Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 5, Ep 71 - Super Studs (live from Somerville, MA)

Episode Date: September 15, 2025

Usidore uses magic to summon items from Earth that are both wondrous and annoying. Recorded live at Arts at the Armory in Somerville, MA on July 18 2025.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Tim JoyceMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandPhotographs: Sage G.C.Special Thanks to Arts at the ArmoryLink to show photos here!New T-Shirts in the Merch Store!Check out our upcoming LIVE SHOWS!You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Bsky, Instagram and YouTube!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey there, Critters. This year marks our 10-year anniversary of Critical Role, and we are partnering with Fathom Entertainment to bring our 2025 tour to movie theaters across the U.S. and Canada. Head to theater to see The Wedding of the Year coming to theaters on October 15th with an iconic jester and Ford Wedding at our New York City Live Show. Visit fathomentertainment.com slash critical roll to find tickets in theaters near you. That's fathomentertainment.com slash critical role. People of Earth, the following live recording of a podcast is not real.

This episode was recorded live in Somerville, Massachusetts, at Arts at the Armory on July 18th. See, right there, Massachusetts isn't a real place. It's a virtual construct built to make your Earth resident Ben Affleck feel at home. Anyway, there are a few visual components to the show. Oh, no doubt. crying children, protests, critics walking out, I'm just guessing here. And if you'd like to see pictures of those, there's a link to the Patreon page for this episode in the show notes.

You'll find numerous pictures there, and that page will be unlocked. So you can take a look at the pictures whether you're a Patreon subscriber or not. And that's how they get you. Now, sit back and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. If you've never listened to the podcast before, oh no. But think about it like this.

All your life, all my life, has been leading up to this moment where we finally meet. And when I say meet, I kind of just mean this, basically. But I'm so excited. But if you've never listened to the podcast before, this is sincerely everything you need to know. Ten years ago. I knew it. I had a feeling. This was a decades crowd.

This crowd loves decades. Ten years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of food. If you've ever been to Chicago, it's the intersection of Irving and Clark. Spoiler alert. It has been torn down. It is no longer there. I fell through a dimensional portal. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal through the dimensional ring.

and I use that to upload a podcast as I travel around the magical land of Foon currently somewhere in the northeast in the tavern, the impish armory where we all are now. This crowd is ready to buy in. It's like, where am I? Impish Armory? That's where I am.

In the magical land. land of Foon. You know what? It's not just me tonight. You know what? No, it is just me tonight. But you know what'll make it even better? Why don't they bring out one of my good buds? He's a talking badger. Shunt the talking badger. Oh, yeah, baby. Get what? Get what? Yeah, that's right.

Arty, that's right. Get wet. They put a lot of stank on that get. Like, get wet. Like, that's the, like, get wet. That sounds like they're lifting a box. Get wet. Help me.

And, Ardy, I always. I always say, get wet with your legs, not with your back. Exactly. You like what you like? Are you losing your hair? Yes, but also, I had to sleep on top of Usadur last night, and I feel like some of his beard rubbed off on me. Okay.

There's a lot to unpack there. Arnie, very quickly. A wizard's hair. It's one of the most valuable things in food. Wait, where to... Oh, I got it. We could sell this for a million gold. Okay.

Retire, start a new podcast about nuts or something. What do you think? I'm skeptical that a wizard's hair is that valuable. Okay. Okay, well, fuck it. That's fine. So you were saying, Chun, that last night you had to sleep on top of Usador. Sorry, I got to sleep.

on top of Usen. He was kind enough. I couldn't find my hobble and Yusor was nice enough to be like, just crash with me. Of course, I slept at his feet for a while, kept getting up and turning around. At some point, I just

laid on his tummy. Sure. That's very sweet. Yeah, it's very sweet. Nothing salacious about that at all. It was very sweet. What are you been up to lately, buddy? Oh, I'm glad you mentioned my red socks. What have I been up to? Scheming, dreaming, dreaming, sleeping, yeah.

So they stop rhyming after two. Sleeping rhymes. Sleaming. Queefing. What, Arnie, I don't know if I've ever seen these pants. Well, yes, I am wearing pajama pants. I'd thought it'd just be a little bit. bit more of a special night, but a casual night at the same time. Also, it occurred to me. It's not a

canonically established what kind of pants I wear. And I do want to point out, again, if you have never listened to the podcast before, and this is going to sound not real, but it actually is. One of the somehow top five most canonically important things about this show is just that I wear this fucking shirt. And, Arnie, I got to say, if you ever leave or die, that shirt is unbelievably valuable. I could sell it for half a million gold. Half a million gold. So less than a wizard hair.

I think so. I don't want to be, you know, I'm not trying to, but yeah, I think half a... Trump, should I start canonically having a different outfit? Like maybe one that still fits me. Oh, it's happening. It's happening. Oh, Arnie, I've been dreaming of this day. Okay, let's see.

