High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 158: What Will You Do to Get What You Want? With Amber Selking, Mental Performance Consultant

Episode Date: February 15, 2018

Dr. Amber Selking is a mental performance consultant and founder of the Selking Performance Group. She works to emphasize the power of Mindset and Leadership to drive lasting change in businesses, on athletic teams, and in individual lives. Amber received her PhD in applied sport psychology, with an emphasis in positive psychology and the effect of brain functioning on performance. She currently serves as the Mental Performance Coach and Consultant to Head Coach Brian Kelly and the Notre Dame Football team, and an adjunct professor in Notre Dame’s Mendoza College of Business. In this interview, Amber shares with us: Her “Do, Better, How” exercise Why visual cues and reminders are helpful When to tell yourself, “I got this.” What separates the world’s best from the rest How “Wonder Woman” is a mindset You can contact Amber on Twitter at @DrSelking and at www.selkingperformance.com You can find a full description of the Podcast and contact information for Amber at cindrakamphoff.com/amber

Welcome to High Performance Mindset with Dr. Sindra Kampoff. Do you want to reach your full potential, live a life of passion, go after your dreams? Each week we bring you strategies and interviews to help you ignite your mindset. Let's bring on Sindra. Welcome to the High Performance Mindset Podcast. This is your host, Sindra Kampoff, mental performance consultant, speaker, and author of Beyond Grit, 10 Powerful Practices to Gain the High Performing Edge. And I'm grateful that you're here to join us for episode 158 with Dr. Amber Selking. Now, the goal of these interviews is to learn from the world's best, the world's best leaders,

athletes, coaches, and consultants, all about the topic of mindset to help us reach our potential or be a high performer in our field, our sport. And before I introduce you to Amber, I'm going to head over to iTunes and read a comment and review. Now this comment and review is from MeVans425. And MeVans says, practical, actionable advice. And they also write, what a gem of a show with real practical advice.

I love listening to each episode. As I walk away with a nugget, I can immediately apply to my life. Thanks for a great show. Well, thank you so much, MeVans425. I really appreciate that comment. And what's cool about that comment is that is exactly why I produce this podcast every week is to provide actionable tools and strategies you can use in your life, in your business,

and in sport. So if you enjoy the episodes or if this is the first time you're joining us and if you enjoy this episode, if you could head over to iTunes and leave us a rating and review on there, that would be amazing. One also cool thing that you can do is you can just swipe down on your iPhone from the podcast and then there's a way to rate the podcast there as well. That just helps us reach more and more people each and every week. So in today's episode, I interview Amber Selking, who I know from being a member of the Association

for Applied Sports Psychology. And I've met Amber in various ways through ASP and then through IMG Academy, which is she's going to talk a little bit about her work in this interview. So let me tell you about Amber. She is a mental performance consultant and founder of Selking Performance Group. She works to emphasize the power of mindset and leadership to drive lasting change in businesses, on athletic teams, and in individual lives. So she has a PhD in applied sports psychology with an emphasis in positive psychology and the effect of brain functioning on performance.

She also serves as the mental performance coach and consultant to head coach Brian Kelly and the Notre Dame football team. And she's also an adjunct professor to the Notre Dame's College of Business. In this interview, Amber and I talk about her do better how exercise, which I think you're gonna enjoy, which is one of my favorite. In this interview, Amber and I talk about her Do Better How exercise, which I think you're going to enjoy, which is one of my favorite parts of this interview.

She also talks about why visual cues and reminders are really helpful in terms of helping us remind us of things that are important to us or things we'd like to implement. We also talk about what separates the world's best from the rest and how Wonder Woman is a mindset. So my favorite things that she talks about in this interview are number one. She says at the end of the day we should consider our do better how. So listen for that. The second thing that I really enjoyed about this interview is that she talks about how the world's best have a passion to be great and they will do whatever it takes to be great. So she asks you, what will you do to get what you want? The full description of the podcast as well as contact

information for Amber can be found on drcindra.com slash Amber. Now without further ado, let's bring on Amber. Welcome to the High Performance Mindset Podcast. I am delighted to interview Amber Selking today. So Dr. Selking, welcome to the High Performance Mindset Podcast. Thank you so much, Dr. Kampoff. It's a pleasure to be here with you. Well, I'm looking forward to diving into more of your work and catching up since I know it's been a little while since we last connected. So for the listeners who maybe don't know much about you, Amber, kind of tell maybe don't know much about you, Amber, kind of tell us about your passion and what you do.

Yeah. So right now I'm basically living my dream. Sometimes I feel like I have to wake up and pinch myself. However, this is, we are in February and I do live in South Bend, Indiana. So the reality is very strong as I'm currently sitting in a snowstorm. So I guess perfect is not close. A snowstorm is not really perfect in my mind in general. So it does keep me grounded living in the bend. But you know, on a daily basis, I have a consulting company called the Selking Performance Group. And so every day I get to work with individuals, teams and organizations on helping them understand and leverage the power of mindset and leadership to drive performance excellence. And so you know, I work with clients from the locker room to the boardroom. So from the sports space to the business space on, again, understanding and unlocking the power of the mind

at the individual level, and then the power that leadership holds when it's done really well to unlock the potential within systems and teams. And so that's what I do for with the consulting side. And I guess two of the roles that I fill most frequently in my current life is teaching at the at the University of Notre Dame in the business school. So I'm an adjunct professor teaching strategic human resource management. And then I'm also the mental performance coach for head coach Brian Kelly and the Notre Dame football team. So lots of based here in South Bend. And then on top of that, like I said, just traveling and consulting with business teams and organizations across the country. Absolutely. Sounds great. So, you know, just kind of take us back to your degrees and kind of where you came from and

then how you got to, you know, South Bend, Indiana. Yeah, I'm going to go way, way back because I think this is an important part of my story. I grew up in a very, very small town in Northeastern Pennsylvania in a town of 1800 where we had more cattle than humans. And so I graduated from Montrose High School. And, you know, from there, I had the opportunity to go to Notre Dame and played soccer my freshman year. Unfortunately, knee injuries ended my career early. And so, you know, I went through my identity crisis at that level and, but, but realized that, you know, maybe I was at Notre Dame for a different reason than, than just soccer. And so I stayed and graduated

there with a business degree. I went and worked in corporate America for a couple of years and I was in HR and there's when I think it really dawned on me, you know, just like in sport where you've got some kids that are super, super talented, but don't really work hard. So they never really reached their potential quote unquote, or others that are just grinders and they know how to work and deal with failure and sometimes go way beyond themselves. The same was this, I could see the same thing happening in business. You know, the different, I moved around the company a lot and was in five of our different business units. And so got to see what impact different leadership had or different cultures had on the performance of these businesses and people. And so that really piqued

my interest in this whole essence of human performance. And so I went back to grad school and I did my master's out at the University human performance. And so I went back to grad school and I did my master's out at the University of Denver. And then my PhD work at the University of Missouri under Dr. Rick McGuire in applied sports psych and positive psychology. And so that's really been the basis that I've generated all of my work from those understandings of positive psych and sports psych and human performance. And really, again, trying to apply those to the business and the sports settings and helping us really tap into the massive potential of our people that exist in all domains. Absolutely. And why, you know, when you think about your decision to pursue sports ecology,

given that you are in corporate America, what made you decide to venture, you know, towards psychology of sport versus, you know, other areas of business? Well, one, I'm an athlete. And so, you know, I just missed that environment and being around athletes and coaches in the sports world. And at the same time, I saw a massive intrigue of sport in the business space. And so I knew I wanted to work in both areas, but I thought there was a much more crossover that I could leverage from the sports space into in terms of stories and examples. And there's a hunger for that from a lot of corporate people, you know, to use those types of analogies and understandings. And again, you know, sports like has done a much better job of looking at the individual level, what goes into human performance versus a lot

of business psychology is more about like systems and processes and understanding, you know, those elements. And so I just felt like it was a better fit and helping me really accomplish what I'm out to try to do, which is help people build championship mindsets. Nice. And obviously those are two, you know, very well regarded graduate programs. So you studied with some of the best, which is fun to see. So before Amber, we kind of dive into your work and talk more about mindset and leadership.

I'd like you to share a story about a time that you fail and what you learned from it and what we can learn as listeners. And I want to start with that because, you know, I think that's a great way for us to get to know you a little bit more, but also just with the idea that there's a lot we can learn from failure, even though that it maybe is difficult at the time. So do you have a story in mind that you could, you know, share with us? Yeah. You know, you told me to think about this earlier today. And so I've been racking my brain and running through all of the failures that I've been trying to figure out.

All right, which one should I share? But one just kept coming back to my mind. I had the opportunity to work down at IMG Academy for two summers on their summer mental conditioning staff. And so, and for those of you that don't know, IMG is a, is an athletic training facility. And during the summertime, it's summer camp time for all these different sports. And these kids from literally all over the world come in for a week at a time, up to eight weeks at a time to train in their sport. And they get leadership training, mental performance, strength and conditioning, et cetera. And I was, I remember

