High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 203: How Mental Toughness Can Be Developed

Episode Date: August 22, 2018

“You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” ―Marcus Aurelius   High performers help others develop their mental toughness. They help them build their confidence by showing unconditional love and support. They help them let go of mistakes after learning from them. They help them focus on improvement and the process – sharing ways they have improved themselves but not comparing themselves to others.   Power Phrase this Week:    "I choose to build mental toughness in others. I model mental toughness for others."   Dr. Cindra Kamphoff is a Certified Mental Performance Consultant, Speaker and Author. She provide mental training for the Minnesota Vikings along with many other championships teams. She coaches athletes, CEOs and executives one-on-one to help them learn and apply the mental tools that lead to success. Cindra also speaks to and works with businesses and organizations on how to gain the high performance edge while providing practical tools that work. Her clients range from Verizon Wireless to Mayo Clinic Health System. Cindra's first book: Beyond Grit: Ten Powerful Practices to Gain the High Performance Edge was published in August. Her Ph.D. is in sport and performance psychology and she is a Professor in Performance Psychology at Minnesota State University. To book Cindra for your next speaking event or learn more about her one-on-one coaching, visit: cindrakamphoff.com For more information about Cindra's book, visit: beyondgrit.com

Welcome to High Performance Mindset with Dr. Sindra Kampoff. Do you want to reach your full potential, live a life of passion, go after your dreams? Each week we bring you strategies and interviews to help you ignite your mindset. Let's bring on Sindra. Dr. Sindra Kampoff with us today. High Performance Mindset on the Country Club. Before she, you've got to go up to school today, don't you? I do.

Today's first day back. And move-in day for all the kids. And first day of classes a week from today Yep Is that right? It's going to be busy over there It is, it's going to be hopping up there Well, welcome back here on the show with us this morning For High Performance Mindset

The topic today How mental toughness can be developed Which is, I think, great Because we talk a lot about that And people maybe think, what? Is it something I can develop that I just don't have? That's great And we like to start with a. So what do you have for us today? It's a quote by Marcus Aurelius. He said, you have power over your mind, not outside events.

Realize this and you will find strength. All right. And a story to start with today that pertains to the topic. So, you know, today we're talking about how mental toughness can be developed. And, you know, when I think about who played a crucial role for me, and it was my dad, particularly, you know, I think about I ran cross country and track was sort of like my main sport in high school and then got a college college trip to run in college, you know, and he was the first person to greet me after I finished no matter how I placed. I remember the exact words, you know, many years later of the pep talk he gave me before my final race at state. Awesome. You know, I, and I think the most impactful thing

that he did with me is he debriefed every single race. So, you know, it's something I actually still do with the athletes that I work with. And so every, every, after every race we'd sit down, we'd have dinner together, you know, and he'd help me focus on what went well. He would help me set goals for my next meet. He would really help me keep dreaming big. And there was one time that I remember that I was complaining about my teammates. I remember someone in the four by eight, you know, didn't do very well in this relay. And he put a stop to it immediately. You know, he kept me focused and positive and focused on myself. And I think he

was using a lot of performance psychology techniques without using them or even really knowing them. He used them, but he didn't really necessarily know that. But he was a crucial person that led me to the direction of what I'm doing right now. That's awesome. So how does that story connect with the topic that we're talking about today? Well, you know, this last couple of weeks, I've been spending a lot of time with parents and coaches just at the beginning of the year and, you know, having and talking specifically about how mental toughness can be developed. And, you know, that parents and coaches really do play a critical role in development of mental toughness. And we use that word a lot, particularly in sports, right?

You might hear coaches say, you know, be mentally tough, but we don't necessarily really know what that means. And people don't necessarily know how it can be developed, but it's reported as one of the most important psychological characteristics in achieving just excellence in general is that we need to be mentally tough. All right. Can you define then mental toughness? So to me, I use kind of the definition, one of the definitions that we use in our field by Graham Jones and his colleagues. And so this is what mental toughness is to me, that it's really a developed and acquired edge. So it's not something we're born with, but what it really means is that we can develop it. It means that we're confident, we're determined, and we're in

control under pressure. And we know that, you know, the most elites have attributes of mental toughness, but it is something that we can develop. It's a choice and that the best choose to, you know, think positive thoughts. They choose to stay focused and develop their confidence and focus on what they can control. So who, I mean, other than ourselves, as we work on that, who are the people that help us develop mental toughness? So social support is a big help us develop mental toughness? So social support is a big part of developing mental toughness. And we know that like parents and coaches play a really, really important role in developing them.

And so, you know, we can take important kind of daily or weekly steps to help build mental toughness in others. All right. And then so how is mental toughness developed? Okay. So it is developed, actually, this is interesting, by both like positive things that happen in our life. So successes. Sure. But it also is developed by negative things. So difficult situations. And we know it kind of it's a long term process. It's not something we just develop just like that, right? But we know that being supported by others is a key factor in developing mental toughness, as well as what's called a motivational climate where we're setting up as coaches or as parents, like a climate where people are enjoying what they're doing, but it's also focused on improvement, not necessarily winning or the outcome.

Okay. All right. So do you have a few suggestions for maybe parents or coaches on how they can help build mental toughness? And what would be that first suggestion? The first suggestion would be really to help them focus on the process of getting better over the outcome. And the outcome really is outside of our control. And when we focus on our child's effort or hard work or preparation, that's what we're actually building mental toughness instead of, you know, winning.

And I think kids like to win, but really focusing on that as parents and as coaches, it adds pressure. It doesn't help them perform to their best. That's kind of like a growth mindset, I think, right? Absolutely, yes. Yeah, always growing and improving. Right. And mental toughness is it's it sounds like that the best way to approach it is through a caring way. Yes, yes, for sure. So really like this compassionate and caring approach is what builds mental toughness. And so when you think about as parents and coaches, when we provide encouragement that is sincere,

that's one way that we can improve mental toughness. And we help our son or daughter really focus on their best effort. And we want to be specific about that instead of just saying, hey, good job out there. Hey, you know, you had a really great throw to second base, man. You're crushing it, right? So then they know what they should continue for more specific. So mentally tough athletes, can they let go of their mistakes faster than others? Yes, absolutely. And that's one big part of mental toughness is that we can quickly move on. And so one of the things that we can do is really teach as coaches and as parents that

mental or that mistakes are part of the game and part of life, right? Instead of I think sometimes we can maybe punish people after they make a mistake, but we want to just make sure that we are teaching that it's part of the game and part of performance. That's crazy. I've got kids in youth sports, and I'm thinking about times I've seen a coach scream at my child. You can actually see the kids as a team just kind of implode.

Exactly. Like their physical body language. Yeah, exactly. So comparison undermines mental toughness. What do you mean by that? So what I mean by that is when we compare ourselves to others, that doesn't support mental toughness. And so it undermines it. And so we want to just avoid comparing, you know, our for coaches or our parents.

We want to avoid comparing our our athletes or our children to other children because we perform our best when we are focused on ourselves and our improvement. And we want to help our, our son or daughter do that. And so we just want to choose our words really carefully and instead kind of focus on improvement. So we might say, you know,

I, you've really, you've really improved over, you know, on your speed compared to last season, and not say, wow, you're really faster than so-and-so. Right. Right.

So what's a good way for us parents to help build mental toughness in our kids at home? Well, I think one of the things that we need to do as parents is avoid kind of separating our ego from our child's performance. And we can set them up for success by using the tips that we talked about, but we can't live through them. And, you know, I've seen some parents do that. And it really doesn't help support mental toughness for their son or daughter because it just adds a lot more pressure if someone is kind of living through them. Right.

I see this at my house because my husband was a collegiate hockey player. But he's very careful to tell our children, you may not get there. Absolutely. It's okay. They perform at different levels. Absolutely. And I can tell that he really focuses on improvement, right?

Just from the things you've told me. Yeah. So you've got a final point for us? I do. So when we implement these tips, it's going to help our son or daughter be a better performer and athlete in person. And it also just helps them continue to have a positive experience. So I'll work to follow these with my kids, which I know isn't always easy. But that's what I'll do to help them put winning in perspective and develop their mental toughness.

A real good topic for right now as the fall sports are getting going and we're getting back into the school year and these kids are, I mean, you know, I was thinking about football players and their two-a-day practice is and how taxing that can be and, you know, just kind of keeping a good mindset going and working on just improving yourself day-to-day and not comparing yourself to others. So how do you summarize today's topic? All right, I would summarize by saying high performers, those people who are working to reach their greater potential, they help others develop their mental toughness and they help them build their confidence by showing unconditional love and support. They help them let go of mistakes by learning from them and then help them stay focused

on improvement in the process instead of comparing themselves to others. And that's the good summary of what we talked about today. Yeah. And a power phrase to wrap up with this week. I model mental toughness. I choose to build mental toughness in others. I like it. That's a good one. Be a good teammate, right? And be there and support them and work on getting better together. And you'll start to see the results. I would say that with my track kids too. I'm like, don't compare yourself to others. Just you try to get better every day. Nice. And then the results will happen. So it's good stuff. If we want to learn more, find out what you're doing, maybe get out and see you or listen to the podcast.

For sure. Do we do that? You can head over to Dr. Sindra. So D-R-C-I-N-D-R-A and book information is there beyond grit as well as the podcast. And you can just click some of the episodes you can find on iTunes or Stitcher Radio, iHeartRadio too. Thanks for coming. Thanks for having me always. Have a good first day of school. Thank you for listening to High Performance Mindset.

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