Chain mail, are we comfortable with chain mail? I mean, okay. Actually, the people of the impish armory. Is it? Although, the impish armory is where we all are now. This audience is a little more bought in than you are, Jun. But before we get past it, I do want to say, isn't that always the way when someone says chain mail?

And you're probably thinking, I don't know, that's a little uncomfortable. But then, like, four people say, ooh, and you're like, maybe I should start wearing chain mail. I'd say chain mail top. Maybe like some leather shorts. Okay. Does that sound fun? Yeah.

No. Wait, did you say leather? Wait, did you say leather? Wait, did you say leather? Shorts? Yeah, leather shorts. Leather shorts. So this is the sweat can just escape.

Yeah. Well, we could do like Nehai chaps, someone said. We could do chaps. Chaps. I like this. I actually like the impish armory quite a bit. Yeah. We can do chaps.

Now, Arnie, there's two types of chaps. Okay. Assless. And classless? Classless. It's like, Oh, there's a... You can't see that gentleman's ass.

No class. There's a few horse butt stickers in food that say stuff like, if you're not showing ass, you don't have class. Sure, sure. Horse butt stickers? Yeah, you know, the stickers you put on the butt of your horse? Sure. Am I crazy?

Is there one... So, what are some of the most... I'll start. So would a horse butt sticker be something like, if you can read this, you're too close to my horse's butt? I think you meant to say rumpur stickers. Rumpur stickers. Yes.

It sucks that Yusador could only swing by for one moment. I know. Bye, Yusador. Yep. Wait, where was he standing? He was around here somewhere. Oh, looking for hair? Shit.

Usually he's leaving that hair everywhere. Fuck! And Arnie, I lost the original. Fuck! I know. I didn't want to say it at the time because it's classless, not assless. That wizard hair was real curly.

Like, it was incredibly long, like knee length, but curly. Wizard hair is wizard hair. Wizard hair is wizard hair. So give me two rumper stickers. Sure. Two rumper stickers, thank you, used to door, would be my other horse.

My other horse is a bigger horse. Okay. And then have I already said, if you're not asked, you're classless? You have said it, but... I said that one. Yeah, but not in rumper sticker form. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Honk, if you're... Horsy? Horsy. I mean, we're going to start printing those. Oh, fuck, yeah. Why the long butt? Why the long butt, exactly. This seems like a perfect time

to keep use that are waiting about five more minutes. Yeah. Arnie, are these little moons on your pants? You know what? Actually, I think they're cookies. Oh. They're assorted types of cookies and a carton of milk and a bottle of milk.

And they're all sort of smiling. But they also have very rosy cheeks like they have a secret. Oh. But a cute secret. They're like, nobody knows what I know. And, Arnie, you said on earth that milk cartons are the number one way to find missing kids? Absolutely. Wow. Absolutely. Fascinating.

Yeah. Besides, although, that might be, second place is probably Apple Watch now. Just tracking them with technology, basically. Absolutely. A huge pivot to something else.

I like that you're just scanning my pants being like, what else? What other material? I'm mostly looking for wizard hairs, but... There are some. Yeah. Oh, Arnie, I couldn't find the bar at the impish armory. Oh. Chunt.

Do you have it? I know sometimes you'll have beer in your pants. Do you bring any beer? I didn't bring any beer. I'm sorry, buddy. Okay. Oh. Great.

Now I've got to pay for a microphone. Well, while you deal with crippling sobriety. I am going to introduce my other co-host. You all know his name. Some of you might know all of it. Usore the Wizard! I am Usador. Wizard of the 12th realm of Ephesius.

Master of light and shadow. Manipulator of magical delights. Devourer of chaos. Champion of the great halls of Taracas. The elves, nobius. Fian Yallach. Fangi. The dwarves know me as Zonanukestangis.

And I am known throughout the northeast as Gasmuania's Mastar. But know this friend. There are secret names. Names that I would ne'er dare let escape mine lips, for they are of such great power that most assuredly, even if you thought of it for a moment, your eyeballs would turn into two stones, Those stones would turn into two eggs.

Those eggs would hatch, and inside them, two new eyeballs. Same eyeballs as before? Two new eyeballs. Oh. So eyeballs to stones, to eggs, to hatch, to eyeballs? That's why I won't say the name. Okay.

Can you imagine a fate more dastardly that someone would have new eyeballs after having stones and eggs in their eyes suck, when hence they had other eyes and everything would look exactly the same but everyone would see them and be like you did something with your hair what's different about you

and they'd have to say well my eyeballs turned into stones and then eggs and then different eyes and then they would say you are a demon and I cast you out what are you two doing here what are we doing here yes I'm at the impish armory today

to procure a lance for Usador has been tasked with slaying a dragon. Is there a dragon problem around here? Yes, oh, a terrible one. There's a terrible dragon who lives up on the hill outside of town next to the impish armory, and it's incumbent upon me to now strike down this dragon to make sure that all can live peacefully and happily.

