Hello From The Magic Tavern - Season 6, Ep 9 - Corpse Collector at Court (w/ Anna Garcia)

Episode Date: October 12, 2026

Winthrop McRottibotti, the local corpse collector, is unhappy that no one in the kingdom is dying. More importantly, he brought along his frog, Grape.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampChunt: Adal RifaiUsidore: Matt YoungWinthrop McRottibotti: Anna GarciaMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiAssociate Producer: Anna HavermannPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEditor: Stephen DrangerMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandNew T-Shirts in the Merch Store!You can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Want to gift someone a Magic Tavern Patreon membership? You can right now at this link!Follow us on Bsky, Instagram and YouTube!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I'm your host, Arby's Knee Blamps. And if you've never listened to the podcast before, this is everything you need to know. over 11 and a half years ago, I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical, fantastical land of food. Luckily, I'm still getting a Wi-Fi signal from the Burger King through the dimensional rift, and I use that to upload a podcast recorded here in the King's Court, which, if you didn't know, I've accidentally become King of the Northeast, King Arnie, and in Castle Belaroff, in the Northeast, in the magical land of foon. And I'm joined, as always, by my co-host. He's head. of the king's guard. He's adorable little badger with a sword. Chunt the talking badger. King Bong. Arnie, buddy, baby. How are you? I'm doing okay. How are you? Good. I actually, do you have a second? I mean, sure. I always have a second for you. Okay. Well, your words say yes, but...

Although, ooh, can I quick, get a quick order some food for myself? Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this good? Okay, I'll be, I'll be right. Uh, use it or keep him busy. Uh, well, uh, uh, keep him busy. Shunt, how is your fur? Um, fine. How's your hair? Same. Is fur...

Is your hair fur? Am I? I don't think so. Okay. Okay. Sorry, I'm back. I got myself. I'm Vito.

No. No. Get him out of there. Get him out of there. That was last week, Vito. Guys, I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm trying to just walk a little bit more. Because I'm, I realize... I don't know if you remember this, like, over a year ago I was talking about how I have an app on my phone and it tracks my steps and I'm walking the border.

Oh, shit. You! I know that voice. Who you're pointing at? Which one of us? Not the dog. That's not me. Okay, that's me, yeah, not me. Not chunt, okay.

Okay. Is it the old man covered in bird shit? No, no, no. Okay. The one remaining. Oh, that's me. King Arthur. Oh, shit.

Oh, no. Let me step in front of the king here and put by... Excuse me. Sit. Roll over. Oh, you don't do those things. You don't have to do any of that. Excuse me, Arnold, King Arnold or whatever.

I have beef with you. Do you remember me? Adventure. You know everything? Your Majesty, may I present our old friend Winthrop McRotty-Botty? Oh, yes. Yes, the corpse collector. We did go on an adventure.

sure to find your dead wife's gold? Say my title once more. Corpse collector? Mm. Corpse collector, in it? Oh, I see. Your giant card is empty? Empty.

It's empty. Oh, no. Do you know why it's empty? Why? Is it raining out? Oh, no, wait. I, me, me. Yes, you, little wizard.

I know. It's because, uh, it's because, uh, When Arnie became king of the northeast, he has a protective spell that stops people under his rule from dying. So you can't collect corpses anymore. No one's dying. I'm right. Corpse collector's bad. And that's probably generally a good thing, right?

You've ruined my life. Oh, shit. Oh, we get that in here every day. My last name is McRotty-Botty, and there hasn't been a rotty-bottie in a very long time. I know we talked about this last time, but it's crazy that your name is Roddybody and that's your job. Last name's Blacksmith or your last name is chicken hander or your last name is stinky feet. It's just like that. There's no difference.

Has anyone thought about going into a career in chicken handing here? Me? Oh, yeah. I've thought about handling chickens all the time. Oh, no, I've not. I just get gonzo like that. Excuse me? I just get gonzow like that thinking about.

handling chickens all the time. Oh, right. He's a little bit of a bird purve. Oh, yeah, because of the poop covering you and all of that. No, but I'm so sorry, Winthrop, I've ruined your life. Do you know, I'm out of a job. I'm out of work. It's terrible.

No one's died and the plague is still going around. So people are almost like zombies these days. Wait, so people are still getting sick? They're just not dying? Of course. Of course there's rats and crickets spreading flus and horrible diseases, but they can't die. We've got to do something about those crickets.

Well, the crickets are one thing, but I think you need to step down. Because I don't know if you know this, but I used to have quite a few coins, and I no longer have any. I've burned through my coins, and I get my coins, obviously, off the dead bodies, and from tips with my collection service. And I'm absolutely broke off. My ass.

Winthrop, may I ask, were you happy collecting corpses? Was that, do you believe that was truly your life's calling? Or you think maybe it's time for like a career change, maybe a little upskilling? Um, sorry. No one's ever asked me that before. Well, I have asked now, and I am a great and sage wizard. I just think it's tough. My last name is McRotty-Botty.

I don't even really think there's anything else I can do. Right? I started doing this because it was my granddad's company collecting corpses, you see, and it seemed like the only reliable job in the world. You normally, yeah, would be the most reliable job in the world. Can't you undo your spell? Well, the problem is that the wizards, you know, amassing powers, blah, blah, blah, causing, raining down destruction, fog dogs, all that stuff from the end of last season. I would say that maybe it's just a matter of perspective.

You've come to the right place. I dub the Winthrop McRootie Booty. Oh, okay. Okay. You've changed my name? I've not changed just the way it's pronounced. And now you're no longer a corpse collector, but a dance instructor. Oh, that sounds going to be like a proctologist or something.

Oh, that, see, that's a perfectly good idea, too. McRooty Booty. Oh, yes, sir. I mean, you can pronounce your name, any sorts of this. How to dance. My wife used to dance, and I would just sit in and watch. I've got two left feet. Well, Withrup, you've got a can-do attitude.

We could help teach you. Yeah, you think so. Wither, I hate to be, um, I am so sorry. You had a pet? Um, I believe its name was Grape is grape Can grape come up and play? Grape, get in here.

It's grape, it's grape, it's grape, it's grape, it's great, it's great, it's great, it's show though. Yeah. Hi, Grape. Oh, it's my good little boy. Who's my little princess? I love you, grape I do. M-mm.

That is a cute frog. It's fine. He's my best friend. I don't know who I'd be today if I didn't have grape. He's been my right hand man throughout this past horrible six months of no work. Is grape working? Is grape bringing in, uh, income to help, uh, to help you out? Grape is tending to the house. Okay. That's good. Well, if you don't want another career, uh, perhaps, uh, you should be compensating corpse collectors in the time during your reign, uh,

for their lost wages. I mean, at the very least, I know you love coins. I don't know, like, it just makes you happy to receive coins. You can have some of the new coins of the kingdom. We have the Arnie knee coins. I don't want those. No. People are a fan of those. People don't like my new coins?

No, Arnie, we can't give them away. Just because they're a picture of me flying through the sky and kissing a dog and my head is in the clouds, my feet are geese, and I'm shitting standing up. That's a big part of it. It's just people don't really see it as real currency. In fact, it's created a scarcity for the old coins. And so now people with old coins are rich and people with arnie coins are fucked. That's right.

He set the nail upon the head. There is no substitute for the old currency, it appears. I think we should go back to minting the old coins, Your Majesty. Oh, but didn't we permanently convert it to the Arnie Neek coins process? Well, then we got to come up with a new one, a third one. I don't know. Look, if everyone's going to shut down every idea I've got, then I don't know what to do.

No, no, no. Use it, I'm sorry. Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm in a bad state. I'm in a bad way. No, no, no, no. I understand. It can be very frustrating.

I've got two left feet. I'm so sorry about that. I don't think I can dance. I don't know. I didn't realize that was literal at first, but now that I look down, I see, I see that that is literal. It's literal.

Now that I remember it You used to be when you would push your card of corpses It would just keep going around in a circle Because you just couldn't push it in a straight line That's right Some days the circles were bigger than others But people generally knew where to find me What a beautiful sort of slice of life advice

Like an adage A parable Some days the circles were bigger than others Thank you Good boy Oh he does love scritches Crape, go put a saddle on the dog. Ride him.

All right. Even I have to admit that's pretty fucking cute. Crape is the best. Wee. Look, grapes's throwing back a little cowboy hat. Wee. Wait, did I... It must have been my imagination.

Did I just hear grape cough a little bit? Frog cough. Oh, no. Oh, no. No, grape, you've got the frog cough. The frog cough. He's got a frog in himself. He's got a frog in his throat. And grape would never eat another frog. He's good-hearted.

Yeah. Grape, what's wrong? What's wrong? Whatever he's saying, he's really going on about it. He's really, I mean, this is... We should be writing this down. He's really explaining some complex concept. So many gesticulations.

Your Majesty has accursed me that we have continued to eat meat during your reign. That's true. It appears that sentient creatures cannot die. Like, animals aren't protected because they're not citizens. But I guess animals technically, as non-citizens, might die. So if... No.

If grape has the frog cough, I think his time may be here. Guys... No, great, look at me. I've lost so much in the past six months, and you've been everything in my life, especially since I lost my wife. I've only really had you, and I rescued you from this shit hole,

this horrible, sticky, stinky place. Great, great, please. I can't one of you do something, aren't you a wizard or the king, or there's a dog also? Oh shit, we're all three of those things. Yeah, that's all, that's what we are for sure. Well, as a wizard, I have all manner of poultices and potions.

I'll run back to my quarters. Quick, uh, chunt, uh, keep honey busy. Okay. Uh, how's your first? I want to be kept busy. Yeah. Keep us both busy. Thank you.

Oh, um, well, uh, come on in. Let's go to, well, we go to the green dining hall. Um, and let's sit down. And, um, who's gonna pay for me in Grape's meal? It's all on me. It's all on the king. I'll pay for your meal. But it's, I'm gonna have to pay for it with Ernie Neek coins.

But people even take those here Well, because it's your place, isn't it? It's my place, yeah It's humiliating It's like going to Disney World as Mickey Mouse That would be humiliating People have also started defacing the coins, Arnie I didn't want to

What? They're defacing the coins They're so busy How could you even mess up? Mess them up? How could you add anything? I don't know, but people are doing it You know what people are doing too?

Swallowing them What? Why? They're swallowing them just to show how useless they are. Just to take them off the street? Exactly. Take it out of circulation.

They're taking them out of circulation by swallowing them. Oh, no. Well, that explains all the jingle jingles from the townsfolk. That's right. When you hear them walking, they've got at least 50 of those coins in there. That's why the plumbing has stopped working very well. It's clogged up with coins. It's right.

And your coins are made of what? Metal. What kind of metal? I don't know. What kind of metal? Did you make the coins? out of? I think it's sort of an alloy. It's maybe like nickel and copper with a streak of silver. Something's wrong with the metal of the coins. It's disintegrating.

Okay, okay, fine. Arnie, it was so expensive to mint with alloys with like good metal, so I got some cheap metal. It's model. It's model. Arne, I used model. Model? Yeah, M-O-T-T-L-E. It's like metal. I guess. coins. I'm so sorry it took me so long. I had a large potion. I had to put it into a frog-sized flask. Here, grape. That's adorable, by the way.

Drink this flask of potion and it should secure your frog cough. Oh, it says grape juice on the flask. I wrote grape juice on there, too. That took a cool little time. Oh, he is. He is not a great. Hugging that. Is her, is that right?

Oh yeah, you gotta chug it. How is he gonna drown? How is his tiny body taking all that liquid? Where is he putting it? Okay, so he finished? His eyes are bulging like a lot. Did you finish the first potion? Okay, now that you finish the first potion,

I brought out this tiny keg. You just have to do a keg stand and drink all the potion inside this keg. Okay, let me lift up his weight. Grape, grape, great, great, great, great. Grape, Grape, Grape, Grape, Grape, Grape, Grape. We'll fix it in post. Oh, what was that? Sort of vomiting, I think.

Oh, grape, no. Oh, party foul. He drank too much. You gave him too much. That's how much potion it takes to cure the frog cough. Grape, eat the puke. You've got to put down the potion. Have it.

Come on, Grape. Eat it off the floor. Eat the puke. Eat the puke. This is so demoralizing. I feel like grape is like rushing. This is like rushing for grape. I mean, we just heard him kind of cough.

I guess I'm not really sure how sick he is. He's just been clearing his throat. I'm going to give grape a little time and a little privacy here. I think we should go to a break while grape continues to eat the puke. Okay. Winthrop, look, I feel terrible about the way I've, I guess I've decimated your entire industry. We'll figure something out and we'll make sure the grape gets through this. Thank you.

I really appreciate that. But as much as I need grape to live emotionally, I also need work. Sure. And right now with people full of coins, I don't think they're going to be dancing. And I just, I just wish I could, if I could. kill someone I would do it. Hmm. Look, I hate to suggest this. We were just talking about this last week.

There is a slight loophole in the fact that every citizen of Northeasteria can't be killed. Okay. There must be some kind of tourism in the Northeast? Like tourists wouldn't be protected. I've got to make this town a site. I've got to make this place worth visiting. We can't just have plague. Yeah, and then the visitors can come and I can Sweeney Todd them or something.

Yeah. Or I can kill them dead. I could give them coins to eat. Grape could give them the frog cough. This is good. Yeah, okay. I've got to make this town worth visiting. I can do it.

I mean, the town is already kind of cool. It's a huge. Huge city. Very popular. But tourism's at an old time low, isn't it? What? Well, once everyone stopped dying, they're like, no point in going there anymore. That's a major draw?

Oh, yeah. Of course. Oh, yeah. You know, because of, like, all of the arenas and the Coliseums and the games, you know, all those sorts of things. We're very popular here in Northeast, yeah. Gladiator sorts of things. It's not as fun when, you know, your gladiators are like, their bellies are slushed around full of coins, and they hit each other in the head with maces

and they just stand back up and they're like, oh, I've got a dent in my head, just pop that back out. You know, taking away death is kind of a... Makes life a little pointless, you know? Yeah. I actually've been having existential crises every day. Every day? Yeah, because I've been hit by a couple of cows

and I once fell off my roof, and I would just have been okay since then. And it makes me really think about what being alive means if you can't die. I didn't want to say anything, but your head does look kind of fucked up. Some of my brains is coming out. Some of your brains is coming out. Do you want me to fix that?

Do you want to push those back in there? Oh, yeah. Yeah, let me get it. I'll hurry up. It's mixing it with a barf. It's mixing with the money. You're hurting me. Grape's stop.

It's definitely going to hurt still. It's definitely going to hurt still. How's that? Whoa, I feel way better. And here's a bandage. Can I have some coins? Sure. There you go.

Thank you. Do you guys have coins? Well, we have commemorative coins. There's a Usador 10 gold piece. I want that. Yeah, very tasteful. Wait, people want the Usador coin, but they don't want the irony knee coins? Well, it's a 10.

It's a 10 coin piece. It's a 10 coin, and I think it's made of slightly better material. Yeah, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't cheap out on mine. Oh, I, all these years people have been saying Usador has better material than me. Finally, it's true. I'm just like, if I'm going to rebuild this town, maybe put in an attraction of some sort that's not about death, then I need some funds, please.

Oh, oh, you're looking for investors. Right. The king has gems and gold, not just the coins with his face on. Oh, gems would be even... Better than coins. You're a shit ton of gems. But what sort of business is it that you're proposing exactly? Is this just a hotel or is this like a place where people come and enjoy different water?

A dunk tank. I was just going to say water experiences like a water park. That's perfect. I think a dunk tank and, um, uh, and bread. And bread. Oh, some of the brains are, some of the brains are looking at. Let me just. Sorry, sorry.

I'll push those back in. Tank and bread. Okay. So do you eat the bread while you're throwing the thing to knock the person out or is the person in the dunk tank today? Who's got the bread? I see your vision. We don't want. What?

I see your vision. It's a dunk tank where instead of water, it's broccoli cheddar soup. Yes. And then you have a bread bowl. And when you get dunked in the tank, you eat. You fill up your bowl. Whoa. Exactly.

Exactly. And you can use grape as the ball. Grape, is that Drew? Grape? How do you feel about that? Oh, no, grape can't talk without throwing up. That sounds sick, grape is. Oh, grape, Mo, you're going to get through this. You've eaten all the throw up. The magic's going to work soon, I swear.

It's going to, you're going to get through this, great. You're my best. Here, grape. You've drank all the potion now, but put on this tiny toga and see if that helps you, the magic tea. effect. Did he say, ta-da? Yeah, he did.

He did. The pose was so cute. Sort of like a flex. Yeah. Yeah. The toga, he's drunk and he's in a toga. He's a little party animal. I'm convinced grape can pull off anything.

You wear simply anything. Burray. Overalls. He's a fashion icon. He's a fashion icon. Grape. Honey, you got it. Leather pants.

chain mail top, let's try it. Okay, that's what you heard. Greg, you want a new outfit, okay. Oh, hey, magic. Put him on, put it on him. Yeah, magic, put it on him. Magic, do it, magic. You're up, troll, til off.

Whoa. Arnie, we could never. I know. You're really pulling it off, I have to say. It looks good on you. I mean, a lot of it's having a tiny body, but... Yeah. What was that you just said, Grape?

You really think so? Grape thinks that the new town will be even better than the current town. And he thinks it will bring a huge economic boom. And he sees parties and people rejoicing. And he sees himself. He sees himself leading. Whoa. All that from those noises?

Then earlier, he must have been really excited. No, he's right up again. All right. I'm going to I'm going to magic up a little dust brush and a little dustpan to clean that up Arnie we

Ernie we have to employ grape to head up the new project, the new downtown the new amusement park, whatever we build to bring in the tourist we got to make chunt but get me out I'm just La la la la la la la la la la la la la

But Winthrop saying that, but leaning in to listen. Yeah. Here's the thing. I love grape. Give grape any more. Love grapes. Love grape. So much.

I love grape more than I love life itself. But he's basically more than anything. Yeah. Same. Do we really want to put Winthrop in charge of tourism? No, I said grape. No one's talking about putting Winthrop in charge anything. I know, but we got to do something with Winthrop.

Right. His idea was a dunk tank and bread. A dunk tank and bread. La, la, la. La la la la la. Lo la la. I think the dunk tank is... People love novelty.

I guess so. Listen to magic in me. So it's settled then. I'm going to be in charge of creating a new town. Grape will be going to be the ball, and there's going to be a bunch of soup. You're going to create a new town, and grape is the ball and their soup?

Grap is the ball. Arnie. Pay attention. Keep up. Grape is the ball. For the dunk tank. All right. Instead of a ball, it's great. Instead of water, it's broccoli cheddar soup. Right.

Instead of, magic, I can't. I can't do this anymore. Maybe it's amazing. Look, maybe it's just me. Maybe it's amazing. I'm just thinking that some tourism stuff needs to be a little intuitive. Like, so just imagine you want to go on a vacation. You're talking to your family and you're trying to explain why you're going to this place. Let's roll play it.

I want to be in it. Okay. Winthrop, you can be, you're our, you're one of the parents. Am I a widow? Yeah. Yeah, you're definitely a widow. And we're going to come to you and explain what we're doing. Let's say that your wife died.

Before we do the role play, I do, you know, I realized last time we talked about your poor deceased wife, but we never heard if you had any children. Oh, no, we never had any kids. Sorry. Sorry, I brought it up. Nothing to be sorry for him. garden. Oh, close enough. It's nice.

Oh, you had grape. Yeah. Grape is the closest thing I've ever had to a son or a friend. Oh, or a friend. Interesting delineation. All right, so you... You can't be a friend of your son. You can't be a friend of your son.

You have to have some kind of boundaries. It is a lonely business collecting corpses. People on the worst days of their life have me a pair to collect their loved ones. That's true. I've not had any friends until grape. It's hard. Look, okay, so in this scenario, you'll be a widow. Okay.

We'll be your three children. Okay. And we're coming to you to explain to you that we're going to Northeastia and how fun it's going to be to visit the new Northeasteria. Okay. I can play a candle if that's easier. Could you play a candle and could someone play a petunia? That's a good point.

I'll play a petunia. Okay. Chunt, you play a candle. Arnie, you explain to your widowed father how fun it's going to be in Northeast Yeah. We always get stuck as the only character that can talk. All right, let's go.

Start. I miss my wife. Oh, shit. Dad. Dad, I can't. This is too much to put on me. I miss her so much and you don't bring me any joy. Oh, no.

What have you got to say? Um, where are we going? going on vacation? What is vacation? And grape, why don't you be like a tourist agent? Grape is the ball. Blah!

Oh, no. Oh, projectile vomiting. Grape. Oh, grape. I'm just going to say, grape is vomiting more than he took in. Like, something's wrong. Something's wrong with grape juice.

Can I stop being a widow for a second? And we go back to being a widow. real life. Of course. Great, please. Keep eating everything you throw up. You need the magic in you. You have to keep eating it. He's going to have to...

That vomit really got all over the place. You're going to have to carry him around the room if you really want to get all of it. If I must, I will. Guys, I'm not a healer. I think what's making grape sick is him eating his bar. Oh, chun.

That might be it. Grape, does your normal diet include barf? Okay. Well, then, yeah, you definitely should be doing that. Let me go find another potion. I'll find a potion that'll cure the bar feeding. Yeah. Arnie.

Grape's saying what his diet is. He's saying what he eats. What do you need? What do you eat? No, no, yeah. What do you eat, Greg? He eats shit and piss. Shit and piss.

Great. I'll be right back. Arnie, keep them busy. Can I be kept busy as well? Yeah, I said everybody. Yeah, yeah, everybody busy, everybody busy. So, grape eats, shit, and piss, huh?

Yeah, I don't, I didn't control, I can't control it. Sure. Arnie, nice job, nice job. I thought that vomit seemed especially gross. It's just there's not much to eat in town because, you know, a lot of people have stopped doing their jobs of making bread and, and, and, and, collecting and the mail service has stopped because everyone feels so rotten but can't die.

Oh, Grape's taking out a little guitar. Grape, do you have a little song in your heart? Oh, he's tooting. Damn, Grape. Not really playing in the guitar. All right. Here's the... Here's the I've eaten too much boff potion.

It's only about a gallon of liquid. Oh. You just missed the cutest song. Play it again, Grape. Do it again. Play it again. Woo! Grape, you silly ball, that's it.

That song, that song will, if we pump that song out to the Tofoon, people come running to see Grape the ball play. I didn't even know Grape could play guitar. Yeah. I don't think he did. I don't think he did. He held it adorable. He held it. He held it confidently?

He held it confidently. Oh, but he was just making them. those noises with his mouth. I think so. I got confused. Yeah. I get it now. It was very convincing, though. Okay, okay, because we need grape to save this town, he's got to drink this gallon,

huh? Yeah, just drink the gallon of potion and that should cure all the vomit eating. Okay, little grape. Wait, so, but this motion is just to cure vomit eating? That's right. Okay, little grape, we need you. Okay, ready? Here we go.

Great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great. Great, great, great, break, break, break, break, break, break, break. Yep, he does eat shit, piss. There he goes. I think that's enough. I think you drank the whole thing. Should be good now. Uh-huh.

You did it, great. Good job. Good job, great. How do you feel? A little bloated. was open my mouth was open Grape Oh no

Oh I think some internal organs came out Oh great Oh this one might need a content warning All right Fuck Arnie That's what you've called before A Drag Me to Hell situation

I have no Wait but look He's not eating the puke Oh well that's Oh Well mission accomplished Great Now do you feel better

You need something grape What is it? Okay, I can ask. Great wants a girlfriend. Oh, get in line, buddy. Yeah, don't we all? Is that not possible? Well, I'm trying anything is possible.

Great, you can have a girlfriend right now. You need to focus on your music career. No, don't talk to me like that. You've got a lot of work ahead of you. You've got to save a town. I don't know, though. Maybe getting in a healthy, romantic adult relationship will really add something to Grape's music.

You think? What about my relationship with Grape? Isn't that enough? Well, I think it's important to have friends, of course. There's a lot of songs about friendship. Yeah, but, you know, there's more than one type of relationship. And being solely dependent on one another may not be the healthiest way to be going to the world. Well, isn't that what you guys are to each other?

I don't know. No. No. I don't need them and they don't need me. It's just if they went away, I wouldn't exist and I'd be worthless and I'd hate myself. Right. So that sounds. We don't like to be apart for very long, but yeah.

I mean, we did literally just move into the same room like two weeks ago. Nor less. Because we are living in different parts of the castle. And sometimes in the middle of the night, we all drag our covers and pillows to the middle room and we all sleep in a circle and defeat. That's just fun. fun. But we don't have to do that.

Yeah, I think so. I think so as well. And you don't need a girlfriend. Right. See, Grape, there. All of these guys are single and probably have been forever. You don't need. You don't need this.

I'm enough. Companionship is enough. Right, grape, Grape, tell me. Tell me it's enough. Squeezing grape awfully tight. Don't squeeze grape. I'm sorry, Grape.

I'm sorry. I just haven't collected a body in so long. I'll tell you what. Tonight, let's all stay in the king's quarters. We'll all pull out our pillows and our cushions, like Chunt said. All five of us, we'll make s'mores and we'll tell stories and we'll all five be friends. And I'll sneak off in the night. And I'll cross the border and I'll bring back one corpse for you.

How does that sound? Ooh. That's not enough. That's fair All right More like a Great ball in the mouth here I mean I can

I can try to find A town outside of the The borders Where the plague is come or something If that's I would Could I go with you to collect the corpse Is really what I'd like to do

I'll fly you right over there I'll fly you right over there That'll be part of the fun sleep overnight Okay And then regarding fixing the town do you think we should follow through with Grape being the sort of elfis of the town? Oh yeah, absolutely. Arnie, have we told you about Elfis?

No, I don't think so. Wait, look, look at Grape. He's got like a tight white t-shirt with cigarettes rolled up in the sleeve. He's got those blue jeans? What is? He's going through like a little bit of a, oh, he's kind of. Oh, those hips, they're scandals. Did Greta always have hair?

I think that's a little bit. That's a weird. We're having a bit of hair. You sound amazing, grape. I really do think he's the answer to a lot of these problems. I agree. And I think as soon as we get him on stage, we'll certainly have people bandying about dying to get in.

Okay. Certainly, uh, beside themselves to watch this incredible frog sing this song. and I'm sure that as soon as they're there, he won't stop doing it. Okay, perfect. We'll have our sleep over. I'll get to collect a body, and then grape will fix the town. Well, I think we've done it.

I'd like to say to you, Winthrop, that I'm very glad you came in here today. I know you were upset when you came, but I'm glad that we were able to work with you and find a new path for... My mouth was open again. Why is your mouth open? Close your mouth. Up a mouth, breather. Look, I hate to say it, but is it possible that the big city isn't good for grape?

Like, maybe Grate needs to get away from this place. It's stressing him out. He's picked up some really terrible habits. Maybe the solution is for Winthrop and Grape to leave northeast to you. Wait. Right, we've been trying to figure out all these things. I create a soup tank. Grape is Elphus.

Grape is the ball And Elphus He's also Elfis He's the ball and Elfus Okay, you're right, you're right, you're right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I haven't been able to collect bodies And I've lost my sense of self And I've become incredibly reliant on grape

But maybe Maybe it's just time for me to go And find a town that isn't cursed I mean, gifted, but cursed for It's a blessing A town that isn't, That doesn't suck shit anymore. Okay.

A town whose leader is it dragging it cinder block style down to the bottom of a river. We were on a real good note a minute ago. Yeah, I pretended to like this soup bowl thing. Hmm? I pretended to like your stupid soup ball idea. What do you say?

That is stupid. You're killing grape. You're killing grape. I'm not getting sick because of you. You're not killing grape. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. Back to the role play. Arnie, explain why this is good. What is good? The whole thing. Okay.

Dad, I think wherever you want to go, wherever you want to travel, will go there together, and it'll be good. Yeah? Yeah. Even without my wife? Even without your wife? Even without your mom. Even without my mom.

And we have to leave behind the petunia. What about the candle? We can bring the candle. Yeah, suck. The fuck. Get sucked. Gwrape doesn't like the petunia. All right.

Sorry. Never mind. Grape is playing my child also. Oh, shit. Yeah, fucking petunia. Sorry, I got everything confused. Um, sorry. Yeah.

No, this is good. I'm learning from this role playing that. It's okay. Change is okay. Yes, exactly. Change is... is inevitable just as you You can eat change

That's what everyone in town's been doing Oh yeah That's yeah I was thinking more of like an existential change Of like you were there for the change from life to death Wait did you see change is inedible He said change is inedible Grape is the ball

Oh okay We can all agree Grape is the ball Grave is the ball I'm with you But he might not be the ball In this town anymore Yeah.

Oh, do you get drafted? We're going to go. They're going to make a great fight in the war? We're going to go. I've got to find a town where people can be dead. Oh, right. And Great needs some fresh air. This place is clearly killing him.

He eats shit. Come on. Winthrop, Great, before you go, do you mind if we read an email? Uh, sure. Okay. Listeners, you can always email us at Magic Tavern at Puppies. It's a real email address. Or you can join our Patreon at patreon.com.

Magic Tavern, and you can message us hit there. Here's a message we got recently. The title is in all caps, coin idea stuffs. Gone. So this is about coins, I think. Okay. I'm interested.

They write, have the money get bigger depending on the amount. So a $100 bill is like poster sized. I feel this would help combat inflation. P.S., it should be decorated like the side of a van from the 70s. You know, like a tiger. jumping through space or something. No, wait a minute. All right, that was pretty confusing,

you might have to unpack some of that. I'm confused. That would not stop inflation. We'd need inflation to make the money bigger. Right. Yeah. That's exactly right. Do you think they meant inflation like blowing something up?

I think so. I think it with air. That could be. Probably. What do you think magic? Well, I think that, yes, I think that that's exactly what they intended, that they want to avoid blowing things up

air, they want to blow them up with money instead. So they're saying, make bigger money. Look, if everyone hates Arnie Khoins, maybe if we make bigger currency, that would just be something that would make them more excited about. I don't think it's necessarily just... Go ahead, magic. I don't think it's necessarily just bigger currency. They're saying, like, they want the smallest denomination to be the smallest thing, and then

the biggest denomination to be the biggest thing. So it's... You know how sometimes coins are, like, worth more, but they're small. smaller than the one that's bigger, and that's confusing. I've always found those confusing. Right. So what we want to do is like the smallest denomination is the smallest thing, like a little tiny pebble, and then the most valuable thing is like the biggest thing. Well, hold on.

Don't you want the most valuable thing to be the smallest thing so that you can sort of comfortably carry it? I mean, if I'm toting around big money, I'm a, I'm a target for everyone. If I'm dragging a huge piece of coin through, you know, a forest, I'm going to get jumped. I've got an idea. It can go both ways. The biggest one can be worth the most, and the smallest can be worth the least. And then the second smallest can be worth the second most, and the second biggest can be worth the second least. And then it'll meet in the middle.

That sounds right to me. So you can eyeball it and be like, this is either a lot of money or nothing. Exactly. The grape is the ball. Grape made a coin, Sue. Oh, grape. Grape, did you want to read an email? Yeah.

Okay, here you go. Thank you, Elizabeth from Portland. I guess the answer would be that Arnie uses like a... like a night cream, I guess, to wash his face? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah? Don't talk about my night cream.

It's a special night cream that I developed for him early in his days here at Foon. And helps keep his face perfectly clean as far as he knows. I don't know how to answer this one. That's fine. I don't know how to answer this one. I don't know about all in these nighttime routine. Yeah. I mean, that's really our reaction to most of the emails we get.

I don't know how to answer this one. Right. Yeah, I usually sidestep it all together. Yeah. But please send us emails at Puppies That Supplies. At Magic Tavern and Puppies. That supplies. It's a real email address or join our Patreon at patreon.com slash magic tavern.

Grape just told me that he wants to send an email. Oh. Oh, that's adorable. On a tiny computer. Oh, Arnie. Can I conjure a tiny computer for Grape to send an email? be alone, please. Okay, but here's the thing.

Grape has to promise, and I mean promise not to start a podcast. Because that's what always happens. No promises. The irony is I'm ready to listen to Grape's podcast. My Kingdom for an option. Usadul the Wizard was played by Matt Young. Chunk the Talking Badger was played by Adol Rify.

Winthrop McRotibati and Grape, the soon-to-be podcasting, Frog were played by special guest Anna Garcia. Follow Anna on Instagram at Scramby Eggs. Hello from the Magic Tavern is an independent production, made possible by supporters of the Magic Tavern Patreon. Patrons get ad-free episodes, all the spin-offs, and at least two new bonus episodes each month.

Here's a clip from the latest bonus episode, where Arnie Usador and Chunt try to figure out action figure toys from Earth. Oh boy. I'm trying to remember. Are there any more in this box? I don't think there are, there was a panthero. Oh, so panther with an O at the end? I think so.

Okay. I'm gonna guess there is Tiger O. There is a tiger one. Is it Tiger O or is it Tigra? Or am I thinking of the band La Tigra? There's a band of tigers. Calyxco. O.

Tabio. Chitara. That's not Cheeto. Cheetah. There's also Snarf. Snarf. What? That's not a cat.

This is like a little pet slash friend. I don't know if you guys know how that is. Like a bet slash friend who just says snarf. He says like one word all the time. Snarf. I really snarfed it up. Ah, fuck, chunt. You got to start saying one word is your thing.

Does he have a lot of catchphrases, this little guy? Snarf? I can't remember if he just says snarf or if he uses snarf as a replacement for words. Whoa. Sort of like the smorps. Ugh. It's true. To hear the rest, if that wasn't enough and learn more about supporting the show,

visit patreon.com slash magic tavern. And if you want some Magic Tavern fan art in your life, careful what you wish for. Patreon members are organizing an Inktober adjacent daily fan art event called Geton Arts on the Patreon Discord server. If you aren't a Patreon supporter, you can also see some of the fan art posted on the Magic Tavern subreddit at R slash Magic Tavern.

And if you don't understand anything I just said, neither do I. Hello from the Magic Tavern is produced by Arnie Neekamp, Matt Young and Adlerofi. Post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz. Associate producer Anna Hoverman. This episode edited by Stefan Drainger. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard LeBann. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland.