High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 30: How to Reduce Self-Criticism

Episode Date: February 26, 2016

Being self-critical means that you are critical of yourself for your failures and weaknesses. We become our own judge and jury when we self-criticize. Some typical expressions of self-criticism include: “I don’t have enough talent.” “I’m just too old, slow, short, heavy…” “I guess I am just not meant to be a runner, athlete, author, vice president, manager…. (you fill in the blank).” Your self-criticism is important to examine because your mind determines your identity, your belief about yourself, and your self-image. In this live episode from 93.1 with TJ and Lisa, Dr. Kamphoff teaches us 3 ways to reduce our self-criticism.

Welcome to High Performance Mindset with Dr. Sindra Kampoff. Do you want to reach your full potential, live a life of passion, go after your dreams? Each week we bring you strategies and interviews to help you ignite your mindset. Let's bring on Syndra. It's Monday, and that means High Performance Mindset with Syndra Kampoff. Good morning, Syndra. It's great to be here. Thanks for having me. You bet. Thanks for coming in today. Today we're talking about self-criticism. I don't know

anybody that ever does this. What? Right? What? Nobody ever criticizes themselves in their own mind. Hardly ever. It's one of those things that, like, it's really hard to realize that you're doing it sometimes. It is. Absolutely. I just had something happen this morning where I got up about 10 minutes late, and my immediate reaction was like, oh, I'm so lazy.

And I had to catch myself. I'm not lazy. You know, I just got up 10 minutes late. I'm not. Like And I had to catch myself. I'm not lazy. I just got up 10 minutes later than I wanted. I'm not. I run marathons for a living. For a living. Seriously lazy. So let's start off then with a definition then. What is self-criticism? I mean being critical of yourself and your own failures and your weaknesses. And when we, especially when we have harsh self-criticism, it can set us up for failure and really misery. Depression can lead to depression.

And, you know, I think what's interesting is our, when we think really critical of ourself, our mind just tends to confirm those negative, that negative self-talk. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. And it can sabotage our chances of success because it not only determines your identity, but your belief in yourself and your self-image, the way you talk to yourself. So I was going to say, what's the impact then of self-criticism?

I can't imagine it's always a good thing, if ever. No. There's quite a bit of research that self-criticism can lead to a lack of courage, decreased confidence. We have difficulty concentrating. We lack motivation and excitement for our future. And I think, you know, the key is I pay attention to myself when I'm really being critical. And what I notice is times where I have really high expectations of myself, where I expect that I'm going to learn things really quickly. I think this happens a lot to us where we have really high expectations and then it just takes a while for us to learn things. It takes a while for us to improve. And instead of being kind to ourselves, we attack ourselves and we say, you know, we're not good enough. So things like we might say, you know, I don't have enough talent

or I'm just too slow or too short or too heavy or there's no way I can do that. Or, you know, that's just not meant for me to be that vice president or that manager or a runner. Right. Or, you know, a football star. Okay. Right.

Right. Those are all things that I think people have, you know, in different walks of life can relate to for sure. They've all maybe said that to themselves before. Absolutely. And, you know, a few months ago we talked about how our judge is our number one internal enemy that everybody experiences. So I know as people are listening, they can relate to what we're talking about today because everyone experiences it. It just depends on, you know, how often you really notice it. kind of like what you said, Lisa, and how do you tame it. Okay. So I see here it says do an example with TJ. Oh. A little bit nervous.

Are you nervous? Okay, TJ, I want you to do this. I want you to recite this first sentence as if it were true. Okay. Okay, just recite the sentence as if it were true. I'm handing you a piece of paper. Just the first one? Just the first one. Okay. Okay, just recite the sentence as if it were true. I'm handing you a piece of paper. Just the first one? Just the first one.

Okay. I'm an over-the-hill, no-good, out-of-shape radio loser who doesn't deserve success. I don't have a voice for radio. You're going to lift this off the skimmer and put that on a button. We can keep using it over and over, right? Okay. All right. Now, recite the second one as it's true.

Okay. I am a strong, talented, young, and hip radio voice who deserves success. I'm going to crush the grandma's marathon, and I have the perfect voice for radio. I like the sound of that one. So, now, before you asked me to watch him. Yes. And watch his. What did you notice?

I noticed in the first, when he was reciting the first sentence that you had written, he was more... Well, just because I know his voice, it was a little more depressed sounding. It was very depressed. Your body language was a little bit more like... A little more Eeyore. Turned in, exactly, Eeyore.

And even the way that you said the second one was so much more upbeat and exactly like the radio voice we hear. So how can we learn to talk to ourselves the second way? I mean, I'm envisioning, here's what I'm envisioning. Like, you know, as corny as I know, people might think the sounds post-it notes on your mirror in the morning or. Absolutely. Like, say it out loud. It's okay to say it out loud. morning. Absolutely. Say it out loud.

