Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 5, Ep 64 - Flower's Bar (w/ Brooke Breit)

Episode Date: July 28, 2025

We return to the tavern the Ruffled Feather, on the outskirts of Hogsface, and its new owner is Flower the talking flower.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungFlower: Brooke BreitMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Sage G.C.Magic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandNew T-Shirts in the Merch Store!Check out our upcoming LIVE SHOWS!You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Bsky, Instagram and YouTube!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

People of Earth, the following podcast is not real. And concerning the rumors that 95% of our listening audience is now bots, I say that makes a lot of sense. And so to all our bots out there, I hope you're not a big fan of meticulous story construction. In fact, since bots largely spew the same information over and over into the world, each time only slightly reworded, I think you're gonna like it here. Now, a weekly podcast from the magical land of food. I'm your host Arnie Mecham. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know.

Ten years and three or four months ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical fantastical land of food. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi Fi signal through the dimensional rift. And I use that to upload a podcast recorded here in the tavern the ruffled feather on the outskirts of the town of Hog's Face in the magical land of Foon. And I'm joined, as always, by my co-host, Shun the Talking Badger. Bing bong. How you doing, buddy? Oh, I'm doing pretty good. Arnie, I don't know if you can see, but our goat named Grapes is going nuts behind the counter. He is making so much wine.

Yeah. You'd say he's grape nuts? He's grape nuts. He's stomping so many wine. Yeah. You'd say he's grapennuts? He's grapennuts. He's stomping so many grapes. Here's my question. I think maybe you're the only one that can answer that. Do you think Grape is going nuts behind the bar because he was thinking he was going grapennuts or was that just like a surprise discovery on his part? Ernie. I'm not sure what you're asking, but yes Okay, oh, oh no. Oh, he just fell. Oh, I hope he's okay He was stomping grapes, and then he fell

Do I have to walk into it yeah, I don't have to ask a follow-up question about that one that one I Be a pretty big cultural moment. Yes, absolutely. Guys, can I be honest, was it a mistake for us to not do one of our classic walking up to the tavern openings when we come to a new location? I'm just so excited that we're back at the ruffled feather on the outskirts of Hogsface. I just wanted to like start the podcast at the table. Arnie, we're outside waiting. We're going to walk up now. You coming in?

Come on out, Arnie. No, outside waiting. We're gonna walk up now. You coming in? Come on out, Arnie. No, come in! Side! Whoa, Ysidor, look at this. We're back at the ruffled feather. Wow, back here with all the ruffaloos. Wow, this is crazy. Oh, there's our old friend Arnie.

Arnie, it's been so long. We just walked up to the tavern. You guys are too committed to Versa-Militude. I'm also joined by my other co-host, Ysor the Wizard. I am Ysodor, Wizard of the Twelfth Realm of Ephesius, Master of Light and Shadow, Manipulator of magical delights, Devourer of Chaos, Champion of the Great Halls of Tarakas. The elves know me as Feanyalek, the dwarves know me as Zonanook Stengiz.

And I am known throughout the northeast as Gasmanius Maesar. And I, ye Chunt, I must keep my voice low. For here were the ne'er-dwells to gather. Most certainly a powerful wizard would be their enemy, or at least someone they would be afraid I would be like kind of like, trying to harsh their scene, you know? They're trying to be cool and I'd be like, hey, stop doing that, stop now, thou shalt not drink.

You give off principal vibes. Thank you. You know as you get older, sometimes you think like, when you're younger you think a bar is like tough and scary and then you get older and just like oh wait no it's just cool. And then you think it's too loud in here. Yo so loud. Arnie what was that word before Ysaur introduced himself you said some word verse verse some verse some verse some verisimilitude.

Yeah that's the word. Verisimilitude what are we talking about? Verisimilitude verse whatever that word's the word. Verisimilitude? What are we talking about? Verisimilitude? Versimilitude? Whatever that word is, right next door to the ruffled feather, when Ysera and I were just out front, I saw that there's a Verisimilitude Minotaur tavern next door. Is that ours?

Did we do that? That's a good question. And also, you're not sure exactly how it's spelled over there either? I mean, I was outside for just a few seconds. I mean, come on. The names are remembering. Well, the towns have been through a lot of changes since they rebuilt.

They just, you know, briefly are going to call it Hogsface. And now they just, they kind of settled back into Hogsface. They're like, why are we renaming the town? We're just rebuilding the town, it's stupid. So maybe they called it that, but it's still, maybe there's a new Vermillion minotaur Oh, that'd be kind of fun. But guys, um, I'm also gonna whisper this I want to own this too much Should we maybe not draw too much attention to the fact that like six or seven years ago

We blew up hogsface like that was something we did That's right, I destroyed hogsface be the save fall of food. Oh, everyone's raising their mugs to use it. Don't throw those at me. Okay, started positive. Yeah, I guess they are near near dwells. So yeah, that is true. Yeah, they're gonna cause many near dwells here. Oh, but I'm so excited to be back in hogsface. Oh, no, Arnie, I was was excited but look at the plaque above the mantle

Oh dedicated to macho mantis Randy mantis Apparently in the intervening time has he passed maybe he just did something really cool. Oh, yeah, maybe he installed that mantle That's that's also possible. You know, we can't go walking around assuming every plaque means death, right? Do they usually put birth and death dates on plaques when you just put up a mantle? Yeah. Well, to be fair, it just says B and D.

