High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 284: Getting to Clarity with Debbie Peterson, Business Keynote Speaker, Career Mindset Strategist & Author

Episode Date: October 28, 2019

Debbie Peterson is President, Business Keynote Speaker and Career Mindset Strategist at Getting to Clarity. She has successfully worked with professionals at various stages of their career in corporations, associations, and charitable organizations to accelerate professional success. As a professional speaker, she helps audiences to develop an elevated mindset for accelerated results in their career. Debbie has 25+ years in Corporate with experience in Administration, Project Management, and Investor Relations. She is a certified Trainer of NLP at the Master Practitioner level and has spent over nine years studying, designing and delivering keynotes, workshops, and corporate trainings using Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) as a foundation. Debbie is a professional member of the National Speakers Association, Women’s Speakers Association, and an author with her book, Clarity: The Smart Professionals Guide to Creating Success on Your Terms, just released. On a personal note, Debbie boycotts winter and chases sunshine from Pennsylvania to Florida each year with her husband, Tom. In this podcast, Debbie and Cindra talk about: What happens when you don’t have clarity How mistakes serve you to get to the next level How to do more of what you were meant to do How responsibility allows you to take reasons into results The 3 Cs to change your focus You can find a full description of the Podcast at cindrakamphoff.com/debbie. You can find Debbie at https://www.debbiepetersonspeaks.com/.

Welcome to High Performance Mindset with Dr. Sindra Kampoff. Do you want to reach your full potential, live a life of passion, go after your dreams? Each week we bring you strategies and interviews to help you ignite your mindset. Let's bring on Sindra. Welcome to the High Performance Mindset Podcast. This is your host, Dr. Sindra Kampoff, Certified Mental Performance Coach and Keynote Speaker. And I am excited today that you are here ready to listen to episode 284. Now, if you know that mindset is essential to your success, then you're in the right place because we talk about everything related to mindset on this podcast. In today's episode, I interviewed Debbie Peterson.

I first met Debbie actually attending a small business success seminar with Mark LeBlanc, and he is a member of the National Speakers Association, was actually one of the past presidents, and I met Debbie there. We were both attending Mark LeBlanc's workshop to help us level up our own business. And I was talking with Debbie and absolutely fascinated by what she does and her speaking and her book, Clarity. So I'm excited to bring Debbie Peterson to the podcast today. So Debbie Peterson is the president.

She's also a business keynote speaker and a career mindset strategist at Getting to Clarity. She has successfully worked with professionals at various stages of their career in corporations, associations, and charitable organizations to help them accelerate professional success. So as a professional speaker, she helps audiences develop this elevated mindset to really accelerate results in their career. And she has spent 25 years in corporate America with experience in administration, project management, and investor relations. She's also a certified trainer for NLP at the master practitioner level and has spent over nine years studying, designing, and delivering keynotes with neuro-linguistic programming.

That's what NLP stands for, as really at her foundation. Debbie is a professional member of the National Speakers Association, as I am as well, and she wrote a book called Clarity, The Smart Professional's Guide to Creating Success on Your Terms, which was just released. So I'm excited to provide the opportunity for you to learn more from Debbie. Debbie and I, in this interview, we talk about what happens when you don't have clarity, how mistakes serve you to get to the next level. I really like that part.

How to do more of what you were meant to do, and she gives you some strategies to do that. How responsibility allows you to take reasons into results and then she talks about the three C's to change your focus and that's my favorite part about the interview. Her three C's were catch it which means like gaining awareness, challenging it which asking yourself is this true and then changing it and asking yourself what do you want instead? So I know you're going to love this interview with Debbie. And without further ado, let's bring her on to the podcast. Welcome, Debbie Peterson to the High Performance Mindset Podcast. How are you today, Debbie? I'm great, Cinder. Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to be here. I'm excited to talk to you more about Clarity and to learn more about

your business and just really to help us be better at what we do. So just to give us a little bit of background, Debbie, tell us a little bit about how you got to where you are now. Okay. Actually, I spent about, let's see, 25 years, a little more, in corporate and in a lot of different positions, but interestingly enough, all of them were behind the scenes. So, you know, way back when I got out of college, I started as a secretary and I moved into project management work, investor relations work, business administration work. But I was always in the background. You know, I was the one behind the man and I was good at it until I kind of hit the wall. And what happened was I felt that there was something more for me, but I had no idea what that meant. I had no idea how to figure it out.

And in my never ending quest of trying to be perfect in absolutely every area of my life, I just, I got really stressed out about it because I couldn't get an answer. And long story short is I ended up going to a training for work and it was an NLP training. So that's neuro linguistic programming for those who don't know what it is. In short, the term is neuro is mind and linguistic is language and programming are your habits and your strategies that you employ and do it for the most part without even knowing it. So the majority of our thinking is unconscious. We do things on automatic pilot. So NLP is about identifying those patterns that you run that either support you or hold you back. And if they're holding you back, then how do you interrupt them and create a new strategy? So I'm not saying anything new to you. I know you, you know,

exactly what this means. So for me, I had no idea. And it was a game changer as far as how I then thought about myself and my potential and my influence over it. And everything changed for me. So, you know, when I hit the wall, so to speak, I did it in a pretty physical way in that I was so stressed out about it that I ended up on, you know, high blood pressure medicine, I was on migraine medicine, and then finally anti anxiety medicine. So you know, and I knew this was not the way I wanted my life to go. But after I took my training and I started implementing strategies and essentially harnessing the power of my thoughts, everything changed. And so then I kind of had an epiphany. I thought, you know what, I'm not the only one. I'm not the only one that this happens to. So, you know, figuring out what I could do with it and who I could serve as a result.

I knew I needed to pay it forward. I just didn't know what it looked like. And interestingly enough, that meant me being out front speaking. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that awesome? So, I mean, it's great that like a difficulty led you to where you are today, right? Like it was the struggle that really gave you more clarity on what you wanted and how you wanted to serve. You know, if you can think back at that

time, like what's one thing that you did that you think made all the difference? I would say the biggest game changer for me was figuring out what a limiting belief was. And I had a boatload of them. I just, you know, and I hadn't realized that I had created these myself. And that I absolutely had the power to, you know, unwind them, and reframe my thinking to have a different outcome. And when I figured out that that is a process, you know, it's not a hope, that it's an actual process, and that I can put the effort into it and get the result that I want. I was like, oh, my goodness. And it was just feeling relief at that point that I don't have to feel this way anymore. I don't have to feel anxious or think I'm lacking or not able to do something. Just, you know, very fixed in my mindset.

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, we can all have limiting beliefs, even if we do this work, right? You know, Debbie and I were just at this training, and the seminar leader, Mark LeBlanc, comes up to me, and he says to me, you know, how do you help your clients with limiting beliefs? And I was kind of going through the process of what I do. That's not why he was asking me that. And then he said, what do you do when you have a limiting belief? And I was like, oh, crap. I know. It's like, here comes the mirror, take a peek. That stinks, but so helpful when someone like acknowledges and kind of just describes to you, you know, shows you that you have a limiting belief, because it's really hard to kind of see it. So Debbie, your company

is called Clarity. And that's really what you speak on. That's the name of your book. That's the name of your keynote. So tell us why Clarity is really important right now. And I'm thinking that it's such a kind of unclear world right now. So why is it really important that we understand Clarity? Yeah. So actually, the company is called Getting to Clarity. And the reason that it is, and the reason that I point that out, it's important, because clarity is a process. It's not a one and done. It's not like you have it. And then, you know, you have it forever. I mean, one salad does not make, you know, a physiology

transformation, you know, so it's, you know, it's a process. And the funniest thing is that when I decided I was going to pay this forward, one night in the middle of the night, I literally just sat bolt upright in bed and getting to clarity was on my mind. And I ran downstairs and got on GoDaddy and the URL was available. So that was kind of the beginning of it. so important is that, you know, for the exact reason, you know, my story and where I ended up, when you don't have clarity, it makes it really hard for you to take action. It makes it really hard for you to show up the way that you need to in order to get what you want. I mean, you can't hit a bullseye without a target. So if you don't know what it is that you're working towards, what it is that's going to fulfill you,

you're approaching things with, it's like a shotgun instead of a laser. The reason the book, the book is titled Clarity because for career, people need clarity of direction in their career. It helps them to make better decisions. It helps them to say yes when something's a fit for them, a right fit for them. And it helps them to say no when it's not. But the subtitle of

the book is Creating Career Success on Their Terms. And I got some pushback when I wanted to subtitle it that. And actually, Mark was the one who pushed back on me a little bit. And he said, well, isn't that redundant? Create career success on their terms. And I said, no, because you can be successful. You can be earning great money. You know, you can be busy, but you may not be happy or fulfilled. So, you know, we all heard when we were growing up, money doesn't buy happiness. But it's the same thing with success and career.

Is it the confess that you want is it meeting your needs is it fulfilling your values so values are something that I dive into with my audiences and with my clients because and they don't normally think about it but your values are your motivation you know you're you're on days when things go wrong, your values, if they're being met, then you're being motivated, self-motivated. Yeah, that's a good way to think about it. You know, and one of the things that I like that you said in the book, I'm going to quote you here. You said, a mistake is merely a choice that doesn't serve you well.

And I think, you know, here on the high performance mindset, we're really, you know, we're going to be the best version of ourselves that we can. And we know that mistakes are going to happen along the way. Tell us a couple of things. Tell us what that means to you first. Like a mistake is merely a choice that doesn't serve you well. Yeah. So one of the things that I live by is that there is no failure. There's only feedback. Mistake is a form of feedback. So what I like about that phrase is that, you know, a mistake, if you make a mistake, the reason I like mistakes is that you have an opportunity to get feedback. You have an opportunity to learn something and then make a different decision so you don't get the same results. With a mistake, it implies that you were actually moving. So to make a mistake, you have to be moving. Therefore, you're not stuck. So it's, you know, the mistakes are what really serve us in getting to the next level. It's not the fact that we make them, but it's what we do as a result of making them that matters the most. So when you look at it, it's like, okay, it was a decision. It didn't serve me. Let's make another decision instead.

It's easy to make a different decision once you've got good information. So mistakes serve us to get to the next level. So the next question I have for you, Debbie, is like, does it tell us about a time that didn't go so well for you and what you learned from it? And I want to ask this question to kind of demonstrate how we should really see failure mistakes, because it can be really difficult to, yeah, like we maybe know this in here in our head, but in our hearts to know that mistakes serve us to get to the next level, you know, so we kind of got to remind ourselves of this every day, I think so. Oh, absolutely. You're like, tell me of a time when you made a

mistake. And I'm thinking, oh, man, which one? Because I, you know, I make mistakes a lot in all areas of my life, you know, in my business, they can be little things like I'll send an email and I'll have the wrong person's name in it, the wrong company name in it. And, you know, I remember the first time I did that, I just had a meltdown because I thought, oh my gosh, what did I do?

But, you know, making mistakes in relationships, you don't make the best decision. You know, you don't show up in the conversation in the best way. I would say some of the biggest mistakes that I've made, though, are the ones where I wouldn't make a decision at all, or that I was holding back out of fear. So that's kind of a different kind of mistake. But I would say overall, in the scheme of my life, those are the ones that have impacted me the most. And having said that, you know, everything kind of happens for a reason. You know, even though I didn't play bigger earlier on,

you know, I'm playing bigger now. And it took me almost until I was 40 to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up, you know, it was until almost the 50s before, you know, I figured out that this is what I wanted to do that I wanted to put myself up front, you know, and in if eight years ago, you would have said to me, Debbie, you're going to be on stage in front of hundreds of people, helping them to get clear and have clarity of direction in their career with their mindset, I would have said, you're smoking something because that's not me. But the cool thing about it is that every day you are willing to take the risk, that you are willing to step out of your comfort zone. For me, the days that I do that, I become more who I'm meant to be.

And that's a really cool thing. Yeah, I like what you said, the days that you step out of your comfort zone, you're, you're, you're more of who you're meant to be. Yeah, all good things wait outside of your comfort zone. Yeah, isn't that so true? I love that. And I think that means continuing to take risks and playing big with your life and getting more clarity. So I appreciate what you said right there about how, you know, a failure might be a time that you're holding yourself back with fear. So it's just like, get out there, get moving, get something done.

And, you know, like so many times we can just stay where we're at without growing and learning. So, Debbie, you know, I know one of the things you talk about in your book is the need to take responsibility for our life. And how do you think that relates to clarity? And like, why is that really important? So my belief is, and what I've been taught is that you either have reasons, or you have results when you're pursuing something. So either you are getting traction and you are moving towards what you want. You know, you've set a goal and you know you're going in that direction and the actions that you're taking are leading you there.

Or you have all these reasons as to why you're not taking action or why you're not achieving your goals. So responsibility is what happens in between reasons and results. So responsibility allows you to turn a reason into a result. Because responsibility is how you get out of the blame game or the victim mindset. So when you blame someone else, whether you know, whether it's a person or a circumstance, if you blame anything outside

of you and say, that's the reason I'm not getting what I want, then essentially it's you pointing the finger at your index finger, I should say, at that other person. And where are the other three fingers pointed back at? They're pointed at you because that's the reminder of where the responsibility lies. Responsibility lies with you. It's not somebody else's responsibility to make it happen for you. If you want it bad enough, it's your responsibility to make it happen. So that's why responsibility. Yeah, that's super good.

I like that you said responsibility allows you to turn reason into result. So can you give us an example, like in maybe business or in life where, you know, when you're taking responsibility that can turn reasons into results? Yeah. So if you say that, say you're an emerging leader in a corporation and gotten out of college and you started your corporate career and you were okay, but then you kind of got to that point where it's like okay i'm ready for the next level but you think that maybe i don't have enough experience and you know maybe i don't know the right people and uh maybe i should just do some more research on this well each one of those things that you step back from what you really want and you say yeah maybe this you're you're giving all of your effort, your power over to whatever that is. And essentially, that's your reason you're not getting what you want.

So, you know, you've got to be able to transition from that and go in a different direction. Yeah. And I know besides responsibility, you also talk about accountability. So tell us a little bit about that and why you think that's connected to clarity. So essentially, you know, accountability is having a plan. And when I talk about goals and plans, I'm a fan of the smart goal process. And I know that there are people who like it and people who don't, and that's fine. The reason that I like it is because when it comes to accountability, and it comes to goals, you've got to get everything out of your head. You know, if you've got an index card with your goal written on it, and you put it in your wallet in your car and on your bathroom

mirror and your refrigerator, well, great, it's a nice reminder, but it doesn't tell you what to do. So if you want to make it easy on yourself, if you want to make it easy to take steps, incremental steps towards your goal, then you got to get it out of your head. You know, what is it that you specifically want? And I'll play with my audiences with this, I'll ask them, I'll say, you know, who here wants to make more money? And then I'll, you know, I'll joke, and I'll say, if you don't have your hand up, you're lying. But you know, so they all put their hands up and I'm like, okay. And I'll, I'll walk up to somebody with a smile on their face and I'll hand them a quarter. And they'll look at me like, okay. And I'm like, well, you said you wanted more money.

And then they're like, yeah. I'm like, oh, I'm so sorry. Did you want more money than that? And I was like, well, yeah. I said, well, how much more money? I said, if you say you want more money than that? And I was like, well, yeah. I said, well, how much more money? I said, if you say you want more money and you walk out the door and you find a quarter, congratulations, you've made more money. Because how our mind works is that we need to give it instruction, good instruction. And that is the words that we speak and the thoughts that we think. And if you have vague and ambiguous goals, then you're going to get vague and ambiguous results. So accountability means that you've got a good plan. You know what you want. You know why you want it. You will know when you've achieved it. It's not one of those rolling

and keep pushing it out there, pushing it out there. You have a line in the sand because you need to be able to achieve it and celebrate. You know what your obstacles are. And you've had the ability to think about how you'll deal with those obstacles. You know how this goal will fit in with the other areas of your life. I mean, you know, we're speakers, you know, we're moms, you know, we're women, we have, we're friends, we're daughters, we're, you know, we wear a lot of hats. So, you know, it's getting clear on how that goal fits in. So it's just, it's the process that walks you towards you want, and that's what you have to be accountable towards. Yeah. You got to give your brain instructions, the words we speak and the, what else did you say?

The words you speak and the thoughts you think. So what I say is that, you know, you give instruction to your mind. This is what I want to find. So whatever you're focused on is what you're going to bring to yourself. So if you're focused on every awful thing that can happen, then that's instruction. You know, is that really what you want to produce?

Is that really what you want to have in your life? So being able to catch yourself and then reframe it towards what you really do want. If you don't know what that is, how can you do it? Yeah. And I know, I remember there was one article or one part in your book that you said, I think really connects here right now. And you said like, that to which you give focus expands. And I'm thinking about that as you're talking right now about what am I focused on is instructions I'm going to give my brain. So I want to make sure I'm really deliberate about the thoughts that I think and the words that I speak, you know. So tell us what you mean by that to which you give focus expands. Yeah, and that's what you bring to you. So I don't you're probably familiar with the reticular activating system. Okay, so reticular activating system is a way that our mind

processes information that's relevant according to us, according to the instruction that we give it. So, you know, if you've ever been sitting on a couch, and you saw a car commercial, and you looked at that car, and you thought, wow, that's really a nice car, then you start thinking, I like the color, then you start thinking, I'd look really good in that car. And then you see the car everywhere. It's like you walk out of the office and it's in the corner of the parking lot. It's in the bank tower line. You know, it's in your neighbor's driveway when you get home.

And that's because you gave instruction to your mind. This is what I want to find. And so it sorted out the blue cars and the yellow cars. It sorted out the trucks and the vans. And it brought you that red car that you saw in the commercial. And that's how it works. So what you focus on expands, it shows up everywhere. So you really want to be deliberate. And that's easier said than done. You know, we all fall into those traps. And our head goes in another way. But the idea is that you catch yourself and change it. So I have a mantra I give my audiences, it's catch it, challenge it, change it. So catch it is self-awareness. Once you know that you're

doing it, high five, that's a win. Even if you've already done it, you know, the challenge it is, how do you know it to be true? I mean, especially with those limiting beliefs and that the negative self-talk that can roll around in our head, how do you know that's factual? You know, you really need to interrogate that and determine is that factual? Is that a story you're telling? And then change it. What do you want instead? What is the opposite result? What do you what would, you know, be the best outcome? And that's a continual process. Yeah, I would say daily, you know, because, you know, I think it's the negativity bias that we can all experience that it's like, I got to do this every day, or I got to catch the ways that I'm limiting myself. And then I like

what you said about, you know, if you catch it, you notice it. The challenge is like, is it true? Is it factual? Like, is it just the story that that's in your, you know,. The challenge is like, is it true? Is it factual? Like, is it just the story that that's in your, you know, that you're making up, right? Which we can do and then change it. How do you want to think instead? So give us an example of like how you might use this in your life, Debbie, or maybe there's a client that you worked with or a story that you can tell us about, you know, these three C's and just the idea of like what you focus on expands. Yeah, so you know, what I fall into is when I go when I speak, I love when I get to speak. And sometimes, you know, a lot of times on the front side, I'm nervous. I'm an introvert. So

getting up on stage in front of a lot of people isn't something that would come to me naturally. But I, you know, I've grown to love love it and sometimes i'll get myself in that space where it's like oh what if this happens or what if that happens or what if this goes wrong and so i have to catch a challenge it change it it's kind of like okay that's that's not the outcome that i'm looking to produce so what do i want instead and then I focus my attention there. It's like you create a picture in your brain of what the opposite result is. Or somebody, say for instance, somebody was going for a job interview. Okay, new job.

This is just like it. All they've ever wanted in their career. And they're really worried. You know, what if I don't sound right? What if I can't answer the questions? You know, what if I turn into an idiot or something like that? Is that really what you want to have happen? So what is the result? If you pictured coming out of that job interview, 15 minutes after the successful completion of it, what would that look or feel like?

You know, I imagine, you if you if you nailed it and it you know it was successful so it's a successful completion if you nailed it then you've got like a little skip in your step you're probably pulling your you know your phone out of your pocket to call your your boyfriend or your girlfriend your mom or whomever just to get say hey you know I just totally rocked it in there I feel good about. So that's what you want to identify with. So what you want to happen instead and the great things that are going to happen. I was also thinking about things that really helped me is when I get nervous like that or I get my own head, it's like, okay, how can I get my heart right now? Who do I need to serve? And if I make it about them, if I keep my focus on them, then I don't get in here as much, right? But you're

right, that can happen to all of us, even if we're trained professionals. Yeah. So a couple of weeks ago, I was on the biggest stage that I had ever been on. And you know, I really had to do some work around it. So and it was a fabulous event. It turned out exactly the way I wanted it to, you know, but you've just got to get your head in the right space. And that takes practice. It's not perfection. It's practice. Yeah, it's practice. Okay, love that. You know, you also in your book talk a lot about getting outside your comfort zone, which you already said, that today, just the importance of continuing to push yourself and something powerful you already said is like, the more that you are out of your comfort zone, the more you become who you're meant to be. So love that. Tell us about a time, Debbie, where you stepped outside your comfort

zone, you know, to really help you be the best version of yourself. You know, I would say it's just about everything that I do today. So the whole transformation from behind the scenes, corporate world, being told what to do, to where I'm at now, the whole process is I'm literally not the same person. I mean, I am, but I'm not. I'm just a different version of myself. I feel really good about it. You know, so it is work. I work harder now than I ever have in my entire life. I hope none of my old bosses listen to this. But I wasn't a slacker, but it's it's worth it. Because it has meaning to me. I mean, being able to go out there and help the people who thought like I did, and give them tools, give them strategies to help get them to the next level. You know,

when people aren't achieving what they want, they're usually the ones that are in their own way the most. And that was certainly the case with me. So finding those people and being able to kind of put a little light at the end of the tunnel and give them direction is just so meaningful. Yeah. So when you're not achieving what you want, it's probably because you're getting in your own way. Yeah. What have you seen as you've been speaking or working with, you know, your clients? Maybe there's a time, a story that someone shared with you about they realized that they were in their own way when they weren't achieving what they want. Well, I did a women in banking event and I I got feedback from this one gal. And she said that,

you know, she lives the whole mindset piece. And in this particular keynote, I was talking about communication and professional presence. So it's not just the words, but it's how you're showing up. And that clicked for her. She said, you know, I'm in a program, I'm looking to go to the next level. And she absolutely saw as a result of the program in the end, what I had them experience, that she was actually coming across in a different way. And it never occurred to her until then. And so she was just over the moon that she now had an opportunity to have influence over it to correct it. Right. So not only you know, just so she had that self opportunity to have influence over it, to correct it. So not only, you know, just so she had that self-awareness piece.

Oh my goodness, this is me. And, but now she knew what to do about it so that she could show up in a different way. And I just, I love, I love hearing that. And a lot of things that I hear a lot of times is that you crawled inside my head. Yeah. And I share my story, you know, that it's just confirmation that you know, when you get yourself in a space where you don't have clarity, when you're stuck, you become your own worst enemy. I mean, you say we say things to ourself that we would never say

to another human being, right? Absolutely. And giving yourself a little bit of grace, but also being able to move forward and get yourself out of that place is just, it's huge. You know, one of the other things that I know you talk quite a bit about, and I think you talked to this, you know, related for when you're talking to women, but I think this relates to men too, you know, just that we need to learn to say no to some things and yes to others. But really, it takes courage to say no, which is true. The way I kind of think about it, Debbie, is like, whatever I say yes to, I'm saying no to something else. You are. Yeah. If you always say yes, then what is your no worth? Right. You know? Ooh, yeah. Say more

about that. So, you know, if you're a yes man or a yes woman, if you don't want to disappoint anybody, if you don't want to rock the boat, if you're looking to get ahead and you think that, you know, you need to say yes to do that to support your, you know, your boss or your supervisor, whomever, are you really being your own person? You know, if you ever decided to say no, what does that mean? You know, are you really saying no? If you always say yes, what does your yes mean? I mean, it's just an arbitrary automatic sort of response. So are you showing up the way that you need to? How have you found that to be helpful, like in your audiences, when you talk about the, you know, the yes and the no, and why it's important and courageous to say no?

How have people responded to you? Well, we talk about topics that are holding them back so that there are things that they say get in their way and they realize now that they have control over it because I take them through an exercise and I ask them what gets in their way and they tell me. And then I ask them if they have influence over it. Because I take them through an exercise, and I ask them what gets in their way, and they tell me. And then I ask them if they have influence over it or not. And then they Oh, yeah. So, you know, it does take courage to say no. But I think that it's easier to say no,

when you're standing as to why you are saying no. And that is clarity. So when you have clarity, you make better decisions, but you make better decisions for yourself for the right reason. So you're not just arbitrarily saying no, you're saying no for a reason. And you understand why and why that's meaningful for you. And that's, it's still takes courage to do it. But it gets a little easier. Yeah, excellent. One of the other concepts from your book, Debbie, so I'm glad I was able to read it is you talked about striving to thrive with five. And I was like, Ooh, that's good. Striving to thrive with five. It's a tongue twister, isn't it?

Slow on that. Tell us what you mean by that. So we are the average of the top five people that we spend the most time with. So it's not just anybody, but it's the people that we spend the most time with. Because, you know, essentially, whatever they're putting out, we're picking up. So have you ever walked into a room, maybe and you knew that something was going on? It's kind of like, oh, doors are closed, there's something going on here. Or have you ever met anybody who just creeped you out right off the bat? You know, so they're putting something out and you're picking up on it. And the people that you surround yourself with can become a thermostat of sorts. And the thermostat has a set point. And you can rise to that set point. But whoever you're spending the most time with, if they're not on that same journey with you,

then they can pull you back down. Just by their habits, strategies, and how they spend their time and the decisions that they make. I mean, you absorb that to a certain extent. So I'm not saying that you can't have success, but I am saying that it's going to be harder if you don't have the right people around you.

So I say strive to thrive with five because you need to find the five people who have your back, who get you and get where you're trying to go, who will tell you what it is that you need to hear, not what you want to hear. But that is so key. I mean, when I think of the people that I have in my life, I wouldn't be where I'm at if it wasn't for them. People come in for reasons, seasons, and lifetimes, I say. And, you know, sometimes it's hard when they go, but somebody else comes in. You know, the teacher arrives when you need them.

Yeah. Especially if you're doing something you've never done before, connecting with people who have, or connecting with people who are doing something similar to it. Essentially, I have found that people love to help if you've got something specific that you're looking for, you know, just reaching out to others. Yeah, that's really good. Love that.

And so when I was reading your book, there were some questions that caught my eye, and you call it the A-Squad Clarity Questions. I'm like, ooh, I like these striving to thrive with five and the A-Squad Clarity Questions. What are some of those questions that we might ask ourselves related to, you know, our top five? Yeah. So in determining not everybody who is in your life deserves a place in it. And so what I say is not everyone who is with you is for you. And there's a difference. Everybody who is with you is for you. And that may be intentional, or it may be accidental. But still, I put questions together that will help you find the right people.

So the A squad, determining who your A squad is, your five, you know, have they been or are they now where you want to go professionally? So are they have they done what you want to do or are they doing what you want to do? You know, is there somebody who has that job or are living that life or has that family or that relationship? And you look at that and you think, wow, I want that too. Well, you can't, you just got to figure out how. And that's how the people play into it. So have they done something similar? Are they supportive of you? Or is it all about them i mean if i say the word energy vampire yeah yeah and who pops into your head and whoever that person is that popped into your head they better not be in your five because they'll just suck the life out of you and everything that you want or the drama kings and queens you know the people who just thrive on chaos they can't be there so

are they supportive of you um are they willing to tell you what you need to hear instead of what you want to hear? Sometimes it's hard to hear no, or you shouldn't do that, or that was a dumb idea. Or, you know, if you've got people in your life, because you value their feedback, then let them give you their feedback. So are they guiding you genuinely? Or are they just a yes person? Do they encourage you to stretch? So that stretch is a key part of it. You know, are they encouraging you for bigger or better? You know, are they encouraging you for more? People who are creative, that can help you brainstorm. So you know, think about that, when you're picking people. And then, you know, think about that when you're picking

people. And then, you know, reciprocity is always an issue that it's not just one sided because then the energy doesn't flow. It just, at some point you get fed up. And so how do you think Debbie, that we should, all awesome questions, right? Like I wrote down several of them. And I'm thinking about my top five. What are your thoughts on like, how do we compose that list? And like, let's say, you know, I really only have three people that I want to spend time with my life right now. How do I get more of what I want? And gosh, what do I do? It's just like, yeah, the energy vampire is on my list that I spend the most time with, but I got to, you know, get that person off my list. Well, you know, and it's funny and I, and I, it, you have to enforce the boundary.

So just like it takes courage to say no, it takes courage to enforce a boundary. And you know, when you need to enforce a boundary, because you have a conversation with that person, who's the energy vampire, and you know know you need to get them out of your life or get them to a different position so you don't have to interact with them as much. You can feel it. You know, you have a conversation with them, and you're exhausted. So your body physiologically will tell you you need to make a different choice. So if you listen to your gut, then you'll be fine. And enforce that boundary,

how whatever way you need to. And so one of the people that I had to enforce the boundary with was my mom. Yeah, you know, so there's, there's people that you work with. And that's one thing that it's like, you can't pick your family. And my mom was just in this cycle of negativity. You know, she would come to my house. And it was like every awful thing she picked up on the news, people were dying and fires and robberies and bad things with animals, you name it. And then finally, out of desperation, one day, I was just like, Ma, tell me something happy. And she couldn't. So the joke became every time she told me something negative, she would have to tell me something happy. I love that. Yeah. And so now mama walk in the house and she'll say hi and she'll go

to say something and she'll stop and I'll look at her and I'll say what and she'll go Oh, wait a minute, I gotta think of something happy. Because you know, she's got some bad news to tell me something negative to tell me, you know, but I found a playful way to do that. And the reason it was important is because it was affecting my relationship with my mom. That's a crucial relationship. I didn't want that to happen, but something had to change because I couldn't, I couldn't take all of that negativity. It was just so constant that it was pulling our relationship apart a bit. So, you know, think of the people that you need to enforce the boundaries with and finding the best way to do that. That takes courage too. It does take courage. I like the way that you did it more in a playful way. I could imagine

there's some people I think about in my life where, yeah, maybe you have to say it really clearly and put that boundary really sternly. You know, some people need to hear it that way. Some people do, right? Where it's like, I couldn't do that to my mom. I might really damage that relationship. It was my mom or my sister. So I like the way that you just did it more. Mom, you got to tell me something good. You're putting in that boundary because you obviously thought about, wow, she's really draining my energy. I got to put in something here, right? But you did it in a more like lighthearted way. So it was didn't damage that relationship more. Right? Yeah, if you let it go, it that pressure will build up. And it won't come out the way you need it to. So you've got to be

willing to enforce that boundary earlier than later. Yeah. And I was also thinking about, I know one of the things that you talk a lot about is like networking. And I was thinking about, well, if you don't have the top five, your A squad the way you want it, that could be one way to continue to, you know, network and connect with people who are maybe accomplishing what you'd like to accomplish. Tell us about, you know, why that's really critical in terms of career growth and, you know, really choosing courage over comfort. Yeah. So networking is absolutely one of the ways that you can find the people that are going to be part of your five and the five doesn't stay constant forever. So as you grow and evolve, the five shifts as well. And it, you know, it's drive to five with a thrive of five, five's the number. It could be three, it could be six, you know, it depends on what you need, but you get the gist of it from the, from the saying,

but networking is a way that you can find the people that you resonate with. And unfortunately, a lot of people misunderstand networking. You know, they think it's handing out business cards. And if, you know, if they come home with a pocket full of business cards that they were successful, networking is about building relationships and it's about getting to know people as people, not what they can do for you. But it's getting to know them as a person, what they like, what they don't like, you know, who they are, what makes them who they are, the things that comment will come as a result of that of you getting to know the person, they'll become your advocate. And the reason that that is so important is because when you build relationships and you have advocates, then you have people out in the community who know you, what you're like, what you're good at,

what you want. And when they hear it, they can make an introduction for you or put you in touch with someone, you know, Oh, the job opportunity over here, you know, I was, I was just talking to Cindra. And I heard that, you know, this is something that she would be interested, let me put the two of you together. You know, then you've got multiple eyes and ears out in the community working on your behalf. So that's why networking. You know, when you go to a conference, don't sit with the same people, find new people, you know, create relationships. Yeah, love it look great especially maybe for introverts right it can be oh yeah that can take a lot of courage to try to

meet new people and uh the rejection can easily get in your own way you know here's my tip for introverts okay if you're a person who does not like networking it's painful what i say is go in and find the person who's kind of off to themselves on the other side of the room and introduce yourself to them first, because they're probably in the same place that you are. They don't like being there. They're not comfortable. But if you're in the same space and you've had an introduction, then it's easier for two people to go and meet someone else and add a third to the group incrementally rather than approaching someone one-on-one. So awesome. I'm a person to make a

friend. So tell us how we might follow you, Debbie, learn more about your speaking and just kind of generally tell us how you're on social media. All right. So my website is Debbie Peterson Speaks. And Peterson is S-O-N, but if you misspell it, I've got that URL too. You can find me on LinkedIn, you can find me on Facebook, YouTube, but primarily LinkedIn. So Debbie at Debbie Peterson Speaks. If there's any way that I can help you, if you have an event and you're looking for a speaker, I'd love to have a conversation. Yeah, that sounds wonderful. And you will be proud. I wrote down some of the most important points that I took from today. I love to summarize it. And then also, you know, I think this is great for you to to learn more about what people are writing down, like, what are your tweets? You know, are your tweetables, but a great thing to do for whoever's listening as well as like, okay, here are some things I took, just kind of reminders of some of the wisdom that Debbie gave us today. So you said, right, when you don't have clarity, you can't take action. And you can't show up the way that you need to. And so that's one reason why you need to be clear. You talked about mistakes and

how mistakes serve us to get to the next level. Super good. You talked about when you get out of your comfort zone, you're becoming more of what you were meant to be or who you're meant to be or what you were meant to do. Your three C's, catch it, challenge it, change it, as a way to get out of your own way and be aware of the limiting beliefs and the self-talk. And then the last one that you talked about was, you know,

really choosing who you're spending time with, being intentional with that. And you said everyone's with you, but they're not here for you. So being really clear on being intentional with the energy and who you're with. So, Debbie, thank you so much for for like, giving us so much wisdom today. I'm grateful that you spent time with us here on the High Performance Mindset. Oh, it was my pleasure. Thank you so much for having me. I really enjoyed it. Thank you for listening to High Performance Mindset. If you like today's podcast, make a comment, share it with a friend and join the conversation on Twitter at Mentally Underscore Strong. For more inspiration and to receive Sindra's free weekly videos, check out DrSindra.com.