Hello From The Magic Tavern - Winter Solstice Bonus 2020

Episode Date: December 21, 2020

A special holiday scene with Arnie and Usidore. And a holiday song from Jenny the Centaur. The regular show will be back January 4.CreditsArnie: Arnie NiekampUsidore: Matt YoungJenny the Centaur: Jenny Owen YoungsMysterious Man: Tim SniffenProducers: Arnie Niekamp, Matt Young, and Adal RifaiPost-Production Coordination: Garrett SchultzEarwolf Producer: Kimmie LucasEditor: Garrett SchultzSpecial Assistance: Ryan DiGiorgiMagic Tavern Logo: Allard LabanTheme Music: Andy PolandYou can support the show directly and receive bonus episodes and rewards by joining our Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/magictavern for only $5 per month. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram, and now Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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People of holiday Earth, we may not have an entire transmission for you today, but we do have this musical snippet as we test the boundaries of what you're willing to accept, the watermark of an unhealthy relationship. So, before you get back to shaving tiny strands of tinsel off your enormous block of raw tinsel. Sit back and have a listen. Hey, you son of a- happened to wintersolestus, buddy? Jolly winter solstus to the- what a merry time of year when old who celebrate their various holidays. I know there are so many different holidays in the winter solstus like, today, are there any specific ones that are today? I, yes, well of course, I really like smugbug.

Smugbug? Oh yes, smugbug is a holiday celebrated by roaches and worms and all manner of insect and they go around and they put on their finest clothes and they show off to one another. I don't know, I have a feeling that those roaches are a little too pleased with themselves on that holiday. Well, I suppose, you know, once a year if you're an insect you get to dress up and be fancy, that's pretty fun, right? Yeah, I mean, I can get into that. Let's see, there's also a season's bleeding. So what season's bleeding?

Ah, let's not me tell the tale. When my friend, Jenny the Centaur, has sent me a song that shall tell the tale, for me. Right now. Right now. Before you play it, I have to address two things. Alright, one, you're going full Winston Churchill again or something, I don't know. For what? That doesn't mean anything to you.

For what? For what? But second, I'm just so excited that we're hearing from our old friend Jenny the Centaur. She was the Centaur musician for the Valshmi army, is that right? Yes, that's exactly right. And she sent me this magical orb with a song trapped inside. Peer inside. Look inside and you'll hear the song.

It's a shame this is purely an audio medium because looking into this thing would make a great visual transition. Oh here I'll just crack the thing open and we can all hear it. Oh great! If you should hear one single hoof up atop your house's rough Lock the windows bar the door and don't let in one single centaur Have you ever seen a sight magic as this frosty night snow is blanketing the ground but hey did you hear that sound there's a distant thundering an ominous club clipp-clopping What Thursday's Sagittarians Who bring your fast approaching end? We all celebrate the holidays in our own way I changed my name only I could

But all I want for Solstice is blood Na na na, blood Na na na, blood Na na na, seasons bleeding Blood Na na na, blood Na na na, blood, na na na, blood, na na na, seasons bleeding Blood, na na na, blood, na na, blood, na na, seasons bleeding It's that special time of year When the ones you love drawn near And you gather around the tree

Unless of course you're me Or any other center Cause if you are a center It's your festive obligation To wreak violent devastation I didn't like eviscerating most of your town I hope that you won't hold a grudge But all I want for a solstice is blood

Na na na, blood Na na na, blood Na na na, seasons bleeding Blood Na na na, blood Na na na, seasons bleeding And I know what I see is it's bleeding We serve a God, He's like us in reverse Body of a man and head of a horse All year long, He's really nice

But like all God, He has His prize And it's blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, nanana one, nanana seasons Play-Days, one, nanana one, nanana one, nanana seasons Play-Days, nanana, nanana seasons Play-Days, nanana, nanana seasons Play-Days Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na I just would love to catch up with her, but also I gotta confess, I've got some questions. Oh, well I might be able to answer the questions. I don't want to speak on behalf of the centaurs,

but I know a little bit about the holiday. So there is a holiday. Maybe it's just today, I'm... Yes. Okay. And the centaurs just go kill crazy today? Oh yeah, you want to stay inside? This is like that movie you told me about what's it called

Harold and Kumar return to which mountain that's the one Yes, you see the centa's God demands blood, but only one day a year the rest of the time the centa's They shall take a bombs when they have beened, or they wish to amend a terrible situation, but they are generally a peaceful and loving folk. And their God is the reverse of a sentar, a horse head and a human body? Yeah, that's right. The sentar God has a horse head with a human body, sort of like our friend Hornelius.

I think. I don't. Is that the... Is that the... I don't know if that's... It's hard to remember. I don't know. Even if he was right here, though, I'm not sure I would be confident on that. Yes, I suppose that your god probably has a hair all over its eyes and none on its chin and lip.

Oh no, you might be right. Yes, I assume that your God has nipples on its back. Why is it all the time, or having a conversation, you keep steering it back to this concept of a person with nipples on their back? Well, I just think it would be sort of nice, you know, for those who choose to have a child, to be able to put the child on their back and feed the child and still have room

to like manipulate and do things in front of them, you know. I see, so if you're a new mother, you're like, I want the beautiful process of feeding my child, but I don't wanna see that. Yeah, and you've got other shit to do. Exactly. Like, you could do the dishes while you're feeding your baby. Is the baby just hanging there?

Like, yeah, yeah, of course. How do babies work on your world? They know, I mean, I don't know if they have that much latching on power, but I don't know. Who, what do I know? I could get a backpacker, something. I haven't thought this whole thing through. So, they pay me for big ideas.

So we got this reverse horse head man body god, he demands blood. That's right, that's why Chun's not here. Is that why he's been missing the last day or so? Yeah, he just wanna get killed by a sentor. Do you? We should get the hell out of here. Wait, are we close to where the sentors are?

Yeah, that'd be here any minute. We can just both transform into birds and fly away. Like, I can't do that. Use it or how many times I have to tell you, I don't have the ability to just turn into a bird and fly away. That's right. I forgot.

Well, I suppose I could transform into a very large bird, and you could ride on my back. That's not like fun. Everyone wants me on their back. What's the deal with that? Look, I'll transform into a very large bird with a couple nipples on my back. That's not like fun? Everyone wants me on their back. What's the deal with that? Look, I'll transform into a very large bird with a couple nipples on my back. Oh no, I knew it. I knew it. God damn it. When I say God damn it, I mean that freaky weird centaur god. Yeah, he's messing it all up for all of us because it was a very nice smug bug until

he came along and ruined it. I know it's the holiday season, so I hate to go here. Does he wear pants? No. Oh, okay. Yeah, why don't we don't need that? I don't really want to know more about that. I just needed to know. No pants for the god of the centaurus. Centaurus, there's no reason to wear pants.

Why would you... If you were a god, would you wear pants? I mean, it depends on what I'm working with, I guess. Yeah, now I'll transform into a giant eagle with six strong nipples on my back, each capable of carrying you aloft. Six! I mean, some of that's just a waste. What do you mean? I don't need all that. What if I have a whole litter of baby birdlings?

You know how birds lay an egg and a bunch of birds come out of that one giant egg? Oh yeah, of course. I mean I wasn't a litter of birds. I didn't fall through dimensional portal yesterday. I know about how when a bird lays an egg in food like a bunch of birds come out of that one egg and then they latch on to their mama birds back nipples. All right, so there you go. I've transformed myself. Latch on and let's go. Oh, you said, oh, thank you so much for saving my life.

And I can think of very few things I would rather be doing this holiday season. And riding the back of this weird giant bird that is my friend, the dirty bird loving wizard. Suckling a nipple on his back, I guess we didn't. Is it already if I suckle one of these long up here? Yeah, that's the whole point. That's how you're gonna hold on. Okay, it's like the gift of the Mad Jai.

Woohoo! Oh! Happy winter solstice to each and every one of you. May your holidays be merry and bright! And Happy New Year! And while we're at it, Happy Valentine's Day, just because for some reason we lump the holidays in together! Cuckoo! And so, with this short, roasted chestnut of a transmission, we've all learned one lasting cherished lesson.

We don't really need Adel. Usuror the family friendly bird with nipples on his back was played by Matt Young. Jenny the Centaur's song, Seasons Bleedings, was written and performed by Jenny Owen Youngs. She co-hosts the podcasts, buffering the vampire slayer, and Veronica Mars investigations. To learn more about those podcasts, or her music, or her Patreon, check out her website,

jennieownyungs.com. Hello from the Magic Cavern is produced by Arnie Neckamp, Matt Young and Adel Raphaya, post-production coordination by Garrett Schultz. Earwolf producer Kimmy Lucas. This bonus scene edited by Garrett Schultz. Ooh, look at the puppet master getting his hands dirty for a change. Welcome to the trenches, Garrett.

Special assistance provided by Ryan DeGeorgie. Hello from the Magic Tavern logo by Allard LeBan. Magic Tavern theme by Andy Poland. Just a reminder that there's nothing next week, but we'll be back January 4th with a brand new episode. So see you sometime in July. Finally, for all you owe Henry scholars out there, you're right. This wasn't at all like Gift of the Mag I.