Oh, that could be anything. B and D could stand for anything. Yeah, that is true. What are some of the things he could have stood for? Let's see. Maybe like, um, oh, oh... Bored? And then delighted? Guys, Lyalt is pretending we don't want to say balls and dick. Is that, like, is that what we're all trying to think of something else?

Yes, Artie. 100%. Save the best for last. Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking, of all places, are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck? Flower. Our good friend Flower, the talking flower. Well our good friend, Donnie, I don't know that you get to say that. No no. Okay, did you come here to surprise me?

Happy birthday! Did you come here because you knew it was my birthday today? That's right! Wow, you got it in one, Ysidor. That was a close one. Holy shit. Listen, okay, first of all, clear something else. I heard you talking about the plaque over there is kind of it's kind of tricky.

Macho Mantis, Randy Mantis did something really cool, but then immediately died. So it's two plaques. If you peel off the top plaque underneath is the like, congratulations, you ate a giant steak. And then on top of that is like, I'm so sorry that you died. That's a lot of plaque. Your mantle should go to the dentist. Yeah, well consider it. Thanks for saying that. Thanks for that fucking tip.

I have some, I have a big principal energy. Don't worry about it. I always assume that Macho Mantis, Randy Mantis would die like during sex. Is that just me? Oh yeah. He gives off that vibe. Yeah. Is that just me? Oh yeah, he gives off that vibe. Yeah.

Is that what happened, Flower? It was unclear. Okay. It was unclear. It was unclear. It was unclear because it seemed like things were going well. I was here that night, by the way. Mm-hmm.

Wait, it happened here in the tavern? It happened here. No big deal. I kind of run this place now. Whoa, congratulations. I just kind of, thank you very much. Wait, it officially, like you officially run it or are you just saying like,

guys, I kind of run this place? Well, a little bit like I came in with a big attitude and then I did win it in a knife fight. So between those two things, it was sort of assumed with half the crowd that I was already in charge, but then really established things with the knife fight, which may allegedly be how Macho Mantis, Randy Mantis died.

Oh yeah, emphasis on the stab. To go back to established. So you probably killed him, but it's also still unclear if he died during sex. Yes, because, OK, here's the situation. He was here. I wasn't going to fight him. I was going to fight the current owner of the establishment, who was stepping on my turf. I said, I clearly came in here. I got big ideas. I have no time for you.

Get the fuck out of my face. Mantis comes in towards me. He's like, this is great. Good luck. Gave me a little bit of a pat on the back and then said, I wish the best for you. I'm eyeing this lady over here and we're about to fuck. So if you don't mind, I'm about to go outside and take care of this business. I said, please take it outside. Currently, you can't have fighting and fucking in the same spot.

Sure. Don't fuck where you fight. Exactly. Don't fuck where you fight. Yeah. Exactly. Don't fuck where you fight. Read the sign. If it says fucking, go for it. If it says fighting, go for it. So I say, you gotta go outside. You gotta go outside. He goes outside and then several loose knives.

Oh no. Flew out the window. Sure. Flew out the window. I gotta say it got intense. Wait, loose knivesw out the window. Sure. Flew out the window, I gotta say it got intense. Loose knives flew out the window? Unsheathed, Donnie, if we are being technical. Yes, a knife can be loose if it's out of its sheath.

They were also like additional knives that were not originally in the fight, so kind of loose assorted sundry knives. A cavalcade. Yeah, like and so then they ended up out the window. I was like, oh shit, go out the window. And then he comes in through the door. I don't see a scratch on him.

Probably died of a heart attack from having knives being thrown at his face. Probably while fucking. Oh wow. A veritable potpourri of blades. Did you say potpourri por-pourri of blades. Did you say por-pourri? Por-pourri.

Oh. Hmm. I mean, anyone who wears that many bandanas is gonna go out fucking. That's true. Also, did anyone notice the tavern on the other side of this place called por-pourri? It's a clever name.

It think it's French. Por-pourri. Oh. Well, Flower, it's so. Poor Puri. Oh. Well, Flower, it's so exciting to see you again and you're an entrepreneur now? You are running a tavern? Well, you know, I got my start with bass salts and smoothies

so I have a little bit of experience in the biz. But came in here and I was like, I got some ideas for this place. I feel like I could up it, make it a little seedier, make it a little more exciting. Who can make it seedier than a flower?

Nobody. My seeds are all over this fucking place. Yeah, the floor does seem to all be sort of tightly packed soil now. That's fun. Yeah, that's fun. Flower, you'll be excited to learn that you and Arnie now have something in common.

You're both proprietors of a tavern. You here at the Ruffled Feather, and Arnie, of course, owns the Wanderlost, our traveling tavern that is temporarily misplaced. All our taverns are somewhere. That's true. Okay, you know what? Tavern is where your heart is.

