

And I think Cawthorn, I think it's, yo, I think it's pretty cool to be in a cemetery. I mean, you know, sometimes you go to a cemetery and you see those gross moths. Let's take a minute to figure out what a combination of a gross moth would be. A moth? A moth? Like a gross moth?

Oh, a groth. A groth? Okay, yeah, those groths. Like a teen? Like a groth teen? Yeah, the gross moths, you know, like, they wear eyeliner all in black. They love all those heated topics

that everyone's always talking about. All those hot topics. Gadzooks, they're everywhere. But these gross moths are groths, I guess I'll call them. You know, sometimes when they're at the cemetery, I get a little ooged out where I'm like, what are they doing? Are they like summoning demons or something?

Yeah. They also hang out with their no one is it even if there's hang on on hang on. If they're summoning demons from the pits of hell, it's my job to slay demons. Don't say that. That's all right. Ony sorry, go ahead. I just made me so angry. I was just gonna say that the gross moths are often hanging out with emus, listening to emu music. It probably wasn't worth it, but... Worth what, Artie? You know, Cawthorn, I have a question about when you hang out in cemeteries. And I apologize if this is too personal.

Are you eating corpses? Like, if you come across a corpse, do you eat some of it? And I apologize if this is too personal. Are you eating corpses? Like if you come across a corpse, like do you eat some of it? What am I, a turkey buzzard? I'm not eating a corpse. What are you talking about? I'm not even like a nibble.

No, I'm eating like normal stuff. Insects. Spaghetti. I like a grain and a nut. If you give me a peanut, I'm your friend for life. Of course, Cawthorn, we're so sorry. What you don't understand about Arnie is, he's from another world.

And on his world, things are crazy. They build a building straight up into the sky, and they have, instead of horses, they put wheels on top of oil machines. It's crazy over there. Yeah, they put wheels on top of oil machines. It's crazy over there. Yeah, it is a little crazy. But interesting.

That doesn't sound good. I don't like it. Yeah. It's not great. From the emails I've been getting, it's getting worse every day where I'm from. Before we go on, I just want to, I noticed you were looking at my hookah. I just need to take a couple of hits, cause it's been a while. Sure, yeah, go for it.

Are you interested? It's like kind of a blackberry flavor. But it's nice. It's like a mellow, you know, the watermelon is it. I don't know if you've ever, anyway. Yeah, that's good. If you don't mind sharing, I would partake. No, please, please.

Yeah, that's good. If you don't mind sharing, I would partake. Oh, please, please. Whoa, he's really puffing rings here. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. This is powerful, magical. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh... I thought it was only nicotine, but I guess, I don't know. You know, different things hit people differently. Yeah, why did his voice do the falling off a mountain sound, but he's just right here? Did he float back up? He floated back up. He was... he held up a sign that said Yelp.

Or Yikes or something. Ooh, let me take a... Who are you? It tastes good, right? Ew, yeah. Oh, sorry, Arnie. It's like a fruity berry mix. Delicious. Sorry, Arnie, I forgot rule number two.

I forgot your face. Sorry, I asked who you are. That's Arnie. Yeah, Arnie, you wanna? That's me. Sure, I'll do. I've done this before, but just a normal question like where do I put my mouth? Arnie. I just wouldn't. Hey, is it... Do I put my mouth on this part? Hey Arnie, between the two of us. Is this what your future lover said to you?

Yo. Yes, that's right. The crow just did a that's what she said joke. Said your future lover. Well, Cawthorn and I, the hookahs sort of helped relax me. And I feel like I'm, I'm ready to ask the big one. The major question I came here for. I'm ready. I'm ready. the major question I came here for. I'm ready. I'm ready. It was recently asked of me, not too long ago, that I give up my abilities. I have some

special abilities and I was asked to sort of give them up, to shed them for the greater good and I wanted to ask you if I should go ahead and do that. Well this is this is very difficult. I mean this sounds like a very painful decision and I would say before you make the choice ask yourself what would I want to do if I didn't have to worry about how anyone else would be affected. And I feel like that should then lead you to make the right decision. Wow. That's, that's because what I get from you is that there's a lot that you, you, you, somebody asks something from you, you immediately think, how can I make that happen for them? And you don't think about the impact that it's gonna have on you. 100%, that's what I need to hear.

