High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 287: Realizing Your Greatness with Lynn Casaletto, Behavioral Coach and Owner of Core Growth Consulting

Episode Date: November 8, 2019

Lynn is a behavioral coach, team development consultant and owner of Core Growth Consulting. Lynn spent five years as the Director of Growth & Development with Northwestern Mutual in New York City. Following a burning desire to help others realize their true greatness, Lynn founded Core Growth Consulting in 2005, which allowed her to focus on helping individuals and teams thrive. Lynn’s passion is helping people build emotional intelligence through self-awareness. Lynn is a certified Harrison Assessment consultant and certified Martha Beck Coach. Lynn gets to live out her dream of running a family business with her husband and business partner, Craig. They are raising their two sons: Reid (7) & Ty (5) and now call Orange County, CA home. In this podcast, Lynn and Cindra talk about: The ah-ha moment Cindra had at Lynn’s presentation The triad to change how you feel How to should change your old stories 5 Blocks to emotional intelligence The 3 Mandates of Leadership she learned at a Tony Robbins leadership course You can find a full description of the Podcast at cindrakamphoff.com/lynn. You can find Lynn at https://coregrowthconsulting.com/.

Welcome to High Performance Mindset with Dr. Sindra Kampoff. Do you want to reach your full potential, live a life of passion, go after your dreams? Each week we bring you strategies and interviews to help you ignite your mindset. Let's bring on Sindra. Welcome to the High Performance Mindset Podcast. This is your host, Dr. Sindra Kampoff, and welcome to episode 287. Almost 300. Woohoo! And I'm excited today to introduce you to Lynn Casaletto. You know, for about a year, people have told me I needed to meet Lynn, talk to Lynn,

and people have told her the same. We both do executive coaching with several financial advisors with Northwestern Mutual. And I heard Lynn speak about a month ago. I was a member of her audience. And as I was listening to her, I thought, wow, I really need to have her on the podcast to share her wisdom with you. And also because I think her content is so valuable into, you know, in terms of whatever you're dealing with today. And so I'm excited to talk to Lynn, introduce you to Lynn.

So Lynn is a behavioral coach. She is a team development consultant and owner of Core Growth Consulting. Lynn spent five years as the Director of Growth and Development for Northwestern Mutual in New York City. And following a burning desire to help others realize their true potential, Lynn founded Core Growth Consulting in 2005, which allowed her to focus on helping individuals and teams thrive. So Lynn's passion is helping people build emotional intelligence

through self-awareness. And she is a certified Harrison Assessment assessment consultant and certified Martha Beck coach. She gets to live out her dream of running a full-time business and a family business with her husband and business partner, Craig. And they have two sons, Reed and Ty, and live in Orange County, California. So in this episode, Lynn and I talk about several different things. I share with her my aha moment I had listening to her presentation. I think you'll enjoy that. She talks about how to use the triad to change how you feel, how we should change our old stories and what that means, and how to get rid of our old stories that really aren't serving us. She shares with us five blocks to emotional intelligence.

At the end, I asked her to share three mandates of leadership that she talked about during this presentation that she learned at a Tony Robbins leadership course. So I know that you are absolutely going to love Lynn and her wisdom today. We would love for you to reach out to us. At the end of the interview, we give both of our social media handles. I am at mentally underscore strong on Twitter and cindracampoff on Instagram and Lynn is at core underscore growth on both Instagram and Twitter. All right, without further ado, let's bring on

Lynn. Welcome to the High Performance Mindset Podcast. I'm excited today to welcome Lynn Casaletto. Lynn, how are you doing from over there in California? Dr. Cendra, I am so happy to be with you. I'm doing great. Southern California is beautiful and it was just so much fun to get to spend time with you in Minnesota a couple weeks back so I'm really happy. Yes I know and I'm really excited to talk with you today you know there's so many people who've said I need to I need to interview you I need to talk to you and so we kind of been working in similar spaces so I'm really excited just to share with the audience some really valuable tools and things that they can

use to improve their life so thanks for valuable tools and things that they can use to improve their life. So thanks for coming on and serving others today. I'm so happy to be here. Thank you. So Lynn, tell us to get us started. Tell us a little bit about your background before you became a coach. Okay, so 20 years ago, I was living and working in New York City with a financial services company that I am just a very big fan of. I loved the team I was working with and I didn't know it at the time, but it was such a gift. I was, I had the opportunity to take this assessment. It was called a behavioral assessment. And the results of that actually reflected on paper what I was feeling on the inside that I only thought that I knew.

So we went through this team exercise and it just became kind of very public. For me, at a young age and being a new professional at work, I just felt a little bit exposed. I felt vulnerable. I felt raw. I was like, oh my gosh. So I had an amazing team around me and they really helped me grow in a big way. So that was my first experience with really understanding what is self-awareness, which then in turn got me really interested in emotional intelligence. I'm just very emotional by nature. I will cry. I think, you know, I will be with you. If you cry, I will probably cry. Okay. We'll see if that happens today. That was really it. That was, I took this assessment and became really passionate about it.