Oh. That's one of the signs, that's the sign right below the one that says fucking or fighting. Oh yeah, that's true. Have you considered having designated days for fucking and fighting? We tried that. We had a calendar. It was like, okay, Monday, fun day, which could go either way. Sure, yeah.

Tuesday, Tuesday, again, could go either way. Yeah, you choose. Wednesday, friends day. That's fucking. That's fucking. Friends fight, friends fuck, okay, okay. Yeah. Yeah Thursday Blur's day You get so drunk. You probably fight. Probably Friday die day. Oh Oh, I could go either way probably fighting but I mean probably the theme in was a little too ambiguous And so just nobody wanted to show up for any particular day except for Saturday we do trivia.

Oh. Wasn't Saturday splatter day? No, we just said trivia. We got really tired. People seemed to be pissed off with how cute it was. They were like, this is not... it's not appealing to me. It's not the right vibe. Please just tell me what this is. Guys, we gotta come back for trivia. Oh, that's a good idea Trash is fine. Tricky is fun. We just usually pull up one person and then you have to guess shit about them

Oh, I mean last week we we did some amount of trivia and and I guess sort of like riddles and puzzles and stuff, right? Oh, that's right on the bridge. You met that absolute fucking tolva troll Chad something like that. Yeah, fuck it Remember all the names You met that absolute fucking Toa of a troll, uh, Chad? Something like that. Yeah, fuck him. I can't remember all the names. Hey, Usador. Hey, Usador. What? Can you magic up like a birthday cake real quick?

Ah, sure. You start talking. I'll have it here. Um, oh, look at me! Look over here! Okay! Look! Look!

I'm- What are you doing? You gonna do something? I was gonna change into something, but I forgot I can't shift anymore. Um- I'm looking! Is he do- Where are you from, ma'am? What's your name? Oh shit? You're really blowing this Speaking of blowing this blow out your candles happy birthday Oh She's blowing out oxygen

No, of course I may I brought you this cake. It's made of algae, so it has plenty of sun that's been photosynthesized into it. Perfect for a flower. That sounds wonderful. I can't wait to sit on it later. Cake farts. Ooh, cake farts, guys, cake farts.

New T-shirt. Well, why don't we take a quick break to have some cake, and we'll be right back. Cake break! Cake fight! Guys, did you notice the weird way that Flower exhaled? Obviously it was blowing out oxygen, but just also the noise she made? Yeah, it sounded sort of guttural and a little rough. Like it just sounded bad.

She's sick. Ever, uh, but it's soundifying to me. I'm going to try something. Oh, flower. Oh yeah. Sorry. Just busting these tables over here. Hold on a second.

Yeah. What is it? Good. Have a good time. It looks like you lost an eyelash um i don't know if that's something that you have but hey can you uh blow it off my finger and make a wish all right i mean if that's your thing that sounds great to me thank you very wet exhale yeah go get, is anybody want snacks or anything? I can go get some, I mean, like, I know the person who runs the place.

Oh, always, since we're back in Chingle Chang Forest, I would love, I would love some ghost mushrooms. Okay, great. We do them like a tempura. Perfect. Fried with an aioli. Ooh. Temporal, okay, that sounds pretty good. Fried with an aioli. Oh, tempura. Okay, that sounds tempura aioli. Chunt, do you need anything? Um, yeah, let me get do you still have a

sorry, does the place still have guilty goose on the menu? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'll do a guilty goose. Okay, I psychologically torture the goose every day. Artie, have you heard about this? No. It makes their liver explode, it's delicious. Oh. Yeah. It's kinda like in my wheelhouse, like I never knew I'd be so good at this job,

and then it was like, you can fuck with the goose. Sure. And I was like, great, I mean, it seems unethical, but also delicious. So you came into this tavern, and you're like, first of all, we're gonna make this place a lot cooler than it was before. Yep I feel like I you know like when you walk into a place and you're like this is my purpose like they need me and proof is in the pudding I'll tell you what if you can see that sign over there. Oh I'll have some of the pudding. Yeah in the pudding it's in the

pudding and it's on the sign over there. It says that we were featured on taverns, shitholes, and bars. Whoa. Huh. Which one were you classified as? A lot of the things on that could double dip in a couple different ways. Like when you see stuff featured on taverns,

shitholes, and bars, you're kind of like, I get it, like, fine. Like, this seems like you got a grill. Congratulations. Also, you're doing like, I get it, fine, this seems like you got a grill, congratulations. Also, you're doing text mechs, what an innovation. But for us, it was like we were deeply in the tavern feel. But I like to challenge the norms. So I said, I'm going for the triple threat. I said, I would like to be considered a tavern,

a shithole, and a bar. Wow. Wow, that would be cool. And did Druid Fieti give you that honor? Yes, Druid Fieti showed up. I'll tell you what, that guy won't eat an egg to save his life. You try to make him an egg.

He hates him. He shits in your face. And it is like, it's unpleasant, but I had to do it. I was like, we don't even have eggs here. it I was like we don't even have eggs here and I was like don't test me bro I was like I'm gonna just I want to see what he's gonna do straight up shit in my face don't serve eggs here but today goose get to laying get to fucking laying some say he used to be a donkey sorcerer yeah he is he was a big old donkey sorcerer and you know what he did He took all the food and he shoved in a fucking trash can over there and then dumped it upside down on the table

Instead that he heightened the dish But he does a lot of good he does a lot of I mean he frees so many he'll go to dungeons once a week and he'll free one person. They're off the chain, right? Every week, off the chain. He's, it's kind of beautiful what he does. It is, it truly is. I gotta tell you though, I asked him,

I said afterwards, I was like, where do you get your hair done? Where? Sure. Because I'm very interested and if you'll notice, my petals have been frosted. Oh! I didn't want to say anything, but I thought they were a little different.

Arnie, do you have anything to add? Well, I was just remembering that flowers is pubes, so like your petals are frosted. Yep. Oh, your petals are frosted, and it, I mean, it looks like, again, in honor of Donkey Source, I guess is what he used to go by, your pot is backwards?

Are you wearing your pot backwards? Yeah, I got my backwards pot. Wow. I got frosted pub tips. Really living my best life, I've really found myself here. Can I say, and I say this with love, Flower, are you okay? No! I actually want...

Yeah. Okay, that's what I thought. Oh, wow. That's terrible news. Are we gonna get real? It seemed like you were excelling and you even thought you'd found your place here, but what could be wrong?

Please. All right, listen, I'm gonna go get your food real quick. Okay. Arty, did you want anything that we could really talk if we really wanna fucking talk, okay? I don't, last time I was here, I just mostly remember that people were just selling drugs, so I...

Okay. All right, fair. Gotcha. Surprise me, I'll have a drug flight. Okay, great, be right back. Nice cocktail of drugs. Guys, was that rude? Like, I actually like all of these changes for Flower.

Can you answer Chuntz's question? Because that's gonna help me a lot too. All right, how about this? Just really quickly, before Flower gets back, are there any rude things I've done in the last 10 years of this podcast? Oh boy. Let me grab this scroll out of my hat.

Whoa, that is unfurling. Whoa, see, that's the seat length. But more recently, like, I like all the changes that Flower has made in their life, but I don't know, it just doesn't seem very Flower. I was just making sure Flower, this wasn't like some kind of breakdown or something. Oh, right, yeah.

I didn't think of that. I suppose you're right. It is unnatural for Flower to be held in one place such as this. She often grows back into the ground, pops up wherever we're at, yells at you. She's nearly impossible to kill. You remember a long time ago, Arnie?

You killed Flower, remember that? Yeah, I mean, I think the first time we met. Wow. Oh wow, on your scroll, Ysidor, that's number 50. That's, I would assume that was one, but it was. And that was like an episode three I know Okay, okay. Okay. Here's all the stuff. We got the mush

We got Dog just ran out the door Like how flower has a shorthand for all the things we ordered so that we don't know if they actually remember what we ordered. You're being rude. We got we got the mush here. We got the mush with the ale. We got we got the Gabagooz right here.

Delicious. And then we got the Coca-Cola. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah, okay, cocaine. Yep, and coal. Okay. Can we also get an order of Fajites with guacamole? You want some Fajites with a,

oh, I'm sorry, you mean Fagitis? Stop ordering that everywhere we go. I gotta say, that was a change I was looking to make around here. You mean, fegitis? Stop ordering that everywhere we go. I gotta say, that was a change I was looking to make around here. I was like, we don't have enough stuff on a hot skillet. I was like, we need more items to be dangerous when they're coming out.

They need to feel like they're still cooking and like you did the work somehow, even though you didn't do anything. So I'm still working on that. Yeah, you always want the platter that it's served upon to potentially fatally burn your constituents. Yes, yeah. So I mean, we moved away from the trash cans

to just some sizzling plates. I just sort of like the edges of the plates on fire and hope that that does the same thing, but you know, it's the little touches that make a big difference for people you want to get those good reviews you want people come back you wouldn't have a nice time you know be the regular place you know it's like you want people come in that door and be like this is somewhere where everybody knows my name you're glad you came. Oh, Flower's crying. I think, I think.

It's okay. It's okay. You've done a wonderful job here. Crying is worse than the blowing. Arnie. Arnie. I know, I love that. I'm sorry, I have to get the scroll off.

That's what she said. I have to get the scroll off. Give me a second. Damn it. Gotta write this one down too. My goddesses, Arnie. So rude. I'm sorry, I'm a mess. I goddesses, Artie. So rude. I'm sorry, I'm a mess.

I'm a fucking mess. No, no, Flower, can you take a moment and just maybe set your work aside and just chat with us? Maybe Usador can run the tavern, can run to tables for you. Yeah. Of course, I'd gladly take over for the evening, if that helps.

