Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 6, Ep 2 - Chosen One (w/ Katie Marovich)

Episode Date: August 24, 2026

Yosephina Greatstar is a chosen one prophesied to someday defeat a great evil. Someday. Eventually.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungYosephina Greatstar: Katie MarovichMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Marisa Ewing-MoodyMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandNew T-Shirts in the Merch Store!You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Want to gift someone a Magic Tavern Patreon membership? You can right now at this link!Follow us on Bsky, Instagram and YouTube!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Night has fallen. The moon is full and you're invited to listen to Canada by night. A podcast where professional improvisers play Vampire the Masquerade. Vampire detective Everett Fry accidentally becomes the sheriff of New Haven, an experimental town where they're testing if vampires and humans can coexist. Stuck leading a rag-tag group of vampire officers, can Everett keep the town running? Or will 14,000 people and vampires be liquidated by the Vampire Council of Canada? Trending on global fiction charts and produced by Dum Dums and Dice,

Canada's number one TTRP podcast company, listen to Canada by Night now to find out why it's been downloaded more than one million times. With a table made up of Vampire the Masquerade veterans and people brand new to the game, this is the perfect podcast if you've been playing Vampire your entire life or if you've never heard of Vampire the Masquerade before. Follow and listen to Canada by Night wherever fine podcasts can be found. It's interview with The Vampire if it had all the characters from Parks and Rec in it. Hey, listener, it's Zach Harper, Amina al-Hasson, and Anthony Mays of Cinephobe. You may be asking yourself, what is Cinephobe? I mean, would you like to fill in the people?

Cinephope is the podcast for Zach and I watch movies that are poorly rated on Ron Tomatoes and try to ascertain. You're trying to ascertain? Yes. Okay. Accertain. Whether or not they're accurately poorly rated? Or maybe they didn't get a fair shake. Cinephope produced by this guy, Anthony Mace.

Hey, that's me. I produced this show. I also watched the movies, even though that wasn't included in the description. And I also ascertained. This month is... Whoa! Oh, man, why do you say that? Supercharge it. So that this promo can remain evergreen.

I feel like explaining a little bit more. In 60 seconds? I don't know. Maybe I don't bring attention to it. Assuring people like, look, if you listen, you're going to get it. Just give it time. That's a good promo. Just listen to it. Give it time.

You'll figure it out. Is this the promo right now? Isn't it? Okay, I think we got it. Sidivo. Where do you get podcasts. Adam and Amy met his Riley. in grad school. They were both obsessed with the same long-lost culture, and they went on one date.

Their relationship was always complicated, but then they became the first two people in thousands of years capable of doing magic. Now they must uncover the truth of their powers and the inescapable bond that ties them together. The Harbingers is a contemporary fantasy podcast from the mind of Gabriel Urbina, creator of Wolf 359, about the first two magicians of the modern era, and now that power changes the world forever. If you like Battlestar Galactica, the West Wing, Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, or Hamilton, then The Harbingers is a show for you.

Magic is real. It's real, and it's coming back. Listen to The Harbingers wherever you find your podcasts. Season 2 returns on September 10, 2026. Learn more about the Harbingers at audacious machine creative.com. People of Earth, the following podcast is not real. But it is resilient, because here. Here we are in season six and still going strong. And if you can't hear the air quotes around strong, I am now mentioning them by name.

Sit back and enjoy the show. Okay, everybody sit, sit down, thank you. Make sure everyone has drinks. We really are once sort of a feast atmosphere. It will really help the ambiance of the podcast. I know that doesn't mean anything to most of you. Don't worry about it. You fool!

Make sure everyone has drinks. Usador, okay, just be a little nicer to the servants. Chop, chop, go, go, go, go. Oh, yeah, so every, okay, there's a lot of people. Okay, um, sorry, I can do that for sure, but I thought I was sort of going to be talking. Go get drinks for everyone. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, I'll go. Okay, all right.

Hello from the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast from the magical land of food. I'm your host, Arnie Neekamp, aka King Arnie. the interim king of the northeast. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. Over 11 years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal

behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of food. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal through the dimensional rift, and I use that to record a podcast recorded here in the great hall at Castle Bellaroff in Northeistia,

where I'm, against all reason, currently king of the Northeast. And I'm joined, as always, By my best bud, he's a cute little badger, but respect him because he is also head of the Kingsguard. Shunt the talking badger. Beat, did he, D, D, D, D. Artie, can we get me one of those long horns? Those long horns?

Yeah, I just feel like I keep having to say beat DDD. Yeah, I guess what I just love it the way that you do it. You know what I mean? Like those long horns, it's like, is that me? Is that like that long resonant? Although, not that I'm saying it, it does, it could be cool. They are impressive. I feel like people respect a longhorn.

Yeah, sure, I think. B-D-D-D-D, King Bomb. And hey, B-D-D-D-D-D-U as well. And a B-D-D-D-D to you as well. And a B-D-D-D-D to everyone. Chun, can I ask? Yes. You're the head of my Kingsguard, and I'm sure you're doing an incredible job.

Have you had to, like, fight anybody off to protect me yet? Ooh, not yet. Obviously, you sort of work together to enchant some monkeys and pop. pumpkins, we made some pumpkin monkeys, and they, a body of a monkey, head of a pumpkin, and they have the strength of three pumpkins. And they've been handling a lot of the problems, you know, whether that be like uprisings or if there's like a stain in a tapestry, like they've really been crucial to our existence. That seems like that could go wrong really easily.

Well, you know what? But the personnel probably chastise is my other co-host. Usador the Wizard. I am Usador, Wizard of the 12th realm of Ephesus, master of light and shadow, manipulator of magical delights, devour of chaos,

champion of the great halls of Trakus. The dwarves nobis, fearing yelik. The dwarves know me is Zonen and Hooke's stangis, and I am known throughout the northeast as Gasomanius May Star, and I have been working so hard

to keep this kingdom loft that I feel like I may only have the strength of two pumpkins. Oh, buddy, beat the need to you, of course. Abed-D-D-D. Oh, yeah, B-D-D-D, yeah. Usador, are you working too hard?

Like, I appreciate that we're all doing our best for this kingdom where I am interim king, but are you pushing it? Are you going to get burnt out? As the first court-appointed wizard of... Self-appointed. Northeast, yeah. I take it upon myself to, of course, develop all sorts of new spells and potions every day. Plus, there's all the things that you don't see that I do to take care of you.

For instance, you are going to step out through that door right there, that actually leads to nowhere, right into the moat, almost 100 feet below. And I had to get those sticks with little boards to, like, make sure I caught each footstep as you walked away while I floated beneath you. Oh, my gosh. And then you grabbed an apple from a tree and came back inside, and I had to do that all the way back in. I thought that was just the apple door. It's a real penny and brain situation here. Is it just, that's just a door to nowhere we have over at a hundred foot drop?

Well, of course. Where else are you going to throw people into the moat? Yeah, that makes sense. Well, can we get some signs up? Can we get some signs up over that door? Oh, not have to do signs too. A servant, servant, come here. Can we get some signs up, please? Oh, yeah, I have everybody's drinks. And by the way, I'm, I don't think I was hired. Perfect, perfect, yeah. And get yourself something to drink or get yourself a sign.

Thank you so much. Oh, thank you. Okay. Yeah. And by the way, My name is Yosefina Great Star. Oh, shit. That's our guest. Yeah, sorry. Oh, you're not... Sorry about that.

No, I get that all the time. I'm so sorry, fool. Please go. Hand out those drinks. No, no, no, no. Usador. What? This is not a servant.

Although, hey, it's great to be a servant. Well, I'm sure we'll have servants on his guests at some point. But, uh, uh, Josephina, you said, Yosefina. Yosefina, great star. Yeah, sorry. I know. I get that literally all the time. People always think I'm there to, like,

you know, get drinks or, you know, tuck princes into bed, clean up after unicorns. Like, but no, no, no, I'm actually, I'm the chosen one. Yeah. Oh, that's right. Although you do have a vibe, you do have a vibe of someone that gets swept up into chores a lot? Yeah, I do. Is that something that happens to you? Pretty much constantly, yeah.

Just since I arrived, I've already had to get everybody drinks. Someone handed me a broom and I was sweeping. somebody gave me their kid to watch. Plus those signs aren't putting themselves up. Should I do that? And then come back? No, no, no. Okay.

Not right now. Well, it depends. What were you chosen for? Were you the chosen one to put up the signs? Oh, you haven't heard? No. Oh, it's a religious thing. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Yeah, no, I'm Yosefina great star. Yeah. Hey, now, she's a great star. Yeah, I'm a great star. You guys haven't heard, I've heard. This means nothing to you? What? There's been the prophecy in the kingdom.

About, about me. Didn't House Great Star disappear years ago? Okay. Wait, bring that up. Oh, yes, of course. I have so sorry. Of course, House Great Star fell into disgrace after three generations ago.

And Bascalina, Great Star, of course, tripped and fell into a pond. stood up, was covered in mud, looked like a fool, and everyone was like, come on. Well, it wasn't just a pond. It was poop. It was a lot of poop. There was a lot of poop in that pond. And so sort of disgrace the family, but it doesn't matter because the prophecy was already there. But, yeah, so I'm basically here. I'm supposed to defeat, you know, big bad evil. I love defeating evil. Yeah, Usador, you're going to love this woman.

She's a chosen one. There's been a prophecy that she's going to... The timeline is unclear, but at some point, save all of food from Big Dead Eagle. It's going to be when I'm way older. It's going to be when I'm way, way, way, way, way, way older. How old are you now?

Take a guess. Oh, this is a trap. Okay. Just guess. Go ahead. Who cares? It's tough because I don't see youth. What?

Well, I'm 350 years old, so everyone seems young to me. I'm going to say your... 38. No. Okay. And that was rude. Okay. So it's younger.

If it helps. If it helps, I look at Audie and I guess he's around 100. I'm 50. Oh, forever. Yeah, I know. Aye. Apologies for my cohort here. Of course, you are probably 37.

Nope. Oh. So you just took off one year? Yeah, don't be ridiculous. And you thought that was going to make me feel better? I think you're... I'm 24. I'm 24. 24.

Oh, yeah, that was going to be my guess. No, it wasn't. Well, I would have guessed, I would have guessed somewhere, you know, in your 20s to 40s, you know, just in that general area. So pretty close. And so you believe Yosefina that you will defeat this great evil in the far future? Yeah, like when I'm 40, 45, I don't know, somewhere in there. Sure. Is that like a self-imposed goal where you're sort of like, you know what, if I'm going to defeat this evil by the time I'm 45?

No, the prophecy was pretty clear. It happened, you know, middle-aged, maybe 40, maybe 50, somewhere around there. And yeah, so so far, I'm just kind of, you know, trying to work hard to get ready for that, you know. Like hitting the gym every day? What do you mean by that? Yeah. How are you prepping? I go for, you know, I don't belong to the gym, but I have a, I go for walks, go through strolls,

forest strolls, and just sort of, you know, sometimes when I'm, you know, moving something heavy, a big bag of seeds, I'll do some squats and, you know, just sort of pick it up above my head. I just kind of just sort of let the, you know, let, let, let, let, let effort, let exercise happen to me, you know, it's, I'm not going to seek it out. Yeah, let it be organic. But I just let the, yeah, let the exercise come to me. Absolutely. And I have to ask, Yolanda.

Yolanda? No. Yo, Yosefina. And you should know that, because I'm kind of, I'm actually a big deal. I know it doesn't seem like it, but yeah, no. I'm so sorry. You got to read the prophecies. You not read any of the prophecies?

Oh, you're the Yosefina great star that they keep writing about and posting in the town square. Yeah. You're saying that, you know, you're destined for greatness, but oh, you haven't lived up to your potential. And there's like, there's sort of like this kind of backlash against you, actually, isn't they? Yeah, that's me for sure. But it's fine. You know, you're not supposed to read the comments. You know, that's kind of a rule if you're sort of a public-facing person.

And but, you know, it's hard not to. So, yeah, I do read them. And, yeah, sometimes people are in, you know what my mom says? She says, because they're jealous. So to not listen to them because that's how you make yourself sad. And a lot of people are probably thinking about me and they're going, I wish I had a prophecy written about me. And the truth is, you know, they just don't. And I do.

Well, I would say, I'm sorry I didn't recognize you, of course. It's just such a common name. Yeah. It's sort of like, you know, John Elfwood or Samantha Tron Givintrin. One of those just normal names that you hear all the time here in Foam.

Yeah. I'm only going to write one of those down. Now, I find myself have drawn now to you, and I must say this, if there is a task that must be done, if you need the aid of a great wizard in your quest to destroy this future evil,

know that I, Usador, shall come to thine aid. All you needs do is say, join mine quest, and I shall stand by thine side as a stalwart friend. Cool. Yeah, that's great. So the prophecy is pretty clear. It's got to just be me.

Sort of a solo trip. Nice. But that's great. That's nice of you to sort of offer that. Okay. And you said a trip. So this prophecy will include a great journey? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm supposed to go, you know, I'm supposed to walk, you know, up a volcano. Okay. And then, yeah, and, you know, I don't want to bore you with the details. But, yeah, there's going to be lots of things for me that defeat. Obstacles in my way. But, you know, I am supposed to be the one that can do it. I could conjure all manner of fireproof shoe. Though you may need to go on the quest by yourself, perhaps I could help equip you

and then get, you know, a partial credit that I could put on my resume for future quests. Well, how much are you going to charge? Because I actually, at the moment, I don't have a lot of money, which is why I came here because, sorry, is this paid? Oh.

Yeah, you know, there'll be like a little honorarium for being on the podcast. Like, it's probably, look, it's not what you're worth, I'm sure. But we'll give you a few coins. Now, I, of course, also, you're here in the, at the king's foot, you could simply request him to aid the inline quest, and he could bankroll the whole thing, right? Right? Your Majesty? Oh, well, it's possible. Also, you don't need to sit on my foot. Do you might actually,

why don't you come here, sit in one of these chairs at the table? Okay, sorry. Whoa. Whoa. I just stood up and I'm so dizzy. I just stood up. I'm so dizzy. This is going to be a problem because I've got this crazy vertical. go and I'm worried that's going to be a problem on the trip. Yeah. And I've been having these crazy nightmares. Oh. And so, you know, I know I have a long time before I have to go on this trip, but, like, 20 years.

But I, you know, I got to get some things under control before I set out. 20 years will go by in the blink of an eye. You must prepare yourself today. Work every day with your new mentor, Yusadour, the wizard. and I shall guide thee through all the ways that one can defeat evil. Look at what I've done for Arnie these past 11 years. It only took me 11 years to make him king. Imagine what we could do in 20.

Yeah, that's a good point. Usenor is so thirsty to horn in on this quest. Look, so here's my crystal ball handle, and here's my resume. Oh. Here's a free potion. Sorry, I knew you were saying. Well, let's take a quick break. We'll refresh everyone's drinks,

And then when we come back, I'd love to hear more about these nightmares, these visions you've been having. Oh, yeah. Oh, she's got a cramp. Hi, I'm Gustavo Sorolla. And if you love D&D style adventures full of humor and heart, you should check out Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Tales from the Stinky Dragon is a cinematic listening experience complete with guest performances from professional voice actors and comedians, immersive sound design, and its own musical score. Go on a thrilling journey with four friends and me, Gus, their very patient, dungeon master, as we stumble through disastrous dice rolls, questionable roleplay decisions, and even a few wholesome, feel-good moments. along the way. You can binge our first two campaigns

or join us every other week for our latest third campaign. No matter where you decide to start listening, you're guaranteed to have a side-splitting journey that's fun for all ages and perfect for both D&D veterans and newcomers alike. Just search for Tales from the Stinky Dragon, wherever you listen to podcast and subscribe today. Hey, listener, it's Zach Harper, Amina al-Hasson

and Anthony Mays of Cinephobe. You may be asking yourself, what is Cinephobe? I mean, would you like to fill in the people? Cinephope is the podcast for Zach and I watch movies that are poorly rated on Ron Tomatoes and try to ascertain We're trying to ascertain? Yes.

Okay. Assertain. Whether or not they're accurately poorly rated, or maybe they didn't get a fair shake. Cinepho produced by this guy, Anthony Mace. Hey, that's me. I produced this show. I also watched the movies, even though that wasn't included in the description. And I also ascertained.

This month is... Wow. Oh, Maze. Why do you say that? Supercharge it. So that this promo can remain evergreen. I feel like explaining a little bit more. In 60 seconds?

I don't know. Maybe I don't bring attention to it. Assuring people like, look, if you listen, you're going to get it. Just give it. Give it time. That's a good promo. Just listen to it. Give it time.

You'll figure it out. Is this the promo right now? Isn't it? Okay, I think we got it. Sidofo. Where do you get podcasts. So, Yosefine, a great star. You're the chosen one of House, great star.

Uh-huh. Yeah, you have some evil, which we'll talk about the specifics of the evil in a little bit. But you said you're having nightmares. Do these seem like visions? of the future? You know what? Quite possibly. I'll just say it.

Quite possibly. Let me just say last night, for instance. This one's really scary, so is that okay if I share it or is that? Is anybody going to be too

scared? I mean, I guess I can say, we are recording this and sending it to another world, so I'll just say to our listeners, content warning, this next part could be really scary. And it's going to be, But, yeah, last night I had a dream that was covered in snakes.

Oh, yeah. And they just were like sort of, so basically I dreamt that I was asleep and then I woke up. You dreamt that you were asleep? I was asleep, but I was dreaming that I was asleep is this crazy thing I do. And I rolled over. I said, honey, I'm awake. But, and the thing was, so that's, that can't be true because I, I have never been in a relationship. Yeah, I was going to ask, because I, yeah.

No. Very single. You dress it. Yeah, have not, have not had the first kiss yet. Okay. So just sort of curious how, you know, lips feel on my lips. Just sort of thinking about that a lot recently. Well, Chunt could probably describe it for you.

Yeah, tell me about that. Yeah, it's sort of like, so it's sort of like if two, so if two sort of like, if two pillows, if like a bear's butt was on two pillows, and that's a kiss. Would it help if I conjured two sets of lips disembodied to kiss here in the middle of the air in front of all this?

Yeah, let's see that. Okay. Okay, all right. God you might be water, a lot, good trust. Oh, that'll talk of luck. Whoa. That is weird. They're going at it.

Whoa. Wow. I don't know if I want to do that. Maybe the lips are disembodied. They can do crazy things that regular lips can't do. That's scary. Yeah. No one can live up to this.

No one can live up to what these lips are doing. Don't be intimidated. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe it's not for me. All right, I'll get rid of it. Arrow, turtle, delete, delete, delete. Is it in the prophecy that you will

fun love? or have a partner or anything like that or have a first kiss? You know what? It doesn't say anything about that. But like I said, my granny, she was sort of a late bloomer, too, and she didn't have her first kiss till she was 68. Whoa. And then, of course, she had my mom when she was 73,

and then, you know, my mom had me pretty late, too. So it's sort of... I would have guessed that. Babies, seven babies. Yeah, so sort of, sort of, I feel like maybe I have time. But then when I compare myself to the other kids, you know, 24, wow, you haven't been kissed yet. Wow. So that's the thing.