Think, Ab, let me dig in my, here, I have one peanut left, I just wanna leave that with you as a thanks. Chunt, that is such a nice gesture, thank you so much. And in return, I have two things for you. I have this stick, which is one of my favorite sticks. It can be used as a pokey thing or a building material, a nesting material. Other uses I'm sure as

a third grade level intelligence you could think of better ways to utilize it. But I would also like to give you this feather from my wing. It's a really robust feather and it has magical powers. Wow. Chant. Oh wow. Oh my. Tuck it into your shirt.

The shirt you wore with a collar unlike some people who wore a string vest. I normally don't wear much clothing, but I knew today we were having a very special guest. So I wanted to dress the part already, I guess. I wanted to dress up. Yeah, like the sort of badger-sized, it's almost like a tux, like a little mini short-sleeved tux.

I really like it. I haven't seen anything like it, but I really appreciated you dressing up for this occasion. And I love the turquoise cummerbund that you wore with it. Thank you so much. And again, Catherine, I can't apologize enough for how Arnie's dressed. I feel like it's hyper disrespectful. I think he was thinking about how hot and sweaty he was going to get and not thinking

about where he was going. Yeah, that's true. Arnie, this is your journey. You have to think about where you are headed towards as opposed to where you are right now. Wow. Arnie, you dress so poorly, you got unsolicited wisdom. Yeah, but you know what, it really resonates with me. I do have a tendency to focus on what's going to make me most comfortable in the moment, but I don't put enough thought into

where am I going? I mean, this podcast has been going on for 10 years and several months. Where are we going? Where am I going? We am I going? We don't need to solve that right now. I don't need to make this episode about me. We don't need to dig into those questions right now. Oh, well Chanta, you've been given a wonderful magical gift, this gift from this craven, the wonderful Raddison Carthorn,

and I beg your forgiveness for our insolence and thank thee one more time. Oh, he's angling for a gift. Gramercy's to you, great Carthorn. I hope that your days are well and your nights are plentiful. He's really angling for a gift. So we shall be on our way unless there's anything left... Fine, here's a coin and an old key. Oh, an old key. Wonderful. The number one thing you don't want to hear before you're given a gift is

fine. I shall cherish these always. Cawthorn, thank you so much. It's been my pleasure. Thank you for first of all schooling me in the art of slowing down to sound more Pretentious I Appreciate it. This is a lesson that I won't soon forget. I've learned a lot from you three. It was our

Pleasure. Oh boy. He's really milking it. John, how you doing buddy? Did you get what you needed from coming up here? I know this is kind of a big day for you. Yeah, as soon as I got the advice, it was just like a candle went on in my head and I knew exactly what I needed to do.

Yeah. Okay, great. Don't tell us what that is until next needed to do. Yeah, okay, great. Can you, but don't tell us what that is until next week's episode. Yeah. Well, follow me. It's this way down the mountain. Just follow this path. All you have to do is follow that marble

rolling down the hill. So, not like this. It's going so fast. Similar to what I am. Pastel, sort of a pastel color. Powerful, not very shiny. Catching the same one. Well, let's follow it anyway.

Oh, guys, turn around. It looks like Cawthorn and that hawker making out pretty heavily. Ooh. They're taking little makeout breaks to point at Usador and laugh? Is that a laugh? I can't tell.

The birds love me, Chunt. I'm not great at reading beaks, but it seems like they're just both saying yo to each other a lot. Arnie, Arnie, look what I put under my shirt. I took one of the donkey eggs. Run, run, run! Run, you cronkies! Run! I'm going to admit feeling some jealousy over characters who have the option to run away from all this.

Usual the Wizard was played by Matt Young. Chunt the Badger was played by Adol Rafai. Radisson Cawthorn the Magical Craven was played by inexplicably high profile guest Amy Mann. Amy is on tour all of June to support the 20th anniversary vinyl release of her record Lost in Space. Visit amymann.com for tour dates and more info on her sublime music. Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon.

Patrons get ad-free episodes, all the spin-offs, and at least two new bonus episodes each month, even though some of them are about the number of tabs you have open on your browser. And as I was forced to mention earlier, you get access to live show ticket sales. In fact, Patreon supporters are buying tickets to see those live shows right now. To learn more, visit patreon.com slash magic tavern. Hello from the magic tavern is produced by Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young and Adil Rafai. Post production coordination by Garrett Schultz. The new Ryan DeGiorgi of providing a service no one can quantify.

Associate producer Anna Hoverman. This episode edited by Sage GC. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard Laban. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. Behind the closed doors of government offices and military compounds there are hidden stories and buried secrets from the darkest corners of history. From covert experiments pushing the boundaries of science to operations

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