And I shall do it too. Just you watch. I'm going to get a lance Whoa I'm going to stab that guy right in the eye But I guess I'll do the podcast first Whatever So you're in town to slay a dragon

And it just happens to be a coincidence That we're doing a show right here I did not know you were here That seems like lazy writing Well I did suspect that you were here Because I was following you And I got up pretty close behind

your horse, and I read the rumpur sticker that said, if you can read this, a horse is about to shit on you. Oh, that's good. And? Did the horse shit on you? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, I thought you meant there was more to the bumper sticker.

No, that it was a prediction that did come true. This isn't a rumper sticker thing, and this is honestly, I'm going to be honest. It's a waste of time for me to tell this story, but I'm going to anyway. Oh, perfect. That's what this whole show's been for 10 years. Whoa, now's the time to hit the bar The bumper sticker that On my world they're called bumper stickers

They're put on the back of cars Or they used to be And one of the Is there a bump there? Kind of It's like a bumper So if you get bumped If you get bumped

Stay bumped Oh Yeah So you would put a sticker on there And one I saw said It was on like a VW bug or something Which is a car I know it doesn't sound like it

Wait, is it a bug or a car? Bugs are cars? It's named after a bug. So a bug's life is a car's life? Then what's cars, Arnie? What's cars? You can't tell us about all these famous Earth movies and then change the rules.

That's true. And why did they go to university after they'd already been monsters for a while? But, Arnie, tell us again about Cars Bunny. Cars Bunny? Oh, sorry. I guess I'm just using your rule. Bugs Bunny

Oh Well A Cars Bunny is a car You put a wig on that car And it's sexy So I saw A car with a bumper sticker That said

The Beatles Didn't need a website To become famous Wait, hold on Beatles are I want to say bugs But I guess Beatles are

cars. Beatles is a band. Beatles is bugs, but Beatles is also a band if you spell it differently. But spiders make webs. Spiders make webs. Not Beatles. No, so that's right. Are you sure you

want to tell this story? Bugs are cars, but Beatles are bands. Bugs are cars, Beatles are bands. Assless or classless. So yeah, so the didn't need a website to become famous and I always thought that's the most bumper

stickery bumper sticker I've ever seen. I like that. Arnie just to know I found a hair it's not us ators but I found a hair also someone brought us beers

who was that person who brought us beers oh thank you Scream your name and nothing but your name. Amy. I've said that so many times. Grammesee to the Amy. These beers shall be consumed with speed and great fervor. They're called High Neighbor. Hi, neighbor?

Or wait, no, they're called Narragaz. They're called High Neighbor. I'll take your word for it. Wow, Arnie. Have you ever met an Amy? Oh, wait. We have poop stools? What's that? Poop stools.

I know that's redundant. Hell yeah. Arnie, hell yeah. Yes. That makes this so much easier. Yes. These stools have... I'm trying to think of the right wording.

Anus-located hole? Jesus. That's what you were hemming and hawing about? Well, the first thing that came in my mind, It was anus-sized hole, and I'm like, that is not what I mean to say. Goddesses, please. While they are distracted by these poop holes, let any stray hair that has fallen off mine head,

please find its way back to me. The great destructive power of one single strand of mine hair. Left in the wrong hands would be a most dastardly thing. So please, if a stray hair has gone away, please, goddesses let it find its way back to me. Oh, tell me about the stools. Oh, we're way past that. What? That was like 10 minutes ago.

Oh, Arnie, I forgot to mention, I always say this out loud, but I know you edited out of the podcast. Anyone listening can always email us at Chunt with 6Ts at gmail.com. That's Chunt with 6Ts at gmail.com. Of course, if you email us now, we may not see it until later, but... It's always worth a try. Yeah, always worth a try. Oh, Arne, who's our guest tonight? Oh, shit.

Usador, Chunt. Fine, I'll do it. Do you think the people in the tavern have noticed there's only three anus stools? Probably. Look, I fucked up. I thought I knew people around here. Apparently, I know less people around here

than I thought I did. So I didn't get us a guest, but that just means more of us. That just means... It's... Boy's night! Boys nights! Boys nights!

Boy's night? Boys nights? Oh wait, I gotta say it like I'm lifting a box. Boys nights. Yeah, what? Do that again, Arnold. Yeah. Yeah.

Are you sure you really tried to book a guest? I think you might be lying. I can't stand it. I know you planned it. So you said we're... Sabotage. Wait, what? Shit.

I say sabotage. This is why I like to sometimes do this show on the road, because when we just do it at home, a.k. in the studio, we don't have someone over on the side that'll go, oh, sabotage. That's what you're talking about. It's nice to be heard.

Oh, no, it's dumb. Never mind. Okay. He said never mind. He said it was dumb and he said never mind. Don't look at it. But Usador, he's giving us ask me eyes. Oh.

Oh, yes. The subtlety of your mortal interactions. How they confound and bore me. Fine. Chunt, what is it? please tell us. Yes. The ask me eyes never fail. Is that what you said? Yeah, ask me eyes.

I thought maybe. Which is much. No, I'm not. I had a joke, but I had the exact same idea. But the fuck me eyes aren't working as well, right? Yes, exactly. Exactly. We were definitely thinking the same things. You know, I thought, Arnie, I don't think we've done this before, but I thought it might be fun to

summon some stuff from earth to make you feel a little less homesick. It's a very powerful heart spell to do. I know Yusador hates to be asked, but I feel like this is one time we could call in a favor. It is true. It is a great burden upon me to ask me to apply my magical prowess here. No, I'd love to do it.

Let's do it. Perfect. I have an item I found. in your car, Arnie, years and years ago that I've saved just in case we need some sort of conduit between worlds. Let me grab it real quick. Great.

Just put it? Yeah. Just put that... No. Don't forget you put that there, though. Don't forget you put that mic there. Oh, oh, oh. People will be like, I don't know what happened in the second half of that show.

But Chun's audio sounded like ass. Thank you. I was thinking about getting a rumpur sticker that just had a big equal sign on it. Have you thought about spelling it out? It's a good idea. But I'd have to come up with a way for it to be made of symbols

that only mean something to people here on food. Are there symbols that mean equality or justice or of course there are many peaceful sigils that can be displayed on your person here one of the most famous

peaceful symbols it's not even really peaceful as much as it's like benign is a big pink shirt oh it means sort of benign sort of peaceful sort of you know lazy lazy

Doey Sure Tired Yeah I feel like I should be offended but I see it Arnie does this look familiar

Oh my goodness My missing Walgreens bag Yeah I found it in your glove compartments all those years ago And I've hung on to it As we can see the bag is Completely empty

Whoa. Wow. Wow. Wow. So I'll set it right here. You start if you want to start your spell. I know it requires some moaning.

Just some. Yeah. Is there anything the other people in the tavern can do to help you with this spell? Of course. If everyone could moan along, with me. Mone along with me.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Gross. Oh. Oh. Whoa. Oh. Okay. Whoa.

Whoa. Oh. Oh. I am nearly spent... Oh, just kidding. I have so much fucking magic. You won't even fucking believe it. Arnie, what is it?

I'm going to be... I'm... Sincerely, I have not seen anything that is going to be pulled out of this bag before, including a tabloid newspaper, the star, from January 19th, 1982. Whoa, some people were born.

that year. The top story is lose 10 pounds of holiday fat in one week. Rude bag, rude. But then also, big headline, how Princess Dye wears pants in the palace. Ooh.

What a scandal. A beautiful princess wearing pants! In the palace, she must be royal, which means they're assless. Oh, yeah. All right, I'm only going to read one more thing. Are you just the type of thing that, I don't know,

on Earth you might walk back from a Walgreens and there might be a bunch of shit on the sidewalk out that says take for free? Is that the kind of thing that might be that? Probably, yes, but I'm going to need more details. I don't know. I'm not from Earth. So you're saying hypothetically, if I went to a Walgreens, any Walgreens, and bought some stuff and put it in a bag. But when I was leaving the Walgreens, there was like a weird yard sale that hopefully wasn't like a needful thing situation where you're getting cursed old items.

I wouldn't even say yard sale. I'd say pile of shit with a sign that says take. And then the person walking past probably saw a picture of that woman and went, what the fuck? How could that person possibly be in the news? The thing that makes me wonder is, why didn't they put it outside? the last 42 years prior to this. Oh, maybe it's cursed. Somebody did yell

sabotage. Do we think the dragon that you're going to lance later got to the area first and laid a trap? It's very possible. We must be very careful for the dragon may be listening to us, even now, planning a way to avoid

my evisceration. But I shall find a way to or come and strike it down and keep all the children and women. and men and dwarves and elves and tree people and dogs and most of the cats safe

here in Foon. Some cats I cannot save. There I've admitted it. It is my greatest shame. My God. Can you feel all the intricate plot threads moving towards a satisfying

conclusion at the end of the show that will definitely happen whoa the bag's still moving you see what okay I got it what the fuck Arnie more hair it's back I need that I need that I need that I need that I need that

this is a friend's pub oh okay Friends pub that's a tavern we almost went to oh the friends pub it's a pubic bar yeah it's a pubic house or pub yeah pub as they call it Ding-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-zipp-de-zipp-di-d-zipp.

Okay, we have here a new, oh, a new garment. Arnie, finally, something new for you to wear. Whoa. It is a red t-shirt that says Boston Red Sox. Whoa, Arnie. Arnie, hold it up just like you did so everyone can read it. Uh, never mind. everyone in here is shocked

they've never seen this before and Arnie you said on earth the Venny diagram between people who love fantasy and people who love Major League Baseball is almost a complete circle oh yeah oh yeah

I'll be honest there is a very slim overlap and none of them know each other I get it now. Red Sox. Oh. Arnie, put on the T-shirt. Put on the T-shirt.

You just mentioned a new... You wanted a new wardrobe. I'll try. Arnie. Arnie. Arne. Arne. Arne.

Arne. Arne. Arne. Arne. Arne. Arne. Arne. Arne.

And this will make you super popular when you get back home to Chicago. Yes. Damn, Orney, you've got... Not guns. I don't know what those are. Knives. You've got big old knives. I've got socks in all the right places.

I hope there are more shirts in there. but are you reaching this time but I'll cast the spell okay one of the chakalachalachara artilatah um bad dinkahoolah

hoho solo for whoa one mixed pleasure's adventure pack oh sorry sorry I must have dropped that in there I think I think I just

drop that in there. I think... Get wet. I heard it again. Let me... E. Rothschildo. Whoa. Doritos. Precious gold. Whoa, Arnie. Whoa, it is gold. Golden Saracha.

Wait. Who? Golden who? Golden Saracha. Oh, Sirracha. Is he here? Sirracha. is both tangy and sweet. Yeah, he's a knight. Yeah.

All nights are tangy and sweet. Dangerous and delicious. Are you telling me that in the Earth year 2025, a bag is explaining saracha? Stop bag-splaining. Arzhi fucked those saraja chips. What could this saracha be? Jesus.

Jesus Christ And atrocalon T'ath Andran Whoa, Arnie We got you A rumper sticker A rumpur sticker?

Yeah, do you promise Whatever this says To put it on your butt? Oh Yes, I think you mean to say yes. Is Arnie Arnie, let me make it fair

Let me make it fair Amy, where's Amy? Amy, is it okay if Arnie wears this on his rump. Okay. Arnie, it's a sticker. Why don't you read what it says? All right.

The sticker says, Feed me tacos and tell me I'm pretty. Wow. Let's open this up and get under your ass right away. Arnie, Walgreens really does have everything.

Rumper, sticker. Hey, chunt, well... Rumper, sticker. Rumpur, sticker. Feed me tacos, call me pretty. Feed me tacos, call me pretty. Feed me tacos, call me pretty.

Chunt, where are you planning to sleep tonight? What'd you say? Where are you planning to sleep tonight? I hadn't thought that far ahead. I guess... I don't know, I guess I'll find like a stranger's tummy, I guess. A stranger Yeah

I don't want to burden you with two times I don't want to terrify you with a rhyme So callous and terrifying That it may Chill you to the very bone But have you ever heard of Stranger Danger

Whoa what I would not advise He to sleep upon the stomach Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on I wouldn't Everything stop Everything stop everything's stop

I have never felt more defeated in my whole life Oh hey buddy I swear Usador Let's help Arnie with his sticker I cannot

This whole time I've been trying to get it off If you get it off I'm gonna be so mad It's impossible No hold on I made fun of you pretty hard I need to do this

And we're sure it's a sticker It's crazy crazy. It's like some devious trap where someone's like, you'll feel pretty, but we'll make it impossible to get this sticker off. Okay. Nope, it was

Arnie. You, sir, are you saying that some strangers could potentially cause danger? I would not advise thee to sleep upon the stomach of any stranger, and this goes for all of you tonight here at the Amish Armory. If you, you You're about to sleep upon someone's stomach.

Make sure you know them first, or they've bought you dinner. Yusler, would you rather someone sleeps on your stomach or in your hair or on your face? On my face, obviously. Yeah. Okay. Ernie, how does it feel to have a rumpur? It feels okay. Okay, people have asked, that's all I was waiting for.

I just needed one person to say, show us. All right. Okay. Here's what my sticker looks like on my bot. Whoa, Arnie, I saw so many phones come out. Give us a twirl. Looking good. If you're listening at home later, the visuals are all bad.

Like, not, like, I look great, but just the visual component of this show. If you're getting angry about what you've missed, do not. Be angry you weren't here in such wonderful company, but the visuals, no. Oh, that reminds me, Arnie. Now that you've got that sticker on, you might want to hang on to these. Okay, so. Boys night? Boys night.

Here's some of the possible mixed pleasures in this adventure pack. And Arnie, just like mixed nuts? Great movie. Close. So close. Close to the nuts. Ooh.

So the mixed pleasures in this adventure pack of condoms include something called vanish. Whoa, Eusador. It's like make it disappear. Now you see it, now you don't. That seems, I don't know,

unethical. I don't know. I think it's a lot. if I put a condom on my dick and it disappears, that's kind of hot. Also, if you're wearing a condom, don't you want it to vanish? Well, sure. No, I meant, never mind.

I know, oh, I know. Super Studs. And, yeah, all right. And Glow. Why isn't that the name of this show? Super Studs? That's Arnie. That's Junct.

That's Usador. And we're... Super Studs. All right. I am going to do something unprecedented, but I need a little help from our sound person, who I would not, I would not blame him if he wasn't paying attention. I am going to go off stage and start the show again.