Let me just, let's see, you probably need a bartender, Because of course I'd gladly take over for the evening if that helps. Let me just, let's see, you probably need a bartender, you probably need some sort of server, you probably need a bus person, you need someone in the... Are you just going to replace all the people I have doing those jobs right now? No, yes, I'm going to split myself into four usadors and get rid of them. Oh, usafors. That's great. Here we go, alright, here I go. Okay, so force Here we go right here I go okay here I go Arnie we're seeing a rare instance of use of force

Wow so great flower are they gonna stick around and before you start are they gonna stick around is this actually really good This vibe is very good. I feel like this would draw people in Oh, really? We'll talk we'll talk about it. Oh, you can tell those two use the doors are fucking. Oh, yeah, like right now Okay, yeah It is latter day I'll bust your table now that I'm done businging my own Bustin makes him feel good. So flower are you doing? Alright, no y'all keep asking that and every time I'm clearly saying no that's right. No, it's okay I mean, I understand you got to lead into it. So that's fine. Yeah, let's up to just a I guess further expound

Why aren't you doing all right? I can't explain it. I've reached a certain age where I feel like you look and you're like, what's left? Like, where am I going? Yeah. And I ended up here, and it was like something awakened inside of me, and it was kind of that same feeling I had when I was at the bottom of a cliff

When you tried to kill me Well, I really willed myself into like Different thing where that was when I was like almost dead and then I learned how to walk Through sheer will so you would say when you were thrown off a cliff. That was when you were at your lowest Yep. Yep Top of your lowest. Yep, yep. Top off your waters. Part of these kind of, what? Top off your waters.

Thank you, just put it in the pot. Right, right in the pot. Right in the pot, yep. Thank you. You're welcome. No, I think like part of me stayed down there and I think I've been angry for so long. And I lash out and I realized that about myself is when I came in here, I even took control. I didn't even let anybody in.

I just dictated who I was. And there's something about seeing the three of you right now that just like we've known each other a very long time. Oh, yeah. And it's like I could be honest with you at this point. That is that she's tough. Right? Yeah. Like, like, we're busy. We're busy. And like, we could things are going on. And I got all these plaques on the wall. It's like I've done a lot of cool stuff here. Yeah, yeah. Put up a lot of plaques. Yeah, most of these plaques you put up but yes, I put them up. I was like great day today No, like I was like

Made a taco, you know, just really cool Celebrate the small victories. Yeah, but I guess he's my it's my birthday today and So all of a sudden have sudden you surprised me like this because clearly you came to come see me. Sure. And didn't have any other intentions or reasons to be here. That's right. Like that's fucking real.

Yeah, happy birthday, buddy. Can I ask, just hypothetically, if we stayed here for a long time, like, well, past your birthday, would that seem less like we were here specifically for your birthday? No, I feel like part of me would just still accept the fact that you were here just for me

and then something else came along. Sure, sure. Phew. Yeah. Because we're gonna celebrate the 10 year anniversary of this podcast like all year, so we can celebrate your birthday for months and months probably. Okay, yeah.

Are you finished with your gobbagoose? The sea source hovering. He's like two inches off the ground. I can get you a box. I'm not quite done. Okay, no problem. Can you stop? He keeps trying to inches off the ground. I can get you a box. I'm not quite done. Can you stop, he keeps trying to take my plate away. I'm not, sorry, I'm not done. Don't put your hands on the plate.

Don't put your hands on the plate until the customer says it's okay. It seems like you're close to being done, so if I just leave one finger on it. You're lifting the plate in the air and I'm dangling from it. Please, please put it down. All right, there you go.

I'll be right behind you. I forgot that when Ysid splits into Ysophores, his sort of focus is quartered. Yeah. Yeah. How old are you? I don't really know how old I am because it doesn't really translate.

Flower years are a little bit different than other species' years. I'm just around until I'm not anymore I guess so I don't really count it that way and I think that just kind of hit me really hard I was like, oh shit, you know, yeah, am I enjoying myself or am I just busy? Yeah Yeah, and busy doesn't always mean productive Right. Yeah. Well flower were old friends, at least I think so. Sure. And look, I tried to kill you at some point.

So you got you don't have to pretend anything in front of me. You can be however you are. OK, I. I. Did anyone leave room for dessert? Oh, we don't we don't really. We don't really serve dessert here, but then sometimes we offer more food and we just dump it in, like dip it in sugar.

So it's like some of the leftover food, just so y'all know. So if you say you want dessert, you're just going to get someone else's leftover food dipped in sugar. I do want to try the pudding, but is that savory pudding? That's more of like a like a blood pudding. That's like a breakfast kind of thing. That's right. Can I do the blood pudding that's like a breakfast kind of thing? That's right.

Can I do the blood pudding for dessert? That's right. Please put it down! Give it! We'll humor a dessert menu. Thank you. Ah, very good. Here is a tiny, tiny dessert menu for each one of you.

Oh, thank you. And here's a magnifying glass for each one of you to read the tiny dessert menu. Thank you so much. Okay. Kind of like the waiters to have their own spin on things, so everybody's got like a gimmick that they come to the table with, like someone's got like tiny menu. Yeah, I noticed this Ysidor who's waiting on us has, still has a wizard hat, but he has one of those like propellers on the top of it.

It looks, it looks dumb, right? Oh yeah, cool, yeah, it's cool. Yeah, you're right, it's cool. Yeah, it's cool. Yeah, you're right. It's cool. It was very cool how dumb he looks. Well, at least we don't have that other Ysidor over there that's just sat down at the table with the people and is like talking to them and taking their order but is sitting at their table. Oh, he's staring at an empty plate and saying, I see you hated it. Oh, so good. I try to train all the waiters. I want everybody to do the thing where you lean over the person at the table and just carve your name backwards into the table Just to tell them who you are. Oh

Now you that user is putting on the check in front of a kid and saying here you go I know you're paying for this and then chuckling he's tossing his hair. Come on. I Really stuck into that kid. Oh Wait, the kids pull that gold. Oh, I guess he is. Oh, okay. Oh now it looks like a kid. Yeah, kids paying. Yeah. That's a rich kid. Oh, oh yes, that's of course. I forgot. It's been a few years since we've been here. That's that. It's Richard wealthy. He's been perpetually wealthy his whole life. Oh yeah, didn't his dad die by jumping into a pool full of gold coins? That's right.

Broke his neck, yeah. That's right. Oh shit. Lucky duck. Richard wealthy, how rich can he get? Is that rhetorical? It feels like that was a setup for something that none of us got.

Are you all finished there, sir? Put it down, put it down! I will say that kid is wearing a tuxedo but the pants are shorts and I do like that look so maybe at some point I'm gonna try that out oh that's a good idea tuxedo but with shorts I think you should thank you a tuck short oh tuck short oh I need to start wearing a tuck short-o. Wait, wait, wait, I got a better one. Wait, wait, wait, roll it back. Wait, roll it back, a tux needle.

Okay, okay, okay. It goes to your knees, it's a tux needle. Oh. I don't know if that's better, tux short-o sounded better. Tux short-o. Roll it back, roll it back. It's a tux short-o.

Run back! Run back! It's a tuck short-o. Um, I guess I just want to say that I think I'm good. I just appreciated friends being here that I could talk to for a minute. Cause this is just kind of feels like shit that we go through, right? Like that kind of every now and then you kind of assess and if you think too hard about it you're like, oh fuck. and then like you kind of get over it I'm glad you trusted us enough to tell us. Oh, it looks like one of the usadors is joining

Joining us for my intrusion. But this round of drinks is on the bartender that usador said he's a friend of yours He's winking very aggressively Should I send him a message or is he bothering you? If he's bothering you, I can get rid of him. Put down my plate, please. Are you all finished there? No, you whatever you are, have a seat. Join our friend flowers sharing some personal news with us being very vulnerable. And I think even if it's one fourth of Ysidor's charm and talent, I think would be appreciated. Oh, thank you. Yes. I'm sorry, Ysidor? Ah, yes? Could we have, see a dessert menu, please? Ah, here you are. It's a very tiny dessert menu. And, of course, magnifying glass. Thank you. When you put yourself back together, what happens? Like is it like a wide open mouth absorbing

everybody comes in through the mouth? Do you open up like a stacking doll? Do you just like phase into each other? I have a lot of logistical questions. We can do all of those things. Oh cool. But my favorite one is to go outside, get as far away from each other as possible

and run as fast as we can towards each other and just see what happens. Okay, promise me that a little bit later we'll all try that. Okay. Flower, you're laughing. Yeah, this is great. And honestly, like I gotta say,

I definitely just share this level of intimacy with all of you and not with everybody that comes into the bar. Sure. I need you to believe me, like, that definitely if you ask anybody here, like, they don't know me, I'm just here, but like, I'm not sharing this deep level and it's also I'm not always drinking. Flower, we're special and unique to you. And that's right.

I always believe that sort of thing when the owner of a business makes me feel that way. Yep, absolutely. I think some people at the other table are trying to get your attention. Oh, okay, wait one second. I gotta go over there. Hold on one second. I'm so sorry, I'll be right back.

I'll be right back. Okay, how's everything going? Is it good? Pretty good. Yeah, I'm doing terribly. I gotta fucking tell you right now. Oh no, how about you tell us all about this? Listen, I can't stay too long because I got these assholes over here that I kind of know and I just gotta tell you that like shit's been rough and it's bad.

Oh no, could I spend some of my fabulous wealth to help you out? I would never force you to do that, but there is a boot in the front over there. Okay. And if you wanna put anything in that boot, it's gonna go straight to my wellbeing. You've got it. Arnie Usador.

Yeah? Yes. It seems like Flower is like upset and it feels like that family over there is comforting her. Yeah. Does it seem like that family over there is comforting her. Yeah. Does it seem like Flower likes that table as much as they like this table? Doesn't seem possible to me.

I do see there's a plaque on the wall that I missed that says when you're here, your therapy. Okay, you guys are great, great. I actually gotta go to a third table over here. Hold on one second, I'm so sorry to leave you and then I gotta go. Have a great time, have a great time. How's third table over here. Hold on one second, I'm so sorry to leave you and then I gotta go to, have a great time, have a great time. How's everything going over here?

Ah, you fucking ducks! Listen, I love you fucking ducks more than I have known you ducks for 20 years. Is that even possible? Yeah, yeah, can you believe it? Here's who I promise you. You're my best fucking friends. I have never loved anybody more than I love you fucking ducks. What do you wanna do? Do you want to buy a house together?

Put it on my bill. Okay, quick quick quick put it on my bill quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick quick That was crazy. Flower. Yeah? There's no wrong answer to this question. Okay. Are you fucking scamming everybody in this bar, including us? What? Oh, I knew it! That's my flower. Classic. Classic.

What? No, my shit's been roughed, I'm just weaponizing it. Sure, sure. Yeah, yeah, I appreciate that. Yeah, let's take a break. So Flower, if this is a tavern and a barn, a sheddle, but the tavern part of it, do you have rooms that we could rent?

Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, do you want a good room? Because we got one of those. We got one good room, and everything else is pretty bad. There's always, there's a major element missing from every other room that you would want to make a complete room, but I'm just trying to maximize the space, you know? Let me ask my friends, Chunk, do you want a good room,

or do you want one of those shitty rooms? Put down my plate. Sorry. I guess, if I had my druthers, probably the good room. Oni, do you want a good room or one of the shitty rooms? Well, first of all, it doesn't sound like good room is available,

but I definitely don't want the extra shitty room. Like, maybe Ysador, should you take that one? The extra shitty one? Yeah, because you can magic up a roof or a bed or whatever is messing if you want the good room to be available I do have some knives Available we're all right. Okay. I Let's see the extra shitty room. I know what I'll do. I'll make you sit or sleep in there Got him Cuz yeah flower I think we're gonna be in Hog's face for a while.

We're on kind of a secret mission looking for something. We don't know what it is, but and it's nice to have this as our home base for a while. Yeah, by all means, you can fucking stay. I really don't give a shit. Like hang out, do your thing. I'm in and out. Like I'm mostly like today I'm in. But like, don't expect that all the time, because like there are people who are working here and it's not always me

You know like and I'm not beholden to a schedule Because I'm just sort of run into place, but that's a loose. That's a we all have a loose understanding about what that means How is your life outside of running the tavern? It's bad W while. This has been pretty much the big thing that's going on. I've been hanging out a little bit with Caballon because he's in the forest. So that's been nice. But it's like, again, we're not putting any fucking labels on it.

Sure. That makes sense, a tree and a flower would hang out. He's keeping it. Last time, though, I feel like we were all in the same place together. You two were all, if you don't mind me saying, you two are kind of all over each other. Yeah, yeah, we were hot and heavy.

But again, trying to give each other space when we need it. Sure. Seeing what's going on, I don't really, like I've been mostly busy here. This is I guess the thing that I've been looking for that I didn't, you know. You know, you mentioned that you're searching for something. You don't know what it is Sometime that sometime that thing is is you

Have you considered that you've been searching for you all along I Have but that's because there are four of me. That's true I can't wait for you get back together And then I'm gonna insist that we all run at each other too Just to see what happens sure. I really want to see what happens. Yeah, but yeah hang out do whatever you want It sounds great. This place been great. I'm telling you with the foods good the people are questionable But like the right level of questionable like it's kind of fun like you kind of keep it interesting We got a little machine over there where you can put a photo in and then search for stuff in the photo.

Just to see if you can find all the elements of the photo. You can hunt for them. That's a lot of fun. Oni, do they have anything like that on Earth? Not exactly as described. Well, it's a very common flower thing to put in a photo with synthesized leaf and then to look for all the differences in the leaf. You just put your little photo in there and you just look all over it.

Yeah, and sometimes after hours or in certain taverns or pubs, they'll have a leaf with a bikini. And you have to spot the sexy differences. Oh, they also have slurp machines! Oh, I haven't played the slurps in a while. Arnie, do you have a silver coin? Those are legal in Hog's face now, slurp machines? Do they pay out? Oh yeah, they do. Oh, Arnie, the ooze from a slurp machine,

when it pays out, slurp, slurp, slurp. If you're really lucky, you might have a weird uncle who has a leisurely flurry back at home. If you're really lucky, you might have a weird uncle who has a leisurely flurry back at home. I think I'm gonna save my coins for the puke box. Oh yeah, well you can also just hit it with your elbow. Oh, cause I'm cool. Yeah, it's gonna puke either way.

Yeah, sure. If you hit anything with your elbow, it's gonna puke already. See, watch. Oh! Sorry, I'm a sympathetic puker. That's okay. Are you all, are you done with that stuff? Put it down!

Sorry. Oh, oh, you know what? I'm sorry, no, fuck, he walked away. I am done. Why did I say put it down? I was done. He's never coming back. Oh, fuck, now he's ignoring me.

He just flew into the sky. He walked out the back door. Damn it, I need that you throw a back chunt. I'm sorry, oh, fuck. Now he's just gonna be flying into the sky with He walked out the back door. Damn it, I need that you throw a back chunt. I'm sorry, ah, fuck. Now he's just gonna be flying into the sky with your empty plate. I'm gonna be under a table for just a minute.

What's going on down here? So Flower, I am, I'm not immortal anymore. What? Not immortal. Wait, you were before? Yeah. Crazy, right? That's fucking wild.

Catch this knife! I'm so sorry, I had to see. Arnie, I don't know if you saw, but right in between the slurp machines and the puke box, there's like a merch stand that's selling like ruffled feather merch. And one of the pieces of merch was a big cliff with what looked like a painting of you going over the side. With a painting of me, wait, as I look at it now, me being thrown off a cliff? I guess so. And it says Revenge? Stick around as long as you want!

Thank you, I will. What could that possibly mean, Arnie? I don't know. It's spelled exactly how you pronounced it, revenge. Revenge. You should see the beautiful cliff I built out back. I only mentioned it because I just wanna make sure that if this shit's selling that you get a cut, right?

Because that's your likeness. Oh wait, that's supposed to be me? I think so. Pink polo, jeans, the shoes you always shoe. It's screaming, I'm Arnie. Oh yeah, the clues are all there from the beginning. Pink poor jeans and the boots with the fur, with the fur! And the pushin' was happenin' by her.

He hit the floor, next thing you know, Arnie got low, low, low, low, low, low, at the bottom of a fucking cliff Chunt Chunt we're gonna stay under this table. It sounds like they're singing going on up there Next thing in our Chunt welcome back. Hey, yeah, I Was just catching up a flower on all of our amazing adventures since we've seen her last Hmm ending the animal war and everything a chunt has sacrificed and of course. Oh, sorry. I'm gonna pull this knife out of your shoulder

And what else? Who let that fucking goat behind the bar? Give me a second. What are you doing? Grapes come here grapes come here grapes. Sorry What are you doing? Great come here grapes come here grapes. Sorry Grapes get out of here doesn't we just stepping on the wine. Did you fall in the wine? You're embarrassing man Great. Get out of here. Get grapes leave grapes leave grape leave

Free time hungry good Flower before we wrap this episode up We're gonna be here for a while, and we kind of are gonna try to be a little bit more proactive lately. Like, while we're in town, is there any side quest you'd like to give us, something that we can do to help you out? Got things kind of going here.

This is good. I'm happy with the changes I've made here. Got that cliff out back that I'm working on. Just gonna keep working on that, chipping away, making sure it's nice and high. When you say working on, you're building a cliff from the ground up? Yep, working on my night cliff.

How, how? Chipping away night by night. How tall is it already at this point? How tall is it? Oh, I'm not good at height. I was just, I'm very ambitious in what I think things are and I don't know, but I would say like, it's gotta be like a couple horses tall. Couple horses tall.

Like a few horses. Yeah. Okay. So. A handful of horses. So not the biggest cliff. Not, not yet, but I'm working on it every night. That's great.

Gotta have a passion project. Exactly. You gotta be working on something other than work, you know? I didn't realize this was a cliff bar. Ugh, on that note, everyone come with me outside. Everyone, everyone come on, let's go outside. Okay. I started thinking, I got all ready to the ducks, ducks. Everyone come with me outside everyone everyone come on. Let's go outside Hey kid, how rich can you get I'm the richest kid in all of town mister. Do you need some money? I'm happy to loan it to you. No, that's all right. I was just just hoping someone would say

You're never gonna know till you met. Can I be on your show next week? Oh, you can if I can have one of your I want to say fuck squeados. What did she call them? Tux shortos? Tux shortos. Tux shortos. Also kids, I need you to shut the fuck up because you're gonna make me lose my liquor license.

Okay, yeah, sorry, sorry. I'm not here. You never saw me. Great. See you. See you never. All right, everyone gather around. The'm not here. You never saw me great. See you see you never alright everyone gather around the use of doors About to run into each other Here we go. Oh, this is funny. All four use of doors are trying to corral the crowd. They're all trying to take the lead

Oops were principles, right? On the count of three, one, two, three. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Shouldn't use the four anymore. I have such a terrible hangover afterwards. Well, but you also made 84 gold coin and tips. Oh, not too shabby. I gotta say, when that one flew in from the sky and dove right into that mess, that was beautiful. I've never seen anything so beautiful. Although I will say, Ysidor, you do have a plate embedded in the top of your head.

Yeah, yeah, that'll happen when you try to just run as fast as you can and combine yourself back into one. You pick up some extra bits and bobs. Well, Ysidor, Arnie, Flower, Dux, Rich Kid and Family, why don't we all go to the Versa-Militude Minotaur and drinks are on Ysidor? Yay! Yay! Also, we just had side quests. Side quests we should all prepare to run a marathon. Okay, shit.

Alright, writing this down. Arnie, can that be a Patreon? We gotta start training. Yeah, probably. We gotta start training. Couch to marathon. Arnie, wouldn't it be fun if we ran an actual marathon with a microphone? Wouldn't that be fun?

Let's do it! Verbal contract, we're doing it! Would not be the first audio of me shitting my pants. Wait, why are we going to a different bar to spend money? Oh yeah! Alright, everyone get back in the ruffled feather. Get back in there. And they piled back into the ruffled feather, once again narrowly avoiding making narrative

progress. Yuzuru the wizard was played by Matt Young. Chunt the talking badger was played by Adol Raffae. Flower, the talking flower, was played by special guest Brooke Bright. Brooke is currently directing one of the games in the Jackbox Party Pack 11, coming this fall. Catch Brooke on stage in Chicago with the improvised Shakespeare Company. Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production, made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon. Patrons get ad-free episodes, all the spin-offs, and at least two new bonus episodes each month.

To learn more about supporting the show, you shiftless parasites.