Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 5, Ep 89 - Blemish Without Otok (w/ Martin Wilson)

Episode Date: February 23, 2026

A return to Nibblebottom finds Blemish running the tavern the Strange Familiar. And he's not doing great.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungBlemish: Martin WilsonMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Tony GullickMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandNew T-Shirts in the Merch Store!You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Want to gift someone a Magic Tavern Patreon membership? You can right now at this link!Follow us on Bsky, Instagram and YouTube!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

People of Earth, the following podcast is not real. It's not real. It can't hurt you. And if you stop being scared of it, it might just fade away. That's not just comforting advice. It's a request. But until you're ready to make that leap, here we are. So sit back and enjoy the show.

Hello for the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast. from the magical land of foon. I'm your host, Arnold Neckam. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. Ten years and 11 months ago, I fell through a dimensional portal

behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of foon. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal through the dimensional rift, and I use that to record a podcast here in our moving tavern, the Wanderlost, traveling across to the magical land of foon. And I'm joined, as always, by my co-host,

Jump the talking badger. Hmm, bing bong, good sir. Bing bong to you as well, gentle badger. Oh, thank you so much. Ah, what day is today? Hmm. Excuse me, sir, what day is today? Why, today is Fler's day.

Ah, Flur's day. Flixt you a gold coin. Go buy, go buy yourself some pants, I guess. Oh, thank you. Yeah, yeah. Mostly pants, and then use the change to buy, the dumbest goose you can find. I'm going to buy the biggest pants and the dumbest goose.

But be careful, sir. This tavern is currently moving, so if you go out the front door, you will find the... Okay. He's going to buy the dumbest pants of the biggest goose, right? Yeah, we'll never see him again, though, I don't think. What was his... Did we get his name? I don't think we did.

No, it's just a pass-by. Yeah. We kind of save our money. Guys, you're just throwing our money at people. and then throwing them out of the tavern. I don't know. It is better to give than receive, right? Why did you need a goose?

Oh, I don't. I just figured that guy needed some company. I figure like a stupid goose would be good company for a pantsless man. Yeah, that's true. But I guess he is going to buy pants, so. I don't know. But he was walking around without pants. So you figure that the level of company he's ready to converse with is a stupid goose.

Yeah, I think so. Pants or no? Yeah. Chanty ever just stop and go, why the fuck did I do that? Oh, every day, Arnie. Why the fuck did I say that? Why the fuck did I do that? Why the fuck did I eat that?

Mm-hmm. What else? Why the fuck did I think that? Why the fuck did I fuck that? Yeah. What about you? Do you have any regrets? Well, I only regret one thing.

My other co-host, Usador of the Wizard. I am Usador. Wizard of the 12th. Wait, what? What? No, no, no. This is a fun segue. Uh-huh.

Well, I suppose. I can tell you now that I am searching for ancient and mystical artifacts along our path that shall help us defeat SpinTax once we reach Northeaster. That's true, but guys, before we get to Northeastia, I thought we would make a stop in Nibble Bottom, and if I look out the window, we're here. Whoa, that's fast.

That's perfect. Isn't it so fun to go back to a town that you lived in a few years ago? Oh, I buried all kinds of crazy shit here. I love going to a tavern where, I used to live and seeing like people I used to go to school with and stuff and being like, so what have you been up to? Mostly working on your cart. You got a nice big cart.

You spend all your money on a cart and now you fix up the cart every week. And your life is mostly talking about the cart and putting up flyers about the cart. Yeah. Cool. The important thing is we all look good and cool, right? It's been a couple. We haven't been that long. It's been like two years since we've been to Nillbottom.

How do I look? Artie, you look fantastic. It's Arnold. I'm so sorry, Arnold, you look fantastic. Thank you. Why, you're quite what they call a silver fox. Oh. The older you get, the more handsome and rugged you become.

Oh, yeah. Oh, thanks, God. Thank you. I don't know. Usually you're not so positive, so now I'm actually starting to really second-guess that. No, no, you shouldn't. We've talked about it. it. And this is

what we're going to do now. Oh, no. How do we look? Arnold? Just the same. I don't know. I don't look at you guys. That's fair. All right. All right. Let's go. I parked to the tavern as close as possible to our old tavern, the strange familiar.

So, follow me. No. I shall climb this ladder up to the very top of the tavern where I shall repel down and then eject myself from the the topmost window directly into the chimney and I'll meet you there. Okay. Two paths and a road diverged and I'm going to take...

Ernie, how are you getting there? I'm just going to open this door. I'm going to go your way. We walk across a couple steps of grass and then into this tavern. Oh, it looks almost exactly the same. I can't... Wow. Where's O-Tock? O-Tock, Blemish.

I don't know if you remember. We left O-Tock and Blemish in charge of the tavern when we left. Oh, yeah. Well, well, well, Arnie returns. Chunt as well. Hey! Welcome back to the strange familiar sight for sore eyes. Looking like a little silver fox, are we?

And a little silver badger? Oh, thank you. Thank you. Blamish, you look as creepy as ever. I feel wonderful. Running the strange familiar has been absolutely life-giving. I'm in charge of everything, No one bosses me around.

Blemish, every time you say the name of the tavern, you pause and you look at the sign above the door. That's right. I have to always check in to make sure I'm saying the right place. It's my place now. Well, no one tells me what to do. No one nitpicks when I have to look and check on some things to make sure I'm saying the right name and that I'm in the right place at the right time. I'm just blemish here and charge me, number one, top guy. Damn, living your best divorced dad life. Cool.

What about, I mean, technically, didn't we put O-Tock in charge and you're sort of just here to be his support? O-Tock wandered off almost immediately. What? Almost as soon as you put him in charge, he wandered away. The fuck? He was going through all of these mittens reports that he subscribes to. The sport mittens? The sport mittens.

He subscribes to all of these mittens reports. He piles them up Year after year I use them for kindling He was going through all of these mittens reports And he was convinced that he needed to go sign Some fucking guy I don't remember the name of the guy To be on the mittens team

He wandered off to sign and recruit This star mittens player And I haven't seen him in two years Sign and recruit In that order? Yes Yeah He would he would I'm sure he would

sign him and then talk him into it. Sure. So much slit. These are hit so hard. Hello. You're that boy. Zonin and Hoog's Denjis. Yes.

Of course you'll remember me. I am a great wizard. And of course, I've left quite an impression on you. But where is O-Tock? You've left quite a mess on me. Covered in So- Good. O-Tock is off recruiting and signing and signing and recruiting mittens players. I haven't seen him in two years' time.

Arnie, Trunt. We must leave immediately and save O-Tock. No, no. This one is not on us. We have to save him. We saved O-Tac, and now he's an adult. It's his own responsibility. He can go off, fuck off, and get killed on his own. All right, I suppose.

Well, may we sit at our old table? Before you do, would you like to come out back and see my cart? I have a new cart. This is what I'm talking about. I've been fixing it up and working on it. Oh, do you have a flyer about it? Here, here, check out my scrolls. I've had some scrolls printed.

I'm trying to fix it up and then flip it. I'm not really a cart guy. Well, Arnie, have you ever been in like a... It's Arnold. I'm sorry. Yeah, a lot of other people have called you Arnie since then. You don't correct that. Arnie, have you ever been in like a...

That's Arnold. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right. Arnold, have you ever been in like a sports cart or like a convert a cart? Hmm. Something goes real fast. Because I feel like you've mostly been in like basic carts. I've been in mostly basic carts. What's a converter cart?

Converter cart. The bottom comes off. You can put the bottom down if you want it to run through your legs. want the wind through your legs. Oh, yeah, really feeling the wind blowing through your legs. It's pretty exciting stuff. Pretty exciting. Especially if you're getting into, like, your middle ages, you know.

Sure. Isn't this whole world in its middle ages? Yeah, so a lot of converter cards. Hmm. And my car's a low cart. A real low riding cart. Oh, that's fine. I would offer to take you all out on a ride, but I'd be afraid I'd scrape the ground.

Yeah. Yeah, indeed. Yeah, makes sense. With you hefty boys. No, we got it. Okay. Hey. Big giant man in my...

All right, watch yourself. We got it. No, we got it. No, we got it. No, we got it. ...that I work on. Won't want to scrape up the bottom. Look at how tiny chunt is.

Why are you giving us such a hard time? Yeah. Well, he's the least of my concerns. Okay. Well, fine. But Arnie... I'm sorry. Arnold.

Yes. You must... You can call me Arnie. The fuck? Oh, thank you. You must familiarize yourself with cards for at your age. Certainly other gentlemen who you'll have conversations with, you know, we'll try to talk to you about their favorite cards like the Lampartini or...

Now I'm thirsty. Horse cart. These are... It's very difficult to put the word cart into some of these words. Sure. Arnie, have you listened to Cart Talk? No. Oh, one of the most popular.

I think besides podpires, I'd say probably the number two podcast is Cart Talk. Oh. With flip and flop, the cart guys. With flip and flop. Mm-hmm. And, Arnie, in Foon, I can't believe we haven't told you this. You've been here for quite some time. In Foon, your cart is directly proportional to the size of your...

My... Are he her? Wink, wink, wink. Also, it's our... Nudge, nudge. So when I go out to fix up my cart, I'm fixing up everything. If you know what I'm... What?

E-U-E-E-R. E-R. O-H-H-O-G. You know, if you sort of want to show off, let's say, Arnold, perhaps to... Sorry, you can call me, Arnie. You're sorry, you can call me, Arnie. The fuck. What's worth this guy?

If you want to show off, perhaps to a young lady who you've taken a fancy to, you might drive up in your cart and say, oh, look, I have eight horses pulling my cart. I have eight horsepower. Or, and then she'll say, well, my, what a large cart this is. You'll say, you want to go for a ride? And then you'll take out your Mr. Microphone and say, we'll be back later. Have we told you about Mr. Microphone?

No. He's a little gentleman who rides in your cart with you. And you talk right into his head. He's a very nice young man. His name is Mr. Microphone, if that wasn't already clear. You talk into the back of his head and he'll take a message wherever you want it. Huh. This doesn't sound appealing at all to me. Hmm.

What about you're single, right? I am. Well, you know, when it comes to carts, I just like things like, can you hold cups in your cart? Are there cup holders? Are there cup holders? Are there cup holders, huh? Are you an idiot? Are there cup holders in the cart?

Now, blemish, I agree with the sentiment, but that was not a very nice thing to say. Do I serve spice, potato? Tatos, is there an enormous stash of treasure and pornography in the basement of the strange familiar? Of course, there are cup holders in my cart. Yes, Arnie, cup holders are sort of standard these days in a cart. If you want to take a small ale with you, you know, one of those, you know, the low alcohol ales that the children drink instead of water that would kill you. You know how water here will kill you? What?

No one has told me that. tell you this? I mean, luckily I haven't drank any in the 10 years I've been here. I noticed. Come in, come in, sit down. Oh, thank you. I'll set you up in O-Tock's personal booth that sat unused for the last two years

of time. Make yourselves at home and comfortable. Could I have, uh, can I have a lot of spice potatoes? Oh, fuck off. What? I don't take orders anymore. What? I'm in charge of the strange food. familiar. Then who takes the orders?

You need to talk with my assistant, Borkish. It's going to be him in like a mustache. Hold on, I'll go get him. He's behind the bar. All right. I care and fucking to you, he's going to come out like a little wig or like short pants. Hello, I'm Borkish.

How may I take your order? Guys, that's Blemish, right? Am I crazy? Yeah. I was not expecting the mustache to be there. Borkish, could I, you are Borkish, right? Yes, how may I take your order? How may you take it? I guess on a pad of paper.

Yeah, however you want to take it. First of all, may I compliment your big, beautiful mustache growing right in the middle of your forehead. Thank you. And now, could I have an order of spiced potatoes? Potatoes? I thought I heard you say potatoes before. Oh, of course, that was intentional. One order of spiced potatoes.

And for you, gentlemen? I'll have some mozzarella. Wands, what else, with ranch sauce, and if I get some, ooh,

if I get some loaded spice potatoes for the table, will people eat them? Sure, of course. I'll eat whatever's at the table. This is in addition to the spice potatoes, of course.

Tatles. Okay, so in order of that, yeah. Wands. I am thirsty for a lamb cartini now that you sort of mentioned it. So I'll do the lamb cartini, which is,

of course, as we all know, is a shank of lamb, a cart with a martini. What else? What else? What else? I was called a heavy boy earlier, so maybe nix the lamb and the spice potatoes and anything else I ordered.

Ernie? Arnold? Good work. Good catch. I'll have a couple small beers. Also bring him some water, just so he can see how terrible it is. Oh, too dangerous, but I'll bring it for you.

Adieu? Thank you, Borkish. Did he say a dude as he left? A dude. How do you find the service here? Whoa, whoa. I've been working to get everything top notch here since O-Tog's been gone. Well, so far, so good.

I think everything seems wonderful. Okay, I can't talk. I'll be, I have to attend to something. Okay. You came up to us. He just ran back to the kitchen so fast. I hate what people are like, how's it going? It's like, good.

And they're like, I can't talk. You come up to me, buddy. Here's your, here's everything you ordered. Oh, perfect. That was so quick. Wow, thanks, thanks, uh, bork, bork, bork, bork, bork, bork, you're very welcome. Uh, borkish, uh, thank you for all of this. Is it, uh, customary, uh, to thank the chef for their, their wonderful work? Oh, heavens.

Uh, could you send the chef out so we could give them our compliments? Bork, bork, bork, bork, bork, borgish, bork, borkish, bork, borgish, we're talking to you. Yes. You have such human hands. Yes, I'll send him, I'll send him out. Well, actually, why don't we take a quick break? Excellent. Just so we can eat a little bit or drink a little bit, those of us who ordered food,

and we'll be right back with the chef. I, Yusador, ride my steed as far as I can during these bleak winter days, seeking any clue that may help us turn the tide against the forces of evil. So who has time to cook? Factor makes healthy eating easy, with fully prepared meals designed by dieticians and crafted by chefs. Always fresh, never frozen, ready in about two minutes. I've been enjoying Factor, and my favorite is their roasted garlic chicken, a hearty, satisfying meal, perfect for February, and adventuring. And so many options for diets of all manner, high protein, calorie smart, Mediterranean, GLP1 support, and ready to eat salads.

Plus the new Muscle Pro collection supports strength and recovery, perfect for the warriors and fighters in your party. I've enjoyed my time supping upon this delicious fair from Factor, and you can also partake of this delicious and convenient meal service. Head to FactorMeals.com slash Magic Tavern 50 off and use code Magic Tavern 50 off to get 50% off and free breakfast for a year. Eat like a pro this month with Factor. New subscribers only varies by plan, one free breakfast item per box for one year while subscription is actually. Do you play Dungeons and Dragons? Balders Gate, board games, card games, video games? We do too.

Hello! We are Three Black Halflings. A laid-back podcast about diversity in D&D, games, and pop culture. From kickbacks about current events in the media we love, to interviews with some of the biggest names in the space. High-quality actual plays from D&D to Daggerheart. Join us in the Shire over at Three Black Hathlings, available wherever you listen to podcasts.

Guys, before the chef comes out here, We're all agreed. Warcish is just blemish with a fake mustache, right? I know you said that chunt, but we all agree. I agree. I just wanted to see if you would also be the chef, so I asked to see the chef. What do else?

Who else works here? You have requested me. It's like he's trying to find the voice as he talks. Yes. What do you mean? You're the chef. Desire the chef. It's a pleasure to meet you.

I'm Yusador. This is Arnold. Sorry, Arnie. And this is shot. And this is shot. You can call me, Arnie. The fuck? Arnie.

Chan. A dude. So nice to meet you. What's your name, chef? Yeah. What's your name? Chorff. Chorff.

Chorff the chef? Yes. Excellent. Oh, do you know Chorff goes fishing? Of course. Any relation or? Distant. Well, I must go back to the kitchen.

Well, could you please thank you again for making such a wonderful meal for us to enjoy? Could you send blemish and borkish over here together? We wanted to talk to them both. Ah, ha, of course. Ooh, his eyes are really darting around. Guys, is it just me? Does Shorff sound like he wanted to say as little as. possible, but take as long for each word as possible.

Well, sometimes, that helps pad out these episodes. Terrible news. What? What is it? She's dead. Oh, no. What? Has died tragically.

Did he drink the water? He drank the water. Yeah, that makes sense. So did you hire a new server yet? I'd love to meet them. I'm gonna have to now. Fuck, so annoying. It's just one thing after another.

Blemish, how big of a staff do you have now? Dozens, I'd say. Dozens. Possibly hundreds. Oh, good. How many of them are working tonight? Very few. Very few of them. 15, 20.

Should we call them in? Well, there. Tell them Borkish died. It's an emergency and we need to see them all. They all will be, they all will need time to process. Borkish. He was so popular, so fun and funny. Yeah. very funny. Handsome. Yeah, let's kind of recount some of the

funny stuff, Borkish said. Yeah. In the meantime, I've been... You said, how can I take your order? That was pretty good. In the meantime, I've been developing a card game, I wondered if perhaps you all would like to play test with me. Oh, I'd love to...

Yes, teach us the game, please. Sure, although, Blamish, I should let you know. You may already know this, because it's generally known. I do back on earth work for a video game company and so I can't take any... Do you still got that job? I think so. I think in my, you know, when I'm asleep, I live my life in Chicago.

So if you're trying to pitch anything, I can't like hear any ideas, but I can certainly play your game and give any feedback. Jeff Square? What is he talking about? Jim rectangle. What is it? A jackbox? Jackbox. I bet that back on earth you're eating Fishheads for money now.

Me? Yes. As a geek? It's like a circus geek? Yeah. I think that's probably what you're doing. As a geek. As a geek, me?

No way. Arnold, I never realized how weird do you say the word geek. I do. Oh, say spooky. Spooky. Say spooky geek. Spooky geek. I don't know.

Some words you just say a certain way. Well, blemish. We'd love to. to learn your game. Do you have a deck of cards? Can you play with any deck? Here, I draw these cards myself. Excellent.

Each adorable little creatures. Oh. Once I find a way to produce them en masse, everyone will want to have them and collect them and trade them and play with them. Okay. These are some. This is a flingle. Flingle.

This is a... Arnie, a Flingles. a flamingo that you have a one romantic night with. Oh. What do you call a flamingo that you settle down with? Wife. Okay.

Ador a doormingle here. Okay. Oh. Arnie, that's a flimingo that you adore. Okay. But never sleep with. A flamaster. I'd rather not say what that is.

These are the only three I've made so far. Okay. You can see the detailed, adorable art. Yes, very nice, but there's also a lot of text on here. Seems that they have a lot of different powers and abilities. So many powers and abilities. Okay, so the flamingo says draw two. Does that mean, if I pull this, I have to draw two of the cards.

I have to draw more flamingles? That's correct. So this isn't a note to yourself to draw two more cards to finish making this game? It's both. It's both things. It's its power and it's what I need to do next. I think if you read the text, you'll probably find that a lot of it is mostly me talking to myself and kind of plotting out what needs to happen and scheduling things

for myself. Yeah. This card on the bottom, it says really sell this idea, get people excited about it. When you finish it, it's going to be great. The Flamaster card says skip. So I guess that means you do get excited and you kind of skip around the place. Right. That's exactly right.

Fun. And then on mine it says, a new card idea. But then it kind of trails off and it says, oh, shit, those fat bastards are coming. I just started this today. Oh. Oh, on this card it says, note to self, make short super distinguished. Maybe have him elongate his words, question mark. Mm-hmm.

I don't know. I don't know what that would. Whoa, he grabbed that at my hands and ripped it up pretty fast. Yeah, that's for me. That one's for me. You're eating the card. Okay. So how do we play?

Well, I'm working on that. You're working on that. You're just coming up with the characters. first, giving them a lot of abilities. Right? And then you're going to figure out how the whole thing they interact. It's also a diary for me. So when you said, do you want to play my new card game, you meant

help me. Look at pictures you do? Help me with this. I need a lot of help. Okay, Arne, now's your time, Arnold, now's your time to shine. You're the game master. Okay. Well, so let me, let me sort of interrogate the experience I had while playing.

I mostly hated it. I did find, hmm, I did find the Flomaster Card kind of interesting, and I'm excited that you accept Flomaster Card here in the tavern, so that's good. Try drawing one with some fish heads on it. Anyway, no big deal. If you don't want to help me draw my cards, you don't have to. But I have a feeling that when you wander off in whatever vehicle you're traipsing about the land in, you'll think back on this and you'll think, The artists is I'm so bored. I wish I had something to do.

I wish I had a shitload more of those adorable, naked drawings by blemish. We didn't talk about how lurid the nudity on these cards was. I mean, Chunt, you're an animal. Did you find these naked animals alluring? Let's just say I could tell what type of cart each one of them drove. Okay. Oh, yeah, maybe. Now, first of all, I have to clarify, we're not in a vehicle.

We're in a competing tavern that's literally parked next to your tavern. The fuck. That Arnie owns that tavern that's sitting right outside of your tavern right now, the one with the legs. Yeah, I guess that's my cart. It's a big cart. The big sexy cart with sexy legs that go all the way up. With sexy stockings on those legs. Yum, yum, yum.

Well, do your business then and keep it moving along. Do you usually have more people in here in the evenings? Is it possible where we're siphoning off some of you? your business? What are you talking about? This is fantastic. Look at all. Look at, look at this place.

Hopping? Do you want to go in the back and then come out as a customer? He's going. Look, he's walking. Yeah. He's not happy about it. He's fuming, but he's walking back. I love that we're onto his ruse, but he's keeping it up.

Yeah. He's too proud. He's committed. Never mind. I'm not doing that shit. Fuck you guys. Oh, shit. Well, I'm not sure you do.

doing okay. What? We're doing great. I... Well, Borkish just died. Sir, not doing great. Fuck you, there was no Borkish. We knew it. Fuck all of you. There's no chorefeather. It's just me. No one else works

here. What? Fuck you guys. Since O-Tock left, it's been all I can do to keep this place up and running every night. Keep the lights on. I see. Keep the mead barrels full. It's a lot of fucking work. There's a lot of paperwork and administrative minutia. I never knew I'd have to deal

with. I miss the fuck out of O-Tock. I really wish you would come back. I think something probably went wrong. I mean, how long can it take to sign and recruit some Mitten Star? Arnie, we have to go save O-Tock. No, we can't. I think we all need to go on a quest to save him. Something has happened to him. I'm sure of it. I need him to come back. I'm hanging on by a thread. I miss him very much. But Plemish, think of what a wonderful character arc this has been for you. so surly and upset

and now, as I've grown up, as a big boy, you've learned the responsibilities of running a tavern and you've come to appreciate that which you did not appreciate before. I suppose it's true. And with no one to express my appreciation to, it falls on deaf ears and doodles on these,

naked doodles on these little cards. Blemish, unless I'm mistaken, don't you like barf cats? I do barf cats. If you're lonely... Still barfing. Still barfing the cats. Still barfing after all these years. Still barfing. If I'm going to be honest, that was the dead giveaway on Chorff for me.

That he barfed a cat? He baffed a cat real quick. Kind of like into his arm, you know? I was like, I still see the cat. I wish I could control it. I haven't figured it out. But I take exceptional care of all of my cats. Some obviously get adopted by visitors to the strange familiar. Sure.

Yeah, you do have that sign over the bar that says Barf cats, two cents. That's how much. Wait a minute, what's this on one of the cards that says Barfield? Note to self, idea for comic strip, Barfield. Yes, I'm also, I've also been working as a carfoonist.

I'm also trying to get started as a gag carfoonist. Oh, how exciting. We are connoisseurs of comics. We've even read Earth Comics. available now, Patreon. And if you want to share one of these panels with us, we'd love to give you some feedback. Yes, here, here.

This one, you can see the two cats are coming at each other with either hackles up and claws bared. Do you see? Yes, I see. And the caption, obviously, the cat says, Feline. Get in feline. Feline.

See, get in feline. Get in feline. Oh, get in feline. Okay, let's all hold, let's just hold tight real quick. Before anyone races off to try and read another one, let's really sit in this. Yes, dig in. Get in feline. Let's really kick the tires on this.

So one of the cats has gotten out of line. And the other cat is saying to that cat, get in feline. Feline, get in feline. As the artist, I can't explain it. It's what you take away from it. Some means I intend. Some means I don't intend. Just try it out of stack.

Yeah. Arnold, is it worth it to do a Patreon where Blemish just describes his comics to us? I think so. Okay. He's got a lot of, he's got a big stack of them here. He could explain a lot of them. Looking at the second one, it just says, if you're in feline, stay in feline. This one says the fart side.

Is that something? So some of these suck. This one says Mondays And then it has a lot of things crossed out About how you might feel about Mondays Whether you hate them or like them And you seem indecisive about Mondays Wait a minute

This one has Is this? There's a big guy in a pink polo And he says, hey guys, I'm such a piece of shit And then there's a little badger And he says, I'm a piece of shit too And then there's a big blue wizard And he says, I guess we're all pieces of shit

What is this? Starts off bad, but it gets pretty good. No, I total opposite. And then the guy in the pink polo says, get in feline. A lot of people have copied that one. That actually... That actually was pretty good.

That one gets posted all over Nimbledon. The fuck? Arnold, we can't let him just sort of like use our image and disparage us. Yeah, it's true. Although, Chut, it's weird because, you know, accidentally killed Blemish years ago, and then this is a car food version of

blemish that we made. So, like, he's actually our drawing that's now drawing us. Yeah, maybe there's, like, a subconscious need to draw if you're a drawing? And nibble bottom cart drive you? Chunt, in a weird way, these are things our subconscious wrote, like, we made him, and he's making his own art. So does this mean we suck? Like, do we suck?

Do we suck? Interesting. Let me sleep on that. Wait, here's a carfoon seemingly of blemish, and there's a thought bubble and it says, do I have the dark lord in me? Um, Blemish? Yes. What's this one about you thinking you have the dark lord in you, or this character thinking that? Oh, well, yes, that's a character.

I am troubled by disturbing dreams, and I keep a pat of paper by my sleep. hole. Thank you for not saying bed. Well, we can tell you don't sleep at a bed. I sleep in a sleep hole, obviously. Sure, right. You look at... And I keep a piece of out of paper. It's the side of my sleephole.

And when I wake up from a disturbing and upsetting dream, I like to try and get it down as quickly as I can. And that's one of the ones that came to me after one of my most disturbing night terrors. Wait, are all these drawings dreams you've had? Of course. How else do you gag Carfoon? Huh. That's a good point.

Blemish, could I order perhaps a whole roasted pig? Oh, my fucking goddess is all right. Just something, yes, just something that lets me talk to Ani and Chant here for a minute. All right, um, Ani, Chant. It occurs to me, one, I'm starving. Yeah. And I really wanted a whole roasted pig. We ordered something from Borkish.

Seemed like a real problem. Do you pretend that he died? Yeah. He's been out here the whole time. There's no way his chore persona has been cooking anything back there. No one's cooked anything. Secondly, it occurs to me that now that the wizards are mortal, and the Dark Lord is trapped inside Blemish,

that's why he wrote that... Right, right, right, right, right, right, right. That's actually where the essence of the Dark Lord lives. If we kill Blemish now, no more Dark Lord, what do you think? It's true. If we let Blemish live, and somehow this whole immortality thing, gets reversed somewhere down the line, then the Dark Lord could come back. But if we kill Blemish now, as frankly we've done before. Yeah, so no biggie.

Then the Dark Lord is truly dead. Yeah. What happens to Wizards or Usador or any of us? Oh, I'll be all right, as long as I don't like trip and fall onto like a knife or something. Wait, hold on. Although if the Dark Lord is dead, Usador, you will have achieved your true purpose and then you will die. That's what I'm saying. Well, die. Not exactly die. I'll ascend to the realms of Ephesus in a shaft of white light.

And I won't be in this realm anymore. And I'll be an angelic sort of being whose comprehension is far beyond any of yours. But I wouldn't say die. It's a strong word. Yes, I suppose that's true. And I suppose I still have work here to do until Spintax is stopped in the other wizards. I suppose we'll have to leave. Blemish alive for now then, though it is tempting.

Let's just leave it on the table for the rest of the episode. Okay. Let's assume we're not going to kill him, but just know it's an option. I could. I could whenever I wanted to. I could too. Anytime. I could kill either one of you, too.

Don't ever forget that. Yes, sir. Okay. And as soon as we defeat the Dark Lord and defeat Spintax, we have to save Otok. We've got to save Otok. No, guys, we can't get into an O-Tock quest again. If old listeners come back and start listening, they're like, they still haven't saved O-Tock,

and we'd have to be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, this is a new one. This is a new O-Tock thing. Ooh, prime rib. I didn't have the hole of anything, but I did have a prime rib. Oh, excellent. Look, Blemish is wearing like a bonnet, but he forgot to do a voice. I assume this is just blemishette. Yes.

I have a bunch of other outfits back there, but I'm not fucking with them anymore. No, I don't blame you. Frankly, these sort of very surface level characters remind me a lot of my dreaded enemies, the smorps. Blemish, it's gotten to a point where you've given up on prop comedy? It's the thing that I've felt the strongest about for the longest. I've been on this podcast many times, and it's the thing that obviously is my number one thing that people think of me. Long-time listeners think, Blemish, prop comedy. And now, yes, I'm...

at that lowest point alone. He's taken off the bonnet and putting on a Viking helmet, and he looks sad. He's taking that off. But think of all the wonderful prop comedy you did. One of my all-time favorites was when you had the mirror on the toilet seat so you could see where you're going. That was good, wasn't it?

Oh, God. What are some other ones, guys? I think that was the only one. Maybe I could grab just a couple, a couple more for you. Yeah, yeah, please. For the old, for old time's sake. No, no, no, no, no, no. It makes you sad.

No, no, no, no. It makes me even sad to think about bringing out my steamer trunk of props. Guys, he's hit carrot bottom. Yeah. Look, Blemish, when we left Nibble Bottom, we left this tavern and you're in Otox charge, mostly because we thought it would be a nice thing for both of you to do. But if Otox just running off immediately, and you take it as a horrible burden to be running this place.

You don't have to. Maybe you can go off and find something else to do with your life. As a game designer? I mean. Ah. Gag Carfoonist? I'd certainly pick that of the two. Cart impresario.

We never went out back. Ah. What good is blemish outside of a tavern? What good is he? I don't know. I'd say keep at it, you know? Just because the card game isn't ready yet. You just need more cards.

you need some rules. You need a game concept. Like cart cars. It's cards that have carts on them. Oh, that's fun. You like that? You can have that for free. It just sounds like a lot of work for Blemmish

when I'm already busy with my day job. I know the feeling. Yeah, don't quit your day job. Lemmish, when we first met you, you were always just so excited about how evil you were. And I feel like that now you're mostly not evil. you've sort of lost your joie de vivre. Have I?

You just don't, you're not as passionate about anything anymore. And look, I don't want you to be evil again, but I also feel sad that you feel so trapped here. I would love to take over the world. But we've tried that. We've done that shit, you know what I mean? Yeah.

Yeah, well, in fact, I'm going to take out a piece of parchment here. And just as a reminder, to go with the other signs, I'm going to write down, don't be evil. Don't be evil. I'm going to write down a little note here for you, Blamish, and this says, like Arnold was really pressing hard on you,

don't lose your jaws and fleas or whatever. Your jaws to bebes. Oh, yes. Jaws, jaws to bebes. That's the guy you like from Canada, right? I've got Jaws to Beaver fever. Well, let's take a break, and when we come back, maybe Blumish, well, let's, I don't know, let's try and rekindle that fire. That creative spark. How's that sound?

Sounds good. Sounds good, I guess. All right. Usenor, Chunt. Yes. Look, I guess Blumner should do whatever he wants to do, and we're always tampering with his life, and we're maybe making it worse. But I do have an idea of what we should force him to do. Oh.

Okay. Let's have him be evil for us. Let's just aim him at one of the wizards and tell him to just go and scheme and try to undermine that wizard. Okay. Ooh, I like this. Get him just like real revved up about it. Bonnie, that's an excellent idea. I have to be honest with you.

I'm quite impressed. Maybe make some salty carfoons that become popular and maybe, you know, they can be used to undermine. the wizard's power? I love it. I love it. Uh, uh, Blemish, uh, come here, please. Uh, uh, thank, thank you for the delicious beers and, of course, for the prime rib in the mozzarella ones. Of course. But, um, as Arnie was saying earlier, you seem to have lost your lust for life. And we are hoping to help you find it again. And we've decided to open a small crack in our previous rule about not being evil. You want to fuck with my life again? Well, when you think about it, it's kind of what we do with all our guests every week.

You want to come in here and wind up poor blemish yet again. No, no, no, no. Like blemish hasn't been through enough with you, idiots. Come on, idiots. Blemish. We could easily leave behind one of our shifts from the wander lost here to run the strange familiar. We have plenty of staff. We're making bank.

Ony's richer than he's ever been. And we could easily take over this task. and buy you out, and then you would be freed. Well, I did feel a little stirring somewhere down in my nether regions when you said evil, so go on. Hmm. Imagine this. You know, of course, that the wizards have become quite evil in their own ways.

Under the guise of doing good and protecting people, they amass lands, they amass power, they amass artifacts of great magical potency in the hopes of being the one wizard who lives. destroys all the others so that they can rule unfettered by any other. Of course, I don't need this exposition unless you need to give it to me. Yeah, you're kidding from the news.

Okay, great. So, what if one of those wizards was suddenly besieged by a little cat-puking weirdo, a disgusting little freak, one of the most obnoxious and obscene creatures I've ever had the displeasure of meeting?

Yeah, this spooky geek's got legs. What do you think? You could join us. You could join us in our quest to defeat the wizards. Hmm. This would have to be a hateable wizard. Some real piece of shit that I get to mess with, right? Yeah, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right. I'm listening. I'm interested. You know, I heard Tim Tam the Teal thinks you're a piece of shit. What? Oh, I heard the same, Arnold. Oh, yeah. Tim Tam the Teal said that?

Mm-hmm. Tim Tam, just this little, little bastard jumping all around the room, trying to cause trouble and speaking of the gross, foul time she had at the strange familiar. Oh, how dare she? Tim Tam the Teal won't know what fucking fucked with her when I'm through. Blenish, this is an opportunity for you to play all the hits. You can just go in there and be unassuming and take like a small, menial job, but then slowly build your evil influence. Probably watch Tim Tam the Teal while she sleeps, which is another weird pervy thing he used to do.

Oh, yeah. One of my faves. And just slowly rise to power within Tim Tam the Teal's weird little kingdom. Yes, I can't wait to find myself sneaking into each and every single. little nook in Tim Tam's whole operation, finding out what she likes, shitting on it, seeing where she likes to be, hanging out there all the time, like a weirdo, being annoying, asking questions, driving away her actually helpful, useful underlings. These are the things that make Blemish's heart grow three sizes. Damn, Blemish is back, boys. Tim Tams such a little bit.

little shitty shitty. Shitty, shitty, it's true. Shitty, shitty, shitty the teal. A shitty, shitty, shitty timetam. That's what they say in the stray familiar. shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, timetam. And, and Blemmish, I'm going to do you a solid for doing this boon for us, for distracting and undermining Tim Tams.

kingdom, then we shall grant you a great gift. I shall install Crowify into your cart so you can get crows bringing you all the latest music. Hey, Crowify. Lay, let's fucking go. Yes, exactly. And then the crow will bring that song directly to you. Although I hear the crows really don't get much out of it.

What? Crowify doesn't really pay the crows very well. Oh, is that true? Well, they probably get like, what, a thousand seeds or two thousand seeds? Like a, more like a thousandth of a seed, and that's hard to say. But how else do you, how else do you even get them, you know? I mean, you could just go buy, you could just buy a couple crows instead of just... Go directly to the crows to get the music?

I feel like physical crows has gone the way of the dodo, but some people say it's coming back. I'm kind of getting back into physical crows, personally. I like to have a, I like to keep a couple crows around just in case. you know, things go away. Oh, yes, I love birds. Of course, if you have physical crows, then you're getting back into counting crows. I don't know. Yeah.

All right, I'll take my card now. I'm off. Where's Tim Tam? Where? West, my dear boy. Yes, west just south of Skir. West just south of Skir. Fuck yeah.

This is awesome. And Blenish, you can take your card if you want, but also, if you need, like, a base of operations. Here are the keys to my tavern. Would you want to take the Wanderlost? Arnold. What are you doing? I don't know. I mean... Or just trading taverns? Look, Tom Blaine Belaroth in Northeast, he knows

about our Wanderlost tavern. So, I think we have to start going a little bit more undercover if we're going to slowly find our way back to the northeast. Okay. I'm... I like that. Fine, fine. Do we have... Horses? Our horses are somewhere. I'll get some more horses.

You sure, you're right, we're trading taverns. Just like very popular traveling show in Foon, trading taverns. Not to be confused with familiar swap, were two witches swap familiars and try and make do. But they never have sex like you think they're going to, right? Oh, no, they do. Oh, okay. This is perfect because now I'll feel right at home while I'm stalking Tim Tam. I can stay in the comfort.

comfortable confines of a tavern where I'm most at my blemishy best. Shitty, shitty, tamm. Shitty, tamm won't know what hit her. I was very much looking forward to starting sort of a tavern empire with both of our taverns, but I suppose now we'll just leave the staff here to run the Strange Familiar, and we'll find some horses, and we'll head to Northeastia, and the wealth that we knew as tavern owners shall be left in the past, One thing I can guarantee you is that I will fuck up wander lost.

It will be a absolute failure by the time I get it back to you. Please try this, damn it. I've never succeeded at anything yet, except fucking with people. Okay, well, maybe O-Tock will find you, and since you're wandering in a tavern, maybe he'll be more likely to stay put. Yes, I'll fucking find him since you idiots can't do that. Yeah. You save O-Toc for once, goddesses, damn it.

Yes. I will. Goddesses, damn it. I'll get O-Tock. I'll get Tim-Tam. I'll do all this shit. You're welcome. Thank you.

Wow. Blemish is practically vibrating with anger. I haven't seen him so alive since, well, since he was alive. Look at him scrambling route. Oh, up the chimney. He's coming, he's going out the way I came in. Oh, he's going a weird way. He's barfing so many cats down that chimney.

Lemish return. Probably should have killed him. My apologies about the long stretches of silence during that episode. The host would speak, and then we'd hear nothing. I'm baffled. Some sort of technical issue must have... Oh, I see. That's when Martin Wilson was speaking.

Use it or the Wizard was played by Matt Young. Chunk the Talking Badger, not to mention badgering talker, was played by Adder Raffey. Blemish was played by special guest Martin Wilson. Instead of a plug, Martin Wilson wrote, Go see the improvised Shakespeare Company in Chicago, L.A. or on tour across the country, and follow Tim Sniffin wherever you get social media. Well, look at that.

Martin finally learned how to support other artists. Anything's possible. All that's left is making choices in improv scenes. Every day my wish list shrinks. Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production, made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon. Patrons get ad-free episodes all the spin-offs in at least two new bonus episodes each month. Also, have you ever wanted to ask me a question?

Other than, can you please give that candy back to my child? Well, I'm preparing to do another Ask the Mysterious Man Anything for the Patreon, as dictated by my contract. So, if you sign up this week, you'll have time to add your little question to the list I'll be answering. To learn more about supporting the show and how to bother me with a question, Visit patreon.com slash magic tavern. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neacamp, Matt Young, and Adderle Rify. Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz, associate producer Anna Haverman.

This episode edited by Tony Golic. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Adler D Laban. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. Oh, wait. Chorff just came out of the kitchen. What? Hey, Chorff. Who ordered a? Sockling pig?

Oh, that was me. Choff, you are your own person and always have been? What are you talking about? It's like he's talking backwards, but he's talking forwards. He's doing it wrong in a different way now. Is no one going to eat this? I don't trust you, Chirp. I have bad news for you, Troth.

Borkish is dead. Yes, I'm so sorry Andy was never real So it was blemished the whole time And he's left now No Noon? Would you say?

None?