And my team really allowed me to champion it in house and help others gain self-awareness then led to doing team coaching. And then five years later, that's when I actually started my coaching and consulting practice. So I've been doing this now for about 15 years. Awesome. And what was the thing that in terms of like in your decision-making process, it was like, okay, now I'm ready to go to this full-time. And I think there's people who are listening who might be interested in that in terms of like, how did you decide that this was the leap that you wanted to take? Cause that's hard, right? Give up like this full-time salary, or even if it's on commission to something really like coaching and consulting, that's wow, can be way up in the air. Yes. And it was very hard. It was really hard

and it was scary. And I can tell you that probably the biggest decisions I've made in my life have all been really tough and really scary. I think it got to a point where it just wasn't going away. You know, the thought, the pull, I felt like I was being pulled toward starting my own business. And I grew up with my dad being a business owner. So I saw how he, you know, got to be his, his own boss and how he was in control. So I think it was always in the back of my mind. Like I remember in college, I would always try and pick the role of the small business owner. So I think it was just maybe in my blood a little bit, but the leap of faith was definitely just that because on paper, it kind of didn't make sense. You know, it was like,

there was more risk than stability, but I just trusted my heart. I connected and got input from a lot of great mentors in my life. And they just, you know, they said, Lynn, you just have to believe in yourself. And so that's when I said, all right, here we go. And now here you are today. So it's pretty awesome. But I like what you said about like all the big decisions have been a little bit scary. And so, you know, even normalizing and naturalizing that, like when you make a big decision like that, yeah, it's going to be, it's going to be a little bit scary and that's okay. Yes. Yeah. So Lynn, tell us a bit about how you work with your clients now, kind of as a segue to us diving into some of the content that you have. Yeah.

It's so interesting. It's like, I think about what I went through, you know, 20 years ago and helping or just understanding how I felt on the inside and helping myself gain self-awareness and develop my own emotional intelligence. And I do that with, you know, my clients today. I do that with teams today. It's really evolved over the years. And now I also work with business partnerships and teams to really help facilitate and create just real, authentic communication. That's going to help them, you know, get to where they need to be, I would say sooner, especially with teams in transition or teams that have been established for a long time. And now they're, they're going into growth mode and they

have to bring new people into this like awesome tight culture. You know, it's like integrating that new person. How do they navigate and build relationships with, you know, within the organization? So, and then just, I mean, you and I met through a really awesome experience in getting to work with college athletes. So I see some different, you know, pivots and paths in the way that I'm working. And I'm just excited. I get so excited when I think about what are the next five years gonna look like what are the next five years gonna look like yeah that's great that's great and you know when I think about your career so far tell us a bit about like who your clients are now and maybe how that's changed in your business so I think that would be interesting for some people as

well yes so I felt I feel so fortunate because the company that I worked with for five years in New York is um, is just an incredible organization. And before I started my, my own business, I reached out to, you know, many of them around the country. And so I really kind of nested in this company for, you know, quite some time and just like organically got referred. And then, you know, over the years I've had those existing clients, you know, many of them are financial advisors and they would say, Lynn, do you work with people outside of the financial industry? I have a friend who is in real estate. I have a friend who's starting her own business and it's just kind of led me down different industries. So what's really fun about coaching and Cinder, I know you know this, the work that we get to do with clients is so applicable to just a variety of different industries. So I would say my primary clients are in the financial services industry, but I'm also starting to work with small

business owners, some people in real estate. Yeah. I think this, the mindset practices are very similar, you know, in terms of financial services versus being an entrepreneur or even a coach and a consultant, you know, ourselves. And that's the next question I wanted to ask you, Lynn. When you think about building your business the way that you have so far, what do you think are maybe the attributes that you had to have or embraced in terms of your own mindset? Like, what does it take, take in for you, you know, you start your business in 2005, make the big leap to go do this full time to now, like, what are the things that you really had to do from a mindset perspective? Or what are the characteristics you would use to describe, you know, the things that

were most important to you? Yeah, that is such a good question. The first thing just in my heart, it's like courage. I think that is the biggest thing that I still need to call on today. And I think just the courage to take a chance on yourself, the courage to actually believe the vision you have can work, the courage to call on someone you don't know, the courage to ask for business, the courage to ask for referrals, the courage to make a change in the way that you do business, the courage to increase your rates over time. You know, that's a big one, especially as a coach, you know, that, I mean, you set your rates. So for sure, courage, I think, again, it comes back to self-awareness. Like I knew what I was really, um, I knew where my strengths were in business and I do love the business development

side. I think that probably comes from my role in New York city where I literally cold called my face off. And I, that was just such great training to get comfortable on the phone to have to you know be okay with people being like why are you calling me like New York was it's just a gift now that I look back you know kind of the responses that I would get from people so I knew my strengths and then I was always trying to figure out okay what am I not good at and how do I delegate? How do I hire for that? How do I outsource that? And I also know that just, I mean, just how important psychology is in life, in business, in sports, in relationships. And so I was very fortunate to have a coach when I was working, you know, with a company in New York City. So when I started my coaching practice practice that was the first investment that I made was

to hire a coach for myself. Yeah I have one as well so and she helps me be courageous. Yeah because you right I mean we have our own fears doubts like you know whatever limiting beliefs so just to know where I needed help I think is something that's served me well in business and to not try and be all things that's a lesson that I've had to learn a couple times over and over you know yeah like in terms of not working with all the different types of clients or yeah just say say more about what you mean by that yeah I think part of it too is just you know I think a lot of it too is just, you know,

I think a lot of times business owners are, or you get in such a rhythm where you're like, Oh, it'll just take me two minutes to do that. And then it gets you out of flow or out of sync. So even just learning to be a better delegator, learning to ask for help. Um, and yeah, I think in the beginning when I first started, I would say yes to any and all work, you know, I was in the beginning when I first started, I would say yes to any and all work.