I was teaching a class, it was baseball players and they were like 14 year old boys and I had a room full of them. So think 30, 14 year old boys after lunch in a room, right? And Josh Liffrack, who is now the mental performance coach with the Chicago Cubs was in there with me. And so it was one of my first, well, it wasn't my first session I did by myself, but one of the first larger ones in that setting that I had done by myself. And so Josh was sitting in the back observing to give me feedback. And I was like, okay, I got this. I'm going to just match these boys energy and this is going to be awesome. And so during the session, one of the little boys was just silly and obnoxious, right? As 14 year old boys can be. And, and I just thought, you know what, I'm going to nip this

in the bud. I'm going to put them in the back corner and have him sit there and not respond to any of his silly comments that he tries to add to the conversation. And I'm going to show Josh how great at classroom management I am. Okay. And so, so I'm up there and I'm teaching and he's on his third disruption. So I move him to the back of the room and then I keep going and I keep everybody else engaged and they're all there. And at the end of it, the boys leave and Josh walks up to me and I'm thinking, he's going to tell me how good I did at managing this difficult kid. And he goes, he's 14. You're a professional be better. And he just walked out of the room. And I was like, Oh my gosh. Wow. I, and, and it just struck me like this is a 14 year old boy who obviously really wants some attention and is trying to engage. And just because he's not doing it in a way that I thought he should be, I sort of, I separated him from the group and even made it more of an embarrassing experience for him. And Josh's feedback was just so blunt and to the point of like, you're a professional, be better. And I think, you know, and I've thought about that a lot in different settings that I've

been in, you know, regardless of who we're standing in front of, you know, because at the end of the day, 14 year old boys aren't very different than the adult men that we work with or, or women, you know, and everybody, everybody has their own hurts or frustrations or insecurities that they're bringing to different environments. And in our role in mental performance or in teaching it's, can we really adopt the role of the learner and put ourselves in these other people's shoes to try to create environments that are conducive for them to really engage, right? And so how could I have responded differently to this little boy that would have really gotten him to shift his mindset and understanding of the importance of what we were talking about and why we're talking about it. And so that was a huge fail that I had in

working and coaching mental performance with kids particularly. But I think something that's really stood out to me in terms of challenging myself to be better in different scenarios and to not think that I have to control environments or rooms in, in every sense of the meaning, right. And capacity, um, and really just be present and roll with and try to really integrate and engage people where they are. Absolutely.

So when you think about what was the thing that you learned most from that experience? For sure, to be mindful of how I'm responding to people and treating them. Um, but more so being willing to adapt and adjust my, my communication, um, in ways that again, can engage people in, in different capacities. Sure. And I think for ourselves, just continuous learning, you know, re you know, here I am working on a PhD down at IMG thinking I have it together and I'm good at what I do. And a 14 year old can derail me, right? So really, what does that say about where I'm at? And just this constant pursuit of getting better myself so that I can serve the people that I work with in the best ways possible.

And I also heard in your story, just the importance of like maybe understanding where he's at and having compassion for him. And clearly he wanted attention, right? So what's kind of going on in his life for him to act out that way? Exactly. Exactly. Cool. Cool. Well, let's dive in, Amber, to, you know, when I think about how you described the Selking Performance Group, you said you do, you know, you work on the power of mindset and the power of leadership to drive lasting change. So let's kind of dive into some of those topics a little bit more and tell us, you know, how you see mindset and leadership. Yeah. So to me, mindset, right, a mindset is a patterned way of thinking about anything. And,

and these patterned ways of thinking actually build protein patterns at the neurological level in our brains, which determine, you know, how our brains therefore function, which then impacts how we're able to show up. And so when I talk about building championship mindsets, I talk about helping people, you know, build the right ways of thinking that's going to build these right protein patterns in the brain that is really going to facilitate their own mental, emotional, physical well-being, which is going to allow them to show up and be their best selves on a more consistent basis. And so, again, helping people think about how they're thinking about themselves and different situations that they're in and try to build these mindsets

that are conducive to performance excellence. And so I really see that as sort of a bottom-up approach to transforming teams or organizations, so at the individual level. And then I really see that as sort of a bottom-up approach to transforming teams or organizations, so at the individual level. Then I really see leadership as more of a top-down strategy that can really, when executed well, helps all of those individuals perform their best and create environments that are really conducive to performance excellence. Absolutely. Let's dive into one of those. And when you say like, you know, that you create championship mindsets and that's,

um, by the way, the building championship mindset is, um, your podcast. Um, so tell us what you mean by championship mindsets and how do you build those? Yeah. So a championship mindset is any situation that you have, right? Looking at it, like how a champion would. And so the research and the study that I have always have been engaged in is looking at how do high performers perform that highly and how did they think in ways that help drive that high level of performance? And so my podcast, again, is called Building Championship Mindsets. But when I work with individuals, it's about, again, helping them understand how champions would think about or process that situation.

So let's take, for example, failure. You know, I think a lot of times people fear failure and think that, you know, if I fail, then that means I, as a human being, am a failure. But the reality of it is that's not how champions think about failure. I mean, champions don't like failing because they love winning, right? But they see failure as an opportunity to learn and to grow and to get better. And so it's helping, again, individuals understand how to think about different situations or scenarios in ways that are more conducive to performance excellence.

Excellent. So let's dive into perhaps, you know, something related to championship mindset. Is there a topic, let's say when you're speaking, you're doing some of your keynoting or you're speaking to businesses or even Notre Dame football, right? Is there a topic within that, that we could dive into more and that we could learn more about from you? Well, again, a mindset, we have mindsets on everything. And so for example, you know, I, when I give keynote addresses to sales organizations, you know, I'll work very closely with their CEO or, you know, VPs to understand where are they at in their business and what are some of the mindsets or the patterned ways of thinking that they're needing to shift in their organization. And then we really talk to their people about how to build that way of thinking or how to think about it in

ways that are going to be conducive to their success. But one thing I always share that people often don't take time to really think about or consider is just the power of thought in general. I think people think that thoughts are just these sort of ephemeral things, you know, that float around in the air and don't necessarily matter. And so the first thing to really understand is, again, that every thought matters because as we repeat a thought, it is starting to generate those protein patterns in the brain. And so just helping people become more aware and mindful of their thinking and what they're actually processing, because it's these repeated thoughts

that build the mindset. And so again, whatever it is that we're trying to help a team or an organization shift around how they think and understanding just the importance of how they think. So what we know from a sports psych perspective is that our thoughts affect our emotions, which affect our physiological or our body's reaction and response. And ultimately that's, what's going to dictate our performance. And so I'll give a quick story. I was working with a baseball team and I had them write this exercise of, we were talking about confidence at the plate, right? So when you go up to bat, and again, if you're not a baseball player or an athlete, just think about it in your world, right? Whatever world you're in right now, when you step up to the

plate to your big moment or at the moment of delivery, what are you thinking about? And so I had the guys write on a note card, what, a negative thought that you find popping into your head when you step up to the plate. Okay. And so they all wrote, they wrote it down on their note card. And then I said, okay, now we're going to pass, pass the card to your left. And the guy beside you is going to change that negative thought into a positive thought. Okay. So, and then, then they passed them back and we went around and read him and I just remember this one kid's response he said okay coach so sometimes when I step up to the plate I think crap but he didn't say crap right he said shit so he's like that's my thought when I step up to the

plate and so what do we know right our thoughts affect our emotions which affect our body's response so if he said if you step up to the plate and your first thought is, oh crap, right? Emotionally, like you get a little nervous, right? A little fearful. And so our body's reaction is our heart rate goes up, our muscle tension increases, and our visual field actually narrows. And so in that moment, like this kid's not best prepared to hit a home run like he would like to, right? And so in that moment, like this kid's not best prepared to hit a home run like he would like to. Right. And so, but it was awesome.

I said, okay, so what'd your buddy change that to? He goes, it's awesome. It says, I got this shit. So it was just so cute. But like, just, I got this, right. You add that to that negative thought. And now all of a sudden it's, I got this, right? You add that to that negative thought. And now all of a sudden it's, I got this. And that feeling, that emotion, when you step up to the plate now is one of courage, right? Some more confidence and physiologically is muscle tension's going to

lower. It's heart rate's going to settle in and he's going to position himself to be successful. And so again, when we talk about these championship mindsets, it's really, how can we take what we're thinking about it? And if it's not helping us be successful, how can we shift that and change it into ways that are going to set that process of thoughts, emotion, physiological response up for success? And I just love that little example because it's so funny and it's funny, right? It's hilarious, but it's really powerful in, um, you know, helping us see just the power of thought and how that impacts how we show up

at the plate. So let's say as people are listening, they might be like, okay, yeah, you know, I struggle with some negativity that I know is impacting, you know, my performance or my day-to-day performance. If I'm not an athlete, what would you tell us in terms of, you know, my performance or my day-to-day performance, if I'm not an athlete, what would you tell us in terms of, you know, just the awareness of the thought and then what advice would you give in terms of like addressing that? Yeah. So, you know, it would be nice if we walked into a gym and walked out swole, right? Fit for the year, ready to go, but that doesn't happen. We have to go consistently and really the brain is like a muscle. And so we can't expect to just, okay, now I'm aware of this negative thought. I'm going to change it to a positive and I'm never

going to have that negative thought again. So consistency is key in that, but because people are often not conditioned yet to really think about their thoughts, we have to have visual cues, right? And visual reminders. And so, you know, whether you put a rubber band on your wrist and every time you see it, you, or it reminds you, okay, what am I thinking about? And you recognize a negative thought and you snap your wrist, right? To sort of slap your mind back into focus and thinking about the right things or, you know, those, the Livestrong bracelets that sort of blew up back in the day that now you can get basically quotes of anything on those. And so, um, get one of those that has a quote or an inspirational message or a power statement

that the right ways of thinking on it for yourself. And every time you see it, just repeat that thought. Um, for our athletes, you know, our football guys at Notre Dame, we have them actually tape their wrist and write their mental cues or their focus cues on their wrist. So every time they look down their, their reminders, right? Oh yeah, I need to, I need to manage my thoughts right now so I can get in this optimal zone. So whether you've got sticky notes on your computer or quotes written on a dry erase board, I mean, we have got to be deliberate and intentional about surrounding and filling our mind with the right ways of thinking. And we can't expect that to just one happen overnight or to be something that's easy because, you know, if you're in the habit of negative thinking, it takes a lot

to break a bad habit. And so one of the ways again to do that is just having those visual cues all around you to help remind you to think right and think like a champion. Excellent. That's a really tangible thing that people can use. And I'm just picturing like Notre Dame football with all their kind of cues on their wrist. Can you give us some examples of some cues that you've seen on their wrists? Yeah. So they vary widely, but I will say that Sharpie markers have now become a staple in the locker room because it's taken off quite a bit. Some guys will literally just write breathe on their wrist to remind them of their proper breathing techniques. Some guys write relax. You get out there and they get too jacked up. Others will write their focus cue. We have win, right? W-I-N

stands for what's important now. And the answer to that question is always where our focus and attention should be directed. So just by simply writing win on their wrist, it reminds them to think about what's important now in this moment. And then we've got others, you know, that write some of their identity statements. So their faith life is really important to a lot of our players. And, you know, some will just write, I am a child of the king, you know. And for him, that's a reminder of like, listen, at the end of the day, I, I am, you know, his name, right? So let's just say me. So I am Amber Selking. Like my, my whole life doesn't rise or fall on this game. And that sort of is a reminder to him to just

relax and play and play freely versus being worried about, you know, the outcome, if you will. So those are some examples of things that I, that, that our guys have written on their wrist as those sort of mental cues and reminders for them. I like it. And what do you see, like in terms of how that translates to performance when you have that mental cue, either, you know, like as a football player written on your wrist or, you know, the other suggestions that you provided, how do you think that helps us be high performer? Well, it drives consistency, right? And I think that's what separates high performers from other performers is they're just consistency and diligence and

building the little habits that we know lead to success and managing your mind and your thought life is one of those things. And so, you know, those visual cues are just constant reminders that keep high performers locked onto in thinking about the things, their goals, their mission, their vision, their identity, their purpose, their why, you know, all of those things. And then they can orient their time, energy, and attention around those cues. And that's, I think, what helps give them traction to getting really good at whatever it is they're pursuing. Yeah, for sure. Sounds great.

You know, Amber, when you think about the guys on the football team who maybe stand out, you know, in terms of their mindset or they're a high performer or when you go out and you work with businesses, what do you think separates those who you just are average for those that really stand out and move forward towards their potential? What do you think the mental differences are? One for sure is just a passion to be great. You know, the people that are great have a desire to be great and they are willing to do whatever it takes to get what it is that they say that they want. You know, I tell my, I tell people that a lot, like, listen, whatever it is you want, that's awesome. Like I'm going to,

if you want to go play in the league, awesome. If you want to be a CEO, awesome. Like I really want to know what your goals are, but I'm even more interested in knowing what are you willing to do to get what you say that you want. And so within that passion for excellence, there's also this air of humility in that they are willing to engage in the type of work necessary to build these habits of excellence that we talk about. And so it's a really interesting intersection in terms of passion and confidence and like humility and persistence. Right. And it's that sort of balance that they've struck that I think in my mind really separates everything. Can you give us an example without obviously naming names, but is there somebody in particular

that you can think of that exemplifies, you know, having passion and confidence, but also this humility and consistency? Because I think you're right. Like, we can think that, you know, confidence is arrogance, but really how, you know, the best are confidently humble, right? That they can still ask for help and they're hungry to improve every single day. Yeah. You know, and I think this is, this is ultimately where it's really awesome when you work with the head person, because when that person has these qualities, it infiltrates the rest of the team or the organization. And so right off the top of my head, you know, the two people that I've worked most closely with probably in the last six months are head coach Brian Kelly and the CEO of Jan Marini Skincare Research, John Connors. And both of these men have a desire to individually be the very best at what they do, but they also have a deep desire for their teams and their organizations to be great. And so they just have an insatiable appetite, um, to learn and to get resources in place for

their people to help them be their best. And at the same time, they're constantly searching for, how do I get better myself? Right. And so, um, season three of my podcast, which is coming out, releasing, um, next week. So it comes out on Monday, the 12th, February 12th, um, is, is entitled lead to win. And, and one in the whole premise of it is leadership. You know, we have to lead in first before we can really lead out. And so, and that's, what's been powerful to see in these two, these two men is their willingness to lead in. And so I'll, for example, um, when I was working with John Connors on putting together the, the annual sales meeting talk, um, you know, I, I was asking him about the vision and mission for the organization and, and he didn't really hit it very clearly.

And I was like, okay, well that might be helpful. By the time I talked to him next, he had recognized, hey, I didn't hit that as clearly as I should have. So I sat down and we put one very clearly together. And we're going to roll that out and make sure that our entire organization is wrapped around that vision and mission. And so just his humility to in that say like, oh, wow, I can't believe I haven't done that, right? Was really powerful and it had a huge impact on just orienting the work of his entire organization around what they were after. So I think that that was fascinating. Yeah, so awesome. I also think like he was self-aware enough to know that he couldn't articulate it to you. And so it was like an opportunity for him to get better at that, right? That he could see his weaknesses and how he could improve.

Yeah. And he's just a heck of a leader. And seeing him lead his people is fascinating. But you know what they always say, like, if it's fuzzy at the pulpit, it's going to be mud by the time it hits the pews. And so that's what I work a lot with leaders is just really clarifying the vision, the mission, the core values so that everybody in the organization can really rally around that and generate the type of traction necessary to accomplish really, really big goals. But I think the other thing, you know,

and let's just say our players, it's always fascinating to see which guys are sitting up front, right? With their notebooks out, taking copious notes, asking questions, engaging in this. And I love it. And it's really powerful for our younger guys too, to see our older guys who are really good by all intents and purposes, right? And are getting a lot of accolades and yet are still front center every training session, figuring out now, how do I get better? And it's just such a powerful role model for everyone around to see, wow, he's first team all American and he's really engaging with this stuff like that. I guess I better really lock in too, you know? Yeah, absolutely. That's what I see, you know, the best of the best who stay in the league, and I'm talking about the NFL, they're just constantly hungry. They're constantly learning,

constantly improving, and they don't settle, you know, just for yesterday and what they were doing yesterday. So Amber, when you think about your work, can you tell us about perhaps like a signature technique or something that you talk about a lot in terms of when you're working with people to help them kind of master their mindset or be a better leader? Yeah. So one thing that I found really powerful is a very simple strategy called a well better learned. And we, and I do this with all of my clients. We do it at the individual level and we do it at the team level, but it's a really simple framework to help you analyze performance. And a couple things I've found with it. One, I've found that it has helped individuals analyze their performance

much less emotionally and much more strategically. And it also drives strategy, right? So what we do is what are three things that went well? And when I work on one-on-one with my clients, I have them keep a journal and they do a Well Better Learned every single night before they go to bed. And then we start our session with a Well Better Learned to sort of recap the week. So what are three things that went well for you today and why, right? That's a really important part. Why did that go well? So that you can replicate what's going well tomorrow, right?

The next part is what are two things that you can replicate what's going well tomorrow, right? The next part is what are two things that you want to focus on doing better and how, right? Because that how then allows you to strategize. It's not enough to say, well, I want to hydrate better tomorrow. Okay. How do you plan to do that? I'm going to carry a water bottle around with me. So I have it on me at all times. Okay, excellent. Very simple, right? But those little implementation intentions is what we call it, that how, drives the probability of actually accomplishing that goal. And so those are really important. And then the last thing is learned. What's one thing you learned about yourself today? Part of my theory of performance excellence in general syndrome is that the human will always outperform

the performer. So the man or woman under the jersey or under the suit will always go further than that football player or that CEO. And so if we can really tap into an understanding of who we are at the human individual level, then when we add that role or that team or that organization that we're a part of on top of it, we can go even further, right? But again, it's that core sense of identity. And so this well better learned ends with that learned piece to really help people get a better understanding of who they are and what makes them tick and what makes them them in this world. And so again, three things that went well and why, two things that you want

to do better and how, and one thing that you've learned about yourself. And like I said, I do it at the individual level, but we also do that at the team level as well. Yeah. And I could see how this could really help people, you know, continually grow and learn kind of like this growth mindset idea, but also focus on what they're doing well. And what I find is that at the end of the day, you know, we're focusing on things that didn't go well or things that we'd like to change instead of, gosh, what can we actually celebrate today? Yeah. You know, and everything that we know about positive psychology is that celebrating wins is really helpful and healthy, and it keeps us energized. It keeps us motivated. It shifts the hormonal reactions in our bodies.

It helps lower stress, helps build better relationships, you know, all of these wonderful things. And it's just fascinating. You know, you could, you could have an athlete win, like, let's say we win the game and they can't tell you anything they did well. They just want to point out all the things they did wrong. Or let's say, you know, they, they can't find anything they need to do better. They are perfect, right? Like that's the other end of the spectrum. And so what this framework does is really help us look at both sides because no matter

how good or how bad the outcome was, there's still things within it that went well or that we need to do better. And again, really simple but really powerful framework for analyzing performance. And, you know, even parents, when your kid comes home from school, instead of just like, Hey, how was your day? Good. Right. Like I've, a lot of my parents have given me feedback that, Oh my gosh, like Matt is so much better now at communicating. And, and he just, you know, when I tell parents or kids that as well, you know, mom and dad are nagging me all the time, give them a well,

better learned. And they'll be like, Oh my God, where did that come from? You know? So imagine your kid coming home from school. He's like, well, mom, here's the three things that went well today. Here's the two things I want to do better tomorrow. And here's what I learned about myself today. I'd love for my kids to do that. But, but again, and then if they're not going to offer that to us, then we can ask questions in that, Hey, what's something that went well today? Why'd that go well? No, what are you doing better tomorrow? How? And that's, it's really powerful for just opening up lines of communication with individuals as well. And I like how it's easy to remember, right? Well, better learned in three, two, one. Exactly. So Amber, can you give us a

little bit more details in terms of like your work with Notre Dame football and maybe how it started? I'm sure people as they're listening, they're like, oh, you know, that's that's super interesting. So tell us a little bit about what you do with them. Yeah. So I have actually been sending Notre Dame football information on mental performance for the last six years. So it's not like it just this has happened overnight because it is relatively new in the, in the football field. I mean, you're in the cutting edge of that with the Vikings and you know, I think Nick Saban and Florida state have been on it for years with the Moad group. But a lot of people are just starting to figure out how to really tap into the power of mental

performance training. And so I, like I said, I've been sending them articles for the last several years and, um, coach Kelly reached out, um, at the beginning of last year. So the beginning of 2017 and said that he really wanted to take a deeper look at what this could look like and integrating it into the program. And so he and I work very, very closely together. And I'm a big believer that to, and through the coach is the most powerful way to get messaging across and integrated into programs. And so he and I work closely on that. But then within the performance side of it, I'll do team training on fundamental mental performance, which is looking at helping our athletes understand how does your brain work? How does it affect performance? And then what are tools and strategies that you can do to manage that, right? So for example, how does distraction work, right?

What happens when you get distracted and how does that affect performance? And then what are some tools and strategies that you can use to manage distraction? And so I mentioned one of those earlier, which is to simply ask yourself when, what's important now? Because the answer to that is where your attention should therefore be directed. And if you're focused on what's important now, you're not thinking about the distraction, right? The thing that's distracting the body and its impact and equipping them with tools to manage, manage that. I also do a lot of small group sort of team building and identity development with our guys on understanding their strengths, their weaknesses, opportunities that they have to really capitalize on as student athletes at Notre Dame. And then we teach the skill of focus, which is we do around fall camp time. And then during season, it's what we just call mindset management. So being there every day at practice, on the sidelines of games, helping guys emotionally regulate. So making sure they're

breathing properly, making sure, you know, they're, they're managing their optimal intensity levels in ways that are conducive to performance and, and focusing, right. Setting down the play that just happened and refocusing on the next play and being able to do that. And so that's really been my role throughout the course of a year, let's say with the, with the program. And, um, And then, like I said, again, working with Coach Kelly on sort of the performance system, if you will, and making sure that it's conducive to performance excellence. Well, what I like is your persistence. You know, six years, you know, for me, the Minnesota Vikings didn't happen right away either. And I think sometimes, you know, we see people in our field like doing this work and, you know, we think it was easy for them to get those opportunities, but I like your

persistence and tell us, you know, Amber, people maybe are wondering, so, you know, what do you think about being a woman working in that environment and tell us about your experiences there? Yeah, I actually just gave a talk up in Wisconsin at the Wisconsin Track Coaches Association. They're doing an awesome programming called Women for Women. And so it's, you know, getting women coaches to help support each other and create environments that are supportive for women coaches, but also the men that support and encourage female coaches. And so I gave a talk on Wonder Woman, right, and how Wonder Woman isn't a fictional character. It's a mindset. And yeah, and I started with this story, you know, people always ask me, they're like, so how do the guys treat you? And I'm like, what do you mean treat me? They're like, like, do they treat you like their mom or their sister? And I'm like, well, no, they treat me like their mental coach. So they treat me like a coach. They're massively respectful. And the coaches do as well. And what is it like being a female? I think it's a huge blessing. I think that part of my purpose is to be a really positive female influence in very male dominated spaces. places, you know, for college athletes, for high school guys, you know, a lot of times, a lot of the women around programs are either older, right, and they're very respectful because that can

remind them of their mom or their grandma, but then a lot of women their age don't demand sort of respect from them, and so them learning to have a professional relationship with a woman, I think part of my role is being an example and a place for them to practice that. And so we shake hands. We are very professional in our communication. And it's really powerful. And in this setting, in football setting in particular, you know, where it's hyper, it's a very hyper masculine type environment, being a sounding board or someone that they can share other struggles that they're going with in a different way. That's not linked

to them. Getting playing time is really, really powerful. You know, for example, um, I was out on the field one day at practice and, um, one of our linemen came up to me, you know, and he, he just stood beside me a good foot and a half taller than me, obviously, you know, and, uh, cause I'm pushing five, three and out of about a buck 25. So I'm the biggest, some of these guys left leg, but, um, you know, he just comes up to me and he stands beside me and he, and he doesn't really look at me and just says, Hey doc, um, my uncle passed away this morning and I'm really struggling right now. And so I just wanted to tell somebody that, and, and I put my arm on a shoulder pad and, and I was like, I got you

talk to me later if you want. And he's like, thank you, man. And he walked away, you know? And so just being someone that's there that they feel like they can share that stuff with. So how the brain works, you know, important thoughts need to be thought about. And so the fact that his uncle passed away, I mean, that's an important thought. And yet, what do you think kept popping into his head at practice? That thought, right? Which helped it, which made practice very difficult for him. And so sometimes when we share those things, it gives the brain, it just lets the brain

settle down a little bit. Like, okay, somebody else knows that this important thought is out there. Now it can help him focus in the moment. And so I've just found that be a really powerful aspect of my role as well. And then being able to help them process those things in ways that are conducive to their performance on and off the field. And I think a great strong female role model, like you said, but somebody that they can turn to that isn't related to their performance that they can talk to in a confidential way to really, it's really there for their best interest, which I commend you for. So love it. Love it that you're a pioneer. All right. So let's think about

a little bit more about your business. And, you know, as we kind of wrap up the interview, Amber, tell us about, you know, what you could offer us or tell us, you know, a little bit more about the Sucking Performance Group and what you do in terms of how you could help us. Yeah. So I would love to partner with any businesses or organizations that are out there that are looking to do, looking for a keynote speaker, things like brain science, right? It can be dicey and people think that's sort of crazy, but we've got some fun, fun activities that we can, that we can do even in a keynote setting that really allow people to see the power of the mind and really get people thinking differently. And I, I am not like, sometimes when I hear motivational speakers, I get frustrated because motivation, you know,

you get real fired up and then you leave and nothing changes. And the thing that I love about mental performance is that it is motivating because I think that's just my, my energy. Like when I give a keynote, it tends to be motivating, but I'm very intentional about having key takeaways that people can leave with to actually implement into their day-to-day lives that can change how they show up every day for a business. So I'd love to work with, you know, doing a keynote or even coming, doing half or full day training sessions on building mindsets conducive to performance at work. So winning at work or, or even leadership development. So those are two elements that, again, I would love to work with your business or organization on doing. And then I actually have an awesome team of coaches as well. And so if you're looking at how do I, I would love to work one-on-one a nutrition performance coach on helping people just really tap into their

individual possibilities for performance excellence, but having somebody to walk along that journey with you. So if you'd be interested in performance coaching, we offer that as well. But you can check out all of that on our website at www.selkingperformance.com. Again, that's just selkingperformance.com, S-E-L-K-I-N-G. And Amber, are you on Twitter? I know you are. So what's your handle there that people, you know, if they, whatever they enjoyed about today's interview, they can go over there and post it and tag both of us. Yeah, that would be awesome. So I'm on Twitter at at champ mindsets. So at champ mindsets, and then we're also active on Instagram and we post three to four times a

week. So even if you're just looking for some mindset and leadership things to think about and add to your thought life, we do offer a ton of content out there as well. And that's Champ Mindset. And mine is at, right, Champ Mindset? Champ Mindsets. So Mindsets with an S. So that's Champ Mind mindsets. And mine is mentally underscore strong if you'd like to head over there. So Amber, I'd like to tell you what I got out of today's interview. Is this a way to wrap up and, and also to thank you for your time. I loved that you talked about, you know, the example of the high school athlete who was, you know, telling you their negative thought and then you just had

them re-change it to, I got this. So I thought that was a really great tool that we could use. And the way that you described how the best are passionate, confident, but also humble and consistent. And then your signature technique that we could all use just at the end of the day, well better learned. So three things that went well and why, two things that you want to do better and how, and one thing that you learned. And then the last thing that I really thought was powerful is that what you just said is about important thoughts need to be thought about.

So Amber, I am so grateful for your time and your energy and for you just to share with us a little bit more about the amazing work that you're doing. Well, thank you so, so much for having me on, Sindra. It's always awesome talking to you, energizing, inspiring, and challenging. And so I love the work that you're doing. And it's fun to see other people that are pursuing their passion and impacting lives in the process. So keep doing awesome things. And thank you so much for having me today. You know it. Thank you so much, Amber. Thank you for listening to High Performance Mindset. If you like today's podcast, make a comment, share it with a friend and join the conversation on Twitter at Mentally Underscore Strong. For more inspiration and to receive Sindra's free weekly videos, check out DrSindra.com.