High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 296: How to Forgive and Let Go

Episode Date: December 17, 2019

“ Forgiveness is not a one-time thing. Forgiveness is a life-style.” Dr. Martin Luther King High performers live and let go. They use a practice like Ho’oponopono to judge themselves less and show others compassionate and grace. Ho’oponopono includes 4 phrases: “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.” Listen to learn more.   Power Phrase this Week: “I let go of resentment and judgement. I free myself of beating myself up and instead, replace it with compassion and grace.”

Welcome to High Performance Mindset with Dr. Sindra Kampoff. Do you want to reach your full potential, live a life of passion, go after your dreams? Each week we bring you strategies and interviews to help you ignite your mindset. Let's bring on Sindra. It is time for High Performance Mindset today on The Country Club with Dr. Sindra Kampoff and she joins us

live in studio. Good morning, Sindra. Good morning. It's great to be here. What a weekend. Oh, man. It's so exciting. Big win in LA. Big win in PA. On's great to be here. What a weekend. Oh, man. It's so exciting. Big win in L.A., big win in P.A.,

on our way to the D2 National Championship in McKinney, Texas, with the MSU Mavericks. That was a really fun game to watch. I was at Johnny B's with a whole bunch of other people. I know the official watch party was at Buffalo Wild Wings, but there were several people I knew that went up to Johnny B's, and I was there with a buddy, and it was fun. At one moment, I was like, I should get my phone out

and get reaction of this bar when someone scores. And I think the Mavs went up 40-something to practically nothing, 13 or whatever it was. But still, the place was just erupting every time someone hit the end zone, and it was such a great game to watch. That's so fun. We were on our way to basketball, so I was listening on the radio, then watching my son's basketball game with the phone in front of me. Pretty exciting.

I was thinking, TJ, I'm trying to watch my son play basketball. Leave me alone. But I was just ripping text messages off to Sandra. I loved it. Thank you. Like, are we carpooling? Let's go. I know. Make it happen. It was a great game, and that's awesome.

Good luck to the Mavericks. We're super proud. Today's topic is how to forgive and let go. We'll start with a quote today, and I kind of like this as we head towards the holidays. This. We're super proud. Today's topic is how to forgive and let go. We'll start with a quote today. And I kind of like this as we head towards the holidays. This might be a good option. Yes, this is a quote by Dr. Martin Luther King. He said, forgiveness is not a one-time thing. Forgiveness is a lifestyle. Oh, okay. Wow. So the example to start with, what do you have for us? I recently read this story about in 1983, Dr. Hugh Lynn was hired as a psychologist in a psychiatric ward in Hawaii.

And there were 30 prisoners. He agreed to work with them only on one condition, that he use this method he had just learned. Okay. And it's called Hoponono. We're going to talk a little bit about it today. It's called, what is it? Hoponono. Hoponono?

Yeah. Okay. Okay. So in four years, he read the prisoners' reports every day. And he would just say the following four statements. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you. Okay. And in 18 months, none of the prisoners were no longer, like, in handcuffs. They could actually do interventions with the prisoners.

And in four years, all of the inmates were left and cured except two of them. And so they all said it was due to Dr. Hugh Len and these four statements. So I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you. All right. So those four statements, let's talk about those today. And how do they connect to a practice in your book? Yes. So the practice in my book it connects to is practice number nine, live and let go. And I think the power of this, particularly as we're going into the holidays around family, that maybe things haven't gone perfectly for us, but we can really learn to forgive and forget. And I think about how forgiveness really does release us from freeing from our own suffering.

And I doubt anybody wants to carry this big backpack on their shoulders, but we can really do that kind of full of problems or conflicts or doubts. And so this practice allows you to be more compassionate with yourself, allow yourself to be compassionate with others. And when you're more compassionate, you thrive. And I'll talk about how I've been using it, too. Sure. So let's dive into these four things you were talking about then. The I'm sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you. Let's dig into each one of those a little bit more.

So I'm sorry is powerful because you're apologizing. You're like no longer rejecting the problem, recognizing your part. The please forgive me. This is helpful because, you know, even if you didn't do anything to create it, you know, there's a lot of good from just like forgiving and moving on, showing yourself and other people more compassion. And then I love you is great because, you know, it's like you're loving yourself or others despite flaws or weaknesses. And maybe even you love the problem, even though it's a problem and seeing that as a gift. And then, you know, thank you just helps you free from whatever you're struggling with in that moment.

So how have you been using it yourself? You said you've been using this at home? I have. I've been, so first example would be how I'm using it with myself. And so, my word for next year, 2020, is grace. And the more and more I do work on mindset, the more I realize people are really hard on themselves, and I'm really hard on myself. And so, I've been saying that to myself just in my own head, like you could use this, you know, just silently in your own head. And I've been using, you know, I'm sorry, please forgive me. I love you. Thank you. Just to help me be at my best every day. Another example, I got some tough feedback this week. And so instead of getting really frustrated at the person, I just said these things in my mind and it helped me show up differently. And even with my family, you know, there was a couple of times this week where I was frustrated about something super small. And I just said these things in my mind and it helped me show up differently in that conversation instead of getting frustrated. I was thinking that, like with your children, because there's some of these things we've done before

where it's like, you know, you have to do this, and then they lose their mind. And you just go, I love you. And there's nothing they can say about it. There's nothing they can do. I got one of those practices, and then they do what you ask them to do, and you say, thank you.

So I'm 50% there. But you have to do this. I'm sorry you have to do this, but please forgive me. You, but you have to do this. I'm sorry you have to do this, but please forgive me. You're going to have to do this. I love you. Thank you. Thank you.

It's all taken care of. What is the power of doing this practice then? I think the power is you can do it silently or out loud, but I had to do it more silently at first, right? And then I could start doing it more out loud. But I think the power is when you feel annoyed, you can't really change the other person. But all you can change is your response to them.

And I think just realizing everybody's doing their best they can. So why not forgive them and forgive yourself? All right. So what's your final point? My final point is just consider how you might use this practice this week. Maybe as you're spending more time with your family during the holidays. And maybe you can think about a relationship you'd like to be better because I think the key is, is like this resentment, right? Doesn't destroy the person you're resenting. It really destroys you. So how can you continue to, you know, forgive and let go,

which is the topic of today. Sure. Yep. This is really good. Like you said, when you're considering that you're going to be gathering with family members you maybe don't see all the time during the holidays and you have to accept them for who they are. It's also really good stuff on a Monday when you're heading back to work when maybe you don't feel like heading back to work today. Exactly. So remember those four things. The I'm sorry, please forgive me, I love you, and thank you. And you don't necessarily have to say them out loud, right? No. No, you don't have to.

Okay. Just use it to make yourself better today. So how do we summarize this today? So I'd say high performers live and let go. They use a practice like this, hope and no-no, to judge themselves less and show others more compassion. And our power phrase for this week? I let go of resentment. I free myself of beating myself up and instead replace it with compassion and grace.

Excellent. All right. Well, if we want to dig more into Practice 9, Live and Let Go, how do we get a hold of the book or learn more about what's going on in your world? You can head over to Dr. Sindra. So, so drcindra.com. All right. Sindra Kampoff with us today for High Performance Mindset.

Thank you, as always. Thank you. Thank you for listening to High Performance Mindset. If you like today's podcast, make a comment, share it with a friend and join the conversation on Twitter at Mentally Underscore Strong. For more inspiration and to receive Sindra's free weekly videos, check out DrSindra.com.