You know, I was just like, yes, yes, please. Yes. I would love to work with it. Yes, I can do this. And I would just trust myself and put myself out there. And I think, you know, now over the years, I think it's nature of just really being true to yourself and what lights, you know, what lights me up, where do I get the most joy in working with people? So being more specific on my ideal clients. I think that's one way that

I've grown. Super. Yeah, that's great. And I, Lynn, I want to ask you more about courage, because I think that's a really important trait that you just described for everybody, you know, who's listening, if they have a business or not. And let's talk about the how. So you said, you know, courage to ask for the business, ask for the referrals, you know, get back up after you get rejected, courage to increase your rates. So talk about maybe what you do for yourself or what you maybe would recommend for your clients to, you know, be more courageous and what do you need to do to make that happen? Oh my gosh. Yes. Oh, there's a couple of things. First, I mean, I think it's kind of like how I, how I start my day, whether it's meditation. I think meditation for me has been such a grounding

process to, to calm the noise in my mind, the fear, the doubt, the worry, the skeptic in me. So meditation just helps me actually feel grounded and come more into my body than my mind working out for me. Just like, you know, whether it be training for a marathon or taking a class that I know I'm going to be so awkward and uncomfortable outside of my comfort zone. And like just kind of like putting myself in uncomfortable situations, I think always helps to build my courage. What else? What are some of the other fundamentals? I think, too, asking for feedback, you know, getting feedback from people in your life and just being real and saying like, I'm scared of this. Like, I know I'm stuck. I'm struggling here. And just, you know,

sometimes people see in us what we can't see in ourselves or what we forget sometimes about who we are and what we're capable of. For sure. Can you think of any others? Like I love all those suggestions. I think in the moment, it's really about your self-talk and what are you saying to yourself? And, you know, before we kind of get into the topic of self-awareness, I think, you know, it's about what are you saying to yourself about yourself, about your value? You know, like, can you say something courageous so you just move forward and you don't get stuck, right? Overthinking it or over processing it. And one of the things that you said to me, and this might have been when I heard you speak, or it could have been like when we were just chatting on the phone.

But one of the things I was thinking about that really is key for entrepreneurs and the people that you work with is to kind of see the value that they provide. And I think, you know, when you're really choosing courage, right? If someone rejects you and they say no over the phone, if you really know the value you provide, you can get back on the phone and say, hey, you know, you can make that cold call. Or if you get rejected from a client, right? Or a client doesn't renew you as a coach, if you really know what your value is, you can be more courageous. So how do you think for yourself or maybe your clients, you can choose either one, like in terms of reminding yourself of your value or growing that value in yourself, what do you

think are the ways that people can do that? That is such a beautiful question. And there's an exercise that I've taken myself through and I've taken many clients through now. And it's like, it's this triad, like the bot. So if you think of a triangle, the bottom of the triangle is our physiology. And this is, Cinder, to your point of like in the moment, if before I'm giving a talk or before I'm making like a courageous phone call or before I'm going on to like a sales call, I will do this. I'll pay attention to my physiology, which is on the bottom of the triangle. And that's everything from how

I'm breathing to how I'm standing to am I hydrated? You know, do I, do I need some almonds and an apple? So like, do I have like nutrition in me? So there's that, you know, there's that sense of like, okay, I'm grounded. I'm breathing. I'm present. I'm calm. So my physiology is what I focus on. And then on the other side of the triangle, call it the left hand side of the triangle. This is okay.

So physiology and then focus, focus is what am I giving my attention to? For example, right? The talk that you and I met at my, I was giving my attention to, I am blessed to get to be with these college athletes. I am here to help them quickly access tools that can help them get in a better state of mind. Cause I know if they're in a better state of mind. Because I know if they're in a better state of mind, they're going to feel different. And when they feel different,

they act different. So that left side of the triangle is the focus. You know, what we're giving our attention to, what are we focusing on? And then the right side of the triangle is the language and meaning. And this is the self-talk. This is the, I am. So, I mean, I remember when our friend Colby was, you know, introducing me, my nature is always to get the butterflies. I'm like, oh my gosh, I just want to do a good job for them. But I was like, no, I was saying to myself, I, you know, I was just breathing deep and I was saying, I am guided. I am present. I am grateful. I am like, I remember saying like, everything I need is within me now. I'm ready. I'm confident. So the combination of just checking in with my body, what am I giving my attention to? You know, my focus, what am I focused on?