It's okay to say it out loud. It is okay to say it out loud. A lot of times we see that in movies and people are laughing at it, but it works. It works. Yeah, it absolutely works. So there's a few things I'm thinking about. When I wrote this statement yesterday to have you read it out loud, it literally took my breath away. I had to catch my breath because it's so powerful and though you know even as we heard you say it we

thought to ourselves or at least I did you know gosh you know there's no reason to talk to yourself like that but we do it internally so I have three strategies today that's gonna help you reduce your self-criticism and the first one is we absolutely have to be aware of it. You know, pay attention when you're really critical and then talk to yourself like your best friend would

and actually practice it. If it's putting sticky notes on your mirror or frame it when you get up in the morning so you can see these really powerful statements. The key is,

we wouldn't say this to a friend. It would destroy our relationship. And it's the same for us. It destroys our confidence, our relationship with ourselves, and we really begin to hate ourself, distress ourself, or lose confidence in our ability. So how I would describe that is you should talk to yourself, not listen. Okay.

Because that listen is like the negativity that we just heard. Right. All right. Second strategy? I think notice your positive qualities. Sort of like what you were saying, Lisa. You know, you have way more positive qualities and attributes than you recognize, but rarely do we give ourselves credit for them. Sometimes I think we expect that it might mean that we're too cocky or confident when we notice our positive qualities.

And even saying them out loud is just fine. Yeah, yeah. It may come off that way to some people, but like you were saying the thing with Post-it notes, you can put that on your bathroom mirror. You can say them out loud when you get up in the morning. You don't have to say them to people. You can say them out loud to yourself and believe them

and try to talk yourself into believing them. If you don't, then just go out and attack yourself and believe them. Try to talk yourself into believing them if you don't. And then just go out and attack the day that way. There's nothing wrong with being cocky in the mirror to yourself. Absolutely. Being that confident that way, I think. Yeah, and I think of mental toughness and mental strength as really, you know, you have inner arrogance. And what I mean by that is inside you believe that you are worthy and, you know, you don't necessarily have to tell anybody, but inside, you know,

that you have what it takes. All right. And your third? The third one is to work, to be just generally less critical of other people and of yourself. And when we're less critical of other people, I think we learn to be less critical of ourselves. So, you know, give ourselves a break. And what I would encourage everyone to do is just try to be non-judgmental about your thoughts, about other people. And, you know, if you're really practicing what I would describe as mindfulness, where, you know, you work less to judge other people, it'll increase your confidence and your self-esteem. And you'll feel better about your life and what you're going after, your goals and your dreams.

All right. Sounds good. Now, if we're going to put a bow on this, what's your last comment here on this particular topic in self-criticism? My last point would be, you know, the most bravest battle you can fight is the battle within. Believe that. So today, talk to yourself.

Don't listen. Yes. I've learned a lot from you cinderella and i'm not gonna lie i had my first uh you know you mentioned the marathon uh thing there in the confident comment that i made and i was running yesterday it was the longest run i've been on in three and a half months and i was nervous when i left and got about five miles into it and i was like all right now what techniques do i know that are going to help me kind of get over the hump here and get to the end of this run and is it pain or is it discomfort came to mind?

I turned a corner face into the sunshine and I just, for about a quarter mile, I just smiled as big as I could smile as I kept running. Because I was out there and there was nobody around. So I thought, I don't care how stupid I look, if I look silly at all. I'm like, you know, just smiling and thinking about the sun in my face and everything made me completely forget about the discomfort, you know, that was going on. So I thought, these are things I need to remember to use over the next now 17 weeks leading up to grandma's in June. Let's put an extra bow on today's episode. And I want you to read that number two statement. All right.

I want you to read it out loud. All right. Here it is. I am strong, talented, young, and a hip radio voice who deserves success. I'm going to crush the grandma's marathon, and I have the perfect voice for radio. You feeling better? You feeling good? I'm feeling pretty good about that. I'm glad.

It's always easier to work with him when he's feeling good. I've got to say. I'm going to make a sticky note and hang that up in front of him. We're going to put it right on his computer. And then every day, how about this week is your challenge, TJ? Say that on the radio every morning. Every morning this week. I love me some meat.

And nobody loves him more than him. I love it. All right. Cindra, if we want to get in touch with you, follow along with podcasts and all that stuff, where do we get your information? You can go on my website, CyndraCampoff.com. And this is one of the episodes I'm going to put up on the podcast this week. So I appreciate you guys both joining in on the podcast.

Yeah. And there's some really awesome interviews on there about high performance and sport and business and life. So check it out. There's a link right there on my website, podcast, just the podcast link. Dr. Sindra Kampoff with us today. High Performance Mindset. Have a great week.

Thank you for listening to High Performance Mindset. Are you signed up for Sindra's weekly email with free mental tools and strategies for high performance? Why the heck not? Text MENTALLYSTRONG, all one word, to 22828 or visit syndracampoff.com.