High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 171: The Comparison Trap

Episode Date: April 3, 2018

“Comparison with myself bring improvement, comparison with others brings discontent.” Betty Jamie Chung   High performers focus on their improvement and reaching their standard of excellence instead of comparing themselves to others. Comparison is the quickest way to let you, your team, your family, or your individual performance suffer. Instead, high performers celebrate others and their accomplishments and ask themselves, “What can I learn from this person?”   Power Phrase this Week:  "I work to be my best me. I know the less I pay attention to others around me, the happier and higher performer I will be!"   Dr. Cindra Kamphoff is a Certified Mental Performance Consultant, Speaker and Author. She provide mental training for the Minnesota Vikings along with many other championships teams. She coaches athletes, CEOs and executives one-on-one to help them learn and apply the mental tools that lead to success. Cindra also speaks to and works with businesses and organizations on how to gain the high performance edge while providing practical tools that work. Her clients range from Verizon Wireless to Mayo Clinic Health System. Cindra's first book: Beyond Grit: Ten Powerful Practices to Gain the High Performance Edge was published in August. Her Ph.D. is in sport and performance psychology and she is a Professor in Performance Psychology at Minnesota State University. To book Cindra for your next speaking event or learn more about her one-on-one coaching, visit: cindrakamphoff.com For more information about Cindra's book, visit: beyondgrit.com

Welcome to High Performance Mindset with Dr. Sindra Kampoff. Do you want to reach your full potential, live a life of passion, go after your dreams? Each week we bring you strategies and interviews to help you ignite your mindset. Let's bring on Sindra. Or should I say Amazon bestseller Dr. Sindra Kampoff is here with us today. High Performance Mindset.

That book, I would say flying off the shelves, but it was more of a flying out of the download area, right? It was the e-book that did really well on Amazon. And there's several ways, of course, to enjoy that book, which is good. So congratulations. Thank you. It was really exciting. Nice.

Nice accomplishment this week. Yeah, that's something to definitely be proud of. Now, here's something today that when we get up and we walk out the door on a Monday, Logan and I have already been talking about how gluttonous we were all weekend because of Easter. And he ate all the hams. And we're not feeling super slim, trim, and fit this morning after an indulgent Easter Sunday, perhaps. But we want to avoid the comparison trap. And we start with a quote today.

This is a quote from Betty Jane Chung. She said, comparison with myself brings improvement. Comparison with others brings discontent. I like that. All right. So a good example to go with today. Where do we go with this? So today I'm going to provide an example of myself and kind of what inspired me to talk about this today.

You know, we just went on a short family vacation to San Diego. And the first day we were there, we were on the beach in the pool. And I found myself comparing myself to others, comparing my body to theirs or their looks to mine. And that night when my boys went to bed, I actually had to do a little bit of work. And so I had to edit one of my chapters of my book. So one of the chapters of my audio book. And it turned out to be Let Go of Comparison, chapter 40. Perfect. Isn't that weird how things insert themselves into your life? I know.

I'm like, this is interesting. So as I was listening, that's actually how I gained more awareness of what I was doing that day and where my focus was. And instead of being focused on my family and creating memories, I was caught up comparing myself to others. And I listened to the audio book, just like taking it all in, like to my own writing. And it was like, you know, I need to listen to myself. Right. Which is something that you always talk about, about being aware.

So that was a point in time which you caught yourself being aware. Absolutely. And, you know, I think what's interesting is I gained more awareness towards the end of the day kind of looking back. But I think it was a good lesson for me just to really stay focused on myself. If someone said, I don't ever compare myself to others, I would have to say, well, you're lying. Because I think most people, if not everyone,

at some point has done a comparison, either good, bad, better, worse. I don't know. It's something we all struggle with. So can you tell us a little bit more about that? Yeah, I do see a lot of people struggling with it. I think about my clients. They maybe struggle with how someone else can do a skill better than they can or if they get more playing time than others or they can't lose weight

than other people can. I also tweeted something this week about it, and it got – it's actually my most liked and retweeted tweet. So I thought, wow, this is really something. This is something that people are connecting to, something this week about it and it got, it's actually my most liked and retweeted tweet. So I thought, wow, this is really something, you know, this is something that people are connecting to. And this is what I tweeted. I said, we live in a culture that is obsessed with comparison, which is a trap that makes us believe we aren't enough. And the less attention you pay to others around you, the happier and better you'll become. Focus your energy on being your best you. I like that. That's good. And this

time around, you have a question for us. Yeah, you know, just to gain awareness of yourself, you know, have you shifted your eyes towards other people or their things? How has this practice impacted your performance or your happiness? And, you know, have you been wasting time and energy focused on, you know, someone else instead of being the best that you can be. And how do you see us comparing ourselves to others? I mean, what's common ways that we do that? I think we do it in a lot of different ways. You know, I think it's like for me, it was, you know, that day was about appearance. I think it can be our number of friends, our athletic ability, our playing time, our number of Facebook or Twitter followers, our businesses, right? Our other things. And, you know, I think the problem is we compare

other people's highlights reel, highlight reel instead of kind of our things. And I think the problem is we compare other people's highlights real, highlight real instead of kind of our beginning. And I think it's just really important because just to gain more self-awareness because we can always be comparing ourselves to someone else. There's always somebody to compare. And let's talk about why this is such a problem. I think it can make us feel like we're never enough, right? Like never good enough, athletic enough, successful enough, thin enough, perfect enough, fast enough, you know, you fill

in the blank and it is a trap. What the research shows is it leads to anxiety and depression, feeling of loneliness and separation and it negatively impacts motivation and, you know, just our passion to go after what we want. I think for me, it was a good example of how it distracted me from being with my family, right? So what do you think we should do instead? Well, I really like this quote by T. Harvey Ecker. And he says in a book called The Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, he says, quote, bless that which you want. If you see a person with a beautiful home, bless that person or bless that home. And if you see a person with a beautiful car, bless that person and bless that car. If you see a person with a beautiful home, bless that person or bless that home. And if you see a person with a beautiful car, bless that person and bless that car. If you see a person with a loving family, bless that person and bless that family.

If you see a person with a beautiful body, bless that person and bless that body. So just the idea of like, how can you, when you see something, maybe you notice yourself comparing yourself to others. Can you just say, you know, how can I, how can I bless more people today or this week? And there's a strategy that you have for us. I think to gain awareness of when you compare yourself to others, just just fill in the blank and say, you know, I believe I'm not blank enough when I compare myself to a blank. So, you know, I believe I'm not blank enough when I compare myself to a blank. And, you know, just like myself, I had to gain awareness. And then really, there's two choices. Can you either bless them like we just talked about and think about what could you learn from that person? Or the second option is really to celebrate your own success instead of comparing yourself to someone else.

So you could think back to, you know, how have I improved even this last week or this last, you know, since yesterday? Or maybe the last year. Or if you need to go further back, maybe it's like in the last year. So you're focused really on being the best you. And you've got a final point for us, too. Yeah, the final point is just next time you catch yourself using someone else as a benchmark of your own worth, just stop and remind yourself how ineffective this strategy is. And, you know, comparison is really about being better than others, but instead focus on being your best you. And you'll notice you have more energy,

bring your attention back to your goals. And it's about being your best kind of one day at a time, one stroke at a time, one step at a time. It's one of those topics where we're like, yeah, I know I should do this, but I've spent the last whatever years old you are comparing myself all the time. And so now you need to change that mindset, obviously. And if we want to kind of summarize today, kind of take it into the work or school week with us and just something easy to remember quickly, how would you summarize the comparison topic? I would say, you know, like high performers, those people who are working to reach their greater potential,

they focus on their improvement and reaching their standard of excellence instead of comparing themselves to others. And I think comparison is the quickest way to, you know, let you or your team, your family or your individual performance suffer. So instead, you know, high performers celebrate others. They bless them and they focused on themselves and being their best you. So when, Lisa, you look at someone and say, oh, bless your heart. That's not the same.

That's not the same in like the Southern sort of way now, that's not the same thing. That's not the same in the southern sort of way now. Hidden southern meaning in that one. That's not the one, but yes. So the power phrase also helps us get through the week. That's a little bit briefer. You'll find that one on social media. It's a good one you could jot down on a Post-it note and stick on the mirror in the bathroom. What's the power phrase today?

I work to be my best me. I know the less attention I pay to others around me, the happier and higher performer I will be. That's good stuff right there. Remember that as you get through the week today. If we want to get our hands on this Amazon bestselling book that you happen to write here or follow along on Twitter or Facebook or the website and get some more details on Cinder Kampoff and beyond grit and high performance mindset and the podcast and all that stuff how do we get in touch with you um you can head over to beyondgrit.com and that's where you can get the book you can use the code free ship to get some free shipping so you

don't have to pay for that enunciate properly there cindra free ship there we go uh beyond grit.com and then you can head over to my website, Dr. Sindra, and that's where you can find more information about the podcast and anything else. Excellent. Don't fall into the comparison trap this week, folks. Make a habit out of keeping your eye on yourself, I suppose. Nice. The eye on the prize, which is you. So Dr. Sindra Kampoff with us today.

Thank you very much. Thanks so much for having me. Appreciate it. Thank you for listening to High Performance Mindset. If you like today's podcast, make a comment, share it with a friend, and join the conversation on Twitter at Mentally Underscore Strong. For more inspiration and to receive Sindra's free weekly videos, check out DrSindra.com.