And then what are my I am statements? I'm ready. I'm guided. I'm confident. I'm calm. I'm present. That really helps me with my whole courage muscle. Yeah, that's awesome. I love that. And I love, I could, I could tell that you were doing some kind of practice like that because of the way that you showed up, right? And I would say that the way you showed up was grateful and present and guided. You know, I could tell. So that's pretty cool. And when you think about the entrepreneurs that you work with who maybe don't see the value that they provide, you know, what's your advice to them or how might you guide them as a coach? Because I think that can be real for people, maybe people who are just starting, or maybe people who are trying to take a big leap in their business, like to raise the rates and, you know, like, how do you, how do you like work to remind yourself that what you're doing is important? Yeah. You know, it's kind of like, I think there's probably

so many ways we could get there, but one to just almost bring it back to the triad of the triangle, you could reverse engineer it, right? Like the one that I just described to you was how I get myself into a courageous state. But I know this because I know what it feels like to not feel confident. I know what, like some of my old patterns and stories were about public speaking. So like if I reverse engineer it before, you know, Cinder, you got to see the me that's been working on this. Right. So I feel like I showed up like authentically me, not in my head or my story or, you know, in my ego. Totally. Before that I would have been like shallow breathing. I would have been sweating. My palms would have been nervous. I would have been like shallow breathing. I would have been sweating. My palms would have been nervous.

I would have just probably not even like been mindful to drink enough water. I was probably focusing on like, oh my gosh, I hope I don't screw up. I hope I don't, you know, forget what I want to say. And I would be saying things like, oh my gosh, I'm so nervous right now. Like, oh my gosh, like my heart's beating so fast. So we can do that with clients. We can take them to the place where they know they don't feel good in their body, or they're making up a story that's keeping them from picking up the phone or for asking the client to take

action. So we kind of get to like the old story, the one that's making them feel nervous and, you know, just not good. And then we can rebuild, okay, well, what do you want to feel? And then there's some fun, like body exercises to actually let them like, let go and release the old pattern and just really step into this new way of being in the world. Cause that's really who they are. Like their heart is going to get them to who they really are. Their mind is going to try and keep them safe and call it small or, you know, scared. Yeah, that's so true, right? When we connect more to the heart. And one of the things I heard you just say, Lynn, when you were talking about, you know, getting in this right state for you in terms of delivering it in a really grateful way, your attention was more about them.

Like, how can I deliver what they need? Whereas when you're maybe in your head, maybe not seeing the value you provide, it was like, oh, this is all about me, right? Like, and, you know, what if they don't like what I'm saying? You didn't say that, but I just think like every other comment was more about like me, you know? So I love that, a new way of being in the world. And so give us one example of like a physiological, you know, body exercise you could do to kind of show up in this more powerful state. That's so good. So for me, it's as simple as, because I wanted to pick something that I could connect to right away that if I had to do it discreetly, it wouldn't be like, you know, like Wonder Woman pose, like hands up in the air.

So I just like squeeze my right fist. I mean, I just kind of squeeze it and it grounds me. It just kind of helps. Again, I think it brings me back into my body and my heart versus my mind. So that's something you could do. I have some clients who, you know, former swimmers, and they'll, like, roll their shoulders and crack their neck. You know? Like, I'm sure, Cinder, you know this more than anyone working with so many athletes. You know, like, once you're, like, get into state move.

Yeah. Or even some, I have some clients that just put their hand over their heart, you know, that just take a deep breath and that can be really grounding, but some type of physical gesture that can really like lock it in and bring you to like, you know, your truth. Yeah. I love that. You'll laugh at the story. So, um, mine is like this power move. I'll show it to you right now. No one else can see it, but it's like, yeah, you know, my elbow down, my leg up. I was like, oh yeah. And I was just at the sports psychology conference and I met sort of like one of the people that I see as a role model. His name is George Mumford and he wrote a book called The Mindful Athlete.

Yeah, I totally met George Mumford. And it was awesome. And I went up to him and I introduced myself and he gave me a big hug. And I was like, George Mumford's giving me a hug. Meanwhile, everyone around me was laughing at me because I was having this reaction to George Mumford. And I work with pro athletes, I don't have that kind of reaction to them, but it's George Mumford, you know, and I said, George, I'd love to have you on my podcast, and he was like, okay, and I was like, oh, that's so good, that's so good, so my power move, but I like what you're saying is like, okay, that's a little bit aggressive, and you know, people would be able to see it, but it could be something really small, like, you know, your hand over your heart, something to get you back connected to your body.

Beautiful. Oh my gosh. And George Mumford is going to be on your podcast. I'm so excited. Yeah. He said he was going to, so everyone look out for that. That's awesome. So when I heard you, Lynn, one of the things that you talked about that I really enjoyed was this idea of like self-awareness. So tell us why self-awareness is important to you. When I first understood what it was, it's almost like, I think it just helped me to understand how I'm showing up and how it's impacting other people. You know, I think so, so often, at least this was me in my early twenties, it was kind of like I was going through life, just my own lens, my own lane. And I, I wasn't that aware of how I was showing up and

how I would react and, and the effect on other people. So I think it just all filters into self-awareness, social awareness, self-management, relationships. And it just sparked, you know, the connection in me. I was like, oh, this really matters. And, you know, even just, I think about, you know, being married to my husband and like, okay, play to our strengths. What do I love doing? What do you love doing? I think about with my team at work, I mean, hiring for the things that kind of drain my energy so that I can do the things that really, you know, create more energy within me. And then I can, I have more to give. Oh, really good. So if I asked you, like, it all comes down to blank, would you say, you know, in terms of being your best every day, being a high performer, would you say it comes down to self-awareness? Oh my gosh, I think it's so important.

Yeah. feel stressed about your day. Like you have everything in your control to actually shift that and make it, make a choice. Like I, okay. I'm noticing. I always, um, I love this saying, like we are not our thoughts. And one way that I can remind myself of that is by saying, I'm noticing I'm having the thoughts. I'm noticing I'm having the thought, I have a busy day today. I've got eight meetings on, like I'm noticing. And for some reason it creates this distance, this separation, like, okay, and I'm going to have a stellar workout and I'm going to for sure make time to meditate. And I'm going to take it one meeting at a time and I'm going to be present in every meeting.

Like, so that's some of the, yeah, I just kind of went into my self-talk. I like that. It's motivating all of us to do the same. So I like the idea of just like noticing. And what I'm hearing is like, you're not judging yourself. It's just like you're noticing. And then that puts distance. I like that idea. And tell us a little bit about, you know, in terms of is there another self-awareness exercise that you think is helpful for people to do, maybe throughout their day or in the morning or, you know, any other time? Yeah, well, one that we went through together when we were together with the group of college athletes. I've created that just as, I mean, a tool, you know, you could use. Actually, so as I say that, because I often get feedback,

they're like, you know, this is kind of like journaling. You know, it's just writing down, how am I feeling? What's my energy like? What's the most, you know, dominant, stressful thought I've had this week? What thought has made me feel really energized and excited? So I think journaling one, just asking yourself questions, getting curious if you feel whatever it is, angry, sad, stressed, joyful, excited, nervous. I thought two of the powerful questions that you asked us to do. And so, you know, I was an audience member in your talk. And so it was

pretty cool because I got to do these things that I might do for other people. And I was telling a really good friend about it, Lisa, and I was showed her your handout and I said, oh my gosh, I had this aha moment. And she's like, Cinder, this sounds like something, you know, you would do for others. She was sort of surprised that I had this aha moment. But I think what was cool was like, you know, I was on the other side. And I want to share the first aha moment I had. And then we can share, I'll share the second one when we talk about the three mandates of leadership. But the two questions you had us ask are, you two of many but here are the two that are most powerful to me you said what's one or two dominant emotions that you felt or noticed this week

and Lynn I would say that I'm a pretty like positive person you know like pretty energetic but the two thoughts that I had or the two emotions I had I wrote down were anxiety because I had so much to do and like number two was overwhelm but I said but I had clarity like I knew exactly what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go but I felt a little overwhelming and then you asked us to write down uh two one or two dominant thoughts that created those emotions and I was like wow all throughout my day, I've been thinking like, oh my gosh, what should I do next? There's so much to do and so many people who are relying on me. And number two was now I don't know what to do. So it was really interesting

because, you know, I think that my, I'm generally positive and, you know, have really more productive thoughts and unproductive. But in the moment, you know, when I really sat down and examined what I was thinking and feeling, wow, it was a lot of anxiety that I just wasn't really even noticing. How did you feel, Sandra, just even like recognizing it, acknowledging it, like what did it, what did it provide for you? I think more connection to myself and kind of what I would, maybe the ways that I was getting in my own way that day, or at least the ways that, you know, I don't know if it affected how I showed up for other people, but it definitely how, you know, it was impacted how I was showing

up for myself. So definitely increase awareness. And I like, you know, just these simple questions, but powerful questions. I love it. What have other people experienced in terms of, you know, when you've asked them these types of questions, or more like, you know, questions help them think about their thoughts and their emotions? Yeah, oftentimes what I see is this sense of like, I don't know, it's like people's shoulders kind of just like relax. I can sense that there's like a grounding groundedness that's like happening comments that I hear often is like, Oh my gosh, I didn't even know I was feeling this way or, Oh my gosh, I, I really needed this or I need to do this at least once a week. Yeah. So again, I think it comes back to

awareness, you know, I mean, I mean, just all of the science that's out there around our thoughts. I love, I listened to one of your podcasts and I love the way you said it. I always say like, on average we have between, I've seen so many different stats, but like call it 60,000 thoughts a day. 95% of our thoughts tend to be old, repetitive, recycled thoughts. So we're just thinking like this pattern and 80% tend to be negative. I love syndrome when you said, yeah, it's like, think about it. We're talking to ourself all day long. I mean, our thoughts, we're listening to them and we're talking to them or we're talking to ourselves that way. Right. And that's like, I was like that, that blew my mind on like, just the,

the power of self-talk because we're having so many of our own thoughts. So I think just bringing awareness to what are the front runners? What are the front runners that are serving me really well? And what are the front runners that are making me feel fill in the blank, arid, heavy, sad, stressed, angry, overwhelmed, ticked off, impatient. Yeah, that's super good. So what are the front runners that are serving you? What are the front runners that are making you feel, you know, for that, on that particular day, it was anxiety. I like that just in terms of helping people understand what are they think, what is their dominant thought that's kind of leading to those emotions. And I, the way I usually describe it when I'm talking like to big groups is like what I think about myself, I become, right? So if I'm continually defining myself as anxious or anxiety,

you know, or if I'm defining myself as happy and confident, like that's also, or courageous, that's what I'm going to become over time. So your self-talk matters. It does. Yeah, yeah. One of the things that I really liked that you talked about, Lynn, was these five blocks to emotional intelligence. Can you tell us a little bit about these five blocks and how you've come to understand these five blocks? Yes. And again, I'm so grateful for them because I use them. I mean, I use them for years, but it helps me when I get stuck. And when I'm on the other side, you know, when I'm just holding that space for clients and I can tell they're stuck or they're fired up or angry or they're pissed or sad, um, you know, I can kind of go through these. Um, so the first one is fear and worry and just asking yourself questions like,

okay, what, what am I really worrying about right now? You know, just first of all, acknowledging it. And then, you know, getting curious and asking questions like, okay, so if I'm really worried about this, what could actually go right in this situation? What good could come from this? You know, which is not something that we're probably in the habit of asking ourselves when we're scared or stressed or worried. So fear and worry is the first block. The second one is avoiding pain. So some questions to help you kind of connect with, am I avoiding pain? Could be, all right, is there something that

I'm like perceiving as being painful in order to change the situation? An example would be like, I don't, I just don't want to have that tough conversation. I don't think they can handle it. I don't know if I'm ready. I don't know if I have the guts to have that conversation. Like I don't like conflict, you know, I don't want to ruffle any feathers or I don't want to feel needy. So I always say like, is there something that you're perceiving, you know, as being painful? Are you avoiding pain? And then asking a question like, okay, so what could happen if I did decide to lean in and just grow through this pain? I mean, that could be like, I want to get in, you know, great shape, but I don't want to work out at five in the morning. You know, that seriously

could be like avoiding physical pain. Like I don't want to feel sore again. I don't want to get out of my warm, cozy bed. So that's the second one. And the third one is negative self image. So just really being honest with yourself, like what is my negative self critic saying? You know, even if we err on the side of being positive, really like being honest with yourself. Wait a minute. What is that little voice saying? And, you know, it might be saying something like, well, I can't do this, or I don't know, what would people think? Or who am I to think I can do this or have this or become this? So then I just, you know, a question would be like, okay, so what does the positive self-talk say? You know, and just flip it, all the negative thoughts, all the thoughts that are telling you,

you can't, you shouldn't, you know, just turn them around. Okay. I can do this, you know, find three reasons where that's actually true. I know who I am and what I value and the value I bring and find three reasons that demonstrate the value you bring. Awesome. Love that. And then the next one would be unrealistic expectations. So that's the fourth one. You know, what, what are I, this was, I'd be asking myself, what are my expectations about this situation? How might somebody else view this situation? And then who can I collaborate with to gain a different perspective or viewpoint? Because, you know, sometimes we might have unrealistic expectations. I love that saying, trade your expectations for

appreciation. Yeah, super good. Tony Robbins says that and your whole life will change. I actually have like a magnet in my office that says trade expectations for appreciation. And I love that too, because we kind of go through our world sometimes just kind of expecting things to happen, right? Like expecting things to be given to us instead of like being grateful and thank you and saying thank you and you're thankful for all the opportunities we have. Yes. And I don't know if you encountered this, Indra, but a lot of, I think a common one,

unrealistic expectations is I should be further ahead. Ooh, yeah, for sure. Right. And that's one that comes up a lot with my clients and myself, quite frankly, at times I catch myself and I'm like, we can never be behind on our own path. I went through a coach training program and I was being really hard on myself and probably telling a story very similar, like I should be further ahead. And I remember she said, Lynn, we can never be behind on our own path. So good. She like just grounded me. It was like Yoda.

And the last one is blaming others. So that's the fifth one. And I would just check in and say, okay, am I blaming someone else for the way that I'm feeling right now? What part of this issue is me or my behavior or my attitude or my thinking? So this one's all about like taking personal responsibility. You know, it's so easy to be like, oh, well, I feel this way because they said that, or they did that. Or, you know, I feel this way because of my coach or my teammate or my spouse or my child I think it's really good to hold up the mirror and be like okay what part do I play in this what's what's my contribution to this situation I went to a Jack Canfield workshop um oh so good about a year and a half ago or so. And he had, he talked

about taking a hundred percent responsibility. And I was thinking, I already do that. Like, I don't, I don't typically blame others. Right. And then we had to turn to the person next to us and, and think of, and just say like, if I would take 5% more responsibility, I would. And I was like, oh, wow. Well, actually, yeah, I would exercise every day. Oh yeah. I would take 5% more responsibility, I would. And I was like, oh, wow. Well, actually, yeah, I would exercise every day. Oh, yeah, I would treat my boys, you know, the best all the time. You know, I and then I just kept on saying these things. And we had to go back and forth over and over again. It was a really cool because it made me realize that, okay, I don't, I don't take 100% responsibility. So I like that idea of

like not blaming others, you know, means that you're taking a hundred percent responsibility. I have to add that if I were to take 5% more responsibility, I have to add that. I got the chills when you said that, that is so powerful. It's so powerful. And I would encourage everyone who's listening to think about, you know, what does that mean for you to take 100% responsibility? If you just took a little bit more, what would that mean that you would change? And so for me, it's usually like exercise every day. I used to do that, right? Sometimes not eating as much chocolate as I should, you know, and treating the people

that I love, you know, the best of my ability all the time, which all the time is kind of unrealistic, but you kind of know what I'm saying. So how would you say that we should use these five blocks to emotional intelligence? I think the next time you get stuck or overwhelmed or you're, you know, you're, you're stuck in your mindset or you just feel like you don't know what to do next. I think going through and just checking in with yourself on these five, fear and worry, avoiding pain, negative self-image, unrealistic expectations, or blaming others can help you

shift your perspective. It can help you shift your, your story, your mindset, which in turn will help you feel different. And then you will be able to act different. Awesome. Love it. Okay. So the last sort of like content thing I wanted to ask you about Lynn was this is where I had like my biggest aha moment. So I'll share with you and the audience where I had it, but you had us think about the three mandates of leadership. So tell us a bit about that and kind of let's dive into these three questions or prompts. Yes, this is one of my favorite new exercises that I just learned

through a conference that I went to. So I'm so grateful for it. But the first one, it's as simple as just to see it how it is, not worse than it is. And I would say just like get factual. So whatever it is that you are struggling with or unsettled about or concerned about or worried about, step one is see it how it is, not worse than it is. Our nature is to go make up a story about it or to give it meaning. We don't want meaning, we don't want feelings, we just want the facts. So see it how it is, not worse than it is. Just get the facts down on paper.

And then the second step is see it better than it is. And this is where we need to ask questions and get curious. So step two, see it better than it is. Ask questions and get curious. Questions like, huh, what else could this possibly mean? Or, okay, how could this be serving or guiding me in some way? Or what could actually be great about this right now? As foreign as that thought may feel in a tough situation,

like how could this actually be helping me in some way? Or even like in a relationship, if you're like in a fight, okay, what do I need to let go of in order to experience more love in this moment? What can I appreciate about this situation right now? And if it's true that life is happening for me, not to me, how is this a gift? And then step three is make it the way you want to see it. So we have to get really clear on like your true desired outcome of the situation.

This is all about us creating things first in our mind, just like Walt Disney. Disneyland, Disney World did not exist. He had to dream it up in his mind first. So really picture like make it the way you want to see it. How do you want this to play out? How do you want this to be? And those are the three steps. I love it. Awesome. Do you remember where you first learned this? I think it's really powerful. Yes, I'm so grateful. I went to a conference called Leadership Academy. It was through Tony Robbins organization where he doesn't attend, but his team is there and it's a ton of coaching. You know, they, they give you

just, it's yeah, it's a lot of coaching resources. And this one just hit my heart in the biggest way. And I think it has for you too. I think it has too. So, uh, when I heard you talk about this and then I wrote down my notes, right? So that day I was feeling really anxious and kind of my thoughts were like, all these people are relying on me. Like, what should I do next? Right. And so when you asked us to see how it really is, it was like, well, it is my responsibility to build my business. Like I'm taking a hundred percent responsibility for the people that are relying on me. Right. So that was factual. That's true. Like this, this is my baby. Right. Okay. So, uh, so that helped me just say, okay, I need to take responsibility for this. And the second one, when you said, see it better than it is. And then you

asked us to think about like, how is this serving me? How, how is this guiding me? How is this happening for me, not to me? What do I need to let go of? And, and then I had this clarity, this vision about like where I could take my business and where that particularly in Minnesota, you know, how we can serve more athletes and teams with my company. And then you said, make it the way that you want to be. And I had this like new bright vision for my business that I've never had before. So it was really cool. Like, and I do a lot of vision exercise and I do a lot of, you know, like thinking about where I want to go. That's, that is my strength. There's also a shadow side to that, right? But that's my strength is like, I, I know where I'm going, but it was really cool to have this exercise give me even more clarity and like a bigger vision of where, where I could take it.

So that was pretty cool, Lynn. So thank you. It's so cool. And it's such a testament to you. Like, I mean, you do this all day long for teams and athletes and individuals, and you were in such a mode of receiving and being a student. Yeah. Right. Like you were such a student and allowed yourself to like experience it and be curious. And I'm so excited for you. Yeah. So how have you seen this helping other people? Because I would, you know, encourage everybody to ask the three prompts or answer the three prompts that you just did, that you just shared with up a story about it and took it in a really tough way. And it helped, it just really helped them process their emotions to come back to being curious and actually turning the story around. Like really, it was probably coming from a place of love. And I think it just, it gave them such confidence to go into a new conversation. That was something recently that came, came of it. I think too, it just, it helps people get unstuck. You know, you go from the dark side or the fear or even like scarcity thinking.

Yes. To what's possible. Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah, that's awesome. And that's kind of what happened to me, right? That I was kind of in this more like anxiety state, but when you asked us these questions, then it was like, what's possible? What can really happen here? So thank you for that gift. You're so welcome.

So one of the questions I always ask people, and I haven't asked you yet, is tell us about a time that you failed and what you learned from it. And the reason I always ask that question is it's really normalized failure, right? That it's something that happens to all of us. And I think that people who are listening can be like, wow, Lynn's such a successful coach. She helps guide, you know, top performers. But we all have our own journey to, and part of that is mistakes or failure. So tell us about a time that didn't go so great for you and what you learned from it. Yes. And I'm like, which one do I pick? And the list is long, Cindra. Honestly, I mean, I wrote down and it was like, I wrote down a list of times that I failed and

there was this sense of like, it's interesting, but I actually felt grateful for them because I'm like, I look at these moments where I can connect back to so like, as if I were there, it was yesterday. I mean, literally one was from like high school when I lost a big election. One was, you know, not getting into schools I applied for. One was just a relationship that didn't work out. Yeah. My first year in business, not being set up properly for taxes and feeling the stress of that financially.

And then I remember like a presentation that I was doing to a group of leaders and quite frankly, it didn't go very well. Like I was way too much in my head. I remember it was like three weeks before I was way too much in my head I remember it was like three weeks before I was getting married and I just lost my way and you know I think about the that one in retrospect and I'm still so grateful for it because I probably wasn't as prepared as I normally am you know three weeks before my wedding, it was a lot going on. Yeah. It sounds like it. Yeah. And I was just really open. I said, okay, this is an opportunity to learn what, how can I do better next time? What will I, you know, what will I take into

consideration? I just looked for a feedback. I asked for feedback. You know, I felt, I remember my ego being kind of bruised. Like that was not, they did not get, you know, they didn't get what they deserved. You know, I went down a downward spiral, but it made me be really intentional about the way that I prepare now. Yeah. When I leave, you know, a group or if I just know, okay, they're here, like it's really about them. And I think I, going back, I was making it be about me. I was in my ego. Yeah, for sure. Well, I like that you listed those for us. I think that's powerful. And that your first reaction was that they were a gift, you know? And I think that can be really eye-opening for people that many times maybe people take

the mistake or failure really personally, let that impact their confidence. But, you know, you were saying that actually this is a gift and that was your first reaction when you saw that list so if if people want to do that maybe they could do the same thing where they write out you know their big failures and then and then change their lens like change their focus and ask themselves like how are all of these things a gift because they all lead to something uh powerful in the end yes yeah um awesome. Awesome, Lynn. Well, I am grateful for the time and the energy that you gave us today and the wisdom that you provided. So thank you so much for being on the podcast. And here's kind of the main things I got from the podcast, because I like to summarize it

at the end for people who've been listening, but also to kind of give back to you in terms of like, this is what really hit home for me. So first of all, the triad that you were talking about of language and meaning and focus and physiology and how that triad can really help us be more courageous in the moment and see the value that we provide. And we can even kind of reverse engineer it and think about, well, if you, you know, did keep on listening to those old stories, you know, what, what would you be saying about, you know, whatever that you're struggling with? I love that you were kind of sharing with us your own self-talk before that you spoke and, you know, your, your thoughts were like all I am statements and I'm guided, I'm present, I'm grateful. Everything I have is in with me, within me now. And I just thought that really shows,

you know, how you showed up and people can use that before their next performance. And then I like what we are talking about of distancing our thoughts and just asking, just saying like, oh, I'm noticing that I'm having that thought, right? And then even doing it kind of in this kind and compassionate way, like I'm noticing, you know, but kind of putting distance in between that thought. And then you asked us like to consider what are our front runners that have been serving us and what are our front runners in our mind that are leading us to, you know, more of a negative state. And then of course, the three mandates of leadership you talked about and the blocks of emotional intelligence. So I'm grateful for the time and energy that you spent today with us, Lynn.

Cendra, thank you for having me. You are a gift. Your energy and your smile is infectious. Like this was a blast and I'm just, I'm so grateful that you invited me on and I really, really enjoy spending time with you. So thank you. You are doing great work in this world. And you are as well. And so I'd love for people to reach out to us. Like what stood out to you today? I know Lynn and I would love to hear from you. If there's something that you took from today's podcast that you can use, we'd love to hear about that. So Lynn, how could people reach out to you? They could go to my website,

which is coregrowthconsulting.com or my Instagram account is at Lynn Casaletto. Awesome. And my Instagram is cindracampoff and I'm on Twitter a lot too. It's mentally underscore strong. And I know Lynn, your kind of intention is to speak to more athletes. And so tell us about like, what would you like to do more of? So we might be able to help you with that. Yeah, thank you. I appreciate that so much. You know, it's so interesting, the timing of getting asked to speak with the amazing Mavericks in that way, because I have been getting this, I call it like a God poke, like an idea that's just not going away. Yeah, I love it. And I'm starting to feel pulled toward working. You know, I've, I've actually heard myself say this, that I think over time, my clients will become younger

and younger. Right now I get to work with, you know, professionals and ranging from like 20s, I'd say into mid 60s to help them gain emotional intelligence and self-awareness. And I think there's such a need within college-age students because of everything that they have going on. There's a lot of pressure and new changes in their life and being away from family and new expectations. And so I feel like this work could serve them so well. So I don't know where the path is going to

lead but I felt honored to get to spend time with MSU and if there are opportunities in the future whether it's you know starting to work with a couple of coaches or just being of service to students that feel if you feel like anything that we've talked about has resonated with you I just encourage you to reach out. Yeah. Awesome Lynn., Lynn. Well, thank you so much for joining us today. I'm grateful that you are here. Have a great night, Cinder. Thank you. Thank you for listening to High Performance Mindset. If you like today's podcast, make a comment, share it with a friend and join the conversation on Twitter at Mentally Underscore

Strong. For more inspiration and to receive Cinder's free weekly videos, check out drcindra.com.