High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 148: Choose a Life by Design with Dr. Jermaine M. Davis, Motivational Speaker, Author, & Coach

Episode Date: December 22, 2017

Dr. Jermaine M. Davis is Founder & CEO of Jermaine M. Davis Seminars & Workshops, Inc., a personal and professional development company that creates customized presentations, learning resources, and educational materials. Top organizations such as 3M, Penn State, Best Buy, Caterpillar, Sam’s Club, Prudential, West Point Military Academy, and Enterprise Rent-A-Car regularly seek out Dr. Jermaine’s expertise. As a teenager, Dr. Jermaine began studying principles of success, and with the encouragement of mentors and teachers, he enrolled in college.  After earning a Bachelor’s Degree in Speech Communication from Elmhurst College, he became the first person in his family to graduate from college! He continued his education by earning a Master’s in Speech Communication from the University of Wisconsin-Superior and a Doctorate in Organizational Leadership from Argosy University. Dr. Jermaine has authored and co-authored ten books on topics of academic success, diversity and inclusion, leadership. You can find a full description of the Podcast and contact information for Jermaine at cindrakamphoff.com/jermaine. In this interview, Jermaine and Cindra talk about: His lessons learned growing up in the Henry Horner Housing Projects in a single parent home What he learned from the death of his brother Greg Why honesty and vulnerabililty matters His C + R = Success or Failure formula How to build your SWVs 3 benefits of a crystal clear vision The differences between your PVGs – purpose, vision and goals

Welcome to High Performance Mindset with Dr. Sindra Kampoff. Do you want to reach your full potential, live a life of passion, go after your dreams? Each week we bring you strategies and interviews to help you ignite your mindset. Let's bring on Sindra. Welcome to the High Performance Mindset Podcast. This is your host, Sindra Kampoff, the author of the new book, Beyond Grit, 10 Powerful Practices to Gain the High Performing Edge. And I'm grateful that you're here today to listen to an interview with Jermaine Davis. Now, Jermaine and I are in the same speaker mastermind. And I knew that the minute after I met Jermaine that he would be an excellent podcast interview.

And I think today you're gonna enjoy his energy, his spunk, but also his content. And it's really applicable that you can apply to your life today. So let me tell you a little bit about Jermaine. He is the founder and CEO of Jermaine Davis Seminars and Workshops. It's a personal and professional development company that creates customized presentations,

learning resources, and educational materials. So top organizations like 3M, Penn State, Best Buy, Caterpillar, Sam's Club, and West Point, as well as Enterprise Rent-A-Car, regularly seek out Dr. Jermaine's expertise. So Dr. Jermaine is a motivational speaker and keynote speaker. He was raised by a single mother in the Henry Horner Housing Projects in West Side, Chicago. And he talks about this throughout the podcast interview. He also talks about losing his youngest brother, Greg, towards gang violence and because of gang violence. And he talks about what that meant to violence and because of gang violence and he

talks about what that meant to him and how he handled that and what he learned from this. So you know as a teenager Dr. Germain began studying principles of success with the encouragement of his mentors and teachers. He enrolled in college and got a bachelor's degree in speech communication from Elmhurst College. He was the first person in his family to graduate from college. Then he got his master's degree in speech communication from the University of Wisconsin-Superior and a doctorate in organizational leadership from Argosy University. So he has now gone on to write 10 books on the topics of academic success, diversity, inclusion, and leadership. So there's many things that we talk about in this interview

he talks about his experience growing up in the projects and again what he learned from his death of his brother greg he talks about why honesty and vulnerability really matters his c plus r equals success or failure formula why we need to build our swVs and what that means, and the difference between our PVGs, our purpose, our vision, and our goals, and why we need all three. So there's lots of favorite things that I enjoyed about this podcast. One of the things that I really enjoyed was the way he talked about the difference between purpose, vision, and goals. So I think you'll like that.

Just pay attention to that and listen for that. And then my favorite quote from this interview was this, which do you choose? A life by design or a life by default? A life by chance or a life by choice? So again, I think you're going to really enjoy today's interview with Dr. Jermaine Davis. If you enjoyed today's interview,

you can head over to Twitter and you can tag me at mentally underscore strong. And then Jermaine's Twitter handle is Jermaine M. Davis. Before we head over to Jermaine's interview, I'm going to go over to iTunes and read a rating and a review. And this comes from Harold R. He. Harold says, the show really pumps me up and gives me lots of different ways that I can improve myself.

There's a lot of knowledge and how it applies to our lives. This is one of the best motivational podcasts. Thank you so much, Harold, for heading over there to iTunes. And if you enjoyed the interview today, if you could head over to Twitter, like I mentioned. Again, tag myself, mentally underscore strong, and Jermaine at Jermaine M. Davis. Or you can also head over

to iTunes and leave a rating and review. All right. Thanks so much. And without further ado, let's bring on Jermaine. Well, Jermaine Davis, I am so excited to have you on the podcast. I know we've been talking about this for, gosh, you know, several months, maybe a year. So I'm just pumped to talk to you about your expertise and to share with the high performance mindset a little bit more about what you do. So I just want to welcome you first of all, Jermaine. Thank you. So to start us off, tell us a little bit about your passion and what you do. You know, I'm really passionate about helping individuals learn how to communicate more effectively, learn how to communicate more effectively, learn how to lead more effectively, and take off in life. What I mean by taking off in life is not

stand in a state of perpetual complacency, because this is when people get bored, they disengage in life and work. And being a college professor, I see this manifest with my students as well. So I want to help people make those deep connections. And when I talk about communication, I really feel that communication is one of those core foundations. And so I've committed my life to studying high performance, but also studying high performance in interpersonal relationships. So I kind of blend those worlds together to create this holistic impact. Nice. And so, Jermaine, when you see like a high performer communicating, you know, how would you describe that? And what are the characteristics of somebody who communicates at a high level? First and foremost, a high-performing communicator is an individual that has spent some time

thinking about the message that they're trying to get across. So sometimes you'll hear people say, well, you know, I just shoot from the hip, or I just wear my motions on my sleeve, and I just wear my emotions on my sleeve and I just react. And a high-performing communicator literally spends time. And I don't necessarily mean an hour, but I mean they think before they speak. And they ask themselves questions like this. As a result of me sharing this message with my spouse or partner, with a colleague or co-worker, what result would I like to see? What do I want people to start doing, stop doing, or perhaps you want them to continue to do something. You know, maybe a parent is communicating with their child

and they want to get them some positive feedback. You know what, you did really well when you were really nervous, you were in that situation. You know what? You did really well when you were really nervous. You were in that situation. I know sometimes you get filled with anxiety, but I like the way you pause and you relax and you gave it your best shot. So on those levels, so they think before they speak, so they get clear. And then the other part of that is they are great listeners. Like we hear this a lot, but so many business relationships fail, intimate relationships fail because people fail to listen. And the goal of listening is not agreement. The goal of listening is to hear a person out, you know, to show respect and show that you understand that person's message. Excellent. So I'm hearing like two main ideas is that they're really intentional with their

communication. And I like your question of as a result of sharing this message, what result do I want them to see? So they're really intentional, but they're a great listener as well. Absolutely. Well, Jermaine, tell us a little bit about, you know, like your journey to where you are now. And, you know, I know you've had a really interesting journey where you started as a sales manager with a snack company, you know, founded your own snack company and now are motivational speakers. So just tell us a little bit about, you know, your journey and how you've got to where you are now. You know, I grew up in Chicago. I grew up on the west side of Chicago. I grew up in a single parent home. And interesting how I entered into the professional speaking arena.

It wasn't something that I sought out. Early on in my life, I dealt with trauma. You know, many people, many families, many communities deal with trauma. But unfortunately, in my family, there were six people in my family who died tragically. Five were shot to death, and one was stabbed to death. Wow. So early on in life, I started to deal with trauma. And so my grandfather was the first person. He was murdered. So I was six years old. And I remember going to his funeral. And after that, I began to watch how my mother and my family members coped. And of course, at that time, I didn't know what coping was. I was just looking at how they dealt with it. And, you know, now being a professional and teaching in universities and teaching in a marketplace, we know when people experience stress and trauma, that their response can be a healthy one or an unhealthy one. It can be destructive or constructive, positive or negative. And

unfortunately, I saw a lot of my family members respond through unhealthy, negative means. And so they begin to self-medicate with drugs and alcohol. So seeing that pain and seeing the decline of my family, something inside of me said, okay, I have to break this cycle. And so that's been part of my journey. And so early on, I started, you know, reading motivational books and listening to audio programs to shift my thinking because I needed something to give me a competitive advantage where I wouldn't perpetuate the negative cycle I was seeing. Again, these are people that I love and I adore, but at the same time, I see them going to a sunken place.

Do you remember the moment or what was happening for you at that time when you realized that you wanted to break the cycle? Do you remember where you were or what moment in time was that in your life? I just remember early on, I saw people in my family crying a lot. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a proponent of crying, healthy crying. But this was crying that was painful. And I never saw tears of joy. I always saw, you know, painful tears. And it's, you know, I have a son, he's seven, Zion. And we talk about happy tears and sad tears. And, you know, we talk about different types of tears. And so, but so I never saw happy tears. Okay. Always saw tears of hardship. So early on, I know it was before 10, that I know for sure. And so internally, I just knew that that,

it just looks sad. And I didn't like that. I didn't like seeing my mother like that, my uncles or my grandmother. So early on, I knew that I wanted to do something different. I needed to do something different, but I didn't know what to do at that time. Absolutely. Yeah. And then what was the rest of your journey? You know, tell us a little bit about after that, when you made that decision, where did you end up, you know, going next? You know, for me, sometimes people cannot necessarily change their zip code if they're in financial challenges. So for me, it started off, there was a house of faith that I went to. Okay. And it wasn't necessarily about the theology or the doctrine that they were teaching per se about religion.

It was a place that talked about positivity and optimism. And you can change the trajectory of your life by shifting the way you think and shifting the way you behave. And those messages, I will say at the age of 13, set me on a great path. Nice. Right. And so that's when I really started to commit my life to growth and development. And, you know, from there, it was just like, you know, high school teachers, you know, people talk about mentor-mentee relationships. I'm a big proponent of that. That became part of my journey.

And for me, I started to seek out people who I felt could contribute to me moving in a positive direction. Absolutely. And I know you were the first person to graduate from college and your family. So just talk about, like, what impact did that make? And then what did you do after college? Yeah, you know, where I grew up on the west side of Chicago, very many people weren't going to college. So that wasn't like a blueprint I was following. But I had, you know, professors, people at my house of faith and worship encouraging me to go to school. And seriously, when you have a teacher who says, you know, you're really good at communicating,

did you notice when you were giving your presentation, people listened, Jermaine? So these are messages that I got. And we all have these blind spots. I'm thinking, well, I just gave a speech. And no, I have teachers that know when you talk, people listen, they tune in, they lean forward when you share. And so I started to nurture and develop that skill set that someone helped me identify that I didn't naturally see myself. Excellent. You know, from there, I went to college. I went to Elmhurst College in Elmhurst, Illinois. And again, I met positive people, but you know what? I sought out people. And so if there was a professor that I really liked, that I connected with, him or her,

I would go to their office. And the two people I met right away was a sociology professor, Dr. Brenda Forster, and my political science teacher, Dr. Andrew Prince. Those were the two people that I loved their classes and I just kept taking their classes. And I remember they asked the question, are you a sociology major? I said, no. And that's what Dr. Brenda Forster asked me. And then Dr. Andrew Prince says, are you a political science major? I said, no, but I just love learning from you. And I said, is it okay that I come to your office sometimes and just ask you questions? And they liked that. They said, absolutely. We wish we could get more students to come to our office hours. Yeah, for sure. Most people don't.

And so one of the things I will share with you that I think is really pivotal, pivotal when people are going through, you know, adversity and challenges is reaching out. And I know sometimes when people feel like they're in a state of depression or they're drained and depleted, sometimes they may not feel like they have the energy to reach out. But I will say for me, proactively reaching out is a principle that I truly believe in. And how would you tell us to implement that in our lives? Well, first is the identification of an individual that you feel inspired by their work. When I say their work, it may be their words. They might have an online presence. You know, when this, when this was happening,

the internet did not exist. There was no, there was no Google. So initially these were people either I read their books that I reached out to, like literally this one, you would have to write letters to people, you know, try to call their publishers and see how could how could your letter reach this author or writer that you were inspired by but for me when I would see people that I maybe I admired the way they communicated maybe I admired the way that they manage or led and I would just ask people do you think I can call you sometimes and ask you some questions? So first is the identification. What is it about them that draws you to them? Where are you attracted to them?

And so maybe they're similar values. Then sometimes it's people who are in a certain place where you want to be. So identification. And then you have to initiate contact, you know, and there's so many ways now in the 21st century to initiate, right? So, you know, there's an identification and then there's the initiation of communication. I mean, you can follow people on Twitter, you know, whatever their social media platform is, you can email people. So I would argue that it's easier today for your strategy of initiating communication than 15, 20 years ago.

Absolutely. And I hear how that's such an important part of your journey, you know, that there's these other people, professors or people at, you know, your place of worship that really believed in you and also, like, demonstrated this positive, optimistic perspective that maybe you weren't getting other places. So, Jermaine, tell us about your journey to become a motivational speaker. And, like, you know, I know you said that it wasn't something that you, you know, set out to do. But, you know, tell us about, like, when you made that choice and, you know, you fill in the gaps between like college and then now. Okay. I'll tell you, it was, I got my first experience. I was 17 at Elmhurst College and another person I connected with was a woman by the name of Jane Foser. She was the director of academic advising. Long story short, Elmhurst College,

predominantly white institution, they were trying to attract more students of color there. So Ms. Foser and I had a relationship and she says, Jermaine, I wanna ask you a favor. We have a group of students of color and there are a group of black kids that are here and we want you to share your here and we want you to you know share your story and we want you to talk about your experience here at Elmhurst I was I was so

nervous it had to be about like a hundred students sitting in this audience right and I'm on this big stage and I told my story and to this day I don't remember the presentation but the here's what I remember after I spoke parents and the students were standing in line Wow and Jane Foser took me out for lunch and I'll never forget she said young man I think you have a gift and you need to tap into it I said well what's the gift because at that time my major was marketing I'm going into marketing and sales I'm gonna go into the business world, and I'm going to kick the door open and down. And she says, you have a gift.

People listen to you when you talk. And so from that, I switched my major. I became a speech communication major. But all it is is the foundation to what I do now as a professional speaker, facilitator, and trainer. You know, so I can trace everything back to when I was 17. And so from that, you know, I changed my major to communication, and this is where I truly, Cendra, learned the mechanics of speaking, how to engage an audience, how to facilitate, you know, how to maximize your platform. But, you know, like some people now go to Toastmasters, which I'm a proponent of Toastmasters,

but that was my form of Toastmasters, you know, studying communication in college. And so in college, I took on a lot of leadership positions. I was president of our Black Student Union. I was involved for Habitat for Humanity. I was part of our campus ministry. I got involved on campus. It involves, guess what? There are opportunities for you to speak, for you to facilitate, for you to organize and engage with people. And all of these things contributed to me honing my platform skills and my interpersonal skills. Absolutely. And that's really cool that you are doing that at 17 and identifying that that's, you know, like something that you are gifted at. And, you know, another person recognizing that about you, which I think we don't

appreciate enough, you know, when other people compliment us and help us guide us. Well, I definitely want to, Jermaine, talk to you about and ask you some questions about the topics that you talk about. But one of the, one question that I want to start with before we dive into that is the question I ask everybody, because I think it's a really valuable question about failure and what we can learn from it. And sometimes I think, you know, I mean, here you're on the podcast and we hear these stories about everything you've overcome and all the great things you're doing. But I think it's also really powerful to talk about a time that you failed and what you learned from it and how you think it could help us. So, you know, maybe it's a story us. So, you know, maybe

it's a story about motivational speaking, you know, you choose any story, but tell us about a time that you failed and what you learned from it and how we can learn something from your failure. You know, this, this is actually a story that I share not all the time, but it's one of my signature stories. When I speak to tell you a story, I learned a lot from this. It was my younger brother. So I talk about six people in my family who died tragically. And one of them was my younger brother, my younger brother, Greg. And Greg was shot and killed when he was 21 years young. Now, we grew up in the same house, but there's a nine year difference between us. And so when my brother Greg, he dropped out of high school, his first year of high school, he was a teenage father.

So he started selling drugs. He's in a game. And so at this time, my mother's alive. She's stressed. She's overwhelmed. And she calls me in Minnesota. I'm in Minnesota working, started my career. And in Chicago, people call me J.D. by my name. She's Jermaine Davis. So she says, J.D., I need for you to talk to your brother. And I said, put him on the phone. And so my brother gets on the phone and I'm not proud of this, but I yell, I scream, I judge, I curse him out. I tell him how he's a horrible human being. You're ruining your life. You're a horrible role model to your son, to our younger sister, Katrina. I mean, I think I just go in and download on here for about 10 minutes.

And all of a sudden I hear the phone drop on the ground. My mother picks up the phone. And so I tell my mother, I said, put him back on the phone. And in the background, I hear my brother say, tell JD, I said States speaking, and I'm doing these motivational presentations. But I got to tell you, I feel like a hypocrite because I'm reaching other people's kids and brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews. But the very person I want to reach is my own brother. Absolutely. And so to me, I knew that that wasn't success. Like people come up and they will say, hey, will you sign my book? You know, thank you.

This was great. You know, that speech moved me. And I would appreciate it in the moment. But when I would get back into my vehicle and drive home or get on that flight, I felt horrible. And I said, you know what? It's not success if I can't connect with my younger brother. So here's one of the things that, so here's where I felt. For about two years, my brother stopped talking to me. Every time I would come home to Chicago, he would disappear.

And soon as he knew that I was, you know, going back to the airport, he would return for maybe like 30 minutes. And so I started to process and think that, man, I'm failing. I'm failing as a communicator. I'm failing as an older brother. I'm failing as a loved one. I'm not succeeding. I'm failing interpersonally. So I was thinking one day, and now I use this quote, and I wrote this down. I said, Jermaine, you have to change your approach to get the result you want. You must be willing to change your approach to get the result that you want. And so, so after two years, I kept trying. So one time I come, I'm going to come home. I called my mother up. I call my little sister Katrina. I said, hey, do me a favor. Tell Greg that I'm coming home and tell. And we're driving to Little Italy for Italian beef sandwiches and Italian ice. It was a ritual that we had.

But because I was failing as a brother and as a communicator, we stopped doing that for two years. Katrina and I would go, but it wasn't the same because this was something all three of us did. So finally, we're going to restart our tradition. And he gets into the car and is really uncomfortable. I'm nervous. I'm walking on eggshells because I don't want to offend him. I want to resume a relationship. And I just look at my brother and he looks at me and he says, go ahead, dude.

Just start yelling and screaming. Go ahead and judge. I prepared myself. And I looked at him and I said, you know what? I'm sorry. I said, I dropped the ball, myself. And I looked at him and I said, you know what? I'm sorry. I said, I dropped the ball, man. And he looked at me. He said, what the hell? I said, I know. I said, you know what I was trying to tell you? I was trying to tell you that I love you and that I'm afraid. And he said, well, why didn't you just tell me that? So that was the lesson.

Right? Like, be honest. Be vulnerable. It's okay to be vulnerable. Because if I would have been vulnerable and honest, he could have heard that. But he shut down when I told him, you know, you're ruining your life. Why are you selling drugs? And you're endangering the family.

He already knew that. Absolutely. So one of the things I learned from that was vulnerability matters in patching up relationships, friendships, marriages. And so a person, so going back to the quote, you must be willing to change your approach to get the result that you want. And after that, my brother and I, we talked. And he told me, he says, J.D., I knew you were disappointed. And here's what he said. He says, the only thing I wanted you to do, dude, was just listen.

I just wanted you to listen. And he says, everyone is always yelling and screaming at me. He says, but no one listens. They don't know what it's like to walk in my shoes. And that when I started listening, I learned a lot. Here's what he said. He says, I made poor decisions at the age of 11 and He said, JD, in your world, you can quit. You can quit your job and go get another job. He said, you don't quit a gang. You don't just quit selling drugs. He said, you don't go up to a gang leader and say, hey, here's my two-week notice. Thank you for the opportunity.

You don't go up to a drug lord and say that. No. go up to a drug lord and say that no and so when i listened and learned i felt so foolish i felt like i like i really failed him and so so what i learned from that is unfortunately you know his life i'll caught up with him but i can honestly say the last year and a half that he was alive we connected we bonded we. And it's funny, I'll never forget. He told me this. He says, he says, by the way, man, don't you have a bachelor's and a master's degree in communication? I say, yes. He said, well, you need to go back to each one of those schools and ask them for a refund because the shit that they taught you ain't working. Yeah, Jermaine, that's a really powerful story about a time that, you know,

I think all of us can relate to it when we're so frustrated with somebody that we love and we just download on them instead of being kind and non-judgmental. That's one of the words I really heard you say in that story was, you know, I think it's really easy for us to be judgmental and just like download on people instead of being honest and kind and understanding where they're coming from. Right. Exactly. Exactly. And you know what's interesting? I've told this story at Fortune 100 companies, down at colleges, nonprofits, and consistently people say that's a powerful leadership lesson. I'll tell you, the first time I talked about this, it just haphazardly came up.

And I'll never forget, there was a VP in this financial institution. I'll never forget. He says, young man, you need to keep telling that story. I said, what story? He said, the story that you told about you and your brother Greg. And I had forgot about it because at that time it wasn't a signature story. I was trying to make a point. And he looked at me.

He says, listen, I've been to a lot of leadership presentations. He says, I'm going to remember yours forever. I said, really? He said, I'm going to remember yours forever. I said, really? He said, yeah. I said, help me understand how this resonates in the business world. He says, well, first of all, your brother are like our employees and you are the leaders and managers. We want things to go our way, but we won't listen to our frontline employees. And he says, your brother became a teacher. And he says, as leaders and managers, we got to shut up and listen

to the employees, to the customers. He says, because, you know, when we get to a certain, you know, we get so many degrees or we're making so much money and we get these titles and all these responsibilities, you know, we think we've arrived. Right. Absolutely. Then he says, we stopped listening and learning. And so that's become one of my signature stories. And I've learned a lot of messages about communication and leadership. I like to say this, my brother taught me about communication in a way that my master's program never taught me. Absolutely. So yes. You know, and one of the other things I heard from your story was just about like when we do become judgmental or we think that we're better than someone. And I don't know if you felt like you were better than him at that point, but that at least that's what

his perception was. Yes. that can be a barrier in communication and not allow us to show up as ourselves, right? And being honest and kind and, and helping people like through these difficulties. So, so thank you so much for sharing that very, very impactful story. When, you know, I know that you speak on a lot of different topics. I pulled out a few that, that were my favorite that I thought that the audience, the high performance mindset listeners would really appreciate. And let's kind of start with the bounce back factor. It's one of the topics that you talk about, overcoming obstacles to achieve success.

I know it's one of your most requested programs. So just tell us a little bit about what the bounce back factor is to you and how you see that relate to, you know, leaders or athletes or coaches or, you know, business executives. Yeah. You know, I'll start off with a quote by John Lennon of the Beatles. And John Lennon says this, life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans. And, and so, you know, whether in our personal personal life our intimate life or our professional life sometimes we we have a certain mindset and you know we have these goals dreams and aspirations and then we start to execute on them perhaps and then things don't go as we plan and then life knocks you down you know the the great poet Maya Angelou used to say

that sometimes people go through adversity and adversity strikes. Then she says, all of a sudden in life, they just park. They just stop and park. And so the bounce back factor, overcoming obstacles to achieve success is about how do I get back up when life knocks me down in my personal

life, my intimate life, my professional life? How do I resume? Right? So it's okay to pause. You know, it's kind of like, like this morning, I was watching something on, on my smart TV on YouTube as I was getting dressed. And I didn't want to miss something, so I paused. And I went downstairs and came back up, and guess what? I pressed pause again. So I resumed. Some people don't resume. And high-performance people resume. They fail forward. So it's okay to pause a little bit. Don't pause permanently. The pause is temporary. And so that's what that presentation is about. It's really looking at what are those internal things and external things a person needs to do to continue to perform so they can thrive and succeed in what I call life, school, and work.

So when you think about the internal and external factors or the ways that, you know, we should respond so that we can bounce back, let's kind of dive into the internal. What do you think allows people to respond after an adversity or an adverse situation instead of just, you know, you're right, like just not moving forward or not continuing with their dreams and goals. So what are some of the internal factors that impact that? No, for the purpose of this conversation, when I talk about internal, I talk about the mental slash psychological and emotional, right? It's your thoughts and your feelings.

And so think about this. There is something that I teach in my presentation. And again, if you ever see me speak, people call me the quote man because I teach a lot through quotes. So I'm going to share another quote by Booker T. Washington. And here's what Booker T. Washington says. You know, he says, it matters not what the circumstances are that surrounds a man or a woman. What matters is how does that man or woman respond? And so about a decade ago, I was sitting on a flight

and I had wrote that quote, excuse me, I had written it down. And so the teacher in me always looks at ways and strategies to teach something in a simple way. And so I created this little formula from the quote, C plus R equals success or failure. C plus R equals success or failure. So people who bounce back, they're clear about what are their circumstances, right? So the circumstance is the stimulus or the stimuli that happens to you. You know, maybe you're an athlete and you now have an injury.

That's an unfortunate circumstance. Maybe there's a couple that's been together and they thought that they were going to grow old together and then there's a separation or divorce. That's an unfortunate circumstance, right? Maybe you invest your money in a business and you've done all your due diligence and research and you think that the business is going to take off, but it doesn't. That's an unfortunate circumstance. High performers, they're clear about the circumstance, good, bad, or indifferent, but they understand that their greatest power lies in their response to the circumstance. So when I am doing a keynote, or especially when I do a workshop, I have people write down, what are some of the challenging circumstances you're facing right now write down the top three it could be intimate life personal life professional life doesn't matter to me I have them write that down and then I have them look at now what's what has been your response or what needs to be your response to determine if you succeed or fail? Now, here's the challenging part. Oftentimes, people allow the circumstance to define their reality.

And this is where people fail. This is where people sink. This is where people go into a decline. Now, again, I'm not minimizing whatever mental, emotional, and physical pain the unfortunate circumstances yields. What high-performing people do says, you know what? Yes, I'm experiencing this, but here's going to be my response. So let me give you an example going back to my family, because this presentation was birthed out of the pain of my family. People in my family died addicted to crack, addicted to heroin. And so people see these unfortunate situations. So what do people start doing more? They start drinking more. They start to self-medicate. See, that's a response, but it's an unhealthy response.

And so for me, a healthy, constructive, productive response would be, I'm going to go to counseling. I'm going to seek out therapy. I'm going to find a support group. Right? Because the circumstance is still there. How do you plan on responding to yield a positive outcome? Absolutely. It makes me think your main about like that the circumstance is really uncontrollable,

right? Like you can't change the circumstances around. You can't change that. Your family members are addicted to crack cocaine, but you can change your response. You can't change the completely change the environment at your work, but you can change your response. You can't completely change the environment at your work, but you can change your response. Exactly.

Yeah, I like the empowerment of that equation. Yes. So you see that connecting to our ability to bounce back. Tell us how. Because, again, so if you employ the C plus R equals success or failure formula, and you start to look at the circumstance and select thoughts and behaviors and a support group to help you yield the positive results, then you resume in a positive way. And so what we know from psychology and when you study self-fulfilling prophecy is individuals, the more wins and successes they have, it increases their self-esteem and their self-concept. Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself. Self-concept is how you see

yourself. So the more, I call them SWVs, successes, wins, and victories. The more successes, wins, and victories you have, when you get confronted with challenging situations, guess what? You don't quickly give up. Why? Because you've built your resiliency muscle and you're continuously, you know, building that muscle. You know, it's kind of like, I'll use this, it's kind of like an athlete. You know, when they first started in their sport, maybe there was some intimidation, some intrepidation, some hesitation, some apprehension. But guess what?

When you get that one touchdown, you score that one basket or, you know, you make that one field goal, whatever it is, guess what happens? The more SWVs you have happens the more you the more swvs you have where steam goes up you know my son asked me he says um he says daddy when you go speak are you nervous i said yeah he says are you going to walk off stage i said oh no man i said i've given too many successful presentations he said but daddy you said you're nervous. I said, yeah, I'm always a little nervous. I said, but I said, Zion, I said, I've been speaking for 21 years now. I've had way more successful presentations than unsuccessful ones, meaning give me the stage. I'm ready now. And so to me, that, you know, part of bouncing back is confronting those unfortunate situations, building your, you know, your SWVs, your successes, wins and victories. So then psychologically and emotionally, you say, you know what, I'm going to go through this.

And whatever happens, you know, I've developed a certain skill set. I have some muscle memory now of some things that I can do that help me be successful. Same thing as a speaker. When I'm on stage, I have muscle memory with regards to certain things I know will move the audience forward. And I learned that over 20 years. There are some things that I can do

that can shift the energy of an audience. Does that make sense? Absolutely. And I think I like your acronym, the SWVs. And I think one also important point is that I think sometimes we forget what our SWVs are. Like we're maybe just trying to strive towards our next goal that we forget to remind

ourselves of the times we've been successful so that, you know, we remind ourselves that we have the ability to bounce back. Yeah, for sure. You know, Jermaine, I know you also said like you're another highly rated program is the Thrive program where you, you know, it's about energizing your life and career from the inside out. Tell us about what you mean by Thrive and, you know, how you think that's important for us to strive for. Okay. So I'll share a quick story with you. It is kind of like a saying, this phrase that I used to hear in my neighborhood when I was growing up. So anyhow, you know, sometimes, you know, we greet people. So we have these salutations on how we greet people, say hi and say goodbye. And so you might, in my neighborhood, I would hear people, someone would say, hey, how you doing?

And then you would hear people say, yeah, I'm just surviving. I'm out here surviving. And I heard that my whole life. I'm just out here surviving. And I like words. So I looked, you know, I looked up the word survive, you know, and you know, like you're maintaining, you're, you're getting by. And there's this hip hop artist that I like, his name is Talib Kweli. And years ago, he had this song called just to get by. Okay. And so I started thinking one day, you know, are we meant to just survive? No.

Is life about just getting by that you're in a perpetual state of mediocrity and that didn't sit well with me mentally, emotionally, physically. And so I love to look up synonyms and antonyms and what's the opposite of and that didn't sit well with me mentally, emotionally, physically. And so I love to look up synonyms and antonyms and what's the opposite of a word. And then, you know, years ago, thrive. Like thrive. You know, what does it mean to thrive, to flourish, to excel, to prosper, to continuously grow, perpetual improvement. And then it hit me.

