High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 218: 4 Lies We Tell Ourselves

Episode Date: November 7, 2018

“The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves.” Richard Bach High performers know they can lie to themselves. They realize that growing their mental strength is about learning to lie to themselves less! They remember that happiness doesn’t come from what they have, but from within. They think like a 60 year old instead of believing the lie that others will think they are silly. They celebrate what makes them unique. And they realize everyone is struggling with something. Power Phrase This Week:  “I let go of the lies I tell myself to become the person I was meant to be.” Dr. Cindra Kamphoff is a Certified Mental Performance Consultant, Speaker and Author. She provide mental training for the Minnesota Vikings along with many other championships teams. She coaches athletes, CEOs and executives one-on-one to help them learn and apply the mental tools that lead to success. Cindra also speaks to and works with businesses and organizations on how to gain the high performance edge while providing practical tools that work. Her clients range from Verizon Wireless to Mayo Clinic Health System. Cindra's first book: Beyond Grit: Ten Powerful Practices to Gain the High Performance Edge was published in August. Her Ph.D. is in sport and performance psychology and she is a Professor in Performance Psychology at Minnesota State University. To book Cindra for your next speaking event or learn more about her one-on-one coaching, visit: cindrakamphoff.com For more information about Cindra's book, visit: beyondgrit.com

Welcome to High Performance Mindset with Dr. Sindra Kampoff. Do you want to reach your full potential, live a life of passion, go after your dreams? Each week we bring you strategies and interviews to help you ignite your mindset. Let's bring on Syndra. Dr. Syndra Kampoff joins us today. High Performance Mindset on The Country Club. Good morning, Syndra.

Good morning. It's great to be here as always. Good to have you in. It's always fun to have you in the day after all of your favorite teams

that wear purple and gold win all of their games. We did so well. It you in the day after all of your favorite teams that wear purple and gold win all of their games. We did so well. It was a good weekend for all of that. Yep. And the Vikings and the Mavericks.

And yeah, it was just a real good weekend when it came to those teams that, well, I shouldn't say that we, I can't put everybody

into that, but they're all my favorite teams anyway. So, thumbs up there. Topic today Four lies we tell ourselves Like I love politics

I wish we played more political ads I hope election day never comes And Lies All lies Gigantic commercial breaks are the best Okay So those are all four lies

I've told myself this morning This morning Let's start with a quote And tomorrow we won't have to talk about it anymore Right? But the quote today is a good one Those are all four lies I've told myself this morning. This morning. Let's start with a quote. And tomorrow we won't have to talk about it anymore, right? But the quote today is a good one. Richard Bratt said, the worst lies, the lies we tell ourselves. All right.

So you have a story to start with on this? I do. So I thought about as I was preparing this, I thought, what's the time where I told myself the most lies? And it was the time I was writing my book. And there was about a four or five month time frame where I didn't write. And I remember even coming in here and saying, how's the book going? And I'm like, good. I didn't really have much to say about it.

And it was during that four or five months where I told myself all kinds of lies, like this is going to be a terrible book and no one will read this. And I hate writing. And I'm not a writer. I remember a couple of times you came in here like I'm struggling. I know a couple of times. Yeah, I was struggling for a while for many different reasons. And one of the things that I did to kind of get myself unstuck is I made myself like a collage of pictures of the people who I wanted to read the book so that I'd sit down and I would think about them and not about me, right? Or the ways that I was struggling. And one person on the collage just started reading the book and I gave it to him just like not really, no expectations, but I just gave it to him.

And then like a week later, he was like, this is an amazing book. This has helped me so much. And I look back, actually, I almost lost it because like one of the people who, you know, was on the collage said that it really helped him. And so I look back and I wish that I would have told myself so many lies at that time, but I'm grateful that I worked through it. All right. So why do you think that this topic today, for those of us that are here listening, is very important? Well, most of us don't like liars, right? And in fact, we get mad or angry when someone lies to us.

But really, we lie to ourselves every day. And we engage in negative self-talk and thought patterns that really limit our ability to live our best life and reach our goals. And I think the worst lies are really the lies we tell ourselves because they're dangerous to not only our productivity and like, you know, my example, but sometimes really dangerous to our self-worth and our belief in ourselves. And so I think really growing your mental strength is learning to lie to yourself less. All right. So off the script a little bit, let me ask you about, okay, lying to ourselves, not a good thing.

But what about the occasionally we throw the fake it till you make it, right? You know, that in there. What's the difference there? Sure. I think fake it till you make it is you're actually building yourself up and you're telling yourself positive things about yourself. Like, you're like, hey, I got it. You know, you're telling yourself positive things about yourself. Like, you're like, hey, I got it. You know, you're telling yourself positive things.

I can do this. Yeah, exactly. All right. Exactly. Good question. So now back to actually telling lies to ourselves. What should we do instead? I think we deserve to live our best lives, right?

And so the really key is, is to become more aware of the ways that we lie to ourselves and so that we can really filter our thoughts in a powerful way. And I think the key is to really destroy and identify those lies, maybe even every lie you told yourself, once you pay attention to that you are lying to yourself. And so today I pulled out four lies that we tell ourselves to increase our awareness and help ourselves really be our best. And all of these I've told myself at one point or another.

All right. What's the first one? So if I could just blank, then I'd be happy. Okay? So whatever that blank is for you, maybe it's like if I could just make more money, if I could just get a raise, if I could buy a new car, if I could have a new house, if I could just get married, if I could just exercise every car, if I could have a new house, if I could just get married, if I could just exercise every day. All of that stuff. If I could lose weight, if I could

eat better, if I could. Yes, exactly. Exactly. And I think we're wired to be just like mildly dissatisfied to keep us going towards our goals. But I think what happens is we really need to change this wiring and be grateful for what we have because we're always going to be looking for what's next instead of what we have right now. I like that. Change the wiring. What should we do instead then if we're telling ourselves that fill-in-the-blank question? I think happiness won't come from anything that you get, and it's dangerous to want more because it's temporary and it can be ever-changing.

Once you get that new car, then you're going to want something because it's temporary and it can be ever-changing. Once you get that new car, then you're going to want something else. And so I think the next time you catch yourself thinking about what you want, turn your focus to what you're grateful for. And even being grateful for the small things like the heat in your home or your apartment, or that you have a roof over your head, or the job that you do have, or the lunch that you'll have today. Yeah. Maybe you don't have the car you want, but you have one that runs and it gets you to work, right? Exactly. So what is the second lie?

If I say or do blank, then people will think less of me. So if I do or say blank, then people will think less of me. I think the truth is that people really don't care, you know, if you do it or not do it. And even if they do, they're far more concerned about what they think of themselves. So this is something we said a while ago here where we talked about Daniel Amon's 18, 40, 60% rule. And it goes like this.

At age 18, people care very much about what others think of them. At age 40, they learn not to worry about what others think. And then at age 60, they figure out that no one was thinking about them at all. I love that. We're right there in the middle of it, aren't we, TJ? Totally. Whatever. Yeah. I'm working to embrace my six-year-old thinking. Right. Why is it that we experience this? Well, because if you look at underlying kind of the

belief that we're not enough is like underlying everyone's insecurity and negativity. And I think the key is, is to realize people around you are too busy worrying about them, you know, really to care. So the key is, is I think this also kind of limits our ability to be ourselves and show up as ourselves. So we have to go for it and think like a 60 year old, realize that no one's been thinking about us in the first place. All right. So what's the third lie? There's something wrong or different about me. Okay. There's something wrong or different. I can't because... Yeah, maybe because I'm too short or I'm too tall. And as we grow up, we notice when others are taller or shorter than us or smarter or stronger or weaker than the average. And this helps us socialize in a lot of different ways. So it serves a useful purpose. It helps us live with each other. But we also get the

message that, you know, we are flawed and there's something wrong with us. But I think if you really believe this, it can generate a lot of misery in your life. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So what do we do when we find ourselves thinking this way? I mean, I guess like everything else, the first step is to realize, right? Absolutely. And I'd say that's the first step is really awareness. And I think the key is to celebrate what makes you unique and the way that you're short or, you know, other ways. I'm just saying short because I'm short. But we get so caught up in thinking there's something wrong with us that we forget to really celebrate the ways that we are unique. So what's the last line?

That that person blank has it so much easier than me. So that person has so much easier than me. And I think so many people believe this. I have caught myself thinking of this in some way too. And the truth is that we have no idea what the other person's life is about and that we're all struggling with something in some way. And so I once heard this. If you throw in all your problems in a pile, you know, you'd likely choose your own. Right. Right.

I think the key is to work to not compare yourself to other people. I like that. I've never heard that, though. Throw your problems in a pile and look at them, and the one you're going to choose, if you had to choose one, is probably the one you're already dealing with. Exactly. Cool.

Great topic today. Good one to think about as we go into the week, this work week and school week. How do we summarize today's topic, the four lies we tell ourselves? You bet. So high performers know that they can lie to themselves. They realize that growing their mental strength is all about learning to lie to themselves less. They remember that happiness doesn't come from what they have, but from within. They think like a 60-year-old and celebrate what makes them unique,

realizing that everybody is struggling with something. Love it. Power phrase for today? I let go of the lies I tell myself to become the person I was meant to be. Perfect. All right. Well, if we want to learn more and get in touch with you, what are the best ways to do that? We talked a little bit about the book today, too. How do we get that? You can head over to Dr. Sindra, so D-R-C-I-N-D-R-A.com. And the book is Beyond Grit. And you can find that on Amazon or the website as well. All right. And I would also

suggest the podcast. Those are all good listening as well with Dr. Sindra Kampoff today. It's High Performance Mindset. Thank you very much. Thank you for having me. Always good to have you in on Minnesota 93. Thank you for listening to High Performance Mindset. If you like today's podcast, make a comment,

share it with a friend, and join the conversation on Twitter at Mentally Underscore Strong. For more inspiration and to receive Sindra's free weekly videos, check out DrSindra.com.