High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 237: Hall of Fame Speaker Marilyn Sherman Shares Why Top Performers Never Settle for Balcony Seats

Episode Date: March 8, 2019

Marilyn Sherman, who just recently was inducted to the National Speaker Association’s CPAE Speaker Hall of Fame, is one of 182 members in the world who hold this designation. After starting her career in corporate America, she is now seen as the go-to motivational keynote speaker for corporate and association markets that want their people to improve their morale, teamwork, and communication skills and ultimately achieve more results. In the 25 years she has served her clients in the speaking industry, she has motivated audiences to get out of their comfort zone and get a front-row seat in life. Marilyn is the author of four motivational books including “Is There A Hole In Your Bucket List? “, “Whose Comfort Zone Are You In?”, “Why Settle for the Balcony, how to get a Front-Row Seat in Life” and “Front-Row Service”. Marilyn is a graduate of Washington State University and after working for Chrysler First Financial Services, she was a contract speaker for one of the top seminar companies in the United States and Canada. She has earned her Certified Speaking Professional designation, the highest earned designation in the speaking profession, held by less than 12% of professional speakers worldwide. Clients that have been inspired by her keynotes include Coca-Cola, McDonald’s, the F.D.I.C., and the US Post Office. In this podcast, Marilyn and Cindra talk about: What does it mean to be a front-row leader The power of “acting as if…” A powerful question to transform your self-image The #1 roadblock to living and leading from the front-row You can find a full description of the Podcast at cindrakamphoff.com/marilyn.  

Welcome to High Performance Mindset with Dr. Sindra Kampoff. Do you want to reach your full potential, live a life of passion, go after your dreams? Each week we bring you strategies and interviews to help you ignite your mindset. Let's bring on Sindra. Welcome to the High Performance Mindset Podcast. This is your host, Sindra Kampoff, and I'm a certified mental performance consultant, speaker, and author, and podcast host. Now, the goal of these interviews is to learn from the world's best leaders, athletes, coaches, consultants, experts, all about the topic of mindset to help us reach our potential or be high performers in our field. Now, typically with two episodes weekly,

we explore everything related to mindset. And today we're going to learn secrets from a world class speaker, a hall of fame speaker, Marilyn Sherman. Now, Marilyn, who recently was inducted into the National Speakers Association CPAE Speaker Hall of Fame, which is, she's one of 182 members in the world to hold this designation. After starting her career in corporate America, she is now seen as a go-to motivational keynote speaker for corporate and association markets that want their people to improve the morale, teamwork, communication skills, and ultimately achieve more results. In the 25 years she's been serving her clients in the speaking industry, she has moved audiences to get out of their comfort zone and get in a front row seat in life,

which we talk about in this podcast. She is the author of four motivational books, including the first one, Is There a Hole in Your Bucket List? The second, Whose Comfort Zone Are You In? Third, Why Settle for the Balcony and How to Get a Front Row Seat in Life? And the last one is Front Row Service. Marilyn is a graduate of Washington State University, and she also earned her certified speaking professional designation. Clients that have been inspired by her keynotes include Coca-Cola, McDonald's, FDIC, and the U.S. Post Office. With her engaging and fun personality, she connects with her audiences very quickly, as you can tell from this podcast. So in today's

interview, Marilyn and I talk about a few different things. We talk about what it means to be a front row leader, the power of acting as if, and she provides several examples of her clients, but in her personal life as well, a powerful question to transform your self-image. That's what I want you to listen for specifically. And the number one roadblock to living and leading from the front row. Now I know you're going to enjoy this interview. You can head over to cindracampoff.com slash Marilyn for the full show notes and description. And you can also connect with Marilyn and I on Twitter. I'm at mentally underscore strong and Marilyn's at

at front row girl. All right. I can't wait to hear what you think about this interview. Without further ado, let's bring on Marilyn. Well, I am so excited today to introduce you to Hall of Fame speaker Marilyn Sherman. Marilyn, thank you so much for joining us today on the podcast. Oh, I'm happy to be here, Cindra. I'm just really looking forward to talking with you and learning more about front row leadership and your passion and just to get

to know you even a little bit better. So I thought to start us off, tell us a little bit about what you're passionate about. Well, I am passionate about helping people get out of their comfort zone and live their life in the front row. I have this philosophy. I call it my front row philosophy that life is a big venue and every day we, you and I have choices and we can choose to be in the balcony, general admission or the front row. And balcony seats are not real good seats. Balcony seats are where you're completely disengaged. It's like, imagine going to a sporting event where your ticket says view obstructed. And in fact, I live in Vegas and I had a friend of mine come into town who wanted to go see Cher, but didn't want to go spend the big money on a good seat. So they wanted to buy like the last second, you know, whatever cheapest seat that they had. We were so far out in the balcony.

I thought, you know what? This is like drinking Petrus out of a plastic cup. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like you're there in such an amazing, witnessing an amazing artist. You want to be down in front. Yes. It was almost distracting that we were so far away. So want to be down in front. And it was almost distracting that we

were so far away. So balcony seats are not good seats. And then there's general admission. Now, this is a dangerous place to be because general admission is your comfort zone. This is the way I've always done it. This is the way I'll always do it. And this is, well, that's just the way I am. So this is where we settle. It's like we settle for the body that we're in, that we settle for the activity that we've done. We settle for the relationship that we're in. We settle for the job that we're in.

