Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 5, Ep 82 - Princess and Witch (w/ Josephine McAdam)

Episode Date: December 15, 2025

Princess Katerina comes looking for help with a horrible curse that turns her into a witch at night. The witch wants help too.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungPrincess Katarina: Josephine McAdamMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Red KeenerMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandListen to Arnie’s Christmas music podcast No Skip Christmas!New T-Shirts in the Merch Store!You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Want to gift someone a Magic Tavern Patreon membership? You can right now at this link!Follow us on Bsky, Instagram and YouTube!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

People of Earth. The following podcast is not real, but the holiday season trudges on, am I right? I think my least favorite aspect of the holidays is we're always expected to celebrate the exact same way. There's no variety. Like, from me, I'll sneak down to that stupid little village in the valley below my mountain cave home, steal all their Christmas stuff in an attempt to cancel the holiday, hear them caroling the next morning during a sledding, mishap, then go rocketing back down towards the village, all their trimmings and gifts in hand. So I can fly right past the town.

No sign of stopping, while shouting redemption arcs are hack. Shame on you for expecting one you curlicue headed freaks, and continuing on to the village landfill to watch all their holiday garbage sink into the tar. Now, sit back and enjoy the show.

Hello from the Magic Tavern, a weekly podcast from The Magical Land of Foon. I'm your host, Arnie Kemp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. Over 10 and a half years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of foon. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal through the Dimensional Rift, and I use that to upload a podcast recorded here in the tavern, the ruffled feather, in McShingleshane Forest, and the outskirts of hogs face in the magical land of foon.

And I'm joined, as always, by my co-host, Chunt the Talking Badger. Oh, yeah, Gugangi. Gugan-Gongi? Gunggi. Arning, I'm obsessed with Guganji. So we learn from the Pandanaman that there's this kind of cursed game Guganji and you're obsessed with it.

Gugongki, kuganiki. Is it extra frustrating to be obsessed with something you don't entirely know how to pronounce? I mean, I got to say when I first became friends with Yusador, I was not quite sure how to say his name and I still really liked him. I know. That's also why I really struggle with being obsessed

with Timothy Shamameh. Oh my gosh. Can't stop thinking about him. And who is Timothy Shemimae? And why are you obsessed with it? He's just an actor on Earth. You know, he can do it all. He can play a Wonka.

He can play a ping pong player, apparently. Wow, that's quite the range. I have to assume, just going from context. Arnie, I think, based on Gungi, I want to make my own game. Oh. Now, you made games on Earth. What do I need? Oh, that's a good question.

Yes. For years, I worked at Jackbox game. makers of the Jackbox Party Packs, probably, I'm not on earth now, but probably Jackbox Party Pack 11 came out not too long ago. People should definitely go out and get that. Oh, perfect. So, Arnie, I'm going to go ahead and make my thing called Jackbox Party Pack 11 because we're at Foon.

There's no, right? Foon doesn't have Jackbox Party Pack 11. So I'm going to call my game that. Okay. I'm going to get in so much trouble, I think. I don't think so. Why would you call Jackbox Party Pack 11 here if you're just starting with that? Oh, because it's the first one, but it's the first one in Foon, so that's two ones.

Oh, shit. That does make sense. Arnie, buddy, try and keep up. So let's see how to play Jackbox. I want it to be similar to Gagongi, but different enough. Maybe it's like a fill in the blank, like there's a sentence and you have to fill in the blank. Or maybe it's like a T-shirt like you were like a T-shirt design. It's sounding like Jackbox games.

It's like a murder trivia thing. Is he doing this on purpose? I can't tell. Well, well, I'll sleep on it, Arnie, but know that that's coming, and I love your help. Any input? Well, you're lucky because I have lots of opinions. Oh, speaking of having lots of opinions, I'm also joined by my other co-host, Yusinor the Wizard. Oh, yeah, I'm Pizza Skull, baby.

Oh, shit, sorry, I'm Pizza Skull. My name is Pizza Skull. I was a giant floating head until I died and went to Pizza Hill, and now I'm a giant floating skull, and I overcame the seven pizza challenges to become the champion of pizza. yeah well pizza skull i would be uh rude if i didn't say toppings of the morning to you toppings of the morning to you pizza skull i feel like we've known you for years this is the most backstory i've gotten about you at one time ever arnie if we ever told you about toppings of the morning no toppings of the morning is when it's almost dusk it's the top of the morning

oh that's right because it's almost dusk you would say toppings of the morning to you Toppings of the morning to you. Oh, yeah. So when it's almost dawn, do you say bottoming of the? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What? Do you want some pepperoni? Did you just barf a bunch of pepperoni on the table?

Yeah, enjoy. He's disgusting. Oh, it's hot. Hot, hot, hot. Okay. Beez-a-Skull, do you know where Yusador is? He's supposed to be here recording the podcast. I think he's trapped in Guganji.

Oh, shit. That's right. Yeah. I forgot about that. Well, let me. Ganges traps people in the game. How? Don't worry.

I'll go save him. Pizza's hell! What a wonderful sacrifice. Pizza Skull is made on mine behalf, taking mine place in Guganji. John, have you ever noticed how you rarely see Pizza Skull and Usador in the same place at the same time? Oh, no, I'm here.

I got out right away. Oh, okay. Okay, good. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, he's sitting right here next to me. I guess the chairs are far enough away that I keep turning my head just enough to where I lose. Usur in my peripheral.

Yeah. Usador, at some point I'm going to want to hear all about your adventures while you were trapped in the board game, Guganji. Well, you can see that I'm covered head to toe in fur and feathers. Did you just murder a bunch of animals? That's the only way to stay alive in Guganji.

Does time pass in the same speed in Guganji as it does on Foon? Like, you were only gone a little bit of time. How long was I gone here? I don't know. Half an hour. half an hour or so? Was it like you were there for 10 years

and you became like a king or something? Or did you just like murder a bunch of ducks and a half hour's time? Well, I would say I was there for about, uh, yeah, 10 years or so. I'm probably 360, 370 years old now. Okay. Wow.

Huh, you almost seem like a different person now. This is boring. Goodbye. Wait, both of you talk at the same time. Shit. I tried to. I was trying to talk next time. You were trying to talk?

What stopped you? Uh, I was choking. on a feather. Oh, boy. Wait, did you swallow the ducks and then pull them out Heathcliff style? I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with this gentleman Heathcliff. Already told us about him. He's the cat who eats bones or something. Yes, that's right. Yes, there's an orange cat who eats lasagna. Does he also pull fish bones out of his skull? I think so. And he's also going to kick normal to Abu Dhabi maybe. Getting the cat's confused. Look, Heathcliff is the one that dies tragically and haunts the Moors. That's right.

Maybe we on the Patreon Saw Garfield? I can't remember. Anyway, guys, I've been proactive in securing us a guest for today's episode and she's just at the bar here. So let me just give a little yoo-hoo. You-hoo over here. Hello.

What pleasure to meet you. Hello. Welcome to the... Please, have a seat. Topings of morning to you. Oh, thank you. morning to you. Oh, I'm sorry, my birds. I just, there's so many animals.

They just love me. It sounds like right to you. Yeah, the birds seem to be like adjusting your clothing just so it's falling just right. Yes, yes. I try to ask them to stop, but they won't, they won't leave me alone. They're always here. Oh, they're tucking her hair behind her ear. That's kind of personal.

Yeah. Pardon me, I don't mean to be rude. I didn't genuflect or anything, but it appears you're wearing a small tiara. Are you of royal blood? Oh, you noticed. Yes, that's right. I am a princess. Your highness.

Your highness. Oh, you don't have to do that. If you want, you can kiss the ring. Okay. Thanks. Yeah, the bird's kind of flying the ring around to our mouths here. Thank you, bird. Thank you, bird.

Okay. Hi. Hi. Your highness, if I may, ask, what is your name? Oh my gosh. How rude of me, I forgot. You can call me, I'm Princess

Catarina, but you can call me Puss. Puss, it is a pleasure to meet you. Can I get you anything from the bar? I know you were just over there, but I'd happily procure you probably a, I assume, like a champagne or some sort of sparkling wine. Oh, I

do not put any chemicals into this sacred of course. Oh, sure. Royal. body of mine, of course. I have to keep it pure. Everything's pure in and out. So like a shot of whiskey or? Yeah. It works. Yeah, great. Okay. Yeah, whiskey is usually clean. It's alcoholic enough that it kills whatever you try and mix it with. Sure, sure. Yeah, exactly. Well, Princess Catarina, or I guess Puss. Please. I'm Arnie. I'm from another world. Hi. Another world. I know. It's very interesting. But I've been trapped in this world for a long time. So I'm not a complete

stranger to your ways. Oh, and this is Chunt, the Talking Badger. Hello, you met earlier. Nice to... Oh, that's right. Yeah. Hi, Chunt. Lovely. I mean, it's so great. Another talking animal. Yeah, yeah. You're, you're so sweet. Thank you. You're effervescent. And I should mention that

Arnie is a bit of royalty where he comes from. He's a Prince of Nerds, is what I believe. Wait, I'm sorry. Did you just say Prince? Oh. I mean I'm not really any kind of royalty Oh and humble too

Oh Yeah well You're selling yourself short You're the Prince of Nerds That's what was spray painted on the back of your car When you came through that portal Oh those teens can be so cruel Prince of Nerds single

I assume Well I am actually single I haven't dated much on the show Although I have been thinking I'm overdue to have a kind of sitcom-length romance. It's sort of like a three-episode thing that just ends abruptly in the third episode. Okay, okay.

And, you know, have you had any potential candidates? Oh, gosh. No, not really. I mean, mostly guests come on and either date Usador or chunt. Oh. I feel like you and that acidic ooze almost had something, right?

Well, yeah, I don't want to talk about that, actually. Ah, whiskey shots for everyone. And here you are, here are. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. Cool. Tip us. Oh, I'm sorry. Cheers.

No, it's okay. That's what he always says before I drink. So you're all princes? Well, I am great wizard. I am not of a royal heritage. I am of a magical heritage. Oh, certainly. I mean, why not both?

Well, uh... Oh, have there ever been a, like, a wizard king or a wizard prince or... Oh, well, no. There can't be For the wizards are brought forth By their goddesses To protect us all from the forces of evil Who are usually men

Who have great evil in their heart And amass power But now Oh lo Wizard King is rising Yay now As the wizards amass their power And a war awaits us all

How is that for some exposition? Oh yes, all very dreadful So scary, so so bad But back to dating So you haven't All of you Open, yay, nay Looking interested

Yeah, we're all available Chunch was the king of the badgers For a period of time The King of Badgers Yes And Ani of course Hates the Prince of Tides He says Barbara Streisand

It's extremely overrated I'm just saying it's not as good as the book Okay, yes And Usador has great power and great magic. I suppose, since I'm the only good wizard left, I could declare myself the king of wizards. Ooh.

Or like a vizier? I don't know. A prince of wizards, very specifically a prince. Is prince better for you, puss? Yeah, I like princes. You know, I could use a prince in my life. Oh. I'm sorry, what time is it?

Oh, I mean, it's almost dark. I mean, it's, it's more probably like minutes or a minute away from dusk. Yeah, I'd say in about... I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's okay. A minute? Yeah, plus, are you okay? You're sweating profusely.

Those birds are trying the best to drink it quickly, but it's still there. No, yes, I'm sorry. If I, just, here, I can make them a little bird bath. If I just squeeze out my dress. Oh, that's a lot of sweats. Oh, I hear it now. the clock is striking sundown It's a fee

No The sundown clock Look away Look away Oh Is she changing her What Change out of her wet

Are you all right Oh Oh I Okay Oh no Someone can handle their whiskey Okay I see what's happening

Yeah What the fuck What did you do I didn't do anything. I think this just happened when the sun went down. Pardon me. Puss? Are you still puss or are you

someone else now? Who are you guys? Oh, okay. I see what's happened here. This is like one of those daytime night time curses. We're like a princess during the day and then you're something else a night. Pardon me, ma'am. Yeah, yeah. What is your name?