Jermaine, what if you taught your students and your audience members strategies on how to go from surviving to thriving? Nice. Right. And so that, so I became passionate about that. Yes, I get there are moments in life where you survive. But we also I call the moments of glory, moments of triumph, moments of exhilaration where you you go beyond surviving, that you thrive. You know, it's kind of like flow. It's like that book Flow. You're in your zone. And I've been there. I remember when I was in grade school and high school, I played basketball. I was in my flow. I was thriving.

There's times where I would shoot the basket, Cinder, and it was like I couldn't miss. Absolutely. And then there's been times when I'm teaching and I'm speaking. And guess what? The right example or story comes. Maybe I'm breaking down the theory or concept and my students are like, as a lover, as a friend. So how do we get, how do, how do we make our relationships thrive? Our businesses, whatever it is. So that's where that came from. Jermaine, so tell us what you think some characteristics of just like surviving versus characteristics of thriving. Like how do you see the difference there? In surviving, like how do you see the difference there in surviving you're doing enough not to

go under and you're doing enough where you're not in a deficit or major deficit right so on stage I'll say, I'll make this statement. I'll say, you can have a life by design or a life by default. You can have a life by chance or you can have a life by choice. And then I say, you can have a career by chance or a career by choice. You can have a career by design or a career by default. And so I have people write down these three words, thrive, survive, or dive. I said, because your life and career could take a dive. It could survive

or it could thrive. And so when you're in survival mode, you haven't failed, but it's kind of like in the middle. And so to me, here's some of the things I say, not in any order what makes people thrive. One of the things I talk about, and I think if you pick up any personal development book, you'll see this, but I'm very, very passionate about this, is having a crystal clear vision. And, you know, what I say vision is, vision is a mental picture you have inside of your head of where you're headed and going. So people, say for an individual, a person is in a state of survival. In order, okay, no, let me go back. A person who is in a state that their life and career has taken a dive, and they're trying to go from dive to survive.

You need a vision. If your life or career is in a state of surviving and you're trying to get to the state of thriving you still need a vision absolutely so that so that vision is that mental picture you have inside of your head that tells you where you're headed and where you're going now here's here's what I what I teach there's three benefits to a vision vision gives gives you confidence. Vision gives you direction. And the vision gives you hope. Right? So you utilize the vision to help you navigate the challenges, the terrains,

the obstacles, the stumbling blocks. And then here's the thing. You can always course correct, right? So you have this vision. And I tell people this. So at 17, I had a vision. I want to become a professional speaker. So I started to have some confidence. Well, what do you mean confidence? I started to have this belief that my life was going to have some purpose because I had some meaning. I wasn't out here kind of as this wandering generality. So I had this belief, this foundation, like, you know, I got a game plan to take me somewhere. So I had this confidence. And then my vision gave me direction. What do you mean it gave me direction? Well, when you have a vision, it gives you direction because now I'm saying I want to become a speaker.

I want to become a professional speaker. Then I need to start doing these things that will get me there. Right. So I started taking more speaking classes and then I joined the National Speakers Association and then a Minnesota chapter of the National Speakers Association to learn the business. And then I got mentors. See, now I have this vision. It provides me with directions. Now, here's what's really big about your vision. Your vision helps you with decision making. I always tell people you should never make decisions that are polar opposite to your vision. Your vision and your decisions need to complement one another. Yeah, that's super good.

Your visions need to complement your decisions. Really good. You know, Jermaine, what about people who are like listening and saying, oh, I don't have a vision or it's not crystal clear. Like, what would you tell them to do in terms of how to get it to be a crystal clear vision that really helps guide them? So before your vision, and honestly, I write about this in two of my books. I actually, I call it the PVG theory, which stands for purpose, vision, and goals. Now, actually, before you get to your, you know, your vision says where you're going. So I would actually advocate before having a vision, you need to think about your purpose, which is your why.

You know, in other words, like, you know, what your life wants to do with you. Right. And it's something I, I, I learned this from, from studying. I read a book when I was in college about the Quaker community. Right. And it stuck with me and it said this and i'm paraphrasing but people often say this is what i want to do with my life right and in this book it said have you ever asked your life what it wanted to do with you wow that's really powerful jermaine. Yes. And so, again, I never sought out speaking. I told you I was going to the business world. I was in college. I worked for Keebler.

I had these marketing interns. I was going into sales and marketing. I wasn't thinking about being a speaker. But speaking pick me now now i'm not saying that an individual who's listening to this um this podcast that they you know that you can't bring your interest to fruition i like to give people a spectrum of how to think about things right so maybe there are some things you're passionate about that you want to do but then sometimes there's some things screaming for you like i almost became a lawyer because my uncle, who I really respected, wanted me to become a lawyer.

And so I was a pre-law student and started taking classes and I hated it. So this goes back to before your vision is what, you know, why do you feel like you exist? How do you want to make a difference in the world? How do you want to show up? So think about this. We all get 168 hours in a week. How do you want, how do you want to use your 168 to make a difference in your community, in our society, in the world? And so once, you know, once you get a little clear about your why, then we can talk about where. And so purpose says, why I do what I do. Vision says, here's where I'm going.

And I will say this, that sometimes people like to try to microwave their vision. And vision casting takes time at times, right? You ponder. If you're a prayerful person, you pray. If you meditate, you meditate. If you journal, you journal. If you have mentors or thought leaders in your life, sometimes your vision gets clear when you converse back and forth with other people. So it's a process. And then sometimes you might have two or three things that you're envisioning, and that's part of the process.

So I want to dispel the myth that right away you're going to get this crystal clear picture of what you should execute on. You know, that's rare. The people who get that early on, those are outliers, right? That's what Malcolm Gladwell was talking about in his book, Outliers. You know, these are those rare, unique individuals. Most individuals I've met,

you know, life is not linear. It morphed. There's twists and there's turns. And I also think, Jermaine, like it changes, you know, over time. I think when I'm listening to your story, I think about how it relates to mine. And, you know, like I got into the speaking profession, sort of like you did, where I didn't intend to, right? And it was really, I wanted to better my skills so I would be more confident when I was talking to the Minnesota Vikings.

I like that. Doing mental training with them and then I saw this profession that, gosh, I didn't know anything about and wow, I didn't really know that you could be a motivational speaker. So I like that you're like emphasizing the importance of having conversations about your vision, talking to people about your vision, like your mentors, or maybe you have a coach, right? Or, you know, reflecting on your vision and, and, and also like not doing that once, but doing that, you know, I don't know how often you'd recommend doing it, but, you know, maybe it's like once a year exercise that you like really think about where you want to go. Like how often do you think we should how we should, you know, connect with our vision or evaluate our vision is maybe maybe another way to say it.

This is really good. I'll tell you what I do. I think about my vision all the time. And I myself, am I bringing it to fruition? But here's the thing. I think that you should spend time reflecting on your vision, but this particular one, Terry, he lives in the Twin Cities and we go out for lunch and it's like a two, three hour lunch. And we talk. And the good thing about Terry, he plays devil's advocate. Sometimes he gets on my nerves, but he's helping me get clear. You know, it makes me think about the quote by Emily Dickinson when she says, I write to see my thoughts. Think about that.

I write to see my thoughts. So sometimes you have to put your vision on paper or in your computer and you look at it. And then you bring that to your dream team. Again, these group of people committed to helping you thrive and succeed. And then here's the beauty of that. So we teach this in communication. We all have blind spots. Absolutely. There's things we don't see, which is why you do what you do in the work that you do. You know, working with professional teams, you could be the greatest player, but we all have blind spots. You need someone who's more objective to help you see the things you don't see. And so to me, once a quarter, you know, is what I do. But here's the thing, you know, whether you do it once a quarter you know is what I do but um here's the thing you know whether you do it once a quarter you do it twice a year I think you should do it more than once a year right to help

you tweak it and fine-tune it and when you think about you know you're you're talking about like you're you're keeping your vision in mind all the time right and then this dream team's helping you just clarify it and and get more you know clear on it how do you find that dream team like what you know people are listening you know and they might say gosh I wish I had a Terry you know tell us how you found Terry and how do you recommend someone finding a Terry okay so remember I started doing this young. Now, here's the deal to building your dream team. You have to practice the art of initiating communication. It's a risk, right? And so it's the email.

Okay, here's one of my favorite stories. December 2015, I'm speaking for Wells Fargo. It's about 1,000 people in the room. When I leave, there's a young man who comes up to me and he says, I'm so touched and moved by your presentation. I would love to write a book like you. Will you teach me? Now, but here's the thing. People come up to me all the time and say, I want to speak. I want to

write. And I give them my card and I say, follow up. And I tell them, I say, okay, I'm going to give you my card, but I'm going to let you drive the relationship. And they say, what do you mean? I said, well, you know, my time is very limited. I don't have as much time as I used to. When I was younger, I'm a dad now and I'm teaching, I'm speaking, I'm writing. I said, what do you mean? I said, well, you know, my time is very limited. I don't have as much time as I used to when I was younger. I'm a dad now. I'm teaching, I'm speaking, I'm writing. I said, so I'm going to let you drive the relationship. And let me tell you, so this young man, his name is Wisdom. Nice. Seriously? That's an awesome name. He called me, texted me email me can i take you out for lunch can i take you out for dinner can we meet for coffee i know you're on the road can i have five minutes and you know what i never forgot about him and whenever whenever my schedule calmed down we would we would get together and then he would say just give me some tips. What should I do?

And so let me tell you, from December 2015 to the end of 2016, he put out his first book. Wow. He did everything I told him. Now, and I'm not the one to use absolute phrases. Everything I told him to do, he did it. Now, I'm not saying that you're always going to agree with your mentor, but he was a sponge. I mean, he would say things like this. The next time you have a speaking engagement, if you just want me to,

I'll work your book table. I just, I just cannot study. Can I, can I watch? Can I learn? And so here's the thing. He sought me out and pursued me. And guess what? Now, when wisdom calls me, I pick up. Nice. Because he's proven to me that he's not just a taker. And then he's actually going to at least try to implement some of the things that I'm sharing with him. Absolutely. So I think that's important. He wanted to write a book. I've written several books and he wanted to learn. And now he's working on the second book right now. That's the

ultimate example of how you identify. And here's the thing, people listening to this, they're going to be some people who don't respond to you. There are going to be some people who are rude, but guess what? There are other Jermaine Davises out there. They will respond. And I like that he was relentless and connected with you. So it reminds me of what you said earlier in the interview about identifying and then making sure that you connect with them, that you're the person to reach out, that you initiate the contact. Jermaine, one of the things that when you were talking about your PVG, so we've talked about purpose, we've talked about vision. Tell us about how you see goals connecting to thriving and really high performance

is maybe another word to me that relates to thriving. But how do you think goals connect with your vision? And then when should we set them? And what's your thoughts on that? Okay. So, so here's, so, so, so purpose says why we do what we do. Vision says, where are we going? And goal says, this is what we do. The, you know, the goals are, the goals are to work. That's the, that's the tangible part, you know, and get up off your butt and do it now. Here's what I say. Goals are, goals are a specific, a specific target that you've identified. Like,

like here's what I want. And then that's where you pour your efforts and energies into. Right. So, so goals are the tangibles the quantifiable stuff that I need to do to bring my vision to fruition and to live out my why so that's that's that's the work that you know if I said the goals are to work and so here's the thing you should always be setting goals and I I learned this, rest in peace, one of my favorite authors. I was so sad that he passed away, Dr. Stephen R. Covey. And here's what Dr. Covey used to say. A satisfied need no longer motivates. A satisfied need no longer motivates. When we have goals, it's something that we need or we want. But then once you fulfill that, you know what you better do? You better set some more stuff. You better set some new goals to keep you engaged, right? To keep you thriving, to keep you

moving. And so here's what research says. People who have goals increase their probability of living longer. Why? Because goals give your life meaning. They give your life purpose. So this is why sometimes when there are people who don't have goals, it's easier for them to just give up. Because they don't have anything. They don't have a center point that says, no, come back to this. What are your goals? You know, oftentimes I tell people, I said, you know.

I know I can't die right now. I got too much stuff I need to get done. There's stuff I'm still working on. Me too. Yeah, for sure. And so goals is, for example, here's what I told Wisdom. I told Wisdom about the PVG. I said, now, in order for you to become the author you want, to bring that to fruition, there's stuff you got to do. He says, what do you think? I said, okay, here's what I'm going to challenge you to do. I'm going to challenge you for the next 90 days to write one page a day.

And I said, I don't care if the page, if what you're writing on your book, if it's horrible, if it's garbage, if you think it's trash, you think it's stupid, write one page a day. And I said, my friend, that's going to give you about 90 pages. And I said, say, for for instance half of it is trash I said you still got 45 pages of good content absolutely and I said what about if half of that is trash you still got 20 good pages and I said in the average-sized book that's that could be two chapters and so when I said that to him he got excited he was like yes and I said that to him, he got excited. He was like, yes. And I said, now, let me share a trick with you. I said, once you start writing,

it'll become easier, not necessarily easy, it'll become easier for you to write two pages, three pages, four pages. And I remember when he made that shift, he said, you're right. He said, today I wrote six pages. And I said, that's what happens. I said, once you get into your zone of writing, I said, it'll be easy. And then I said, but then it'll come back. There'll be some days where you only could write two really good paragraphs. And I said, guess what? That all count. That's part of the goal. Yeah. Jermaineaine it reminds me of like how it's the start that stops people you know it's like people just don't start but then yes when I even when I was writing my book it's like I didn't want to some days write but it's like I just sat my butt down and started

and then you're right then it was like whoa I've been writing for an hour and I got you know this many pages done so I like I like that a lot. So Jermaine, I think we could talk for hours. So I'm going to have to have you on the podcast again and we can dive into other content because it's been really awesome. And I love the value that you've shared. I can tell that you really move your audiences, you know, as, as we, as we wrap up and I think about like the value you provide for others,

I know you have, gosh, over like, you know, 10 books. So tell us about some of those and perhaps just tell us about your favorite one. Which one do you think people who are listening would really be interested in reading more about? You know, that's the challenging one because honestly, I love all my books for various reasons. That's why I poured my, my, you know, my soul into it. I'll tell you this. My number one bestseller is get up off your butt and do it now. But, but leading with greatness, leading with greatness is, is, is thriving. I guess leading with greatness is like, no, you're not going to kick my butt,

get up off your butt. Um, and, and so even, even a quote journals that I've done, you know, those are my slower selling books. And it was a collaboration. And let me say this about thriving. Collaborations are great. Collaborations are great because you don't have to do it all by yourself. Like tap into the wisdom and expertise of other people and collectively bring that together. I think that's something that we miss out on in our culture because we have this rugged individualism. And don't get me wrong. Individual success is awesome. But you know what else is awesome? The fact that when you bring a few minds and experiences together and they bring those worlds together, that's thriving. So I say that to say, I wrote four quote journal books with Dr. Katie Roberto, and it's a lot of reflection. But the people who don't mind

journaling, man, I get emails and pictures of people crying and said, I needed this because sometimes people are just, they're on a go. So what we did is we took the, we took quotes and then we created a, what we call a quote journal and a tagline is journaling your way towards success. Right. And so, um, when you think about something, you know, put it to paper or or take it out of your head and heart and put it somewhere where it becomes tangible or permanent and look at it through from that that perspective. So all of the books add value. I always tell people, where are you on your personal professional journey? What do you need? Sometimes you might need something motivational. Sometimes you need, you know what you need? You need leadership, something on communication, how to deal with conflict, right? How to build trust. You know, I talk about that in Leaning with Greatness. Then sometimes

I got a book on diversity. Sometimes you need that. You're dealing with diverse people that you've never interacted before. How do I make connections in an authentic way so it's really where are you on your journey and that's honestly that's the way I read books I tell people I rarely read a book from start to finish and they're shocked and they say really I said you know what I go get what I need absolutely yeah yeah so super good Jermaine So you can find all those books at JermaineDavis.com. Tell us more about if someone wants to hire you to come speak, Jermaine, or, you know, as they've been listening, if they're really inspired and want to hire you as a coach, tell us about how they can find information to do that. Yeah, just JermaineDavis.com. You know,

everything is there. You know, I love working one-on-one with people. But I'm a different kind of coach, Cendra. I'm a different kind of coach. I laugh. We have fun. I challenge you. You know, my coaching style is really different than, like, I want to – it's a conversation.

It's a dialogue. Seriously, I'm laughing and I'm joking. I'm passionate. I'm asking questions. Um, yeah. Excellent. And are you on social media, Jermaine? Like if people want to follow you on any of the social media channels, how could they do that? Yeah. LinkedIn, Jermaine M. Davis. Instagram, Jermaine M. Davis? Instagram, Jermaine M. Davis.

Yes, yes. All of that. All of that. All of that. Just Google Jermaine Davis. I love it. Well, Jermaine, I so appreciate your time and your energy and the value provided to the audience today. I want to share with you a few things that really stood out to me, just kind of a way to recap,

but also some feedback for you, you know, what people are really enjoying. So I most enjoyed the stuff that you talked about, the, the PVG and, you know, just like how your purpose is really your why, your vision is where you're going. And then your goals is really like what we do. And I really liked your discussion about, you know, like how you've created this crystal clear vision and your conversations about Terry and how they've been helpful. I also really found inspiring your stories. So, you know, your story about like just the way you grew up and how you made the decision to the importance of breaking the cycle and how you intentionally made that decision

and your story about your brother and your main lesson was like you have to change your approach to get what you want and then lastly I enjoyed our conversation about thriving versus surviving and and just like how we need to do that the three benefits of a vision you know helps you be confident helps you give you direction and gives you hope. So Jermaine, I want to acknowledge you and thank you for all of the amazingness that you provide to this world. Can't wait to hear you speak sometime because I'm inspired and I'm ready to take on whatever I have today. So thank you so much for joining us, Jermaine. Thank you. And your book is beautiful. I tell everyone, I say, it's a beautiful book internally and externally. Oh, that's awesome. It took me a long time to write it. So, but just like you, I have

many more, you know, ideas in store for my next one. So thank you so much. Thanks for saying that, Jermaine. Thank you again for joining us. All right. Have a good one. Thank you for listening to High Performance Mindset. If you liked today's podcast, make a comment, share it with a friend and join the conversation on Twitter at Mentally Underscore Strong. For more inspiration and to receive Sindra's free weekly videos, check out DrSindra.com.