High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 234: NO BCD

Episode Date: February 24, 2019

“Beware of BCD behavior: Blame, Complain, Defend. These attitudes have never solved a problem, achieved a goal, or improved a relationship.” Urban Meyer   High performers don’t BCD. They decide and commit to eliminate it from their lives. They take 100% responsibility for everything in their life. They focus on solutions, and if it can’t be solved, they choose resilience.    Power Phrase this Week: I choose to not BCD. Instead, I focus on the solution or choose resilience.

Welcome to High Performance Mindset with Dr. Sindra Kampoff. Do you want to reach your full potential, live a life of passion, go after your dreams? Each week we bring you strategies and interviews to help you ignite your mindset. Let's bring on Sindra. It is time for High Performance Mindset on The Country Club today with Dr. Sindra Kampoff.

Good morning, Sindra. Good morning. Great to be here. It's Monday morning. Yeah, good to have you in. Got through the snow and everything okay and it looks like

I actually see a little bit of sun out there. I know, it was nice. Creating some shadows on the white that is everywhere. The topic today is no BCD. What are BCDs? And I know we always like to start with a quote, so how does this all tie in? This is a quote by Urban Meyer, the first time I heard about BCD.

And this is what he said. Beware of BCD behavior. Blame, complain, defend. These attitudes have never solved a problem, achieved a goal, or improved a relationship. All right. That's good. So you have a story to start with. Let's go with that.

So I spent this weekend at a boys basketball youth tournament. And, you know, at the end of the day, I was thinking about how much I heard blaming and complaining, mostly about the refs. Yes. Right. Mostly about the refs. Just so you know, it's the same in hockey as it is in basketball. And every time I heard my kids say anything, I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Right. And I was thinking about this deeply. And I was thinking, well, when we really do complain, then we don't take responsibility for our own play. Maybe it's difficult for us to look inside and think, wow, I could have really passed them all better or I could have, you know, done something different

instead of foul. And we don't think about how we can improve. And so I also think we spread negativity. And so that's what I've been thinking about a lot this week. All right. And so how does this matter? How does it affect us? So I think you can apply today's content to your work or your family or maybe even sports. And the reason that this matters is because BCDing is really addictive. It becomes a habit within ourselves and it even becomes a habit within the institution or within the organization that you work with. And we also do it in social ways. Maybe we do it to connect with others, but we don't complain or blame to ourselves, right? Like that's not something that we do. We tell other people about it. And when we're doing it, we're really focusing on the negative. So the more that we

eliminate BCDing really, or the more we do it, the less we solve. And when we, you know, when you work to eliminate it, your relationships improve, your work improves. And I think, you know, when you're thinking about being your best every day, it doesn't include blaming, complaining, or defending. Right. That's good. Okay. So let's go through this and break it down. What do you, what is blaming? So this is what I mean when we assign responsibility to someone or something else. So we find a fault in other people or something else. Maybe it's real or maybe it's perceived. And so the things I'm thinking about typically in sports that I hear people complain about is the ref or the coach.

Right. In business, it might be your boss or colleague or instructions that you were given. Make it maybe a lack of instructions or family. It could even be like your brothers and sisters. OK. OK. That's what I hear even be like your brothers or sisters. Okay. Okay? That's what I hear. That's blaming.

When I end up wanting to. Which is interesting because when I think about that, we kind of tell our kids at our house, that's part of the game. Part of the game is finding out, like maybe your ref calls things really tight. Sure. You're part of it.

Part of the game, and the game changes from game to game, is to figure out how that ref is going to call and what I can and cannot do. Right. That's just part of the game. Good. So what's complaining then? So that's when we express dissatisfaction or annoyance with something.

And we're doing it in a way where we can't solve the problem. Or we're talking to somebody about it who can't help us in any way. So, for example, you might complain about the weather when it's not something you can do about. I don't think it's complaining when you're talking about the weather and you're trying to seek a solution. Maybe about how you're going to clean your driveway or, you know, how are you going to best approach it given the weather. Or we might complain when someone else is not working as hard as us. Or we might complain about a policy or our boss. So I think the question you can ask yourself, like, am I complaining or not, is asking yourself, like, am I really listening to the solutions? Like when I'm talking to somebody, is that person

giving me solutions and I'm not hearing it? Or am I describing the situation? So then what is defending? Defending is when we take things personally. Maybe we don't own, maybe the feedback someone gives us, we're trying to protect our ego, or we're not remaining humble that we can continue to improve. So typically this happens when someone confronts you or tries to hold you accountable. Blaming, complaining, defending. What should we be doing instead? I think the key is to decide to eliminate it or at least reduce it from your work and from your life and from just your daily activities. And I

think you'll see more happiness in general. I think the opposite thing of what we want to do is take responsibility, right? Take responsibility for our own behavior and our own attitude and effort. And then, you know, when you want to blame or complain or defend, like ask yourself, can I find a solution here? What is the solution? And sometimes if there's no solution, then maybe that means we just have to stay the course and be resilient. I think about when you see a lot of great athletes and maybe there's a game, there's a call in the game that maybe, maybe or maybe didn't decide the outcome of the game. But then they interview that athlete at the end of the game and the athlete says, well, you know, there's nothing we could do about that. You know, we should have put ourselves in a better position to win that game anyway. But, you know, those are the people that have a good grip on this.

Right. win that game anyway. Those are the people that have a good grip on this. Then there's people like me that maybe aren't. I'm not a bad BC deer, but there are times I catch myself getting into it, getting caught up in it, and then you go, but there's nothing I can do about that. Then you kind of drop it and let it go. So it's definitely a work in progress type

of thing for a lot of people. Some are better than others. Sometimes people, I would imagine, put on the happy face in public, and then when they get in the locker room, maybe they unload about a ref or whatever. But just being aware of it, I think it helps go a long way. Yeah, absolutely. That helps out quite a bit. How do you summarize the no BCD topic for today? So I'd say high performers, they don't BCD. They decide and commit to eliminate it from their lives. And instead they take 100% responsibility for their lives and their

attitude and effort. And they focus on solutions. If it can't be solved, then they work to be resilient with the situation. Nice. And the power phrase for today? I choose to not BCD. Instead, I will focus on a solution or be resilient. Awesome. I got a great text right here and I'm going to read it to you too while we wrap things up. This comes from, we have wrestlers and the kids will complain that they lost because of the ref

and the ref didn't give them points. He said, we tell our boys, don't let the ref decide the outcome. Go out and take control and win on your own. Outstanding. That's awesome. Love it. Thanks for the text. Thanks for listening in. If we want to follow along or get more information about what you're up to, Sindra, how do we get in touch? You can head over to drsindra.com and the book Beyond Great is over there and the academy that I have to learn more about these kind of things. Awesome.

Thank you very much. Good to have you in. Thanks for having me. Thank you for listening to High Performance Mindset. If you like today's podcast, make you in. Thanks for having me. Thank you for listening to High Performance Mindset. If you liked today's podcast, make a comment, share it with a friend, and join the conversation on Twitter at Mentally Underscore Strong. For more inspiration and to receive Sindra's free weekly videos, check out DrSindra.com.