I'm cat. I see you, I see you. Still same name. Uh, cat, uh, what is your, are you, uh, what is your profession? How do you spend your evenings? I was going to say days. Oh, hold on. I like just, I just got here. I just let me stretch for a second. Oh, and all the birds turn into bats. Get out of you. Whoa. Get out of here. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Um, when do you got to smoke? I smoke a pipe full of pipeweed, yes, from time to time. I've been known to enjoy my tobacco.

Would you care for some? Um, yeah. Look, could I, you know, I don't have any bodily possessions. I just shed this skin. Hold on here. Can I just pick up this skin? Oh, my God. There's so much skin on the floor. You guys.

Here, don't worry. I've got a place for skin. You need just, yeah, just keep this in a bag. Yeah, I've got it. It's right here. I'm not allowed to try out, too, because it was real wet. Yeah, it's better that way. I tried eating at once, not great.

Oh. I am Princess Cat. Oh. Oh, do you remember meeting us a few minutes ago? No, did, uh, was it, would she, like, just your blonde, long blonde hair? Yeah, long blonde hair. Effervescent, you know, kind of sing-songy. Bubbly, yes, I would say.

Very charismatic, kind of striking. The kind of person that, like, you meet them once and you never, you just never forget that they were in your life for a moment. Oh, oh, really? But, but you, you have attributes. Yeah. Yeah. Go on.

Tell me. You're here. You are so green. You are so green. Ah, yeah. I personally think warts are underrated. Well, thank you. You can take a closer look if you want.

Don't be shy. I'm sorry. I hate to point this out, but I did point out Princess Cat's headwear as well. I can't help but noticing that you're wearing a tall, pointy black hat. Oh, yeah. Are you a witch by any chance? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you can't just throw around the witch.

Just saying you have some of the stereotypical attributes of a witch, and since this is an audio format, I do have to call these things out from time to time. It's possible she's not a witch, and this is just cultural appropriation. Is witch culture your costume? This is just how I look. I don't have much control how I come out, right? Oh, sure, sure. This is just who I am. Well, honestly, I didn't always look this way.

Oh, but you know what, if I'm being honest, neither did I. Yeah, same. Yeah? Well, what's your story? Oh, I don't know. Just time, lots of time, and probably not treating myself as good as I should. A similar transformation, but instead of seconds, it took years. Yes, it's true.

Oh, oh, I see. See, the thing is, I was hoping I could get rid of her. Oh. She's been around too long, you know. No. And it's been, it's been a lot of years at this point. I'm starting to forget who was here first. Oh. So it was you who are turned into a princess? You were cursed to be a princess during the day. I've always been here. Okay. I don't care what she says. I've been here from the beginning. Okay. You know, there's no saying that I wasn't like that to begin with. And she's just stolen my youth and beauty.

That's true. And left me like this. So really, she's in the wrong. Does she come back every day? Yeah, does she come back any time? Yeah, well, around sunrise, I tend to just black out. Okay. Okay. Okay, so what you're saying is, your ultimate goal is that at sunrise, it's just you all the time. Just me.

Just old cat. So how did you come to be like this? Is it, were you two separate entities that maybe got smashed together? When you got cursed to become a princess, I mean, there are so many possibilities. I'm enthralled. Yeah, you know, I was just walking through a swamp one day. Classic. Yeah, yeah.

I was collecting some froggos, and I fell into, like, this really deep bog. And when I got back out, this little pink mouse was waiting for me. Pink mouse. And she crawled in my mouth. Oh, yeah, they'll do that. They will? I didn't know. It was my first tango with the pink mouse.

And, uh, I mean, I think she fucking cursed me. me. Terrible. That's awful. I'm so sorry to hear that. I would love to undo a curse. Oh, yeah. Wait, can you? Well, as a great and powerful wizard, I can undo curses, but if I don't know the exact nature of the original curse, I could make it worse. Oh. A worse curse. Oh, hashtag reverse the worst curse. That's exactly. Well, why don't we take a quick break and use it or you can maybe try and work your magic? Yeah, we'll get to the bottom of it. Oh. Well, well, Oh, that'd be great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And we'll be right back with more puss. I mean, um... Cat. Cat. But who the fuck is puss? I'll tell you later. Do you find yourself worried that you haven't found the perfect gift for those most beloved in thine life? That's the beauty of gifting an aura frame.

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and more for just $3.99 per month. Recipients can use their digital gift card to procure custom dice, STLs, digital miniatures, and more. Give the gift of HeroForge Digital Gift Card today, babies. So, Cat, you got this bag of your skin. here. Do you do anything with it at sunrise, or does it just kind of take care of itself? Oh, yeah. No, it slowly, slowly decomposes until sunrise. Usually I got a bag of sludge. I've tried all sorts of stuff with it, you know, maybe to see, like, part of a components of a spell,

put it in a cauldron, drink it, make a smoothie, get ready to go, work out. Um, nothing works. Hmm. So you're shedding one of these every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I've heard that I will be shed as well. Oh, interesting. Yeah, it's just ever-ever-shedding Russian dolls, I guess, or Foonish dolls. Arne, we told you about the Russian dolls. No. They're always in a hurry, and as they sort of rush around, they get smaller and smaller and smaller until there's none left.

Oh. Well, Kat, thanks for the explanation. It explains why I've seen so many skins lying around town this week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've just been knocking around. I've been a little lazy lately, kind of not been cleaning up after myself. Sorry about that. You know, every time I see it, it just pisses me off.

Sure. I mean, it's not a problem. I just thought, like, those are weird snakes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, weird snakes. Cap, do you have any hobbies? I don't want to just talk about pus to you. Oh, yeah.

I mean, yeah, fuck her. I, uh, I love crocheting. Oh, yeah? Yeah, yeah. You said you work out as well? I work out. I lift. I mean, I'm sure you can tell.

Sure. Check this out. Watch here. I'll lift this. I'll lift this table. Whoa. Above the head. Very impressive.

Whoa. Wow. Very impressive. Okay, put it down now. Okay. Now, is that with magic or was that pure back? Oh, you want to see magic? Oh, yeah.

Oh, so you do do magic. Whoa, I dabble. Okay. But you're not a whip. Oh, no, it's not a word I like to use. Oh, sure. Oh, a little black cat just peaked out from under your hat. Oh, hey, hey, hey, no, get back under there.

No, yeah, no, she likes the hat. Oh, yeah. But, uh, watch this, I can crush it. Oh, that cat's dead. Surely. Is the cat dead or not? Did you, what is it, what, is this part of the magic? Uh, ta-da.

Wow. Wow. Oh, the cat's fine. That was close. Incredible. Yeah. I mean, I suspected when I didn't see any blood, but that was still incredible. She's got no bones.

Wow. No bones. I used them. Like a reverse heathcliff. Now, when you took off your hat and the cat came back out, I noticed that a cauldron and a broom also fell out of there. Yeah, yeah. You're really checking a lot of boxes for which? Uh, which boxes?

Yeah. You know, like, I don't know. If you had, like, a cottage with a bunch of brambles in the front, I'd say, You're definitely a witch. Do you have a cottage with a bunch of brambles in the front? What you got against cottages? I got to live somewhere. Are there brambles out front?

Are you sure? It's not great to make fun of someone's home. I'm not making fun. Brambles are everywhere. If you looked outside, there's brambles fucking everywhere. There's a real bramble problem in this forest. I have not. Okay, fine, fine.

But let's move on. A cat. Oh, sorry, no. Cat, the cat. Oh, yeah. No. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Yep, you want to talk to the cat?

Is that okay? Sure. Does the cat have a name? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is just meow meow meow. Meow meow. Oh, meow meow, oh, meow meow meow. Meow, meow, don't fuck this up.

Don't embarrass me. Hi, meow, meo. Hi. Holy shit, I think this animal talks. Isn't that insane? At first I was startled by the voice, but you know what? In retrospect, that's exactly what a cat without bones would sound like. Really got to rely on muscles.

Meow, meow, can I ask you a question? Okay, be quick. Have you always been able to talk? Help me. Help you. Are you in danger? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, I get it now.

You've got a talking cat, so you're a teenage witch. Is that it? Oh, you think I'm a teenager? Yeah, I mean, I put a lot of shit on my skin, so I appreciate that it's doing something. That's what that smell is. There's a glow, but it's more of like a radiation, maybe. Yes, yeah. Very intense, like actual glow. It's like an ominous clow. Yeah. Omnis, perfect. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, ominous glow. That's what I was going for. That's what it said on the tin. Now, we couldn't hope that you rushed Meow Meow Miao away as soon as she mentioned that she needed help.

Meow Meow has a lot of anxiety. Oh, no. That's very sad. Yeah, yeah. Is Miamiao getting the help she needs? Oh, yeah. Mia, Miao likes dark confined spaces. That's where she stays in the hat. Oh, sure. Cat, would you excuse me and my friends for just one moment? Yeah, okay. Help yourself to drink at the bar on me. Just tell them to put it on Usador's tab. Ooh, do you have like frog smoothies?

I'm just going to go. Yeah, they can make you a frog smoothie. Guys, guys, guys, guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's Princess Catarina, Puss. Okay. Right? So there's Puss, there's cat, and there's Meow Miao.

And a pink mouse ran in. So I think there's mice in the swamp getting revenge on cats. right and maybe just because she's named cat maybe the mouse was confused or it feels like there's a thematic cat through line there's a lot of cat stuff there's a lot of cat stuff yeah and i'm sure at all pieces together in a way that makes perfect sense perfect sense and here's the thing not to get ahead of myself but i might be in love with pus so whoa whoa whoa that's not important we just have to i saw the way you two and i saw the way you two were looking at at Puss as well. Listen, the three of us are all smitten with this kitten, and surely, right,

we'll all be vying for her hand, but how do we get Puss back? Well, I suppose we could try to force the sun to come up early. Is that something that someone who knows magic could do? Let me think. Yeah, of course I could do that. Or in some other way, make a false day here in the tavern. These things are easy. For the likes of of the great wizard you so do it. I think we should do it for two reasons. One, I'd love to see Puss again. And that's not the first time I said that. Come on. But all, but also. That's a t-shirt now. But also. But also. Arnie, you're not satisfied with Puss. You need but also? Fuck. Fuck. Is that what's on the back of the shirt? Anyway, greedy, greedy man. Can I just remind

to everyone listening that Kat told us. Our name was Puss. That is true. Just for the record. And I'm also going to say, we're not going to do that shirt. But people can buy their I'm moving to food shirts in our dashery store right now. The thing I was going to say is, besides seeing Princess Caterina again, what happens to Meow when the time changes? I don't know.

Oh, maybe Miamiao's just stuck inside of Puss and maybe the pink mouse is like smacking it around. Oh. Let's try and turn Cat back into Puss. A cat. Yeah, cat. How's that frog smoothie? Are you enjoying it? Oh, yes.

Oh, a little came out there. Yeah, yes, coming out a bit. Frogs, they're great for digestion, though. Oh, good, good, good. My Tumtum was a little sore. Ooh, he'd eat one too many children. What? Tell me about it.

You did what? Twist. Now, Cat, we've been talking, and we sense that you would like to be separated from Puss, right? You would like to be your own person and live a full 24-hour day. Oh, that'd be great. You know, there's so much I would get done in the day. Well, you know, here's the thing.

You know, a lot of people say they don't have enough hours in the day. You literally only have half the hours. Exactly. And what we need to do is examine the method of the transformation. So if you would allow me, I would like to change you back almost immediately to see how the transfer. So if I can see the transformation in and out, then perhaps I can come closer to separating you both once and for all. Uh, yeah, okay, but you bring me back, yeah. Oh, of course, we'll bring you back. Yes, it's only going to be a false daytime for a short period of time here.

I know, I know I've heard she's attractive, but I just got to say, you know, it's what's on the inside that counts. That's very true. You eat children. Yeah, and everyone loves children, right? Well, okay, too-shay. Got us there. All right, let me open the window. And Usador, will this church?

the sunrise sunset clock because I just would love to hear that sound effect Oh yeah, the sunrise clock will definitely go off, don't worry about that. Oh, wait, if you start opening a window, let me close some of my windows just so it doesn't slow down the spell. Okay, uh, hear me moon.

I am Eucidore. I command you to go away and be replaced it by the sun. Whoa, the moon's kind of moving. Yeah, I can feel. I don't feel it coming. I do feel it coming. Goddesses I beseech thee.

Grant me this boon. Come back with the sun and away with the moon. I'm just going to lay down. Oh, there's the clock. Sunrise clock. Do you think that first part was used to a yelling at the moon and the second part was the actual spell? Yeah, it seemed like they have beef.

It seemed like the moon was furrowing its... Cavities, I guess. He opened the window, yelled at the moon, and then did a spell. Yeah. I mean, I've seen you sort of yell at this guy before, so it's not a... Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, oh, oh, wow, whoa, whoa, oh, fucking showed them on. Oh, oh, pass.

Here, let me help you up. Oh, no, here, let me help you out. Oh, oh, so many helpers. Oh, thank you. Oh, it's so disgusting. Oh, there's liquid everywhere. She's so wet. Yeah.

Well, I can't. We met your friend, puss. We met your friend, cat, who definitely is not a witch. Oh, friend. No, no, no. Is that what she told you? Yes, exactly what she told us. She's a liar.

She's a big, fat liar. I don't care what she told you. Well, let's not talk about her size. Well, I mean, she can't be that. She fits inside somewhere in this body. Gosh, what did she tell you? I only get little bits and pieces from people that are kind enough to convey it to me. Well, she told us that she was traveling through the forest, a bog.

A pink mouse crawled into her mouth and cursed her to become you. She thinks she's cursed? Yes. Well, clearly, I've been cursed. You think I don't want to have my evenings? Do you know how hard it is to meet someone and settle down? When at nighttime she comes along, it really ruined. the moot.

Oh, Arnie, this might be a tumultuous Thursday situation. Now, if you don't know, tumultuous Thursday,

it's a very popular play in Poon where a mother and a daughter kind of switch bodies on a Thursday, Thursday for whatever reason being the most tumultuous day. But I've never seen them share

the same body unless that happened in Tumultuous Thursday, too. Wasn't Tumultuous Thursday, too, called Wacky Wednesday? There is a Wacky Wednesday, but it's not as good.

Then there was switcherous saturday. Swapping Sunday Swapping Sunday Yeah Also one of my favorite bands Yeah wasn't there Look who's talking Tuesday Yeah there is

Mix up Monday Yeah all of them The great series But Puss We only have a few minutes here While this false daylight Persists

False daylight What have you done Well I've caused the sun to rise For a few minutes At the behest of the goddesses Well more of you made the moon fuck off And that damnable moon will be back any moment. So, you must tell us, how can we help you?

Be free of this curse. Oh, my goodness. Well, it would have to take a very strong wizard, like yourself. Oh, and the birds are flying the ring over the user's mouth. Perhaps to banish her away or weaken her powers. I think her magic is keeping me from my full potential or something. Something. Uh, Puss, I don't want to butt in here, but is there anything that, like, a man from

another world could do to help you out? Because I also just really want to help you, because you seem to need help. Prince of the nerds, you would help me? Of course. Well, maybe you could bring your nerds in. Hmm. Most of them are listening right now. Oh, well.

Rope in your nerds. Well, they could help. Yes. Yeah, we get a whole nerd cluster. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Okay. Um, we have her skin, right? Yes.

Yeah. Yeah, we have your skin, too. Do you usually get to see your skin? I hear that it melts before it comes back around. Oh, my, you have my skin? Yeah. This is your skin, your first skin. Let me see.

Oh. She's so excited to see her skin. Wow. Beautiful, yes. Bouncy young. She's dancing with it. Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

Sorry, what were you guys saying? Well, well, we just. want to know. You think I need to banish a cat, the, uh, the witch. Yes, banish her. Banish her. Hmm. I'll do my best. Let me be the only one. There can be only one. It's me. All right, puss. I've got to ask, is there an animal in your tiara? I just got it now.

Oh, good. Yes, we forgot about this part. She, uh, you see, your counterpart has a cat that lives in her hat. Oh, meow, meow, meow, meow. Yeah, meow, meow. That's the name of the cat. She's alive? Well, she doesn't have bones, but she seems to be alive and seemingly well and ask for help. Oh, no. Is there a cat of all bones in her hat? Oh, my gosh. Hold on.

Let me just pull up all these princess skirt layers. Hold, there's so many. But I know underneath here I've got... Oh, you're wearing boots. There's... Yes, I've got to wear boots. I know that somewhere under here, there are a lot of bones. And I've always wondered who they might belong to,

but I've never gotten to speak to the boneless one. Now, Puss, I hate to bring this up. But those bones could also... How to put this? Oh, shit. There's some things about... Cat, you might not want to know. Yeah, there could be a lot more going on inside you than meets the eye.

Like what? Do you ever wake up and you're like, I feel like I had a big meal last night? Yeah, all the time. I'm always very full. I feel very full of youth and energy and happiness. And it keeps me very, I don't know, I just feel like I have an air of innocence. That's what people say about me at least. Yeah, sure.

We want to have that return to innocence, but, hey, we need to tell you. Okay. Okay, okay, so, Puss, did you know Meow Meow before this curse started? Yes, I said, I asked me, you know, I'm friends with animals, as you, I'm sure. Yes, as I can tell. Yeah, that's why all those dears are sticking their head through the window. Oh, yeah. Oh, hey, guys.

Hi, hi, yeah, no, just wait for me outside. Get out of you. I think they're also freaked out because the mood's got. They're so confused. There's a lot of distant screaming going on. I think people. Animals are very sensitive. tonight.

Oh, so sorry, I disrupted the natural order for you two, and now you're pissed off about it. I am so grateful that you would do this for me, Usador. I've made a note. Well, I'm very flattered, of course, but I'm afraid I can't hold the moon at bay much longer. Okay, well, yes, yes. No, I asked Meow Meow if there was anything that he could do to help to possibly, you know, keep her at bay and maybe scare her away, you know, witches, black cats, they seem to get along.

I thought Meow Meow would have some sway or some magical. I don't know. Maybe it was a stupid idea. I don't know. And now you're saying MeowMeo doesn't have bones. Here, give me the bones you've got, and I'll see if they fit inside Meow Meow. This isn't going to end well. Okay, hold on. I have a lot. Oh, gosh, this is like a whole vessel full. Yeah, that seems like a human skull. I don't think that's right. Oh, gosh, we did that little shoe comes from. There's a lot of stuff in here. Stripe shirt, jump rope.

Yeah, a lot of these don't go together, but I'll see what I can do. Thank you. Again, don't trust her. She's a liar. She doesn't know what she's saying. She's delusional. Of course. She doesn't belong here.

Is that the clock? It's the clock. Plus, before you go, would you please, would you sing me happy, birthday? Oh my gosh. Yes. Happy birthday. Ah! Chunt, is it your birthday? Some people just can't say. I didn't give you anything. You should get you something. Do you want to drink? It's close enough to my birthday, but I would love to drink right after. I mean, I've seen this. I'll just get you the drink. I'll be there. Okay.

Oh, hey guys. Welcome back, Kat. Welcome back. We're still in the same place. That doesn't happen a lot. Yeah, I think you took a nap or something, right? Yeah, I mean, I just, uh, you said you were changing things. Yeah, we did a brief false day.

So it's only been a few minutes since we saw you last. Although there is now another. full thing of skin here. Oh, yeah. Piles. Well, that's squelchy. Wreck it up the piles of skin. Yeah, it's a terrible curse. Oh, yes, terrible curse. There you go, chunt. Thank you so much. I can believe you kept your word. Wow. Well, I am a man of my word, if nothing else. But we were wondering, could we perhaps chat with Meow Meow again? You were to talk to Meow Meow. Well, yes, you know, I know it must be difficult to have a cat without bones. So I found some bones that I thought might fit inside your cat.

You found Mia Mia's bones. Well, I found some bones. Okay, all right, all right. Meow doesn't need to hear this. Hold on. Let me just, let me just muffle this for a second. What's going on? Why doesn't MeowMeo need to hear this?

Is she going to curse? No, look, I took those bones out on purpose. Mia Mia doesn't need those bones. Why doesn't MeowMeo need bones? Everyone needs bones. Everyone needs bones. No, no, everyone knows that's where magic is stored. I can't have meow-me-out getting all its power back.

So is that true? Is your magic and your bones? Yeah, I am magic right to the core, which... I thought that was just a euphemism when you were saying that before. Wait, I need to write a children's book called Everybody Bones. Wait, no, everybody has bones. How do you think skeletons walk around? Right, exactly.

It's a great way to take someone's magic. F-Y-A. Try it. I never realize that skeletons are kind of skin hangers. I'm going to write this down. Look, I... Meow Meow was sent to fuck with me. Oh, I see. I see. Ah, fuck, guys, follow me on this.

Yeah. Kat, you know, we were talking to your counterpart before, and she wanted us to banish you. And of course, we know she is a terrible liar. Oh, yeah. And that you clearly are the one who are cursed to become this thing during the day. So... And we're all in love with you, so... Well, you guys are in love with me that quick? We just, we just met.

Yeah, I'm curious. I'm interested in getting to know you. I'm learning more about you, certainly. Oh, geez, only idiots fall in love that fast. Oh, God, she got into your, uh, she got into your heads, didn't she? No, no, no, no. It's only because we're very shallow. Oh, my God.

What I was going to ask was, she couldn't tell us how to banish you, but I imagine you can tell us how to banish her. You think if I knew how to banish her, I would have done it already? Well, you may not be able to do it, but with an assistance, that's powerful magicians such as me. On your side, I could bring her back again and banish her, and then you'd be free. Oh, yeah, have you banished stuff before? Oh, well, how dare you? Of course. I've banished all manner of creature. And the moon.

Okay, I mean, I can just hire someone to banish without doing a little interview here. Oh, well, fine. I'm interviewing you now. Then let my bona fides come forth, ask any question you will. Oh, more bones. Okay. All right. What's the biggest thing you've turned into a pie?

The biggest thing I've ever turned into a pie is an elephant, which I turned into a giraffe pie. Confusing? Yes. Interesting, very. Oh, that is interesting. Okay. How many bones you got? Personally, in my body, or just like in my house?

Oh, both. Both. Oh, okay. In my body, uh, ah, Arnie, there are how many bones? in the normal human body. I don't know. I'm not a bone mage. 200 and something,

bone mage. I'd say I'd probably have like 678 bones in my body and then probably three times as many as that at home. Oh, that's really good. That's a really good amount of bones. And I have a little pile here that I was going to try to put in your cat. Oh, okay. You can't give mea-me-o his power back.

No, no, I just, but I've got him here. I'm just saying I've got some extra bones. Okay. We'd love to just talk. Can I, can we just breathe? Briefly talk to Meow Meow. Oh, my God. I'm in the middle of an interview, Andy.

I'm trying to get this job. Yeah, otherwise the Banish Bros are going to get this job. And everyone hates the banish bros. They're twins. Banish bros, no, they already let me down. Classic banish bros. They fucking love animals. And they're shallow bastards too.

They met this puss, this puss that bamboozled them all. Oh, my God. I don't know what it is. Puss just shows up in front of them and they can't help themselves. Yeah. Then the other one is, I think, married to So de Spaniel. The Cocker Spaniel? Yeah, yeah, that's her.

Okay, fine. Here's Meow Meow. All right. Oh, unexpected. I'm just going to sit back a bit. Like I said, Miamio's anxious, right? Yeah, okay. Sort of hoaring the cat onto the table. Meow, meow.

Yeah. We know you need help. Yeah. You seem like maybe the only person that might have any perspective because you knew Puss, and now you're with cat. Uh, yeah. Guys, have you ever talked to a cat before?

Before you say anything to it, always say, pz, p, p, p, p, p, p, p, p, p, p, p, p, p, p, p, which one's real? Is it cat or is it puss? Oh, they're both real. They're both real. They're both real. Ah, I'm afraid of that. Shit.

Damn. Um, okay. Are they watching? I don't think so. Um, is there any way to give you your, bones back? Oh my gosh, you have my bones? I've got some bones, and you can just try them out, try them out, if you'd like. Okay, here, let me see, let me see.

Arnie, don't whisper in my ear I have a bone for puss? Dight, oh, disgusting. I have to say to someone. I have seen so many bones go through puss. All right, well, if any of these help you, then certainly you can have them back. Oh, uh, what are these? These aren't kept bones. Okay. None of them? Okay, I think I see my femur.

Oh, nice. Yeah, that's one of the big ones. That's one of the bigans. It's a good one. Yeah, if you can just shove it right up through my foot. Okay, hang on. Here you go. Whoa, it worked.

Is having no bones better than having just one bone? Like, just one bone? Does that do much for you? I feel a little off kilter. I think it's going to hurt when she smushes her hat now. Okay. Well, I guess if you don't want the bone, since we don't have all the bones.

I guess it's kind of an all-or-nothing situation, right? Okay. Or you can have it. It's whatever you want. Oh, it looks like maybe Meow got a little bit of magic back? Oh, yeah. Listen, they're both terrible, terrible people. Oh, you're confused.

They're terrible. Bad, bad, bad people. Don't send me back. I understand that you think they're both terrible, but I can't banish them both because that's just murder. Oh, I mean, it could be okay. I feel like meow mea-me-hows may be just jealous of puss. I can't imagine puss doing anything wrong ever.

I could be a princess. Me too. You could be... Yeah. Miao. Okay. Okay. Guys, now I'm a little worried about meow-me-miao.

Like, I don't know if I trust a meow-miao. I don't know if there's a reliable narrator in the group. Now, I know that previously we had met two guards, and one of them lies, and one of them always fucks the other guy's wife, but... This feels like a much more complex situation where there's three entities and all three of them could be liars or all three could be telling the truth.

Oh, cats coming back. Cats coming back. All right, yeah, that seemed logger enough. Meow, meow. Get back in the fucking head. Yes, mother. Mother. What the hell's going on, twist?

Look, I have a bone to pick with you and I'm not talking about literal bones this time. I'm talking about figurative one. And I... Okay. You're hired. Oh, wow. I haven't had a job in a while. Get rid of her. Get rid of her. Get rid of a puss. No more pussing about. Okay. Very well then. I've been hired to do a job, and then I must do it.

It's the law of the wizard. Yep. My word is my bond, and herefore... All right, move. Get the hell out of here. We already... What about the spell? What? I was just yelling at the moon. Uh, yeah. Why? You want me to banish puss?

I have to bring her back, so I'll have to cast, bring another. That's it, okay. All right. Oh, well. Got your word on it. Hold on, let's do a little, I'm just going to slice my hand. You want to slice yours? We're doing a blood oath?

Yeah. I don't need to do a blood oath for this. Is this your first job? Not my first job. Whoa, shit. Don't talk to me like that. I'm a great wizard. Okay.

You're really fucking this up. Great wizard. Never done a blood oath. You want us to be blood bound for this just to banish a princess? I don't. to be blood bound for that? Just. This is my body. Oh, that's fair.

Well, you don't respect my body because it doesn't look like it's packaged up like Princess Peach over there? Okay, I'm not going to be blood bound to this because I have some qualms, I have some concerns. What do you think what's wrong with my blood? Nothing's wrong with your blood. But if I'm blood bound, then I can't change my mind.

She said touch it if there's nothing wrong with it. You said, just touch your blood. Touching it. There, I'll touch it. I'm not going to, but I'm not going to give you my blood. Crazy. Well, what did I do? Wait a minute.

I shouldn't have touched her blood. I think I did say wrong. So you do the job? I don't know. Honey, chan, should I do the job? Should I banish, puss? I don't want to give advice to a blood toucher. I think something's wrong with you, man.

I don't want to get involved with this. This feels like we should just extract ourselves from the situation kind of thing. Like, there's, it feels like there's no right answer here. Yeah, let them, I think let them figure it out. All right, yeah, we're not getting involved. Look, I'll give you one option, and that's to separate you two so you can talk to each other for five minutes. Whoa. By having the sun and the moon out at the same time.

Oh, God. Huh, but he won't talk at the same time as Pizza Skull. Interesting. How, uh, I've never tried that before. That's interesting. Okay. We'll let the two of you sort it out. All right. Okay, but if you think you're escaping me after time. in my blood.

Oh, shit. You don't, you don't have no power to me. Get on. It's everyone's dream, like being able to watch yourself sleep. All right. What? Hey, hey, hey, hey, Moon. Arnie, aim higher.

Hey, Moon. All right, I was going to tell you to fuck off, but stick around for a little bit. Watch this. Goddess is. Oh, shit. Artie, did you see that? The boo just hit Yisadora, the eye. When the moon hit his eye, pizza skull came flying in.

I eat in the eye, the big pizza That motherfucker. That was insane. I've ever seen the moon punch somebody. Goddesses, I beseech thee. This is serious and not just for fun. But for a short period, let there be both a moon and a sun. Oh, she's barfing up a puss.

Oh. Oh, whoa, boss. Oh, no, not more wet puss. How did it take us an hour to say that? Trying all hour not to say it. I knew it was there. I didn't want to touch it. Oh, my God, who is that? That's you.

No way, that's who everyone's been getting charmed by. Oh, I got you now, you little bitch. Oh, no, no, someone's saved. Oh, it's like, hold them part. Hold them part. Hold them part. Okay. All right, look, look, look. You have a few minutes here before the sun disappears again. You did this, Usador. I did this, because it was unclear who should be banished. What do you? How? Because Mao Miao told us you were both terrible.

Miao Mia. I just want to say, Puss, I would never do this. Neither would I. Come on. I tried to stop it. I believe it. Yeah, look at them sucking up. Okay, they think this is going to get them in the back. Okay. All right. You know what? Uh, puss. Uh, why don't we take this outside? See you the last one's standing is.

We gotta handle this ourselves. I don't, I don't usually fight my own battles. Um, uh... I saw you lift a table over your head, I mean... Well, that was cat. Oh, that was cat. Shit, sorry, yeah, you're... You're a troubled puss.

Uh, cat is very strong. Oh, uh, oh... What about all your animal friends? What have you... Animals... Oh, I didn't like the way she said. that. Animals.

Yeah. Here they come. You won't be able to stop them. A cavalcade of creatures. Do you hear a stampede? I hear a stampede. Oh, God. This is scary.

Shit, what have you guys done? Broome! Broom! Wait. That's you. You're definitely a win. Definitely a winch, right? Right?

I never realized that brooms make up. noise, but that makes so much sense. That's where the name comes from. It's just when you got to start them up. Guys, thanks for trying. I got to get out of here. I can't take on the stampede of animals. They fucking love her.

They'll do anything she says. She's got this. She deserts control. I don't know if you should get out of here. In just a minute or so, the sun's going to go away, and you're both going to become one creature again. I don't have a minute. I got to get as far away from this.

Oh, shit, here they come. Oh, bro. Yeah, you run. Hey, guys. Plus, I don't think I like seeing the side of you. I mean, I'm still in love with you, but I'm just, I just got to say. Oh, I'm sorry. You didn't, I, no, I only have one facet.

And it's sweet and charming, and there's no more to me that you need to look into. Agreed. Yeah, I believe that. Oh, no, I fucked it. up. Well, and then there was one. Thanks, guys. Um, we're separated.

Well... Is this permanent, Usador? Uh, well, I, I, the goddesses probably won't leave the sun and the moon out forever. Uh, so at some point... Oh? Yeah. Even for you, big bad wizard king? Oh, very flattering, but, uh...

I'm still live and die by the whims of the goddesses themselves. as we all do. Weak, weak, man. And if you're physically not in the same place and it turns to either day or night... Yes, I don't know what'll happen. I mean, is it possible you both just explode? I have literally no idea what would happen.

Plus, no more doom and gloom. Go out and enjoy the nighttime air as you probably haven't done in some time. Oh, my gosh. Oh, yeah. Oh, there's so much I want to get up to at night. Oh, I'll go find some other lost soul. Okay.

Thank you guys so much. I appreciate you guys. Thanks for the opportunity. Good luck, good luck. I hope she can give you her blood. Whatever. Bye. I just touched the blood.

I just touched the blood. What does that do? What do you mean? What do you mean about the blood? Did she say find another lost soul? She left. She said something weird about the blood and then she just left. I didn't take the blood.

I just touched it. That goes to the love of my life. There they both go. Now we don't know. I don't know why I touched the. the blood. And I was going to ask them both to join my quest. I mean, last week we got that lizard to join. And that's, you know, that's something, but it's not much. Guys, we just don't have enough strong warriors or anything to defeat the wizards.

That's what I'm saying. We can have a witch that turns into a princess. A princess turns into witch. That's something. That's something. I mean, Kat was strong. Like, I'm the only warrior we have. I know I am the greatest warrior in all of food. Technically. You know who we need back. Spintex. No. That's what we're trying to find. Oh, can we get spin tax on our side? No. Think about it. could work. No, no, that's who we're fighting. The real greatest warrior and foon, Arnoy?

Me? Arnor. Oh, but didn't Arnor die? Of course he died. That's how Arnie got the title. Right. Ah, hey, don't worry none. If you want to find Arnor, all I have to do is go to Pizza Hell.

Sorry, your name again? Pizza Skull. I'm joking. Wait, Pizza Skull. Did you just say that Arnor, when he died, ended up in Pizza Hell? Oh, yeah. And you, sir, why after Pizza Skull said that,

did you give a big cough and then drink some water? Uh, well, I'm tired. I just cause the sun and the moon to come out at the same time. Hmm. You know? Okay. Oh, baby, you gotta get down to Pizza Hill and find Arnold right now. And it's the perfect time because the sun and the moon are out,

which opens a portal to the hell. Oh, that works out great. I mean, I'd rather go to Breadstick purgatory, but pizza hell, well, that could be fun, Arnie. What do you think? Could we go to both? Because those two just seem like they go together so well. You don't want to go to breadstick purgatory.

It's never-ending breadstick purgatory. Oh, no. Actually, that might be tasty. No, no. Let's go to pizza hell. All right. Look deep into my pizza maw. What's a maw?

Oh, mouth. It's a time like this. I'm so grateful that we thought ahead and already recorded next week's winter solstice bonus scene just so we had it banged. So there's no reason we can't go to Pizza Hell now. Oh, that is fortunate. I had a great time in that Winter Sauster's episode. You're going to enjoy it so much.

But let's not say anything about it now, because even though we already recorded it, let's make sure we just don't accidentally contradict ourselves. Oh, just a couple details. Not fine, we could wait. There was more pissing than I expected. There was more pissing than I expected. Yeah, that was what I was going to say.

Oh, but Pizza Skull's Ma has been open. Stare into it. It's dark and forbid. bidding, and it smells like marinerara. We're slowly being sucked into the moth. I guess we're going to pizza. That's getting so hot, it's getting so hot. Hopefully we can find Arnor.

It's getting so hot. We'll be in pizza hell in 30 minutes, Ola. Arnie, don't whisper my ear. You want a pocket puss? Disgusting. Once again, we're reminded. The instruction, Climb into my mouth never leads to anything good. Usadol the Wizard was played by Matt Young.

Chunt the Talking Badger was played by Natalie Portman. Miss Portman can also be seen... Oh, no, look at this. They recast. What a shame. Chunt was played by Adel Rify. We'll see how that goes. Princess Catarina and Cat the Witch, We're played by special guest Josephine McCadham.

Find some of Josephine's tabletop RPG work on Axis Arc 2 of Rotating Heroes, chaotic neutral, and L.A. by night. Or keep an eye out for them as Aislin the Fay Princess in upcoming dark fantasy film Fairy Dust. Next week will be the yearly holiday bonus scene, air quotes around bonus. Then we're off until the new year when,

I guess we're going to pizza hell? What's the opposite of creating buzz? Dampening enthusiasm? Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon. Patrons get ad-free episodes, all the spin-offs, and at least two new bonus episodes each month. To learn more about supporting the show,

including how to gift someone a Patreon subscription, visit patreon.com slash Magic Tavern. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neacamp, Matt Young, and Adder Rify. Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz, Associate producer Anna Haverman. This episode edited by Red Keener. Hello from the Magic Tavern

logo by Allard Laban. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland.