Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 5, Ep 93 - Chunt's Team (w/ Mark McConville, Rekha Shankar & Blaine Swen)

Episode Date: March 23, 2026

Chunt puts together a team including Arnor the warrior, Axelrod Remax the real estate agent and Broth. Can they survive the rain forest and find the hidden temple?CreditsChunt: Adal RifaiAxelrod ReMax: Mark McConvilleBroth: Rekha ShankarArnor: Blaine SwenMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Red KeenerMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandNew T-Shirts in the Merch Store!You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Want to gift someone a Magic Tavern Patreon membership? You can right now at this link!Follow us on Bsky, Instagram and YouTube!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What happens when two people who grew up in a very strange corner of Los Angeles look back and realize just how bizarre their upbringings really were? They start a podcast, of course. I'm Ashley Johnson. And I'm Talas and Jaffe. Before we became the internet people we are today, we spent our childhoods as working actors, appearing in shows like growing pains and films like Mr. Mom.

And our podcast, Weird Kids, we're diving deep into our unique upbringings, our friendship with each other, and all the delightfully odd interests we still carry with us today. In each episode, we get to share stories of our youth, the things that bring us joy, the problems that we face, and occasionally the friends we've collected along the way.

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I don't know. I can't vouch for what Mel Robbins is up to these days. Anyway, are you one of those weirdos who quote-unquote pays attention to things? If so, you'll remember the hosts of the show split up on separate quests. And this week, no other options presenting themselves. We'll check in on Chunt's quest. I'm going to take a swing and say that Chunt does zero table setting up top. So I'll tell you now, the members of Chunt's team are Arnor the Warrior,

Axelrod Remax, the real estate agent, and Broth Moonwalker, the basketball coach. Also, this is called Hello from the Magic Tavern. I was as surprised as anybody. Now sit back and enjoy the show. Could someone else take over the machete? I got it, John. Thank you, Arnor.

That feels right. Feels good. Oh, I yearn for my sword, chunt. Oh, yeah. I forgot. Did you lose it in pizza hell or? I lost it in life. In life.

And I should be buried in my own grave. That's right. It was the one thing I asked for in my will. My sword would be buried in my grave. That way I can be restored to all the memories I lost. And I passed through into pizza hell. Yeah. We're kind of veering off to the right.

Let's get that. Oh, yes. You got to watch what you're doing with that thing. You must thwack my pulse. Oh, sorry. I'm getting a little carried away. I'll take it easy. A little to the left.

Actually, let's hold up and just take a quick water break. Ooh, here we go. Let's pass around. I swear it's up here somewhere. We've been going in the right direction. Axelrod, thank you so much. We trust you implicitly. I also just want to apologize again for following that toucan for a couple days.

I thought he knew what he was doing. You were following his nose. He said, he literally said. And I trusted it. And I'm sorry, I think this rainforest is full of trickery and mischievousness. Mischievous? Mischiff. Mischifist.

Mischief. Mischief night. Broth. What? I haven't even asked you. We've been out for a while. Is broth short for anything? Uh, no.

Brothful? Uh, no. And I kind of just wish people would take me as I am instead of trying to say that broth is short for something larger that I should grow into or something. Sorry about that. Broth is just broth? Is chunt short for something? Chunt hole? Chunt hole?

I mean, actually. How is your chunt hole? Thank you for asking. Finally. Someone with manners. Um, both of them are doing good. North is solid. South is solid.

Hey. And how about West and Saint? One day. West and Saints, oh, if I ever have two more holes, I'm going to name them that. Let's see. Let me just pass the canteen around. When you have the canteen, speak truth to your holes. Just let us know how your holes are doing.

Here you go. I'll pass it over to Brock. For me, they're on fire. I got a sandwich from Quack Donald's, and they said they were going to put two squirts of magic sauce. on it. Well, and behold, I opened that thing. There's one square of magic sauce. I say, well, I'm not going to go all the way back and plain to the Quack Donald's people. I eat it. It's dry as a bone. Now my insides are all

disgusting. And my hole's on fire. It didn't have enough moisture, you see. So this water's really going to help. So that's how my hole is doing. Good, good. Quick tossle of your hair. You a little champ. How old are you? What? Sorry, you just, I can't tell if you're like 13 or like 48. It is disturbing. Wow, thank you. It must be all my rituals in performing.

I'm in my 50s, but I have an incredible frog skin routine. Wow. Yeah, it shows. You look terrific. Thank you. Okay, okay, okay, I'm honking the water. Passing the horn. Oh, yes, well, chunt, I haven't felt whole since the buzzards of scur.

And I don't want to talk about it, to be honest. Yeah, no, that makes sense. One of my first memories to come back. Oh, good. I'm glad that they're sort of flooding in. Hey, I think I can clear the next 200 yards. Just give me 30 seconds. Yeah, you have been a beast with that guy. Actually, that's now your sword.

Arnor, you keep that machete. Chunt. Chunt. Chunt. Yeah. Chunt. Chunt. What? Is there another bug on my back?

Get it. Chunt, it's just, it's too precious a gift. Oh. To give someone your sword, Chant. Your sword is a part of you. It's an extension of your arm, which is an extension of your mind,

which is an extension of your soul, Chant. Wow, I never thought about it like that. Any good weapon needs a name, so, Arnor, why don't you do the honors? Oh, I'll call this one Little Stick. Yeah, because it's much shorter than

your old sword. Oh, yes, this one's like a little stick. Yeah. And there's something so foreboding when someone hears someone is coming with little stick. People will know to run. Yes. Yeah. Anytime someone's like, hey, that guy's got a little stick.

Run. Honey, hide the kids. Here's a little stick. Where I'm from sometimes, a name like that is ironic. Oh. Oh. And so maybe perhaps someone might hear little stick and think, ooh, ooh, big stick. Yeah.

Like when you call the slowest dwarf, you know, speedy. Correct. Speedy Talley. Yeah, speedy tolly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Speedy Tully, bald. No beard. Yeah.

Bald North, Bald South. Here I am being greedy with the canteen. Oh, sorry. Yes, I would, here I would have to hand you the canteen. I want to hear all about it. Axel Rodry, Max, bald north, bald south. There is one hole I've been wanting to discuss with someone. No one really understands my problems, but of course.

you may know I work for the Coldwell banker, one of the richest beings and foon. That's right. And to access his riches, you must descend to the lowest point in the cold well. While the bubble has burst, and there's no way to get to his riches anymore. So that hole is not so great,

and my life has fallen apart. My wife, Trulia, has been acquired by Zillow. No. My greatest rival in the real estate world. Murder him. Murder him. Yeah, murder Zillow. Look at me. Do you think I could murder a fly?

Zillow's a fly? I'm a tiny little man. Ironically, tiny? No, actually tiny. I use my wits instead of my muscles and might. Mm. Hmm. Orner, perhaps you could murder Zillow and bring my wife back to me. Yeah. I'll do it.

Another time, though. For now, we are headed to the temple, which I assure you has grand vistas. even though we are tolerating these flies and biting bees, once we get through this thick underbrush, I assure you, you will love the view and the overflowing fountains. That sounds majestic. Actually, Arnor, while you're adding, I see you're jotting in your little notebook, Killzilla. Yes, my to do, my to do, my to do feats.

These are feats to do. Total feats, yes. Let's keep adding to the creatures that we've discovered in the rainforest. I know today's been a new day and we've seen a whole new bevy of horror and fauna. Oh, yes, let me turn the pages in my journal. Be short, lead the list with blood flies.

Oh, yeah. Blood flies number one with an arrow. I didn't think they were still around, but they are. I mean, I got to say, this rainforest path has been chaka block full of little creatures. And I don't know why they put an E at the end of path. Yes, Pathet, to make it so fancy. It's a path.

It's a path. Hey, let's go to the Rainforest Path A. I mean, it's just a path. It's just a path. I don't see how this path isn't out of business. It does rain every 20 minutes on the dot. Yes, a little long. And there's a little show.

I feel like the animals, is it me? Am I crazy? Have the animals been putting on a little show? They sort of do the same exact thing every 20 minutes, don't they? Yeah, I've seen a little ground chuck pop out of a hole, and it sings a little song and goes back in, and it's like so regular. It's like not impressive. Yeah, at Ground Chuck.

Outground Chuck. What else? The fire, the fire aunts. The fire aunts, yes. So critical. Yes, and the water uncles. I swear I saw a fire uncle, but maybe that was not. No, did I not see one?

Maybe you saw a fire aunt without her wine. Funny. Funny. And broth, I got to say, thank you so much for any time I say something just screaming funny. That feels so good. You're the funniest guy I've ever met. My whole family are torturers. What was it like growing up?

It was torture, if you can believe it. And is that good for... Well, for me, it's normal. You sleep on an anvil. You eat breakfast with a hammer. You got to go to school on a rope. That's all normal for me. It sounds like blacksmiths.

It sounds like your family was blacksmiths. Did they ever say they were torturers? Or were they simply... blacksmiths who didn't talk about what they did. I never got a clear explanation, but if it's called blacksmithing to beat up metal and be pissed off at it all day, then I guess it's blacksmithing, for sure.

For me, it's torture. Proth, if you don't mind, your mother, your father, throughout a regular day, describe what they might do, you know, to make money. Yes. So they would do a thing called soldering Damascus steel on large anvils where they solder pieces of metal together to form one core that's very strong

and they would get it really soft and smooth it out so loud, torturous, so loud, it's so hot. You wouldn't believe how hot it was in there. Roth, not to get hung up on it. When you said you would eat breakfast with a hammer, would it be like a bowl of cereal at the end of a plank and you'd whack the plank with the hammer hoping to aim. it into your mouth or? Oh, that's one of the ways you can eat breakfast with a hammer. It really depends on how big you are.

So as little breakfast is on the hammer, you got to eat your egg on a hammer. When I got bigger, yeah, there's a seesaw system where you hit the seesaw and try to make it go into your mouth. Yeah. When I got even bigger. You use a hammer as a spoon to eat all your noodles. Try to get that in your mouth. Use the end. It has the two fingers on it.

So you scoop out the noodles. Hope you don't prick your tongue. Yeah. When you get even bigger, you use two hammers. Like what? Chopsticks to pick up your dumplings and put it in your mouth. That counts as a feat. That's extraordinary.

Thank you. That's really a process. Thank you. It's torturous! It sounds it. It sounds it. Hell on earth living with torturers. Yes.

Arna, um, your dad was a god? Oh. Bruce, Bruce the sky god. Yes. How was breakfast from Bruce? I haven't seen him. I haven't seen him in some time. Oh, sorry.

Daddy's not around for breakfast. I'm glad to be in this rainforest. I curse every tree I have to chop down because it exposes the sky. And it reminds me of my absent father. But blessed him I, when I stand beneath the trees and the sky is blotted out, and I don't have to think about he who begat me and left me behind. Yeah. Daddy's not around for breakfast.

That's right. Okay, so ultimately Daddy's not around for breakfast. So I think what you're saying, it seems like what you're saying, in summation, Daddy's not around for breakfast. Daddy's not around for breakfast, yes, yes. But to earn his pride, I slew a Borny and bear And feast on that for breakfast for two weeks Wow Bear pancakes, I assume, etc.

Yada yada? You do a lot of things with bear, yeah, bear lotkas. Bear taffy, bear taffy, that kind of keeps. Axelrod, what, I don't even know your sort of background, what was breakfast like at your place? When I was buried to my wife Trulia, we would feast upon berries And the yogurt from a goat

But of course now A pipe of tobacco And some black liquids Oh I keep it in my canteen from the cold well A reminder of who I once was Yeah Oh, I'm that's

Everyone has such sad breakfast stories Oh, there's something in the bushes I heard it as well Quick everyone behind Arnor Come out you bet whether you be beast foul, whether you be humanoid or dumenoid.

Come out! I bear little stick, and I charge you by the end of little stick to show yourself. Oh, it's a little poison fart frog. Oh. Well, that can't hurt anybody. Oh, hey, I heard you guys, and I was just like over here,

um, and, um, hi. Hi, do you have a breakfast story? Yeah. I eat these fireflies, they're pretty great. And then my farts are, or, um, they're pretty bright. You can see them from the sky and from the tops of the trees. You could totally, you know, sue someone for that.

I went to Quack Donald yesterday and my farts are on fire because that burger was way too dry because I didn't get enough of the sauce on it. Well, the far fry, I didn't hear it. So actually, it's actually okay. Okay, but like, that's part of like what I do, you know, like I do fart and it does come out as far. That's your feature, not a bug. That's what I'm about. Okay.

Then, yeah, then I guess I take back the bid I sort of gave you to try to really do. These farts, do they smell or are they just bright? Axelrod. Well, it's a little personal. You know, it's a fair question. You know, they do reek. They are nasty. Okay.

Do we feel threatened by this frog? Do you want me to crush it? Oh, what do you want me to kill it? Oh, please. Please don't hurt me I've got tadpoles What? Tons of them

I'm about to be a dad For the first time Are they dependent on you in any way Or are they just Are they Do they need you? I've never really thought about it It's a huge

I mean They're gonna turn into other fart frogs And then you know I guess they're gonna need some guidance About like how to hop around And how to find stuff to eat That they can then fart out That'll be fire

They don't figure that out by instinct This guy's having a breakdown Are you the kind of dad who's going to be around for breakfast for these tadpoles? Oh, yeah, 100%. You know, like, just that's, that's, I'm all about it. Look, I don't want to bother you guys, but, you know, you're in the, um, the eternal circle right now. What? No.

What's the eternal circle? Where you are right now, if you keep walking, it's just a big circle. It looks different all the way around, but it's, it's the same. I swear you, you could get stuck in here. Oh, geez. Wait, it seems like we are stuck in here. Yes. We are stuck in here.

We've been here for hours. Hacking away at plants. Yes. Yes, I've cleared a full circle, and that's it. Yeah, but did you notice behind you? They're back. Oh, damn it. Well, let's take a quick break.

Let me see if I can pause this audio equipment that already let me. We'll take a quick break and we'll figure this out. All right. We'll be right back. Okay, okay. I think we figured it out. We've... And so, yeah, when you get to that tree, turn right.

It's not, you're going to say, I can't. There's nothing there, but I'm telling you. You'll have to take a step and then you'll see the vista. Okay, sort of a leap of faith, if you will. Huh? Are you saying that because he's a frog? Because I feel like that's so mean. No, no, no.

Oh, my God, it says that is so, I am so sorry. I don't mean to. My friend Arnie, he's from another world. And any time we're in a situation where like there's an invisible bridge and someone has to walk, you know, out onto it, he always says a leap of faith. or he always says like, you know, but in this language, Jehovah starts with a G, whatever it is.

And he's always talking about duck man. Do you know duck man? No. I'm so scared of that guy, because guess what he eats? Frogs? Yes, we're going to need some religion when we get to the temple.

Yes, Frog, we are, apologies if that's not your name, I just assume it is, we are going to the temple of Tanya the tired. We have to get a blessing from her to use in a, I don't want to say what it's being used for. I don't know you terribly well. Yeah, you already told me that. That's how I gave you the directions. Sorry. I mean, if you wanted to say it again, did you hit your head or something? Did you get bit?

I think just being in this circle is, I don't even know what time is anymore. It's circle madness or something. Yeah, that happens. Circle madness happens. Is your name really frog? Is it? No. What is it? What's your name? My name's Donnie. Is that short? Is that short? for anything? You have to stop us. Doniel. Donio. So in this case, it's true.

But for most people, nothing is short for anything. Yes. Daniel, the frog. We shall remember you and treasure your guidance. Thank you. Thank you, Daniel. That guy's pretty weird. Can I just say, like the guy, the little guy in the robes?

Weirdo. Me? Or Axelrod? I don't know his name. Yeah. This guy? Not you. You're cool.

I like you. Oh, few. Funny. All right. Thank you, broth. Frog, I'm going to Let me, actually, Donio, Donio.

Arnor, can you cut off this? Can you cut this reed? Got the reed. Oh, thank you so much. Frog, frog, frog, shit, what is his? Donahill. Downhill, downhill.

Downhill. This is your weapon. I present you with this sword. May it kill many a duck man. Please name your blade. Name your weapon. I can't wait to show my children once they turn into frogs.

Pretty weird, huh? They're like other creatures. for a while and then they become frogs. I didn't want to tell you, I think that's disgusting. I also think it's disgusting. This whole place makes me sick. Yeah, I didn't want to say anything. You're covered in warts.

But I didn't want to say anything. I didn't want to say anything. You look so bad. You should see my brother. He's like really bad. Like really ugly. I mean, like if you think what I look like is bad, he's terrible. That's so hard to leave.

And actually all this talk makes me, We're going to say goodbye, and I've made a promise early in life that anytime I see a frog, I will give it a quick kiss just in case. One, two, three. Okay, nothing. Oh, shit. This has never happened to me. I always kiss a frog just to check in case it was like a cursed.

He's melting. Oh. Is that what you were trying to check if it would melt because you're a bad kisser? Chunt, you put your mouth on a poisoned frog, and it's melting. shit oh so the poison's for them not us i just assumed those poor tadpoles it kills itself if it gets a bad kiss what will those tadpoles do without a father chunt oh my god this is i feel he was going to show them weaponry oh what have i done i never in a million years would have thought poison meant they poisoned themselves yes what is why would why would mother nature do that ah oh arnor add to your list

Yes. On our way back. Uh-huh. Scoop up these tadpoles, raise them. We all take two. Yeah. Broth. What?

We all take two. But they become, they go through a disgusting process. Yes. Can you imagine, think about for two seconds, the in-between phase, between tadpole and frog. I'm going to throw up like it didn't quack Donald. It's a confusing phase. Junior high. Yuck.

Yuck. Yack. Axel. Rod, why did Froggyl, he didn't seem to like you at all? I was not paying attention. I was studying my map. Smart, yeah. I was going to say, once we reach the temple,

I must be familiar with the layout so that we might find our egress. Smart, smart, smart. Okay, let's all get back in line behind. Arnold, Arnor. Yes, he said, to the tree, right, to that tree, and just to the right. Yes, and it's... There's nothing here. He said, remember, he's...

said, it's going to look like there's nothing there. You're going to feel crazy for a long time trying to look for how to walk through this, but you have to do it anyway. But there's nothing there. I think let's go back. Let's go back. He said we're going to feel mentally crazy, but we have to do it anyway. Psychological torture, I see.

Exactly. He's like, how I have to eat hammer breakfast. We just have to go through there. It is exactly like hammer breakfast. Yes, yes. Every morning in your house was hammer time. Yes. You get me. Oh, oh, oh, to just think of that. Daddy, Daddy is around for breakfast. What a beautiful memory. Okay, let's try it. Arnor, on your go.

Brave warrior before you step forward. Thank you for your bravery. That's right. Let's all thank Arnor. Thank you, Arnor. Thank you, Arnor. Thank you, Arnor. My pleasure, second only to murdering Zillow when we're all done. One, two, three!

Whoa! Whoa! Oh, we did it. Whoa. Where we thought there was no way to move ahead into rainforest pathaids, it was just a bunch of leaves.

It was an illusion. Wow. Wow, we made like a tree and we left. You're right. We make like a tree and we left. That's right. That's right.

We took the right. Yes. We left by going right, just like a tree. That is so funny, and it works in every way. We make like a tree, and we left, but we went right. And you know it's funny when broth says it's funny, not funny. It's funny. Funny.

Yes. If she laughs, she's being nice. If she says it's funny, that's sincere. That's sincere. Brof at Hammer Time, was there any food that you were forbidden to eat? Oh, yeah. And your parents would say, hey, can't touch this. That's funny

Oh, bross That's funny It would be funnier if it weren't true You can't touch Mom and Dad's chunky water You can't touch that Oh, that's legit That's legit

It's too legit It's too legit It's too legit But it's so legit You don't want to stop Or quit in a way That's too legit to stop it Yes

And guys, of course We could do what we want to do say what we want to say, but eventually we got to get to the temple of Tanya the tired. Of course, when we retell the epic story of taking you left to get right out of the

perfect circle or whatever, let's really make a meal out of it, because I feel like we got out and I was like, whoa, an illusion and everyone was like, totally. So maybe like, upon retelling, let's really like make it seem like it was nuts. I'm going to say there was flowers of color no one

had ever seen before. That's perfect. On the left. I like that. Like what kind of color? Let's, just to kick the tires. I'm going to say it's like sort of different from red, but it's like very, it's a really interesting version of red. Perfect. That's perfect.

That's perfect. That's perfect. Interesting red. We'll call it interesting red. So, Chunt, you don't want us to say this was more of an extended casual walk? Well, we sort of got stuck in one circle and just went around and around and around until we almost ran out of rations. Yeah, exactly. Because that makes us sound, you know, kind of stupid.

So it's not a contest between me and the other boys, but, you know, Arne always says everything is content and that content should be, you know, exciting, I guess, or whatever. So we'll just have to sell, you know, yeah. Yeah. Okay, let's keep moving ahead. Looks like there's some vines we should swing on to cross this chasm. Yep.

Oh, yeah. There we go. That was easy. And that was super. Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. I had a great time doing that. Yeah, I'm going to actually, hold on. Wee!

And going back. Actually, this is super fun. Wee. Yahoo! Woo! Yep. Whop, whoop, whoop, whoop. Whoa, with his feet.

Wee. But guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, listen, hey, hey. But when we talk about this, it wasn't fun, okay? No, no, no, no, no. I'm going to say the vines had a texture no one could even think about, that it was so incomprehensible as a texture. It scared us all to our.

core. Yes. I will not describe it as an unthreatening obstacle course. Perfect. Thank you. Yeah. I'll say I'll grab one of the vines and it was a snake and I fell and then you guys had to grab me or something. Yeah. Okay. Let's keep you're trying to head. Oh. My boots. They're wet.

What are we? Oh. Oh. It's a very shallow puddle of water. Oh, no. Could we cross it? Yes. Let's walk through. Take your time. Take your time. I've made it to the other side. shit me too. It actually made my boots cleaner. Yeah, it actually washed away a lot of the leeches. This is actually pretty good water. Fell up the canteen.

But again, upon retailing, let's really make a meal out of it. A breakfast? Like a hammer breakfast? Oh, yes. Oh, that sounds good. Yeah. Oh, gosh. Oh, look out. There's rodents of normal size. Rons. We'll call those rons. Shoo.

Shoo! There they go. Got out of here pretty quick, actually. Oh, and they left behind a little candy bar, that's nice, thank you. Wow. That? I'm fucking believable. One for each of us.

This has been almost a literal cakewalk. Look, the temple's right there. It does seem to me that sort of that circle thing was the really fucked up thing and then everything else has been sort of like a minor inconvenience. Yeah. Like when you get scared of like doing something because it's so hard in the beginning and then you're like, hold on, idiots do this. You just have to get through the first part.

Yeah. Yes. It's as if this goddess sort of like spent. all of her budget on the circle that you could get lost in and then was like, I guess I better, you know, I got about 10 gold pieces left, so maybe some vines than a puddle. Yeah, she's tired, you know? Yeah, Tonya the tired. It's like, it's like she's tired.

Oh, okay. I thought there was something else there. I was, to be honest, searching, and I didn't find anything. Oh, yes, that's smart. Let's search around just in case, obviously we have about 40 days of food left. We're totally fine. But let's just search the area in case we need. you know, any sort of, let's just look for treasure or...

I found a sack of gold. Nice. Look at this. Yes, I found a sack of gold. Oh, there's a big old sack, another sack behind it. Oh, this one sack for each of us. That's incredible. That's incredible.

They have our names on it. This is great. This is sort of a ton of gold for me. Like, I know real estate agents are very rich, and we have access to untold fortunes. But because times are so tough, I could really use this... Oh, look, there's a jewel at the bottom. bottom of my bag of gold. Oh my God.

You have unlocked the genie of the jewel. Okay, great. I shall grant you 70 wishes. 70? So one 70 for each of us? Or? Look in your bags, each of you. Wait a minute.

Rub, rub, rub. You have unlocked the genie of the jewel part two. Wow. You have 70 wishes. But not all of us. could possibly have this at the bottom of our bags. Hey, I have one too. Rub, rub, rub.

You have unlocked the genie of the jewel, part three. Three genie, three jewel. Okay, but seriously... What? That doesn't make sense. Seriously, there's no way that Chunt's bag of gold also has a jewel in it. Wait, how many wishes do I have?

You have 70 wishes. Yes. Was that question a wish? You have 69 wishes. Wait, why would that have been a wish? Nice. Why would ask a question Is that question a wish?

You have 69 wishes. This is actually dangerous. Questions or wishes or it's just really trying to get to sexy numbers. Yeah, let's list all of the sexy numbers. Okay. Well. Eight looks like a boob like boobs standing up. Yes.

Right? Seven looks like a bent weaner. I guess one looks like a straight up weiner. Right. Unless it has that. thing and then it looks like bent weiner sure how about 11 two bent weeners yes a hundred looks like a wiener with two balls stacked on top of each other oh yeah like they were each removed for surgery where they needed to be cleaned or something hey broth you okay yeah i was just hyper specific

yeah i'm just talking about various surgeries that anyone could have not just me do you wish to have normal testicles wait yes what done you have you have have 68 wishes. Can I wish for the same thing? I want to wish for the same thing. Would you like their testicles or testicles befitting your body? Hey, I'm going to tell you something. These feel awesome.

I don't know what you want, but mine were all lined up in a row before, but now they're all part of a unit. Oh, no, just get what broth caught. And just you know, you have 68 wishes because me asking you a question, clarifying, is one of your wishes. That's crazy. No. Oh, so it's the genius.

asks the question that counts against your wishes. If you internalize the desire for the answer of the question, it's technically a sort of wish, yes. Oh, God, he's right. You have unlocked the genie of the jewel. You have 70 wishes. Oh, sorry, guys, I rubbed one out here. Okay, you rubbed one out. Oh, Jeannie, I rubbed the genie. Sorry, I phrased that wrong. I rubbed the genie out.

Okay, yeah, I'm glad you rephrase that. You rubbed the genie out. Okay. And it didn't, I thought it was going to be like, Jeannie 4, Tokyo, Drift or something. Yeah. Gene 4. Tokyo Drift. Perfect. Wow.

Oh, I think I was just politely waiting for a lull to interject. That's so nice. Can I have testicles like broths? Yeah, these are awesome. Let me converse with broths, Ginny. Um, what exactly did you do? So, sort of rounded the bottom. Okay, can you draw a picture?

Yeah, sort of this. An assistic size? That looks like an eight. Please don't peek at our notebooks. Nope, sorry. You have 66 wishes left. For peaking? For peaking.

Well, I wanted to know. I wanted to see it. I, uh, dang it. You have 67. Sorry. We'll put it back. Thank you. Okay, so it's...

So sorry, unrelated to the wishes. I can't let this go. Could we go back to discussing sexy numbers? There's something about a five where the top is sort of sharp, but the bottom is round. Oh, yes. I'm sort of into that. It's like if you had a big butt and a manicure. Oh.

That's what it is, yes. Right. A BBM. A big butt and a manicure. A BBM. And actually, anytime I've asked to see a picture of your ex-wife, you always just draw a five. I guess I do, don't I? Yeah.

She does look like a five. I miss her, so. See, and I'd be careful saying your wife is a five, because I feel like, for me, I immediately thought you met she's kind of a five out of ten. Is that the scale that they use where your torturers come from? Yes, you have 68 wishes. What? Oh shit, I guess, did I ask a question?

Were you asking to me? You have 66 wishes. And then you said, did I answer that's 65 wishes. I don't know how you keep track of all of this. How many wishes does chunt still have? He now has 69, and we ask that you please keep track. Okay, okay. Wait, is that a wish?

Can I get one back because you asked me a question? No, you have... How many? Wishes do you have? You tell me. Honor system. Honor system. Okay. I want to say like 70. I think I have 70. 70. You have 70.

Awesome. I'm on 65 because I asked how many Chutz had. It's the honor system. Oh. I know you're an honorable warrior, but please these are wishes. If there was ever a time for dishonor, it's now. We don't know how tired this goddess is

going to be. She might not be able to help us with anything. We need these wishes. That's right. Oh, actually, You know what? Since we've kind of blazed through this Rainforest Path A, let's cross some stuff off our to-do list. Um, uh, chunt, Jeannie, whatever Genie for Tokyo drift.

Where did he go? Oh, could you... 64. 64. Shit! Could you please, um, what was the guy's name? Uh, the little guy. Uh, downhill? No, not downhill. His name was Doniel.

It's like Michael, but Doniel. Um, can you bring, can you bring Doniel? the dead frog back to life? Great wish. Yes. You have 60 wishes. How many? Sixty

That's a sexy number. Okay, so hopefully that frog's back alive. We'll just have to take the genies out their word. Has anyone seen... Wait, have we seen anything actually be granted? Check your balls. Wait a minute. Okay, just one. Yeah, check you.

Hold on a second, fellas. Humble. Okay, then a puzzle box. Oh, a jessity belt. Yeah, a puzzle box. Okay. You've got to get my ringing keys out. One second.

Okay. I think Brock does come from torturers. I would look at my own, but I can't see below my pecks. Yeah, you got a real shelf there. Remove this coil of chains and... Hey, wait a minute. My genitals look the same. It's a weener and then two independent.

non-touching ball. Hey. You said they felt great. Yeah, it felt great, but it looks the same. Maybe the wish that Jeannie granted you was the confidence you needed all along. This wizard of crap,

stuff, no way. Honor, honor, lowering your bridges and describe in detail your best memory of your testicles. Well, I shall... Oh, like a fun day they had? Like, like their make-a-wish,

There must have been a time when you could see them Before you grew strong and mighty There was a time when I had them Before the buzzards of scare took them from me What did they look like then? Well, there was a time When they were just majestic They were just, you know, I don't like to describe my own

I don't, you know, it feels like bragging Pretend it's your best friends Okay, okay Yes, you're not discussing honor, you're still discussing barn or something. Yeah. Okay, okay. They were like two hard-boiled eggs having a wrestle.

So twisted? Oh, why are you recoiling? You're all recoiling. You've got to me to describe it and now you're all recoiling. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I don't think the genie granted your wish either. There was a time when they could sing. They could sing. Your desicals

could sing? They could, and then they grew so much they burst away from me, turned scinty it, and start. started their own group. They walked. They left me. Oh, no. Would we know?

Would we don't? Would we know any of their song? Well, I mean, I don't know. If you ever run into them, I understand they're pretty good and they're really catching on. But it was a curse. It was a curse. It was a curse. You know, in a nutshell, my testicles were restored and then they were cursed.

They grew. They grew. They started singing. They left. That's a, you know. It's just the tale is all this time. Everyone's abandoning you. Arnor, first it's daddy's not at breakfast, now it's Tessie's not at breakfast.

Broth, I feel like you're the first person who's understood me in a very long time. It's tragic, Arnor. I would say, instead of saying funny, I'd say sad. Yeah, testy's not your besties? That's brutal, buddy. I'm so sorry. Yes. It seems we've lost our way.

The greed at the bottom of these bags of gold has led us to a false idol, these genies who cannot grant wishes, but just over-promise. under deliver when we should be going inside the temple to torture the goddess here to get what chunt needs. Ah, you have passed the test. We are placebo genies, meant to give you what you assume to be your deepest desires and turn you away for the temple with riches and wishes. Wait, wait, did I say wishes twice? You said riches. You've got 69 now. Ah, I see what you did there. That's. That's funny. Funny.

Furny. Furnies and wishes, but you have passed the test. Now, us four genies will make love to turn into a key to be used to enter the temple. Okay, great. Do we get to watch this? If you want. Whoa. They're grabbing each other's little tails.

I did not expect the inversion. Yeah. Yeah, that one's taken off the other's pants with his teeth? Yeah. I don't even realize that pants on. They don't really have legs. They've got nipple piercings. Oh, I can't see a thing.

I've turned around to give them a little privacy. Oh, you should check this out. You really should. When will you get another opportunity to watch four placebo genies go at it? Man, there's like four top knots just going crazy, just going bonkers on my stuff. Bobble, bubble, bubble, it's like watching a sports paraphernalia. It's moving so fast. I can't even tell what those sort of props are, or are they props?

Well, this is taking a bit longer. than I thought it would take. Let's take another break, and when we come back, hopefully these four GDs have turned into a key. We'll be right back. Oh, yes. Yes, I'm almost there. Yes.

I'm almost there. Yes. We think edging for so long. It's unbelievable. It is getting dark. Oh, boy, yeah, this is rough. Maybe this is another over-promise under-deliver. Maybe this is, is it possible that this is another trick?

I mean, how many people say, Watch me make love and I'll turn into a key. Into a key. Ah, you have passed the second test. Oh, no! Most people die. Turn to dust watching us for fuck forever. For that's what we do if you are not true of spirit and intent.

Oh my God, there's all these skeletons. I was just going to say, I was just going to say. You're not in the same wave like GD4 and took your drift? Wow. Can I get your number? No. Steve, inappropriate. I don't think so.

Can I have your number? Absolutely. It's five. Meaning your age? No. Hold on. Hold on. Did someone say five?

Hold on. Hold on. That's not your age, right? That's not my age. That's my number. Yes, big butt with a manicure. You know the form. You know my form.

You, the large man with the little stick. Yes. Are you sure you're not a genie? Because I'm kind of hearing now in my voice that I sound a bit like you. Well, I've never thought about it before. My father was Bruce the Sky God, my mother, Queen Titania of the Northeast. But I suppose in my lineage there could be a genie or two. E. Gaddis is.

Hey, listen. We meant no offense pulling these tests on you. You can do what? Whatever you want, man. Please don't tell your dad on us. Ah. I'll show you mercy. If only you'll give us the key to the temple.

Here is the key. You have 60... Nope, nope, we're past that, sorry. To force a habit. Habit, force... I was just going to say... We're on the same wavelength, Genie 3. You and I are here.

You want to get three, Jeannie 3... Fuckiest? I'm sorry. Wait, what is the question? What a fuckiest? I didn't understand. the question either. Do I want to get

three, genie, three fuck something? Three, what? I haven't hit on anyone in 1800 years. Apologies. Well, get a little book or something. Wait, are you, are you hitting

on broth right now? No. Yeah, you are. We heard, we hurt you. You were. It happens, don't worry, it's happening all the time. Yes.

But I guess just, like, get a book or something. You know, have you read the book? Well, that's not even a joke. Oh, I thought you were on the... I thought you're going to say, I also say that. But... You know what? We're going to head out.

It's fizzled, and I'm not interested anymore. Yeah, that makes sense. Well, well, we're going to head out. All right, later. Actually, we live here if you could... Okay. We'll head out. Here's your bags.

Thank you. The key, please. The key. Oh, yes. Here is the key. Yes. behold the key to the temple

of Tanya the tired Wow shaped like a pillow And there's a little Ambien on it I underestimated you Arnor I always saw you

As a towering Musley warrior man With no wits Just dim as a Dim as a moonrise I didn't know you thought Any of this I didn't know you thought any of this

Until just now Where it sounds like you're going to tell me You don't still think it All I could see was the greed, how we could use these wishes to fulfill our wildest desires. And you saw right through it, Arnor. You truly are a great warrior. Thank you. That's it.

There's no ulterior motive here. I have just been changed by seeing your act of heroism. Oh, well, Axelrodd, it will be a privilege to murder Zillow for you. I await the day. Shall we? Now ascend the steps to... this temple and use this key. The key with the ambion and the pillow, it does look a little viscous.

Is that what's going on there? I mean, it is. Well, it is, yes, but I just assumed that it was so that it, well, I assumed it had a purpose, but now I'm realizing it might, it might not. It does have sort of a patina. Yes, yes. I'll be perfectly honest. I am not going to go in the temple.

Excuse me? Broth, no. I heard you guys were walking to the temple. I needed some grub after my horrible time at Quack Donald's. I'm actually going to see an accident lawyer that lives nearby named Tommy Pickles. I'm going to see Quack Donald's for my dry burger, but I really appreciated the company and the grub, the kind words, and it's been really nice being companions with you guys on this journey. Same, broth, same.

Hey, if you ever need anything, please don't hesitate. To call upon the three of us, I feel like we formed a real, a real genuine bond here. Broth, you have been a dear companion on this casual perambulation. Thank you. Brath, I don't know how we would have gotten through that non-deep puddle and those very short vines that we sort of used to go over, I don't know, a little gully. That was nice.

It was. And as a testament to you guys, when I tell this story to my friends, I'm going to say all of you were really awful. All of our obstacles were awful. It was torturous. As torturous as my family. And it's a wonder we made it out alive. Thank you so much, broth.

No problem. Sorry, it's just what happens when there's not enough sauce on your burger. You get a dry throat. Yeah. And, hey, you can lock your testicles back up. Really? You guys would be okay with that? I'd be okay with it.

Yeah, I'd be okay personally, yes. I want to get consent. I'll offer up a counter argument, you know, we're out here in the middle of nowhere. If you feel like you want to let them dangle, go ahead. Okay, so if it's not a yes, it's a no. So I'm going to leave him out because the actual did not say you wanted me to lock them up. I still live your truth. Thank you.

I'm going to the accident lawyer, as is. Farewell, friend. I trust it will be a short and complicated list journey. I agree. Whoa! Whoa! What the, what the first? Bloc? A big tentacle just reached out and yanked them backwards.

Oh, yes. I did read about this on the map. There is a tentacled beasts that will feast upon the non-believers. Oh, stand back. Arner, Harner's doing it. Give me back my friend. He's doing it. Oh, he's doing it. Broth is the only one who can see my sorrow.

Oh, broth is the only one who saw my missing dad. Broff is the only one who really understood my pain. Oh, shoot! Quickly, take Broft's two hammers that fell out of their, I don't know, their belt or whatever the shit it was. Yeah, what was that? Was it like a belt or like a holster? What would that be called? Whatever it is, pretend it's breakfast time and save Broff.

Daddy's home for breakfast. Arnor, Daddy's home for breakfast. Daddy's home for breakfast. Daddy's home for breakfast, and he's feasting on a giant squid. Oh, my goddesses, that was incredible. That was the most epic fight I've ever been witnessed to. Arnor, yeah, that was unbelievable.

Arnor, you saves me and you re-moistened my palate. For that, I... Yes, I... I... Some of the squid got my mouth. Thank you for all the moisture, for that I want to give you my tactical chastity belt. That's what it's called.

It contains both tactical gear as well as chastity items. Buzzards shall nary dine on your testes. Exactly. Roth, a person's tactical chastity belt is an extension of their groin, which is an extension of their mind, which is an extension of their soul. This is a noble gift. Thank you, broth.

Thank you. You were saying tactical, right? Did I say tactical or testicle? Tactical, testicle, chastity belt. Tactical testicle, chastity belt. Tactical testicle, testicle. Tactical testicle. It is difficult to say.

Farewell, friend. Bye. Goddess's speed. Linus's sister was Lucy Van Pelt, Tactical testicle Chastity Belt Chontha Talking Badger was played by Addle Rify

Arnor the Warrior was played by Blaine Swen Blaine is the creator and director of Tennessee What Happens the improvised Tennessee Williams play that's created before your eyes Check out their newest show Cat on a Hot Tin

Give Us an Object Previewing in Skokie before heading towards Wait, all of that is wrong Blaine Swen is the creator and director of the Improvised Shakespeare Company Check out Improvised Shakespeare.com to see when they're performing near you. Axel Rod Rie Mack's The Real Estate Agent

was played by Mark McConville from Super Ego. The Super Ego podcast somehow turns 20 years old this year. And to celebrate, the crew is back together to bring you new podcast episodes, a forgotten classics reinterpretation of the novel Vanity Fair, some live Super Ego shows, and possibly more, no promises.

Follow at Go Super Ego on Instagram or subscribe wherever you get your podcasts for all things super ego in the coming year. Broth Moonwalker was played by Raka Shankar. You can still help to back Raka's first feature film via rakaMovie.com. They're currently in post-production, aiming to do some pickup shoots and can use all the support they can get. Also, Waleed Bansur and Rika host a character podcast called We're Dead,

where they interview the who's who of the afterlife. Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production, made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon, Patrons get ad-free episodes, all the spin-offs, and at least two new bonus episodes each month. To learn more about supporting the show and voting on the March Magic Brackets, visit patreon.com slash magic tavern. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neekamp, Matt Young, and Adel Rify. Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz, Associate producer Anna Hoverman,

this episode edited by Red Keener. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard LeBann. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. See you here next week with Arnie's team. Meisner taught acting that's honestly felt, tactical testicle chastity belt. Are you going this way? So am I. Are you, oh.

This is so awkward. I definitely feel you weren't going this way until I started going this way. Yeah, oh, my bad. You go ahead. Hey, favorite animal on three. One, two, three, all animals. Okay. So, yeah, we don't have the same.

We're totally on the same page. We're not on the same page. Okay. I'm going to do this gracially. I think you're disgusting.