High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 22: How Parents Can Positively Support Their Child's Athletic Development

Episode Date: December 16, 2015

In sports, parents impact their children in at least three ways. First, they influence the type of sports they play by creating opportunities to try different sports. Second, they provide financial support by purchasing equipment and driving them to and from practice and games. But probably the least recognized way that parents influence their children is how they “interpret” the event. What parents do or say — and what they don’t do or say — impacts how invested and involved their children will be in sport. In this episode, we talk about 6 tips related to how we can best support our children as parents.

Welcome to High Performance Mindset with Dr. Sindra Kampoff. Do you want to reach your full potential, live a life of passion, go after your dreams? Each week we bring you strategies and interviews to help you ignite your mindset. Let's bring on Sindra. Welcome to the High Performance Mindset Podcast. This is your host, Sindra Kampoff, and thank you so much for joining me today. I want to thank you especially for all of your feedback and your messages about the podcast. It's really awesome to receive those, and it fuels me to know that you're getting value out of this podcast, which is the whole reason I do this each week. So thank you so much for those messages. And today's podcast is really

about how parents can support their children. We're going to have a special focus today on their child's athletic development and how to really allow them to follow their passions. Regardless of your children are into athletics or not, I think you're getting a lot out of this podcast. And regardless if you are a parent or not, I think you'll get something out of it that can be really meaningful. And this message is especially important to me and special because of my focus and really working to be the best parent that I can be. I have two young boys ages six and eight, and they're always playing sports or they're talking about sports non-stop. My six-year-old last night, for example, was kicking field goals out in our cul-de-sac, working to be like the NFL kickers he sees on Sundays. And last night I turned over in my bed and I was like, what is this in my bed? Guess what? It was a hockey puck. So pretty hilarious.

But today's message is dedicated to all the parents out there who really want to be the best they can be for their children. And I first learned about sports psychology from my dad. My dad was a crucial part of my athletic development. And my dad and my mom would always attend all of my cross-country meets in high school and were my biggest fans and my biggest supporters. My dad was always the first person to meet me after I finished, really no matter how I placed. And I remember the exact words he used in the pep talk before my final race at the state high school state meet. And I remember, gosh, the enormous bear hug he gave me

after the conference meet my junior year. Those two images are some of my favorite memories of my dad but the most impactful thing my dad did was he debriefed each race with me something that I do with all the athletes that I work with we debrief their meet or their race or their game you know how they performed but after each meet my dad and I would sit down at the dinner table and we'd talk about my race. He'd ask me what went well and he'd always help me set goals for my next meet. He really kept me focused on what I could do and really the best that I could be and the best that I could run. Whenever I complained about teammates or coaches, which I did sometimes, he would put a stop to that immediately. And he kept me positive. He kept me focused on myself

which is an essential part for us to perform up to our potential and during those conversations my dad was using sports psychology techniques I think without even really knowing it. He was in sales at the time and he read a lot of books about mindset. One book in particular was The Greatest Salesman you know know, and this became second nature to him. You know, his positive attitude and his goal-oriented behavior are things that I still emulate today. And he led me in the direction of my dreams by asking me about them and believing that I could accomplish anything. He supported me when I was successful and even when I felt like I failed. You know, in sports, parents impact our children in so many different ways. First, they impact the type of sports that

they play by creating opportunities to try different sports. Another reason is they provide financial support, like purchasing equipment and driving them to and from practice. But probably the least recognized way that parents influence their children is really by how they interpret the event, which is what my dad did. He always helped me stay positive and focused on myself. And whenever things went wrong, things, you know, I wasn't really happy with, he always helped me focus on what did I learn and what went well in my races or my games. What parents do or say, and frankly what they don't do or say,

impacts how invested or involved their children will be in their sport or their activity. Dr. Jim Taylor, a sports psychologist in the San Francisco area, writes that we should support our children through what he calls positive pushing. And he has a book by that name. At its core, positive pushing is about being has a book by that name. You know, at its core, positive pushing is about being positive. It's about being supportive and encouraging. But that takes a lot of thought and sensitivity as parents. You know, positive pushing is really kind of a fine balancing act. Because when we fail to push our child, it can actually be disastrous. But we can push our child too much. The key is to know your child and to watch them

intently and to listen to their reactions. This approach should really be balanced, both, you know, supportive but not overbearing. You know, most parents don't intend to interfere with their child's athletic development or their child's development at all, but sometimes what we do is we put pressure on our children without even recognizing it. So today I'm going to provide you with some tips that allow you to be the best parent that you can be and these are tips that I try to implement every single day in my life. You know I realize that I'm not perfect nobody is but these tips provide you some guidance on how you can really be the best parent that you can be. So number one,

we should focus on our child's effort, how hard they work in their preparation, regardless of the outcome. In sports psychology, we talk a lot about being focused on the process and not the outcome. And this is particularly difficult for kids because kids like to win. That's what they see in SportsCenter and that's what they talk about or hear about. But when we focus on winning, that can add pressure. That doesn't allow us to perform at our potential. So the more you can focus on your child's effort, their preparation and how hard they worked, you're setting your child up for success. Second thing is we should emphasize that life skills are really learned in sports.

Things like confidence and teamwork, responsibility, how they handle pressure and adversity are essential that they're going to need later on in their life. And so these skills can really have a much longer impact than on winning. So the more that we can do that, the more we can emphasize that as parents, the more successful our children will be. Number three, we should show interest in our child's activities and our performances. So we should show up. We should provide their resources, you know, whatever you can do to help support them. But when we're there, we should definitely look like we're enjoying ourselves. And so many times we can get stuck on our phones or distracted by other things while we're

watching our children. But the key is to work to be engaged, show interest, and try to stay calm and relaxed and positive so you can help model to your child how they should act as well. Number four, the more we can provide healthy encouragement that is sincere, the more helpful we'll be able to be to our children. So, you know, we can really try to help our children stay focused on really giving their best effort. And the way, we can really try to help our children stay focused on really giving their best effort. And the way that we can do that the best is by giving specific praise. So instead of just saying like, hey, nice job out there. What's really important is if we're more specific with our feedback. So if we can say, hey, wow, that was an awesome throw to second

base in the second inning. Man, you nailed it. That's more specific and they're more likely to continue that effort and specifically what you mentioned when we try to be as specific as we can. So it helps them understand why and how they should continue. Number five, what we should do is avoid disciplining our child for mistakes they make during the game but instead you know discipline them for poor behavior or a bad sportsmanship like throwing a bat or helmet and anger or disrespecting a coach but when we discipline children for the mistakes that they made what we're doing is creating a fear of failure which doesn't allow

them to really be at their best so it's best to emphasize the expected behaviors that will allow them to be successful. And last but not least, one of the things that we should do is avoid comparing our children to other children. Man, it's really easy to say, wow, Carter, you are so much faster than the other guys out there.

My son's Carter. And that's what I, gosh, really want to say to him. But I know that doesn't help them in the long run. You know, we perform our best when we focus on ourselves and our improvement. So we can help our children do the same. And so we really choose our words carefully and describe the improvement that you see. You know, maybe you could say something like, gosh, wow, I really noticed that you have really improved your speed compared to last season. Man, you are so fast out there. That's going to be better because they're going to be focused on themselves. And so many times athletes can get focused on comparing themselves to others instead of really focusing on what are the skills and the strengths that they bring to the table. So implementing these tips will allow your child to be a better person,

a better athlete, and a better performer, and be able to really deal with the pressure that might come their way. And when we take a grounded perspective, that allows us to be the most successful in sports and in life. And, you know, as my two boys grow up, I plan to follow my dad's lead by providing unconditional love and support. You know, I'm sure I'll mess up because I'm not perfect and what parent is perfect?

But I will do my best to emphasize effort and improvement to help them develop into confident athletes who work hard and work well with others. Performers who can handle adversity and failure and people who keep winning in perspective. So I hope that you follow my dad's lead and I hope that you got something out of today's message. I'd love to hear what you think. What stood out to you? What's one thing that stood out to you today about today's message? And then tweet it and tag me in the tweet. That'd be mentally underscore strong is my Twitter name. I'd love to hear what you think and what stood out to you about today's message.

Again, these six tips are focus on your child's effort, hard work, and preparation, regardless of the outcome. Emphasize the life skills they learn in sport, like confidence, teamwork, and responsibility. Show interest in your child's activities, and responsibility. Show interest in your child's activities and their performance. Show up and stay involved. Number four, provide healthy encouragement that's sincere. The more specific you can be, the better. And avoid disciplining your child for mistakes that they made in the game. And last one, avoid comparing your child to other children. Help them stay focused on themselves. Thanks again so much for joining me. Again, what stood out to you? Send me a tweet at

mentally underscore strong. And if you have any ideas or topics that you would like to hear covered on High Performance Mindset, send me an email at syndra at syndracampoff.com. Make it an outstanding week, my friends, and be mentally strong. Thank you for listening to High Performance Mindset. Are you signed up for Syndra's weekly email with free mental tools and strategies for high performance? Why the heck not?

Text MENTALLYSTRONG, all one word, to 22828 or visit syndracampoff.com.