And when you settle for a general admission seat, you're not happy. You are just content. And there's a difference between being happy and content. And content is like, ah, it's all right. It's not bad. You know, it could be worse. Right. But who wants to live their life saying, ah, bad yeah not me no not me either so i encourage

people to break out of that comfort zone to get out of that general admission seat and go right up to the front row and the front row is where you get to say wow it doesn't get any better than this this is the vip section this is in front of the velvet ropes. This is the welcome to the front row. You know, where you feel like, you know, you're at the top of your game. You feel like, wow, I've worked hard for this. I deserve this. I feel great here. This is like where you get to say, it doesn't get any better than this. That's your front row. And the great thing about my front row philosophy is that like, Cinder, your front row is very different than my front row. Your front row could be completing a marathon in record time. You're not going to see me running

a marathon anytime soon. That's never been on my bucket list. So there's no judgment. That's you. You get to decide what your front row is. The most important thing though, is to know that you're worthy of a front row seat. You're worthy of it. You deserve a front row seat in your life. So breakthrough of all the fear and the negativity and the judgment and go out and get that front row seat. So that's what I'm really passionate about

is helping people decide what their front row is. Okay. Go for it. Nice. Okay. So before we dive into front row leadership and like what that is and how do you get people there? Tell us a little bit about your journey. So you've been speaking for 25 years. Phenomenal. Have the CSPE designation, Hall of Fame, which by the way, only 182 people have the CSPE designation, Hall of Fame, which by the way, only 182 people have the CSAP Speaker Hall of Fame designation. So tell us like how you got started and your evolution in terms of in speaking. Well, I'm just really fortunate because I grew up in a family of visionaries. My mom and dad were constantly challenging us to set goals and they were constantly challenging us to let go of the judgment attached to the goals. When I was younger, I rode quarter horses and so I wanted to be a professional barrel racer.

So they had no judgment against that. They just said, you got to get up early and go to, you know, take care of the horses before you go to school. And then after school, you got to go take care of the horses. So that was all part of the discipline. And then I got into volleyball and I was a very successful volleyball player. And my parents never judged me when I said I wanted to be a professional volleyball player. And my dad got me season tickets to a professional volleyball team in Seattle. So that really instilled in me that there's no judgment when you have a big dream and when you have a big goal and when you have a big vision, there's no judgment, but you just need to have one. And then I saw a professional speaker, his name is Roger Crawford, and he came to Mercer Island High School where I went to school right outside of Seattle. And his message was so impactful to me because he had a deformed arm and a prosthetic leg. He was an athlete. He played football and he ended up being a Hall of Fame tennis player. Wow. The story that I remember him telling me or telling us the class, but I felt like he was speaking to me. Exactly. a good speaker, right? He said he was running for

a touchdown and a defender tackled him, but he tackled his prosthetic leg and it came off and he still was able to hop into the end zone to score the winning touchdown. I mean, can you visualize that? I mean, he never let his handicap prevent him from achieving greatness. And so his message that resonated with me was, it's not the handicapped people of the world who are disabled. It's the people who have all their abilities and don't use them. They disable themselves with their mindset. They handicap themselves with their mindset. So I learned very early on. So I was 16, 17 years old when I

started buying audio cassette tapes by Zig Ziglar, Brian Tracy and Wayne Dyer and Tony Robbins. Love it. Going to live speakers. I went to my first event I went to was self-image psychology. And I was, I mean, I was still in high school. Wow. That's phenomenal. Yeah. So I already had this mindset of, okay, I, this is what I want to do with my life. I want to help others. And then there was a consulting firm that, that piloted a program at my high school called natural Helpers. We had some suicides in our high school. And this consulting firm had this program that they wanted to put out to schools. And because we were a high net worth school with a lot of pressure for kids to succeed, they wanted

to pilot it on Mercer Island. and what it was was they surveyed the school to find out okay who do you go to when you have a challenge who do you go to when you're depressed who do you go to when you need encouragement and based on those surveys they took a cross-section of the kids the athletes the jocks the theater kids the studious kids and they they took the highest names you know the names that came out on top of the surveys from each of those cross sections. And they took us away for a weekend and they taught us listening skills, decision-making skills, drug and alcohol awareness skills, suicide prevention skills, how to know when someone comes to you with a situation that's out of your bandwidth, how do you refer them to get help,

how to assess danger and how to get immediate help. And then they blended us back into the school so that we were natural helpers. You know, when people came to us with their problems or issues, we were better equipped to handle their situation. And I took to this program like a fish to water. And Clay Roberts, who was the co-founder of this program, he and I got along very well.

He became my first mentor. And he's like, okay, you're good. Can you speak on behalf of your experience when we go to this health education conference and speak about the success of the natural helpers program? And so that was my first paid speaking engagement and I was still in high school. Oh my goodness. Wow. So many people come to the profession, I think later. So it's really cool that you came so early and just followed that like belief that this was for you. Yes. So I learned very early on about the power of visualization, about the power of goal setting, about the power of visioning your future. And so I just kept creating these vision

boards of, I want to be the youngest author on the Phil Donahue show, for example. That's how long ago that was. That's awesome. And then I found out that professional speaking was a career. So I thought, okay, I want to be a professional speaker. So my dad said, well, okay, if you want to do any of that, you have to get a college degree first. So start now planning on where you're going to go to school and then plan on what you're going to major in and then plan on getting credibility in a business so that you can have the credibility to speak to people in business. So it was all laid out before I even graduated from high school. Wow. Outstanding. So once you graduated from Washington state and you worked as a, did training for a company, right? Like as a contract speaker? Well, my dad gave me 30 days

to get a job before I was kicked out of the house, you know? So there was always consequences of not fulfilling your requirements, right? So on the 28th day of looking for a job after graduating, I got a job at the Seattle Crisis Center and I was a suicide prevention counselor. So I was really good at this job of answering someone's crisis. But this wasn't part of my mission. You know, my mission was to help people on a bigger scale, not one on one. So although that was very fulfilling, helping people not kill themselves, that wasn't my long term mission. So there's something to be said for not getting stuck on a path that doesn't fulfill your long-term mission. And I knew that because I had a long-term mission. So if you don't have a mission or a vision, you don't really know

if what you're doing right now is right for you. So because I had that long-term vision, I did not spend years and years and years in that job. So I left that job only in a matter of months and got my first experience in the corporate world as a collector. I worked for a finance company in the collection department. And because I showed this visioning and this, and you'll love this, you'll love this. I got a second interview because you know, you're a sports. Yeah, for sure. I misread one of the questions on the job interview and it got me a second interview. The written interview question, it says, what is your long-term vision? Your ultimate goal. Okay. My ultimate goal is to be an international motivational speaker.

And then it said, what is your secondary ultimate goal? And I thought, well, if I'm, you know, ultimate goal, if I'm not going to be a motivational speaker, I've, I'd like to be a general manager of the Los Angeles Lakers. That's awesome. And the funny thing is, is that they really loved me when I came in. They thought I had a great sense of humor. They thought I was quick on my feet and they hired me and then they put me in a management training program. And then they moved me to Las Vegas and then they moved me to San Jose and then they moved

me to Pennsylvania and I worked in the training department, which is why I live in Vegas today because in the short time that I lived here in Vegas in that training program, I fell in love with the city. And I said, one day when I get to choose where I want to live, I will be back in Vegas. When I moved to the home office, they sent me my personnel file and I was reunited with my original application. And that question did not say, what's another ultimate dream job? It said, what other job are you applying for at this time? That's awesome. And all I saw was what other job would be your goal? You know, is that hilarious? Yeah, that's awesome. So when did you decide to then go full time in terms of speaking on your own? Well, when I moved to Allentown, the HR director said,

you live in California now and you're working out in the field for us. Why do you want to move to Allentown, Pennsylvania? I mean, have you been here before? It's very different than California. And I said, I've never been here before, but it doesn't matter where I live because my goal is to move here and put five to leave the company and he laughed at me but he said in fact this job would be perfect for you yeah and so not only did he hire me but he also years later he uses he used me as an example of knowing what you want and going for what you want. Right. And so within that last month of my fifth year, I got an interview with skill path seminars, which was a full-time contract speaking job where I, it was a hundred percent travel. And I just spoke on behalf of that company and I could live anywhere I wanted. So I left the East coast and I moved to San Diego and I traveled the country doing up to five seminars a week, eight hour seminars up to five

cities a week, up to three weeks a month. So I really got my road warrior status back in the nineties. Wow. That sounds like a really busy, overwhelming schedule. It was crazy. I was single at the time and I was energetic and I really loved what I was doing. But then after a while I got into my comfort zone. You know how, you know, my front row seat was working for the seminar company, but then that front row seat became a balcony seat or more of a general admission seat because I got so comfortable with them sending me my itinerary. Okay. This is where you're going to be speaking next month. Right. And, and that whenever I opened up that FedEx package, my contract was a calendar with the dates in it. And I would sign a copy of it and send it back.

Well, sometimes that would have three weeks filled. Sometimes it would only have one week filled. I had zero control over it and I didn't do any marketing I just sat back and let them do it I got into a very comfortable place where someone else was handling my schedule right and I don't recommend that at all so sometimes when we get too comfortable in our front row seat it becomes a general admission seat so then you mission C. So then, you know, I was getting paid very little. The company was getting paid a lot and I was exhausted. So I thought, you know what, it's time for me to go out on my own. So I published my first book called whose comfort zone are you in love it, the life you want and be happy every day. And I turned 35 and I quit my job with that seminar company all in one day. Like I had a big party,

my coming out party, because I did get one speech on my own that covered like a month's worth of seminar work. I thought, okay, I've arrived. Yeah. But I didn't plan it very well because I didn't get another speaking engagement for another six months. So then I, you know, had to hustle and work and scrape and grind and get another gig and then another gig and then another gig. So I've been scraping and grinding ever since. Well, Marilyn, one thing that I'm hearing from about you just in your journey that I want people to really pay attention to is that you knew exactly what you wanted is really early as in high school and stuck with it. And maybe you had these small jobs along the way, but they weren't the job,

you know, it wasn't the mission and, or you weren't following your vision. And I think that's so important because I think sometimes we get off track or honestly, we don't even know what our vision is. Yeah. That takes a lot of insight. So now you're speaking about front row leadership. So how do you define that? How would you describe like this is what front row leadership is? Well, front row leadership, I think ultimately when you are leading in such a way as a leader, when you are living your front row, you walk different. You talk different because you're feeling like, I love this job. I love what I do. I love who I am in the job that I'm in. Right? Living your job. You don't go to work every day complaining about the organization. You go to work loving your organization and you love what you do. You love the energy around you because you were meant to be in the position that you're in. So you, regardless of the position that you're in, the way people see you, people are inspired.

You are like leading with your light. And when people see your light, they are more inclined to follow that light. So to be the ultimate front row leader, it's like being an usher. If you ever come to Vegas, and I hope you do, and if you ever come to a show, which I hope you do, I guarantee you there will be an usher with two things. Number one, they will have knowledge of the entire venue, whether it's the Bellagio or the Wynn or Mandalay Bay or the park, it doesn't matter. They will have knowledge of the venue and a little flashlight where they look at your ticket and they will say, follow me. Yes. And you just follow them to your seat. And that to me is the ultimate role of a leader is that you lead people to their seat, whatever that is. So your role as a leader is to be that flashlight, to be that light, because you've been there

before. You know where all the seats are in the venue. You know where all the potholes to avoid. You know the quickest route. And because of your light, people can see clearly the path to where they want to go, even though they've never been there before. What you don't want to do is to be this usher where you look at their ticket and go, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, absolutely. And it sounds, at least from my experience, right, to be able to lead other people in this way, really boldly and bravely, I think

that it takes a lot of knowledge about yourself and awareness and understanding of who you are, how you're at your best, what your vision and mission is. Right. So tell us a little bit about like when you're speaking, what about those people who are unsure and they're like, yeah, I don't know where I'm going. Well, I love to talk about this incident that happened with my husband. I married, my front row relationship happened because I manifested him. Love it. Because I had a balcony, you know, we have, we have different chairs here. I love my little chairs. We have different chairs,

right? We have our health chair. We have our relationship chair. We have our work chair and they're all over the place, right? So in order to create a front row, you got to be at the, you know, the top of your game in each of these areas. So my work chair was in the front row. My health chair was in the front row. My relationship chair was in the balcony. So I had a starter marriage that didn't work. So I had been divorced and I was single for seven years and I was unhappy. So I decided to clearly define what is a front row relationship for me. So I made a list of everything I wanted in a partner. And I came up with 356 traits on that list.

356. Yeah, because why not? You know, when I talk about the importance of goal setting, one of the first things you need to be is outrageous, you know? Let go of any preconceived notions of what you can and can't do and just be outrageous. And so I was outrageous with my list. It's actually, I was out rock climbing in Bangor, Maine, and we got rained out. And my girlfriend and I sat in a pizza parlor waiting for the rain to stop. And she said, why do you keep complaining about your relationship? And I said, I'm just not happy. She goes, well, what do you want? And I started saying,

well, I want this. And she wrote that down. And I said, I want this not happy. She goes, well, what do you want? And I started saying, well, I want this. And she wrote that down. And I said, I want this. And she wrote that down. And then she kept saying, well, what does that look like? And she would write it down. And so by the end of that lunch, I had 356 traits. And then I narrowed it down to the top 10. Okay.

These are the top 10 things that I'm really looking for. And in the top 10, he had to speak fluent French. Because I never wanted anybody to laugh at my dreams and my dream had always been to travel to France and to speak French and I just love the French culture I love the language I love the Eiffel Tower I love Paris I love the south of France I mean I just I love everything about of France. I mean, I just, I love everything about it. And I never wanted anybody to laugh at that. And I never wanted to have to explain that. Right. So I had put that on my list and I'll get back to that question, but I wanted to let you

know how I manifested this. So, so that was already in the back of my mind when I went to a weekend retreat by Mark LeBlanc. I think, you know, Mark. Oh yes. Love Mark. Yeah. So it was already in the back of my mind when I went to a weekend retreat by Marc LeBlanc. I think you know Marc. Oh, yes. Love Marc. Yeah. So it was a weekend retreat and I'm sitting there and all of a sudden this man walks in. He sits down next to me and he was very different because he had this French accent.

And we kept talking and talking and I thought, okay, all of a sudden, this childlike vision of me speaking French came back to me and I had suppressed it for a while. So I decided then and there, I'm going to finally, I'm going to go learn how to speak French. So on the way home on that first night, I stopped by Office Depot and I bought a how to learn French CD set. And the next morning I was like really excited. I was practicing my French. And when the weekend retreat was over, he was leaving literally this Frenchman

who happened to be from Paris, who had moved to San Diego where I lived at the time. And I followed him to the parking lot and I said, excuse me, before you go, I just want to say thank you. You have no idea how much you've inspired me just by you being here. I've been inspired to go take a French class. So thank you for being here. And he said, you do not need to take a French class. I can help you with your French. And he invited me out to dinner and I brought a little notebook to take notes. And then it was a fantastic night and he took me out to dinner the next night and I took less notes and he took me out to dinner the next night. And I, I ended up just marrying the man. I love that. Oh my goodness. I never would have met him had I not acknowledged. I, well, I never would have seen him again. Had I not stopped him just to acknowledge his presence,

just to say thank you without any expectation of anything return his presence, just to say thank you. Without any expectation of anything in return, I just wanted to say thank you. So never underestimate the power of acknowledgement. And the other thing I was also doing is I was investing in my vision. You know, my vision to be a better speaker, my vision to be a better business person, my vision to be a better entrepreneur. So I was investing in myself to be at that event. And also the reason why he was at that event is because someone asked me to donate a speech to a group of up and coming new speakers.

And Cheryl Roush ran a group of speakers and I think they were from the Toastmasters world. And so I donated a speech to her and her group called From Free to Fee, My Philosophy. Oh, nice. There was a guy in the audience who was a master sommelier. And he's like, wow, what's my next step? And I said, well, you live in La Jolla, go call Marc LeBlanc. You two would hit it off. So he called Marc LeBlanc and they hit it off. And so when his best friend was moving from Bordeaux to San Diego, Eddie said, well, you have to meet my new coach. He's fantastic. And so Eddie introduced Eve, my husband, to Mark and Mark invited him to that weekend retreat. If you really want to go, I believe it was because I donated from the heart to my friend Cheryl and I gave to these new speakers that Eddie was there. And

because Eddie was there and reached out to me and I gave him advice to go see Mark, it was because of that, that he said, Eve, when you move to the United States, you got to come see Mark and go to this weekend retreat. And then he ended up sitting right next to me. So had I not donated my speech, none of that ever would have happened. Right. Absolutely. 13 years later, I'm living with my Frenchie in, in Las Vegas and living my dream. Ah, I love it. I love it. So many things had to happen for that to even occur, right? Where you had to walk after him and say, Hey, I just want to acknowledge you. And if you wouldn't have done that, you know, like it wouldn't have been the same. Right. And to answer your question, what about those people who don't know what they want?

Well, in my first book about getting out of your comfort zone, I answer that exact question. Like, what do you really, really want? And if you don't know what you want, you know, some people do the exercise of, well, imagine it's your funeral and someone is going to speak at your funeral, right? Their eulogy, so you can sort of know what you want people to say about your eulogy. Well, I'm a much more positive thinker, right? So I put a little twist on that. And I said, well, imagine it's your 100th birthday party. You're 100 years old.

You have a party. And however you want to celebrate. For me, I'd want a huge party. For you, you may want to have a small party, more intimate. But imagine it's your 100th birthday party. Who would be giving you a toast? And what would they say about you? And what about your kids? What would they say about you? And what would your grandkids say about you? Write out their speeches. And the funny thing is, is that Frenchie, my husband, his best friend, Jean-Ravé Laurenzi, his mother was like the first female lawyer in France.

Wow. Very, very, you know, well-known in France. Anyway, she had a hundredth birthday party and a beautiful museum next to the Eiffel Tower and had a huge party. So Eve and I flew to Paris to witness her 100th birthday party. And her grandkids got up and gave these speeches. And I'm like, oh, my gosh. I'm witnessing my suggested exercise. I'm witnessing it unfold in front of me in real life.

Of course, it was all in French, and I didn't understand exactly what they were saying, but it was magical. Well, I think that's way more inspiring than imagining your funeral. So yeah. And then maybe you're even thinking about, okay, how can I make sure I live to a hundred years old, right? Yeah, exactly. Because here's what happens in the brain. If you act as if you're already there, like I'm already going to be celebrating my 100th birthday party, then your brain will like your reticular activating system is activated and you will start to meet people and see things and be introduced to things that will help you achieve that. I like to say, you don't have to have all your ducks lined up in a row before you set out on a dream or a project or a goal. You just have to know what your end duck is. What's your end duck? What does that duck look like?

And then ducks are going to appear along the way. You know, maybe just decide what your first duck is and then your second duck. And then eventually ducks start to appear. But you got to put yourself out there by knowing first and foremost what your end duck is going to look like. And so I know one of the things that you did, you know, in terms of becoming a Hall of Fame speaker, you decided that you're going to do that and then you made it happen. So what made you decide, okay, this is what I wanted to do.

And then what was your progression? Well, it's interesting. I joined the National Speakers Association probably about 25 years ago. And every year they have this gala where they induct up to five speakers into the CPAE Speaker Hall of Fame. Five. Up to five a year. Five. So as soon as I joined this association, I knew that I'm home. These are my people. This is my tribe. So I just knew that one day I would be in the hall of fame. I just didn't know when. And frankly, it didn't matter. So I didn't stress over getting it. Like I never campaigned to get into the hall of fame. You know, one year I got a letter saying, congratulations, you made it to the top 10 or top

20 or something like that. But unfortunately you didn't make it. Okay. Thanks. That's cool. Yeah. I didn't get a letter at all. And I'm like, Oh, well, so I, but I never put any thought into it. Um, no anxiety or fear cause you hadn't reached your goal yet. Right. Not at all. But some people actually do have a lot of stress and anxiety over that. And they wait, they wait for that phone call to say that congratulations. But I never did that because someone also called me up one time and they said, you know what, when you believe that you're a

hall of fame speaker, call me and I will nominate you because this Hall of Fame induction is not given to people who we think is going to be a Hall of Fame speaker. You actually are a Hall of Famer and then we just give you the title at a celebration. Now, I never called that person to say, okay, I believe I am. Because guess what? I woke up every day saying, okay, what would a Hall of Fame speaker say today? What would a Hall of Fame speaker do today? When a Hall of Fame speaker gets And it's funny, as soon as I started doing that, I got into the hall of fame the next year. So I just acted as if I were, I were already in the hall of fame. How did things change for you when you started saying that? Like, how can I be, what would a hall of fame speaker do today? Or what would they do on the platform? Like, what changed? I just was reminded of all the blood, sweat, and tears I've put into this industry and put into my craft and put into my, I mean, all the hours and hours and hours and hours and

hours and hours and hours. I mean, I remember one time I was driving from San Diego to the Inland Empire to speak at a conference. And I spoke there because there was a reception for the speakers and I set up my book signing table, but then there was a chicken soup for the soul book event. I think they were just coming out with the second helping of chicken soup for the soul. This is how long ago it was. That was in Los Angeles. And I really wanted to go see Mark Victor Hansen and Jack Canfield. So I literally checked in, did my obligation. And when I was done there, drove to Los Angeles, hit the book signing, and then drove back to the Inland Empire. And then got up the next morning and spoke at that event. And then drove back to San Diego. And in my mind, I kept thinking, one know, one day this is going to be an interesting story

about, about dedication and commitment. So like, I wasn't drinking with the crowd because I knew I had a long drive. I wasn't doing, I wasn't making like frivolous, like, Hey, you want to just go hang? No, I was bound and determined. I really want to meet these authors. I really want to be at this event. I really want to do a good job at this speaking engagement. So it was just hours and hours and hours of commitment and dedication that goes into a career of any kind. So what changed was as a reminder that I didn't just land here. I put in the work. In fact, when I was hired in high school to be a natural helper and then be a natural helper counselor, the second year I was again invited.

So now I'm a senior and I'm a senior natural helper and I'm sort of a, you know, a returning senior that went away on this weekend retreat. And you'll appreciate this because this is a, you're from Minnesota, right? Yes. Do you remember Jack Patera from the Minnesota Vikings? Yes, of course. Well, he left Minnesota to go coach the new franchise team called the Seattle Seahawks. Of course. And he moved to Mercer Island where I went to school and his daughter, Beth, and I were friends. And I said, Marilyn, my dad is taking the entire Seahawk team to Hawaii for a week and I can bring one girlfriend with me.

Would you like to go? All expenses paid. And what did I say? Absolutely. I said, I can't. I have a commitment to be at this weekend retreat with these natural helpers. Oh, of course. And she looked at me and she said, you're good. You're giving up a week in Hawaii with all of the Seattle Seahawks. And I, I had made a commitment and, and I knew,

I knew it was a tough, tough decision. And I, I really, really would have loved to be around all those football players. Sure. And my girlfriend, Beth, and be like, you know, talk about a front row seat, you know, behind the scenes with the professional football team. But I had made a commitment. And I also knew that this work was the genesis of my career that I was going to dedicate my life to. As a 17, 18 year old senior in high school, I knew the value of what that meant to do that weekend,

because that is the foundation of my work today. So Marilyn, when you think about what gets in the way of people being front row leaders in their own life or just leadership at work. You know, what would you say is the one thing that you see gets in people's way? And I'm thinking about now you've traveled the world, you know, for 20 years speaking. What do you see gets in the way of people just being their best and showing up? Well, the number one obstacle to success bar none is fear. Yeah. Yeah. People have so much fear. In fact, I wrote another book based on my own failures, you know, because this journey has not been a steady, you know, ascension to the hall of fame. It's been an up and down, you know, risk and failure, risk and failure, risk and failure. But one day I just woke up and I just said, why do I keep putting holes in my own bucket list?

And I thought, oh my gosh, that'd be a great title of a book. So I literally wrote a book called, Is There a Hole in Your Bucket List? How to Overcome Obstacles That Keep You from Achieving Your Goals. Picture, I've got lots of buckets in my office. Love them, Love them. So picture you've got like this bucket and it's got a bunch of holes in it. And so your dreams and aspirations are in your bucket, but it's got holes in it. So all of your dreams just

seep out of those holes. So I came up with these patches. You patch the holes that are in your bucket list with courage and compassion and kindness, but it goes deeper than that. Those are just the three I put on my, my patches. The, um, because this day and age, what holds us back, especially if you've got entrepreneurs listening and watching to it, watching our show today, there's a lot of comparison and envy that goes on. There is a lot. And you know, you sit back and you, you're just having trouble getting into your office and then you go on social

media and you see all these people that are just at the top of their game and you can't help, but be envious and jealous of the fact that, Oh my gosh, how did they get there so quickly? And, and look at, they make it look so easy. And, and so that envy and jealousy is just robs you of your, your motivation, you know, to get you to keep going. So you have to put yourself into perspective, put your situation in perspective and stop comparing, you know, someone else's Instagram filter with your reality yeah I think because there's so much access that we have to YouTube or videos or you know like social media it's really easy to compare yourself to someone else instead of I think what you said is like having courage to go after these

big goals and not settling and compassionate with yourself that when you do fail to be able to bounce back yes and having some kindness with yourself and others so for sure well i also think that you know fear comes from uh i'm not good enough uh i'll never amount to anything you know these old tapes that somehow you allow to seep in your brain so you have to find a way to silence that voice. And one way to silence that voice is to be of service, to get out of your world. Yeah. Just do something for someone else who is in no position to pay you back. Yes. And so Frenchie and I like to go down on Saturdays and we like to go serve the homeless population here in Las Vegas. Down at Catholic Charities, we serve anywhere between 300 and 600 people on Saturday mornings.

And what's so great is that for that hour, I don't have to worry about the size of my thighs, you know. Right. I don't have to worry about the holes in my speaking calendar, you know, and the holes in my speaking calendar, you know, I, because I'm, and I tell this to the volunteers too, because we always have amazing students and other people that volunteer. I say, Hey, it's Saturday morning service. We have a theme and our theme is that we serve with joy and dignity. The joy is that we smile and we look them in the eye and we say, welcome, happy Saturday. And the dignity part comes where we have no judgment if they don't say thank you. Because they're by the grace of God, go I, go I. They're on that side of the counter and we're on this side

of the counter. So we are so lucky to be on this side of the counter and we are serving this food and we have no idea what they're going through or what they got through to get to this point where they have to accept this food and go sit down. And then they go out in the world and these students were like, well, where do they live? And it's like, well, they're homeless. So they actually don't live anywhere. So if you want to get over your fear, find a way to be of service to someone else. And then you can go deep within yourself and say, you know what? I know I can pull myself up because I look at where I've come and look at where I am now. So that's one way to overcome that fear and patch up that hole of fear. And then at the same time, everybody has a story. Everybody has a story. I mean, look at the podcast that you have. You've interviewed some amazing

people with amazing stories and no one ever gets to the top of their game failing. There's always been some sort of a, an obstacle that they had to overcome. And so I like to remind people to just study people, study their story, study what other people had to overcome. And then you really shift your perspective. Like, wow, you, you have a good, you have a really good. And then, and then when you shift that perspective, you've got this gratitude of what you have. And you're like, okay, I'm going to take advantage of what I have and I'm going to go for it. Nice. Love it. Love it. When you think Marilyn kind of, I know one thing that we have talked about before is how people just kind of live a life of mediocrity. Maybe they don't go for these big

goals or they just kind of settle. They're in their comfort zone. They're in the balcony seat, right? What do you think? So fear contributes to that. Are there any other things that contribute to that? And then what would you think a solution is for that? I think people need to be aware of where they occupy their time, not only their physical time, like what they do with their time, but also their mental time, their mental energy. I think we wait, we waste way too much time watching really horrible television. Sure. And we also spend too much time with people who are really negative. Yeah. And so for those people, if they're living their life in such a way that they're not happy, I would suggest they look at who they spend time with

and how they spend their time. Jim Rohn has a famous quote that you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Very strong. So do you spend time with negative people who are sarcastic and don't have any goals and they're wallowing in their self-pity all day? I mean, it's very easy to go hang out with them and join the pity party, but it's not going to get you anywhere. It's just going to get you further and further down into the balcony, the bowels of the balcony. So I say, be careful who you, who you give your energy to. And then notice that your front row is sacred space. There's only so many seats in your front row. So be careful who you invite to sit with you in your

front row. Ah, really good. So seek out people that you admire, seek out people who have what you have, seek out people who have what you want and connect with them, call them up, invite them for coffee, invite them for lunch. You know, I've had people just say, I just want to pick your brain or I just want to have lunch with you. I just want to be around you or I just want to be your best friend. And, and some people are really surprised when I take them up on it. And they're like, why did you say yes to coming out to lunch with us today? It's like, because you called me and you asked me. Because I like people who are willing to, you know, get out of their comfort zone.

I had this manual. I have a manual called the Front Row Leadership Manual. It's just a workbook, right? I sold it at this conference and I sold it and it's got a high price tag on it. It's just a workbook, right? I sold it at this conference and I sold it and it's got a high price tag on it. It's like, I don't know. I was selling it for like 247 bucks and because it included an hour of coaching with me, like one-on-one, let me be your encourager for an hour. Let me just be your front row coach for an hour. Get on the phone with me and let's zoom, you know, and of all the people that bought my manual, not a single person took

me up on the hour. And so the next year I was rehired at that conference and I was, I had my books in the bookstore and I had the manual in the bookstore. And I said, by the way, you have more things in front of you that you just don't take advantage of. You just don't, you have resources at your fingertips that you don't take advantage of. For example resources at your fingertips that you don't take advantage of. For example, out of all the people that I sold the manual to last year that included an hour, one-on-one time with me, guess how many people took advantage of it? And they started throwing out numbers and I'm like, no, zero, nobody. So then one woman had the courage to say, can I have one of the hours that someone else didn't take? I said, because you took initiative

and raised your hand and asked me that question. Yes. You can have an hour with me, no charge. And then she didn't call. Oh, no way. Yes. So it's like, so look around at what you have. You have access, more access than you think that you have. So why not reach out? Like right now, make a decision. Who is it that, who do I resonate with? Or who do I really admire? Who has what I want? And make a decision to reach out to them. Make a phone call or send an email or connect on social media just to say, hey, I just want to let you know that I really admire you and I admire what you do. And I just want to say, if I could have five minutes of your time, I would love that. And you'd be surprised at how many people say yes.

Absolutely. Absolutely. But it starts with setting your intention, deciding who is it that you want to spend time with and what you said, who has what you really want. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Marilyn, man, we could keep on talking for so much longer. There's a few things that I thought were so powerful already that you just said. First, I liked at the beginning when you're talking about your goals in high school, right? And your parents didn't have any judgment towards those goals. I think that's really important. And they accepted the goal, like regardless if you said it was too big, right? And they just helped you to try to make that happen. You, I think, have a really strong vision of where you wanna go.

And as I'm listening, I'm thinking, gosh, how can I even up my vision? I think it's pretty good already, but I'm like, I'm inspired by listening to you. And I like the question that you said, like, what would I do today if I was a Hall of Fame speaker? And people can replace that with what would I do today if I was vice president of my company? What would I do today if I was following my dream in professional sports? What would I do today if I was a best-selling author? Right? Like no matter what you put that in, that's really powerful because it's really what you're

saying is the daily habits that allow you to get there. Yeah. Yeah. That's how I got my first speaking job with, with skill path seminars. You know, I'm a firm believer in act as if your goal is already achieved. So it was 1992 when I interviewed for the job and it was in Kansas city. They flew me out and I, the interview was actually me doing a page of the seminar. Like I had to do a section of the seminar as if I was in front of a live audience, but there was only a panel of decision makers. That was the interview. So I said, well, welcome everybody. This is, you know, March 15th, 2000, or 1993, it was 1992. So I said, welcome.

It's 1993. And it was actually, today's a special day for me because it was a year ago today that I was hired for this job. So I've been in a skill path seminar leader for a year and this is my one year anniversary. And I ended up being one of the top leaders for the job. So I've been in a skill path seminar leader for a year, and this is my one year anniversary. And I ended up being one of the top leaders for the company. Do y'all remember that interview? It was a great day. Remember that? They just thought that was the funniest thing they'd ever heard. I was acting as if not only did they hire me, but I was already a successful leader for them for that whole year. So yeah, put yourself in the future

and act as if you're already a success. And then what would that person sound like? What would that person act like? You know, confidence wise, mindset wise, and who would you be hanging around with? You know, when I told my dad, I want to be a professional volleyball player. He sat me down and he said, Marilyn, professional volleyball players don't smoke cigarettes and they don't smoke pot and they don't run around with boys and I'm like oh and not that I smoke cigarettes or smoke pot or ran around with boys he was just telling me that that's not behavior that they did so he was steering me in the healthy direction I was like. And so, so I became a really successful volleyball player and I stayed away from all of those, you know, those things that would distract me.

So I was very lucky to have such positive influences in my life. Love it. Love it. So, uh, Marilyn, I know that you have a few things coming up. First of all, tell us about your stiletto summit. That sounds amazing. So tell us a little bit about that coming up in Paris. And it sounds perfect that it's in Paris for you. Well, this is my dream. You know, people ask me, what's your favorite front row seat? It's like I go to France every year with my husband because that's where his family is.

So I created a front. It's like my front row leadership retreat in Paris, but we've called it the Stiletto Summit, even though you don't need stilettos, but it's just a professional women that meet. We meet in Paris and then we take a train to Provence and we stay in my husband's cousin's chateau. And we stay for three days there. And then we drive to Saint-Tropez and we stay at his sister chateau overlooking the Mediterranean and we do masterminding in the morning where we get together and we we share what's going on and what we need support with and we support each other and in the afternoon and evening we get to do wine tasting or cheese tasting or we go to the

lavender fields or we go to the you know the docks of San Tropez. I mean, it's a really exceptional experience. So I get to live my dream in the front row and I get to bring professional women with me. So it's an incredible experience. So if you go to www.joinmeinparis.com, it has the full itinerary. Ah, I love it. I love it. So you can find more information at joinmeinparis.com. Yeah, it's so exciting. It's a very small group. We only limit it. We limit it to like six women and we do it once a year. So I'm super excited. What types of professional women? Any professions? Yeah, I've got speakers that come. I've got entrepreneurs that come. It doesn't matter. Nice. If you love to live your life and you want to live your life in a

bigger way, then it's for you. Nice. Outstanding. And I know you also are available for speaking opportunities. So tell us, you speak on the front row leadership and some of the things we've talked about today. What are some other topics that you speak on? Well, I am hired mostly for motivation and inspiration at conferences and conventions. So I do a lot in the hospitality and food service space, but I also do a lot of direct sales and sales meetings. And anywhere where there's a conference where they want to get their people excited about what they do and who they are and take them to the next level, that's what I'm hired for. So front row leadership, or is there a hole in your bucket list? That's what I'm hired for. I also have done extensive work in conflict resolution in the workplace. So sometimes I'm hired for opening keynote session on front row leadership, and then I do a breakout

on communicating for results from conflict cooperation. And it's really just about how people need to take accountability for who they are and how they talk to each other. And if we just showed more compassion and courage and kindness, we could actually reduce conflict and get along better. And so, yeah, MarilynSherman.com is my website, and more information is found there. Outstanding. And you can also follow you on

social media, right? Tell us the ways that we can reach out to you there if we want to follow along with what you're doing. On Instagram, I'm Front Row Marilyn and I have a fan page on Facebook, which is Front Row Girl and Twitter, I'm Front Row Girl. Yeah, because everything's about living your life in the front row. I absolutely love it. Well, Marilyn, you gave us so much to think about today. I love the idea of act as if your goal has already been achieved and just asking yourself the question,

like what would a blank, blank, blank do, right? And just really like embracing that. So you helped me play a bigger vision of my life today and help me step it up. So I know if you help me step it up, you help the listeners. So I'm so grateful to spend this morning with you. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. This was so fun to connect with you. We're going to have to do this again. Absolutely. Because you're such a front row girl, Sandra. You too, Marilyn.

Thank you for listening to High Performance Mindset. If you like today's podcast, make a comment, share it with a friend, and join the conversation on Twitter at mentally underscore strong. For more inspiration and to receive Cindra's free weekly videos, check out drcindra.com.