Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 6, Ep 7 - Sasquatch (w/ Vaden Todd Lewis of the Toadies)

Episode Date: September 28, 2026

A sasquatch comes in to be interviewed. But he's bald. CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungSasquatch: Vaden Todd Lewis Mysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Tony GullickMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandNew T-Shirts in the Merch Store!You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Want to gift someone a Magic Tavern Patreon membership? You can right now at this link!Follow us on Bsky, Instagram and YouTube!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I'm so excited to tell you about the podcast, We Fix Space Junk, debt, space repairs, friendship, and a galactic mega corporation with a motto that says it all, We Own You. Smuggler, Kilner, and reluctant fugitive Samantha are stuck with each other and a galaxy full of debt, danger, and odd jobs on the fringes of the law. Critics have called it a mix of hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy and firefly, absurd and hilarious, but with real heart underneath. It's a tone that's connected with listeners from their early teams,

to their 70s, racking up over 2 million downloads worldwide and multiple Audioverse Awards for acting, sound design, and directing. Season 4 is here. New episodes are dropping now. Search We Fix Space Junk wherever you get your podcasts. People of Earth, the following podcast is not real. Pardon me, I normally do this paperwork before we're together, but recently my commitment to the craft has, to quote my annual review, sunk to a level of disinterested atrophy,

Not unlike a zombie horde wandering into the Florida Everglades. I know a compliment when I hear one. Okay, back to the checklist. Transmission, intercepted. Hosts, present. Character development does not apply. Story development does not apply. Guest.

Ooh, look at this. Vaden Todd Lewis of the Toadies? Here? With us? I'm going to write, likely, a scheduling mix-up. And finally, Framing device, shoehorns mention of a cool guest into the opening segment, check.

All right, who's ready to consume some media? Sit back and enjoy the show. Hello from the Magic Tavern. Mundell, you're kind of out of beat with the rest of the orchestra. Okay, that's all right, just a little note, just for next time. Anyway, a weekly podcast from the magical land of Foon. I'm your host, King Arnie Neacamp. If you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know.

Over 11 and a half years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of foon. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal through the dimensional Rift, and I use that to upload a podcast recorded here in the magical land of foon, where recently I have accidentally become king of the northeast. I'm just an interim king, but honestly, if you ask me, I'm doing a pretty good job. And I am joined, as always, by my co-host, my good bud. He's head of the Kingsguard Chunt the Talking Badger Um, Arnie, do I do horns or no horns? It's up to you.

If they spark joy for you, you can. Yeah. Um, but, but we do have, we do have horns at the beginning of the show. If they spark joy for me, I'm not sure how to take that. If they spark joy, okay. If it's just like a little fun thing for you to go D-D-D-D-D,

I also like responding to you, but is it necessary? No. Mm. Okay. Oh, okay. So from now on, only what's necessary. Okay. That should keep these episodes pretty short.

That should. It's true because it's like 99% bullshit. Sounds like we're already done. Yeah, I don't know what the necessary part is. Okay, we can cut out Arnie saying, I don't know, et cetera, et cetera, because obviously not necessary. Sure. Good work, guys.

D-de-de-de-de-de-de. We're done. Oh, it does spark joy. I know. It doesn't it? I mean, I like it. I do. Oh, I am also joined by my other co-host.

Usador the wizard. I am Usador, wizard of the 12th realm of Ephesius, master of light and shadow, manipulator of magical delights, devourer of chaos, champion of the great halls of Tarakus.

The elves, no me is fearing yallok. The dwarves know me as Zoninhuxtengis, and I am known in this kingdom of the northeast as Guasminius May star. And I have done it. Hazzar! Yay, indeed. Blow the trumpets once again.

Uh, di-de-de-de-de-de-de-de. No, I'm so sorry, Chun, he wasn't talking to you. Should we say chunt trumpets when we want chunt to do the DTDD? Also, I didn't touch those trumpets. Chumpets. To blow the trumpets, buy me dinner first. I have just one week ago declared that I wish to travel to the moon and I have done it. I have magically attached ten ladders end to end.

And by the end of this episode, I shall climb those ten ladders. and surely I will nearly be at the moon, if not sitting upon its surface. Okay, sir, we've talked about this. When you say, I have done it, that makes us think that you've accomplished a thing. I have almost done it. Arty.

Okay. He's got crazy. Look at his eyes. He's got the unusual. He's got like a big piece of pie. That I may attach as many as 12 ladders. Where's he getting all these ladders? Ladders are pretty common, please.

I guess so. I just hope he's signing them out, right? Like, if he's using those resources, like, I hope that he's letting people know that he's the one that's taking the ladders. Oh, no. And the ladder library shall ne'er track me down. These letters are mine now. Do we have a ladder? I didn't know we had a ladder library.

Oh, yeah. So you climbed the letter, and then you can sort of push off a wall and be like, wee. And if you grab a book, great, if not. Sure, sure. But the purpose is really the ladders. Like, the books are just there. Oh, yeah. There's, and I hate to say this, there's this sort of poor, sort of provincial girl in town who,

she kind of bogarts the latter. Is she the one that everyone's singing about? Everyone hates her. Everyone hates her. There are songs in secret about her because the whole town despise, and here's the thing. She doesn't even know. And what does she have against Gaston? That guy, I mean, I would, right?

Am I crazy? Wait, is that guy, I've heard that's a guy that no one fights like Gaston. Yeah, true. And then other playwrights. He sort of crab walks and punches with his, it's hard to describe. Yeah, why would? Why would anyone fight like that? No one does that.

Now, Arnie, I can't help but notice. Recently, we've been talking about the sorts of attachments you should make to another house potentially to bring peace here to food. but you also keep mentioning that you're an interim king. Are we also looking for another king? I guess, I guess so. I guess so. I mean, I know that that's not like our top priority to find another king. Like, first we've got to help, like, keep this kingdom safe.

But I would imagine somewhere by, like, the end of this season or sometime in the next seven or eight seasons, we'll find another king to take over. And then we're free to just fuck off and do whatever we want. Seems like a lot to do if I'm going to be on the moon. Yeah, well, I'm not too worried about that. Maybe split yourself in Twain? I love splitting myself in Twain. Name one of you Sam Clemens or something. Oh, oh, here he goes.

Here he goes. No, oh, gross. Don't do that in front of everybody. This is so weird. And Arne, I should say you have a line of folks waiting to talk to you if you want to... Oh, that's right. Usador, can you pull yourself back? together so we can talk to our guest.

Do you want to get back together? I don't want to get back together. I don't want to get back together either. We both have things to do. I'm going to the moon. Fuck you, I'm going to the moon. I'm the one that put the ladder together. Oh, great.

I put the ladder together. You idiot. The worst part is we don't even have a good thing to call him because we've already used too Sador as a name. He split himself in Twain. Now both want to go to the moon. Oh, Twain Sador. Well, let me, uh, let me grab the list here.

So, yeah, Arnie, there's a few folks who want to meet you, maybe make a case for some. Let's see here. Oh, boy, I can't really make out what this says. This guy's first. Hey, friend, step on up, please. Here's King Arnie. Oh, yeah, it says here he's like a big hairy Sasquatch. Oh, we have those on earth.

Hello. Oh, I'm so sorry. We're so sorry, sir. We're not here to talk to you. We're waiting for a big hairy Sasquatch. Oh, yes, that alopecia got me. Oh. Oh, no.

Oh. It's just me and my bits. Yeah. I was just going to say, just a fully hairless naked man standing in front of us. Yeah. It's a lot. Is it cold in here? I mean, it seems like it must be.

I have fur, but yeah. Um, um, ah, well, I, I managed to eat the other Eucidor and one again. Uh, why is there a naked man here? Well, apparently he's a Sasquatch, um, but without the hair. Oh, I see. Yes. You said cursed by Alfred P.isha? Yes, uh, Al, L. P. Shaw.

Oh, Shaw, that guy. Friend, I'm so sorry. Oh, then you've, you've, you've come here. to ask King Arnie a boon that he shall put some, uh, some warrant out for this Al P. Shaw. Yes, yes. Well, here, sit down, although actually, do we have something we could put down in the chair? Yeah, Zer. Ah, these are real nice chairs.

Fear not, I shall conjure a towel out of nothingness. You're all true. I'll just look at this other towel to focus. Just give me that towel. Hey, Arne. Yeah. Did you catch that he ate? The other use it don't?

I did. At some point, we really have to, we really have to back that at some point. Yes, exactly. We'll get back to that. Intervention. Intervention. Yes. Oh, there you go, friend.

Here's your towel. I will just sit on this and leave everything out in the open. Okay, sure. Real spreader, like a real leg spreader, too. Well, you know. Now, friend. If you got it, spread it. Indeed.

That reminds me, should we all get naked? Does that make this better? No. No, no. Okay. Well, friend, I know not what to, what thine appellation is. What shall I call thee? My name doesn't translate really into English. My name in the Sasquatch is, Oh. It's a pleasure to meet you.

That's, it's funny you say, that's my father's name. I go by, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I think that is his name, but Arnie Heath, every time. Damby does it, he's crossing his legs. So I'm like, is it? Yeah, is he just, is he Mr. Belvedereing himself or something? I was, uh, I was named when my father sat on his balls. Yeah.

As, as is tradition. Wonderful. He was so in shock that you were born and he was like, just overcome with the responsibility of naming you. He's like, I gotta sit down. Yeah, only child. Yeah. No more after that.

No more. Now, your majesty, what's, the excuse for your name? Me? Yes. Huh. Well, we understand now how Allah was named, but how did you end up the name

Arnie Neacamp? Well, my last name is Neacamp, and I guess my... Yeah, my parents didn't think through how Arnie sounds too much like Ney camp. They named me Arnie, and technically my name is Arnold, but they've never called me that,

so I don't really love when people call me Arnold. It really is just Arnie. Or King Arnie. You know now that I'm king. Well... What about your fucking name, Usador? The goddesses demanded that there be a champion.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there the wind and the rain and the frogs and the fire insisted and came together begging for someone to save them from evil in this world. And then I walked into this world, fully formed, naked as this Sasquatch before us. And I did say, I am Usador, and I am here. to save you all.

So I named myself. Oh, okay. Must be nice. It was that or Jill? Oh, so you're almost the Jill, is what you're saying. Yeah, I was like Jill the blue. Okay. Is that right, if I start calling you Jill? No. That makes me want to...

Ah, yes. Who is the king from where you're from? Oh, geez. That would be King Cobain. Okay. I come from the of the forest called the Forest of the 90s. Oh,

the Forest of the 90s. That sounds like I would love that place. Like, I haven't been, I don't think, but I already feel a sense of nostalgia for that place. Oh, Arnold. King Arnold, King Cobain was a great mage king.

He had the power of the never mind. Oh, that's true. That's true. Yeah, the 90s forest. It's a wonderful place, but I'm just glad to get out of there alive, honestly. Well, it's right. It's surrounded sort of by the kingdom of possums, right?

That's right. Yes, that's true. That's true. A lot of people get to make the mistake of thinking I come from the water, but I'm not a goddamn fish. Does it ever, do you ever feel like people almost immediately want to talk about the kingdom of the possums? You're just sort of like, there's a lot of land around this area besides just the kingdom of the possum. A lot of great land, I'm just saying. Almost exclusively.

Yes. It's hard to not talk. It's such a great name, well-named kingdom. Oh, yes, yes. The possums, they walk up right, and they have a lot of hair. Oddly, sadly enough. It's, yeah. And I'll just call you, for short.

Are you, I don't know how to ask this. Are you sort of accepted by King Cobain and your people, even though you are how you are? Yes, yes. We generally wear a lot of flannel to fit in with each other. It's sort of our code, like our flag is flannel, and we'll do that and we'll not have a job

and things like that. That's how we kind of communicate. So to Chun's point, and as you've demonstrated here today, you just come as you are. indeed indeed and so does this go all the way back to when you were in utero I don't remember that far back honestly

oh sure let's say 10 so your memory has just been bleached is what you're saying yes thank you that's correct yes I just got to get in on one of these when I know a bunch of them I just remember thinking

grandma take me home and that's really all I've got that all I can add Well, I love the fact that you own not having a job You know like sort of get ahead of it And be like this is on purpose Right, right Yeah, this is a decision for sure Must be nice

Good work if you can't get it What happened to your flannel friend? I don't unless I'm missing it It's somewhere behind you Nope, not back there Did you Did you lose it in a battle Yes

Yes I got a guy I got stripped of my flannel. I went up against a millennial, and, you know, you just can't really, can't flannel it off with those people. Arnie, have we told you about millennials? No. They're a thousand years old.

Wow. But they are, but they're, that's elder, but they seem very young, yes. And they're really well-dressed. Oh, and they are dastardly. They will most assuredly, Take your flannel from you.

Look at you with a disdainful look and then go have girl dinner. That sounds nice. That does actually sound kind of nice. No, Arnie. Girl dinner is like two cookies and some grapes. Sounds like not enough. That does sound great, but just not enough. Well, a friend, I'm so sorry, this millennial stripped you of your flannel.

Can you return to your kingdom without your flannel or is that sort of entry? I go back every once in a while for the, uh, low-hanging fruit. That's all there's... Millions of peaches, right? Yes. Yes, millions. Indeed.

Can I ask, and maybe this is... Maybe this is talking about some sensitive issue, but do you mind describing how you looked before? Oh, yeah. Before you lost all your hair? Well, I was just a normal Sasquatch, you know, your normal everyday Sasquatch that you see all that. time.

Sure. I'm sure you were very special in your own way. Well, there was the learning disorder, but anyway, at some point, do you remember, well, I know you've never been to the 90s woods, 90s forest, but at some point in the mid-90s, everybody lost their pubic hair. I don't know what happened. Like, in the midway through the kingdom of the 90s. Just there was no more pubic hair.

No more pubic hair. No more. And so I wake up one day, and it's just going to. on. And it's just a weird little bald spot. Okay, average size bald spot. Yeah. And then later.

Totally except, like totally normal. Totally normal. Yeah, yeah. It is cold in here. Yeah, I have to say now the hardwood matches the drapes. So later, I realized that the hair on my, on my, on my, on my, on my, on my, on my, bodocks had fallen out also. And for a while, I looked like a, just a man with kind of like hair panty hose on.

And, you know, I was into it. Yeah. It was a look. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. But it kept spreading and the, it just now it's all gone. Except the top of my toes are very hairy.

Oh, yeah. Holy shit. Look at that. Yeah, yeah. Look at that. Your toes have a bouffant. I feel like you could comb that over and get all the way up to your knees. I usually get imprimed.

I think it's a good look. I did frosted tips for a while. But, you know, if it's all you got, then you really take. care of it, you know. And you're certain that you're a Sasquatch and not a very tall naked halfling. I'm fairly certain. This is the first time I'm thinking

about it. Okay. Just with the hairy feet and all. Yes. I mean, I do have the name. So that's... Oh, yeah, that's a very... Yeah, that's a traditional... That's pretty squatchy. Yeah. That is squatchy. I would agree with that. Your Majesty,

I am getting a signal from Munder, that we must take a break. Wait, Mundel? Yeah. Mundel's really taking over a lot of stuff on this show lately. He's very busy today. Yeah, I guess so. Well, yes, let's quick take a break.

Now I have ascended the ninth ladder and soon show me on the tent. Here I go. Before you know it, I'll be on the moon. Here. Eustador is still doing this moon thing when all we can think about is that he ate himself. Part, he's got to be a better way to say that. I guess that's true. I can't quite reach the moon.

You're almost there, buddy. Maybe grab a stick. Someone throw me a stick. You have a staff. Thank you, Mundle. Also, he's doing this inside, like in the Great Hall. Like, there's a ceiling. He's not even close to the ceiling.

You know, I knew a guy back in the 90s forest who removed a couple of ribs so that he could eat himself. Oh. Wow. Well, it appears I didn't have enough ladders to make it to the moon today. I'm very sorry, Your Majesty. I shall do better next time. Eusador, crown off king.

Like, don't worry about it. Crown off king. Yeah. Don't worry? Yeah. Be happy? Yeah. Is that the 90s?

Early, maybe. My geography could be better. Like, I feel like the borders of the 90s all blur into my memory a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Understood. Ah, yes. Not to spread this around, but this season

where we're all maybe trying to get girlfriends and Arnie especially is, you know, maybe looking to ignite a love life. Does your kingdom have any, what do I want to say, available bachelor's, is that the proper term? What do I want to say here? A princess or a duchess or something on that sort of? I believe, yeah, yeah.

The problem with somebody of my age those, you have to find a princess or a duchess with papaw issues. So it's tough, it's tough. Of course. But, yeah, there are some available women in the 90s forest. Oh, okay. They wear, they have usually Doc Martin's boots, this Dr. Martin. Oh, yeah.

Oh, fine leather boots. Fine, yeah, and they stole them and wear his boots. And, you know, also the plaid and whatnot. Of course. Yeah, 90s kids understand. I heard in the 90s forest that they're holding a Elizabeth Fair. Oh, just got too excited about that. Sorry.

It turned out to be a real lo-lo-opalooza. But I know there's so many Elizabeth is. Elizabeth is? Elizabeth I. Elizabeth I, thank you, from the 90s. They're having a whole fair for that. So, Arnie, maybe that's something, your highness, that we attend, and perhaps we could cut out.

If we can get in there, I just, I don't want to be exiled in Guyville or something like that. Well, Arnie, I believe if we make it to the Elizabeth Fair, that you might end up in the arms of an angel. Wow. Ooh. Just don't want to fucking run. Young people are going to hate this episode. Mission accomplished.

Is that different than our regular episode? No, not at all. Not at all. Okay. Do you have a spouse or a loved one? A partner? Oh, yeah. I do have a spouse.

She's quite lovely. Okay, and is she also... Her name is... Squatchy? She's all squatch. Okay. All squatch all day. She's all squatch.

Keeping it squatchy. I mean, getting squatchy with it is what goes on over there. Squat-da-da-da-notch. And Yes, yes. Her name is Mrs. Bha-Ah! Oh, traditional. Mrs. Yes, yes.

So, yeah, she's just in the other room, minding the hounds. Oh. They're real bossy of these dogs. Oh. Oh, so your pets. Yes. Very, very bossy pets. Oh, why are your pets controlling your life in this way? Uh, we just don't call the shots. There's no, there's no good answer to that. It's just you bring a dog in.

it takes over your life and then you work for the dog. Oh, I think of all the love. The unconditional love. That's true. A hound. Oh, that they have for us? Yes. I guess that's good, too.

Okay. They do go to church, though, at the temple of the dog. It was a long way to get there, but absolutely worth it. So this bloodhound gang goes to the temple of the dog? Yes. Okay. Yes. don't snoop

around here Arny Usador I feel like is there something we can do maybe about use or a potion to help him

regain his hair and sort of take a certain dominance over these dogs or is there some sort of hat for his body we could make

a body hat yes I was thinking of a hair growth serum but a body hat that's a great idea or there are the magical turkeys

but that's a bit of a journey Oh, the magical turkeys that do the hair transplants? Yeah. You ever heard about this? Oh, I see. You don't know about the magical turkeys? What do you mean you see, Arnie?

I'm talking to you. No, sorry, I was just thinking of bands. But you're right. Don't make me smash these pumpkins. No, not the pumpkin monkeys. No, not the pumpkin monkeys. No, wait. Oh, wait, they don't have any souls.

Yeah, smash away. Here, I shall conjure out of nothingness. A body hat covered with hair. Can it be open in the back? Yeah, it can be open in the back. I still got to breathe, you know? Do you mean like a fully backless thing, like an evening gown? Sort of like, what would be something that would be real snugly,

but you can't use that word. Something very, very snuggy. Just something like that. Like a snuggy sort of like, yeah, like I'm a fove. Okay, so it's really kind of more of a smock than a hat. Oh. That's good, yes. Okay.

Good adjustment. Hair smock. Great note. Hair smock. Great note. Erroro crone. Wait, before I get into this spell, is there anything else I should know about this hair smock I'm making? You want a particular color?

What color was your fur before? The same as your toes? Oh, yeah. It was Auburn. All burn. Okay. Okay. So you're dying your toes.

Okay. Okay, friend. The jig is up. Well, you know, sometimes people have their hair color in different places is different. Like, it's not crazy for someone to have, say, brown hair and, like, a black and white pepper beard. Like, it might seem to drop your pants. Right. No.

Eroshtro, Kathala. Ak total and diath. Orgothold dachat. In the old language, under the Mage, the great king. Cobain, seer of the, oh, never mind. Let us now here have a hair smock of an auburn color that shall cover this one entirely. Air Coth Tohara. The way he said that, I kept thinking a rhyme was coming, and then it just never did. Not all spells have to rhyme, Arnie.

Sure, they don't have to. Do you tell yourself that? Whoa! What a beautiful smock! So comfy. It only goes down to the waist, but it's so comfy. Yeah. It's still cold in here, just for the record. Okay.

But it's just wonderful. Thank you so much. Yeah, I'm sure to keep you warm, but you can still flash that ass. Yes. Now that you are partially covered, shall you go on a revenge tour, seeking Al P. Shaw, until you murder him in his sleep.

Nah. No, okay. Oh. I'm pretty happy here. Okay. A little too healthy. Hmm. Yeah, it seems very well adjusted.

We got to kill someone. Hang on. But you know, things are just a little different in the 90s kingdom. You know what I mean? Like, you just sort of like... Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. I have a little used to on my teeth. Oh.

Okay. Sorry, what were you saying, Ani? Like, no. I'm so sorry. We have to focus on this first. second. You ate a version of yourself. Right. And pulled out the skeleton. Yeah, like, like you were Heathcliff, the cartoon cat, like pulling a fish skeleton out of your mouth. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And the skeleton's been kind of running into the wall for the past 20 minutes. Well, yeah, I'll throw them on top of this

garbage can lid and throw them in the garbage. All set. So is that how, that can be good for your digestion to kind of have just like you going through it. Ani, how else would I get him back inside me? I guess so. We are going to have to clip that for my own use. Do squatches eat each other? Is that ever a thing? With consent.

Sure. Smart. Classic. Yes. Yes. This Squatch gets it. Now, I don't know much about Squatch culture. But as I understand it,

You kind of lumber through the woods, trying not to be seen. Oh, no, I do everything I can to be seen. Oh, no, no. I love being seen, yeah, yeah. Oh, you love these. Squatch what happens live. Okay. Yeah.

Real talk. Yeah. I shaved my own. What? What the fuck? Well, it's working. It is working. I mean, we definitely saw you.

Yeah, it definitely caught our attention. Absolutely. Yeah. Well, any hand press is good hand press. I guess so. Although you don't want like news scroll saying like naked man says loves to be seen. Like that's... Yeah, I never thought about it all the way through. You have to excuse me for one moment while I call off the raven with the dagger that I sent after Al Pishaw. Okay, I'll be right back.

Sorry, Usador likes to solve people's problems immediately either using magic or killer birds. Yeah, I would have felt so bad if that killer bird killed that Mr. Pishaw. Yeah. So you just shaved it like as someone has I've never like shaved my entire body like Is that a difficult experience? Is that a little rough? You have you have to be double jointed? That helps yeah that helps and also I can't reach my toes Oh, so that's why they're they're not gone. That's why they're not bare I see

Interesting. God damn toes. Yeah You know speaking of feet I never know the difference between a Sasquatch and a big foot Like are there like, oh yeah. Do you get along with big feet? Sorry. I choked on a hair. Okay, I licked myself bald. Whoa.

Yep. That's also going to be clipped. So you, so what you're saying is, much like a cat. Yes. You have a rough sandpaper tongue. Yes. And you licked yourself so much that it took off all. the hair. All the hair. And your tongue could reach all the way down to everything except the top of

your toes. Except the top of my toes. That explains why your penis is extra hairless. Like just some ex. It's the first to go like I mentioned earlier. Yeah. Gotten special attention. Once that happened, I realized the jig is up and I got to keep going. Yeah. You've really been getting in there with a magnifying glass to really see the topography of, well, I'm just, I like to learn. So speaking to Bigfoot, so people also call the Sasquatch a Bigfoot sometimes. But I mean, I was told that like if you like remove the hair from your junk area, that makes it look so much bigger. Still with Bigfoot, though.

That's the only name the sticks. Is that why you did your butt second to make it look big too? I try to, yes. Yeah, that makes sense. Interesting. Now, then I also don't know, is a Yeti the same thing as a Sasquatch, or is that a whole different thing? That's the cup. You're thinking about a cup.

Oh, that's right. Yeah, those are those insulated cups from your world, Annie? Yeah. Oh, okay. Do you remember how we brought some of those over here and they, and it became the most popular cups in all food? It's crazy. They just blew up over here in food. Like, it's almost as if, like, all the influencers were paid so much to sort of make it a thing.

even in this world. Crazy. Arnie. Yeah. Buddy, we can see you trying to lick yourself ball. I mean, I try. Just look at me. Look how hairy I am.

Get this way till you're in your room. No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I keep forgetting where there's a lot of people here. We're going to take a, we'll take a quick break. And when we come back, maybe there's something else we can, if you want to be hairless, which it seems like this was on your own volition. Maybe there's something else we can help you with,

and we'll look into that. Okay. Your Majesty, I climbed back up to the top of the ladder 13 times, and on the 13th mission, I was running out of oxygen. I was dangerous up there. I was really worried I was never going to make it back. It was very dramatic. Very dramatic.

It was a close one. But sorry, enough about going to the moon today. We have a guest here today. The Sasquatch. Hello. Yeah. I know we've already talked a bit about the 90s kingdom, but it just sounds like such a magical place. Yes, yes.

It was very special. Oddly enough, I don't remember much about it. Sure. Well, with those screaming trees, it's hard to think. You can't even think over the screaming trees. Yeah, and you can't see over the big heads. That are talking. Yeah, or the just named Todd.

Oh, yes. No, and he was always around all those monsters. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Why do you think a big head would just hang out with monsters? Ah, were they real monsters? Do you know? They were real monsters, yes.

Okay. The 90s forest is a crazy, crazy incantations and spells and hexes. Oh. Could you maybe share some of those with us just in case we, I don't know, Cut loose and have a little bit of a boys weekend? The one or two that come to mind, there was a hex called, you say, cool beans. And it makes the other person leave and go talk to somebody else. Wow.

No, I imagine that this was said with all sincerity. Oh, yes, yes. Cool beans. Cool beans. And then know what he wants to talk to you. It's amazing. If you wanted to keep to yourself, cool beans is the, that's a hex for you. Powerful hex.

Come on. A little bit of irony, right? You're not fully sincere. Cool beans? Guys, really? Maybe it's just the reaction that I had. I mean, maybe some people can make the cantation work, and some people can't. Some people maybe think they can make the cantation work.

Yeah. Here we go. That's true. That is true. If you could make it work, that would be amazing. balls. It's not a super cool can't. It's not as cool a cantation as being like,

I'm Audi 5,000. Like that. What? That can'tation is very cool. That's a, that's an incantation. Yes, yes. That's very in. That is an in outy. Oh, it's in any. It's at any cantation. Yes. I'm Audi 5,000. Okay.

Hmm. I'm not sure I understand it. We'll look into that later. Any other cantations? Writing these down? Well, there was another incantation. that goes, what's up? Oh. Yeah.

It's someone's weak-ass mead. Yeah. It just appears right in front of you. That cantation feels like it would drive anyone insane. Like it feels like it really would take hold. Yes, yes. It's like the glitter of incantations. You get it on you and it's just everywhere.

I'll say, having lived for a very long time myself, when that incantation first came out, everyone wanted to say that incantation, and it got tired very fast. Almost overnight. Yes. But there was a moment before it, where everyone was like,

okay, we're doing this. And then, yeah, almost overnight, it went away. Does everyone in the 90s for us still have the Rachel? I don't. Connie, if you don't know, the Rachel. was a very popular haircut of the time. There was a famous stage actress named Rachel Warhammer. She shaved her head completely, and everyone started doing it.

Yes, yes. She had her stage production was Fiends. Was it called Fiends? Yeah, Fiends. Everyone loved Fiends. Yes. And to be fair, when she shaved her head, she was on a break. True.

She regrue it later, but. Feans was very popular. You had phobia, Minica. Fobie the hobo. Fobie the hobo. Minnika. Chundler. Yeah, yeah.

Everyone's favorite. Geranther was everyone's favorite, though, right? I don't think Gernther was anyone's favorite. I was partial to Chundler, because Chundler, every time he talked, he would have bees flying out of his mouth, where somebody would be like, do you want some coffee? And he'd be like, can I bees? And then he wouldn't say anything else. He would just always, I guess he only said, can I be. Bees.

Yeah. Can I bees anymore? Like when they asked him to stop. He's like, can I bees anymore? Yeah, not even that. Just can I bees? And the bees came flooding out and he sort of choked on the bees. Yeah.

Hmm. And then there was Ross who would dress for less. Oh, well, it is a mystical place, your majesty. We should, perhaps we could form an alliance with the kingdom if you wanted to. Yeah. If you're feeling as if you want to go there, I could... I want to live... If I'm being honest, if it was a possibility, I would want to go live in the 90s kingdom.

That sounds fucking great. Doesn't it? Yeah. Honestly, right now, if I have my choice... Maybe I'm over-romanticizing what it would be like to be in the 90s kingdom. I'm sure I'm overlooking the huge amount of problems in the 90s kingdom. But right here, in this moment, I just feel... like it's the would be the best thing possible.

Yeah. You want to live in the forest. It's pronounced live? I think I've been saying you're wrong. Yeah, I don't know. You're just throwing copper. Throwing copper. Yeah, couldn't get there.

Yeah, lightning crashes. It's all right, Arnie. Everybody hurts sometimes. What a bunch of dooky. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on, man. Come on. We're having the time of our lives.

Oh, rude. You freaking look at you with your ass hanging out You fucking butthole Fucking butthole sort of Surfer But yeah, surfer You're not out of board But you're a bit of a butthole surfer

Sure Let's get him out of here And bring in some replacements That's what I suggest That's a good call Tim, is there a Tim here? Okay Well, I have to say

Your Majesty There's no need to retreat To that for us just yet your reign may be the very thing that churns the tide against the forces of evil that are arraigned against us in this moment in time, and we may find a way yet to a brighter future. Yeah. Maybe we can just learn some things from the kingdom of the 90s, but also, you know, look forward to our own future. That said, I wouldn't hate clothes getting looser again, just like a lot more loose-fitting clothes. Totally into that.

That's a good feature. That is a good feature. I will leave you guys to it. Yes. And I'll head back. Let me just stand up and turn around. Oops, drop my pencil. Oh, come on.

He's doing that up, Burvarez. He's doing that. He likes to be seen this guy. He showed his world to us. Please, please. There are 10,000 maniacs waiting in the line behind here. You've got to move on. I saw his cranberries.

I should have seen this coming. There was something about this guy. that made me think he would not be a gentleman. Wait, look, he's grabbing, he's grabbing his partner, his wife. That's a cardboard cutout. What the fuck? Come on, Argy.

Oh, those dogs are going nuts, though. Yeah, the paper cuts I get. The Everleigh Brothers. There, I said one. Am I doing comedy correctly? Usadol the Wizard was played by Matt Young. Chunk the Talking Badger was played by Adderafi. The bald Sasquatch was played by

special guest, Vaden Todd Lewis, of the band The Toadies. The Toadies have a new album released this year called The Charmer, recorded by Steve Albini in his Chicago studio, Electrical Audio. They'll be on tour in support of the album all year. And let's see, he wrote here, Remember that song, Do You Want to Die? We still play that one as well. Congrats, Peter Pan Syndrome crew.

You're in luck. Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production. Made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon. On. Patrons get ad-free episodes, all the spinoffs, and at least two new bonus episodes each month. Here's a clip from last week's bonus episode, a girl's night with G&SA, Momo, and Flower. Oh, it's a finder's keeper situation. I see.

Kind of a dip situation. Yeah, I put a chair down, so we're, we should be good. We'll see. Like it's a parking spot in the winter. You put a chair down and then that's it for the day. That's how we do it in phone. But basically, if anybody shows up to contest it, we could battle them for the location.

It's a good location. I might flip it. I might flip it if you're interested. I'm not, no judgment from me. I was wondering why you came to me with such a crazy energy, a sense of urgency. I'm ready. You ready?

Okay. We got, GNS has got to get here too. I want to see what the plan is. We've got to just go through this stuff to see what the potential in this place is first. There's so much stuff. And Gina's can do a lot of the heavy lifting, thank goodness, very strong. Momo's strong too, but not Gina's a strong. Well, hey, you guys.

Sorry, I'm late. Jesus, Momo! Is it my naked body? Oh, my God! To hear the rest and learn more about supporting the show, visit patreon.com slash magic tavern. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neacamp, Matt Young, and Adder Raffai. Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz, who sometimes succumbs to his worst instincts and tries to curse to curse.

correct the rest of us on whether the toadies has a the in front of it. And we have no choice but to quote an email from a member of the todies and properly shame him. Associate producer Anna Hoverman. This episode edited by Tony Gullick. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard Laban. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. And now I'm off to listen to some of my favorite selections from The Toadies. The Toadies.

and I just my neurotic brain just needs to put it out there I know 10 isn't a Nirvana album but I was bouncing around I didn't want anybody walking out of here being like we were doing a run of Nirvana albums and I don't said 10

I know