All right. Should we all do it? It's up to you. yeah let's start let's start over i've been asking do this for ages and i think if everyone could just start chanting studs studs studs studs studs studs studs

studs studs studs Good! Good! Good! Welcome to Super Studs! Oh!

Oh! All right! All right. Everyone here that's a stud say, Woo! Everyone that's a Super Stud say, Woo! Woo!

If you weren't that into it, just say, okay. A couple. That's fair. I am joined by my other Super Studs, Chun and Usador. When we were, When we were, I'll say off stage, and everyone in the tavern was, we were gone,

and everyone in the tavern was chanting stud, studs, studs, studs, I had the thought, what if we left right now? Like I don't want to but on some level like how long would it take people to figure it out? There's one person left.

One person at midnight studs. Studs. And then one friend will turn to a friend and be like, that's when you fucking get with super studs. That's what you get with super studs. Of course our catchphrase is

you put the you and STDs. Yeah, no, that's right. Today on Super Studs, we don't have a guest, so let's do a... Pull something from the bag? Someone from the bag. The stud bag.

Zippity zap. Studs night. Okay, well, I've heard tales. but you have brought me the most cursed thing from earth, something called Skibbitty Toilet. Whoa. Arnie, what is it? Not only is...

I've never seen Arnie like this. It's a Skibbitty Toilet mystery mini figure. And this is the part that's very ambitious, series one. A mystery. A mystery. to be solved. And now the people of Earth have called upon Eusidor

to figure out what mystery lies within this package. What shall it be? Nash. Oh no. Stud, stud, stud, stud, stud, stud, stud, stud, stud, stud. Stud, stud, stud, stud, stud, stud, stud. Welcome to Studs.

Could you open packaging? meant for children. Someone in the tavern Has scissors? Who let you in here with scissors? Arrest them! Arrest them! I truly thought they yelled, Do you need stickers? And I was like,

Baby, if If opening a sticker opens this, Arnie's fucked. The two things he can't open. Listeners at home, Arnie has successfully opened the package. The mystery is about to be solved. All right, Arnie. How rich are we?

Okay. I apologize in advance. I'm making a mess. So, we have a figurine of a toilet with a head coming out of it. Sort of looks like, and I don't want to explain this, sort of looks like Mr. Beast. I know Mr. Beast.

I slate him last week. He was at the bottom of the hill below the armory, and he brought a bunch of people there to put on a big play, and he didn't pay them enough, so the town had to be killing. But we'll always remember him because of his candy bars. Arnie, there's a guy named Teddy Toilet and Foon.

Teddy Toilet? Yeah, he eats your shit and piss. What did you been doing with your shit and piss? Yeah, where did you think it went? Teddy Toilet. So wait, does he eat it? Does he eat it out of the toilet? Ew, Arnie.

No. You think he's hovering underneath your butt waiting to get shit in? No, he scoops it out later, puts it in a fridge, takes it out, Heats it up and eats it. If he's not hovering under my toilet, who was that? I don't know. Might have been Pedy pervert. That's true.

Peeperpervert? Yeah, that's Teddy's cousin. Teddy's cousin. Yeah, Teddy just collects it later and makes an asserol. Ha, ha, ha. You get the figurative. that's the worst thing I've ever seen Is there anything else

can I feel beyond the realms in beyond the dimensions and pull one more thing out and a truyl studs studs Studs, studs, studs, studs, studs, studs, studs, studs, studs. Push-ups. Push-ups are happening.

Oh. Oh. So I believe it's a Dunkin' Donuts bag, but from behind I thought you just picked up a prescription. It's like, ooh, what's in there? I've been in this world for a decade. I need some drugs. I need to refill. Arnie, here's the rest of this stuff.

It seems like a sticker book. Some M&Ms. Some nuts, get nuts. Hot nuts. Alufa. Something called the Somerville Highlanders. Wait, wait, hold on. There cannot be that many Somerville Highlanders.

Well, there could probably be, what, two? I'm sure that's probably a joke. All of you have heard before, but I imagine there can only be one. Yes. Also, have we ever told you about senior mince? This must be his son. Yes.

Do you think Junior Mintz is like, please, Senior Mintz is my father. Call me Junior Mintz. Arnie, what's a Dunkin' Donuts? This is part of this stuff you found on the side of the road, right? You, sir, do you know how jarring it was to look up and see you in that baseball game. Oh, God.

Hold on, hold on. I usually don't do this. I got to take a picture. You sure, give a signal for me to steal first. Whoa, hold on. Depending on where in that gesture, I caught the phone. All right, thank you. That was for us.

Arnie, what's a Dunkin' Donut? A Dunkin' Donut. Do you? Does someone say Dunk Nights? A Dunkin' Donut is a very popular chain of donut restaurants. Whoa, so you sit down and eat them with like a knife and fork and you have a waiter? No, you drive by them and someone like reaches out into your car and gives you a donut.

Oh. Didn't you say that your two best bros back on earth, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon go there? Yeah. Yeah. That's what I thought. But you said they also love them apples? Exactly. But what are you going to do about them?

I don't know. Eat them. There are... How about these apples? Whoa, everyone, look under your chair. Sorry, I thought I was going to conjure a bunch of apples. Guys. Oh, too late for donuts?

Sorry, are we boring you? Sorry, Arnie. Are a couple of studs not super enough for you? Yeah, I looked at my menu and I'm like, shit, I've got a dinner reservation. Oh, Dunkin' Donuts. Yeah, I think there are only two donuts in here. Whoa.

Does someone yell fight? Wait, you can't split these donuts? I think one for my good friend Chunt. Aw. And one for my good friend Usador. Aw. And I'll just eat like the M&M's or something. Wow, I guess we probably only summoned two donuts

because the rest of this stuff was $68. No. You couldn't quite get there, could you? When you saw that, where you were like, fuck, fuck. I imagine you were more mad than you've been in your entire life. I was like, is anything a dollar? And they go, nope.

Should I have this one, chunt, or would you like that? I think so. It looks like a puckered butthole. Oh, perfect. Oh, no, there's red cream. Oh, no. Should we put some red page on that? So I was looking at my watch because I just wanted to make sure,

because I know we're going to tie up all the loose threads. I just wanted to make sure that we had. What? All right. I got to take another picture. It would suck if anyone's mother-in-law was here. Anyone's? You know what?

We usually cut it out, but every show, Chunk comes out and says there better not be any fucking mother-in-laws in this place to anybody. Yeah, pretty good. Pretty good. I guess I'm done.

No, no, thank you. You sure? Yeah. But thank you. So, you're so used to, how's that dragon? I have defeated it. Whoa. It was that easy.

I came here to the armory, and the hopes of procuring a lance that would help me defeat the dragon once and for all. But instead, I thought this is not the way of the wizard This is the way of the knight The way of the wizard Is to dissect thine enemy slowly

Transforming it bit by bit Tearing it apart Pulling it through a dimensional rift Transforming it into other things Pulling it out of a Walgreens bag Into detritus from another universe The dragon was all the stuff we pulled out of the bag Wow.

Studs Nights? Studs night! I'm wearing that motherfucker on my head right now and eating his little star asshole. I am indeed the greatest wizard of our age. And the greatest little league coach. Yes. Eustanor, Euster.

I know we're almost out of time, but could you give us all pep talk? Oh, everyone take a knee. Just me? Just you. I just wanted to say to all of you, I am so proud of what you did out there today. It does not matter if you win or lose as long as you win. I believe that every one of you participated to the best of your ability, except for you.

What's your name? I'm pointing at you. What's your name? Yes, you. Yes. What's your name? What's your name? What is it?

Abby. Try harder next time, Abby. But everyone else is going, everyone but Abby gets a participation trophy today. And when I say everyone, I mean like three of you. I just want to say, I want to add to that if you don't mind coach. Yeah, that's how coaching works. I want to say, I want to call out good work. I want to say good work to the royalty and the Burger King crowns over here.

Good work to the other royal. also in the Burger King crowns a little further back. Good work to the dude in the limited edition 10th anniversary Magic Tavern shirt, probably one of three people to ever buy one. Whoa, those really are limited edition. Good work to the elf with the scissors. Good work to the either,

I would thought at first bunnies, but I'm guessing mice. good work to the mother-in-law good work to Sage G.C. Who edits a lot of our best episodes and is here in the audience. Good work to the little ears, the white ears. Whatever, I can't see what's going on there. Pretend I'm a moose.

Good job, moose. Wink. Wink. And most importantly, good work to you, Chunt. Me? That's right. And good work to you, Arnie. Oh.

I don't say this often enough, but I'm proud of you. Whoa, thanks, Dad. Usadador. Which means a lot to you. My acceptance and my praise is all you've sought for the past 10 years. As the most influential and important person in your lives. You often You often speak for many minutes

Before I join the show And I imagine during that time You're talking about me I've got to say That was not landing for me But I sensed for a few people in the audience It was really getting them there And we weren't talking about you

We were talking about your pubes There's a difference What? Do you have some of my stray pubes? Do you realize the power of Stray? Stray? Yes, they've been living on the streets

They need shelter and protection For they contain great power Wait, hold on, do you send your pubes out To like gather information And then at a pivotal moment you're like, To me, pubes Arnie I may have just tonged a chocolate butthole

But that's disgusting It wasn't me, it was the shirt Okay, show that ass again. Whoa, someone's got a fucking mess to clean up. Me. Well, now that the dragon is slain and all is returned to peace here at the impish armory, I suppose we should call it an evening, Ani, what do you say? Or do we have some emails to read?

Or we... We have some emails if we want to read them. Let's read one. Let's read one email. Let's read one email. And also, I know we've spent a lot of time talking about Usador in this hat. But Usador wearing this hat and holding that tall boy of beer. That was the worst thing I've ever done.

You crush it on your head and it looks like you did genuine damage to yourself. Yeah. Yeah, that's going to hurt. Let's see. This is from Alexander. Says, to my boon companions. Oh. Oh.

Looking to plan my own little boys' night. I think I know what Alex Inter meant, but there's got to be a better way to phrase that. This is why you shouldn't let AI write your emails. Looking to plan my own little boys' night with three maceholes. Arnie, what's a mace hole? Yeah, it's like an asshole, but with bigger mass. Looking to plan my own little boys' night with three massholes.

Yes, we all have three in... New England. Whoa. Three butt holes, three mass holes, sorry. What's a good morglop strain you'd recommend for

quality nights of Tomfoolery? Hold on. You're going to gather a bunch of little boys and give them drugs? No. Alexander is,

and let me read his email address out loud. From your pals, Alex, Nick, and Ryan, the three lads wearing pink polos and Burger King crowns. Oh. I like how the other group in the

Burger King crowns are like, not us. Whoa, that bisexual lighting means it's time. Two things. Two things. One, try instead of regular mayonnaise, avocado oil mayonnaise. Second. If you decide to crush a can on your head,

don't put the tab side toward your head. Well, you, sir, do you have a new tattoo? That's right. Right on my forehead. And as I lose blood, pouring from my forehead. Well, you know where it's going. And the sun doth begin to set.

We shall say our goodbyes. Arnie, the sun's not. setting. As I slip in and out of consciousness. Well, yes, Yusufur, let's, Usador and I, Arnie, let me go over by Usador. Arny, Usador and I have been working on a little something. Anybody want a tongue donut?

Usir I've been working on a little something to end the show. So long, farewell, Adviders saying goodbye Where the fuck am I going? And heave a sigh and say goodbye What is you sort of are doing? I don't know. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Good night and goodbye. Arnie, I've been sitting here the whole time. I don't know what's wrong with you. I know. I know. Although, you've got to take, I mean, used to are smart in one way.

If you're going to have a psychotic, if you're going to have a psychotic break, use it as a way to get off the stage. Well, in that case, so long farewell a something something bye I wish

you could see your friend at Ulrify do do do do do do do do do I want to thank you. The sun is gone to bed and so must I. I want to thank everyone so so much for coming out and seeing us.

And as I go, please, will you all chant studs, studs, studs. Thank you so much. Oh, hello for the Magic Tavern. My takeaway from what I just heard is that whenever someone decided to leave the stage, The audience applauded. Remember at the top when I said there was a visual component to this live show? Apparently, that was mostly our heroes pulling garbage out of a Walgreens bag. So you could say a visual representation of what you've come to expect from us.

But if you'd still like to see the pictures, link to the unlocked Patreon page in the show notes. Usad or the Wizard was played by Matt Young. Chunk the Talking Badger was played by Adderafi. Special thanks to everyone at Arts at the Armory. think you're the kind of person who would like a super studs t-shirt, hoodie, sticker, or mug, there's a link to our dashery store in the show notes. Tickets are still available for the upcoming Magic Tavern Live shows in Charlotte, North Carolina on September 27th, and Richmond, Virginia on September 28th.

What will the people who attend those shows be forced to chant? Apparently, the Charlotte Show will include special guest Megan O'Neill as Princess Trachia Aurelia Bellaroth. Link in the show notes for info and tickets. Hello for the Magic Tavern is an independent production, made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon. Patrons get ad-free episodes, all the spin-offs, and at least two new bonus episodes each month.

Here's a clip of the most recent bonus, where Joey Bland and Brooke Bright play sorcerers. Nobody hands us a silver spoon, except for my rich father, the Baron of Casillette Foyer. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I didn't get anything handed to me. I just grew up, you know, riding around on the planes, trying to keep up with a bunch of centaurs, running as fast as I could with my two legs. And I just worked many different jobs taking night magic school, just a single mom trying to make her away through this crazy world.

Ethel, I think you've worked harder than any of us, honestly, and I want to recognize the labor you've done here. I don't need the validation. That's the last thing Ethel needs. She goes home, looks herself in the mayor, and says, you did it. God, that one time you brought your resume at one of our meetings, it's like six pages. Yeah, they told me I need to cut that down because nobody's going to read all six pages. You've got to catch them in the first line. Like really catch them in there.

But there's just, I don't even know where to start. I honestly, I don't want to work anymore. I just want a sorcer. This finally answers that riddle. When is a bonus a burden? To hear the rest and learn more about supporting the show, visit patreon. Cobbs slash Magic Tavern. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neekamp, Matt Young, and Adder Rofi.

Post-production Coordination by Garrett Schultz, Associate Producer Anna Hoverman. This episode edited by Tim Joyce. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard LeBann. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland.