Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 5, Ep 92 - Usidore's Team (w/ Brooke Breit, Anthony LaBlanc & Beth Melewski)

Episode Date: March 16, 2026

Usidore puts together a team including Flower, Claudia the Witch and Jamilious the Mauve. Can they put together a plan to recharge the Ruby of Galaziel?CreditsUsidore: Matt YoungFlower: Brooke BreitClaudia: Beth MelewskiJamillious Washington the Mauve: Anthony LeBlancMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Anna HavermannMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandNew T-Shirts in the Merch Store!You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Want to gift someone a Magic Tavern Patreon membership? You can right now at this link!Follow us on Bsky, Instagram and YouTube!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, what's up, flies. This is David Spade. Dana Carvey. Look, I know we never actually left, but I'll just say it. We are back with another season of Fly on the Wall. Every episode, including ones with guests, will now be on video. Every Thursday you'll hear us and see us chatting with big-name celebrities. And every Monday you're stuck with just me and Dana. We react to news, what's trending, viral clips.

Follow and listen to Fly on the Wall everywhere you get your podcast. People of Earth. following podcast is not real. If you remember last week's episode, in which case you're already way ahead of me, the hosts of the show split up on separate quests. Excellent, that should allow us to quickly identify who's the deadweight.

Spoiler, it's all of them. So, let's dredge up the bare minimum of enthusiasm and check in on Usador's quest. Sit back and enjoy the show. I suppose I think... I think it's working. Is this... I think it's working.

Are you sure? I'm not sure, but... Hello from the Magic Tavern. Do you want to blow on it? What? Do you want to blow on it? It's not picking it off. All right.

I'm not a tech. Okay. Hello from Magic Tavern. A magical podcast from the mystical world of foon. Eleven years ago, Arnold Neekamp fell into a... a magical portal behind the mystical kingdom of the burger. And henceforth and ever since, he has looked up to me.

Usador, wizard of the twelfth realm of Ephesus, master of light and shadow, manipulator of magical delights, devour of chaos, champion of the great halls of Traucus, the elves, nobius feyingialic, the dwarves no me as Zonan and Hooxtangis, and I am known throughout the north-east is Gassmuenius May star. And lo, Arnold doth always listen intently as I do list my wonderful titles out to him, every week, and now he's off on his own adventure, all groans up and groans up, and

I am on an adventure of my own, and Chunt is off on some adventure yet to be determined, but I must recharge the mystical stone of Galazil. Oh, and with me today, who else

would I bring on such an important adventure? Perhaps you say a sorcerer, perhaps you say a knight-errant, Perhaps you say a thief, nay, the most treacherous, terrified, and powerful being in all the food. Flower! Thank you, flower. That's my entrance.

It was a wonderful entrance. The way you popped right out of the ground and sang that little song, I loved it. Yeah, sorry it was like backseat driving earlier. I just wasn't sure if you. You seemed like you were confident, but I wanted to give you a little bit more of that boost. I don't know if we're recording any of this. Arnold Mike was very mad at me at the end of this run. I don't know.

And, of course, I am joined by my other co-questor this week. Claudia the witch? Oh, hello. I was peeing behind a tree. Oh, my goodness, you Sador, you have the great stone of Gazazaziziz Aziz Aziz. Galazil. That's right. Yes.

What's wrong with it? What's wrong with you? Well, nothing's wrong with me. I'm still one of the most powerful wizards that's ever been born into this world. Debatable. Ah, but the ruby, the ruby has lost its life. It's beauty, it's luster.

It's just where once it's shone bright. It's just a mere ember of what it was. Its power fading away. Well, is that a metaphor for your youth? I'm a sprightly young, 350 years old. Oh, that is pretty young. Pretty spry, pretty hot. Flower back off, he's mine.

My only follow-up question is, if we can't charge it, can we eat it? I have thought about that. If we cannot replace the power in the stone and somebody recharge it, as you say, perhaps we should eat it and see if any of the mystical properties, you know, get into our blood or mutate us or something. That'd be, that'd be wicked. I mean, it's worth trying out. I've just always wanted to chomp on a. crystal.

You know, I send... I've got a couple of those for you to chop on flour. Just got some looses in my pocket. If you want me to yank one out, you can have a chop. I want to chop it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, chop on it crystal. Let's see what happens.

Yay, y, y, y, y, y, y, y, y, y, y, y. What color was that one? I didn't even see. She just grabbed it so fast. Jeez, she's quick. That one was, like, opalescent. Oh. It was, like, the inside of a shell, like, kind of like, a whiteish, shinyish, rainbow.

Do you feel different? What's happening? Oh, her throat is outside of her body. Okay, I put it back in. Also, fun news, I just shit a different crystal. Whoa! That one will do that. One goes in, one goes out.

It's the circle of crystals. Incredible. I'm so impressed by your magical prowess. I knew the two of you were the ones who could assist me in this great task. But today we're not in a tavern, actually. we're just walking through this cavern hoping to find some sort of hellfire

or perhaps I don't know, a mystical lake. I don't know how to recharge this thing. So I'm just sort of like following my instincts. I've cast a spell, a spell of magical discovery and I'm following its embers right now. I can see trails of magic.

Wait, did anybody say hello from the magic cavern yet? No, please, go ahead. Oh, yes, let's each do an intro. Hello, from the Magic Cavern. No, do the whole thing. Do the whole thing? Yes. Oh, shit, okay.

Well, I was just doing a bit, but all right, here we go. Hello for the Magic Cavern. You guys like spulunking. You like spulunking. Watch out. This is a place to be about 11 some years ago. I ate a burger and somehow I shit a crystal. Here we are.

We're going on an adventure. Where's the other guys? Nobody knows. It's just like Arnie's here. It's incredible. Oh, that's so good. Hello, welcome from the magic cavern. Ciccagat, ccavern.

Wiccawikkiwiket. Cavan. Cacacaccaven. Ciciccaven. Hey, hey, 11 years ago, I was in this cavern. No? That's my intro. Well, I was trying to lay down a fat beat, but I guess that was it.

But we have to keep following these magical strands. Do you see the silver strands? in the ether, drawing us to some great magical force. If you breathe those in, Lord knows what will happen. You'd think a witch would know, but she sure don't. Because mesothithyomia. And if you've been bothered by mesothelioma, then please contact us at Magic Tavern at Puppies. Dot Supplies.

I'm a lawyer witch. Is that, I didn't know you had a law degree. Oh, my goodness. I've got a law degree. I'm a surgeon in my spare time. Sometimes I do med spa stuff. You need a little Botox in that forehead. Use a door.

I can crank it and jank it right up. Oh, I'd love that. I'd love to smooth out these lines. All right. Well, we can talk later on in the... Behind the magic cabin. You've ever heard of Botox? It's like a toxic bow and arrow.

Yes, they'd fire it right into your skin to try to loosen up the skin. Never felt more alive. Get it right. Get it tight, baby. Get her right in there. They're like, too marches, two marches or more. Wait. What?

Do you hear that? What? Who was it? What? Who? Nobody liked to enjoy a taco? Oh! Jamilius!

My old friend. Oh, but my bitter enemy now. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, Eusador. I'm, I'm, I'm looking for you everywhere. Oh, you have? But, yeah. I just want to let you know that I'm so sorry. I don't know how I could have turned on you.

I mean, you'd give me everything. You know, everything I owe to you used to do. I can't believe I... Oh, man, my mind was all messed up. You know, I was just, you know, I don't know how we could ever believe that, you know, Spintax was better than you. Well, yes, that is a ridiculous thing to say. But I will say that you owe me nothing.

You are a great wizard in your own right. And I insist that if you've given a... the ways of evil and wish to help us in our quest. I would beg you to join myself this beautiful flower and this witch, Claudia. Hold on. Why am I not beautiful? Oh, oh, gorgeous. Sorry, let me try it again. Also, are you allowed to say witch? Can you say that? Is that something you can say? Oh, absolutely.

Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. This beautiful flower and this wretched, disgusting witch. There we go. As we go on a quest to recharge the ruby of Galazil. Ooh, that Galazil? That Galazil. Oh, man, that is, ooh. Which Galazil are we talking about?

Because I know a couple of Galazil's, and I just want to make sure that I know which one we're talking about. Galazil was an ancient wizard, an ancient red wizard, and that's why it's a Ruby, who, you know, Kind of wasn't until it was on the up and up. Yeah, he had a lot of things happening. You know, how a lot of weird parties he would throw,

you know, some kind of like Bacchanal type things that were happening. You know, and sometimes they got a lot of oil out, you know. A lot of pitch everywhere, you know, and have lots of kinds of parties. They were all around the pitch, you know what I mean? A lot of famous wizards came around there. It was kind of crazy. But, you know, I never got invited, you know, whenever that was happening, the remnant sense of him.

Sometimes we have some, you know, these, like, parties that would be, like, anniversaries of his first Bacchanol. And, you know, I never got to go. So, you know, used to her was only old and didn't get invited, too, so we always hung up, you know? Yeah, we'd watch a play or maybe, uh, have dinner, something nice to be like, we don't need them. We're having a good time on our own. I know, 100%. And it's two cool wizards. You know, was wizarding it out.

Yeah, sure. Uh-huh. Oh, well, flower, you said, witch galizal. Galizal, am I pronouncing this correctly? Galilezal. Gazile. Gazazal? Galazil.

Galazio. Gala zil. Flower, you did say witch gali zal, and there is a witch gali zal. Oh. Yes. She was an old friend of mine. Part of your coven? Yes, part of my coven at least 500 years ago.

I have not seen her since. You're 500 years old? Yes. You look great. Oh, thank you. Maybe we could talk about a wizard sandwich later. Oh. Well, you know, I love to get that meat in there, you know what I mean?

Chimileas. Chimileas. I know you love food, but when Claudia says sandwich, she does not, she's not talking about food. Wizard man sandwich. Whizman sand. Oh, okay. I'm sorry, I mistook. I'm the wizard of feces and famine, so, you know, I love food, you know.

Oh, well, I'll teach you right. I'll learn you up. Yeah, oh, yes. We'll take care of that later, but first, let's take a quick break and we'll be right back after these messages from our very important sponsors. That's something that Arnie wants me to do, too, is throw to break. Break it! When you're a wizard burdened with freeing the world from all evil, your schedule can get pretty busy, but there's no excuse to stop eating well. Factor is how I stopped letting the ever-oppressive forces of darkness act as an excuse.

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Offer only valid for new Factor customers with code and qualifying auto-renewing subscription purchase. Make healthier eating easy with Factor. So, Chamellius, you must have spent a long time. Amassing power. as one of the wizards trying to take over all of food. What has happened to you in this past two years? Well, the thing that's so crazy is, you know, I was, I found myself, not myself. The thing is, the thing is kind of weird, like, when I turned evil,

I realized that I was like the people I was fighting against in the South. And it took me a while to understand that when I, ever I passed a mirror, and I was, like, running for myself, my subconscious was trying to tell me something. And I was pushing it down and pushing it down and pushing it down. and see what happened is, I wasn't this magical cipher, and I started, I started freestyle in, and I started the flow state kind of take me over. Now allow for my brain to undo what Spintag's had done.

You know what I mean? And it was like, it was almost like I was unspelling myself. Oh, incredible. What an incredible feat to unhypnotize yourself at the time when Spintax took advantage of the Wizards who was so desperate and afraid since they had become mortal. Oh, a flower? Claudia, did I mention that, that wizards are mortal now and you can kill us?

So we have to be very careful on this trip. I feel like I knew that. Claudia, did you know that? We have to be very careful. Look at my face. I'm shooketh. As shooketh, as thou should be. And if we form this sandwich later,

know that it must not be setting upon some precipice. It must be somewhere soft where we can land without damage to our mortal bodies. Oh, my goodness, I shall treat you with the utmost genteel gentility. Oh, I will empty all crystals from my own pocket so I don't stick you in your meaty thigh. No, thank you. I appreciate that. I think it makes sense to prioritize safe sandwich that if you kind of create some sort of big bubble around everybody so that whatever happens,

number one, I can see everything clearly. I just want to be able to watch clearly. Oh, that's full. Yes, absolutely. Please. We can get your rock to sit on so you can just like observe, you know, just like comfortable rock to sit in the corner of the forest and see what's happening. You know.

I like to get my rocks on and off. Well, you'll do both with this sandwich. I'll tell you what. Give me a side of crystal slaw. But, you know, the wizards, are they hunting you with Spintax trying, or does it, do they know you've defected at this time? They don't know. See, I'm actually going to try and act as a double.

agent. I've been trying. I've been working for you, Gucinor. I think that I'm the perfect person to be able to figure out how to allow you to unhypnotize every other wizard.

Oh, this is, oh, this is exactly what I've wanted. I've been going to evil people for the last 11 years being like, do you want to play both sides? Do you want to join my quest? Do you do this thing where you have a heel turn and then a reverse turn? Oh, this is good. This is good.

Yeah, they call me a switch. I think that's with the name they call me. I think it's like, I'm able to, it'll go both ways. You know, I'm able to just fit it anywhere. You know, I can really slide into any slot. I don't really accept anything that's coming my way. You know, I'm really good at that, you know? Okay.

Sliding into any slot. Claudia'll take it. Wait, so if you're a double agent, does that mean that we're on a heist? Oh. I think we might be. Could we be on a heist? What if we were on a heist? I think we're on a heist.

I thought we were on a quest, but it's only a few letters difference. Indeed. Are we on a quist? We're on a quest. Jamilius, you have to sneak us in to Spintaxus stronghold. Yes. We can then recharge the Ruby of Galazil. Do you think you can do it?

I mean, I can make anything happen as long as I got used to were by me. You know, you're the most amazing coach, the greatest you know. I mean, that's why you're Philonius Jackson's, you know? You are awesome. You make it happen, man. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Once we get into the layer, I want to slide under the lasers. Yeah, we all have to establish our set of skills and our roles in this quest.

Indeed, indeed. Claudia has already claimed cat-like reflexes to slip through whatever traps may be set for us there. Flower, what about yours? I'm probably going to, okay, so spitballing. I feel like my strengths could be in like distract. Like if there ever needed to be like a distraction or a ruse, I could, I could enter as a very wealthy socialite that has established myself that I'm renting out the place for my big sullet. I have a lot of demands, very difficult, very high maintenance.

I could do that or hack the system, which I don't know anything about, but I feel like I could learn by the time I get there. I, I, if you could, as you say, hack into the magical defenses, yeah, then that would also make it even easier for Claudia to slip through. Okay, so the thing that I'm not confident about is the thing I'll do. Oh, but, but I said but. Oh, okay. But I would be beside myself if I didn't allow you to play this wealthy socialite. Okay, this is very exciting for me.

This is a hundred percent the correct thing for you to do. And how about I transform into the socialized? socialite's husband. Oh, this, yes, please. Yes. Oh, yes. And I suppose I too will need it skies if we are all to enter. But I'm so familiar to them.

If Claudia's the husband and flowers that demanding socialite, then I'll have to use my magic to transform myself into your... Ata-to-all-come-a. Mew! Mew! A traveling cat. A cat. I am Musador.

How long have you been waiting to pull that one out? Yes, 11 years. I think 11 years. How long? It is weird how you started to lick yourself profusely while you were turned into Musador. That was pretty impassive. Oh, well, I'll be honest. It comes in handy more often than you'd think.

Sometimes at home alone I turn into Musador. I hate that I'm attracted to you even more. Well, this makes sense because then you can... turn into a cat and slip past everybody. Can you carry the gem to Ruby that we need charged at the same time? Well, I'll have to cast a spell where I have a little collar and you can put the gem on the collar. And then people won't suspect the cat and then you can distract them and slip through the,

slip through all the traps. And Jamilius is our inside man. We'll take care of the rest. Yeah, I thought I was going to go for the, you know, something a little more complicated, you know, like maybe I was going to handle all the catering and then like have you sneak underneath one of those, you know, food trays, like those food carts and bring you in and then like you could sneak out, but I mean, cat, who would ever guess a cat? Oh, well. You guys do all in that but as a cat. Yes, I was going to, yes, let's let's make sure we still do that just in case there's

some sort of anti-cat contingency on the outside of his stronghold. I'd hate to get struck down in cat form, uh, it would be, well, an embarrassing way to go. Well, you,

I thought if you were in cat form, you get at least nine lives, right? Sadly, I will not, for as I have mentioned, the wizards are all mortal now. You don't even get nine lives?

Not even as a cat. I thought you adopted the, the, the, the lives of the animals you turn into. What? What? That's how dire the situation is.

We have, we have, We have to stop Spintax before he runs Ramshod over all the food and destroys Northeasteria. King Tomblane is also within his throw, I believe. And I, I'm so happy to see you, Jim Elyse. I was, I was so concerned that this was not Spintag's doing it, that everyone had just churned on me just because, but they were just mad at me because I was the one that destroyed the stone that made you all mortal.

I mean, people were upset about that too. And that both things can be true. Both can be true. But, you know, I think that, that they took, he took advantage of our anger and our upsetness, but I was only a little upset. You know, I understood you had to do it. I mean, it had to happen. Oh, yeah, I had to do it.

It's the only way to stop the Dark Lord, ultimately. I mean, in the end, that's what's important to me, making sure that Dark Lord was out of the picture so dark people get to live their lives, you know? Did it? Did it work? I don't remember. Oh, well, yeah, it worked. He's totally dead. I killed him. Everyone knows that.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Don't worry about it. Usador, I know that uncomfortable laugh. You're joshing us. Your jaw just unhinged from your face. Usador. What? You said that you killed the dark lore.

I did. Yes, actually. 100% technically. Yes. 100% yes. Again, that's not a lie. You know what, take this truth serum. And also hold this cannon tightly.

Oh, well, I wasn't expecting to think truth served today. Well, I like to turn into a cat and lick myself. We know, we know. We know that. That tracks. I love birds. Okay. Oh, that's nice.

That's nice. I love all of you. Some of my favorite people. Oh, no, it's about to wear off. Oh, that's our. I had a quick vial. I only had a ten-second mile. Oh, got through it.

Ooh, that was close. Well, yes, the Dark Lord is slain-ish. So don't worry about that. And we'll just go forth and stop Spintax. But he is the one that brings down so much death and rain and destruction on the peoples of food. Those innocent farmers and those sweet milkmaids and the horses and the birds and all of the little. little children who run through the fields and who else has he been mean to? Who else has he been mean to?

Oh, the bugs in the butterflies. Yeah, he hates bugs. He likes to kick treats, you know what I mean? Oh, that's terrible. I'm sure he's occasionally mean to himself. Oh, that's true. And that's the worst, that's the worst sin of all is not none having self-love, right? Truly.

So this is becoming bigger than the crystal, yes? We've got to get there and really fuck some shit up. that spin taxes, that's what we're saying? I mean, I'd love to fuck some shit up in the interim, sure, yeah. But I also have to get back to Arnie and Chunt. So, yes, we should recharge the crystal, but then make our escape. But if we fuck up some shit on the way out, I'm not going to say no. Ha, ha, all right.

The door slightly open for shit fucking. Mm-hmm. Just a jar for some shit fucking. Oh, yeah. Now, the question for me is, like, are we like the, the, The A team? Or are we like the B team? We're the C team. What are we? Yeah, where do we rank in this situation? Uh, let me tell you this. Now, this may mean nothing to you here on Foon.

But this episode comes out before all of the other ones. So we're the A team. Oh, wow. Oceans 11. Last week, Arnie Chunt and I were talking about all the quests we wanted to go on. I had a quest. Chunt was like, I'll figure something out. We don't even know what the hell he's going to be doing. You've always got your shit in line, baby. So absolutely, we are the most important.

The lynchpin, as they may say, if our mission fails, then certainly all of food shall fall. Quist, quist, quist, quist, quist, quist, quist, quist, quist, quist, quist, quist, quist, quist. They'll fix it in post. Now, Jamilis, why are you here in this cave, have you been attempting to just hide? from the forces of spin tax while you came up with a plan or? Well, I've been trying to work on some special spells, you know, like, you know, I can do that,

but can create things, but also take food away. So I was thinking that maybe if I could create a special elixir that allow people, whenever they tasted it, it would put them in the right mindset, just like I did, to put them in a flow state, whatever that might be, right? So it's like almost like, I was trying to figure out a perfect thing,

for it. You know, it's like, it's like, maybe you're able to, like, you know, put together. It's not quite, you know, poison, but it's almost like it's, it's like the acid that burns through your mind that allows your mind to open and expand itself. You know what I mean? No, we're talking turkey. I like it. It's burning away the cobwebs that fog your brain. Oh, I love it. Now, it's like, it's almost like it's the last spell of dispelling. You know what I mean? It's like the last spell of dispelling. So I like to call it LSD.

This sounds incredible. You must keep working on this spell. I put on a dress. Does it look like I'm new money or old money? Oh, oh, my darling, you look like new money. I'm sorry, sir. We are trying to have a private conversation here in this cavern. It's funny.

Oh, wow. Bajam. Oh, we're doing great. This is working swimmingly. Hello, my love. Oh, yes, I am full of new money. I'm ready to take on the world with my thoughts and ideals. Not too fast, sweet thing.

I'd like a cucumber sandwich. Oh, that's very fancy. I'll have someone to make it for you because I don't know how. I come from the pageant circle. That's new money, baby. And then we're going to go back to back like this with our arms. It's excellent. It's so good. That's very convincing. I mean, I wouldn't, I would expect you to be at the, there as a stronghold, you know?

You fit just in. You fit right in. Oh, this is going to be great. Well, it is going to be great, but we should take one more break as Arnie has dictated. And then when we're back, maybe we'll do some LSD. Okay, I'm down. I'm in. Let's do it. I believe it's time that we, we helped Jamilius however we can. Is there anything that you need from us to make your new?

dispelling spellwork? Yeah, so I've been gathering toads from around this cave and making sure that I lick every single one of them because they have different properties. That's sick. Yeah, if it's a green toad, it has a little bit of like a walking effect.

You know, if it's a purple toad, you know, it allows just a little bit of a spice to it. You know, I've mixed different, different toad secretions to make my special LSD. You know, that's really, the spell really comes from the toad juice, you know what I mean?

Oh, that's excellent. I always say, if it's a frog, put it back on a log. If it's a toad, lick at the mother load. That's, that's right. Yep, that's exactly right. As witches have, yes, that's exactly what we say, too. I'd love to be involved in some clinical trials of this LSD if you'll have me. Yeah, if you need us, whatever you need.

Yeah, I can try it. Let's take a little bit up deep. I actually have some cloth. I put a little bit on the cloth and you put it on your tongue. Okay. let that cloth dissolve. You know, it's like, actually like, it's like magical cloth. And then that allows it to, like, really dissolve into your brain space.

So it happens right away. I'm okay with all of this. This sounds great. On a side note, I have occasionally been told that I sound like a toad. Whoa, wawa, wah, wah. I've known a lot of toads, flower, and they do not have the mellifilous voice that you have. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Very toad-esque, very toad-esque.

So I just take a little bit of it here and I put it directly on my tongue. Just right on your tongue. It's put on your tongue. There you go. All right. And then I just dissolve. It'll start to dissolve. And then you just go ahead and just like stare up at the top of the cave.

Like you start to look at the top of the cave. See the water reflections that are happening there? The drums that are happening there. Yeah. Yeah. And just go ahead. And I'm just going to start playing a little bit of this, playing a little bit of this drum right here.

I got a little drum on me right now. Oh. Oh. Hit these, at these drums right quick. At these drums right quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You feel that? You feel that?

You feel that? I'm seeing shapes. Yeah. Go ahead and open, open your mind. Allow yourself. Allow yourself to feel that flow. I'm also seeing shapes, and it seems like the shapes I see make up all the things that are in the universe. Yes.

That sounds about, that sounds correct. And now you'll see yourself. looking back at yourself. What the fuck? Are you looking at? Wait a minute. Is that how I look? Oh, yes.

Absolutely. I've got to get a new hat. We've been... That one's a little dirty. We've been meaning to tell you. Yeah, it's a little sloppy. It's a little dirty. You're back.

Whoa! Whoa! Oh. You can't believe what I saw. Well, first of all, you both were literally sandwich breads. You both were. A big thick piece of sourdough and a lovely hearty rye. And I was the meat right in between.

Beautiful. Thanks, Flower. Yeah, so I like to call that an LSD journey. Oh. Flower, what was your experience with the last spell of dispelling? Well, I was chill. And then I was a little uncomfortable. Then I was scared.

And then I saw myself. Yes. And I had a mix of. like, you look good and also, fuck you. Oh. You know, it was a real, it was really complicated experience. And I wouldn't say I would do it again. Sure.

But I also can say that it happened. Yes, yes. I feel similar. Yes. It did happen. Now, to be careful, you know, sometimes if the residual of that spell can stay in your body, you know. So if you happen, like, move too fast, it'll, like, hit you right quick. So just be careful for the next couple of days.

Okay, what is your demographic for this shit? Like, who, who? I just, if this is something you're working on, I'm having a lot of problem and seeing, like, who is this for? Because it was such a curated experience. Yeah, yeah. Well, the thing is, it's originally for the Wizards. They can allow themselves to get unhypnotized.

But I'm feeling after the fact, you know, anybody who really wants to understand who they really are. Oh, yeah. Bam, hit it. You're trying to create something? Bam, hit it. You're trying to just, you know, maybe make your parents man, boom, hit it. Right. Parents just don't understand.

They don't understand. Frankly, I'm embarrassed as a witch. I've never come up with anything like this. You know, mine are just a bunch of drinks that are sex-based. I love your drinks. Thanks, flour. I appreciate it. Where's all your favorite ones that you've made?

Oh, my goodness. Well, there's the crapper single where you just have one. The Usador's had the crapper's single. I've had that. Yes, yes. What was your favorite part about that one? Then it went down smooth but came up hard. Yep, that's the feedback I get a lot to. Absolutely. Yeah, and then there's the Smashbox.

Oh, I've had that. Yes. What did you think of that one, Usador? Well, somebody once told me it was the best drink I never had. Fair, fair, yes. And then there's my favorite, the loose stools. Similar to the first one. That one, that one once. went down hard and came up on.

Yes. Yep, yes. So those are my three favorites, flour. Thank you for a husband. Oh, no, amazing. I mean, there's a market. There really is. There really is.

Flower, it seems like you might be really good at being able to find the right customers for any product. Yeah, I used to run a bath salt stand a while back in a smoothie stand. I think they were maybe the same stand. I can't remember. I'm leaning on this cannon. But I've sold a lot of shit. Claudia sold smoothies for a while, too. That's why I used old smoothies.

A flower. We should have gone into business together. We could. Damn it. Well, there's still time. There's still time. Yeah. Yeah, there's still time.

I just, I think I want to start a business. My next venture out. We're like, I don't have to be like, work is hard. Where I can have other people that I like buy into it and work with me for me. And the number of people that I bring in really affects how well I do. Oh, maybe some, they bring in other people for you? Yeah, they'll bring in other people. Yeah.

Like, what do you say? It's like, doesn't matter. Look at all these people. Oh, one of those plenty trapezoid schemes. Yep. I want to trap them. Yeah, a rhombus ruse. Yeah, I got plenty of witches who will want to get in on that triangle trappers.

Do you want to go back to smoothies or should we do something else, Claudia? Well, did you ever mix bath salts in the smoothies? That had to have happened, if not, on purpose. And I feel like those are some of the best creations. Yes, yes, yes. Well, actually, there's a place in the South that really loves the bath salt. drinks. It's, uh, yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's real deep in this out, the florinus. Yeah. I've been, I've been to florinous. That's that peninsula down there, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a strange place with a lot of straight, a lot of strange people come out of there. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Like some real weird choices. Some very weird people. Very strange, very strange. Some of the worst witches come from there. Now, Jamilius, I, I, I didn't tell you fully about my experience. with the last spell of dispelling. All right. What did you see? I saw myself, as you said, standing outside of myself.

And then this all happened really fast, so I couldn't really explain it while it was happening, but I saw what I believe was the heart of the universe, beating. Okay. And then it churned into the ruby of Galazil. And then it turned back into a heart, and it bled, and it bled, and it bled, and it bled, and it was beating faster and faster. Then I saw a thousand eyes, which could have become a thousand,

unicorns, and then those thousand unicorns all sang a little song that I can't remember, but I know in my heart, if I hear it, I'll know it. And then all of their horns came off and became arrows that pierced me through the soul and pulled my soul out of my body, and then my soul I had to drink back down, and then I saw myself again, and I thought I should get a new hat. Whoa. Usador. Is that useful information for giving this to the other wizards?

A hundred percent. It's a prophecy. You know how I feel about prophecies. I know. No, I'd like to hear more about this unicorn song. Yeah, remind us, because maybe, yeah, all of the same. Oh, yeah. Well, what do you feel about prophecies and then unicorns are?

I mean, I love a prophecy, but also, it's always a throw of the dice with a prophecy, you know? Yeah, it's a double-edged sword. You never know how to interpret it. Yeah, because they, yeah, you don't know how to interpret it. And then, like, you could kind of like backwards engineered into any kind of situation that happens. Or like, oh, the owl's head was backwards. And then like, oh, your fork was upside down or some bullshit. And it's like, that's not really it.

That's not a prophecy. But you think this is a good prophecy? I think it's a good prophecy for the wizards, but it might not be a good prophecy for you. See, when your heart was bleeding, right? You were bleeding out. Like you were giving yourself. You were sacrificing yourself. Yes.

everyone else with a thousand eyes. A thousand eyes out looking at you, judging you. But in the end, you are being pierced by their thoughts and by their barbs coming into you. But then through that, you were able to then put your heart back together, almost like it gave you new life. And that new

life rebirthed you as you in a different hat. Right? New roll. New hat. New hat. Who did? Goodness. If I have to make the ultimate sacrifice and give up my current hat and say new hat, who dis, then so be it.

I have always said that I would give up everything to protect food, and I shan't back off of it now. Let's say I hummed a little tune. Would that unicorn song come to you? It's possible. Anything's possible. Here we go. We are the unicorns of the world.

Here is our main and our mains are. unfurled. We're flying through the air with our wings made of gold. We are unicorns brash and bold. Wow. That was beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful. Yes. Yeah, that's, I think that, I'm pretty sure that was it. If not, what are you going to, you can't prove me wrong. That's true. I'd like to challenge a trip, you know. I guess what I want to know is, isn't that Usador might die, or is it that any one of us might die on this quest. Well, it could be an actual death. It could be a spiritual death. It could be a death of our dreams.

It could be, I mean, that's the thing with the prophecy. It could be anything. Yes. So we must be extra cautious. We should take extra time to plan out every single aspect of this quest. I'm out. I'm out. No, no, no, no, no.

No, no. No. Too scary. Flower, flower. It's so important that you play the new money, a debutante who comes in demanding such insane things that

totally distracts Spintax and his minions. Who else can do that? Yeah, I don't know if anybody else could do it like I could, so, I mean, if you really... You have to be my wife. And I'll make you this deal. If you come across a spiritual death, I'll take it on. If you come

across real death, I'll take one for you. I've had a good run. I'm done. What was the third one? Death of your dreams. The death of my, oh, death of the dreams. Oh, I can do that one. Claudia, I got that one. Okay, thanks.

Appreciate it, you, Sador. Appreciate it. Yeah, nothing's going my way. Okay. I don't want it to happen to anybody, but I feel like between all of us, we can make that call. If death comes knocking at our door, the door that is left open for shit fuckery, that we look each other in the eyes. Yes.

We make that call. We say who's going to take the hit. That's right. This is a solemn vow I make to each one of you. I swear that we, even if we suffer some physical, emotional, or dream-like death. I swear that we suffer some emotional physical... Oh, am I the only one saying? And I swear by the moon and the stars and the sky.

I'll be there. I'll be there for you. They'll fix it in post. Anyway, I believe that together, whatever death or death-like state we may encounter, we shall overcome, and we shall recharge the Ruby of Galazil and fuck up some shit on the way out of Spittaxas. Yes. Put your hands and your petals and your paws in, and let's all say, we shall overcome? I don't know about that. I don't know about that.

I don't know about that. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. You know, I, you know, let's... Shit fuckery? Shit fuckery on three. One, two, three. Shit fuckery. Don't fix it in post.

Spoiler, they didn't fix it in post. Use it or the Wizard was played by Matt Young. Flower, the Talking Flower, was played by Brooke Bright. Claudia the Witch was played by Beth Maluski. If you want to see Beth perform live, and really, you haven't seen Beth until you've seen her live. Like Gallagher. Check out the improvised Shakespeare Company at I.O. Chicago and two dead-ass homes at the home theater every other Wednesday. Jamilius the Malve was played by Anthony LeBlanc.

Check out Anthony performing with Deep Chois every Sunday at 8 p.m. at the I. ato theater in Chicago. Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production, made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon. Patrons get ad-free episodes, all the spin-offs, and at least two new bonus episodes each month. Here's a clip of the most recent bonus. Another talking tabs. Where Matt and Addle quiz Arnie about his open browser tabs. I'm not doing it justice. Have a listen.

They're at, I guess, I don't know if his name's Edward E.Nigma in this movie, but the Riddler's apartment, basically. And there's a clue left for Batman. And there's a bat in the clue. And it's the worst CGI I've ever seen. And it's the rest of the movie. is so stylized and and cool and and really well done and then this bat in the clue is just so out of a place where it's just like just have a real bat is it supposed to be that the riddler has made is it in world that the ridler has made a shitty cg.i bat you know what about because he's

not a cgai guy is it possible adle that you have stumbled upon a real world riddler clue Whoa. And if you don't follow this thread, people could be in danger. I think I'm done with it. I'm just saying is it possible. Is it possible? It's not impossible. To hear the rest and learn more about supporting the show, including voting on the

March Magic Brackets, visit patreon.com slash Magic Tavern. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neekamp, Matt Young, and Adlerophy. Post-production coordination by Garrett Shultz, Associate Producer, Anna Hoverman. This episode edited by Anna Hoverman. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard LeBann. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. See you here next week with Chon's team. Does that sound like a threat? It is.