I'm going to point out a positive aspect of this that perhaps you have not considered, though there is a prophecy that outlines much of what you will accomplish, and this yet unclear evil you will defeat. You at least still have to surprise. of learning about the loves in your life and learning about other aspects of your life. If the prophecy had outlined all of that, then every day you just had to do what the prophecy'd said,

that'd be sort of depressing and maybe like feel sort of like you're entrapped in it. Do you feel entrapped in the prophecy that you do know? Yeah. Mostly I feel a lot of pride, even though sort of a lot of people don't believe it's real. they think that maybe... And you haven't done any of it?

No, I haven't gotten to... Okay. I haven't really gotten around to any of it yet. But, you know, Granny says that... That, yeah, you know, it's definitely me. A lot... Some people are saying maybe Granny wrote it, but I don't think so, because that's how... I know her handwriting.

Oh. And I know that she wouldn't do that. Why would she lie about that? Careful, careful. You just seem so woozy. You seem so woozy. Whoa, I'm dizzy. Yeah, it's okay.

It's okay. It's okay. Yeah, I notice when you say more than like four sentences in a row, you start to teeter a little bit. Yeah. You seem very iron deficient. Is that correct? Oh, very anemic. Yeah.

So how did you originally find out about the prophecy then? If you, if you, was your grandmother the one who told you? Granny, um. Okay. Okay. Ooh. Sorry. Arnie, the coffers are full.

I have an undiagnosed autoimmune thing going on. But, yeah. Well, granny, yeah, granny found it. And sorry, can I get back to my nightmare from last night? Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Here's my medical resume, though, too. It gets really interesting.

So, yeah, so I basically, oh, honey. And, you know, I sort of move my hand over, trying to reach out for my loved one, my significant other. And then I, you know, pulled down the covers. And, you know, I thought it was going to be, you know, another person. But it was just one giant snake. And then I looked down to there and there are a bunch of other snakes. So just snake city.

Yeah, well, like I looked down under the rest of the covers, lots of snakes. And so, you know, I wake up in a cold sweat. I'm screaming. Sure. You know, I'm screaming a lot. The downstairs neighbors are yelling. Yeah. You know how it is.

That's terrified. Now, we have a recurring villain guest slash frenemy who is a necromancer who is, who was a thousand snakes that lived in a skin suit, a man's in the shape of a man. We've killed a few of those snakes over the years. It's not a thousand. Any chance that this was real, then it happened to you, or is this definitely a dream? Oh. Well, that's a scary thought. You know what?

No, because think back to how I said, I said, honey. So, no, there's no way that was real. Because you already thought you're in a relationship. You're definitely not in a relationship. Oh, furthest thing from being in a relationship. And it sounds like in the dream you were surprised by the snake. So. Yes.

Either in the future, your loved one might be eaten by a giant snake or just might slip out in the middle of the night and leave a giant snake in its place. It's very possible that in the future, any lover I have, it kind of goes away. That's what happened to, you know, historically, granny. Oh, yeah. Unlucky in love, your granny? Oh, yeah. Unlucky in love for sure. But she's on all the, you know, the magic apps and all that.

So, yeah. And I'm always saying, Granny, you got to show those legs more. You know, she's got great legs for 105, yeah. Wow. Yeah. Keep it tight. Could you draw those for us? Oh, yeah, I can draw.

Yeah. Sort of like this. And then here we go. The normal number of toes. Sort of the groove. Here we go. This is what the arch looks like. And then this is kind of the ball.

And then here's like a little bottle, lotion. These are well lotion feet. And then here's the leg. She's got a little birthmark there. And then, yep, and that's them. Graham's got gams. Oh, yeah. Yosefina, now I know this is going to be tough.

There's a test on my world. I know you don't really know what a clock. is. But could you draw like a circle with time hands and number like a 12 at the top, a 3 on one side, a 6 at the bottom and a 9 on the other side? Yeah, like this. Oh yeah. Oh, boy. Yeah, you've got some kind of neurological disorder. Okay. Well, that's going to be okay.

You're probably fine. You're prophesied to do something really important in like 20 years. So you'll be okay. Now, Yosefina, we've been sort of burying the lead here, this great evil. Yeah. Who or what is it? Because if there is anything I can do to aid, you know that evil is my primary reason

for being on this world to make sure it's vanquished in all its forms. And here's a headshot. Oh. And if you don't know the name, we have started compiling this big book of great evils. Like, so you can like... Oh, yeah. Well, I know. I have a basic description.

Oh, okay. It's a shadowy figure. And it takes over your mind. And then sort of makes you do things for him, most of which are killing people. That sounds like a great, great evil. Yes. And yeah, and he only appears at night on your walls, like a shadow. So I don't know.

So you're saying, as far as you know, he's a shadowy feel. Like he might actually be made of shadow. I think he is made a shadow. Oh, he's shadow. He's just a shadow guy. Maybe he's just, you know what? Shadow guy. Yeah.

Let's write that down. Shadow guy. No bad ideas. We're just blue sky in here. Oh, thank you. Shadow guy comes out at night. Sneaks around in the shadows. Sneaks into your brain basically.

Sneaks into your brain. Yeah. And then sort of takes over. And then the next thing you know, you wake up and you've got 12 dead bodies all around. So not good. You're Josefina. I don't know if you caught all my many titles,

but they're there on that other resume, the first resume I gave you. But I am, you sort of the blue. One of my titles is Master of Light and Shadow. So should you need to manipulate or destroy this creature, just know that you can call upon me and I shall gladly join thine quest. Cool. I know it's a solo gig. I know it's a solo gig, but just let me know if I can help.

Prophecy is pretty clear. It's just whispering me out there. Yeah. So. All right. Sorry. Does Shadow Guy have any sort of like henchman or sort of like a brood with him? Yeah. He's got, I would say, lots of friends. But his main...

Like a really robot social life, it sounds like? Yeah, he's got a real... He's... From what the prophecy says, yeah, he owns a club, like a nightclub. Like, yeah, I would say he's like... Oh, just please tell me, and it's okay if it doesn't. Does the prophecy say what the nightclub is called, like the name of the nightclub that Shadow Guy owns? Yeah, I think he's, I don't know, shadow dancer or something. Oh, okay, that's good.

Something dumb, something obvious like that. Oh, he owns Shadow Dancers? Yeah, it's hard to get into. Yeah. I've been trying the whole time Arnie's been... I'm like, I'm with the king and they don't care. It's like, it's like the guards. Oh, that's bad.

Yeah, I wouldn't say that for sure. Oh, yeah, I know. I learned my lesson. This is like a bad people. This is, you're not going to get into it. That's for villains. Yeah. It's bad.

Wait, Trump, you and I will go and we'll, uh, we'll each wear an eye patch. Okay. Yeah, that's a good idea. Arnie, you down? Sure, I'd love to. I've never been to a villain club, I don't think. So Shadow Guy has a club, has a lot of friends. Are there like main friends mentioned in the prophecy?

He's got, I guess what you would call in your world, a little henchman, little sidekick, in the form of a little salamander. Yeah, a little cute guy who's real evil, real bad. What is it that makes this salamander so evil? It sounds like an adorable friend. He swears a lot. Yeah, so he swears.

He's got a real dirty mouth And very insininating For just just a little guy Sounds like a real piece of shit Yeah, he's a, oh Wow Yeah Yeah, just to check

F word Yeah, F word B word B word? I, which one? Any all? Yeah, probably all of them Boner, like Boner

I think he's probably Yeah, I think I've heard him say boner Get out of here, you're boner Like something like that? Yeah, probably something like that Pretty nice Wait, you've heard him say boner So you've been there

I tried to get in. I tried to get in before I knew about the prophecy. And then once I found out, I just avoided it, obviously. Yeah. So there's a great evil nearby. Shadow guy. He's got to call him. It's nearby.

But you have to wait 20 years and climb a volcano to eventually fight him? Yeah. That's what the prophecy says. It's funny because I grew up about maybe like a, Maybe like a 15-minute walk from shadow dancers. So, yeah, this is local to me. This, you know. But no, that's what the prophecy says.

I got to climb up a volcano. Got to figure out how to, you know, walk on water. Got to do some, you know, magic stuff. And then, you know, defeat this evil. Of course. Does the prophecy mention anything about you walking back down the volcano? I This part's not clear

She's getting faint Put a pillow down Put a pillow down So You know It is rumored That I'm gonna die at the end But I don't think so

I don't think so I think that's not true But that would be a good end Like not for you I'm not saying And I don't wish that for you But if Thank you

Like the story of like The Chosen One versus the Shadow guy Pretty exciting ending If you die at the end Yeah very exciting So I am supposed to defeat, obviously. Prophecy says I defeat Strata. But I do perish in, you know, lava.

So that is not good. But I think I can sort of change it. So you have qualms with some parts of the prophecy. I don't know how detailed and everything it is. Are there parts of the prophecy that maybe say like, hey, don't forget to clean up your room every day? Or you should visit your grandmother once a week. stuff like that? Yeah. That's part of the prophecy for sure.

Okay. I think I see what's going on. Okay. What are you, what are you saying? Nothing, nothing. Yosefina, pardon us for one second. I need to talk to my two friends one moment. Yeah, you want me to clean up something? Yeah, go clean off that corner. Okay. On, Chunt. Yeah, yeah. Who's going to put up all these signs? You're really worried about the signs. Look, we can

remember. There's so much work to do here. For 20 minutes that that door doesn't go anywhere and it's just to drop 100 feet. Also, I just wanted to say that I think perhaps that when Yosefina earlier mentioned that she didn't believe that the grandmother had created this prophecy, I think that's exactly what has happened. It's very, it seems possible. I mean, I'm not an expert on all of prophecies. Well, I wanted to tell you because I figured I was the only one who had that thought. No, I had it too. I also, for a minute, yeah, for a minute, I also, I also thought maybe it was like the grandma's prophecy and she like didn't

get to it so she was trying to like push it off on someone else kind of thing secondhand prophecy is what you're saying secondhand prophecy or even third depending on if the mom had it for a minute oof rough uh all right yosefina josefina that's clean enough

that's clean enough yeah sorry I well I just you know prophecies are great yeah 100% totally but everyone needs a backup Oh, for sure, for sure. Do you know what I mean?

Are you, like, studying communications or anything? Like, what, like, what's a game plan for, like, between now and the prophecy? Like, what am I doing right now? You got, like, a side hustle, like, a side hustle, career. Like, like, what are your goals? Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Just shoes.

I just measure feet. That's what I do. I measure feet. Do you cobble shoes then, or you just measure the feet? No, no, no, I'm just the guy that measures. Huh. Do people ask you, or are you just kind of down there? No, they come into the little shop

And then I say, do you want to, you know, I know you think you're a size eight, but do you want to know for sure? And then I'll go down there, do a little measurements. It's pretty important work. So are you working for a cobbler then? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was an internship, so I don't get paid. But, yeah, I've been there for 10 years.

Since you're 14. Wow. Oh, yeah. And you haven't gained any more responsibilities besides just measuring the feet. They kind of like to do the other stuff themselves. You know, it's a little elves. And so, yeah, for me, I just kind of go in there and I, yeah, just measure, you know, make sure those measure, double, double check, triple check.

And, yeah, it's honest work, you know, that's what's important. Well, if you ever need a great wizard. to help you negotiate a better working arrangement, I would gladly represent you as your human resources representative. Yeah, that sounds great. I would love that, yeah. Okay, yeah. I mean, we can talk to them, and perhaps we can get you some sort of a stipend or something. I don't know. This sounds crazy to me.

Yeah, that'd be great. Workers rise up. Yes, totally. Well, why don't we take another quick break, and Yusador and Yosfina can work out this contract stuff, and we'll be right back. Yosefina, because we don't have this prophecy in front of us. Would you humorous?

Oh, I have a copy. Oh, I love a copy. Here, just here. Take that. Okay. One for you. One for you. Okay. Yeah. All right. It's watermarked.

There's a lot of pages here. It's long. Yeah. Well, most of it's a table of contents. Yeah. I noticed that. I notice there's a lot of chapters in this table of contents that are not in the prophecy. Like the first couple are, but it doesn't get that far.

Yeah. A lot of index, too. A lot of index. Let's start with shadows. Well, should we do a table read or? I'd love to. You want to just take it from time? Okay, should I do, I'll do stage directions?

Yeah, perfect. I'll be the salamander. Okay, great. And who wants to be shadow, man? Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I'll be shadow, fuck, fuck, fuck. I'll be a shadow guy. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. Audie, who are you going to play? Are there any other parts in the prop? Are there any other speaking? Okay. Grandma, maybe grandma? Yeah, someone's got to be Yosefina.

Okay, I'll be Yosefina. Okay. Okay. Here we go. Interior. Small hut day. Whoa, I'm dizzy. I can barely stand up.

Stand up and face me. Oh, Shadow Guy. My nemesis? Yes. But I'm only a 46-year-old. No, for the last 20 years you should have been preparing for this moment. I'm going to wait for you on the top of the volcano. Yosefina has a single tear rolled down her cheek.

Wow. Arnie, whenever you're ready. Just sort of says blubbering a little bit. Yeah. It also says in the parentheses from my next line that I, I adjust my wig? Oh. Oh, I never noticed that before.

That's weird. Weird, right? Adjust my, why would it say that? I don't know. Have you read this whole thing? Are you sure? Just important parts, because, like I said, it's long. It's like 600 pages.

Yeah, it is long. We're not going to do a whole table read, right? Yeah, we got 10 minutes of podcast left. I think we can get through most of it. Okay. Chen, who are you reading again? The salamander. Oh, the salamander.

It is my line. It is my line. Why are you crying, Boner? Wow. It's my granddaughter. I have had to put on this ruse of being a shadow man to try to get her. Wait, wait, wait, wait, sorry. It's me, Yosefina.

This isn't me doing stage. I'm confused because I don't see that in the script. It says, it says grandma. Sorry, sometimes I'm just so deep in the role. I don't even know what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, it says your grandmother was. putting on a disguise. I guess that's the wig pot.

Oh. Oh yeah. It sounds like there's sort of a shadowy. Asterisk. Although wait, a couple of pages later on, Grandma takes her disguise off and she's really shadow guy. Whoa.

Double bluff. Whoa. Double bluff. Oh. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Here, let me scroll ahead. Hold on, hold on, hold on. And then it says the salamander takes his wig off.

And it is just a salamander. Yeah. But it has a wig. We're wearing a wig. Hang on, hang on. If you go a few pages ahead of that, there's a point where the salamander and the shadow guy switch faces and then live each other's lives?

What the hell is that? Whoa. What the fuck? You know, this should be a movie. I know it's my life. It's my actual life. But wow. Oh, it's, oh my gosh, on the last page.

A kiss. And then I die. And then you die. Yeah. Like the lava. Yeah. Oh my goddesses. It's not safe to kiss so close to the lava.

No, that's kind of a my bad. I always say that. No, it's not your bad. Because when the moment comes and romance fills your soul and you feel that deep connection with another person and you know it's time. Time to lean forward. Press your lips gently together.

You don't care if you're about to fall off the precipice of a volcano to your bloody and burning nose. demise. It's just nature. Can't be denied. Wow. But maybe we just rewrite this end a little bit. Yeah. Maybe there's a pillow down there or something, I don't know. Yeah. I'd love the Tanata. But yeah, so

that's it. This is the prophecy. Yeah. I can't believe we got through 600 pages. I know. Well, the type is big. It's a really big type. Yeah. It helps, yeah. It's not a letter of page. Yeah. Yosefina, do you know, and I guess Yus there and Chuck, do you know, I don't, I'm not a, expert on prophecies. How much of the future is written and how much can be changed.

Well, Ani, you know, I've said this for over a decade now. Prophecies are mostly bullshit. You can kind of interpret them however you want, back, you know, reverse engineer, whatever happened, and say, oh, is the prophecy or whatever. And then, you know, like, maybe one out of a hundred prophecies are, like, true magical prophecies that are, like, undeniably, like, written in the sands of time by the goddesses themselves. themselves. Because all I have. Because all I have. What?

Sorry, I'm just on page 314 and this is... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And it says, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, for about five pages. Holy. Okay. And it says here, Arnie just quietly watches. Chunt turns to Yosefina and asks, yeah, have you ever seen your grandma during the day? then she might be a shadow guy. Oh, man. Well, it seems like you three are in the prophecy, so that's kind of cool.

That's amazing. Cool for us. Okay. I'm going to make a couple quick edits, though. I'm going to cross out this part where Arnie walks through the door that isn't marked and falls to his death in the moon. Crossing that out. Wait, what? I'm just crossing that out.

Then right here at the very end, I'm going to put. They kiss passionately. Who's they? Who's they? The salamander. Of course. And... And...

The salamander and granny. And then right before you fall into the volcano, I'm going to write this part in. Just then, the incredible and powerful, Yusufo or the blue appears and scoops up Yosefina and saves her from almost certain.

death at the bottom of the volcano. Hoping, casting a spell on her that will allow her sometime within the next 10 years by the time she's 56 to have a kiss of her own. Wow. I love that. Do you think that just by you editing this, it changes the prophecy? Shit, I don't know. I guess we'll have to see. Yeah.

Well, maybe I could come back on the podcast in, you know, 20, 30 years. Yeah, please. We'll still be doing it. No question. Yeah. No doubt, no doubt. Yeah, you're welcome to come back then. And thank you so much we usually, you know, we should start putting together like a gift bag or something for guests.

Yeah, I'm going to need money for the, you know, ride home. Yeah, we'll get you some money. Do you like fruit? Let me go. I'll get you an apple. I'll take absolutely anything you've got. Very low blood sugar. No, honey, don't open that door.

What? I thought you wrote. I'll save him. Uh, Yoseviya, can I see that prophecy book one more time? Yeah. Okay, tomorrow at 10, the four of us get into Shadow Dancers, period. Okay. We'll meet you at Shadow Dancers tomorrow.

Okay. Hell yeah. Here's some fruit, and best of luck. Thank you. I forgot we had fruit at the table. Don't worry, kids, he'll probably still be falling next week. We would never have gotten this far if any of our character's actions had, consequences. User or the Wizard was played by Matt Young. Chunk the Talking Badger was played by Adol Rify.

Yosephina Great Star was played by special guest Katie Marovic. Follow Katie on social media at Katie Marovic and watch her on any number of fantastic shows on dropout. Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon. Patrons get ad-free episodes all the spin-offs and at least two new bonus episodes each month. There's over a hundred bonus episodes and counting on the Patreon. To learn more about hearing those episodes and supporting the show, visit patreon.com slash magic tavern. Go get it.

Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neekam, Matt Young, and Adel Raffai. Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz, Associate producer Anna Hoverman. This episode edited by Marissa Ewing Moody. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard LeBann. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland.